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Grandpa Thanos

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“I am Groot!” The teenaged Flora Colossus named Groot exclaimed as he entered the house. “l am Groot!”

“Whoa, whoa, Groot, calm down.” Rocket didn’t understand the urgency of his son’s statement as the teen closed the front door. “Breathe in... and out.” Groot slowly did this breathing excercise as he gathered his thoughts. Rocket spoke again as he helped his son with traversing the single step down into the main part of the house with his forearm crutches that gave him mobility. “Now, tell us again. What is it?”

“I... am Groot.” Groot explained slowly as Rocket helped his son take his book bag off of his back. “I am Groot... I-I am Groot?” Groot finished, confused as the other Guardians came into the living room as Rocket helped him sit down in his favorite seat.

“What was that?” Kraglin asked as he ate a spoonful of soup that he made himself.

“Groot has his first big school assignment since coming back to school.” Rocket translates for the other Guardians.

“What is it, sweetie?” Gamora asked as she sat down next to Groot. “Is it a book report?”

“No, no. I bet that Twig got enrolled in Home Ec and needs to create a family recipe.” Kraglin butted in. “How bout you make my world-famous Terran Noodle Soup for your classmates at school, Twig...” The soup-addicted Xandarian then hands him the recipe as Peter dives, but fails to retrieve it.

Groot laughed at the thought as he read the recipe that was somehow approved by Yondu. Groot couldn’t help but giggle at how you were supposed to prepare the Terran for consumption and all of the other accoutrements that were needed to enhance the meal.

“Alright, enough. Back to the topic at hand.” Nebula interrupts the conversation at hand. “It’s obvious that he’s having some trouble with some bully in school and he needs someone to teach them a lesson.” She says menacingly as she cracked her knuckles.

“No, no. Groot landed the lead role in the school play and needs help with rehearsing his lines.” Peter then turns into a sad excuse for a thespian. “To be or not to be, that is the question.”

Groot rolls his eyes as Gamora got up to get a drink and Rocket sat down next to his son. “I am Groooot.” He was getting annoyed right now.

“Oh, science?” Mantis tries to interpret. “I’m not that into it, but Drax did tell me about the Birds and the Bees once.”

Drax then became more animated. “I did!” He recalled. “And I shall do the same for Dumber Smaller Groot too! I’ll use Quill and Gamora as an example.” He then started his speech as he pushed Rocket out of the way. “Now, Groot, when a man loves a woman-.”

“DRAX! DRAX!” Peter interrupted, clearly flushed with embarrassment at the situation. “Groot isn’t ready for ‘The Talk’ just yet. Plus, it’s kind of embarrassing the way you tell it...”

“But Groot’s a teenager. He’s ready. When I was his age-.” Drax stated before he was cut off again, this time by Gamora.

“Then Rocket will talk to him.” Gamora said. “He knows the most about Groot’s kind and how... they... well, you know.” Now she was at a loss for words.

“Yeah, and he’s not gonna get that talk for a very long time, capeesh?” Rocket hammered the last part of that sentence home hard for Drax. “Now if we’ll get back to the topic at hand, Groot, what did you say your school project was, again?”

“I... I-I am Gr-Groo-Groot.” Groot slowly said, making sure that Rocket could understand him through his stutter, which he was working on with a speech therapist.

“Groot needs to interview a grandparent of his.” Rocket translated for the others. He then turned back to Groot, his face and the faces of everyone else turned to sorrow as they looked at the teen. “Groot, I’m sorry, but you don’t have any grandparents.”

Groot looks at his adoptive father. “I-I am Groot?”

Rocket sighs softly as he shakes his head. “No, son. I was taken from my family when I was very young and raised in a lab on Halfworld. You know that.”

Groot then turned to Peter. “I am Groot?”

“No, buddy. Don’t you remember when we killed Ego because he wanted to take over the galaxy and make each planet a clone of himself?” Peter gently asked Groot as the teenager pointed to a portrait of Yondu. “Yondu’s gone too, buddy. He sacrificed himself to save me. Don’t you remember that big funeral we had where all of the Ravager clans showed up and you saw that big fireworks show? That was them showing their respects to Yondu.”

Groot looked at Kraglin. “I am G-Gr-Groot?”

Kraglin took it as him asking the same question. “Sorry, Twig, but I ran away from home when I was young and abandoned my family.” He replied to Groot.

Mantis then caught Groot’s attention. “I a-am Groot?” He asked her as she looked sad.

“I never knew my parents. The only father figure that I had was Ego.” Mantis replied before crying.

Drax then comforted her. “It’s alright, Mantis.” He consoled her. “I lost my entire family after Thanos obliterated my home planet. He shall feel my wrath soon enough.”

Groot then looked towards Gamora and Nebula. “I-I am Groot?” He struggled to say.

The sisters had to think of something fast so that Groot didn’t know the truth about their upbringing. Peter stepped in for them as they remained silent.

“Groot, buddy.” Peter interjected as he kneeled next to Groot. “How about you go to your room and change out of your uniform and into your regular clothes and we’ll go out for dinner tonight as a celebration for you completing your first week of going back to school.” He suggested as both Gamora and Nebula silently mouthed the words “Thank you.” to him.

“I-I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot?” Groot asked as Peter helped him stand up from the couch and handed him his crutches.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it, Groot. I’ll write you an excuse note to your teacher and you won’t have to do no kurtackin’ report.” Rocket reassures his son as Peter helped Groot to his new room, which was now on the first floor of the house instead of upstairs so that Groot wouldn’t have to climb up the steps to his room. So they converted the master bedroom, which was previously Peter’s room into one that Groot could use.

As Peter helped Groot sit on his bed, Groot reached over the bed for his laptop. “What’cha doing, buddy?” The humie asked the teenager. Groot closed the laptop’s lid and shooed him away.

After five minutes alone, Rocket came back to check in on Groot. Groot turned around when Rocket asked if he was ready to go to the restaurant. Groot declined and said that he was going to do some homework. As soon as the Guardians left the house and got into the Milano, Groot continued with what he was doing.

It wasn’t his homework from his other classes, no. It was his big genealogy project where he had to interview a grandparent and have them come into the school and tell the class what life was like in the “Old Days.”

Groot found an interesting article. It turned out that both Gamora and Nebula had an adoptive father that took them in when they were young. His name? Thanos.