Gibbs knew that Tony had issues with celebrating his birthday and he’d developed a really good defense mechanism to stop people from celebrating it. For one thing, Gibbs knew that he’d managed to hack into NCIS servers and change his birthday to February 29th, which already minimized the number of times anyone would be able to celebrate even his fake birthday. He didn’t know how the man managed to do it, although he really did know better than to underestimate him. Aside from this little sleight of hand, he also managed to duck out of town for “spring break” with his frat buddies on his supposed birthday. But more often than not, Gibbs knew that all Tony did was just drive off by himself – not even with Gibbs, despite their ongoing relationship – and hole up in a hotel or bed and breakfast somewhere on a seaside town. Moping or something.
Gibbs’s didn’t know where these issues came from, but from what little Tony would divulge about his father and his late mother, he could only imagine the kind of humiliation little Tony would have been subjected to on his birthday. So he’d always just held his tongue and never made a big deal of it despite knowing Tony’s real date of birth. But that year, they’d added not just Kate to their originally two-man team, but they’d also added the little Probie kid that was Tony’s pet project and it had been a pretty trying year overall, with growing pains for the team. Not to mention growing pains on Tony’s end, facing up to having feelings with a capital F for Gibbs because you know, feelings were not Tony’s forte, especially the kind that ran as deep and as strong as theirs were for each other. Gibbs grinned to himself, thinking of the hot mess Tony had been when he’d finally choked out those terrible, horrible, difficult to say words and then stood there looking as if he was waiting to be struck down by lightning.
Ah, Tony. What he would do without his honey, he didn’t know and he didn’t want to know. So having gone through all that they had this past year, he wanted to surprise Tony by a) knowing when his actual birthday was, and b) getting him something amusingly cliché for it to brighten his day a little.
He’d wracked his brain trying to figure out what to get. Not flowers because well, he didn’t want to get punched in the face. Tony was still one heck of a prickly man and roses wouldn’t impress him. Chocolates were OK but maybe too cliché? Could something even be too cliché? Jewelry was out of the question because neither of them were jewelry men. And the kind of jewelry he might ever want to put on Tony wasn’t even legal yet. Unless they went to Canada or someplace. Not to mention the whole keeping their relationship a secret thing.
But then he stumbled upon the answer, quite literally, by arriving late to a team lunch. Tony, Kate and McGee were sitting outdoors, chowing down and he noted that Tony had a carafe of coffee already waiting for him at the empty seat that would be his. He slowed down to eavesdrop on their conversation – he did so enjoy appearing at the most inconvenient times and making his team jump guiltily. And that was how he overheard the debate.
“I cannot believe you’re reading this drivel, Kate,” Tony turned up his nose. Kate had some kind of magazine in her hand.
“What?” Kate was defensive. Which was dangerous because the woman went heavy on the offensive when she was cornered. “You have something against women’s magazines, DiNozzo? Why? You gonna say some sexist misogynist bullshit about how I’m a Federal Agent and I shouldn’t be reading a woman’s magazine, because I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you must know that a woman can be a badass Federal Agent and still have pretty nails if she wants to and still fucking beat the shit out of you the next time we spar, all right?”
Gibbs wanted to laugh at McGee’s petrified little squeak.
“Please, you still haven’t beaten me when we spar,” Tony scoffed. “You can keep trying though. Probie here, you could beat sure, but that little five year old eating her chicken nuggets over there could beat the fucking shit out of him if they ever threw down. Besides, I’m just saying, Cosmo has much better nail tips and sex tips than that trashy thing you’re reading. That’s just barely legal celebrity gossip and you know it,” he raised an eyebrow and smirked at her while a hand snuck out and he stole one of McGee’s french fries right off his plate.
“Hey!” McGee objected, Gibbs wasn’t sure whether that was to the comment about the little girl beating him up – which Gibbs had to admit wasn’t that far off base, the kid did need to be toughened up – or about the theft of the fry.
Kate was sputtering angrily when Tony pulled a rolled up magazine out of his jacket, which made her draw in a sharp breath in shock.
“That better not be a skin mag, Tony!” she yelled.
“It’s not porn, Kate, for god’s sake. I’d share my porn with Probie because he might appreciate it. You? Not so much. It would be absolutely wasted on your prudish ass. I wouldn’t waste my good stuff on you. Anyway. Look, I have a question,” Tony unrolled the magazine and Gibbs could see that it was an issue of Cosmopolitan. Kate did a double take at the magazine cover.
“Don’t worry, I’ll give this to you when I’m done with it, Kate, don’t get your panties in a bunch. You should have it by end of day today unless we catch a case. Page eighty five has some really awesome tips on how to keep your nails pretty even if you have shit jobs like we do. Like you mentioned before about the pretty nails,” Tony waved away her expression.
“What?” Kate gasped. “Why are you… why do you even have that?”
Tony gave a put upon sigh. “How do you think I keep my nails this pretty, huh? I moisturize! You should totally read page eighty five. Take my word for it. Your nails will thank me,” he waved his hands, showing off his undeniably beautifully manicured nails to both Kate and McGee.
McGee nodded appreciatively at him, and Tony gave him a wink and a naughty grin. Gibbs knew that Tony went to see his manicurist on a roughly weekly basis and she’d been the one to stop him from biting his nails when he was stressed. And yes. Tony did in fact moisturize his hands, per his manicurist’s instructions, and his nails were quite lovely. Gibbs especially loved it when they were raking down Gibbs’ back while he fucked the man.
“I can’t believe you…” Kate began.
“Also,” Tony interrupted Kate before she could begin ranting more. “Also, you should definitely flip to page one ninety two because there are some reaaaally amazing tips on what to do with your tongue when you’re giving a guy a blow job. It would totally spice up your sex life. And before you say anything about cunnilingus, tips on that were in the issue from two months ago and I definitely paid attention to it.”
“You wouldn’t know a clitoris if it came up and bit you on the ass, DiNozzo,” Kate grumbled, although she did seem interested in page one ninety two.
“Oh, Kate, I do know what to do with a clit, thank you very much, although I am always willing to learn more and perfect my pussy eating technique.”
McGee started coughing at that sentence and both Tony and Kate rolled their eyes at him before they ignored him.
“I do know that like with dicks, teeth don’t really fit in the blow job picture unless you really know what you’re doing,” Tony said, his tone serious. Gibbs knew Tony was very serious about sex and ensuring that everybody went home happy. Tony was one of the most generous lovers he’d ever had and Gibbs had no doubt that if Tony were to go down on a woman, she would be squirting all over him while she screamed her orgasm in no time. Tony had one hell of a talented tongue. “I have to admit that I do like being bitten on the ass, though,” Tony continued blithely, and Gibbs found himself nodding to himself at that. He knew that little fact first hand. “But I know I learned something new with the blow job tongue thing in this issue that I’ve already benefited from.”
“I don’t even want to hear about how you forced some poor, unsuspecting woman to suck your dick and gave her tips about blow jobs that you learned from an old issue of Cosmo,” Kate hissed.
“First of all, this is this month’s issue,” Tony said airily. “And secondly, the sexy blue eyed nympho I had sex with last night absolutely appreciated the things I learned. I definitely didn’t need to force anyone to do anything, Kate.”
Tony’s lewdly suggestive tone made Gibbs’ cock twitch in his pants. So that was where he’d learned to do that thing with his tongue that made Gibbs come so hard last night he practically passed out. He would definitely have to get Tony a subscription to Cosmo if that was the kind of stuff he learned from it.
“I can’t even…” Kate tried again.
“Be that as it may,” And again Tony interrupted her. “I’m bringing this up because wanted to show you this ad and ask you a question.” He flipped through the magazine until he found what he was looking for, and folded the pages, smoothing the rolled out and crumpled pages a little. “Look. You’re the profiler and psychology-type person,” he made that sound like an insult. “You tell me why this ad would sell anything? What’s it supposed to be? I mean it’s this guy wearing a suit, sitting by himself on a dock in what looks to be some kind of swamp? I don’t know. Why would this make anyone want to buy the product that he isn’t even holding?”
Kate grabbed the magazine and stared at it, McGee tilting his head to get a look as well. “It’s an ad for expensive cologne, DiNozzo,” she told him as if he were stupid.
“I can read the fucking shit they photoshopped in with the picture, Kate,” he over enunciated her name the way he knew it grated on her. “I just don’t understand how this is an ad for cologne when it has absolutely nothing to do with cologne.”
“I j-just want to know where his socks are, man?” McGee remarked. “He’s not wearing them. Th-they’re not peeking out of his dress shoes on the side over here.”
“You’re fucking obsessing about where the man’s socks are?” Tony shook his head. “Come on. We have more important issues to discuss here. Why is this supposed to sell men’s cologne?”
“Easy. The guy is sexy. Sex sells,” Kate announced imperiously.
McGee made a face at that. “I don’t know…” he muttered. “H-he looks like he could stand to have a good meal.”
“You’re just jealous that he can grow a goatee and you can’t, Probie,” Tony snarked, making Kate giggle. “He’s not a bad looking man, I will admit. But it doesn’t really make me think ‘cologne’. He’s in a goddamn swamp in a fucking suit. It makes absolutely no sense for a cologne ad and yet here we are.”
“Without his socks,” McGee added, nodding at Tony in serious agreement.
“Without his socks, thank you for pointing that out again, Probie,” Tony gave him a serious nod back.
“If sex is supposed to sell, shouldn’t he be, I don’t know, more undressed?” McGee asked Kate.
“Lack of clothes doesn’t necessarily mean sexier, McGee,” Kate told him. “A man in a suit tailored to fit him can be even sexier. And look at this man’s hands. He looks like he knows what to do with them.”
Tony cleared his throat, raised his eyebrow, and straightened his cuffs. He was wearing an expensive, designer suit that had been tailored to his body, and he stretched his sexy long fingered hands, wiggling them in front of Kate’s face, making her bat them away in annoyance.
“Except for you, DiNozzo,” Kate added, making McGee chuckle, and Tony glared at them both. “Nothing could make you sexier.”
“Because I’m already too sexy for you two to handle,” Tony quipped.
“Besides, he’s not in a swamp. He’s in nature. Look at the water, the freshness of the flora, and the beautiful sky,” Kate continued, looking at the ad and ignoring Tony. “He’s reveling in the glory that is nature.”
“While wearing a suit?” Tony clucked his tongue and wrinkled his nose as he mouthed ‘flora’ in disgust to McGee.
“Maybe he just came from work,” McGee suggested. “Which still wouldn’t explain the lack of socks.”
“For god’s sake, McGee, just pretend they’re in his shoes,” Kate snapped.
“But you can’t see them!” McGee objected. “They should at least be peeking out. They should still be visible!”
“He just stuffed them in really deep so that it would bug you, OK? They did that on purpose, just for you,” Kate snapped at him. “And as for you, DiNozzo. This will sell a lot of this cologne because this man is sexy and he’s pouting and looking at the camera all… Look at him! And his goddamn hands, oh my god. And then the women who buy this magazine will look at this ad and think, ‘oh, I should buy this cologne for my man because it will make me think he’s sexy and classy’. Which, for the record, is why he’s wearing a suit, incongruous as it is with the idyllic setting that he’s in.”
“Who’s sexist and misogynistic now, huh?” Tony muttered to McGee, who snickered at that.
“At least she swallowed a thesaurus to give us that conclusion,” McGee muttered back to Tony, whose eyes lit up with mirth. He loved it when his little Probie snarked back.
“Ads are stupid and play to stereotypes, you idiots. Get over it,” Kate lectured them.
“So are you going to buy this cologne for whoever your homme du jour is?” Tony asked. “Does he have sexy hands? Do you need someone with good hands to satisfy you, Agent Todd?”
Gibbs decided it was time for him to make an appearance. He was at the table and looking at the ad before Kate or Tony could hide the magazine.
“He kind of looks like McGee, if McGee were fifteen years older, went on a starvation diet and glued on some facial hair,” Gibbs said as he sat down and spread his napkin on his lap.
The three almost banged their heads into each other in their rush to take another look at the picture. After a moment, Tony began laughing and McGee squeaked another weak protest.
“I totally see it, Boss,” he cackled, looking repeatedly at the magazine and McGee, comparing the two. He poured Gibbs a cup of coffee while the team lead settled down in his seat. “He definitely has Probie’s pretty eyes.”
“I don’t know if McGee can ever come up with this level of sexy smolder though. Not even in fifteen years,” Kate sounded doubtful, which made Tony laugh even louder.
“Come on, Probie. Give it a shot. Give us a pout!” Tony narrowed his eyes, sucked in his cheeks which emphasized his high cheekbones, stuck out his full lips, pouting sexily, and made kissy faces at McGee.
“I do not have pretty eyes!” McGee objected, pouting at them. “You have pretty eyes.”
“Why thank you, McCharmingMyPantsOff,” Tony fluttered his eyelashes in an over the top flirtatious manner at the younger man. “So nice of you to mention it. I think they’re one of my best features.”
“It’s not a compliment! It’s a knee jerk reaction. You know? Like: ‘Your mom!’ ‘No, your mom!’” McGee complained.
“Uh huh,” Tony agreed, nodding facetiously at the man before he grinned at Gibbs, his eyes twinkling mischievously. “Probie thinks I have pretty eyes, Boss,” he said, his tone smug.
Gibbs smacked the back of Tony’s head as he casually looked around. “Where’s the server?”
“I told her to put in your order when you arrived. I gotcha. No sweat,” Tony told him, rubbing his head, turning to him and pouting at him for the Gibbs-slap.
Gibbs started to open his mouth.
“I know what you want: cheeseburger, rare and as bloody as possible, and fries. Hold the ketchup and anything that could possibly be misinterpreted as a vegetable. All these years we’ve been working together, you’d think I would remember your order at this restaurant, Boss,” Tony grumbled and rolled his eyes. At the same time he smacked McGee’s hand away from trying to steal a fry off of his plate and he glared the junior agent into submission. “Put away your magazine, Kate. The boss is here. He doesn’t have time for frivolity and things unconnected to work. We have cases to solve and important work to do.”
“My magazine?” Kate’s voice went up an octave.
“And don’t forget, page one ninety two,” Gibbs told her solemnly. “I hear there are tips on how to use your tongue for optimum blow jobs?”
McGee who was sipping his soda choked and snorted it out his nose and Kate stared at Gibbs in horror. Tony was laughing so hard, tears were coming out of his eyes and he was helplessly pounding his palm on the table, making it shake and all their drinks spilled a little with each smack down. Gibbs gave Kate a death glare and when she turned away, Gibbs reached under the table and squeezed Tony’s thigh, halfway up to his crotch. Tony snuck a hungry look at him that made Gibbs’ cock fatten up and he was glad he was seated and with a napkin on his lap.
Eventually, Kate gasped and muttered under her breath while Tony and McGee exchanged looks and snickered quietly.
Which made Gibbs think of course, cologne! That was what he should get for Tony for the birthday he was absolutely convinced he was never going to celebrate ever again. Cologne was cliché enough to amuse Tony and yet still be something he would appreciate. After all Tony did use expensive designer cologne. This thing with the strange yet good looking McGee lookalike model was Armani after all, and he knew how much Tony loved his Armani. Gibbs made a note to look at Tony’s colognes to see if he already had this one to figure out what kind of expensive cologne to get the man for his upcoming birthday.
Gibbs and Tony hung back behind the other two on their walk back to the office after lunch.
“You do have pretty eyes, Honey,” Gibbs whispered to him.
Tony’s ears turned pink and he gave Gibbs a coy look and a soft smile.
“Sexy blue eyed nympho?” Gibbs asked softly.
“Apt description, isn’t it?” Tony snorted in amusement. “’Why? You don’t like that?”
Gibbs rolled his eyes and grinned at him, bumping his shoulder roughly and pinching his ass in the same movement. Tony was giggling when Kate turned to look at them, and Gibbs smacked the back of Tony’s head, making him giggle even more.
“I don’t even want to know,” Kate shook her head and turned away from them, dragging McGee with her.
A week later, Gibbs unlocked the door to Tony’s apartment and walked in. It was late, they were on a case that they hadn’t quite solved but he’d sent the team home to get some rest. He could hear Tony puttering around in the kitchen. Probably cleaning his already spotless backsplash with a toothbrush and bleach or something, the adorable OCD neat freak that he was.
“Honey, I’m home,” he called out. “I got something for ya.”
Tony popped his head out. “What?”
Gibbs toed his shoes off and threw his keys into the bowl before stalking across the room, taking the younger man in his arms and kissing him fiercely, to within an inch of his life. When he pulled away, he smiled and kissed him again, this time tenderly.
“Hi, Honey,” he murmured, continuing to kiss the man.
Tony hummed happily and smiled into the kiss. “What brought this on, Jet?” he mumbled.
“Happy birthday, Honey,” Gibbs told him, in between soft kisses.
Tony pulled away abruptly, brows furrowing. “What?”
“Don’t even pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about,” Gibbs told him. He pulled a box out of his jacket pocket, wrapped in sleek red and silver paper. “Happy birthday, Honey.”
“Jet…” Tony sighed.
“Take it,” Gibbs put the box in his boyfriend’s hand.
“I really hate this fuss,” Tony sighed.
“It’s not a fuss. I know you don’t like the day, so I just wanted to give you something nice for once, OK?” Gibbs ruffled the back of his head, the spot of so many head slaps, a silent apology for the many needless slaps, even though he knew Tony loved the attention.
“Thank you,” Tony gave him a small smile. “How’d you find out anyway?”
“I have my ways,” Gibbs said, sniffing haughtily.
“Of course you do.”
“You didn’t think I’d fall for that February 29th trick did you?”
“Open it,” Gibbs urged.
Tony looked up at him doubtfully before he heaved a sigh, rolled his eyes, threw a tentative grin at Gibbs and tore into the package, his movements vicious. He saw the logo on the box and laughed. “I was just thinking of getting this for myself,” he held the box up, smiling at it. “I guess you were swayed by that ad?”
“Your eyes are prettier than the model hawking this cologne and you are way sexier than he was,” Gibbs whispered in his ear, feeling the shudder go through Tony’s body. “I know you hate this day, and I’m not asking you to talk about why. But maybe next year you’ll hate it a little less because you’ll remember this and have a good memory for today. Happy birthday, Honey.”
“Thank you,” Tony leaned into Gibbs’ body, laying his head on Gibbs’ shoulder. “Love you.”
“Love you too,” Gibbs kissed his head and ran his hand up and down Tony’s back, soothing him.
They stayed that way for a while before Tony pulled away. “You want something to eat?” he asked.
Gibbs looked him up and down before he licked his lips lasciviously. “I can think of some things you can put in my mouth.”
Tony laughed and took his hand, dragging him into the bedroom. He carefully put the cologne box on the nightstand before he pushed Gibbs onto the big bed that Gibbs had made him. “Like what?” he asked. “What could I possibly put in your mouth tonight?”
Gibbs palmed Tony’s half hard dick through his sweatpants. “You getting the idea now, or do I need to write you a ten page paper about this before we can proceed?”
Tony giggled, and broke off to gasp when Gibbs’ kneaded his cock.
“Pout for me like that model pouted,” Gibbs ordered him.
“The one with no socks? The one who looks like an alternate universe version of Probie?”
“I don’t even want to know what an alternate universe is,” Gibbs snorted with amusement at that. “But, yeah, him. Although why you’re bringing McGee to our bed, I have no idea.”
Tony folded his lean frame onto the bed, crossing his legs, pulling one knee up the way the model in the ad had. His feet were bare, just like the guy in the ad, and even though he was wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants, he looked even more enticing than that guy. He put on his best smolder and gazed at Gibbs, green eyes half lidded, pupils already blown wide with desire, lips parted in a sultry pout. Gibbs’ cock hardened in his pants.
“Fuck,” Gibbs gasped before he pounced on the younger man, pushing him onto his back and straddling him. He tore Tony’s shirt off and pulled his sweatpants halfway down his thighs, freeing his dick, red and hard, already leaking pre-cum. “You know what else I did for you for your birthday?” he asked the man who was laid out on the bed, his for the taking.
“What?” Tony moaned as Gibbs blew on his erection. His cock throbbed and drooled more clear fluid onto his flat belly.
“I also read page one ninety two today,” Gibbs gave him a wicked grin before he dove in and sucked him in to the root. Tony thrust up into his mouth helplessly and groaned.
“Happy fucking birthday to me…” he moaned as Gibbs used his tongue just the way the article recommended and fuck, Tony loved Cosmo, he loved Gibbs, and maybe his birthday wasn’t too bad either.