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Go Tonight

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Scene 1: Lucy Lane did not expect to be rudely woken up on her last day of freedom before West Point. But she should really have expected considering her best friend, Alex Danvers, is an asshole.

 

In the remix of memory, the loop of the -

-

Nearly 1.3 million people die in road crashes each year, on average 3,287 deaths a day. An additional 20-50 million are injured or disabled. More than half of all road traffic deaths occur among young adults ages 15-44.

-

The sudden horn coming from outside Lucy’s window caused her to literally jump out of bed, hands clutching to her chest and eyes wide in fear.

Her head turned to the window immediately even as her heart was pounding in her chest after being scared the fuck out of sleep. The car horn continued to blast and Lucy’s pretty sure it’s going to wake up the whole neighborhood if it doesn’t stop anytime soon.

But yet, as she squinted her eyes to look out the window, she saw exactly where the sound is coming from.

Rolling her eyes and scoffing indignantly out loud, Lucy rolled over in bed; back facing the window, even as the car horn continued insistently outside her house. The groaned that escaped her lips got drowned out by the horns and even as she tried to press a pillow onto her ear, it didn’t muffle nor stop the annoyingly and rudely loud alarm.

Lucy really shouldn’t have expected that her last day before going to college would be spent peacefully and quietly.

and yet, neither was she shocked that the noise was coming from none other than her asshole of a best friend.

Alex Danvers.

Fuck that little shit.

Lucy shut her eyes a little tighter and tried hard to imagine a morning where she wasn’t so rudely woken up by her best friend. A small tiny part of her whispered in the corner of her mind that if she imagined hard enough, it might actually come true.

The horn stopped just as she thought that and for a split second, Lucy’s convinced that she indeed has magic.

But not a moment later, she heard thumping against her window and she can’t help but let out a louder groan this time.

“Lucy Lane! I know you’re awake!” came the distant voice from outside her window.

She opted to ignore the intruder; gladly taking the almost quiet morning as a sign to go back into slumber.

“LUCY!”

Another horn sounded, and this time, Lucy was caught so unexpectedly that she literally jumped up to standing. A distant laughter can be heard through the window glass and Lucy flipped Alex off with both her middle fingers.

Lucy marched angrily to the window, not giving a thought that she was still sporting her bed hair and pajamas, as she slid open the window, and finally addressed the annoying menace outside.

“What the fuck are you doing, Alexandra?!”

Alex chuckled, grinning from ear to ear. In her hand, there were pebbles that Lucy knew were used to be thrown at her window. Alex shone her mischievous, up-to-no-good but insanely charming smile towards Lucy and it had only been three seconds but Lucy knew she was losing the battle already.

“Come on, it’s your last day. Let’s go!”

A frown graced Lucy’s face, confusion written all over but it didn’t seem to deter the chirpy human outside the window.

“Lucy, it’s your last day of freedom! Get dressed and let’s go,” Alex commanded.

God damn Alex and her impromptu road trips.

“Go where?” she couldn’t help but ask.

While Lucy will always remain a skeptic and someone who’d prefer planning over being impromptu, seeing Alex bouncing on her heels excitedly like a kid in a toy store had sold her on doing whatever she had planned for them this morning. Yet, Lucy tried to fight her inner self from caving too easily just so that she can hold her last semblance of dignity.

It’s always been easy for Alex to convince her of doing whatever grand adventure she wanted to do.

Grand adventures that start with a road trip; Alex driving and Lucy riding shotgun (and now, ever since Maggie moved to their town, that little know-it-all has been part of the road trip too; sitting in the back seat or challenging Lucy over shotgun).

Just a couple of girls out on the highway.

And Alex’s philosophy of no roadmaps and no curfews. (She always believed in listening to the highway; tearing up the atlas and blatantly ignoring road signs.)

Just girls with nowhere they have to be.

It’s a fact that Lucy internally hate - because she knew that one of the reasons it’s so easy to willingly follow Alex to the edge of the cliff was because she’s mad, crazily, hopelessly having a crush on her - and it’s a fact that her father hates because Alex is nothing but a rebellious teen with a death wish, masking it as a thrilling escapade.

or whatever he said.

But all Lucy know is that the minute Alex shows up at her house, she’s a goner.

-

Lucy rushed out of the house with her mini-duffle bag swaying over her shoulder. She’d learned that Alex Danvers is full of surprises and Lucy is nothing if not prepared in case they ended up swimming in an ocean again. (It happened once.) Lucy threw her bag to the back of Alex’s old school Convertible and hopped into the passenger seat before her mom decided to change her mind.

General Lane isn’t home and Lucy silently thank god because she knew he wouldn’t have allowed her to do this - whatever this is - with Alex.

The girl in the driver’s seat smiled brightly as if she hadn’t done anything wrong, pushing up her shades up her head and Lucy nearly forgot that she was mad at her.

but of course, she didn’t. cause Lucy’s an asshole too.

so Alex really shouldn’t have been surprised when she received a smack at the back of her head.

“Ow! What was that for?” Lucy rolled her eyes.

Alex ran her fingers through her short auburn hair, fixing it and trying to keep her shades in place, and Lucy sucked in a breath at how hot she looks.

“So where are we going?” Lucy asked again, trying to distract herself with the radio even as Alex’s hand keep swatting her fingers away.

“We’re going to get Maggie and then...” the car started in the ignition, pulling out of the driveway to head to the other asshole of a best friend’s house. Alex, however, did not complete her sentence and Lucy was almost irritated by the shady response.

“And then?” she prompted.

“and then.”

-

It wasn’t fair how Maggie wasn’t rudely woken up as Alex pulled to stop in front of her house. But Lucy should have known better than to be surprised that the girl was already up and about at six in the fucking morning, drinking a cup of coffee and reading a book on the porch step.

Lucy squinted, trying to read the title.

On the road by Jack Kerouac.

Maggie looked up as she heard the car, smiling from ear to ear with dimples showing, and Lucy had to remind herself to breathe as she was struck by how beautiful Maggie looks.

(Lucy’s not blind. She knows her best friends are gorgeous, hot and sexy. She’d seen them at their prime and their worst but yet, Lucy can’t help but be a little attracted to the both of them.)

“Let’s go!” Alex shouted, gesturing for Maggie to hurry up and get into the back of the car.

But all three of them are little shits so really, Lucy did expect for Maggie to saunter slowly to the car before leaning on her side of the door.

“Where we going, Danvers?” and it’s that smirk and the tilt of the head that made Lucy wonder if she’s actually, literally, melting.

God, her crush on Maggie was highly likely worse than her crush on Alex.

“Wherever the road leads us,” both Lucy and Maggie rolled their eyes again.

Maggie turned to look at the girl in the passenger seat, another smirk on her lips as she tucks a messy strand of hair behind Lucy’s ears. A blush crept up Lucy’s cheek even as she tried to suppress it.

“Nice bed hair, Lane,”

“Shut up. I didn’t have time to get ready,” Lucy mumbled weakly.

Maggie chuckled before sliding into the back of the car with her own backpack that neither of the girls in the car had realized she was carrying. She immediately leaned to the front through the middle of the seats, her head resting on Lucy’s.

Her eyes flicked between Lucy and Alex, before frowning at the music playing on the radio.

The Top 40s changed immediately to a mix-tape that Maggie had apparently prepared beforehand.

“You guys planned this?” Lucy asked, gaping at them as her brain started to function at the revelation.

They shared eye contact through the rear-view mirror and Lucy found her answer. Her heart positively warmed at that confirmation.

“You were stressed... so we just decided that a one-day road trip would make you feel better,” Alex explained.

and maybe it’s because you’re still not fully awake, but your eyes teared up at the sweet and touching gesture your best friends went through to put you out of your misery about going to West Point, New York, while the two of them are going to colleges in California.

Lucy knows it’s going to suck tomorrow. She doesn’t know how she’s going to survive without her two best friends being by her side. While a part of her had truly wanted to go to West Point, Lucy still wished that she was closer to them instead of being miles apart for the next few years.

Lucy had never been without Maggie or Alex. It’s always the three musketeers together since sophomore year.

Tomorrow’s going to suck and Lucy knew it.

“You’re not doing this right,” Alex commented, snapping her out of misery.

It was only then that Lucy realized she had zoned out enough to not notice that they were already on the outskirts of their neighborhood.

“Doing what?”

Alex huffed, “You’re not in it,”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re not in the moment, Luce. Just be in this moment, right now, with us,” Alex glanced back towards Maggie, exasperated at the girl beside her for being silent for a whole ten minutes that she’s been driving.

“And what exactly is this moment?” Lucy retorted, sarcasm dripping down her voice.

Maggie sighed as she ruffled Lucy’s hair, causing a squeak to escaped her mouth. Alex dropped the convertible of her car down and Maggie didn’t hesitate in standing up in her seat, one hand clutching the car while the other tugging Lucy up with her.

“It’s freedom! The wind blowing through your hair, the rush of the speed!” Maggie shouted even as Lucy stumbled on the spot, desperately clutching tight to the car with one hand, and to Maggie’s hand on the other.

Lucy huffed, shaking her head around unconvincingly as she pretended like she disliked the entire situation. Her hair was getting messed up by the wind and she’s pretty sure she’s getting dust all over her face.

“Where are we heading?” Lucy tried again.

but if she was being honest with herself, she can almost start to feel it.

“We’re headed south? Maybe west? It doesn’t matter!” Maggie replied.

“and why exactly are we doing this?”

“Because it’s freedom, you little shit!” Alex shouted, pressing down on the accelerator on the empty road.

Lucy and Maggie shrieked in delight at the sudden change of speed, clutching the car tighter.

and it was then, Lucy felt it; how they took the day to make her feel special. and then, Lucy’s whooping in excitement as Alex cruised down the road with the radio blasting and she’s still standing with Maggie; one hand up in the air with the rush of adrenaline flowing through their bodies.

but those were short-lived as Lucy sat back down in her seat; the thrill of leaving her almost immediately.

“What stick do you have up your ass,” Maggie scoffed as she sat back down too.

“I don’t have a stick up my ass, Sawyer,”

“Do you even realize how epic this day can be? There’s like six different parties that I’m sure you’re going to love,”

“I don’t really feel like going,”

Alex pursed her lips and slowed down the car.

“Well, what do you wanna do?” the driver asked desperately, a tinge of sadness in her voice and Lucy tried not to feel guilty over it.

Lucy just shrugged instead.

Something akin to challenge flashed through Alex’s eyes and it was only till she’s determinedly facing the front when Lucy found an interest in whatever she’s about to say.

“Lucy Lane, do you see that fork up ahead?” Lucy turned to look at the fork that was mentioned. She nodded her head but she’s not so sure where this is going.

“One way leads to our school, the other leads somewhere else. Which way do you wanna go?” and it’s that challenge in her voice that startled both the passengers in the car.

Lucy turned towards Maggie, eyebrows raised in confusion at where Alex was going with this.

“If you don’t choose, we’re going to hit that house! Left or right?”

and at the speed they’re going, Lucy’s pretty sure Alex will make real of that promise.

“I don’t know! You never use the same road twice!” Lucy said as she turned behind to grab the map she was sure that’s in her bag.

but instead, Maggie forced her body to turn back to face the front, “Map is for brain dead. Left or right, Lucy?”

Lucy’s eyes widened as she realized that they really aren’t joking right now. and it’s only going to take about five more seconds before the car hit the house right in front of them.

so she panicked. and she shouted the first word that comes to her head.

“Left!”

Alex swerved quickly to the left, almost going off the curb and Maggie sighed in immense relief.

Lucy still remained shocked at that near-death experience.

and it took a moment before the three girls started laughing like crazy in the car; the sweet relief of the narrow escape causing them to be a little delirious.

“So where are we going?”

Alex looked at Lucy and then towards Maggie, before shrugging nonchalantly.

“I have no idea,”

-

Alex pulled the car to a stop at the shoulder of a road by the ocean. Lucy and Maggie got the hint as Alex pulled herself up to sit on the trunk of the car, facing the ocean and the horizon.

The other two girls squeezed Alex in the middle as they joined her. A comfortable silence fell between the three of them and the soft music playing in the car continued to waft through the air.

Lucy rested her head on Alex’s shoulder, a hand intertwined with hers and from the corner of her eyes, she can see that Alex’s other hand was intertwined with Maggie’s.

“Ever wonder what life’s like with none of those complicated philosophies?” Alex started her voice soft and pensive - with an underlying sadness behind it.

there were moments like this, that both Maggie and Lucy had noticed, where Alex’s reckless high dropped to something somber.

something sad.

it’s written in her face, in her voice, in her eyes that turned to steel and unreadable as she goes quiet.

and it’s scary sometimes.

but then, Alex’s mouth quirked up, “No college. No career. No kids. No fancy houses,”

But Lucy knows better. She knows the deflection of emotions, knows the facade that Alex puts on. There had always been a dark cloud wondering over Alex’s head; only clearing up when she’s driving for miles and miles away.

Sometimes Lucy wonders if Alex’s streak of running away in her car for long miles and long hours was her running away from reality. But of course, she didn’t dare to bring it up.

She can’t stop Alex from doing something that makes her feel better. Even when at times, Alex gets a little reckless in driving, gets lost after taking too many turns on unfamiliar roads. Even when at times, it scares her that Alex might not be coming back.

There’s longing in her voice and Lucy was still wondering why.

“No complicated philosophies? But then how do you live a life?” Maggie prodded. (and it appears that she can sense the change of mood too.)

“just letting it all go. Just freedom,”

and there’s the dark cloud again.

this time, Lucy jumped in, “Too much freedom can be scary,”

there was a pause. and just like a snap, the mood changes again. Alex smiling bright enough to chase away the dark cloud as she nudged Lucy’s shoulders playfully - the somber mood totally turned a 180.

“So you do want the screaming kids and the mortgage,” Alex teased, an inside joke of how Lucy nearly shoved a toddler into the supply closet when he started screaming in the retail store she was working at for the summer.

Alex jumped off the trunk before the other two girls can reply, turning and spinning wildly before bowing grandly.

“M’lady, we should get going,”

Maggie turned towards Lucy, subconsciously leaning towards her, giggling like a kid as she whispers loudly enough for Alex to hear.

“I can’t believe we’re friends with her,”

“Well, you’re one to talk,” Lucy said before pushing Maggie off the car.

Maggie spluttered and Lucy giggled even as she rushed towards the shotgun seat before Maggie could. Alex only shook her head at the two of them, slowly walking towards the driver’s seat.

She turned back to look at the ocean one more time, a forlorn look on her face before she wiped it all away.

The car continued their drive, to god knows where anymore.

-

 

She was everything I’m not. My whole universe. And I was a footnote, a slim second verse. But she was the chorus, the hook and the groove and without her there pushing, somehow I can’t

move

 


 

Scene 2: Maggie wasn’t expecting her best friends (who were a thousand miles away) to show up at the party she hates, drunk off her ass, sitting on the curb of the sidewalk. All the more was she shocked when Alex appeared out of nowhere, and Maggie wonders if she’s actually high right now.

 

So I sit in the car that she left behind, sinking down in the void like a crater. Getting lost in the world that I can’t rewind. It’s too late and it’s just getting later.

 

-

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration estimates that drowsy driving was responsible for 72,000 crashes, 44,000 injuries, and 800 deaths in 2013. However, these numbers are underestimated and up to 6,000 fatal crashes each year may be caused by drowsy drivers

-

Maggie dragged her feet out of the house party, body swaying from the number of alcohol she had drunk inside. Her feet stumbled, tripping over her own foot, and she’s a little too intoxicated to keep herself from staying upright.

it’s a miracle how she hadn’t fallen flat on her face.

Her phone buzzed insistently in her back pocket, forcing her to sit down at the curb of the sidewalk.

Blurry eyes and hazy mind, she tried futilely to read the incoming texts on the phone, stabbing the screen with her fingers and not actually realizing what she’s doing.

but Maggie should text her best friends.

yeah. she should. do that. good idea.

She’s snickering to herself as her thumbs flew across the keyboard on her phone. and for some reason, she found whatever she’s typing funny.

Maggie’s giggling, on the sidewalk, in the middle of the night, and to any passerby, they would think that she’s gone mad.

but oh well.

“Maggie, stop texting the group,” Alex’s familiar voice was suddenly beside her, startling the shit out of her.

Maggie’s hands fumbled from the scare and she dropped her phone on the road.

and fuuuckkkk.

there goes her phone screen.

noooooooo. but also -

“Danvers?! What are you doing here?” Maggie exclaimed too excitedly as her hand gestured wildly in front of her.

Alex rolled her eyes, not hiding her wince at the volume of Maggie’s voice.

She picked up the dropped phone and stuffed it into her back pocket and Maggie’s still not sure if Alex is actually beside her or if she’s actually hallucinating things.

God damn, she knew they put something in that brownie.

(delicious brownie though.)

and Maggie’s going to be a detective someday. So she has to detect. and to detect, she has to investigate.

It wasn’t Maggie’s fault that she has to poke Alex’s cheeks, face, arms, knees as part of her ongoing investigation. She found the human beside her to be solid and not ghostly-like so this Alex should be real Alex but then again, real Alex is supposed to be in one of those big colleges far from here. and-

“Are you done touching me?”

“sorry,” Maggie mumbled, sounding like a kid getting chastised for no reason.

Alex sighed, resting her head on Maggie’s shoulder.

“Why are you here, Mags? You hate this kind of party,”

Maggie blurts out what was on her mind almost instantly, "but it reminds me of you and Lucy. You know, those times where we crashed those stupid parties or only one of us were invited and we hated them so much but it was fun at the same time,”

and the thought of the past left Maggie feeling a little more sober than before. Her eyes teared up involuntarily and she can’t seem to stop it at all.

“I miss you guys,” Maggie stuttered out; a few tears making their way down her cheek.

Alex pulled her closer in her body, wiping the tears with her thumb and rubbing smooth circles on her back. Maggie can’t really tell what Alex was doing as she whipped out her phone until suddenly, Lucy’s face popped up on it.

“Lucyyyyyy,” Maggie slurred out.

“Oh, she’s drunk. I haven’t seen her drunk in months,”

Alex agreed with a noncommittal hum.

“I don’t have much time right now but I’m here, so what’s up?”

Alex nudged the girl beside her and it startled Maggie back from her daydreaming. Alex scoffed, knowing that the future detective had been staring at Lucy’s face far longer than necessary.

(Sometimes Maggie forgot how beautiful Lucy is, sometimes she’s completely taken away by how beautiful Lucy is.)

“I love you,” Maggie blurted out.

Both Alex’s and Lucy’s eyes widened at that sudden confession and they tried to brush it off as what friends say to each other but then Maggie was spluttering out words that sober Maggie would never have said out loud.

“I mean it, I do. It’s not because I’m drunk that I’m saying this but -”

Both Lucy and Alex remained quiet and Maggie spurred on.

“I love you. Both of you. I’ve been crazily in lo-”

“Maggie, hey, you’re drunk. Tell us when you’re not okay?” Lucy spoke softly first while Alex remained frozen and Maggie’s heart dropped at what that means.

She’d probably fucked it all up.

as usual.

“But then... Then I’ll be too afraid that the two of you don’t feel the same way,” Maggie mumbled under her breath; still a little too intoxicated to actually realize the depth of her words.

There was a sharp intake of breath and Maggie could feel her heart-shattering. Oh god. This is why she shouldn’t have drunk too much inside. She feels her inhibitions and control slipping all over the place and

Maggie’s just all over the place.

Alex cleared her throat, before, “Ask us again. When you’re sober. You should ask us. I’d think you’d like the answer,”

and those words. they caused Maggie’s brain to spin and crashed and spin again so hard that she just sat there, dumbly

short-circuiting

what the fuck did they put in that fucking brownie?

-

Lucy hung up an hour later, and while Maggie’s a little less drunk, she and Alex are still sitting on the sidewalk in quiet. The sober part of her knew that Maggie should head back to her dorm but she’s too afraid that the minute she turns away, this would all be a dream.

a very elaborate dream that her drunk mind managed to conjure clearly.

and Alex is here and Maggie’s here and Lucy was somewhat here a minute ago and it feels too good to be true.

“Do you remember what it felt like?” Maggie whispered, subconsciously closing the gap between her and Alex.

“What felt like?”

“The freedom, the road trips, just three girls out on a highway,”

at the mention of those memories, Alex gulped. Maggie felt Alex’s arm sliding across her shoulder, pulling her closer. Both of them let the nostalgia sinks in, remembering the freedom that they had to leave behind when they started college.

Alex nodded her head and the sudden urge to get up and go palpitated under Maggie’s skin.

“we could just.... go,”

Alex looks at the girl beside her for a moment, her jaw twitching and then something wild flashes in her eyes.

oh no.

“Let’s do it, let’s go,”

oh no.

“where?” Maggie deadpanned, trying to humor the girl beside her.

“who cares? let’s go anywhere like the burning candles in that book you read... l-like jerohack-”

“Jack Kerouac,” Maggie corrected.

Alex stumbled, hands waving in the air wildly like she does when she’s both nervous and excited, “so tell me, the one about the candles-” Maggie opened her mouth to pretend like she doesn’t know what Alex was referring to.

But a rise of a hand stopped her.

“-and don’t pretend like you don’t have it memorized,” and it’s the blinding smile, the one that made Maggie cave easily, that caused her to actually stop the pretense. Maggie sighed, shrugging slightly and stared at the night sky.

She shouldn’t be encouraging her. She shouldn’t be fueling Alex’s need to just drive away.

(Because that’s Alex’s solution to almost all her problems.)

“He said: The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars,”

“If we’re gonna go, we gotta go tonight,” Alex mumbled under her breath. Maggie frowned, confused, until Alex jumped up to standing, shouting at the top of her lungs.

“I’m in!”

“for what?” Maggie exclaimed exasperatedly.

Alex smiled down at her, pulling Maggie up to her feet and dragging her to god knows where.

“we’re taking the risk.” what?

“Alex, what are you up to?”

“If we’re gonna go, we gotta go tonight,”

“Go where?” and this time, Maggie’s just desperate for answers. But Alex is dragging her to somewhere and she’s patting her pockets, looking for something but all Maggie is just fucking confused and tired and sleepy.

the alcohol in her mind is still making her a little hazy but with the way Alex is acting, she’s questioning if Alex’s the drunk one.

“Where are my keys?”

and then it hits her. Because Maggie should’ve known. Alex who literally would stop everything and hop in the car and drive and drive and drive. Alex - who’s entire solution is to just get up and go.

“You’re mad if you think we’re going anywhere but to my dorm,”

“I’m mad if I let you stay here any longer. Aha!” Alex pulled out her keys from the inside of her jacket pocket, swaying it in front of Maggie’s eyes.

Maggie resisted the urge to grab it and throw it somewhere else.

because this is crazy. they can’t just get up and go like that.

It’s college. They have too much stuff on their hands, too much risk. It’s reckless to just leave.

“Calm down, there’s planning involved,” Maggie tried weakly but she knew there’s no stopping Alex right now.

“We never planned those old trips so we-”

“I am drunk and we can’t-”

“Stop saying can’t!”

“Stop telling me what to do!” Maggie shouted desperately.

there’s a pause. Alex’s shaking the keys in front of Maggie again and she’s looking at her like that and she’s challenging Maggie to not take the keys.

but she’s always been weak and caves too easily when Alex looks at her like that.

“Never or now. Without any plans. Are you sure about this?”

And Alex’s excited glee made all of this almost worth it.

almost.

-

“Guess we didn’t go, did we?” The car had been halted to a stop and both girls were sitting in the car awkwardly with a broken engine and no air con and definitely no adventure.

“Nope,”

Maggie’s sober now and she can’t help but feel nothing but irritated and annoyed because she knew she should’ve stopped her.

And it’s late, she’s tired. Maggie just wants to sleep but here they are, in the middle of god knows where.

“Obviously, the whole thing went south, per usual your only plan was running your mouth!” Maggie started, slamming the door on her way out of the car.

Alex followed, and then, she’s taunting Maggie with, “oh tell me, who actually let down who, Sawyer?”

Maggie ignored her, trying to figure out her way back to her campus.

“You were the one who forced me to slam on the brakes,” Alex shouted when she got no response.

Maggie continued stomping away from her. She’s furious and exhausted and god fucking damn it.

She shouldn’t have let Alex talked her into it.

“You were recklessly speeding! It’s going to get us killed and God forbade, I want to graduate first!” Maggie shouted back.

“You wouldn’t have what it takes!”

Maggie stopped to a halt, angrily turning back towards Alex, her index finger out pointedly as she shoved at Alex’s chest.

“I’m not the one failing at everything in life!” and that insult was meant to hurt, meant to maim, meant to cut Alex open and out because she’s so frustrated and angry and

who let down who?

“Fuck you, Maggie!”

“That’s why you’re here. Because you can’t deal with college, knowing that you suck at it even though you’re smart as fuck. I don’t get it, Alex! You’re purposely destroying and uprooting your life!”

“Shut up. Maggie,” Maggie’s face was just mere inches away from Alex and she could feel the anger building and building between them.

“Face the truth Alex. You’re a fucking coward! You always run and run and let me guess, you dropped everything you were doing in Stanford and you drove up here without thinking twice about your assignments and submissions. And you’re lucky enough to find me using the app on our phones. You never thought twice about how it’s going to ruin your career but all you’re good at is running!”

Alex was breathing heavily, and Maggie can feel it on her face, but she refuses to move away. Alex glared down at her, jaw clenching and fist tightening.

Maggie knew she struck a cord.

“Just like you run when your dad passed away and when your mom chooses your sister over you,”

Alex’s hand twitched and Maggie revels in it.

“You’re a coward, Alex. All you know how to do is to run away,”

Alex stared in a mix of shock and anger; at a loss for words with all the things that had left Maggie’s mouth. She clenched her jaw as she dropped herself on the ground, under a lamp post. And while a part of Maggie knew that she won, it left a bitter taste in her mouth.

Maggie’s misplaced anger fades as time passed by. She pinched the bridge of her nose and tried to calm herself down before sitting beside Alex. Both of them stared at the ground where the light is shining upon, stewing in the tensed silence.

and the two of them rarely fights. But oh, when they do, Maggie finds herself unable to stop her mouth.

The silence was awkward, was deafeningly uncomfortable and Maggie was a tad bit away from walking out.

a shadow bunny started hopping at the spot the light was shining down at.

and an unexpected laughter burst out of Maggie before she could stop it.

Maggie cleared her throat, trying to control herself because she’s supposed to be mad here. But one bunny turned into two and when Maggie looked up to the girl beside her, she saw Alex smiling sheepishly. Her eyes asking for forgiveness as she bit down on her bottom lip.

and she’s so beautiful it hurts.

so Maggie can’t help it when she replied back with her own shadow bunnies and other shadow puppets and both of them started laughing till there are tears in their eyes and their stomach hurts.

and it feels like forgiveness and it feels perfect.

so perfect.

“we gotta do this with Lucy,” Maggie said after the two of them had calmed down.

Alex’s eyes are far away even as she nodded her head with a smirk on her face.

There’s something bothering her now, something that Maggie knows only happens when the adrenaline fades and she’s too inside her mind to speak.

and Lucy was right - when they had talked about it - about all the things bothering Alex that she tends to hide; the dark cloud gets darker whenever the high crashes.

and the two girls had been trying to make Alex talk, trying to make her share what’s going on in that head of hers.

but they were always shut down. because the dark cloud disappeared whenever someone tries to bring it up. and because Alex burns so bright, it rivals the sun.

“Let’s go back to your dorm,” she whispered. and Maggie wondered, how the mood changes that quickly.

-

 

There’s a black hole, a vacuum, in deep outer space; that swallows all matter without any trace. Where life is suspended in physic and time.

Where every word you said hangs like an unfinished

rhyme

 


 

Scene 3: Being impromptu was never their thing - Maggie and Lucy would prefer detailed planning than Alex’s out of the blue road trips - So there they were, in New York, three days till surprising Alex at Stanford. But yet, Alex shocked them both again.

 

And I sift through each phrase for an ember - for a spark that will light cause I can’t rewind.

I unravel till I remember.

 

-

Acute fatigue results from short-term sleep loss or from short periods of heavy physical or mental work. The effects of acute fatigue are of short duration and usually can be reversed by sleep and relaxation. Chronic fatigue syndrome is the constant, severe state of tiredness that is not relieved by rest.

Most fatigue-related accidents occur during normal sleeping hours, and the more severe the crash, the more likely it is that the driver or drivers were fatigued. Fatigue is a likely factor in almost one-third of single-vehicle crashes in rural areas.

-

Maggie pulled the sheets tighter to her bare chest as she sat up on the headboard. A smile crept on her face, her entire body glowing and radiating under the morning sun rays filtering through the window.

There’s a commotion in the kitchen before soft feet patters back into the room; Lucy, wearing nothing but Maggie’s white button down, carrying a tray of pancakes and coffee and her own soft smile adorning her features.

“Morning beautiful,” Lucy whispered as she reached the bed, placing the tray beside Maggie and crawling up to plant a kiss on her cheek.

Maggie’s dimples deepened before she shifts out of bed.

“Let me wash my teeth first,”

“Hurry, we gotta call Alex soon,”

at the mention of their other girlfriend, Maggie couldn’t help but wish she was here with them. But alas, the rebellious streak in Alex had to be put on hold as she had deadlines to chase and projects to submit in Stanford.

It’s been a year since Alex’s impromptu road trips and Maggie longs for them to go on one together.

She just hoped their surprise in three day’s time would worth all these waits and maybe, reignite the sparks of driving for miles with no destination or hesitance.

When Maggie returned, Lucy was already digging into the pancakes she made as she’s curled under the duvet and her attention was on the television. Maggie hopped beside her, eliciting a squeal from Lucy as she juggled her mug to not spill on the white sheets.

“Maggie!”

Maggie chuckled playfully and pressed a kiss to her girlfriend’s lips to stop her from talking more.

They exchange soft, languid kisses, forgetting about the pancakes on their bed until a phone started ringing.

“It must be Alex,” Lucy mumbled as she reluctantly pulled away from Maggie. Her hands reached mindlessly behind her before finding the phone that was ringing.

A quick look at her phone showed that it wasn’t Alex who was calling. Lucy’s brows furrowed as she answered the call.

“Eliza? Is everything alright?”

Something that sounds like sniffling could be heard through the line. It was silence, until

“Alex. She’s in National City Hospital,” Lucy’s eyes widened in shock, her mouth gaped open as she tried to process what was just said.

“What? Why? What happened?” this alerted Maggie, who placed down her fork as she shifted closer to her girlfriend to listen in to the conversation on the phone.

“She... She got involved in an accident on her way to National City. Th-they need someone to fill the paperwork but Kara and me... our next flight is tonight and -”

“What do you need us to do?” Maggie clutched Lucy’s hand tightly, rubbing soothing circles on her back to stop her girlfriend from panicking.

But holy shit.

Alex.

“Please, I need you to head to National City to sign all the paperwork and j-just... just take care of her for us,” Eliza’s voice cracked over the phone and it was only then till the truth of the reality hit.

Alex.

Accident.

Hospital.

A rush of blood pumped through their bodies as they moved automatically. Their brain detached from their reality as they moved in a blurry haze, booking flight tickets and packing suitcases and rushing through the room and no matter what they’re doing,

they can’t shake the awful feeling in the chest...

sinking

and sinking

and-

-

Alex put her keys into the ignition of her beat-up car, turning on the radio till it’s blasting and she can feel the base of the beat shaking the entire vehicle.

The sky was turning dark, the soft headlights of her car lighting up the road.

“If we’re gonna go, we gotta go tonight,” she mumbled under her breath.

She started the car and pressed onto the accelerator. There was a pang in her chest as she passed by her college campus, ignoring the gnawing thoughts in her brain - ignoring everything sane.

Her mind flashes with memories.

of loneliness,

of numbness,

of stupid failures.

of dark clouds following her since she was fifteen and just trying to live a normal teenage life.

but she’s broken. so so broken.

Alex stepped harder on the accelerator; windows down as her convertible is up, letting the rush of wind numb her face, her arms,

her heart.

“gotta go tonight,”

Alex closed her eyes as she let the speed take over, let the roads and highways lead her wherever, let the pain

the pain

the pain

-

They sat in the waiting room, hands clutched together as the nurses assured that the doctor is seeing them soon and they’ll be able to see her soon.

but they sat in silence, hearts thumping with fear and worry, hoping for some answers, wondering what the fuck happened.

wondering how the fuck did this happened.

The smell of the hospital room caused Maggie’s stomach to churn even worse. All she really wanted to do is to puke while the anxiety is eating her inside out.

“She’s going to be okay,” Lucy whispered for the umpteenth time and Maggie knows that it’s her way to reassure herself.

Maggie won’t believe it until she sees Alex for herself.

But they still don’t know what the fuck happened.

or how did the accident happened

or why the fuck was Alex on her way to National City when she was supposed to be in Stanford, taking her finals.

“Family of Alex Danvers?” a doctor came out, holding a clipboard and searching through the waiting room. Maggie and Lucy perked up before raising their hands for the doctor.

He gestured them to follow and they hesitantly got up from their seats, half-afraid, half-wanting it to be over and done with.

They clutched their hands together, praying to a god they don’t believe in to just...

just keep their love alive.

-

She was sitting on the trunk of her beat up convertible; half-singing to the song playing on a loop from her iPod, half-going too far from where she’s supposed to be. She stared up at the night sky, tracing out constellations she can find as her music in the background the only thing filling the silence surrounding her.

Her heart still feels like there’s a hand clenched around it, and Alex swallowed the bile that keeps rising in her throat.

She had to go.

You’re a coward. Her brain reminded her.

I know. She whispered under her breath.

Maggie was right; all she knew how to do is fuck up her life and run away.

But she’s tired. so so tired. Nothing feels right. Not Stanford, not Midvale.

not her.

She feels the tight squeeze of her heart again and the anxiety washes her up.

She hates this. Hates the need to run away, hates the fact that she’s purposely destroying her life.

Hates her own self-destruction.

but still, she’s doing it. over and over again. Getting in the car and just go. Leaving behind the good things, the things everyone wants, the things that she worked her ass of.

because she’s afraid. she’s a coward.

because if she stays, she knows there’s a higher chance of it all falling apart.

She’s mad to drive. mad to reach. mad for wanting to feel so alive instead of the constant numbness she’s been feeling forever.

she hates this. she’s so tired. she hates it.

but at least she’s halfway to National City.

-

a coma.

they don’t know when she’ll wake up or if she’ll wake up at all.

Lucy sinks into the chair with bated breath, head falling into her hands as she takes in the news.

She was lucky, the doctor had said. Not lucky enough.

broken right leg, fractured ribs, tons of bruises and abrasion of the skin. But her skull and spine are fine, considering the nature of the accident.

Lucy couldn’t help but let her eyes take in all the physical injuries in her mind, jotting it down in her head as her own fingers tremble at the sight of it all. Her mind conjures up imaginations and explanations on what the hell could’ve happened.

because it doesn’t make any sense.

Alex was supposed to be in Stanford.

They were supposed to surprise her at Stanford in three days.

“Luce?” Maggie asked, hesitantly reaching out towards her girlfriend. Lucy looked up, only to notice the red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

“Do you think she was running away again?” and the sob that followed and had escaped Maggie’s mouth cut straight through her heart.

Lucy felt the soul leaving her body. She gulped as the truths hit her hard.

“She’s going to end up dead someday and I won’t let her drag you with it,” Lucy’s father spat as Alex dropped Lucy off after their impromptu road trip again. Maggie squeezed Alex’s shoulder, in hopes it’ll reassure her but Alex’s entire demeanor was suddenly impenetrable.

Lucy scoffed and pulled away from her father’s grip.

“Everyone dies, someday,”

Tears sprung into her eyes and Lucy couldn’t control as the emotions overwhelmed all her senses and she’s crying into her hands at the thought of Alex, sweet, caring, reckless and wild Alex, in an accident while driving.

and all Lucy can picture is Alex speeding down the road, refusing to slow down until there’s a turn and she’s speeding and speeding and -

“Lucy, stop. please,”

Lucy looked up, realizing that she’s been speaking out loud and that Maggie was crying harder even as she tried to hold it in.

She forced herself to reach out to Maggie, pulling her close - in hopes for comfort, in hopes for strength.

-

She’s reached the outskirts of National City, slowing down to a speed that wouldn’t get her caught by the patrolling cops. Her heart stammers in her chest and Alex wonders when the feeling of something going wrong would start fading away.

It had started that morning with -

waking up, and not wanting to try. Forgoing her exams, just wanting to -

Alex breathed in shakily. She grips her steering wheel tighter and forces herself to focus on the road in front of her. Her eyes had started to drop, exhaustion and fatigue creeping in and Alex remembered that she hadn’t had a good night rest for more than two weeks now.

(for more than five years now)

Insomnia, she had concluded. but yet, she didn’t do anything to improve that.

all her medical knowledge had pointed her to something like depression, something like -

Alex shook her head again, focusing on the road in front of her.

The adrenaline that’s been rushing through her veins, the deep need of needing to get up and go and turn things around, had been the energy she needed to drive the almost 6 hours journey through the night. She’s sure she can last an hour more.

The morning rays of the sun were almost welcoming as Alex brought the convertible down. She knew the nearest rest stop is coming up. And yet, she couldn’t stop her eyes from fluttering close a couple of times.

The car was drifting in the lanes. Alex was zoning out from the drive more times than it is safe even as she tried to keep herself focus. She breathes out a sigh of relief when she spots the gas station.

She placed her car in park, put the gas in and decided to get a cup of coffee. or Redbull. or Monster. whichever will wake her up a little longer.

She digs out the notes and a couple of coins fell out of her pocket;rolling down a couple of meters away from the car.

Alex sighed as she dragged herself to where they land and pick them up.

As she finally looks up, her eyes widened at the sudden blinding lights speeding right straight at her.

 

she barely had time to -

 

-

Physics state: the faster a car is going when it hits a pedestrian, the more likely the pedestrian will be killed. However, there is a correlation between the speed of the car and the likelihood a pedestrian will be killed, especially when age is taken into consideration. A 5 mph difference can dramatically change the prognosis of a pedestrian involved in an accident.

In a situation, for example, if a red SUV is driving down a road at a constant velocity of 57 miles per hour, and a pedestrian is crossing the road at 2.5 miles per hour. If the driver of the SUV sees the pedestrian from a distance of 132 feet and slams on the break, decelerating at a rate of an 11.1 miles per hour, will the red SUV still hit the pedestrian?

 

-

 

yes.

 

-

 

Sitting on the roof of your beat-up car - when I was your orbit, and you were my star. But now you’re a black hole and I am left numb from the loop of these memories

the loop of the -