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The Hypothesis Is: Fuck Off And Die

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In retrospect, there was no way that it wasn’t going to end like this.

Bakugou Katsuki was, in the shortest imaginable terms, a fucking nerd. He’d been well aware of this fact for years, because it was impossible to deny. He’d inherited his father’s shit eyesight, leading to contacts for class and training, and a pair of glasses for when he was home. He had never really been interested in movies and cartoons, fiction being too uninteresting. What was the point if it didn’t directly pertain to what he wanted to do with his life?

So, since childhood, he’d been a goddamned nerd. It started with those kiddy science books, counting fun with whatever colorful mascot of the hour, to the science guides. “What plant grows best?” experiment guides and the like, all in the safety of his room. He was good at keeping his room clean- especially because his mom threw such a fit if he didn’t. So whatever toys were either dedicated to the cause or shoved under his bed, the books kept neat on the shelf, and his clothes stuck to his closet and the hamper. He’d lucked out with a big desk shoved under the window with a lamp in the corner of each side, a bookshelf flanking the corners. He did each experiment and carefully wrote down the results, going through math workbooks for fun, even pulling his dad to his room occasionally to ask for help with whatever he didn’t understand.

He supposed he’d been a cute kid.

It had been hard, sometimes, to be good at it. When he got frustrated, or even when his concentration slipped, there’d be fireworks from his fingertips and palms. More than once the nitroglycerin had affected his projects to the point of having to start over, and he just worked with more intensity.

Katsuki had read more and more, backgrounds and history in science, the methods, the atrocious and the clean. He started training his quirk outside the house and wearing gloves when he was working on his projects- even when he was reading or cooking. Cooking was a lot like a science, except more immediate in its results. It was also one of the few things that his mom liked when it came to his hobbies, so it made life easier.

He didn’t like to stay home all the time, though. Especially as he got older and fought with his mom more- she thought he was an insolent brat, he thought she was a hateful hag, and more often than not any interaction ended with her landing a slap or him storming off. His father would always have something sweet and something kind to say, but it wasn’t worth it.

So Katsuki threw himself into studying, into cooking, into fighting, into staying out of his mom’s damn way. Anything but having her look over his shoulder.

Sleepovers at the Midoriya’s was regular, the one time he was actually nice to Deku. He felt guilty sometimes, but it was hard to be nice, to not be frustrated, to say the right thing.

So he felt like an asshole, saying one thing and acting differently, reading his papers and burying himself in his personal studies, withdrawn at home and pushing himself further and further.

He worked out, figuring out the limits of his quirk- and nearly singing off his eyebrows and dislocating his shoulder in the process- and the years passed.

It was the second year of middle school when he found the invite link, buried deep in the local university’s forums. He’d been trading information about different topics, following links to learn more so he could offer advice and counter arguments. The link had seemed to him like a golden opportunity of learning- the holy grail itself! A group chat filled with like-minded people searching for the same things he was, talking about academic subjects and working on theories and talking smartly. He was pretty sure that was the happiest he’d been, thinking very carefully as he made an account on the application. His username was “KatsukiB”, his icon a simple piece of clipart that depicted an orange K. Simple, concise, professional.

What awaited him was far from what he expected.

@KatsukiB has entered the chat!

Tapioca: new person! Welcome!

FujiokaHaruhi: Come on in! We don’t bite ^^

CentralSpaceJam: Much.

Tapioca: Oh don’t act like that, SJ! We don’t bite at all. Feel free to introduce yourself.

KatsukiB: Uh, Bakugou Katsuki Here.

Tapioca: Is that your actual name? Delete that please!

-message has been deleted-

KatsukiB: May I ask why?

Tapioca: How old are you? Don’t you know about internet safety…

KatsukiB: 14…?

Tapioca: …

CentralSpaceJam: @Sunspot, you’re no longer the baby.

Sunspot: FINALLY

Sunspot: Expect plenty of momming from @Tapioca

Cryotech: Whoa- we have a new baby chat member?

VelvetGString: ;) Yo!

Magical☆Kitty☆RenRen: Good to have ya!

And that was how Bakugou met the chat members. There was a huge range of occupations, majors, and ages of the members, and none of them seemed to be on the same wavelength. Some of them liked him, others thought he was kinda snotty, and others wanted to protect him and keep him pure. He’d tried to argue that he wasn’t a kid- he was going to UA in two years, after all (So long as he made it in) and then he’d be on his fast track to being a famous hero. So he wasn’t a kid, he was just… not an adult yet either.

And he did make friends, that much was quick and fun and stuff. It was easy.

But for each friend he made, there seemed to be moments, when Tapioca had gone to bed, that he’d get cornered.

VelvetGString: So… Katsuki, what pronouns?

KatsukiB: Oh, he/him. I’m a guy.

VelvetGString: @Magical☆Kitty☆RenRen @FurMight

VelvetGString: Yoooooo

KatsukiB: ?

VelvetGString: They just like guys. So… Call me velvet. I’m totally the big brother type to Tapioca’s big sis type.

FujiokaHaruhi: If you’re the big brother type, then we’re doomed. Back off.

KatsukiB: I don’t really need someone telling me what to do.

VelvetGString: Ooh, you heard him!

KatsukiB: Velvet, I do have a question.

VelvetGString: If it’s size, I’m 6 inches.

FujiokaHaruhi: Ew, gross.

KatsukiB: I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I was gonna ask, is your username a joke about string theory?

VelvetGString: …

VelvetGString: I feel guilty now

KatsukiB: Is it not…?

FujiokaHaruhi: That’s it, calling time. Go to bed Katsuki-chan!

VelvetGString: Just because I’m staying up for finals doesn’t mean you should!

KatsukiB: I’m not even studying, I already finished up.

FurMight: You’re not studying? AAAAAAHH so cool.

FurMight: Not. Don’t think you’re above studying, kid.

KatsukiB: I did study earlier, I just don’t need to go over it anymore… I’m one of the top grades in my class.

VelvetGString: How I long for those simple days, you kill me Katsuki-chan.

VelvetGString: You’re killing your brother type.

FujiokaHaruhi: And you’re still not the big brother type!

And it was nice. Ever since he pushed Deku away, he’d felt lonely. At school he had friends, but they weren’t the kinds of people he could bring home and they weren’t the kinds of people he thought would last in the world. They weren’t smart enough for him to feel comfortable sharing his interests, they weren’t good enough at fighting or imaginative enough to even consider being pro heroes eventually, and at the end of the day Bakugou just knew what would happen. They would see him in the streets one day, or on the news, and tell the people at their normal jobs “Hey, I went to school with him! Isn’t he cool?”

Maybe he was a bit arrogant, but he had his future in sight. It was just out of his reach, and all he had to do was get there.

Tapioca: @VelvetGString ! We’ve talked about this! DM me or I’ll yell at you in the group chat.

VelvetGString: Uh-oh.

Twenty minutes later, he came back in.

Velvet: @KatsukiB Sorry if that was too creepy… next time we can talk in dms ;)

Tapioca: If he dms u, block him.

KatsukiB: He doesn’t bother me, trust me.

Velvet: Aw, told you I was the big brother type.

KatsukiB: I never agreed to that part!

Bakugou rolled over on his bed, sighing as he flicked through old conversations. It had been forever since then. He was in his third year of middle school now, fifteen, and much more comfortable around his online friends. He shared things about his school life, and no longer expected all the conversations to be… intellectually stimulating. It helped his patience, if nothing else.

But like all good things, they would change.

New notification!

Bakugou blinked and selected it, scanning the message.

Velvet: Hey bro!

KatsukiB: What do you need?

Velvet: Did I catch you at a good time?

Bakugou glanced around his silent room, the crickets chirping outside.

KatsukiB: Yeah, why?

Velvet: Don’t block me but…

Velvet: Can I have a selfie of u?

Bakugou felt a prickle of discomfort over the back of his neck. Velvet was usually harmless, but generally not his favorite person in the chat. He’d just gotten into college when Bakugou had joined, the second youngest person before him. Maybe his tendencies were because he was so immature.

KatsukiB: What for?

Velvet: I just handle better when I have a face to put to names…

KatsukiB: You don’t have one of those long-distance quirks, do you?

Velvet: What? No! My quirk is lame, it’s close-range electrification. If I use it too much I start bleeding.

Velvet: The pic is just so I know what you look like.

Bakugou had to put his phone down for a moment. Tapioca had firmly schooled him in internet safety rules, but on the other hand, they were friends. They’d talked in private about physics- his proposed major- and other school related topics, as well as Velvet turning him onto some cool documentaries and inoffensive retro anime. Deku would have fit right into this chat, with all the retro fans, but Bakugou wasn’t about to invite him.

So in the end, what harm could it do?

He lifts the phone and, before he can fuss too much over it, takes a simple one. Him on his bed, hair fanning out around his face like a halo, still soft from his shower. There were a few freckles- usually invisible in the sun- peppered over his cheeks, and he was clearly focused on the camera and biting his lip.

He sent it before he had a chance to second guess himself.

KatsukiB has sent an image!

Velvet: …

Velvet: Dude you are so cute

Velvet: Like oh my god I thought you were gonna say no

Velvet: Your face literally looks so cute and squishy…

Velvet: And you look so innocent and young too!

KatsukiB: Now you’re starting to sound weird again.

Velvet: Ah! I didn’t mean to…

Velvet: I just can’t help it!

KatsukiB: Well, that’s gonna be the last one you ever get, so enjoy it.

Velvet: Promise?

KatsukiB: That it’s the last one?

Velvet: That I’ll enjoy them ;)

KatsukiB: ‘Them’ implies more than one, dude. Not happening.

Velvet: Really? But how do I know this is actually you?

KatsukiB: Reverse google it? I don’t care, what does it matter if it isn’t me?

Velvet: So it’s not you? What a shame…

KatsukiB: That’s not what I said! It is me, ugh, learn how to read.

Velvet: Then prove it!

Bakugou rolled over again, frowning now. He knew he shouldn’t rise to the bait but… He couldn’t just ignore a challenge. He takes another quick one, a bit blurry this time, including the top of his hoodie and how his hair had moved to frame his face even as it still stuck on end.

KatsukiB has sent an image!

Velvet: Still cute… but you could still be faking it.

KatsukiB: You can be a real creep, you know that?

Another selfie, his eyes narrowed as he leans closer to the camera.

KatsukiB has sent an image!

Velvet: Prove it more… Take off that hoodie you’re wearing.

That should of sent off a bunch of red flags. Instead? He almost tore the garment as he pulled it off, growling at the fabric as it rubbed his hair down. He was still raw from the attack by the sludge villain, so it wasn’t like he was thinking very critically. He was hurt, he was angry, and he was scared.

KatsukiB has sent an image!

Velvet: So… tank top kinda guy? I like it ;)

Bakugou pulled his knees up to his chest. Shit, right. This wasn’t like… one of those kinds of situations where it helped his case to be stubborn. He tapped the last image’s options, thumb hovering over the ‘delete’ option.

Velvet: Can’t I see more of you?

Velvet: You’re so cute and manly, I like it!

Dammit, this guy was getting under his skin way too easily…

Bakugou hid his face but held his arm out further, taking a doubtlessly sloppy picture of him on his bed.

He cracked an eye open to hit ‘send’.

KatsukiB has sent an image!

Velvet: Nice.

Velvet: Can I see your face again?

KatsukiB: Why do you even want to? What are you getting out of this?

Velvet: Nothing? I just like pushing your buttons.

KatsukiB: I could block you.

KatsukiB: I SHOULD block you.

Velvet: And what, be a coward?

Velvet: Please. Then I will totally know those pictures weren’t you!

KatsukiB: And what would fucking prove it?

Velvet: Hm…

Velvet: Take a picture of… didn’t you have a bottle on your bedside table?

KatsukiB: Creep.

He snapped a picture of the bottle, rolling his eyes.

KatsukiB has sent an image!

Velvet: So hasty!

Velvet: That wasn’t what I was going to tell you to do.

Velvet: Put it between your thighs and take a picture of it.

Bakugou felt the prickle of discomfort again, but did it.

KatsukiB has sent an image!

Velvet: Good boy, Katsuki.

KatsukiB: Shut up!

KatsukiB: Are you satisfied?

Velvet: When it comes to you? Never.

Velvet: Take one of your wrist, I wanna see it closer.

KatsukiB: Which one?

Velvet: So compliant~

Velvet: The left one.

KatsukiB: Shut up.

KatsukiB has sent an image!

Velvet: Are those bruises I see? Waaahh, I wanna be the only one who’s allowed to touch you.

KatsukiB: If you don’t stop that I really will block you.

Velvet: If you block me, I’ll just ask for them in chat…

Velvet: And I’ll have backup there ;)

Bakugou fell back onto his bed. Ugh, guys like this really pissed him off.

Velvet: Can you send me another selfie please? Just you, whatever you're doing when you read this.

Bakugou takes another lazy, quick one, eyes hooded and hair fanning out around his face again.

KatsukiB has sent an image!

Velvet: Laying down again, getting comfortable?

KatsukiB: Fuck you.

Velvet: So forward!

Velvet: But be patient, pretty boy.

Bakugou really wanted to deck this guy.

KatsukiB: What do you look like?

Velvet: That's me in my icon!

KatsukiB: Your icon is someone holding up a pair of panties

Velvet: ;)

KatsukiB: Why did you even have those? Aren't you gay?

Velvet: I got down and dirty with a very cute boy who wore some very interesting panties.

Velvet: And you can't judge, I don't know what kind you wear!

KatsukiB: That's it, dude do you even realize how creepy that is??? I'm not sending you pictures of my underwear. That's not happening.

Velvet: Not even if I send you a picture back…?

KatsukiB: What kind of tradeoff is that?

Velvet: C’mon, it's fair! A pic for a pic!

KatsukiB: And what about all the ones you made me send?

Velvet: Hey, you sent those on your own.

Velvet: And it doesn't have to be creepy! Just push your sweatpants down a little and lay down. See, I'll show you mine if you show me yours. Underwear pic for underwear pic.

KatsukiB: Ugh, fine, whatever. You're too pushy, asshole.

He tried not to feel dirty as he shimmied the sweats down his hips, the soft fabric then resting partially down his thighs. He'd gone with boyshorts because they were comfortable, and he can't help but wonder if they look childish and stupid, black with a cactus print.

KatsukiB has sent an image!

KatsukiB: Now your turn, asshole.

Velvet has sent an image!

It was a picture of a pair of skinny hips, darker than his own, laying in a grittily dark room. The boxers were baggy and plaid, a thumb hooking into them to show a bit of a treasure trail.

Velvet: There you go! Even ;)

Velvet: And cacti? Adorable, dude. Is it ‘cuz you’re so prickly but the moment we get inside you turn sweet?

Bakugou set his phone on the bedside table and hid his face, screaming into a pillow.

His mom smacked a broom against the ceiling below him, shouting louder than even he could to shut up.

He yanks the covers over his head and doesn’t let himself respond for the rest of the night.

The next morning is friday, and he’s squirming all day at school. He’d woken up to a barrage of texts and cajoling from Velvet, and they hadn’t stopped as the day went on. His phone was vibrating against his leg enough to be super distracting, a steady rhythm.

It’s about ten am when he finally gives in, lifting a hand to excuse himself.

When he gets into the restroom, he makes himself wait until he’s in a stall, leaning against the door to check the messages.

Velvet: Don’t be shy, I love it!

Velvet: I’m sure you’re blushing super hard… may I see it?

Velvet: :(

Velvet: Ok either you’re upset with me or you went to sleep…

Velvet has sent an image!

Velvet has sent an image!

Velvet has sent an image!

Velvet: Some memes in these trying times?

Velvet: D’ya think if quirks hadn’t developed, we’d still have been born?

Velvet: Just one of those two am thoughts…

Velvet: My mom met my dad because he was doing some dumb strength competition and then he noticed her and got hit in the head.

Velvet: How did they have strength competitions before quirks? Must have been super boring.

Velvet: Sometimes I understand the retro obsession a lot of scientists have- so much has happened and there’s so much history to cover.

Velvet: But also… I can’t handle 1980’s hair. Or the fashions back then… ugh.

Velvet: Morning, cutie.

Velvet: Katsukiiiiiiiiiiii

Velvet: You’re probably in school this morning right?

Velvet: School uniforms were so much fun…

Velvet: I wonder what kind you wear?

Velvet: Don’t block me

Velvet: I’m just… thinking.

Velvet: Does your hair always fluff up the way it did last night, or was that just because you were embarrassed?

Velvet: Class started… ugh i can’t believe I have to be awake at 8 every morning for this. Why did I think I could handle this? When u get to college, don’t listen to the part of you saying “yeah, you can totally handle a morning class!”

Velvet has sent an image!

Velvet: Look at this diagram in my textbook… it looks really stupid.

Velvet: Thinking of you

Bakugou had to admit he was flattered, if a bit creeped out. Guy was in class, and still thinking about him? Bakugou would admit he’d been doing the same thing- but only because of the incessant notifications.

KatsukiB: Do you ever stop talking?

Velvet: Katsuki!

Velvet: This prof is chill about phones so ;p nope!

KatsukiB: I couldn’t think with my phone buzzing all morning.

Velvet: Why didn’t you ever reply last night?

KatsukiB: I was tired.

He carefully doesn’t say that he was embarrassed, too.

KatsukiB: So what do you want?

Velvet: Can I have another selfie? To get me through this class? It’s one of the basics, super dull.

Velvet: Pretty please?

Bakugou covered his face with his arm. They were in the summer uniform already, so he was in a short sleeve collared shirt, the black cardigan loose around his body, no tie in sight. He was comfortable enough, he supposed, that it wouldn’t do any harm to send one…

KatsukiB: Since you’re so fuckin picky, what do you want?

Velvet: One of you in the mirror!

He grimaced and stepped out of the stall, looking around to make sure no one was around before he looked at the mirror, hair unruly and eyes trained on his phone, the cardigan slumped off of one shoulder messily.

KatsukiB has sent an image!

Velvet: You’re even cuter than I expected! Thank you.

KatsukiB: Whatever.

He ignored the blush covering his cheeks.

Velvet: May I have another?

KatsukiB: Greedy asshole. You know this is creepy, right?

Velvet: Your words don’t match your actions, Katsuki~

Bakugou raises his fist and lifts his middle finger, snapping another picture.

KatsukiB has sent an image!

Velvet: Unbutton your shirt for me.

Bakugou’s heart started to beat a bit faster.

KatsukiB: What the hell?

Velvet: Come on, please!

Velvet: I’ll do anything you want me to, Katsuki.

Velvet: I just need a pick me up.

Bakugou set the phone down, heartbeat roaring in his ears. Holy hell, was he actually doing this?

Shaking fingers lifted to the first button, then the second. Any second someone could walk in and see him, so why was he still doing it? Why?

All he had on under the shirt was a sports bra, the band itching under his own scrutiny. He leaves the last two buttons done, face red and hand covering his mouth as he forces himself to take the picture.

He looks… lewd.

KatsukiB has sent an image!

Velvet: You're perfect.

Velvet: You should get back to class now, we’ll talk more later ;)

Bakugou puts his phone on silent and rights his shirt, feeling rumpled and exposed long after he got back to class.

Later that day, his dad let's him know they're going out for dinner and tells him to do whatever he wants for dinner. His mom smacks the back of his head and suggests he eat shit.

He tells her to fuck off and gets hit again.

Nevertheless, he starts making himself some curry, spicy and hot just how he liked it. It's when the rice has been washed and his meat cooking that his phone goes off next.

Tapioca: Katsuki!

Tapioca: How was school today?

KatsukiB: Hey T, wasn't expecting you to dm me

KatsukiB: What's up?

Tapioca: I’m gonna get to the point

Tapioca: Velvet mentioned you two were talking…

Tapioca: And we both know he can be a creep.

Tapioca: So has he been good?

KatsukiB: Yeah, he's fine.

KatsukiB: It's no big deal, T.

Tapioca: :c

Tapioca: You know I only fuss because I care.

KatsukiB: I know, T…

KatsukiB: But I did get a cute picture of some strays while I was walking home!

Tapioca: :o

Tapioca: Show!

Bakugou scrolled through his pictures with one hand, the other on the pan. After he sent all of them to her, even the one where a certain siamese had let him press his face into her fur, he clicked back to see who else had sent him a message…

And he shouldn’t have been surprised.

The soft smile dropped from his face.

Velvet: Hey again~

Velvet: Miss me?

KatsukiB: Hardly.

Velvet: But you always reply so quickly… I think you do.

KatsukiB: Get to the point?

Velvet: What are you doing rn?

Velvet: And put the “katsukib is typing” away, I wanna see it.

In the other tab, there was Tapioca. She would make the dude back off the moment Bakugou expressed discomfort. He could block the dude entirely. Just, off the bat, no questions asked.

But instead he closed his eyes, tapped the ‘camera’ option, and took a picture of his food.

Velvet: You can cook too?! Is there anything you can’t do, pretty boy?


KatsukiB: Y’know, most people pay for their creepy interests.

Velvet: Then… how about 250 yen a pic? Starting now.

KatsukiB: You’d really fucking do that?

Velvet: I have cash to burn and you're cute. Give me your email, you have a paypal, right?

The next few minutes are a blur, until Bakugou is staring at the new balance in his previously unused account. He feels a bit lightheaded until he realizes that the chicken is burning. He tosses the contents out and sets the rice cooker on ‘auto’, deciding to microwave some leftovers and eat those with the rice instead.

The first payment, “just something to cover the stuff you've already sent, a thank-you”, was 500 yen. Barely enough for shitty coffee or some candy…

But it was his.

He felt like he should have been prepared for this to spiral.

Bakugou wandered to his living room, falling onto the couch.

KatsukiB: So, what, do you want another picture or something?

Velvet: Now you're eager…

Bakugou flushed, starting to type a furious reply.

Velvet: I'm just teasing! Don't burn me at the stake here, babe.

Bakugou shivered. He didn't like that, being called babe.

Velvet: Let's get right to the interesting stuff. Where are you right now?

KatsukiB: Home, in my living room.

Velvet: Are you alone?

KatsukiB: Yeah.

Velvet: When is the soonest you think anyone could come home?

Bakugou glanced at the clock. Six forty, which meant that it would be atleast eight or nine before his mother dragged his father in and up to their room.

KatsukiB: An hour?

Velvet: Push your shirt up, past your nipples, and take a selfie.

Bakugou flushed, but complied. One hand curled over the fabric to keep it in place, the other holding the phone up. The cold air immediately made the aforementioned nubs stiffen, and he was embarrassed by things that had previously felt normal.

KatsukiB has sent an image!

The notification went off, another 250 yen.


Velvet: Good boy. Pinch one of them in the next picture.

Another snap of his camera.

KatsukiB has sent an image!

Another payment.

Velvet: Snap a picture of your hips now, one hand on your abdomen, tell me what kind of pants you're wearing.

God Bakugou wanted to melt into a puddle and take a nap.

KatsukiB has sent an image!

KatsukiB: Sweatpants.

Another payment.

Velvet: Can you shimmy your sweats down for me? Just like you did last night ;)

KatsukiB has sent an image!

Another payment.

Velvet: You’re quick to send those… Do you need the money or like the attention?

KatsukiB: Shut up.

Velvet: Aw :( still so mean

Velvet: Lucky you I like it.

Velvet: What kind of porn do you watch?

KatsukiB: Excuse me?

He knew what porn was, that much the science chat had made sure of soon after he joined. He had looked into it once or twice, but it frustrated and upset him more than anything else.

But of course this fucking pervert would be asking him questions like that.

Bakugou hid his face in a pillow, acutely aware that he was very, very exposed right now. He felt like a fucking prostitute.

‘Get your shit together, Katsuki.’ He thinks to himself. He looks at the phone again.

Velvet: Porn, I’m curious what kinds you watch!

Velvet: You seem like the kinda guy who’d watch for the plot…

Velvet: But gay, straight, I’m not sure what you’d be into.

Velvet: You’re not saying no to me so unless you’re just humoring me you’re atleast a little into guys.

Velvet: But I can’t help but be curious what you watch…

KatsukiB: Creep.

KatsukiB: I don’t really… watch stuff.

Velvet: Do you look at pictures? Stories?

Every comment seemed to cause a ripple effect. One response turned into another ten questions. This was fucking exhausting.

KatsukiB: I just told you I don’t look at anything you fucking creep.

Velvet: :o

Velvet: Alright, I’ll back off!

Velvet: Can I have one more selfie for the night though?

Bakugou sent it, pillow on his stomach. The shirt had slid down a bit but was still lewd, the corner of the pillow just barely showing.

He was scowling now.

KatsukiB has sent an image!

Another payment.

Velvet: You should smile more, babe.

KatsukiB: Fuck off.