Tom had been on promotion tour for weeks. When he came home, there was something new in the air. Tom wasn't as affectionate as he used to be. And that got Eva really worried.
"Oh god how I have missed you" Eva jumped to Tom's lap when he walked in. They kissed but somehow it was different. Tom didn't respond to the kiss with the same depth he used to. Her stomach dropped.
"What's going on?" She asked him.
"Let's sit down, please" he said and they sat down on the sofa.
"I have to confess something. I have been thinking about you a lot during the last weeks I've been away. And it hasn't always been in a good way. I've been worried, I've been jealous, I've been anxious. "
"Okay..." she started but Tom interrupted her.
"Please, let me finish. I need to say this now. All of it. It seems that your past is really hard for me to get over. Especially the infidelity. I know that you are not manic and that you are aware of yourself better these days, but it still haunts me. I don't exactly know why. I just... I just don't want to feel like this. I don't feel comfortable in being this insecure. As a grown man I know that all I can control is what I think and what I do. But this is driving me nuts."
She couldn’t believe what he was saying. The lump in her throat was swelling and she felt feeble.
"So what are you saying Tom? Just please, spit it out" she said.
"I think it would be best if we don't continue our relationship any more"
The silence was tangible.
”You seem very serious about this” she said.
”I am very serious about this” Tom replied and looked her in the eyes ”This… this is a strain that I just can not take. And I feel that all what’s happening outside us is giving you so much pressure too. I think it is for the best.”
Eva broke down to tears and Tom couldn’t hold his tears back either.
”I don’t want to hurt you Eva, but I can’t do this. Not again” he said with a cracking voice.
She felt betrayed. She was now left utterly alone. Her family basically abandoned her when she divorced and she had left her false friends at her home country behind and not yet made that many new ones. She couldn’t stay in contact with Tom’s friends either who she had gotten to know during their brief relationship - they were his friends.
”I understand where you’re coming from” she started when the sobbing eased. ”It must be a horrible burden for you. But breaking up because of it… I’m sorry that you feel that it is the only way through this.”
”I know you’re hurt. And I don’t want to hurt you...” Tom tried to say but she stopped him.
”But yet you do, Tom. You do hurt me with this” she snapped ”Tom just stop saying that because it is inevitable now. There’s no way this is not going to hurt me.”
She grabbed her bag and her jacket and walked out from the door leaving Tom sitting on the sofa alone.
Once she got home she decided to sleep a good night sleep and then think about the situation again the next day. She did have medication to help with that so she took it and hit her bed.
The next day Eva woke up feeling sick from all the crying she had done the previous day despite the good night sleep she’d had. She felt utterly alone, lost and ugly both in and outside. And then all her wrongdoings came back in one flash. Tom had left her because of what she had done. She should’ve taken care of the divorce long time before she did. She should’ve known not to trust her friends. She should’ve been faithful to her ex. She should’ve changed her lifestyle first thing when she found out about her disorder. She should’ve listened to her mom. She felt that it was she that had been wrong in everything. She felt that she didn’t have anything to fight for any more.
She called her agent and cancelled all meetings for the week. She couldn’t face anyone even remotely related to the script. Not now when she and Tom were over. She hoped it would get easier with time – as it would for normal people – but she knew that it might not. Depression had always been her middle name and she could even now feel the dark cloud rising in her head.