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That Mitchell and Webb Short Fic Collection

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Robert had been stewing in his own rage. Okay, maybe rage was a strong word for it but he was angry. Angry at this new, cynical man that had wormed his way into David’s life and somehow made David like him. David didn’t just like someone, not that quickly. There was something about the way Charlie would laugh and lightly touch David’s arm that made Robert’s blood boil.

Robert’s tipping point came one night at some party/networking opportunity that they were coerced into going to. It was an all right night during the first hour or so, Robert found interesting people to talk to and David stayed close by, within Robert’s reach, which pleased him enormously. Until David was swept into some debate involving Hitler and other evil leaders in history, Rob knew there was no keeping him then. He would look over and smile as David got worked up.

The next time Robert looked over David wasn’t there, his eyes scanned the room until he found him, talking to Charlie Brooker of all people. His hands almost instantly clenched into fists when he noticed him, he excused himself from his conversation and strode over to David and Charlie, reminding himself to remain calm.

“Robert.” David greeted. “Charlie was just telling me about the circus which was him trying to arrive here today.”

“Were you?” Robert made sure his tone was mildly interested and not annoyed. “The circus didn’t manage to stop you?”

“No, it failed.” Charlie laughed, scratching at his arm nervously. “It wasn’t a real circus, to be clear.”

“I realised that.” Rob barely managed not to roll his eyes.

“I’m going to go get us drinks,” David announced, giving them both a pleading look.

“So, what are your intentions with my friend?” He had to make sure that his conversation sounded like a joke in case David ever found out.

“W-what?” Charlie stammered.

“David, my best friend and comedy partner of many, many years, what do you intend or want to do with him?” Robert stared at him, heard Charlie swallow, watched as the sweat started to form at the top of his hairline.

“I, uh, I don’t intend to do anything with him.” Charlie lied.

“Hmm, okay, good. It would be awkward if you did.” Robert pulled out a handkerchief and passed it to Charlie. “This might help dry off some of your sweat.”

“Why would it be awkward?” Charlie nearly squeaked.

“Because, Charlie, David’s mine.”

Rob smirked at Charlie and as David came back with drinks, Robert very deliberately brushed his fingers against David’s as he took his glass. Rob leant close to David, giving him a quick, but firm, kiss, enjoying the half gasps coming from both David and Charlie. Whether the kiss was out of spite or out of love, Robert didn’t know. They both looked like they were going to say something but Robert just shrugged.

“We’re all friends here.”

Charlie didn’t touch David much after that, much to Robert's delight.