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Drunk White Children

Chapter Text

Hothotleg: this is the most boring lecture ive ever been to ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


Hothotleg: im so borrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeddddddddddddddd


Hothotleg: yo someon entertain me


Blonic: lance shut the fuck up quit blowing up my phone during class


Hothotleg: PIDGE I neeed ressuscitation!!! Im dying here!


swordlesbian: just draw in ur notes like a normal person


Hothotleg: what do u know abt normal ppl? Ur a hermit who lives in the desert


swordlesbian: and im still better than you at listening to people


Hothotleg: U R NOT




swordlesbian: is spelling?


swordlesbian: paying attention?


swordlesbian: finishing a sentence?


Blonic: oh so now he shuts up


burninlove: do you think hes okay?


Blonic: hes fine, he probably just can’t think of a come back so hes pretending to be afk or something


burninlove: lmao yeah probably


burninlove: what a nerd




Blonic: its not slander if its true


Hothotleg: my own best friends?? Turned against me??


Hothotleg: how dare


swordlesbian: ?


swordlesbian: why is my name swordlesbian?


swordlesbian: I am a Gay Man


Hothotleg: allura said it was ok to name u that n it suits u


whipsntraps: Don’t drag me into this.


whipsntraps: Besides, I don’t ID as a lesbian anymore, so ask someone else for permission.


Hothotleg: it wasnt asking for permission! I was jus checking if it was ok jeez


Hothotleg: fine if it bothers you so much


Hothotleg set swordlesbians nickname to ToeBeans


ToeBeans: ????


ToeBeans: why toe beans??


Hothotleg: are u never satisfiedd??


Hothotleg: bc u love cats u nerd


ToeBeans: i literally have a dog


ToeBeans: ur the nerd


Hothotleg: no ur the nerd!!!




Hothotleg: but im stillllll bbbbbooooooooorrrrrreeeeddddddd


Blonic: im gonna kill him


Gayspaceranger: look, obviously we all want to die, but we just have to get through this


Gayspaceranger: lance, this is your last lecture of the day, you can handle being bored a little longer


whipsntraps: Uh, speak 4 yourself? Some of us like living.


burninlove: um allura i can count the days you havent done something ridiculously dangerous this year on one hand so yknow


burninlove: think before you speak


whipsntraps: I don’t know what you’re talking about? Nothing I do is ridiculous.


Blonic: last semester you and keith jumped cars on the highway to get to class


whipsntraps: It was the midterm!! That was 30% of our final grade!


ToeBeans: Pidge, we don’t do random dangerous stuff for no reason


ToeBeans: there was a reasonable explanation n everything


Blonic: you ended up dropping out anyway so what was the point??


ToeBeans: the point was to see how fast i could get to class


whipsntraps: Besides, what’s the point of learning to jump cars if you never use it?


Blonic: why did u guys learn to jump cars in the first place?


ToeBeans: so we could get to our midterms


Blonic: -_-


Gayspaceranger: wait you and keith did what


Gayspaceranger: okay Who taught you to do this


Hothotleg: omggg allura aassejdkfgfss


Blonic: great hes keyboard smashing again


Hothotleg: ur my lord n savior, allura


ToeBeans: what does that even mean




Hothotleg: it means i have a lot of feelings, YORAK


ToeBeans: i regret telling you that story




Hothotleg: i happen to actually feel things


Gayspaceranger: lance, don’t be rude


ToeBeans: whatever dude


ToeBeans: have fun with that


Gayspaceranger: Keith why were you jumping cars


Hothotleg: I WILL


burninlove: wow you can hear the dad voice


Blonic: guys you heard shiro dont be fuckin rude






whipsntraps: Um


whipsntraps: Where’d he go?


burninlove: dayak took his phone away


Blonic: LOL


ToeBeans: classic


Gayspaceranger: I knew this was going to happen


whipsntraps: Pour one out for the fallen.


whipsntraps: We will mourn him proudly.

Chapter Text

Hothotleg: iverson is a bag of dicks


burninlove: damn dude


Blonic: oh looks whos back


Blonic: watch ur fucking language there are children around


Gayspaceranger: lance can’t you even pretend to have respect for the professors?


Hothotleg: i have respect for them!! Ive got a ton of respect!


Hothotleg: my man coran gets the most bc hes AWESOME


ToeBeans: ur only saying that bc he DMs for u nerds


burninlove: yeah bc hes totally awesome


Hothotleg: i just dont respect iverson the guys a dirtbag


Hothotleg: and i dont even wanna guess what crawled up dayaks ass and died


burninlove: dude gross


Hothotleg: you don get to comment u wouldnt even go w me to get my phone back!!!


burninlove: hey, i told u, dayaks hated me since i dropped her class last year


burninlove: if i went w you she probably wouldve dropped us both a letter grade


Hothotleg: yeah that sounds like an excuse to me


ToeBeans: what, did she say sumthing bad abt ariana grande?


Hothotleg: HOW DARE U


Hothotleg: i dont know but if she does thats the last straw im gonna fucvking drop out


Hothotleg: ariana grande is a hero and an icon back me up allura


whipsntraps: wait are we dropping out?


Hothotleg: yup


Blonic: hell yeah lets do this


burninlove: dont leave me im coming to!


Gayspaceranger: no one is dropping out


whipsntraps: :’(


ToeBeans: I did


Gayspaceranger: I know and I’m still mad at you about it


Hothotleg changed gayspacerangers nickname to FUNPOLICE


FUNPOLICE: very funny


Hothotleg: no sorry theres no funny here the fun police said so


FUNPOLICE: keith, will you change my nickname


ToeBeans: no way


ToeBeans: this is the best one yet


ToeBeans: 10/10 lance finally got one right high five


Hothotleg: :)


Hothotleg: why thank you kind sir


Hothotleg: i take pride in my work


Blonic: since when? This morning you did a three week calc project on the train to class




FUNPOLICE: you did what?


FUNPOLICE: you know your calc TA is my roommate, right?


Blonic: you definitely have the right nickname




burninlove: cmon shiro, what matt doesnt know wont hurt him


Blonic: actually i think hell be more impressed if u tell him that


Hothotleg: really?


Blonic: how do u think matt got to be a TA?


ToeBeans: lmao shiro is that true?




FUNPOLICE: I don’t have to answer that


burninlove: nice


burninlove: i love matt hes amazing

Blonic: and screenshotting that


burninlove: DUDE


Blonic: dont call me dude


burninlove: right sorry


burninlove: but PIDGE CMON dont do this to me


Blonic: relax matt totally loves you, thisll probably just embarrass him


burninlove: -_-


Hothotleg: wait does hunk still have a crush on matt??


burninlove: DUDE


Hothotleg: shit sorry man


Hothotleg: meant to send that to our chat


burninlove: THAT DOESNT HELP


whipsntraps: Awww that’s wonderful! Hunk, Matt would be lucky to have you.


Blonic: lmao


burninlove: thanks


burninlove: allura


burninlove: can we please never talk about this again i would like to go die now


Hothotleg: mood


whipsntraps: A crush is nothing to be ashamed of, Hunk.


whipsntraps: Lance had a crush on me for years back in middle school.


Hothotleg: -_-


Hothotleg: now its a bood


ToeBeans: what the fuck is a bood


Hothotleg: keith how do you know so little abt ur own culture


ToeBeans: wtf do u mean


ToeBeans: I’m korean-texan thats my culture


Hothotleg: u are a tragedy of a gay


Hothotleg: just like the macbeth of being a gay


Blonic: guys shut up we were talking about hunks giant crush on matt


burninlove: DAMMIT PIDGE


whipsntraps: I think it’s sweet.


FUNPOLICE: i didnt see anything i promise hunk


Hothotleg: now thats true friendship


Hothotleg: this is the kind of support i need in a relationship


Blonic: do u not already get a ton of support from us?


Hothotleg: not enough


Hothotleg: im underappreciated in my time


ToeBeans: you have 14k followers on instagram


Hothotleg: BY MY FRIENDS




Hothotleg: i am underappreciated by my peers


Blonic: how the hell did you get 14k instagram followers?


Hothotleg: UMMM by being a style icon????


Hothotleg: its not even that much allura has 200k


Blonic: that must be so hard for you


Hothotleg: see this is exactly what i mean


Hothotleg: what abt this is friendly or supportive?


ToeBeans: the fact that we still talk to u




burninlove: how about the fact that keith checks ur instagram


Blonic: oh shit!!




Hothotleg: !!!!!!!!!!!!


Hothotleg: awwwwwwwwwww keithy!!!! <3


Hothotleg: i didnt know you cared ;) <3333


ToeBeans: i cant read


Blonic: Hi im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read


Hothotleg: hi im keith kogane im 19 and i never fuckin learned how to read


burninlove: why are you both such meme trash


Gayspaceranger: I swear I understand like half of what you guys say


Blonic: the thing about the youth culture is i dont understand it


Hothotleg: the thing abt youth culture is……… i dont understand it


burninlove: oh god


Hothotleg: HA pidge double meme jinx u owe me a soda


Hothotleg: u know i like my root beer frosty


ToeBeans: ew


Blonic: yeah first of all, thats not a thing


Blonic: and second of all im not buying you a soda


ToeBeans: third of all root beer is nasty


Hothotleg: KEITH you dont like root beer????


ToeBeans: no? Who does?


Hothotleg: its ur HERITAGE KEITH


ToeBeans: stop telling me what my culture is


burninlove: root beer can be good, but you really cant trust lances palette, tbh


Blonic: yeah remember when he used to drink diet chocolate soda?


ToeBeans: oh my god he did what?


FUNPOLICE: that sounds terrible for you


Blonic: yeah it basically tastes like battery acid


Hothotleg: im gonna need you all to not be toxic friends right now?


ToeBeans: need or want?


burninlove: little a column A, little a column B


Hothotleg: no, nope, im gonna call it all column a, definitely need


Blonic: eh


Blonic: sounds more like want to me




Blonic: *insert shrug emoji here*


ToeBeans: you didnt even take the time to insert a shrug emoji and i think thats beautiful


FUNPOLICE: this is way too many message notifications guys


Hothotleg: someones taking his name seriously


whipsntraps: Just mute it until you have time to catch up.


Hothotleg: YOU HAVE US MUTED??


Hothotleg: BETRAYAL


whipsntraps: Just the groupchat! I swear I don’t mute our private chats.


Hothotleg: STILL




whipsntraps: BINCH i got shit to do


FUNPOLICE: honestly


FUNPOLICE: do you guys not even have class?


ToeBeans: i dont


FUNPOLICE: i didnt mean you keith


Blonic: thats cold shiro


ToeBeans: did anyone notice that lance just disappeared


ToeBeans: shiro how did you do that


burninlove: he reminded lance that he has a class across campus in 2 minutes


Blonic: lmao nice


ToeBeans:  getwrekt

Chapter Text

whipsntraps : Oh my gosh oh my gosh!! Guys there’s this new girl in my design class who’s incredibly cute she’s the cutest girl I’ve ever seen!


whipsntraps: She’s super nice too! Her name is Romelle and we got partnered up on this project and she’s such a sweetheart! She’s so cool I think I’m  in love.


burninlove: thats awesome allura!


FUNPOLICE: congrats!


Blonic: ooh, allura has a ~girlfriend~


whipsntraps: I do not! I don’t even know if she’s gay yet :’(


whipsntraps: We’re just lab partners that's all.


Blonic: we all know what that means


ToeBeans: how could ‘lab partners’ have a double meaning to you


Blonic: my parents met when they were lab partners in grad school


Hothotleg: WHAT


Hothotleg: allura weve been over this! I have to approve all candidates for significant others before u can crush on them


Hothotleg: we agreed!!!!


ToeBeans: why on earth would allura agree to that


whipsntraps: i definitely did not


Hothotleg: you definitely did


Hothotleg: remeber Lotor?? Remeber???


Hothotleg: i remember lotor


Blonic: ugh not that guy


Hothotleg: i have to make sure she’s good enough for you!


Hothotleg: obvi no one is good enough 4 u but i gotta make sure shes close enough


whipsntraps: im flattered??? Also insulted


whipsntraps: idk how to feel


Blonic: thats lances specialty


burninlove: thats how i feel evry time he calls me a big gassy genius


Hothotleg: weve had this agreement since middle school


whipsntraps: No, we made an agreement that I get approval over all of YOUR significant other candidates, not the other way around.


whipsntraps: Also because of Lotor.


Hothotleg: wait what


Blonic: wait what


ToeBeans: wait what


burninlove: oh I remember that


burninlove: remember lance? it was right after nyma stole your wallet and broke up with you, so we instituted a rule


Hothotleg: right and the rule applies to all three of us


ToeBeans: u had a girlfriend who stole your wallet


Hothotleg: only twice


Hothotleg: and i broke up w her when she cheated on me


ToeBeans: are u fucking kidding me


FUNPOLICE: starting to sound like a good rule


FUNPOLICE: i think we may need to include everyone on this


Hothotleg: hell yeah


FUNPOLICE: from now on, we all have to approve lances dates before he can go out with them


Hothotleg: WHAT


Hothotleg: NO


FUNPOLICE: all in favor say aye


burninlove: aye


whipsntraps: aye


Blonic: aye


ToeBeans: aye


ToeBeans: i don’t actually care but if it bothers lance


Blonic: sure you dont






ToeBeans: youll lose




ToeBeans: and lose


ToeBeans: While You Were Busy Being Heterosexual I Studied The Blade


FUNPOLICE: watching “sweet knife tricks” videos in your room does not count as studying


ToeBeans: SHIRO


Blonic: 'sweet knife tricks'?




Hothotleg: also that is blatant bi erasure???? How dar u?? Call me heterosExal????


ToeBeans: of course i know them i dont live under a rock lance


Hothotleg: you live in a shack in the middle of nowhere its the same thing


ToeBeans: my shack still has wifi??


burninlove: ^thats the pickup line of the year


Blonic: Hey so i just scrolled up and


Blonic: did lance and allura BOTH date Lotor???


burninlove: yeah also each other


Blonic: SERIOUSLY????


FUNPOLICE: wait, really?


FUNPOLICE: allura? Is that true?


whipsntraps: ...


whipsntraps: I don’t have to answer that.


Hothotleg: it was like a week in middleschool it doesnt count!!!!


ToeBeans: which one


Blonic: oh holy shit


burninlove: did you guys seriously not know?


FUNPOLICE: I had no idea


Blonic: so you guys both fell for his BS?


whipsntraps: Like Lance said, it was middle school.


whipsntraps: It doesn’t really matter now, but Lance and i were friends and he had a crush on me.


whipsntraps: We did finally go out, but about a week later we realized there was no actual romance, and that we had just dated because we thought that if a boy and a girl were close friends they had to be in love with each other.


Blonic: well thats bullshit


Hothotleg: well yeah we know that now pidge


Hothotleg: we kissed once, and after we broke up we didn’t talk for like a year bc we both felt so awkward


Hothotleg: it sucked


burninlove: i just kinda assumed everyone knew


FUNPOLICE: wow thats a lot to process


whipsntraps: Like Lance said, it was a dark time for both of us.


FUNPOLICE: how did you get to be friends again?


whipsntraps: Strangely enough, it was because of Lotor.


Blonic: okay what


ToeBeans: plot twist of the fucking century


Blonic: how did i not know ANY of this???


whipsntraps: It’s not something we particularly enjoy talking about.


whipsntraps: Lotor took advantage of both of our vulnerable states.


whipsntraps: He was this mysterious, older, high school student, and I thought he was incredibly cool. He acted like he genuinely cared about me.


whipsntraps: I had just lost my father, and he talked all the time about how he had gone through the same thing.


whipsntraps: I thought I could confide in him.


Blonic: god what a skeeze


Blonic: i mean i knew he was bad but damn


ToeBeans: but how did that get you guys talking?


Hothotleg: after allura an i “broke up” we stopped really talking, and it got pretty lonely


Hothotleg: hunk was just starting to work at his momss restaurant so i didnt really have anyone to talk to


Hothotleg: lotor saw me trying to sneak some cigarettes from the gas station, so he bought me a pack and we started talking


Blonic: YOU SMOKE?????


FUNPOLICE: lance thats… really bad for you.


FUNPOLICE: please tell me you dont still smoke?


Hothotleg: no not anymore i totally stopped! I did at the time but i quit like a couple years ago so its really not important anyway


ToeBeans: wow this is a lot to process


Hothotleg: ANYWAY so we started talking and got really close and then he kinda


Hothotleg: pulled some fuckshit


Hothotleg: so i noped the heck outta there and tried to ignore him


Hothotleg: then i saw him hanging around allura all the time so i tried to warn her what a creep he is


whipsntraps: I thought Lance was just acting jealous, that he still had feelings for me, and so I ignored him.


whipsntraps; Of course, Lotor eventually revealed himself to be the asshole he truly was.


whipsntraps: When I dumped him, Lance was there to comfort me.


Hothotleg: and thats when we made that rule!! It goes for both of us allura not just me, so ya gotta send pictures of that cutie!!!


Blonic: wow


FUNPOLICE: I had no idea


burninlove: i still feel terrible for missing most of this. I kinda didnt realize what my besties were going through and i wasnt there to help them :’(


whipsntraps: Oh Hunk it wasn’t your fault at all! We told you, you couldn’t have known, there’s no reason to blame yourself!


Hothotleg: yeah hunk we were just a bunch of dumb kids!! There was totally nothing you could’ve done!


Blonic changed the name of whipsntraps to DisasterBiNo1


Blonic changed the name of Hothotleg to DisasterBiNo2


DisasterBiNo1: Hey!


DisasterBiNo2: pidge!!not fair!


DisasterBiNo2: and why am i second???


Blonic: am i wrong???


Blonic: yall are a mess


DisasterBiNo2: u r a bitter little asexual


Blonic: true


Blonic: but u guys are still a mess


Blonic: and alluras first because we all know shes the empress and supreme overlord ruler of our group


Blonic: even when shes being a disaster shes in charge




DisasterBiNo2: maybe so


DisasterBiNo1: Awwww Pidge! Why thank you. <3 <3 <3 That’s so sweet. But if I’m Empress, then what will you be?


Blonic: is that even a question? Im the master of secrets, captain of spies, and chief executor of your commands


Blonic: Hunk is your faithful steward


burninlove: im not sure i like being a steward


Blonic: chill hunk youre in charge of the stronghold


burninlove: oh well thats okay then


Blonic: my man coran is your closest advisor and head of the court


Blonic: shiro is the captain of the guard, of course, your stalwart defender and bodyguard


FUNPOLICE: that works for me


Blonic: and lance is the court jester


DisasterBiNo2: WHAT


DisasterBiNo2: HELL NO


DisasterBiNo1: *heart eyes emoji*


DisasterBiNo1: Oh Pidge I love it! Thank you. It’s perfect.






Blonic: oh concerned about him are you?


DisasterBiNo2: IAM NOT


Blonic: dont worry, keiths the master spy and general of alluras armies






burninlove: it is getting kinda hard to tell them apart


Blonic: fine…


Blonic changed the nickname of DisasterBiNo1 to Six Dick Princess


Blonic changed the nickname of DisasterBiNo2 to BisexualDisaster


Six Dick Princess: PIDGE I LOVE IT!


BisexualDisaster: hey! thats not different!


Blonic: im just bein honest


BisexualDisaster: GREMLIN


BisexualDisaster changed the nickname of Blonic to GoblinChild


GoblinChild: wait so am i a gremlin or a goblin??


BisexualDisaster: BOTH


BisexualDisaster: YOU ARE A SINNER




GoblinChild: well if you wanna play it that way


GoblinChild changed the nickname of BisexualDisaster to THATFUCKINFURRY






FUNPOLICE: guys, calm down. Its way too late for this.


burninlove: yeah honestly its like 3am and your all still blowing up my phone


THATFUCKINFURRY changed the nickname of burninlove to GordonRamsayKink


GordonRamsayKink: EXCUSE ME?






ToeBeans: lance is a furry?


GoblinChild: always has been always will be


ToeBeans: im honestly stil getting used to him dating lotor and allura and a girl who stole his wallet


ToeBeans: this is actually easier to comprehend




THATFUCKINFURRY changed the name of ToeBeans to MothmanFucker


MothmanFucker: LANCE


MothmanFucker: ARE YOU SERIOUS


MothmanFucker: IT WAS ONE TIME


FUNPOLICE: Sorry what??




THATFUCKINFURRY: “I want Mothman to raw me”


FUNPOLICE: excuse me??????


GoblinChild: i never want this chat to end








GordonRamsayKink: did keith seriously say that?


GoblinChild: i believe it




MothmanFucker: DAMMIT LANCE


GordonRamsayKink: forget what i said i hope tonight never ends


MothmanFucker changed the nickname of GordonRamsayKink  to GordonRamsayKin


GordonRamsayKin: im either kink or kin u guys gotta make a decision


GoblinChild: everything is either kink or kin


FUNPOLICE: im leaving this chat




MothmanFucker has left the chat


GoblinChild: aaaaaaaand hes gone


GoblinChild: good job lance


THATFUCKINFURRY: w/e ill ad him back in the mornng


FUNPOLICE: Why is my little brother asking someone to raw him???


GordonRamsayKink: …


GoblinChild: so,,,, do you wanna answer that or should i?

Chapter Text

ThatFuckinFurry: jfc pidge dont u ever sleep?


Gerblins: sleep is for the weak


ThatFuckinFurry: more like sleep is for the week AMIRIGHT


Gerblins: gdi lance


ThatFuckinFurry: god crazy exgirlfriend didnt need to go so hard but it did


ThatFuckinFurry: it did that for us


MothmanFucker: thats why ur up this late???? Ur watching sum stupid show??




Gerblins: ….i hate to side w lance but…. hes right


MothmanFucker: how good could a show called crazy ex girlfriend be


ThatFuckinFurry: jfc 0_0


ThatFuckinFurry: keef im praying 4 u


MothmanFucker: pls dont


Gerblins: RT to pay ur respects to keiths taste


Six Dick Princess: RT


Gerblins: allura why r you up this late???


Six Dick Princess: I’m 21, I have more reason to be up this late than you do, Pidge.


Gerblins: teenagers aren’t supposed to get any sleep its a well known fact


ThatFuckinFurry: that is a goddamn lie and u know it


FUNPOLICE: Pidge you know thats unhealthy


Gerblins: don’t u have an 8am class tomorrow?


FUNPOLICE: I do but Im an adult and I can make that decision for myself


FUNPOLICE: What are you doing up this late?


Gerblins: nothing says im an adult like loudly declaring that you are an adult


Gerblins: ill sleep when im dead


ThatFuckinFurry: is everyone just awake right now???


ThatFuckinFurry: shiro i thought u went to bed early to be a rolemodel for all the kids out there


FUNPOLICE: every night i lie awake until my multiple heart attacks put me to sleep


Gerblins: 0 o 0




FUNPOLICE: i spend enough time around you all i ought to know more than one


Six Dick Princess: How is that a meme?


ThatFuckinFurry: allura what r you doin up?


Six Dick Princess: I’m trying to become Seven Dick Princess, that’s what.


ThatFuckinFurry: !!!!!


ThatFuckinFurry: GET IT GURLLLL


Gerblins: damn allura


MothmanFucker: and i thought lance was the ultimate ho


ThatFuckinFurry: EXCUSE??????


ThatFuckinFurry: HOW DARE


Six Dick Princess: Keith!!!!!


MothmanFucker: its a compliment!!! Its suppposed to be a compliment


MothmanFucker: allura i have absolutely nothing but respect for the queen ho


Six Dick Princess: Well I should think so!


ThatFuckinFurry: allura u r actually my icon and my hero did u know that??


Six Dick Princess: yes lance thank you


ThatFuckinFurry: With Every Dick She Shall Grow Infinitely Stronger


ThatFuckinFurry: Until The Day She Rises To Her Final Form, Nine Dick Princess, And On That Day, She Will Become Unstoppable


Six Dick Princess: Don’t any of you forget it.


Gerblins: is the Thot convention over yet


ThatFuckinFurry: RUDE PIDGE


MothmanFucker: what are u even doing awake you child






FUNPOLICE: Pidge so help me ill call your brother to make you go to bed


Gerblins: if matt could make me do anything i wouldnt have gotten both our allowances for three years




MothmanFucker: wow


ThatFuckinFurry: fuckin savage


Gerblins: the real question is wheres hunk


ThatFuckinFurry: hunk is sleeping like a bag of bricks after his exam


ThatFuckinFurry: none of u are allowed to wake him up!! the chat is muted on his phone n hes gonna get some goddamn rest


Six Dick Princess: I thought muting the chat was a betrayal?


ThatFuckingFurry: its only a betrayal if i dont do it for you


MothmanFucker: are you fucking kidding me


ThatFuckinFurry: there are rules!


Gerblins: did you make up these rules


ThatFuckinFurry: maybe


Gerblins: good! we dont have to listen to them


MothmanFucker: thank fuck


ThatFuckinFurry: *GAY GASP*




FUNPOLICE: we do care lance we just have limits


ThatFuckinFurry: Sounds Fake But Okay


MothmanFucker: why dont you spend less time making up fake friendship rules and more time trying not to be late for every single class you have


ThatFuckinFurry: thanks for the advice dropout! do u even have things to waje up for?


Six Dick Princess: Lance!


FUNPOLICE: Lance that was completely inappropriate


MothmanFucker: i do work yknow


ThatFuckinFurry: you do??????


MothmanFucker: yeah?? what did you think i do all day?


ThatFuckinFurry: i hadnt really thought about it


Gerblins: keith works at the mechanic shop downtown


MothmanFucker: my shifts usually start in the afternoon


ThatFuckinFurry: ….


ThatFuckinFurry: that makes sense


Gerblins: some of us have reasons to be up this late that aren’t just blasting angel haze and the in the heights soundtrack on repeat


ThatFuckinFurry: okay first of all rude and second of all uncalled for


ThatFuckinFurry: third of all there is abslutely nothing wrong with staying up late to listen to the prophets of our time


Six Dick Princess: Well, you were being rather rude yourself Lance.


ThatFuckinFurry: true but also everytime i see ur name i choke and forget whut i was doing


MothmanFucker: why is your name six dick princess?


Six Dick Princess: We’ve been over this, Keith.


Six Dick Princess: You know why.


Gerblins: ew


Gerblins: quit being nasty in front of a child


Six Dick Princess: But you came up with the name?


ThatFuckinFurry: and you def dont count as a child


Gerblins: I AM 12 AND A HALF


ThatFuckinFurry: UR IN COLLEGE


FUNPOLICE: Pidge either youre a child and you have to go to bed or youre an adult and you can handle the idea of people having sex


Gerblins: fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine


ThatFuckinFurry: so heres a fuckin revelation but i dont ever wanna picture shiro saying the word sex ever again


MothmanFucker: seconded


FUNPOLICE: whats wrong with me saying the word sex?


ThatFuckinFurry: ugh


ThatFuckingFurry: its like hearing ur parents say it


MothmanFucker: honestly


MothmanFucker: shiro ive been traumatized since our “talk” in 8th grade


ThatFuckinFurry: YOURE WHAT


Gerblins: 8th grade??? Damn shiro


Gerblins: leavin it a little late there


FUNPOLICE: I only adopted keith when he was in 8th grade!


FUNPOLICE: I was trying to be responsible


MothmanFucker: you were trying to kill me is what u were doing


ThatFuckinFurry: shiro!!!!!1


ThatFuckinFurry: thats so nasty!!!!




FUNPOLICE: am I really being kinkshamed by two people called Thatfuckingfurry and Mothmanfucker??


FUNPOLICE: seriously?


ThatFuckinFurry: well now ur the one kinkshaming were just trying to live here goddamn


MothmanFucker: let us LIVE shiro


FUNPOLICE: youre my little brother! Imagine how this makes me feel!


MothmanFucker: no


ThatFuckinFurry changed the nickname of FUNPOLICE to KINKPOLICE


KINKPOLICE: very funny lance


KINPOLICE: now change it back


ThatFuckinFurry: no takebacks u kinkshamer


Gerblins: you reap what you sow shiro




KINKPOLICE changed the nickname of Six Dick Princess to Seven Dick Princess


ThatFuckinFurry: ?


ThatFuckinFurry: what des that even mean


ThatFuckinFurry: how do u kno?


MothmanFucker: oh god…




ThatFuckinFurry: 0.0


ThatFuckinFurry: WAIT


ThatFuckinFurry: IS SHIRO THE 7TH DICK??????


MothmanFucker: god pleas kill me now


Seven Dick Princess: :/


Seven Dick Princess: Well that’s one way to tell everyone.


ThatFuckinFurry: OH MY GOD




KINKPOLICE: I’m pan lance weve talked about this many many times


Gerblins: SINNERS




ThatFuckinFurry: OHMIGOD




MothmanFucker: i would like to respectfully request to die now


Seven Dick Princess: While we text you guys!? Why do you think we would do that?






KINKPOLICE: youre the one who thought we were dating when we first met




Seven Dick Princess: At the time I truly thought I was!


Seven Dick Princess: My attraction to Shiro is one of the things which led me to realize the truth about myself.


ThatFuckinFurry: SHIRO TURNED YOU BI?????????


Seven Dick Princess: No??


Gerblins: lance thats not how that works thats not how anything works




KINKPOLICE: oh no i think i broke him


MothmanFucker: was he ever working


ThatFuckinFurry: FUCK YOU KEITH


KINKPOLICE: Well at least thats still working


Gerblins: i think lance could use some sleep


KINKPOLICE: God thats relatable


Seven Dick Princess: You’re the one who caused this in the first place!


KINKPOLICE: Look i love lance but everyone has their limits


ThatFuckinFurry: the lord giveth and the lorde taketh away


ThatFuckinFurry: ive been resurrected by daddy saying he loves me


Gerblins: AND thats my limit im out guys


MothmanFucker: me too


ThatFuckinFurry: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww keeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiithhhhhhhhhhhhh


MothmanFucker: goodbye friends i am gone


KINKPOLICE: So thats how you get pidge to go to bed


Seven Dick Princess: Yes, congratulations, you’ve found the perfect method.




KINKPOLICE: Sorry I dragged you into this


Seven Dick Princess: It’s alright, but you should all probably get some rest now.


ThatFuckinFurry: awwwww come back mom n dad


ThatFuckinFurry: anyone?


ThatFuckinFurry: And Then There Was One


GordonRamsayKin: uhhh…


GordonRamsayKin: what HAPPENED

Chapter Text

MothmanFucker: why is this chat called drunk white children?


MothmanFucker: theres only one white child and i dont think shes ever been drunk


Gerblins: that is Correct sir


MothmanFucker: so then?


ThatFeckinFurry: bc john mulaney is the voice of a generation


Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: yeah its a pretty iconic line and we thought it would be kinda funny and a little accurate


ThatFeckinFurry: better question: why r u always the one who has problems w the names of things??


MothmanFucker: bc youre usually the one who named them


ThatFeckinFurry: wow rude


ThatFeckinFurry changed the nickname of MothmanFucker to pickybitch


pickybitch: thanks i hate it


ThatFeckinFurry: see? Accurate


pickybitch: that doesnt fix the chat name


ThatFeckinFurry: ugh fine u really r a picky bitch


pickybitch: thats my name, dont wear it out


Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: oof they’re both killing it tonight


Gerblins: hunk its really sweet that you think that


ThatFeckinFurry changed the name of the chat to Eat Ass Suck A Dick And Sell Drugs


pickybitch: acceptable


KINKPOLICE: Nope Not Doing That


ThatFeckinFurry: but shirooooooooooooooooooo


Gerblins: its also just another john mulaney quote so good job lance


ThatFeckinFurry: UGH everyones a critic


pickybitch: thats kind of the idea behind the internet


ThatFeckinFurry changed the name of the chat to Kill people Burn shit Fuck school




pickybitch: 100% ACCEPTED


Gerblins: HELL YEAH




ThatFeckinFurry: see shiro ppl might listen to u more if u knew how to change the names of these things urself




KINKPOLICE: True, but I know you all respect me too much to completely disregard the feelings I’ve expressed on this matter.




Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: wow


Gerblins: he really just did that


ThatFeckinFurry: :/


ThatFeckinFurry: well fuck now we have to change the name


ThatFeckinFurry: thanks alot shiro


KINKPOLICE: Now I’m not forcing anyone to do anything. I would never force you guys to do something you didn’t want to.


Gerblins: yeah yeah you made your point


Gerblins: so now what are we gonna call it


ThatFeckinFurry: the fabulous five?


Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: there are six of us


ThatFeckinFurry: the fabulous five an we kick keith out?


Seven Dick Princess: No one is getting kicked out.


Gerblins: lance when will you learn


Gerblins: shiros far too powerful to let that happen


ThatFeckinFurry: yeah yeah i know ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind


Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: or forgotten


Gerblins: or forgotten


pickybitch: what…


ThatFeckinFurry: lilo and stitch? The most underrated disney movie ever???


pickybitch: last week you said that was hercules




ThatFeckinFurry: not as much as lilo and stitch tho!!!1


pickybitch: what is that




pickybitch: why is that a big deal?


Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: I mean thats a pretty big deal dude its an awesome movie


ThatFeckinFurry: jfc keith did u not have a childhood????


pickybitch: i was kind of busy having no parents


ThatFeckinFurry: oh




Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: Im sorry keith we shouldnt have said anything!!


Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: PIDGE NO


pickybitch: guys its fine im not gonna cry or anything


pickybitch: i dont know if you know this but ive actually known im an orphan for quite a while


Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: are you sure man? Youre not mad?


pickybitch: im not mad


Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: okay


Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: ill go tell lance then


pickybitch: “go tell” him?


Gerblins: where


Gerblins: where is he?


Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: he felt really bad for what he said so now hes crying in the bathroom


Gerblins: oh my god thats fucking hilarious


pickybitch: wow


pickybitch: thats


pickybitch: nice of him i guess


Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: he wants to invite everyone over to watch lilo and stitch tonight


Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: can anyone make it?


Seven Dick Princess: Absolutely! I’ll be there as soon as possible, Hunk.


KINKPOLICE: Ill see if i can get the night off


Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: great! Were gonna make some brownies until you guys get here. Pidge, you in?


Gerblins: you have to ask? Im already on my way over


Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: nice


Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: uh keith?


Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: you there man?


Seven Dick Princess: Maybe he hasn’t seen the message yet.


KINKPOLICE: Hes probably working, Im sorry hunk


Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: I guess that makes sense


pickybitch: ill be there


Stay Puft Marshmallow Man:  really???? Thats awesome man!!! U can make it???


pickybitch: yeah


pickybitch: ill be there

PapaGay: are you alright?

Baby Gay: shiro im fine

PapaGay: i thought the chat may have gotten a little intense for you

PapaGay: you know you don’t have to come to the movie night if you dont want to

Baby Gay: seriously shiro im good

Baby Gay: i actually really want to go

PapaGay: really?

Baby Gay: yeah

Baby Gay: its kind of been a while since i hung out with you guys

PapaGay: you know if you moved back up here we’d be able to see you more often

Baby Gay: i know

PapaGay: okay. Just checking in on my baby brother. You know im allowed to worry

Baby Gay: i know

Baby Gay: i appreciate it

Baby Gay: are you doing alright?

PapaGay: im fine, why?

Baby Gay: i know you were having some trouble with ur medication

Baby Gay: and the insurance company was being a dick

PapaGay: its all sorted out now

PapaGay: they didnt want to pay for the physical therapy and the meds so

Baby Gay: so u talked to them and sorted it out and you have everything you need?

PapaGay: i had to drop pt, but the meds are completely covered so theres no need to worry

Baby Gay: they made you drop physical therapy? What the hell? What about your arm? Are you gonna call them out on it?

PapaGay: honestly it was hard enough just to get the medication covered

PapaGay: i dont think i have the energy for another weeklong phone call and paperwork battle

Baby Gay: this is bullshit? Why are they allowed to do this? Shiro you need to fight back

PapaGay: theres a time and a place to stand up, keith

PapaGay: im going to be fine, and this is not your problem to worry about, okay?

Baby Gay: i hate this

PapaGay: I know. But thats life. You can’t always win.

Baby Gay: this isnt about winning this is about wanting my older brother to have some kind of quality of life are you shitting me

PapaGay: my life is fine keith. Im the one whose job is to worry about you, not the other way around

Baby Gay: that doesnt help you know

PapaGay: keith you need to drop it

Baby Gay: why???? This doesnt make any sense

PapaGay: i said to drop it. Im not talking about this anymore.

Baby Gay: Fine. I’ll call you tomorrow.

PapaGay: okay. Good night keith

Chapter Text

pickybitch: at what point can i monetize my tragic backstory


Gerblins: whenever you actually want to


ThatFeckinFurry: what tragic backstory


pickybitch: I Never Had A Father


KINKPOLICE: keith what are you talking about you’ve shown me pictures of your father


pickybitch: I Am Being Facetiously Dramatic Shiro Let Me Live


Gerblins: shiro dont snitch on your emo son


KINKPOLICE: keith we all have tragic backstories the point isnt to monetize them but to live with them the best you can


pickybitch: those r the exact same thing


ThatFeckinFurry: coping mechanisms is the same


Gerblins: i mean id hesitate to call making money a coping mechanism but it definitely helps


ThatFeckinFurry: we all need sugar daddies


Gerblins: now that sounds like a coping mechanism


pickybitch: im down


KINKPOLICE: abolutely not


ThatFeckinFurry: its like the names we give shiro are prophetic????


Gerblins: maybe


Gerblins: lance promise to use this power for good


KINKPOLICE: were not doing this


ThatFeckinFurry: right of course of corse use it for good


ThatFeckinFurry changed the nickname of KINKPOLICE to Lanceys New Sugar Zaddy


Gerblins: rip shiro i assume reading that killed you


Lanceys New Sugar Zaddy: NO NOPE NOT DOIN THAT


pickybitch: i s2g lance the things you make me read with my own two human eyes


ThatFeckinFurry: if ive learned one thing from witchy selfcare rituals its that the energy you put out into the universe is what you get back and if you want something to be true you first have to verbalize it


Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: thats not how any of that works and you know it


pickybitch: how can someone whos broke be a sugar daddy


Lanceys New Sugar Zaddy: lance you have five seconds to change this nickname


ThatFeckinFurry: or what


Lanceys New Sugar Zaddy: okay then


ThatFuckinFurry has been permanently banned from Kill People Burn Shit Fuck School


Gerblins: rip lance i cant believe we all just saw him die


pickybitch: what are you talking about


pickybitch: oh my god


Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: WHOA SHIRO YOU CAN DO THAT?


Lanceys New Sugar Zaddy has added sunshinesauce to the chat


Gerblins: hey matt


sunshinesauce: sup katie


sunshinesauce has changed the nickname of Lanceys New Sugar Zaddy to TheOriginalDadbod


TheOriginalDadbod:  Matt cmon thats not better


sunshinesauce: No ur right sorry shiro


sunshinesauce has changed the nickname of TheOriginalDadbod to SheriffGrandpa


Sheriff Grandpa: :/


Gerblins: You Fool


Gerblins: You Have Traded One Tyrant For Another


sunshinesauce changed the nickname of sunshinesauce to New Sheriff In Town


pickybitch: how did you pick ur own nickname? can we all do that


Gerblins: i mean matt and i can do it because we're smart


Gerblins: hunk could probably figure it out if he wanted to


Gerblins: i dont know about the rest of you


Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: lance wasnt a tyrant! Hes a goofball he doesnt know how to be a tyrant


New Sheriff In Town: Then how did you end up with that heinous chat name cuz i know shiro didnt vote for that


New Sheriff In Town: It was definitely keith lance or katie, and i dont see two of those people caring that much


Sheriff Grandpa: ive made a huge mistake


New Sheriff In Town: yeah dyeing ur hair silver was the first one


Sheriff Grandpa: that was in high school how do you even remember that?


pickybitch: please tell me someone has pictures of that


Gerblins: dont worry i got this


Gerblins has changed the name of New Sheriff In Town to NewSheryiffinTown


NewSheryiffinTown: KATIE






Gerblins: ive been on the internet for years matt ive known both those things since i was twelve


NewSheryiffinTown: we never shouldve gotten wifi


Sheriff Grandpa: welcome to my world


Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: i cant believe lance is missing this


pickybitch: i cant believe i still havent muted this chat


Gerblins removed the ban from ThatFeckinFurry


Gerblins added ThatFeckinFurry to the chat Kill People Burn Shit Fuck School


Sheriff Grandpa: come on pidge




Gerblins: and hes back


pickybitch: classic


Sheriff Grandpa: matt i only asked you to do one thing


NewSheryiffinTown: hey its not my fault my little sister is good at everything


ThatFeckinFurry: shiro cant relate


pickybitch: jumping right in i guess


pickybitch: not even a pause for breath


ThatFeckinFurry: not my fault insulting you is easier then breathibg


pickybitch: and apparently easier than spelling


ThatFeckinFurry: hot take: correcting someones spelling is just short hand for “i cant think of anything else to say”


pickybitch: breaking news: nothing can stop area man from being a gaping asshole


ThatFeckinFurry: breakingnews: local man cant go ten mintues without talking about my asshole


pickybitch: definitely not what i meant and it doesnt even fit the onion headline format


NewSheryiffinTown: Yikes so thats why you banned him




NewSheryiffinTown: alls fair in love and war


ThatFeckinFurry: ……………….,..........




Gerblins changed the name of ThatFeckinFurry to IceIceBaby


NewSheryiffinTown: It means id do anything for shiro and u know this?


IceIceBaby: oh right


IceIceBaby: you still tryin to seduce shiro?


NewSheryiffinTown: always on that grind


IceIceBaby: same tbh what an icon


Sheriff Grandpa: in that case can you change my name?


NewSheryiffinTown: of course not why would i do that


Sheriff Grandpa: :/


IceIceBaby: what does my name mean


pickybitch: probably a reference to when you just eat ice like a weirdo


IceIceBaby: thats not weird lots of ppl just like eat ice???


pickybitch: not really but go off i guess


Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: actually yeah lance that could be a sign of an iron deficiency


Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: are you eating enough?


IceIceBaby: huuuuuuuuunk stop tryna mom friend me


Gerblins: have you ever watched lance eat


Gerblins: hes definitely getting enough


IceIceBaby: RUDE


IceIceBaby: wait was that rude? I cant tell if thats an insut


Gerblins: sometimes its not even fun to make fun of you


pickybitch: nothings fun if theres no challenge to it


IceIceBaby: omfg now ur using my jokes!!!!


IceIceBaby: get ur own jokes keith!!!!


pickybitch changed the nickname of IceIceBaby to BabybabyIce


BabybabyIce: ....,........


BabybabyIce: okay i cant tell if thats an insult either


Gerblins: jesus lance


Gerblins: just assume that whenever keith or i say anything at all we’re insulting you


BabyBabyIce: really??????? in front of my salad?????


pickybitch: what salad wtf lance


Gerblins: yes really in front of your salad now leave us alone so we can do our fucking homework


BabyBabyIce: ….


BabyBabyIce: keith doesnt have homework


pickybitch: doesnt mean i want to talk to you



BabyBabyIce has left the chat Kill People Burn Shit Fuck School

Gerblins: fucking finally






cinnamonrolls: hey are you alright man?

officialMemelord: yeah im fine why?

cinnamonrolls: no reason just

cinnamonrolls: kinda thought i smelled something when you came back from your walk

officialMemelord: subtle

officialMemelord: no hunk, i wasnt smoking, i told you i quit

cinnamonrolls: i know i know!!!

cinnamonrolls: just yknow

cinnamonrolls: making sure

officialMemelord: i know, i appreciate it

cinnamonrolls: wanna watch something tonight? Im testing out a new cookie recipe so ill be up late anyway

officialMemelord: nah i think im gonna head to sleep early

officialMemelord: all those tests tmrw and all

cinnamonrolls: okay….

officialMemelord: hunk i promise im okay

cinnamonrolls: you know you can talk to me about anything right?

officialMemelord: yeah of coursse

cinnamonrolls: and i know keiths been kind of hard on you in the chat

officialMemelord: why would that matter

cinnamonrolls: well i mean i know its important to you what he thinks of you

officialMemelord: hunk he literally forgot that we went to high school together

officialMemelord: i dont think hes thinking anything about me

cinnamonrolls: cmon buddy you know thats not true

cinnamonrolls: you guys are friends!

officialMemelord: we were kind of getting there, but then he dropped out and moved away so

officialMemelord: whatever it doesnt matter

officialMemelord: talk to you tomorrow okay?

cinnamonrolls: yeah totally

cinnamonrolls: goodnight lance

officialMemelord: gnight mom

Chapter Text

BabyBabyIce: how tf did george washington get diptheria, TB, smallpox, and dysentery and not die from ANY OF THEM?? IN THE 1800’S????


BabyBabyIce: what was that man made of


pickybitch: cast iron


SheriffGrandpa: looks like someones actually paying attention in history


Stay Puft: wood


Gerblins: turns out he never died


Gerblins: he stepped down because hes immortal and he didnt want anyone to find out


BabyBabyIce: that sounds like a keith-conspiracy-theory


pickybitch: i thought he died from leeches


Stay Puft: actually he assimilated them


Stay Puft: hes leeches now


Gerblins: ^true


Seven Dick Princess: Where is he now?


Seven Dick Princess: This man of wood and leeches.


Gerblins: no one knows


Gerblins: he keeps a pretty low profile cuz everyone in the us knows his face


BabyBabyIce: do we though? like we know what he looks like with a wig and all that makeup on and in those oil paintings, but how do we know those r accurate??


Gerblins: you think that dude has changed his fashion? He is a Man he has no taste


NewSheryiffinTown: The leeches and wood might be suspicious


Stay Puft: 10 leeches in a wooden trench coat


Stay Puft: or 10 woods in a leech trench coat


pickybitch: ew


Stay Puft: whatever floats your boat


BabyBabyIce: idk man ive seen those oil paintings the dude had some pretty good style


Seven Dick Princess: Did he truly? Or did he simply dress up for the days he needed to pose and then wear terrible clothes the rest of the time?




BabyBabyIce: good point


pickybitch: theres a lot well never know about him


Gerblins: we really dont know that much about him


Stay Puft: how can we trust him to be our president like this?


NewSheryiffinTown: do we even know where he was born???


BabyBabyIce: he wasnt even born in the USA!!!! how can we trust him??


Gerblins: oh no who let him be president


Stay Puft: hes an immigrant!!!


pickybitch: all the founding fathers were immigrants


BabyBabyIce: what kinda country


Stay Puft: who let them be in charge?


BabyBabyIce: goddam immigrants always ruining this country


Gerblins: honestly its a disgrace


SheriffGrandpa: what are you guys doing


BabyBabyIce: making terrible jokes what do u think were doing


Gerblins: speak for yourself my jokes are comedy gold


pickybitch: wooden leech george washington is comedy gold now?


pickybitch: have our standards gotten that low


BabyBabyIce: dont mind keith he doesnt have a sense of humor just look at his name


pickybitch: lance fight me


SheriffGrandpa: dont fight my brother please


pickybitch: shiro stay out of it ill fight anyone


BabyBabyIce: catch keith in a dennys parking lot tryna fight some pigeons


pickybitch: watch out pigeons


pickybitch: im coming for you


BabyBabyIce: theyve had it too good for too long


BabyBabyIce: now  keith kogayne is here to take them all down a peg


Gerblins: why do you want to kill me


BabyBabyIce: youve had ur time in the sun now keiths gonna fight you


BabyBabyIce: and the sun


BabyBabyIce: no one can escape his gay wrath


pickybitch: hell yeah ill fight the fuckin sun


Gerblins: now that i can get behind


BabyBabyIce: whos down to meet up and watch keith fight the sun


Stay Puft: ill bring popcorn


pickybitch: get here quick then cuz i aint waiting for u to show up were doing this NOW


NewSheryiffinTown: wow hes horny for this one


BabyBabyIce: MATT WTF


SheriffGrandpa: im sorry about my emo horny son


SheriffGrandpa: hes so emo and hes so horny


pickybitch: SHIRO WTF


SheriffGrandpa: am i wrong?


Gerblins: wow shiro is pulling some power moves today


Stay Puft: absolute legend shiro


BabyBabyIce: real quick cuz i dont want to interrupt this


BabyBabyIce: whos coming to my halloween party?


Stay Puft: Excuse Me?


BabyBabyIce: whos coming to OUR halloween party?


Stay Puft: and thank you


Gerblins: isnt that not for like another month?


Stay Puft:  yeah but we need to know how much stuff to get for the party so were trying to nail it down now


BabyBabyIce: gotta make sure everyone has an equal opportunity to get smashed yknow?


SheriffGrandpa: oh no


BabyBabyIce: relax gramps hunk and i got this


NewSheryiffinTown: none of you can see this but shiro is just staring at his phone and grinding his teeth at lance calling him gramps


pickybitch: i love it


pickybitch: wait i thought you guys were doing a dnd party for halloween


Gerblins: were still doing that right? Cuz i cant really come to a “get smashed” college party but you guys promised we’d hang out


Stay Puft: yeah were still doing that!


Stay Puft: were going over to corans place in the day to play his secret halloween themed campaign and then lance and i are hosting another party that night


pickybitch: nerds


BabyBabyIce: keith just bc youll never know the pure joy of dnd doesnt mean you have to ruin it for everyone


pickybitch: how are you even throwing a party you live in dorms


BabyBabyIce: matt said we could host it at his place!


SheriffGrandpa: what???


NewSheryiffinTown: oh yeah did i not mention that?


Gerblins: rip matt shiros gonna kill you


NewSheryiffinTown: hell have to catch me first


SheriffGrandpa: he locked himself in the bathroom


SheriffGrandpa: pidge can you tell your brother his days are numbered?


Gerblins: trust me, he knows


pickybitch: wow you guys are the paragons of maturity


NewSheryiffinTown: dont worry keith, someday youll be as cool as us


pickybitch: says the adult man hiding in a bathroom from his roommate


Seven Dick Princess: I’ll be there Lance! It sounds fun, and I know you two will do a great job.


Stay Puft: thanks allura


Stay Puft: do you think you could come early to help with decorating?


Seven Dick Princess: Certainly! You don’t even have to ask.


Stay Puft: yeah but lance wanted me to come up with a cover to invite you over so you can help with his makeup


BabyBabyIce: HUNK


Stay Puft: yeah?




Seven Dick Princess: I’d be happy to, Lance. I assume this will be on both of our instas?


BabyBabyIce: do you even have to ask?


pickybitch: gross


BabyBabyIce: oh right keith hates all social media and people


Stay Puft: romelles coming btw


Stay Puft: i have a lit class with her so i invited her today!


BabyBabyIce: awwwww hunk


BabyBabyIce: u the real MVP


Stay Puft: shes awesome, btw? Like allura if you dont date her i might because she amazing?


BabyBabyIce: cmon hunk are we really doing a repeat of shay


pickybitch: whos shay


Stay Puft: shes also coming and i dont know what your talking about lance i think that turned out pretty well for everyone


Gerblins: she was alluras first gay crush but hunk asked her out first and even though it didnt work out cuz she lives so far away theyre all still friends who meet up for brunch every month


Stay Puft: oh man i bet romelle would love brunch


Stay Puft: we should totally invite her


Stay Puft: allura?


Stay Puft: she doesnt have to come i mean if you dont want her there


Seven Dick Princess: NO


Seven Dick Princess: That is


Seven Dick Princess: Hunk thank you for inviting her. I was just a bit flustered, so it took me a little bit to respond! I’m very excited to see her outside of class!


Seven Dick Princess: Though, now I will be coming early so Lance can help me with my makeup as well.




Gerblins: someone has to tell me how this goes oh my god


pickybitch: why dont you just go


Gerblins: fuck no i dont wanna dodge a bunch of drunk college kids legs all night


Gerblins: i just wanna know the Drama


NewSheryiffinTown: yeah no pidge is not getting anywhere near this party






Stay Puft: no worries pidge! ill snap and send you text updates the whole time i promise


Gerblins: acceptable


BabyBabyIce: okay but literally no one said if there coming or not???/????


BabyBabyIce: only allura did??


SheriffGrandpa: i apparently dont get a choice in the matter so


NewSheryiffinTown: nope sorry


SheriffGrandpa: yeah thanks for that


pickybitch: who else is gonna be there


Stay Puft: just a few other kids from our classes


Stay Puft: kinkade, nadia, plaxum, antok, florona, james, probably those new girls


pickybitch: oh god that guy is gonna be there?


Stay Puft: its the year of building bridges, man, cmon


pickybitch: ill be there


pickybitch: just like


pickybitch: keep him away from me


BabyBabyIce: OWAH


pickybitch: ?


Stay Puft: he misspelled whoa


Stay Puft: keith thats awesome! Cant wait to have you man!


BabyBabyIce: aw yeah this party is gonna be lit


pickybitch: i thought you said lit was dead


BabyBabyIce: life and death are but two sides of the same coin, neither as different nor as separate as we believe them to be


Gerblins: lance wtf

Chapter Text

SheriffGrandpa: oh god my life is on fire


SheriffGrandpa: call my name and save me from myself


BabyBabyIce: shiro???


BabyBabyIce: ur quoting evanescence what happened?


Seven Dick Princess: Shiro, are you alright?


Stay Puft: Hey man the fact that you’re not answering is really concerning


Stay Puft: dude you doin ok?


Gerblins: has anyone tried talking to keith?


pickybitch: he hasnt said anything to me


BabyBabyIce: im sure hes got a good reason


BabyBabyIce: shiro wouldnt want us to worry too much


Stay Puft: im still pretty worried


BabyBabyIce: hell be back any second i know it


SheriffGrandpa: sorry guys


Gerblins: SHIRO


Stay Puft: dude good to hear from you! Its been like 4 hrs is everything alright?


SheriffGrandpa: im sorry, i didn’t mean to worry anyone. I was panicking when i sent those messages, but i promise im fine


BabyBabyIce: no worries man! were just glad to hear from you <3


BabyBabyIce: is everything alright?


Seven Dick Princess: Do you mind telling us what happened, Shiro? Not to pry, but I know it would be reassuring to know what caused such a reaction in you.


SheriffGrandpa: its no problem just a little personal


BabyBabyIce: you dont have to tell us anything you dont want to


SheriffGrandpa: no its fine


SheriffGrandpa: i just saw my ex


NewSheryiffinTown: Adam?


SheriffGrandpa: yeah


Stay Puft: woah


Gerblins: i thought he didnt go here anymore


SheriffGrandpa: he doesnt


SheriffGrandpa: he didnt want to do the graduate program, but he just got offered a job in the research department


Gerblins: woah


BabyBabyIce: shiro are you alright? theres no way that was easy


SheriffGrandpa: yeah I was not expecting that


SheriffGrandpa: I just saw him coming out of a meeting so i texted you guys


SheriffGrandpa: then he saw me and we stared at each other for like a full minute before saying anything


SheriffGrandpa: he says he doesn’t want things to be weird between us? i’m not sure what that means


Stay Puft: man thats rough buddy


NewSheryiffinTown: are you guys gonna be working in the same building? cause that could get weird pretty quickly


SheriffGrandpa: i dont know


SheriffGrandpa: i didnt ask


SheriffGrandpa: im going to go sit for a bit. I dont really think im up to talking about this right now


BabyBabyIce: yeah of course dude take all the time you need


Seven Dick Princess: All of us will be here if you need someone to talk to <3


Seven Dick Princess: Please take care of yourself, and let us know if there’s anything we can do to help!


Stay Puft: yeah ditto i just made some cookies too if youre feeling the need for any sugar therapy


NewSheryiffinTown: im right at home if you need hugs or to get your ass beat at video games


SheriffGrandpa: thanks guys


SheriffGrandpa: i appreciate it


Gerblins: damn now i feel bad


Stay Puft: why? you didnt do anything pidge


Gerblins: i may have just posted a less than flattering pic of shiro on the university fb page


BabyBabyIce: PIDGE


Gerblins: how was i supposed to know real-world-stuff was gonna happen today???




Gerblins: yeah np totally taking it down right now


Stay Puft:


Stay Puft: its been up there for a couple hours now hasnt it


Gerblins: yeah i posted it this morning


NewSheryiffinTown: how has shiro not seen this yet? Its all over the class pages


pickybitch: hes really bad at social media


BabyBabyIce: and thats KEITH saying that so


BabyBabyIce: damn boi


pickybitch: basically he wont see it unless you send it to him and even then its like a 50/50 chance


Gerblins: well that explains that


Stay Puft: should we tell him? Hes kind of a meme right now


NewSheryiffinTown: i dont think this is something he has to deal with right away


Gerblins: it might be something hell have to deal with sooner rather than later


Seven Dick Princess: What do you mean, Pidge?


Gerblins: Adam liked all the pictures


BabyBabyIce: SHIT


Stay Puft: oh boy


Stay Puft: thats not great


pickybitch: i dont get it what does that mean


Seven Dick Princess: If Shiro’s ex-boyfriend is currently liking pictures of Shiro, it implies that he still has feelings for him, or possibly is interested in getting back together. Perhaps he is attempting to signal something? Regardless, it means he is not “over” the relationship.


pickybitch: neither is shiro really


pickybitch: and adams not his exboyfriend


Seven Dick Princess: I thought Shiro referred to him as his “ex”?


BabyBabyIce: right, but not ex-boyfriend


BabyBabyIce: hes shiros ex-fiance


Seven Dick Princess: Oh.


Seven Dick Princess: Dear.


Stay Puft: yeah


Seven Dick Princess: So they were engaged?


Gerblins: yup


Seven Dick Princess: Why did they break-up?


Gerblins: most of us never met him, except matt and keith, but we know the story


Gerblins: theyve always been a little vague but it seems like adam was really ready to settle down and start a family and shiro wanted to focus more on his career


Gerblins: adam got tired of waiting around


BabyBabyIce: its definitely not sommething we talk about a lot


Seven Dick Princess: I suppose I can see why.


Seven Dicks Princess: That’s really very sad.


pickybitch: it wasnt great


Stay Puft: yall know shiros gonna be able to see this whole conversation right?


Stay Puft: its a little weird talking about his relationship like this in the groupchat


NewSheryiffinTown: nah he never scrolls up that far to see what he missed


NewSheryiffinTown: he probably wont see this unless someone tells him about it


BabyBabyIce: besides id rather talk out in the open  here than start sneaking around to talk about shiro where he wont see it


BabyBabyIce: i think that would feel a lot worse


Seven Dick Princess: I agree with Lance, I’d rather Shiro be able to know what we are saying if he wishes to. At the very least, it will keep us restrained.


Stay Puft: has he never said anything about this to you? I thought you guys were hooking up


Seven Dick Princess: We are.


Seven Dick Princess: That is, we have been, but we agreed we wanted to continue only as friends.


Seven Dick Princess: He has mentioned a previous relationship, a committed one, but never added any details, so I assumed it wasn’t something he was ready to share with me.


BabyBabyIce: not until gay panic ended up forcing him too


Stay Puft: yeah basically


NewSheryiffinTown: I’m still just glad nothing’s actually on fire


Baby Gay: hey

Baby Gay: are you okay

PapaGay: yeah im okay keith

Baby Gay: just checking

Baby Gay: i know it cant be easy to have someone walk back into your life like that

PapaGay: thats pretty much how it feels

PapaGay: only

Baby Gay: only?

PapaGay: part of me feels like he never left, like i always knew he was coming back

PapaGay: i think about him every day and now hes here

PapaGay: in person, in real life, just right there

PapaGay: im rambling

Baby Gay: its okay

Baby Gay: im glad youre telling me this stuff

PapaGay: its not too weird for you?

Baby Gay: not any weirder than if we didnt talk about it at all

Baby Gay: that would definitely be worse i think

PapaGay: thanks

PapaGay: for checking on me

Baby Gay: what can i say? thats my job

Baby Gay: i guess im just a really awesome little brother

PapaGay: i have some scribbles on my walls that disagree

Baby Gay: are you ever letting that go?

Baby Gay: i was 13

PapaGay: ill let it go when the crayon and white-out stains come out

Baby Gay: yeah im pretty sure those are there forever

PapaGay: then no im not letting it go

PapaGay: 13 is way too old to be playing with that stuff anyway

Baby Gay: says you

Baby Gay: my 13 year old self was having the time of his life

Baby Gay: i still havent had a better night

PapaGay: thats sad keith

PapaGay: really sad

Baby Gay: your just jealous

PapaGay: you’re in college, you’re supposed to be having wild nights and epic romances

Baby Gay: first of all im not even in college

Baby Gay: second of all that sounds about as likely as me flying a giant robot in space

PapaGay: dont say that! Its never too late to get started on college adventures

PapaGay: not being in college just makes them young-person adventures

Baby Gay: “young person adventures” what are you like 50?

PapaGay: i am going prematurely gray

Baby Gay: ...

Baby Gay: you what

PapaGay: thats what happens when you work too hard and dont have enough fun

Baby Gay: how did this turn into you dadding me

Baby Gay: im supposed to be supporting you right now tf

PapaGay: i guess im just that good

PapaGay: a parenting extraordinaire

PapaGay: the ultimate older brother

Baby Gay: hey ultimate older brother did you know ur a meme

PapaGay: ?

Baby Gay sent a link

PapaGay: i

PapaGay: i thought pidge deleted that picture

Baby Gay: you should know by now that pidge never deletes anything

Baby Gay: is this the kind of young-person adventure i should be having

PapaGay: God No

PapaGay: do as i say not as i do

Baby Gay: the classic good parent mantra only used by good parents

PapaGay: thats a sibling mantra right there thats right in my wheelhouse

Baby Gay: fair enough

Baby Gay: did everything work out with your insurance

PapaGay: as much as its going to

Baby Gay: what does that mean

PapaGay: you know how it is

PapaGay: i want to live like a human being, they want my money, i dont have any money

PapaGay: the uszhe

Baby Gay: the what

Baby Gay: did you just have a stroke

PapaGay: the uszhe!

PapaGay: yknow like ‘the usual’?

Baby Gay: that is definitely not how you spell that

PapaGay: then how is it spelled keith? Enlighten me

Baby Gay: shit

Baby Gay: i dont know



PapaGay: i will use whatever internet lingo i want to use

Baby Gay: internet lingo smh

Baby Gay: you really are just roleplaying a grandparent at all times arent you

PapaGay: thats insulting

Baby Gay: stop derailing and just tell me if the thing with your insurance worked out!!!

PapaGay: i worked it out okay? I got my meds and and im going back to PT next week

Baby Gay: ok good

Baby Gay: thats all i wanted damn

PapaGay: youre feeling pushy today

Baby Gay: im literally just worried about you a lot

PapaGay: i know

PapaGay: i wish you wouldnt worry

Baby Gay: i know

PapaGay: its not your job

Baby Gay: i know

Baby Gay: but can you just

Baby Gay: let that be my job for a while?

Baby Gay: its not like i have a lot of other stuff going on

PapaGay: only if you promise to save some worry for yourself too

PapaGay: i dont want to cause a repeat of the high school shower incident

Baby Gay:

Baby Gay: fair enough

PapaGay: good

PapaGay: and go to that halloween party ok? I want you to have some fun in your life

Baby Gay: im already planning on going what more do you want

PapaGay: yeah i know but i dont want you bailing at the last minute because you stayed up all night reading mothman articles

Baby Gay: im not into mothman anymore

PapaGay: well thank fuck

Baby Gay: im way more into the bear lake monster now

PapaGay: thats not different

Baby Gay: theyre completely different???? what  are you talking about

PapaGay: my point still stands

Baby Gay: i wont bail out on the lameass halloween party i promise

PapaGay: thats all i needed to hear

Baby Gay: hey can you

PapaGay: yeah?

Baby Gay: will you keep me updated on

Baby Gay: on everything with adam?

PapaGay: oh

Baby Gay: like would you mind? feel free to say no i just want to know whats going with you two

PapaGay: yeah of course

Baby Gay: really?

PapaGay: yeah i promise

Baby Gay: thanks shiro

Baby Gay: sorry if thats weird

PapaGay: dont worry about it

PapaGay: it was good to see him

Baby Gay: really? I thought it would hurt

PapaGay: oh it hurt

PapaGay: it really fuckking hurt

PapaGay: but it was good to see him

Baby Gay: yeah?

PapaGay: yeah

Chapter Text

BabyBabyIce: theres a woodchuck and a tiny cat outside my windows right now and they’re adorable


BabyBabyIce: they both look so soft i am LIVING


StayPuft Fren: awwwwww


Seven Dick Princess: That’s so sweet, Lance!


Seven Dick Princess: I just saw a big fluffy groundhog on my way to class.


Seven Dick Princess: I think it was a groundhog.


Seven Dick Princess: I’m not really sure.


Seven Dick Princess: But it was very cute!


BabyBabyIce: same actually im pretty sure that woodchuck couldve been a groundhog


BabyBabyIce: im not sure what the difference is??


BabyBabyIce: either way i love them theyre so flat and fluffy


Seven Dick Princess: very thicc bois


BabyBabyIce: raise a glass to all the thicc bois


StayPuft Fren: :D


Gerblins: nice


Gerblins: finally some good fucking food


SheriffGrandpa: lets all take a second to appreciate our very own thicc boi


pickybitch: thank you its an honor


BabyBabyIce: not you keith


pickybitch: rude


BabyBabyIce: its hunk appreciation day today


Gerblins: and everyday


BabyBabyIce: now and always


StayPuft Fren: you guys are awesome thank you


Seven Dick Princess: We love you Hunk!


StayPuft Fren: AWWW ALLURA


StayPuft Fren: <3333333333


Seven Dick Princess: :D


Seven Dick Princess: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3


BabyBabyIce: HUNK LOVE FOREVER <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3333333333


Gerblins: its about damn time


StayPuft Fren: thanks pidge


Gerblins: where would team punk be without its better half?


StayPuft Fren: i dont know i cant imagine it without you


Gerblins: o.o


Gerblins: boi cut it out before u make me cry


BabyBabyIce: operation make pidge cry intiated


pickybitch: good it was getting too chummy in here


BabyBabyIce: keith just cuz you dont know how love feels doesnt mean were not allowed to share it


pickybitch: My Heart Is Black Like My Coffee


SheriffGrandpa: says the kid who only drinks lattes?


pickybitch: goddammit shiro


pickybitch: every time? do u have to do this every time?


SheriffGrandpa: yup its in the big brother code


pickybitch changed the nickname of SheriffGrandpa to silversnitch


silversnitch: what? Why?


pickybitch: bc there is not a person in this chat you havent snitched on and youre not worth as much as gold


silversnitch: words can hurt babybro




BabyBabyIce: wait arent u lactose intolerant?????


pickybitch: love hurts


StayPuft Fren: what are you laughing at lance the only thing you order is frappucinos and you always drink them super fast and get brainfreeze


StayPuft Fren: also damn keith ur right about shiro


BabyBabyIce: yeah but i dont pretend to be better than that i know who i am


BabyBabyIce: if im goilng to sell out im gonna enjoy myself while doing it


pickybitch: im pretty sure thats why people sell out in the first place


BabyBabyIce: i cant believe i was abt to compliment ur chat naming skills


pickybitch: somehow i think ill live


BabyBabyIce: are we playing dnd today or what?


Seven Dick Princess: I’m heading over in just a second! I need to eat some dinner first.


Gerblins: allura?? Taking care of herself and tending to her needs? Not burning herself out until she physically collapses? What world is this?


Seven Dick Princess: Very funny.


StayPuft Fren: are we sure this is really allura? maybe someone stole her phone


Seven Dick Princess: You know I can kick both your asses right?


Gerblins: you wouldnt hit a child with glasses would you?


StayPuft Fren: what happened to the love princess???


Gerblins: she used to be so sweet


StayPuft Fren: i blame that social media stuff


Seven Dick Princess: Seems I’m full of rage.


silversnitch: okay guys cant we just be proud of allura for actively taking care of herself? shouldnt we be taking this opportunity to encourage our friend to engage in self care instead of teasing her for it?


Seven Dick Princess: Thank you, Shiro.


StayPuft Fren: okay dad


Gerblins: buzzkill


pickybitch: everyone knows shiro is the model of self care


silversnitch: what does that mean?


pickybitch: when was the last time you ate


silversnitch: i ate this morning im fine


pickybitch: and what did you have


silversnitch: it doesnt really matter


pickybitch: i rest my case


silversnitch: i had a full breakfast so i dont know what youre talking about


pickybitch: a protein bar and iced coffee does not count as breakfast


BabyBabyIce: shiro its like 6pm did u really only eat this morning??


StayPuft Fren: im definitely bringing canapes to dnd so dont worry ill make enough for everyone and a few extra for shiro


StayPuft Fren: were not leaving until hes eaten all of them and promises to get a good night sleep


silversnitch: keith why did you do this


pickybitch: its in the little brother code


silversnitch: :|


silversnitch: and whens the last time you ate? are you meeting your own standards?


pickybitch: oh fuck no but who cares theres no one here to stop me


pickybitch: or make me i guess


StayPuft Fren: keith wtf


Seven Dick Princess: We’ll have to remedy this situation.


Seven Dick Princess: Keith, prepare to be Cared For.


pickybitch: shit


BabyBabyIce: how bout we make 2018 the year of Caring For Each Other


StayPuft Fren: oh yeah collaborateen!


StayPuft Fren: stronger together, right?


BabyBabyIce: well now we’re all in charge of making each other stick to it!


pickybitch: isnt it pretty late in the year for that


BabyBabyIce: keith go eat something


pickybitch: no


BabyBabyIce: >:(


pickybitch: fine


BabyBabyIce: lmk when you guys are on your way over


BabyBabyIce: imma get high real quick though cuz i had a long fucking day


StayPuft Fren: work?


BabyBabyIce: yeah


pickybitch: ugh mood and jealous


BabyBabyIce: come visit more often so we can smoke u up then


BabyBabyIce: im jealous your tolerance must be rockbottom


Gerblins: keith you live on your own do you really not know how to find weed yourself?


pickybitch: im self taught i never had a guide


pickybitch: because SOMEONE had some ethical concerns


silversnitch: look as long as youre watching out for yourself im not going to get in the way but im definitely not going to help my little brother find weed


pickybitch: cuz you were always the model of restraint?


silversnitch: that was undergrad we already covered that you shouldnt be like me


BabyBabyIce: i cant believe shiro used to be a stoner my world is forever changed


BabyBabyIce: also keith i gotchu babe anytime u need bud


StayPuft Fren: come visit so we can chill and Mom Friend you


pickybitch: someone needs to mom me im dying


pickybitch: all i drink is coffee


pickybitch: i vape now


Gerblins: oh dear lord


Gerblins: its worse than we thought


silversnitch: im not sure those lattes count as coffee


pickybitch: shiro shut the fuck up


pickybitch: help me


Seven Dick Princess: I and the 4 cups of coffee I’ve had today are concerned.


BabyBabyIce: okay But


BabyBabyIce: vaping is pretty damn convenient


BabyBabyIce: if i could afford one of those pens id get one


Gerblins: every day we stray further from the light


BabyBabyIce: theyr hella expensive tho


pickybitch: me and my 7 cups of coffee ive had today are adasgnrfdsAAWESRGNDHFGDFSD


BabyBabyIce: keith is finally embracing gay culture


pickybitch: will everyone pls Get Off My Dick?


BabyBabyIce: YOU WISH


Gerblins: lmao


StayPuft Fren: do you want us to help you or leave you alone make up your mind


BabyBabyIce: WAIT




Gerblins: sure lance


silversnitch:  keith why would you write that


pickybitch: it worked didnt it?


StayPuft Fren: can we be done talking about keiths dick?


BabyBabyIce: P L E A S E


pickybitch: never


Gerblins: Anyway


Gerblins: i had no coffee today bc it was too hot :’(


StayPuft Fren: I c e d


Gerblins: G r o s s


Gerblins: my coffee doesnt need water in it


StayPuft Fren: good point


StayPuft Fren: it was terrible


Gerblins: they always put too much ice in and also its too expensive


StayPuft Fren: but cold


Gerblins: i can get a cold caffeinated energy drink or a soda same difference


Gerblins: but not as gross


StayPuft Fren: excuse me those energy drinks are nasty


BabyBabyIce: thoughts on coffee soda?


pickybitch: oh i fuck with coffee soda


BabyBabyIce: also pidge u know u can ask for less ice right?


BabyBabyIce: or just get a frap those are the only coffee ill buy tbh its like drinking a milkshake


StayPuft Fren: mmmmmmm coffee milkshake


StayPuft Fren: 10/10


BabyBabyIce: also hot take but i wish icould afford a vape pen bc as much as i love making fun of vaping and oh boy do i ever


BabyBabyIce: its still like fun? n convenient n smells nice


StayPuft Fren: you do get to live in a cloud of cotton candy


StayPuft Fren: at the expense of your dignity though


BabyBabyIce: bold of you to assume i have dignity


pickybitch: finally someone said it


silversnitch: iced coffee is the best coffee though


BabyBabyIce: frapfrapfrapfrapfrapfrapfrapfrap


Seven Dick Princess: Cold coffee with one (1) single ice cube.


BabyBabyIce: coffee milkshakes/slushees


StayPuft Fren: iced americano with soy


StayPuft Fren: im a brista now


BabyBabyIce: also known as the heavenly delight the frappuccino


pickybitch: freeze coffee, produce cronch


StayPuft Fren: or just iced black coffee


StayPuft Fren: iced coffee cubes


BabyBabyIce: hell yeah get that CRONCH


pickybitch: i got dinner im better now


Seven Dick Princess: Me too. I’m on my way over.


Seven Dick Princess: But frappuccinos have so much sugar in them, they’re not necessarily healthy.


silversnitch: thats a good point


BabyBabyIce: who the hell is drinking coffee to be healthy?


BabyBabyIce: i guess if youre tryna lose weight but cmon, everyone deserves a treat


pickybitch: why would any of us be trying to lose weight we just covered that none of us eat


BabyBabyIce: i lost like 20 pounds in one summer a few years ago and ive gained it all back since, it sucks


StayPuft Fren: lance everyone here loves and respects you no matter what you weigh


StayPuft Fren: also you’re a fucking stick boi so shut up


pickybitch: there are about a hundred different theoretical ways to lose weight and i believe in absolutely none of them


silversnitch: how i lost 32 lbs in one week by chopping off my arm


Seven Dick Princess: Finally, a method that works.


pickybitch: why would your arm weigh 32 lbs


BabyBabyIce: have you seen those arms? I believe it


StayPuft Fren: lance can you keep ur thirst to yourself


Gerblins: everyone just do what i do and realize at like 8pm that goddamn it you forgot to eat today shit not again


Gerblins: im an adult


pickybitch: you are Not


Gerblins: tru


NewSheryiffinTown: do what i do and just be allergic to every food


NewSheryiffinTown: so you never eat!


pickybitch: wait fuck has matt been here the entire time


NewSheryiffinTown: did you guys forget that I’m in this chat?


BabyBabyIce: yeah actually


BabyBabyIce: and im already allergic to tree nuts so hey im getting there


Gerblins: this is making me sad


pickybitch: im lactose intolerant


Gerblins: we know keith


BabyBabyIce: a fate i wouldnt wish on my worst enemy but he already has it so whatever


pickybitch: okay fuck you too i guess


Gerblins: i always thought you were like this because youre hangry but i guess youre just always like this


BabyBabyIce: someone else sees it??? finally??????


StayPuft Fren: maybe hes always hangry


silversnitch: having lived with him yeah i do think thats it


Gerblins: are you guys actually coming? Hunk and i have been waiting at Corans house for like 20 minutes


BabyBabyIce: yeah yeah im on my way


Seven Dick Princess: I’m almost there Pidge! I’m just outside.


StayPuft Fren: oh good if no one showed up i was going to cry


BabyBabyIce: he already cried didnt he


Gerblins: yup


BabyBabyIce: fuckin wrekt


StayPuft Fren: i came out to have a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked right now?


silversnitch: oh i know that one!


silversnitch: i got that reference


Gerblins: congratulations to hunk and shiro for reviving hundred year old memes together


StayPuft Fren: pidge keep it up and i wont share my cookies with you


Gerblins: what kind are they


StayPuft Fren: peanut butter without any peanuts


Gerblins: oh fuck hunk im sorry i beg forgiveness


StayPuft Fren: forgiveness granted


StayPuft Fren: im feeling generous tonight


BabyBabyIce: hunk u really are the perfect man


StayPuft Fren: :)




Cinnamonroll: Lance?

Memelord: yeah?

Cinnamonroll: did you go out?

Memelord: yeah why?

Cinnamonroll: its after midnight dude

Memelord: idk i wasnt tired when we got back so

Memelord: im just going for a walk

Cinnamonroll: ok

Cinnamonroll: dont you have an early class tomorrow

Memelord: yeah dont worry ill be back soon

Cinnamonroll: you want me to stay up for you?

Memelord: nah its coool like i said ill be back soon

Cinnamonroll: i dont mind

Memelord: seriously dude ill be fine its just a walk

Memelord: i appreciate it tho

Cinnamonroll: of course

Memelord: thanks for the concern

Cinnamonroll: worrying is what i do man dont mention it

Memelord: ur a good dude

Cinnamonroll: youll text me when you get back right?

Cinnamonroll: just so i dont go crazy and everything lol

Memelord: yeah np

Memelord: night hunk

Cinnamonroll: goodnight bro

Memelord: <3

Chapter Text

BabyBabyIce: hey guys?


BabyBabyIce: my laptop is making weird crunchy noises what do i do


Gerblins: describe the cronch


BabyBabyIce: like how


Gerblins: like how consistent is it, or frequent, or if its coming from a particular spot


Gerblins: also is your laptop hot


BabyBabyIce: uh its pretty much room temperature and not hot at all and the sound is really inconsistent like itll happen twice in a minute and then not for another 10 minutes


BabyBabyIce: its coming from the back i think? Like where the keyboard and the screen meet?? Its a v crackly cronch


Gerblins: what kind of laptop is it


BabyBabyIce: lenovo


pickybitch: isnt that those tiny ass laptops


BabyBabyIce: its not tiny its fun sized


BabyBabyIce: and what would be the point of a bigass laptop anyway??? theyre supposed to be portable keith u fool u fuckin coward


pickybitch: chill fam i dont care about your tiny laptop


BabyBabyIce: >:(


Gerblins: it could be the hinges or speakers. looks like this is a pretty common problem, the wires are just a little tight or something


BabyBabyIce: promis there are no spiders or bees or big creepbugs with lots of legs inside my computer?


BabyBabyIce: bc i really cannt deal w that rn


Gerblins: thats pretty unlikely


BabyBabyIce: okay


BabyBabyIce: i am safe?


Gerblins: yes lance, youre safe




BabyBabyIce: its been freaking me out all morning i will sacrifice many tostadas to your altar and name my first born child after you


Gerblins: thanks


StayPuft Fren: pidge you the real mvp


Gerblins: <3


StayPuft Fren: <3


BabyBabyIce: and theres definitely no big scary insects in there?? im not gonna get electrocuted either right? Cuzthat seems like exactly the kinda thing youd think is funny pidge and it definitely would not be funny okay????


Gerblins: lance i swear unless you put some spiders in there yourself there is nothing hiding in the hinges of your computer


Gerblins: this level of disrespect to my expertise


StayPuft Fren: dude if youre still worried ill take a look at it after my lab today, okay?


BabyBabyIce: thanks hunk


BabyBabyIce: <3


pickybitch: so is lance always this high maintenance


Gerblins: did you not know that already


pickybitch: i guess i just keep forgetting and being surprised all over again


BabyBabyIce: yall can eat my entire ass its not my fault i have anxiety


pickybitch: fucking relatable


Gerblins: bitches dont know bout my ANXIETY


StayPuft Fren: im pretty sure lance bought me a shirt with that printed on it




BabyBabyIce: @keith not @hunk i love you hunk i have no insults for you


Gerblins: what happened to naming your first born after me


BabyBabyIce: im still going to its just also you can suck my ass


Gerblins: No Thank You


BabyBabyIce: fair


StayPuft Fren: to this day i still find it funny when someone asks if i live with my mom and dad and i say i dont have a dad  and they clam up and forget what they were talking abt


StayPuft Fren: the exact face of horror embarrassment and regret is so life-giving but i always feel bad for them so ive started to just say yeah


Gerblins: is this something youre getting asked all the time?


StayPuft Fren: not every day but it does happen a lot


StayPuft Fren: especially when i was a kid


pickybitch: i always get the same face but they also go really quiet and change the subject like ill forget what just happened or something


pickybitch: one dude just stopped talking and walked away


StayPuft Fren: really? why?


BabyBabyIce: screw feeling bad just say it how they react is their problem


BabyBabyIce: esp if its funny cuz then you can put them on blast for life


pickybitch: friendship at its finest


silversnitch: i agree with lance, its not your fault someone is making a whole lot of assumptions


pickybitch: i usually just stare them down until they say somethign its pretty fun actually


BabyBabyIce: im starting a gofundme campaign to teach keith what fun is pls donate to this tragic gay boy


Gerblins: RT


Seven Dick Princess: Consider me your first benefactor! Keith needs better ways to fill his time than informing strangers that his father is deceased.


pickybitch: nah im good


BabyBabyIce: keith please were all v worried about you


pickybitch: im just saying its not up to hunk or me or allura to comfort ppl who just made a weird assumption abt our live


Seven Dick Princess: Oh I agree.


Seven Dick Princess: I’m just concerned by you describing this type of interaction as “fun”.


StayPuft Fren: but i gotta let them off the hook! at least in my case i really want to find a way to say ‘oh no dont worry my dads not dead i dont have one because i have two moms its totally not a sad thing like whatever youre thinking right now’


StayPuft Fren: i never got why people would get weird about it when i was little


Seven Dick Princess: Still, if someone wants to know more, then they should ask. It’s not your job to let them off the hook.


StayPuft Fren: yeah i guess


pickybitch: one guy i hooked up with a while back asked me “what would your dad think of you messing around with a guy like me?” and when i said “he’s dead so who knows” the last thing i was thinking of was reassuring him


pickybitch: esp since the face he made was priceless and made me feel like a badass


BabyBabyIce: 1- you are a badass


BabyBabyIce: 2- major BDE




BabyBabyIce: esp after hooking up w you?? Like what was that dude thinkign


pickybitch: he said it while we were hooking up not after


Gerblins: ew weird


BabyBabyIce: YO WTF


pickybitch: its a very treasured memory


BabyBabyIce: i know someone might be delirious after getting to hook up w the illustrious keith kogayne but thats a whole other level of not thinking


StayPuft Fren: look if someones being weird im not going to let them off the hook, but if it was like some well-meaning doctor or teacher or somthing im not just gonna let them fuckin die


Seven Dick Princess: Fair enough, Hunk.


Seven Dick Princess: Men will say the strangest things to you when you’re in private and it honestly baffles the mind.


BabyBabyIce: not even in private yall some guys will just pull that shit in public an everything


silversnitch: oh no did you see that weird guy again? I told you to let me know


Gerblins: what weird guy


BabyBabyIce: its not a big deal just kinda creepy


silversnitch: it was really really creepy


silversnitch: lance was checking out a book in al when this guy came up and started asking him questions about what classes he has and what dorm hes in and actually started stroking his hand right there at the counter


StayPuft: wtf


Gerblins: YIKES


silversnitch: i had to give him the Glare to get him to back away and lance ended up staying till the end of my shift so i could walk him out


pickybitch: so by any chance do u know what this guy looks like and where he lives asking for a friend


Seven Dick Princess: Lance that’s awful! When did this happen?


BabyBabyIce: it was like 3 days ago and i havent seen him since so its not really anything to worry about


BabyBabyIce: it was just some weird dude nothing special some dudes are just creeps


Gerblins: ugh men are trash


Seven Dick Princess: Thank goodness Shiro was there.


Seven Dick Princess: I’m sure we’d all like to know the answer to Keith’s questions.


silversnitch: hey look if theres some dude bothering any of you, any time any place just let me know and ill be there


silversnitch: ive got my Protective Dad Glare and years of combat training, and worst comes to worst ill take off my prosthesis and smack them with it




Gerblins: we stan one (1) man


Seven Dick Princess: Thank you Shiro, your offer is much appreciated.


pickybitch: still waiting on those answers


StayPuft Fren: allura can probably toss some jags on her own, but i bet backup would make her even scarier


Seven Dick Princess: :)


StayPuft Fren: and im glad lance will finally be getting some protection he is such a smol boi




pickybitch: are you joking


StayPuft Fren: of course you can dude! Im just glad youll have someone watching ur back when you toss all those jags, is that cool?


BabyBabyIce: yeah i guess we cool


StayPuft Fren: <3


BabyBabyIce: love ya babe


Seven Dick Princess: Speaking of... “tossing jags”


Gerblins: the most promising start to any sentence


BabyBabyIce: damn does allura have something to tell us


Seven Dick Princess: I’ve been meaning to ask if anyone knows of openings at their work.


StayPuft Fren: oh no what happened to the campus cafe?


pickybitch: i assume it has something to do with how the sentence started


silversnitch: are you looking part-time or full-time?


Seven Dick Princess: Part-time.


pickybitch: nothing where i am


BabyBabyIce: i dont think allura wants to drive 3 hourrs to work n 3 hours back every shift ya walnut


pickybitch: im just answering the question jfc lance


pickybitch: what the hell kinda insult is walnut


BabyBabyIce: UM the best insult bc im allergic to walnuts????


pickybitch: jfc


Seven Dick Princess: I’m not sure I’d be able to commute to that area anyway, but thank you for the thought, Keith.


StayPuft Fren: ill ask my moms if theres anything at the restaurant


StayPuft Fren: im pretty sure theres at least a hostess position open?


Seven Dick Princess: That would be perfect, Hunk, thank you!


Gerblins: i think were all avoiding the important question


BabyBabyIce: good point pidge


silversnitch: what question?


Gerblins: allura what the fuck happened at the cafe


Seven Dick Princess: There was an altercation, and I no longer work there. I need to find some other form of work.


BabyBabyIce: that doesnt help us figure out what happened


Seven Dick Princess: :/


silversnitch: allura doesnt have to tell us anything she doesnt want to


Seven Dick Princess: It’s fine, but thank you, Shiro. It’s not difficult to talk about, just extremely frustrating.


Seven Dick Princess: A group of men came into the cafe last night and said some very crude things to me. I challenged them on it, and they did not appreciate it. I was dismissed.


BabyBabyIce: what??? Thats total bullshitt!!!!!


pickybitch: that sucks what the hell


StayPuft Fren: they fired you just for arguing with them? Thats terrible


Seven Dick Princess: I agree, but, well, it wasn’t just arguing.


Seven Dick Princess: I may have punched one or two of them.


Gerblins: holy shit


BabyBabyIce: holy shit what did they say??????


Gerblins: we stan a queen


Gerblins: wait is that why there were campus police there last night?


StayPuft Fren: campus police wtf?


Gerblins: yeah i thought it was just moose drama or something


pickybitch: MOOSE drama?


Seven Dick Princess: I believe it was. They were rather smashed when they came in.


BabyBabyIce: its a party at the moose dorm keith


silversnitch: allura thats so dangerous you couldve been hurt? and you lost your job? theres no way those guys are worth that!


Seven Dick Princess: It’s not like I don’t know that! It was a very long night and I was very tired!


silversnitch: still thats really dangerous and you couldve been arrested!


Seven Dick Princess: These complete assholes came in at midnight, absolutely trashed, and when I asked how one of them wanted their coffee he looked right at me and said “How I like my women; hot, black, and preferably not conscious,” and then his horrible friends started laughing and I was tired, okay?


Seven Dick Princess: I hit him and one of his friends and I was fired and it’s over, so I’d very much like to focus on finding a new job if you don’t mind.


BabyBabyIce: he fucking deserved it holy shit


StayPuft Fren: god that sucks allura im sorry


Gerblins: i cant believe they fired you, you deserve a fucking medal for that


Seven Dick Princess: Yes, well, it is what it is.


pickybitch: what it is is bullshit


Seven Dick Princess: Yes that’s what I meant.


silversnitch: I’m sorry, Allura. That’s absolutely  terrible and im so sorry you had to deal with it.


silversnitch: theyre always hiring where i am if youre interested


Gerblins: shiro where do you even work i thought you were doing the whole graduate program


pickybitch: his schedule is ridiculous hes got a full courseload and a job and an afterschool mentoring program and the whole ta thing


silversnitch: its not a big deal i just like to keep busy


pickybitch: plus that intense gym training thing


Gerblins: god please tell me shiros not a crossfit


silversnitch: fuck no crossfit is terrible for your body


silversnitch: you might as well take a weedwhacker to your joints


Gerblins: ill pass


BabyBabyIce: damn shiro when do u sleep?


pickybitch: he doesnt


silversnitch: whenever i can and its really not as bad as keiths making it out to be


BabyBabyIce: sure yeah so im definitely gonna nag you to get more sleep from now on


Seven Dick Princess: I’m sorry, I don’t think I know where you work, Shiro. I must have forgotten.


silversnitch: no i was being kind of cagey about it because i wasnt sure how much i was allowed to say


silversnitch: im a part time staff at a mental-health recovery center


StayPuft Fren: that sounds kind of intense ngl


silversnitch: not really its mostly a lot of driving people around and sitting through art and cooking classes


silversnitch: a lot of talking to people and being friendly


StayPuft Fren: thats not what i wouldve expected


silversnitch: these places never are


silversnitch: anyway theyre always hiring, its good work and experience and all it just doesnt pay very well


Seven Dick Princess: It sounds perfect, thank you. I’d love it if you could put in a good word for me?


silversnitch: absolutely yeah! I think youre perfect for it


BabyBabyIce: i can always put in a ref for you at build a bear if u need a backup? were always hiring too and i think youd be really good at it


pickybitch: you work at build a bear?


BabyBabyIce: yeah im a bearbuilder


BabyBabyIce: did you not know that?


pickybitch: no? Since when?


BabyBabyIce: since like a year ago? Damn keith how bad are your people skills cuz like i knew they were bad bbut damn


pickybitch: fuck off im just asking okay lance??? i didnt know fuck you


BabyBabyIce: whoa chill dude its not a big deal? I was just joking


pickybitch: yeah whatever


BabyBabyIce: okay fine while mr. lone wolf broods in the corner my offer still stands allura


BabyBabyIce: im close w the manager so i can totes explain the whole cafe situation to them theyll def be on your side


Seven Dick Princess: Thank you, Lance. I would appreciate it. And the same to you Shiro, and Hunk. Thank you for the offers. It’s really quite a relief.


StayPuft Fren: yeah no problem thats what friends are for


BabyBabyIce: no worries babe were always here for you


Seven Dick Princess: It really was very upsetting.


silversnitch: of course, dont worry about it


silversnitch: well always be here for you, and were all just glad youre okay


Gerblins: allura you will always be an icon and a hero to this whole group, wed basically do anything for you


Seven Dick Princess: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3


Seven Dick Princess: Thank you so much, all of you. I really do appreciate it <3


BabyBabyIce: hunk n i are doing another movie night if you wanna come by?


StayPuft Fren: omg yeah you should totally come over! im making the choco-churro recipe i got from lances mom!


Seven Dick Princess: That sounds wonderful, are you sure?


BabyBabyIce: absolutely!!!! Were doing a coco and iron giant double feature, so be prepared to cry


Gerblins: youre really going for waterworks huh?


BabyBabyIce: YOU KNOW IT


BabyBabyIce: if you aint crying at coco you aint human


Gerblins: could i stop by too?


StayPuft Fren: totally! the more the merrier!


StayPuft Fren: Shiro u wanna make it a full set?


silversnitch: I can’t tonight, but thanks hunk. Ill take you up on it some other time :)


StayPuft Fren: no problem, man. Invite stands if your night frees up


silversnitch: thanks, ill keep that in mind


Gerblins: heading over now


Seven Dick Princess: Me too! I’m on my way <3


BabyBabyIce: awesome! See u guys soon!

PapaGay: hey

PapaGay: hows everything going?

Baby Gay: fine, why

PapaGay: well you kind of snapped at lance in the chat and then disappeared

Baby Gay: im always snapping at lance

PapaGay: no, youre always bickering with lance. This felt different.

Baby Gay: whatever, its your opinion

PapaGay: keith, seriously, what happened?

Baby Gay: nothing happened everything isnt always a problem all the time, okay? Sometimes people are just like that its not always something you can just fix

PapaGay: Keith, I can’t make you talk about something you don’t want to talk about. But I’m not going to sit and pretend like everything is fine, either.

PapaGay: I’m here if you want to talk about it, always, but I’m not going to press it if you’re just going to snap at me.

Baby Gay: i never said i wanted to talk about anything in the first place

Baby Gay: if youre going to leave me alone then just do it

PapaGay: I’m sorry to hear that, Keith. I’ll stop bothering you, but I hope you find someone to talk to about whatever it is that’s going on.

Baby Gay: i like lance

PapaGay: ?

PapaGay: as in?


PapaGay: Okay, Keith.

Baby Gay: im sorry im sorry, im just really weirded out right now and i just keep getting angry and i dont really know why

Baby Gay: im sorry im being a dick right now, its not you and im not even really mad i just

PapaGay: its okay, keith, i understand

PapaGay: this must be kind of overwhelming for you

Baby Gay: yeah

Baby Gay: like i knew i liked him and that i thought he was pretty and all that but like

Baby Gay: i never realized i like “liked him” liked him

Baby Gay: god that sounds so stupid and it doesnt make any sense

PapaGay: no i think i get what you mean

PapaGay: you knew you were attracted to lance, and that you liked him, but you didn’t realize just how much or how strong your feelings are until recently

Baby Gay: thats exactly it!

Baby Gay: i thought it was like a dumb puppy crush but its not and im freaking out

PapaGay: its frustrating, i get it, and probably disorienting too, to realize that your feelings arent what you thought they were

PapaGay: youre just having some trouble processing it

Baby Gay: yes thank you its so weird and like

Baby Gay: why lance? Hes so annoying and so cocky and his jokes are terrible and he pisses me off so much and hes obsessed with himself and like, me too? Im so mad at him for making me like him i dont get it

PapaGay: anger is something youre used to. Its probably easier for you to process.

Baby Gay: thanks shiro

Baby Gay: seriously, for talking to me and not leaving even though i was being such a dick

PapaGay: keith, youre my brother. Its my job to put up with you being a little shit

PapaGay: and i knew you werent going to try to talk about it with anybody else so

Baby Gay: how? Like how did you get what i was trying to say?

PapaGay: i went through a similar thing with adam

BabyGay: really?

PapaGay: i mean less angry of course and more confused and maybe annoyed, but yeah

PapaGay: he definitely went through the anger thing though

PapaGay: one second we were best friends and the next hes smacking my sandwich out of my hand onto the floor and telling me to leave the school

Baby Gay: wtf

PapaGay: yep

Baby Gay: and then you dated?

PapaGay: yeah

Baby Gay: okay you were definitely meant for each other

PapaGay: gee thanks keith

Baby Gay: no problem i mean if that got you to date him then you definitely deserve each other

PapaGay: maybe ill stop trying to give you advice and help you out with your emotional problems and ill just let you figure it out on your own from now on how about that?

Baby Gay: im just saying it must not have been a very good sandwich

PapaGay: it was a meatball sub from sals

Baby Gay: how is adam even still alive

PapaGay: my bet is on the grace of good genes

Baby Gay: so i should start convincing lance to eat more sandwiches

PapaGay: please forget the sandwiches

Baby Gay: ill do my best but i cant make any promises

PapaGay: why dont you try actually talking to him first? One on one?

Baby Gay: we have actually been talking more and its

Baby Gay: kind of nice

PapaGay: thats great keith! Im glad youre getting along better than you used to at least

Baby Gay: i wonder if lance likes meatball subs

PapaGay: i take it all back im done and youre on your own

Baby Gay: maybe hes more of a philly cheesesteak type

PapaGay: someone please help my son

Chapter Text

BabyBabyIce: are you guys seeing the moon right now?


BabyBabyIce: it looks like a full moon its fucking LIT


Seven Dick Princess: It’s actually a waning gibbous, so very nearly full! It does look beautiful.


BabyBabyIce: allura the fact that u know that just confirms my theory that you are in fact the moon goddess in human form


Seven Dick Princess: ;)


Gerblins: god the last time i went out specifically to look at the moon was probably at the seder


BabyBabyIce: probably at the What


Gerblins: and the next full moon is yom kippur damn


Gerblins: the fucking seder at passover you heathen




pickybitch: what is a yom kipper


NewSheryiffinTown: goyim be like...


Gerblins: classic goy


StayPuft Fren: have you guys never been to pidges family seder bc her mom makes the most amazing matzah ball soup


StayPuft Fren: it is Heavenly


Gerblins: than you hunk my mom loves you and how much you love her soup


NewSheryiffinTown: hunk you are a shining light among the uneducated masses


StayPuft Fren: ur mom is a gift pidge and i would kill for that recipe


BabyBabyIce: oh okay so its a Jew Thing


Gerblins: very astute lance you figured out my jew riddle


BabyBabyIce: so its like a holiday?


NewSheryiffinTown: we sit around a table and talk abt the suffering of our ancestors and how slavery is bad and no human being is free until every human being is free and then we eat a ton of food


BabyBabyIce: sounds… fun


Gerblins:  its super boring until we get to eat


NewSheryiffinTown: smh this new generation having no respect for our heritage


Gerblins: last seder you drank elijahs cup so dont talk to me about disrespect


BabyBabyIce: btw everyone should still go check out the moon


pickybitch: on it


BabyBabyIce: <3 <3 <3 keith ur my hero


pickybitch: i know


NewSheryiffinTown: there was no wine left what was i supposed to drink????


silversnitch: i offered to go out and buy more for you


NewSheryiffinTown: IT WAS THE SABBATH


BabyBabyIce: shiro youv been to one of these things too?????


silversnitch: a, no it wasnt, b, im not jewish so it wouldnt matter if it was, and c, yes lance ive been going every year for the past 5 years since the first time matt invited me


Gerblins: shiros nominated for Shabbos Goy six years running


Gerblins: we dont even invite him anymore he just shows up like he Knows


NewSheryiffinTown: maybe shiro is elijah


silversnitch: ive been discovered


Gerblins: oh man the prophet shirolijah is here to judge us for our sins


Gerblins: but still elijah is gonna have his revenge on you for leaving him stranded like that matt


NewSheryiffinTown: he can say whatever he wants to my face if he ever actually shows up


Gerblins: he will have his revenge


Gerblins: hes plotting right now


silversnitch: no one can escape elijah


NewSheryiffinTown: elijah cant escape ME BITCH


Gerblins: GASP


Gerblins: how the jew tables have been turned


StayPuft Fren: how the tables have been tabled


NewSheryiffinTown: or is it these dancing jews


BabyBabyIce: im v confused


BabyBabyIce: who is elijah and why does he have a cup if he doesnt show up


Gerblins: next time our mom starts sending us passover memes im just gonna forward them all to lance


StayPuft Fren: omg do it


BabyBabyIce: DO NOT


pickybitch: lmao


NewSheryiffinTown: absolutely we have to


Gerblins: consider it done




Gerblins: wow guys i guess lance hates jews


NewSheryiffinTown: damn lance after all these years the truth finally comes out






StayPuft Fren: oof not a great way to defend yourself bud


Gerblins: classic example of an antisemitic dogwhistle how did we not see this sooner?


silversnitch: it comes as a great shock to all of us i dont know how well ever recover




pickybitch: im glad were all making fun of lance it warms my cold gay heart




pickybitch:  did you?




pickybitch: :’(


StayPuft Fren: whoa whoahat movie night what


Seven Dick Princess: Movie Night? That’s wonderful, when did you two start having a movie night?


BabyBabyIce: nahaah too late none of you fuckers are getting the scoop youll have to pry it from my cold dead gay hands


Gerblins : that can be arranged


NewSheryiffinTown : katie no



Hotlead: are you uh

Paperairplanes: ?

Hotlead: are you really cancelling movie night

Paperairplanes: nah man i was just saying that

Paperairplanes: u know how it is

Hotlead: sure

Paperairplanes: keith if ur still down then im still down

Paperairplanes: your still down right?

Hotlead: of course

Paperairplanes: sweet!!! im loading up wreck-it ralph now

Paperairplanes: get ready to cry :)

Hotlead: its not as bad as coco is it?

Paperairplanes: oh no way that ones like the #1 tearjerker film

Paperairplanes: its more like iron giant level

Hotlead: well fuck

Chapter Text

Gerblins: the dominos delivery guy just asked me if im a witch


BabyBabyIce: omg


BabyBabyIce: how did he know


Seven Dick Princess: Maybe he is a witch?


NewSheryiffinTown: are you wearing witchy clothes??


Gerblins: no? im in my pajamas?


StayPuft Fren: say yes and show us what your pajamas look like


pickybitch: did matt just pull a ‘well what were you wearing’ on pidge


BabyBabyIce: ^the only acceptable circumstances to do so


Gerblins: i hate you guys


Seven Dick Princess: What would make someone ask that? Did he appear particularly religious?


Gerblins: oh shit i have my witch sign out


BabyBabyIce: at the risk of coining the worlds worst catchphrase


BabyBabyIce: your what?


Gerblins: the door sign matt got me that says the witch is in


Gerblins: which makes a lot more sense bc he actually asked ‘are you a good witch or a dark witch’ and i had no idea what he meant


Seven Dick Princess: Bold of him to assume you can’t be both.


Gerblins: true


StayPuft Fren: worlds worst catchphrase sounds like the podcast lance and i tried to make in high school


BabyBabyIce: oh god dont bring that up again hunk i need to sleep tonight


Gerblins: the fucking what?? where can i listen to this?


BabyBabyIce: in the shadowrealm with every other reminder of my existence in high school


silversnitch: that bad?


BabyBabyIce: the whole concept of high school can suck my ass btw the best moment of my life was graduation


pickybitch: and you say my life is sad


BabyBabyIce: fucking rude


pickybitch: we never addressed whether pidge is a witch or not


BabyBabyIce: dont change the subject


Seven Dick Princess: I didn’t realize there was any question.


Gerblins: is there? I thought you guys knew me well enough by now


BabyBabyIce: but are you a good witch or a dark witch


Gerblins: im a technowitch bitch


BabyBabyIce: wait are u a technowitch and calling me a bitch or are you a technowitch-bitch??


Gerblins: uh.....


Gerblins: both?


Gerblins: yeah both works


StayPuft Fren: both?


BabyBabyIce: both


StayPuft Fren: both is good.


BabyBabyIce: stars


BabyBabyIce: cant do it


StayPuft Fren: not today


pickybitch: what the hell does any of this mean


BabyBabyIce: u really dont know? i really gotta show you el dorado


silversnitch: Well keith what does it mean to you?




StayPuft Fren: keith.exe has stopped working


pickybitch: lance is supposed to be the memetrash kid hunk not you


Gerblins: i take personal offense to that i am every bit as memetrash as lance


pickybitch: ...anyway


Gerblins: >:(


pickybitch: this is why you never have decorations it gives people the impression they can talk to you


Gerblins: thanks for the wise words 2005 evanescence


pickybitch:  the fucking audacity?


NewSheryiffinTown: don’t curse at my sister just because she’s right


BabyBabyIce: shes right but she shouldnt say it


NewSheryiffinTown: shes right and she SHOULD say it


BabyBabyIce: 0 o 0


BabyBabyIce: Amy Lee actually remade bring me to life in 2017 btw without the male vocals and w some instrumental changes and im not saying its quality but im also not saying im not having flashbacks to middle school


pickybitch: i told you it was worth listening to


BabyBabyIce: im not saying that im just saying its maybe not totally not worth listening to


pickybitch: tl;dr listen to it


Gerblins: im genuinely worried about both of you


Gerblins: hunk we need to do something to save our friends


NewSheryiffinTown: well theyre not wrong either


Gerblins: and now theyve even taken my brother idk what im going to do


NewSheryiffinTown: why are you Like This Child


Gerblins: matt ill save you i promise


Gerblins: btw nerd i need to know where you got the witch sign so i can get one for my friend


BabyBabyIce: pidge??? has a friend??? Since when?


Gerblins : shut ur face u nerd or i will eat all of your children


BabyBabyIce: shit so she is a witch


Gerblins: me or the friend cuz actually yeah for both


BabyBabyIce: and who r u calling nerd? u still play overwatch


Gerblins: and you main widowmaker dont come at me with that shit


pickybitch: widowmaker? Really?


Gerblins: you got something to say tracer main?




pickybitch: PIDGE WHY




Gerblins: matt give it up


NewSheryiffinTown: Matt has a confession


silversnitch: if matt uses third person to refer to himself again he'll also have a concussion


NewSheryiffinTown: :’( shiro why do u hate me


silversnitch: someone has to keep this chat in line


BabyBabyIce: the hero we need but not the one we deserve


pickybitch: definitely not the one you deserve


BabyBabyIce: YOU DICK


pickybitch: nice comeback


Gerblins: next message sent to this chat better be matts confession or all of you are banned


BabyBabyIce: pidge we know you wouldnt actually do that


BabyBabyIce has been banned from Kill People Burn Shit Fuck School


silversnitch: wow we never changed the chat name did we?


silversnitch has been banned from Kill People Burn Shit Fuck School


NewSheryiffinTown: Even Shiro? Katie, where does it end?


Gerblins:  next words i see in this chat better be you telling me where you got the sign or so help me skeletonman


NewSheryiffinTown: fine fine


NewSheryiffinTown: i didnt buy the sign hunk did and he gave it to me to give to you because i forgot to buy you a birthday gift


pickybitch: fucking incredible


Gerblins: wow


Gerblins: hunk is that true?


StayPuft Fren: maybe?


BabyBabyIce has been added to Kill People Burn Shit Fuck School


silversnitch has been added to Kill People Burn Shit Fuck School


NewSheryiffinTown has been banned from Kill People Burn Shit Fuck School


silversnitch: thats really harsh pidge


Gerblins: god you two are both trying to be the father i already have


silversnitch: :(


pickybitch: cant relate


silversnitch: :’(


BabyBabyIce: wow did we never change the chat name?


Gerblins: shiro just said that


BabyBabyIce: well excuse me if we both have good observational skills


pickybitch: as someone who has personally watched shiro open the fridge at midnight to look for food only to close it, walk three steps away and then turn around and open the fridge again like four times in a row, i can tell you that thats Untrue


StayPuft Fren: im pretty sure ive seen lance do that so hes at least right about their skills being the same


BabyBabyIce: lbr who hasnt done that


Gerblins: fair point but im still shook by the vague idea of lance turning into shiro someday


BabyBabyIce: does this mean i need to get a sideshave now? Cuz ill be honest that would be stupendous i would look cool as hell


pickybitch: keep telling yourself that


BabyBabyIce: you know youd love it


BabyBabyIce: besides i dont take criticism from someone whos never had a haircut in his life


pickybitch: what is your deal with my hair? youre the only one who cares


BabyBabyIce: im definitely not the only one u emo rapunzel bc shiro and i have talked abt cutting it in ur sleep


pickybitch: shiro that better not be fuckin true


silversnitch: well now whos a snitch


Gerblins: you reap what you sow


pickybitch: SHIRO


silversnitch: i cant hear you over the sound of how much shampoo you go through in a month


pickybitch: thanks for telling me lance


BabyBabyIce: thats what friends are for


Gerblins: finally the secret of true friendship is revealed


Gerblins: its snitching


StayPuft Fren: its been such a journey to get here


BabyBabyIce: maybe the real snitch was the friends we made along the way


silversnitch: can you ban me again? I can feel my brain rotting


BabyBabyIce: i changed my mind abt wanting to be shiro he is actually very mean


pickybitch: what do you expect from someone who mains


BabyBabyIce: HEW WHAT


silversnitch:  DAMMIT





ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: hey yall

boxsprings: sup

witchinghour: What's up, B?

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: narti it was ur bday last week right

witchinghour: Yes.

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: do you want a sign that says 'the witch is in' only its reversible so u can flip it to either say in or out

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: and then u can hang it on ur door?

witchinghour: Why would I want that?

witchinghour: Pidge, I am blind. You know this.

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: um because its cool as hell, andit automatically lets everyone know what your aesthetic is about

boxsprings: im pretty everyone can already tell what nartis aesthetic is about

witchinghour: Lizards and Lesbians.

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: and witches and cats!

witchinghour: I thought that was clear from the "Lesbians" part.

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: good point

boxsprings: this is erasure of lesbians who are allergic to cats

witchinghour: They deserve to be erased.

boxsprings: damn and here i thought we were becoming friends

boxsprings: who bought you that lizards and lesbians shirt in the first place?

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: excuse? am i hearing this right? youve been giftswapping without me?

witchinghour: Shit, she knows.

boxsprings: damn and we were so careful

boxsprings: i thought our method of 'messaging this chat to set up a meet-up time to celebrate nartis birthday and inviting katie' was foolproof

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: hilarious beezer

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: i was busy! and i forgot!

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: i get so many notifications from the other chat too its hard to keep up

boxsprings: w/e traitor

witchinghour: There's no call to be rude.

witchinghour: We can certainly celebrate my birthday multiple times. That is a sacrifice I am willing to make.

boxsprings: assuming she remembers this time

witchinghour: Well, this time, she knows that if she fails to arrive again, the responsibility for a new gift falls to you.

boxsprings: now shes definitely not gonna remember

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: ya never know

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: im full of surprises

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: happy late bday narti i swear ill be there this time!

witchinghour: Thank you.

Chapter Text

Fren-shaped: just heard from nyma her n rolo are gonna try to make it to the party


BabyBabyIce: sweet are they bringing that good kush?


silversnitch: excuse me?


BabyBabyIce: the good kush, the sweet doja, that good good kind


pickybitch: why are you like this


Gerblins: the world may never know


pickybitch: x-files theme playing in the distance


BabyBabyIce: if by “like this” you mean an icon and a goddamn delight then idk i was just born that way


pickybitch: born this way playing in the distance


silversnitch: thats it im deleting


Fren-shaped: do you think we’ll ever get shiro to be proud of us?


Eight Dick Princess: I’m sure he is already proud of us deep down, in his own way.


Fren-shaped: woah allura!!! eight dick?


Eight Dick Princess: It’s true! :)


Eight Dick Princess: Eight dick.


BabyBabyIce: one things for sure i kno were all proud of allura!


Gerblins : nothing but respect for my princess


Gerblins: is beezer gonna be at the party?


BabyBabyIce: wtf kind of name is beezer


Gerblins: its a nickname genius


Fren-shaped: nah i think beezers got a match that night


NewSheryiffinTown: damn im gonna miss that funky little lesbian


Gerblins: hell yeah someonelll be online that night


BabyBabyIce: someones pretty excited ;)


Gerblins: shut up u piece of shit stoner


BabyBabyIce: try n stop me u useless lesbian


Gerblins has changed the nickname of BabyBabyIce to pieceofshitstoner


pieceofshitstoner: way too long to be a good chatname


NewSheryiffinTown: says who?


pieceofshitstoner: cmon this is excatly why we changed hunks name


Gerblins: fine


Gerblins has changed the name of pieceofshitstoner to shitstoner




pickybitch: and you called me the picky one




silversnitch: i have to side with lance on this one


Fren-shaped: yeah idk i dont wanna read that all the time


Gerblins: okay fuck you all


Gerblins has changed the nickname of shitstoner to PoStoner


silversnitch: is that any better?


NewSheryiffinTown: i think po means butt in german




Gerblins: good then i dont wanna hear any more about it


PoStoner: why cant i change your chat name????


Gerblins:  ;)


NewSheryiffinTown: the same reason no one can change mine


Gerblins: oh matt ppl can change your nickname its just you that cant


NewSheryiffinTown: wait WHAT




Gerblins: :)


NewSheryiffinTown: SOMEONE CHANGE IT


PoStoner: nah iim cool w it


Fren-shaped: yeah this works for me


Eight Dick Princess: Sorry Matt! <3


NewSheryiffinTown: DAMMIT


pickybitch: who tf is beezer


Fren-shaped: yknow the kid that hangs out with rolo and nyma?


pickybitch: i think i know rolo at least


pickybitch: wait isnt nyma the girl that stole lances wallet


Fren-shaped: while they were dating yeah


pickybitch: ?


pickybitch: why are they even invited?


PoStoner: bc theyre cool people and holding grudges is bad for your skin?


pickybitch: that doesnt make sense ur inviting her to your house?


PoStoner: well shiros house technically


silversnitch: wow thank you


PoStoner: also its the year of building bridges so whats the big deal?


pickybitch: she stole ur shit and cheated on you thats my problem


PoStoner: yeah when we were teenagers???


PoStoner: literally who didnt do shitty stuff at that age


Gerblins: um i resent that?


PoStoner: case in point


silversnitch: keith is pretending not to remember his car-jacking phase


Gerblins: HIS WHAT


pickybitch: wait fuck


PoStoner: carjacking PHASE??? like a period of time?? like he did this more than ONCE?


pickybitch: 3 TIMES TOPS I SWEAR IT


Fren-shaped: YOU STOLE 3 CARS??




silversnitch: yeah including the time he stole my car and i had to bail him out and dismiss the charges


PoStoner: you stole SHIROS car??? Why????




Gerblins: damn baby keith was a Bad Bitch




Fren-shaped: the jumping cars thing makes more sense now


Gerblins: yeah he had to learn to dodge the ones who came looking for revenge


pickybitch: that is not true at all and it was like 10 years ago


silversnitch: 7 years


pickybitch: okay fine 7 years ago i stole some cars can we chill?


Gerblins : okay that is the fuckin quote of the year


PoStoner: so keith was a gd juvenile delinquent and hes judging a girl he doesnt know?


pickybitch: okay first of all fuck off and second of all im sorry i take it back no one can be held responsible for what they did in middle school


PoStoner: well glad thats settled


Fren-shaped: good news for lance too cuz he was a mess


Gerblins: yeah i think we figured that one already


PoStoner: alright so can we stop talking abt middle school now? were in college lets just talk about college stuff like weed and homework


Fren-shaped: i think those are middle school things too tho


PoStoner: shit whats special abt college?


pickybitch: exactly you ho


PoStoner: wow keith is living in 3018 i guess


pickybitch: finally you guys are catching up


Eight Dick Princess: What about jobs? I believe only Hunk had one when we were that age.


PoStoner: yeah alright!!! Alluura comin in clutch


Eight Dick Princess: Why thank you, Lance <3


PoStoner: wait are u still loking for one?


Eight Dick Princess: :/


Eight Dick Princess: Yes.


Gerblins: i thought shiro was gonna hook you up


Eight Dick Princess: Unfortunately it’s not steady work, and it didn’t really work with my schedule. I need something a little more consistent.


silversnitch: im really sorry allura


Eight Dick Princess: Don’t be! Please, it’s not your fault, Shiro. Don’t worry about it.


PoStoner: i can still put in a word for you w my manager? the hours r really flexible


Eight Dick Princess: Only if it’s not putting you out too much, Lance?


PoStoner: of course not! Plus this job would be totally perfect for you


Eight Dick Princess: You think?


PoStoner: hell yeah, it was basically made for you


PoStoner: like the pay isnt great its barely over min wage but its stil super fun


PoStoner: you get to work with little kids that are all really excited and shy teenagers and ppl having a ton of fun and all you really have to do is be friendly and sometimes help them dress up a teddy bear


PoStoner: also you get to sit down a lot


Eight Dick Princess: Really? It sounds wonderful.


PoStoner: it is!!! The only downside is when old dudes come in drunk n you have to benice to them which does happen more often thant youd think but not that often


PoStoner: plus it closes at 9 so ur never working until 2am


Eight Dick Princess: Alright then, I’m sold! I’ll definitely put in an application.


PoStoner: :D !!!!<3!!! :D !!! :D


Eight Dick Princess: <3 :)


NewSheryiffinTown: great college talk everybody


NewSheryiffinTown: 100% super mature everyone wins the adult badge


Gerblins: someones salty


NewSheryiffinTown: im not salty im bored lets go back to talking abt cool stuff like weed and homework


Fren-shaped: why would matt be salty?


Gerblins: he just lost his server position at sals


Fren-shaped: what? That totally sucks what happened???


NewSheryiffinTown: i maybe, sorta, kinda missed a bunch of shifts


Fren-shaped: oh


silversnitch: seriously matt? Weve talked about this


NewSheryiffinTown: i was in a weird place dude it just sucks that now i have to find something else


Fren-shaped: you were working as a server right? So youre restaurant trained?


NewSheryiffinTown: yeah? Well for a dinner place like that size and stuff. Ive also worked as a host and a dishwasher at other places


Fren-shaped: alright cool. I could maybe ask my moms to give you an interview?


NewSheryiffinTown: wait really?


Fren-shaped: yeah totally theyre always looking for help


Fren-shaped: i mean as long as youre not gonna start disappearing and dodging your shifts n stuff cuz that would look really bad for me it would be totally uncool dude


NewSheryiffinTown: yeah of course not i would never do that to you i swear


NewSheryiffinTown: hunk thats seriously so nice thank you so much???


Fren-shaped: dont mention it bud its no problem


Gerblins: wow hunk thats uh


Gerblins: really nice of you ;)




Gerblins: whoops sorry my finger slipped lmao


NewSheryiffinTown: seriously dude, youre the best! Thank you oh my god


Fren-shaped: its nothing dude


NewSheryiffinTown: no way its not nothing i am getting you the biggest thank you gift i swear it


PoStoner: hunk is blushing like crazy over here


Fren-shaped: DUDE


Gerblins: is this chat a temp agency now? Are we networking? Whats next, shiros gonna recommend me for an internship?


silversnitch: i guess i can if youre looking for one. What did you have in mind?


Gerblins: oh my god i was joking dude


silversnitch: i know, i just want to make sure you know i would if you asked me to


pickybitch: jesus it really is networking now isnt it


Gerblins  has changed the name of the chat to Galaxy Garrison Stars Career Network


pickybitch: fuckin college students


PoStoner: wtf pidge


Gerblins: just being honest


pickybitch: thanks i hate it


Gerblins:  now we can all put it on our resumes and no one has to know its just the name of a groupchat


PoStoner: ohhhh good point


silversnitch: i swear to god


PoStoner: nvm if we do that shiro will snitch on us


Gerblins: fight your instincts shiro! do it for your friends!


silversnitch: what friends


PoStoner: shit we turned shiro evil


NewSheryiffinTown: hes kuro now and hes here to destroy us


pickybitch:  are we an anime now?


NewSheryiffinTown: were we ever not?


PoStoner: DIBS ON MC


Gerblins: dont be ridiculous we all know thats allura


PoStoner: shit shes right


Eight Dick Princess: What? I’m certain we would all be main characters.


Gerblins: Those eyes? That hair? Its definitely allura


Gerblins: and maybe shiro too come to think of it


pickybitch: what? Why them?


Eight Dick Princess: Pidge, that’s very nice, but don’t sell yourself short! I think we’re all main character material in this chat.


PoStoner: gotta side w pidge on this one allura and shiro have the hair and the tragic backstories


PoStoner: not to mention theyre the only ones with the sheer BDE to pull it off


Eight Dick Princess: Thank you? I think?


pickybitch: i have a tragic backstory and youve been obsessed with my hair since we met


PoStoner: keith theres no need to get pouty youd def be an important secondary and theres nothing wrong with that


pickybitch: im not being pouty


pickybitch: cmon ive got more bde than shiro


PoStoner: oh dude


Gerblins: keith im sorry but theres nothing more sde than saying you have more bde than your brother


Gerblins: you might have to be demoted for that


pickybitch: what? Demoted?


PoStoner: cmon we dont have to go that far keith can pull off secondary character


Gerblins: lance in light of you standing up for keith you might have enough power to pull off an mc


PoStoner: whoah really????


Gerblins: hell yeah man


Gerblins: if only we could do something about that hair


PoStoner: what? whats wrong w my hair?


Gerblins: its not quite colorful enough


pickybitch: this conversation is so pointless


Fren-shaped changed the nickname of pickybitch to pettybitch


pettybitch: what???why?????????


Gerblins: SDE


Fren-shaped: thats what happens when you cant play well with others

LadyoftheLake: Lance? Can I ask you something?

SirLancelot: of course yeah whats up?

LadyoftheLake: First of all, I really appreciate your offer to help me find a position at your store.

SirLancelot: seriously lulu its no sweat, its like saying 3 words to my manager

LadyoftheLake: Still, I want you to know I do appreciate it.

SirLancelot: thanks

SirLancelot: really thank you for always noticing me and like, making the efffort to acknowledg me, i really appreciate that, i promise

LadyoftheLake: Of course! That’s friendship, Lance. It’s honestly the least I can do.

SirLancelot: it just means a lot to me

SirLancelot: i wanted you to know that

LadyoftheLake: I do know, Lance. Thank you.

SirLancelot: <3

LadyoftheLake: That’s somewhat what I wanted to talk to you about, actually.

SirLancelot: ?

LadyoftheLake: I’m not  sure how to say this, but I’m worried about you Lance. I’m worried about how isolated you’ve been lately.

SirLancelot: whatre you tlking about?

LadyoftheLake: I’ve noticed you pulling away from the group a bit, and I’m concerned.

SirLancelot: im still in the groupchat arent i? And lik going to class

SirLancelot: seriously idk what youre talking about

LadyoftheLake: I suppose it’s possible I’ve been reading into things. Still, Hunk told me he believes you’ve been smoking again.

SirLancelot: seriously??? I told him i havent been smoking i s2g he doesntl trust me at all

LadyoftheLake: Lance, that’s not true! Hunk trusts you completely.

SirLancelot: then why isnt he listening to me? I told him im fine and im telling you

LadyoftheLake: Telling me what?

SirLancelot: listen, allura, i apreciate it i really do and like what youre tryig to do here

SirLancelot: but im not isolating or spiraling or whatever

SirLancelot: and i really dont need you 2 batting down my doors trying to get me to admit whatever it is you want me to admit about needing help

LadyoftheLake: We all need help sometimes.

SirLancelot: i know that

LadyoftheLake: I’m sorry, Lance. I didn’t mean to insinuate that we don’t trust you to take care of yourself. I just wanted to make absolutely sure you know that we are here for you.

SirLancelot: i know. thank you, im just really not in the mood

SirLancelot:  look i get it i cant blame you considering my history

LadyoftheLake: I’m asking for selfish reasons too.

SirLancelot: ???

SirLancelot: lura you dont have a selfish bone in your body i dont buy it

LadyoftheLake: Maybe I wanted to believe that you’re isolating, and in need of help, because if you were acting distant to everyone, then I would know you were not just trying to distance yourself from me.

SirLancelot: allura no i would never do that

LadyoftheLake: I know. Or, I thought I did. But after I saw you lie in the groupchat about our relationship history, I suppose I got worried. Or paranoid, maybe. I don’t know, I’ve been worried that maybe I’d done something to cause you to become wary of me.

SirLancelot: allura, no. im soso sorry i didnt mean for it to come off that way

SirLancelot: look i said what i did in the groupchat bc i really wanted to get off the topic

SirLancelot: i really dont like talking abt middle school OR lotor at the best of times, so i was just trying to gloss over everything so we could get to a different subject

SirLancelot: i guess i have been acting distant but i swear its not because of anything you did

LadyoftheLake: Thank you. I’m sorry to push all my worries onto you like this.

SirLancelot: dont worry about it

SirLancelot: im glad you talked to me about it

LadyoftheLake: You are?

SirLancelot: yeah it gave me achance to tell you thats bs and i would never want to distance myself fom you

SirLancelot: allura ur honestly like the best person ive ever met and i never want to be the reason ur feeling insecure

LadyoftheLake: Thank you, Lance. I don’t know what to say. You’ve been incredibly kind.

SirLancelot: hey you know i know that feeling

SirLancelot: and i know how much it sucks

LadyoftheLake: It does. I hate feeling so insecure, and I hate making it someone else’s problem.

SirLancelot: i get it

SirLancelot: its hard to feel like someone has that much power over you

LadyoftheLake: It’s just hard to need people.

SirLancelot: yeah

SirLancelot: it is

Chapter Text

PoStoner: just found my new favorite magazine


PoStoner sent a link to modernCAT.jpeg


Fren-shaped: NICE


Fren-shaped: ima bout to be another follower for that cat lmao


PoStoner : “this cat has 13 million followers find out why” ill tell you why. look at it. thats why.


Fren-shaped: ill tell you why in 4 words, that cat is beautiful


pettybitch: its 1.3 million dipshit




Eight Dick Princess: Is that Smoothie? The photogenic cat?


PoStoner: maybe?


Fren-shaped: ohmigod smoothie is the perfect name for that cat


PoStoner: my love


Fren-shaped: lil fluffball


pettybitch: what are we even doing here anymore


PoStoner: keith as an honorary cat you should care more


pettybitch: As A What




PoStoner sent a link to CatCon.jpeg


Fren-shaped: O o O


PoStoner: so whos ready for another con


Gerblins: YES


silversnitch: we are not going to another con


PoStoner: but shiro its CATCON


PoStoner: we can do it like we did animenext XD


pettybitch: i thought we all hated that


pettybitch: and dont u fucking dare use XD in this chat again i s2g


PoStoner: what r u gonna do mullet? ban me? perish the thought!!!!


PoStoner: also yeah it was rough but didnt we all like have a lot of fun?


pettybitch: where tf even is catcon


PoStoner: pasadena? wheres that?


Gerblins: like new mexico or something?


Gerblins: california


Gerblins: idk


PoStoner: i thought u were supposed to be a genius???!?!?!




PoStoner: .............


PoStoner: fair


NewSheryiffinTown: tsk my little sister is losing her touch


Gerblins: oh is that right matt? Is that what you think?


NewSheryiffinTown: NO NO  im sorry forget what i said please dont do whatever youre already doing katie i swear i wont say it again


PoStoner: now THAT is BDE damn pidge


Eight Dick Princess: Oh it is Smoothie!


silversnitch: im loving this magazine. How have i never heard about this kitty cat?


pettybitch: bc youre an old man whos terrible at the internet


silversnitch: :/


silversnitch: and he used to be such a cute kid


pettybitch: FUCK YOU


PoStoner: did he really


pettybitch: why tf are we talking abt random cats now?


Fren-shaped: i would die for this cat


pettybitch: what? why?


Eight Dick Princess: Look at her, Keith. She’s an absolute fashion icon.


PoStoner: a bicon


Eight Dick Princess:  YES!


PoStoner: okay so


PoStoner : Step 1 find out where pasadena is


PoStoner: Step 2 get tickets


PoStoner: Step 3 go to catcon


PoStoner: Step 4 ?????????


PoStoner: Step 5 Profit


Eight Dick Princess: Excellent plan, Lance.


Gerblins: foolproof plan im in


PoStoner: nice lets do this


pettybitch: fine in im


pettybitch: wait fcuck


pettybitch: im in


PoStoner: keith kogayne the unstoppable wordsmith


pettybitch: you wanna go serrano????


PoStoner: hell yeah i wanna go lets go


pettybitch: ALL RIGHT LETS GO




Gerblins: lance why do you think all fighting happens in a dennys parking lot


PoStoner: am i wrong?


pettybitch: not technically


Gerblins: what does that even mean


pettybitch: it might not physically be there but that doesnt mean the fights not spiritually in a dennys parking lot




PoStoner: finally somone understands me :’)


PoStoner: besides dennys after midnight is what i always imagined purgatory to be like


silversnitch: okay now what does that mean?


PoStoner: like in my mind the waiting room to the afterlife where everyone goes right after they die but like before the universe processes them?


PoStoner: is a dennys between 1 and 4am


PoStoner: or maybe an IHOP


silversnitch: why does that make sense?


Gerblins: thats such an image damn


NewSheryiffinTown: okay now i know i need sleep cuz lance literally just blew my mind


PoStoner: ;)


PoStoner: not my first time blowing matts


Gerblins: for the last time lance keep ur damn fantasies to yourself he is my brother and you are disgusting


PoStoner: MIND




silversnitch: sure, lance. we all believe you.


NewSheryiffinTown: awwww


NewSheryiffinTown: lance youre a beautiful man but im sorry youre just not my type


PoStoner: I HATE


Paperairplanes: were doing movie night tn right?

Hotlead: of course

Hotlead: what are we watching

Paperairplanes: tonight its spirited away but im thinking we might do a whole miyazaki kick

Paperairplanes: those movies are just so fucking iconic we kinda gotta watch all of them

Hotlead: ive never seen spirited away

Paperairplanes: WHAT

Hotlead: i told you this ive only seen kikis deliversy service

Paperairplanes: that is a fuckin travesty youve never seen princess mononoke?????

Hotlead: no?

Paperairplanes: alright keith im sorry but we have to watch every miyazaki movie ever

Hotlead: how Unfortunate

Paperairplanes: can u make it into town this weekedn?

Hotlead: why

Paperairplanes: its a three day weekend its perfect for a miyazaki film festival

Paperairplanes: its been a rough week all around we can invite everyone

Hotlead: does it have to be this weekend

Hotlead: ill have to take time off work

Paperairplanes: please? Ill take careof everythiing and all the set u and getting the movies

Paperairplanes: all you have to do is show up and i promise ill make sure you have fun i swear please keith?

Hotlead: alright fine

Hotlead: it sounds kind of fun

Paperairplanes: XD

Hotlead: do Not

Paperairplanes: ;p

Hotlead: what

Hotlead: what is that

Paperairplanes: god keith

Paperairplanes: ur really lucky youre cute


Baby Gay: Shiro

PapaGay: what whats going on is everything okay?

Baby Gay: he said that im cute

PapaGay: oh my god keith i thought something was wrong its 1am

Baby Gay: what does it MEAN

PapaGay: it means youre a disaster go to sleep

Baby Gay: :(

PapaGay: go to SLEEP

Chapter Text

Eight Dick Princess: Happy Trans Day of Visibility!


Gerblins: lmao happy tran


PoStoner: who is Tran and why does he need a visibility day


Gerblins: LMAO


Eight Dick Princess:  Well, it's a lot of work to be invisible all the time. He's earned a day to take a break.


Gerblins: today is the day all the trans are visible


PoStoner: well have to postpone all our bank robberies


Gerblins: we should definitely put those on hold


Eight Dick Princess: Actually, it’s Bisexual Visibility Month too, so we’ll have to postpone them even longer.


PoStoner: DAMMIT




Gerblins: has the lgbt community gone too far


Fren-Shaped: it definitely has why isnt there a straight visibility day


NewSheryiffinTown:  has everyone forgotten the plight of the straights?


silversnitch: yes


pettybitch: Good




Eight Dick Princess: I don’t know, but I may need to have some strong words with this person.


Gerblins: oh shit alluras gonna throw some hands




NewSheryiffinTown: you could make a religion out of this


Gerblins: bold of you to assume we havent already


PoStoner: did yall know the ancient egyptians used ants to suture wounds closed???


Gerblins: thats metal as fuck


Eight Dick Princess: Step 1) place ant on wound


Eight Dick Princess: Step 2) annoy ant


Eight Dick Princess: Step 3) when ant bites, twist off its corpse. Wound is held together by pincers and it is metal A F


Fren-Shaped: that ant is a doctor now


NewSheryiffinTown: p much yeah


PoStoner: they do hold the ants pincers open until its on the wounds tho


pettybitch: do you just look up random history facts all day?


PoStoner: im a polisci major i ahve to take history of course i learn weird facts


PoStoner: i learned that one from a podcast tho


silversnitch: lance dont you have a class right now? why are you listening to a podcast?


PoStoner: did you memorize my schedule shiro wtf????????


Eight Dick Princess: No, but since we share certain classes as PoliSci majors, and Shiro knows some things about my schedule, and since I’m sure I mentioned which ones we take together, I’m not surprised  he knows when you’re clearly skipping.


PoStoner: ok but youre clearly texting the groupchat in class so like idk what ur doing judging me


Gerblins:  sounds like someone hit a nerve


Eight Dick Princess: I’ll have you know that texting my friends during class is not the same as skipping the entire class.


pettybitch: sure it is princess


Eight Dick Princess: Well, that’s a bold retort from someone who stopped going to classes altogether.


PoStoner: also thats still like a bananas amt of detective work from sme random snippets to figure out if im skipping class or not so i stand by my ‘shiro wtf’


pettybitch: its not skipping class if you have no classes? I dont see your point?


silversnitch: its not like i spend my time investigating the case of lance serrano and the missed classes i just happened to notice the time because i know allura is in class right now


Fren-Shaped: lance serrano and the missed classes sounds like one of those grade school chapter book mysteries


Gerblins:  thats amazing hunk itll be the next encyclopedia brown


Eight Dick Princess: Whatever the process, we have established that Lance is currently missing an important class for his major in order to listen to podcasts.


PoStoner: Hey! do i text the groupchat whenever pidge skips class to go on a midday raid or play fortnite? Or when hunk skips to check out a new restaurant and work on his robotics project?


Fren-Shaped: Dude!


silversnitch: wait is that happening a lot?


Gerblins: and i thought wed hit the limit on how many snitches can be in one chat


PoStoner: look i didnt make any of you come for me ok u reap what u sow


Gerblins changed the nickname of PoStoner to PoSnitch


pettybitch: whats the point of skipping class to listen to a podcast? youre just learning things anyway




Eight Dick Princess: Lance, none of us are intentionally coming after you. I’m honestly just curious why you’re not in class.


PoSnitch: fine but only cuz you asked nicelyUNLIKE SOME PEOPLE


pettybitch: who is that aimed at




pettybitch: i am never tellng you Anything Ever Again


NewSheryiffinTown: yorak??


Gerblins: its what keiths mom wanted to name him as a baby


NewSheryiffinTown thats amazing id like to thank not only god but jesus






Gerblins: id rather die than live in a world where we can only roast one person at a time or where jews cant take your lords name in vain


NewSheryiffinTown: Amen


pettybitch: fuck the fuck off you fuckin fucks


PoSnitch: great burn dude you really showed them


pettybitch: shut it serrano just tell us what youre doing


PoSnitch: I TOLD U


PoSnitch: i was listening to podcasts nd saying goodbye to a cat i was catsitting whatre you doing


silversnitch: catsitting??


PoSnitch: yeah it was hard but hes a good boy


Fren-Shaped: oh i didnt know you were petsitting again


PoSnitch: actually its for one of my professors so




pettybitch: i cant believe someone put you in charge of an actual living creature


PoSnitch: i cant believe anyone left u in charge of urself  mr-i-never-eat-or-sleep-but-somehow-i-take-care-of-a-giant-dog?


pettybitch: hes a Wolfhound and hes amazing and practitcally takes care of himself so think before you speak next time


PoSnitch: okay but that just proves my point that u should never be responsble for another living being


PoSnitch: god help you if u ever have kids


silversnitch: i second that im 90% sure the dog is the one taking care of keith


pettybitch: how can i trust anyone when even my own brother turns against me


Fren-Shaped: well you can trust your dog


pettybitch: :/


Eight Dick Princess: How was cat-sitting, Lance?


PoSnitch:  hes a good boy


PoSnitch: we played for a bit and then i put on a podcast n did some knitting


Fren-Shaped:  awesome dude whatre you making?


PoSnitch: im doing like a ppumpkin hat for halloween


PoSnitch: so like nothing too complicated


NewSheryiffinTown: can i have one?


PoStoner: really?


NewSheryiffinTown: hell yeah man i still have that scarf you made me and its like the warmest thing i own


PoSnitch: sure thing man does anyone else want like a scarf or a hat or something? itll be halloween-themed :)


Eight Dick Princess: If it’s not too much trouble at all, I would love another pair of gloves like last year?


PoSnitch: u got it llura anyone else?


Fren-Shaped: i mean if you finish everyone elses id kill for one of those hats


PoSnitch: np ill probably make like 3 just to be safe


pettybitch: you make gloves?


PoSnitch: yeah my mom sends me the yarn in care packages and i always use it to make christmas gifts and stuff for the fambam


pettybitch: thats really cool


PoSnitch: do you


PoSnitch: do you want a pair?


pettybitch: um


pettybitch: is that okay?


PoSnitch: absolutely babe would skeleton gloves work?


pettybitch: that sounds perfect yeah


PoSnitch: you got it <3


NewSheryiffinTown: my ship is sailing i can die happy now


pettybitch: Then Die


Gerblins: lmao nice job keith


Gerblins:  defending lances honor and giving him something to do so he can actually justify the time he spends listening to podcasts


PoSnitch: excuse me u rude little pidgeon podcasts are bae


silversnitch: honestly as long as hes learning i cant complain much


NewSheryiffinTown: real quick shiro who assigned you this role in life?


silversnitch: i


silversnitch: what?


NewSheryiffinTown: why are you the group dad? Like when did you decide to be this person


pettybitch: trust me hes always been this way


silversnitch: wow


Fren-Shaped : why are we putting shiro on blast now we all need him to be this way


PoSnitch: tru its a fact of the universe yknow?


NewSheryiffinTown: a fact?


PoSnitch: yeah like


PoSnitch: hunk is the mom friend, shiro is the dad, coran is our wacky uncle, pidge is everyones evil little sister, allura is the awesome big sister and matt is a bro


NewSheryiffinTown: and here i thought katie was just my evil little sister


NewSheryiffinTown: plus i think of shiro more like a cool older brother


silversnitch: i am a man of many hats


Gerblins: nah i agree w lance


pettybitch: except you all forgot me???


Gerblins: you dont count here


pettybitch: what why not?


PoSnitch: keith is the next door neighbor who is always there at the house for no real reason


pettybitch: what???? I dont even live with you guys???


PoSnitch:  ur our kimmy gibbler dude chill






pettybitch: YES THEY DO


PoSnitch:  ok well ur the one who moved away so like? take it up w urself?


pettybitch: so im out of your weird fuckin chat family just bc i couldnt college?




PoSnitch: u can rejoin this family when u decide to act like a part of it ok keithy boy?


Fren-Shaped: ok lets roll back a bit?


pettybitch: fine with me


PoSnitch: yeah?


pettybitch: yeah who wants to be in your gd family anyway


pettybitch left the chat


PoSnitch : wow shocking mr lonewolf goes off on his own again


PoSnitch: real mature keith


silversnitch: Lance


PoSnitch: relax hes just being dramatic he does this like once a week


Eight Dick Princess: Lance, I think you hurt his feelings.


PoSnitch: wtf r u talking abt keith doesnt have any feelings


Gerblins: okay what happened


PoSnitch: what


Gerblins: five minutes ago you and keith were doing fucking heart eyes at each other and talking about making cute little gifts and now youre back to intentionally antagonizing him and maybe even bullying






Gerblins: what happened lance




silversnitch: if anything did happen you know you could always talk to us right, lance?


PoSnitch left the chat


Gerblins: oh for fucks sake


Fren-Shaped: talk about dramatic


silversnitch: well what do we do now


Gerblins: i can permanently add them both back but i dont think thats going to solve the real problem here


Eight Dick Princess: Is there anything earlier in the chat which could tell us what happened?


Fren-Shaped: i dont know but lance isnt talking


Eight Dick Princess: What do you mean?


Fren-Shaped: hes locked in his room blasting lorde and mitski


Gerblins: wait did something like actually actually happen???


silversnitch: ill see what i can get from keith


NewSheryiffinTown: do they do this a lot?


Gerblins: well keith dramatically leaves the chat about once a week or so lance was right about that


Gerblins: lance is usually the last person to leave though


Eight Dick Princess: He’s also the one who starts the majority of our conversations.


Fren-Shaped: yeah he texts some weird fact or something he just saw and it reminds us all that this chat is even here


Gerblins: ive got his internet history


silversnitch: Pidge! That is definitely not the right way to solve this!


Gerblins: i know!


Gerblins: its just a last resort


silversnitch: Pidge, Lance is our friend and we can’t violate his privacy like that.


Fren-Shaped:  its a last resort if no one hears anything from lance by tomorrow okay?


NewSheryiffinTown: dont forget keith weve gotta talk to him too


silversnitch: i already got him hes fine


Eight Dick Princess: Keith is alright?


silversnitch: yeah he just needs a minute


Eight Dick Princess: Alright. Then let’s break and report back here in an hour on our findings. Does that work for everyone?


Fren-Shaped: oh no


Gerblins: what


Fren-Shaped: hes listening to marina and the diamonds


Eight Dick Princess: Oh no.


Gerblins: shit


NewSheryiffinTown: what what does that mean?


Fren-Shaped: lance hasnt been into marina since high school


Fren-Shaped: like last time i heard him listening to it was when he failed a midterm


NewSheryiffinTown: so what do we do?


Fren-Shaped: im staking out the common room though so ill let everyone know if lance leaves his room


Eight Dick Princess: Fair enough. Good luck, Hunk.


Fren-Shaped: thanks. good luck to all you guys too..

Baby Gay: he called me babe

Baby Gay: he knits shiro i cant handle this

PapaGay: breathe keith

PapaGay: just remember to breathe

PapaGay: Hey is everything okay?

PapaGay: Keith?

PapaGay: Im not going to  stop until I hear something from you

Baby Gay: im fine shiro just leave me alone

PapaGay: are you sure? because im happy to talk about it you know

Baby Gay: i know

PapaGay: maybe i can help?

Baby Gay: okay fine

Baby Gay: i dont know what im doing wrong

Baby Gay: i thought we were getting along? he was going to knit me some gloves and we were watching movies together and everything. i didnt even know he knits but god its so him of course he does but then like

Baby Gay:  he just kinda turned?

Baby Gay: i dont know maybe he was just joking and im overreacting but is it just me or is he like mad?

PapaGay: its not just you. Lance left the chat after you did and hunk said hes holed up in their room. It definitely seems like something happened.

Baby Gay: so im not just being crazy?

PapaGay: no keith

PapaGay: its hard for you because now that you know how you feel about lance, his words have a lot more power over you

Baby Gay: i dont want him to have any power over me

PapaGay: i know

PapaGay: but like it or not his words have an impact on your feelings

Baby Gay: we were arguing earlier but i thought we were just messing around idki thought we were doing okay

Baby Gay: he wanted to do this whole movie marathon thing this weekend and he said he was going to invite everyone and do all the planning but now he says it might not be a good idea

Baby Gay: i think hes cancelling

Baby Gay:  i hate feeling this way

PapaGay: im so sorry keith

Baby Gay: i guess i got excited bc it was kind of like

Baby Gay: he was throwing this whole party just for me? And i guess i thought that meant something

Baby Gay: but maybe it doesnt

PapaGay: look no matter what, lance is your friend and he cares about you

PapaGay: hes not doing anything to intentionally hurt you

PapaGay: i dont think hes that kind of person

Baby Gay: i dont know

Baby Gay: i feel like i did something wrong and i dont know what it is and i just want to make it right

PapaGay: im sorry but we wont know anything until lance tells us himself

PapaGay: do you think you can hold on until then?

Baby Gay: yeah ill be okay

PapaGay:  be kind to yourself, Keith

PapaGay: you cant control what feelings you have, only what you do with them

PapaGay: take care of yourself please? Im not there to do it so i have to trust you to do it for me. okay?

Baby Gay: okay

PapaGay: thank you

Baby Gay: thanks shiro

Baby Gay: seriously thank you for everything

PapaGay: dont mention it, bro

PapaGay:  its my job





cinnamonRolls: Lance?

cinnamonRolls: dude is everything okay?

cinnamonRolls: come on lance please answer

cinnamonRolls: dude everyone is really worried about you

cinnamonRolls: im not going to stop until i hear from you

cinnamonRolls: lance man please talk to me

cinnamonRolls: talk to me okay? you know im here for you im always here for you

cinnamonRolls: we dont even have to talk abt whatever the problem is seriously just say something to me so i know youre okay

cinnamonRolls: lance

officialMemelord: im okay

cinnamonRolls: LANCE

cinnamonRolls: DUDE

cinnamonRolls: oh my god thank god youre there

cinnamonRolls: whats going on? Are you okay? whats happening?

cinnamonRolls: lance?

LadyoftheLake: Lance?

SirLancelot: hey hot stuff, whats up?

LadyoftheLake: Lance! It’s so good to hear from you!

SirLancelot: whats wrong did something happen?

LadyoftheLake: Everyone is very worried about you, Lance. We all want to know the best way to support you.

SirLancelot: whoa why are ppl worried? Im fine

LadyoftheLake: Are you sure? You seemed upset in the groupchat.

SirLancelot: nah i just need some time to myself yknow?

SirLancelot: ill be back in a bit

LadyoftheLake: Okay. Is there anything we can do for you?

SirLancelot: not really

SirLancelot: could you ask hunk to stop messaging me? its kind of stressful to have my phone blowing up like this rn

LadyoftheLake: Of course. I’m sure he just wants to hear from you to know that you’re alright, but I can tell him you’d like him to give you a little space?

SirLancelot: thanks. I just need a little time okay? no one has to worry

LadyoftheLake: Thank you, Lance <3

SirLancelot: ??

SirLancelot: for what

LadyoftheLake: For putting us at ease. It’s a huge relief to hear from you, and I promise you it’s appreciated.

SirLancelot: oh

SirLancelot: yeah np

LadyoftheLake: <3


PrinceOfHearts: Hey babe <3

PrinceOfHearts: It’s been a while.

PrinceOfHearts: Can we talk?

Leggy: um?

PrinceOfHearts: Don’t you remember me, Lancey?

Leggy: wait

Leggy: Lotor?

PrinceOfHearts:  ;)

Chapter Text

Leggy: I don’t want to hear from you

PrinceOfHearts: Please?


PrinceOfHearts: I know we left things in a bad place, Lancey, and that’s what bothers me. I just want to make things right with you, I swear.

PrinceOfHearts: If you really don’t want to talk to me I’ll back off, but

PrinceOfHearts: You haven’t blocked me, and you’re still reading my messages, and I know that means something.

PrinceOfHearts: Tell me it means something, Lancey, please

Leggy: stop calling me that

PrinceOfHearts: So now you’re speaking to me?

Leggy: i told you i didnt want to talk to you

PrinceOfHearts: No, you didn’t. You ghosted me, Lance. You left me alone in the cold, wondering what I had done wrong, and never once tried to contact me.

PrinceOfHearts: Do you know how that felt? Do you have any idea how it hurt to be so soundly rejected by you? To be completely removed from your life without so much as a notice as to why?

Leggy: i

Leggy: look im sorry but i really dont want to talk to you

PrinceOfHearts: No, I suppose you wouldn’t.

PrinceOfHearts: Who would want to face their greatest mistake after having moved on, forget anyone it hurts, so long as they get away clean?

Leggy: i dont think of you as a mistake

PrinceOfHearts: Of course you do. How else can you explain the years of silence?


PrinceOfHearts: No? So then you answered all 27 of the concerned messages I tried to send over the 12 months following our coupling?

Leggy: God who calls it that ‘our coupling’ i s2g im gonna fucking throw up

PrinceOfHearts: Well.

PrinceOfHearts: I suppose at least now I know what you really thought about that night.

PrinceOfHearts: Better late than never, I suppose.

Leggy: thats not what i meant

PrinceOfHearts: No? You weren’t trying to remove me from your life completely without ever telling me what I had done wrong? You weren’t trying to discard me without a thought?

Leggy: i had a thought okay i had so many thoughts do you have any idea how hard that was???? I trusted you i fucking trusted you you goddamn asshole i trusted you

PrinceOfHearts: I trusted you, too.

PrinceOfHearts: Though I suppose that doesn’t matter as much to you as your need to be the victim in every situation.

Leggy: okay fuck you i cant do this

Leggy: stop talking to me stop fucking talking to me i dont want to hear from you anymore okay i cant do this please

PrinceOfHearts: I’m sorry, Lance.

PrinceOfHearts: I’m sorry my concerns about our relationship inconvenienced you. I’m sorry my attempts to learn from the past and move forward with my life are so damaging to you. I’m sorry I wasn’t perfect as a teenager and I’m sorry my struggles were “too much” for you. I’m sorry I was so difficult for you to be around. That must’ve been so hard, trying to be friends with someone who was so desperate for connection and compassion and friendship that he turned to you in his times of need.

PrinceOfHearts: I promise I won’t be making those mistakes again. I’m sorry to have been such a burden to you. If you could find it in your heart to forgive me for inflicting myself on you under the guise of love, it would mean the world to me.

Leggy: im sorry

PrinceOfHearts: Oh? I’m sorry, I must’ve heard wrong, are you telling me the always right and perfect Lance Serrano is suggesting he could be partially to blame for the messy situation between two confused and hurting kids which occurred years ago? Surely you jest. The esteemable Lance Serrano has never made any mistakes, or hurt any of the people he cares about, or been anything less than perfect once in his entire life.

Leggy: okay you made your point

Leggy: im sorry okay?

Leggy: i didnt handle that very well but i didnt know what to do and Im sorry lotor really

PrinceOfHearts: It’s okay.

PrinceOfHearts: I’m sorry, Lancey. I started this off all wrong.

Leggy: no its ok just

Leggy: what did you want to say

PrinceOfHearts: It’s not easy to talk about, but…

PrinceOfHearts: I miss you, Lancey. We used to be so close. I know things were difficult last time, but being with you has always meant so much to me. I’m sorry I didn’t always show you that enough.

PrinceOfHearts: Please, can we meet to talk in person?

Leggy: I don’t think I can do that

PrinceOfHearts: All I want is one chance. One chance for us to be friends again.

PrinceOfHearts: You don’t have to commit to anything. Just one meeting is all that I ask.

Leggy: i really dont know

PrinceOfHearts: Please, Lance. If you don’t like it, we never have to speak again. You can tell me to stay away and I will respect that, but please, just one meeting?

PrinceOfHearts: For me?

Leggy: okay. I have some free time on thursday

PrinceOfHearts: I’m so sorry, but Thursday just wouldn’t work for me. I have so much going on right now. Is there any free time you have tomorrow?

Leggy: i guess

Leggy: im free at 4?

PrinceOfHearts: Wonderful! Truly, thank you, this is absolutely wonderful. I’ll meet you at Sal’s?

Leggy: sure

PrinceOfHearts: I can’t wait.

Leggy: see u tomorow

PrinceOfHearts: I’ll see you tomorrow, Lancey <3

Chapter Text

cinnamonRolls: hey dude?

Memelord: yeah?

cinnamonRolls:  where did you go after lab yesterday?

Memelord: i went on a date

cinnamonRolls: a date????? dude you didnt say anything!!!!!

Memelord: yeah i kinda wanted to play this one close to the vest

cinnamonRolls: but you always tell me about your dates

Memelord: this one was really shortnotice i really wanted to tell you but i got nervous

cinnamonRolls:  why what was up?

cinnamonRolls: who were you with

Memelord: um you remember that dude from my photography class

cinnamonRolls: oh man that guy?? Dude congrats!!!!! youve been totally into him since the start of the semester

Memelord: yeah i got really lucky

cinnamonRolls:  how did it go??? did you have enough to talk about? did you get all flustered thinking about how pretty he was like you thought you would? Oh shit did you learn his first name?

Memelord:  yeah his first name is ryan

Memelord: we got along really well hes super cool

cinnamonRolls: are you guys going out again?

Memelord: maybe

cinnamonRolls: hes coming to the halloween party right? You should ask him to go with you!

Memelord: what no that doesnt make any sense

cinnamonRolls:  why not?

cinnamonRolls : you still like him right?

Memelord: yeah of course hes

Memelord: great

cinnamonRolls: oh

cinnamonRolls: is this gonna be one of those things where you dont ask him out again cuz youre afraid he wont be into you anymore but you pretend its bc youre trying to ‘play the field’ or something?

Memelord: what no i dont do that

Memelord: jfc hunk you dont know everything about me okay? Im not just an anxious mess all the time i can be okay sometimes

cinnamonRolls: im sorry dude

cinnamonRolls: i didnt mean that

cinnamonRolls: its just been a really long time since ive seen you date someone you really like

cinnamonRolls: i just want you to find someone who makes you feel good, yknow?

Memelord: yeah i know

Memelord: youre just looking out for me and i really appreciate that hunk

cinnamonRolls: i love you man

Memelord: i love you too

Memelord: i am gonna ask ryan to the party

cinnamonRolls: fuck yeah get it lance!

Memelord: thanks man

cinnamonRolls: just to be clear this is that kinkade dude who always takes the really cool pictures with the ‘silent framing’ right

Memelord: yeah thats exactly who i went out with today and we talked abut photography stuff which we both do and stuff

cinnamonRolls: great just making sure

cinnamonRolls: its not gonna be weird that keiths there, right?

Memelord: why would that be weird

cinnamonRolls: cuz youve had that big crush on him for a really long time? he doesnt relly get along with kinkades friends either so like

cinnamonRolls: if one of you gets jealous it could get pretty bad

Memelord: neither of us is going to get jealous hunk

Memelord: i told you im way over that and keith never liked me in the first place so

cinnamonRolls: are you sure?

Memelord: absolutely

Memelord: its totally gonna be fine, i promise

cinnamonRolls: okay

PrinceOfHearts: I loved our talk today, Lancey <3

PrinceOfHearts: Thank you so much for agreeing to meet. The conversation was incredible. It meant the world to me, more than you can ever know.

Leggy: im glad

PrinceOfHearts: Great. Next time is going to be even better, I'm sure of it :D

Leggy:  it was really nice

PrinceOfHearts: I can’t wait to see you again. Take care Lancey Lance <3


Baby Gay: is lance back in the chat yet

PapaGay: not yet

Baby Gay: whats taking him so long? I need him to add me back in

PapaGay: yknow i can add you back to the chat too keith

Baby Gay: but lance always does it

Baby Gay: usually before i even wake up

PapaGay: he mustve been busy today

Baby Gay: busy with what? He doesnt do anything

PapaGay: he works, goes to class, and competes on the swim team keith he does plenty

Baby Gay: yeah i know i know lance does a lot but what was he doing today that kept him out of the chat? he loves that chat

PapaGay : i know

Baby Gay: well?

PapaGay: hunk may have said something about a date

Baby Gay: oh

PapaGay: im sorry keith

Baby Gay: no its fine

Baby Gay: were just friends right? so im happy for him

Baby Gay: as his friend

Baby Gay: is he going to see her again

PapaGay: uh

PapaGay: actually the date was with Ryan Kinkade

Baby Gay: oh

PapaGay: hes a photography major

Baby Gay: sounds pretentious

PapaGay: hes really nice

Baby Gay: i bet he is

PapaGay: keith please

PapaGay: you dont need to be anyones second choice you know

PapaGay: keith?


Shiro: Adam?

Adam: Takashi?

Shiro: Hi

Shiro: Can we talk?

Chapter Text

Fren-Shaped: this is getting ridiculous


Fren-Shaped has added PoSnitch to the chat


Fren-Shaped has added pettybitch to the chat


NewSheryiffinTown: finally!!! It was so boring without you here


PoSnitch: do you mean me or keith?


NewSheryiffinTown: i mean take a guess


pettybitch: gee thanks


NewSheryiffinTown: no offense its just lance is fun


pettybitch: how could i take offense to that


PoSnitch: LMAO getwrekt keith


NewSheryiffinTown: see i knew youd understand


pettybitch: that was clearly sarcastic you Bitch


Gerblins: whyd it take you guys so long to come back?


pettybitch: lance was on a date


PoSnitch: HOW




pettybitch: shiro told me


silversnitch: sorry lance


PoSnitch: WHY


PoSnitch: in what possible world would my dating life come up in a convo btw you twoo???


pettybitch: in the world of me asking why i wasnt added back to the chat yet


PoSnitch: shiro couldve added you??? I mean fuck hunks the one who added us both back anyway


Fren-shaped: because you were being an idiots and kept blowing me off?


Eight Dick Princess: Lance, is everything alright? I was surprised you hadn’t rejoined us sooner.


PoSnitch: i told you before everything is fine i just had a date so i was distracted and i kept forgetting its really not a big deal


Eight Dick Princess: Of course, I didn’t mean to push you.


pettybitch: whatever were all back now lets just talk about dumb shit like we usually do


PoSnitch: yes thank you keith dumb shit sounds good to me


Gerblins: what did you have in mind?


PoSnitch: theres a park near campus called glory hole park and i cant stop thinking about it


Gerblins: we really dont need to hear about all your slut adventures lance




pettybitch: very mature




Gerblins: You? Not at all so dwai


PoSnitch: great now i cant disappoint you


Gerblins : exactly!


Fren-shaped : yeah lance dont worry we dont expect you to be mature at all!


PoSnitch: youre confidence in me is always inspiring


Gerblins: thats what friends are for buddy


NewSheryiffinTown: to be fair, that park was definitely named that way for a reason and it is not immature to notice that


silversnitch: what reason?


NewSheryiffinTown: take a guess


silversnitch: guttersnipe


NewSheryiffinTown: you have the insults of a 60 year old man


pettybitch: im starting to suspect that shiro was possessed by the spirit of a grandpa at a young age


PoSnitch: hell nah that is grandma energy right there


PoSnitch: Pure Abuelita Vibes


silversnitch: i try


Eight Dick Princess: Is grandma energy an alternative to Big Dick Energy?


PoSnitch: absolutely not have you met my grandma?


Fren-shaped: every grandmother ive ever met has had BDE like crazy so i have to go with lance on this one


Gerblins: same my grandma is a bamf


pettybitch: your grandma is still alive?


Gerblins: yeah?


pettybitch: wtf


Gerblins: how is that weird to you


pettybitch: how is it not weird like who has grandparents anymore


Eight Dick Princess: A lot of people have grandparents, Keith. It’s not uncommon.


pettybitch: that is definitely not true


Eight Dick Princess: Why


Eight Dick Princess: Why would I lie?


PoSnitch: its a massive grandma conspiracy


PoSnitch: dont trust anyone who says they still have grandparents


Gerblins: rude bubbe is gonna hear about this lance


PoSnitch: Let Them Come


PoSnitch: the grandparents do not scare me


Fren-shaped: you dont want to do that bud


Fren-shaped: their combined bde will piledrive you into the ground lance


pettybitch: i would honestly pay to see lance get his ass beat by a bunch of octogenarians


PoSnitch: what tf is a octogenarian


Gerblins: a old person dumbass


Fren-shaped: a person in their 80s


Fren-shaped: pidge!


Gerblins: what we said the same thing


PoSnitch: so its a dumb old person?


Gerblins: oh my god


pettybitch: its just an old person lance im sure youve seen plenty of them


PoSnitch: and im sure you havent keith


pettybitch: rude


PoSnitch: what im just joking abt you having no family how is that rude


silversnitch: youre both rude and you both need to cut it out


PoSnitch: hey pidge is being rude too!


Gerblins: i am not im being funny


pettybitch: were all funny youre not special


Gerblins: my nearly completed college degree would beg to differ


PoSnitch: we all have nearly completed college degrees


pettybitch: Then Beg


pettybitch: lance you ruined my awesome response


PoSnitch:  wow edgelord my bad im so sorry


pettybitch: yours isnt even true fuck you




silversnitch: its a little insulting






Gerblins: its only libel if it isnt true so we can kind of say whatever we want


Fren-shaped: we can already say whatever we want


Eight Dick Princess: That’s called one of the amendments.


PoSnitch: you beautiful british sunbeam i do not think that is correct


Gerblins: It is in fact correct you fake american


PoSnitch: i am not an american i am a cuban you little devil child?


Fren-shaped: you moved here when you were eight i think you count as an american now


PoSnitch: tell that to the government pls


pettybitch: omw now


PoSnitch: my only real friend in these trying times


Fren-shaped: :’(


Hotlead: hey lance?

Paperairplanes: yeah?

Hotlead: is it cool if I head to the party early?

Paperairplanes: i guess why?

Hotlead: i won’t do it if it doesnt work for you I jusgt thought I could help decorate or something

Paperairplanes: no yeah you totally can! That would be totally awesome and I’m sure hunk would appreciate it tbh thanks for offering wed love to have you

Hotlead: yeah?

Paperairplanes: of course dude youre always welcome anytiime

Hotlead: so

Paperairplanes: ?

Hotlead: are we still doing the miyazaki thing

Hotlead: like i get it if you dont want to anymore or you have a date or something i just wanted to make sure

Paperairplanes: of course we are!!! Why wouldnt we?

Paperairplanes: im sorry i got weird in the groupchat keith. Ive had like a rough couple days. I still really wanna do the miyazaki thing if youre still into it.

Hotlead: it sounds like a lot of fun, id like to

Paperairplanes: yeah?

Hotlead: if youre still down im still down

Paperairplanes: then were so on. my last class friday ends at 3 so come by the house any time after 4 and we can get started on the full body ghibli-infusion right away my guy

Hotlead: cool

Hotlead: and you’re sure I’ll like these movies?

Paperairplanes: keith anyone who doesnt enjoy ghibli movies is not someone i want to be associated with so you better enjoy them

Hotlead: great no pressure

Paperairplanes: lmao dont worry, im sure youll love them

Paperairplanes: shiro loves them anyway hes bringing like half of them on dvd

Hotlead: of course he is

Paperairplanes: i know right? What a parent move dvds lol

Hotlead: whats wrong with dvds

Paperairplanes: nothing i guess if youre into that but like

Paperairplanes: just fucking download it like a normal person honestly like who buys movies anymore

Hotlead: lots of people? People who dont have netflix accounts?

Paperairplanes: ok but who even is that? no one still doesnt have a netflix

Hotlead: i dont

Paperairplanes: w

Paperairplanes: but you have wifi?

Hotlead: yeah but shockingly between gas and food i dont really have the extra income for a netflix account

Paperairplanes: keith thats

Paperairplanes: thatss horrible?? How do you live bro are you okay?

Hotlead: somehow i get by

Paperairplanes: that was sarcasm wasnt it

Hotlead: incredible that you caught that

Paperairplanes: shut up mullet

Hotlead: what is ur deal with my hair?

Paperairplanes: I DONT GET IT

Paperairplanes: HOWWWWWW

Hotlead: HOW WHAT?

Hotlead: wtf is your problem with my godamn hair

Paperairplanes: HOW IS IT STILL PRETTY


Hotlead: you think it looks good?

Paperairplanes: i did not say that

Hotlead: you basically did

Paperairplanes: look pretty boy you can drop the false humility around me we both know youre gorgeous and you have every other girl/guy/enbie swooning over you everyday okay

Hotlead: i definitely dont

Paperairplanes: yah you do!!! Stop lying!

Hotlead: idk what youre talking about?

Paperairplanes: how do you not? Youre so pretty ppl are fainting in the street when you walk by

Hotlead: that is definitely not true

Hotlead: youre way prettier than ill ever be for one thing

Paperairplanes: i

Paperairplanes: what?

Hotlead: i mean come on you're loverboy lance for a reason

Hotlead: youre beautiful and anyone with half a brain can see it so

Hotlead: ?

Hotlead: lance?

Hotlead: you there?

MemeLord: i was wrong

cinnamonrolls: about what?

MemeLord: im not over keith

cinnamonrolls: shocking

cinnamonrolls: what was your first clue



cinnamonrolls: oh shit really?

cinnamonrolls: what did you say?

MemeLord sent ohgoddwhatdoido.jpg

MemeLord sent fuckivegottasaysomething.jpg

cinnamonrolls: damn

cinnamonrolls: well youve gotta say something



cinnamonrolls: hang on

cinnamonrolls: okay you can maybe have until tomorrow to think of something if you say your phone died or you fell asleep or something but youll have to avoid all social media until youve thought of what to say

MemeLord: done

cinnamonrolls: wow this is really important to you


cinnamonrolls: well arent you kind of dating that kinkade kid?

MemeLord: fuck

cinnamonrolls: yeah so

cinnamonrolls: what are you going to do

MemeLord: i dont know

MemeLord: fuck i dont know what do i do?

MemeLord: what the shit i dont know what do i fucking say to any of them fuck

cinnamonrolls: lance its okay calm down

cinnamonrolls: no matter what its going to be okay youll sort this out

cinnamonrolls: ill help you well all help you youre going to be fine

cinnamonrolls: lance?

cinnamonrolls: lance say something

cinnamonrolls: lance are you still there

cinnamonrolls: lance cmon man this isnt funny youre not in youre room where did you go



MemeLord: im sorry

cinnamonrolls: oh thank god

cinnamonrolls: where are you

MemeLord: the park

MemeLord: im coming back now

cinnamonrolls: good

MemeLord: im sorry hunk

cinnamonrolls: i know just

cinnamonrolls: just get back here okay?

MemeLord: okay

cinnamonrolls: and im serious about talking to me

cinnamonrolls: you cant just keep disappearing like that its not okay

MemeLord: i know

cinnamonrolls: okay

cinnamonrolls: good




Baby Gay: i think i fucked up

PapaGay: nice to hear from you too keith

Baby Gay: im serious shiro

PapaGay: what happened?

Baby Gay: i told lance that hes beautiful? And he hasnt said anything since

PapaGay: tell me exactly what happened

Baby Gay sent ohgodwhathaveidone.jpg

Baby Gay sent fuckmyfuckinglife.jpg

PapaGay: wow

Baby Gay:  what do i do? I obviously made him uncomfortable im

Baby Gay: what if he doesnt want to hang out with me anymore?

PapaGay: look lance isnt that kind of guy

PapaGay: hes got some issues of his own hes probably just trying to figure out how to respond

Baby Gay: how do you know that?

PapaGay: i mean i dont know for sure, but knowing what i do about lance, hes more likely to be flustered than angry

PapaGay: hes probably just trying to think of something nice to say

PapaGay: hes not used to people complimenting him

Baby Gay: what are you talking about this is lance

Baby Gay: everyone loves him

PapaGay: yeah but still

PapaGay: most people dont realize hes more fragile than he looks

PapaGay: or acts actually

Baby Gay: what do you mean?

PapaGay: youve been talking to him more often lately right? One on one?

Baby Gay: yeah?

PapaGay: lance can be surprisingly vulnerable

PapaGay: hes very good at acting full of himself but honestly he struggles a lot with insecurity

PapaGay: you have to have seen some sign of that by now

Baby Gay: i mean i guess hes surprisingly hesitant? or something? In our conversations

Baby Gay: but ive never really thought of him as vulnerable

Baby Gay: he works so hard and he has such great ideas and hes so passionate? What does he have to be insecure about?

PapaGay: you of all people have to know thats not what insecurity is about

PapaGay: it doesnt have to be rational to hit you hard

Baby Gay: i guess

Baby Gay: i just cant imagine what hed have to dislike about himself

PapaGay: you disliked him a lot until recently

PapaGay: he still annoys everyone pretty regularly

Baby Gay: yeah but like

Baby Gay: i dont know

Baby Gay: i guess youre right

Baby Gay: but i love him?

PapaGay: wait really???


Baby Gay: its not anything like that i just appreciate him a lot and i like him and i want to be around him its nothinng deep like that okay?? I barely know him honestly i mean this conversation is proof of that right?

PapaGay: keith its okay

PapaGay: you dont have to qualify your feelings with me

PapaGay: just talk to me honestly about how you feel

Baby Gay: why? Its not like youre always honest with me

PapaGay: i

Baby Gay: im sorry shiro that wasnt fair of me im sorry

PapaGay: no youre right

PapaGay: thats fair

Baby Gay: its not i was just lashing out

PapaGay: no keith

PapaGay: youre right, i have been keeping things from you

Baby Gay: what?

PapaGay: i told you i would keep you updated on the whole adam situation but i didnt

Baby Gay: wait theres been more stuff with adam?

PapaGay: yeah

Baby Gay: what happened? Is everything okay? Are you okay?

PapaGay: im fine

PapaGay: ive run into adam a few times in the building

PapaGay: weve talked a little and had lunch together once

Baby Gay: wait really? You had lunch?

PapaGay: yeah

PapaGay: just to talk

Baby Gay: what did you talk about

PapaGay: us

PapaGay: i dont think i ever really got over him

PapaGay: im still not over him and I think it kind of hurts to see him so often and not

PapaGay: not be a part of his life

PapaGay: not have him as a part of mine

Baby Gay: so what did you decide?

PapaGay: nothing really

PapaGay: i asked him to have lunch with me to talk about it

Baby Gay: theres no way that was easy

PapaGay: it wasnt but i needed to do it

PapaGay: we talked about doing it again sometime

PapaGay: i think i still love him

Baby Gay: holy shit shiro

PapaGay: yeah

Baby Gay: do you want to talk? Like in person when i come up this weekend?

PapaGay: i would

PapaGay: i think i would appreciate that

Baby Gay: okay ill stay with you then

PapaGay: i dont want to cut into your time with lance

Baby Gay: what time with lance?

Baby Gay: look your place has the biggest tv anyway so we should probably have our thing there with you anyway

Baby Gay: then ill stay on the airmattress in your room and we can talk whenever okay?

PapaGay: thanks

PapaGay: ill talk to lance about it

Baby Gay: okay thats settled then

PapaGay: i just miss him

PapaGay: i miss him a lot

Baby Gay: im sorry

PapaGay: thanks

PapaGay: you cant sacrifice your time with lance for me though

Baby Gay: dont be ridiculous

PapaGay: keith i swear

Baby Gay: hes dating someone else

PapaGay: theyve been on one date

Baby Gay: and theyre going on another one! And lance likes him! And they have classes together! And hes coming to the party!

PapaGay: that doesnt mean theyre definitely a thing

Baby Gay: yeah but

Baby Gay: i dont want to get in the way

PapaGay: and i dont want you to use this as an excuse not to take a chance to be happy

Baby Gay: ugh

Baby Gay: why are you always so sappy

PapaGay: im your big brother its my job

PapaGay: im wingmanning you this weekend

Baby Gay: Do Not

PapaGay: you cant stop me

Baby Gay: oh god

PapaGay: get ready

PapaGay: you and lance will be boning before monday

Baby Gay: SHIRO

Baby Gay: WTF


PapaGay: i mean what i say lil bro!



PapaGay: too late


PapaGay: awww i love you too keith


PapaGay: <3

Chapter Text

PoSnitch: my butthole is the gateway to hell


silversnitch: why lance why do you do this


PoSnitch: im in so much pain ive lost all concept of shame


Gerblins: we all know thats not a new development for you


pettybitch: why do you make it so hard to be friends with you


Fren-Shaped: lance i told you not to eat the fucking nightmare burger


PoSnitch: how could i not hunk you saw the fucking ad they called me a candyass


Eight Dick Princess: Who called you a candyass?


PoSnitch: burger king


pettybitch: the giant corporation of burgerking personally called you a candyass


PoSnitch: YES


Fren-Shaped: its called the fucking nightmare king lance what did you think was going to happen when you ate it


Gerblins: im looking this thing up and


Gerblins: jesus lance how are you alive


silversnitch: what is it?


Fren-Shaped: its a crazy fucking halloween themed burger that burger king literally did a sleep study to prove gives you nightmares


pettybitch: why would they want to prove that


Fren-Shaped: the ad campaign just dares you to eat it


pettybitch: why would anyone eat that


PoSnitch: to prove youre not chickenshit


pettybitch: youre now bragging about letting a fastfood chain poison you on purpose


PoSnitch: listen mulletman the dose is the poison an thats what everyone does wheneveer they eat fast food to pretend otherwise is lying to yourself


Gerblins: yeah but most of us dont brag about it


Fren-Shaped: the lethal dose of burger king is literally any amount


PoSnitch: you bragged for weeks abt housing that cheezseburger pizza pidgey


Gerblins: im a child its much more impressive


PoSnitch: im a child at heart


pettybitch: and in mind


PoSnitch: dont hate me cuz you aint me


pettybitch: im eternally grateful everyday that im not you


PoSnitch: youre grateful that ur not brave enough to eat a nightmare burger just cuz some goddam corpo told you to?


pettybitch: you really think i wouldnt eat that fucking burger


PoSnitch: thats what it sounds like to me


Fren-Shaped: keith dont do it i watched lance regret it so fucking hard


Gerblins: yeah keith its not really your kind of thing to do something brave but ridiculously stupid bc someone dared you thats more lances brand


PoSnitch: excuse me?????


Gerblins: its true




Gerblins: right nvm




silversnitch: im sorry? tell me keith did not do the hand sanitizer challenge because if thats true i have to go kill him


Fren-Shaped: he did it with allura


silversnitch: ALLURA


Eight Dick Princess: He wanted to do it anyway! I was just there to make sure he was safe!


PoSnitch: sure lulu sure


Eight Dick Princess: I still don’t think he should run out and purchase this ridiculous burger thing! It looks disgusting!


PoSnitch: it tastes pretty wild too its definitely only for the most extreme of us


pettybitch: fucking done




Eight Dick Princess: What?




PoSnitch: also i did it first i dont have to beat nything you stooge


pettybitch: ;)




Fren-Shaped: how did you even get there that fast?


pettybitch: nothings faster than Red on a mission


Gerblins: a mission to destroy your own insides


pettybitch: yeah? And?


pettybitch: as long as im trapped in this flesh prison ill punish it for existing by eating whatever the fuck i want




Gerblins: thats healthy


Gerblins has changed the nickname of pettybitch to dumbassbitch


dumbassbitch: what the fuck pidge?


Gerblins: if it fits it fits


dumbassbitch: didnt you have whipped cream on pepsi for breakfast????


Gerblins: i did absolutely no such thing


NewSheryiffinTown: yes you did u sent me pictures


Gerblins: betrayed??? by my own brother??


NewSheryiffinTown: its more likely than you think




silversnitch: lance why did you do this to my son


PoSnitch: first of all, bitch


silversnitch: Excuse Me?


PoSnitch: second of all you cant blame me for keith being dumb


PoSnitch: thats like blaming me cuz water is wet


PoSnitch: or the sun is bright


dumbassbitch: thanks a lot dick


PoSnitch: and third of all none of us are going to live forever ok were all gonna beef it sometime thank god


PoSnitch: hopefully ill come back as a smooth smooth rock and spend a thousand years just sittin on a beach


Gerblins: you okay dude?


PoSnitch: yeah why?


Fren-Shaped: you seem kinda


Fren-Shaped: down


PoSnitch: im just livin life my dude


PoSnitch: kinkade asked me out so im all good


Fren-Shaped: dude congrats!!!


Eight Dick Princess: That’s wonderful, Lance! Are you excited?


PoSnitch: im like excited and nervous its our first date and i just dont wanna seem like a spaz


PoSnitch: not that i could i mean once i put my real charms on he will be powerless to resist The Lancinator


Gerblins: the lancinator?


PoSnitch: ;)


Gerblins: you owe me money for making me read that


dumbassbitch: you owe all of us money for that


silversnitch: if you have been victimized by lance talking about himself, you may be entitled to compensation


PoSnitch: et tu shiro?


silversnitch: we all have to draw the line somewhere


Fren-Shaped: i thought you guys went on a date like 2 days ago?


PoSnitch: yeah we totally did but this is like our first REAL date cuz that one was like super casual it doesnt count 


PoSnitch: last time was just to meet up and stuff? like it was just coffee so idk if it was a date or something


PoSnitch: it definitely wasnt a big deal but this is like a big deal so


Fren-Shaped: oh ok


Fren-Shaped: youre usually really into first dates and stuff why didnt you tell us earlier when we were hanging out?


PoSnitch: yeah well idk i dont wanna come on too strong this time or anything cuz i know i can be a lot so im trying not to make a big deal out of it 


dumbassbitch: when did you even start talking to this dude


PoSnitch: weve been in the same class all semester and sometimes we share tips and stuff


PoSnitch: plus we just got paired up on this big project so well probably be spending more time together


PoSnitch: maybe i should ask him if we should coordinate costumes for the halloween party 


PoSnitch: would that be weird?


Gerblins: dude youve been planning your costume since june you had me rig you up that electronic sword for you so you better not be switching it up


Eight Dick Princess: Ooh, Lance, what costume are you doing?


PoSnitch: finn from adventure time! ive always really related to him yknow?


PoSnitch: i was thinking of asking kinkade to be like fern or flame prince or something


dumbassbitch: what happened to not wanting to come on too strong or make a big deal


PoSnitch: i said coorodinate not do a couples costume


PoSnitch: beside its halloween its impossible not to make a big deal out of halloween its the best holiday on earth


dumbassbitch: still pretty weird if you ask me like you dont even know him


PoSnitch: its a costume not fucking matrimony keith


PoSnitch: and i didnt ask you


silversnitch: Speaking of Halloween, we should probably start coordinating snacks for that party! 


silversnitch: Who’s bringing what, you know? We wanna be sure to have enough food for everyone, of course.


silversnitch: Obviously I'm providing the house, and Lance and Hunk will come early to help me and Matt with the set up and decorations.


silversnitch: So what about food? We should probably decide who’s bringing what. Allura? Hunk?


Fren-Shaped: im making slutty brownies and mini-tacos! I think lance is bringing chips and dip?


PoSnitch: yeah also beer


Eight Dick Princess: I’ve been working on my vodka gummies since last year! I’m sure they’ll be much less intense this year, and much more tasty!


PoSnitch: wait sorry beer is gross actually im bringing four loko


Fren-Shaped: lance no


PoSnitch: what? its a party


Fren-Shaped: four loko is so gross and were not teenagers


NewSheryiffinTown: oh fuck yeah we need some loko


silversnitch: please do not bring that substance into my house


PoSnitch: im bringing the good flavors shiro no worries


silversnitch: good flavors? of four loko? 


NewSheryiffinTown: its more likely than you think!


Fren-Shaped: every flavor should be called text your ex they all lead there anyway


silversnitch: i have some doubts


NewSheryiffinTown: which ones are you getting??


PoSnitch: probably watermelon, fruit punch, lemonade, that new gold stuf


silversnitch: actually i have many doubts


dumbassbitch: let me get this straight


PoSnitch: no


dumbassbitch: you think beer is gross but youll bring fucking four loko?


dumbassbitch: what


PoSnitch: im not straight


PoSnitch: and loko is a p efficient way to get a lot of people fucked up


silversnitch: i dont want a lot of people getting fucked up in my house lance


silversnitch: i dont want a repeat of last year


Gerblins: what happened last year?


Eight Dick Princess: Most of us were drunk and even more of us were puking.


Fren-Shaped: actually i heard a rumor something about bad shrimp


Eight Dick Princess: Regardless, Lance is the one who ended up in a strange man's apartment with no idea how he got there.




PoSnitch: last year was awesome and fun and i stand by it


dumbassbitch: gross


dumbassbitch: nothing you do makes any sense


PoSnitch: hows that nightmare burger feeling right abt now?


Gerblins: damn




dumbassbitch: not great


PoSnitch: yeah i thought so


Gerblins: wait lance did you trick keith into poisoning himself by burger?


NewSheryiffinTown: thats hardcore


PoSnitch: if your scared of loko you dont have the constitution for the nightmare king


dumbassbitch: FCUCKINEXXCUSEME????


Fren-Shaped: oh boy


Gerblins: Keith please do not do anything else to live up to your nickname


silversnitch: lance stop taunting him


PoSnitch: im just sayin


Gerblins changed the nickname of PoSnitch to badideabears


Fren-Shaped: like avenue Q?


Gerblins: if it fits it fits


dumbassbitch: ive got enough constitution for three nightmare burgers you candyass


Gerblins: oh god 


silversnitch: KEITH NO


badideabears: im already on my second get on my level motherfucker


Gerblins: maybe they should both be called dumbassbitch




badideabears: i put up with your ibs year round this is one night bud


Fren-shaped: dont be fucking rude


Fren-shaped: where the did you even get that second burger from


badideabears: i bought 2 in case i wanted one later


dumbassbitch: good luck getting to number three from your couch


badideabears: im fucking closer to it than you scrub


dumbassbitch: so youre waiting in line for your third one too?




dumbassbitch: ninja skills


badnewsbear: UFCK YOU


Gerblins: who knew ninja skills meant scarfing down disgusting food really fast


NewSheryiffinTown: everyone knows that katie where have you been?


Gerblins: shucks i shouldve known


Eight Dick Princess: I’m becoming incredibly concerned for Lance and Keith. Can anyone keep an eye on them while they’re being incredibly stupid?


silversnitch: hunk, youre in charge of lance


Fren-shaped: Hell No


silversnitch: what?


Fren-shaped: im always the one who has to look after these idiots


Fren-shaped: and frankly the burger-shaped reality vomit that is the nightmare king offends me both as a chef AND as a human being


Fren-shaped: hes on his own tonight


silversnitch: alright fair enough


silversnitch: now im back to debating if the three hour drive to Keiths is worth checking up on my idiot brother to make sure he didnt suffer death by burger


badideabears: there are a lot of insults flying around for a chat full of wusses


dumbassbitch: good to know shiros love has a limited distance


silversnitch: i never said that


badideabears: i mean you basically did


silversnitch: no i implied it, its different


badideabears: keith im sorry your brother is a fake bitch


dumbassbitch: i think deep down ive always known


badideabears: its okay to cry keith, i know its never easy


dumbassbitch: thanks lance its good to have a true friend at a time like this


silversnitch: you know what? i think that distance just shrunk by 2 hours looks like im not checking up on keith ever again


NewSheryiffinTown: someone get hunk back in here cuz theres a lot of salt in this chat


Gerblins: nice one


Eight Dick Princess: As long as Lance doesn’t actually bring four loko to this party, I don’t care what they put in the chat.


badideabears: allura u too???????


Eight Dick Princess: I was there the last time you had it, Lance. Even drinking as much as you did wouldn’t enable me to forget such horrors.


badideabears: fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnneeeee 


badideabears: everyones a hagter


badideabears: i wont bring the sweet nectar of the gods


Gerblins: how dare you profane god like that


badideabears: ur jewish


Gerblins: and?


Gerblins: i think anyone would find that profane


badideabears: i guess im partying on halloween with a bunch of PUNKS


badideabears: no wait that sounds rad as hell


badideabears: i meant a bunch of SCRUBS


Gerblins: nice save hagter


dumbassbitch: tf does that even mean?


badideabears: it means youre all sad losers who gave up on your childhoods


silversnitch: i hope to god four loko has nothing to do with anyones childhood


dumbassbitch: i just choked down three nightmare burgers for you so shut it


badideabears: thats valid


badideabears: keith is the only valid person in this chat the rest of you are scrubs


dumbassbitch: thank you


Gerblins: how will we ever live with ourselves


Gerblins: im devastated


badideabears: go to sleep gremlin


Gerblins: ill sleep when im dead


badideabears: sounds healthy


silversnitch: pidge! Thats a terrible thing to say, you need to take care of yourself!


dumbassbitch: how many hours of sleep did yo get last night shiro?


silversnitch: well thats different


Gerblins: why is it different when its about you?


silversnitch: because im an adult man with severe ptsd and youre a child


silversnitch: when youre old and haunted like me then you can blow off sleep


Gerblins: thanks dad i cant wait to grow up


badideabears: dont worry i got this


badideabears: all we have to do is talk about sex stuff and she’ll disappear in no time


Gerblins: you know just because i leave the chat doesn’t mean i get off my computer right?


badideabears: what?


dumbassbitch: that might be too difficult a concept for him pidge


badideabears: HEY CMON MAN


dumbassbitch: what? im being honest


badideabears: this is why i have trust issues


dumbassbitch: we all have trust issues youre not special


Gerblins: uhhh speak for yourselves dudes some of us had happy childhoods


badideabears: sounds fake but okay


dumbassbitch: what do you mean had?


dumbassbitch: youre like 12


Gerblins: im 17 and also fuck you


silversnitch: it is way past time for seventeen year olds to be in bed


dumbassbitch: its way past time for everyone to be in bed


Gerblins: yeah thats why its called staying up late


Gerblins: its later than youre supposed to stay awake


Gerblins: thats kind of the point


badideabears: wow what a great and funny joke ANYWAY WHO WANTS TO TALK ABOUT SEX


dumbassbitch: please no


badideabears: im getting pidge out of here so shell sleep like hunk and allura and probably also matt?? its hard to tell with that guy


NewSheryiffinTown: im a mystery wrapped in an enigma


badideabears: nvm hes still up


Gerblins: youre the one keeping everyone up talking about your parties and dates and four loko and nightmare burgers


badideabears: you can leave the chat pidge


badideabears: also


badideabears: i have such a cool life


dumbassbitch: sure buddy

Chapter Text

silversnitch: I cant fucking believe you


Gerblins: Language! There are children present


NewSheryiffinTown: ive heard you use much worse at like 6 in the morning


Gerblins: since when does the time have an effect on whether you can curse


badideabears: since when does your presence have an affect on whether we can curse?


Gerblins: since im a child


dumbassbitch: youre 17 and on the internet i doubt you havent heard worse


silversnitch: dont you dare think youre getting out of this by making jokes


dumbassbitch: me?


silversnitch: not you


silversnitch: Lance


Fren-Shaped: damn shiro is pissed


badideabears: what did i do?


silversnitch: you know what you did


Gerblins: what did lance do?


silversnitch: he brought fourloko into my home


silversnitch: after I EXPLICITLY told him Not to do exactly that


Eight Dick Princess: Lance, you promised!


badideabears: hey!


badideabears: i promised not to bring it to halloween! i didnt say anything about operation: give-keith-a-childhood-miyazaki night


dumbassbitch: we are not calling it that


badideabears: too late! its on all the monogrammed tshirts and personalized mugs


dumbassbitch: the what??? why would you do that how much did that cost????


Fren-Shaped: lance stop giving keith anxiety


dumbassbitch: ???????


badideabears: im kidding keith theres no tshirts you can stop having a heart attack


dumbassbitch: oh thank god


badideabears: it is the title of the note on my phone tho


Gerblins: lance you cant kill keith before you throw him your declaration of love movie party






dumbassbitch: shut the Fuck up pidge


Gerblins: damn okay


NewSheryiffinTown:  Control yourself you animal dont curse at my baby sister


Fren-Shaped: im guessing she struck a nerve ;)


badideabears: STOP IT


dumbassbitch:  shut the Fuck up hunk


Eight Dick Princess: We're cursing at Hunk now? Have we really sunk so low? 


silversnitch: keith youre in timeout for cursing out the children


silversnitch: lance youre in timeout for bringing vile substances into the sanctity of my home


badideabears: dude what is your problem with loko? its just a spiked energy drink


Fren-Shaped:  why am i one of the children????


silversnitch:  thats precisely my problem with that devils drink it is banned from this household and hunk its because your innocent and see the world with a sense of childlike wonder


Fren-Shaped: awwwww Shiro


Gerblins: by that logic im not a child


NewSheryiffinTown: shiro was drinking four loko the night he died his hair gray


badideabears: LMAO OF COURSE


silversnitch: it was silver not gray


NewSheryiffinTown: it was gray


Eight Dick Princess: It can’t have looked that bad. It is still Shiro, after all.


silversnitch: thanks for the vote of confidence princess but


silversnitch: it was not 


silversnitch: good


Eight Dick Princess: You’re surely being too hard on yourself.


NewSheryiffinTown: hes not


silversnitch: Matt, I hate you


NewSheryiffinTown:  not everyone can pull off the ethereal space princess look its just a fact


NewSheryiffinTown: love ya too shiro <3


badideabears: i cant believe i lived to see shiro get roasted in this chat


badideabears: ifeel god in this chilis tonight


Gerblins changed the nickname of NewSheryiffinTown to NewSnitchinTown


NewSnitchinTown: katie!


Gerblins: i take my job as namegiver of this chat very seriously


badideabears: why do you get to be the name arbiter? we never get to give you nicknames


Gerblins: tell you what


Gerblins: you all agree on what name to give me and no matter what it is ill keep it


Gerblins: sound good?


badideabears: yesssssss omg


Fren-Shaped: we have to take this seriously and make sure we pick the best one


NewSnitchinTown: this is a once in a lifetime chance we cant waste it


Eight Dick Princess: I like Pidge’s chatname as it is. I think it suits her.


Gerblins changed the nickname of Eight Dick Princess to LionGoddess


LionGoddess: Pidge.


LionGoddess: I love it.


LionGoddess: Thank you!!!


Gerblins: anything for the defender of the innocent


LionGoddess: Thank you so much <3 <3 <3


badideabears: this is leo culture appropriation


Gerblins: cry me a river nerd


badideabears: you are an evil evil child and you are killing your parents


LionGoddess: Lance, don’t be so rude. Pidge is a valued member of this friendship.


Gerblins: i am Babey


badideabears: you are Asshole


Fren-Shaped: would that work as a chat name?


silversnitch:  i really don’t want anyone named babyasshole


badideabears:  Y I K E S


badideabears: good point


badideabears: what about babybitch?


NewSnitchinTown: dont call my baby sister a bitch Ill end you!


badideabears: she calls everyone else bitch!! im p sure every person in this chat has had bitch in their nickname at some point


Fren-Shaped: oh oh oh we could be like the spice girls!!


Fren-Shaped: pidge could b baby bitch, shiro would be silver bitch, lance is bad bitch, matt is new bitch, ill be spicy bitch, and keiths name could stay the same! Its perfect!


badideabears: fuck yeah im in


silversnitch:  I'm not!


badideabears: thats bc you are a old


LionGoddess: What about me? I don’t terribly like the sound of LionBitch.


Fren-Shaped: Allura obviously youre queen bitch


LionGoddess: Now that I like the sound of.


LionGoddess: I’m on board.


Gerblins: i dont like the way this is going


silversnitch: me either


badideabears: wheres keith? he needs to weigh in on this


silversnitch: hes driving lance. Its a three hour drive.


badideabears:  but he answered earlier???


Fren-Shaped: he was probably at a rest stop or something


Fren-Shaped: road trips suck when youre all by yourself


Gerblins: that or he was texting while driving


Gerblins: shame on him


badideabears: hes driving a motorcycle pidge i dont think thats physically possible


Gerblins: Are You Sure About That


silversnitch: no brother of mine is texting while driving so he better not be


badideabears: well do u know when hell get here??


Gerblins: awwwww, are you missing your bf lance?


badideabears: NO


badideabears: HES NOT MY BF


Gerblins: don't tell keith that he'll be devastated


Fren-Shaped: you are throwing a whole party for him


Fren-Shaped: you planned it and everything


Gerblins:  even brought your favorite drink to get fucked up on


Gerblins: you wouldn't be planning anything that requires liquid courage, would you? ;)


badideabears: ITS NOT A PARTY




Gerblins: you organized the whole thing for him, didn’t you?




Gerblins: like three days ago you insisted he wasn't a part of the chat family at all


Fren-Shaped: plus you brought your dads homemade nachos, which we all know are super special


silversnitch:  Guys lay off lance hes just trying to be a good friend


badideabears: ITS FOR RYAN




Fren-Shaped: wait, ryans coming?


silversnitch:  Who is Ryan?


Fren-Shaped: the guy lance is dating


LionGoddess: I didn’t know he was coming?


badideabears: i invited him today


badideabears: he said hed be here 6 or 7


Fren-Shaped:  dude, how come you didn’t tell anyone?


badideabears:  the way you guys make fun of me? why would i tell you anything


silversnitch: Lance, how many people are coming to my house?


NewSnitchinTown: our house


silversnitch: Lance, how many people are going to be at our house?


badideabears: well


badideabears: theres me and hunk and you two


badideabears: and keith and allura and pidge


badideabears: and my sister veronica and her girlfriend nadia and ryan


silversnitch: your sister and her girlfriend?


badideabears: theyre super cool! youll love them i promise


badideabears:  my sister is just like you shiro they go to school with us and live super nearby it seemed rude not to invite them


silversnitch: theyre not sleeping over, are they?


badideabears: nah they both have work tomorrow so theyll probly dip before midnight


silversnitch: okay


NewSnitchinTown: how many of you are sleeping over? We only have the one air mattress


Fren-Shaped: i think just us and keith


Fren-Shaped: Allura?


LionGoddess: I have student council work tomorrow, so I’ll be leaving early as well.


Gerblins: i was planning on sleeping over, is that a problem?


NewSnitchinTown:  katie youre always welcome at our house


Gerblins: cool


Gerblins: uh


Gerblins: is ryan staying over?


silversnitch: No.


silversnitch: I’m sorry, Lance, but we just don’t know him well enough. He can’t stay.


badideabears: he wasnt planning to


badideabears: he doesnt know us either remember?


silversnitch: Fair enough. I’m sorry to be harsh, but he has to leave before midnight.


badideabears: yeah i get it


badideabears: hell probably show up for a couple hours or something im sure he has stuff going on too


Fren-shaped: let us know next time you invite someone, okay?


Fren-shaped: im psyched to meet him and to see veronica but just give us a heads up


badideabears: yeah


badideabears: sorry


Fren-shaped: you're good dude! Its all settled now so no worries, right guys?


NewSnitchinTown: yeah totally


Gerblins: of course man


LionGoddess: I’m sure it won’t be an issue. I’m excited to meet your sister, Lance!


Gerblins: haven't you known each other since middle school?


Fren-Shaped: yeah, but veronica is matts age, so she went off to college before allura ever visited lances house


Fren-Shaped: shes here for the grad program


NewSnitchinTown: wait really? I might know her then!


badideabears: yeah dude shes in one of your engineering seminars


NewSnitchinTown: seriously?


badideabears: yeah i thought you knew?


badideabears: shes the one you beat for that internship working with shiro


NewSnitchinTown: oh


silversnitch: that might be awkward


Gerblins: oh its definitely gonna be awkward


badideabears: lmao no worries she got a badass fellowship instead


Fren-Shaped: plus it was like 3 years ago and ronni doesnt hold grudges like that


Gerblins: sounds like shes gonna kick your ass matt


NewSnitchinTown: promise she wont kick my ass?


badideabears: trust me when you have five siblings in the same house you cant afford to hold grudges like that


badideabears: its a matter of survival


NewSnitchinTown:  thank fuck


Gerblins: nah shes definitely gonna kick your ass


badideabears: pidge stop projecting ur desire to see matt get his ass beat onto my cool sister


Fren-Shaped: The Cain Instinct


LionGoddess: Alright, I’m on my way over now! I had to drop something off at Coran’s first but I should be there soon.


badideabears: sweet see you soon llura!


Fren-Shaped: pidge, when do you think youll get here?


Gerblins: i been here since 8am


badideabears: WHAT????????????




Gerblins: yeah?


Fren-Shaped: wait, where are you???


Gerblins: matts room


Gerblins: im working


Fren-Shaped: so gaming?


Gerblins: duh


badideabears: you are a goddamn devil child


Gerblins:  thanks


badideabears:  KEITHS HERE GUYS


silversnitch: what where


badideabears: his bike just turned down your block cmon!


Fren-shaped: you sure its him? hes early


badideabears: oh id recognize that mullet anywhere


badideabears: lets get this fuckin party staarted



cinnamonrolls: hey lance?

MemeLord: yeah bud

cinnamonrolls: did you invite kinkade bc you were freaked about spending the night with keith

MemeLord:  no way that doesnt make sense

MemeLord: why would i do that

cinnamonrolls: because you have a crush on him and you threw a whole party for him and youre scared of him figuring that out?

MemeLord: i told you in the chat its not a party its a group hang

MemeLord: and why did you say all that stuff anyway?

cinnamonrolls: what stuff?

MemeLord: the stuff you were saying w pidge

MemeLord: about me liking keith

cinnamonrolls: we were just teasing

MemeLord: but you know its true? you know i have a crush on him and i trusted you with that

cinnamonrolls: yeah but we werent being serious dude

MemeLord: keith reads that chat and if he thinks i have a crush on him he

MemeLord: he wont talk to me anymore

cinnamonrolls: that's not true! You guys are friends

cinnamonrolls: you've come a long way he wouldn't just stop talking to you

MemeLord: he might if he thinks im obsessed with him or something!

cinnamonrolls: he doesn't think that

MemeLord: how do you know?

MemeLord: he hated me for like a year after we first met and we finally got past that and if he thinks im a creep its just gonna go back to the way it was!

cinnamonrolls:  he hated you because you were always antagonizing him!

cinnamonrolls: he didn't even hate you its just that you kept annoying him

cinnamonrolls:  don't do that and you'll be fine

MemeLord: you dont get it

cinnamonrolls: you always say that but you're not the only one who goes through things lance

cinnamonrolls: i get that you have a huge crush on keith and you're scared that if you rock the boat you'll lose him again or make him hate you, because you're insecure and have anxiety, so you started dating someone else to avoid the feelings you don't want and you're using ryan as an excuse not to move forward so you can keep yourself safe

MemeLord: what the hell

MemeLord: thats so shitty i would never do something like that

cinnamonrolls: come on lance, i'm not an idiot

MemeLord: you really think im that petty?

cinnamonrolls:  no but i've known you since we were six and i can tell when you're not okay

cinnamonrolls: we all have issues but you don't get to sulk off and be a jerk just bc you stopped taking your meds

MemeLord: Fuck Off

MemeLord: you dont know me as well as you think you do dude and i dont need you constantly coming at me trying to prove im some kind of screw up

MemeLord: you dont know what ur talking about

cinnamonrolls: i know youre smoking again

cinnamonrolls: i know youre walking late at night

cinnamonrolls: i know youre not taking your meds

cinnamonrolls: i know youre behind on all your halloween prep and youre not eating or sleeping

cinnamonrolls: and i know you werent on a fucking date with kinkade on wednesday

MemeLord: what

MemeLord: what are you talking about

cinnamonrolls: you know what im talking about

MemeLord: No, I don’t.

cinnamonrolls: stop lying to me dude! I want to help you but i cant do anything if you dont tell me whats wrong!

MemeLord:  I dont need your fucking help!

MemeLord: if youre so fucking smart that you know everything about me smart guy you shoul already know what i was doing

cinnamonrolls: i dont know dude

cinnamonrolls:  but i know you havent been the same since

MemeLord: you dont know shit! i dont need you to take care of me!

MemeLord: idont need you checking up on me and acting like some kind of abysitter ok? leavre me the fuck alone

cinnamonrolls: youre my oldest friend and my roommate and youre lying to me and i think we owe each other better than that by now!

MemeLord: i dont owe you shit

cinnamonrolls: just talk to me man

Your message was not delivered because you have been blocked by this user

cinnamonrolls: what? seriously?

Your message was not delivered because you have been blocked by this user


PapaGay: im so glad you made it! I cant believe youre so early

Baby Gay: i need to talk to you