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Alex Strangelove: What Really Happened in that Bedroom with Elliot

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"Come here." Elliot said.

His chin was low. His eyes were staring. The butterflies in my stomach just fluttered throughout my entire body. His legs were open, spread out. If I gulped I hoped he didn't notice. I wasn't sure if I did or not.

"Over there?" I asked.

He responded quickly, with a laugh. "Yeah, over here."

My first reaction was a jolt of desire. What would he do with me over there? What would I do if I sat in that bed with him? He obviously likes me. Inviting me to his house, performing the gayest song, and sitting on his bed with spread out legs and sexy eyes.

My second reaction is well, I'm here. I went along with him. Whatever happens won't happen unless I have a say. This can't hurt me.

I bring my hands to my knees and stand. I'm nervous taking the small steps to his bed. And I am always nervous. I clear my throat, and I fidget. I sit on the almost edge of his bed and put my hands together. After mili-seconds of staring at his wall I look to see how he's reacting.

I see his muscles pulsate in his tan arms. He uses them to pull his back to me like I did to his. Maybe to imitate me and my awkwardness. I laugh.

I do not feel uncomfortable. I feel... well comfortable. Just unsure. What will we do next? Shall I give him what he wants? Is it what I want?

I stare at the wall for tiny seconds. The moment I hear his sound of voice my head whips around to see his lips move.

"Do you want to come closer?" Elliot asks, confidently. Flirty.

I do.

So I did. Maybe our backs will touch. I move my ass so I touch the end of his. Our backs did touch. My face gets hot.

I go to my go-to. The wall. His wall. I stare. Millions of things rush through my mind. None about Claire. None about Dell or my friends.

I think about his touch. I wish I didn't have my jacket on. The more thinner the material is between us the better. I think about what it would be like to kiss him. I know he wants to kiss me. That's what he wants.

Maybe I should just get it over with. Kissing Elliot. It is just a man crush, like Dell said. Quick and simple. Not that I want it to be quick.

"So...' Elliot mumbles. 'Um."

I should give him what he wants. Me.

His face is turned. I know because his jawline makes a dent in my vision of me now just staring at the floor. Maybe he doesn't want to kiss me. Then what the hell is this?

If he turns his head, I'll take the plunge. I will touch his lips with mine. Then never again.

Elliot does turn his head. He says something about monkeys.

It's too late for him to finish what he was saying. My face pulls to his like a magnet and my lips topple his. I didn't remember choosing to use my hand to hold his face. It just felt right.

I drive my lips forward and shivers go down my spine once he gives his power of the kiss back. I separate my mouth.

It doesn't feel wrong. And it doesn't feel like my first kiss. It feels like my best.

 

I want to touch his hair if I decide again to join lips. I quickly realize his breath on my face and see he wants more.

So I give him more. I touch him again, pulling myself towards his warmth. Yet I feel shivers, pleasure, desire.

My fingers brush his curls like I wanted them to. And vibrant life comes between our mouths. He grabs my face to. We lay so he can kiss me more.

His hand goes away but not my intent. I kiss him deeply. My tongue brushes his. They do a dance. It's better for his hand to be there.

He's sexy. His kisses, his smell, his warmth all feel like sex. As I feel him smile I realize he's wanted this. How I shouldn't want this.

I pull slightly away with the intention of stopping but he follows me with his mouth and I let him for seconds.

Then it all hits me. Claire, my virginity, our relationship and how I could lose her. My best friend. I am ruining it all.

My hand holds back his body and my face pulls away as fast as it came in.

"Oh, Jesus." I say to myself. I lift my body up then stand.

"Wow. Uh, that was a nice surprise." Elliot mentions.

I start to really freak out. "What am I doing? Why did I do that?"

As I ask myself those questions the more I stand up. The more I back away. If I am close to him, it will happen again. I would kiss him again.

I would mess up my relationship with Claire. What would Dell think? I am ruining everything.

But then I look at him. His smile is happy, indubitably content.

"I am so sorry."

"Don't apologize."

"I should go. I'm gonna go."

If I leave, I won't touch him again. If I don't touch him again, my life doesn't fall apart. My fake life.

Elliot stands. I'm tempted to walk away but something weighs me down. Maybe it's the look in his eyes. It's calming. I need to stay calm and act like this never happened.

He comes close, his nose barely doesn't touch mine.

"Hey, Alex. You need to calm down for a minute." Elliot says gently.

"Calm down?' I say almost as gently. 'I have a girlfr-"

This time he kisses me, lightly. Just so my mouth doesn't say the word. His body is close.

In the words of Deadpool 2 we are tip to tip right now.

I need to leave.