Hela Lavellan stood on her balcony late at night, looking down on a sleeping Skyhold. Despite the blank expression on her face she was relieved. The Elder One was defeated, and her people rested easily. Soon her soldiers would return to their families. Her friends would leave, and go on to do other things or return home. Hela would be alone. Maybe some would remain with the Inquisition, counting on Hela to rebuild the Chantry and decide on who should be Divine. Or maybe their priorities would be with the mages and Templars. Keeping peace between them and finding a way for them to live in harmony without the Chantry's rule. Either way, she didn't care. She would always feel alone without her vhenan. Solas had left before they'd even returned to Skyhold after the battle. He was just... gone. She had spoken to him very little after he'd decided their relationship was a "distraction", up until before their final battle. As Hela was on her way to the war room to confirm the attack Solas appeared out of nowhere, "Inquisitor? Might I have a moment?" "Shit! Solas, you scared me!" "My apologies, that wasn't my intention." "I know. For fuck's sake, Solas stop speaking like that. You've grabbed my ass and had your tongue in my mouth, stop acting like we've just met." His face turned crimson and he opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Hela turned her head away and smirked, "Walk with me. I'm headed to the war room," She continued on her way, her fingers itching to reach for Solas' hand.
"What was it you needed to speak to me about?"
She gave a small nod to Thom as they descended the stairs next to his barn.
"Well, I've been speaking with Dagna and my friends from the Fade and I've discovered some enchantments that could be useful for the battle. I wanted to confirm with you before I had them crafted."
"If you believe it would benefit us during a fight and is better than our current equipment, you have my approval."
Solas folded his hands behind his back,
"Have you decided who you will be taking with you to face Corypheus?"
"Yes, I have."
"Might I know who? Supplies for the enchantments are in short supply. I'd like to provide them for those in your party first."
She sighed and rolled her eyes,
"I suppose. I'm bringing Cole, Thom, and," her voice hitched in her throat and she cursed herself for it,
"I see, I'll make the proper arangements then. I can collect the other's weapons, but I'll need your staff as well."
She smiled at Varric as he winked at her.
"Chuckles," he said in acknowledgment of Solas.
"You can get it from my chambers. It's next to the ladder."
She could sense him blush next to her,
"Inquisitor, I-I'm not sure that would be appropriate given-"
She turned on him when they were alone in the hallway outside of the war room,
"Given what, Solas?!"
Her dark, choppy hair shifted gently as the breeze came through the broken wall. Her eyes pierced Solas waiting for his response.
"I apologize, Hela I didn't intend to upset you."
"Well you failed, asshole! I've never loved anyone. I isolated myself from my clan and everyone in it. My keeper sent me to the Conclave in hopes that I would die before I returned. They sent me without a staff, Solas. But I went! I went, and you know why I didn't protest? Because I didn't care if I died. If a Templar decided I looked like a good place to stick a sword, I'd bloody well let him. I cared about nothing and no one. And you know what? That changed when I joined the Inquisition. I met so many people that I now call my friends. Right after we closed the Breach, I went back to Haven, climbed the Chantry and decided to jump off the side. You know who grabbed me? Dorian. Dorian kept me from ending my life. He held me in his lap on the roof of the Chantry for an hour while I cried. No one had ever given a shit about me before then. I made friends, and then I had you."
She took a deep breath and a step forward,
"Solas I had you and you had me. I don't know what the fuck I did to make you decide you were distracting me, but when you left me I was devastated. I throw myself into the middle of dangerous situations hoping I'll get hurt. I can't die just yet, but I can bleed because actual physical pain is better than what you did to me."
She took another deep breath and pulled herself together. She straightend up and the vulnerable side of her vanished,
"You don't get to find your way into my bed and then fucking leave me with nothing but a shitty excuse!"
She shoved him away from her and turned towards her destination when she felt a hot hand grab her arm, turn her around, and push her up against the wall. Solas leaned over her so close she could feel his breath on her skin.
"Do you really think I'm not heartbroken over you?"
His voice was soft but angry. Angrier than she'd ever heard before. For the first time she was frightened of him.
"I love you, and every night I spend alone now is agony. Even the damn Fade feels wrong without your presence. I have never in my life felt this way for anyone. I wish I could tell you something different. I wish I could give you a better reason but I can't!"
For a moment there was only the echo of his voice and the sound of his breathing. When he spoke again he was calm and his grip on her arms loosened,
"Ir abelas, Hela. I am so, so sorry vhenan."
There was great sorrow in every word. A tear slid down Hela's cheek. She couldn't move. She felt like if she did her whole world would fall apart all over again. Solas lifted her chin with a slender finger and they locked eyes. He smiled a small, sad smile before he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. It was a short, needy, passionate kiss. But Solas pulled himself away quickly and strode briskly away. He clenched his jaw and mumbled almost inaudibly to himself as he passed back through the doorway,
"Don't turn around."
Hela slid down against the wall that he'd pushed her against. She sat there a while before her advisors arrived; staring blankly through the massive hole in the wall, punishing herself for something she could never have fixed.