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Drunk White Children

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Hothotleg: this is the most boring lecture ive ever been to ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

Hothotleg: im so borrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeddddddddddddddd

 

Hothotleg: yo someon entertain me

 

Blonic: lance shut the fuck up quit blowing up my phone during class

 

Hothotleg: PIDGE I neeed ressuscitation!!! Im dying here!

 

swordlesbian: just draw in ur notes like a normal person

 

Hothotleg: what do u know abt normal ppl? Ur a hermit who lives in the desert

 

swordlesbian: and im still better than you at listening to people

 

Hothotleg: U R NOT

 

Hothotleg: THE ONLY THING YOUR BETTER AT THAN ME

 

swordlesbian: is spelling?

 

swordlesbian: paying attention?

 

swordlesbian: finishing a sentence?

 

Blonic: oh so now he shuts up

 

burninlove: do you think hes okay?

 

Blonic: hes fine, he probably just can’t think of a come back so hes pretending to be afk or something

 

burninlove: lmao yeah probably

 

burninlove: what a nerd

 

Hothotleg: I WONT STAND FOR THIS SLANDER

 

Blonic: its not slander if its true

 

Hothotleg: my own best friends?? Turned against me??

 

Hothotleg: how dare

 

swordlesbian: ?

 

swordlesbian: why is my name swordlesbian?

 

swordlesbian: I am a Gay Man

 

Hothotleg: allura said it was ok to name u that n it suits u

 

whipsntraps: Don’t drag me into this.

 

whipsntraps: Besides, I don’t ID as a lesbian anymore, so ask someone else for permission.

 

Hothotleg: it wasnt asking for permission! I was jus checking if it was ok jeez

 

Hothotleg: fine if it bothers you so much

 

Hothotleg set swordlesbians nickname to ToeBeans

 

ToeBeans: ????

 

ToeBeans: why toe beans??

 

Hothotleg: are u never satisfiedd??

 

Hothotleg: bc u love cats u nerd

 

ToeBeans: i literally have a dog

 

ToeBeans: ur the nerd

 

Hothotleg: no ur the nerd!!!

 

Blonic: YOURE BOTH NERDS NOW STFU SO I CAN FOCUS ON THIS LECTURE

 

Hothotleg: but im stillllll bbbbbooooooooorrrrrreeeeddddddd

 

Blonic: im gonna kill him

 

Gayspaceranger: look, obviously we all want to die, but we just have to get through this

 

Gayspaceranger: lance, this is your last lecture of the day, you can handle being bored a little longer

 

whipsntraps: Uh, speak 4 yourself? Some of us like living.

 

burninlove: um allura i can count the days you havent done something ridiculously dangerous this year on one hand so yknow

 

burninlove: think before you speak

 

whipsntraps: I don’t know what you’re talking about? Nothing I do is ridiculous.

 

Blonic: last semester you and keith jumped cars on the highway to get to class

 

whipsntraps: It was the midterm!! That was 30% of our final grade!

 

ToeBeans: Pidge, we don’t do random dangerous stuff for no reason

 

ToeBeans: there was a reasonable explanation n everything

 

Blonic: you ended up dropping out anyway so what was the point??

 

ToeBeans: the point was to see how fast i could get to class

 

whipsntraps: Besides, what’s the point of learning to jump cars if you never use it?

 

Blonic: why did u guys learn to jump cars in the first place?

 

ToeBeans: so we could get to our midterms

 

Blonic: -_-

 

Gayspaceranger: wait you and keith did what

 

Gayspaceranger: okay Who taught you to do this

 

Hothotleg: omggg allura aassejdkfgfss

 

Blonic: great hes keyboard smashing again

 

Hothotleg: ur my lord n savior, allura

 

ToeBeans: what does that even mean

 

Hothotleg: THE KEYSMASH IS GAY CULTURE

 

Hothotleg: it means i have a lot of feelings, YORAK

 

ToeBeans: i regret telling you that story

 

Hothotleg: UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE

 

Hothotleg: i happen to actually feel things

 

Gayspaceranger: lance, don’t be rude

 

ToeBeans: whatever dude

 

ToeBeans: have fun with that

 

Gayspaceranger: Keith why were you jumping cars

 

Hothotleg: I WILL

 

burninlove: wow you can hear the dad voice

 

Blonic: guys you heard shiro dont be fuckin rude

 

Hothotleg: IM NOT RUDE IM AN ANGEL

 

Hothotleg: KEITHSTHE ONE BEING RUDE

 

whipsntraps: Um

 

whipsntraps: Where’d he go?

 

burninlove: dayak took his phone away

 

Blonic: LOL

 

ToeBeans: classic

 

Gayspaceranger: I knew this was going to happen

 

whipsntraps: Pour one out for the fallen.

 

whipsntraps: We will mourn him proudly.

Chapter Text

Hothotleg: iverson is a bag of dicks

 

burninlove: damn dude

 

Blonic: oh looks whos back

 

Blonic: watch ur fucking language there are children around

 

Gayspaceranger: lance can’t you even pretend to have respect for the professors?

 

Hothotleg: i have respect for them!! Ive got a ton of respect!

 

Hothotleg: my man coran gets the most bc hes AWESOME

 

ToeBeans: ur only saying that bc he DMs for u nerds

 

burninlove: yeah bc hes totally awesome

 

Hothotleg: i just dont respect iverson the guys a dirtbag

 

Hothotleg: and i dont even wanna guess what crawled up dayaks ass and died

 

burninlove: dude gross

 

Hothotleg: you don get to comment u wouldnt even go w me to get my phone back!!!

 

burninlove: hey, i told u, dayaks hated me since i dropped her class last year

 

burninlove: if i went w you she probably wouldve dropped us both a letter grade

 

Hothotleg: yeah that sounds like an excuse to me

 

ToeBeans: what, did she say sumthing bad abt ariana grande?

 

Hothotleg: HOW DARE U

 

Hothotleg: i dont know but if she does thats the last straw im gonna fucvking drop out

 

Hothotleg: ariana grande is a hero and an icon back me up allura

 

whipsntraps: wait are we dropping out?

 

Hothotleg: yup

 

Blonic: hell yeah lets do this

 

burninlove: dont leave me im coming to!

 

Gayspaceranger: no one is dropping out

 

whipsntraps: :’(

 

ToeBeans: I did

 

Gayspaceranger: I know and I’m still mad at you about it

 

Hothotleg changed gayspacerangers nickname to FUNPOLICE

 

FUNPOLICE: very funny

 

Hothotleg: no sorry theres no funny here the fun police said so

 

FUNPOLICE: keith, will you change my nickname

 

ToeBeans: no way

 

ToeBeans: this is the best one yet

 

ToeBeans: 10/10 lance finally got one right high five

 

Hothotleg: :)

 

Hothotleg: why thank you kind sir

 

Hothotleg: i take pride in my work

 

Blonic: since when? This morning you did a three week calc project on the train to class

 

Hothotleg: PIDGE DONT TELL THEM THAT

 

FUNPOLICE: you did what?

 

FUNPOLICE: you know your calc TA is my roommate, right?

 

Blonic: you definitely have the right nickname

 

FUNPOLICE: PIDGE

 

burninlove: cmon shiro, what matt doesnt know wont hurt him

 

Blonic: actually i think hell be more impressed if u tell him that

 

Hothotleg: really?

 

Blonic: how do u think matt got to be a TA?

 

ToeBeans: lmao shiro is that true?

 

FUNPOLICE: …

 

FUNPOLICE: I don’t have to answer that

 

burninlove: nice

 

burninlove: i love matt hes amazing

Blonic: and screenshotting that

 

burninlove: DUDE

 

Blonic: dont call me dude

 

burninlove: right sorry

 

burninlove: but PIDGE CMON dont do this to me

 

Blonic: relax matt totally loves you, thisll probably just embarrass him

 

burninlove: -_-

 

Hothotleg: wait does hunk still have a crush on matt??

 

burninlove: DUDE

 

Hothotleg: shit sorry man

 

Hothotleg: meant to send that to our chat

 

burninlove: THAT DOESNT HELP

 

whipsntraps: Awww that’s wonderful! Hunk, Matt would be lucky to have you.

 

Blonic: lmao

 

burninlove: thanks

 

burninlove: allura

 

burninlove: can we please never talk about this again i would like to go die now

 

Hothotleg: mood

 

whipsntraps: A crush is nothing to be ashamed of, Hunk.

 

whipsntraps: Lance had a crush on me for years back in middle school.

 

Hothotleg: -_-

 

Hothotleg: now its a bood

 

ToeBeans: what the fuck is a bood

 

Hothotleg: keith how do you know so little abt ur own culture

 

ToeBeans: wtf do u mean

 

ToeBeans: I’m korean-texan thats my culture

 

Hothotleg: u are a tragedy of a gay

 

Hothotleg: just like the macbeth of being a gay

 

Blonic: guys shut up we were talking about hunks giant crush on matt

 

burninlove: DAMMIT PIDGE

 

whipsntraps: I think it’s sweet.

 

FUNPOLICE: i didnt see anything i promise hunk

 

Hothotleg: now thats true friendship

 

Hothotleg: this is the kind of support i need in a relationship

 

Blonic: do u not already get a ton of support from us?

 

Hothotleg: not enough

 

Hothotleg: im underappreciated in my time

 

ToeBeans: you have 14k followers on instagram

 

Hothotleg: BY MY FRIENDS

 

Hothotleg: THE PPL WHO R SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME

 

Hothotleg: i am underappreciated by my peers

 

Blonic: how the hell did you get 14k instagram followers?

 

Hothotleg: UMMM by being a style icon????

 

Hothotleg: its not even that much allura has 200k

 

Blonic: that must be so hard for you

 

Hothotleg: see this is exactly what i mean

 

Hothotleg: what abt this is friendly or supportive?

 

ToeBeans: the fact that we still talk to u

 

Hothotleg: DO YOU SEE THIS ABUSE I UT UP WITH

 

burninlove: how about the fact that keith checks ur instagram

 

Blonic: oh shit!!

 

Hothotleg:!!!

 

Hothotleg: !!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Hothotleg: awwwwwwwwwww keithy!!!! <3

 

Hothotleg: i didnt know you cared ;) <3333

 

ToeBeans: i cant read

 

Blonic: Hi im jared im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read

 

Hothotleg: hi im keith kogane im 19 and i never fuckin learned how to read

 

burninlove: why are you both such meme trash

 

Gayspaceranger: I swear I understand like half of what you guys say

 

Blonic: the thing about the youth culture is i dont understand it

 

Hothotleg: the thing abt youth culture is……… i dont understand it

 

burninlove: oh god

 

Hothotleg: HA pidge double meme jinx u owe me a soda

 

Hothotleg: u know i like my root beer frosty

 

ToeBeans: ew

 

Blonic: yeah first of all, thats not a thing

 

Blonic: and second of all im not buying you a soda

 

ToeBeans: third of all root beer is nasty

 

Hothotleg: KEITH you dont like root beer????

 

ToeBeans: no? Who does?

 

Hothotleg: its ur HERITAGE KEITH

 

ToeBeans: stop telling me what my culture is

 

burninlove: root beer can be good, but you really cant trust lances palette, tbh

 

Blonic: yeah remember when he used to drink diet chocolate soda?

 

ToeBeans: oh my god he did what?

 

FUNPOLICE: that sounds terrible for you

 

Blonic: yeah it basically tastes like battery acid

 

Hothotleg: im gonna need you all to not be toxic friends right now?

 

ToeBeans: need or want?

 

burninlove: little a column A, little a column B

 

Hothotleg: no, nope, im gonna call it all column a, definitely need

 

Blonic: eh

 

Blonic: sounds more like want to me

 

Hothotleg: FAKE FRIENDS

 

Blonic: *insert shrug emoji here*

 

ToeBeans: you didnt even take the time to insert a shrug emoji and i think thats beautiful

 

FUNPOLICE: this is way too many message notifications guys

 

Hothotleg: someones taking his name seriously

 

whipsntraps: Just mute it until you have time to catch up.

 

Hothotleg: YOU HAVE US MUTED??

 

Hothotleg: BETRAYAL

 

whipsntraps: Just the groupchat! I swear I don’t mute our private chats.

 

Hothotleg: STILL

 

Hothotleg: I THOUGHT WE MATTERED TO YOU

 

whipsntraps: BINCH i got shit to do

 

FUNPOLICE: honestly

 

FUNPOLICE: do you guys not even have class?

 

ToeBeans: i dont

 

FUNPOLICE: i didnt mean you keith

 

Blonic: thats cold shiro

 

ToeBeans: did anyone notice that lance just disappeared

 

ToeBeans: shiro how did you do that

 

burninlove: he reminded lance that he has a class across campus in 2 minutes

 

Blonic: lmao nice

 

ToeBeans:  getwrekt

Chapter Text

whipsntraps : Oh my gosh oh my gosh!! Guys there’s this new girl in my design class who’s incredibly cute she’s the cutest girl I’ve ever seen!

 

whipsntraps: She’s super nice too! Her name is Romelle and we got partnered up on this project and she’s such a sweetheart! She’s so cool I think I’m  in love.

 

burninlove: thats awesome allura!

 

FUNPOLICE: congrats!

 

Blonic: ooh, allura has a ~girlfriend~

 

whipsntraps: I do not! I don’t even know if she’s gay yet :’(

 

whipsntraps: We’re just lab partners that's all.

 

Blonic: we all know what that means

 

ToeBeans: how could ‘lab partners’ have a double meaning to you

 

Blonic: my parents met when they were lab partners in grad school

 

Hothotleg: WHAT

 

Hothotleg: allura weve been over this! I have to approve all candidates for significant others before u can crush on them

 

Hothotleg: we agreed!!!!

 

ToeBeans: why on earth would allura agree to that

 

whipsntraps: i definitely did not

 

Hothotleg: you definitely did

 

Hothotleg: remeber Lotor?? Remeber???

 

Hothotleg: i remember lotor

 

Blonic: ugh not that guy

 

Hothotleg: i have to make sure she’s good enough for you!

 

Hothotleg: obvi no one is good enough 4 u but i gotta make sure shes close enough

 

whipsntraps: im flattered??? Also insulted

 

whipsntraps: idk how to feel

 

Blonic: thats lances specialty

 

burninlove: thats how i feel evry time he calls me a big gassy genius

 

Hothotleg: weve had this agreement since middle school

 

whipsntraps: No, we made an agreement that I get approval over all of YOUR significant other candidates, not the other way around.

 

whipsntraps: Also because of Lotor.

 

Hothotleg: wait what

 

Blonic: wait what

 

ToeBeans: wait what

 

burninlove: oh I remember that

 

burninlove: remember lance? it was right after nyma stole your wallet and broke up with you, so we instituted a rule

 

Hothotleg: right and the rule applies to all three of us

 

ToeBeans: u had a girlfriend who stole your wallet

 

Hothotleg: only twice

 

Hothotleg: and i broke up w her when she cheated on me

 

ToeBeans: are u fucking kidding me

 

FUNPOLICE: starting to sound like a good rule

 

FUNPOLICE: i think we may need to include everyone on this

 

Hothotleg: hell yeah

 

FUNPOLICE: from now on, we all have to approve lances dates before he can go out with them

 

Hothotleg: WHAT

 

Hothotleg: NO

 

FUNPOLICE: all in favor say aye

 

burninlove: aye

 

whipsntraps: aye

 

Blonic: aye

 

ToeBeans: aye

 

ToeBeans: i don’t actually care but if it bothers lance

 

Blonic: sure you dont

 

Hothotleg: EVEYONE STOP IT

 

Hothotleg: KEITH ILL FIGHT U

 

ToeBeans: youll lose

 

Hothotleg: ILL STILL FIGHT U

 

ToeBeans: and lose

 

ToeBeans: While You Were Busy Being Heterosexual I Studied The Blade

 

FUNPOLICE: watching “sweet knife tricks” videos in your room does not count as studying

 

ToeBeans: SHIRO

 

Blonic: 'sweet knife tricks'?

 

Hothotleg: I KNEW IT I KNEW YOU KNEW SOME GAY MEMES

 

Hothotleg: also that is blatant bi erasure???? How dar u?? Call me heterosExal????

 

ToeBeans: of course i know them i dont live under a rock lance

 

Hothotleg: you live in a shack in the middle of nowhere its the same thing

 

ToeBeans: my shack still has wifi??

 

burninlove: ^thats the pickup line of the year

 

Blonic: Hey so i just scrolled up and

 

Blonic: did lance and allura BOTH date Lotor???

 

burninlove: yeah also each other

 

Blonic: SERIOUSLY????

 

FUNPOLICE: wait, really?

 

FUNPOLICE: allura? Is that true?

 

whipsntraps: ...

 

whipsntraps: I don’t have to answer that.

 

Hothotleg: it was like a week in middleschool it doesnt count!!!!

 

ToeBeans: which one

 

Blonic: oh holy shit

 

burninlove: did you guys seriously not know?

 

FUNPOLICE: I had no idea

 

Blonic: so you guys both fell for his BS?

 

whipsntraps: Like Lance said, it was middle school.

 

whipsntraps: It doesn’t really matter now, but Lance and i were friends and he had a crush on me.

 

whipsntraps: We did finally go out, but about a week later we realized there was no actual romance, and that we had just dated because we thought that if a boy and a girl were close friends they had to be in love with each other.

 

Blonic: well thats bullshit

 

Hothotleg: well yeah we know that now pidge

 

Hothotleg: we kissed once, and after we broke up we didn’t talk for like a year bc we both felt so awkward

 

Hothotleg: it sucked

 

burninlove: i just kinda assumed everyone knew

 

FUNPOLICE: wow thats a lot to process

 

whipsntraps: Like Lance said, it was a dark time for both of us.

 

FUNPOLICE: how did you get to be friends again?

 

whipsntraps: Strangely enough, it was because of Lotor.

 

Blonic: okay what

 

ToeBeans: plot twist of the fucking century

 

Blonic: how did i not know ANY of this???

 

whipsntraps: It’s not something we particularly enjoy talking about.

 

whipsntraps: Lotor took advantage of both of our vulnerable states.

 

whipsntraps: He was this mysterious, older, high school student, and I thought he was incredibly cool. He acted like he genuinely cared about me.

 

whipsntraps: I had just lost my father, and he talked all the time about how he had gone through the same thing.

 

whipsntraps: I thought I could confide in him.

 

Blonic: god what a skeeze

 

Blonic: i mean i knew he was bad but damn

 

ToeBeans: but how did that get you guys talking?

 

Hothotleg: after allura an i “broke up” we stopped really talking, and it got pretty lonely

 

Hothotleg: hunk was just starting to work at his momss restaurant so i didnt really have anyone to talk to

 

Hothotleg: lotor saw me trying to sneak some cigarettes from the gas station, so he bought me a pack and we started talking

 

Blonic: YOU SMOKE?????

 

FUNPOLICE: lance thats… really bad for you.

 

FUNPOLICE: please tell me you dont still smoke?

 

Hothotleg: no not anymore i totally stopped! I did at the time but i quit like a couple years ago so its really not important anyway

 

ToeBeans: wow this is a lot to process

 

Hothotleg: ANYWAY so we started talking and got really close and then he kinda

 

Hothotleg: pulled some fuckshit

 

Hothotleg: so i noped the heck outta there and tried to ignore him

 

Hothotleg: then i saw him hanging around allura all the time so i tried to warn her what a creep he is

 

whipsntraps: I thought Lance was just acting jealous, that he still had feelings for me, and so I ignored him.

 

whipsntraps; Of course, Lotor eventually revealed himself to be the asshole he truly was.

 

whipsntraps: When I dumped him, Lance was there to comfort me.

 

Hothotleg: and thats when we made that rule!! It goes for both of us allura not just me, so ya gotta send pictures of that cutie!!!

 

Blonic: wow

 

FUNPOLICE: I had no idea

 

burninlove: i still feel terrible for missing most of this. I kinda didnt realize what my besties were going through and i wasnt there to help them :’(

 

whipsntraps: Oh Hunk it wasn’t your fault at all! We told you, you couldn’t have known, there’s no reason to blame yourself!

 

Hothotleg: yeah hunk we were just a bunch of dumb kids!! There was totally nothing you could’ve done!

 

Blonic changed the name of whipsntraps to DisasterBiNo1

 

Blonic changed the name of Hothotleg to DisasterBiNo2

 

DisasterBiNo1: Hey!

 

DisasterBiNo2: pidge!!not fair!

 

DisasterBiNo2: and why am i second???

 

Blonic: am i wrong???

 

Blonic: yall are a mess

 

DisasterBiNo2: u r a bitter little asexual

 

Blonic: true

 

Blonic: but u guys are still a mess

 

Blonic: and alluras first because we all know shes the empress and supreme overlord ruler of our group

 

Blonic: even when shes being a disaster shes in charge

 

DisasterBiNo2:...

 

DisasterBiNo2: maybe so

 

DisasterBiNo1: Awwww Pidge! Why thank you. <3 <3 <3 That’s so sweet. But if I’m Empress, then what will you be?

 

Blonic: is that even a question? Im the master of secrets, captain of spies, and chief executor of your commands

 

Blonic: Hunk is your faithful steward

 

burninlove: im not sure i like being a steward

 

Blonic: chill hunk youre in charge of the stronghold

 

burninlove: oh well thats okay then

 

Blonic: my man coran is your closest advisor and head of the court

 

Blonic: shiro is the captain of the guard, of course, your stalwart defender and bodyguard

 

FUNPOLICE: that works for me

 

Blonic: and lance is the court jester

 

DisasterBiNo2: WHAT

 

DisasterBiNo2: HELL NO

 

DisasterBiNo1: *heart eyes emoji*

 

DisasterBiNo1: Oh Pidge I love it! Thank you. It’s perfect.

 

DisasterBiNo2: NO THE HECK ITS NOT

 

DisasterBiNo2: AND WHERES KEITH

 

Blonic: oh concerned about him are you?

 

DisasterBiNo2: IAM NOT

 

Blonic: dont worry, keiths the master spy and general of alluras armies

 

DisasterBiNo2: WHY DOES HE GET TO BE SUPERCOOL AND IM THE JESTER??????

 

DisasterBiNo2: AND CHANGE OUR NAMES BACK

 

burninlove: it is getting kinda hard to tell them apart

 

Blonic: fine…

 

Blonic changed the nickname of DisasterBiNo1 to Six Dick Princess

 

Blonic changed the nickname of DisasterBiNo2 to BisexualDisaster

 

Six Dick Princess: PIDGE I LOVE IT!

 

BisexualDisaster: hey! thats not different!

 

Blonic: im just bein honest

 

BisexualDisaster: GREMLIN

 

BisexualDisaster changed the nickname of Blonic to GoblinChild

 

GoblinChild: wait so am i a gremlin or a goblin??

 

BisexualDisaster: BOTH

 

BisexualDisaster: YOU ARE A SINNER

 

BisexualDisaster: NONE OF YUOY ARE FREE FROM SIN

 

GoblinChild: well if you wanna play it that way

 

GoblinChild changed the nickname of BisexualDisaster to THATFUCKINFURRY

 

THATFUCKINFURRY: SLANDER

 

GoblinChild: YOU KNOW ITS TRUE

 

FUNPOLICE: guys, calm down. Its way too late for this.

 

burninlove: yeah honestly its like 3am and your all still blowing up my phone

 

THATFUCKINFURRY changed the nickname of burninlove to GordonRamsayKink

 

GordonRamsayKink: EXCUSE ME?

 

THATFUCKINFURRY: WE ALL KNOW ITS TRUE HUNK

 

THATFUCKINFURRY: SEARCHYOUR FEELINGS YOU KNOW IT TO BE TRUE

 

ToeBeans: lance is a furry?

 

GoblinChild: always has been always will be

 

ToeBeans: im honestly stil getting used to him dating lotor and allura and a girl who stole his wallet

 

ToeBeans: this is actually easier to comprehend

 

THATFUCKINFURRY: HEY EVRYONE KEITHS BACK

 

THATFUCKINFURRY changed the name of ToeBeans to MothmanFucker

 

MothmanFucker: LANCE

 

MothmanFucker: ARE YOU SERIOUS

 

MothmanFucker: IT WAS ONE TIME

 

FUNPOLICE: Sorry what??

 

THATFUCKINFURRY: KEITH YOU SAID AND I QUOTE

 

THATFUCKINFURRY: “I want Mothman to raw me”

 

FUNPOLICE: excuse me??????

 

GoblinChild: i never want this chat to end

 

MothmanFucker: IT WAS A JOKE LANCE LET IT GO

 

THATFUCKINFURRY: U MADE ME READ THAT W MY OWN TWO EYES

 

THATFUCKINFURRY: I CAN NEVER LET IT GO

 

GordonRamsayKink: did keith seriously say that?

 

GoblinChild: i believe it

 

THATFUCKINFURRY: IVE GOT SCREENSHOTS TO PROVE IT BITCH

 

MothmanFucker: DAMMIT LANCE

 

GordonRamsayKink: forget what i said i hope tonight never ends

 

MothmanFucker changed the nickname of GordonRamsayKink  to GordonRamsayKin

 

GordonRamsayKin: im either kink or kin u guys gotta make a decision

 

GoblinChild: everything is either kink or kin

 

FUNPOLICE: im leaving this chat

 

MothmanFucker: FUCK YOU ALL IM LEAVING FIRST

 

MothmanFucker has left the chat

 

GoblinChild: aaaaaaaand hes gone

 

GoblinChild: good job lance

 

THATFUCKINFURRY: w/e ill ad him back in the mornng

 

FUNPOLICE: Why is my little brother asking someone to raw him???

 

GordonRamsayKink: …

 

GoblinChild: so,,,, do you wanna answer that or should i?

Chapter Text

ThatFuckinFurry: jfc pidge dont u ever sleep?

 

Gerblins: sleep is for the weak

 

ThatFuckinFurry: more like sleep is for the week AMIRIGHT

 

Gerblins: gdi lance

 

ThatFuckinFurry: god crazy exgirlfriend didnt need to go so hard but it did

 

ThatFuckinFurry: it did that for us

 

MothmanFucker: thats why ur up this late???? Ur watching sum stupid show??

 

ThatFuckinFurry: CRAZY EXGIRLFIEND IS A TREASURE

 

Gerblins: ….i hate to side w lance but…. hes right

 

MothmanFucker: how good could a show called crazy ex girlfriend be

 

ThatFuckinFurry: jfc 0_0

 

ThatFuckinFurry: keef im praying 4 u

 

MothmanFucker: pls dont

 

Gerblins: RT to pay ur respects to keiths taste

 

Six Dick Princess: RT

 

Gerblins: allura why r you up this late???

 

Six Dick Princess: I’m 21, I have more reason to be up this late than you do, Pidge.

 

Gerblins: teenagers aren’t supposed to get any sleep its a well known fact

 

ThatFuckinFurry: that is a goddamn lie and u know it

 

FUNPOLICE: Pidge you know thats unhealthy

 

Gerblins: don’t u have an 8am class tomorrow?

 

FUNPOLICE: I do but Im an adult and I can make that decision for myself

 

FUNPOLICE: What are you doing up this late?

 

Gerblins: nothing says im an adult like loudly declaring that you are an adult

 

Gerblins: ill sleep when im dead

 

ThatFuckinFurry: is everyone just awake right now???

 

ThatFuckinFurry: shiro i thought u went to bed early to be a rolemodel for all the kids out there

 

FUNPOLICE: every night i lie awake until my multiple heart attacks put me to sleep

 

Gerblins: 0 o 0

 

ThatFuckinFurry: SHIRO KNOWS A MEME

 

FUNPOLICE: i spend enough time around you all i ought to know more than one

 

Six Dick Princess: How is that a meme?

 

ThatFuckinFurry: allura what r you doin up?

 

Six Dick Princess: I’m trying to become Seven Dick Princess, that’s what.

 

ThatFuckinFurry: !!!!!

 

ThatFuckinFurry: GET IT GURLLLL

 

Gerblins: damn allura

 

MothmanFucker: and i thought lance was the ultimate ho

 

ThatFuckinFurry: EXCUSE??????

 

ThatFuckinFurry: HOW DARE

 

Six Dick Princess: Keith!!!!!

 

MothmanFucker: its a compliment!!! Its suppposed to be a compliment

 

MothmanFucker: allura i have absolutely nothing but respect for the queen ho

 

Six Dick Princess: Well I should think so!

 

ThatFuckinFurry: allura u r actually my icon and my hero did u know that??

 

Six Dick Princess: yes lance thank you

 

ThatFuckinFurry: With Every Dick She Shall Grow Infinitely Stronger

 

ThatFuckinFurry: Until The Day She Rises To Her Final Form, Nine Dick Princess, And On That Day, She Will Become Unstoppable

 

Six Dick Princess: Don’t any of you forget it.

 

Gerblins: is the Thot convention over yet

 

ThatFuckinFurry: RUDE PIDGE

 

MothmanFucker: what are u even doing awake you child

 

Gerblins: I THOUGHT WE COVERED THIS ALREADY

 

Gerblins: ILL SLEEP WHEN IM DEAD

 

FUNPOLICE: Pidge so help me ill call your brother to make you go to bed

 

Gerblins: if matt could make me do anything i wouldnt have gotten both our allowances for three years

 

FUNPOLICE:

 

MothmanFucker: wow

 

ThatFuckinFurry: fuckin savage

 

Gerblins: the real question is wheres hunk

 

ThatFuckinFurry: hunk is sleeping like a bag of bricks after his exam

 

ThatFuckinFurry: none of u are allowed to wake him up!! the chat is muted on his phone n hes gonna get some goddamn rest

 

Six Dick Princess: I thought muting the chat was a betrayal?

 

ThatFuckingFurry: its only a betrayal if i dont do it for you

 

MothmanFucker: are you fucking kidding me

 

ThatFuckinFurry: there are rules!

 

Gerblins: did you make up these rules

 

ThatFuckinFurry: maybe

 

Gerblins: good! we dont have to listen to them

 

MothmanFucker: thank fuck

 

ThatFuckinFurry: *GAY GASP*

 

ThatFuckinFurry: AND HERE I THOUGHT YOU GUYS CARED ABOUT ME

 

FUNPOLICE: we do care lance we just have limits

 

ThatFuckinFurry: Sounds Fake But Okay

 

MothmanFucker: why dont you spend less time making up fake friendship rules and more time trying not to be late for every single class you have

 

ThatFuckinFurry: thanks for the advice dropout! do u even have things to waje up for?

 

Six Dick Princess: Lance!

 

FUNPOLICE: Lance that was completely inappropriate

 

MothmanFucker: i do work yknow

 

ThatFuckinFurry: you do??????

 

MothmanFucker: yeah?? what did you think i do all day?

 

ThatFuckinFurry: i hadnt really thought about it

 

Gerblins: keith works at the mechanic shop downtown

 

MothmanFucker: my shifts usually start in the afternoon

 

ThatFuckinFurry: ….

 

ThatFuckinFurry: that makes sense

 

Gerblins: some of us have reasons to be up this late that aren’t just blasting angel haze and the in the heights soundtrack on repeat

 

ThatFuckinFurry: okay first of all rude and second of all uncalled for

 

ThatFuckinFurry: third of all there is abslutely nothing wrong with staying up late to listen to the prophets of our time

 

Six Dick Princess: Well, you were being rather rude yourself Lance.

 

ThatFuckinFurry: true but also everytime i see ur name i choke and forget whut i was doing

 

MothmanFucker: why is your name six dick princess?

 

Six Dick Princess: We’ve been over this, Keith.

 

Six Dick Princess: You know why.

 

Gerblins: ew

 

Gerblins: quit being nasty in front of a child

 

Six Dick Princess: But you came up with the name?

 

ThatFuckinFurry: and you def dont count as a child

 

Gerblins: I AM 12 AND A HALF

 

ThatFuckinFurry: UR IN COLLEGE

 

FUNPOLICE: Pidge either youre a child and you have to go to bed or youre an adult and you can handle the idea of people having sex

 

Gerblins: fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine

 

ThatFuckinFurry: so heres a fuckin revelation but i dont ever wanna picture shiro saying the word sex ever again

 

MothmanFucker: seconded

 

FUNPOLICE: whats wrong with me saying the word sex?

 

ThatFuckinFurry: ugh

 

ThatFuckingFurry: its like hearing ur parents say it

 

MothmanFucker: honestly

 

MothmanFucker: shiro ive been traumatized since our “talk” in 8th grade

 

ThatFuckinFurry: YOURE WHAT

 

Gerblins: 8th grade??? Damn shiro

 

Gerblins: leavin it a little late there

 

FUNPOLICE: I only adopted keith when he was in 8th grade!

 

FUNPOLICE: I was trying to be responsible

 

MothmanFucker: you were trying to kill me is what u were doing

 

ThatFuckinFurry: shiro!!!!!1

 

ThatFuckinFurry: thats so nasty!!!!

 

FUNPOLICE: ?

 

FUNPOLICE: am I really being kinkshamed by two people called Thatfuckingfurry and Mothmanfucker??

 

FUNPOLICE: seriously?

 

ThatFuckinFurry: well now ur the one kinkshaming were just trying to live here goddamn

 

MothmanFucker: let us LIVE shiro

 

FUNPOLICE: youre my little brother! Imagine how this makes me feel!

 

MothmanFucker: no

 

ThatFuckinFurry changed the nickname of FUNPOLICE to KINKPOLICE

 

KINKPOLICE: very funny lance

 

KINPOLICE: now change it back

 

ThatFuckinFurry: no takebacks u kinkshamer

 

Gerblins: you reap what you sow shiro

 

KINKPOLICE: FINE YOU KNOW WHAT?

 

KINKPOLICE changed the nickname of Six Dick Princess to Seven Dick Princess

 

ThatFuckinFurry: ?

 

ThatFuckinFurry: what des that even mean

 

ThatFuckinFurry: how do u kno?

 

MothmanFucker: oh god…

 

KINKPOLICE: TAKE A GUESS

 

ThatFuckinFurry: 0.0

 

ThatFuckinFurry: WAIT

 

ThatFuckinFurry: IS SHIRO THE 7TH DICK??????

 

MothmanFucker: god pleas kill me now

 

Seven Dick Princess: :/

 

Seven Dick Princess: Well that’s one way to tell everyone.

 

ThatFuckinFurry: OH MY GOD

 

ThatFuckinFurry: SHIRO YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE GAY

 

KINKPOLICE: I’m pan lance weve talked about this many many times

 

Gerblins: SINNERS

 

Gerblins: NONE OF YOU ARE FREE FROM SIN

 

ThatFuckinFurry: OHMIGOD

 

ThatFuckinFurry: ARE YOU GUYS FUCKING RIGHT NOW????

 

MothmanFucker: i would like to respectfully request to die now

 

Seven Dick Princess: While we text you guys!? Why do you think we would do that?

 

ThatFuckinFurry: ALOT OF THINGS I DIDNT THINK WOULD HAPEN R HAPPENING RN

 

ThatFuckinFurry: 2018 IS TRULY THE YEAR OF PLOT TWISTS

 

KINKPOLICE: youre the one who thought we were dating when we first met

 

ThatFuckinFurry: UNTIL ALLURA SAID SHE WAS A LESBIAN

 

Seven Dick Princess: At the time I truly thought I was!

 

Seven Dick Princess: My attraction to Shiro is one of the things which led me to realize the truth about myself.

 

ThatFuckinFurry: SHIRO TURNED YOU BI?????????

 

Seven Dick Princess: No??

 

Gerblins: lance thats not how that works thats not how anything works

 

ThatFuckinFurry: MY BRAIN IS NOT WORKING RIGHT NOT

 

KINKPOLICE: oh no i think i broke him

 

MothmanFucker: was he ever working

 

ThatFuckinFurry: FUCK YOU KEITH

 

KINKPOLICE: Well at least thats still working

 

Gerblins: i think lance could use some sleep

 

KINKPOLICE: God thats relatable

 

Seven Dick Princess: You’re the one who caused this in the first place!

 

KINKPOLICE: Look i love lance but everyone has their limits

 

ThatFuckinFurry: the lord giveth and the lorde taketh away

 

ThatFuckinFurry: ive been resurrected by daddy saying he loves me

 

Gerblins: AND thats my limit im out guys

 

MothmanFucker: me too

 

ThatFuckinFurry: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww keeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiithhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

MothmanFucker: goodbye friends i am gone

 

KINKPOLICE: So thats how you get pidge to go to bed

 

Seven Dick Princess: Yes, congratulations, you’ve found the perfect method.

 

KINKPOLICE: :/

 

KINKPOLICE: Sorry I dragged you into this

 

Seven Dick Princess: It’s alright, but you should all probably get some rest now.

 

ThatFuckinFurry: awwwww come back mom n dad

 

ThatFuckinFurry: anyone?

 

ThatFuckinFurry: And Then There Was One

 

GordonRamsayKin: uhhh…

 

GordonRamsayKin: what HAPPENED

Chapter Text

MothmanFucker: why is this chat called drunk white children?

 

MothmanFucker: theres only one white child and i dont think shes ever been drunk

 

Gerblins: that is Correct sir

 

MothmanFucker: so then?

 

ThatFeckinFurry: bc john mulaney is the voice of a generation

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: yeah its a pretty iconic line and we thought it would be kinda funny and a little accurate

 

ThatFeckinFurry: better question: why r u always the one who has problems w the names of things??

 

MothmanFucker: bc youre usually the one who named them

 

ThatFeckinFurry: wow rude

 

ThatFeckinFurry changed the nickname of MothmanFucker to pickybitch

 

pickybitch: thanks i hate it

 

ThatFeckinFurry: see? Accurate

 

pickybitch: that doesnt fix the chat name

 

ThatFeckinFurry: ugh fine u really r a picky bitch

 

pickybitch: thats my name, dont wear it out

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: oof they’re both killing it tonight

 

Gerblins: hunk its really sweet that you think that

 

ThatFeckinFurry changed the name of the chat to Eat Ass Suck A Dick And Sell Drugs

 

pickybitch: acceptable

 

KINKPOLICE: Nope Not Doing That

 

ThatFeckinFurry: but shirooooooooooooooooooo

 

Gerblins: its also just another john mulaney quote so good job lance

 

ThatFeckinFurry: UGH everyones a critic

 

pickybitch: thats kind of the idea behind the internet

 

ThatFeckinFurry changed the name of the chat to Kill people Burn shit Fuck school

 

KINKPOLICE: NO LANCE

 

pickybitch: 100% ACCEPTED

 

Gerblins: HELL YEAH

 

KINKPOLICE: Just no.

 

ThatFeckinFurry: see shiro ppl might listen to u more if u knew how to change the names of these things urself

 

KINKPOLICE:

 

KINKPOLICE: True, but I know you all respect me too much to completely disregard the feelings I’ve expressed on this matter.

 

Gerblins:

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: wow

 

Gerblins: he really just did that

 

ThatFeckinFurry: :/

 

ThatFeckinFurry: well fuck now we have to change the name

 

ThatFeckinFurry: thanks alot shiro

 

KINKPOLICE: Now I’m not forcing anyone to do anything. I would never force you guys to do something you didn’t want to.

 

Gerblins: yeah yeah you made your point

 

Gerblins: so now what are we gonna call it

 

ThatFeckinFurry: the fabulous five?

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: there are six of us

 

ThatFeckinFurry: the fabulous five an we kick keith out?

 

Seven Dick Princess: No one is getting kicked out.

 

Gerblins: lance when will you learn

 

Gerblins: shiros far too powerful to let that happen

 

ThatFeckinFurry: yeah yeah i know ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: or forgotten

 

Gerblins: or forgotten

 

pickybitch: what…

 

ThatFeckinFurry: lilo and stitch? The most underrated disney movie ever???

 

pickybitch: last week you said that was hercules

 

ThatFeckinFurry: HERCULES IS UNDERRATED TOO

 

ThatFeckinFurry: not as much as lilo and stitch tho!!!1

 

pickybitch: what is that

 

ThatFeckinFurry: OH MY GOD HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN LILO AAN STITCH????

 

pickybitch: why is that a big deal?

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: I mean thats a pretty big deal dude its an awesome movie

 

ThatFeckinFurry: jfc keith did u not have a childhood????

 

pickybitch: i was kind of busy having no parents

 

ThatFeckinFurry: oh

 

Gerblins: WHOOMP THERE IT IS

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: Im sorry keith we shouldnt have said anything!!

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: PIDGE NO

 

pickybitch: guys its fine im not gonna cry or anything

 

pickybitch: i dont know if you know this but ive actually known im an orphan for quite a while

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: are you sure man? Youre not mad?

 

pickybitch: im not mad

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: okay

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: ill go tell lance then

 

pickybitch: “go tell” him?

 

Gerblins: where

 

Gerblins: where is he?

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: he felt really bad for what he said so now hes crying in the bathroom

 

Gerblins: oh my god thats fucking hilarious

 

pickybitch: wow

 

pickybitch: thats

 

pickybitch: nice of him i guess

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: he wants to invite everyone over to watch lilo and stitch tonight

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: can anyone make it?

 

Seven Dick Princess: Absolutely! I’ll be there as soon as possible, Hunk.

 

KINKPOLICE: Ill see if i can get the night off

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: great! Were gonna make some brownies until you guys get here. Pidge, you in?

 

Gerblins: you have to ask? Im already on my way over

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: nice

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: uh keith?

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: you there man?

 

Seven Dick Princess: Maybe he hasn’t seen the message yet.

 

KINKPOLICE: Hes probably working, Im sorry hunk

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: I guess that makes sense

 

pickybitch: ill be there

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man:  really???? Thats awesome man!!! U can make it???

 

pickybitch: yeah

 

pickybitch: ill be there





PapaGay: are you alright?

Baby Gay: shiro im fine

PapaGay: i thought the chat may have gotten a little intense for you

PapaGay: you know you don’t have to come to the movie night if you dont want to

Baby Gay: seriously shiro im good

Baby Gay: i actually really want to go

PapaGay: really?

Baby Gay: yeah

Baby Gay: its kind of been a while since i hung out with you guys

PapaGay: you know if you moved back up here we’d be able to see you more often

Baby Gay: i know

PapaGay: okay. Just checking in on my baby brother. You know im allowed to worry

Baby Gay: i know

Baby Gay: i appreciate it

Baby Gay: are you doing alright?

PapaGay: im fine, why?

Baby Gay: i know you were having some trouble with ur medication

Baby Gay: and the insurance company was being a dick

PapaGay: its all sorted out now

PapaGay: they didnt want to pay for the physical therapy and the meds so

Baby Gay: so u talked to them and sorted it out and you have everything you need?

PapaGay: i had to drop pt, but the meds are completely covered so theres no need to worry

Baby Gay: they made you drop physical therapy? What the hell? What about your arm? Are you gonna call them out on it?

PapaGay: honestly it was hard enough just to get the medication covered

PapaGay: i dont think i have the energy for another weeklong phone call and paperwork battle

Baby Gay: this is bullshit? Why are they allowed to do this? Shiro you need to fight back

PapaGay: theres a time and a place to stand up, keith

PapaGay: im going to be fine, and this is not your problem to worry about, okay?

Baby Gay: i hate this

PapaGay: I know. But thats life. You can’t always win.

Baby Gay: this isnt about winning this is about wanting my older brother to have some kind of quality of life are you shitting me

PapaGay: my life is fine keith. Im the one whose job is to worry about you, not the other way around

Baby Gay: that doesnt help you know

PapaGay: keith you need to drop it

Baby Gay: why???? This doesnt make any sense

PapaGay: i said to drop it. Im not talking about this anymore.

Baby Gay: Fine. I’ll call you tomorrow.

PapaGay: okay. Good night keith

Chapter Text

pickybitch: at what point can i monetize my tragic backstory

 

Gerblins: whenever you actually want to

 

ThatFeckinFurry: what tragic backstory

 

pickybitch: I Never Had A Father

 

KINKPOLICE: keith what are you talking about you’ve shown me pictures of your father

 

pickybitch: I Am Being Facetiously Dramatic Shiro Let Me Live

 

Gerblins: shiro dont snitch on your emo son

 

KINKPOLICE: keith we all have tragic backstories the point isnt to monetize them but to live with them the best you can

 

pickybitch: those r the exact same thing

 

ThatFeckinFurry: coping mechanisms is the same

 

Gerblins: i mean id hesitate to call making money a coping mechanism but it definitely helps

 

ThatFeckinFurry: we all need sugar daddies

 

Gerblins: now that sounds like a coping mechanism

 

pickybitch: im down

 

KINKPOLICE: abolutely not

 

ThatFeckinFurry: its like the names we give shiro are prophetic????

 

Gerblins: maybe

 

Gerblins: lance promise to use this power for good

 

KINKPOLICE: were not doing this

 

ThatFeckinFurry: right of course of corse use it for good

 

ThatFeckinFurry changed the nickname of KINKPOLICE to Lanceys New Sugar Zaddy

 

Gerblins: rip shiro i assume reading that killed you

 

Lanceys New Sugar Zaddy: NO NOPE NOT DOIN THAT

 

pickybitch: i s2g lance the things you make me read with my own two human eyes

 

ThatFeckinFurry: if ive learned one thing from witchy selfcare rituals its that the energy you put out into the universe is what you get back and if you want something to be true you first have to verbalize it

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: thats not how any of that works and you know it

 

pickybitch: how can someone whos broke be a sugar daddy

 

Lanceys New Sugar Zaddy: lance you have five seconds to change this nickname

 

ThatFeckinFurry: or what

 

Lanceys New Sugar Zaddy: okay then

 

ThatFuckinFurry has been permanently banned from Kill People Burn Shit Fuck School

 

Gerblins: rip lance i cant believe we all just saw him die

 

pickybitch: what are you talking about

 

pickybitch: oh my god

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: WHOA SHIRO YOU CAN DO THAT?

 

Lanceys New Sugar Zaddy has added sunshinesauce to the chat

 

Gerblins: hey matt

 

sunshinesauce: sup katie

 

sunshinesauce has changed the nickname of Lanceys New Sugar Zaddy to TheOriginalDadbod

 

TheOriginalDadbod:  Matt cmon thats not better

 

sunshinesauce: No ur right sorry shiro

 

sunshinesauce has changed the nickname of TheOriginalDadbod to SheriffGrandpa

 

Sheriff Grandpa: :/

 

Gerblins: You Fool

 

Gerblins: You Have Traded One Tyrant For Another

 

sunshinesauce changed the nickname of sunshinesauce to New Sheriff In Town

 

pickybitch: how did you pick ur own nickname? can we all do that

 

Gerblins: i mean matt and i can do it because we're smart

 

Gerblins: hunk could probably figure it out if he wanted to

 

Gerblins: i dont know about the rest of you

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: lance wasnt a tyrant! Hes a goofball he doesnt know how to be a tyrant

 

New Sheriff In Town: Then how did you end up with that heinous chat name cuz i know shiro didnt vote for that

 

New Sheriff In Town: It was definitely keith lance or katie, and i dont see two of those people caring that much

 

Sheriff Grandpa: ive made a huge mistake

 

New Sheriff In Town: yeah dyeing ur hair silver was the first one

 

Sheriff Grandpa: that was in high school how do you even remember that?

 

pickybitch: please tell me someone has pictures of that

 

Gerblins: dont worry i got this

 

Gerblins has changed the name of New Sheriff In Town to NewSheryiffinTown

 

NewSheryiffinTown: KATIE

 

NewSheryiffinTown: WHO TAUGHT MY LITTLE SISTER THESE WORDS

 

NewSheryiffinTown: WTF WHY CANT I CHANGE IT BACK

 

Gerblins: ive been on the internet for years matt ive known both those things since i was twelve

 

NewSheryiffinTown: we never shouldve gotten wifi

 

Sheriff Grandpa: welcome to my world

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: i cant believe lance is missing this

 

pickybitch: i cant believe i still havent muted this chat

 

Gerblins removed the ban from ThatFeckinFurry

 

Gerblins added ThatFeckinFurry to the chat Kill People Burn Shit Fuck School

 

Sheriff Grandpa: come on pidge

 

ThatFeckinFurry: SHERIFF GRANDPA IM DYING ASHDFGFDESKDJVHGF

 

Gerblins: and hes back

 

pickybitch: classic

 

Sheriff Grandpa: matt i only asked you to do one thing

 

NewSheryiffinTown: hey its not my fault my little sister is good at everything

 

ThatFeckinFurry: shiro cant relate

 

pickybitch: jumping right in i guess

 

pickybitch: not even a pause for breath

 

ThatFeckinFurry: not my fault insulting you is easier then breathibg

 

pickybitch: and apparently easier than spelling

 

ThatFeckinFurry: hot take: correcting someones spelling is just short hand for “i cant think of anything else to say”

 

pickybitch: breaking news: nothing can stop area man from being a gaping asshole

 

ThatFeckinFurry: breakingnews: local man cant go ten mintues without talking about my asshole

 

pickybitch: definitely not what i meant and it doesnt even fit the onion headline format

 

NewSheryiffinTown: Yikes so thats why you banned him

 

ThatFeckinFurry: MATT I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS

 

NewSheryiffinTown: alls fair in love and war

 

ThatFeckinFurry: ……………….,..........

 

ThatFeckinFurry: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

 

Gerblins changed the name of ThatFeckinFurry to IceIceBaby

 

NewSheryiffinTown: It means id do anything for shiro and u know this?

 

IceIceBaby: oh right

 

IceIceBaby: you still tryin to seduce shiro?

 

NewSheryiffinTown: always on that grind

 

IceIceBaby: same tbh what an icon

 

Sheriff Grandpa: in that case can you change my name?

 

NewSheryiffinTown: of course not why would i do that

 

Sheriff Grandpa: :/

 

IceIceBaby: what does my name mean

 

pickybitch: probably a reference to when you just eat ice like a weirdo

 

IceIceBaby: thats not weird lots of ppl just like eat ice???

 

pickybitch: not really but go off i guess

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: actually yeah lance that could be a sign of an iron deficiency

 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man: are you eating enough?

 

IceIceBaby: huuuuuuuuunk stop tryna mom friend me

 

Gerblins: have you ever watched lance eat

 

Gerblins: hes definitely getting enough

 

IceIceBaby: RUDE

 

IceIceBaby: wait was that rude? I cant tell if thats an insut

 

Gerblins: sometimes its not even fun to make fun of you

 

pickybitch: nothings fun if theres no challenge to it

 

IceIceBaby: omfg now ur using my jokes!!!!

 

IceIceBaby: get ur own jokes keith!!!!

 

pickybitch changed the nickname of IceIceBaby to BabybabyIce

 

BabybabyIce: ....,........

 

BabybabyIce: okay i cant tell if thats an insult either

 

Gerblins: jesus lance

 

Gerblins: just assume that whenever keith or i say anything at all we’re insulting you

 

BabyBabyIce: really??????? in front of my salad?????

 

pickybitch: what salad wtf lance

 

Gerblins: yes really in front of your salad now leave us alone so we can do our fucking homework

 

BabyBabyIce: ….

 

BabyBabyIce: keith doesnt have homework

 

pickybitch: doesnt mean i want to talk to you

 

BabyBabyIce: WELL ALRIGHT THEN


BabyBabyIce has left the chat Kill People Burn Shit Fuck School


Gerblins: fucking finally

 

 

 

 

 

cinnamonrolls: hey are you alright man?

officialMemelord: yeah im fine why?

cinnamonrolls: no reason just

cinnamonrolls: kinda thought i smelled something when you came back from your walk

officialMemelord: subtle

officialMemelord: no hunk, i wasnt smoking, i told you i quit

cinnamonrolls: i know i know!!!

cinnamonrolls: just yknow

cinnamonrolls: making sure

officialMemelord: i know, i appreciate it

cinnamonrolls: wanna watch something tonight? Im testing out a new cookie recipe so ill be up late anyway

officialMemelord: nah i think im gonna head to sleep early

officialMemelord: all those tests tmrw and all

cinnamonrolls: okay….

officialMemelord: hunk i promise im okay

cinnamonrolls: you know you can talk to me about anything right?

officialMemelord: yeah of coursse

cinnamonrolls: and i know keiths been kind of hard on you in the chat

officialMemelord: why would that matter

cinnamonrolls: well i mean i know its important to you what he thinks of you

officialMemelord: hunk he literally forgot that we went to high school together

officialMemelord: i dont think hes thinking anything about me

cinnamonrolls: cmon buddy you know thats not true

cinnamonrolls: you guys are friends!

officialMemelord: we were kind of getting there, but then he dropped out and moved away so

officialMemelord: whatever it doesnt matter

officialMemelord: talk to you tomorrow okay?

cinnamonrolls: yeah totally

cinnamonrolls: goodnight lance

officialMemelord: gnight mom

Chapter Text

BabyBabyIce: how tf did george washington get diptheria, TB, smallpox, and dysentery and not die from ANY OF THEM?? IN THE 1800’S????

 

BabyBabyIce: what was that man made of

 

pickybitch: cast iron

 

SheriffGrandpa: looks like someones actually paying attention in history

 

Stay Puft: wood

 

Gerblins: turns out he never died

 

Gerblins: he stepped down because hes immortal and he didnt want anyone to find out

 

BabyBabyIce: that sounds like a keith-conspiracy-theory

 

pickybitch: i thought he died from leeches

 

Stay Puft: actually he assimilated them

 

Stay Puft: hes leeches now

 

Gerblins: ^true

 

Seven Dick Princess: Where is he now?

 

Seven Dick Princess: This man of wood and leeches.

 

Gerblins: no one knows

 

Gerblins: he keeps a pretty low profile cuz everyone in the us knows his face

 

BabyBabyIce: do we though? like we know what he looks like with a wig and all that makeup on and in those oil paintings, but how do we know those r accurate??

 

Gerblins: you think that dude has changed his fashion? He is a Man he has no taste

 

NewSheryiffinTown: The leeches and wood might be suspicious

 

Stay Puft: 10 leeches in a wooden trench coat

 

Stay Puft: or 10 woods in a leech trench coat

 

pickybitch: ew

 

Stay Puft: whatever floats your boat

 

BabyBabyIce: idk man ive seen those oil paintings the dude had some pretty good style

 

Seven Dick Princess: Did he truly? Or did he simply dress up for the days he needed to pose and then wear terrible clothes the rest of the time?

 

BabyBabyIce:

 

BabyBabyIce: good point

 

pickybitch: theres a lot well never know about him

 

Gerblins: we really dont know that much about him

 

Stay Puft: how can we trust him to be our president like this?

 

NewSheryiffinTown: do we even know where he was born???

 

BabyBabyIce: he wasnt even born in the USA!!!! how can we trust him??

 

Gerblins: oh no who let him be president

 

Stay Puft: hes an immigrant!!!

 

pickybitch: all the founding fathers were immigrants

 

BabyBabyIce: what kinda country

 

Stay Puft: who let them be in charge?

 

BabyBabyIce: goddam immigrants always ruining this country

 

Gerblins: honestly its a disgrace

 

SheriffGrandpa: what are you guys doing

 

BabyBabyIce: making terrible jokes what do u think were doing

 

Gerblins: speak for yourself my jokes are comedy gold

 

pickybitch: wooden leech george washington is comedy gold now?

 

pickybitch: have our standards gotten that low

 

BabyBabyIce: dont mind keith he doesnt have a sense of humor just look at his name

 

pickybitch: lance fight me

 

SheriffGrandpa: dont fight my brother please

 

pickybitch: shiro stay out of it ill fight anyone

 

BabyBabyIce: catch keith in a dennys parking lot tryna fight some pigeons

 

pickybitch: watch out pigeons

 

pickybitch: im coming for you

 

BabyBabyIce: theyve had it too good for too long

 

BabyBabyIce: now  keith kogayne is here to take them all down a peg

 

Gerblins: why do you want to kill me

 

BabyBabyIce: youve had ur time in the sun now keiths gonna fight you

 

BabyBabyIce: and the sun

 

BabyBabyIce: no one can escape his gay wrath

 

pickybitch: hell yeah ill fight the fuckin sun

 

Gerblins: now that i can get behind

 

BabyBabyIce: whos down to meet up and watch keith fight the sun

 

Stay Puft: ill bring popcorn

 

pickybitch: get here quick then cuz i aint waiting for u to show up were doing this NOW

 

NewSheryiffinTown: wow hes horny for this one

 

BabyBabyIce: MATT WTF

 

SheriffGrandpa: im sorry about my emo horny son

 

SheriffGrandpa: hes so emo and hes so horny

 

pickybitch: SHIRO WTF

 

SheriffGrandpa: am i wrong?

 

Gerblins: wow shiro is pulling some power moves today

 

Stay Puft: absolute legend shiro

 

BabyBabyIce: real quick cuz i dont want to interrupt this

 

BabyBabyIce: whos coming to my halloween party?

 

Stay Puft: Excuse Me?

 

BabyBabyIce: whos coming to OUR halloween party?

 

Stay Puft: and thank you

 

Gerblins: isnt that not for like another month?

 

Stay Puft:  yeah but we need to know how much stuff to get for the party so were trying to nail it down now

 

BabyBabyIce: gotta make sure everyone has an equal opportunity to get smashed yknow?

 

SheriffGrandpa: oh no

 

BabyBabyIce: relax gramps hunk and i got this

 

NewSheryiffinTown: none of you can see this but shiro is just staring at his phone and grinding his teeth at lance calling him gramps

 

pickybitch: i love it

 

pickybitch: wait i thought you guys were doing a dnd party for halloween

 

Gerblins: were still doing that right? Cuz i cant really come to a “get smashed” college party but you guys promised we’d hang out

 

Stay Puft: yeah were still doing that!

 

Stay Puft: were going over to corans place in the day to play his secret halloween themed campaign and then lance and i are hosting another party that night

 

pickybitch: nerds

 

BabyBabyIce: keith just bc youll never know the pure joy of dnd doesnt mean you have to ruin it for everyone

 

pickybitch: how are you even throwing a party you live in dorms

 

BabyBabyIce: matt said we could host it at his place!

 

SheriffGrandpa: what???

 

NewSheryiffinTown: oh yeah did i not mention that?

 

Gerblins: rip matt shiros gonna kill you

 

NewSheryiffinTown: hell have to catch me first

 

SheriffGrandpa: he locked himself in the bathroom

 

SheriffGrandpa: pidge can you tell your brother his days are numbered?

 

Gerblins: trust me, he knows

 

pickybitch: wow you guys are the paragons of maturity

 

NewSheryiffinTown: dont worry keith, someday youll be as cool as us

 

pickybitch: says the adult man hiding in a bathroom from his roommate

 

Seven Dick Princess: I’ll be there Lance! It sounds fun, and I know you two will do a great job.

 

Stay Puft: thanks allura

 

Stay Puft: do you think you could come early to help with decorating?

 

Seven Dick Princess: Certainly! You don’t even have to ask.

 

Stay Puft: yeah but lance wanted me to come up with a cover to invite you over so you can help with his makeup

 

BabyBabyIce: HUNK

 

Stay Puft: yeah?

 

BabyBabyIce: FAKE FRIENDS

 

Seven Dick Princess: I’d be happy to, Lance. I assume this will be on both of our instas?

 

BabyBabyIce: do you even have to ask?

 

pickybitch: gross

 

BabyBabyIce: oh right keith hates all social media and people

 

Stay Puft: romelles coming btw

 

Stay Puft: i have a lit class with her so i invited her today!

 

BabyBabyIce: awwwww hunk

 

BabyBabyIce: u the real MVP

 

Stay Puft: shes awesome, btw? Like allura if you dont date her i might because she amazing?

 

BabyBabyIce: cmon hunk are we really doing a repeat of shay

 

pickybitch: whos shay

 

Stay Puft: shes also coming and i dont know what your talking about lance i think that turned out pretty well for everyone

 

Gerblins: she was alluras first gay crush but hunk asked her out first and even though it didnt work out cuz she lives so far away theyre all still friends who meet up for brunch every month

 

Stay Puft: oh man i bet romelle would love brunch

 

Stay Puft: we should totally invite her

 

Stay Puft: allura?

 

Stay Puft: she doesnt have to come i mean if you dont want her there

 

Seven Dick Princess: NO

 

Seven Dick Princess: That is

 

Seven Dick Princess: Hunk thank you for inviting her. I was just a bit flustered, so it took me a little bit to respond! I’m very excited to see her outside of class!

 

Seven Dick Princess: Though, now I will be coming early so Lance can help me with my makeup as well.

 

BabyBabyIce: HELL YEAH NOW ITS A FUCKIN PARTY

 

Gerblins: someone has to tell me how this goes oh my god

 

pickybitch: why dont you just go

 

Gerblins: fuck no i dont wanna dodge a bunch of drunk college kids legs all night

 

Gerblins: i just wanna know the Drama

 

NewSheryiffinTown: yeah no pidge is not getting anywhere near this party

 

Gerblins: BITCH SAYS WHO

 

NewSheryiffinTown: YOU LITERALLY JUST DID

 

Stay Puft: no worries pidge! ill snap and send you text updates the whole time i promise

 

Gerblins: acceptable

 

BabyBabyIce: okay but literally no one said if there coming or not???/????

 

BabyBabyIce: only allura did??

 

SheriffGrandpa: i apparently dont get a choice in the matter so

 

NewSheryiffinTown: nope sorry

 

SheriffGrandpa: yeah thanks for that

 

pickybitch: who else is gonna be there

 

Stay Puft: just a few other kids from our classes

 

Stay Puft: kinkade, nadia, plaxum, antok, florona, james, probably those new girls

 

pickybitch: oh god that guy is gonna be there?

 

Stay Puft: its the year of building bridges, man, cmon

 

pickybitch: ill be there

 

pickybitch: just like

 

pickybitch: keep him away from me

 

BabyBabyIce: OWAH

 

pickybitch: ?

 

Stay Puft: he misspelled whoa

 

Stay Puft: keith thats awesome! Cant wait to have you man!

 

BabyBabyIce: aw yeah this party is gonna be lit

 

pickybitch: i thought you said lit was dead

 

BabyBabyIce: life and death are but two sides of the same coin, neither as different nor as separate as we believe them to be

 

Gerblins: lance wtf

Chapter Text

SheriffGrandpa: oh god my life is on fire

 

SheriffGrandpa: call my name and save me from myself

 

BabyBabyIce: shiro???

 

BabyBabyIce: ur quoting evanescence what happened?

 

Seven Dick Princess: Shiro, are you alright?

 

Stay Puft: Hey man the fact that you’re not answering is really concerning

 

Stay Puft: dude you doin ok?

 

Gerblins: has anyone tried talking to keith?

 

pickybitch: he hasnt said anything to me

 

BabyBabyIce: im sure hes got a good reason

 

BabyBabyIce: shiro wouldnt want us to worry too much

 

Stay Puft: im still pretty worried

 

BabyBabyIce: hell be back any second i know it

 

SheriffGrandpa: sorry guys

 

Gerblins: SHIRO

 

Stay Puft: dude good to hear from you! Its been like 4 hrs is everything alright?

 

SheriffGrandpa: im sorry, i didn’t mean to worry anyone. I was panicking when i sent those messages, but i promise im fine

 

BabyBabyIce: no worries man! were just glad to hear from you <3

 

BabyBabyIce: is everything alright?

 

Seven Dick Princess: Do you mind telling us what happened, Shiro? Not to pry, but I know it would be reassuring to know what caused such a reaction in you.

 

SheriffGrandpa: its no problem just a little personal

 

BabyBabyIce: you dont have to tell us anything you dont want to

 

SheriffGrandpa: no its fine

 

SheriffGrandpa: i just saw my ex

 

NewSheryiffinTown: Adam?

 

SheriffGrandpa: yeah

 

Stay Puft: woah

 

Gerblins: i thought he didnt go here anymore

 

SheriffGrandpa: he doesnt

 

SheriffGrandpa: he didnt want to do the graduate program, but he just got offered a job in the research department

 

Gerblins: woah

 

BabyBabyIce: shiro are you alright? theres no way that was easy

 

SheriffGrandpa: yeah I was not expecting that

 

SheriffGrandpa: I just saw him coming out of a meeting so i texted you guys

 

SheriffGrandpa: then he saw me and we stared at each other for like a full minute before saying anything

 

SheriffGrandpa: he says he doesn’t want things to be weird between us? i’m not sure what that means

 

Stay Puft: man thats rough buddy

 

NewSheryiffinTown: are you guys gonna be working in the same building? cause that could get weird pretty quickly

 

SheriffGrandpa: i dont know

 

SheriffGrandpa: i didnt ask

 

SheriffGrandpa: im going to go sit for a bit. I dont really think im up to talking about this right now

 

BabyBabyIce: yeah of course dude take all the time you need

 

Seven Dick Princess: All of us will be here if you need someone to talk to <3

 

Seven Dick Princess: Please take care of yourself, and let us know if there’s anything we can do to help!

 

Stay Puft: yeah ditto i just made some cookies too if youre feeling the need for any sugar therapy

 

NewSheryiffinTown: im right at home if you need hugs or to get your ass beat at video games

 

SheriffGrandpa: thanks guys

 

SheriffGrandpa: i appreciate it

 

Gerblins: damn now i feel bad

 

Stay Puft: why? you didnt do anything pidge

 

Gerblins: i may have just posted a less than flattering pic of shiro on the university fb page

 

BabyBabyIce: PIDGE

 

Gerblins: how was i supposed to know real-world-stuff was gonna happen today???

 

BabyBabyIce: TAKE IT DOWN

 

Gerblins: yeah np totally taking it down right now

 

Stay Puft:

 

Stay Puft: its been up there for a couple hours now hasnt it

 

Gerblins: yeah i posted it this morning

 

NewSheryiffinTown: how has shiro not seen this yet? Its all over the class pages

 

pickybitch: hes really bad at social media

 

BabyBabyIce: and thats KEITH saying that so

 

BabyBabyIce: damn boi

 

pickybitch: basically he wont see it unless you send it to him and even then its like a 50/50 chance

 

Gerblins: well that explains that

 

Stay Puft: should we tell him? Hes kind of a meme right now

 

NewSheryiffinTown: i dont think this is something he has to deal with right away

 

Gerblins: it might be something hell have to deal with sooner rather than later

 

Seven Dick Princess: What do you mean, Pidge?

 

Gerblins: Adam liked all the pictures

 

BabyBabyIce: SHIT

 

Stay Puft: oh boy

 

Stay Puft: thats not great

 

pickybitch: i dont get it what does that mean

 

Seven Dick Princess: If Shiro’s ex-boyfriend is currently liking pictures of Shiro, it implies that he still has feelings for him, or possibly is interested in getting back together. Perhaps he is attempting to signal something? Regardless, it means he is not “over” the relationship.

 

pickybitch: neither is shiro really

 

pickybitch: and adams not his exboyfriend

 

Seven Dick Princess: I thought Shiro referred to him as his “ex”?

 

BabyBabyIce: right, but not ex-boyfriend

 

BabyBabyIce: hes shiros ex-fiance

 

Seven Dick Princess: Oh.

 

Seven Dick Princess: Dear.

 

Stay Puft: yeah

 

Seven Dick Princess: So they were engaged?

 

Gerblins: yup

 

Seven Dick Princess: Why did they break-up?

 

Gerblins: most of us never met him, except matt and keith, but we know the story

 

Gerblins: theyve always been a little vague but it seems like adam was really ready to settle down and start a family and shiro wanted to focus more on his career

 

Gerblins: adam got tired of waiting around

 

BabyBabyIce: its definitely not sommething we talk about a lot

 

Seven Dick Princess: I suppose I can see why.

 

Seven Dicks Princess: That’s really very sad.

 

pickybitch: it wasnt great

 

Stay Puft: yall know shiros gonna be able to see this whole conversation right?

 

Stay Puft: its a little weird talking about his relationship like this in the groupchat

 

NewSheryiffinTown: nah he never scrolls up that far to see what he missed

 

NewSheryiffinTown: he probably wont see this unless someone tells him about it

 

BabyBabyIce: besides id rather talk out in the open  here than start sneaking around to talk about shiro where he wont see it

 

BabyBabyIce: i think that would feel a lot worse

 

Seven Dick Princess: I agree with Lance, I’d rather Shiro be able to know what we are saying if he wishes to. At the very least, it will keep us restrained.

 

Stay Puft: has he never said anything about this to you? I thought you guys were hooking up

 

Seven Dick Princess: We are.

 

Seven Dick Princess: That is, we have been, but we agreed we wanted to continue only as friends.

 

Seven Dick Princess: He has mentioned a previous relationship, a committed one, but never added any details, so I assumed it wasn’t something he was ready to share with me.

 

BabyBabyIce: not until gay panic ended up forcing him too

 

Stay Puft: yeah basically

 

NewSheryiffinTown: I’m still just glad nothing’s actually on fire





 

Baby Gay: hey

Baby Gay: are you okay

PapaGay: yeah im okay keith

Baby Gay: just checking

Baby Gay: i know it cant be easy to have someone walk back into your life like that

PapaGay: thats pretty much how it feels

PapaGay: only

Baby Gay: only?

PapaGay: part of me feels like he never left, like i always knew he was coming back

PapaGay: i think about him every day and now hes here

PapaGay: in person, in real life, just right there

PapaGay: im rambling

Baby Gay: its okay

Baby Gay: im glad youre telling me this stuff

PapaGay: its not too weird for you?

Baby Gay: not any weirder than if we didnt talk about it at all

Baby Gay: that would definitely be worse i think

PapaGay: thanks

PapaGay: for checking on me

Baby Gay: what can i say? thats my job

Baby Gay: i guess im just a really awesome little brother

PapaGay: i have some scribbles on my walls that disagree

Baby Gay: are you ever letting that go?

Baby Gay: i was 13

PapaGay: ill let it go when the crayon and white-out stains come out

Baby Gay: yeah im pretty sure those are there forever

PapaGay: then no im not letting it go

PapaGay: 13 is way too old to be playing with that stuff anyway

Baby Gay: says you

Baby Gay: my 13 year old self was having the time of his life

Baby Gay: i still havent had a better night

PapaGay: thats sad keith

PapaGay: really sad

Baby Gay: your just jealous

PapaGay: you’re in college, you’re supposed to be having wild nights and epic romances

Baby Gay: first of all im not even in college

Baby Gay: second of all that sounds about as likely as me flying a giant robot in space

PapaGay: dont say that! Its never too late to get started on college adventures

PapaGay: not being in college just makes them young-person adventures

Baby Gay: “young person adventures” what are you like 50?

PapaGay: i am going prematurely gray

Baby Gay: ...

Baby Gay: you what

PapaGay: thats what happens when you work too hard and dont have enough fun

Baby Gay: how did this turn into you dadding me

Baby Gay: im supposed to be supporting you right now tf

PapaGay: i guess im just that good

PapaGay: a parenting extraordinaire

PapaGay: the ultimate older brother

Baby Gay: hey ultimate older brother did you know ur a meme

PapaGay: ?

Baby Gay sent a link

PapaGay: i

PapaGay: i thought pidge deleted that picture

Baby Gay: you should know by now that pidge never deletes anything

Baby Gay: is this the kind of young-person adventure i should be having

PapaGay: God No

PapaGay: do as i say not as i do

Baby Gay: the classic good parent mantra only used by good parents

PapaGay: thats a sibling mantra right there thats right in my wheelhouse

Baby Gay: fair enough

Baby Gay: did everything work out with your insurance

PapaGay: as much as its going to

Baby Gay: what does that mean

PapaGay: you know how it is

PapaGay: i want to live like a human being, they want my money, i dont have any money

PapaGay: the uszhe

Baby Gay: the what

Baby Gay: did you just have a stroke

PapaGay: the uszhe!

PapaGay: yknow like ‘the usual’?

Baby Gay: that is definitely not how you spell that

PapaGay: then how is it spelled keith? Enlighten me

Baby Gay: shit

Baby Gay: i dont know

PapaGay: EXACTLY

Baby Gay: WELL DONT FUCKGIN USE IT THEN

PapaGay: i will use whatever internet lingo i want to use

Baby Gay: internet lingo smh

Baby Gay: you really are just roleplaying a grandparent at all times arent you

PapaGay: thats insulting

Baby Gay: stop derailing and just tell me if the thing with your insurance worked out!!!

PapaGay: i worked it out okay? I got my meds and and im going back to PT next week

Baby Gay: ok good

Baby Gay: thats all i wanted damn

PapaGay: youre feeling pushy today

Baby Gay: im literally just worried about you a lot

PapaGay: i know

PapaGay: i wish you wouldnt worry

Baby Gay: i know

PapaGay: its not your job

Baby Gay: i know

Baby Gay: but can you just

Baby Gay: let that be my job for a while?

Baby Gay: its not like i have a lot of other stuff going on

PapaGay: only if you promise to save some worry for yourself too

PapaGay: i dont want to cause a repeat of the high school shower incident

Baby Gay:

Baby Gay: fair enough

PapaGay: good

PapaGay: and go to that halloween party ok? I want you to have some fun in your life

Baby Gay: im already planning on going what more do you want

PapaGay: yeah i know but i dont want you bailing at the last minute because you stayed up all night reading mothman articles

Baby Gay: im not into mothman anymore

PapaGay: well thank fuck

Baby Gay: im way more into the bear lake monster now

PapaGay: thats not different

Baby Gay: theyre completely different???? what  are you talking about

PapaGay: my point still stands

Baby Gay: i wont bail out on the lameass halloween party i promise

PapaGay: thats all i needed to hear

Baby Gay: hey can you

PapaGay: yeah?

Baby Gay: will you keep me updated on

Baby Gay: on everything with adam?

PapaGay: oh

Baby Gay: like would you mind? feel free to say no i just want to know whats going with you two

PapaGay: yeah of course

Baby Gay: really?

PapaGay: yeah i promise

Baby Gay: thanks shiro

Baby Gay: sorry if thats weird

PapaGay: dont worry about it

PapaGay: it was good to see him

Baby Gay: really? I thought it would hurt

PapaGay: oh it hurt

PapaGay: it really fuckking hurt

PapaGay: but it was good to see him

Baby Gay: yeah?

PapaGay: yeah

Chapter Text

BabyBabyIce: theres a woodchuck and a tiny cat outside my windows right now and they’re adorable

 

BabyBabyIce: they both look so soft i am LIVING

 

StayPuft Fren: awwwwww

 

Seven Dick Princess: That’s so sweet, Lance!

 

Seven Dick Princess: I just saw a big fluffy groundhog on my way to class.

 

Seven Dick Princess: I think it was a groundhog.

 

Seven Dick Princess: I’m not really sure.

 

Seven Dick Princess: But it was very cute!

 

BabyBabyIce: same actually im pretty sure that woodchuck couldve been a groundhog

 

BabyBabyIce: im not sure what the difference is??

 

BabyBabyIce: either way i love them theyre so flat and fluffy

 

Seven Dick Princess: very thicc bois

 

BabyBabyIce: raise a glass to all the thicc bois

 

StayPuft Fren: :D

 

Gerblins: nice

 

Gerblins: finally some good fucking food

 

SheriffGrandpa: lets all take a second to appreciate our very own thicc boi

 

pickybitch: thank you its an honor

 

BabyBabyIce: not you keith

 

pickybitch: rude

 

BabyBabyIce: its hunk appreciation day today

 

Gerblins: and everyday

 

BabyBabyIce: now and always

 

StayPuft Fren: you guys are awesome thank you

 

Seven Dick Princess: We love you Hunk!

 

StayPuft Fren: AWWW ALLURA

 

StayPuft Fren: <3333333333

 

Seven Dick Princess: :D

 

Seven Dick Princess: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

 

BabyBabyIce: HUNK LOVE FOREVER <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3333333333

 

Gerblins: its about damn time

 

StayPuft Fren: thanks pidge

 

Gerblins: where would team punk be without its better half?

 

StayPuft Fren: i dont know i cant imagine it without you

 

Gerblins: o.o

 

Gerblins: boi cut it out before u make me cry

 

BabyBabyIce: operation make pidge cry intiated

 

pickybitch: good it was getting too chummy in here

 

BabyBabyIce: keith just cuz you dont know how love feels doesnt mean were not allowed to share it

 

pickybitch: My Heart Is Black Like My Coffee

 

SheriffGrandpa: says the kid who only drinks lattes?

 

pickybitch: goddammit shiro

 

pickybitch: every time? do u have to do this every time?

 

SheriffGrandpa: yup its in the big brother code

 

pickybitch changed the nickname of SheriffGrandpa to silversnitch

 

silversnitch: what? Why?

 

pickybitch: bc there is not a person in this chat you havent snitched on and youre not worth as much as gold

 

silversnitch: words can hurt babybro

 

BabyBabyIce: LMAO KEITH DRINKS LATTES

 

BabyBabyIce: wait arent u lactose intolerant?????

 

pickybitch: love hurts

 

StayPuft Fren: what are you laughing at lance the only thing you order is frappucinos and you always drink them super fast and get brainfreeze

 

StayPuft Fren: also damn keith ur right about shiro

 

BabyBabyIce: yeah but i dont pretend to be better than that i know who i am

 

BabyBabyIce: if im goilng to sell out im gonna enjoy myself while doing it

 

pickybitch: im pretty sure thats why people sell out in the first place

 

BabyBabyIce: i cant believe i was abt to compliment ur chat naming skills

 

pickybitch: somehow i think ill live

 

BabyBabyIce: are we playing dnd today or what?

 

Seven Dick Princess: I’m heading over in just a second! I need to eat some dinner first.

 

Gerblins: allura?? Taking care of herself and tending to her needs? Not burning herself out until she physically collapses? What world is this?

 

Seven Dick Princess: Very funny.

 

StayPuft Fren: are we sure this is really allura? maybe someone stole her phone

 

Seven Dick Princess: You know I can kick both your asses right?

 

Gerblins: you wouldnt hit a child with glasses would you?

 

StayPuft Fren: what happened to the love princess???

 

Gerblins: she used to be so sweet

 

StayPuft Fren: i blame that social media stuff

 

Seven Dick Princess: Seems I’m full of rage.

 

silversnitch: okay guys cant we just be proud of allura for actively taking care of herself? shouldnt we be taking this opportunity to encourage our friend to engage in self care instead of teasing her for it?

 

Seven Dick Princess: Thank you, Shiro.

 

StayPuft Fren: okay dad

 

Gerblins: buzzkill

 

pickybitch: everyone knows shiro is the model of self care

 

silversnitch: what does that mean?

 

pickybitch: when was the last time you ate

 

silversnitch: i ate this morning im fine

 

pickybitch: and what did you have

 

silversnitch: it doesnt really matter

 

pickybitch: i rest my case

 

silversnitch: i had a full breakfast so i dont know what youre talking about

 

pickybitch: a protein bar and iced coffee does not count as breakfast

 

BabyBabyIce: shiro its like 6pm did u really only eat this morning??

 

StayPuft Fren: im definitely bringing canapes to dnd so dont worry ill make enough for everyone and a few extra for shiro

 

StayPuft Fren: were not leaving until hes eaten all of them and promises to get a good night sleep

 

silversnitch: keith why did you do this

 

pickybitch: its in the little brother code

 

silversnitch: :|

 

silversnitch: and whens the last time you ate? are you meeting your own standards?

 

pickybitch: oh fuck no but who cares theres no one here to stop me

 

pickybitch: or make me i guess

 

StayPuft Fren: keith wtf

 

Seven Dick Princess: We’ll have to remedy this situation.

 

Seven Dick Princess: Keith, prepare to be Cared For.

 

pickybitch: shit

 

BabyBabyIce: how bout we make 2018 the year of Caring For Each Other

 

StayPuft Fren: oh yeah collaborateen!

 

StayPuft Fren: stronger together, right?

 

BabyBabyIce: well now we’re all in charge of making each other stick to it!

 

pickybitch: isnt it pretty late in the year for that

 

BabyBabyIce: keith go eat something

 

pickybitch: no

 

BabyBabyIce: >:(

 

pickybitch: fine

 

BabyBabyIce: lmk when you guys are on your way over

 

BabyBabyIce: imma get high real quick though cuz i had a long fucking day

 

StayPuft Fren: work?

 

BabyBabyIce: yeah

 

pickybitch: ugh mood and jealous

 

BabyBabyIce: come visit more often so we can smoke u up then

 

BabyBabyIce: im jealous your tolerance must be rockbottom

 

Gerblins: keith you live on your own do you really not know how to find weed yourself?

 

pickybitch: im self taught i never had a guide

 

pickybitch: because SOMEONE had some ethical concerns

 

silversnitch: look as long as youre watching out for yourself im not going to get in the way but im definitely not going to help my little brother find weed

 

pickybitch: cuz you were always the model of restraint?

 

silversnitch: that was undergrad we already covered that you shouldnt be like me

 

BabyBabyIce: i cant believe shiro used to be a stoner my world is forever changed

 

BabyBabyIce: also keith i gotchu babe anytime u need bud

 

StayPuft Fren: come visit so we can chill and Mom Friend you

 

pickybitch: someone needs to mom me im dying

 

pickybitch: all i drink is coffee

 

pickybitch: i vape now

 

Gerblins: oh dear lord

 

Gerblins: its worse than we thought

 

silversnitch: im not sure those lattes count as coffee

 

pickybitch: shiro shut the fuck up

 

pickybitch: help me

 

Seven Dick Princess: I and the 4 cups of coffee I’ve had today are concerned.

 

BabyBabyIce: okay But

 

BabyBabyIce: vaping is pretty damn convenient

 

BabyBabyIce: if i could afford one of those pens id get one

 

Gerblins: every day we stray further from the light

 

BabyBabyIce: theyr hella expensive tho

 

pickybitch: me and my 7 cups of coffee ive had today are adasgnrfdsAAWESRGNDHFGDFSD

 

BabyBabyIce: keith is finally embracing gay culture

 

pickybitch: will everyone pls Get Off My Dick?

 

BabyBabyIce: YOU WISH

 

Gerblins: lmao

 

StayPuft Fren: do you want us to help you or leave you alone make up your mind

 

BabyBabyIce: WAIT

 

BabyBabyIce: THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT TO SAY

 

Gerblins: sure lance

 

silversnitch:  keith why would you write that

 

pickybitch: it worked didnt it?

 

StayPuft Fren: can we be done talking about keiths dick?

 

BabyBabyIce: P L E A S E

 

pickybitch: never

 

Gerblins: Anyway

 

Gerblins: i had no coffee today bc it was too hot :’(

 

StayPuft Fren: I c e d

 

Gerblins: G r o s s

 

Gerblins: my coffee doesnt need water in it

 

StayPuft Fren: good point

 

StayPuft Fren: it was terrible

 

Gerblins: they always put too much ice in and also its too expensive

 

StayPuft Fren: but cold

 

Gerblins: i can get a cold caffeinated energy drink or a soda same difference

 

Gerblins: but not as gross

 

StayPuft Fren: excuse me those energy drinks are nasty

 

BabyBabyIce: thoughts on coffee soda?

 

pickybitch: oh i fuck with coffee soda

 

BabyBabyIce: also pidge u know u can ask for less ice right?

 

BabyBabyIce: or just get a frap those are the only coffee ill buy tbh its like drinking a milkshake

 

StayPuft Fren: mmmmmmm coffee milkshake

 

StayPuft Fren: 10/10

 

BabyBabyIce: also hot take but i wish icould afford a vape pen bc as much as i love making fun of vaping and oh boy do i ever

 

BabyBabyIce: its still like fun? n convenient n smells nice

 

StayPuft Fren: you do get to live in a cloud of cotton candy

 

StayPuft Fren: at the expense of your dignity though

 

BabyBabyIce: bold of you to assume i have dignity

 

pickybitch: finally someone said it

 

silversnitch: iced coffee is the best coffee though

 

BabyBabyIce: frapfrapfrapfrapfrapfrapfrapfrap

 

Seven Dick Princess: Cold coffee with one (1) single ice cube.

 

BabyBabyIce: coffee milkshakes/slushees

 

StayPuft Fren: iced americano with soy

 

StayPuft Fren: im a brista now

 

BabyBabyIce: also known as the heavenly delight the frappuccino

 

pickybitch: freeze coffee, produce cronch

 

StayPuft Fren: or just iced black coffee

 

StayPuft Fren: iced coffee cubes

 

BabyBabyIce: hell yeah get that CRONCH

 

pickybitch: i got dinner im better now

 

Seven Dick Princess: Me too. I’m on my way over.

 

Seven Dick Princess: But frappuccinos have so much sugar in them, they’re not necessarily healthy.

 

silversnitch: thats a good point

 

BabyBabyIce: who the hell is drinking coffee to be healthy?

 

BabyBabyIce: i guess if youre tryna lose weight but cmon, everyone deserves a treat

 

pickybitch: why would any of us be trying to lose weight we just covered that none of us eat

 

BabyBabyIce: i lost like 20 pounds in one summer a few years ago and ive gained it all back since, it sucks

 

StayPuft Fren: lance everyone here loves and respects you no matter what you weigh

 

StayPuft Fren: also you’re a fucking stick boi so shut up

 

pickybitch: there are about a hundred different theoretical ways to lose weight and i believe in absolutely none of them

 

silversnitch: how i lost 32 lbs in one week by chopping off my arm

 

Seven Dick Princess: Finally, a method that works.

 

pickybitch: why would your arm weigh 32 lbs

 

BabyBabyIce: have you seen those arms? I believe it

 

StayPuft Fren: lance can you keep ur thirst to yourself

 

Gerblins: everyone just do what i do and realize at like 8pm that goddamn it you forgot to eat today shit not again

 

Gerblins: im an adult

 

pickybitch: you are Not

 

Gerblins: tru

 

NewSheryiffinTown: do what i do and just be allergic to every food

 

NewSheryiffinTown: so you never eat!

 

pickybitch: wait fuck has matt been here the entire time

 

NewSheryiffinTown: did you guys forget that I’m in this chat?

 

BabyBabyIce: yeah actually

 

BabyBabyIce: and im already allergic to tree nuts so hey im getting there

 

Gerblins: this is making me sad

 

pickybitch: im lactose intolerant

 

Gerblins: we know keith

 

BabyBabyIce: a fate i wouldnt wish on my worst enemy but he already has it so whatever

 

pickybitch: okay fuck you too i guess

 

Gerblins: i always thought you were like this because youre hangry but i guess youre just always like this

 

BabyBabyIce: someone else sees it??? finally??????

 

StayPuft Fren: maybe hes always hangry

 

silversnitch: having lived with him yeah i do think thats it

 

Gerblins: are you guys actually coming? Hunk and i have been waiting at Corans house for like 20 minutes

 

BabyBabyIce: yeah yeah im on my way

 

Seven Dick Princess: I’m almost there Pidge! I’m just outside.

 

StayPuft Fren: oh good if no one showed up i was going to cry

 

BabyBabyIce: he already cried didnt he

 

Gerblins: yup

 

BabyBabyIce: fuckin wrekt

 

StayPuft Fren: i came out to have a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked right now?

 

silversnitch: oh i know that one!

 

silversnitch: i got that reference

 

Gerblins: congratulations to hunk and shiro for reviving hundred year old memes together

 

StayPuft Fren: pidge keep it up and i wont share my cookies with you

 

Gerblins: what kind are they

 

StayPuft Fren: peanut butter without any peanuts

 

Gerblins: oh fuck hunk im sorry i beg forgiveness

 

StayPuft Fren: forgiveness granted

 

StayPuft Fren: im feeling generous tonight

 

BabyBabyIce: hunk u really are the perfect man

 

StayPuft Fren: :)

 

 

 




Cinnamonroll: Lance?

Memelord: yeah?

Cinnamonroll: did you go out?

Memelord: yeah why?

Cinnamonroll: its after midnight dude

Memelord: idk i wasnt tired when we got back so

Memelord: im just going for a walk

Cinnamonroll: ok

Cinnamonroll: dont you have an early class tomorrow

Memelord: yeah dont worry ill be back soon

Cinnamonroll: you want me to stay up for you?

Memelord: nah its coool like i said ill be back soon

Cinnamonroll: i dont mind

Memelord: seriously dude ill be fine its just a walk

Memelord: i appreciate it tho

Cinnamonroll: of course

Memelord: thanks for the concern

Cinnamonroll: worrying is what i do man dont mention it

Memelord: ur a good dude

Cinnamonroll: youll text me when you get back right?

Cinnamonroll: just so i dont go crazy and everything lol

Memelord: yeah np

Memelord: night hunk

Cinnamonroll: goodnight bro

Memelord: <3

Chapter Text

BabyBabyIce: hey guys?

 

BabyBabyIce: my laptop is making weird crunchy noises what do i do

 

Gerblins: describe the cronch

 

BabyBabyIce: like how

 

Gerblins: like how consistent is it, or frequent, or if its coming from a particular spot

 

Gerblins: also is your laptop hot

 

BabyBabyIce: uh its pretty much room temperature and not hot at all and the sound is really inconsistent like itll happen twice in a minute and then not for another 10 minutes

 

BabyBabyIce: its coming from the back i think? Like where the keyboard and the screen meet?? Its a v crackly cronch

 

Gerblins: what kind of laptop is it

 

BabyBabyIce: lenovo

 

pickybitch: isnt that those tiny ass laptops

 

BabyBabyIce: its not tiny its fun sized

 

BabyBabyIce: and what would be the point of a bigass laptop anyway??? theyre supposed to be portable keith u fool u fuckin coward

 

pickybitch: chill fam i dont care about your tiny laptop

 

BabyBabyIce: >:(

 

Gerblins: it could be the hinges or speakers. looks like this is a pretty common problem, the wires are just a little tight or something

 

BabyBabyIce: promis there are no spiders or bees or big creepbugs with lots of legs inside my computer?

 

BabyBabyIce: bc i really cannt deal w that rn

 

Gerblins: thats pretty unlikely

 

BabyBabyIce: okay

 

BabyBabyIce: i am safe?

 

Gerblins: yes lance, youre safe

 

BabyBabyIce: THANK YOU PIDGE

 

BabyBabyIce: its been freaking me out all morning i will sacrifice many tostadas to your altar and name my first born child after you

 

Gerblins: thanks

 

StayPuft Fren: pidge you the real mvp

 

Gerblins: <3

 

StayPuft Fren: <3

 

BabyBabyIce: and theres definitely no big scary insects in there?? im not gonna get electrocuted either right? Cuzthat seems like exactly the kinda thing youd think is funny pidge and it definitely would not be funny okay????

 

Gerblins: lance i swear unless you put some spiders in there yourself there is nothing hiding in the hinges of your computer

 

Gerblins: this level of disrespect to my expertise

 

StayPuft Fren: dude if youre still worried ill take a look at it after my lab today, okay?

 

BabyBabyIce: thanks hunk

 

BabyBabyIce: <3

 

pickybitch: so is lance always this high maintenance

 

Gerblins: did you not know that already

 

pickybitch: i guess i just keep forgetting and being surprised all over again

 

BabyBabyIce: yall can eat my entire ass its not my fault i have anxiety

 

pickybitch: fucking relatable

 

Gerblins: bitches dont know bout my ANXIETY

 

StayPuft Fren: im pretty sure lance bought me a shirt with that printed on it

 

BabyBabyIce: IT WASNT SUPPOED TO BE RELATABLE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AN INSULT

 

BabyBabyIce: @keith not @hunk i love you hunk i have no insults for you

 

Gerblins: what happened to naming your first born after me

 

BabyBabyIce: im still going to its just also you can suck my ass

 

Gerblins: No Thank You

 

BabyBabyIce: fair

 

StayPuft Fren: to this day i still find it funny when someone asks if i live with my mom and dad and i say i dont have a dad  and they clam up and forget what they were talking abt

 

StayPuft Fren: the exact face of horror embarrassment and regret is so life-giving but i always feel bad for them so ive started to just say yeah

 

Gerblins: is this something youre getting asked all the time?

 

StayPuft Fren: not every day but it does happen a lot

 

StayPuft Fren: especially when i was a kid

 

pickybitch: i always get the same face but they also go really quiet and change the subject like ill forget what just happened or something

 

pickybitch: one dude just stopped talking and walked away

 

StayPuft Fren: really? why?

 

BabyBabyIce: screw feeling bad just say it how they react is their problem

 

BabyBabyIce: esp if its funny cuz then you can put them on blast for life

 

pickybitch: friendship at its finest

 

silversnitch: i agree with lance, its not your fault someone is making a whole lot of assumptions

 

pickybitch: i usually just stare them down until they say somethign its pretty fun actually

 

BabyBabyIce: im starting a gofundme campaign to teach keith what fun is pls donate to this tragic gay boy

 

Gerblins: RT

 

Seven Dick Princess: Consider me your first benefactor! Keith needs better ways to fill his time than informing strangers that his father is deceased.

 

pickybitch: nah im good

 

BabyBabyIce: keith please were all v worried about you

 

pickybitch: im just saying its not up to hunk or me or allura to comfort ppl who just made a weird assumption abt our live

 

Seven Dick Princess: Oh I agree.

 

Seven Dick Princess: I’m just concerned by you describing this type of interaction as “fun”.

 

StayPuft Fren: but i gotta let them off the hook! at least in my case i really want to find a way to say ‘oh no dont worry my dads not dead i dont have one because i have two moms its totally not a sad thing like whatever youre thinking right now’

 

StayPuft Fren: i never got why people would get weird about it when i was little

 

Seven Dick Princess: Still, if someone wants to know more, then they should ask. It’s not your job to let them off the hook.

 

StayPuft Fren: yeah i guess

 

pickybitch: one guy i hooked up with a while back asked me “what would your dad think of you messing around with a guy like me?” and when i said “he’s dead so who knows” the last thing i was thinking of was reassuring him

 

pickybitch: esp since the face he made was priceless and made me feel like a badass

 

BabyBabyIce: 1- you are a badass

 

BabyBabyIce: 2- major BDE

 

BabyBabyIce: 3- WHO ASKS SOMETHING LIKE THAT WTF

 

BabyBabyIce: esp after hooking up w you?? Like what was that dude thinkign

 

pickybitch: he said it while we were hooking up not after

 

Gerblins: ew weird

 

BabyBabyIce: YO WTF

 

pickybitch: its a very treasured memory

 

BabyBabyIce: i know someone might be delirious after getting to hook up w the illustrious keith kogayne but thats a whole other level of not thinking

 

StayPuft Fren: look if someones being weird im not going to let them off the hook, but if it was like some well-meaning doctor or teacher or somthing im not just gonna let them fuckin die

 

Seven Dick Princess: Fair enough, Hunk.

 

Seven Dick Princess: Men will say the strangest things to you when you’re in private and it honestly baffles the mind.

 

BabyBabyIce: not even in private yall some guys will just pull that shit in public an everything

 

silversnitch: oh no did you see that weird guy again? I told you to let me know

 

Gerblins: what weird guy

 

BabyBabyIce: its not a big deal just kinda creepy

 

silversnitch: it was really really creepy

 

silversnitch: lance was checking out a book in al when this guy came up and started asking him questions about what classes he has and what dorm hes in and actually started stroking his hand right there at the counter

 

StayPuft: wtf

 

Gerblins: YIKES

 

silversnitch: i had to give him the Glare to get him to back away and lance ended up staying till the end of my shift so i could walk him out

 

pickybitch: so by any chance do u know what this guy looks like and where he lives asking for a friend

 

Seven Dick Princess: Lance that’s awful! When did this happen?

 

BabyBabyIce: it was like 3 days ago and i havent seen him since so its not really anything to worry about

 

BabyBabyIce: it was just some weird dude nothing special some dudes are just creeps

 

Gerblins: ugh men are trash

 

Seven Dick Princess: Thank goodness Shiro was there.

 

Seven Dick Princess: I’m sure we’d all like to know the answer to Keith’s questions.

 

silversnitch: hey look if theres some dude bothering any of you, any time any place just let me know and ill be there

 

silversnitch: ive got my Protective Dad Glare and years of combat training, and worst comes to worst ill take off my prosthesis and smack them with it

 

BabyBabyIce: YAS SHIRO YOU ARE A GIFT

 

Gerblins: we stan one (1) man

 

Seven Dick Princess: Thank you Shiro, your offer is much appreciated.

 

pickybitch: still waiting on those answers

 

StayPuft Fren: allura can probably toss some jags on her own, but i bet backup would make her even scarier

 

Seven Dick Princess: :)

 

StayPuft Fren: and im glad lance will finally be getting some protection he is such a smol boi

 

BabyBabyIce: RUDE I COULD TOSS SOME JAGS IF I WANTED TOO

 

pickybitch: are you joking

 

StayPuft Fren: of course you can dude! Im just glad youll have someone watching ur back when you toss all those jags, is that cool?

 

BabyBabyIce: yeah i guess we cool

 

StayPuft Fren: <3

 

BabyBabyIce: love ya babe

 

Seven Dick Princess: Speaking of... “tossing jags”

 

Gerblins: the most promising start to any sentence

 

BabyBabyIce: damn does allura have something to tell us

 

Seven Dick Princess: I’ve been meaning to ask if anyone knows of openings at their work.

 

StayPuft Fren: oh no what happened to the campus cafe?

 

pickybitch: i assume it has something to do with how the sentence started

 

silversnitch: are you looking part-time or full-time?

 

Seven Dick Princess: Part-time.

 

pickybitch: nothing where i am

 

BabyBabyIce: i dont think allura wants to drive 3 hourrs to work n 3 hours back every shift ya walnut

 

pickybitch: im just answering the question jfc lance

 

pickybitch: what the hell kinda insult is walnut

 

BabyBabyIce: UM the best insult bc im allergic to walnuts????

 

pickybitch: jfc

 

Seven Dick Princess: I’m not sure I’d be able to commute to that area anyway, but thank you for the thought, Keith.

 

StayPuft Fren: ill ask my moms if theres anything at the restaurant

 

StayPuft Fren: im pretty sure theres at least a hostess position open?

 

Seven Dick Princess: That would be perfect, Hunk, thank you!

 

Gerblins: i think were all avoiding the important question

 

BabyBabyIce: good point pidge

 

silversnitch: what question?

 

Gerblins: allura what the fuck happened at the cafe

 

Seven Dick Princess: There was an altercation, and I no longer work there. I need to find some other form of work.

 

BabyBabyIce: that doesnt help us figure out what happened

 

Seven Dick Princess: :/

 

silversnitch: allura doesnt have to tell us anything she doesnt want to

 

Seven Dick Princess: It’s fine, but thank you, Shiro. It’s not difficult to talk about, just extremely frustrating.

 

Seven Dick Princess: A group of men came into the cafe last night and said some very crude things to me. I challenged them on it, and they did not appreciate it. I was dismissed.

 

BabyBabyIce: what??? Thats total bullshitt!!!!!

 

pickybitch: that sucks what the hell

 

StayPuft Fren: they fired you just for arguing with them? Thats terrible

 

Seven Dick Princess: I agree, but, well, it wasn’t just arguing.

 

Seven Dick Princess: I may have punched one or two of them.

 

Gerblins: holy shit

 

BabyBabyIce: holy shit what did they say??????

 

Gerblins: we stan a queen

 

Gerblins: wait is that why there were campus police there last night?

 

StayPuft Fren: campus police wtf?

 

Gerblins: yeah i thought it was just moose drama or something

 

pickybitch: MOOSE drama?

 

Seven Dick Princess: I believe it was. They were rather smashed when they came in.

 

BabyBabyIce: its a party at the moose dorm keith

 

silversnitch: allura thats so dangerous you couldve been hurt? and you lost your job? theres no way those guys are worth that!

 

Seven Dick Princess: It’s not like I don’t know that! It was a very long night and I was very tired!

 

silversnitch: still thats really dangerous and you couldve been arrested!

 

Seven Dick Princess: These complete assholes came in at midnight, absolutely trashed, and when I asked how one of them wanted their coffee he looked right at me and said “How I like my women; hot, black, and preferably not conscious,” and then his horrible friends started laughing and I was tired, okay?

 

Seven Dick Princess: I hit him and one of his friends and I was fired and it’s over, so I’d very much like to focus on finding a new job if you don’t mind.

 

BabyBabyIce: he fucking deserved it holy shit

 

StayPuft Fren: god that sucks allura im sorry

 

Gerblins: i cant believe they fired you, you deserve a fucking medal for that

 

Seven Dick Princess: Yes, well, it is what it is.

 

pickybitch: what it is is bullshit

 

Seven Dick Princess: Yes that’s what I meant.

 

silversnitch: I’m sorry, Allura. That’s absolutely  terrible and im so sorry you had to deal with it.

 

silversnitch: theyre always hiring where i am if youre interested

 

Gerblins: shiro where do you even work i thought you were doing the whole graduate program

 

pickybitch: his schedule is ridiculous hes got a full courseload and a job and an afterschool mentoring program and the whole ta thing

 

silversnitch: its not a big deal i just like to keep busy

 

pickybitch: plus that intense gym training thing

 

Gerblins: god please tell me shiros not a crossfit

 

silversnitch: fuck no crossfit is terrible for your body

 

silversnitch: you might as well take a weedwhacker to your joints

 

Gerblins: ill pass

 

BabyBabyIce: damn shiro when do u sleep?

 

pickybitch: he doesnt

 

silversnitch: whenever i can and its really not as bad as keiths making it out to be

 

BabyBabyIce: sure yeah so im definitely gonna nag you to get more sleep from now on

 

Seven Dick Princess: I’m sorry, I don’t think I know where you work, Shiro. I must have forgotten.

 

silversnitch: no i was being kind of cagey about it because i wasnt sure how much i was allowed to say

 

silversnitch: im a part time staff at a mental-health recovery center

 

StayPuft Fren: that sounds kind of intense ngl

 

silversnitch: not really its mostly a lot of driving people around and sitting through art and cooking classes

 

silversnitch: a lot of talking to people and being friendly

 

StayPuft Fren: thats not what i wouldve expected

 

silversnitch: these places never are

 

silversnitch: anyway theyre always hiring, its good work and experience and all it just doesnt pay very well

 

Seven Dick Princess: It sounds perfect, thank you. I’d love it if you could put in a good word for me?

 

silversnitch: absolutely yeah! I think youre perfect for it

 

BabyBabyIce: i can always put in a ref for you at build a bear if u need a backup? were always hiring too and i think youd be really good at it

 

pickybitch: you work at build a bear?

 

BabyBabyIce: yeah im a bearbuilder

 

BabyBabyIce: did you not know that?

 

pickybitch: no? Since when?

 

BabyBabyIce: since like a year ago? Damn keith how bad are your people skills cuz like i knew they were bad bbut damn

 

pickybitch: fuck off im just asking okay lance??? i didnt know fuck you

 

BabyBabyIce: whoa chill dude its not a big deal? I was just joking

 

pickybitch: yeah whatever

 

BabyBabyIce: okay fine while mr. lone wolf broods in the corner my offer still stands allura

 

BabyBabyIce: im close w the manager so i can totes explain the whole cafe situation to them theyll def be on your side

 

Seven Dick Princess: Thank you, Lance. I would appreciate it. And the same to you Shiro, and Hunk. Thank you for the offers. It’s really quite a relief.

 

StayPuft Fren: yeah no problem thats what friends are for

 

BabyBabyIce: no worries babe were always here for you

 

Seven Dick Princess: It really was very upsetting.

 

silversnitch: of course, dont worry about it

 

silversnitch: well always be here for you, and were all just glad youre okay

 

Gerblins: allura you will always be an icon and a hero to this whole group, wed basically do anything for you

 

Seven Dick Princess: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

 

Seven Dick Princess: Thank you so much, all of you. I really do appreciate it <3

 

BabyBabyIce: hunk n i are doing another movie night if you wanna come by?

 

StayPuft Fren: omg yeah you should totally come over! im making the choco-churro recipe i got from lances mom!

 

Seven Dick Princess: That sounds wonderful, are you sure?

 

BabyBabyIce: absolutely!!!! Were doing a coco and iron giant double feature, so be prepared to cry

 

Gerblins: youre really going for waterworks huh?

 

BabyBabyIce: YOU KNOW IT

 

BabyBabyIce: if you aint crying at coco you aint human

 

Gerblins: could i stop by too?

 

StayPuft Fren: totally! the more the merrier!

 

StayPuft Fren: Shiro u wanna make it a full set?

 

silversnitch: I can’t tonight, but thanks hunk. Ill take you up on it some other time :)

 

StayPuft Fren: no problem, man. Invite stands if your night frees up

 

silversnitch: thanks, ill keep that in mind

 

Gerblins: heading over now

 

Seven Dick Princess: Me too! I’m on my way <3

 

BabyBabyIce: awesome! See u guys soon!





PapaGay: hey

PapaGay: hows everything going?

Baby Gay: fine, why

PapaGay: well you kind of snapped at lance in the chat and then disappeared

Baby Gay: im always snapping at lance

PapaGay: no, youre always bickering with lance. This felt different.

Baby Gay: whatever, its your opinion

PapaGay: keith, seriously, what happened?

Baby Gay: nothing happened everything isnt always a problem all the time, okay? Sometimes people are just like that its not always something you can just fix

PapaGay: Keith, I can’t make you talk about something you don’t want to talk about. But I’m not going to sit and pretend like everything is fine, either.

PapaGay: I’m here if you want to talk about it, always, but I’m not going to press it if you’re just going to snap at me.

Baby Gay: i never said i wanted to talk about anything in the first place

Baby Gay: if youre going to leave me alone then just do it

PapaGay: I’m sorry to hear that, Keith. I’ll stop bothering you, but I hope you find someone to talk to about whatever it is that’s going on.

Baby Gay: i like lance

PapaGay: ?

PapaGay: as in?

Baby Gay: AS IN I HAVE A BIG STUPID GAY CRUSH ON LANCE JFC SHIRO WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

PapaGay: Okay, Keith.

Baby Gay: im sorry im sorry, im just really weirded out right now and i just keep getting angry and i dont really know why

Baby Gay: im sorry im being a dick right now, its not you and im not even really mad i just

PapaGay: its okay, keith, i understand

PapaGay: this must be kind of overwhelming for you

Baby Gay: yeah

Baby Gay: like i knew i liked him and that i thought he was pretty and all that but like

Baby Gay: i never realized i like “liked him” liked him

Baby Gay: god that sounds so stupid and it doesnt make any sense

PapaGay: no i think i get what you mean

PapaGay: you knew you were attracted to lance, and that you liked him, but you didn’t realize just how much or how strong your feelings are until recently

Baby Gay: thats exactly it!

Baby Gay: i thought it was like a dumb puppy crush but its not and im freaking out

PapaGay: its frustrating, i get it, and probably disorienting too, to realize that your feelings arent what you thought they were

PapaGay: youre just having some trouble processing it

Baby Gay: yes thank you its so weird and like

Baby Gay: why lance? Hes so annoying and so cocky and his jokes are terrible and he pisses me off so much and hes obsessed with himself and like, me too? Im so mad at him for making me like him i dont get it

PapaGay: anger is something youre used to. Its probably easier for you to process.

Baby Gay: thanks shiro

Baby Gay: seriously, for talking to me and not leaving even though i was being such a dick

PapaGay: keith, youre my brother. Its my job to put up with you being a little shit

PapaGay: and i knew you werent going to try to talk about it with anybody else so

Baby Gay: how? Like how did you get what i was trying to say?

PapaGay: i went through a similar thing with adam

BabyGay: really?

PapaGay: i mean less angry of course and more confused and maybe annoyed, but yeah

PapaGay: he definitely went through the anger thing though

PapaGay: one second we were best friends and the next hes smacking my sandwich out of my hand onto the floor and telling me to leave the school

Baby Gay: wtf

PapaGay: yep

Baby Gay: and then you dated?

PapaGay: yeah

Baby Gay: okay you were definitely meant for each other

PapaGay: gee thanks keith

Baby Gay: no problem i mean if that got you to date him then you definitely deserve each other

PapaGay: maybe ill stop trying to give you advice and help you out with your emotional problems and ill just let you figure it out on your own from now on how about that?

Baby Gay: im just saying it must not have been a very good sandwich

PapaGay: it was a meatball sub from sals

Baby Gay: how is adam even still alive

PapaGay: my bet is on the grace of good genes

Baby Gay: so i should start convincing lance to eat more sandwiches

PapaGay: please forget the sandwiches

Baby Gay: ill do my best but i cant make any promises

PapaGay: why dont you try actually talking to him first? One on one?

Baby Gay: we have actually been talking more and its

Baby Gay: kind of nice

PapaGay: thats great keith! Im glad youre getting along better than you used to at least

Baby Gay: i wonder if lance likes meatball subs

PapaGay: i take it all back im done and youre on your own

Baby Gay: maybe hes more of a philly cheesesteak type

PapaGay: someone please help my son

Chapter Text

BabyBabyIce: are you guys seeing the moon right now?

 

BabyBabyIce: it looks like a full moon its fucking LIT

 

Seven Dick Princess: It’s actually a waning gibbous, so very nearly full! It does look beautiful.

 

BabyBabyIce: allura the fact that u know that just confirms my theory that you are in fact the moon goddess in human form

 

Seven Dick Princess: ;)

 

Gerblins: god the last time i went out specifically to look at the moon was probably at the seder

 

BabyBabyIce: probably at the What

 

Gerblins: and the next full moon is yom kippur damn

 

Gerblins: the fucking seder at passover you heathen

 

BabyBabyIce: HEATHEN IN WHAT WORLD

 

pickybitch: what is a yom kipper

 

NewSheryiffinTown: goyim be like...

 

Gerblins: classic goy

 

StayPuft Fren: have you guys never been to pidges family seder bc her mom makes the most amazing matzah ball soup

 

StayPuft Fren: it is Heavenly

 

Gerblins: than you hunk my mom loves you and how much you love her soup

 

NewSheryiffinTown: hunk you are a shining light among the uneducated masses

 

StayPuft Fren: ur mom is a gift pidge and i would kill for that recipe

 

BabyBabyIce: oh okay so its a Jew Thing

 

Gerblins: very astute lance you figured out my jew riddle

 

BabyBabyIce: so its like a holiday?

 

NewSheryiffinTown: we sit around a table and talk abt the suffering of our ancestors and how slavery is bad and no human being is free until every human being is free and then we eat a ton of food

 

BabyBabyIce: sounds… fun

 

Gerblins:  its super boring until we get to eat

 

NewSheryiffinTown: smh this new generation having no respect for our heritage

 

Gerblins: last seder you drank elijahs cup so dont talk to me about disrespect

 

BabyBabyIce: btw everyone should still go check out the moon

 

pickybitch: on it

 

BabyBabyIce: <3 <3 <3 keith ur my hero

 

pickybitch: i know

 

NewSheryiffinTown: there was no wine left what was i supposed to drink????

 

silversnitch: i offered to go out and buy more for you

 

NewSheryiffinTown: IT WAS THE SABBATH

 

BabyBabyIce: shiro youv been to one of these things too?????

 

silversnitch: a, no it wasnt, b, im not jewish so it wouldnt matter if it was, and c, yes lance ive been going every year for the past 5 years since the first time matt invited me

 

Gerblins: shiros nominated for Shabbos Goy six years running

 

Gerblins: we dont even invite him anymore he just shows up like he Knows

 

NewSheryiffinTown: maybe shiro is elijah

 

silversnitch: ive been discovered

 

Gerblins: oh man the prophet shirolijah is here to judge us for our sins

 

Gerblins: but still elijah is gonna have his revenge on you for leaving him stranded like that matt

 

NewSheryiffinTown: he can say whatever he wants to my face if he ever actually shows up

 

Gerblins: he will have his revenge

 

Gerblins: hes plotting right now

 

silversnitch: no one can escape elijah

 

NewSheryiffinTown: elijah cant escape ME BITCH

 

Gerblins: GASP

 

Gerblins: how the jew tables have been turned

 

StayPuft Fren: how the tables have been tabled

 

NewSheryiffinTown: or is it these dancing jews

 

BabyBabyIce: im v confused

 

BabyBabyIce: who is elijah and why does he have a cup if he doesnt show up

 

Gerblins: next time our mom starts sending us passover memes im just gonna forward them all to lance

 

StayPuft Fren: omg do it

 

BabyBabyIce: DO NOT

 

pickybitch: lmao

 

NewSheryiffinTown: absolutely we have to

 

Gerblins: consider it done

 

BabyBabyIce: I HATE YOU ALL

 

Gerblins: wow guys i guess lance hates jews

 

NewSheryiffinTown: damn lance after all these years the truth finally comes out

 

BabyBabyIce: THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT

 

BabyBabyIce: YALL ARE DEMONS

 

StayPuft Fren: oof not a great way to defend yourself bud

 

Gerblins: classic example of an antisemitic dogwhistle how did we not see this sooner?

 

silversnitch: it comes as a great shock to all of us i dont know how well ever recover

 

BabyBabyIce: THIS IS BIPHOBIA AND RACISM AND HOW DARE ALL YALL

 

pickybitch: im glad were all making fun of lance it warms my cold gay heart

 

BabyBabyIce: KEITH I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL

 

pickybitch:  did you?

 

BabyBabyIce: WELL FUCK YOU TOO IM CANCELLING MOVIE NIGHT

 

pickybitch: :’(

 

StayPuft Fren: whoa whoahat movie night what

 

Seven Dick Princess: Movie Night? That’s wonderful, when did you two start having a movie night?

 

BabyBabyIce: nahaah too late none of you fuckers are getting the scoop youll have to pry it from my cold dead gay hands

 

Gerblins : that can be arranged

 

NewSheryiffinTown : katie no

 

BabyBabyIce: KEEP AWAY GREMLIN





Hotlead: are you uh

Paperairplanes: ?

Hotlead: are you really cancelling movie night

Paperairplanes: nah man i was just saying that

Paperairplanes: u know how it is

Hotlead: sure

Paperairplanes: keith if ur still down then im still down

Paperairplanes: your still down right?

Hotlead: of course

Paperairplanes: sweet!!! im loading up wreck-it ralph now

Paperairplanes: get ready to cry :)

Hotlead: its not as bad as coco is it?

Paperairplanes: oh no way that ones like the #1 tearjerker film

Paperairplanes: its more like iron giant level

Hotlead: well fuck

Chapter Text

Gerblins: the dominos delivery guy just asked me if im a witch

 

BabyBabyIce: omg

 

BabyBabyIce: how did he know

 

Seven Dick Princess: Maybe he is a witch?

 

NewSheryiffinTown: are you wearing witchy clothes??

 

Gerblins: no? im in my pajamas?

 

StayPuft Fren: say yes and show us what your pajamas look like

 

pickybitch: did matt just pull a ‘well what were you wearing’ on pidge

 

BabyBabyIce: ^the only acceptable circumstances to do so

 

Gerblins: i hate you guys

 

Seven Dick Princess: What would make someone ask that? Did he appear particularly religious?

 

Gerblins: oh shit i have my witch sign out

 

BabyBabyIce: at the risk of coining the worlds worst catchphrase

 

BabyBabyIce: your what?

 

Gerblins: the door sign matt got me that says the witch is in

 

Gerblins: which makes a lot more sense bc he actually asked ‘are you a good witch or a dark witch’ and i had no idea what he meant

 

Seven Dick Princess: Bold of him to assume you can’t be both.

 

Gerblins: true

 

StayPuft Fren: worlds worst catchphrase sounds like the podcast lance and i tried to make in high school

 

BabyBabyIce: oh god dont bring that up again hunk i need to sleep tonight

 

Gerblins: the fucking what?? where can i listen to this?

 

BabyBabyIce: in the shadowrealm with every other reminder of my existence in high school

 

silversnitch: that bad?

 

BabyBabyIce: the whole concept of high school can suck my ass btw the best moment of my life was graduation

 

pickybitch: and you say my life is sad

 

BabyBabyIce: fucking rude

 

pickybitch: we never addressed whether pidge is a witch or not

 

BabyBabyIce: dont change the subject

 

Seven Dick Princess: I didn’t realize there was any question.

 

Gerblins: is there? I thought you guys knew me well enough by now

 

BabyBabyIce: but are you a good witch or a dark witch

 

Gerblins: im a technowitch bitch

 

BabyBabyIce: wait are u a technowitch and calling me a bitch or are you a technowitch-bitch??

 

Gerblins: uh.....

 

Gerblins: both?

 

Gerblins: yeah both works

 

StayPuft Fren: both?

 

BabyBabyIce: both

 

StayPuft Fren: both is good.

 

BabyBabyIce: stars

 

BabyBabyIce: cant do it

 

StayPuft Fren: not today

 

pickybitch: what the hell does any of this mean

 

BabyBabyIce: u really dont know? i really gotta show you el dorado

 

silversnitch: Well keith what does it mean to you?

 

pickybitch:

 

StayPuft Fren: keith.exe has stopped working

 

pickybitch: lance is supposed to be the memetrash kid hunk not you

 

Gerblins: i take personal offense to that i am every bit as memetrash as lance

 

pickybitch: ...anyway

 

Gerblins: >:(

 

pickybitch: this is why you never have decorations it gives people the impression they can talk to you

 

Gerblins: thanks for the wise words 2005 evanescence

 

pickybitch:  the fucking audacity?

 

NewSheryiffinTown: don’t curse at my sister just because she’s right

 

BabyBabyIce: shes right but she shouldnt say it

 

NewSheryiffinTown: shes right and she SHOULD say it

 

BabyBabyIce: 0 o 0

 

BabyBabyIce: Amy Lee actually remade bring me to life in 2017 btw without the male vocals and w some instrumental changes and im not saying its quality but im also not saying im not having flashbacks to middle school

 

pickybitch: i told you it was worth listening to

 

BabyBabyIce: im not saying that im just saying its maybe not totally not worth listening to

 

pickybitch: tl;dr listen to it

 

Gerblins: im genuinely worried about both of you

 

Gerblins: hunk we need to do something to save our friends

 

NewSheryiffinTown: well theyre not wrong either

 

Gerblins: and now theyve even taken my brother idk what im going to do

 

NewSheryiffinTown: why are you Like This Child

 

Gerblins: matt ill save you i promise

 

Gerblins: btw nerd i need to know where you got the witch sign so i can get one for my friend

 

BabyBabyIce: pidge??? has a friend??? Since when?

 

Gerblins : shut ur face u nerd or i will eat all of your children

 

BabyBabyIce: shit so she is a witch

 

Gerblins: me or the friend cuz actually yeah for both

 

BabyBabyIce: and who r u calling nerd? u still play overwatch

 

Gerblins: and you main widowmaker dont come at me with that shit

 

pickybitch: widowmaker? Really?

 

Gerblins: you got something to say tracer main?

 

BabyBabyIce: FUCKING OF COURSE ITS TRACER

 

pickybitch: PIDGE WHY

 

Gerblins: CUZ I NEED ANSWERS AND YOU ARE CLOGGING THE CHAT W UNHELPFUL BANTER

 

Gerblins: matt give it up

 

NewSheryiffinTown: Matt has a confession

 

silversnitch: if matt uses third person to refer to himself again he'll also have a concussion

 

NewSheryiffinTown: :’( shiro why do u hate me

 

silversnitch: someone has to keep this chat in line

 

BabyBabyIce: the hero we need but not the one we deserve

 

pickybitch: definitely not the one you deserve

 

BabyBabyIce: YOU DICK

 

pickybitch: nice comeback

 

Gerblins: next message sent to this chat better be matts confession or all of you are banned

 

BabyBabyIce: pidge we know you wouldnt actually do that

 

BabyBabyIce has been banned from Kill People Burn Shit Fuck School

 

silversnitch: wow we never changed the chat name did we?

 

silversnitch has been banned from Kill People Burn Shit Fuck School

 

NewSheryiffinTown: Even Shiro? Katie, where does it end?

 

Gerblins:  next words i see in this chat better be you telling me where you got the sign or so help me skeletonman

 

NewSheryiffinTown: fine fine

 

NewSheryiffinTown: i didnt buy the sign hunk did and he gave it to me to give to you because i forgot to buy you a birthday gift

 

pickybitch: fucking incredible

 

Gerblins: wow

 

Gerblins: hunk is that true?

 

StayPuft Fren: maybe?

 

BabyBabyIce has been added to Kill People Burn Shit Fuck School

 

silversnitch has been added to Kill People Burn Shit Fuck School

 

NewSheryiffinTown has been banned from Kill People Burn Shit Fuck School

 

silversnitch: thats really harsh pidge

 

Gerblins: god you two are both trying to be the father i already have

 

silversnitch: :(

 

pickybitch: cant relate

 

silversnitch: :’(

 

BabyBabyIce: wow did we never change the chat name?

 

Gerblins: shiro just said that

 

BabyBabyIce: well excuse me if we both have good observational skills

 

pickybitch: as someone who has personally watched shiro open the fridge at midnight to look for food only to close it, walk three steps away and then turn around and open the fridge again like four times in a row, i can tell you that thats Untrue

 

StayPuft Fren: im pretty sure ive seen lance do that so hes at least right about their skills being the same

 

BabyBabyIce: lbr who hasnt done that

 

Gerblins: fair point but im still shook by the vague idea of lance turning into shiro someday

 

BabyBabyIce: does this mean i need to get a sideshave now? Cuz ill be honest that would be stupendous i would look cool as hell

 

pickybitch: keep telling yourself that

 

BabyBabyIce: you know youd love it

 

BabyBabyIce: besides i dont take criticism from someone whos never had a haircut in his life

 

pickybitch: what is your deal with my hair? youre the only one who cares

 

BabyBabyIce: im definitely not the only one u emo rapunzel bc shiro and i have talked abt cutting it in ur sleep

 

pickybitch: shiro that better not be fuckin true

 

silversnitch: well now whos a snitch

 

Gerblins: you reap what you sow

 

pickybitch: SHIRO

 

silversnitch: i cant hear you over the sound of how much shampoo you go through in a month

 

pickybitch: thanks for telling me lance

 

BabyBabyIce: thats what friends are for

 

Gerblins: finally the secret of true friendship is revealed

 

Gerblins: its snitching

 

StayPuft Fren: its been such a journey to get here

 

BabyBabyIce: maybe the real snitch was the friends we made along the way

 

silversnitch: can you ban me again? I can feel my brain rotting

 

BabyBabyIce: i changed my mind abt wanting to be shiro he is actually very mean

 

pickybitch: what do you expect from someone who mains d.va

 

BabyBabyIce: HEW WHAT

 

silversnitch:  DAMMIT

 

 

 

 

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: hey yall

boxsprings: sup

witchinghour: What's up, B?

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: narti it was ur bday last week right

witchinghour: Yes.

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: do you want a sign that says 'the witch is in' only its reversible so u can flip it to either say in or out

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: and then u can hang it on ur door?

witchinghour: Why would I want that?

witchinghour: Pidge, I am blind. You know this.

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: um because its cool as hell, andit automatically lets everyone know what your aesthetic is about

boxsprings: im pretty everyone can already tell what nartis aesthetic is about

witchinghour: Lizards and Lesbians.

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: and witches and cats!

witchinghour: I thought that was clear from the "Lesbians" part.

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: good point

boxsprings: this is erasure of lesbians who are allergic to cats

witchinghour: They deserve to be erased.

boxsprings: damn and here i thought we were becoming friends

boxsprings: who bought you that lizards and lesbians shirt in the first place?

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: excuse? am i hearing this right? youve been giftswapping without me?

witchinghour: Shit, she knows.

boxsprings: damn and we were so careful

boxsprings: i thought our method of 'messaging this chat to set up a meet-up time to celebrate nartis birthday and inviting katie' was foolproof

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: hilarious beezer

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: i was busy! and i forgot!

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: i get so many notifications from the other chat too its hard to keep up

boxsprings: w/e traitor

witchinghour: There's no call to be rude.

witchinghour: We can certainly celebrate my birthday multiple times. That is a sacrifice I am willing to make.

boxsprings: assuming she remembers this time

witchinghour: Well, this time, she knows that if she fails to arrive again, the responsibility for a new gift falls to you.

boxsprings: now shes definitely not gonna remember

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: ya never know

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: im full of surprises

ParisBelongs2thePidgeon: happy late bday narti i swear ill be there this time!

witchinghour: Thank you.

Chapter Text

Fren-shaped: just heard from nyma her n rolo are gonna try to make it to the party

 

BabyBabyIce: sweet are they bringing that good kush?

 

silversnitch: excuse me?

 

BabyBabyIce: the good kush, the sweet doja, that good good kind

 

pickybitch: why are you like this

 

Gerblins: the world may never know

 

pickybitch: x-files theme playing in the distance

 

BabyBabyIce: if by “like this” you mean an icon and a goddamn delight then idk i was just born that way

 

pickybitch: born this way playing in the distance

 

silversnitch: thats it im deleting

 

Fren-shaped: do you think we’ll ever get shiro to be proud of us?

 

Eight Dick Princess: I’m sure he is already proud of us deep down, in his own way.

 

Fren-shaped: woah allura!!! eight dick?

 

Eight Dick Princess: It’s true! :)

 

Eight Dick Princess: Eight dick.

 

BabyBabyIce: one things for sure i kno were all proud of allura!

 

Gerblins : nothing but respect for my princess

 

Gerblins: is beezer gonna be at the party?

 

BabyBabyIce: wtf kind of name is beezer

 

Gerblins: its a nickname genius

 

Fren-shaped: nah i think beezers got a match that night

 

NewSheryiffinTown: damn im gonna miss that funky little lesbian

 

Gerblins: hell yeah someonelll be online that night

 

BabyBabyIce: someones pretty excited ;)

 

Gerblins: shut up u piece of shit stoner

 

BabyBabyIce: try n stop me u useless lesbian

 

Gerblins has changed the nickname of BabyBabyIce to pieceofshitstoner

 

pieceofshitstoner: way too long to be a good chatname

 

NewSheryiffinTown: says who?

 

pieceofshitstoner: cmon this is excatly why we changed hunks name

 

Gerblins: fine

 

Gerblins has changed the name of pieceofshitstoner to shitstoner

 

shitstoner: EW THAT JUST SEEMS NASTY

 

pickybitch: and you called me the picky one

 

Gerblins: ITS WHAT YOU DESERVE

 

silversnitch: i have to side with lance on this one

 

Fren-shaped: yeah idk i dont wanna read that all the time

 

Gerblins: okay fuck you all

 

Gerblins has changed the nickname of shitstoner to PoStoner

 

silversnitch: is that any better?

 

NewSheryiffinTown: i think po means butt in german

 

PoStoner: ITS PERFECT

 

Gerblins: good then i dont wanna hear any more about it

 

PoStoner: why cant i change your chat name????

 

Gerblins:  ;)

 

NewSheryiffinTown: the same reason no one can change mine

 

Gerblins: oh matt ppl can change your nickname its just you that cant

 

NewSheryiffinTown: wait WHAT

 

NewSheryiffinTown: THEN WHY IS THIS STILL MY NAME

 

Gerblins: :)

 

NewSheryiffinTown: SOMEONE CHANGE IT

 

PoStoner: nah iim cool w it

 

Fren-shaped: yeah this works for me

 

Eight Dick Princess: Sorry Matt! <3

 

NewSheryiffinTown: DAMMIT

 

pickybitch: who tf is beezer

 

Fren-shaped: yknow the kid that hangs out with rolo and nyma?

 

pickybitch: i think i know rolo at least

 

pickybitch: wait isnt nyma the girl that stole lances wallet

 

Fren-shaped: while they were dating yeah

 

pickybitch: ?

 

pickybitch: why are they even invited?

 

PoStoner: bc theyre cool people and holding grudges is bad for your skin?

 

pickybitch: that doesnt make sense ur inviting her to your house?

 

PoStoner: well shiros house technically

 

silversnitch: wow thank you

 

PoStoner: also its the year of building bridges so whats the big deal?

 

pickybitch: she stole ur shit and cheated on you thats my problem

 

PoStoner: yeah when we were teenagers???

 

PoStoner: literally who didnt do shitty stuff at that age

 

Gerblins: um i resent that?

 

PoStoner: case in point

 

silversnitch: keith is pretending not to remember his car-jacking phase

 

Gerblins: HIS WHAT

 

pickybitch: wait fuck

 

PoStoner: carjacking PHASE??? like a period of time?? like he did this more than ONCE?

 

pickybitch: 3 TIMES TOPS I SWEAR IT

 

Fren-shaped: YOU STOLE 3 CARS??

 

pickybitch: 2 CARS AND 3 TIMES TOTAL JESUS

 

silversnitch: yeah including the time he stole my car and i had to bail him out and dismiss the charges

 

PoStoner: you stole SHIROS car??? Why????

 

pickybitch: I WAS A KID OK I WAS MAD AND DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

 

Gerblins: damn baby keith was a Bad Bitch

 

PoStoner: WAIT HOW DID YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE

 

Fren-shaped: the jumping cars thing makes more sense now

 

Gerblins: yeah he had to learn to dodge the ones who came looking for revenge

 

pickybitch: that is not true at all and it was like 10 years ago

 

silversnitch: 7 years

 

pickybitch: okay fine 7 years ago i stole some cars can we chill?

 

Gerblins : okay that is the fuckin quote of the year

 

PoStoner: so keith was a gd juvenile delinquent and hes judging a girl he doesnt know?

 

pickybitch: okay first of all fuck off and second of all im sorry i take it back no one can be held responsible for what they did in middle school

 

PoStoner: well glad thats settled

 

Fren-shaped: good news for lance too cuz he was a mess

 

Gerblins: yeah i think we figured that one already

 

PoStoner: alright so can we stop talking abt middle school now? were in college lets just talk about college stuff like weed and homework

 

Fren-shaped: i think those are middle school things too tho

 

PoStoner: shit whats special abt college?

 

pickybitch: exactly you ho

 

PoStoner: wow keith is living in 3018 i guess

 

pickybitch: finally you guys are catching up

 

Eight Dick Princess: What about jobs? I believe only Hunk had one when we were that age.

 

PoStoner: yeah alright!!! Alluura comin in clutch

 

Eight Dick Princess: Why thank you, Lance <3

 

PoStoner: wait are u still loking for one?

 

Eight Dick Princess: :/

 

Eight Dick Princess: Yes.

 

Gerblins: i thought shiro was gonna hook you up

 

Eight Dick Princess: Unfortunately it’s not steady work, and it didn’t really work with my schedule. I need something a little more consistent.

 

silversnitch: im really sorry allura

 

Eight Dick Princess: Don’t be! Please, it’s not your fault, Shiro. Don’t worry about it.

 

PoStoner: i can still put in a word for you w my manager? the hours r really flexible

 

Eight Dick Princess: Only if it’s not putting you out too much, Lance?

 

PoStoner: of course not! Plus this job would be totally perfect for you

 

Eight Dick Princess: You think?

 

PoStoner: hell yeah, it was basically made for you

 

PoStoner: like the pay isnt great its barely over min wage but its stil super fun

 

PoStoner: you get to work with little kids that are all really excited and shy teenagers and ppl having a ton of fun and all you really have to do is be friendly and sometimes help them dress up a teddy bear

 

PoStoner: also you get to sit down a lot

 

Eight Dick Princess: Really? It sounds wonderful.

 

PoStoner: it is!!! The only downside is when old dudes come in drunk n you have to benice to them which does happen more often thant youd think but not that often

 

PoStoner: plus it closes at 9 so ur never working until 2am

 

Eight Dick Princess: Alright then, I’m sold! I’ll definitely put in an application.

 

PoStoner: :D !!!!<3!!! :D !!! :D

 

Eight Dick Princess: <3 :)

 

NewSheryiffinTown: great college talk everybody

 

NewSheryiffinTown: 100% super mature everyone wins the adult badge

 

Gerblins: someones salty

 

NewSheryiffinTown: im not salty im bored lets go back to talking abt cool stuff like weed and homework

 

Fren-shaped: why would matt be salty?

 

Gerblins: he just lost his server position at sals

 

Fren-shaped: what? That totally sucks what happened???

 

NewSheryiffinTown: i maybe, sorta, kinda missed a bunch of shifts

 

Fren-shaped: oh

 

silversnitch: seriously matt? Weve talked about this

 

NewSheryiffinTown: i was in a weird place dude it just sucks that now i have to find something else

 

Fren-shaped: you were working as a server right? So youre restaurant trained?

 

NewSheryiffinTown: yeah? Well for a dinner place like that size and stuff. Ive also worked as a host and a dishwasher at other places

 

Fren-shaped: alright cool. I could maybe ask my moms to give you an interview?

 

NewSheryiffinTown: wait really?

 

Fren-shaped: yeah totally theyre always looking for help

 

Fren-shaped: i mean as long as youre not gonna start disappearing and dodging your shifts n stuff cuz that would look really bad for me it would be totally uncool dude

 

NewSheryiffinTown: yeah of course not i would never do that to you i swear

 

NewSheryiffinTown: hunk thats seriously so nice thank you so much???

 

Fren-shaped: dont mention it bud its no problem

 

Gerblins: wow hunk thats uh

 

Gerblins: really nice of you ;)

 

Fren-shaped: WHY IS THAT A WINKING FACE PIDGE

 

Gerblins: whoops sorry my finger slipped lmao

 

NewSheryiffinTown: seriously dude, youre the best! Thank you oh my god

 

Fren-shaped: its nothing dude

 

NewSheryiffinTown: no way its not nothing i am getting you the biggest thank you gift i swear it

 

PoStoner: hunk is blushing like crazy over here

 

Fren-shaped: DUDE

 

Gerblins: is this chat a temp agency now? Are we networking? Whats next, shiros gonna recommend me for an internship?

 

silversnitch: i guess i can if youre looking for one. What did you have in mind?

 

Gerblins: oh my god i was joking dude

 

silversnitch: i know, i just want to make sure you know i would if you asked me to

 

pickybitch: jesus it really is networking now isnt it

 

Gerblins  has changed the name of the chat to Galaxy Garrison Stars Career Network

 

pickybitch: fuckin college students

 

PoStoner: wtf pidge

 

Gerblins: just being honest

 

pickybitch: thanks i hate it

 

Gerblins:  now we can all put it on our resumes and no one has to know its just the name of a groupchat

 

PoStoner: ohhhh good point

 

silversnitch: i swear to god

 

PoStoner: nvm if we do that shiro will snitch on us

 

Gerblins: fight your instincts shiro! do it for your friends!

 

silversnitch: what friends

 

PoStoner: shit we turned shiro evil

 

NewSheryiffinTown: hes kuro now and hes here to destroy us

 

pickybitch:  are we an anime now?

 

NewSheryiffinTown: were we ever not?

 

PoStoner: DIBS ON MC

 

Gerblins: dont be ridiculous we all know thats allura

 

PoStoner: shit shes right

 

Eight Dick Princess: What? I’m certain we would all be main characters.

 

Gerblins: Those eyes? That hair? Its definitely allura

 

Gerblins: and maybe shiro too come to think of it

 

pickybitch: what? Why them?

 

Eight Dick Princess: Pidge, that’s very nice, but don’t sell yourself short! I think we’re all main character material in this chat.

 

PoStoner: gotta side w pidge on this one allura and shiro have the hair and the tragic backstories

 

PoStoner: not to mention theyre the only ones with the sheer BDE to pull it off

 

Eight Dick Princess: Thank you? I think?

 

pickybitch: i have a tragic backstory and youve been obsessed with my hair since we met

 

PoStoner: keith theres no need to get pouty youd def be an important secondary and theres nothing wrong with that

 

pickybitch: im not being pouty

 

pickybitch: cmon ive got more bde than shiro

 

PoStoner: oh dude

 

Gerblins: keith im sorry but theres nothing more sde than saying you have more bde than your brother

 

Gerblins: you might have to be demoted for that

 

pickybitch: what? Demoted?

 

PoStoner: cmon we dont have to go that far keith can pull off secondary character

 

Gerblins: lance in light of you standing up for keith you might have enough power to pull off an mc

 

PoStoner: whoah really????

 

Gerblins: hell yeah man

 

Gerblins: if only we could do something about that hair

 

PoStoner: what? whats wrong w my hair?

 

Gerblins: its not quite colorful enough

 

pickybitch: this conversation is so pointless

 

Fren-shaped changed the nickname of pickybitch to pettybitch

 

pettybitch: what???why?????????

 

Gerblins: SDE

 

Fren-shaped: thats what happens when you cant play well with others









LadyoftheLake: Lance? Can I ask you something?

SirLancelot: of course yeah whats up?

LadyoftheLake: First of all, I really appreciate your offer to help me find a position at your store.

SirLancelot: seriously lulu its no sweat, its like saying 3 words to my manager

LadyoftheLake: Still, I want you to know I do appreciate it.

SirLancelot: thanks

SirLancelot: really thank you for always noticing me and like, making the efffort to acknowledg me, i really appreciate that, i promise

LadyoftheLake: Of course! That’s friendship, Lance. It’s honestly the least I can do.

SirLancelot: it just means a lot to me

SirLancelot: i wanted you to know that

LadyoftheLake: I do know, Lance. Thank you.

SirLancelot: <3

LadyoftheLake: That’s somewhat what I wanted to talk to you about, actually.

SirLancelot: ?

LadyoftheLake: I’m not  sure how to say this, but I’m worried about you Lance. I’m worried about how isolated you’ve been lately.

SirLancelot: whatre you tlking about?

LadyoftheLake: I’ve noticed you pulling away from the group a bit, and I’m concerned.

SirLancelot: im still in the groupchat arent i? And lik going to class

SirLancelot: seriously idk what youre talking about

LadyoftheLake: I suppose it’s possible I’ve been reading into things. Still, Hunk told me he believes you’ve been smoking again.

SirLancelot: seriously??? I told him i havent been smoking i s2g he doesntl trust me at all

LadyoftheLake: Lance, that’s not true! Hunk trusts you completely.

SirLancelot: then why isnt he listening to me? I told him im fine and im telling you

LadyoftheLake: Telling me what?

SirLancelot: listen, allura, i apreciate it i really do and like what youre tryig to do here

SirLancelot: but im not isolating or spiraling or whatever

SirLancelot: and i really dont need you 2 batting down my doors trying to get me to admit whatever it is you want me to admit about needing help

LadyoftheLake: We all need help sometimes.

SirLancelot: i know that

LadyoftheLake: I’m sorry, Lance. I didn’t mean to insinuate that we don’t trust you to take care of yourself. I just wanted to make absolutely sure you know that we are here for you.

SirLancelot: i know. thank you, im just really not in the mood

SirLancelot:  look i get it i cant blame you considering my history

LadyoftheLake: I’m asking for selfish reasons too.

SirLancelot: ???

SirLancelot: lura you dont have a selfish bone in your body i dont buy it

LadyoftheLake: Maybe I wanted to believe that you’re isolating, and in need of help, because if you were acting distant to everyone, then I would know you were not just trying to distance yourself from me.

SirLancelot: allura no i would never do that

LadyoftheLake: I know. Or, I thought I did. But after I saw you lie in the groupchat about our relationship history, I suppose I got worried. Or paranoid, maybe. I don’t know, I’ve been worried that maybe I’d done something to cause you to become wary of me.

SirLancelot: allura, no. im soso sorry i didnt mean for it to come off that way

SirLancelot: look i said what i did in the groupchat bc i really wanted to get off the topic

SirLancelot: i really dont like talking abt middle school OR lotor at the best of times, so i was just trying to gloss over everything so we could get to a different subject

SirLancelot: i guess i have been acting distant but i swear its not because of anything you did

LadyoftheLake: Thank you. I’m sorry to push all my worries onto you like this.

SirLancelot: dont worry about it

SirLancelot: im glad you talked to me about it

LadyoftheLake: You are?

SirLancelot: yeah it gave me achance to tell you thats bs and i would never want to distance myself fom you

SirLancelot: allura ur honestly like the best person ive ever met and i never want to be the reason ur feeling insecure

LadyoftheLake: Thank you, Lance. I don’t know what to say. You’ve been incredibly kind.

SirLancelot: hey you know i know that feeling

SirLancelot: and i know how much it sucks

LadyoftheLake: It does. I hate feeling so insecure, and I hate making it someone else’s problem.

SirLancelot: i get it

SirLancelot: its hard to feel like someone has that much power over you

LadyoftheLake: It’s just hard to need people.

SirLancelot: yeah

SirLancelot: it is

Chapter Text

PoStoner: just found my new favorite magazine

 

PoStoner sent a link to modernCAT.jpeg

 

Fren-shaped: NICE

 

Fren-shaped: ima bout to be another follower for that cat lmao

 

PoStoner : “this cat has 13 million followers find out why” ill tell you why. look at it. thats why.

 

Fren-shaped: ill tell you why in 4 words, that cat is beautiful

 

pettybitch: its 1.3 million dipshit

 

PoStoner: LITERALLY WHO ASKED YOU

 

Eight Dick Princess: Is that Smoothie? The photogenic cat?

 

PoStoner: maybe?

 

Fren-shaped: ohmigod smoothie is the perfect name for that cat

 

PoStoner: my love

 

Fren-shaped: lil fluffball

 

pettybitch: what are we even doing here anymore

 

PoStoner: keith as an honorary cat you should care more

 

pettybitch: As A What

 

PoStoner: OMG OMGOMG

 

PoStoner sent a link to CatCon.jpeg

 

Fren-shaped: O o O

 

PoStoner: so whos ready for another con

 

Gerblins: YES

 

silversnitch: we are not going to another con

 

PoStoner: but shiro its CATCON

 

PoStoner: we can do it like we did animenext XD

 

pettybitch: i thought we all hated that

 

pettybitch: and dont u fucking dare use XD in this chat again i s2g

 

PoStoner: what r u gonna do mullet? ban me? perish the thought!!!!

 

PoStoner: also yeah it was rough but didnt we all like have a lot of fun?

 

pettybitch: where tf even is catcon

 

PoStoner: pasadena? wheres that?

 

Gerblins: like new mexico or something?

 

Gerblins: california

 

Gerblins: idk

 

PoStoner: i thought u were supposed to be a genius???!?!?!

 

Gerblins: A COMPUTER SCIENCE AND PROGRAMMING GENIUS NOT FUCKING GEOGRAPHY

 

PoStoner: .............

 

PoStoner: fair

 

NewSheryiffinTown: tsk my little sister is losing her touch

 

Gerblins: oh is that right matt? Is that what you think?

 

NewSheryiffinTown: NO NO  im sorry forget what i said please dont do whatever youre already doing katie i swear i wont say it again

 

PoStoner: now THAT is BDE damn pidge

 

Eight Dick Princess: Oh it is Smoothie!

 

silversnitch: im loving this magazine. How have i never heard about this kitty cat?

 

pettybitch: bc youre an old man whos terrible at the internet

 

silversnitch: :/

 

silversnitch: and he used to be such a cute kid

 

pettybitch: FUCK YOU

 

PoStoner: did he really

 

pettybitch: why tf are we talking abt random cats now?

 

Fren-shaped: i would die for this cat

 

pettybitch: what? why?

 

Eight Dick Princess: Look at her, Keith. She’s an absolute fashion icon.

 

PoStoner: a bicon

 

Eight Dick Princess:  YES!

 

PoStoner: okay so

 

PoStoner : Step 1 find out where pasadena is

 

PoStoner: Step 2 get tickets

 

PoStoner: Step 3 go to catcon

 

PoStoner: Step 4 ?????????

 

PoStoner: Step 5 Profit

 

Eight Dick Princess: Excellent plan, Lance.

 

Gerblins: foolproof plan im in

 

PoStoner: nice lets do this

 

pettybitch: fine in im

 

pettybitch: wait fcuck

 

pettybitch: im in

 

PoStoner: keith kogayne the unstoppable wordsmith

 

pettybitch: you wanna go serrano????

 

PoStoner: hell yeah i wanna go lets go

 

pettybitch: ALL RIGHT LETS GO

 

PoStoner: MEET ME IN THE DENNYS PARKING LOTAT DAWN

 

Gerblins: lance why do you think all fighting happens in a dennys parking lot

 

PoStoner: am i wrong?

 

pettybitch: not technically

 

Gerblins: what does that even mean

 

pettybitch: it might not physically be there but that doesnt mean the fights not spiritually in a dennys parking lot

 

PoStoner: THANK YOU KEITH

 

PoStoner: finally somone understands me :’)

 

PoStoner: besides dennys after midnight is what i always imagined purgatory to be like

 

silversnitch: okay now what does that mean?

 

PoStoner: like in my mind the waiting room to the afterlife where everyone goes right after they die but like before the universe processes them?

 

PoStoner: is a dennys between 1 and 4am

 

PoStoner: or maybe an IHOP

 

silversnitch: why does that make sense?

 

Gerblins: thats such an image damn

 

NewSheryiffinTown: okay now i know i need sleep cuz lance literally just blew my mind

 

PoStoner: ;)

 

PoStoner: not my first time blowing matts

 

Gerblins: for the last time lance keep ur damn fantasies to yourself he is my brother and you are disgusting

 

PoStoner: MIND

 

PoStoner: I MEANT TO WRITE MIND YOU GREMLIN MIIIINNNDDD

 

silversnitch: sure, lance. we all believe you.

 

NewSheryiffinTown: awwww

 

NewSheryiffinTown: lance youre a beautiful man but im sorry youre just not my type

 

PoStoner: I HATE





 

Paperairplanes: were doing movie night tn right?

Hotlead: of course

Hotlead: what are we watching

Paperairplanes: tonight its spirited away but im thinking we might do a whole miyazaki kick

Paperairplanes: those movies are just so fucking iconic we kinda gotta watch all of them

Hotlead: ive never seen spirited away

Paperairplanes: WHAT

Hotlead: i told you this ive only seen kikis deliversy service

Paperairplanes: that is a fuckin travesty youve never seen princess mononoke?????

Hotlead: no?

Paperairplanes: alright keith im sorry but we have to watch every miyazaki movie ever

Hotlead: how Unfortunate

Paperairplanes: can u make it into town this weekedn?

Hotlead: why

Paperairplanes: its a three day weekend its perfect for a miyazaki film festival

Paperairplanes: its been a rough week all around we can invite everyone

Hotlead: does it have to be this weekend

Hotlead: ill have to take time off work

Paperairplanes: please? Ill take careof everythiing and all the set u and getting the movies

Paperairplanes: all you have to do is show up and i promise ill make sure you have fun i swear please keith?

Hotlead: alright fine

Hotlead: it sounds kind of fun

Paperairplanes: XD

Hotlead: do Not

Paperairplanes: ;p

Hotlead: what

Hotlead: what is that

Paperairplanes: god keith

Paperairplanes: ur really lucky youre cute




 

Baby Gay: Shiro

PapaGay: what whats going on is everything okay?

Baby Gay: he said that im cute

PapaGay: oh my god keith i thought something was wrong its 1am

Baby Gay: what does it MEAN

PapaGay: it means youre a disaster go to sleep

Baby Gay: :(

PapaGay: go to SLEEP

Chapter Text

Eight Dick Princess: Happy Trans Day of Visibility!

 

Gerblins: lmao happy tran

 

PoStoner: who is Tran and why does he need a visibility day

 

Gerblins: LMAO

 

Eight Dick Princess:  Well, it's a lot of work to be invisible all the time. He's earned a day to take a break.

 

Gerblins: today is the day all the trans are visible

 

PoStoner: well have to postpone all our bank robberies

 

Gerblins: we should definitely put those on hold

 

Eight Dick Princess: Actually, it’s Bisexual Visibility Month too, so we’ll have to postpone them even longer.

 

PoStoner: DAMMIT

 

PoStoner: WHY DO THEY KEEP TRYNA MAKE US VISIBLE

 

Gerblins: has the lgbt community gone too far

 

Fren-Shaped: it definitely has why isnt there a straight visibility day

 

NewSheryiffinTown:  has everyone forgotten the plight of the straights?

 

silversnitch: yes

 

pettybitch: Good

 

PoStoner: WHOS BRIGHT IDEA WAS IT TO MAKE US ALL VISIBLE FOR A WHOLE GODDAMN MONTH

 

Eight Dick Princess: I don’t know, but I may need to have some strong words with this person.

 

Gerblins: oh shit alluras gonna throw some hands

 

PoStoner: GO GET EM LULU

 

NewSheryiffinTown: you could make a religion out of this

 

Gerblins: bold of you to assume we havent already

 

PoStoner: did yall know the ancient egyptians used ants to suture wounds closed???

 

Gerblins: thats metal as fuck

 

Eight Dick Princess: Step 1) place ant on wound

 

Eight Dick Princess: Step 2) annoy ant

 

Eight Dick Princess: Step 3) when ant bites, twist off its corpse. Wound is held together by pincers and it is metal A F

 

Fren-Shaped: that ant is a doctor now

 

NewSheryiffinTown: p much yeah

 

PoStoner: they do hold the ants pincers open until its on the wounds tho

 

pettybitch: do you just look up random history facts all day?

 

PoStoner: im a polisci major i ahve to take history of course i learn weird facts

 

PoStoner: i learned that one from a podcast tho

 

silversnitch: lance dont you have a class right now? why are you listening to a podcast?

 

PoStoner: did you memorize my schedule shiro wtf????????

 

Eight Dick Princess: No, but since we share certain classes as PoliSci majors, and Shiro knows some things about my schedule, and since I’m sure I mentioned which ones we take together, I’m not surprised  he knows when you’re clearly skipping.

 

PoStoner: ok but youre clearly texting the groupchat in class so like idk what ur doing judging me

 

Gerblins:  sounds like someone hit a nerve

 

Eight Dick Princess: I’ll have you know that texting my friends during class is not the same as skipping the entire class.

 

pettybitch: sure it is princess

 

Eight Dick Princess: Well, that’s a bold retort from someone who stopped going to classes altogether.

 

PoStoner: also thats still like a bananas amt of detective work from sme random snippets to figure out if im skipping class or not so i stand by my ‘shiro wtf’

 

pettybitch: its not skipping class if you have no classes? I dont see your point?

 

silversnitch: its not like i spend my time investigating the case of lance serrano and the missed classes i just happened to notice the time because i know allura is in class right now

 

Fren-Shaped: lance serrano and the missed classes sounds like one of those grade school chapter book mysteries

 

Gerblins:  thats amazing hunk itll be the next encyclopedia brown

 

Eight Dick Princess: Whatever the process, we have established that Lance is currently missing an important class for his major in order to listen to podcasts.

 

PoStoner: Hey! do i text the groupchat whenever pidge skips class to go on a midday raid or play fortnite? Or when hunk skips to check out a new restaurant and work on his robotics project?

 

Fren-Shaped: Dude!

 

silversnitch: wait is that happening a lot?

 

Gerblins: and i thought wed hit the limit on how many snitches can be in one chat

 

PoStoner: look i didnt make any of you come for me ok u reap what u sow

 

Gerblins changed the nickname of PoStoner to PoSnitch

 

pettybitch: whats the point of skipping class to listen to a podcast? youre just learning things anyway

 

PoSnitch: BECAUSE CLASS SUCKS AND PODCASTS ARE AWESOME AND I HAVE ADHD SO THIS KINDA LEARNING WORKS BETTER FOR ME SO CHILL FAM

 

Eight Dick Princess: Lance, none of us are intentionally coming after you. I’m honestly just curious why you’re not in class.

 

PoSnitch: fine but only cuz you asked nicelyUNLIKE SOME PEOPLE

 

pettybitch: who is that aimed at

 

PoSnitch: IDK YORAK FIGURE IT OUT

 

pettybitch: i am never tellng you Anything Ever Again

 

NewSheryiffinTown: yorak??

 

Gerblins: its what keiths mom wanted to name him as a baby

 

NewSheryiffinTown thats amazing id like to thank not only god but jesus

 

pettybitch: ARENT WE TALKING ABOUT LANCE

 

pettybitch: ALSO MATT UR JEWISH

 

Gerblins: id rather die than live in a world where we can only roast one person at a time or where jews cant take your lords name in vain

 

NewSheryiffinTown: Amen

 

pettybitch: fuck the fuck off you fuckin fucks

 

PoSnitch: great burn dude you really showed them

 

pettybitch: shut it serrano just tell us what youre doing

 

PoSnitch: I TOLD U

 

PoSnitch: i was listening to podcasts nd saying goodbye to a cat i was catsitting whatre you doing

 

silversnitch: catsitting??

 

PoSnitch: yeah it was hard but hes a good boy

 

Fren-Shaped: oh i didnt know you were petsitting again

 

PoSnitch: actually its for one of my professors so

 

PoSnitch: HAH IT IS SCHOOL RELATED FUCK YEAH COME AT ME

 

pettybitch: i cant believe someone put you in charge of an actual living creature

 

PoSnitch: i cant believe anyone left u in charge of urself  mr-i-never-eat-or-sleep-but-somehow-i-take-care-of-a-giant-dog?

 

pettybitch: hes a Wolfhound and hes amazing and practitcally takes care of himself so think before you speak next time

 

PoSnitch: okay but that just proves my point that u should never be responsble for another living being

 

PoSnitch: god help you if u ever have kids

 

silversnitch: i second that im 90% sure the dog is the one taking care of keith

 

pettybitch: how can i trust anyone when even my own brother turns against me

 

Fren-Shaped: well you can trust your dog

 

pettybitch: :/

 

Eight Dick Princess: How was cat-sitting, Lance?

 

PoSnitch:  hes a good boy

 

PoSnitch: we played for a bit and then i put on a podcast n did some knitting

 

Fren-Shaped:  awesome dude whatre you making?

 

PoSnitch: im doing like a ppumpkin hat for halloween

 

PoSnitch: so like nothing too complicated

 

NewSheryiffinTown: can i have one?

 

PoStoner: really?

 

NewSheryiffinTown: hell yeah man i still have that scarf you made me and its like the warmest thing i own

 

PoSnitch: sure thing man does anyone else want like a scarf or a hat or something? itll be halloween-themed :)

 

Eight Dick Princess: If it’s not too much trouble at all, I would love another pair of gloves like last year?

 

PoSnitch: u got it llura anyone else?

 

Fren-Shaped: i mean if you finish everyone elses id kill for one of those hats

 

PoSnitch: np ill probably make like 3 just to be safe

 

pettybitch: you make gloves?

 

PoSnitch: yeah my mom sends me the yarn in care packages and i always use it to make christmas gifts and stuff for the fambam

 

pettybitch: thats really cool

 

PoSnitch: do you

 

PoSnitch: do you want a pair?

 

pettybitch: um

 

pettybitch: is that okay?

 

PoSnitch: absolutely babe would skeleton gloves work?

 

pettybitch: that sounds perfect yeah

 

PoSnitch: you got it <3

 

NewSheryiffinTown: my ship is sailing i can die happy now

 

pettybitch: Then Die

 

Gerblins: lmao nice job keith

 

Gerblins:  defending lances honor and giving him something to do so he can actually justify the time he spends listening to podcasts

 

PoSnitch: excuse me u rude little pidgeon podcasts are bae

 

silversnitch: honestly as long as hes learning i cant complain much

 

NewSheryiffinTown: real quick shiro who assigned you this role in life?

 

silversnitch: i

 

silversnitch: what?

 

NewSheryiffinTown: why are you the group dad? Like when did you decide to be this person

 

pettybitch: trust me hes always been this way

 

silversnitch: wow

 

Fren-Shaped : why are we putting shiro on blast now we all need him to be this way

 

PoSnitch: tru its a fact of the universe yknow?

 

NewSheryiffinTown: a fact?

 

PoSnitch: yeah like

 

PoSnitch: hunk is the mom friend, shiro is the dad, coran is our wacky uncle, pidge is everyones evil little sister, allura is the awesome big sister and matt is a bro

 

NewSheryiffinTown: and here i thought katie was just my evil little sister

 

NewSheryiffinTown: plus i think of shiro more like a cool older brother

 

silversnitch: i am a man of many hats

 

Gerblins: nah i agree w lance

 

pettybitch: except you all forgot me???

 

Gerblins: you dont count here

 

pettybitch: what why not?

 

PoSnitch: keith is the next door neighbor who is always there at the house for no real reason

 

pettybitch: what???? I dont even live with you guys???

 

PoSnitch:  ur our kimmy gibbler dude chill

 

pettybitch: EVERYONE HATES KIMMY GIBBLER

 

PoSnitch:  EXCUSE ME NO THEY DONT U FUCKIN SCRUB

 

pettybitch: YES THEY DO

 

PoSnitch:  ok well ur the one who moved away so like? take it up w urself?

 

pettybitch: so im out of your weird fuckin chat family just bc i couldnt college?

 

PoSnitch: YOURE THE ONE WHO LEFT

 

PoSnitch: u can rejoin this family when u decide to act like a part of it ok keithy boy?

 

Fren-Shaped: ok lets roll back a bit?

 

pettybitch: fine with me

 

PoSnitch: yeah?

 

pettybitch: yeah who wants to be in your gd family anyway

 

pettybitch left the chat

 

PoSnitch : wow shocking mr lonewolf goes off on his own again

 

PoSnitch: real mature keith

 

silversnitch: Lance

 

PoSnitch: relax hes just being dramatic he does this like once a week

 

Eight Dick Princess: Lance, I think you hurt his feelings.

 

PoSnitch: wtf r u talking abt keith doesnt have any feelings

 

Gerblins: okay what happened

 

PoSnitch: what

 

Gerblins: five minutes ago you and keith were doing fucking heart eyes at each other and talking about making cute little gifts and now youre back to intentionally antagonizing him and maybe even bullying

 

PoSnitch: WHAT NO WE WERENT

 

PoSnitch: IM BULLYING HIM?? KEITH IS 100% ALWAYS BULLYING ME

 

Gerblins: what happened lance

 

PoSnitch: NOTHING

 

silversnitch: if anything did happen you know you could always talk to us right, lance?

 

PoSnitch left the chat

 

Gerblins: oh for fucks sake

 

Fren-Shaped: talk about dramatic

 

silversnitch: well what do we do now

 

Gerblins: i can permanently add them both back but i dont think thats going to solve the real problem here

 

Eight Dick Princess: Is there anything earlier in the chat which could tell us what happened?

 

Fren-Shaped: i dont know but lance isnt talking

 

Eight Dick Princess: What do you mean?

 

Fren-Shaped: hes locked in his room blasting lorde and mitski

 

Gerblins: wait did something like actually actually happen???

 

silversnitch: ill see what i can get from keith

 

NewSheryiffinTown: do they do this a lot?

 

Gerblins: well keith dramatically leaves the chat about once a week or so lance was right about that

 

Gerblins: lance is usually the last person to leave though

 

Eight Dick Princess: He’s also the one who starts the majority of our conversations.

 

Fren-Shaped: yeah he texts some weird fact or something he just saw and it reminds us all that this chat is even here

 

Gerblins: ive got his internet history

 

silversnitch: Pidge! That is definitely not the right way to solve this!

 

Gerblins: i know!

 

Gerblins: its just a last resort

 

silversnitch: Pidge, Lance is our friend and we can’t violate his privacy like that.

 

Fren-Shaped:  its a last resort if no one hears anything from lance by tomorrow okay?

 

NewSheryiffinTown: dont forget keith weve gotta talk to him too

 

silversnitch: i already got him hes fine

 

Eight Dick Princess: Keith is alright?

 

silversnitch: yeah he just needs a minute

 

Eight Dick Princess: Alright. Then let’s break and report back here in an hour on our findings. Does that work for everyone?

 

Fren-Shaped: oh no

 

Gerblins: what

 

Fren-Shaped: hes listening to marina and the diamonds

 

Eight Dick Princess: Oh no.

 

Gerblins: shit

 

NewSheryiffinTown: what what does that mean?

 

Fren-Shaped: lance hasnt been into marina since high school

 

Fren-Shaped: like last time i heard him listening to it was when he failed a midterm

 

NewSheryiffinTown: so what do we do?

 

Fren-Shaped: im staking out the common room though so ill let everyone know if lance leaves his room

 

Eight Dick Princess: Fair enough. Good luck, Hunk.

 

Fren-Shaped: thanks. good luck to all you guys too..





Baby Gay: he called me babe

Baby Gay: he knits shiro i cant handle this

PapaGay: breathe keith

PapaGay: just remember to breathe

PapaGay: Hey is everything okay?

PapaGay: Keith?

PapaGay: Im not going to  stop until I hear something from you

Baby Gay: im fine shiro just leave me alone

PapaGay: are you sure? because im happy to talk about it you know

Baby Gay: i know

PapaGay: maybe i can help?

Baby Gay: okay fine

Baby Gay: i dont know what im doing wrong

Baby Gay: i thought we were getting along? he was going to knit me some gloves and we were watching movies together and everything. i didnt even know he knits but god its so him of course he does but then like

Baby Gay:  he just kinda turned?

Baby Gay: i dont know maybe he was just joking and im overreacting but is it just me or is he like mad?

PapaGay: its not just you. Lance left the chat after you did and hunk said hes holed up in their room. It definitely seems like something happened.

Baby Gay: so im not just being crazy?

PapaGay: no keith

PapaGay: its hard for you because now that you know how you feel about lance, his words have a lot more power over you

Baby Gay: i dont want him to have any power over me

PapaGay: i know

PapaGay: but like it or not his words have an impact on your feelings

Baby Gay: we were arguing earlier but i thought we were just messing around idki thought we were doing okay

Baby Gay: he wanted to do this whole movie marathon thing this weekend and he said he was going to invite everyone and do all the planning but now he says it might not be a good idea

Baby Gay: i think hes cancelling

Baby Gay:  i hate feeling this way

PapaGay: im so sorry keith

Baby Gay: i guess i got excited bc it was kind of like

Baby Gay: he was throwing this whole party just for me? And i guess i thought that meant something

Baby Gay: but maybe it doesnt

PapaGay: look no matter what, lance is your friend and he cares about you

PapaGay: hes not doing anything to intentionally hurt you

PapaGay: i dont think hes that kind of person

Baby Gay: i dont know

Baby Gay: i feel like i did something wrong and i dont know what it is and i just want to make it right

PapaGay: im sorry but we wont know anything until lance tells us himself

PapaGay: do you think you can hold on until then?

Baby Gay: yeah ill be okay

PapaGay:  be kind to yourself, Keith

PapaGay: you cant control what feelings you have, only what you do with them

PapaGay: take care of yourself please? Im not there to do it so i have to trust you to do it for me. okay?

Baby Gay: okay

PapaGay: thank you

Baby Gay: thanks shiro

Baby Gay: seriously thank you for everything

PapaGay: dont mention it, bro

PapaGay:  its my job

 

 

 

 

cinnamonRolls: Lance?

cinnamonRolls: dude is everything okay?

cinnamonRolls: come on lance please answer

cinnamonRolls: dude everyone is really worried about you

cinnamonRolls: im not going to stop until i hear from you

cinnamonRolls: lance man please talk to me

cinnamonRolls: talk to me okay? you know im here for you im always here for you

cinnamonRolls: we dont even have to talk abt whatever the problem is seriously just say something to me so i know youre okay

cinnamonRolls: lance

officialMemelord: im okay

cinnamonRolls: LANCE

cinnamonRolls: DUDE

cinnamonRolls: oh my god thank god youre there

cinnamonRolls: whats going on? Are you okay? whats happening?

cinnamonRolls: lance?




LadyoftheLake: Lance?

SirLancelot: hey hot stuff, whats up?

LadyoftheLake: Lance! It’s so good to hear from you!

SirLancelot: whats wrong did something happen?

LadyoftheLake: Everyone is very worried about you, Lance. We all want to know the best way to support you.

SirLancelot: whoa why are ppl worried? Im fine

LadyoftheLake: Are you sure? You seemed upset in the groupchat.

SirLancelot: nah i just need some time to myself yknow?

SirLancelot: ill be back in a bit

LadyoftheLake: Okay. Is there anything we can do for you?

SirLancelot: not really

SirLancelot: could you ask hunk to stop messaging me? its kind of stressful to have my phone blowing up like this rn

LadyoftheLake: Of course. I’m sure he just wants to hear from you to know that you’re alright, but I can tell him you’d like him to give you a little space?

SirLancelot: thanks. I just need a little time okay? no one has to worry

LadyoftheLake: Thank you, Lance <3

SirLancelot: ??

SirLancelot: for what

LadyoftheLake: For putting us at ease. It’s a huge relief to hear from you, and I promise you it’s appreciated.

SirLancelot: oh

SirLancelot: yeah np

LadyoftheLake: <3




 

PrinceOfHearts: Hey babe <3

PrinceOfHearts: It’s been a while.

PrinceOfHearts: Can we talk?

Leggy: um?

PrinceOfHearts: Don’t you remember me, Lancey?

Leggy: wait

Leggy: Lotor?

PrinceOfHearts:  ;)

Chapter Text

Leggy: I don’t want to hear from you

PrinceOfHearts: Please?

Leggy: NO I DONT WANT TO TALK TO YOU

PrinceOfHearts: I know we left things in a bad place, Lancey, and that’s what bothers me. I just want to make things right with you, I swear.

PrinceOfHearts: If you really don’t want to talk to me I’ll back off, but

PrinceOfHearts: You haven’t blocked me, and you’re still reading my messages, and I know that means something.

PrinceOfHearts: Tell me it means something, Lancey, please

Leggy: stop calling me that

PrinceOfHearts: So now you’re speaking to me?

Leggy: i told you i didnt want to talk to you

PrinceOfHearts: No, you didn’t. You ghosted me, Lance. You left me alone in the cold, wondering what I had done wrong, and never once tried to contact me.

PrinceOfHearts: Do you know how that felt? Do you have any idea how it hurt to be so soundly rejected by you? To be completely removed from your life without so much as a notice as to why?

Leggy: i

Leggy: look im sorry but i really dont want to talk to you

PrinceOfHearts: No, I suppose you wouldn’t.

PrinceOfHearts: Who would want to face their greatest mistake after having moved on, forget anyone it hurts, so long as they get away clean?

Leggy: i dont think of you as a mistake

PrinceOfHearts: Of course you do. How else can you explain the years of silence?

Leggy: IM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO WENT SILENT

PrinceOfHearts: No? So then you answered all 27 of the concerned messages I tried to send over the 12 months following our coupling?

Leggy: God who calls it that ‘our coupling’ i s2g im gonna fucking throw up

PrinceOfHearts: Well.

PrinceOfHearts: I suppose at least now I know what you really thought about that night.

PrinceOfHearts: Better late than never, I suppose.

Leggy: thats not what i meant

PrinceOfHearts: No? You weren’t trying to remove me from your life completely without ever telling me what I had done wrong? You weren’t trying to discard me without a thought?

Leggy: i had a thought okay i had so many thoughts do you have any idea how hard that was???? I trusted you i fucking trusted you you goddamn asshole i trusted you

PrinceOfHearts: I trusted you, too.

PrinceOfHearts: Though I suppose that doesn’t matter as much to you as your need to be the victim in every situation.

Leggy: okay fuck you i cant do this

Leggy: stop talking to me stop fucking talking to me i dont want to hear from you anymore okay i cant do this please

PrinceOfHearts: I’m sorry, Lance.

PrinceOfHearts: I’m sorry my concerns about our relationship inconvenienced you. I’m sorry my attempts to learn from the past and move forward with my life are so damaging to you. I’m sorry I wasn’t perfect as a teenager and I’m sorry my struggles were “too much” for you. I’m sorry I was so difficult for you to be around. That must’ve been so hard, trying to be friends with someone who was so desperate for connection and compassion and friendship that he turned to you in his times of need.

PrinceOfHearts: I promise I won’t be making those mistakes again. I’m sorry to have been such a burden to you. If you could find it in your heart to forgive me for inflicting myself on you under the guise of love, it would mean the world to me.

Leggy: im sorry

PrinceOfHearts: Oh? I’m sorry, I must’ve heard wrong, are you telling me the always right and perfect Lance Serrano is suggesting he could be partially to blame for the messy situation between two confused and hurting kids which occurred years ago? Surely you jest. The esteemable Lance Serrano has never made any mistakes, or hurt any of the people he cares about, or been anything less than perfect once in his entire life.

Leggy: okay you made your point

Leggy: im sorry okay?

Leggy: i didnt handle that very well but i didnt know what to do and Im sorry lotor really

PrinceOfHearts: It’s okay.

PrinceOfHearts: I’m sorry, Lancey. I started this off all wrong.

Leggy: no its ok just

Leggy: what did you want to say

PrinceOfHearts: It’s not easy to talk about, but…

PrinceOfHearts: I miss you, Lancey. We used to be so close. I know things were difficult last time, but being with you has always meant so much to me. I’m sorry I didn’t always show you that enough.

PrinceOfHearts: Please, can we meet to talk in person?

Leggy: I don’t think I can do that

PrinceOfHearts: All I want is one chance. One chance for us to be friends again.

PrinceOfHearts: You don’t have to commit to anything. Just one meeting is all that I ask.

Leggy: i really dont know

PrinceOfHearts: Please, Lance. If you don’t like it, we never have to speak again. You can tell me to stay away and I will respect that, but please, just one meeting?

PrinceOfHearts: For me?

Leggy: okay. I have some free time on thursday

PrinceOfHearts: I’m so sorry, but Thursday just wouldn’t work for me. I have so much going on right now. Is there any free time you have tomorrow?

Leggy: i guess

Leggy: im free at 4?

PrinceOfHearts: Wonderful! Truly, thank you, this is absolutely wonderful. I’ll meet you at Sal’s?

Leggy: sure

PrinceOfHearts: I can’t wait.

Leggy: see u tomorow

PrinceOfHearts: I’ll see you tomorrow, Lancey <3

Chapter Text

cinnamonRolls: hey dude?

Memelord: yeah?

cinnamonRolls:  where did you go after lab yesterday?

Memelord: i went on a date

cinnamonRolls: a date????? dude you didnt say anything!!!!!

Memelord: yeah i kinda wanted to play this one close to the vest

cinnamonRolls: but you always tell me about your dates

Memelord: this one was really shortnotice i really wanted to tell you but i got nervous

cinnamonRolls:  why what was up?

cinnamonRolls: who were you with

Memelord: um you remember that dude from my photography class

cinnamonRolls: oh man that guy?? Dude congrats!!!!! youve been totally into him since the start of the semester

Memelord: yeah i got really lucky

cinnamonRolls:  how did it go??? did you have enough to talk about? did you get all flustered thinking about how pretty he was like you thought you would? Oh shit did you learn his first name?

Memelord:  yeah his first name is ryan

Memelord: we got along really well hes super cool

cinnamonRolls: are you guys going out again?

Memelord: maybe

cinnamonRolls: hes coming to the halloween party right? You should ask him to go with you!

Memelord: what no that doesnt make any sense

cinnamonRolls:  why not?

cinnamonRolls : you still like him right?

Memelord: yeah of course hes

Memelord: great

cinnamonRolls: oh

cinnamonRolls: is this gonna be one of those things where you dont ask him out again cuz youre afraid he wont be into you anymore but you pretend its bc youre trying to ‘play the field’ or something?

Memelord: what no i dont do that

Memelord: jfc hunk you dont know everything about me okay? Im not just an anxious mess all the time i can be okay sometimes

cinnamonRolls: im sorry dude

cinnamonRolls: i didnt mean that

cinnamonRolls: its just been a really long time since ive seen you date someone you really like

cinnamonRolls: i just want you to find someone who makes you feel good, yknow?

Memelord: yeah i know

Memelord: youre just looking out for me and i really appreciate that hunk

cinnamonRolls: i love you man

Memelord: i love you too

Memelord: i am gonna ask ryan to the party

cinnamonRolls: fuck yeah get it lance!

Memelord: thanks man

cinnamonRolls: just to be clear this is that kinkade dude who always takes the really cool pictures with the ‘silent framing’ right

Memelord: yeah thats exactly who i went out with today and we talked abut photography stuff which we both do and stuff

cinnamonRolls: great just making sure

cinnamonRolls: its not gonna be weird that keiths there, right?

Memelord: why would that be weird

cinnamonRolls: cuz youve had that big crush on him for a really long time? he doesnt relly get along with kinkades friends either so like

cinnamonRolls: if one of you gets jealous it could get pretty bad

Memelord: neither of us is going to get jealous hunk

Memelord: i told you im way over that and keith never liked me in the first place so

cinnamonRolls: are you sure?

Memelord: absolutely

Memelord: its totally gonna be fine, i promise

cinnamonRolls: okay





PrinceOfHearts: I loved our talk today, Lancey <3

PrinceOfHearts: Thank you so much for agreeing to meet. The conversation was incredible. It meant the world to me, more than you can ever know.

Leggy: im glad

PrinceOfHearts: Great. Next time is going to be even better, I'm sure of it :D

Leggy:  it was really nice

PrinceOfHearts: I can’t wait to see you again. Take care Lancey Lance <3




 

Baby Gay: is lance back in the chat yet

PapaGay: not yet

Baby Gay: whats taking him so long? I need him to add me back in

PapaGay: yknow i can add you back to the chat too keith

Baby Gay: but lance always does it

Baby Gay: usually before i even wake up

PapaGay: he mustve been busy today

Baby Gay: busy with what? He doesnt do anything

PapaGay: he works, goes to class, and competes on the swim team keith he does plenty

Baby Gay: yeah i know i know lance does a lot but what was he doing today that kept him out of the chat? he loves that chat

PapaGay : i know

Baby Gay: well?

PapaGay: hunk may have said something about a date

Baby Gay: oh

PapaGay: im sorry keith

Baby Gay: no its fine

Baby Gay: were just friends right? so im happy for him

Baby Gay: as his friend

Baby Gay: is he going to see her again

PapaGay: uh

PapaGay: actually the date was with Ryan Kinkade

Baby Gay: oh

PapaGay: hes a photography major

Baby Gay: sounds pretentious

PapaGay: hes really nice

Baby Gay: i bet he is

PapaGay: keith please

PapaGay: you dont need to be anyones second choice you know

PapaGay: keith?



 

Shiro: Adam?

Adam: Takashi?

Shiro: Hi

Shiro: Can we talk?

Chapter Text

Fren-Shaped: this is getting ridiculous

 

Fren-Shaped has added PoSnitch to the chat

 

Fren-Shaped has added pettybitch to the chat

 

NewSheryiffinTown: finally!!! It was so boring without you here

 

PoSnitch: do you mean me or keith?

 

NewSheryiffinTown: i mean take a guess

 

pettybitch: gee thanks

 

NewSheryiffinTown: no offense its just lance is fun

 

pettybitch: how could i take offense to that

 

PoSnitch: LMAO getwrekt keith

 

NewSheryiffinTown: see i knew youd understand

 

pettybitch: that was clearly sarcastic you Bitch

 

Gerblins: whyd it take you guys so long to come back?

 

pettybitch: lance was on a date

 

PoSnitch: HOW

 

PoSnitch: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT

 

pettybitch: shiro told me

 

silversnitch: sorry lance

 

PoSnitch: WHY

 

PoSnitch: in what possible world would my dating life come up in a convo btw you twoo???

 

pettybitch: in the world of me asking why i wasnt added back to the chat yet

 

PoSnitch: shiro couldve added you??? I mean fuck hunks the one who added us both back anyway

 

Fren-shaped: because you were being an idiots and kept blowing me off?

 

Eight Dick Princess: Lance, is everything alright? I was surprised you hadn’t rejoined us sooner.

 

PoSnitch: i told you before everything is fine i just had a date so i was distracted and i kept forgetting its really not a big deal

 

Eight Dick Princess: Of course, I didn’t mean to push you.

 

pettybitch: whatever were all back now lets just talk about dumb shit like we usually do

 

PoSnitch: yes thank you keith dumb shit sounds good to me

 

Gerblins: what did you have in mind?

 

PoSnitch: theres a park near campus called glory hole park and i cant stop thinking about it

 

Gerblins: we really dont need to hear about all your slut adventures lance

 

PoSnitch: I JUST THINK ITS FUNNY

 

pettybitch: very mature

 

PoSnitch: YES I KNOW IM 20 YEARS OLD HOW MATURE ARE YOU EXPECTING ME TO BE

 

Gerblins: You? Not at all so dwai

 

PoSnitch: great now i cant disappoint you

 

Gerblins : exactly!

 

Fren-shaped : yeah lance dont worry we dont expect you to be mature at all!

 

PoSnitch: youre confidence in me is always inspiring

 

Gerblins: thats what friends are for buddy

 

NewSheryiffinTown: to be fair, that park was definitely named that way for a reason and it is not immature to notice that

 

silversnitch: what reason?

 

NewSheryiffinTown: take a guess

 

silversnitch: guttersnipe

 

NewSheryiffinTown: you have the insults of a 60 year old man

 

pettybitch: im starting to suspect that shiro was possessed by the spirit of a grandpa at a young age

 

PoSnitch: hell nah that is grandma energy right there

 

PoSnitch: Pure Abuelita Vibes

 

silversnitch: i try

 

Eight Dick Princess: Is grandma energy an alternative to Big Dick Energy?

 

PoSnitch: absolutely not have you met my grandma?

 

Fren-shaped: every grandmother ive ever met has had BDE like crazy so i have to go with lance on this one

 

Gerblins: same my grandma is a bamf

 

pettybitch: your grandma is still alive?

 

Gerblins: yeah?

 

pettybitch: wtf

 

Gerblins: how is that weird to you

 

pettybitch: how is it not weird like who has grandparents anymore

 

Eight Dick Princess: A lot of people have grandparents, Keith. It’s not uncommon.

 

pettybitch: that is definitely not true

 

Eight Dick Princess: Why

 

Eight Dick Princess: Why would I lie?

 

PoSnitch: its a massive grandma conspiracy

 

PoSnitch: dont trust anyone who says they still have grandparents

 

Gerblins: rude bubbe is gonna hear about this lance

 

PoSnitch: Let Them Come

 

PoSnitch: the grandparents do not scare me

 

Fren-shaped: you dont want to do that bud

 

Fren-shaped: their combined bde will piledrive you into the ground lance

 

pettybitch: i would honestly pay to see lance get his ass beat by a bunch of octogenarians

 

PoSnitch: what tf is a octogenarian

 

Gerblins: a old person dumbass

 

Fren-shaped: a person in their 80s

 

Fren-shaped: pidge!

 

Gerblins: what we said the same thing

 

PoSnitch: so its a dumb old person?

 

Gerblins: oh my god

 

pettybitch: its just an old person lance im sure youve seen plenty of them

 

PoSnitch: and im sure you havent keith

 

pettybitch: rude

 

PoSnitch: what im just joking abt you having no family how is that rude

 

silversnitch: youre both rude and you both need to cut it out

 

PoSnitch: hey pidge is being rude too!

 

Gerblins: i am not im being funny

 

pettybitch: were all funny youre not special

 

Gerblins: my nearly completed college degree would beg to differ

 

PoSnitch: we all have nearly completed college degrees

 

pettybitch: Then Beg

 

pettybitch: lance you ruined my awesome response

 

PoSnitch:  wow edgelord my bad im so sorry

 

pettybitch: yours isnt even true fuck you

 

PoSnitch: ITS TRUE ENOUGH

 

silversnitch: its a little insulting

 

PoSnitch: SLANDER

 

PoSnitch: IM SUING YOU LL FOR LIBEL

 

Gerblins: its only libel if it isnt true so we can kind of say whatever we want

 

Fren-shaped: we can already say whatever we want

 

Eight Dick Princess: That’s called one of the amendments.

 

PoSnitch: you beautiful british sunbeam i do not think that is correct

 

Gerblins: It is in fact correct you fake american

 

PoSnitch: i am not an american i am a cuban you little devil child?

 

Fren-shaped: you moved here when you were eight i think you count as an american now

 

PoSnitch: tell that to the government pls

 

pettybitch: omw now

 

PoSnitch: my only real friend in these trying times

 

Fren-shaped: :’(





 

Hotlead: hey lance?

Paperairplanes: yeah?

Hotlead: is it cool if I head to the party early?

Paperairplanes: i guess why?

Hotlead: i won’t do it if it doesnt work for you I jusgt thought I could help decorate or something

Paperairplanes: no yeah you totally can! That would be totally awesome and I’m sure hunk would appreciate it tbh thanks for offering wed love to have you

Hotlead: yeah?

Paperairplanes: of course dude youre always welcome anytiime

Hotlead: so

Paperairplanes: ?

Hotlead: are we still doing the miyazaki thing

Hotlead: like i get it if you dont want to anymore or you have a date or something i just wanted to make sure

Paperairplanes: of course we are!!! Why wouldnt we?

Paperairplanes: im sorry i got weird in the groupchat keith. Ive had like a rough couple days. I still really wanna do the miyazaki thing if youre still into it.

Hotlead: it sounds like a lot of fun, id like to

Paperairplanes: yeah?

Hotlead: if youre still down im still down

Paperairplanes: then were so on. my last class friday ends at 3 so come by the house any time after 4 and we can get started on the full body ghibli-infusion right away my guy

Hotlead: cool

Hotlead: and you’re sure I’ll like these movies?

Paperairplanes: keith anyone who doesnt enjoy ghibli movies is not someone i want to be associated with so you better enjoy them

Hotlead: great no pressure

Paperairplanes: lmao dont worry, im sure youll love them

Paperairplanes: shiro loves them anyway hes bringing like half of them on dvd

Hotlead: of course he is

Paperairplanes: i know right? What a parent move dvds lol

Hotlead: whats wrong with dvds

Paperairplanes: nothing i guess if youre into that but like

Paperairplanes: just fucking download it like a normal person honestly like who buys movies anymore

Hotlead: lots of people? People who dont have netflix accounts?

Paperairplanes: ok but who even is that? no one still doesnt have a netflix

Hotlead: i dont

Paperairplanes: w

Paperairplanes: but you have wifi?

Hotlead: yeah but shockingly between gas and food i dont really have the extra income for a netflix account

Paperairplanes: keith thats

Paperairplanes: thatss horrible?? How do you live bro are you okay?

Hotlead: somehow i get by

Paperairplanes: that was sarcasm wasnt it

Hotlead: incredible that you caught that

Paperairplanes: shut up mullet

Hotlead: what is ur deal with my hair?

Paperairplanes: I DONT GET IT

Paperairplanes: HOWWWWWW

Hotlead: HOW WHAT?

Hotlead: wtf is your problem with my godamn hair

Paperairplanes: HOW IS IT STILL PRETTY

Paperairplanes: WHO THE HELL LOOKS GOOD WITH A MULLET HOW DO YOU DO IT YOU FUCKING SORCERER

Hotlead: you think it looks good?

Paperairplanes: i did not say that

Hotlead: you basically did

Paperairplanes: look pretty boy you can drop the false humility around me we both know youre gorgeous and you have every other girl/guy/enbie swooning over you everyday okay

Hotlead: i definitely dont

Paperairplanes: yah you do!!! Stop lying!

Hotlead: idk what youre talking about?

Paperairplanes: how do you not? Youre so pretty ppl are fainting in the street when you walk by

Hotlead: that is definitely not true

Hotlead: youre way prettier than ill ever be for one thing

Paperairplanes: i

Paperairplanes: what?

Hotlead: i mean come on you're loverboy lance for a reason

Hotlead: youre beautiful and anyone with half a brain can see it so

Hotlead: ?

Hotlead: lance?

Hotlead: you there?




MemeLord: i was wrong

cinnamonrolls: about what?

MemeLord: im not over keith

cinnamonrolls: shocking

cinnamonrolls: what was your first clue

MemeLord: HUNK CMON IM FREAKING OUT

MemeLord: HE CALLED ME BEAUTIFUL AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO

cinnamonrolls: oh shit really?

cinnamonrolls: what did you say?

MemeLord sent ohgoddwhatdoido.jpg

MemeLord sent fuckivegottasaysomething.jpg

cinnamonrolls: damn

cinnamonrolls: well youve gotta say something

MemeLord: I KNOW THAT

MemeLord: WHAT THE FUCK DO I SAY

cinnamonrolls: hang on

cinnamonrolls: okay you can maybe have until tomorrow to think of something if you say your phone died or you fell asleep or something but youll have to avoid all social media until youve thought of what to say

MemeLord: done

cinnamonrolls: wow this is really important to you

MemeLord: WHY WOULDNT IT BE

cinnamonrolls: well arent you kind of dating that kinkade kid?

MemeLord: fuck

cinnamonrolls: yeah so

cinnamonrolls: what are you going to do

MemeLord: i dont know

MemeLord: fuck i dont know what do i do?

MemeLord: what the shit i dont know what do i fucking say to any of them fuck

cinnamonrolls: lance its okay calm down

cinnamonrolls: no matter what its going to be okay youll sort this out

cinnamonrolls: ill help you well all help you youre going to be fine

cinnamonrolls: lance?

cinnamonrolls: lance say something

cinnamonrolls: lance are you still there

cinnamonrolls: lance cmon man this isnt funny youre not in youre room where did you go

cinnamonrolls: LANCE CMON SAY SOMETHING

cinnamonrolls: FUCKING HELL LANCE YOU CANT KEEP DOING THIS YOU CANT KEEP FUCKING DISAPPEARING LIKE THIS FUCKING TALK TO ME MAN

MemeLord: im sorry

cinnamonrolls: oh thank god

cinnamonrolls: where are you

MemeLord: the park

MemeLord: im coming back now

cinnamonrolls: good

MemeLord: im sorry hunk

cinnamonrolls: i know just

cinnamonrolls: just get back here okay?

MemeLord: okay

cinnamonrolls: and im serious about talking to me

cinnamonrolls: you cant just keep disappearing like that its not okay

MemeLord: i know

cinnamonrolls: okay

cinnamonrolls: good

 

 

 

Baby Gay: i think i fucked up

PapaGay: nice to hear from you too keith

Baby Gay: im serious shiro

PapaGay: what happened?

Baby Gay: i told lance that hes beautiful? And he hasnt said anything since

PapaGay: tell me exactly what happened

Baby Gay sent ohgodwhathaveidone.jpg

Baby Gay sent fuckmyfuckinglife.jpg

PapaGay: wow

Baby Gay:  what do i do? I obviously made him uncomfortable im

Baby Gay: what if he doesnt want to hang out with me anymore?

PapaGay: look lance isnt that kind of guy

PapaGay: hes got some issues of his own hes probably just trying to figure out how to respond

Baby Gay: how do you know that?

PapaGay: i mean i dont know for sure, but knowing what i do about lance, hes more likely to be flustered than angry

PapaGay: hes probably just trying to think of something nice to say

PapaGay: hes not used to people complimenting him

Baby Gay: what are you talking about this is lance

Baby Gay: everyone loves him

PapaGay: yeah but still

PapaGay: most people dont realize hes more fragile than he looks

PapaGay: or acts actually

Baby Gay: what do you mean?

PapaGay: youve been talking to him more often lately right? One on one?

Baby Gay: yeah?

PapaGay: lance can be surprisingly vulnerable

PapaGay: hes very good at acting full of himself but honestly he struggles a lot with insecurity

PapaGay: you have to have seen some sign of that by now

Baby Gay: i mean i guess hes surprisingly hesitant? or something? In our conversations

Baby Gay: but ive never really thought of him as vulnerable

Baby Gay: he works so hard and he has such great ideas and hes so passionate? What does he have to be insecure about?

PapaGay: you of all people have to know thats not what insecurity is about

PapaGay: it doesnt have to be rational to hit you hard

Baby Gay: i guess

Baby Gay: i just cant imagine what hed have to dislike about himself

PapaGay: you disliked him a lot until recently

PapaGay: he still annoys everyone pretty regularly

Baby Gay: yeah but like

Baby Gay: i dont know

Baby Gay: i guess youre right

Baby Gay: but i love him?

PapaGay: wait really???

Baby Gay: I MEAN NOT LIKE LOVE OR ANYTHING I JUST LIKE HIM A WHOLE LOT

Baby Gay: its not anything like that i just appreciate him a lot and i like him and i want to be around him its nothinng deep like that okay?? I barely know him honestly i mean this conversation is proof of that right?

PapaGay: keith its okay

PapaGay: you dont have to qualify your feelings with me

PapaGay: just talk to me honestly about how you feel

Baby Gay: why? Its not like youre always honest with me

PapaGay: i

Baby Gay: im sorry shiro that wasnt fair of me im sorry

PapaGay: no youre right

PapaGay: thats fair

Baby Gay: its not i was just lashing out

PapaGay: no keith

PapaGay: youre right, i have been keeping things from you

Baby Gay: what?

PapaGay: i told you i would keep you updated on the whole adam situation but i didnt

Baby Gay: wait theres been more stuff with adam?

PapaGay: yeah

Baby Gay: what happened? Is everything okay? Are you okay?

PapaGay: im fine

PapaGay: ive run into adam a few times in the building

PapaGay: weve talked a little and had lunch together once

Baby Gay: wait really? You had lunch?

PapaGay: yeah

PapaGay: just to talk

Baby Gay: what did you talk about

PapaGay: us

PapaGay: i dont think i ever really got over him

PapaGay: im still not over him and I think it kind of hurts to see him so often and not

PapaGay: not be a part of his life

PapaGay: not have him as a part of mine

Baby Gay: so what did you decide?

PapaGay: nothing really

PapaGay: i asked him to have lunch with me to talk about it

Baby Gay: theres no way that was easy

PapaGay: it wasnt but i needed to do it

PapaGay: we talked about doing it again sometime

PapaGay: i think i still love him

Baby Gay: holy shit shiro

PapaGay: yeah

Baby Gay: do you want to talk? Like in person when i come up this weekend?

PapaGay: i would

PapaGay: i think i would appreciate that

Baby Gay: okay ill stay with you then

PapaGay: i dont want to cut into your time with lance

Baby Gay: what time with lance?

Baby Gay: look your place has the biggest tv anyway so we should probably have our thing there with you anyway

Baby Gay: then ill stay on the airmattress in your room and we can talk whenever okay?

PapaGay: thanks

PapaGay: ill talk to lance about it

Baby Gay: okay thats settled then

PapaGay: i just miss him

PapaGay: i miss him a lot

Baby Gay: im sorry

PapaGay: thanks

PapaGay: you cant sacrifice your time with lance for me though

Baby Gay: dont be ridiculous

PapaGay: keith i swear

Baby Gay: hes dating someone else

PapaGay: theyve been on one date

Baby Gay: and theyre going on another one! And lance likes him! And they have classes together! And hes coming to the party!

PapaGay: that doesnt mean theyre definitely a thing

Baby Gay: yeah but

Baby Gay: i dont want to get in the way

PapaGay: and i dont want you to use this as an excuse not to take a chance to be happy

Baby Gay: ugh

Baby Gay: why are you always so sappy

PapaGay: im your big brother its my job

PapaGay: im wingmanning you this weekend

Baby Gay: Do Not

PapaGay: you cant stop me

Baby Gay: oh god

PapaGay: get ready

PapaGay: you and lance will be boning before monday

Baby Gay: SHIRO

Baby Gay: WTF

Baby Gay: GROSS WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU

PapaGay: i mean what i say lil bro!

Baby Gay : FUCK OFF YOU GROSS OLD MAN

Baby Gay: I DO NOT WANT YOU INVOLVED IN MY SEX LIFE

PapaGay: too late

Baby Gay: YOURE DISGUSTING AND I HATE YOU

PapaGay: awww i love you too keith

Baby Gay: GO DIE IN A HOLE

PapaGay: <3

Chapter Text

PoSnitch: my butthole is the gateway to hell

 

silversnitch: why lance why do you do this

 

PoSnitch: im in so much pain ive lost all concept of shame

 

Gerblins: we all know thats not a new development for you

 

pettybitch: why do you make it so hard to be friends with you

 

Fren-Shaped: lance i told you not to eat the fucking nightmare burger

 

PoSnitch: how could i not hunk you saw the fucking ad they called me a candyass

 

Eight Dick Princess: Who called you a candyass?

 

PoSnitch: burger king

 

pettybitch: the giant corporation of burgerking personally called you a candyass

 

PoSnitch: YES

 

Fren-Shaped: its called the fucking nightmare king lance what did you think was going to happen when you ate it

 

Gerblins: im looking this thing up and

 

Gerblins: jesus lance how are you alive

 

silversnitch: what is it?

 

Fren-Shaped: its a crazy fucking halloween themed burger that burger king literally did a sleep study to prove gives you nightmares

 

pettybitch: why would they want to prove that

 

Fren-Shaped: the ad campaign just dares you to eat it

 

pettybitch: why would anyone eat that

 

PoSnitch: to prove youre not chickenshit

 

pettybitch: youre now bragging about letting a fastfood chain poison you on purpose

 

PoSnitch: listen mulletman the dose is the poison an thats what everyone does wheneveer they eat fast food to pretend otherwise is lying to yourself

 

Gerblins: yeah but most of us dont brag about it

 

Fren-Shaped: the lethal dose of burger king is literally any amount

 

PoSnitch: you bragged for weeks abt housing that cheezseburger pizza pidgey

 

Gerblins: im a child its much more impressive

 

PoSnitch: im a child at heart

 

pettybitch: and in mind

 

PoSnitch: dont hate me cuz you aint me

 

pettybitch: im eternally grateful everyday that im not you

 

PoSnitch: youre grateful that ur not brave enough to eat a nightmare burger just cuz some goddam corpo told you to?

 

pettybitch: you really think i wouldnt eat that fucking burger

 

PoSnitch: thats what it sounds like to me

 

Fren-Shaped: keith dont do it i watched lance regret it so fucking hard

 

Gerblins: yeah keith its not really your kind of thing to do something brave but ridiculously stupid bc someone dared you thats more lances brand

 

PoSnitch: excuse me?????

 

Gerblins: its true

 

PoSnitch: CARJACKING PHASE

 

Gerblins: right nvm

 

PoSnitch: THE HAND SANITIZER CHALLENGE

 

silversnitch: im sorry? tell me keith did not do the hand sanitizer challenge because if thats true i have to go kill him

 

Fren-Shaped: he did it with allura

 

silversnitch: ALLURA

 

Eight Dick Princess: He wanted to do it anyway! I was just there to make sure he was safe!

 

PoSnitch: sure lulu sure

 

Eight Dick Princess: I still don’t think he should run out and purchase this ridiculous burger thing! It looks disgusting!

 

PoSnitch: it tastes pretty wild too its definitely only for the most extreme of us

 

pettybitch: fucking done

 

pettybitch: BEAT THAT SERRANO

 

Eight Dick Princess: What?

 

PoSnitch: HOLY SHIT YOU ATE IT ALREADY?

 

PoSnitch: also i did it first i dont have to beat nything you stooge

 

pettybitch: ;)

 

PoSnitch: WHAT THE HELL KEITH

 

Fren-Shaped: how did you even get there that fast?

 

pettybitch: nothings faster than Red on a mission

 

Gerblins: a mission to destroy your own insides

 

pettybitch: yeah? And?

 

pettybitch: as long as im trapped in this flesh prison ill punish it for existing by eating whatever the fuck i want

 

PoSnitch: HELL YEAH

 

Gerblins: thats healthy

 

Gerblins has changed the nickname of pettybitch to dumbassbitch

 

dumbassbitch: what the fuck pidge?

 

Gerblins: if it fits it fits

 

dumbassbitch: didnt you have whipped cream on pepsi for breakfast????

 

Gerblins: i did absolutely no such thing

 

NewSheryiffinTown: yes you did u sent me pictures

 

Gerblins: betrayed??? by my own brother??

 

NewSheryiffinTown: its more likely than you think

 

PoSnitch: FUCKIN LMAO

 

silversnitch: lance why did you do this to my son

 

PoSnitch: first of all, bitch

 

silversnitch: Excuse Me?

 

PoSnitch: second of all you cant blame me for keith being dumb

 

PoSnitch: thats like blaming me cuz water is wet

 

PoSnitch: or the sun is bright

 

dumbassbitch: thanks a lot dick

 

PoSnitch: and third of all none of us are going to live forever ok were all gonna beef it sometime thank god

 

PoSnitch: hopefully ill come back as a smooth smooth rock and spend a thousand years just sittin on a beach

 

Gerblins: you okay dude?

 

PoSnitch: yeah why?

 

Fren-Shaped: you seem kinda

 

Fren-Shaped: down

 

PoSnitch: im just livin life my dude

 

PoSnitch: kinkade asked me out so im all good

 

Fren-Shaped: dude congrats!!!

 

Eight Dick Princess: That’s wonderful, Lance! Are you excited?

 

PoSnitch: im like excited and nervous its our first date and i just dont wanna seem like a spaz

 

PoSnitch: not that i could i mean once i put my real charms on he will be powerless to resist The Lancinator

 

Gerblins: the lancinator?

 

PoSnitch: ;)

 

Gerblins: you owe me money for making me read that

 

dumbassbitch: you owe all of us money for that

 

silversnitch: if you have been victimized by lance talking about himself, you may be entitled to compensation

 

PoSnitch: et tu shiro?

 

silversnitch: we all have to draw the line somewhere

 

Fren-Shaped: i thought you guys went on a date like 2 days ago?

 

PoSnitch: yeah we totally did but this is like our first REAL date cuz that one was like super casual it doesnt count 

 

PoSnitch: last time was just to meet up and stuff? like it was just coffee so idk if it was a date or something

 

PoSnitch: it definitely wasnt a big deal but this is like a big deal so

 

Fren-Shaped: oh ok

 

Fren-Shaped: youre usually really into first dates and stuff why didnt you tell us earlier when we were hanging out?

 

PoSnitch: yeah well idk i dont wanna come on too strong this time or anything cuz i know i can be a lot so im trying not to make a big deal out of it 

 

dumbassbitch: when did you even start talking to this dude

 

PoSnitch: weve been in the same class all semester and sometimes we share tips and stuff

 

PoSnitch: plus we just got paired up on this big project so well probably be spending more time together

 

PoSnitch: maybe i should ask him if we should coordinate costumes for the halloween party 

 

PoSnitch: would that be weird?

 

Gerblins: dude youve been planning your costume since june you had me rig you up that electronic sword for you so you better not be switching it up

 

Eight Dick Princess: Ooh, Lance, what costume are you doing?

 

PoSnitch: finn from adventure time! ive always really related to him yknow?

 

PoSnitch: i was thinking of asking kinkade to be like fern or flame prince or something

 

dumbassbitch: what happened to not wanting to come on too strong or make a big deal

 

PoSnitch: i said coorodinate not do a couples costume

 

PoSnitch: beside its halloween its impossible not to make a big deal out of halloween its the best holiday on earth

 

dumbassbitch: still pretty weird if you ask me like you dont even know him

 

PoSnitch: its a costume not fucking matrimony keith

 

PoSnitch: and i didnt ask you

 

silversnitch: Speaking of Halloween, we should probably start coordinating snacks for that party! 

 

silversnitch: Who’s bringing what, you know? We wanna be sure to have enough food for everyone, of course.

 

silversnitch: Obviously I'm providing the house, and Lance and Hunk will come early to help me and Matt with the set up and decorations.

 

silversnitch: So what about food? We should probably decide who’s bringing what. Allura? Hunk?

 

Fren-Shaped: im making slutty brownies and mini-tacos! I think lance is bringing chips and dip?

 

PoSnitch: yeah also beer

 

Eight Dick Princess: I’ve been working on my vodka gummies since last year! I’m sure they’ll be much less intense this year, and much more tasty!

 

PoSnitch: wait sorry beer is gross actually im bringing four loko

 

Fren-Shaped: lance no

 

PoSnitch: what? its a party

 

Fren-Shaped: four loko is so gross and were not teenagers

 

NewSheryiffinTown: oh fuck yeah we need some loko

 

silversnitch: please do not bring that substance into my house

 

PoSnitch: im bringing the good flavors shiro no worries

 

silversnitch: good flavors? of four loko? 

 

NewSheryiffinTown: its more likely than you think!

 

Fren-Shaped: every flavor should be called text your ex they all lead there anyway

 

silversnitch: i have some doubts

 

NewSheryiffinTown: which ones are you getting??

 

PoSnitch: probably watermelon, fruit punch, lemonade, that new gold stuf

 

silversnitch: actually i have many doubts

 

dumbassbitch: let me get this straight

 

PoSnitch: no

 

dumbassbitch: you think beer is gross but youll bring fucking four loko?

 

dumbassbitch: what

 

PoSnitch: im not straight

 

PoSnitch: and loko is a p efficient way to get a lot of people fucked up

 

silversnitch: i dont want a lot of people getting fucked up in my house lance

 

silversnitch: i dont want a repeat of last year

 

Gerblins: what happened last year?

 

Eight Dick Princess: Most of us were drunk and even more of us were puking.

 

Fren-Shaped: actually i heard a rumor something about bad shrimp

 

Eight Dick Princess: Regardless, Lance is the one who ended up in a strange man's apartment with no idea how he got there.

 

PoSnitch: AND I WOULD DO IT AGAIN

 

PoSnitch: last year was awesome and fun and i stand by it

 

dumbassbitch: gross

 

dumbassbitch: nothing you do makes any sense

 

PoSnitch: hows that nightmare burger feeling right abt now?

 

Gerblins: damn

 

dumbassbitch:

 

dumbassbitch: not great

 

PoSnitch: yeah i thought so

 

Gerblins: wait lance did you trick keith into poisoning himself by burger?

 

NewSheryiffinTown: thats hardcore

 

PoSnitch: if your scared of loko you dont have the constitution for the nightmare king

 

dumbassbitch: FCUCKINEXXCUSEME????

 

Fren-Shaped: oh boy

 

Gerblins: Keith please do not do anything else to live up to your nickname

 

silversnitch: lance stop taunting him

 

PoSnitch: im just sayin

 

Gerblins changed the nickname of PoSnitch to badideabears

 

Fren-Shaped: like avenue Q?

 

Gerblins: if it fits it fits

 

dumbassbitch: ive got enough constitution for three nightmare burgers you candyass

 

Gerblins: oh god 

 

silversnitch: KEITH NO

 

badideabears: im already on my second get on my level motherfucker

 

Gerblins: maybe they should both be called dumbassbitch

 

Fren-shaped: LANCE WE SHARE A BATHROOM DONT DO THIS

 

badideabears: i put up with your ibs year round this is one night bud

 

Fren-shaped: dont be fucking rude

 

Fren-shaped: where the did you even get that second burger from

 

badideabears: i bought 2 in case i wanted one later

 

dumbassbitch: good luck getting to number three from your couch

 

badideabears: im fucking closer to it than you scrub

 

dumbassbitch: so youre waiting in line for your third one too?

 

badideabears: HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS SO FAST

 

dumbassbitch: ninja skills

 

badnewsbear: UFCK YOU

 

Gerblins: who knew ninja skills meant scarfing down disgusting food really fast

 

NewSheryiffinTown: everyone knows that katie where have you been?

 

Gerblins: shucks i shouldve known

 

Eight Dick Princess: I’m becoming incredibly concerned for Lance and Keith. Can anyone keep an eye on them while they’re being incredibly stupid?

 

silversnitch: hunk, youre in charge of lance

 

Fren-shaped: Hell No

 

silversnitch: what?

 

Fren-shaped: im always the one who has to look after these idiots

 

Fren-shaped: and frankly the burger-shaped reality vomit that is the nightmare king offends me both as a chef AND as a human being

 

Fren-shaped: hes on his own tonight

 

silversnitch: alright fair enough

 

silversnitch: now im back to debating if the three hour drive to Keiths is worth checking up on my idiot brother to make sure he didnt suffer death by burger

 

badideabears: there are a lot of insults flying around for a chat full of wusses

 

dumbassbitch: good to know shiros love has a limited distance

 

silversnitch: i never said that

 

badideabears: i mean you basically did

 

silversnitch: no i implied it, its different

 

badideabears: keith im sorry your brother is a fake bitch

 

dumbassbitch: i think deep down ive always known

 

badideabears: its okay to cry keith, i know its never easy

 

dumbassbitch: thanks lance its good to have a true friend at a time like this

 

silversnitch: you know what? i think that distance just shrunk by 2 hours looks like im not checking up on keith ever again

 

NewSheryiffinTown: someone get hunk back in here cuz theres a lot of salt in this chat

 

Gerblins: nice one

 

Eight Dick Princess: As long as Lance doesn’t actually bring four loko to this party, I don’t care what they put in the chat.

 

badideabears: allura u too???????

 

Eight Dick Princess: I was there the last time you had it, Lance. Even drinking as much as you did wouldn’t enable me to forget such horrors.

 

badideabears: fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnneeeee 

 

badideabears: everyones a hagter

 

badideabears: i wont bring the sweet nectar of the gods

 

Gerblins: how dare you profane god like that

 

badideabears: ur jewish

 

Gerblins: and?

 

Gerblins: i think anyone would find that profane

 

badideabears: i guess im partying on halloween with a bunch of PUNKS

 

badideabears: no wait that sounds rad as hell

 

badideabears: i meant a bunch of SCRUBS

 

Gerblins: nice save hagter

 

dumbassbitch: tf does that even mean?

 

badideabears: it means youre all sad losers who gave up on your childhoods

 

silversnitch: i hope to god four loko has nothing to do with anyones childhood

 

dumbassbitch: i just choked down three nightmare burgers for you so shut it

 

badideabears: thats valid

 

badideabears: keith is the only valid person in this chat the rest of you are scrubs

 

dumbassbitch: thank you

 

Gerblins: how will we ever live with ourselves

 

Gerblins: im devastated

 

badideabears: go to sleep gremlin

 

Gerblins: ill sleep when im dead

 

badideabears: sounds healthy

 

silversnitch: pidge! Thats a terrible thing to say, you need to take care of yourself!

 

dumbassbitch: how many hours of sleep did yo get last night shiro?

 

silversnitch: well thats different

 

Gerblins: why is it different when its about you?

 

silversnitch: because im an adult man with severe ptsd and youre a child

 

silversnitch: when youre old and haunted like me then you can blow off sleep

 

Gerblins: thanks dad i cant wait to grow up

 

badideabears: dont worry i got this

 

badideabears: all we have to do is talk about sex stuff and she’ll disappear in no time

 

Gerblins: you know just because i leave the chat doesn’t mean i get off my computer right?

 

badideabears: what?

 

dumbassbitch: that might be too difficult a concept for him pidge

 

badideabears: HEY CMON MAN

 

dumbassbitch: what? im being honest

 

badideabears: this is why i have trust issues

 

dumbassbitch: we all have trust issues youre not special

 

Gerblins: uhhh speak for yourselves dudes some of us had happy childhoods

 

badideabears: sounds fake but okay

 

dumbassbitch: what do you mean had?

 

dumbassbitch: youre like 12

 

Gerblins: im 17 and also fuck you

 

silversnitch: it is way past time for seventeen year olds to be in bed

 

dumbassbitch: its way past time for everyone to be in bed

 

Gerblins: yeah thats why its called staying up late

 

Gerblins: its later than youre supposed to stay awake

 

Gerblins: thats kind of the point

 

badideabears: wow what a great and funny joke ANYWAY WHO WANTS TO TALK ABOUT SEX

 

dumbassbitch: please no

 

badideabears: im getting pidge out of here so shell sleep like hunk and allura and probably also matt?? its hard to tell with that guy

 

NewSheryiffinTown: im a mystery wrapped in an enigma

 

badideabears: nvm hes still up

 

Gerblins: youre the one keeping everyone up talking about your parties and dates and four loko and nightmare burgers

 

badideabears: you can leave the chat pidge

 

badideabears: also

 

badideabears: i have such a cool life

 

dumbassbitch: sure buddy

Chapter Text

silversnitch: I cant fucking believe you

 

Gerblins: Language! There are children present

 

NewSheryiffinTown: ive heard you use much worse at like 6 in the morning

 

Gerblins: since when does the time have an effect on whether you can curse

 

badideabears: since when does your presence have an affect on whether we can curse?

 

Gerblins: since im a child

 

dumbassbitch: youre 17 and on the internet i doubt you havent heard worse

 

silversnitch: dont you dare think youre getting out of this by making jokes

 

dumbassbitch: me?

 

silversnitch: not you

 

silversnitch: Lance

 

Fren-Shaped: damn shiro is pissed

 

badideabears: what did i do?

 

silversnitch: you know what you did

 

Gerblins: what did lance do?

 

silversnitch: he brought fourloko into my home

 

silversnitch: after I EXPLICITLY told him Not to do exactly that

 

Eight Dick Princess: Lance, you promised!

 

badideabears: hey!

 

badideabears: i promised not to bring it to halloween! i didnt say anything about operation: give-keith-a-childhood-miyazaki night

 

dumbassbitch: we are not calling it that

 

badideabears: too late! its on all the monogrammed tshirts and personalized mugs

 

dumbassbitch: the what??? why would you do that how much did that cost????

 

Fren-Shaped: lance stop giving keith anxiety

 

dumbassbitch: ???????

 

badideabears: im kidding keith theres no tshirts you can stop having a heart attack

 

dumbassbitch: oh thank god

 

badideabears: it is the title of the note on my phone tho

 

Gerblins: lance you cant kill keith before you throw him your declaration of love movie party

 

badideabears: WHAT ITS NOT A DECLARATION OF LOVE ITS JUST A MOVIE PARTY

 

badideabears: I JUST LOVE MOVIES OKAY

 

dumbassbitch: shut the Fuck up pidge

 

Gerblins: damn okay

 

NewSheryiffinTown:  Control yourself you animal dont curse at my baby sister

 

Fren-Shaped: im guessing she struck a nerve ;)

 

badideabears: STOP IT

 

dumbassbitch:  shut the Fuck up hunk

 

Eight Dick Princess: We're cursing at Hunk now? Have we really sunk so low? 

 

silversnitch: keith youre in timeout for cursing out the children

 

silversnitch: lance youre in timeout for bringing vile substances into the sanctity of my home

 

badideabears: dude what is your problem with loko? its just a spiked energy drink

 

Fren-Shaped:  why am i one of the children????

 

silversnitch:  thats precisely my problem with that devils drink it is banned from this household and hunk its because your innocent and see the world with a sense of childlike wonder

 

Fren-Shaped: awwwww Shiro

 

Gerblins: by that logic im not a child

 

NewSheryiffinTown: shiro was drinking four loko the night he died his hair gray

 

badideabears: LMAO OF COURSE

 

silversnitch: it was silver not gray

 

NewSheryiffinTown: it was gray

 

Eight Dick Princess: It can’t have looked that bad. It is still Shiro, after all.

 

silversnitch: thanks for the vote of confidence princess but

 

silversnitch: it was not 

 

silversnitch: good

 

Eight Dick Princess: You’re surely being too hard on yourself.

 

NewSheryiffinTown: hes not

 

silversnitch: Matt, I hate you

 

NewSheryiffinTown:  not everyone can pull off the ethereal space princess look its just a fact

 

NewSheryiffinTown: love ya too shiro <3

 

badideabears: i cant believe i lived to see shiro get roasted in this chat

 

badideabears: ifeel god in this chilis tonight

 

Gerblins changed the nickname of NewSheryiffinTown to NewSnitchinTown

 

NewSnitchinTown: katie!

 

Gerblins: i take my job as namegiver of this chat very seriously

 

badideabears: why do you get to be the name arbiter? we never get to give you nicknames

 

Gerblins: tell you what

 

Gerblins: you all agree on what name to give me and no matter what it is ill keep it

 

Gerblins: sound good?

 

badideabears: yesssssss omg

 

Fren-Shaped: we have to take this seriously and make sure we pick the best one

 

NewSnitchinTown: this is a once in a lifetime chance we cant waste it

 

Eight Dick Princess: I like Pidge’s chatname as it is. I think it suits her.

 

Gerblins changed the nickname of Eight Dick Princess to LionGoddess

 

LionGoddess: Pidge.

 

LionGoddess: I love it.

 

LionGoddess: Thank you!!!

 

Gerblins: anything for the defender of the innocent

 

LionGoddess: Thank you so much <3 <3 <3

 

badideabears: this is leo culture appropriation

 

Gerblins: cry me a river nerd

 

badideabears: you are an evil evil child and you are killing your parents

 

LionGoddess: Lance, don’t be so rude. Pidge is a valued member of this friendship.

 

Gerblins: i am Babey

 

badideabears: you are Asshole

 

Fren-Shaped: would that work as a chat name?

 

silversnitch:  i really don’t want anyone named babyasshole

 

badideabears:  Y I K E S

 

badideabears: good point

 

badideabears: what about babybitch?

 

NewSnitchinTown: dont call my baby sister a bitch Ill end you!

 

badideabears: she calls everyone else bitch!! im p sure every person in this chat has had bitch in their nickname at some point

 

Fren-Shaped: oh oh oh we could be like the spice girls!!

 

Fren-Shaped: pidge could b baby bitch, shiro would be silver bitch, lance is bad bitch, matt is new bitch, ill be spicy bitch, and keiths name could stay the same! Its perfect!

 

badideabears: fuck yeah im in

 

silversnitch:  I'm not!

 

badideabears: thats bc you are a old

 

LionGoddess: What about me? I don’t terribly like the sound of LionBitch.

 

Fren-Shaped: Allura obviously youre queen bitch

 

LionGoddess: Now that I like the sound of.

 

LionGoddess: I’m on board.

 

Gerblins: i dont like the way this is going

 

silversnitch: me either

 

badideabears: wheres keith? he needs to weigh in on this

 

silversnitch: hes driving lance. Its a three hour drive.

 

badideabears:  but he answered earlier???

 

Fren-Shaped: he was probably at a rest stop or something

 

Fren-Shaped: road trips suck when youre all by yourself

 

Gerblins: that or he was texting while driving

 

Gerblins: shame on him

 

badideabears: hes driving a motorcycle pidge i dont think thats physically possible

 

Gerblins: Are You Sure About That

 

silversnitch: no brother of mine is texting while driving so he better not be

 

badideabears: well do u know when hell get here??

 

Gerblins: awwwww, are you missing your bf lance?

 

badideabears: NO

 

badideabears: HES NOT MY BF

 

Gerblins: don't tell keith that he'll be devastated

 

Fren-Shaped: you are throwing a whole party for him

 

Fren-Shaped: you planned it and everything

 

Gerblins:  even brought your favorite drink to get fucked up on

 

Gerblins: you wouldn't be planning anything that requires liquid courage, would you? ;)

 

badideabears: ITS NOT A PARTY

 

badideabears: ITS A CHILL GROUPHANG

 

Gerblins: you organized the whole thing for him, didn’t you?

 

badideabears: FUCK YOU GUYS IM JUST TRYING TO MAKE KEITH FEEL LIKE A PART O THE GROUP OKAY???? I WANT HIM TO FEEL INCLUDED

 

Gerblins: like three days ago you insisted he wasn't a part of the chat family at all

 

Fren-Shaped: plus you brought your dads homemade nachos, which we all know are super special

 

silversnitch:  Guys lay off lance hes just trying to be a good friend

 

badideabears: ITS FOR RYAN

 

badideabears: IM TRYING TO IMPRESS RYAN

 

Fren-Shaped: wait, ryans coming?

 

silversnitch:  Who is Ryan?

 

Fren-Shaped: the guy lance is dating

 

LionGoddess: I didn’t know he was coming?

 

badideabears: i invited him today

 

badideabears: he said hed be here 6 or 7

 

Fren-Shaped:  dude, how come you didn’t tell anyone?

 

badideabears:  the way you guys make fun of me? why would i tell you anything

 

silversnitch: Lance, how many people are coming to my house?

 

NewSnitchinTown: our house

 

silversnitch: Lance, how many people are going to be at our house?

 

badideabears: well

 

badideabears: theres me and hunk and you two

 

badideabears: and keith and allura and pidge

 

badideabears: and my sister veronica and her girlfriend nadia and ryan

 

silversnitch: your sister and her girlfriend?

 

badideabears: theyre super cool! youll love them i promise

 

badideabears:  my sister is just like you shiro they go to school with us and live super nearby it seemed rude not to invite them

 

silversnitch: theyre not sleeping over, are they?

 

badideabears: nah they both have work tomorrow so theyll probly dip before midnight

 

silversnitch: okay

 

NewSnitchinTown: how many of you are sleeping over? We only have the one air mattress

 

Fren-Shaped: i think just us and keith

 

Fren-Shaped: Allura?

 

LionGoddess: I have student council work tomorrow, so I’ll be leaving early as well.

 

Gerblins: i was planning on sleeping over, is that a problem?

 

NewSnitchinTown:  katie youre always welcome at our house

 

Gerblins: cool

 

Gerblins: uh

 

Gerblins: is ryan staying over?

 

silversnitch: No.

 

silversnitch: I’m sorry, Lance, but we just don’t know him well enough. He can’t stay.

 

badideabears: he wasnt planning to

 

badideabears: he doesnt know us either remember?

 

silversnitch: Fair enough. I’m sorry to be harsh, but he has to leave before midnight.

 

badideabears: yeah i get it

 

badideabears: hell probably show up for a couple hours or something im sure he has stuff going on too

 

Fren-shaped: let us know next time you invite someone, okay?

 

Fren-shaped: im psyched to meet him and to see veronica but just give us a heads up

 

badideabears: yeah

 

badideabears: sorry

 

Fren-shaped: you're good dude! Its all settled now so no worries, right guys?

 

NewSnitchinTown: yeah totally

 

Gerblins: of course man

 

LionGoddess: I’m sure it won’t be an issue. I’m excited to meet your sister, Lance!

 

Gerblins: haven't you known each other since middle school?

 

Fren-Shaped: yeah, but veronica is matts age, so she went off to college before allura ever visited lances house

 

Fren-Shaped: shes here for the grad program

 

NewSnitchinTown: wait really? I might know her then!

 

badideabears: yeah dude shes in one of your engineering seminars

 

NewSnitchinTown: seriously?

 

badideabears: yeah i thought you knew?

 

badideabears: shes the one you beat for that internship working with shiro

 

NewSnitchinTown: oh

 

silversnitch: that might be awkward

 

Gerblins: oh its definitely gonna be awkward

 

badideabears: lmao no worries she got a badass fellowship instead

 

Fren-Shaped: plus it was like 3 years ago and ronni doesnt hold grudges like that

 

Gerblins: sounds like shes gonna kick your ass matt

 

NewSnitchinTown: promise she wont kick my ass?

 

badideabears: trust me when you have five siblings in the same house you cant afford to hold grudges like that

 

badideabears: its a matter of survival

 

NewSnitchinTown:  thank fuck

 

Gerblins: nah shes definitely gonna kick your ass

 

badideabears: pidge stop projecting ur desire to see matt get his ass beat onto my cool sister

 

Fren-Shaped: The Cain Instinct

 

LionGoddess: Alright, I’m on my way over now! I had to drop something off at Coran’s first but I should be there soon.

 

badideabears: sweet see you soon llura!

 

Fren-Shaped: pidge, when do you think youll get here?

 

Gerblins: i been here since 8am

 

badideabears: WHAT????????????

 

badideabears: HAVE YO BEEN IN THE HOUSE THIS WHOLE TIME?????

 

Gerblins: yeah?

 

Fren-Shaped: wait, where are you???

 

Gerblins: matts room

 

Gerblins: im working

 

Fren-Shaped: so gaming?

 

Gerblins: duh

 

badideabears: you are a goddamn devil child

 

Gerblins:  thanks

 

badideabears:  KEITHS HERE GUYS

 

silversnitch: what where

 

badideabears: his bike just turned down your block cmon!

 

Fren-shaped: you sure its him? hes early

 

badideabears: oh id recognize that mullet anywhere

 

badideabears: lets get this fuckin party staarted



 

 

cinnamonrolls: hey lance?

MemeLord: yeah bud

cinnamonrolls: did you invite kinkade bc you were freaked about spending the night with keith

MemeLord:  no way that doesnt make sense

MemeLord: why would i do that

cinnamonrolls: because you have a crush on him and you threw a whole party for him and youre scared of him figuring that out?

MemeLord: i told you in the chat its not a party its a group hang

MemeLord: and why did you say all that stuff anyway?

cinnamonrolls: what stuff?

MemeLord: the stuff you were saying w pidge

MemeLord: about me liking keith

cinnamonrolls: we were just teasing

MemeLord: but you know its true? you know i have a crush on him and i trusted you with that

cinnamonrolls: yeah but we werent being serious dude

MemeLord: keith reads that chat and if he thinks i have a crush on him he

MemeLord: he wont talk to me anymore

cinnamonrolls: that's not true! You guys are friends

cinnamonrolls: you've come a long way he wouldn't just stop talking to you

MemeLord: he might if he thinks im obsessed with him or something!

cinnamonrolls: he doesn't think that

MemeLord: how do you know?

MemeLord: he hated me for like a year after we first met and we finally got past that and if he thinks im a creep its just gonna go back to the way it was!

cinnamonrolls:  he hated you because you were always antagonizing him!

cinnamonrolls: he didn't even hate you its just that you kept annoying him

cinnamonrolls:  don't do that and you'll be fine

MemeLord: you dont get it

cinnamonrolls: you always say that but you're not the only one who goes through things lance

cinnamonrolls: i get that you have a huge crush on keith and you're scared that if you rock the boat you'll lose him again or make him hate you, because you're insecure and have anxiety, so you started dating someone else to avoid the feelings you don't want and you're using ryan as an excuse not to move forward so you can keep yourself safe

MemeLord: what the hell

MemeLord: thats so shitty i would never do something like that

cinnamonrolls: come on lance, i'm not an idiot

MemeLord: you really think im that petty?

cinnamonrolls:  no but i've known you since we were six and i can tell when you're not okay

cinnamonrolls: we all have issues but you don't get to sulk off and be a jerk just bc you stopped taking your meds

MemeLord: Fuck Off

MemeLord: you dont know me as well as you think you do dude and i dont need you constantly coming at me trying to prove im some kind of screw up

MemeLord: you dont know what ur talking about

cinnamonrolls: i know youre smoking again

cinnamonrolls: i know youre walking late at night

cinnamonrolls: i know youre not taking your meds

cinnamonrolls: i know youre behind on all your halloween prep and youre not eating or sleeping

cinnamonrolls: and i know you werent on a fucking date with kinkade on wednesday

MemeLord: what

MemeLord: what are you talking about

cinnamonrolls: you know what im talking about

MemeLord: No, I don’t.

cinnamonrolls: stop lying to me dude! I want to help you but i cant do anything if you dont tell me whats wrong!

MemeLord:  I dont need your fucking help!

MemeLord: if youre so fucking smart that you know everything about me smart guy you shoul already know what i was doing

cinnamonrolls: i dont know dude

cinnamonrolls:  but i know you havent been the same since

MemeLord: you dont know shit! i dont need you to take care of me!

MemeLord: idont need you checking up on me and acting like some kind of abysitter ok? leavre me the fuck alone

cinnamonrolls: youre my oldest friend and my roommate and youre lying to me and i think we owe each other better than that by now!

MemeLord: i dont owe you shit

cinnamonrolls: just talk to me man

Your message was not delivered because you have been blocked by this user

cinnamonrolls: what? seriously?

Your message was not delivered because you have been blocked by this user




 

PapaGay: im so glad you made it! I cant believe youre so early

Baby Gay: i need to talk to you