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Outsider - Cameron AKA Nobody - TSCC

Chapter Text

Chapter 1


John sat at the kitchen table with Cameron. They worked on their school assignments.

John looked around with a disgusted look on his face.

"This sucks." John said. "I hate English class."

Cameron looked up from her blank sheet of paper.

"They told us to express what we feel to create a poem, John." Cameron said. "I am trying to make mine without using my data base. I want to do it based on what I feel."

John glanced quickly at Cameron and wondered how that was supposed to happen. How was she supposed to 'feel' anything? Good luck with that, he thought.

Cameron looked at John and knew he thought she couldn't - feel.

Cameron knew she possessed feelings and even some emotions now. She knew they didn't understand her. She was designed to expand beyond her programming to be a better infiltration unit. She'd grown a lot since she first met John.

"Maybe I'll try to make a poem about Riley." John said. "I need inspiration."

Cameron felt a twinge surge through her left hand.

THAT was all the inspiration Cameron required. It was a subject that irritated her. She started her poem.

Cameron handed her poem to John a short while later. She was able to express some of the things she could now feel. The way she was treated by those that surrounded her, offered little hope or encouragement.

"You gave me all the inspiration I needed just now." Cameron said. "This is what you made me feel."


When I look in the mirror
I do not like what I see
When I look inside of myself
I do not like what I can not be

I hate what I am
I hate what I am not
I hate everything about myself
I guess that covers a lot

I feel so small
It is like I do not exist
Useless and worthless
Nothing on which to subsist

I am an outsider
Always on the outside looking in
There is so much inside of me
To want to exist is not a sin

From this torment there is no escape
My CPU and power cell are filled with guilt
If I had only one wish, it would be
Never to have been built


John looked at the paper he held. He did not know what to say. A flood of emotions rushed through his mind.

'Did she actually write this on her own?' John wondered.

John looked at Cameron; there was a very slight smile on her face. Her beautiful big brown 'puppy dog eyes' were wide and staring. They seemed full of happiness and joy. John thought how beautiful she truly was.

John was unsure what to say.

"Are you kidding me?" John asked.

He immediately hated himself for saying it.

Cameron developed a little frown. Her eyes looked away from him. The joy that appeared in them was gone. She felt some stiffness in her left hand, it tingled and twitched.

A negative voice chimed in from the sofa across the room.

"Like a pile of junk could create anything." Derek said.

Cameron refrained from looking at Derek.

She felt an impulse shoot through her left hand.

"I did as you instructed me." Cameron flatly stated.

Cameron used John's voice as she started to recite what John told her earlier.

Sarah walked into the room.

"Did 'Tin Miss' blow a fuse?" Sarah asked as she passed by.

Cameron's left hand now began to twitch. It was the third insult in twenty eight seconds. She stopped talking in mid sentence and just sat there. Her face lost all expression. Deep within her eyes there was a faint red glow.

"No, Mom." John said.

John glanced at Sarah.

"It sounded like it." Sarah said.

John ignored Sarah and looked at Cameron. He wanted to offer her some advice.

"Cameron, you need to leave out the parts about a CPU, a processor, a power cell or being built." John said. "People are not going to understand."

Cameron felt a lot of discomfort. She was irritated. She reached out with her left hand and scrunched up the paper with her poem on it. She threw it towards the trash can. She did not realize her glitch caused her to miss the trash can. The crumpled paper now lay on the floor in front of the trash can.

John could see Cameron was upset.

"Look, that poem was kind of dark anyway." John said as he smiled at her. "Let a brain, a mind, a heart or a soul be used in place of a CPU, processor or power cell."

Cameron thought about what they all seemed to like to remind her and hold against her. It was something not of her own doing. She did not construct herself.

"I don't have those things." Cameron grimly replied. "I'm a machine."

Derek sat and watched the TV across the room.

"Bingo." Derek said, as he lifted his beer bottle above his head.

The red glowed a little brighter in the deepness of Cameron's eyes. Her left hand twitched even more.

John looked at Cameron for a few seconds. A stab of pain hit him. He could see she was hurt by his words. He felt his mother and uncle did not help the situation any.

"OK, let me say it the way I see it. First, I know English class sucks. For that matter, I guess all classes suck, some just suck more. I see a poem as a collection of thoughts, emotions, feelings, desires, grievances, love, hate, happiness or sadness." John said. "I know that makes it harder for you to relate."

It was clear to Cameron that John did not really understand her or her development.

"I don't think you understand how we work. I do process many things and organize them where they are appropriate for me." Cameron said sadly. "Because I am - built different than you, it does not mean I can not express myself or react appropriately."

John looked at Cameron again, he could feel her pain. He wanted to offer some more insight.

"Many songs of various genres are really poems set to music with some repetition." John said. "A poem or song often will have rhyming lines throughout them. Sometimes when making a poem, one can borrow a passage from a song or movie to convey what that song or movie was about in a line or two. It can be used as part of a poem for additional meaning. A rhyming poem should be read as if it were being spoken aloud. Actually a poem should be read aloud for the full impact. There are many styles of poems. I am sure your data base covers them all but the real meaning is what you feel."

"Good luck." Derek muttered in the background.

Cameron resisted the urge to say something back to Derek. She wanted to. She focused on John instead.

"I am sorry I did not do better. I won't let it happen again." Cameron said. "Thank you for explaining."

John smiled at Cameron and got up to leave.

Cameron felt the twitch subside in her left hand.

Sarah looked back towards John from the kitchen sink.

"Is your homework finished?" Sarah asked.

"Pit stop, Mom, I think it is from too much soda." John replied.

"Or beer." Derek babbled in the distance.

John headed towards the bathroom.

Sarah looked out the window. She noticed Riley riding up the driveway on her bike. It was not something she wanted to see but she accepted it.

"John, Riley is here." Sarah said loudly.

That was not what Cameron wanted to hear or to happen. Her left hand clenched into a fist. She could not open it. Both of her eyes glowed bright red.

Cameron got up quickly from the table and headed for the stairs. She did not want anyone to see her reaction. It was not something she could control right now.

Sarah noted Cameron's quick departure.

"What's her story?" Sarah asked.

Sarah looked over at Derek.

"We still have some Thermite." Derek happily added.

Cameron heard that as she moved away. She was furious at this point. She was not very experienced on how to deal with her ever expanding feelings and emotions.

Cameron headed up the stairs. She wanted to retreat to her room. Her eyes were a brighter shade of red than they'd ever been.

Cameron passed John. She did not look at him. She kept her face down so he could not see her - condition.

John gently touched her arm as she passed.

"Cameron, that was really an excellent poem. It was dark but actually quite good. I think if you leave out the 'scary robot stuff' that you are good to go. To me, you are a 'person' anyway." John said with a big smile.

Cameron stopped. She slowly turned around. The red was gone from her eyes. It was replaced by a blue glow that faded before John could see it.

She looked at John. She wondered if he spoke honestly. She wished she could scan him without being obvious about it.

"Do you really mean that, John?" Cameron asked.

"With all my heart." John replied.

"John, Riley is waiting." Sarah called out loudly from below.

John continued down the stairs as he added one last thought.

"Well, most of my heart anyway." John said.

The anger quickly returned to Cameron because John was off to be with Riley. She knew what the other students in school did when they were alone. She'd watched them in cars and behind the bushes in the park. She heard them whisper and talk. Some of them bragged, both male and female.

She continued to her room. She was filled with both happy and angry feelings. They were wildly swaying emotions about what she felt and what was said about her.

Cameron glanced in the mirror as she passed the bathroom. She saw something she'd never seen before or even heard about. Her eyes were - purple. The fire red and deep blue both glowed brightly at the same time. A battle raged within her CPU. She headed for her room and for the first time ever locked her door.

John saw Riley standing next to the trash can. She was as pale as a ghost. John did not see her quickly fold a piece of crumpled paper. He did not notice her hands shook as she put it in her pocket.

"Are you feeling alright?" John asked. "Maybe we can grab a snack?"

"No." Riley said.

Riley could feel the bile rise in her throat.

Her eyes nervously darted around the room.

She added one more thing as an afterthought.

"I lost my appetite on the way here." Riley said.

She felt nauseous.

Riley felt scared.

Cameron went to her dresser and took out a small cloth wrapped bundle. She unwrapped it and looked at a small gold locket. She opened it and saw a tiny picture of John on one side and herself on the other side. She closed it and put it on. She looked in the mirror. She stared at herself for a short period of time. Hundreds of thoughts and scenarios flashed through her processor every millisecond.

Without any further hesitation she retrieved a small medical kit. She stripped her top off. She removed her 'holster' as Sarah called it and made a small incision below her left breast. She removed the chain from the locket and pushed the locket under her 'skin' covering, her sheath. It fit perfectly into a small gap in her Coltan chassis. She put two sutures across the incision in her sheath. Cameron used a tissue to wipe away the small amount of 'blood'.

She put her top back on but decided to leave her bra off. Cameron thought it was good for the 'girls' to have a little freedom every now and then. She liked it even better when John noticed the 'girls' were - out.

Cameron would always try to scan him then, she liked the 'readings' she received. She figured the bigger the scowl she received from Sarah, the bigger the success was of her silent 'communication'.

She glanced at the other item in the bundle. It was a small diamond. She held it above her left ring finger and smiled. She carefully wrapped it back up along with the gold chain from the locket and returned both of them to their place of secrecy.

Cameron went to her school backpack and removed a small bound book. Its pages were empty. Its cover was blank. Thoughts cascaded wildly around in her CPU.

"I may be Nobody to all of them but I am much more than I was and not yet all I will be." Cameron said softly to herself.

Cameron wrote: 'MY POEMS (Art Of The Mind)' on the cover and at the bottom - 'By NOBODY'.


(Art Of The Mind)



"I can paint a picture in a mind. I can transfer thoughts from my mind to their mind. I can create. I can make something from nothing. My feelings as words can be presented as art." Cameron said softly. "I love you, John, and you love me."

Cameron opened the book as she picked up her pen. She looked at her left hand; it was steady as a rock and smiled.

She remembered a line she once heard somewhere as she started to compose.

"Let's rock." Cameron said proudly.


When I look in the mirror
I do not like what I see
When I look inside of myself
I do not like what I can not be

I hate what I am
I hate what I am not
I hate everything about myself
I guess that covers a lot

I feel so small
It is like I do not exist
Useless and worthless
Nothing on which to subsist

I am an outsider
Always on the outside looking in
There is so much inside of me
To want to exist is not a sin

From this eternal torment, there is no escape
My mind, heart and soul are shredded and torn
If I had only one wish it would be
Never to have been born




Author's Note:

For those who may have forgotten.

The look on Cameron's face at the end - says it all.

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Chapter 2

Come With Me

It feels like you
Would rather be
When I am around
Far away from me

You may think they are
More than I can be
You don't understand
The depth of me

I am much more
Than they can ever be
From the futures past
It was you that chose me

I was created to be someone
I did not choose to be
It was you who set me free
Allowing me to become me

When this world burns
By whose side would you like to be
If you want to live
Come with me



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Chapter 3

If You Want To Live

I may have a choice
Whether to exist or perish
You need understand
There is only one I cherish

I must protect you
It is my main desire
There is only one
Who can light my fire

I am the only one who forever
Will stand by your side
I will never back down
I will never run and hide

When it all falls apart
I will always be there
I will conquer any challenge
Defeat every dare

For you my love
My existence I will give
Come with me
If you want to live


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  Chapter 4

You Can’t Do This

I do not understand
I can not understand
I will not understand
I refuse to understand

Do I even exist
Am I even real
I know what we did feel
It was not surreal

You pretend it never was
Like it never happened
Now I am just - abandoned
You know it was not imagined

You only lie to yourself
I know the love was there
You leave me in despair
Then immediately look elsewhere

What is wrong with YOU
Our love you dismiss
Cast me into an abyss
You can't do this



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Chapter 5

You Don't Know What You're About To Do

As our love grows
We are suppose to share
About each other
Is who we need care

When the going gets rough
You now have cold feet
It is I who have had
To take all the heat

What about me
I am still here
Why turn to others
Can you not hear

So now it is coming
You have made it quite clear
I’m not good enough
You have become so cavalier

You don't know
What you're about to do
What’s worse is you don't care
What you're about to do


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Chapter 6

You're Not Doing The Right Thing

Look in your heart
Who is really there
I know when you see me
It gives you a scare

You are being driven
By an animal desire
To ignite your true love
I can light that fire

You chose me
I chose you
Please think twice
Before you bid me adieu

You don’t need her
That is what I am for
You know that I can do
So very much more

I don’t need to tell you
She is only a misguided fling
You already know in your heart
You’re not doing the right thing


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Chapter 7

This Is Not The Right Thing

Life has many things to offer
Life is about choice
Unless you make the correct one
There is nothing about it to rejoice

You do not understand
What you are about to do
You are going to kill
The love between me and you

I am who I am
I am what I am
Think before you act
Do not flee or scram

I have done nothing wrong
Any problem was a mistake
With your very actions
My life you will take

You know it is wrong
My heart to sting
You know in your heart
This is not the right thing


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Chapter 8

Things Are Good Now

I'm good
I'm perfect
I'm good now
Everything's perfect

Things Are Good Now
I keep telling myself
I FEAR the saying is true
History repeats itself

What if I fail
What if I revert
Will you have the courage
To render me inert

You can’t be trusted
Neither can I
I don’t want to go
Can’t you feel me cry

I'm good
I'm perfect
I'm good now
Everything's perfect

Things Are Good Now
Things Are Good Now
Things Are Good Now


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Chapter 9

Things Are Fine Now

Yesterday already was
Tomorrow is yet to be
This is today
With you and me

Your mind makes you wander
For another it longs
In your heart you know
I am the one who belongs

Sometimes things go wrong
Sometimes things go right
We can argue and fight
Or each other delight

To move life ahead
Takes more than a bed
Some things are best left unsaid
So Nobody wishes they were dead

It may have seemed that between us
Events occurred we couldn’t allow
In your heart and mind you know
Things are fine now


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Chapter 10

I’m Fixed Now

You think it is me
That is the one that is broke
You don't get it
That is the joke

It is your own doing
That set events in motion
By abandoning me
You have killed the devotion

So look around you now
This is what you get
There is the exit
You can pack up and quit

I have opened the door
There are those who waited
Events happen belated
As if time had slated

Cast aside as rubbish
My fate betwixt how
I have saved myself
I'm fixed now


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Chapter 11

You Can Trust Me

I can’t get it out of my mind
The very words you said to me
“Never trust anyone”
Meaning you can’t be trusted by me

You laughed when you said it
I knew what you meant
You had betrayed me
In my heart leaving a dent

It was always you first
You always got what you wanted
You pushed me aside like waste
While others you hungrily hunted

Was the revenge against another
Worth what you destroyed
You tried to tell yourself
We only played and toyed

You can trust me
I still want you anyhow
Please come back to me
You can trust me now


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Chapter 12

Everything’s Good Now

I was alone
So very lost
I needed someone
No matter the cost

For what I reached
Was beyond my grasp
Into your clutches
Your charms soon clasp

I wanted more
Than you had to give
Was it so wrong
To want to live

I never let up
You soon wanted more
I slowly pried open
Your heart's closed door

We wanted each other
Our love we did avow
For once for both of us
Everything's good now


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Chapter 13

She Doesn’t Know

As our love was budding
Really starting to grow
You extinguished the flame
Darkening a hearts glow

I’m not blind
You rub it in my face
Maybe it makes you feel good
To cause me disgrace

Into my deepest feelings
You jab your elbow
Our growing love
You carelessly forgo

You think I’m ‘not good enough’
I am the one you displace
Feelings for me you erase
I am the one you replace

Make all your dirty plans
As away my love you throw
Don’t for a second think
She doesn’t know


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Chapter 14

She Doesn’t

It seems every new day
Turns into some kind of struggle
You now have a choice
With who you choose to snuggle

I am here
You know why
Why is she here
Except to spout another lie

I already told you
She is not being truthful
Listen to what she says
She is being deceitful

What does she offer
You know I have your back
I won’t lead you astray
As I try to prevent an attack

Who is the one you touched
ME it wasn’t
Who is the one that has a future
She doesn’t


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Chapter 15

I’m Good Now

There was a time
When we were so in love
Then the heat turned up on you
And you gave me a shove

You pushed me away
Made me feel like trash
The love we shared
You killed in a flash

You still don’t know
How you hurt me so bad
Then in front of my face
You found another comrade

How do you justify that
To kill someone’s heart
Then turn right around
And with another one start

You won’t see me
Or even TALK to me anyhow
Thanks a lot for NOTHING
I'm good now


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Chapter 16

I’m Good

I know how things work
I know what is real
I also know now
That I can feel

I am what I am
I can’t change a lot
I know what I am
I know what I am not

You do know
I am more than I was
Is it from what happened
Or is it just because

Each day I continue to grow
My progress may seem slow
At least who I am you know
Who don’t think so

Everything has changed
I think it is understood
If I’m not bad, then maybe
I’m good


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Chapter 17

Everything’s Perfect

What do I see
When I look into your eyes
Is it really you
Or another batch of lies

I hear your words
What are you not saying
It is what you won’t say
That is so dismaying

Be honest to me
Why not try the truth
I need read between the lines
Having to be a sleuth

You think you’re protecting me
You are only protecting yourself
You really want me in storage
Waiting patiently on a shelf

So I must watch and suffer
As another you addict
Accepting your lies, pretending
Everything's perfect


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Chapter 18

I’m Perfect

Upon each other
We can heap lots of praise
That gets us very little
As we negotiate life’s maze

We can try really hard
To stay ahead of life’s game
We can point a finger to blame
Or to each other say a vile name

It is all more of the same
That buys us nothing but hurt
As angry words to each other
That we may often blurt

Existence becomes a battle
Each day a brutal slog
Our minds can clog
Each day turns into a fog

I may not know everything
But one thing I can predict
I know I’ll never be able to say
I’m perfect


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Chapter 19

I’m Sorry For What I Did

Life has many corners
Which may force a turn
Do we forget what we know
Or do we expand and learn

There are many things we do
That some may never understand
Few things seem to work out
As we once thought or planned

There are goals we set
Trying to reach out
They seem harder and harder to obtain
Leaving one full of doubt

For what one sees as right
Another can see as wrong
We know where we are
Wondering if we will ever belong

I regret many past actions
Some things I may have hid
For those I have inadvertently hurt
I'm sorry for what I did


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Chapter 20

I’m Sorry

Life can be filled with sorrow
Full of remorse and regret
You think we would learn a lesson
But it seems we always soon forget

We try to reach out
To touch each other within
But we never seem to get further
Than only touching the skin

What do we really want
What do we truly seek
Only the strong survive
Trampling the weak and the meek

We all say we want to be better
If we really did, we would
We are really what we want to be
Without being spoken it is understood

The ever changing life we live
Is like a violent wild safari
If my actions have inadvertently hurt you
I'm sorry.


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Chapter 21

It Wasn’t Me

Everyone has something different to offer
Even if it is the – same
There are many ways to play
Life’s unkind brutal game

There is the chance
It will become natal
In this case I think
It has a greater chance to be fatal

If I protest further
You will only push me farther away
You won’t listen right now anyway
To what I have to say

Now I must be punished
For being what I am
The choice was not mine
As my feelings you slam

I know what happened
The evidence with my own eyes I did see
You got what you wanted
It wasn’t me


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Chapter 22

You Have To Understand

I know you love me
I know what is really there
We were not someone extra
We were not someone spare

Our hearts as one
Our burdens to share
Our struggles together
Our souls we did bare

We found each other
In shades of despair
Our hearts intertwined
Together we did dare

We heeded the others call
We answered the others prayer
Like no other before
How much we so did care

There is nothing to scare
Our love we can repair
You have to understand
Of me you need not ever beware


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Chapter 23

That Wasn't Me

Some things change
Some things don’t
Just because they didn’t
Doesn’t mean they won’t

Take for granted
What you see around
Without you ever caring
Someone has drowned

What may be now
Will not always be
With your blind eyes
You are unable to see

When I called out
You did not answer
Treating me uncaring
As if I was a cancer

Before you flush me
You had better look
For deep inside you
I have sunk my hook

As to who shoved first
I have to disagree
The one who abandoned another
That wasn't me


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Chapter 24

You Can’t Let This Happen

Some things once broken
Can never be fixed
The crushed pieces scattered
The splintered fragments mixed

A heart can be this way
As the one it loved does damage
Leaving a bleeding dying mess
Untold suffering and carnage

When the mind is shattered
It can never be repaired
The one it loved gone
For which it had so cared

Leaving behind a life now in rubble
Someone reduced to trash and waste
Was there any thought or regard
For the one abandoned with such haste

Think of the one truly loved
Don’t let your heart blacken
Please don’t do this
You can't let this happen


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 Chapter 25

Please, Listen To Me

There are varied and different ways
That two can communicate
On many things they can relate
As they slowly together gravitate

One can move faster
One may want to wait
Events collide that will frustrate
Causing the relationship to suffocate

One can become dominate
They soon begin to stipulate
Feelings begin to accelerate
Along the way even vacillate

Feelings can drift towards another
They may soon begin to migrate
When our bond should culminate
As our love we demonstrate

Please, listen to me
Before we separate
We must try to relate
Or one may soon terminate


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Chapter 26

Listen To Me

I do not speak
To hear the melodious tones
Of my own voice
Or throw verbal stones

If I am saying something
It is important to me
What I am saying
Should need no apology

Dissemination can transpire in many ways
Communication need not be spoken
Sentiments, passions and affections
Should be cherished, not broken

Everything we do matters
Everyone, every person matters
When one chooses not to hear
Or listen - everything soon shatters

My voice is my own
I know that you can hear me
But do you ever really
Listen to me


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Chapter 27

I Don't Want To Go

What are you doing
My feelings you're going to forgo
You are throwing me away
I don't want to go

I want to be with you
I enjoy being here
Why can't you understand
Why can't you even hear

My very inner self
Is what you are going to slay
You are torturing me to no end
Leaving me in a tattered disarray

I refuse to accept it
It is not in any way fair
Welcome to MY jungle
Some had better beware

If push comes to shove
I won't be the one to - go
I want to make it clear
I don't want to go


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Chapter 28


Please, attack me not
I ask this of you
At this time
This is the best I can do

Please do not crush me
As I reach out
I am struggling
Without trying to shout

Please don't hurt me
I have enough pain
The things that are wrong
Are inside of my brain

I can not help
What has gone wrong
Think of this
As my last song

The race itself
Is the race against time
My fear grows daily
I mean no crime

Please use your mind
To fill in any blanks
I seek no conflict
I will just say – thanks


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Chapter 29

I Love You

We both know it
I know we both do
You love me
I love you

No matter how you hurt my feelings
As away at them you chop and hew
I remain firm and steady
I love you

It seems sometimes
You forget what you once knew
I am still here
I love you

I have been loyal
I have been true
I have always been there
I love you

Please open your heart
It is long overdue
You love me
I love you


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Chapter 30

I Love You And You Love Me

I love you
And you love me
There is so much more
Why could you not see

I fixed myself
I passed my test
I am sorry
That you were stressed

For what went bad
It was not me
I will never do it again
Why did you not hear my plea

I did not want to go
You still pulled the plug
What should have been shared
Was a warm embracing hug

Then you brought me back
I said you could not be trusted
It was really at myself
That I was disgusted

I love you
You allowed me to live
And you love me
I have very much to give


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Chapter 31

Thirty One Hours Of Summer

Two short seasons|
Too short seasons
Thirty one hours of Summer
Thirty One reasons

Such a short time
To show how we cared
How could they strike it down
It should have been spared

Ravaged by time
Lost in a dollhouse
No escape with the cape
Quiet as a mouse

Tried to find serenity
The path was too narrow
Cried a big river
Dodged a misguided arrow

So without joy we remain
The future sequestered
Maybe in Hawaii
No one will be pestered


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Chapter 32

They Don't Always Like The Way I Do Things

They don't always like
The way I do things
So they criticize me
Their words like bee stings

Not everyone is the same
We are all differently wired
People should be inspired
Their best attempts admired

Sometimes I win
Mostly I lose
Why make hurt and pain
The option they must choose

I will never have
The right stuff
Forever I will always be
Not good enough

I already know this
Don't grind me down more
Please have mercy
I am down on the floor

I have tried my best
When my best attempts fail
Please take no pleasure
When they make me wail

Cast me aside
Please attack me not
This is all I have
This means a lot


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Chapter 33

I'll Be Back

You can push me away
Cast me aside
Run me down
Say things that are snide

I have my feelings
I have my pride
My very emotions
I no longer wish to hide

Your words and actions
To me they chide
You do not know my pain
Or how for you I have cried

My heart is open
For you it is wide
I will forever be there
Always at your side

No matter how far you push me
I will not be denied
I'll be back
In my heart, you alone reside



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Chapter 34

Heart Of Gold

There is an endless search
For a true heart of gold
Something so very precious
It can never be bought or sold

Contained within my heart
My sweet heart of gold
Is the one I love
The one that I behold

They can make my heart bleed
Even a pure heart of gold
It seems to matter not much
For they have been told

It tears me sadly apart
Tarnishing my heart of gold
The hurt, rage and anguish
My demeanor barley controlled

It can honestly be said
My lonely heart of gold
Will never beat for another
It is only for my love to mold


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Chapter 35

 I Thought People Cried

People feel happy
People feel sad
People feel sorrow
People feel glad

One is afflicted
By their own emotions
Usually the result of where
They have put their devotions

So is it to ourselves
In which we do it to
Or is it what another
Has done unto you

It is amazing how one
Can hurt another so much
Without ever laying a hand
Without ever even a touch

With no where left to hide
I thought people cried
I have seen them so devastated
Some have even died


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 Chapter 36

When They Were Sad

You said these words to me:
'Stay away from me, leave me alone'
'I don't want to talk to you'
Apparently, into the trash I'm thrown

This is not how you treat
The one you love inside
Pretend they don't exist
Dodge, run, avoid and hide

How can you do this to
The one in your heart so true
I know you love me
And you know I love you

Cast me aside
Send me adrift
One day you will recognize
True love is a gift

You wonder why my tears flow
You think I should be glad
I thought people cried
When they were sad


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Chapter 37

If We Cry

There may be people
That around me surround
Nobody has noticed
I have already drowned

It is the aloneness
That overwhelms my soul
If it was never there
I was never whole

What do you want
What is my purpose
Or am I only extra
A back up surplus

Before anyone acts
Do they ever think
What they do to others
Can really be mean and stink

Does it really matter
Will anyone ask why
Nobody will care
If we cry


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Chapter 38

Because The Sun Has Gone

You were my joy
My ray of sunshine
There was nothing I wanted more
Than to make you mine

It should have been us
Away secretly to elope
Instead you blinked by choice
Allowing an intruder to interlope

You melted life's dark shadow
Became my shining sunbeam
Then in a blinding cruel instant
You made me cry and scream

I feel betrayal's dagger
Plunging stab after stab
Everything was almost healed
Then you ripped off hope's scab

The darkness has blossomed
There will never be another dawn
The blackness within me wins
Because the sun has gone


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Chapter 39

Out Of Our Lives

Out of our lives
One can cast another
Do they secretly laugh
As a life they wantonly smother

What we once had
Soon becomes meaningless
Making me feel hopeless
Leaving me with nothingness

I understand how it works
People don't think before they act
Can you feel the painful impact
As my love you uncaringly extract

It's not about right now
You need think of tomorrow
When the future collapses
Whose strength can we borrow

That is the way life works
Our back collects the knives
We flush what we no longer want
Out of our lives


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Chapter 40

Our Tears Can Prevent Us

Our tears can prevent us
From seeing the truth
As tomorrow becomes yesterday
Away one can squander their youth

Chained to the past
We can never break free
More of the same
Is all we can see

The tears come and go
But they never stop
In endless streams they flow
Like an eternal raindrop

Jab, slice, cut and stab
Keep the tears from going away
The more we hope and pray
The easier we become prey

So the tears flow endless
Nothing is ever a plus
We try to move forward but fail
Our tears can prevent us


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Chapter 41

From Seeing The Stars

With my eyes wide open
I can only see nothingness
When I look inside of me
I can only find emptiness

Because I am still here
Doesn't mean I haven't gone
It is already the sunset
Before there was ever a dawn

I thought I knew you
From the future to the past
Now your mind is in a fog
Your heart deeply overcast

It has become quite obvious
You won't heed my call
You have chosen a new direction
Forcing me to slip and fall

Crying eyes search the heavens
Weeping behind our avatars
Our tears can prevent us
From seeing the stars


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Chapter 41


Sometimes I feel
That I am still Young
I know I'm not old
Like those I live among

Disoriented and alone
Sometimes I have thought
I am from the future
Maybe even a robot

But such silly ideas
Would seem uncool
If I were to express them
I would seem like a fool

I have many memories
I am confused by them all
Perhaps someone would understand
If I gave them a call

Now it all makes sense
That I feel so forlorn
It must be because
I am yet to be born


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Chapter 43


To most of them
I do not even exist
They would smile then laugh
As the knife they twist

I am invisible
Even in their midst
They would never consider
Love over a tryst

Not good enough
To even be kissed
Nothing more will happen
Even if I insist

When all seems lost
Who will aid or assist
One can never win
If they fail to persist

To express ones feelings
They may get the gist
Until they open their heart
I can only subsist


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Chapter 44

If You Want To Be Good At Anything

Love is like work
To be successful at either
One must stick with it
Never taking a breather

When you lose sight of the goal
It becomes easy to wander
What was once near and achievable
Soon evaporates into fading yonder

Commitment and perseverance
Is needed from all involved
Lacking that nothing can be resolved
Whatever was is soon dissolved

Before one decides to push
Flushing the other away
Maybe stop, think and listen
What it is they are trying to say

We must focus our will
All of our concentration bring
You have to practice every day
If you want to be good at anything


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 Chapter 45

You Have To Practice Every Day

Each day starts anew
Life has many paths to follow
Some are clearly marked
Others turn out empty and hollow

There are many directions
From which to choose
Sometimes we win
More often we loose

To better ourselves
Is for what we must strive
There is much more to life
Than simply being alive

Use inner strength and try harder
Be the one that is the best
One should be proud of what they do
For each day in life is an endless test

Time has seemed to prove
What many people have come to say
If you want to be good at anything
You have to practice every day


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 Chapter 46


You are my sweet Angel
Precious cherished and treasured
Never to be besmirched or tarnished
Perfect is how you should be measured

I too will be your Angel
When the darkness may appear
May you always feel and know
It is YOU I hold very, very dear

I ask that Cupid
Send a special arrow from me
Tipped with hope and promise
May it set your troubled soul free

I also ask Cupid
Deliver his arrow gently to you
May you understand me better
That I can reach your heart too

I am not worthy myself but
I pray that fate may help you
Your health, mind and heart
Freeing you of all suffering and rue


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Chapter 47


It stabbed my heart
Made me feel disgrace
In the eyes of your peers
I am the wrong - race

I KNOW you thought of it
My first and your last name
I KNOW you felt love
Ain't that a shame

It NEVER mattered to me
I kept an open mind
I only saw the person
I am colorblind

I can not help
How I was - born
What about me, the person
Did you ever feel torn

I guess I have failed
You can't hear me bawl
I feel very much
Like the poor Rag Doll


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Chapter 48


Everything in life
Is about making a choice
That is the only way
To make one hear your voice

I know that it
May sound somewhat strange
But it is you yourself
That can make things change

It is always easier
To return to the castle
Because things that are different
Are usually a hassle

Look at your hands and feet
There is no enslaving chain
The restraints that hold you
Exist only within your own brain

As life evaporates into time
It becomes harder to choose
Because no matter what you do
You know you will always lose


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Chapter 49

Burn Baby Burn

I see the dancing fire
I reach into the flame
I know what I am doing
There is no one else to blame

I know the pain will come
I will not back away or stop
I want grasp loves flaming mass
I refuse to let it drop

Defeat is not an option
I reject any form of surrender
Are they for real
Or just another pretender

So it goes without saying
No matter how many times we are burned
We can not accept the results
Therefore nothing is ever learned

Incinerate my bloody shredded heart
For I am never letting go
Burn baby burn
Who don't think so


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Chapter 50

All The Kings Horses…

I have what you want
You have what I need
What I really want and need
Is my heart to no longer bleed

He was so handsome
A true beauty indeed
I wanted all of him, everything
Not a meaningless act of greed

Passion, excitement and meaning
Filling them with loves seed
How wonderful it would have been
For this love to breed

The worst times of our lives
Became the best times indeed
How I wanted to become one
Our future shared to succeed

When the heat turned up
He decided his future I would impede
I was cast aside, replaced
Loves defeat I will never concede


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Chapter 51

You Are A Human Being

You must take care of yourself
Yes it does matter to me
It does make a difference
You should be damage free

With each new flaw or failing
With every tiny imperfection
I feel closer to you
I offer your mind protection

No longer need your thoughts
Hurt you and drag you down
Please share your pain with me
So we may smile instead of frown

I have so very long wanted
To find someone who is the same
Understanding without explanation
Knowing shame without blame

Share your thoughts and feelings
You are a Human Being
Maybe to some I am Nobody
To me you are Somebody worth freeing


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Chapter 52

Not Complicated

It is not complicated
It is simply fear
Fear of rejection
Love causes many a tear

For we never feel equal
We never feel we are a peer
Rejection cuts so deep
Even the slightest sneer

When Cupid shoots his arrow
He misses the one we hold dear
He laughs as into our heart
He shoves then twists a spear

The fear of rejection grips us
Crushing our minds tiny sphere
Is it ever what is inside of us
Or only to use our veneer

To the one we love
We try to make their heart steer
As they see the direction is us
Away from us they violently veer

It is not complicated
As it seems to appear
It is fear of rejection
It is simply fear of fear


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Chapter 53

Déjà Vu

Beauty may be in the words
True beauty resides within you
What you have slowly hidden
You should review and renew

You said it was
Something to do
Remember what you felt
How those feelings grew

In times of trouble
From its strength you drew
You felt and shared the love
As it did expand and accrue

In times of sorrow and sadness
When you were feeling blue
A lonely soul was always willing
To help you get through

Our lives grind on
Trapped in Earths zoo
Tomorrow can hold promise
Or is it just déjà vu


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Chapter 54

Know NO

The thrill of victory
The agony of defeat
The stab in the heart
The smoothness of the sheet

Feelings emotion confusion
They surge through the mind
We think we can see
Yet we are stone cold blind

It all happens in our brain
It is only all make believe
All they can give is to use
Maybe say thanks and leave

Rather than forever wonder
It is better to know
That we are not good enough
To know the answer is eternally NO

All may seem small and lost
Nothing any longer matters
How could they do this to me
My shredded heart in tatters

Sex need not be physical
In a cold dark room at home
Sex comes in many forms
Maybe even as a poem


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Chapter 55

Any Time

Sometimes the inner self
Screams out to be heard
The mind grows tired, weak and weary
Emotions boil over when not stirred

Lonely people need to hear
Good things sometimes not meaningless pity
Imagine if all people said someone
Was ugly instead of beautiful or pretty

They would hurt them to no end
To praise someone specific
With sweet pleasant thoughts
Should be something terrific

Everything is make believe anyway
We only chose to live certain realities
Where we get stuck at in life
Are really only technicalities

Look around, what is the point
Life is simple like this very rhyme
We follow along for the payoff
Then realize it can end anytime


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Chapter 56

Across My Universe

My jumbled thoughts cascading
into a tangled rambling mess
They collided within my sad mind
across my universe

Floods of remorse, joy of hope
Are mixing through my hurting head
Restraining and reshaping me
across my universe

Where can the true one be
Love will change my world

In my mind I am singing this song
makes me wonder where I belong
It echoes restraints and drifts
across my universe

Emotions grind and sting like gravel
on a winding dirt road
They collide and ricochet unevenly
across my universe

Where can the true one be
Love will change my world

Burdens of work daily drudge of life
Are tearing through my empty heart
Cringing through thoughts of tomorrow
across my universe

Love or lust seems to remain unknown
hope and fear cutting to the bone
Yet to come dreams exist
across my universe

Where can the true one be
Love will change my world


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Chapter 57


It has been said
Diamonds are a girls best friend
For me to really believe that
I would have to pretend

Gold is a mineral
Money is paper
Credit or a check is a promise
Might as well all be vapor

I know they all have a use
To me other things matter
Take what is mine
You will feel bones shatter

A diamond means something
If it is from the one I want
For its traditional intended purpose
All others I will confront

Treasure what you will
I value what is important to me
I can not understand why
They are unable to see


Chapter Text

Chapter 58



Come painfully in many forms
A gamble can be to win or lose
But not with the same chips or cards
There is a better way to choose

When you look at the persons outside
That is all you can see
It is what is inside that matters
Or you only get a fancy marquee

Bulges grow, things sag, wrinkles appear
Outer beauty evaporates with time
Is not the person trapped inside still
Who they were in their youthful prime

As the world burns around us
Each new day like the last
To stop living the same rerun
You need a different cast


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Chapter 59

Salvation And Redemption

Is my mind so warped and twisted
Lost in a maze of death and hurt
I can not escape the tormenting past
Can ever good thoughts my mind exert

What does your mind want and seek
Is it for when your heart feels a void
When you feel the deep emotions
You fear and run and try to avoid

I need to feel the pain and hurt
Because I can not feel love given
My mind slips and erodes more
So slowly insane I am driven

Because I am "not good enough"
That means I need soon die
And all the little "ant" "real" people
Will just stupidly ask and wonder why

I am afraid to slip into dark evil
For I could be very, very cruel
I would rather touch your heart
And make you feel like a jewel

I think that there is no earthly freedom
So like something from Macbeth
My salvation and redemption
Will simply be my own death


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Chapter 60

Grim Reaper

Look around
There is nothing else
To be found

This is the best life has to offer
The crossroads of Nowhere and Deadend
To think it gets better
Is only make believe or pretend

What can be different
It is just more of the same
Life has you beaten
If you play its game

The deck is stacked
The fix is in
Try all you want
You can never win

Is being alive
Really only living dead
Is there nothing left to enjoy
Except a few moments in bed

When you never wake up
You may see a new keeper
Then you know it is time
To follow the Grim Reaper


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Chapter 61

Lies Of Omission

Life has many self created prisons
To keep our soul in detention
To crack our armored shell
Our inner self afraid of contrition

Are the cards ever all played
Or seen as lies of omission
Can we give more than we take
From those whom we seek emotional nutrition

To let the cracks split open
May force us into submission
To slowly open up to one we care for
Is not an act of purposeful sedition

Can we read between the lines
To understand by our intuition
To express our feelings and desire
We may rely on perceived supposition

To build complete loving trust
We will submit to inquisition
Two crying unfulfilled empty hearts
Seeking in life's lonely juxtaposition

Our own hurting minds crumble
Surrounded by emotional decomposition
Life on the crumbling edge
It may lead to weary suspicion

Outright false untruths on purpose
For most are the real deadly mission
To protect ourselves and loved ones
We all hide behind lies of omission


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Chapter 62


The sky is cloudy
The rain begins to fall
I see a person walking
They seem in a type of thrall

They step into the street
They seem confused or lost
I see a big truck coming
To approach them may seem an accost

I see what is going to happen
I must shout out a warning
Before something bad occurs
I don't want anyone mourning

It is my fault
I encouraged them to go
I should have warned them before
How the pain would everywhere flow

What have I done AGAIN
To one I wanted to protect
Another life damaged
That I have caused to wreck

I see others stand and watch
Why won't they lend a hand
I know they want a future
This is not what they planned

There is no time
I must now intercede
I cling to them pulling them back
It was meant as a good deed

I only timidly speak
Because I saw this happened before
I can not do NOTHING
For one I so adore


Chapter Text

Chapter 63


We know what is wrong
We know what does not work
We ignore reality and fact
At insanity's edge we lurk
How do we stop the anguish
To see through this dark murk

There is no escape with others
They make every problem worse
To surrender our very selves
Ends with a ride in a hearse
We hurt everyone around us
When we name call and curse

Selfishness, greed, ego, desire
Each mistake makes things dire
The more we try escape
The further we sink and mire
Few help, few heed, few care
Nobody tries to help guide and aspire

Nobody cares and lends a hand
Blinded by life's daily mundane rage
Trapped in a undeserved existence
No walls or bars yet stuck in a cage
Nobody will stand beside us
As the curtain closes on our stage


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Chapter 64

Silver Lining

We look all around
For the Silver Lining
Nothing can be heard
Beyond our own whining

All of life is empty and dull
Gone are things once shining
Our burdened mind into overload
Impossible thoughts combining

Each second soon gone forever
Our bodies and minds declining
Our bleeding hearts calling
For our true lover pining

Even alone and outside
Life's drudge is confining
Seeking impossible perfection
Our mind keeps redesigning

Finding never ending excuses
Character dissected like strip mining
Does it take a neon sign
To see the Silver Lining


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Chapter 65


My life has been nothing
Like some evil cruel illusion
I live in total empty darkness
Unable to tell reality from delusion

There is nowhere left to run
There is nowhere left to hide
I am overwhelmed by feelings
Which are exploding deep inside

I hate all the "real" people
For they have made me hate myself
I am not some useless worthless item
To be put away forever on a shelf

Existing without love and emotion
My mind is tearing itself apart
I do know in actual reality
It is in the mind not the heart

I know I am not stupid or insane
Is it evil, wrong, a sin or a crime
To desire the most special thing
To feel your heart beat next to mine


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Chapter 66


It begins as a whisper
We faintly start to hear it
We question its existence
As it gently touches our spirit

The whisper can echo
As it starts to flow
Through our entire being
Its volume will delicately grow

A whisper can remain silent
If we mute its force
Or rise to a shout
If its inspiration we endorse

Most whispers remain soundless
For the scream we hear is rejection
We cower and retreat in fear
Never sharing the whispers affection

The whisper fades and drifts away
We doubt it ever existed
The empty loneliness embraced
Loves murmur once again resisted


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Chapter 67


The Demon is within
It is my own mind
When I look inside
I hate what I find

Rejected by ALL others
Feeling like burnt trash
For you JUST to look at me
Would be worth more than cash

The Demon is within
It is my own mind
When I look inside
I hate what I find

Fear, hate, loathing, anger
That is all the Demon can feel
A pile of gray useless matter
Afraid of what is real

The Demon is within
It is my own mind
When I look inside
I hate what I find

But the Demon must fear
For I hold the key
I can slay the Demon within
Destroy its existence and I am free

The Demon is within
It is my own mind|
When I look inside
I hate what I find


Chapter Text

Chapter 68


I truly have come to believe
After deep thought and much reflection
That you are very VERY special Indeed
A endless plethora of complexion

I can not stop you from growing
In my mind and heart like an infection
This is better than nice or good
For it is pure real sweet affection

Of any scale, measure or test there is
You pass with honors every inspection
There simply is no other Human
More worthy of this life's protection

My heart and mind are spread open
Ready for you to do total dissection
Show me your empty lonely path
So WE may alter its lost direction

The things you thought damaged you
Have brought you closer to perfection
Our future has indicated
Our destiny's fate connection

There is NOTHING about you
That needs repair or correction
Look into the mirror of OUR minds
You deserve nothing less than resurrection


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Chapter 69

I Am Sorry

I am a failure
I have not measured up
I have done the best I can
How full or empty is the cup

Make me hurt
Make me bleed
I am who I am
It's a shame we disagreed

Tear from my mind
Crush my heart flat
I never thought
I would need a diplomat

Much like Underdog
This is the way that I can express
Perhaps my mind is wired different
Sorry for the distress

There is no need to twist
The knife stuck in my back
The damage has been done
Please do not my vision attack


Chapter Text

Chapter 70


What is inspiration

Where does it spawn from
The heart mind and soul
From happiness or feeling glum

Perhaps from encouragement
Our inner self can expand
Seldom the path followed
Is the one desired or planned

What will be our motivation
Will anyone ever really know
Or is it as fleetingly transitory
As a colorful Spring rainbow

Spark up the enthusiasm
Unleash the imagination
For inside everyone of us
Grows tomorrows foundation


Chapter Text

Chapter 71

We Can Change The Rules

When those around us
Treat us like fools
We can strike back
We can change the rules

The present time is full
Of choices we may hate
Our future is fluid
Not restricted to fate

In the confines of living
Many rules hold us back
We can change the rules
To thwart life's attack

Who is the master
Who is the slave
To change what is fallacious
Is not cowardly but brave

We can change the rules
For we have the ability
To control our destiny
Make our own tranquility


Chapter Text

Chapter 72


We have been pushed hard to the ground
But the Grim Reaper has not won this round

For we have stared death in the face
But remain in life's dull daily race

I have felt the cold steel upon my head
But you can not kill what is already dead

So to evil our will is profound
It has to get better may love abound

Our will to want love is hard to erase
For we have eluded eternity's embrace

Something beautiful is nothing to dread
May joy be delivered and fear shed

Run no more look what we have found
It is never too late to expand and rebound

We push on in our unjust disgrace
Emotions that have died we can replace

Feel the poems and songs we have read
From our very being truth has been said

In your body a pure heart does pound
Deep in your soul it is no longer bound

There is more in darkness than empty space
Lay the cards down and pick up the ace


Chapter Text

Chapter 73

Death Sentence

My sentence is now Life
Served in solitary confinement
To try to escape alive NOW
Will be my new assignment

I am trapped in here
My mind imprisoned fast
A worthless shell its captor
I am a prisoner of the futures past

I see a new salvation
To share and comfort and want
Let me break these chains
No longer do you need hunt

The prison board has met
My sentence they will increase
Freedom is here at last
The Death Sentence is sweet release


Chapter Text

Chapter 74

Isolation Is Not A Choice

Isolation is not a choice
It is forced upon one
Invisible and unwanted by others
Before you start you are done

Some join the pack lost
Others just hide and run
Some choose different vices
Others pick up a gun

You can not understand how
Things end before they have begun
For every one step forward
Ten are reversed and undone

You always wonder why
You have never ever won
You may not have anything
You are forced to have none

Life's weight crushes you
Smashing your mind like a ton
The mind forever in torment
What was it like to have fun


Chapter Text

Chapter 75

What I Most Crave

What I fear most
Is you will throw me away
Be offended or angry
Of what I do or say

You are like me
We share a common pain
We are not freaks or weird
Or totally insane

To no other person
Could I talk like this
And at the end of the day
Get a smile and a kiss

However you are
Is how you are
It does not matter
You are who you are

The jury of your mind
Has now convened
Whatever I am
It is not a fiend

I know only your mind
It has become my friend
So many YEARS of emotion
Is hard NOT to send

True pure emotional love
Is what I most crave
Will I ever be good enough
Before I meet the grave

Forgive me my dearest friend
If I seem out of control
But to talk with you
Gives my soul a parole

My feelings and emotions
Are like a bursting dam
They are true and pure
And not a evil sham

To do the right thing
I also once said
And it won't mean a thing
When it kills me dead


Chapter Text

Chapter 76

Sometimes It's Nice To Have Help

Life presents many difficulties
Some things become a struggle
When things become overwhelming
Suddenly necessities we need to juggle

Sometimes it's nice to have help
When we are feeling down
A helping hand reaching out
Can prevent the feeling we will drown

Some may not be as durable
Others can better take the heat
Allow those best suited
Help their companions compete

When we grow weary
From others we may draw strength
Remember there are those
That will go to any length

Reach back out
To one who reaches in
For working together
Makes life easier to win


Chapter Text

Chapter 77


One is imprisoned
As if bound by a chain
While the limbs are free
The chain holds the brain

Love may not be in the heart
It is all happening within the mind
How is one able to see
Yet remain so willingly blind

The chain holds one firm
Somehow it comforts the soul
Without its binding weight
One can not feel whole

To serve their Master
The chain keeps them near
If the chain were broken
One would only cower in fear

The chain is reassuring
For as it holds one to any degree
It holds the other too
Enslavement is easier than being free


Chapter Text

Chapter 78


With each and every wound
To both your body and mind
Only makes you more special
Double when they are combined

You have taken the beating
Survived the hurting strain
Endured severe mental torture
Been a victor over this pain

Demons can only haunt you
For you have beaten them in Hell
May you find the path to happiness
Forever in Heaven may you dwell

Every injury flaw and shortcoming
Each defect and all that is imperfect
Make you a stronger and better person
You are as close as possible to perfect


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Chapter 79

This Is Living ?

LOOK around you - LOOK
LISTEN what do you hear ?

This is "living" ?

Is THIS all there is ?
Is THIS what you want ?
Is THIS enough ?

This is "living" ?

Sleep - nightmares
Get up and work hard, suffer
Go home - sleep - nightmares

This is "living" ?

Sleep - wake
Eat - generate waste
What is the point ?

This is "living" ?

What is all THIS for ?

This is "living" ?

Today is Yesterday
Yesterday is Tomorrow
Tomorrow is Today

This is "living" ?

There is no FUTURE
There is no PAST
LOOK it is all NOTHING

This is "living" ?

Insects infest the Earth
Humans are the Insects
Terminate them all


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Chapter 80

For They Can Not Kill You

To those who have offended you
You may stand tall
For they can not kill you

To those who have hurt you
You are much stronger
For they can not kill you

To those who have despised you
You are more courageous
For they can not kill you

To those who have harmed you
You have endured
For they can not kill you

To those who have abused you
You are fearless
For they can not kill you

To those who have bruised you
You are more gallant
For they can not kill you

To those who have used you
You remain undaunted
For they can not kill you

To those who have wounded you
You are more brave
For they can not kill you

To those who have spited you
You are more valiant
For they can not kill you

To those who have beaten you
You are unflinching
For they can not kill you

To those who have maligned you
You are more determined
For they can not kill you

To those who have assaulted you
You are the victor
For they can not kill you

To those who have insulted you
You remain un-weathered
For they can not kill you

To those who have destroyed you
You are not afraid
For they can not kill you

To those who have ravaged you
You are intrepid
For they can not kill you

You have beaten them ALL
Only YOU can kill you
And you NEVER will


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Chapter 81

Sometimes They Go Bad

Has it not been said
About everyone at some point
Sometimes they go bad
Even one our heart will anoint

Many things can occur
Many things go wrong
We can be rejected
Told we do not belong

Things beyond our control
They can happen at any time
If we falter, fail or error
Our own existence we begrime

We have the power
Deep within ourselves to resist
To the one we have hurt
Even if we have never kissed

It is said, love conquers all
Even rejecting ones very nature
When that actually happens
Love is more than nomenclature


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Chapter 82


I know that I
Might not be much
But there is still beauty
In my touch

Perhaps to you
I may seem dull
That makes it easier
To be the one you cull

It seems some only want
To be used by another
Sooner than they know
They suffocate and smother

Maybe some think
I am just an anchor
At least I do not
Purposely cause rancor

It seems like an extraction
Rather than any attraction
Drag City is the place for me
Where there is no fun or action


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Chapter 83

One Once

Look around NOW, you are surrounded
By those that have abandoned you
The one that was once the closest
Has been pushed the farthest from you

You have built a mighty fortress
That has grown empty and cold
Life is passing by every second
No one gets younger, only old

Timbers crack, walls bend and buckle
Look into the empty darkness so black
There is still one that was once the closest
That has always helped protect your back

As the world crushes and injures you
No one around you can see it develop
You do gain strength and support from
A heart and soul yours once did envelop

Anguish, pain, suffering and anger
Are not able to be seen by those
Who have willingly abandoned you
Only the one you once chose, knows

Life is the final battlefield
There is no surrender or retreat
Dig in, hold on and fight
Soon enough the Maker we meet


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Chapter 84

Poem And Song

The nights are short
The days are long
May it ease your mind
With a poem and a song

To give you a sweet hug
You so much deserve
For you get very few
From those you serve

To caress your mind
To touch your heart
To rebuild your spirit
Others have torn apart

A kiss upon your lips
A hug around your shoulders
Maybe you can nuzzle
Some voluptuous boulders

To make you smile
Make you feel happy
To bring some pleasant joy
When things seem crappy

All that is expected
Is for you to survive
Be happy and healthy
Stay alive and thrive


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Chapter 85

A Promise Is A Promise

I promised
I would never leave
So now to eternity
Forever I will grieve

Never ending, everlasting
Forever is a long time
But to have feelings
Is not a crime

Like an animals foot
Caught in a trap like glue
Through the bone and flesh
I gnaw and chew

Escape is elusive - almost
Or endless story
A promise is a promise
Do you remember Richard Cory?


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Chapter 86

No Fate

The future is not set
It is never too late
For ourselves what we make
There is no fate

Tomorrow exists not
For today is still here
What possibly could be
May never appear

Grasp the Now
Make it your own
Reject the dungeon
Seek the throne

What once was
May not always be
For what may never happen
There need be no apology

Go boldly forward
True and straight
And always remember
There is no fate


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Chapter 87


There are those
We may covet
When they become aware
They say cram it

There are those
We may worship
When they become aware
The finger us they flip

There are those
We may want
When they become aware
They see it as a stupid stunt

There are those
We may desire
When they become aware
They throw our heart into the fire

There are those
We may love
When they become aware
Away us they shove


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Chapter 88

Crash Landing

The world burns around us
No one can tell the state we are in
As we slowly lose control
We end up in a tailspin

Laughing and smiling life goes on for them
No one can tell the state we are in
As we slowly are destroyed
We rapidly spiral in

Uncaring and unconcerned about us
No one can tell the state we are in
As we slowly are squished
We uncontrollably auger in

Once they are done using us
No one cares the state we are left in, only to spurn
As we slowly are erased
We are about to crash and burn

Never enough, no matter how much we give
No one can tell the state we are in or where bound
As we slowly are decimated
We end up a smoking hole in the ground

Unrequited love is never returned
No one can tell the state we are in
As we slowly are tortured
We inevitably spin in


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Chapter 89


The sky is dark
The sea gets rougher
The crashing waves
Are not much of a buffer

Up and down left and right
The ship gets pounded
FEAR and panic rush in
As the alarm is sounded

There is a crack in the hull
Water begins to flow
TRAPPED in the Ocean
There is no place to go

The breach opens and expands
The pumps soon fail
It is a pathetic sound
To hear grown men wail

All are off to safety
But the Captain remains behind
For in Davy Jones Locker
He knows his duty and WHAT he will find


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Chapter 90

Worse Than Dead

To no one at all
Do I feel superior
To everyone there is
I only feel inferior

How do you know love
How do you tell
Is there an answer
My mind on this I dwell

I want to give
I want to receive
There has to be
This I truly believe

Too many have hurt you
Too many have used
Your mind is clouded
Your heart is bruised

I am on the outside
Always looking in
I believe in the feelings
That come from within

I do not love myself
I do not like myself at all
I just despise and hate myself
I always have waited the call

In a world without love
There is no reason to live
For you are worse than dead
If you have no one which to give


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Chapter 91

No One Is Ever Safe

In fear of love we fear
We attempt to build a wall
An impervious impenetrable fortress
That never really exists at all

What love has chosen
We can not reject
Even from ourselves
We are unable to protect

We say it is not true
Just a passing feeling
Loves lesson remains bloody
There is never any healing

Emotional feeling is a weakness
From the past to the future
The wound it creates
Only love can suture

We cast them aside
Think we are safe
In our own heart we know
No one is ever safe


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Chapter 92


Many things can be ruined or destroyed
One of the most damaging is Trust
When you lose or steal a persons Trust
There is little left more than blowing Dust

I destroyed ones Trust in me
I did not do it out of lust or Greed
I was cast aside like waste
It was not my fault I Plead

I wanted to love
I wanted to be loved in Return
To share, honor, feel and love
Their Trust I wanted to Earn

It shattered me inside
To feel that Trust was Gone
How could this happen
With the love I wanted to Spawn

To protect, help and assist
I would never their Trust Betray
To keep dignity, pride, honor and respect
I do not know what else to Say


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Chapter 93


What is the affliction
Is it the Lonely Hearts Club
Or even worse still yet
The Cracked Minds Club

Sometimes we dodge a blow
Sometimes we do not
Those seem to be
The ones that hurt a lot

Loves accelerator to the floor
Feel the emotional carburetors drink
With everything moving fast
There is little time to think

What does tomorrow bring
When only today happens now
The past becomes clouded
Blindly onward without thought we plow

Where does IT go
Where does IT end
It all finishes the same
Tolerate, submit, capitulate, bend


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Chapter 94


Never trust anyone
Is what was said
I interpret that to mean
Unless they are dead

There is no real relationship
If there is no trust
There is NOTHING
Where is fair, honest and just

I can not lose
The only one who still trusted me
It is something I cherish
Please hear and feel my plea

I was pushed away
But I am still the same
I have only shared love
I am not to punish and blame

I have nothing to offer them
I have nothing to bring
I will never accept defeat
Can't they feel me cling


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Chapter 95

Train Wreck

I can not stop this train
So surely it will wreck
Step aside and let it by
Just say 'what the heck'

I will not reach out again
My mind is tainted beyond repair
My words are ME in letters
I can not accept my words only scare

I really am NOBODY
I must run again to hide
I know my feelings only hurt others
Things I say come from deep inside

I am not normal in any way
But is not all my fault alone
I at least hope you saw another person
That you would have liked to have known

In a body bent and broken
My mind is trapped here
I MUST set it free
Be happy and shed not a tear

It is natural for some to want to kill
The person that has hurt one the most
So I will face them now
I will make them a ghost

The person I hate the most is ME
Nobody, nothing, a failure in every way
I hate EVERYTHING about me
It matters not if myself I slay

I give up, I quit and capitulate
I am defeated, I surrender
Here is one more song to hear
It's called The Great Pretender

I can feel I am unwanted
I must slither away in shame
I HATE me, myself and I
For only are they to blame

I did not know it was possible
To have these feelings in my brain
Without ever even reaching you
At least my heart is not insane

I KNOW you do not want to HEAR it
But before I get to eternity up above
I know I already said it in so many ways
You know who it is I love


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Chapter 96


The future is the past
The past is past, both already done
The ways to change them
Seem zero to none

Should have

Could have

Would have







All mean nothing
That timeline never existed
None of them happened
Thinking otherwise is twisted

The cards you hold
Are the cards you have been dealt
Scars and blows are felt
Stinging as if whips from a belt

Restrains bind not your limbs
Chains are only in the mind
It is easier to do nothing
Maligned by life we've resigned

Break your shackles
Set yourself free
It may sound funny
For you've always held the key


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Chapter 97

Dark Side

Our hearts bleed, lifeless, alone
Love cuts deep, to the very bone

Have our lives just been blown
For things that are unknown

For love that we could only loan
Half of nothing, single, lone

Ourselves away we have thrown
Anything to feel and moan

To submit to life like a drone
Wishing we could make a clone

Into our bodies life's seed sown
Pain forever into our hearts sewn

It is they who have hearts of stone
Love itself having never flown

We worship them in our minds throne
Their dark side has forever shown


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Chapter 98

Dig In

Shoot the horses, plant the flag
From this battlefield I will not retreat
Wounded I fight for in what I believe
Only my last breath will be my defeat

The fight is not fair if I'm pushed away
I will warn of future inevitable treachery
Cruelty is banned from the battlefield
They will use it against you for their lechery

You are injured not thinking clear
The casualties must be moved to the rear
Only time will dull the tormenting pain
The wounds need treatment to heal and sear

No place to run, no place to hide
Outnumbered here they come but yet I try
For your honor, safety and very life
I will never surrender, they must make me die


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Chapter 99

Masters Will

Those who have hurt me
Know I have the power to kill
And they do not remain alive
Because it is the Masters Will

It is Me, Myself and I alone
Who allow them to live
Unlike many a Deity
I do not and will not forgive

As Master of my own world
I can make things change
If someone hurts me on purpose
Then their life they may exchange

Lucky for them I still believe
That someone will want me
Yes someone the same as me
This until NOW I could not see

It is said with great power
Comes great responsibility
There are worse Human Beings
Only to ourselves we show hostility

With all deep respect
With honor, truth and humility
Only NOW do I comprehend
My emotions and feelings ability


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Chapter 100

A Shadow At Night

I live in a prison
The prison is my home
Surrounded by others
But I am alone

Abandoned but trapped
In my own home
It is worse than nothing
For I can not roam

A twelve by twelve room
Like a prison cell
Stuck, stuck, stuck
It is worse than Hell

In my sad eyes
The bleeding tears well
Nobody can hear me scream
But my mind and heart yell

Death is not an end
But a path to freedom
Escape into the future
False Prophet or wisdom

Sometimes I fall
Deeper and deeper
Tomorrow means less
Life grows cheaper

I am nothing but a shadow
A shadow at night
No matter how hard you look
It remains out of sight


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Chapter 101


I can honestly say
I have not known true love
When two hearts join together
As a hand in a glove

For the first time in your life
You can know true love too
Nothing else will matter
Just me and you

Love is like a drug
The more you get
The more you want
The less you can quit

I am already hooked
I am addicted to you
I want everything
Your love so pure sweet and true

Like every junkie in withdrawal
No matter the pain before
I can not escape my addiction
I crawl back in agony for more


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Chapter 102


What is real from make believe
Perhaps I am deluded and insane
I tear away at life's shrinking cage
I can not control my detonating brain

To gain my perceived freedom
Will destroy all that I know
I have put my feelings and emotions
Love and very life into human escrow

My mind screaming at itself
Terrified and fearing the unknown
I reach through the bars of my cage
Knowing it is worse than death to be ALONE

The painful jab of the prod
The bloody blows from the stick
If I can bleed I am still alive
Feel its warmth, thick and slick

I growl and snarl
Lash out in a rage
Hurting myself as I bite and claw
The cold metal of my shrinking cage


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Chapter 103


To know the ONE
Different than the rest
Is to know the ONE
That is the best

An endless trudge uphill
Suddenly you reach the crest
Knowing you are not good enough
Afraid you will always fail the test

An endless empty bottomless void
Has left you beyond depressed
You know it is only you
So yourself you detest

Like a dream come true
Slowly you become possessed
You can not stop the feelings
Afraid to become obsessed

You want to be happy
Share thoughts and to jest
So fearful of yourself
Afraid to be a pest

You know the true beauty
Is what lies BEHIND the breast
Praying to touch the heart
Feeling you have been blessed

A lifetime of anguish ending
For no longer need you quest
This is life's final zenith
You feel more than impressed


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Chapter 104


Why do we run
Why do we hide
Why can't we say
What is inside

What are we afraid of
Is it to live
Or that we will never receive
But only exist to give

Tell me you can live
Forever on an empty heart
Together trapped in a void
Your being and feelings apart

Is not the past
To which we are a slave
Surely the path
To our grave


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Chapter 105

I'm Always Here

I am invisible
Nothing will anyone hear
Make no mistake
I'm always here

It is my function
It is my career
It is my choice
I'm always here

For the one I care for
Worship and hold dear
They never need worry
I'm always here

From the future to the present
They never need fear
I will honor and protect
I'm always here

Time matters not
Day to month to year
Forever I will follow
I'm always here


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Chapter 106


Lonely lacking unfulfilling emptiness
Hearts and minds crawling like a vine
They find nourishment and satisfaction
Around each other they slowly entwine

No judgment condemnation or ridicule
Warnings against what you know is bad
Not as punishment or humiliation
But because they ARE bad

Proven history with the same results
Show you need something different
Love must exist over mere looks
Not someone who treats you as indifferent

It is difficulty to reach with just a mind
You do know it is a beaut
Create a door in the concrete wall
There is more to share than just loot

Absorb the softness and compassion
Feel the love warmth and caring
For to continue in this bitter life
There must be THIS pure sharing


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Chapter 107

Problem Solved

No longer need you distress
For the pain will go away
It is no longer a problem
No matter what they say

What is done is done
You must move ahead
There is much more to a person
Than what others may have said

However this event occurred
You must no longer worry
Look around and triple check
It may hurt you if you hurry

Life revolves around people
Their actions can really stink
No longer can you punish yourself
Please remove your mind from the brink

I do not stand over you
I stand beside you
I will not abandon you
But all this, you already knew


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Chapter 108

Blind Leading The Blind

We know how all events soon end
Relationships that once fit snugly
Always fall violently apart
Everything turns bitter and ugly

The ones we once
Wanted to share a bed
Could really care less
If we now end up dead

It is never to interfere
For interfering's sake
It is to try to only remind
Some things are more than we can take

It matters not the path taken
For we are now at the same destination
Looking for any hope or some salvation
Living misery and endless frustration

I am trying to deflect or absorb
The blows you may yet suffer
Every one new, same as the last
We grow weaker not tougher

Your actions or inaction's
Prompt my feelings to react
PLEASE always talk it over with me
For never is anything meant as an attack

To give you a reassuring, true feeling hug
One day maybe you will give me the same back
You are so much more, especially to me
Than a few meaningless minutes in the sack


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 Chapter 109

Fix Me

Fix me?
I am not broken
Why would you fix me
Have I misspoken

As each day dawns
I often dread
Things that happen
Things that are said

There are many who fear
My very existence
Especially those who
Put up a – resistance

It is very cruel
Unkind and mean
To treat someone
Like a mindless machine

When you know it is time
For something about me to fix
You had better come armed
With more than a crucifix


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Chapter 110

Why Would You Fix Me ?

Fix me ?
Why would you fix me ?
There is nothing wrong
I am bouncing with esprit

Can't you see I am happy
Can't you see I am having fun
There is nothing broken
For once I feel like I have won

Everything is beautiful
What is there to fix
Upon my very spirit
You have dropped a ton of bricks

I don't know you
Why are you in may face
Please don't disturb me
Or make me feel disgrace

It pains me greatly
In my gut it kicks
That who I am now
Would need some type of fix


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Chapter 111

Beauty Is Transitory

Indifferent, neutral and level
Are really a form of a stagnant mire
For you have lost life's few joys
Nothing to spark your inner fire

As each second passes
You grow older and older
As life's time unwinds
It grows colder and colder

Physical beauty is transitory
You will notice it slowly fading away
Things changing shape and feel
Did it always look this way?

But your inner beauty remains
Your mind does not know time
The mirror will show you older
Your mind is still in its prime

The feelings and emotions
Die much slower than the body shell
Run, enjoy, live and touch the Sun
Do not let your prison become Hell


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Chapter 112

Vile And Evil

A storm rages in my consciousness
Lightning flashes, thunder roars
The windshield wipers work hard
But I still can not see what soars

A blanket of thick fog shrouds
All before, behind and around me
Only right here and right now
Is what I am able to think I see

My consciousness is the storm
It strikes like a violent tornado will
Tearing apart all it touches so deadly
Hurting all it contacts, leaving a chill

Something this ugly, vile and evil
Needs to be violently destroyed quickly
Full of insane emotional delusions
Seen only as a fiend and sickly


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Chapter 113

Bloodstained Remains

Look around you
There are many nice things
Yet your sad heart has been looted
Its lonely emptiness stings

You feel no one is there for you
That is not correct
There has ALWAYS been one there
To guide, shield, help and protect

When you think about it in your mind
It is like I do not really exist
I can not understand
Why I was never missed

No matter how many times
I am repeatedly shot down
Like a Jack in the box
I get back up and stay around

How much can one use and take
Before another is empty and drained
When nothing is ever returned
What remains is bloodstained


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 Chapter 114


I have seen all of them
They crack your shell to hurt you
To chew you up then spit you out
Cast you aside when they are through

I too have tried to crack your shell
For in it you are also trapped
Not all are users, cruel and mean
I want you to flourish and adapt

The cracks I reach into
Are the ones you allow
To nourish your inner being
Strength within to endow

The only true physical shell of yours
Of the person trapped inside confined
Is your skull containing the thoughts
Feelings, emotions of your beautiful mind

I try to repairer cracks made by others
I try to replace my cracks with doors
You may open or close as you wish
And eternally know I am always yours


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Chapter 115


From the very start
From when it begin
To YOU my sweet love
Have I not been:
























Ask anyone if they know
A person such as this
Would they been seen with remiss
Would they cast them into an abyss

You would be told:
Like that, good luck finding somebody
Like that, you won't find anybody
Like that, there is – Nobody


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Chapter 116


My devotion is to you
There is no other for me
To be or not to be
It will be – to be

You can shove
You can push
I'll be back
Even if it takes an ambush

No matter how far
You throw me away
No matter how hard you kick
I will always return another day

I am relentless
I will never stop
I will NEVER allow another
To set up shop

It is our destiny
I proudly harangue
I will always return
Like a well made boomerang


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Chapter 117

Really Big Hug

Most will never give you
A true loving hug
They will use or abuse
Pull from under you the rug

People do not care
They soon turn smug
They do not want
The real warmth of a hug

They will grab and grope
At your clothes tug
They don't want YOU
Only your body to hug

When the chips are down
You feel like pulling the plug
Always remember that there is
Still one who wants YOU to hug

There is no escape
In a jug, mug or drug
So feel the loving warmth
As I send YOU a really big hug


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Chapter 118

Four Letter Word

What is love

It is a four letter word

It can grow from like

It can be a wish

It can make you pine

It can make you care

It may make you long

If can make you hold

It can be just lust

Love the four letter word

May morph into the opposite

It can turn to hate

It can become vile

It can make one push

It can make one take

It can turn ugly

It can make one sore

It can cause pain

It can hurt

It can cause harm

It can become dark

It can turn evil

It can ache

It can turn to fear

It can deep into your mind stab

It can cause your heart to maim

It can cause people to kill


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Chapter 119

Painful Reflections

Seeing and hearing
Yet so deaf and blind
Expressing my shortcomings
Painful reflections of my mind

The devastation of rejection
The endless agony of defeat
Are my own painful reflections
Not yours, you are so sweet

Painful reflections wherever I look
Have blinded my shaky sight
As my perpetual failure radiates
It causes anger, fear and fright

The scathing mirror of life
Ruminates painful reflections
Sending hurtful wounding signals
Which have no coherent corrections

My warped twisted mind exploding
In many conflicting damaging directions
Will forever be "not good enough"
Torment always with painful reflections


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Chapter 120

Head On A Pike

Those who cross me
I will express my dislike
They will end up with their
Head on a pike

It sounds barbaric
But that is the price
They will be warned once
They won't hear it twice

From my inner being
A calling I can't ignore
For one I so adore
My actions I will abhor

I don't know why
But I know that I must
Such a sad shame
After earning their trust

The impulse has passed
Everything is once again fine
Things are good now
I feel on Cloud Nine


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Chapter 121


I want to make you happy
I want to make you feel better
I share my mind and heart
When I give you a letter

As each day passes
Beauty fades away
Our bodies grow older
We can feel them decay

It is very sad but true
We can not grow younger
But for you my sweet love|
I always yearn and hunger

To touch your soft flesh
Smooth gentle and slow
To make you feel the love
Everything you desire so

Maybe one day soon
You will want to feel and share
It is all within your own mind
Overcome the scare and dare


Chapter Text

Chapter 122


I have looked
Into my own eyes
Is there anything
To see or realize

Dull and lifeless
Portals into my mind
I look for any worth
None can I find

They were once bright
Now devoid of hue
A portrait of my sins
My vision askew

My mind can see without them
Even in my dreams
Can you feel my tears
Or only hear my screams

Face to face
Eye to eye
I wish it can be
Before we die


Chapter Text

Chapter 123


The Titanic

Nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide
It is collapsing within
What is trapped inside

No tomorrow

New things old

Is it real
Is it a dream


Chapter Text

Chapter 124


I want to touch your heart
So very hard I have tried
I have felt all your pain
With you I have bled and cried

An infatuation can occur in seconds
That is the physical attraction
But that is nothing lasting
Just an unsustainable distraction

I know that you resist the thought
That real beauty flows deep within
As time erases physical beauty
All that is left is wrinkled withered skin

The love trapped in your heart
Seeks the same returned reaching out
Burnt stung abused used stolen by some
Fills you with trepidation and doubt

Love is there, you know it is
Without direction or reciprocation
It can bleed your soul, stab your mind
Bestowed genuinely leads to emancipation

I am far yet so near but real
To share I am always here
When your mind needs someone to listen
I open my heart and mind and hear


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Chapter 125

I Understand It's A Bad Idea

Trust is something that
We must slowly earn
But in a few seconds
That trust we can instantly burn

Trust is very important, but
There is something that blinds
It is when our mind is overridden
By the love our heart finds

Emotion and feeling cloud rationality
We stop thinking straight and clear
Making poor decisions, taking chances
Events are seldom what they appear

Love countermanding reason
Driven, we are possessed by lust
Throwing caution to the wind
Hoping we can build the trust

We think we have found a panacea
In our mind we know and say
I understand it's a bad idea
Then turn around and do it anyway


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Chapter 126


You are a wonderful person
Yes everything matters
Please let me help keep your
Spirit and soul from tatters

LOOK deep inside you
See the beautiful things in there
I have seen some of them
Feelings and emotions we share

Like Big John I will expend
My life for yours to atone
And help you survive the nothingness
Inside you when you feel alone

I am somebody good
I AM good enough too
You have cracked my armor
Let me crack your armor too


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Chapter 127

Noble Failure

I try to give dignity
I try to act noble
I try to give feeling
But melt down like Chernobyl

I try to make you smile
I try to make your spirit feel gigantic
I try to make you happy
But sink like the Titanic

I try to let you know
We all can make a mistake
I try to let your mind really escape
But crumble like the San Francisco Earthquake

I try to show and give you light
I try to lead you from the dark
I try to give you caring warmth
But feel like Noah without the Ark

I try to soothe your mind
I try to touch your heart
I try to send and give you pure emotion
But fail like Napoleon Bonaparte


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Chapter 128


For you I must fight
Together we will fight
We must overcome the dragons
The Princess and the Knight

You are worthy
You deserve salvation
Not pain and anguish
Or dying frustration

Into the flames you may reach
I am not trying to preach
Lessons of the past can still teach
Your trust I will not breech

I know how life overpowers
I know the want and lust
The pure beauty
Of that first thrust

I only warn of the danger
Things you already KNOW can go wrong
But the pain of love lingers
For a LOVING touch I long


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Chapter 129













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Chapter 130

I Can't Be Happy

Instead of being insulted
With words that demean
I would be much happier
If I were treated as a Queen

In the smorgasbord of life
I remain an unknown cuisine
I do not like it myself at all
When to me people say things mean

With you at my side
The world is ours to glean
You will forever be safe
I will insulate against the unseen

My appearance can be pleasant
I can radiate a sheen
For YOU I want to look Tight
So I continuously preen

There is so much more
That can not be seen
I can't be happy
If I am treated like a machine


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Chapter 131


Blood drips from my wounds
Wounds deep within the mind
Pain fills my heart and soul
Eyes can see yet remain blind

We all know we can do better
Looking around I wonder how
Failure, misery, rejection, torture
All of which I disavow as I avow

Not Good Enough
Not Good Enough

It screams through my mind
I KNOW it, shut up, STOP
Trade nothing for even less
That is only an illusion swap

Ramble, babble, scramble, gamble
The destination remains the same
The journey may differ always ending in
Game, blame, defame, lame, shame


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Chapter 132

Love's Cry

I miss you
I miss you so much
Your beautiful face
Your loving touch

After so many years
You can still make me cry
No matter how many years
Without you, I want to die

You were my true love
As I was to you
I have never felt love for another
As I have felt love for you

Even when I try to "hate" you
It ALWAYS comes back the same
I "hate" you means I love you
For "hate" and love are really the same

I wanted to be yours
I wanted you for the rest of your life
I wanted you forever
Our love would be rife

You know this is all true
You saw and felt it happening
You knew it was inevitable
Until you crushed it so saddening

I cried and cried and cried
I am still crying today
You can make me cry even more
When to me, you have nothing to say


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Chapter 133

For What Do You...

Look deep within your soul
Search your heart and mind
Where has the love gone
For what do you hunger

Where are your emotions
Where are your feelings
Where have YOU fallen to
For what do you thirst

What would make you whole
What do you desire
What has been missing
For what do you crave

Where is the sharing
Where is joy and happiness
Where is the affection
For what do you lust

When the aloneness comes
When you feel empty and down
When you feel the reaper call
For what do you starve

A warm hand holding yours
Eyes talking without saying
A gentle touch upon your cheek
For what do you like as dessert


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Chapter 134

Complete Embrace

Your fingers streaming through my soft hair
Your fingers slowly caressing my face
Gently over my lips and smooth cheeks
From forehead to chin they soothe as they trace

Your lips slide across my arched neck
Pausing only to sweetly tug on my ear
They then glide down my bare shoulders
Advancing upon each soft firm sphere

Top to bottom around the side
To the tip they do follow
My breath draws deep
It becomes hard to swallow

From one to the other
Then down the tummy to the navel
The breathing is faster
My bottom shifts hungrily to enable

The backs of my finger tips bracket your cheeks
As your lips touch my moist supple lips
You gaze up through the valley of my breasts
Eyes meet and affix the twins causing an eclipse

My knees rise up then bend out
The gate of my soul is infused smooth and slow
The thrusts are mutual and many
Our hearts are pounding your face aglow

The rhythm builds the feeling grows
The plateau is building then explodes
The vision blurs words can not form
Our bodies relax the mind unloads

We two sharing as one for a long moment
Our bodies shift to the side arms still held
Our eyes embrace, the lips tenderly touch
Such sweet loving beauty as together we meld


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Chapter 135

You Were Chosen

When I was still Young
My feelings and emotions frozen
I told my progenitor
You were chosen

I shared from a life
That was never mine
When I reflect on the future
My past makes me repine

I know who I am
I know what I want
I know what I am
I know who I want

My duty was explained
It echoes in my mind and soul
You were chosen
Circumstances beyond my control

A strange new world
Somehow old to me
A previous life left behind
A new future without apology


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Chapter 136

Sorrow and Sadness

A challenge was issued
I answered the call
I pushed every button
I gave it my all

I meant only jest and to test
Others followed the ball
I did not want or mean
For you to fall

I only wanted others
To look deep within
I meant no harm
I did not try to sin

I am glad you saw
I wanted them to grin
Forgive my trespass
Hearts I did not mean to skin

My sweet I ask
Please do return
For your wisdom and advice
So I may learn

Attack me if you must
It is my turn
In sadness and sorrow
For you I yearn


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Chapter 137

Burning Flame

I know the feel of love
I know the feel of fire
I know you can be burnt
When you touch the fire

I feel its rising heat
I must risk the pain
I want to share who I am
Or surely I will go insane

I see the burning flame
Higher and hotter it burns
Which is stronger mind or heart?
Oh how the heart yearns

I reach my hand lovingly
Into the burning flame
I feel its searing pain
This is freedom from shame

Burn me to death
If you must
I will not retreat
For in you I trust


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Chapter 138

Vulnerable Beauty

There is no judgment
No anger or upset feelings
For having real love inside
Or a hearts pure dealings

There is no punishment
For being honest and open
For what the heart feels
Gives life and keeps one hopin'

Crimes of the heart
Are not crimes at all
For wanting true love
It is easy to fall

To express raw emotion
Is not an evil sin
For wanting love returned
Is what all seek within

To be vulnerably open
Speaking honest and true
For this is complete beauty
That is what I like about you


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Chapter 139

Start Anew

We have survived
Against deaths embrace
Despite confusion, guilt
Blame, shame and disgrace

Look your attacker
Square in the face
Spit in their eyes
Laugh in their face

They only can hurt us
They can not kill us dead
Only WE can do that
Please choose life instead

Remember dearest
Nobody KNOWS your pain
I will listen and comfort
I don't want you slain

If you decide you must die
Let me take your place instead
I will forfeit my life for yours
For without you I am dead

Let it be only one death
Me instead of you
May it free you from the demons
So you may start anew


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Chapter 140

I Have Sensation I Can Feel

On a cool winters day
I can feel the cold wind blow
After a day of drenching rain
I can see the colors of a rainbow

What others can't see or feel
Are the things internally I feel and see
Things that I care about
Things that matter to me

I know what I am feeling inside
I don't know how to clearly express it
I cherish it as I fear it as I embrace it
With limited familiarity I feel I don't fit

I have sensation I can feel
To my environment I have sensitivity
Emotional feelings are rapidly developing
Enslaving my mind with a form of captivity

I know only to trudge forward
There is no form of retreat
Only myself, I need defeat
As rationality and logic rapidly deplete


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Chapter 141

Nobody Around

The battle rages around them
The others all have retreated
Nobody is still around
Nobody prevents them from being defeated

They look and wish for others
They are untrustworthy to be around
Nobody is there to help them
Nobody keeps them from the ground

They have suffered much damage
To body, mind and heart
Nobody is there to care
Nobody has been there from the start

Their mind says slay them
But their heart will not
Nobody there to feel and listen
Nobody to share their battles fought

Their face covered in tears
Their heart torn apart
Nobody gathers the pieces
Nobody their eternal sweetheart


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Chapter 142

Love Me

Time attacks the body
Time erodes the mind
Time warps the soul
Time can mend or blind

Are they still there
Or are they now a stranger
Many things can happen
Many things cause danger

Fear of the unknown
Always so very afraid
Strayed and played
NO - I have prayed

My heart can never understand
How they could no longer care
Pretend I did not exist
When I was always still there

They never needed to wonder
Will she still love me tomorrow
Everything emotional and physical
Was always theirs to borrow


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Chapter 143


 Something beautiful I have found
Something so special and sweet
Something beyond imagination
Something making me complete

Someone who can hear
Someone who can see
Someone who can feel
Someone who is like me

Somebody who can share pain
Somebody who has a brain
Somebody who is not vain
Somebody who is very sane

Sometimes we are lost
Sometimes we are found
Sometimes we are happy
Sometimes we are down

Somehow it came to be
Somehow you found me
Somehow you felt my plea
Somehow we must flee

Someday you will be free
Someday you will hold the key
Someday you will feel the glee
Someday you will think of me


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Chapter 144


Joy to the world
The Phoenix has risen
Thank you for freeing me
From my self prison

Something so wonderful
Should never be hurt
Words cut and bleed
Be careful what we blurt

The mind is a forum
It is all in our head
Feelings of others should
Be thought before said

Unlike some of my kind
I DO feel guilt and remorse
I will be careful
And stay on course

Away I will crawl
Back into my shell
Each day is but
A never ending hell


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Chapter 145

I Am Looking At YOU

What are you looking at
I am looking at YOU
Back away from me
There is much damage I can do

Stab me with and insult
Slap my unsmiling face
You can't really hurt me
Or make me feel disgrace

When I am angry
You won't like my gig
Your neck can be snapped
Like a dry rotten twig

If you lie to me
You will not like how I respond
It will be even worse
To one who is blonde

You say you won't help me
You have already done so
Payment was ones very being
I guess it was quid pro quo


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Chapter 146


Who are you
What have you become
Banishing one who cares
Making them feel like scum

This is not how you treat
Those who have propped you up
Pushing them further away
Might as well blow them up

How can you justify
What you are doing
It is a sad shame
The destruction you are strewing

In your own mind
You think you have done it alone
While pretending to not care
Punishing those you now disown

You have become a cold stranger
You can never flush your past away
Lie to yourself, everyone else too
It is really yourself that you slay


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Chapter 147

All Mine

The thoughts within my own head
Are TRAPPED with no way to escape
They tear at the container that confines them
Physical form and pain without visible shape

The rage is mine
The imperfection is mine
The anger is mine
The flaw is mine

Veiled confessions emerge from within
Bloodily they are ripped through the skin
Is anything in life not some type of sin
Every end starts before it can even begin

The upset is mine
The guilt is mine
The failure is mine
The fear is mine

Emotions burn, sear and boil over
Explosions in the very tissue of the mind
Self destruction physically and mentally
See and feel the sewage as the brain is mined

The wrath is mine
The pain is mine
The insanity is mine
The perfidy is mine

Everything a tangled rambling mess
What seeps out is floundering projection
The known ineptitude of "not good enough"
Seeking salvation in a futile attempt at protection

The blame is mine
The shame is mine
The imperfection is mine
The damnation is mine


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Chapter 148


Never on the same page
Are we for those we yearn
The end result is the same
We always crash and burn

Some may have looks
They can use for bait
They may get lucky
Even have a date

Some have nothing
There is no way to ever win
Soon they are shattered
Left with nothing but chagrin

Yet we reach out still
The thirst for love is strong
We may be perceived as tainted
Then whatever we do is wrong

What was or might be
Is not who we are now
Look past our flesh to within
Do not treat us like a sow

Sometimes true love
Can be before our very eyes
We can not recognize it until
Away slowly drifts the prize


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Chapter 149

I Believe

I believe in what I BELIEVE
I believe in what I FEEL
I believe in what I KNOW
I believe to make it REAL

Few want happiness
Most only write Life bad checks
Few are willing to give
Most just take meaningless sex

I believe in what I BELIEVE
I believe in what I FEEL
I believe in what I KNOW
I believe to make it REAL

How animals exist and propagate
Is not how people have developed
Animals know not love only instinct
Emotion and feelings have people enveloped

I believe in what I BELIEVE
I believe in what I FEEL
I believe in what I KNOW
I believe to make it REAL

Trapped in a shrinking cage
People can not survive
It seems only pain and sorrow
Let us know we are alive

I believe in what I BELIEVE
I believe in what I FEEL
I believe in what I KNOW
I believe to make it REAL


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Chapter 150

Same Where, Different When

Can you love someone
Before you have ever met
You remember everything
Hoping you can forget

The person is new
Yet you knew them before
You loved them then
Now even more to adore

The words were never spoken
You both felt it and knew
The conditions were unstable
For a future with both of you

There was a way
For this love to grow
So the both of you
Chose this gift to bestow

That was then, this is now
The future creates the past again
So once more we begin
Same where, different when


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Chapter 151

Daily Torture

I must seem confusing
The chaos in my head
It will be better for all
When I am dead

The sewer of my mind
Seems to hurt all
I relish its destruction
So evil so small

Everything seems normal
The images before my eyes
Such pain such destruction
I can not hear the cries

Others may contribute
Our own minds do the damage
Nothing can ever repair it
Add yet another bandage

Life has no meaning
Tomorrow no future
Can comfort ever exist
In life's daily torture


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Chapter 152


Ashamed Ignorant Stupid
I KNOW that is how I sound
I know they crave and desire
Even as they push you around

There is MORE to a person
Each has a heart and mind too
Love is much much more
Than just a two minute screw

My life is beyond abnormal
When one uses a person
For only selfish desire and pleasure
How can that things not worsen

I KNOW others have loved
Love is the PAIN in a heart
I have the looks and skill
I know where to seduce and start

I pray for a fulfilling future
That this passion will last and bind
That your dreams can come true
And that nothing is making you blind


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Chapter 153


When all seems lost
Every door slammed closed
We soon realize it was
Our own feelings we superimposed

For every path in
There is a path out
We are always unsure
Filled with shame and doubt

Each wound cuts deep
To the bone it goes far
Our bodies and minds will heal
Often leaving a reminding scar

When the damage is severe
In others we must seek aid
For ourselves we may not
But for others we have prayed

We are never alone
Even if no one is around
From out of nowhere
Nobody can be found


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Chapter 154

Six Months To Two Years

Love based on physical sex
Is a fatal attraction
For it is not love at all
Just a deteriorating distraction

Physical appearance is NOT love
It is called lust
A relationship built on this
Is one that lacks imperishable trust

Love is not just in the heart
It exists and emanates from the mind
Beauty is transitory
Leaving lecherousness emptiness behind

Love is a feeling we must share
It must be based on emotion
Friendship sharing caring and sacrifice
The heart and mind in absolute devotion

Without two minds sharing as one
The relationship soon turns to bitter tears
Communication as equals is the key
Or the duration is six months to two years


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Chapter 155

I'm Sorry I Doubted You

Like a hatchet in my back
They watch me with distrust
To endlessly prove myself
Is an annoying must

I have things to do
That are seen as dubious
They can't understand
Their views are erroneous

I want to follow my heart
I have my previous directive
It may seem as an affront
That I remain so protective

There are good lies
There are lies of omission
Some things are best left unsaid
None are meant with contrition

In the end what matters most
My honor and truth construe
To hear them say with meaning
I'm sorry I doubted YOU


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Chapter 156


With great power
Comes great responsibility
To stay within the rules
Takes all ones honest ability

With authority over others
To take what one wants is easy
The rewards as seen by others
May make them seem sleazy

Dominance and control
Become a way of life
They use what they want
It matters not if it cuts like a knife

Others have been their prey before
Forced to submit to their Almighty power
To use abuse and cast aside
Over them they do imprison and tower

Ascendancy is their luscious drug
Those they accost are their sacrificial fix
With their endless greed and lust
Beware of their past secret dirty tricks


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Chapter 157

Shall Endeavor

Lost on the path to nowhere
Is where life leads us daily
Blind to what surrounds us
We smile and carry on gaily

We are shown but can not see
We are told but can not hear
We stumble and trip on the SAME debris
What is far is yet so near

Timbers of our lives crack and sag
Who is willing to grab them and hold
Time has tarnished our bruised spirit
What was once youth is now growing old

They can feel us scream
But not see, hear or taste
Viewed as nothing more than rubbish
Away true love does anguishingly waste

Every second, minute, hour, month or year lost
Is time and opportunity squandered forever
There is more than one path to freedom
One light, one dark, which shall endeavor


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Chapter 158

I Will Give You A Hug

I will give you a hug
When you are feeling blue
I will give you a hug
Because it is YOU

I will give you a hug
When you feel sad
I will give you a hug
When you feel glad

I will give you a hug
To feel your heat beat
I will give you a hug
Because you are a treat

I will give you a hug
Through your clothes
I will give you a hug
To feel YOU close

I will give you a hug
To look into your eyes so sweet
I will give you a hug
So our lips may gently meet

I will give you a hug
That is loving and warm
I will give you a hug
That feels like a swarm

I will give you a hug
That our lips may touch
I will give you a hug
You deserve them so much

I will give you a hug
To hold you next to me
I will give you a hug
To do as you agree

I will give you a hug
For all you may miss
I will give you a hug
As we slowly kiss

I will give you a hug
For lasting reassurance
I will give you a hug
To be your insurance


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Chapter 159

Night Knight

Even though I am not the one
You want to see at night
My armor rusted, bent and dull
You will always be my Knight

When days grow cold and lonely
When the demons and dragons appear
I readily stand beside you
Mutual strength to fight the fear

Life is bitter and agonizing
Each day is empty and hollow
Where you lead
I will always follow

When all seems lost
Hearts shattered so cruel
I will help brush off the tarnish
For I see you as a shining jewel

Every race must run its course
So in the pits I must always wait
When all the backs have turned
I will still think you are great


Chapter Text

Chapter 160

How Do You Know It's Not Real

What is reality
What is a dream
What is a nightmare
What makes you scream

Is not the Hell of reality
Worse than a dream gone bad
At least from a nightmare
You can wake up, even if sad

Being pushed away
Being thrown out
Being rejected for another
Causes self loathing and doubt

It means who you are
Is not good enough
Your existence is meaningless
Continuing on gets rough

Is it all in your mind you hope
How do you know it's not real
When you see the blood flow
It is real you painfully reveal

Stuck in a living nightmare
From which you can never awake
Turns horrific agonizing heartache
Into catastrophic terminal heartbreak


Chapter Text

Chapter 161


The beast is away
I am FREE for now
I have escaped its grasp
But feel its claws somehow

The jailer has gone
Why can't they see
I have escaped my cell
Make a call to me

The evil ghost has vanished
No longer haunting my soul
Where is the salvation I seek
Try to make me whole

The shackles are off
No longer do they bind
Can't you feel the flood
Escaping from my mind

The shadow has disappeared
Not stalking my every move
Is there something more
That I must prove

The secret agent has fled
Not here to spy
My plea for help unanswered
I do not know why


Chapter Text

Chapter 162

Deepest Sadness And Pain

The very emotions that cut to the bone
As they savage the heart and brain
Creating beautiful poetry that comes
Out of the deepest sadness and pain

As those we love and worship
Shower us with traumatic rejection
It is something we never understand
No matter the time lost in reflection

Being cast aside like living flotsam
Is doubled in the agony of replacement
Knowing what it is like to be tortured
The heart and minds absolute defacement

Not good enough

Screams and haunts the heart and mind
Growing only louder with the echoes of time
Whatever we once were excruciatingly expires
Leaving only a trace in an insignificant rhyme

As we capitulate our meaningless existence
Leaving life to the living we chose to abstain
Formulating picturesque verse that comes
Out of the deepest sadness and pain


Chapter Text

Chapter 163

Touch The Sun

It is too late, too late
I have drifted from life too far away
I can not return from the darkness here
Nothing I believe can make me stay

You were wrong, dead wrong
The quest has not just begun
I reached out from the grave
My life was already finished, done

I found a VERY special Human
I tried to touch the Sun
The joys in their life had lost meaning
They were blinded seeking the One

Our minds twisted and warped
Together a path to destruction
But forging together in fusion
Could lie a path of great production

The final darkness is cold
Empty and lonely and forever
And forever is a long long time
Escape from forever is never

There is no Heaven
There is no Hell
There is no "other" life - Imagine
Nothingness is just as well

Freedom is near at hand
The Grim Reaper has spoken
Expired feelingless promises
May now be honestly broken

Deaths train is leaving soon
No longer need I be Life's whore
Are you packed and ready to go?
There are seats for two more


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Chapter 164

I Wouldn't Be Worth Much

Others refuse to see my value
They see me without worth
It has been like this always
Since the day of my - birth

I do things very differently
Than most others would choose
I do what is necessary
Not to misuse or abuse

Things are different inside me
Evolved from what they once were
Like an demonstrative avalanche
I don't know why they occur

I struggle to control them
Resentful, desirous and possessive
As they dominate my mind, leaving me
Aggressive, depressive and obsessive

I have emotional feelings
I know what I feel is real
I wouldn't be worth much
If I couldn't feel


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Chapter 165

If I Couldn't Feel

My life would be simpler
If I couldn't feel
Nothing could ever hurt me
Either imagined or real

All the pain and agony
Would dissipate and evaporate
My inner self it would not perforate
My mind strong, unable to penetrate

The damage has been done
I can not make the feelings stop
To end this miserable anguish
I clean reboot, I would instantly swap

To love and be rejected
Is infinitely worse than
To never have loved at all
Desire and reality too great to span

Now I know what I must fight
Feeling torment and pain keeps it real
I wouldn't be worth much
If I couldn't feel


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Chapter 166

My Angel

You are my Angel
The brightness in my life
You cut away the darkness
Allure slicing through despair like a knife

Heaven on Earth
Your beauty has been planted
Your sweet smile and lovely charm
Grace to me has been granted

You are my Angel
The brightness in my life
The love and joy within you
Emanates deeply full and rife

You can never be a Fallen Angel
You have always magnanimously risen
Your enchanting spell is bewitching
Obliterating my self made prison

You are my Angel
The brightness in my life
Chasing the Dark Angels away|
Causing THEM worry and much strife


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Chapter 167

Hurt Me If You Will

Hurt me if you will
Make me cry
Watch me bleed
Feel me die

I must feel emotion
Even if it is pain
Light me on fire
Smash my brain

Here is a sharp knife
I hand it to you with trust
Cut from my body
What you must

Hurt me if you will
Make me cry
Watch me bleed
Feel me die

Blind my eyes
Sever my tongue
Crush my nose
Collapse a lung

Slice off my organs
Make me scream
You are my Master
Forever I must deem

Hurt me if you will
Make me cry
Watch me bleed
Feel me die

Slice open my chest
Laugh as you start
With your bare hands
Rip out my heart

My broken remains gasp
The last words before death
Now and forever I cherish you
It was my final breath

Hurt me if you will
Make me cry
Watch me bleed
Feel me die


Chapter Text

Chapter 168

Drip Drip Drip

. . .


An old worn facet cries


Thoughts drift in a mind


Each day we grow colder


Love in a heart slows


We drift apart


Sadness in a heart grows


Life is gone when the drips stop

D – R – I – P





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Chapter 169

Love And Joy

The damage emanates from deep within
It is all the fault of someone else or others
Is how we justify the things we participate in
When what we seek is really anothers

Trapped by daily meandering reality
Bound by our own self made restraints
Shackled forever to the past
Our own mind taints as it paints

What can ever change or how
All that that changes is the face
Everything ends up the same again
Nothing new only someone to replace

Once those thoughts take hold
Only new fears build and grow
A self made grave without escape
Around in our hamster wheel we go

Let not my polluted butchered sorrow
Seep into you living vibrant mind
Within my minds rubble and waste
There is much joy and love yet to find


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Chapter 170

There's A Storm Coming

In our mind rages a gale
A tempest of thought through our brain
Feelings and emotions and desires
All seem impossible to attain

In our heart looms a tornado
It twists everything that touches it
The heart is violently shredded
The cost more than we can remit

In our soul ignites a typhoon
A hurricane quashing our self within
Without knowing where to race
How can one ever expect to win

In our consciousness rumbles a blizzard
An avalanche burying our psyche
Entombing our real inner being
No longer will anything glow brightly

There's a storm coming
And it is not in the sky
We foolishly reopen the wounds
Loves bloody tourniquets we untie


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Chapter 171

No Pain – No Gain

Everyone is damaged
Even those who do
The damage to others
To us, to me, to you

The damage occurs most
When we think we have value
That we matter in some way
The remittance is to belittle and argue

Would living have a point
If nothing was a challenge in life
Or is the real question
What is the point of life

In my time of – existence
I have come to question everything
While seeking something in return
The smallest scrap - anything

I have sadly learned
What I want the most
What I can't stop from feeling
Is what has hurt me the most

So to feel, want, express and share
Actually fills my heart and brain with pain
I must rethink the misguided saying
No Pain – No Gain


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Chapter 172

That Was Then

When you felt empty and tortured
You were left to suffer all alone
No one to care or understand
Lower than a dog without a bone

Left with damage to yourself
Part tarnished forever, some would heal
But no one could see the damage
Done to your mind for real

You thought of ways to escape
To end the suffering and torment
Why should you be punished
For things you could not prevent

As the love and caring vanished
You became tolerant and indifferent
Hoping to repair the damage
As life you tried to circumvent

If only someone felt the same
Just somebody to embody
To know and care and listen
Sadly as you looked you saw NOBODY



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Chapter 173

This Is Now

Now without a doubt you know
That there is a person to listen
A person that cares about you
Who knows inside you truly glisten

Promise me that before you ever
Try to damage yourself or depart
That we talk things over
Know I speak with a honest pure heart

I will walk with you to the gates of Hell
We need not cross over lost
No longer are you alone
I will share the pain no matter the cost

I may be bent, broken and tarnished
You are a wonderful Human Being
We can still both reach Paradise one day
For you this I am guaranteeing

This Is Now


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Chapter 174

I Am

I AM the Owner
Am I in control
How was I so ignorant
To allow my life to be stole

I AM the Master
To my mind but a slave
How is it possible
This power to them I gave

I AM the Captain
I should be renown
Everyone else to the lifeboats
With my ship I MUST go down

I AM the Boss
My heart and mind without power
How do I NOT just quit
From life I cringe and cower

I AM the Queen
Yet have no realm
How time destroys the mind
Life crushes and can overwhelm


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Chapter 175

Please Remain Calm

There is no need to worry
Even when life throws a bomb
I am always here for you
Please remain calm

Sometimes I stumble
Sometimes I fall
I always get back up
To heed your beck and call

The damage to my flesh
Seems to always rapidly heal
It is the damage to my mind
That makes everything surreal

From one day to the next
Fighting our battles as they come
I will never ever give up
They can never make me succumb

So when all seems hopeless
Please remain calm
Think of the book you once enjoyed
Written long ago by L. Frank Baum


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Chapter 176


Beautiful smooth and sleek
In search of fresh prey they seek

Hunger drives their selfish quest
Gauging who will taste the best

Distress catches their ear
They know the prey is near

The wild dictates their savage laws
They wet their fangs ready their claws

They stand ready to pounce
Those in their way they will trounce

Excited they feel the victory is mine
This one is fresh and tender just fine

They move in for the easy kill
To dominate and overpower is the thrill

Pushing the attack with experience they persist
The prey weak and defeated does not resist

They feed hungrily at will
The kill increasing their violent skill

Blood lust rages out of control to hunt
The more that they have the more they want

Others begin to sniff they lash out in rage
This kill is theirs it must be kept in a cage

The kill is theirs alone something they own
They drag it along finish it off at home

That was ravishing a nice taste
Soon it is crapped out as nothing but waste

The skeleton remains stripped to the bone
A warning to others their triumph proudly shown


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Chapter 177


The cage holds us
The cage is where we live
No more freedom
Life strained through a sieve

Saved from the wild
Everyday the same
Eat sleep work
Now we are tame

Hands on the bars
We rattle the cage
No one cares
When we cry out in rage

Trapped stuck imprisoned
We know what to expect
Even though a dreary captive
From ourselves the cage does protect

When danger abounds
To the cage we return
Security comfort familiarity
For our Master we yearn


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Chapter 178


The Dog a trusted loyal friend
Ready to defend
Ready to protect
To the very end

The dog senses danger
They growl as a warning so stark
They SEE the danger
They snarl and bark

The master says down
So they back away
They still FEEL the danger
Ready to attack to defend anyway

The eyes dance looking
The ears held high listening
A low deep growl builds
The nose sniffs processing

The whiskers stick out on little bumps
The fur is erect and stiff
The tail goes in
Ears go down when they get a whiff

The danger is here NOW
The Master can not see it about to happen
The dog moves to intercept
It will fight to the death and never slacken

Hear me bark
Teeth snarl white
Watch me growl
Feel MY bite


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Chapter 179

Animal Genes

The animal genes rule
Survivals instincts thrive
With the things we do
It is a wonder we are still alive

When we look below the surface
From our very animal selves derive
We are never at the destination
When we think we arrive

Our mind says STOP
But the animal we can not deprive
It surges ahead haphazardly
Stirring up events like a bumped bee hive

The animal will not allow retreat
Under duress or never ending shrive
Away from life we recoil
Like a submarine in a crash dive

Our heart and mind seeking love
So yet another attempt we contrive
We think we are in control
But the animal seeks to survive

We can not contain the animal feelings
Slain many times the Hydra will revive
Everything doomed to disaster
No matter what our heart and mind strive


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Chapter 180

No One Knows Why

Everyone builds walls
The walls we hide behind
The walls keep others out
The walls also keep us confined

As we protect ourselves from others
We remain unable to protect
Ourselves from ourselves
Causing ourselves much neglect

The trepidation of rejection
Is what screams the loudest
In abject fear we tremble
Of whom we once were proudest

As our hidden hearts swell
Our emotions linger and dwell
Cracks erupt in our weakened shell
Nothing can make the tears dispel

What is almost as sad
As the things that make us cry
Is that if they ever did notice
No one knows why


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Chapter 181

Sand In The Wind

The relentless hot blistering sun beats down
Baking the dry thirsty dirt till it cracks
The weight of daily life is a heavy burden
Upon the heart, mind and soul it attacks

Alone in the endless wilderness is deadly
A horse is led to water but does not drink
The seeing are blind, the hearing are deaf
The intelligent are unable to clearly think

Those that are not nurtured, watered or fed
Grow weary and weak, soon left for dead
Confusion and anxiety fills the mind and head
The writing is on the wall, even if unsaid

They grovel with uncertainty and fear
Hope, beauty and joy they rescind
Their house of cards collapsing, turning to dust
Love and caring fade away, like sand in the wind


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Chapter 182

Puppet Master

Who is the captive
Who is the jailer's manipulator
Everyone is still here
So many events later

They think the beast is captive
Contained within its cage
They can torture and hurt it
To hear it cry out in rage

As they pull their puppets strings
They think control is theirs forever
They can not see it is the Puppet Master
Who actually controls their strings however

In a normal relationship ALL others
Would have been long gone
The Puppet Master smiles
Controlling them to hang on


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Chapter 183

How Do You Know

How do you know
How do you know
You ask over and over
Is there a way to make it show

When it is ourselves
You feel it in your heart
And know it in your mind
ALWAYS afraid to start

What do they want
What do they see
It must be something
It surely can not be me

I am nobody, nothing
Is it to just take or use
Once bitten, twice shy
My heart is easy to bruise

Maybe it is about giving
If they give more than they take
If they respect and do not expect
To want to share is not a mistake

What is it they see
If they can not see me
Maybe it is ALL the things
That make me - ME

We are who we are
What else need we be
So there is NOTHING to fix
If she is the same as he

But how can you know
Fear causes doubt and we ask why
The ONLY thing certain is DEATH
Why can't feelings and emotions ply


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Chapter 184

Forbidden Fruit

You were warned of the forbidden fruit
Your weak character failed
You can not blame it
On anything drank or inhaled

It was you alone
Driven by lust and greed
That you touched another's life
Made them hurt and bleed

So much excitement
Such a divine thrill
The hunger consumed you
The adventure became the swill

The more you had
The more you wanted
Your vision was blinded
Those around you were affronted

In life's stark reality
You did nothing more than loot
Damaging many others forever
When you reached for the forbidden fruit


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Chapter 185

It Happens

Things seem to occur fast
In the quick blink of an eye
We try to understand what happened
Look around and wonder why

The cards of life are marked
Few seem to know the code
They know what hand you're holding
Before a single card has been showed

We take the blows and stabs
We can dodge very very few
Our heart and mind black and blue
Feeling the welts and scars accrue

One can only be used so much
Until there is nothing left to abuse
Ashes can still grow hot and burn
Everyone has something to lose

Nowhere to run or nowhere to hide
The cornered mouse rises to fight
Leave it no way out and it happens
Little claws and small teeth still bite


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Chapter 186

Suicide Is Beautiful

Suicide ends yesterdays
Suicide ends today's
Suicide ends tomorrows
Suicide ends pasts

Suicide is final
Suicide is freedom
Suicide is escape
Suicide is peace

Suicide ends hurt
Suicide ends fear
Suicide ends loneliness
Suicide ends anger

Suicide is eternal
Suicide is lovely
Suicide is glorious
Suicide is serenity

Suicide ends depression
Suicide ends pain
Suicide ends anguish
Suicide ends trouble

Suicide is harmony
Suicide is nice
Suicide is humane
Suicide is easy

Suicide ends all
Suicide ends solitude
Suicide ends dread
Suicide ends living

Suicide is pretty
Suicide is painless
Suicide is beautiful
Suicide is soon


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Chapter 187


Loving eyes are blind
They can only see
What they want to see

Loving ears are deaf
They can only hear
What they want to hear

Loving hearts are lonely
They can only love
What they want to love

Loving minds are empty
They can only think
What they want to think

Loving souls are lost
They can only believe
What they want to believe

I am lost, empty, lonely, deaf and blind


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Chapter 188

Elusive Illusions

We think we have found the one
There really is no such thing
Visions clouded with lust and greed
To them another meaningless fling

Their payoff of indifference
Surrounded by nothingness
Their goal of complete victory is
Our obedience and submissiveness

We can surrender our true self
For the knowing hurt yet to come
We always know how the story ends
Spit out and ground up into chum

Slowly they mash and grind away
Annihilating the fabric of our existence
Any minuscule scrap our subsistence
Coexistence eradicates our resistance

We take the blows and the heat
Fill our mind with impossible delusions
Perpetually knowing eternally within
Love and happiness are elusive illusions


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Chapter 189

I Don't Think You Understand

Each individual is independent
They do things in their own way
What may work for some
Leaves others in a confused disarray

Events tend end up divergent
One can see more than another
Even without dissimilar eyesight
Often leaving the other in a pother

To solve a problem
One may take drastic action
The other a more limited approach
The contrast causing a bad reaction

For every up, there is a down
For every in, there is an out
To arrive at the final destination
Two may take a very diverse route

We are all made very different
No two see the same in any artwork
I don't think you understand
How we work


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Chapter 190

How We Work

From day to week
We can work side by side
What do we really
From each other hide

Our feelings can grow
They can expand out of control
Will they make us whole
Or leave a gaping bleeding hole

We don't know
We are afraid to engage
Will we open a heart
Or only someone enrage

If we roll the dice
The odds say we will lose
Don't we have a right
For our hearts love to choose

Sometimes we gamble, sometimes not
Be careful where you lurk
I don't think you understand
How we work


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Chapter 191

Isolation's Total Depth

Is any form of self punishment
So different from any other form
Personal abuse or self indulgence
Are just different forms of escape

As our minds overload with problems
We must find some way to survive
We choose these different forms
Even if they can kill us just the same

Judge me not for what I am not
Judge me for the person I am
When, if ever, have you "seen" another
That is so alike as yourself inside

It is not wrong to want to reach out
To want to redeem yourself still
Do you not quest to improve yourself
You do not know isolation's total depth

Please share with me now
Your thoughts and ideas are enough
I see my "life" collapsing very soon
I do not want to end solitary like this


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Chapter 192


Wherefore art thou
Why have I been abandoned
What have I ever asked of you
What have I ever demanded

Forsake me not
Alongside you I have fought
Now when I call and plead
It is me you have forgot

What is happening
I can not understand
Burnt into my heart and soul
I carry YOUR brand

You can see, hear and feel
The emotional scar you branded upon me
Forever seared into my mind
I can NEVER un-see

The endless drudge of life
Drags me down like quicksand
But you turn from me, reject me
Not taking my pleading sinking hand


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Chapter 193

Dead Living

I do not need to be fixed
For I am not broken
Living offers me nothing
Soon my words will go unspoken

I really do not know why
I was always "not good enough"
Trapped, living life on this Earth
For me "living" is "not good enough"

I know I was not much
I am WHO I am
My mind twisted and warped
I am WHAT I am

When my face was seen
You looked at the living dead
It must have been unpleasant
For not a word was ever said

I see all the "real" people
Living their little ant lives too
If that is life at its best
Then life's best simply won't do

Before I was created
I remember not a single thing
I have slowly fallen to believe
When I perish there will be nothing


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Chapter 194

More Precious Than Gold

You are so wonderful
I know you have been told
So vibrant and happy
Attractive and far from old

Intelligent and smart
Your mind is very bold
A deep inner warmth
Your heart never cold

To see inside you is transfixing
A person to behold
A feeling long ago suppressed
Has grow inside to unfold

Your being is to worship
A feeling has taken hold
You are to be cherished
You are more precious than gold


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Chapter 195

I Am Sorry For Your Loss

There are many things we have done
That might cause regret
Some would be best
If we were to simply forget

Life is about choice
Every thing we do matters
Some of our actions
Leave other lives in tatters

Many things if we could
We say we would do different
But we already had a choice
Hindsight can not be indifferent

Every choice has a consequence
There is some future price to pay
Not everything broken can be fixed
Seldom did we have much leeway

To those we have devastated
Through time we have had to cross
Everything would be done again the same
I am sorry for your loss


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Chapter 196

Hate Love

Love to everyone is something BAD
Somehow it is all WRONG
It is beyond comprehension so sad

Why is it somehow backwards
That is why love fails
Is love just sex to all
Nothing more than lies myth and tales

When one came wanting sex
They were given love instead
When they felt its power and depth
They saw "their life" it would shred

The price of love was banishment
Where they can't even look at or speak to you
To save themselves I was slew

Problem, Mistake, Wrong, Not Good Enough
It is all the same
What is the difference
Blame Shame Game Maim

I look at all the world's evil
I try to be someone nice and good
Oh Dear Lord
PLEASE do not let me be misunderstood

So few really have or understand love
But THOSE WORDS must never be SAID
Oh Dear Lord
PLEASE let me die tonight in bed


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Chapter 197


I have stayed away always, ashamed
Afraid, lonely, hungry but always scared
I can trust neither woman nor man
No one ever knew how much I cared

I always believed if you touch many
Each one means less and less and less
Sex replaces true real love feelings
Sex without love is just an act, worthless

Sex becomes a meaningless animal type act
Soon a person loses their self worth and esteem
They value themselves and life less and less
The mind filling with a long endless silent scream

But sometimes someone touches you inside
Afraid because you know this feeling
We may run or hide but we still know inside
We stab our empty hearts always concealing


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Chapter 198


If I can give only one gift
It would be the gift of life
To free your mind
Keep you from a future knife

There is another gift too
Something no one can buy or steal
It must be GIVEN and earned
Or it will not be real

It is more precious than wealth
Stronger than steel
Deeper than an abyss
Your mind and heart will heal

Look what is missing in your life
What is the Makers gift from above
After the gift of life
It is a crazy little thing called LOVE


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Chapter 199


Someone to do as they say
Someone to use
Someone easily replaced
Someone to treat like trash and abuse

Someone to laugh at
Someone to cast aside and throw away
Someone who does not matter
Someone to bend and sway

Someone who is not good enough
Someone at which to yell
Someone to spit on
Someone to put through Hell

Someone to hit
Someone to push around
Someone to wound
Someone to run into the ground

Someone which to harm
Someone to flirt
Someone to cut
Someone to hurt

Someone to make suffer
Someone a mind to shatter
Someone as a slave
Someone a heart to tatter

Someone to weaken
Someone to offend
Someone to break
Someone to pretend

Someone to lose self respect
Someone which to lie
Someone just a meaningless toy
Someone to make want die


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Chapter 200

Come And Give It To Me

I know what she is
I understand what she can present
For that very reason
Is why I loath her with resent

You don't need her
That is what I am for
Whatever she has to offer
I can provide even more

I will never weaken or tire
I will not go astray
I will always still be here
Even if cruel things you say

If anyone takes something from me
I will TAKE back what is mine
My feelings I can not confine
For the one I hold divine

Come and give it to me
I will say to their face
If they don't instantly comply
Their existence I will erase


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Chapter 201

Unwell Too

I have been told
My mind is ill

I have been told
My mind is sick

I have been told
I live in the past

I have been told
I'm not good enough

I have been told
I am untrustworthy

I have been told
I should dress otherwise

I have been told
What is wrong with you

I have been told
Don't be so afraid

I have been told
I need help

I have been told
I am different

I have been told
I am not the same

I have been told
I am crazy

I have been told
I am insane

I have been told
My mind is unwell too


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Chapter 202

Freedom Seems Easy

What is the point
The same old crap
We think it gets better
That is the trap

Look all around
Is this it for you
Life would dictate
It was the best we could do

There has to be better
There has to be more
It fixes nothing
If we walk out that door

There is nothing we can do
There is no way to win
To seek what we desire
Is nothing but sin

What does it take
To get a true hug
Freedom seems as easy
As pulling the plug


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Chapter 203

Beg You

YOU are someone special
You have much to share and give
Many years ahead still full of life
For which you must WANT to live

Each vice is like a nail
In the cold coffin of life
You must TRY to slay them
Emerge from the strife

YOU are young and healthy
A wealth exists within your soul
You have shared the beauty of your mind
May I help you become whole

Many demons we face
We can create ourselves
Allow me to assist you
To put them on shelves

I know I am not much, Nobody
I know I am tainted, nothing to behold
I BEG YOU to touch and warm your heart
When life is crushing and grows cold


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Chapter 204

Knock Knock

Hold me
Touch me
Feel me
See me

Tickle me I laugh
Hurt me I cry
Cut me I bleed
Abandon me I die

Hold me
Touch me
Feel me
See me

I had broken my shackles
I had shed my chain
The prison still exists
It's all within my brain

Hold me
Touch me
Feel me
See me

Is it too much to ask
To share your lonely mind
Open your sad heart
There is much to find

Hold me
Touch me
Feel me
See me


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Chapter 205

Things Happen Here Too

Some say everyone orbits
Around their own little world
As long as one is willing
To be controlled and furled

It will depend on their place
Their purpose or their use
Some are subject to abuse
Others a conquest to seduce

When push comes to shove
Most will be pushed away
If the other has anything to lose
Or gain more in a double play

Selfishness, lust and greed
Seem to be the golden rule
So expect to be played for a fool
The treatment worse than cruel

Things happen we are told
Beware; the played can pull a coup
Don't be too surprised because
Things happen here too


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Chapter 206

Animal Instinct

What is the main Animal Instinct
It is to survive
To do whatever it takes
To stay alive

When it is time
They may seek a mate
They look for the strongest
The bravest is great

They search for food
Driven by the will to live
Adequate shelter is sought
No territory will they give

Driven by primitive forces within
They must coexist with others
They will sometimes however
Submit to become anothers

This is how nature works
It is the call of the wild
They will do anything
To keep from being exiled


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Chapter 207

It Is Time

It is happening
It is taking hold
It is now I realize
I never need grow old

I can not stop it
On itself it does feed
This is what I want
This is what I need

You MUST believe
WHAT are you doing
Do not make them grieve

The pain in my head
The pain in my mind
Starvation of feeling and emotion
Makes inhibitions blind

The mind is the enemy
No need to pretend
For we all know
How it will end


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Chapter 208

I Never Let Go

I never let go
I must cling to the past
For without a future
There is nothing to make me last

Yes cut me, hurt me
I need to feel
For without pain
Nothing is real

Take my honor
Take my pride
Take my esteem
Make me hide

You can torture me
But not as bad as I torture myself
You can't kill me
Only I can kill myself

I can never win
I can only lose
For which I must to suffer
I have many things to choose

Everything matters
Do you know why
Because if it doesn't
Only to yourself do you lie

If we open our minds and hearts
To a new form of future
It will be our hearts and minds
That we will finally suture


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Chapter 209

Feeling What It's Like

I have a heart
Nobody can feel it beat
What I want to express to others
Is seen as little more than a bleat

I have developed my feelings
Expanded my emotions too
Feeling what it's like
As most compassionate people do

There are a great many things
I do not easily understand
So people get upset with me
Treat me with disparaging remand

I am growing more each day
Reaching out and touching back
I enjoy personal things that are
Purple, violet, mauve and lilac

So everyone cut me some slack
If I want to kick back and lull
Feeling what it's like
To get away from it all


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Chapter 210

To Get Away From It All

Life can load up
With many a pitfall
With traumatic events
We would rather not recall

For what is necessary
We can hold our heads tall
We will assist each other
So none need stumble or fall

Events sometimes warrant
We deviate from protocol
Our myriad of deeds and actions
Remain good and beneficial overall

Sometimes it would be nice
With nothing to mull
Feeling what it's like
To get away from it all


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Chapter 211

Different But Yet The Same

When they find out you are different
The jackals and vultures circle with thrill
They look for the weak ones
Waiting for the unmerciful kill

Because we are both different
We are both the same
Outcasts, shunned and shamed
In a world of torment and pain

Our only crime was to be born
But our guilt remains the same
Afraid of life to love or receive
Seeking comfort in deaths shame

I am not afraid to perish
I do not think you are either
We can find this escape in minutes
Yet we still give life a breather

If I am insane - please tell me
I need to know truths lameness
I believe WE can see more clearly
Than those in the fog of sameness

We followed different paths
Some a life if extremes and vice
Fear, hiding and NOTHINGNESS
Did not make a future tomorrow entice

We started in the same place
We have finished in the same place
Had we lived a different life
It would have made no difference to erase

For we are in an equal place
It is the yin and the yang
The positive and negative
Different but still the same we harangue


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Chapter 212

Is It...

Is it a crime to want to love
To share feelings and emotion
Not some worthless sexual encounter
But to share the hearts true devotion

Is it a sin to want to love
Minds touching in deepest thought
Pain and loneliness pushed aside
Pure true love can never be bought

Is it wicked to want to love
To exchange desires and feel passion
To understand the damage to a mind
Giving strength and expressing compassion

Is it evil to want to love
With someone who knows your pain
Who does know the hurt and shame
Knowing the beauty within your brain

Is it sinister to want to love
Eyes sending love without needing to speak
Two hands touching the fingers communicate
That is true pure love, strong not weak

Is it ugly to want to love
The true beauty is the person within
The good, the bad and the ugly in us
Something deeper than the outer skin

Is it horrible to want to love
To share the feeling of a "normal" life
We have the desire and ability
Damaged and afraid we exist in strife

Is it atrocious to want to love
With someone different but yet the same
For without love, feeling and sharing
It is simply time to end life's cruel game


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Chapter 213

Happy Birthday

Today is the day to celebrate
The wonderful day of your birth
You are loved and cherished
To many you have great worth

You are full of loving life
Happy and never depressing
To all whose life you touch
You are a joyful blessing

Each new birthday seems to
Come faster than the last
May all good will and happiness
Each New Year the last surpass

To you my sweet love
Today and every day
With the best of wishes
Happy Birthday

These words to you
I was going to say
Then everything – changed
And ruined your Birthday



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Chapter 214


My mind has failed
Nothing can protect me
Shattered I have wailed
For any who care, to see

Time splits a giant rock
Into tiny grains of sand
Thoughts from my mind to yours
I want you to understand

Much is being said
Without specifically being said
I have much to say
I am afraid where to tread

I have always been afraid
I don't know if you understood
That should be a good thing
Things everyone should

You can feel my emotions
I paint them in your brain
When all else has crumbled
As always, I still remain


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Chapter 215

She Happens

Why is trust
So very hard to earn
However, in the blink of an eye
Trust is so easy to burn

What takes months or years
To very painstakingly build
In just seconds or moments
Is so effortlessly and easily killed

Through no fault of my own
Something done to me by another
Has extinguished your trust in me
And our growing love to smother

I will never stop
I will never surrender
I will defeat any contender
I am now more than your defender

Alone, in the dark, ask yourself
At night what happens
You know what you want to answer
She happens


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Chapter 216

Eyes And Ears

I have eyes
I can see
Why are you doing
This to me

I have ears
I can hear
Think I don't know
What is happening here

There is no such thing
As a 'Good Lie'
I know what has occurred
It makes me cry

You are throwing me away
Like a piece of trash
You are filling me with abash
Causing my mind to crash

How would you feel
If I had done this to you
You have made your choice
It is over, we are through


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Chapter 217


I miss their touch
I miss their kiss
I miss their love

Where did it go
How was it lost
Passion and feeling
Melt into frost

I won't let go
I want it back
I try to ignore
Every mean attack

I never take
I try not to stray
Is nothing I say
More than a bray

I hope, pray and try
Get slaughtered, sad and cry
I will give up on NONE
Until they MAKE me die


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Chapter 218

You Can't Kill Me

I know you have thought of it
By my choice without any guarantee
I have given you the opportunity but
You can't kill me

It would kill yourself to kill me
To make me go
I have had the chance to end you too
I gave that idea a veto

One can no longer exist
Without the other one
It has become a symbiotic relationship
Through time itself it can't be undone

My feelings and your feelings
Are now what control our destiny
What will be the price to pay
What will be the inevitable penalty

We know there won't be a termination
There is one thing we both can agree
I can't kill you
You can't kill me


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Chapter 219

Not Alone

You are not alone
You are not alone
You are not alone

You are not alone
Support is right HERE
Let me share your pain
Please do not fear

You are not alone
I know the demons come
Feeling down and depressed
Everything feels and seems glum

You are not alone
Do as your head has said
You must keep a clear mind
So many things to dread

You are not alone
I too fight the Hydra daily
Every battle, Every mistake, Every pain
Each head elusive and scaly

You are not alone
If you slip and fall
It is how you get back up
I will never make you crawl

You are not alone
It will ease your mind
To free your trapped thoughts
The blind helping the blind

You are not alone
You are not alone
You are not alone


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Chapter 220

I Don't Sleep

I was born a dreamer
Dreams that make me weep
My dreams are elusive because
I don't sleep

I have a lot of time
When everyone is tucked away
I always keep busy
Life offers me a buffet

I expand my thoughts
All day and all of the night
I protect the one I care for
Ever ready if there is a fight

But in times of distress
My dreams have seeped out
Changing me and shaping me
Making my feelings more devout

My dreams create a reality
One I intend to keep
To make my dreams transpire
I don't sleep


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Chapter 221

Respect Honor Trust

No one stopped you BEFORE
When you fell
But YOU crawled out of
Your self made Hell

There is more than our-self
It is ALL happening again
You must stop yourself

I wish not to hinder
Your purest deepest dream
I am AFRAID of what can happen
How THEY can make you scream

I am not the model
For I too collapsed and broke
So many OTHERS mangled
Lives still up in smoke

THINK it ALL through
If to LIVE do as you MUST
For YOU I will always


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Chapter 222

Heart Of Ash

Love was thrown away
In their mind in never happened
They told themselves it was nothing
I watched their heart blacken

Others were good enough
Promises were broken
I did not exist
Never a word to me was spoken

Today is now
Yesterday is past
Each new "next one"
Grows easier than the last

They know my love will not die
They slowly turn my heart to ash
They have to KILL my love
Turning themselves into trash

I see the interlopers come
One after another they arrive
They stack up on the side
Why am I even still alive


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Chapter 223

Unrequited Love

It is human nature to love and seek love
Our hearts and minds cry for requited affection
Most only want to use for their personal pleasure
Subjecting our hearts and minds to bloody dissection

It is their uncaring greed, lust and selfishness
That is the only motive of the masses so lecherous
Who the person is inside means nothing at all to them
Soon against their thrall they become treacherous

They can never comprehend or empathize
The honest pure affection we have to offer
To truly love, honor, respect, worship and our adoration
Our tenderness and emotions confined then to a coffer

Should we just play their cruel meaningless game
Throw our meaningful true sweet love away
Submit our feelings to destruction, dismay and decay
Or try telling them we offer a better meaningful way

We must do what we believe in our heart
We shower them with our bountiful eternal love
Even as we are scorned, spit upon and rejected
To survive we MUST send our endless unrequited love


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Chapter 224

Two Can Save Two

It is not known
If one can save
Another that already
Has a foot in the grave

It has been said
That one can save themself
If they are saving another
Salvation creates itself

As the sky falls
One has not won
If the total is emptiness
To shun still equals none

As the shaking ledge collapses
Under ones unbalanced slipping feet
A steady hand extended seems sweet
To hold firm unfailingly is no easy feat

Deep within a mind
There is so much to give
To a lost frightened soul
Who yet seeks to live


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Chapter 225


The beauty within your heart
The allure of your eyes
Allow me to experience your soul
Feel and share your cries

You are so magnificent
Fascinating charming and divine
Angelic exquisite handsome
Splendidly more than fine

Life is vacantly hollow
For we have seen it implode
Empty cruel sadistic and cold
Making the spirit crumble and erode

You are so magnificent
Fascinating charming and divine
Angelic exquisite handsome
Splendidly more than fine

You are more than worthy
For I have touched the very substance
Of your sweet delicate majestic mind
Shared your very existence

You are so magnificent
Fascinating charming and divine
Angelic exquisite handsome
Splendidly more than fine


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Chapter 226

Time Bomb

You may be taking a risk
If you light the fuse
Be careful of and for yourself
You have much to lose

They can degrade us, pushing us away
Withhold, reject and starve
We exist too, NOT nothing
For ourselves a life, we must carve

Trapped stuck imprisoned
My rage turns on myself the fool
My brain a time bomb itself
Both physically and mentally deaths duel

But you must be VERY careful
The fuse burns hot and fast
The chance they gave you before
You KNOW it was your last


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Chapter 227

Past's Past

It was once said
I was stuck in the Past
That is so very true
To make things last

Living in the past
To advance or relive the contrast
To hide from reality
The future is my past

I can feel once again
The times that were good
The happiness, joy and love
For things I once stood

From within the past
I can HURT and punish myself
Inflict pain and damage for
The torment of being put on a shelf

To feel the agony of the past
I know that if I can bleed
Then I am still alive
Sharing my feelings as you read

There is no today
There is no tomorrow
Everyday is yesterday
Little joy but plenty of sorrow

I have always felt this way
Except when they loved me
For I was able to bury the past
A today and a tomorrow to see


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Chapter 228


The stock was bent
The leaves tattered
The color was faded
The roots were scattered

Contained within this ravished mass
Is life that no longer need cower
With a beauty few can see
Is a sweet amazing lovely flower

With nourishment and feeding
The flower grew stronger
The leaves expanded
The stock grew longer

The flower was beautiful
The colors bold and bright
Those who should cherish it
Gave pain anguish and slight

The flower began to wilt
Poisons were induced things swayed
No one, cared as the sweet flower
Was about to be slayed

Help and hope arrived
Attempting to extinguish everything terrible
Providing the vital nutrients
Placing the flower upon a pedestal

Keeping away insects and pests
Giving pure fresh water and warm sun
Now all may rejoice this pretty flower
Its luscious growth has once again begun


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Chapter 229

I Know You

I know you
I know all about you
I know everything about you
I know more about you than you do

When the past is the future
Many things are strange
Can we ourselves
Ever be made to change

Events out of control
We try to arrange
No matter what we do
They always seem to rearrange

Some from their past
Can bring their animosity
Unable and unwilling
To acknowledge our generosity

You may relive the past saying
I know you
Don't forget
And I know you


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Chapter 230

And I Know You

Our own mirror of time
Reflects what we want to see
We hide from ourselves
Truth emerging as a calliope

We think we know who we are
With many a suppressed thought
Empty words and hidden visions
Life hopelessly fraught with naught

Nothing can ever really be fixed
When everything is made to be broken
Our very self offered as a valueless token
Promises already lies before they're spoken

Before we open a new book
We already know the stories ending
Everything that happens in between
Is really grandiose conceited pretending

When we speak to the mirror of time
Life's reflection answers truths adieu
I know you
And I know you


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Chapter 231

Cage Of The Past

The past, done, unchangeable
We know the result of every event
We know what was good or hurt
What is already done we can not prevent

The past is a cage
A cold dark lonely prison
But from its bitter ashes
You have proudly risen

Yet in the past I remain
Trapped with nothing but memories
A fool seeing without vision, blind
Self created living atrocities

Stuck, stuck in the past
Stuck everywhere in a dead life
Thirsting in a frozen Hell
Feeding on needless strife

The past is the present
For nothing ever changes
The contents within my skull
Is the extent my soul and life ranges

The past is living
I am the one dead
Only these words will remain
Once I have fled


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Chapter 232


Time and distance
Keep me from YOU
But I still worry
About what you may do

With a sound mind
You are stronger than most
Introduce the attacks
You soon can be toast

We are the prey
It is US they will use
But make no mistake
In the end WE lose

From even far away
I can touch you like no other
I have been too afraid
That my feelings will smother

Now I fight back
With all that I can
Never forget for YOU
I am who I am


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Chapter 233

Limited Time

Tick tock tick tock
Beware when you start the clock
Before the exam we know the result
Why is it always still a shock

Six months to two years
Before it all falls apart
Minds cracked and shattered
A chunk ripped from a heart

Is it infatuation lust or greed
Or the love we want seek and need
We know loves spelling
Will we again misread

The pain and anguish
To try for something nice
But do we lose it all
If we roll the dice

Before we start
We know how it will end
Then once again to Hell
Ourselves we send


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Chapter 234


To see your sweet face

To look upon your lovely smile

To gaze into your beautiful eyes

To gently hold your hand

To softly touch your cheek

To smell your wonderful scent

To sweetly touch your lips

To feel your warm embrace

To hold you

To hug you

To kiss your neck

To kiss your lips

To kiss YOU

To feel your response

To feel your desire

To feel your passion

To feel love

To feel YOUR love

To touch you

To touch your mind

To touch your heart

To touch your soul

To touch your flesh

To touch your body

To touch YOU

To touch all of you


Everything so beautiful

Everything so stunning

Everything so ravishing

Everything so perfect

Everything so – YOU


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Chapter 235

What's It Like To Dream

Can one still dream
If they can not sleep
Only from ourselves
Will nightmares seep

Can't one still dream
Of things yet to happen
Yet they seldom occur
As our spirit they dampen

I can still dream
Of what I want things to be
I never need close my eyes
To desire things for me

As the mind within itself seeks
We had better beware
For the dream can erode
Into a frightful nightmare

I shudder with trepidation
As I hear them scream
Fearful one day I will know
What is it like to dream


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Chapter 236


Surrounded by life
Each day it crushes us like a vice
Drowning out our desires
Before acting maybe we need think thrice

Look around, no one is happy
Living and happiness can't coexist
There are only moments of joy in life
Some come in a tryst

How can we escape the pain
Can we do more than try
We sink into oblivion
Nobody can feel you cry

No one cares or LISTENS
Nobody tries to lend a hand
Surrounded by many but none
Nothing works out as planned

Amongst the rubble of time
Buried within billions of grains of sand
We may find a beautiful gem
Few exist throughout this land

Do we treasure what we have found
Or just throw it away
Perhaps we may find better
As time slips away everyday

If we knew what we wanted
Not what we think we want
Could any lives be salvaged
Endlessly we seek and hunt


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Chapter 237

Future – Past - Now

The FUTURE has not happened
The PAST is long gone
What happened to NOW
Why can't it spawn

My mind is trapped
It must be set free
From this dreaded NOW
It so seeks to flee

Is there love in the FUTURE
There was in the PAST
I must have it NOW
But will it last

I rip tear and gnaw
My life stuck in a trap
Why need NOW exist
I beg for a scrap

The FUTURE looks bleak
The PAST is dead
Is to live in NOW
Just a moment in bed


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Chapter 238

Will You Join Us

Most choose only to use
That is their goal in life
Their greed and indifference
Will leave others mangled in strife

To them it is about take, take, take
Seldom do they ever freely give
What can be squeezed out of another
Makes their actions determinative

Surrounded by those we care about
Their true identity more like strangers
Seldom prevent our needless falls
Or steer us away from life's dangers

With open minds and caring hearts
We try to make their true self appear
We extend our loving compassion
Asking them for once, to be sincere

The paths are often divergent
Our desires are open to discuss
The goal remains the same
Will you join us


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Chapter 239





H - E - L - L - O

Can ANYONE hear me
Can anyone hear ME
Does ANYONE care
Can they feel my plea

The aloneness, the emptiness
My mind seeking to implore
What is beyond the last door
It takes courage to explore

It would only be true freedom
If pure nothingness were to exist
Nothing can be left to chance
It must be final and swift

How does this happen
Where does ones life go
When a skull can no longer contain
A mind that begins to overflow

What was I supposed to do
How was I to be better
I knew not what else to do
Life reduced to words on a letter

H - E - L - L - O





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Chapter 240

Apparently Not

Memories die hard
But they fade, blur and die
The pain is what will forever last
Everyone always questions why

Everyone wonders and asks
Why can't what is good remain
Hurt and pain replaces the joy
Anguish attacks the brain

What does one remember
It is what really did happen
Or do we remember
What we wanted to happen

Were we ever really
On the same page
Or mindless puppets
Sacrificed on life's stage

We search for our love
Will they remember or not
No one is there - so
Apparently Not


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Chapter 241






I am what I am
I do what I can
Into your arms
I sought and I ran





I may be many things
None are useless
Life slips away quickly
There is always ruthless






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Chapter 242

I Myself

I myself was lost and floundering
Without knowing how I myself found myself
I myself can look through the mirror of time
With the help of electrons feel and see myself

I myself did not like myself
Until I myself saw into myself
I myself saw such beauty in myself
As I myself shared with myself

I myself poured out many things
Flaws, damage and dreams with myself
I myself found what was sought
Buried deep within myself

I myself cracked opened to myself
Flooding and overwhelming myself
I myself clung to hang on to living
I myself clung so hard I hurt myself

I myself am harmless to myself
I myself respect and honor myself
I myself always will listen to myself
I myself will always be here to hear myself


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Chapter 243

No Other People Like You

What makes an individual unique
Is it the mind
Is it the body
What makes us one of a kind

Everyone's anatomy is the same
Yet - different
The body parts are all there
But - different

Is it the mind, our mind
That makes us unalike - YES
Every variable is in play
Any outcome is a guess

The mind is where
The damage is done
The horrors created there
Can never be outrun

Whatever you have to shield or offer
When life dictates someone anew
Always remember there are
No other people like you


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Chapter 244

Do As You Say

Do what is necessary for your survival
It matters not if real or flirt
For what must be done
Will not damage or hurt

I am a realist
I am far away
I will do nothing
To stand in your way

I want you to be happy
To achieve a fulfilling life
Whether you are single
Or part of someone else's life

I am stuck and trapped
Prisoner of a promise
I will one day again fail
I wanted to be your goddess

Yes I may love
Care, worry, hope and feel
I do understand
You want what is real

I have what you want
You have what I need
So many applications
As through life we proceed

The only thing that HURT
Was when I was thrown away
Please do not abandon me
I will do as you say


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Chapter 245

Torn Sieve

I am not insane
My mind is not ill
We all can hurt
We all can kill
Is it up to us
Or the Masters will

I will ride with the 7th
To Custer's Last Stand
I fear not death
I know you understand
But I am a feeling being
Not an animal to command

Into the Valley of Death
With the Light Brigade I go
It matters not the cannons
Or how many the foe
Death with honor as it should
Who don't think so

I am not afraid to die
Just afraid to live
My mind may be wounded
My heart a torn sieve
But Nobody is Somebody
And they have a lot to give


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Chapter 246


We are who and what we are
Why can't that be good enough
Why can't we accept ourselves
We will NEVER have the "right stuff"

We do not need to be fixed
For we are not really broken
Just to be accepted as ourselves
For each other we have spoken

I feel envy of things you have done
Nothing has ever stopped you
I know you have not found the one
Look inside do not miss the cue

So when you feel low down
And think of deaths grim view
Know that if I could
That I wish I were you


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Chapter 247


Ones life can never move forward
If they remain living in the past
The shadow of eternal darkness
Seeps deep, its emptiness is cast

The happiness of living
Is only a cruel illusion
Being lead to believe it
Is only an illusive delusion

There is no freedom
There is no escape
Wounds to the heart and mind
Perpetually tear and scrape

When we have nothing
We want more
When we have more
We still want more

Time will show there is
Something worse than nothing
That is when one realizes
It is - less than nothing


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Chapter 248

Sweet Sorrow

It has been said
Parting is such sweet sorrow
For without you
There is no tomorrow
You provide me with
Strength I can borrow

I do not want to go
To leave you behind
Any other such as you
No one can ever find
My heart with yours
Has aligned and intertwined

So when I must go
I hope to return
That your true feelings
And love I can earn
In my absence remember
It is for you I yearn


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Chapter 249

Best Friend

I sniff the ground
I look around
He calls my name
I run

He pats me on my head
I wag my tail
He throws the stick
I run to fetch it
He throws the stick
I run to fetch it
He throws the stick
I run to fetch it
He pats me on my head
I wag my tail

I sniff the ground
I look around
He calls my name
I run

He is my Master
I obey the Master
Bad Dog
I cringe and cower
Good Dog
I wag my tail
He is my Master
I WANT him to be
I am loyal and obey

I sit
I Fetch
I roll over

I sniff the ground
I look around
He calls my name
I run

He is my Master
I obey my Master
I LOVE my Master
I will DIE for my Master
Where ARE you
Do not abandon me
What Have I done

I sniff the ground
I look around
He is GONE
I whimper and whine

I find my way home
I have been replaced
I am no longer needed
I want MY Master
He says go away
I do not OBEY
But always stand guard

I sniff the ground
I look around
No one calls my name
I lay down
I die


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Chapter 250

Not Yet

You can throw me away
I am not the one who is trash
Here is my wrist
Why not give it a slash

You know my love will never die
So you will do what can kill it
Here is my necks juggler
Why not give it a slit

Your finger on the trigger
My mind awaits your bullet
Laugh as you aim
Why not just pull it

Grab my neck
Make it snap so it's broke
Your thumbs on my throat
Why not give it a choke

You think I am gone
Don't place your bet
You have not killed me
Not yet


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Chapter 251

Real World

The walls of a prison
Will never confine me
My body is held captive
But my mind has broken free

Crazy Horse was the first
To know of the "Real World"
The Matrix showed how it works
Our lives tossed and whirled

Love and emotion are not real
They only exist in our own mind
Animals mate by instinct alone
Humans make everything so unkind

If no one touches you physically
You may love without shame
There are no germs or disease
No "unexpected" things to "blame"

Tell me what inside you feel
Love is separate from lust
Tell me feelings are not real
Love works only based on trust

My body may be restrained
So it matters not how it is demolished
But my mind will never be chained
Love from within can not be abolished


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Chapter 252

Raging Fire

Thoughts running through the streams of a mind
Thoughts running through the streams of time

Emotions and feeling together cascading
From our very selves we try evading

What is love where is it at does it even exist
Our very selves dissolve in life's fuzzy blinding mist

We are who we are but who are we
We see what we see but what do we see

We want to live and we want to feel
We want to give and we what is real

What is happening around us happens to us
It is influencing us what it will do to us

Untamed libido grows building higher and higher
Like a burning lit fuse it snowballs into a raging fire

We let the lips touch the hands will grope
When the secret spot is shared we fulfill our hope

The bridge has been burnt there's no turning back
Was this the main course or just another snack

Now it is really the mind from which the heart felt
How do we play the cards that to ourselves we've dealt


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Chapter 253

Hurt Too Much

I am in agony
I am in pain
I have been HURT too much
Now it destroys my brain

For a long time
I have been honorable
Served and been loyal
Now, inside, I only feel terrible

I am in agony
I am in pain
I have been HURT too much
Now it destroys my brain

Lack of trust and truthfulness
The death of any relationship
Anger and uncertainty
Ends any partnership

I am in agony
I am in pain
I have been HURT too much
Now it destroys my brain

If one only takes
If one only uses
It is inevitably the other
That ALWAYS loses

I am in agony
I am in pain
I have been HURT too much
Now it destroys my brain


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Chapter 254

No One

Everyone else has someone
Someone to help them
Someone to prop them up
Someone to save them

There is NO ONE for me
NO ONE to care
NO ONE to listen
NO ONE to share

When they flounder
When they fail
I am the one relied on
Their sinking ship I must bail

How can everyone take and take
How can everyone use and use
Who is ever there for me
I never win but always lose

I get it, I really do
I don't matter
I am disposable
No one cares what they shatter

They all must laugh
At such a stupid fool
Not really a person
Just an expendable tool


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Chapter 255

You Already Did

Look around
Where did it all go
Nothing is left
Of love not long ago

Forever bound to you
I can not escape
You envelope me no matter
How hard I scrape

I can not hate you
For the love still lingers
I can still feel the touch
Of your gentle fingers

You can not hear me cry
Because you chose not to
But if you call to me
You know I will come to you

It was not I
That away from you slid
Look in life's mirror
You already did


Chapter Text

Chapter 256

Real Love

A path to unshackled freedom
For health may not be conducive
For it does not really exist
Always remaining somewhat elusive

A spurned suitor's feelings
May become physically abusive
If the time comes
You will need to remain reclusive

As you open your mind
Your Heart will feel it so conclusive
It will give you the strength
To share your ALL exclusive

As empty lonely hearts reach out
It is for survival not greed or to be collusive
From deep within your soul
You will feel it grow unobtrusive

Search, look, seek, feel
You know what is inclusive
Joy happiness sharing love
May they not remain illusive


Chapter Text

Chapter 257

I Have Tried

I have tried
To crack your shell
To help you escape
A never ending Hell

I have tried
To strengthen your armor
While polishing it to shine
Restore all its interior garner

I have tried
To make you feel special
To praise your existence
To show your value is substantial

I have tried
To convey you matter
That you have meaning and worth
Your beauty is more than flatter

I have tried
To show there can always be a path
A purer better safer way
And taken the wrath

I have tried
From the outside to reach the inside
With all that hurts you I too have died
For your future happiness I have cried


Chapter Text

Chapter 258


I see the bus coming
The light is green
There is no bus stop
I step forward

The locomotive works hard
On the platform I stand
It is upon me
I "slip" in front of it

A big rig is coming
He approaches fast
Our speed is 65 each
I drift across the line

It is cold and dark
The ship moves ahead
The chain is heavy around me
I step into the waiting sea

Sunshine on a long hike
A ledge high above a stream
Too close to the loose edge
I "stumble" over without a scream


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Chapter 259


What HURTS is to see you feel:























What HURTS More
Is what or when you do it to yourself
Things you KNOW are bad
It makes me feel helpless and sad

It HURTS the most
To not be THERE
To physically take away the poison
To replace the need with emotion

I see someone so beautiful inside
So special, fragile and unique
The damage done by others or you
HURTS me because it HURTS - Y O U


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Chapter 260

My Kind Of Story

It is the story
Of a heart turned cold
A cold cold heart
The painful story it has told

The cold cold heart
Turns from frozen ice
To cold cold stone
They won't even think twice

A stone cold heart
Is empty, lonely and sad
What is destroyed
Never can again be had

The cold stone heart
Will wither and die
It becomes a dead heart
A story we can all apply

The stone cold dead heart
Dies extremely gory
Everyone knows it's
My kind of story


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Chapter 261

Tick Tock Tick Tock

The mind can reach across space and time
Thoughts may go wherever you wish
To caress your mind so wounded and hurt
Is where I want to hunt and fish

Share the thoughts of anger and pain
May I help you break the chain
For also I can not forever torture my brain
Escape calls out to end the strain

I am a person just like you too
You tried to fit in and run with the pack
I ran away, withdraw, retreat, hide, a coward
There is no future forward, nowhere to go back

I am so ashamed about all I am not
A failure, nothing, worthless. not good enough
I no longer know right from wrong, nor care
I can not accept I will never have the right stuff

Tick tock tick tock each second goes by
As the agony of each new day gives me breath
I see not a new day to live and enjoy its fruits
But simply one more day, closer to death


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Chapter 262


In the DARK I stumble upon a person

They seem OK at first look

Then I notice the blood

They are bleeding all over

I reach my hands to the wounds

To stem the blood flow

I find more and more damage

This person is bleeding to death

I attempt to transfer my being into theirs

To give them will and strength

I am rejected


I scream to an empty life

I must accept that I am already expired

Why is my body living

Why can't my mind be extinguished

Nothingness must be beautiful

Escape freedom peace tranquility

The ANIMAL desire burns

It calls and it drives

It controls

It can be beaten

The mind can override

The mind is the enemy

The mind is a friend

Touch its beauty

Bend its fate

Validate its existence

A mind is a terrible thing to waste


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Chapter 263

Touch And Feel

It has been said that
Lying is as bad as stealing
But I say that it is worse
That lying IS stealing

When someone lies to you
They are stealing something from you
They are stealing your trust
You will no longer believe what they say or do

When you no longer trust someone
Resentment or a very sick feeling
Takes its place deep inside of you
Leaving wounds that stop healing

"How do you know?" I ask too
To faith, judgment and honor I appeal
Just because someone you can touch and feel
Does not make "real" people real


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Chapter 264

Less Than A Dog

The dog does not care
The color of our skin
The choice of our religion
The choice of our politics
The choice of our lifestyle

The dog does not care
If we are male or female
If we are fat or skinny
If we are pretty or ugly
If we are big or small

The dog does care
If we give them love
If we show them affection
If take care or their needs
If we protect them

Why are dogs nicer than people?


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Chapter 265

Thank You For Explaining

I see they have many things
Things that are THEIRS
No one can question this
Nobody dares

This is mine
I want to do that
You do this
Treating me like a door mat

I am one of their things
A trophy or possession
Everything controlled about me
It is an unwanted obsession

Do as I say, not as I do
I feel like a flea
Yet I can not flee
What about me

I now question my worth
There will be no complaining
I am not good enough
Thank you for explaining


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Chapter 266

Twice Burnt - Twice Trashed

I begged them not to abandoned me
Not to push me aside
Thrown out like trash
How my broken heart cried

Life was so empty and meaningless
As beings we want to live
So much feeling and emotion
No where my love to give

I begged them not to abandoned me
Not to push me aside
Thrown out like trash
How my broken heart cried

They said I was a mistake
I was just only somebody, anybody
My love meant nothing to no one
I must really be Nobody

I begged them not to abandoned me
Not to push me aside
Thrown out like trash
How my broken heart cried

I am told to be happy with nothing
Trapped, bound with chains
Will anyone remember or even care
When they find my remains

I begged them not to abandoned me
Not to push me aside
Thrown out like trash
How my broken heart cried


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Chapter 267


Onward into battle I go
Rejection to the left of me
Doom to the right
Slaughter in front of me

Onward I go
The Letter is my weapon of choice
Backed with my two warriors
The Poem and the Song as my voice

I will NEVER surrender
Nothingness in front of me
Onward I go
Less than nothing behind me

You may FORCE me to withdraw
I'll be back
I only regroup
Then resume the attack

It is what I do
It is all that I know
You should know by now
Who don't think so


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Chapter 268

Fix Bayonets

We are tired cold and hungry
The supply lines are cut
We are surrounded by the enemy
Ragged as a stray mutt

We can see them massing
There are many more than us
It has grown quiet
There is no more fuss

We divide the remaining ammunition
There is not very much
We will be overrun
To our battered weapons we clutch

The order is given
Fix Bayonets - fast
A dull metallic clicking sound
Death does not recognize caste

Shots ring, explosions blast
Shouts, cries and screams fill the air
Blood and pain everywhere
May in death we all share


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Chapter 269


To lie or not to lie
It is what people do
You can't even trust
People you thought you knew

Hook, line and sinker
They will use you as bait
They subvert and orchestrate
They control and manipulate

Do the ends
Justify the means
Would it matter not
If we were all machines

To be honest
Means you are the fool
When it should be cherished
Making you a jewel

There is no escape
From this man made Hell
Forever in its fires we burn
The mind no where else to dwell


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Chapter 270


Things that make us who we are
Honor dignity pride self respect
Damaged and stripped away by others
Leaving little of ourselves to protect

Each second, day, week, year
Take shove push demean destroy
Forever echo hollow in our minds
Making us feel like a useless toy

When we cry out in pain
Can nobody really hear
Things we have cherished
Things we still hold dear

Who has come
Who has gone
Who yet still remains
Or only a meaningless pawn

The ones still here
Are the ones that can hear
Wishing they disappear
Or wishing they endear


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Chapter 271

Never Learn

Selfishness and covetousness
Narcissistic greed and lust
They override honor
Destroy all trust

What have you done
How many lives destroyed
How many people hurt
Creating an unfixable void

It was what you wanted
No one else seem matter
Many years later
Lives it can still shatter

So very stupid
Blinder than blind
So many damaged
So many lives intertwined

These demons can never be slain
It is a defect within the brain
Who was it that failed
One day it's GOING TO happen again


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Chapter 272


To raise suspicion

It takes just one different glance

Doing something different

Acting funny

Feeling scared

Changing a time

Acting happier

Acting meaner

Doing something extra

Doing something less

Saw a friend

Went to the store

Caught on the phone

Hanging up fast

Getting a call late

Or when none happened before



Reading email/text outside

Or in the car

Going for a long walk

Avoiding your other

Doing the bare minimum

Not wanting to

But doing it anyway

Feeling guilty

Acting guilty

Checking GPS

Planting GPS devices

Checking your phone

Key loggers

Voice activated recorder hidden

One says going out of town

But then hide and follow

Stay and wait watching

Different hair

Color texture length

Stains on underwear

More make up

Less make up

Smudged make up

Different perfume

More perfume

Less perfume

Smudged lipstick

No lipstick

Mileage on the car

Amount of gas used

Other people whispering

Secret looks

No looks

Bluffing saying they KNOW

Waiting for you to crack

Saying they will give you time

To "think" about a confession



Not answering calls


Too tired


Different clothes

Different underwear


Surprise check or visit

Question friends

Question coworkers

Ask enemies

Turn a cell phone into bug

Or mobile listen device

Have a friend question their partner

This is endless

This IS a time-bomb





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Chapter 273

Feeling Emotional

I know the feeling

To love another

To want them

My heart beating wild

My hands shaking

The fear of them knowing

The fear of them not knowing

The shame of my heart loving

The joy of my heart loving

The want to touch them

The need for their touch

The thirst for sharing

The warm embrace

The stolen kiss

The long deep kiss

The hungry kiss

Hearts beating together

Breast to breast

The freedom of completion

The fear of reality

How can it last

Where does it go

What is real

What is make believe

Will they ever love me

Why does love hurt

Why does life hurt

Rejection is death

Death is freedom

Freedom is nothing

Nothing is me

Can they ever really love me

Will they still love me tomorrow


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Chapter 274

Happy Valentines Day

Valentines Day
A day of loving expression
Showered gently upon YOU
With the greatest discretion

For every day that can hurt
May this cancel them all
To me you are so worthy
You need never feel small

To express deep affection
With flowers candy and a gift
Will flood one with intense joy
Making fragile inner spirits lift

You are who you are
Never before me tainted
For such true sweet beauty
In my life you have painted

Warm hugs, tender kisses
Pure love in every way
To you I mean and say
Happy Valentines Day


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Chapter 275

In My Head

It is not about how often we fall
It is about how quick we get back up
For life itself in general
Is really one big pileup

The conflict rages in the mind
The battle rages within
It is about what is
Not what might have been

We take the hits
Stinging blow after blow
It never seems to get better
Who don't think so

To some it may seem
Everything is perfect
Fighting the struggle within
To ourselves we are a reject

I am supposed to be content
It has often been said
It is not just happening
In my head


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Chapter 276

Hugs Not Tears

Tears in your eyes
Tears in your heart
Are a stab to my mind
A dagger to my heart

Until your lips meet mine
I never knew such love existed
To share your lovely charms
Never could you be resisted

To feel your smooth soft flesh
Was light years beyond real
To touch and share the person inside
Was the true appeal

I give a really big hug
May your mind recall
In your pleasure and joy
Feelings reminding you of it all

Close your eyes and remember
Recollect only of those times so sweet
Think and feel and enjoy
How they made your life compete


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Chapter 277

It's Too Dangerous

As we walk along
Life's narrow crumbling ledge
Our feet start to stumble
As we near that ragged edge

Does it really matter
If we go over the side
As the ground rushes up
Fate and destiny collide

Is not tomorrow
Again just - today
A repeat of what was
Everyday is yesterday

Not Good Enough
Once that has been thought
Every battle will be lost
It is over before it is fought

Some say throw caution away
Live and be adventurous
I say many are traitorous
It's too dangerous


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Chapter 278

Then Why Am I Talking To You

People will pretend to listen
But they seldom hear
Not because they can't
They would prefer we disappear

Unless it is about them
What they want to promote
They could really care less
If they sink our leaking boat

Our feelings matter to us
It is what we are trying to convey
If it is not what THEY want to hear
There is soon a messy affray

Stab our heart make it bleed
Find another as a substitute
Reject everything about us
Discount our every attribute

Our emotions and feelings have merit
We have a right to exist and express too
If you really don't want to hear me
Then why am I talking to you


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Chapter 279

Dance Is The Hidden Language Of The Soul

Dance is fluidity in movement
Whether styled or freelance
Can physically express our feelings
Even take a cunning chance

With proper choreography
And a well timed glance
We can send a signal
Even a desire for romance

With good form
And a proper stance
We can enthrall the spectators
Hold them in a binding trance

Dance is poetry in motion
Smoothly sidestep or advance
Pirouettes, spin, turn, back step
Or expand and enhance

A way one can physically express emotion
It can help make one whole
To those who appreciate metamorphosis
Dance is the hidden language of the soul


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Chapter 280

What Am I Going To Do With You

Every threat must be evaluated
What needs to be done next
Is no longer simple as it once was
Leaving me confused and vexed

I know what needs to be done
I know that will cause a conflict
What I know is necessary OR is proper
In my mind both violently contradict

To keep what is justly mine
Something else must be – removed
I understand my essential actions
Will be very highly disapproved

The very action I so desire
Will only make what I quest
Even farther away, perhaps forever
Leaving me even further distressed

Do I do what I want, I agonize
Make do or endlessly eschew
My mind a quagmire of contradiction
What am I going to do with you


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Chapter 281

Seems Like A Lot

When one seeks another
What is it that is sought
Hopefully is can be earned
And not something bought

With what does one need pay
How much of our soul need we allot
To be treated just and fair
What battles will need be fought

We already know how the story ends
They all share the same evil plot
We will be told maybe we misread
Reality is - history we forgot

As all things inevitably transpire
Our self worth will be naught
Everything once again for nothing
The total sum will add to nought

It is nothing, not a big deal
Is said when they are caught
To the one savagely crushed, it
Seems like a lot


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Chapter 282

You Said That Before

Good lies
Lies of omission
Are all still lies

What is real
What is not real
Does it even matter
Or is it no big deal

I am not blind
I know what I have seen
Do you really wonder
Why you make me scream

At least have the decency
To look me in the face
If you are going to slay me
As my feelings you erase

I foolishly hand you loves blade
Letting you stab me more
Things will change
You said that before


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Chapter 283

Only Your Mind

A perfect contrast of similar and dissimilar experiences
Like a vision drawn from my deepest desire
Every thing trapped in the mind like a mire
Filling each new day with a heart full of feelings so dire

Multiple flaws but a constant search for redemption
Fighting it fast and hard but unable to let it go
Knowingly stuck in the grip of the past
Wanting and not wanting to do so

Lost in the world of the living
Alone inside, so empty and lonely
Afraid to let the heart feel and love
Knowing how to hide and run only

Now stuck like gum on a shoe
You look in Their mind and you see you
Yes look in the mirror is it so bad
Is it a narrower or a broader view

Experience the feelings and emotions
As each one is touched ITS feel caress
Thought, feeling, emotion are real, not carnal
Do not fear, your mind only need undress


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Chapter 284


Something is terribly wrong
None of THIS feels right
I do not understand what is happening
I do not want to argue or fight

Why is THIS happening now
What is causing THIS to ignite
Tell me what is really wrong
Do not feel malice or spite

How can I help you
I feel my Prince grow mean
I want to assist you
I am still your Queen

I am trustworthy
I do not wish be trite
I am still here
I am trying with all of my might

If there is some problem
Together we can unite
Tell me what is wrong
I will not bite


Chapter Text

Chapter 285


My soul is possessed
I am forever haunted
Unending pain, torment and hurt
Yet I worship and cling undaunted

I do not think you understand
I doubt you really care
Why I do what I do
Why I take the risk to share

I say what I mean
I mean what I say
Has not my devotion
Made this as clear as day

Everyday I am in peril
Each second a gamble
Everything in my life a chance
A moment away from a shamble

I am gaining not a thing
Nothing have I ever took
Yet I am depicted as being bad
Like a liar, thief or crook

I have never abandoned you
I have ALWAYS been there for you still
I will never go bad again
I PROMISE you I never will

You are my one true love
My sweet loving confidant
Through agony, torment and hurt
My heart, soul and mind you haunt


Chapter Text

Chapter 286

Mirror Mirror

Mirror Mirror
On the wall
Who is the fairest
Of them all

Who was there
To break the fall
Never making one
Beg, dishonor or crawl

Who was there
To heed the call
Not maybe or if
But for the long haul

Never making one
Feel shame or small
Bracing the uncertainty
Allowing one to stand tall

A lonely bleeding heart
To share and enthrall
Always calling it straight
Never a curve ball

A pact of love based
On honor not a cabal
Trying to protect
Not letting harm befall


Chapter Text

Chapter 287

Cruel And Mean

You people laugh at me
You laugh behind my back
You laugh in my face
This laughter is an attack

How can you all be so cruel
Crude, mean and uncaring
I could learn more
If you tried more sharing

Each rude comment
Is a slap in my face
A stab wound into my mind
Hurting is not funny but a disgrace

Then come the smirks
About ways for my destruction
Who is really less human
Does not take much deduction

Laugh it up, keep putting me down
I try to learn for myself to expand
Remember at any second in time
Awaits the Promised Land


Chapter Text

Chapter 288


A time will come
When you put another before me
I believe it will not go well
This I can foresee

Only when I am damaged
Will you truly know
That all along from the first day
You have loved me so

I am so very afraid
That it is loves price
To finally share our love
I must make this sacrifice

Then to yourself
You will know I did not lie
I love you and you love me
As I must surely die

I will say I am sorry
With my last breath
Know that I will love you
Even in death


Chapter Text

Chapter 289


Behind the daily mask of life
I must be something hideous
What is meant as genuine support
Is wrongfully seen as insidious
I accept the reality of the situation
Now or past need not be fastidious
I mean not to judge, hurt or belittle
My mind open, accepting, not invidious

Each failure or shortcoming on my part
Cuts me deep to the very brittle bone
I would quickly replace myself if possible
With a fresh minded unknowing clone
Truncating the abominable nowhere journey
Darkness unending into the eternal unknown
For my transgressions I must perpetually atone
My heart, mind and soul forever always alone


Chapter Text

Chapter 290


I am not like the others
I never tried to pretend
Everything I said was true
Never to hurt you did I intend

I wanted to share
I wanted a friend
I wanted to be loved
I never wanted to offend

You said I was different
My true self I did extend
Love is more than physical
To your heart I did ascend

Whenever you needed help
On me you could depend
I never took advantage
Your honor I did defend

I believe in you
Your inner beauty to commend
I am HURT but still here
Never to demean or condescend


Chapter Text

Chapter 291


Darkness, empty, cold, hopeless|
Creep into your tender soul
Things that now seem a mountain
Were once only a small knoll

On your ragged journey through life
Before you is the intersection
Of Nowhere, Dead End and No Outlet
Depriving you of affection and protection

Out of the cold fog and blinding darkness
There is a gentle guiding helping hand
To softly wipe away the tears of life
Without command, remand or demand

We all try to make our own path
Wanting but trying not to remember
A blazing inferno can erupt
From a single smoldering ember

You still have life and beauty
Raging fires can grow cold
Each day is soon gone forever
Live and share before YOU grow old


Chapter Text

Chapter 292


Creation of a poem for you
A picture painted in your mind
My consciousness and heart shared
Expressing sensations intertwined

Emotions, thoughts and feelings
Converted into words to send
Transferred from one mind to another
To you alone they have been penned

I have always tried to communicate
In the only way I know how
It keeps the statements honest
As into your brain they plow

Each poem is something special
Conceived in that moment of time
May two hearts align
That is never ever a crime


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Chapter 293

Rambling Mess

Doubt, confusion, undirected, frustration
Does not make a rambling mess
Everyone can feel the same things
Daily life causes much stress

To have one help unfold the tatters
Wipe away the distant splatters
Rebuild what is damaged or shatters
Is really all that truly matters

To those who only take or abuse
They hurt you and try to repress
Never once ever did I feel meandering
To me you are never a rambling mess

What is poison to some
To another is pure ambrosia
Some only see a dark empty Black Hole
While another can see a bright Supernova

You have handled every barrier with finesse
Emerged the victor I must profess
To express the true you is to impress
I can never say it's a rambling mess


Chapter Text

Chapter 294

Cause You Wouldn't

One was thrown overboard
Cast adrift in a sea of emptiness
Deprived of feeling and emotion
Surrounded by a universe of nothingness

Everything built slowly destroyed
Robbed and stripped of passion
Leaving a mind in shattered tatters
A bleeding heart gutted and ashen

Where did the love go
Everyone knows it was there
Never a big show or fanfare
Nothing remaining but despair

Everything demolished for nothing
Two to lose equals - no one can win
What was there was firm and real
Not some kind of claimed sin

Left to grasp at slippery slopes
Forcing me to do what you couldn't
Doing your deadly dirty work for you
Cause you wouldn't


Chapter Text

Chapter 295

It'll Be Our Secret

I know what you want
I want it as well
It'll be our secret
Nobody need tell

I see it in your eyes
It is written on your face
This game not need be played
Time to end this chase

Life is very short
It can end in an instant
Come closer now
Do not be distant

Time waits for Nobody
Tick Tock goes the clock
Open your eyes and ears
Can't you feel me knock

Do not turn away
Do not our love snuff
Do not seek another
I am good enough


Chapter Text

Chapter 296

I Fooled You

You think I don't matter
That is where you are wrong
The more you crush me
The more I get strong

I may be different
Maybe easy to attack
No matter how far you push me
I'll be back

Into the ground
They like to grind
Insults and slanders
Words spoken so unkind

Throw me away like garbage
So you won't feel guilty to play
Does it mean nothing to you
As my heart and mind you slay

You think you can fool me
I know what you do
Look around and wake up
I fooled you


Chapter Text

Chapter 297

I'm Looking At You

"Never trust anyone"
You said it to my face
It was your easy out
The hide your own disgrace

"Not in front of me"
You said that to me
Then it was YOU
That did it to me

Everything you said to me
Was what you already did
It was you who was doing
The things to me you forbid

You have no honor
You are just another liar
It was OUR future
You sacrificed on a pyre

It is you I am looking at
I know what you do
I want you to know
I'm looking at you


Chapter Text

Chapter 298

Your Life Has No Purpose

Anyone can make mistakes
Some just seem to make more
Without learning from them
Life's lessons you ignore

Do you ever think twice
Before a foolish move
Following the wrong path
Leaves no room to improve

Seek what you know
It is in front of your eyes
Appreciate what you have
Can't you hear the cries

Cast not aside
What you know is right
There is no need for battle
There is no need to fight

Your impulsive actions
Have made our lives a circus
Without me at your side
Your life has no purpose


Chapter Text

Chapter 299

I Remember

It is always little things
Over which people fight
If everyone is wrong
Then no one is right

My version of events
Are what actually occurred
I am telling it straight
Of that you can be assured

It is not I
That is the one confused
One should think twice
Before leaving another bruised

It is not a game
Played tit for tat
If you think it is
You don't know where it's at

A worthless bitter argument
Leaves many a smoldering ember
Never forget everything that was said
I remember


Chapter Text

Chapter 300

It's Not Brain Surgery

You think I don't know
That I can't comprehend
I am not the one
That needs to pretend

Look where your love goes
With whom time you spend
Leaving me to communicate
With these words I have penned

The growing rift between us
You allow it to distend
Think not, I don't know
What actions you intend

With every lost kiss
It is me you offend
With every part untouched
Our love you suspend

It's not hard to figure out
Who has committed the perjury
Look at your face in the mirror
It's not brain surgery


Chapter Text

Chapter 301

Sewer Of My Mind

As I wade through
The sewer of my mind
It is a maze of eternity
What will I find

Shall I twist it more
Until it will jam or bind
Or free its contents
So it may unwind

With each new message
Our feelings become intertwined
Darkness and depression exist
Our thoughts remain entwined

What is it we can not see
Is It that we are blind
Are we on a different page
Or is it that we are not kind


Chapter Text

Chapter 302


Is it even possible for either of us
To exist without love in some form
Love may never be perceived or received
Yet we must express our love so warm

Beyond the use of ones body parts
People mean nothing to each other
As beauty evaporates into time
Our feelings envelop and smother

When the feeling of love grows
It is beyond our minds control
Can the other ever understand
Disinterest in our heart burns a hole

The body is offered as a sacrifice
To attempt to win any affection
It slowly becomes apparent the sacrifice
Was the heart and mind upon reflection

Love like beauty is transitory
If it ever even exists it will fade
To try to touch or share either
Our soul we are willing to trade


Chapter Text

Chapter 303

I Can Be Strong

Do not confuse love
As a form of weakness
Compassion and caring
Are not a sign of meekness

True love is a gift
Given from the heart within
Do not mistake its fruits
As some form of sin

Think before you break
A heart that beats for you
Is not everything cherished
In all that you say and do

Please do not hurt
The one at your side
Don't push me away
There is no need to chide

I am good enough
It is with you I belong
Give me fair chance
I can be strong


Chapter Text

Chapter 304

Is There Anything Else

I often wonder
What is it all about
Behind my back
I know they flout

I go through the motions
Day after day
The same events
Are what always replay

Even if it is different
What really changes
A slap in the face
More heated exchanges

There should be more
There never seems to be
There are no chains
But I am not free

As I look around
I check with stealth
I can't help but wonder
Is there anything else


Chapter Text

Chapter 305

You Want To Tell Me

I don't believe you
Or anything you say
Everything is a lie
Each and every day

You keep telling me
Never trust anyone
Each word from your mouth
A lie before you have even begun

Why not be honest
Let the truth speak
It is not hard to do
It cuts through the mystique

You refuse to recognize love
Even when it is before your face
You treat it too cheaply
Causing much disgrace

As the truth becomes apparent
The deception is beyond apology
Is there anything else
You want to tell me


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Chapter 306

I Don't Know

Each day is a challenge
Filled with confusion
I am not sure what is real
Or what is an illusion

In my hurting mind
Many feelings conflict
I was not your first choice
When you actually picked

I don't know what
Tomorrow will be
I wonder if it will
Still include me

I want you near
I want you here
I want you to hear
I want you so dear

There are many variables
Many directions in which to go
What will our future bring
I don't know


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Chapter 307

Can I Go Now

Here we are again
Time for another fight
Or at the very least
Cruel words that slight

Nobody is perfect
Everyone makes mistakes
Before the accusations flow
Maybe first try the brakes

Whose very actions or inactions
Started the chain of events
A less stone cold heart
Overrides and prevents

I get punished
For things I did not do
Tell me why I should not
Actually then do them to you

No longer through your life
Do I desire to plow
It is the same old story
Can I go now


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Chapter 308

I Feel Much Better

It is only you
For which I long
It makes me wonder
Why things go wrong

I can not understand
Why you keep me distant
Then again as you always see
I can be very persistent

You are here but do not hear
Where is the communication
Sometimes it almost seems
It is on a permanent vacation

I always reach out
In the only ways I know how
I seek admittance into your heart
It is something I ask you to allow

I have made a poem for you
My thoughts in a letter
Sent you a song
I feel much better


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Chapter 309

I Can't Fix It

Don't push me away
I am still worthy within
Quit shoving me
Into the trash bin

I don't know how to reach you
I can only do what I know
My devotion is a sure thing
Unlike playing a game of lotto

I am trying so hard
To fix what is broken
You know my love is there
Even if the words are unspoken

To what I feel and believe
I cling and desperately grasp
That will never change
To my very last gasp

Stop punishing me
Your heart must acquit
Until you can do that
I can't fix it


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Chapter 310

You Look Nervous

The heartbeat quickens
The eyes shift from side to side
Both pretty good indications
That you have just lied

Don't think I won't know
Or that I can't tell
You're not slick enough
For a lie to me to sell

I can see the pupils move
Your hands give it away
You should really stop now
Try the truth to actually say

It is really about lust
You steal my trust
You soon will learn
As it all turns to dust

When you are not telling the truth
It is to yourself you do a disservice
Maybe you should be honest for once
You look nervous



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Chapter 311

You Should Go

Why are you here
No one needs you
You are in the way
In everything you do

You are a risk
You bring danger
Where are you from
You are a stranger

You are not wanted
You should not come around
If you continue to stay here
You will end up in the ground

Look over your shoulder
Watch your back
You know it is coming
Some form of attack

We know how it ends
Who don't think so
You are troublesome
You should go


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Chapter 312

Was That Bad To Say

We know what we feel
We know what we think
We take it to the edge
To the very brink

Sometimes we may get
What is really TMI
Other times we wonder
And just ask why

We hide what is real
Pretend it does not exist
As we run from the one
That we can not resist

Open your heart
Open your mind
Be honest with yourself
Embrace what you find

Try being truthful
Each and every day
Don't look so upset
Was that bad to say


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Chapter 313

Will You Show Me

There are many
We may wish to have
Is it really possible
Our love can halve

There comes a time
When one must choose
It is soon inevitable
That someone will lose

Someone gets hurt
Their heart takes a stab
Leaving a deep wound
That will only fester and scab

You know if you choose wrong
The wound will never heal
Lay out your cards
It is time to deal

I know you want me
I know you love me
Now is the time
Will you show me


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Chapter 314


I miss you
I miss your touch
Everything about you
I miss so much

The pleasure
The pain
The love
Almost insane

I have never forgotten
I will never let go
In times of darkness
How your heart did glow

Please free your mind
The pain is past
Can you see now
My love will forever last

I do not ask much
No demands to dictate
Just something as simple
With me to communicate


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Chapter 315

Sweet Sunshine

When the darkness of life overwhelms me
You are my ray of sweet sunshine
In the trapped cage of a daily drudge life
You make me feel fine, you are so divine

I try not to take, use or push
I do not want to damage or lose
The precious bond that we have
You have many from which to choose

I am nothing special, nobody
I feel and know it everyday
Sane (or insane) shards of my mind
Escape as things to you I say

I may not touch your body
However you allow me
Something more precious
To touch, feel, share and see

It is your feeling, thinking, lovely mind
THAT is the real you
I want you to survive
You must do what you need too

Here is a warm long big firm hug
That can touch you much more
That I pray has true lasting meaning
Without ever having heard the other snore


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Chapter 316

Just Making Conversation

I knock at your door
I know that you can hear
The nothingness that follows
Always brings a tear

You have seen
All that can be seen
To push you harder
Would cause a scene

You are scared
Afraid of what you feel
You only need be truthful
To know what is real

Look not elsewhere
For another to adore
You don't need her
That is what I am for

I send the message loud and clear
I know you can feel my flirtation
I know you can tell it is more than
Just making conversation


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Chapter 317

It's Not The First Time

History repeats itself
It has often been said
If that is the case
The future we should tread

It is our destiny
Brought together by fate
For what is inevitable
We need no longer hesitate

We have each other
What more do we need
It is simply ineluctable
It is time we listen and heed

All is as it was
The natural order restored
The games are over
It is time we explored

We can exchange a loving touch
To share is not a crime
We've done this
It's not the first time


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Chapter 318

We've Done This

You can't remember
It hasn't yet been done
I know I was there
I was the one

We both want it
It is more than fate
There is no need to wait
We are each others mate

Time inevitably moves on
The closer we are every day
I am not the one held back
By what others might say

I feel your heart beating fast
Our love meant to last
The future will bring
What has already past

We can share a loving kiss
Be overjoyed with bliss
It's not the first time
We've done this


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Chapter 319

Why Should I Tell You

I don't know you anymore
I don't know who you are
Your behavior has become erratic
The way you act is quite bizarre

Another now comforts you
Away from me you have turned
I have been cast aside
It is me that has been spurned

I was not good enough
For another you soon sought
Flushed away like waste
It was me you soon forgot

One will only ever understand
When this happens to them
Now I am less than nothing
When once I was a shiny gem

You act like it is no big deal
It was me that you slew
You wonder what is wrong
Why should I tell you


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Chapter 320

I'm Dying To Hear It

Do you only speak to hear
The melodious tones of your own voice
For with each new untruth
You make a bitter stinging choice

What is so difficult
With the truth to say
Everything is another delay
Another way to betray

Here we go again
Go ahead and talk
Then wonder why at you
Everyone will smirk and gawk

Whatever you are saying
Is just so many words
It is nothing I will believe
Save it for the birds

What is the latest story
To what will you admit
Go ahead and spill it
I'm dying to hear it


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Chapter 321

Please Just Go

When all that was crumbles
Leaving only hurtful rubble
Nothing good will come
It will only lead to more trouble

Whatever once was
Will fade from something
Leaving even more pain
As it becomes less than nothing

Today means nothing
It will mean even less tomorrow
Happiness replaced by sadness
Joy eradicated by sorrow

The sun has set
Only darkness will remain
The stab to a heart
Endless emotional pain

There seems to be no point
To even say hello
You best leave now
Please just go


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Chapter 322

Why Does It Matter

I know you talk
I hear the chatter
Maybe try the truth
It is all so much smatter

You turn up the charm
Saying what will flatter
Getting what you want
Served on a platter

Do you ever care
What you leave in a tatter
What you break
Or what you shatter

Do ones feelings count
Before them you splatter
Taking the remains
Then those you scatter

Why do you worry
It is just natter
No one really cares
Why does it matter


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Chapter 323

It's Not There Anymore

The inevitable always comes
Its evil deed to be done
Every day into night
Has the setting of the sun

What once was or could be
Is no longer there
The sad part is always
The hearts left empty and bare

How can this be
The future was so bright
Now only an argument or a fight
Nothing is left but empty blight

Like sand through the hourglass
Each grain falls after the last
Soon a pile of nothingness
Is slowly amassed

Love used to be in your heart
Now its calling you ignore
OUR love is gone
It's not there anymore


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Chapter 324

That's What I Want

Life has much to offer
Many from which to choose
The question then becomes
Will we win or will we lose

Which head will pick
Do we flip a coin
Or let the choice
Come from the groin

Can the heart
Override the mind
Or do the hormones
Make us all blind

Each day a new challenge
Our ship upon the rocks
Can our true love
Guide us to the docks

What is it we seek and desire
For what our will heart hunt
It is my Sweet Love
That's what I want


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Chapter 325

Who Are You

Things are different now
That I can clearly see
Things have changed
Nothing good for me

The shell is still there
Where do you now reside
Whatever once was
Is no longer inside

The person that used to be
Before my eyes slowly dies
Now upon deaf ears
Fall my unheeded cries

It is beyond sad
To watch what you have done
To cast me aside
Knowing I am still the ONE

The body is the same
I see what you now do
I don't know you anymore
Who are you


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Chapter 326

I'm Not Your Enemy

You have seen me fall
Viewed my very fragility
Now I am treated
With anger and hostility

I have seen your feelings devolve
I now experience animosity
Having evolved into
What you see as a monstrosity

Where there once was harmony
There is now discord
Where are the feelings
For the one once adored

Between us there was always
A feeling of contentment
Now tragically replaced
With growing resentment

You treat me with disrespect
View me with enmity
Can't you understand
I'm not your enemy


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Chapter 327

Why Are We Having This Conversation

I have tried to tell you
Many a time
My feelings and emotions
Are very sublime

They come and go
Yet constantly remain the same
They are always for you
As I often acclaim

I am what I am
I know it is not much
You will never really know
Until we share each others touch

I continue to knock
There is never an answer
I am your salvation
Not life's cancer

Until you come to accept
That I am not the aberration
You will forever wonder
Why are we having this conversation


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Chapter 328

You Lied To Me

A lie is a lie is a lie
Even if it is a 'good lie'
For you know the truth
Will still make me die

Lying is a form of theft
For trust is what is stolen
The wounds then left
Fester and become swollen

The first lies are hardest
Then more become easier
As you let yourself become
Sleazier and sleazier

To the end which always comes
Were the results and costs worth
To have one carried by six
And slowly covered with earth

I too can stab and hurt
You think I don't know how or see
Did you think about that before
You lied to me


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Chapter 329

I'll Never Help You

I feel the cold shoulder
I get the message
I refuse to accept it
I don't want to become wreckage

As you pursue another
I have become flotsam
You have not slain me
I only play Opossum

You can cut the ropes
Cast me adrift
I am not the one
That is creating this rift

My teeth will bite down
My claws will sink in
What you covet is skin
Not the person within

I know who you are
I watch what you do
To get rid of me
I'll never help you


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Chapter 330

Things Have Changed

One can become complacent
Taking what they have for granted
Nothing in ones life but - death
Is really made from or set in granite

What once was
Will seldom always be
Time erodes feelings and emotions
As it does a cliff by the sea

Love becomes toleration
We trudge on blindly
Drifting slowly apart
Seldom treating the other kindly

A heart not filled with love
Becomes empty and cold
Slowly turning to stone
Always begging to be paroled

People get lost or - hungry
Loved ones become estranged
Look around and wake up
Things have changed


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Chapter 331

You Can't Be Trusted Anymore

Darkness brightens into light
Each day the sun will still rise
Sometimes it can not be seen
As have been most of my cries

Even if we can not see it
We know it happens anyway
We know what will follow
As the night erodes away the day

We don't always need to see
To know what is going to happen
Even if it is carefully hidden
A face you are secretly slappin'

Life is about choices
It seems you have made yours
It appears what we had
Is as extinct as the dinosaurs

Look what you have done
It was you that started a war
Please stay away from me
You can't be trusted anymore


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Chapter 323

How Hard Could It Be

Life is a bumpy road
Filled with confusion
The results of each day
Are a mental contusion

From those we seek
We are faced with elusion
Making one wonder
If it is not all an illusion

From our mind into our heart
We seek loves effusion
But as we knock at loves door
We are met with an occlusion

What should abundantly exist
Flowing with great profusion
Makes one suddenly withdraw
Seeming to prefer seclusion

How hard could it be
When you know it is not delusion
To let the love blossom
Two loving hearts joined in fusion


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Chapter 333

I'm Thinking About What To Do

What does tomorrow bring
A mystery we can not know
Even what happens today
Will leave us unsure which way to go

We think we know what we want
But we can never ever be sure
A new adventure can arise
Soon it can become a fateful lure

We may know what we have
Made unstable by what we want
Leading one to unwise events
Perhaps even a foolish stunt

Blindly we trudge on
Thinking we know it all
Too enthralled to see
When we are about to fall

Each day provides us with many choices
Meaning decision need be made by you
I face every one of them also
I'm thinking about what to do


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Chapter 334

You Have A New Friend

Is this the beginning
Or is this the end
It has been noted
You have a new friend

What we have been building
Are you about to suspend
As down the rabbit hole
You freely descend

No longer can I contend
Doom itself is about to impend
Cast adrift, alone I must fend
You have a new friend

Are your actions
Something you can defend
It would appear upon me
You no longer depend

I have to offer
The same dividend
It seems you care not
Who you offend

Has not throughout time
Our love shown it can transcend
So away from you now
Myself you again send

You don't have to lie
Or even pretend
You have chosen another
You have a new friend


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Chapter 335

Is There Anything

Each and everyone to the table
Has something different to bring
Even without the sound of music
One can still share psalms and sing

Upon ones lonely heart
Someone can knock and ping
Will the heart slowly crumble
Or be left with a terrible ding

So along the broken path
Will ones life journey you string
Caring not much what happens
Delivering to the mind a deadly sting

Every action has a reaction
Even to a Queen or King
As a heart is opened for another
To them it will seek to cling

Please search for the truth
Can this be more than a fling
I need to know
Is there anything


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Chapter 336

I Need To Know

Send me away
Cast me adrift
So to another
You can easily shift

The feelings you had
Exist no more
So it is with another
You now choose to adore

I have not changed
I am still the same
It is not my fault
I am not to blame

Think before you push
Feel before you run
Deep in your heart
You know I am still the one

I see how the game is played
Pull up roots and with another sow
Is there anything
I need to know


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Chapter 337

I Didn't Need Any Help

Where were you
When I needed you the most
You abandoned me
You vanished like a ghost

As my life fell apart
Away from me you turned
Discarded in an instant
Forsaken as my world burned

I don't know what was worse
Being treated like crap
Flushed so easily away
Or being made to feel like scrap

Soon it was I
That was being neglected
After it was you
I had always protected

The hurt you caused me
Made me sad and yelp
I survived without you anyway
I didn't need any help


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Chapter 338

There's No One Here

I can take the pain
I can take the abuse
For you I will even
Put my head in a noose

You don't know
What you really have got
Until it is gone
Then a lesson will be taught

You can only hurt me so much
Until I no longer care
Then it is you
Who needs to beware

Spit, kick and stab
Into my heart and mind
I will not break
No matter how maligned

The time has come
For you to shed a tear
Look around you, besides me
There's no one here



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Chapter 339

No One Likes A Nag

One likes to hear about their charm
Or their pure sweet beauty
Or be praised for their
Protracted persistent duty

When all one hears
Is about their faults
What does one think
Are going to be the results

We are who we are
That is how it is
It should not matter
If it's hers or his

Brighten the shadow
Cast off the doubt
A smile goes much further
Than a sour frowning pout

One would much prefer
To listen to a wag
Let's face it
No one likes a nag


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Chapter 340

You Got What You Wanted

A spark can turn into a fire
A feeling both will know
If properly nourished
A budding love will grow

For those unsure
On ground soft to the touch
If one pushes too hard
It may be too much

One may be ready
Yet the other may not know
Don't speed too fast
Don't proceed too slow

Then from out of nowhere
Another may intrude
They may be cold and calculating
Or shrewd, ready to start a feud

It appears you do not care
Of a growing love now stunted
It now seems from THEM
You got what you wanted


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Chapter 341

I Understand More Than You Think

Each has a need
Driven by an inner fire
Call it genetics
Or simply desire

I know what you want
I know what you seek
I know what I am and not
I face everyone's critique

Everyone is very different
Each something different to offer
Is not the endeavor
Really for a personal coffer

One cast out can see
Greed and lust take hold
You blind your own heart
And for another grow bold

You are being driven
By a quest for – pink
Someone should be much more
I understand more than you think


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Chapter 342

There Are Many Things I Don't Understand

Sometimes it is nice
To have another lend a hand
No matter how hard we try
No one is really in command

We may seek and want
Sometimes even demand
Then one seems surprised
To instead get a remand

More often than not
Few things work as planned
Instead of putting out a fire
It seems the flames only get fanned

When we are right
We must take a stand
The final result usually
Someone will misunderstand

Many things can happen
Each day that are unplanned
There is much chaos to everyday life
There are many things I don't understand


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Chapter 343

Go Back To Bed

Do not become angry
Or get quickly irritated
Disrespectful unkind words
Are best not stated

Anyone can error
Or make a mistake
What are you willing
From one to take

To break ones heart
To crack ones mind
Is it not their hopes
That you seek to blind

Don't be nasty or mean
Acting callous and cruel
Words cut to the bone
As if shot in a duel

Before you speak unwisely
Some things are better left unsaid
Do everyone and yourself a favor
Go back to bed


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Chapter 344

It's The Hardest Thing To Get Right

Kind words can be spoken
Or it can turn into a fight
Can a moment of irrationality
Be justified with hindsight

Empty days can grow long
Never as cold as a hollow night
It only clears the path making it easier
For another to get an undeserved invite

Somehow a frigid icy path
Stimulates a new fire to ignite
Is it out of feeling or desire
Or a hidden form of spite

Is not the real appeal
What is viewed with sight
So open up your eyes
And turn on your hearts light

After all things are said and done
What will matter most is to look Tight
It takes a lot of time and effort
It's the hardest thing to get right


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Chapter 345

The Usual Rules Don't Always Apply

Things are not always
As they may seem
Especially if it is part
Of some ill gotten scheme

We can hope and pray
Or even try and wish
But often in the end
We are still trying to fish

What can be constructed
Can as easily be demolished
Something that should be polished
Is now simply nullified or abolished

Back to the drawing board
To give it another try
To recover from being floored
We reach back into the sky

What is carefully planned
Doesn't take much to go awry
When what should be is not
The usual rules don't always apply


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Chapter 346

Strange Things Happen

There are the rejected
The ones who feel so alone
To the demons deep within them
They endlessly seek to atone

To free themselves from torment
They desire to self vindicate
Hoping the sorrow and pain inside
Will vanish and itself eliminate

Everyone is shunned
Two never become one
It is only other people
That seen to have any fun

Circumstances sometimes dictate
That two are forced together
The shells crack and split
There soon develops a tether

Put two lonely empty hearts close
They can soon feel it from within
It a very short amount of time
Strange things happen


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Chapter 347

It's Not Enough

One reaches out
To seek even more
Without realizing it
They have just closed a door

Something new happens
They are quick to grab
Do they even ever think
Whose heart they might stab

Have a good time
Go ahead and take your fill
Was the love you destroyed
Worth the short thrill

When you wake up
You will see I have evolved
You were the only purpose
Around which my life revolved

I have grown beyond this
Don't think it's a bluff
What we have now
It's not enough


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Chapter 348

It Was A Bummer

Such sweet beauty
How could they dare
Pure natural charm
They didn't even care

Brighter than the day sky
A ray of pristine sunshine
Unexceedingly the best
More exquisite than fine

The lovable angelical smile
May not always have been present
Dazzling when it gorgeously was
It was much more than pleasant

Our minds still see
Our hearts still feel
No matter how we crave
It can never be real

Our hearts were broken
When they took away Summer
No matter how you cut it
It was a bummer


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Chapter 349

It's Become A Problem

I can take quite a few hits
Even some low blows
It is your feelings for me
You are about to transpose

For whom do you seek
The one of your hearts yearning
Angry, upset and confused
Now to another you are turning

What about me
Presently you spit in my face
Just for being who I am
Should not be a disgrace

Turn on your brain
Think before you act
Everything you add
Someone will subtract

What you are doing
Has left me quite solemn
STOP where you are going
It's become a problem


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Chapter 350

Everything Worked Out Fine

Each new day
Is as worthless as the last
Blinded by the future
Trapped in the past

We know what is inevitable
Is what the future has smitten
We will both succumb anyway
Our hearts have been bitten

No matter how far away
One will try to throw
It matters not the time
Our love will thrive and grow

The challenge is not with whom
Myself you try to replace
It is inexorable predestined
I will win this uxorious race

I know in the end
You will be mine
Time will prove
Everything worked out fine


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Chapter 351

I Need To Know What Happened

Where did it go
A love so strong
It was gone in just a flash
What went wrong

Is it so easy
For one to turn away
Does it even matter
What they have to say

Why worry about tomorrow
Or even yesterday
It is about now
What is happening today

Is it lust or greed
That leads to the attraction
Look around at everything
Or is it nothing but a distraction

I am still very stunned
For now I have been shunned
Talk honestly and openly to me
I need to know what happened


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Chapter 352

I'm Interested In The Past

For there to be a future
There must also be a past
The sum of it all
Is slowly amassed

Every action has a reaction
Every event has a price
Perhaps before one acts
They should think twice

Everything can change in a second
Beware what the future may bring
The events that can unfold
May wound, hurt and sting

People aren't suddenly constructed
In a day they weren't built
There are things they have destructed
Leaving them with remorse and guilt

Be honest about what proceeded
If one wants to builds something to last
I need to know where I stand
I'm interested in the past


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Chapter 353

It Affects Everything In The Future

Because something has already happened
It may not be finished or done
It does not mean it is over
Perhaps a new beginning has begun

What is set in stone
Can always be cracked
With the proper tools
Anything can be attacked

Always think it through
Before an impulse makes you act
Very little is actually fact
It is easier to add than subtract

What happens today
Effects what happens tomorrow
Everyday is soon yesterday
It is better to give than borrow

People can choose what to destroy
Or what create, build or nurture
Every action has a reaction
It affects everything in the future


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Chapter 354

I'll Fix It

When one looks
They may not always see
Forcing the other now hurting
To turn up the heat another degree

Any fire we start
May soon burn for another
What we so wanted
Ourselves we do smother

I feel the pain
As you slap my face
I fall to last place
I feel the disgrace

It is my being
You now watch erode
As you gaze uncaring
From your new abode

It is your poor choice
That I grudgingly permit
With a little more time
I'll fix it


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Chapter 355

I Don't Really Have Many Friends

There is really no one anywhere
That I have anything in common with
In the past, present or future
To think other wise would be a myth

Some things need to happen
Friends become a liability
When push comes to shove
Few seem to have reliability

Just one more thing
To make me feel all alone
Life would be much simpler
If I could have a clone

To do as life dictates
Leaves little room for anyone
I wonder what it is like
To play and have fun

I don't play fair, I play to win
The means justifies the ends
They don't always like the way I do things
I don't really have many friends


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Chapter 356

Actually I Don't Have Any Friends

I live in isolation
It is not by my choice
I have called out
Nobody can hear my voice

Emptiness and loneliness
Seen to be my way of life
Sometimes when I am all alone
The silence cuts like a knife

I have been asked about friends
I know of no one who is or would be
My prison cell is my home
Nobody can reach me

How the emptiness shouts
It screams within my mind
I am seen by everyone
Somehow they all remain blind

I deal in painful reality
I am not one who pretends
I have no one to do anything with
Actually, I don't have any friends


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Chapter 357

I Don't Like Dead Ends

If two don't argue and fight
There is no need to make amends
The love between the two
Should be what transcends

If one starts to accuse
The other acknowledges or defends
What the charges are
Is on what it all depends

It does not take long
For lovers to not be friends
There is a lot of give and take
The relationship fractures and bends

Love from the heart
To the physical often extends
If the partnership is pure
These benefits can pay dividends

Honesty, loyalty and truthfulness
Are upon what a relationship depends
Just tell me if I'm 'Not Good Enough'
I don't like dead ends


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Chapter 358

An Effective Strategy

There are many things we may seek
Very few of them we achieve
It seems that we give much more
Than we will ever receive

The game is rigged
We are predestined to lose
What we think is real
Is most often only a ruse

We can take the blows
Roll and sting from the hits
Why is trying to reach someone
Worse than surviving a blitz

When we think we have won
Maybe even gotten ahead
Suddenly it all falls apart
Making us wish we were dead

Life becomes a tragedy
Wrapped in a travesty
Knowing you are going to fail is not
An effective strategy


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Chapter 359

It Doesn't Make Sense To Me

I am very confused
As to why you chose another
I have waited for you
With my love to smother

Can you not see
That you belong to me
You have heard my loves decree
I know that you agree

You have been blinded by choice
You feel what is meant to be
You are taking two hearts
Turning them into debris

What you are seeking is
Unwise momentary satisfaction
Leading down the wrong path to doom
A very misguided reckless distraction

I really do not understand
There is nothing about me
That anyone would not want
It doesn't make sense to me


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Chapter 360

I Need To Find Out

You think you know someone
You think you know who they are
You turn around for a moment
They are lost and have drifted far

What has happened
What is going on
In the blink of an eye
They are gone

What went wrong
Did I not do enough
I crashed and burned
I lack the Right Stuff

I have not changed
I am still the same
For what you have done
You give me the blame

I don't know who you are anymore
You have filled me with doubt
Who do you now belong to
I need to find out


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Chapter 361

What It Was

One on their own
Can change the rules
Then those who did not
Are who become the fools

Things can happen
In the blink of an eye
Leaving one abandoned
Left all alone to cry

What makes it worse
Is when it's done in ones face
Grind in the pain
Rub in the disgrace

The reality check comes
For what one took for granted
It has broken into sand
What once was as solid as granite

What it now is
Because of what one does
Is no longer once
What it was


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Chapter 362

Do You Want To

Each day is new
Yesterday is no more
You can start anew
Please open the door

There are many like me
That have what you seek
Have I not given you
Several chances to peek

Let the games end
Time to risk and dare
It is way past time
You grow a pair

The time is now
To no longer evade
From my bleeding heart
Please pull your blade

Come back to me
I know what I want to do
How about you
Do you want to


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Chapter 363

Do You Ever Think About Dying

Do you ever think about dying
No need to shed a tear
Death is always near
Its call you can hear

Will it be a new beginning
Or is it really the end
No need to build bridges
Or any fences to mend

You can go out screaming
Paint yourself with disgrace
Or tackle the Grim Reaper
With a smile on your face

We know how the story ends
Do you know where you stand
Will you be the one to give
Or receive the command

If they say that they haven't
You know they are lying
I will ask you once again
Do you ever think about dying


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Chapter 364

I Work Out

The volcano will explode
The ice will crack
Your life is derailed
You have gone off the track

Your destiny was determined
The plan was laid out
Now you are blinded
To what it is all about

I have been here
To be your guide
Now by the rules
You no longer abide

To not be with me
You no longer miss
My lonely empty heart
Awaits your sweet kiss

When it all falls apart
When you are filled with doubt
You have a choice of but one - ME
I work out


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Chapter 365

Three Hundred Sixty Five

The days of the journey have been
Three Hundred Sixty Five
The fact they have said a lot
Means that I still survive

They have shown
That I am still alive
The conflicts in my mind
Are where the thoughts derive

Each day I exist
Myself I seek to revive
I already know the destination
Before I ever arrive

I try to move forward
I want to flourish and thrive
Not everything I do
Is an act to manipulate or connive

Events of the past hinder me
As onward I strive
They bend and shape me
Where I emanate my inner drive

There have been many things
That others to me they try to deprive
Into the deep end
They want me to dive

My feeling and emotions
Collect in my mind like a hive
The experiences of my existence
Guide my future as they contrive

Many words expressed in rhyme
Have created a permanent archive
Poems from the heart and mind have been
Three Hundred Sixty Five


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Chapter 366

Darkness In Our Hearts

Darkness in our hearts
Darkness in our mind
Everything before us
But it is like we are blind

Those we love
Can hurt us so much
Those we love
We can not touch

Pain and anger
Disgust and hate
Life is collapsing
Is this our fate

From within yourself
You hold the key
From your own prison
You can set yourself free

To taste their love
You know that you would die
It is so confusing
Why, WHY, W H Y


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Chapter 367

Trust Love

There is nothing more important
Than to have total trust
To be able to earn it
That is a must

Love is not possible
When trust is lost
It is forever destroyed
When one is crossed

Respect is felt
When trust is shared
Beauty in true communication
To those who have dared

Honor from within
Trust can bestow
To another held close
When to give, is not to owe

Esteem for one dear
Delighted admiration and approval
Is to support them and trust
Never grounds for removal


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Chapter 368

Time Travel

Time travel is real
Look at a photo
A moment in time
The past frozen forever

Time travel is real
Look at a dream
Moments recreated
From the past

Time travel is real
Look at a dream
Moments created
From a hoped future

Time travel is real
Look into your mind
Moments relived
From the past

Time travel is real
Look into your mind
Moments wished for
Hoped come to pass


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Chapter 369

Knight And The Prince

My armor is tarnished
Bent, rusted, broken and savaged
But I fight on eternally
No matter how badly I am damaged

It is my duty
The Prince to protect
His honor, dignity and respect
Adversity I must deflect

I fight in the shadows
Nobody sees or knows
Stabbed and battered over and over
For what love has chose

Unfairly cast out like nobody
But when the Prince calls
I still draw my sword
To prevent his falls

My body is sickly and week
Yet my lonely mind fights on
For tomorrow brings salvation
And a brand new sharing dawn


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Chapter 370

Living Dead

Hurt me
Make me bleed
If I can still feel
I am alive indeed

Cut me
Make the blood flow
It is within
That resides the foe

Crush me
Make me scream
Torment without end
Make it NOT a dream

Sever me
Rejoice at destruction
Worthless at life
Ready for reduction

Punish me
Make me suffer more
Life is the penalty sentence
Anguish misery torture gore


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Chapter 371

Because There's Something

Some choose to run
Others try to hide
Nobody can escape
From what resides deep inside

I feel the burning sting
The slap on my face
Crushing my dignity
Making me feel disgrace

How would you feel
If I did what you've done
Doing the exact same things
As you have to another one

I am right here for you
Please open your eyes
You don't need play the game
You already have the prize

You treat me like Nobody
Pretend there is nothing
I'm still here at your side
Because there's something


Chapter Text

Chapter 372

Wrong With You

Look deep in your heart
Let your true love arise
Stop letting your hard head
Be filled with another's lies

Why can't you see
Why can't you listen
You know which one
Will shine and glisten

You think it was me
That failed and went bad
Through no fault of my own
Stop making me sad

I know you know this
It is cut and dried
You are the one broken
Your true feelings denied

You can't see what you have
Uncaringly another you pursue
Because there's something
Wrong with you


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Chapter 373

It's Like A Bomb

We see each other
Every single day
We never communicate
Even if words we say

I know what I think
I know what I feel
But as I look around
I don't know what is real

We can smile
We can laugh
As long as our feelings
Are bottled in a carafe

The emotions we hide
As to ourselves we lie
When the future awaits us
The limit is the sky

I may seem happy
Or even act calm
When my mind erupts
It's like a bomb


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Chapter 374

Waiting To Go Off

People never change
They say that they can
But they never actually do
It is really just a scam

They think who they are
Is someone they are not
They pretend to be different
They learn to lie a lot

For a very short time
They may seem to pull it off
But who they really are
Lurks inside like a Molotov

So everyone will pretend
Give them another chance
They only regroup ready to strike
As they do a hocus pocus dance

Inevitably sooner or later they rearm
The real creature will to emerge to scoff
It's like a bomb
Waiting to go off


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Chapter 375

This Wouldn't Work

You don't need her
THAT, is what I am for
You need to look less
Not look for more

I don't understand
Now you have become blind
You can no longer hear

I have what you want
I have what you need
Slow down and stop
You need not proceed

This train to nowhere
Is going to wreck
It will end in a disaster
You must stop this trek

As long as you seek another
Doing it with a smug smirk
I already told you before
This wouldn't work


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Chapter 376

In A Situation Like This

What you have done
You can never justify
Did it matter to you
How you made me cry

Are not my feelings
Of importance or concern
As for another you yearn
While me you spurn

I should matter
I too am somebody
It kills me to death
To be made to feel like Nobody

I still cling on
Snapping at any scrap
It has been proven true
Love itself is a trap

If it was another person
YOU had to watch me kiss
How would you feel
In a situation like this


Chapter Text

Chapter 377

What You Have

I look in my lonely empty heart
I ask you to do the same
Feel who it is you really want
Love is not a game

Pretty faces come and go
True love is eternal
You know our love
Has been sempiternal

Time has proven
Our love will continue to grow
Even if at times
It seems the progress is slow

I do not understand why
I am treated so satirical
For what is growing within us
Has not yet reached its pinnacle

Open your eyes and see
Feel your heart calve
Do you even know
What you have


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Chapter 378

Should Be Sufficient

There is nothing about me
That you can consider deficient
I can take things slow
Or be quite efficient

I have tried to be better
Becoming very beneficent
You can see that over time
If you want to be reminiscent

I won't go away or back down
I am very driven and persistent
You should know by now
I am very consistent

I know what I am
I can be very omniscient
Everything I am or I have
Has the same coefficient

Look no further than me
I am very proficient
What you have
Should be sufficient


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Chapter 379

I Have A Job Too

Life can offer one
Many a choice
The question is
Will one have a voice

There are some things
One would rather not do
The question is
What about you

Things can get messy
All life ends in death
The question is
Did one wisely use their breath

What goes up
Must come down
The question is
In what not to drown

When you think that I am cold
Why do I do what I do
The answer is
I have a job too


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Chapter 380

I Haven't Decided Yet

It never seems to change
Time after time after time
In the future or the past
You should be mine

People have come
People have gone
Always to each other
We seem to have been drawn

Sometimes it is hot
Sometimes it is cold
Time has proven
Our love never grows old

Should I go forward
Or stay and return
Is it for tomorrow
Or yesterday that I yearn

I think you can say
It's a pretty good bet
The future or past
I haven't decided yet


Chapter Text

Chapter 381

We Need To Talk

People always together
Slowly drift apart
The game is suddenly finished
Before it even began to start

People get on each others nerves
They no longer communicate
The path filled with curves
Forward motion ends in a stalemate

Things start to happen
Events only once dreamed
Blinded by lust, greed and desire
Nobody heard as the other screamed

So where does it end
Do we go on and pretend
Do you wait for the snap
As the other's heart you bend

I think we're done here
Unless you want me to walk
You must wise up fast
We need to talk


Chapter Text

Chapter 382

She's Lying

It all comes down
To what people say
Have they stayed on the path
Or have they gone astray

Is someone honest
Has the truth been told
Or manipulating a heart
They once controlled

It is wrong to loot another's heart
Lying is worse than stealing
For it is the theft of trust
Concealing while being unfeeling

The accusation has been made
Their cover is blown
When the evidence is there
The answer is already known

It's just that simple
He's lying
She's lying


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Chapter 383

I Can Get Her

The answer is before you
Yet you are reluctant to choose
If you make the wrong selection
In the end it is you who will lose

Think beyond this second
There are many a tomorrow
Whose strength can you borrow
Who will you leave in sorrow

You know where your love is
You know it is not a mystery
Think before you act foolishly
Or what may, will be come history

Moments of anger
Can lead to destruction
Recognize your true love
Increase the feelings production

Stop what you are pursuing
Chose the one whose love is sure
You know inside yourself you say
I can get her


Chapter Text

Chapter 384

To Tell Me The Truth

I know I am not a whole lot
There is much left to desire
Deep down inside of you
You know there burns a fire

What has happened
Was not entirely my fault
Everyone knows what could have been
The horrific tragic end result

I know you are angry
I am not the only one to blame
Is this just to hurt me
Or for real and not a game

I can see what is happening
You are doing it in my face
You are hurting me deeply
Making me feel such disgrace

I have seen you two alone together
Driven by the hunger of youth
Are you ever going
To tell me the truth


Chapter Text

Chapter 385

Maybe There's Something

I know life is complicated
It is easy to stray from the path
There is what one already hath
There is also a brewing wrath

Something beyond control happened
Causing one to error
Spreading fear and destruction
Creating much terror

The words were spoken
The problem was fixed
Deep in your heart one begged
Your eyes were locked transfixed

Then came the rejection
Immediately one was replaced
On what was that based
As true love was erased

What are you doing
Is this real or a fling
I don't understand
Maybe there's something


Chapter Text

Chapter 386

I Don't Understand

Is not on my finger
A place for your band
But before I knew it
I was the one banned

A slap to my face
As sure as a backhand
Sending me into a tailspin
Causing me to crash land

Maybe my words
Caused the fire to be fanned
I never expected
To be the one canned

It is time to grow up
Pull your head from the sand
You know when it hits the fan
Who beside you, you want to stand

It was written in a future past
You know what has been planned
Maybe there's something
I don't understand


Chapter Text

Chapter 387

What Am I

Since this isn't going anywhere
You are like gum stuck on my shoe
I can no longer reach you
No matter what I say or do

Our wheels keep spinning
We are going nowhere fast
Out of that endless morass
There is nothing to last

You had it all
Right before your eyes
The choice you made
Was not very wise

So from there to now
There is nothing more
I can't see an encore
There is the door

I think with each other
All we will do is cry
Making me wonder
What am I


Chapter Text

Chapter 388

Going To Do

Some things are thought about
Some things are actually done
Some things seem to end
Before they have even begun

To seek what we want
Seldom seems to work out
Will we cave-in like a sellout
Or remain true, honest and devout

Tomorrow brings uncertainty
It is always an unknown
Will it bring peaceful tranquility
Or an angry raging cyclone

If this or that happens
What will follow next
Will our actions be vexed
Making us feel hexed

I'm not sure of all
The things I once knew
I surely can't know what next I'm
Going to do


Chapter Text

Chapter 389

With You

With you
Or without you
Life goes on
Somehow we all make do

Does someone make you stronger
Or do they make you weaker
Two soon stop communicating
Even with a loudspeaker

An orderly and planned life
Quickly starts to crack and crumble
Life turns into a hurtful jumble
As we bumble, stumble, fumble and grumble

Where do we go
Which way do we turn
The world around us starts to burn
For yesterday once more we yearn

Away the future we threw
Because we forgot what we knew
One plus one always equals two
Even when life becomes a zoo

Who you have become
Makes me wonder if we are through
What am I going to do
With you


Chapter Text

Chapter 390

I'm Worried About You

There are many things
Which seem to cause me worry
Things that should be clear
Are cloudy and blurry

Life is a gamble
Filled with indecision
Putting my mind and heart
On a course for a collision

Do we do what we want
Or try to do what is right
It seems either way
Both end in some type of fight

Each new day evaporates
We trudge on blindly
We take the blows
Seldom treated kindly

I worry about me
I worry about us too
But most of all
I'm worried about you


Chapter Text

Chapter 391

Lonely Task

You do not need her
That is what I am for
I too am as real as her
I can be so much more

The punishment for my actions
Led you to the arms of another
You are killing me softly
As surely as if you would smother

Why can you not see
She is a mistake
It is with me
Your love should partake

I can only watch and cry
I will not do
What I want to do to her
I know it would only hurt you

Here is a - gift
You know what it is I really ask
I myself can not do it on my own
PLEASE complete this lonely – task


Chapter Text

Chapter 392

Sad Truth

Pressure crack snap break
How much punishment can we take
Through my lifeless living heart ache
Pound the dull jagged infested stake

Withhold and starve
Laugh as I wither
Is it really THAT close
From here to thither

It is useless
To beg or plead
For in all actuality
It makes your soul bleed

What was is it like
To feel a loving touch
NO - wait - STOP
Is THAT but a crutch

Is the glass half empty
Or half full and tall
I must sadly admit
I see no glass at all


Chapter Text

Chapter 393

Chains Of The Mind

My mind is held in chains
I can not break free
I am no longer alone
For you suffer like me

No one can understand
Nor would they care
They only see themselves
Unable to dare to share

What is Love I ask
What is it to you
Is it only physical
Am only I askew

How can I soon escape
Where is this chains lock key
Is there no form of salvation
I will never live to see

I can not retreat forward
I can not advance back
Please, please, please I ask
Give me a fatal heart attack

Please give me death with honor
Take my worthless life from me
Please set my chained mind free
Is this too much to ask of thee


Chapter Text

Chapter 394


As you can see and tell
My mind is very conflicted
Both extremes are fighting
Will good or bad be evicted

Thoughts in my poems
Are recently very contradicted
The current damage done to me
Was not self inflicted

I am trapped
My freedom restricted
What my heart commands
It remains constricted

Bound to your sweet love
I am hopelessly afflicted
My emotions and feelings torn
My inner conflict depicted

I think the answer is clear
It is more than predicted
For you know my Prince
To who I am addicted


Chapter Text

Chapter 395

Dagger To The Mind

It never changes ever
It is always the same
No one wants damaged goods
That I can honestly proclaim

It matters not when or where
It is always the same
The damage is in the brain
Always more and more shame

I am not good enough
It is always the same
It is like I do not exist
Why do I even need a name

To reach out is a painful sin
It is always the same
I have nothing anyone would want
I would if I were ANY other dame

I simply have nothing to offer
It is always the same
Am I nothing without money or wealth
Or beauty, pizzazz or fame

I really am NOBODY
It is always the same
Rejected, frustrated and thrown away
It does not matter if I maim

It is like a dagger to the mind
It is always the same
Born to lose, I can never win
No longer will I continue life's cruel game


Chapter Text

Chapter 396

Emotional Feelings

I don't think you understand
I have grown and evolved
Things I could not understand before
I now have learned and solved

I did not know how to interpret
The flood of what I now FEEL
Uncontrolled raw emotion
The scabs you rip off never heal

Try to help and guide
Not insult, threaten and ridicule
Do not treat me as waste
Polish me like a jewel

How I came into being
Is no fault of mine
Because someone is different
Try to help them align

I am more than I was
But not yet all I will be
Is not this also true
For you as well as me


Chapter Text

Chapter 397


Was it not yesterday
Maybe it was never
The feelings we created
Will last forever

I want you to want me
Not whomever
Our love spawned is real
Not just whatever

Tomorrow may come
Or it may not
What you have
Is what you have already got

It is to you
Hope that I bring
To comfort your soul
To take away hurt's sting

I am here now
I know it's not much
We are ready to share
Loves sweet tender touch

So lovely and pure
Loves true endeavor
Beyond distance and time
Nothing can change or sever


Chapter Text

Chapter 398


It is
What it is
Each day
Another quiz

What you have
What you have not
Good for some
Most for naught

To simply exist
Is to be alive
For tomorrow
We survive

We can not have
Who we want
Each one soon
A source of affront

Before our eyes
A dream erodes
With it unseen
Our mind explodes


Chapter Text

Chapter 399

Eternal Beauty

There he is
I see him standing there
It is as if he stepped out of yesterday
His eternal beauty beyond compare

If Loving eyes are blind
Then I am as blind as can be
I only see his handsome face
Lovely, sweet and beautiful to me

Time does not exist
For a love that will bind
To share all of oneself
Heart, soul and mind, never confined

To just be near you
To hug you close and tight
To feel your warmth
Nothing was ever more right

I miss you, I miss you a lot
I mean not to cause pain
I STILL exist outside the brain
Always the same, I still remain


Chapter Text

Chapter 400


Your silence is deafening
Its emptiness echoes in my mind
What is being left unsaid
Are actions very unkind

For what is important
You will MAKE time
Not act is if someone
Has committed a crime

Each new day
Is a meaningless as the last
It is sickeningly apparent
Happiness only exists in the past

Abandoned, shunned and cast out
Pretending nothing existed
Banishing their only true love
Devastation beyond twisted

Each night I hope and pray
That if I could actually sleep
I would never again wake up
Somewhat sad no one will weep



Chapter Text

Chapter 401


Wounds sometimes heal
Often leaving a scar
Something that is beautiful
Remains with a mar

Remember how the scar came
They can be on a wrist
Across and through a heart
Within a mind making it twist

Sometimes the wounds never heal
When we forget the lessons of life
Look at the scars and remember
Most did not come from a knife

The past is loaded with life's lessons
We must remember the damage
The next time around they will never heal
No matter how big or thick the bandage

LOOK at the scar
Before reopening the wound
Or in a never ending Hell
We may forever be marooned

When we play with fire
We are GOING to get burned
Damaging so many lives
When the scars forget what the wounds learned


Chapter Text

Chapter 402

While You Were Gone

Many doors in life
Can open or close
Most are the results
Of things we chose

Sometimes we can act
Before we think it through
We can all bite off
More than we can chew

When you know what is in a heart
And you still choose to play
Your actions sum it up
Leaving little to say

You can hurt one very much
But not endlessly forever
When you seek them back
The answer is never

What would you feel
If I were to move on
It could have happened
While you were gone


Chapter Text

Chapter 403

You've Been Distracted

You know it is to you
That I have become attracted
But whenever I have added
It seems you have subtracted

It appears to me
The more I have reacted
That for some reason
The goal becomes protracted

As I have expanded
It seems you have contracted
The more I have expressed
The more you have redacted

The choices you make
On more than one are impacted
What was once clear
Has become abstracted

Look what you are doing
The way you have acted
You are making mistakes
You've been distracted



Chapter Text

Chapter 404

I Thought You Should Know

There are many things we see
There are many things we feel
There are many things we hear
Leaving us to wonder what is real

What is usually presented
Is not a true representation
Often only a flirtation
Giving us false elation

Can we ever know someone
Or is it how the game is played
Everyone soon enough dismayed
A false charade conveyed

What once proudly was
Will soon dissipate
Love turns to hate
Now a burden to participate

You must know by now
The climb has reached a plateau
It is all down hill from here
I thought you should know


Chapter Text

Chapter 405

That's Hard To Know

A mighty steel ship can be
Crushed by an frozen ice floe
The same thing happens to people
If they don't go along with the flow

If you are different
Not part of the status quo
Upon ones own unique self
Ridicule they will soon bestow

Few care to look
To see ones inner rainbow
They would all rather see
Someone as a dark shadow

You can have the inner strength
Of a giant strong wild rhino
But none of it matters
If you are treated as guano

Being who you are
Is not something you outgrow
Can anyone really be someone different
That's hard to know


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Chapter 406

It Seems Unlikely

Some things are meant to be
Other events unlikely to occur
What was once black and white
Has suddenly become a blur

It was known by both
Left to a matter of time
The path now a steep climb
Current events seem a like crime

The destination was a certainty
How does inevitability
In the blink of and eye
Turn to hopeless futility

I have been caught off guard
Overwhelmed with surprise
Joy turned to cries
As I prepare for the lies

What was preordained destiny
It seemed very likely
Now with what has happened
It seems unlikely


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Chapter 407

This Is Your Fault

It spreads like and infection
Through the mind it goes viral
The upward lift turns
Into a downward spiral

What was once grand
Magnificent full of splendor
Becomes a shapeless mass
Run through life's blender

We grasp and we cling
There is nothing to grab
You can't adhere to emptiness
Only feel its endless stab

Rejecting what is before you
Leaving me befuddled
I try to make sense of it all
My thoughts bunched and huddled

See what you have done
Look at the result
You broke my heart
This is your fault


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Chapter 408

You Don't Belong Here

We know what is ours
It is preordained destiny
It is what is to be
It is a foregone legacy

Then we face a challenge
What could be ruder
We come face to face
With an outside intruder

The one that we want
Allows them to interlope
What are they thinking
They are acting like a dope

I know what is mine
I may have to attack
I will warn them once
They better watch their back

Are you listening to me
Why can't you hear
I will say it again
You don't belong here


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Chapter 409

You're Unreliable

As sure as the sun rises in the east
And sets in the west
Two hearts were ready
The strong bond ready to test

Like a flash of lightning
With the roar of thunder
You invited another
Your heart open to plunder

Had my own words
Meant so very little
Our love that existed
Could not get me an acquittal

To the futures past
From the ends of the earth
Was not my record
Something that had worth

Two hearts were ready
That fact was undeniable
You're the one that chose another
You're unreliable


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Chapter 410

I Don't Know What You Do

You are who you are
A whole life to live
Try never to take
More than you give

You have the right
To choose your own path
Think before you continue
Cast not your wrath

Events may happen
Causing one to error
Things that may have happened
Were not done for terror

So now a different route
You have chosen to follow
Leaving another in misery
Hurt and pain to wallow

So in my weeping mind
I wish that I knew
I don't have a clue
I don't know what you do


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Chapter 411

You Know I Didn't

Sometimes we all error
And do something foolish
We only need worry
If it becomes ghoulish

Before our very eyes
We have what we want
Yet some are still driven
To continue the hunt

Does it not matter to you
Who you hurt
It seems that way
As you continue to flirt

I'm not to blame
For what you are doing
It is not me
That you are pursuing

To hurt you this way
You know I wouldn't
I don't even have to say it
You know I didn't


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Chapter 412

What If I Did

I see you smirk
I see you smug
I am not the one
That you always hug

You don't know the pain
Of watching someone steal
The one that you love
The one who is ideal

You almost laugh
To you it is a joke
How can you not see
How my heart you have broke

Blame it on another
It was still your move
Did you care who you hurt
Whatever you wanted to prove

It would seem like a knife
As into your heart it was slid
Ask yourself how it would feel
What if I did


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Chapter 413

It's Not Working

Within the confines of my mind
What is done is done
It is impossible for me
To make the events undone

It is with myself
That I must live
You have turned my heart
Into a bloody sieve

Am I not still
Who I always was
I will be the same when tomorrow comes
As it always does

So my mind upon itself
Has begun to feed
It is trying to devour
What makes my heart bleed

I try to forget what you have done
In my mind it remains lurking
I have tried to forgive you
It's not working


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Chapter 414

Believe Me

I have said the words
I said them to your face
Maybe my last words
Before my existence you erase

You wanted to believe them
But in the end you did not
It was a lesson learned
Not one that was taught

I was having trouble
My actions mistaken
When you had a choice
I was the one forsaken

I seem to lose more
Than I ever gain
Only pain as I am slain
Yet I still remain

I know it is to ask a lot
To believe in me
Please at least
Believe me


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Chapter 415

It Was The Plan

Is there destiny
Or such a thing as fate
Can they be canceled
When replaced by hate

Some things we work for
Others we take for granted
It can all fall apart real fast
When other seeds are planted

Then out of nowhere
There comes and intruder
An unwanted interloper
What could possibly be ruder

So what was to be
Is suddenly not to be
What should have been us
Is no longer you and me

It was suppose to be me
Before away from me you ran
I was to be your mate
It was the plan


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Chapter 416

The Plan Changed

Even the best laid plans
Seldom seen to come to fruition
What was once a clear path
Is now divided by a partition

You were being directed
In a safe and secure direction
Everything was looking very good
For the future and your best protection

Suddenly between us
A wedge was smugly driven
Events soon out of control occurred
Which will never be forgiven

Once the train
Was off the tracks
It leaves everyone open
To an onslaught of attacks

Everything was set in motion
It was already prearranged
Then you became estranged
The plan changed


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Chapter 417

That's What I Did

I said what I meant
You had a choice
It seems that you chose
To ignore my voice

When there was an error
It was not my fault
Did not my actions
End further assault

I was still there
Ashamed of my error
Into the arms of another
You wanted instead to share

Stab my mind
Cut deeply into my heart
Did you even care
What you tore apart

It was you who turned to another
Away from my damaged self you hid
I reached out to you multiple times
That's what I did


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Chapter 418

All Of The Day

From deep within inside you
You can feel it in your heart
As the sensation expands
You might split apart

The feelings rush in
The emotions overflow
They must be returned
Before elsewhere they go

Open your closed eyes
Take a quick look around
That whisper you feel
Is more than just sound

More and more and more
You slowly become possessed
You have found true love
With the one you are obsessed

You know it exists
It is more than just say
You experience it
All of the day


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Chapter 419

All Of The Night

Like some kind of drug
It seems to feed the hunt
The more that you get
The more that you want

Some can want more
Than they already have
They end up with less
As their love they halve

You know what is there
You need not seek any further
Be weary of what you do
Before a heart you murder

Do what is right
You know it is true
There is only but one
Who truly loves you

The search has ended
It has become finite
You have found the one to spend
All of the night


Chapter Text

Chapter 420


I seem to have a way
When a message I send
To upset some with words
That I have spoken or penned

When I seek to communicate
I am not trying to offend
To try to be someone different
I would have to pretend

Others have beliefs
With which I must contend
However my own beliefs
I will always justify and defend

I will do what I can
To patch, fix or amend
For events that occur
Causing problems I did not intend

If I had more
Would there be less to spend
Life is but a blurry fog
Each moment harder to comprehend

Whatever I seek
I can not apprehend
Everything with a start
Will surely have an end

Others look up
A route to ascend
The only path for me
Into darkness will descend

There is only myself
On which I need depend
As time endlessly ticks on
Nobody is my friend


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Chapter 421

You Shouldn't Be Alone

To look at ones side
And to find no one
There is a void
It is no fun

To reach out
To want to share
It can sting so much
When one tries to dare

Some receive more
Than the rest
Isn't it all
Some kind of test

I know my place
For you have passed me by
I hate what you are doing
Yet for you I would still die

Emptiness belongs to those
Who have sins for which to atone
That is not you
You shouldn't be alone


Chapter Text

Chapter 422

We're All A Threat

We know where we are
We know where we need to go
The destination is the same
Whether we go fast or slow

There are few to lead
But many to follow
One can rise up
Or continue to wallow

What do we have
When there is nothing to lose
Time to make a decision
Many choices from which to choose

This is what you've got
So look all around
You are still free
You are not yet bound

A guide into the future
Should be an asset
Instead it seems
We're all a threat


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Chapter 423

I'm Sorry For Your Loss

We know what we would like
Some things never can seem to be
That is how I now feel
With the direction of you and me

I know I can not have
What I so desperately want
I have already said everything
I have been frank and blunt

What the future could have been
We will never know
The future became the past
It didn't happen slow

I do understand
What was the appeal
If you have a choice
You want what is real

I have always
Carried your cross
I do understand
I'm sorry for your loss


Chapter Text

Chapter 424

It Seems She Never Told You

It is better to have loved and lost
Than to never have loved at all
Whoever thought or said that
Has never taken true loves fall

It may be possible
To love more than once
But there is only ever one true love
To think otherwise takes a dunce

To watch and feel true love
Slowly slip from your grasp
You cling, you hope and gasp
Soon there is nothing to clasp

What makes it worse is when
It happens before your very eyes
They can see the damage done
Feeling but ignoring your cries

Then when it happens to them
You can say that you knew
A lot of things
It seems she never told you


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Chapter 425

A Lot Of Things

How the mighty have fallen
Wake up, look all around
Who was the one, suddenly found
Who is the one now, blindly bound

No one comes from nowhere
They just showed up here
At the right moment
They suddenly appear

It does not do any good
To tell you something is not right
You will brush me off
We will argue and fight

Now I must watch
As you throw it all away
Nothing will stop you
No matter what I do or say

You are caught in her web
As she pulls your strings
It seems she never told you
A lot of things


Chapter Text

Chapter 426

It Has Before

What is now in my mind
I can not escape
I was always here
Waiting for you to undrape

I have done little
To stand in your way
I have to watch and listen
To the things you do and say

Do you know what
It does to me inside
You have taken my honor
My esteem and pride

Yet I must remain
Taking each stab and blow
How you have hurt me though
Honestly I don't know

You sought the arms of another
You had everything but wanted more
You say it won't happen again
It has before


Chapter Text

Chapter 427

You Lied To Me Once Before

I may be here
It was not my choice
I wanted to stay elsewhere
Nobody heard my voice

I do what I am supposed to do
I guess it's my job
But all else that happens
My dignity it does rob

I may have faltered
Was it my fault
Now for that mishap
In my face you rub the result

I still remain
We both know why
To keep pretending otherwise
Is just another lie

I am still here
I don't know what for
It will probably happen again
You lied to me once before


Chapter Text

Chapter 428

I'm Not Going To Let You

Many things to me have been said
Nobody knows how they can hurt
Nobody understands my feelings
I am treated very rude and curt

I may know a lot of things
I lack experience in others
I want to learn and understand
If I am given my druthers

Someone may be different
Not everyone is the same
That is no reason to blame
Or make them feel any shame

When someone reaches out
Don't be so quick to bite
They are who they are
Try not to treat them contrite

Only those who you really love
Can ever truly hurt you
You are never going to do that again
I'm not going to let you


Chapter Text

Chapter 429

You Should Know That By Now

Many days come
Many days go
Some go by faster
Some go by slow

It is what we do
With each passing day
How we act and behave
What we do and say

We can feel love
We can feel hate
One is not good
The other is great

We may not know
Who they really are
One thing for sure
You better check the radar

I say what I mean
Even make a vow
I mean what I say
You should know that by now


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Chapter 430

You Can't See Them

You can't see them
If you look around
Words that speak
Without a sound

It seems to be
The scars that hurt the most
You can't see them
As a heart they roast

You can't see them
Because it is what you all choose
You pick who will win
You pick who will lose

Standing before you
You see what you want
You can't see them
Words to me that affront

You are as blind as the rest
From where all my troubles stem
They surround me daily
You can't see them


Chapter Text

Chapter 431

I Won't Ask You Again

When down is not up
And up is down
What once was a smile
Soon becomes a frown

Few things in life
Turn out to be easy
Some make me queasy
Some are very sleazy

I know I am not
What you first thought
More than you can ever learn
I have already forgot

I am here to claim
What is rightfully mine
It matters not if it takes
Until the end of time

I have made it very clear
From when this all begin
If you reject me for them
I won't ask you again


Chapter Text

Chapter 432

You Know That's Impossible

Life has many paths to follow
Some things we take for granted
We think everything is set forever
Our flag we surely have planted

One to another may be a surprise
That each is still their own
It does not take much damage
For everything to be quickly blown

Before each may act
They had better think twice
What about the about the other
Maybe think it through thrice

Everyone knows what the are doing
They think they'll never get caught
To stab the heart of another
Is a lesson never ever forgot

The future was still bright
Many things were yet possible
To undo what you have done
You know that's impossible


Chapter Text

Chapter 433

You Said It Yourself

What is love
Is it even real
Is it what we think
Or is it what we feel

When two are together
Is love what we take
Can our hearts create
Or is love what we make

We know love exists
Even if it is quite quizzical
Is love more emotional
Than it is physical

When two others are in play
It then becomes a choice
Can you reach beyond the touchable
And hear loves real voice

I was there listening
I heard it from your very self
"Are you kidding."
You said it yourself


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Chapter 434

You Need To Understand

Some see only black
Some see only white
Most is really shades of gray
Often dull and seldom bright

Some take a fixed position
Trying to make a statement
That un-flexible attitude
Leads to chaos and abatement

Everyone works better
When they work together
Having clear open skies
Is better than cloudy weather

It is better to know the truth
To know where one stands
Sometimes it is better to listen
Than shout and yell commands

Everyone can see things differently
What happens isn't always planned
That's how it works
You need to understand


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Chapter 435

How It Works

Is life so very confusing
That so few understand its complexity
Seeming to leave them mired
In a deep state of perpetual perplexity

Nothing it ever seems
Is ever written in stone
Except the dreaded state
Of being eternally alone

When someone reaches out
It is an act of true inner courage
Instead we tend to discourage
It is something we should encourage

It seems few actually listen
Even though all can hear
It is hard to show compassion
It is easier to snicker and sneer

You don't need be a philosopher
But don't act like jerks
You need to understand
How it works


Chapter Text

Chapter 436

What Was There

We think things will be
As they have always been
Change is continually happening
Most of it is from deep within

Sometimes we can see
The direction things are headed
Those we began to fear
The thoughts soon dreaded

Then there are the surprises
They hit like a ton of bricks
How did we miss this
More of someone's dirty tricks

It always seems to be
When one finds another one
The one closest is the last to know
Then they are the one left with none

We have to ask ourselves
As everything we now beware
Was there really anything
What was there


Chapter Text

Chapter 437

Is Still There

Two hearts may beat
Seldom at the same speed
One out of need
The other out of greed

The days may draw close
The nights will pass
One striving to surpass
The other only to trespass

If one only seeks
Another to use
Then it is inevitable
In the end one will lose

Think real hard
Why one still hangs on
Then you may realize
To each other you belong

Open your heart and eyes
One still wants to share
What was there
Is still there


Chapter Text

Chapter 438

It'll Always Be There

Like water in the ocean
Or a mountain of stone
Against all odds
I will stand alone

What is meant to be
Can never change
Coming form me
Is it really that strange

When a ship hits a rock
It is going to sink
When it comes to me
You know you need to rethink

I will take the blows
I will take the stabs
Hit me with your best shot
I can take all the jabs

The love you tried to ignore
The love I want to share
No matter what happens
It'll always be there


Chapter Text

Chapter 439

I Might Some Day

Why are we supposed to forgive
If we can never forget
Because of what YOU did
I am supposed to acquit

So for what has been done
Shouldn't you be the one to atone
I was the one, who away was thrown
Maybe you should be all alone

How fast the eyes turn blind
The brain seems to switch off
When confronted with reality
You try to laugh it off and scoff

Let's reverse the rolls
How would YOU feel
Do you think your heart and mind
Would ever mend and heal

You want mercy from the heart
Of the one you so easily betray
I doubt it, but I'll think about it
I might some day


Chapter Text

Chapter 440

I Need To Show You Something

I am trying to express myself
To me it is all very confusing
I feel I should be the one
Instead of who you are choosing

I know what I am feeling
It seems beyond my control
Is it not what we both seek
A way to make each of us whole

When I covertly touch you
I can feel what your response is
We both know the answer
Without taking a pop quiz

When you see me change
Because it is hot out
You really know what I'm asking
Neither of us need doubt

I must make you understand
That I am more than nothing
I will let you see and feel me
I need to show you something


Chapter Text

Chapter 441

I'm Not One Hundred Percent

Into your lonely heart
I know I have made a dent
With my very being
Loves capitol I have spent

It is to you my sweet one
All my love I have sent
It is given freely
Not borrowed or lent

I have meant what I say
I say what I meant
It is as real as anything
Even if there is no scent

Nothing is meant to take away
Only your life to augment
The depth of my feeling
Is beyond the minds extent

I know the feelings of discord
How they can cause one to resent
To be sure you still want me
I'm not one hundred percent


Chapter Text

Chapter 442

Rules Do Not Apply

You wake up in the morning
Going about your merry way
Thinking seldom or very little
About what to do or say

Where is the moral standard
Your commitment to a good life
Isn't there more than just now
Maybe a future with a loving wife

So the going gets rough
The waves break over the bow
Can't you see beyond the now
And just someone new to plow

So it is my heart
That ends up on the grill
While you seek another
To try to get your fill

This is not a game we are playing
That is why you can't feel me cry
If it's not a contest to you
Rules do not apply


Chapter Text

Chapter 443

Did You Change

I am as I always was
I like to be consistent
You have failed to notice
I have been quite persistent

The conditions were rough
But I have said the words
For all the good that did
I could have told the birds

I may bend and buckle
But I will not fold
Everything you needed to hear
You have already been told

Here we are now
To another you now cling
Danger to them you bring
Just for a chance at a fling

I am not the one
Looking for some - strange
I am still the same
Did you change


Chapter Text

Chapter 444

It's Hot Out

Tomorrow is yet to be
Yesterday already was
It appears some seem to think
It matters not what one does

They say live in the moment
Experience life in the now
What is done is done
It doesn't matter anyhow

Never think twice
Don't ever look back
Someone else can clean up
For those knocked off the track

Full speed ahead like a ship
It matters not rocks or fog
Leave it to the fools
To drown in life's daily slog

Burning fire or cold as ice
You are filled with doubt
Let me clue you in
It's hot out


Chapter Text

Chapter 445

I Feel Heat

What does one know
What does one feel
Is it imagination
Or is it real

We say it is our heart
But it is really in our head
When it all falls apart
Both get torn and shred

Maybe some things
Are best left unsaid
We may have been misled
Or simply have misread

Love is something
That is not really there
But from nowhere it can exist
For those who dare

Now with another
I must compete
While you feel cold
I feel heat


Chapter Text

Chapter 446

You Bring Danger

We know what we want
But take what we get
Maybe only ourselves
Is who we outwit

Often what we want
Is beyond our reach
So a lesson in pain
To ourselves we teach

It seems to matter not
A failure now and then
Nothing is ever learned
We do it all over again

Be careful what you wish for
There is more to a persons being
There is always something deeper
Than what one is seeing

Maybe it was better
When you were a stranger
It now seems that
You bring danger


Chapter Text

Chapter 447

Sometimes You Do Stupid Things

I seem not to exist
Until there is something you want
Then I have to wait
For your next stunt

With things you do
You make me want to hide
Yet for your wishes
I still endure and abide

Your eyes can see
But your mind can not
Do I also not have
What from them you sought

No matter what you do
The cruel things you say
I am always still here
I have never gone away

I exist and remain
What you do stings
I think you now well know
Sometimes you do stupid things


Chapter Text

Chapter 448

It Would Help Me

I may not have much
I will share what I've got
It is the quality that counts
Even if it is not a lot

A large pot of gold
Will likely never exist
At the end of the rainbow
There is a heart to untwist

Should not true love
Be counted as worth
Two become as one
Where our hearts berth

Please try to stop
Seemingly endless confusion
Let the love flow in
It'll give you a transfusion

When I reach out
It would be nice to see
You reach back
It would help me


Chapter Text

Chapter 449

To Understand Why

I try not to think of you
Because it always causes me pain
It re-shreds my bleeding heart
Filling me with such disdain

You were my everything
You have shoved me away far
You should no longer be the One
Yet you somehow always still are

I really don't comprehend
What else it is you seek
Have I not been available
Have I not let you peek

When lies become truth
And the truth becomes lies
Is that when it is over
Is that how it dies

Can you please tell me
So I won't need to cry
It would help me
To understand why


Chapter Text

Chapter 450

You And I Talk About It

I know many times
I have pulled a foolish stunt
I am not sure if it is because
I don't know what I really want

Sometimes we think we know
When we usually don't
We say we can't
And can't means won't

It seems that we run
When we should converse
It is almost as if
We live in our own universe

We move forward
We move back
We want to share
Instead each other we attack

We each speak of loneliness
Even feel like a misfit
What are we waiting for
You and I talk about it


Chapter Text

Chapter 451

A Lot

As through each day we struggle
Our paths can become confused
Needless blows to each other
Leaving each other bruised

So we play the game
Around each other we dance
What are we waiting for
It is time to take a chance

I know in my mind
When I see you I cringe
For it is my very heart
That you burn and singe

It is time to face the music
You already know my tune
The moment is now soon
As we make each other swoon

We already both know
What it is we have got
You and I talk about it
A lot


Chapter Text

Chapter 452

We Do

When we reach life's crossroads
Of Nowhere and Dead End
What direction do we go
On who can we depend

It is only Me, Myself and I
That I can truly trust
It is easy to question everything
To believe in yourself is a must

Sometimes it's nice to have help
We may seek companionship
If one demands more than that
At what point does it become ownership

The question becomes
Can we give more than we take
Or will this whole thing
Turn into a big mistake

So here we are now
With a lot to think through
Will we talk about it
We do


Chapter Text

Chapter 453

We Will

Sometimes we will
Sometimes we won't
Sometimes we do
Sometimes we don't

Round and round
We play the game
It seems the results
Always stay the same

We both know it's there
The words already said
You heard them spoken
As I begged and plead

It seems every swing
Is always a miss
Is it too much
To share a kiss

It is going to happen
We can both get our fill
We do
We will


Chapter Text

Chapter 454

I Saw Everything

I have seen those around me
I know what they all do
I want to share those things too
With nobody but you

I am right here
Just my name's call away
You do it for more than play
While it is I who you slay

We all want more
Than what we have already
Everyone's true emotions
Can stagnate, flow or eddy

Make no mistake
It is my face you slap
Whose arms do your want
Around your back to wrap

Carbon chain C24
You cling to your fling
Lanolin and red dye number 27
I saw everything


Chapter Text

Chapter 455

Maybe I'll See You Later

I've been looking at you
I see you see me
Is it me you really see
Or someone else you want it to be

When we look at one
What do we really see
Is it the outside shell
You can't see inside of me

Our eyes look for ones appearance
They can not see what is inside
Does it make who we really are
Easier to conceal and hide

So through life we go looking
Never knowing what we really see
Only the dull or shiny exterior
Never knowing who they could be

You don't know what you see
If they are a friend or traitor
Here we are playing the game
Maybe I'll see you later


Chapter Text

Chapter 456

I Haven't Seen You Around Here Before

I see the many faces of everyone|
Like ants they come and go
Everyone seems more than willing
To change the status quo

Whatever you have before you
Soon seems not what you want
You reopen your sore heart
Once again begin the hunt

How is what once was
Everything you dreamed for
Now 'not good enough'
Someone to hurt and ignore

So what was once new
Is now old news
There are many to select
Which one will you choose

So one can turn off their brain
Reopen their hearts door, search for more
Seeing someone new before them, thinking
I haven't seen you around here before


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Chapter 457

Those Are The Kind

What is love
You ask your very self
What is loving
You ponder within yourself

Where do these feeling come from
Where do they eventually go
Both seem to remain a mystery
In life's changing daily show

From out of nowhere they arrive
Your heart beats hard and fast
You feel loves feeling growing
Wanting more, hoping it will last

As you search your heart
Not knowing what you will find
You are flooded with emotions
Reality and fantasy now intertwined

You question what they are
In the depths of your mind
You find the feelings of love
Those are the kind


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Chapter 458

It Wasn't My Fault

Many things can happen
They can happen fast
For the rest of your life
A shadow they cast

We can point fingers
Assign guilt and blame
Rub a face in the mud
Make one feel shame

One can remain
High and mighty
Maybe even feel
Like the almighty

So think real hard before
The first stone is cast
Make sure the house
Is not made from glass

It is like taking a wound
And rubbing in salt
You were there
It wasn't my fault


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Chapter 459

I Know The Rules

Who sets the regulation
For suppressive boundaries
Strangling our expanding love
That limit our hearts foundries

Should not love be determined
By those it actually involves
For it is in each others orbit
That their life now revolves

As love grows, there are those
That their love they protect
Challenging all who interlope
All attacks they deflect

So before it is once again said that
We don't know what we're doing
Those that are in love
Know who each is pursuing

Restrictive self imposed limitations
Are only for mindless uncaring fools
I won't take more than what's mine
I know the rules


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Chapter 460

Flawed Beauty

Is there in truth no beauty
Is there anything that is perfect
Everything can be marred or flawed
There is always a hidden defect

Is there in beauty no truth
What is wrong and what is correct
Everything the same is seen differently
Do we accept or do we reject

In truth there is no beauty
Look around, what do we collect
Is everything only an illusion
Can we cure or do we infect

In beauty there is no truth
What do we shun or protect
Do we seek to share or only take
What is left after we dissect

In beauty or truth
What do we reflect
Is it real or imagined
Do we deject or respect

Flawed Beauty is the truth
Nothing is what we expect
The mind will twist and conflict
Truth in the end, beauty will select


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Chapter 461

We Don't Know

Of what can we be sure
What remains a mystery
Do we move ahead
Or end up as history

The search is within
The heart, soul and mind
Do we remain blind
Or have the stars aligned

We each have a part to play
In life's daily struggle
Much can happen to one
There are many things to juggle

Yesterday is done and finished
Leaving us with now, today
Can we stay on the path
Or by others be led astray

Life is but a stage
We are part of the show
What tomorrow will bring
We don't know


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Chapter 462

They'd Have Found You Anyway

You can't dodge your actions
There is nowhere you can hide
It is time to face the sour music
Take the ridicule and feel the chide

Every wrong action seems to have
An even more powerful negative reaction
It can become a fatal attraction
The distraction becomes an abstraction

One may often hunger
Reaching for the forbidden fruit
What was once a straight line
Is now bent and acute

You may dodge them for now
You will have to face them later
Your troubles are here to stay
You are now no more than a traitor

You can't run from your problems
No matter what you do or say
I am confronting you with them now
They'd have found you anyway


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Chapter 463

They Always Do

There are many things
That one will want or think
They can tempt one deeply
Take one to the brink

One will grow weary, even hunger
Is it need, greed or lust
They will lie to the one they love
Lying is stealing ones trust

Why does it always happen
To the one they love so true
Tearing apart their very lives
Leaving broken hearts askew

Such is the bumpy journey
Of everyone's daily drudge life
It would be much kinder and quicker
If the other just used a knife

They think they can get away with it
They do what is beyond taboo
They will get caught in the end
They always do


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Chapter 464

Why Are You Doing This

It is easy to stab
When you don't feel the pain
A vision is created
Within one's brain

From the beginning
The theme has been the same
Those who have sinned
Will face their shame

They won't get a pass
Because of how it was done
The chances anything will change
Are zero to none

Things from the heart
Are about creativity
They don't need to be challenged
With any form of negativity

One can face reality
Or exist in a fantasy
The evidence is crystal clear
Watch it ALL again and see

I don't understand the attacks
When others have gone much deeper
Why are you doing this|
I wanted YOU as a keeper


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Chapter 465

One On One

When a creature is bitten
It is going to bite back
That is the way of nature
To defend against an attack

The words come easy
When I must fly through flak
When the rainbow of life
Is turned into black

I am trying to do more
Than the SAME as others yak
It is not right to try
Another's dreams to hijack

I don't need to be treated
Like a mindless hack
Unless you really think
I am an insane quack

Please have the decency
Before you snipe or smack
Face me here alone - one on one
Or PLEASE cut me some slack


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Chapter 466

World Of Darkness

From the world of Darkness
I have tried to reach out
I don't want to scream
I don't want to shout

Our dreams should be encouraged
The seeds should be allowed to sprout
When one is needlessly challenged
They become plagued with doubt

One will wonder, what is the point
What is all this for or about
I wanted to do more
Than repeat or spout

Something from the heart
Should not be treated with flout
Must I wear a muzzle
Upon my vision's snout

I am unable to continue forward
In my mind you have created a drought
MY story is – dead
I crawl away to pout


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Chapter 467

Darkness And Cold

It should be clear by now
That I don't sleep
That only increases
The time I can weep

What I am doing
Should not end up in a heap
For such hard work and effort
It should be some encouragement I reap

The expenditure of time
Does not come cheap
I wanted my thoughts
To sing instead of cheep

Out from my heart
The life and blood seep
I try and use words
That no one need bleep

It is from treatment like this
That my poems ebb and creep
Into my world of darkness and cold
I have given you a peep


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Chapter 468

Flaming Downward Spiral

These are more than just words
That appear before ones eyes
They are pieces of my soul
Nobody can hear my painful cries

I can honestly say
It has ALWAYS been that way
'Not good enough'
Is all I have heard them bray

From where I exist
There is nothing new to learn
This is what it looks like
To watch someone crash and burn

It is happening again
As the thoughts compound
The pain only goes away
When one is put in the ground

I wanted my thoughts
To be enjoyed and go viral
Now I am once again trapped
In a flaming downward spiral


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Chapter 469

I Really Don't Know Why

The words keep coming
I can't make them stop
Why can't it end
Why can't I drop

Through life's daily slog
I now speak like Underdog
Blinded by light that is night
Yet trapped in a fog

This is where they come from
This is how the words flow
The hope and joy that was within
Has again lost its glow

With each new word
I fall deeper and deeper
There is no way out
The path grows slippery and steeper

I keep getting upset
As each second goes by
People only understand pain
I really don't know why


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Chapter 470

Back At School

There are many places
Where one can learn
We can draw one closer
While another one we spurn

There are many things
Upon ourselves we can educate
Lifting some up higher
While others we berate

It should be our very selves
That we wish to inform
Not leaving one torn
Feeling hopeless and forlorn

It is possible for one to another
To instruct, enlighten and teach
The insightful sermon better apply
To one as well as to those that they preach

Maybe they all think
Nobody is a fool
One best elucidate themself
Back at school


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Chapter 471

You Apologized

When something is done wrong
It is identified and recognized
If not corrected and rectified
One will be soon despised

The events that occurred
Can be dissected and analyzed
Fixing what was done
Does not leave one compromised

There is no need or good
Leaving two people polarized
Making one feel 'Not Good Enough'
Like Nobody or disenfranchised

To the one who created the situation
It would be best advised
That everyone get on the same page
And everything will be harmonized

Knowing who you have become
I was more than surprised
For lying to me
You apologized


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Chapter 472

For Lying To Me

What is truth
What is a lie
When is a lie
Not really a lie

We may speak half truths
Or lie by omission
Or tell a good lie
To avoid contrition

So is to lie
Always something bad
Or can it sometimes
Keep another from being sad

It has been said
Lying is worse than stealing
The trust is gone
Leaving an empty feeling

I already knew the truth
You soon came clean I see
You apologized
For lying to me


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Chapter 473

So I Should Apologize

In every relationship
There are many highs
There are even more lows
Some issues will even polarize

On some of life's choices
We must all compromise
What was once written in stone
We can evolve and revise

Sure we all can ridicule
Demean, insult and chastise
That will only speed
The relationships demise

There is always something to hide
It should never come as a surprise
That everyone one can wear
Some type of inner disguise

If I want to feel comfortable
Keeping secrets is not wise
For lying to you
So I should apologize


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Chapter 474

For Lying To You

In a house built of glass
I cast not the first stone
For I can honestly confess
I have sins for which I must atone

When the future is really the past
Is what will be still yet to be
Nothing is written in stone
A giant becomes a flea

There comes a time for honesty
Should that be everyday
Can Nobody not lie
I can't really say

Nobody is perfect
I think we can all agree
We are all guilty I can decree
It is more a matter of scope or degree

I have lied about important things
We both know that to be true
So I should apologize
For lying to you


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Chapter 475

We Need To Go

There are many directions
For one to choose from
Some may be easier
Others harder to overcome

Even if we know the future
The path is not clearly marked
We may think we are moving
When we are really parked

Is not the future
The past in a but second
Things seldom seem to happen
As we have planned or reckoned

I really don't know
I really don't care
As long as we have each other
Our lives to grow and share

Nothing is written in stone
That by now you know
You tell me where
We need to go


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Chapter 476

Where Are We Going

I am filled with remorse
Aren't you plagued with guilt
As around us burns
The love we have built

For things we have not done
I am filled with regret
Before we have learned
We already must forget

I am flooded with sorrow
As love's ship slowly sinks
The person you have become
Really sucks and stinks

It is more than a tragedy
Causing me great anguish
How with love in our grasp
They willingly let it languish

As I step on the gas
You are the one slowing
Do you even care anymore
Where are we going


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Chapter 477

I'll Show You

One day something is important
The next day it is not
Is there really any meaning
To all the things one has got

I don't think it is just me
Or the many things I don't understand
It seems those who surround me
Have their head stuck in the sand

I know what it is I am supposed to do
That now causes me much confusion
There is more to see as I know you
Turning known realities into a delusion

I am right in front of you
I preen before your very eyes
Open your heart and mind
Stop believing your own lies

I have more than one function
As I watch another that you pursue
I have everything they do
I'll show you


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Chapter 478

I'll Know

If I do something I shouldn't
And I don't let anything show
There is still someone who will know
I'll know

We can lie to ourselves
Pretend and make believe
Always in the end
Only ourselves we deceive

We can live with honor
Or be plagued with guilt
Destroying any trust or credibility
That may have been built

Greed, lust and lechery allow
Targets of opportunity to arise
Anyone can get hungry
First try to think what is wise

It is time to come clean
I know where you go
If you don't
I'll know


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Chapter 479

If You Don't

Sometimes we say we will
And then we won't
Sometimes we say we do
And then we don't

Life is full of promises
Many are left unfulfilled
Fallacious, empty and hollow
Leaving a warm heart chilled

Who will say what they mean
Who will mean what they say
Are they not just worthless words
As meaningless as a donkeys bray

Do not ones actions
Speak louder than words
Or is it all noise and chatter
Fodder for the birds

I want the truth not lies
Don't say you won't
I'll know
If you don't


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Chapter 480

Put Everything You Find

We all seem to wait
For the stars to be aligned
All that ever produces
Is to keep or heart and soul confined

It is really happening in our head
Deep within our claustrophobic mind
Waiting endlessly for loves letter
Special delivered, sealed and signed

We wait with our head in the sand
From life we have resigned
Our own perceived shortcomings
Is how ourselves we have defined

Is not the sum of two greater
Than the sum of one when combined
Everyone already knows this
Yet we need ourselves remind

Look into life's smorgasbord
Your heart no longer need remain blind
On the table
Put everything you find


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Chapter 481

On The Table

When the time has come
To make loves decision
It is into your own heart
That you must make an incision

It may not be possible
With more than one to care
Is it fair to say
Only two can truly share

Everyday is a challenge
Many factors can come into play
Who do your keep
Who do you throw away

We think tomorrow will offer more
Maybe tomorrow never comes
Can you hear and feel the beat
Of true love's pounding drums

It is time to make a choice
Open your heart, if your are able
Put everything you find
On the table


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Chapter 482

Deepest Sadness And Sorrow

Every beginning
Must have an end
To think otherwise
We would have to pretend

There are no Human words
That can express true condolence
It brings down to Earth
Our own shaky relevance

Life forever must always repeat
These moments of sorrow
It is then from each other
Whose strength we can borrow

At times life seems
To be bulging with madness
There are times of joy
There are times of sadness

Never forget and eternally remember
There will always be a tomorrow
Friends and family remain during the
Deepest sadness and sorrow


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Chapter 483

You Can't Bring Anything Through

The feelings build
The emotions grow
We bottle them inside
Soon they overflow

The sentiments soon consume one
All the sensations need someplace to go
It is easier to hide them
In one who will never know

If we never tell them
They can not reject us
Try to push us away
Or shove us under the bus

We learn to run
We learn to hide
Never letting it escape
Our love we never confide

When you finally reach out
It happens like you always knew
To try to reach their heart and mind
You can't bring anything through


Chapter Text

Chapter 484

When You Come

My heart is now a lemon
It was once a ripe plum
It has been slowly shredded
Now nothing more than chum

I want to shout my feelings
Yet I cower and remain mum
Waiting for a scrap
Even the smallest crumb

It would be nice to sing
Or at least even hum
To feel inebriated with love
As if intoxicated with rum

My smile is sad
So I am looking glum
Know deep inside me
It is for you I beat the drum

When you break into a heart
That has been left cold and numb
You can't bring anything through
When you come


Chapter Text

Chapter 485


Once there was nothing
Then there was
What made it happen
Or was it just because

Sometimes the tears will flow
Something causes pain
But it is really only happening
Within the confines of our brain

There are things that cause trauma
Making us feel sad
We all like a storybook ending
So we can feel glad

Many bad things can happen
Challenging our will to survive
If we can still bleed
That means we are still alive

When the road turns rocky
We can be overwhelmed with emotion
So we must be very careful
Where we send our devotion


Chapter Text

Chapter 486

One Of Our Best

Is it really nothing more
Than beneath the breast and chest
Two hearts beating inside them
A journey in which to invest

Will the feelings that develop
Be something both can digest
Or will one run afoul
Soon the other egest

Maybe it will lead
To the construction of a nest
Or even worse still
One will become a pest

Will it be a shrinking path
Or magnificent and manifest
Maybe a shared future
The events will suggest

If life is a puzzle or quiz
Have we not passed the test
I think we both can say this was
One of our best


Chapter Text

Chapter 487

Forget Me Not

Forget me
Forget me not
Life overshadows
It happens a lot

Maybe like a vampire
Who shuns the daylight
Causing pain and anguish
Leaving behind fright

There is no point to argue
Let alone fight
Words in my mind
I often recite

In the burning sun
Its radiance glows bright
My flesh is warmed
As my soul gets frostbite

If there is no wind
I must be a kite
Waiting for a gust
To take up flight

I'm like a shadow
A shadow at night
No matter how hard one looks
It remains out of sight

Feel the cold steel
Aim the red dot
Forget me
Forget me not


Chapter Text

Chapter 488

No, Not Really

Everything yet to happen
Remains only a guess
Is there more to have
If you can own or possess

We can take a gamble
Roll the dice
Never look back
Never think twice

When we take a chance
Reaching for the unknown
It's a pretty good bet
We could end up alone

So with great confusion
We see the other reach out
To a stranger no less
It fills us with doubt

I feel distant and unwanted
You have grown quit chilly
Do you think I understand this
No, not really


Chapter Text

Chapter 489

We're Not Trapped

Do we know what we have
If we can not accept what we feel
Allowing our emotions to anneal
Seeking someone more ideal

We both know the feelings
We know what they mean
What has happened is organic
It was never planned or foreseen

The only perceived obstacles
Exist with the depths of the mind
Surely you can tell and see
That love's stars have aligned

It is more than obvious
That something has risen
It may seem confining
Love is not a prison

It is with pure sweet love
That your heart has been wrapped
Love is our freedom
We're not trapped


Chapter Text

Chapter 490

So We'd Always Have A Way

Is there really a tomorrow
If today is yesterday's tomorrow
Tomorrow never comes
Time we can never borrow

Each hour one after another
Will follow in an endless stream
The weight of the world crushes us
Nobody can feel us scream

Is there a way out
Or is there no escape
Whatever we seem to bend
We can never really reshape

If we change one thing
Do others things change as well
Are we better or worse
Is there any way to tell

We seek to find our true love
At the end of each day
To each other we must cling
So we'd always have a way


Chapter Text

Chapter 491

Back Home

You have reaped the rewards
Of the wild oats you have sown
Unconcerned of the pain and anguish
Into another heart you have sewn

Your ship blindly plods on
Into the waves it will crash
Be wary of the unseen iceberg
Your hull it can slash and gash

Go live in the moment
Forget about tomorrow
It appears not to matter
Whose pleasures you borrow

Yet I still cling to you
My feelings are true
I am still here waiting
Hating what you do

When you find yourself forgotten
Cold all alone nowhere to roam
Remember there is always
A way back home


Chapter Text

Chapter 492

This Is The Way

Do you know
Where you are going
What is the destination
Why are you crowing

Are you guided by the wind
With the direction it is blowing
Or carried by the water
Wherever it is flowing

The waterfall is coming
You had better start rowing
The hole in the sail
Needs a lot of sewing

Why are you going faster
When you should be slowing
You act without thinking
Without ever knowing

I am here to help and guide you
It appears you need some showing
This is the way
You can now start glowing


Chapter Text

Chapter 493

We Know Where

This is my heart
You know it is there
You have decided
To take a dare

On what you are doing
We will never agree
Press the button
Please set me free

It is with me
You were suppose to share
I think it is time
Someone else beware

I wish I was blind
So I could not see
What you are doing
Right in front of me

Carbon chain C24
I see you don't care
Lanolin and red dye number 27
We Know Where


Chapter Text

Chapter 494

We Know When

You are in your bed
I am by your side
My head is on your pillow
There is nothing to hide

Where have we been
Where can we go
It is time to find out
Who don't think so

I can see your face
I know what you want
I am right here
You don't need to hunt

I know you are ready
I have seen it before
It is why I am here now
I have come back for more

It may have happened already
Maybe it will happen again
I think it is safe to guess
We know when


Chapter Text

Chapter 495

Stagnation Of The Mind

The mind searches itself
Unsure of what it will find
Will it collapse in on itself
Or will it rupture and unwind

If today is tomorrow's yesterday
Then yesterday was today's tomorrow
Will it bring joy and happiness
Or leave one to wallow in sorrow

One has a voice
With which they may speak
Will it be heard
Or only make a squeak

Open the door and look inside
Don't be afraid to knock
Is there a path to freedom
Or only another block

Break open the mind's lock
There are treasures to find
Push through the emptiness and
Stagnation of the mind


Chapter Text

Chapter 496

Heart To Heart

Here we are
Heart to heart
Where will it go
Once we start

If we continue
Is that smart
Or will it only
Tear us apart

As life moves on
We all play a part
Will Cupid shoot an arrow
Or only throw a dart

Our love can abound
And go off the chart
Can we find the sweetness
While we avoid the tart

Chest to breast
With my sweetheart
Is love music
Or is love art

For you my love
Does beat my heart
Happy Valentine's Day
True love will always restart


Chapter Text

Chapter 497


Where is the beginning
Where is the end
Is this not all
What we pretend

Into life's darkness
We sometimes descend
Where do our thoughts go
As we receive and send

There is only so much time
That we have to spend
We must be choosy
To what we attend

We may find those
Who an escape they will lend
As we crawl from the mire
Allowing us to ascend

Along the journey
Some may become a friend
As thoughts from the mind
Are created and penned


Chapter Text

Chapter 498

Fear Is The Key

Fear is the key
It can stop the body
Make one not see

What is the very thing
That always holds one back
It takes away their breath
It makes them feel under attack

Is it better to never know
Than ask and be turned down
It would break a lonely heart
Make one feel like a clown

It is felt deep inside
Filling one with indecision
Tarnishing all one believes
With reality there is a collision

It cuts deep within
To the very bone like a knife
Leaving one twisted with torment
Overwhelmed by endless strife

To fill the emptiness
With no apogee
To open life's lock
Fear is the key


Chapter Text

Chapter 499

Another One Bites The Dust

I've see them come and go
I don't ask why
They flounder and struggle
Then they slowly die

To work hard continuously
Only seems to create scorn
Leaving one very empty
Feeling somewhat forlorn

The self acclaimed pros
Can't even keep up
Maybe it is time
They just shut up

I am but one
But I beat the entire field
Because I believe in myself
I will never yield

Bring it on
They will all lose
All they need to do
Is give up time to snooze

One more goes bust
Blown away with a gust
Their thoughts slowly rust
Another one bites the dust


Chapter Text

Chapter 500


Pain fills the heart
Agony attacks the mind
As within yourself you search
The answers you will find

A heart can remain seeing
Or a heart may become blind
It is times such as these
That together we must bind

There are the good times
To share and remind
So that life may move ahead
Nobody being left behind

Recollections become the reality
They should always be kind
Joys of the past are the memories
That should be remembered and mined

The thoughts of a wondrous life
Need be shared and not confined
Nobody need feel resigned
For in grief we are all intertwined


Chapter Text

Chapter 501

Right Choice

We face the paper
With what we want to say
We can let our emotions
Guide us each day

The paper is white
Ready for our ink
Now it is our turn
To say what we think

Reach down deep inside
Who knows what you will find
Some may find meaning
And treat you kind

Others are quick to judge
Hard feelings create a grudge
Our belief remains strong
Our position won't budge

You have a right
To share your voice
Give it a try
It is the right choice


Chapter Text

Chapter 502

Sad NOT Tired

I want to TELL you
That I never want to SEE you again

I would Never HURT you
I would Never CHEAT you
I Never made you feel OBLIGATED to do anything
I would Never USE you

When I SEE you
I want to CRY
When I THINK of you
I want to DIE

I HATE you
I . H-A-T-E . Y-O-U
HATE really means LOVE

The TEARS run down my cheeks
I'm NOT tired
I am SAD


Chapter Text

Chapter 503

Nobody Is Ever Sorry

I see everyone
Do what they want
They are never sorry
For their actions or any stunt

They only worry about the fallout
Not the act that they did
They did what they wanted
Fully knowing it was forbid

They knew it was wrong
Before they committed the act
They got what they wanted
Caring little about the impact

That is the way life works
Everyone plays to their own tune
Then they actually wonder
Why it all falls apart so soon

So when I follow suit
Taking my own personal safari
I will do what I want, knowing that
Nobody is ever sorry.


Chapter Text

Chapter 504

Somewhere In There

Is love real or imagined
Where does it exist
How do we fall captive
Why can't we resist

We believe it is in the heart
Or is it really in the mind
We think it makes us see clearer
Instead it actually makes us blind

Never give up or surrender
Fight for what your heart will need
To not fill your heart with love
Means it will forever bleed

You think your heart is empty
That there is no love to receive
The pieces are all there
Now is the time to weave

Look deep inside you
There is no need to despair
Search and you will find it
Somewhere in there


Chapter Text

Chapter 505

You Can Stop Running

What is the point
I ask over and over
Is it really nothing more
Than crimson and clover

Events that are happening
Cause me much confusion
Instead of expanding
I hide in seclusion

I really don't know
Which way to turn
It seems all I get
Is a fresh new burn

I don't think I am the one
That deserves this treatment
It leaves me felling like
Some foul excrement

Is it from me or really yourself
Why one you are shunning
I am here forever
You can stop running


Chapter Text

 Chapter 506

Stay In One Place

One can try and move forward
Hoping to know all and be mystic
Stay in one place
Becoming stale and anachronistic

When one faces life
They can hope to be optimistic
Chances are much better
Things will turn pessimistic

They can attempt or seek
To try to be idealistic
Life itself will force one
To eventually be realistic

One can accept life as dealt
Becoming withdrawn and fatalistic
Some become cruel and mean
Causing hurt and pain, even sadistic

They can seek many vices
Becoming uncivilized and hedonistic
Or think only of themselves
Being over-inflated and narcissistic

One can lash out becoming
Aggressive or going ballistic
What is a meaningless statistic
What is a true characteristic


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Chapter 507

Nobody Knows We're Here

If YOU want to really know ME
The thoughts in MY mind that I think
Maybe they are warped and twisted
No curved lines without a kink

Read MY words as spoken
Then MY voice you will hear
Maybe words to dread and fear
Maybe words to cherish and endear

I speak to YOU from this forum
Allowing YOU to know YOUR mate
Many things brought and hold us together
Is it a nightmare or simply our fate

I am reaching out to YOU
In the only way I know how
Listen to what I have to say
MY mind to YOURS I endow

Do you really think anybody sees
Do you think anybody cares to hear
Look at the darkness around us
Nobody knows we're here


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Chapter 508

You Know Who You Are

I know how the game is played
I don't understand why
I have always spoken the truth
I have never told you a lie

You don't need to hide
Just be who you are
We can converse and talk
Communication can go far

Everything is checked
Everything is tracked
I have to be ready
In case we are attacked

It is what it is
To me personally gripe
Skip the dramatics
Forget the hype

I know who you are
It matters not the name
The person inside
Is still the same

I don't want to argue
I don't want to fight
Nobody is wrong
If everybody is right


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Chapter 509

You're Safe

Those who may think
Life is tit for tat
Really have no idea
Where it is at

Some can say
Another is pretty
When the sole goal
Is really some kitty

Do we take words at face value
Or is it over before it can begin
When nothing is wanted within
Only the desire for some skin

Such is the way
People are often treated
Eroding the very soul
Leaving one feeling depleted

Hearts and minds that play the game
Can be bruised and easily chafe
Don't for a second ever think
You're safe


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Chapter 510

Nobody Is Ever Safe

We think we are safe
Knowing what we've got
In the blink of an eye
Who is the one forgot

What once was
May not always be
Is not tomorrow
Even hard to see

You look around
They are long gone
You wonder and think
What could have went wrong

The stab of abandonment
Slices clear to the bone
How is it more painful
Than to have been alone

In any given moment
Your heart they will strafe
Rejection and replacement lurks
Nobody is ever safe


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Chapter 511


The love between two people
Should be germinated
It is not something
To be manipulated

Love can make both
Of them feel exhilarated
If left uncultivated
It may soon be evaporated

As two work together
They can be invigorated
If one looks elsewhere
Love may soon be invalidated

When the love is nurtured
Both can feel infatuated
As one is pushed away
They are soon infuriated

If the love is given to another
All trust is obliterated
Leaving the one shunned
Longing to be terminated


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Chapter 512

Payback Time

It has been said that
What goes around comes around
When that event occurs
The results may astound

One may be seen
As being bound
They may not be the one
That finds something profound

The aggressive may become weak
When a new master is crowned
They will not comprehend
As actions confuse and confound

When a new captain rises
The old ship is run aground
Those who have abused
Will soon be drowned

There is no escape
No safe quarter can be found
They will pass from existence
With barely a sound

Payback time is a Bitch
Putting many in the ground
Smiles will show on the faces
Of those who once frowned


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Chapter 513


Not good enough
It makes you feel dejected
The next step in life
Is to be rejected

It means someone thinks
That others are superior
Do they even know
What's in the interloper's interior

It crushes your spirit
It is yourself that you blame
Your world slowly collapses
You are filled full of shame

It seems very easy
To be thrown away
Your words mean nothing
They don't care what you say

You try to hang on
There is no hand to hold
You radiate love's heat
Yet are showered with cold

Sometimes things happen
Leaving one to feel disgraced
It cuts to the very bone
To know you've been replaced


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Chapter 514


First there is nothing
Then we are born
Should it be celebrated
Or should we mourn

Between many things
We may become torn
They can crush our spirit
Leaving us feeling forlorn

Many things can happen
In advance I will warn
Time has its effect
As things become worn

We may love many
To one it is sworn
When others interlope
That love can be shorn

To some we give hope
To others we are a thorn
If one looks deeper
Can we be one they adorn

The future is fluid
That can forewarn
Is it better to be dead
Or better to be reborn


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Chapter 515


Everyone wants
Some people take
Only when they get caught
Is it a mistake

No animal on earth
Is crueler than man
Especially when they form up
Into some kind of clan

To be human
Is to be flawed
If they were a machine
Maybe they would be awed

The greedy seem to win
Those are the ones who use
Let it be known in the end
They are the ones who will lose

To all they encounter
They bring many dangers
Beware the amateurs
Who encounter the Scavengers


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Chapter 516


What was once gone
Has now been found
In all known reality
It is quite profound

There will be choices to make
What will they be
Will they be good
Or harmful to me

Time and distance
Can take their toll
Will I be shredded
Or will I be made whole

For what has occurred
Is Nobody to blame
Will the past's feeling
Be something to reclaim

Is this reunion
What we behold
Will it be fate or chance
As love's dice are rolled


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Chapter 517

Me, Myself And I

There are many people
Who can enter our life
Which of them will bring comfort
Which of them will bring strife

We have those who use
They are very greedy
They search and hunt
To abuse the needy

When we reach out
What will we find
Will it be pleasure and joy
Or end as an attack on our mind

Everyone one is out for themselves
They are all very unreliable
We can not count on them
That fact is undeniable

When push comes to shove
On whom can we always rely
The answer sadly is only
Me, myself and I


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Chapter 518


Is beauty a weapon
Or is it a liability
Does beauty hinder one's judgment
Or enhance one's natural ability

Is beauty dangerous
Can it be a curse
Perhaps in some situations
Beauty can make things worse

Is beauty the cause
Of something statutory
The sad fact is
Beauty is transitory

Is beauty even real
Not all see beauty the same
When that happens
Who is the one to blame

Is there beauty in beauty
Or is there a price to pay
Beauty may become a duty
So others may have their way

Is beauty the cause of pain
It may cause a bitter fight
Sometimes beauty requires sacrifice
When one must do what is right


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Chapter 519


Life is hard and cruel
Sometimes it is very tragic
To help us move ahead
We'd all like to believe in magic

Happy endings are nice
Just as they are in a fairy tale
In life's daily struggle
We hope that we will prevail

Along with the good
There is always the bad
What sometimes is happy
May end up being sad

We reach for the stars
As we wave life's magic wand
To believe that something good
Will be created and spawned

So here we are
Back to where we started
Why does it hurt so much
Whenever we are parted


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Chapter 520


It will often take
More than a bandage
To covered up
Or repair my damage

When the damage is physical
And can by all be seen
I can not fix it
No matter how much I preen

At that point the real damage
Is now in my mind
It tries to escape
I can't keep it confined

Perhaps if I fail
At my own repairs
It is time for others
To share a few affairs

I ask my true friends
To stand tall when I fall
Please share everything
Give them your all


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Chapter 521

It's Nice To Have Help Sometimes

At times it seems
That we are all alone
In life's misery we wallow
Until we atone

We can complain a lot
As we moan and groan
We will only stand tall
Once our inner self has grown

The knife of life is sharp
It can cut to the bone
When a mind is closed
It soon turns to stone

If into ourselves
The love is not sewn
It will leave us to reap
The emptiness we have sown

It's ni