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The Blurred Night Scars

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                Davina looked down at Uta, snuggled down deep into the thick comforter, still clutching one of Teiji’s shirts as he slept. The young man had been having more good days than bad, but the days that were bad, were just that…bad. He would seclude himself in the Gardenia room with Teiji’s things, Davina could hear him sob and calling Teiji’s name, which broke her heart. His good days were filled with shopping trips with Davina, lunch with Mao or dinner with one of the other couples.

                The DCR party they had just attended was incredibly relaxing but also very poignant, especially the little speech Die gave to Uta, letting he and Davina know that the music community was in support of them both, was touching and it gave her hope for Uta’s future. Uta. The only person keeping her soul from breaking her completely.

                Watching Isshi and Ruimaru the night before was difficult for Davina, too many memories of Teddy standing behind her, ready to catch her if she fell, anticipate her needs and satisfy her sexually. As much as she loved Uta, he would never be able to replace Teddy in Davina’s bed. Looking down at Uta again, she couldn’t help but smile. “My love, he’s doing better…we both are, but there are still times we completely break down, we don’t have your strong shoulders to lean on.” Davina whispered to the room. Davina snuggled back down into the thick comforter and closed her eyes, she prayed for dreams of Teddy…standing by her side.


                Leda stood in front of Isshi in the large sitting room, his eyes cast down and his hands behind his back. The night of the DCR party had been a dizzy flood of emotions for Leda, the possibility that he would finally have a true dominant to take care of him, was beyond anything he had ever dreamed of. Now here he was, standing before the man that everyone had told him, loves his pets more than what was conventionally accepted in the community. Now the man was speaking to him…will he offer?

                “Leda-kun, are you here of your own free will?” Isshi always started his interviews with this question.

                “Yes Sir, I am.” Leda’s voice cracked, Isshi finding it adorable.

                “Do you have any questions, Leda-kun?” Most of the time, the boys always wanted to know something.

                “Can I still keep my job, please sir?” Leda enjoyed working at the HBG, he didn’t want to lose the friendships he had just made, especially with Tomo.

                “We can make arrangements of course.” Isshi approved of his pets working, if that was what they desired.

                “Will I be…um, I mean…with Ruimaru?” Leda wasn’t sure where he was going to fit in the dynamics of the relationship with Isshi and Ruimaru.

                “That depends on many things, Leda-kun. I would expect you to spend some time with us, before we would agree on writing a contract. If you were to become uncomfortable with our situation, I would make sure to find you a suitable Dominant.” Isshi had one in mind already.

                “My angel?” Isshi called out. Within seconds Ruimaru was at Isshi’s side, bowing and keeping his eyes cast down.

                “Ruimaru, would you like to ask Leda-kun any questions? Leda-kun, feel free to speak to my angel.” Isshi wanted to watch the two boys interact with each other, searching for personality conflictions.

                “Leda-kun, can I kiss you again? Sir, would it be permitted?” Ruimaru was a little hot and bothered by the boy standing in front of him.

                “I will allow it, if Leda-kun agrees.” Isshi hoped for a yes from the new boy, and he was granted it, with a nod of the head. Ruimaru stood in front of Leda, wrapping his arms around the slender man’s body, standing on his tip toes to reach the luscious lips of the young man.

                The kiss started softly, though moving quickly to something more, an urgent need by Ruimaru. Isshi watched the boys kiss, his cock twitching, a sure sign that Leda may be the right addition to their little family. Leda puts his arms around Ruimaru’s waist, as the smaller man slides his hands down to Leda’s ass…rewarded with a soft moan from the pretty boy.

                “My angel, that’s enough.” Isshi had to stop them, or he may end up…

                Leda whined when Ruimaru pulled away, the smaller man giggled, “Sir, he’s just so sweet! His ass is soo tiny!” Ruimaru sat on the floor next to Isshi, his dominant petting his head softly. Leda’s face flushed a lovely shade of pink, his breath was a bit ragged, the kiss had muddled his brain.

                “Leda-kun, do you have any plans for the rest of the day or tomorrow? I would like to ask you to spend the night with my angel and myself.” Isshi wanted to treat Leda as he had Ruimaru, no surprises popping up after contracting a new pet.  

“I have a closing shift tomorrow night, but I don’ have to be there until six, Sir.” Leda so desperately wanted to look up at Isshi.

                “Leda-kun, stay with me tonight…” Isshi ordered. Without thinking twice, Leda’s head snapped up and he smiled sweetly at Isshi. “Thank you, Sir!” Realizing his mistake of looking up, Leda quickly cast his eyes down again.

                “Leda-kun, come here please.” Isshi stood from his chair. Leda walked over and stood before Isshi. “You want to spend the night, ne? You want to be in my bed with my angel? You want the three of us to spend the night playing, correct. Think carefully boy, if you agree to spending the night, you are agreeing to everything that normally would go on.”

                “Yes sir, please…please can I spend the night?” Leda begged. Ruimaru giggled, “Sir…please… can we keep him?”

                “We need to put your safe word in place before we go any further today. Choose wisely, Leda-kun, this will be your only safe word even if I accept you and care to collar you for my own.” Isshi only allowed one safe word for every pet, changing them randomly was not acceptable.

                Leda thought for a few moments, “Amulet” was his choice for a safe word. Isshi committed the word to memory.

                “My angel” Isshi put his arm around Ruimaru, “Would you please take Leda-kun and prepare him as you would yourself? I want him pristine.” Isshi reached up and cupped Leda’s face in his hands, kissing him softly. “I look forward to seeing you tonight.” The dominant whispered.

                “Oh! Let’s go Leda-kun…we have lots to prepare for, before we can have fun!” Ruimaru grabbed Leda’s hand and led him out of the room and down a long hall to a beautiful decorated bedroom. “Can I kiss you again please?” Ruimaru asked, Leda nodded…he liked kissing the submissive. “I can’t wait! This is going to be epic! Please say you’ll stay with us and become Sir’s pet…Pleaassee!” All Leda could do at that moment is smile and nod.


                “You’re what? You’re fucking kidding me, right?” Kai was sitting behind his drum kit, the other members on a break, leaving Ruki alone with him in the practice room.

                “No, mister sarcastic I’m not joking. What if he thinks I’m too…” Ruki hated the S word, so Kai supplied it. “Short?”

                “Yes, short. Maybe I’m not his type or, I’m too weird or something.” Ruki often times had a low opinion of himself in serious matters, asking someone out was usually difficult for the man.

                “Ru, you’re not too short, you’re everyone’s type but we can’t deny you’re weird. I doubt your weirdness would keep the boy from going out with you.” Kai chided his vocalist gently. “Just call him, Ru…all he can do is say no.”

                Ruki sighed, “Fine, but if he says no…you’re taking me out to dinner and getting drunk with me after practice.” Ruki growled as he left the room.

                “Okay, let’s do this.” Ruki took a deep breath and dialed the number.

                “He…hello?” Tomo didn’t recognize the number.

                “Hi, is this Tomo? Uh, this is Ruki… we met at the DCR party?” Duh you idiot, he knows who you are.

                “Um, hi… how’s it going?” Tomo was shaking, what the hell did he have to say to Ruki… Gazette Ruki?

                “Good, I was wondering if we could meet and just talk, you know. Somewhere close and not really public?” Please say yes, please say yes.

                “I’d like that, do you have someplace in mind? We could always meet at the HBG, it’s usually not very busy in the middle of the week?” Not to mention it’s safe.

                “Definitely! Tomorrow afternoon…around 4pm?” Ruki was shaking.

                “Mmm, that’s perfect…I’ll see you then.” Tomo closed his phone. “Fuck, I have a date with Ruki…Gazette Ruki! Oh my god! I have nothing to fucking wear!”  

                Ruki ran into the practice room, “I HAVE A DATE HE SAID YES OH MY GOD!” Kai giggled, the other members stared at their vocalist, “What the hell do you mean you have a date, with who?”

                “That nice young man from the HBG, Tomo. The one that you guys freaked out over.” Ruki sniped.

                “We didn’t freak out over him, we freaked out over you and how you um, like changed your ways of approaching guys. You talked to him, there was no rampage, no drunk ass floozy, it really was freaky, Ru” Aoi pointed out that it was indeed weird.

                “Well I’ve changed…you might not believe me but you just watch… I’m done with the rampages as you so eloquently named them. I like Tomo, at least I think I do. And I’m going to get to know him before anything happens.” Reita snorted, Uruha giggled behind his hand and Aoi rolled his eyes. Kai was the only one that came to Ruki’s defense.

                “Guys, for fucks sake, just support Ru. Shit, I can start calling out every one of you for being a slut at least once in your life, Aoi…remember Los Angeles? Uruha… was it London? Reita…do I need to bring up Paris? Yah, I thought so…” Kai scolded his band.

                “Kai, do we need to bring up Berlin?” Reita threw it back in Kai’s face. “No, you don’t, but I’m not the one that’s giving Ruki a hard time about a boy. So, shut your faces and let’s practice.” Kai had had enough.



                Leda’s hands were bound, he was naked and leaning back against the headboard of Isshi’s large bed. “Do not move, Boy. Do not speak” Isshi was serious. Looking at Leda, freshly bathed, all body hair removed, Ruimaru had oiled him to perfection, something that the little submissive took great joy in. “Leda-kun… Isshi-san is going to love your cock! It’s beautiful…I hope I get to play with it.” Ruimaru purred.

                Now the three of them were in bed together, Leda’s heart was pounding in his ears, his cock half hard. “My angel, on your back and put your head in Leda-kun’s lap.” Ruimaru skootched up, laying his head in Leda’s lap, “Sir…his cock is poking me in the head!” the boy giggled as he started to rub against Leda’s stiffness.  Leda moans, then looks up at Isshi afraid that he had made a noise. “Sounds do not count as words, Leda.” Leda nodded.

                Isshi straddles Ruimaru’s hips, leaning forward to capture Leda’s lower lip in a biting kiss. Ruimaru has Isshi’s fully erect cock staring him in the face, but he dares not reach for it, but it’s just so tempting. If he touches it without permission, he may be punished…and Isshi’s punishments are always so worth it. Ruimaru chances it, sticks his tongue out and flicks the tip of Isshi’s cock, tasting a little pre-cum.

                “My angel is being naughty tonight Leda-kun…” Isshi hissed. Instead of reprimanding Ruimaru, he shoves his cock into the boys mouth just as he sticks his tongue down Leda’s throat. Both boys moan erotically, Ruimaru keeps his hands at his side, Leda wants to hold Isshi but doesn’t not bring his bound hands up.

                “My boys are behaving rather well, Leda you should a lot of restraint…I can tell you want to touch me, but not yet boy… let me taste more of you.” Isshi then bends down and takes Leda’s cock in his hands, rubbing and exploring the size and shape.

                Leda had to bring his bound hands to his mouth to keep from crying out, he mewled when Isshi finished ‘tasting’ him. “You are positively delicious Leda-kun.” Isshi gave Ruimaru a kiss then orders his angel on his hands and knees.

                “Suck him my angel, do not let him cum…” Ruimaru nodded “Can I kiss him first, Sir?” The cherubic boy asked. “Of course, please do.” Isshi watched the two young men in front of him, his cock stiff against his abdomen.

                Isshi bent down, sliding his hands under Ruimaru’s hips, and spreading his ass cheeks apart, he kissed his angel’s small puckered hole. Drizzling a cool gel lube over the hole, Isshi prepped his angel.

                “Mmm, Sir he tastes so good! He looks like he’s enjoying it too! Can we please keep him…please Sir?” Ruimaru begged. “We’ll see my angel, now hold still.”


                The next three hours were some of the most erotic pleasurable scenes Isshi had ever had. Between Ruimaru’s eagerness to please, Leda’s moans of passion and Isshi’s patient loving ways, the three men finally collapsed in a sated heap. After cleaning up their sexy messes, Isshi had a boy under each arm, all snuggled together. Kissing each of them, Isshi sighed, “Leda-kun…did you enjoy yourself? I know my angel did, just look at him…he’s asleep already.”

                Leda nuzzled Isshi’s neck, “Sir…will you keep me forever? I want to stay with you and Ruimaru. You’re the master I have always dreamed of having…please Isshi-san, let me stay.” Leda’s eyes were filled with tears, he already had such love for Isshi that he could not bear to be let go.

                “Leda-kun, my sweet boy… let us live together for a week before we both make any commitments and if by the end of the week, you still feel this way, I would be proud to have a contract drawn up and I will collar you. But now we must sleep…you have drained this old man into happiness.”  Kissing each of his beautiful boys, Isshi closed his eyes and fell into a deep slumber.


                Tomo walked through the entrance to the HBG, he nervously looked around, spotting Ruki at a table in the corner. With his knees shaking and butterflies in his stomach, he walked over to the table.
                “Hi…” Tomo had dry mouth…god why did I agree to this?
                “Hi! I’m so glad you came; can I get you a drink? Wait…no it’s a little early in the day, right?” Ruki sat down. They looked at each other for a moment, then Tomo had to ask, “Um, can I ask you why you called me? I’m nothing special…and you’re… well” Tomo blushed.

                “I’m sure you’ve probably heard every story about my um, rampages as they’ve been called. I fully admit I have been sort of a troll in the past, but with only good intentions!” Ruki wanted to be completely honest with Tomo.

                “But that doesn’t answer my question” Tomo protested, “Why me?”

                “When I saw you the night of the DCR party, I stared at you for like fifteen minutes before I spoke with Taka. It didn’t feel right for me to make a big scene and chase you…I just wanted to talk to you face to face, like you know…get to know you.” Now it was Ruki’s turn to blush.

                “I’m done with chasing…it’s never done anything good for me. I’ve had a lot of boys I dated, but none of them lasted very long…I’m tired of thinking with my dick.” Tomo’s eyes went wide at the last comment. “Um…okay.” Tomo tried not to giggle.

                The two of them talked for a while, Ruki trying to reassure Tomo that he had nothing but honorable intentions, that he wanted to honestly date the young man. “There will be some times when I’m recognized, there always are, but I hope that it’s not going to bother you too much. I can’t get away with who I am.” As he said this, he looked down at his lap, Tomo assuming that he was blushing.

                “Does it upset you…I mean when people only look at you for being Gazette Ruki? I could see where you’d be shy about getting into any relationship, especially one with another man.” Tomo had always thought how rough it must be for famous people to have normal relationships, seeing Tatsu and Koichi, Sato and Taka gave him some hope.

                “Upset isn’t the right word, regretful maybe…Not that I regret any of my success, but it is hard to see through the bullshit people that just want a piece of me. That’s why I wanted to talk to you, I could feel that you weren’t going to be like that.” Ruki looked up, yep…he was blushing now.

                Tomo and Ruki made plans to meet up so Ruki could take him to dinner, “I promise there will be no drama as long as I don’t do anything stupid.” Ruki had planned on taking Tomo to the restaurant for their first date, at least they wouldn’t be mobbed by fans.

                As Tomo got and ready to leave, Ruki hugged him, “Um, could I kiss you?” he whispered into Tomo’s ear. If the kiss they shared was any indication of what their relationship would be…Tomo knew he was going to be in for a wild ride.



                “That’s not good enough, Atsushi. Uta’s things are still in your home.” Maeta wasn’t happy with his patient, who ignored his sage advice on how to move forward without Uta.

                “It’s the best you’re going to get. There are two deadbolt locks, with different keys, both keys are with Yutaka and Hide, so unless I take a sledge hammer to the door, no one is getting in.” Sakurai persisted.

                At their last session, Dr. Maeta kept throwing Uta in Sakurai’s face, in hopes that the man would confront his emotions, obviously it didn’t work.

                “Why do you refuse to let go, Atsushi? Is there some deeply buried hope that you will reconcile with Uta? I know Kyo delivered the boy’s message to you, it seems to be fairly cut and dried. Uta hates you and blames you for the death of Teiji, which in turn you blame yourself as well. What do you get out of keeping the boy’s things locked in a room you are treating like some sort of shrine?” Maeta kept probing, pushing the man.

                “Dr. Maeta, if you do not wish to help me move on, if you’d rather constantly badger me about Uta’s belongings, that I have take care of, our sessions are over. I have made my choice on what to do, if you don’t like it…too fucking bad. I’m tired of having to justify my feelings that are in fact MY feelings, to everyone. I will never stop loving Uta…ever.” Sakurai was starting to growl at the doctor.

                “Our sessions are over then, Atsushi. I can not ignore the issues you have with Uta and remain positive about your treatment. If you need me at any time, please feel to contact me.” Dr. Maeta got up and left the room, leaving a relieved Sakurai to deal with his problems alone.

Chapter Text

                “Will you do it, Davina dear?” Isshi asked. “Yes of course I will Isshi, is he ready for it?” Davina had not been surprised when Isshi called her and requested that she draw a contract for Leda, knowing how far the man had fallen for the slender boy. The two dominants were sitting in Davina’s parlor, having a cup of tea and discussing the terms of the contract. Isshi had just gotten up to retrieve Ruimaru and Leda, when the boys entered the parlor… Ruimaru in tears.

                “My angel, why are you crying! What has happened?” Isshi immediately opened his arms and enfolded Ruimaru close to his chest.

                Ruimaru couldn’t speak, Isshi looked up at Leda, “The old koi…he’s dead, Sir” Leda didn’t understand the traumatic crying by Ruimaru.

                “Oh, my angel!” Isshi sat down pulling the boy into his lap and rocked him gently. “Leda-kun, will you come with me?” Davina held her hand out to Leda, who looked to Isshi before accepting. They walked hand in hand to the koi pond, where Davina found Hercules laying on the stone wall.

                “Ruimaru almost went into the pond, Mistress…he started crying… he kept saying the fishes name…why is the fish so special?” Leda had not heard the history of the old koi.

                “Hercules is, or was at least forty years old, Leda-kun. He belonged to my father and when he died, the fish came to live with me. Ruimaru was very fond of the fish, you could swish your fingers in the water and Hercules would come up and want to be petted. This is a sad day for my home.” Davina sighed, Hercules was the last physical connection to her father.

                Walking back to the parlor, Davina had an opportunity, “Leda-kun… do you want to be contracted and collared by Isshi-san…truly?” It was always nice to hear from the potential pet what their desires were.

                “Yes Mistress, I do. He’s exactly the type of dominant I wanted…forever. He’s kind, he loves me and he’s not cruel with his punishments.” Leda didn’t look at Davina.

                Walking into the parlor, Ruimaru was still on Isshi’s lap, albeit no longer crying. “Ruimaru my dear, I’m so sorry you had to be the one to find Hercules.” Davina caressed the boy’s cheek.

                “Mistress, may I ask a question?” Ruimaru needed this, “Could we give Hercules a proper burial? Please Mistress?” the boy was close to tears again.

                “Whatever you’d like Ruimaru, you loved him as much as I have. What would you like to do?” Davina didn’t know what a proper burial for a koi would entail.

                “Is there a sakura close to the pond, or another special tree here? I’d like to bury him under a sakura, it’s a peaceful place and his body would serve the tree well.” Ruimaru sniffed a bit.

                “I think that’s a lovely idea my angel. Shall we walk the property and find an appropriate tree? Come with us, Leda my sweet boy.” Isshi got up and took each boy’s hand and walked towards the koi pond.   Davina could do nothing but smile…the happiness Isshi had finally found was evident. The man truly loved his pets just as she had loved… “Teiji my love, what shall I do? I’m lonely without you and Uta is recovering, he no longer sleeps in my bed.” Davina’s heart ached, the void in her life was irreplaceable, yet she had no idea what her future would be.



                Sitting on his back patio in the dark, Sakurai looked up at the night sky. “Where are you tonight Uta? Are you safe, are you happy?” he mused to himself, although he knew part of the answer. He could still visualize the day that Kyo came to the studio and screamed at him, delivering the message from Uta, “I fucking hate him…he killed my Teiji…he killed the only person that has ever loved me for me. He’s killing me now, I want to die, I want my Teiji back…”

                Sakurai Atsushi shudders at the memory of that day, his total collapse and the realization that Uta would never be in his arms again. “I’m an idiot to think otherwise” he muttered to himself. Sakurai had attempted to stay busy, it was difficult at best. Buck Tick was neither in the studio nor in rehearsals for any upcoming lives. He was bored, and boredom for Sakurai was dangerous.

                Leaving the back patio, he went into his kitchen and reached for the bottle of wine that was on the counter, already half empty. “Might as well drink it all.” Pouring the remainder of the wine in a glass, he returned to his back patio, drinking in solitude meant he was out of trouble.

                It was early, not even completely dark when he decided he was not going to sit at home alone, he’d rather sit alone and be surrounded by people. Finishing his wine, he walked down the hall, reaching out and caressing Uta’s door as he walked by, a new habit that he had picked up after the deadbolt locks had been put in.

                Sakurai showered and chose some random black clothing, as he dressed he did his usual self-sobriety test, being able to bend down and touch his toes without falling over. “Yus, I’m good.” He went out to the garage and got into his Porsche, starting to drive that all too familiar route without even thinking.

                Handing the keys to the valet, Sakurai approached the door and was instantly recognized. The doorman called over the owner who fawned all over Sakurai as was normal for his arrival. “A private room is waiting for you Sakurai-sama, please follow me.”

                Within minutes, he was secluded in a private room, and within five minutes, he had champagne on ice in the room and a pretty submissive girl serving him. “I will be back momentarily,” he said as he got up with a glass in hand and decided to walk the club.

                As he perused the cliental, his eyes spotted two familiar forms. Approaching the dominant, her pet stood in front of her as a shield. “I can not let you approach my Mistress, Sakurai-sama…not without her approval.” Ormond stood tall and wide, Madame F behind him. Sakurai bowed, “It’s understood, if you would I’d like for her to join me in my private room.” Sakurai bowed and walked away.

                “Thank you, Ormond. I’m undecided if I will visit with Sakurai-sama, do you have an opinion my love?” Madame F would occasionally ask her pet for his thoughts on random things.

                “It is not for me to question you, my Mistress.  I will stand next to you, if you so choose to be in the same room with Sakurai-sama, I will not stand against the wall. I do not trust Sakurai-sama at this point.” Ormond was rather strong with this opinion, he still believed that Sakurai would hurt certain people, his Mistress would not be one of them.

                “As you wish my dear. I agree, I do not trust the man as of yet. Let us see what he has to say, shall we?” Madame F moved through the club and down the short hall to the room she knew the man would be in. Before opening the door, she turned and kissed Ormond deeply. “I will be safe as long as you are next to me, my love.”

                “Sakurai-sama, what do we owe the pleasure of your company to tonight?” Madame F kept the small talk especially formal, she wanted him to know that she would not be swayed by their previous relationship status as close associates.

                “I was bored at home, and decided that I’d rather be bored somewhere that was crowded, was I wrong to assume that I would be welcomed at the Fetish, Madame?” He could tell she meant business, so did he, and the glare that Ormond was wearing was key.

                “Is there something we can help you with? Are you returning to the community? If you are, you may want to talk to the superiors firstly, there may be some restrictions placed upon you. You understand of course.” Madame F delivered her message.

                ‘I actually only wanted to find out how Davina is doing. If she is…” Sakurai couldn’t bring himself to talk about Teddy. “I only want to offer my assistance if she needs it. I’ve cared deeply for that woman for many years, without Teddy by her side, I am sure she feels lost. Would you tell her that I would like to see her at some point? Not at the manor of course but in a neutral setting if possible”

                “Davina is doing as well as to be expected, she’s keeping herself busy with other things. I will pass along your message. Now if you’ll excuse me I have other people to speak with.” Madame F bowed lightly and left the room.

                Once Madame F was away from the private room, her posture slipped just enough for Ormond to catch her by the elbow, “Mistress!” He gasped, “Please Mistress, sit down and rest…I will get you some water, but please…sit down for a moment.” Normally, Ormond would never tell his lady to do anything, but her stuttering walk scared him.

                “Just take me to one of the booths please, Ormond.” All of the booths were occupied, but one lower Dominant saw Madame F’s pale face and offered up his immediately. “Please, sit here Madame F” Ormond bowed to the man and his pet gratefully. Before Ormond could leave to get water for his Mistress, a young server came to her with water and ice.

                “Madame F, I apologize for not speaking with you first, but I saw you looked unwell, I brought you some cool water.” The girl would not look up at the dominant in front of her. “Thank you my dear, who is your Dominant?” The girl gave the name, “Thank you, you’ve been very sweet, I will make sure to call your lady tomorrow.” The girl bowed and walked away.

                Madame F sat quietly and sipped the ice water, Ormond standing to her side, but still very worried. The thoughts going through the woman’s mind were unsettling. Did she tell Davina that Sakurai requested to meet with her? What would he say…would he bully her into telling him where Uta was? She would not let Davina go alone to meet with Sakurai…that was for damned sure.

                “Ormond my love,” Ormond turned and faces his Mistress. “If Davina so desires to meet with Sakurai, I want you to attend her. I will not let that man near her if she is alone.” Ormond started to tear up at the mention of Davina being alone. “Of course, my Mistress…I would never let Mistress Davina go anywhere unattended.” He bowed to his lady, who cupped his cheek and kissed him.

                “I know you love her Ormond, as do I. We will keep her and Uta safe…for however long it takes.”  Madame F and Ormond stayed a while longer then left…it was a difficult night for the Dominant, to see the man who was the beginning factor in Teiji’s death.


                Sakurai sat in his private room, head laid back on the couch, eyes closed. He could see Ormond’s eyes piercing his soul…the submissive blamed Sakurai for Teiji’s death…he was now alone with no other peer. Madame F’s attitude was cold and harsh, not that he blamed the woman, what he had done was reprehensible. But to have it shoved in his face, wounded his soul even further.

                Leaving the Fetish Club and driving home, visions of his past flew through his mind; the good old days before all the mess with Uta, even before Taka. The entertainment at the clubs, private rooms for light discipline. The numerous boys he had in and out of his bed…the beautiful sexy scenes. Then it started, Taka first…then Uta. If he wanted to go back even further, the catalyst of his issues… Yoshiki leaving him for Hide.

                Pulling into his garage, making his way into the house Sakurai went straight to his bedroom. Changing into a pair of pajama pants and crawling into bed, he picked up his phone. His fingers hesitated, his brain screaming at him not to do it…his heart and soul yearning for that simple connection, even if it was broken forever.

                “I love you, I’m sorry. Please forgive me so we can at least be civil when we eventually see each other again.”  Hitting SEND, he wondered what the response would be…if any.


                Both Leda and Ruimaru were dressed in their best day clothes, one on each side, sitting with Isshi in Davina’s parlor. The Mistress with her business clothes on, her glasses perched on her nose, she divided the paperwork into three piles, one for each of the gentlemen sitting in front of her. Behind her, stood Nagaharu and Uta, watching carefully.

                “I want you to look at each of the pages carefully. This is an unusual contract, that I have no previous experience with. While it’s not unheard of for a Dominant to have two pets, it is unusual to have the two involved to be on equal footing…but for you my dear Isshi…I cannot refuse you.”

                Davina watched as the three men looked over the paperwork, looking up at Davina when they were through.
                Is everything satisfactory between the three of you? Do you understand the procedures with your safe word, Leda?” The boy nodded, “I know it’s difficult to change, but I have no desire to change it.” Ruimaru was close to bouncing out of his chair in excitement, watching Leda finally sign his contract.

                Davina signed her portions of the paperwork, then smiled, “Leda, you now belong to Isshi-san, Ruimaru you now have an additional lover in Leda. Isshi-san, you have two of the most beautiful boys, dominants everywhere will be green with jealousy and envy.”

                Isshi kissed Ruimaru first, then turning to Leda, “You are now mine forever my sweet boy.” Isshi kissed the boy, leaving him with a small head rush.

                “Now Sir? Please… now?” Ruimaru was clapping his hands, “Yes My angel, now.” Ruimaru reached for the box that Davina had placed on the desk, placing it in Isshi’s lap.

                “Sir did something special…I asked him to, thankfully he liked the idea, right Sir?” Isshi nodded, “It was a perfectly valid request.” Isshi stood and Ruimaru sat down next to Leda, picking up the boy’s hand.

                “This will be yours, my sweet boy.” Lifting the top off the box, Isshi produced an elegantly tooled leather collar in a deep red. Handing it to Leda, Isshi watched the boy’s face light up. “This…This is my collar?” Leda gazed up at Isshi, then he looked over at Ruimaru.

                “Will you put it on for me please Sir?” Leda’s voice was shaking. “Yes, my sweet boy, I will.” The collar had two silver plates, one on each side of the O ring in the center. One plate said ‘Isshi’s Sweet Boy’    The other plate said ‘Isshi’s Angel’.

                This was highly unusual for a dominant to put the names of two pets on the same collar, but Isshi had demanded that the contract be written that neither one of his pets, his lovely boys had sway in place over the other. He wanted them to be equal, he said it was the only way he could love them both.

                After placing the collar around Leda’s neck, Isshi moved and replaced Ruimaru’s collar, “Now we are three.” The dominant murmured. Davina took the opportunity to leave the three men in the parlor, alone for a time.


                Isshi, Ruimaru and Leda bowed deeply to Davina before leaving the manor, Nagaharu commenting that he had never seen Isshi-san so happy. “It makes my heart smile for Isshi-san, other than you my Mistress, that one deserves all the happiness in life.”

                Davina thought that as well, but another came to mind as well. “Have you seen Uta today, Nagaharu?” The security chief had not. Davina texted her love, wondering where the young man had gone.

                “You were busy with Isshi-san, Mao and Kyo invited me for dinner, I won’t be too late.”

                Davina felt as if Uta was starting to gradually pull away from her, perhaps deciding to live life instead of willing himself to die, and if anyone could help him decide, it would be Kyo and Mao. Davina retired to her room, lying on the bed, curled up with one of Teiji’s sweatshirts, it still smelled faintly of her lover.


                Uta was tired and Kyo was becoming highly irritated with Mao. “Would you just FUCKING DROP IT MAO!” Uta yelled. “I’m about ready to leave if you don’t stop badgering me! I don’t know when OR if I’m coming back to work! Fuck… seriously.” Uta had had enough. Mao was close to tears, his lower lip quivering which of course, made Uta feel worse.

                “Babe, you need to back off…” Kyo said gently. “I just want everything back to normal, is that so wrong?” Mao whimpered.

                “It will never be normal, Mao. Teiji’s gone…my life will never be normal again.” Uta mumbled. “I know that! That’s not what I meant Uta! I just want you to work with us again…we all miss you!” Mao sobbed, then got up and ran to the bedroom, slamming the door.

                “I’m sorry Uta…he’s been like this since Teiji… it’s not getting any better with you being home. I don’t know what to do.” Kyo rubbed his eyes.

                “It’s okay,” Uta sighed, “I know everyone wants me to go back to work, I’m just want to be left alone for now. I don’t need Mao, or Taka or anyone badgering me about going back to the HBG. I just want to live with Davina and be left alone. Is that so wrong, Kyo?”

                “No, it’s not wrong. Take this as you’d like, from someone who loves you dearly, shutting yourself away, will not bring Teiji back, it will not make anything easier and it will not make life better. I don’t want to say I think Teiji would be upset, but I don’t think he’d agree to how you’re living. I’ve said what I think you needed to hear, but I honor your choices and I’ll try to rein in my pissy little husband.”

                Kyo got up and went into the bedroom to check on Mao, leaving Uta sitting there with his friend’s words ringing in his ears.  “They don’t understand how I feel, Teiji wouldn’t be mad at me…” Uta whispered trying to convince himself that Teiji would want him to live just as he was.

                Mao stayed in the bedroom, Kyo coming out to apologize. “It’s okay…I know he means well, I’m just not there yet. Tell him I love him…and I love you Kyo.” Uta hugged the spikey man that had come to mean so much to him. On the train ride back to the manor, Uta went over what both Mao and Kyo had said, specifically that Teiji would be upset with how he was living. “Would you? Tell me what to do! I can’t even breath without hurting!” Uta closed his eyes and leaned his head back as the train whisked him back towards the manor.

                “Uta-kun, are you unwell?” Nagaharu opened the door for the young man. “I’m just tired, thanks for everything.” Nagaharu patted Uta on the shoulder. “I’m here when ever you need me, Uta. Always.”

                “There you are my love! I was starting to worry. How are Kyo and his adorable husband?” Davina saw right away that Uta was not in a good place. “He’s being pushy as usual. Even Kyo threw it in my face.” Uta followed Davina back into her bedroom. “Can I sleep with you tonight please?”

                “You never need ask if you can sleep with me, Uta. The answer will always be yes. Why don’t you go in and have a long hot bath and I’ll be in shortly. I just got a text I need to reply to.” Davina didn’t tell him the text was from Madame F. Uta kissed Davina on the cheek and went into the bathroom.

                Davina went into her private parlor and called Madame F.

                “Yes dear, he’s left the room. What is so…what? You’re joking…at the Fetish? What did he say? Bored? Well, I could see that. True, he will have to speak to someone eventually…well I agree to some point that there should be restrictions. He never asked about Uta? Me? What ever for? True, I’ve know Sakurai for decades, neutral? Hmm… Oh wait! I have the perfect place where he won’t be able to fool anyone. Will you please? Yes, Ormond should be there as well…no I will keep this from Uta. Let me see what his schedule is and I’ll text you, then you may contact Sakurai if you will please. Thank you so much my dear, give Ormond a kiss from both of us. Good Night.”

                “So, Sakurai, you want to see me…in regards to what?” Davina walked back into her bedroom, Uta was just getting out of the bath and was wearing Teiji’s pajama pants again. “Ready for bed my love?” Uta nodded and climbed into the large bed, holding Teiji’s sweatshirt to his chest. Davina changed and moved into the bed next to Uta, drawing the still frail boy to her side. Kissing Uta on the head, Davina wished nothing but dreamless rest for them both.



Related image  Hercules, This is a Butterfly Koi, also know as the Dragon's of the Pond. 

Chapter Text


                “I’m going to go hang out with Taka and Koichi tonight, do you mind?” Uta was grabbing his bag, standing in the foyer. “No, my love, please go and have a nice evening, say hello for me.” Davina leaned in and gave Uta a chaste kiss on the cheek. “I will see you later tonight.” Uta went out the door and drove away in the small sedan that he often used.

                “I’m on my way, he just left. Thank you.”

                Two nights earlier, Madame F had called Davina to alert her of the return of Sakurai Atsushi to the community, and the request that he would be allowed to speak to her. Davina was apprehensive, but Madame F and Ormond would be with her, not to mention…Ojisan.

                When Davina had suggested meeting at Ojisan’s, Madame F laughed, “The perfect place for the meeting my dear! That old man will not let Sakurai off so easily.” Davina had to agree, Ojisan would protect her much like Ormond would…Davina felt no fear in meeting Sakurai Atsushi at the ramen hut.

                “Nagaharu, I’d like you to take me to Ojisan’s please, I will return with Madame F, there will be no need for you to return.” Nagaharu had taken over much of Teiji’s duties including driving Davina when ever she needed it, the man stepping into those duties gladly and without hesitation.

                “Mistress, are you sure you need no one to attend you? I would gladly do so, although I am a poor substitute for a trained pet.” Nagaharu looked in the rearview mirror at his Mistress. “Are you considering training Nagaharu?” Nagaharu blushed, “No Mistress. I am not the right type for training, I only wish to serve you as your chief of security and stand in for Teiji as much as possible. I could never come close to caring for you as he did.”

                Davina chuckled, “Yes, Nagaharu, I know you are not suitable material for a pet, but you are a genuine friend, and I love you for it.” She turned to look out the window as they moved quietly through the city.

                Madame F and Ormond were already at Ojisan’s, with Madame F enjoying a beer and a conversation with Ojisan. “How do you know these things old man?” Ojisan smiled, “I have no explanation for it, my dear Madame. It is something that has been with me my entire life.”

                Davina slid the door open, “Irrashai Mistress” The man rarely came from behind his counter, but for Davina he always made the exception, hugging the woman warmly.

                “Ojisan, a beer and a bowl of your amazing pork cutlet ramen please.” Davina kissed Ormond on the cheek, then hugged Madame F. “You look well Davina, a little thinner than I like…but you look well.”

                “I don’t eat as well as I should, our cooking skills are severely lacking at home” They continued small talk until the door to the hut slid open once more, Sakurai Atsushi had arrived.


                He was nervous as he pulled his car into a parking space, he would be facing Davina and a potentially angry Ormond. He smiled as he knew that Ormond would take Teiji’s place any time Davina required attendance, Madame F would never deny the younger woman. He stopped and took a deep breath before sliding the door open, greeted with “Irrashai, Sakurai Atsushi”.

                The two women turned to look at Sakurai, Ormond not moving his gaze from his Mistress, “Ladies, Ormond. Hello Ojisan, hope you’ve been well” Sakurai took a seat at the far end of the opposite counter, not wanting to crowd the two women.

                “Sakurai-sama…” Madame F said in a bland tone. “I’ve done what you’ve requested, bringing Davina to see you. I would have you know that Ormond is in a very bad mood tonight, he’s particularly testy, just be forewarned.”  Sakurai was smart enough to incline his head towards Ormond.

                “Ojisan, can I trouble you for a beer and a bowl of ramen please?” Sakurai was hungry although he felt more of a need to be doing something with his hands as the two women stared at him.

                “Before anyone says anything… Davina I was devastated at the news of Teiji’s death. I cried for quite some time, mostly for you and your loss. The man had no peer except Ormond.” Turning to Ormond, Sakurai spoke directly to him.

                “Ormond, my heart goes out to you as well, you are now the only one that has achieved the elite status of your position. There is not another in this world that is like that, and I’m truly sorry you are alone.” Sakurai bowed his head to Davina and Ormond.

                Ojisan had his back turned while Sakurai made his pretty little speech, then turned around and placed a bowl of ramen and a beer in front of the man. “Please, enjoy.” He said quietly. Sakurai bowed his head again.

                “Sakurai, what do you want from me? Do not bring up his name, if you do I will order Ormond to remove you from my presence. I want nothing from you, other than to stay away from him, keep to yourself, do not approach him…ever. If I have to, I will have one of my other pets reprimand you. You have lost status in the community at this point, and it will take much work to regain that status. I hope you understand me clearly.” Davina turned away from the man.

                “I want nothing from you, Davina. I only want to help you if you are need of it. I will not approach him, contact him or attempt to. You have my word, as little as that carries these days. I simply wanted to extend my condolences and offer my assistance if needed.” Sakurai was truthful about his offer of assistance, although he could not say to himself that he was truthful about Uta.

                Ojisan came to stand in front of Davina, she knew what was coming. “Ojisan, if it is bad, please don’t tell me…I can’t handle anymore.” Ojisan reached over the counter and laid his hand on Davina’s cheek. “No Mistress…I see nothing like that. I do see a struggled with the young one, but that is something he has to deal with himself, he can’t ask for help.”

                Ojisan stood straight and looked at Ormond, “You sir, are not the only one of your profession, there is one other. He is not known to any, he’s in a far corner of the world. But he does exist. Perhaps one day you will cross paths.” Ormond gaped at Ojisan, then regained his composure.

                Ojisan turned and stood before Sakurai. “Sakurai Atsushi, rethink your position. Pretty speeches will come back to haunt you, they will burn in your soul.” The mystic ramen man turned his back on Sakurai and went into his tiny kitchen.

                Sakurai stared at his bowl of half-eaten ramen, his face burning with embarrassment. Ojisan saw through his lies and called him out on it. Before Sakurai could say anymore, the door to the ramen hut slid open.

                “Irras…” Ojisan groaned, “Hi Ojisan! We’re hungry…” Taka and Koichi walked in…Uta trailing behind them. “Shit!” Koichi said.

                It took a few seconds to see why Koichi stopped in his tracks, Uta looked and saw Davina and Madame F and Ormond. It wasn’t until Taka stepped aside that Uta laid eyes on Sakurai, who immediately stood up and reached his arm out. “Uta…” he whispered. Before anyone else could react, Ormond had Sakurai pushed up against the wall, Koichi and Taka putting themselves between Sakurai and Uta.

                The blood ran from Uta’s face, his mouth went dry as he tried to back away, only to find the door closed. He clawed at the door, finally wrenching it off it’s track and ran off into the dark.

                “UTA!” Davina cried out. Madame F snapped her fingers, “ORMOND!” The man twisted away from Sakurai and shoved Koichi out of the way, running into the dark after Uta.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE YOU ASSHOLE!” Taka shouted at Sakurai, “YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! DON’T YOU EVER SPEAK TO HIM AGAIN!” Taka turned and dragged Koichi out with him, running in search of Uta.  

Sliding down the wall, Sakurai huddled on the floor, his head in his hands, moaning. “Oh baby…no…” he sobbed. Ojisan had come around the counter, stepping over Sakurai to hold Davina who was crying hysterically. “Sshhh… Mistress, Ormond will find him…sshh…” he rubbed Davina’s back, trying to calm her. “Sakurai, I think you need to leave…” Madame F snarled.

“No, Sakurai Atsushi will remain where he is…on the floor until Ormond has contacted us that he has Uta.” Ojisan said roughly. “I do not want him trying to find the young one…that is the last thing he needs to do”


“UTA!” Ormond called for the boy…where is he? “UTA! PLEASE!” Ormond was starting to panic, the boy…where did he go!  He heard panting, running feet, “UTA?” turning he saw it was Taka and Koichi. “Where?” Taka panted, “I don’t know! Please, help me… we have to find him!” The three men split up, deciding that it would be easier to find the boy.


“Nonononon! Teiji please…help me Teiji!” Uta’s tears where clouding his vision as he ran. He couldn’t see where he was going, stumbling and falling to his knees. Scrambling up he see’s a train station near by and runs towards it. Looking at the board he jumped the turnstile and ran for an open door, falling on the floor and rolling under the seats. “Closecloseclose” he panted, the doors…they need to close now!

He looked around, he was the only one in the car…the doors closed and the train moves out of the station, he doesn’t dare sit up, they might see him. Finally, after he knew they were far enough away from the ramen hut, he rolled out from under the seats, sitting down in a corner.

“Why was he there…why were Davina and Madame F there?” he moaned, his head in his hands, wiping his eyes. His breathing returns to normal, he looked up at the sign for the next stop…he’s not sure which line he is on and it’s dark so there are no landmarks for him to see. He lays down on the bench seat and closes his eyes.


“I’m sorry Mistress, we couldn’t find him…I’m ….” Ormond was close to tears, something that Madame F had only seen one other time…when Teiji died. “My love, he was quick and had a bit of a head start on you…he most likely will return to the manor. We need to get Davina home quickly.”

“I’m sorry Davina, we didn’t know you were here…Uta really wanted ramen…I’m sorry.” Taka was hugging Davina, Koichi standing next to him. “Boys, it’s alright, he was just startled, I’m sure he’s on his way home to the manor. I will text you Taka-kun when I see him, ne?” Taka nodded as he took Koichi by the hand and led him out the door.

Nobody was looking at Sakurai, who was still on the floor. “Ojisan, please…if Uta returns, call me please!” Davina begged the ramen man. “Mistress please do the same, I will not sleep tonight until I know Uta is safe” He hugged Davina and she left with Madame F and Ormond at her side.

“Sakurai Atsushi, you may get up now.” Ojisan extended his hand and helped the shaken man to his feet. “I had you remain in place, so you would not be injured by Madame’s personal pet.” Sakurai nodded. “I’m sorry old man, I ruined everything didn’t I? I said his name, reached out for him and scared him so badly he ran.”

“I believe the young one would have run regardless if you ignored him or reached for him. His mind can not handle seeing you…he still believes you’ve killed his lover, and that you’re killing him.” Sakurai’s head snapped up. “Who told you that?”

Ojisan looked puzzled, “No one has said anything to me, Sakurai. It is obvious how Uta-kun feels, he has been destroyed by Teiji’s murder. We have all been severely affected by the death of that wonderful young man. He was Uta’s everything.”

“Uta is your everything as well…but I do not see a happy ending for either one of you.” Ojisan patted Sakurai on the shoulder. “Your pretty speeches mean nothing, Acchan. The speeches meant nothing to Yo-chan as well. He knew you loved Uta…just as you know he can love no other, the one with the pink hair is his soul…there is no room for true love for Yo-chan. You can only be his friend, but never his lover, he will always choose the other over everyone. You can not compete with dead men for love.”

Sakurai made his good nights and left the ramen hut, driving slowly searching the streets and sidewalks for Uta. “Baby, please… be careful…just go home! I love you, Uta.” Pulling into his driveway, he turned the car off, slumping back in his seat and rubbing his eyes. He slowly got out of the car and went inside, checking his phone but knowing that he would get no texts.


“UTA!”  Davina ran into the house, rushing into the parlor, “UTA!” She ran into her room… empty. The Gardenia room, the Blue room, the Koi pond, the kitchen. “He’s not here!” She slid to the floor, crying. “Mistress…please.” Ormond was there, picking her up and carrying her to the bedroom. Madame F already speaking with Nagaharu.

“Where is he, Ormond? He’s not home, where is he?” Davina cried, holding Teiji’s sweatshirt in her hands. “Mistress, I don’t know, but as soon as I take my Lady home, I will return to the area of the ramen hut and search again. I will bring him home to you Davina!” Ormond bent down and kissed Davina softly on the lips, all while Madame F watched.

“Davina my dear, if he returns tonight, at whatever hour please call me. I will not rest until our dear boy is home!” Taking Ormond by the hand Madame F left the room.

“Mistress, what happened?” Nagaharu was next to the bed. “Uta…he came to the ramen hut, he saw Sakurai and ran away…I don’t know where he is! Nagaharu he’s lost…Uta’s lost.” Davina sobbed.  Nagaharu climbed into bed with Davina, holding her and rocking her gently, trying to quiet his Mistress.

“Mistress, Ormond will find Uta, or maybe he’s on his way home now. I will stay with you until he comes home, ne? Please… change into your pajamas, you will be more comfortable and I will bring you some tea.” He kissed Davina on the forehead, leaving the woman to change into her night clothes. Walking to the front of the house Nagaharu spoke with the other security people in place, advising them to watch for Uta. He hurried to the kitchen to make Davina tea, then returned to her room to sit with her. “Thank you, Nagaharu…Yoji…”

Nagaharu gasped, “Mistress… you’ve…you’ve never used my first name!” He was stunned, in all the years he had worked for Davina…this was the first time she had spoken his first name.

“Yoji…forgive me? I’m in such a panic right now, that I need to be close to you. You are all that is left of my world, if Uta is gone…it’s you and I that remain.” Davina sighed, laying her head on Nagaharu’s chest.


“Excuse me…young man?” Uta felt a light shake of his shoulder. “What?” He sat up, confused on where he was. “Um, the train has stopped for the night, is there somewhere you need to be?” The train attendant had a friendly open face. “I’m sorry, I’ll get off now. Can you um…let me past the turnstile please? I was running from someone, and I jumped it when I got on, I apologize!”

The train attendant had been on the job long enough to understand the life of some people, jumping a train was not that unusual. “Yes, I will, come with me please.” Uta got up and rubbed his eyes, looking at the name of the final station. “Go ahead young man, and please…stay safe.” Uta bowed and walked down the stairs to the street. Looking around he had no idea where he was or what he would do. He sat on the curb, gathering his thoughts.

Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he saw a dozen text messages, begging him to come home or to call. Ormond, Davina, Taka and Nagaharu…thankfully none from Sakurai. Erasing all the messages, he then paged through his contacts, who could he call that wouldn’t make him return to the manor? Mao? Oh hell no…he’d just flip out, or Kyo would take him back to the manor. He was sure Koichi and Taka were upset with him, so they were out. Tora and Aki? It was much too late to contact them.

“Maybe…?” He knew he was taking a chance, but it was the safest option. “Hi, um…can you come and pick me up please? No, it’s a long story…I’m at Higashi Station Chiba, yes…I’ll be out on the curb. Thank you so much.” Closing his phone, he leaned against the brick wall, closing his eyes all he could see and hear was Sakurai, reaching out to him and calling his name. “Why were you there? Why with Davina? I can’t trust her anymore…she’s trying to throw me back into your life.”

It was a long forty minutes until the car pulled up and the passenger opened the door, rushing to Uta’s side, picking him up and holding him. “Are you okay? You’re not hurt, are you? What the hell happened tonight and why are you all the way out in Chiba?" Yutaka had the window down, firing off questions faster than Uta could answer, "Come on, get in the car and we’ll get you back to our house.”

Sliding into the back seat, Uta breathed a sigh of relief. “What the hell happened Uta-kun? Why are you all the way out here?” Yutaka had turned around in his seat, looking at the boy with a concerned expression. “Can we wait until we get home to talk about this please?” Uta asked. “Of course! Oh, you poor thing…let’s get you home and back into your room.” Uta smiled, his room…he still had a room of his own.

“Uta-kun, we’re home.” Hide gently shook the boy awake. “Let’s get you inside.” He helped Uta out of the car, going into the house Uta was greeted by the dogs, “Rima! Zepp! Oh, I’ve missed you!” He squatted down and let the dogs jump oh him, licking his face and snorting. “Come, let’s go get some tea, Yutaka made cookies yesterday, I think there’s still a few left.” Hide whispered in Uta’s ear, “They’re still not as good as the one’s you make!” Uta giggled. Oh, this felt so good… so…right.        

“Alright, what’s the story young man? Why were you all the way out in Chiba tonight?” Yutaka had his arms crossed over his chest, wearing a very worried look. Uta began telling the couple what had transpired earlier in the evening, how he had run out of Ojisan’s and kept running until he got to a station. “I jumped the turnstile and ran into a car. I hid under the seats until it pulled away, then I fell asleep… Higashi Station was the last stop on the line.”

“What did Acchan do to you?” Hide was starting to bristle somewhat with the news that Sakurai had seen Uta. “He didn’t do anything really, just reached out to me and said my name. He scared me though…I’m sure everyone is worried where I am, but I don’t want to go back…Davina betrayed me, she met with Sakurai…Madame F and Ormond as well. I can’t live at the manor anymore,” Uta looked up at the couple, tears flowing, “Can I stay here please? I don’t want to leave…I can’t…” Uta fell into Yutaka’s arms, sobbing.

Yutaka looked at Hide, who just smiled softly and nodded, “Uta, you will always have a home with us, your room is exactly as it was when you left. But…I do think we need to at least get the message to Davina that you are safe, without anyone knowing where you are…and that’s going to be a little difficult. I think you should just text her a very short text, ne?”

Uta knew he should, as mad and upset as he was, he didn’t want people worrying about him. “I think I’ll text Taka, he can text Davina. I don’t want to speak to her right now…not for awhile at least.” Hide nodded, “good idea kiddo”

I’m fine, I don’t want to speak to anyone right now, just please leave me alone.” Uta hit SEND and took a deep breath. “Do you mind if I take a bath? I feel kind of grimy. Then I’d just like to go to bed please” Yutaka nodded, “You know where everything is… go on now.” He kissed Uta’s head, watching the boy walk down the hall.

                “What do you think really happened? Do you believe him or is there more?” Yutaka whispered to Hide. “I’m not sure, but I don’t want to speak to anyone quite yet. Let’s honor his wishes, and just let the boy be stress free for a few days before we speak to anyone. I don’t even want Davina to know he’s here…although I’m sure somehow she will find out.”


                “I just got a text from Uta…he says he’s fine but he doesn’t want to speak to anyone right now and to please leave him alone. Davina, I think we should honor this…let’s not look for him. If he’s safe that’s all that matters at this point. Yes, I know, but he is safe. Okay, I’ll let you know, oyasumi.”


                Davina texted Madame F that Uta was somewhere safe, then she called for Nagaharu, “Could you please stay with me until I fall asleep, Yoji?” The man nodded, covering Davina with a blanket, Nagaharu laid down next to Davina, pulling her into his arms. She was asleep within minutes, a tiny “Teiji” was the only thing she said. “I’ll protect you my Mistress, but that is all I can do for you.” Yoji kissed Davina on the head and closed his eyes.

Chapter Text


                “Seriously, everything will be fine…don’t worry so much! Nobody is going to bother us in the least, I already threatened my bandmates with death if they even so much as looked at us.” Ruki had is hand on Tomo’s back, guiding him into the restaurant.

                “Good Evening, Ruki-sama, and to your guest as well. Please enjoy your meal.” The doorman bowed and held the door for the couple. “Oh god…this is going to be way too ritzy for me, Ruki!” Tomo wasn’t sure of himself.

                “We’ve all been coming here for years; the doorman knows all of us by name.” Ruki had been trying to reassure Tomo on the drive to the restaurant, the young man more than nervous about his date.

                Ruki walked in with his date and then it started. The wolf whistles, clapping, “Ruki’s on an actual date? Oh MY GOD, that boy is super cute! Who is he?”

                Ruki looked at Tomo, the young man both pale and red with embarrassment at the same time. Ruki led his date to a table in the back, away from the annoying cat calls. “I’m sorry Tomo…I didn’t think it was going to be like this. Do you want to go somewhere else?” Tomo shook his head. “No, it’s fine…at least no one is shouting at you that you have an ugly date”

                Throughout their meal, various friends would come up to the table, introducing themselves to Tomo, who was in a permanent state of embarrassment for the night. It wasn’t until someone who was a notorious flirt, came up that Ruki had any problems at all.

                “Hey Ruki…introduce me to this super cute boy.” Die bowed, then had a wicked grin on his face as he looked at Tomo, licking his lips.

                “Die, I swear to god, if you do not leave right this second, it’s going to get ugly. Not only will I kick your ass, I will then call both Shinya AND Kyo…do we understand each other? Go away Die…now.”

                Die stood there for a moment, “That’s no way to treat a good friend Ru…I just wanted to introduce myself to your date.”

                “Fine… Die this is Tomo, Tomo this is Ando Daisuke, also known as Die. Okay, now you’ve met Tomo…you can leave now Die.” Ruki had pulled out his phone, his finger hovering over Kyo’s name. “Don’t get your dress in a bunch Ru. Tomo, if you ever get tired of this pissy little man…I’m pretty easy to find.” Die smirked and walked away.

                Ruki put his phone down, “I’m still going to call Shinya after this…asshole” he muttered, then looking at Tomo, he wasn’t all that happy. “Hey…don’t let him bother you! He’s an asshole and a dirty flirt. I could tell you stories by the hundreds about Die.”

                Tomo now knew he couldn’t stay in a relationship with Ruki, the man was just too popular and Tomo knew there were plenty of other much cuter boys than him, lined up for Ruki’s attention.

                “Hey, let’s get out of here, ne? I know a special place where we can get ramen.” Ruki stood up and reached for Tomo’s hand, a broad smile on his face. Tomo sighed, “Okay…no celebrities at the ramen place?” So that was it…Ruki thought. “Well I can’t guarantee that Taka or Koichi wont’ be there with their husbands, but you’re okay with Sato and Tatsu, right?”

                Ruki chatted away as the walked to the car, driving to Ojisan’s. “I’ve heard that this guy is some sort of fortune teller…just be careful what you say…and I guess everyone says to listen to this guy, what he says usually comes true.”

                “Irasshai gentlemen” Ojisan was surprised to see Ruki, he had never had much in the way of interactions with the small man before. Tomo and Ruki ordered their ramen and beer, sitting at the small counter. “I’m sorry about Die…I am seriously calling Shinya later. It was just freaking rude but also very typical of Die to try and hit on someone’s boyfriend or date.”

                “Your ramen, gentlemen.” Ojisan placed the bowls in front of Ruki and Tomo. Tomo was the first to gasp. “Ojisan…this is seriously the best ramen I’ve ever had! Oh god… I’m never eating ramen from anywhere but here for the rest of my… well the rest of YOUR life! This is freaking amazing!”

                Ruki made yummy noises as he slurped his ramen, “Oh shit…this IS amazing!” The conversation was on hold while Ruki and Tomo were eating. Ojisan came to stand in front of Ruki, watching the man eat.

                “The one with the red hair tonight? Do not scold him too heavily…the man is lonely. The small man with the large presence now has a husband, the red head has lost a companion of many years. His heart is empty.” Ojisan then turned to Tomo, “Trust this loud one. It will be difficult at times because of who he is, but you should always trust him…he is loyal and deeply caring. You could do no better.” Ojisan turned and went back into his kitchen.

                Tomo’s hair stood on end…he suddenly got the chills. Ruki’s mouth was hanging open, looking at Tomo, he could see that the young man had the same reaction…chilled.

                “Thank you Ojisan, I will keep that in mind for the future.” Ruki said. “I should take you home, it’s been a long night.” Ruki and Tomo paid their bill and started to walk out, Ojisan stopping them.

                “Uta…he is confused. He has no one he can truly trust any longer. He feels betrayed…please seek him out, speak to him. He needs his friends more than ever right now. Please…help Uta find happiness again.” Ruki was shocked by this pronouncement. “I will try my best to make him happy, I love him a great deal too, Ojisan. Arigato” Ruki bowed and they left the ramen hut.

Ojisan sat in his tiny kitchen, thinking about Uta. He wasn’t happy with what he had seen, but he couldn’t ignore it. There would be one who would love Uta and spend his life making the young one happy, but there was a huge barrier in place, making it almost impossible to move.  


“Ohayo gozaimasu, Uta-kun, did you sleep well?” Hide was sitting at the table, sipping his tea and reading the paper while Yutaka flitted around the kitchen. “Yes, thank you. Could I have tea please?” Uta breathed easier than he had in months, the tension of being in the manor with Davina, finally left his body last night, leaving him feeling lighter. Rim and Zepp trotted into the kitchen, begging for scraps, “You two are fat! What have they been feeding you?” Uta bent down and scratched the two dogs.

“Yu bought some treats recently that are way too fattening for these two. They’ve been cut off recently…don’t let them lie to you, they get no treats.” Hide grumbled. Placing a hot cup of tea and a piece of coffee cake in front of Uta, Yutaka sat down and glanced over at Hide, who nodded almost imperceivably.

“Please tell us what’s going on Uta, we’ve been so out of touch with you.” Yutaka laid his hand over Uta’s patting it softly. Uta was shaking a bit…but he knew that these two men would never pass any judgement, would always be supportive.

                Uta told of the trip to Maastricht, the Basilica and the bookstore, how he remembered a little but not all of it. The nightmares that haunted him for the first three months after Teiji’s murder, and Davina always being there to hold him.

                He stopped for a moment, trying to decide if he should tell the two men, “I tried to drown myself in the bathtub the first night we were there.” Uta looked down at his tea cup and plate. Yutaka gasped, Hide patted his lover on the arm, shushing him.

                “I wanted to be with Teiji…I couldn’t breathe without him…it would have just been easier, I would have been happier with him. Davina slapped me that night, a few other times as well…I was being unreasonable I guess. But you understand…don’t you?” Uta looked up at his two friends…his parents really. “Yes baby, we do understand…it’s hard when the love of your life is taken from you in such a horrible way. We know of only one other like that…” Yutaka looked at Hide. “His lover has suffered as much as you…he wanted to die as well. But somehow, he managed to live again. It’s been twenty years now since his lover’s death and you do the same, learn to live again. You’re very young Uta…you have a long life before you. I know this sounds like a huge cliché and it is, but would Teiji truly be happy if you lost the will to live? He didn’t strike me as that selfish of a man…he only wanted your happiness above all things.”

                “I thought I was learning to live again, until last night when Davina went behind my back…I can’t trust her anymore, I’m not sure I can even trust Madame F. Why would they be meeting with him, I don’t understand. She lied to me which means she doesn’t truly love me. I don’t trust her anymore! Davina betrayed me the second she agreed to speak to him.”

“Please, don’t make me go back to the manor, you said I can always live here…please?” Uta had started to tear up again, angrily wiping the tears from his eyes.

“You are always welcome here Uta, that will never change, even in Hide is old and wrinkly and wearing diapers, you can come and live with us.” Yutaka said with an absolute straight face, Hide’s mouth hanging open. “Yu! I’m only a year older than you! Why are you already planning for me to wear diapers?”

“You’re older than me…that means you’ll be wearing diapers first! But then Toll is way older than the rest of us…so I guess we should start stocking up for him…just don’t tell him I said that.” Yutaka grinned. As the two lovers bantered back and forth about diapers, Uta smiled…he was peaceful and loved, this is where he should be, not with Davina.

“Another cup of tea, Uta?” Yutaka got up, sticking his tongue out at his lover, “What are you plans Uta…or are we asking too soon?” Hide leaned on the table with his elbows. “I’d like to do nothing for a few days, if that’s alright. Then I’m not sure. I will need to go to the manor at some point to grab my clothes…and some of Teiji’s things. I don’t want to run into Davina, so I’ll have to figure out when I can go.” Uta thought about calling Nagaharu, but the man would only tell Davina.

“Do you think Taka-kun would help? He doesn’t have to tell anyone where you are” Yutaka asked from the kitchen. “Probably, I could just ask him to bring the stuff to the HBG, and I can pick it up. I’ll take the train, so no one will follow me. I really just want to be left alone for a while” Uta’s shoulders slumped as if there was a huge force pressing down on him…his soul was still in pieces…his heart still hurting.

“I may go back to work once everything is settled down, maybe find a flat near here.” With another cup of tea and another slice of coffee cake, Uta took a breath.

“I don’t want to see him…ever. He can’t know where I am. If last night was any indication, the man still wants to be near me. That’s not going to happen, ever. I will leave Tokyo if I have to. If he asks, you don’t know where I am. Please… keep him away from me.” Hide and Yutaka agreed, they wanted no more trauma or tragedy.

Uta spent the rest of the day in the garden playing with the dogs, watching TV and even had time for a nap before dinner. Stretching out on his futon, he closed his eyes…hoping that Teiji would come to him.


I wanted to let you know that your guitarist was a complete asshole to me on my date tonight. No! Not Kaoru! Die! He openly flirted with Tomo and even told him that if he gets tired of me to look for him… Die was hitting on my boyfriend! He’s lucky I was on a damned date Shinya! Next time I don’t care where he is, I’m going to kick his ass…tell him to fuck off and leave Tomo alone!”


                “Die? Really? Of all the people you had to piss of…you chose Ruki and you’re lucky he didn’t kick your ass…because you know he can! Damn it Die! Stop hitting on other people’s boyfriends! You’re not with Kyo anymore…Yes I do understand that, but at least flirt with guys who don’t have boyfriends or wives or husbands…please?”

“Fine, I just won’t fucking go out anymore. Assholes, I was trying to have a little fun.” Die closed his phone and started to pout. Kyo wasn’t fun anymore, he couldn’t hit on Mao because of Kyo. Now Ruki has a boy, and Tomo is super cute! “So, what am I suppose to do? Who’s single that wants to have some fun? FUCK!”

Kyo sighed, “I can’t take care of Daisuke anymore Shin, I have my own life to worry about, my own husband to keep happy and I’m pretty sure Mao would not allow me to go on a drunken rant with Die. I do understand! Die needs to find himself a real boyfriend and not just another fuck toy. Like I know anyone that would even want to date Die…Damnit Shinya, that’s not what I meant! Stop trying to get me to set Die up! No! None of the boys at the HBG are single! No, I think Isshi collared him recently, so Leda is out…I don’t know Shinya for fucks sake! Fine good night!”

“What did Die do now?” Mao rolled over in bed to face his husband. “He stupidly hit on Tomo when he and Ruki were at the restaurant. That man… he needs to grow the fuck up! Ruki called Shinya and told him that if Die does it again, he’s going to kick Die’s ass. Now Shin wants ME to find Die a boy or girlfriend. Like I have time for this shit! UGH!” Kyo covered his face with a pillow and screamed.

                “Let me think on it, maybe I know someone who’s single that would or could put up with Die. I have friends from school and all that, what about Yume…would she know anyone?” Mao was reaching, but at this point if Die wasn’t corralled, either Ruki or Kyo were going to kick his ass.

                “I’ll talk to Yume…maybe…I don’t know. I just want to go to sleep.” Mao snuggled up to his husband, kissing him on the cheek, “I love you.” He whispered.


                “Intern at DCR? Since when? Here? Honestly… you got him the internship before you got him a place to live…thanks a lot! No, that’s fine. I’m sure Kai won’t care. When does he get here? Good, gives me time to clean out the spare room. His own car? Well, he’ll have to park it on the street. How old is he now? WHAT? NO WAY! Oh my god…in my mind he’s still twelve, not twenty-five. Fine...Oji-Yukke will keep an eye on him. Yes, you’re welcome. Ja ne

                “Kai won’t care about what?” Kai came back into the bedroom with two cups of tea, handing one to Yukke. “That was my brother…my nephew Hiroto will be staying with us for a bit…hopefully you won’t mind, ne?” Yukke didn’t ask Kai, it was better just to tell him.

                “How old is he? He’s not old enough to work, is he?” Kai was confused. “Hiroto is now twenty-five…I thought he was twelve.” Kai almost gagged on his tea. “Twenty-five! Since fucking when?” Yukke nodded, “Exactly. He’ll be here in a few days, he’s driving up. I need to clean the spare room…damn there goes pajama day!” Yukke was apprehensive on what life would be like with a young man living with them. “We’d better sound proof the walls…or you’re going to be wearing a gag every time we fuck.” Kai muttered. “Really? A gag? Can we practice tonight?” Yukke giggled, leaving Kai to just shake his head and leave the room.


                Hiroto stood in the living room with Kai and Yukke, trying to understand the looks on the two men’s faces. “Um, Oji…is everything okay?” Hiroto, or Pon as his friends call him, had just arrived at the couple’s house. “Um, yes…everything is fine. I just thought you were still twelve with your father called me. Obviously, I was way off on your age…you are certainly NOT twelve years old.” Kai was still gaping at Hiroto, to the point that Yukke had to elbow him. “Stop staring at him.” Yukke hissed.

                “Let’s get your stuff to your room while Kai recovers… ignore him Pon…he’s just a little pervy.” Hiroto laughed, “Guess I’m not what either of you expected, ne? It’s been awhile since you’ve seen me. I hardly look like I’m twelve Oji… or can I just call you Yukke? Calling you Oji makes it sound like you’re really old.” Hiroto knew how to charm, Yukke smiled at this… just like his father and his uncle, cute blonde and a charmer. “That’s fine, just always call Kai Oji…he deserves it sometimes.” Hiroto laughed.

                The sat around the table, having a beer and talking about Hiroto’s internship. “Tell me how you found out about the position? I don’t remember it being advertised anywhere.” Yukke asked.

                “I’m always looking at the DCR website to see who’s touring and where. It was just as small article about accepting an intern to learn the management part of the business. You know I’ve always wanted to work in the industry, I’m just not talented enough to play in a band. Management was the next step.”

                “Are you aiming to be assigned a band at some point?” Kai had to keep from staring at the young man…super cute, very sweet and outgoing…DAMN!

                “I’m likely to have a mentor of some sort, a seasoned manager and just work beside him or her. I’m sure it will take me at least a year if not more. But the positive side of this is that it is a paid internship, it wouldn’t have worked if it wasn’t. I’m hoping only to have to stay with you for about six months, then move into an apartment of my own. I don’t want to be in your way and cramp your style”

                Yukke looked at Kai, “We have a style?” Kai closed his eyes sighed and shook his head. “Yukke, babe I love you, but sometimes…” Hiroto giggled, “Exactly the reason I don’t want to get in your way for very long, Oji-Kai.” Hiroto glanced over at Yukke, who then winked.

                “Don’t call me that! I’m not that old! Yukke is 4 years older than me!” Kai whined. “But Oji-Kai…you’re more mature than Yukke…that’s why you’re an Oji!” Hiroto teased. This lead to an hours long conversation on what makes old people old…and discussing Hiroto’s parents extensively. “Kaasan was not very happy about me moving so far away…I’m the baby so of course she’s worried.

                “92km is too far? It takes less an hour to get there! Oh god…she’s lost her mind” Yukke groaned. “It’s far when I’ve never been away from the house that far before…cut her some slack Yukke, I’m the baby!” Hiroto teased.

                “Pon, do you have a boyfriend at home?” Kai had to ask, considering his gay-dar was off the scale. “Nope, never really had time for it, between school and sports. Do you have someone in mind for me?” Hiroto wiggled his eye brows. “Nope, I don’t know too many young people that are single, most every one we know are in long term relationships or married.” This information started the wheels flying in Kai’s head on who he could hook Hiroto up with, with a few possibilities already in mind.



Image result for hiroto alice 9 Hiroto aka Pon.

Chapter Text


                She knew where he was…she was fairly certain. There could be no other safe spot for him, where he would be protected. Davina battled with herself over contacting the two men, worried that it may push Uta further away from her, instead she tried to busy herself with small errands and other issues at the manor. But this didn’t keep her fingers from itching to text Uta, after three days Davina finally caved.

                “I am giving you all the space you need. I’m fairly certain where you are, but I’m respecting your wishes to be alone. Know that I love you and will always be here for you.” 


                Uta snorted when he read the text, “Yah right…nice try Davina” he snapped his phone closed quickly. Getting up from his futon, Uta walked down into the kitchen to search for a snack. Feeling a cold wet nose on his leg, Rima and Zepp looked hopeful that perhaps Uta would give them one of fattening treats they so loved. “Sorry guys, I don’t want Hide to yell at me, you both need to lose a few pounds” Grabbing a bottle of water and some of Yutaka’s cookies, Uta went out to the garden to sit in the shade and just relax. “This feels so good.”

                Uta had done a bit of soul searching since he ran away from Ojisan’s and ended up back with Yutaka and Hide, that maybe the manor wasn’t the right place for him to live, too many memories and daily reminders of the pain and loss of Teiji, to deal with. The aura of the manor was somber, dark and melancholy. Davina always seemed to be walking through the house, sighing every time she saw something that reminded her of Teiji. It was much too easy for Uta to fall into a deep depression and hide in the Gardenia room surrounded by Teiji’s things. Being with Yutaka and Hide felt like he had returned to a normal life…as normal as it could be.

                “Tadaima!” Rima and Zepp ran to the front door. “Okaeri, I’m in the garden.” Uta shouted out to his friends. “Give us one second, we’ll be out.” He could hear Yutaka and Hide banter back and forth about what they should have for dinner and should they ask Uta to make cookies.

                “How was your morning?” Hide walked out to the garden, two beers in hand and Yutaka following with a bag of chips. “I didn’t do much really. I need to call Taka about getting my things from the Manor. Oh…and Davina sent me a text.” Uta had a dead voice when referring to Davina.

                “And what did she say?” Hide didn’t look at Uta, figuring the boy would be upset talking about the woman. “Just that she loves me and is respecting the fact that I don’t want to be at the manor” Uta got up and walked down to the grass, picking up a ball and throwing it for the dogs.” Rima and Zepp were chasing each other around the yard. “I’m going to guess she knows I’m here. Just a gut feeling, where else would I be?”

                Yutaka looked at Hide, “Do you want to speak with her? What do you want to do if she comes over?” Hide was playing the concerned father roll again. “Turn her away. I don’t want to speak with her for now. I’m still upset with her and if she calls, take a message.”

                “Would you like me to make cookies tonight? I know we have the ingredients that I need for peanut butter bars.” Uta was going to make them anyway, but it was nice to ask before he invaded Yutaka’s kitchen.

                “YES!” Hide said a little too fast, Yutaka reaching over and smacking him in the back of the head, “What? You know I like his cookies better than yours…that’s’ no secret Yu!” Hide ducked another attempted slap. Uta giggled as he watched the couple go back and forth, he started to say something when he choked up…tears forming. Uta didn’t say anything, he suddenly just ran into the house.

                “What…Uta?” Yutaka called after the boy, “Wait…let him be.” Hide said softly to his lover. Uta ran down the hall and into his bedroom, sliding the door quickly shut…he sat down on his futon, his head in his hands. “This is stupid…why am I?” he mumbled. He closed his eyes and a sudden flash of Teiji’s face when he laughed as he teased Uta. “Well that makes sense” he smirked. Wiping his eyes, he went back out to the garden.

                “Uta-kun…are you okay?” Yutaka wore a worrie expression. “Yes… it was just me being stupid.” Uta explained. “I guess you two bickering caused me to think of when Teiji and I did the same thing…just silly stuff sometimes sets me off, I’m sorry.”

                “No need to apologize Uta, that’s going to happen for a long time, it’s natural. You loved Teiji and there will be days that it will be easy…and you know that the hard days are the worse.” Hide got up to stand before Uta, placing his hands on the young man’s shoulders. “You have a home here, whenever and for however long you choose, no pressure from either of us. If you feel safer here than you do at Davina’s? That’s fine…you know we will keep HIM away from you.” Hide pulled Uta into a hug, “We love you, Uta-kun…never doubt that.”

                Yutaka was sniffling, trying hard not to cry. Hide the pushed Uta roughly away… “Right then!” Hide wiped his eyes. “Peanut butter cookies for dinner!” Uta just laughed, “No…real food for dinner, cookies for dessert.”


                Isshi rolled over reaching for one of the boys…the bed was empty and cold. Rolling back over, he felt the soreness in his arms and thighs…last night’s scene had been exhausting. “You’re getting too old for this shit Isshi.” He muttered to himself. “Sir! Would you like coffee or tea! Don’t get up please, Ruimaru and I have a surprise for you!” Leda sat on his knees next to the bed. “Hmm, do I get two naked boys covered in honey for breakfast, Leda-kun?” Leda’s breath caught, “Um…no sir…but…” Leda stammered. Isshi reached over to kiss the boy. “Coffee this morning would be lovely. I’ll stay here, off with you.” Leda nodded and scrambled back to his feet, walking quickly out of the bedroom.

                “How can it be?” Isshi wondered out loud. There were times during a day when he’d see Ruimaru and Leda, heads together talking or looking at a magazine, his beautiful boys…HIS…both of them. Isshi would feel the warmth pool in his gut, a twitch of his cock would quickly follow. The scenes they played…Isshi sitting in a chair watching Ruimaru ride Leda, the younger’s head thrown back in ecstasy. Isshi slid his hand down the front of his pajama pants… massaging his already half stiff length, “Dirty old man…stop.” He warned himself.

                “Sir! Close your eyes!” Ruimaru was just outside the bedroom door. “Yes angel.” Isshi sat up in bed, eyes closed. He could hear the two boys shuffling around and giggling, he felt the bed table placed over his lap. “Sir, you can open your eyes now!”

                Isshi slowly opened his eyes, a wide smile spreading across his face at the sight of his breakfast in bed; Pancakes, a bowl of rice with an egg, a bowl of fruit and a card…with a red rose in a bud vase. “My lovelies…when did you have time to plan this? You hid this behind my back well! It’s perfect!” Leda slipped his arm around Ruimaru. “Sir…the card?”

                Isshi opened the card, he said nothing for what seemed like hours to the boys, as they watched him read the card. “I have…no words right now…” Isshi stuttered, “Ruimaru…Leda…” Isshi didn’t even try to stop the flow of tears, which suddenly alarmed both of his boys. Ruimaru let out a small cry, which Isshi just waved off. “Babies…I’m more than pleased with this…with you. You both have made my life complete, because of Ruimaru, I have come to love again, and I have been doubly blessed with not one angel, but truly two.”

                Ruimaru and Leda both leaned on the side of the bed to kiss Isshi, “Enjoy your breakfast Sir!” Leda grabbed Ruimaru by the hand and they ran out of the bedroom, giggling about how much Sir had liked his breakfast. Isshi sighed, “From the ashes comes beauty, from the pain the pleasure heals the heart and the soul. Isshi, you are so fucking lucky!”

                Leda was washing and Ruimaru was drying the dishes when Isshi came out of the bedroom with an empty tray in hand. “My lovelies, that was a perfect breakfast!” After putting the tray down, he drew each boy into his arms and kissed him.

                “Now I have a treat for you both!” Isshi announced. Ruimaru and Leda looked at each other, then hugged Isshi from both sides, “What’s the treat!” Ruimaru purred. “Tomorrow night, I would like to debut Leda at the Fetish Club, the treat is that you will both be attending me!” Isshi had struggled with the idea of debuting Leda but leaving his poor angel at home alone. “Sir? Won’t that be weird?” Leda gasped “Ruimaru!” he snapped at his co-lover. “Leda-kun, as with Ruimaru I do allow you to question my actions, it’s how I respond that you need to worry about.” Isshi chucked Leda under the chin.

                “To answer your question, yes it will be weird…but it will be worth the chance! Rarely does a Dominant take more than one pet with him to any of the clubs, it’s almost unheard of. Most people know my former situation and will give me pass to bring you both. I could never take Leda and leave my angel home alone, much the same I could never leave my sweet boy alone either.”

                The rest of the early part of the day was used in discussing wardrobe, Leda becoming nervous about being debuted in such a high-end club. “Sir, I’m not sure…I mean I don’t want to disappoint you, but do you really think I’m ready?” Leda was blushing, a slight waver to his voice…he was nervous.

                “You are ready my sweet boy, as much as Ruimaru was. The Fetish Club is the senior club in our circuit, everyone there will be green…no, they will be black with jealousy!” Isshi laughed, “It will be the perfect setting for my reintroduction to the community, as I have been absent for quite some time. Please Leda-kun…you’re going to be just fine, Ruimaru will be there to support you as well.”

                “Leda-kun, if we’re really good for Sir, maybe he’ll treat us after the club to something special!” Ruimaru stood on his tip toes and kissed his lover. Leda smiled, “Yes Sir, I’ll be ready.”

                “I say that we stop lazing about and go shopping! My lovely boys need new outfits to wear…I want you both looking absolutely stunning. Hair, clothes and makeup! Tomorrow, we will go and have your hair done…both of you, I may even get a bit of a primp up.” Isshi watched as the two young men excitedly ran to the computer, wanting to look at fashion pages from the local stores that cater to the community, he could do nothing but feel contented and loved.


                “Uta is what? Davina! What happened, how is that boy no longer in your care?” Isshi had decided to call Davina and invite her and Uta to the Fetish Club that night. “It was a mess Isshi dear” Davina went through the events of the evening in which Uta ran away. “All I know is he is safe and wishes to be left alone. I do have an idea of where he is, but I am respecting his wishes, I will not contact him if he does not want to speak to me.” Davina’s heart broke every time she thought of the situation.

                “Oh, Davina my dear…I am so sorry! Sakurai still has that effect on the boy…on all of us really. Would you still like to come with me and my lovely boys? Perhaps ask Madame F if she could spare Ormond for the evening?” Davina had thought about Ormond but did want to have Madame F feel guilty.

                “I may come tonight Isshi darling,” Davina knew that this would send Isshi over the moon. “You must Davina, Leda is ready to be debuted and I am bringing Ruimaru as well…everyone will be black with jealousy!”

                After the conversation Davina walked through the manor, in a depressed mood. Nagaharu watched her as she went from room to room, sighing and dabbing at tears. He had overheard the conversation she had with Isshi, knowing that no matter what she had told Isshi, Davina would not go to the club unattended. As he stood guard just outside the front door, he tried to remember everything that Teiji used to do for her, when they would go out to the clubs. “Watching everyone else’s moves, protecting her, making sure people didn’t get too close” Nagaharu ticked off each item in his head, questioning himself whether Teiji’s job as attending to Davina in public was much the same as his position. “Except I will not be in her bed, but I could attend her tonight.”

                Davina was in the garden sitting next to the koi pond, watching the beautiful fish come to her and beg for food, but missing Hercules. His body was buried at the base of a cherry blossom tree near the pond. Nagaharu didn’t want to interrupt her solitude, but felt it was as good as time as any.
                Clearing his throat, he approached Davina. “Mistress, I must confess something to you.” He started out, “I unavoidably heard your conversation with Isshi-san about Uta. Please forgive me.” He bowed low. “Yoji, it’s of no matter, I wasn’t trying to hide the call.” Davina waved off his guilt. “Mistress, I believe that you should go to the Fetish Club tonight, to meet with Isshi-san, you haven’t been out in quite some time.”

                “Yoji, you know I will not go unattended, and I do not wish to ask Madame F for Ormond. It is a moot point.” Davina bristled slightly.

                “You would not have to go unattended my Mistress, I will attend you at the Fetish Club.” Nagaharu bowed deeply again.

                “You, Yoji? That’s highly unorthodox… what makes you think you are capable of attending me? You are neither my pet nor a submissive…you are my chief of security.” This caught Davina’s attention,
                “Mistress, my duties as your security chief, are not that different than what Teiji would do as an attendant at a club. I would keep you safe, make sure that no one approached you without your express permission, I have very good etiquette as well. The only difference between myself and Teiji, is that I would not attend you in your bedroom.”

                Davina laughed. “Oh Yoji, you clever man, how well you know the duties of a security chief and a personal pet. Let me think about it today, you have something to wear? Not that I would expect you to wear anything close to what my Teiji would… but a nice suit and perhaps one of my collars, would suffice. Let me think on it Yoji…I will let you know shortly.” Nagaharu bowed to his Mistress and left the room.   “Yoji…you are becoming more important to me as we move through this darkness. But to want to attend me at the Fetish Club?” Davina giggled, hiding her smile behind her hand.


                Isshi closed his phone. Where was Uta? Davina suspected she knew, but Isshi didn’t want to push for that information. Sakurai Atsushi. A man that had no peers left in the community, now a personal pariah for Uta and another roadblock to the boy’s complete recovery. Isshi could sense in Davina’s voice, that she was tired and depressed. Isshi, deep in thought did not hear his boys come into the room. Leda started to approach his master but was held back by Ruimaru’s hand on his shoulder and a shake of the head. Looking at Isshi, Ruimaru thought it best not to disturb the man and led Leda out of the room.

                “Sir doesn’t look happy, but we should leave him alone right now. He’ll call us if he needs us, Leda-kun.” Ruimaru went into the kitchen with Leda following him. “Let’s prepare lunch for him, before he asks. I think he was speaking with Mistress…so something must be wrong.” The smaller man was frowning, he didn’t like when his Dominant was upset, the man was hard to read when he was.

                It was at least an hour before Isshi came into the kitchen, seeking out his boys. “My lovelies, we may be alone tonight at the Fetish…Mistress has some issues she must take care of, not to mention she has no attendant.” Isshi sat down as Leda started to serve lunch. “Sir? I could attend her if you’d allow it…I would love to be next to her for comfort.” Ruimaru loved Davina and missed seeing her on a regular basis as he had during training.

                “I will wait and see if she decides to come alone, then if she will…I will let you attend her. Thank you, my angel for thinking of her comfort.” Isshi caressed the boy’s face. “The other problem is that Uta is no longer at the manor…there was some sort of altercation between the boy and Sakurai-sama…I did not press for specifics, but Davina believes she knows where the boy is staying. It’s a sad life for her right now…I fear for her.” Isshi was really just thinking out loud, not seeing Ruimaru’s alarmed look. “Uta?” the small man whispered. Isshi looked up, “He is safe for now, perhaps we will hear more about it in the next few days. Do not worry so, my angel.”

                Davina had spent the day arguing with herself over Nagaharu’s offer of attending her that night at Fetish Club, ending up with not one negative reason that the man shouldn’t be allowed. “Nagaharu, could you come to the parlor please?” The security chief walked into the parlor, bowed and stood at attention. “Yoji…I will accept your offer of attending me tonight at the Fetish Club. I feel that I need to get out and enjoy myself a bit and you actually would be very well suited as my attendant.”  Nagaharu bowed, “Yes Mistress. Would you have me wearing a collar?” For some reason, the thought of wearing Davina’s collar, excited the man. “Yes of course, there will be no question on who you are attending, Yoji. If you have something more suitable than a formal suit, you may wear that…if not, please just have a black dress shirt on instead of white. We will be leaving around 10pm, please have the car ready.” Davina dismissed Nagaharu. “Silly girl, why are you nervous? Everything will go smoothly.”


Image result for odagiri joe  Nagaharu.    This is Japanese actor Odagiri Jo. He's my inspiration for Nagaharu Yoji. 

Chapter Text


                “What the hell is your problem Die? You’ve been doing nothing but dragging your ass to the studio, then leaving right after. Quit moping around and pay the fuck attention!” Kyo growled at his guitarist. “Shut up, Kyo…you know nothing” Die muttered. “Then kindly explain what it is that I don’t know? That you’re behaving like a sore loser, or maybe someone pissed in your miso? Snap out of it, Daisuke.” Just as Kyo turned to walk away, Die snapped, “FUCK YOU KYO! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO ASSHOLE! GO HOME TO YOUR PERFECT HUSBAND AND YOUR PERFECT LIFE AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!” What Die did next shocked everyone, he violently threw his guitar down to the floor and stormed out of the rehearsal room, slamming the door behind him.

                “What in the fucking hell was THAT?” Kyo growled at the others. Nobody had the answer, though Shinya had some idea of the root of Die’s problem but chose not to say anything at the moment. “Let’s just rehearse what we can for the next hour or so, then call it a day.” Kaoru said. “I don’t have the energy right now to deal with a pissy Die.” The others went back to their spots and rehearsal began.

                “Fucking assholes… perfect life, perfect husband…leaves me…ASSHOLES!” Die shouted as he moved through the halls of the studio. Just as Die rounded a corner, someone slammed into him. “Oh, I’m so sorry, please…I should have watched were I was going.” A young blonde man bowed deeply. “It’s fine, sorry.” Die murmured, then went past the young man and out the door. “Pon? What happened?” Yukke came out of the office to find Hiroto standing and staring at Die’s retreating back. “I came around the corner and wasn’t looking, I ran into that guy” pointing to Die. “No harm done…let’s get you down to the rehearsal room to meet the others.” Yukke walked with his nephew down to the Diru studio. Knocking on the door, “Hey guys, do you have a moment?” Yukke introduced Hiroto to everyone, “Where’s Die?” Yukke looked around. “He just threw a temper tantrum and walked out on us.” Kyo snapped. “Oh… was he wearing a white t-shirt?” Hiroto already knew the answer. “Yah…why?” Kyo asked. “I think I ran into him in the hall, I wasn’t watching where I was going and slammed into him.”

                “That would have been Die, no worries Pon,” Yukke assured Hiroto that everything was fine. “So, Pon? Um, what are you going to be doing as an intern?” Toshiya had eyed the smaller blonde man. Damn…he’s fucking cute as hell. “I’ll be shadowing a manager for the summer, but not sure 100% what band it will be. I’m hoping to some day have my own band to manage.” Yukke introduced the rest of the band to Hiroto, then they made their excuses and went back down to the office. “You don’t think Die’s mad at me, do you? I didn’t mean to run into him.”  Yukke waved it off. “Nah, Die’s not like that…he doesn’t hold a grudge, especially when it’s an accident.” Hiroto hoped that was the case, he liked Diru and hoped to work for them at some point in his upcoming career. “Come on, let’s get lunch, I’ll take you to Ojisan’s”


                Slamming his front door shut, Die kicked off his boots and walked straight to the kitchen, grabbing two beers out of the fridge. “Fucking asshole. Thinks he’s the only one to have a perfect life, stuck with a husband and all that bullshit. Turning into a boring old man!” the ranting went on for some time, throwing various people under the moving Die bus of anger. After slamming back the first two beers Die slammed one more then grabbed two more and a bag of chips and went to sit in his tiny garden. Misery does not love company which lead Die to ignore the phone calls and texts from both Shinya and Kaoru, “Guess I’m not worth talking to anymore…some fucking friend.” Seeing that Kyo hadn’t bothered to call or text. “Die-chan…call me tonight please, let’s go get food or something.” Toshiya’s text was the last, Die not bothering to reply to that one as well.

                Wallowing in self-pity, Die sat in his garden for several hours before he decided it was time for bed. “Fucking 11:00 and I’m already going to bed like some fucking old guy. Pfft. He’s probably already in bed, fucking Mao. Son of a bitch.” The pressure was building, he knew what he had to do before he could sleep, it had become a regular routine since the night Shinya called and scolded him after seeing Ruki and his date. Drink Shower Cry Sleep. He was lonely…he had no friends to hang out with because his wing man, his partner in carousing, was now married and happy, leaving Die to suffer and fend for himself. It’s not that he didn’t want Kyo to be happy, it was just…what was it? Jealousy? Pain? Envy? Yes…all of it. Standing in the shower, the tears came early tonight, it was just getting to be too much. “Why not me?” he whimpered. Climbing into bed with his hair still dripping, Ando Daisuke cried into his pillow…this was beginning to become too much for him to handle. “Maybe I should call Kyo’s shrink?” was the last clear thought he had before he passed out.


                “Nagaharu!” Davina gasped. “Mistress? Is there something wrong with my clothing?” Nagaharu had just put Davina’s collar on, and this was not a training collar. “Uh, no…there’s not a thing wrong with your appearance…I’m just a little surprised is all. Do not take this the wrong way, but my dear Yoji…you clean up very well!” Davina had a blush on her cheeks as if she was a teenage girl going out with her crush. “Then I am suitable to attend you tonight?” Nagaharu smiled to himself, he loved when Davina smiled. “You are more than suitable Nagaharu, I am very pleased indeed. Shall we go?” Nagaharu opened the front door and walked Davina to the car. As they pulled away from the manor, Davina’s face was flushed with heat, her stomach danced with butterflies and she saw her long-time friend and servant in a new light.

                Isshi had promised to wait for Davina outside, so they could make a grand entrance. Both Leda and Ruimaru were groomed to perfection, hair, makeup and clothing, one on each of Isshi’s arms. Their matching collars gleamed brightly even in the dim streetlights in front of the Fetish Club. A dark burgundy Mercedes pulled up to the valet parking, an unknown man stepping out and going around to open the door for a stunningly beautiful woman, dressed in a form fitting leather dress and tall black thigh-hi boots. Giving the keys to the valet, Nagaharu placed his hand on the small of Davina’s back as they entered the club.

                “Nagaharu-san?” Isshi recognized the security chief as he approached. “Isshi-san, my Mistress would like a private room for tonight, could you please stay with her while I secure a room?” The man turned away, leaving Davina with Isshi and his boys. “Mistress!” Ruimaru looked to Isshi first, and with a nod the boy threw his arms around Davina. “Ruimaru, my baby…you’re looking quite fetching, are you happy with Isshi-san” Ruimaru stopped hugging the woman, “Yes Mistress, very much so! And I have a boy to play with as well!” Leda bowed, "You look lovely tonight Mistress"

                Davina threw her head back and laughed. “Oh, Isshi my darling man, you have trained him well! Thank you Leda-kun for the compliment. You could not have found a better Dominant than Isshi, he truly loves his pets and gives them the world.”  Davina kissed Leda chastely on the lips, caressing his cheek. “Mistress? Your room is ready.” Without even thinking, “Thank you Teij…Yoji.” Everyone pretended not to notice the slip, Yoji winking at Isshi. The room was rather large, the club full and the servers busy. Nagaharu answered a knock on the door and the submissive girl Zina entered the room with a large bottle of champagne. “Good evening Mistress Davina, this is courtesy of My Lady for your kind words regarding my service.” After Zina put the bottle on the table, she bowed deeply. “Zina, I will always praise good service from a pet, whether your Lady is here or not. Thank you my dear.” Zina bowed again and left the room.

                Isshi poured Davina and himself each a glass of champagne, sitting together on the small couch. “I’m surprised at your attendant tonight, Davina…Nagaharu has no formal training, does he?” Nagaharu was standing against the wall, Leda on one side, Ruimaru on the other. “No, he doesn’t…although he brought it to my attention that even the duties of a security chief mirror that of a pet when in public. “Isshi looked at Nagaharu appreciatively, “Nagaharu-san, if you don’t mind me saying, you are suited to this position. You are attractive enough to be a personal pet, you may consider training for the position.”  The statement caught Nagaharu off guard but was silently pleased with Isshi’s assessment. “Isshi-san, I am not convinced I would be the right choice as a personal pet for my Mistress, although…” Now it was Davina’s turn to raise an eyebrow…perhaps?  After two more glasses of champagne, Davina and Isshi decided it was time to walk the floor. Nagaharu with his hand on the small of Davina’s back, Isshi with his boys on each arm, they left the room to have a little fun.

                The murmur that was heard, was quite impressive, with comments about Isshi and his boys being the main subject. Ruimaru heard descriptions of himself, and of Leda. Many words of shock and none so little as how beautiful both of the boys were. Davina was greeted by many Dominants glad to see her back in the club, and to ask about Nagaharu, which Davina would just wink or show a small clever smile. Nagaharu was busy scanning the club for potential problems ahead of Davina, watching both Isshi and his boys as well, he felt obligated to step in if needed for Davina’s friend. After a few tours of the dance floor, Isshi and Davina returned to the private room, calling for more champagne.

                “Oh, god did that feel good! Did you see them look at my boys? The looks of envy were just so… good!” Isshi fanned himself, drinking a full glass quickly. “Isshi, you’re having way too much fun with shoving this in the community’s face, you know that you will the topic of gossip for the next month, or until you come out again. You’re right though…it was fun!” Davina giggled like a teenager. An unexpected knock at the door, which Nagaharu stepped in, there were words exchanged and he nodded, letting in two Dominants and their pets into the room.

                “Mistress Davina” A lovely woman in a black cat suit stepped forward, her pet standing against the wall. “Yes, my dear…your name?” The woman bowed, “My name is Lydia, my pet is Tina…and if I may, this is Michael and his pet Machi. We have something for you” Machi stepped forward and bowed, handing a large book to Davina. Davina raised an eyebrow, as she opened the book.

                Inside were pages and pages of comments and stories, pictures and memento’s all dedicated to Teddy. Davina gasped, her hand covering her mouth, as she then looked up at Lydia. “My dear…what…?” Lydia pulled Tina next to her, Michael did the same with Machi. “We in the community felt that we needed to all pay our respects to you and Teddy. You have been an example for others as to how to live within the community. As Dominants we all strive to be like you, to be able to hold our own standard of perfection in place.” Lydia nodded to Tina and Machi, the both bowed, “Mistress…Teddy was everything that all pets strive to emulate. He was the example of how service to our Dominants should be, we all loved him dearly. He spoke to other pets on many occasions, giving advice or correcting a small slight, but he did it without conceit or malice. He was always on an equal level with all pets, regardless of their Dominants status in the community.” Tina bowed again and stepped back.  “Mistress, we just wanted to be able to show you, how the collective community feels, we hope you will continue to lead us as you always have.” Lydia bowed and they excused themselves from the room.

                Davina scanned the book quickly, closing it only after a few moments, “If I start reading this now, my night will be at an end and I’d still like to enjoy my evening with you Isshi dear.” Isshi leaned over and kissed Davina on the cheek, holding her hand and patting it. “It’s a lovely gesture from the community. I knew about it and added my own small portion. You will need a lot of tissues when you do decide to look through it.”

                Without warning and certainly without permission, Ruimaru jolted from the wall, flinging himself on the floor next to Davina and started crying. Leda gaped at his co-lover, reaching out to him, “My angel, what ever is the matter?” Isshi said without anger. Looking up, Ruimaru’s makeup was running, “I’m sorry, forgive me Sir, but I just…I miss…” He buried his face in his hands. Davina glanced up at Nagaharu, nodded once and the man carefully bent over to help the young submissive to his feet. “Come with me, Ruimaru” leading the boy out the door. “Please, do not scold the boy, I’m sure this was not meant to be disrespectful, I know how that angel felt about Teiji.” Isshi held out is arm for Leda, “My sweet boy…take care of your lover tonight with my permission. Make love to him cradle him in your arms and tell him that you love he and I above all others, that you will be there for him when he needs you, ne?” Isshi pulled Leda onto his lap, kissing the boy passionately as Davina watched.

                “Let us go for a stroll Davina my dear! We need to bring happiness…and a great deal of black jealousy as you and I parade our pets!” Isshi had a wicked grin on his face. “Up my boy! Tonight, we rule the club!” As Isshi stood, Ruimaru came back into the room, makeup fixed and fresh, smiling and falling into Isshi’s arms, Leda laughed and hugged his co-lover. Nagaharu opened the door, letting Davina lead the way.

                The club had become full while the group had been in the private room, as a result there was a strange energy in the main room. The dance floor was crowded, the bar stood two deep and all of the semi-private booths were full. Isshi excused himself to speak with another Dominant, leaving Leda with Davina and taking Ruimaru with him. Nagaharu was still visually on patrol, scanning the room as his Mistress walked the floor with Leda holding her hand. It took Davina a great deal of time to make one circuit of the club, stopping frequently to speak or to wait for a small traffic jam. As she turned a corner, she felt Leda tense up and jump slightly crying out. “Leda-kun? What is…” Davina stopped dead as she turned to look at the boy, Nagaharu stepped between Davina and of all people, Sakurai Atsushi.

                “Excuse me Sakurai-sama, do not hinder my Mistress nor touch her attendant.” Nagaharu said in an even non-threatening tone. “My apologies, I did not realize that this pet was attached to your Mistress. Davina…how are you tonight? You look stunning as usual.” Sakurai bowed lightly, smiling at his old friend. “I’m fine Atsushi, as you can see I am attended. This boy is not my personal pet, he belongs to Isshi. I’m sure you would not dare to anger his Dominant, you know how that ends.” Davina was on the border of starting to sneer and become very ugly in her tone if Sakurai pushed her much more. “Please, extend my apologies to Isshi-san. You’re correct, I do know how that ends.” Sakurai bowed and moved away.

                “Mistress?” Leda whimpered. “Leda-kun, are you alright? Did he touch you?” Davina was terse, Leda knew he had to tell her the truth. “He um…he grabbed my ass rather roughly, that’s what scared me, I’m sorry.” Davina’s brow furrowed at the information. “Come with me Leda…Yoji, I am taking Leda back to the room, please find Isshi-san and bring him right away, do not tell him what has happened.” Nagaharu bowed and moved away.

                Sakurai Atsushi moved through the club, cursing his behavior, “That was certainly stupid Acchan…you’ve never fumbled that badly.” He made his way to the bar, searching the area for Isshi. By community standards, Isshi was a soft spoken, overly loving and never harsh Dominant, until you angered him. Sakurai had been on the receiving end of Isshi’s fury only once, and it ended badly…for him. Sakurai got his drink and moved to the far side of the club, hoping to avoid Isshi, he knew that Davina would tell the man that Sakurai had gotten touchy with his property.

                Davina and Leda sat in the private room, waiting for the others to join them. “Will Sir be angry with me, Mistress?” Leda couldn’t stop shaking, he felt like he was the one to blame, “No dear, Isshi-san will not be angry, but I fear that there will be an altercation once he finds out what has happened.” Leda shook his head, “Could we just not tell him…please Mistress?” Davina leaned over and softly kissed Leda, “Leda-kun, what Sakurai did was a serious offense, a Dominant NEVER touches another Dominant’s pet, without express permission. He must be given the details.” Leda nodded, but kept his gaze to the floor.

                “Davina…what happened?” Isshi entered the room with a rush, quickly moving to Leda. “Leda my sweet… what happened? Davina, TELL ME!” Isshi growled. Both Ruimaru and Leda shrank back from their Dominant, having never seen him this angry before. “It seems that Sakurai Atsushi found it appropriate to put his hands on Leda without anyone’s permission, let alone yours. I removed Leda from the situation and had Nagaharu find you. Leda is fine physically, but he is scared, Isshi.” Davina said softly, hoping to calm Isshi before the man went out to seek Sakurai. Isshi pulled Leda into his arms, petting the boy and kissing him softly. “Both of you stay here with Davina, Nagaharu you’re with me.” Before anyone could say anything, the two men left the room. “Is Isshi-san safe with Nagaharu, Mistress? Shouldn’t we be there to help?” Ruimaru had never seen this side of Isshi…he had heard stories. “No, my dear, we will wait here until the situation is over.”

                Nagaharu had to walk quickly behind Isshi in order to keep up. Sakurai saw Isshi approaching and instantly groaned, this was not going to be pleasant.

                “SAKURAI ATSUSHI!” Isshi called out as he walked towards the man. The noise of the club decreased greatly as Isshi’s voice could be heard over the music. “Isshi-san, I want to offer my apologies before you say…” Sakurai didn’t get a chance to finish as Isshi reached back then punched Sakurai full in the face, knocking the man to the ground. “YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW! DO NOT TOUCH ANOTHER DOMINANT’S PET WITHOUT PERMISSION! Get up!” Isshi had bent over and was shaking his fist in Sakurai’s face. Nagaharu had one hand on Isshi’s shoulder, hoping to stop another punch. Sakurai crawled to his feet, touching his face he found blood streaming from his mouth.

                “How dare you! You grab MY SUBMISSIVE! You touch MY PET without MY permission… tell me… Sakurai, how did you not see the boy was collared? How did you not see that the boy was with Davina? TELL ME SAKURAI!” Isshi screamed in the man’s face. Sakurai had grabbed a handful of napkins, placing them on his face. “I did not see the boy’s collar, Isshi-san, and I did not see Davina, that does not excuse my behavior in the least. My deepest apologies Isshi-san, I will now be leaving.” As Sakurai tried to move away, Isshi stopped him, “Stay away from Davina, stay away from me, and stay the HELL AWAY FROM UTA! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?” The second Uta’s name left Isshi’s lips, Sakurai stopped, “You know where Uta is? Tell me Isshi… WHERE IS UTA!”

                The situation was close to being out of control when Davina showed up with the two boys. “Uta is safe and away from you, that’s all you need to know Sakurai…you’re still unwanted. He does not want to see you nor hear from you. You’re better off just leaving the club and leaving the boy alone.” At the mention of Uta’s name, a murmur was heard throughout the club, and it did not hold a positive sound. Sakurai looked around him, he sighed then shook his head and made his way to the door without looking back. “Isshi, really? You punched Sakurai Atsushi in the face?” Davina scolded her friend. “If he had done any more to Leda, I would have gone to jail Davina. That man has lost his right to be in the community due to his actions and I will be taking this up with Madame F and the others, make no mistake.” Isshi was shaking with anger, until he looked at Leda and Ruimaru, “My babies, come here…I am not angry with you.” He opened his arms and the boys all but ran to him. Davina and Nagaharu didn’t speak on the ride home, Nagaharu watching Davina in the rear-view mirror as he drove. Arriving at the manor, he helped his Mistress out of the car and ushered her into the house. “Do you need me any further Mistress?”  He asked before he went to his room. “No Yoji, I’ll be fine, thank you for tonight. Up until Sakurai showed, I was having a wonderful time…thank you for everything Yoji.” Davina stood on her tip toes and kissed her security chief, a little more friendly than normal…or so Nagaharu thought. He bowed and went to his room, with the message from Davina’s lips running through his mind. Davina went into her room and closed the door, she too thought about the kiss she had just given Yoji… she now thought of him that way, and not so much as Nagaharu. Was the dynamic of their relationship changing…what would Teddy think? No, she didn’t want to think of that, not tonight. Climbing into bed, Davina drifted off to sleep quickly, hoping for a restful and peaceful night.

                “You are a complete jackass Atsushi…just look at yourself. Your mouth is bloodied and your reputation is gone. You deserve every damn thing that’s happening to you right now. You don’t deserve to even think of Uta. You’re a fucking idiot.” Sakurai Atsushi watched himself in the mirror as he spoke. He was finally disgusted with himself to the point of no longer wanting to be part of the BSDM community. “That part of my life is over.” Perhaps he should resume dating women, he never was in any trouble if a female was by his side or in his bed, but would that be the true answer? “You’ve lost Uta completely and once word gets back to him about Isshi? Dumbass.” He verbally abused himself for the rest of the evening; swearing, accusing, trying to make bargains between himself and what ever Kami would listen, only to turn around and verbally abuse himself yet again. “This is fucking going nowhere, just go to bed Acchan…forget that life.” That was the last thought in his head as he tried to sleep, knowing that the most likely event that was going to happen…would become total chaos.

Chapter Text

The three men were sitting at Koichi’s dinner table, gossiping and generally just enjoying each other’s company. Koichi had asked Uta if he’d like to come to his house for a late lunch, Ruki and Shinya would be there as well. Koichi felt as long as there were other people invited, Uta would be more comfortable accepting the invitation.

                “Ruki, what’s going on with you? You are awfully quiet… well not quiet but maybe toned down a bit?” Uta had not heard that Ruki had a boyfriend…a real boyfriend and not just a fuck toy. “Ru’s got a lover now Uta.” Shinya teased. “Who? Do I know him?” Everyone’s attention was now focused on Ruki, making Uta feel less scrutinized.

                “His name is Tomo, he works with Taka…so I’m not sure if you’ve met him or not Uta-kun.” Ruki quickly opened his phone, showing the others Tomo’s picture. “Ohh! He’s cute Ruki! So, what’s the catch?” Uta had a wicked smile playing on his lips.

                “Catch? There’s no catch, Uta… he’s my boyfriend.” Ruki snarked. “Ruki, there’s always a catch with you and the boys you play with. Tell Uta the truth.” Shinya chided the man.

                “Fine, since everyone seems to be freaking out over it. There is no catch, I saw him at the DCR party and I thought he was cute, so I asked Taka to introduce us. Tomo came over to the table and we exchanged phone numbers and now we’re dating. No big event or anything.” Ruki was a little flustered over the questioning.

                “No Rampage? No chasing after him during the party? What the hell is wrong with you Ruki?” now it was Koichi’s turn to tease Ruki. “NO!” Ruki grumbled. “Why can’t everyone just see it for what it is? I like a cute boy and I asked him out on a date, now we’re dating and you all are acting like it’s something epic…when it’s not!”

                “Ruki-kun, it’s not that we think it’s epic, it’s just a different Ruki we are seeing. A more mature and less…um, spontaneous Ruki.” Shinya explained. Ruki sat back in his chair, arms folded across his chest and his lower lip out in a definite Ruki pout.

                “Are you happy Ruki?” Uta turned the tables on his friend. “Yes, Uta-kun… I am happy. He’s cute and funny and…well he is sexy too, but we haven’t gotten into the other stuff yet.” The pout now had turned into a deep blush. Uta reached over and grabbed Ruki’s hand, “Then that’s all that matters, you’ve asked me that how many times in the past? Don’t worry about the opinions of others, just concentrate on your boyfriend and everything will work out fine.”

                The small group of friends continued to talk about mundane things, work and the customers, Shinya and what Diru was doing these days. The topic of Die then came up.

                “He was an asshole that night Shinya! You know he was. He needs to grow the hell up and stop acting like he’s 21.” Uta didn’t know about the incident between Ruki and Die at the restaurant.

                “Well, something is now bothering him, he’s pissed off all the time, doesn’t want to hang out after rehearsal, he even screamed at Kyo the other day, throwing his guitar on the floor. We really haven’t spoken to him since then…he’s holed up in his apartment.” Shinya shook his head. “I’m not sure what the problem is.”

                “The problem is he needs to grow the fuck up and stop hitting on other people’s dates!” Ruki snapped. “Ru, it’s okay…I’ll take care of it.” Shinya assured his friend.

                “Kou, can I ask a favor of you please?” Uta had been waiting for a chance to ask for help. “Sure, if I can…anything.” Uta took a moment to collect his thoughts.

                “After the disaster at Ojisan’s, I decided to move out of the manor.” He began. “Now I need help in getting my stuff out, and some things that belonged to Teiji. Problem is, I don’t want to be there, or at least be there when Davina is there. I don’t trust her right now.”

                “Okay, that’s understandable. How do you want to do this? I’m sure Taka and I could go and get your stuff, maybe bring it here until you can pick it up?” Koichi would rather that Uta went to the manor, to sort through Teiji’s things, but he would help none the less.

                “I’m not sure how yet… I’m back living with Hide and Yutaka.” Uta told his friends. “I sort of figured that’s where you’d end up, Uta. Both Taka and I hoped that you would have called them that night.” Koichi reached for Uta’s hand, “I think that’s the best place for you right now.”

                Uta sighed, “It was getting difficult at the manor, Davina walking around sighing all the time, it was hard for me to stay positive when I’d have constant reminders of Teiji not being there for either one of us. Then she decides she needs to speak to HIM of all people? I don’t care what their meeting was about, she lied to me.”

                “Uta, do you really believe that? Davina has always cared for you…she’s been your rock through all this. The meeting between Sakurai and Davina had to be about something other than you…don’t you think?” Shinya was forever trying to be the peacemaker of their small group. “Shinya’s right Uta-kun, I find it hard to believe that Davina had arranged any sort of positive meeting with that lummox, could it have been about something other than you?” Ruki tried to sound neutral.

                “The point was she lied to me! She could have just told me that she was having a meeting with him…but she didn’t.” Uta’s voice trailed down to a whisper.

                “Uta, however you want to do this, I’ll be there to help you. Maybe if we could get Davina to leave the manor, then we could all go in and grab all of your things or Taka could call Madame F and ask her to keep Davina away for a certain length of time, let’s say on Thursday? Taka and I don’t work that day, we could be in and out of there probably in less than an hour.”

                “How long will you live with Hide and Yutaka, Uta-kun?” Shinya was concerned by the fact that Uta may want to have his own flat again. “I’m not sure, that’s my home though. I can tell you that the first night I was there, I slept better than I had since…well you know.” A tiny tear tried to escape, Uta brushing it away quickly. “It’s truly the only place I feel at peace. Hide and Yutaka are like parents to me, they support me, they love me…they LOVE my cookies.” Uta giggled remembering that Yutaka and Hide teased each other over who made the best cookies.

                Before Uta had arrived for the lunch date, Koichi had been chosen to ask about Uta returning to the HBG, a difficult question that he wasn’t sure would be received well by the young man.

                “Thinking of getting your own flat, down the road I mean, not like tomorrow, do you want to come back to work at any point? We have Tomo and Leda…although Leda is collared by Isshi and is in love with both him and Ruimaru. You should see them together, they’re so cute!” Koichi tried to deflect the question as best as he could.

                “I think I’ll want my own flat eventually…although I kind of like being pampered by Yutaka…he’s such a mom!” Uta thought carefully about his next answer, not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings. “Going back to the HBG? I’m not sure, there would always be that chance that HE would come to a DCR event…I may just find a job someplace else.”

                “Mao will be hurt, you know that…right? He’s already pissy more days than not, he just can’t get past you not being there.” Koichi added in a soft voice.

                “I know, but I can’t live my life to suit Mao’s insecurities…that’s not fair to either one of us. I’m not willing to take the chance that I may run into Sakurai every time there’s a DCR event. Mao’s going to have to understand that.” Uta sighed. “I may just have to find a different job, maybe in retail or something.” The food went quickly, the gossip was fun and soon everyone had to leave. Shinya and Ruki kissing Uta and promising him that they would get together soon, “You need to meet Tomo…he’s amazing!” Koichi held Uta back after the others had left.

                “I know you don’t want to work at the HBG anymore, I totally get that. You’re going to have to tell Mao that though…he’s going to take it rough, Kyo’s going to have his hands full with a pissy disappointed husband, but don’t let that change your mind.”

                “I won’t. It’s just so damned difficult, we can’t ever go back to what it was…my whole life outlook has changed by Teiji’s death, Kou. I want to be left alone to make my own decisions on where I work and where I live. Thanks for offering to help me get my things out of the manor, I don’t want to run into Davina…she’s hurt me. Tell Taka to text me when we have a date. I love you Koichi.” Uta kissed his friend on the cheek and left the house.

                Koichi was laying on the couch, a pillow over his face, when Tatsu came home. “Kou? Everything okay? How was the lunch date?” Tatsu sat on the edge of the couch, gently removing the pillow from his husband’s face. Koichi’s face was red, his eyes swollen from crying.

                “Want to talk about it?” he asked carefully. “There’s nothing to talk about really. Uta moved back in with Hide and Yutaka after that fiasco at Ojisan’s, he’s upset with Davina, he thinks she lied to him and he can’t trust her anymore.” Koichi rolled onto his side. “He hasn’t really decided on what he’s going to do. He does know he’s not going to come back to work at the HBG, Mao is going to be upset over that.”

                “Uta can’t please anyone until he’s happy with himself. I’m glad he’s at Yutaka’s, we all know that he is at least safe, plus Hide won’t let Sakurai near him.” Tatsu stroked Koichi’s soft pink hair, “I need to call Taka…he’s going to need to call Madame F at some point.” This caught Tatsu’s attention, “Why would Taka need to speak to her?”

                “Uta needs his things out of Davina’s house, he’s not going back. I offered to help him, and I offered Taka as well…yes, I know…without checking first but Taka won’t mind. Uta doesn’t want to run into Davina while he’s there. We need to have Madame F get Davina out of the house for at least an hour so we can go in and grab Uta’s stuff.” Tatsu agreed, “Last thing Uta needs is an over emotional Davina hounding him.”


                “I don’t think we need to be sneaky about it, Madame F. If you explain to Davina what Uta wants, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind being out of the manor…true but he doesn’t want any confrontation, no tears or guilt trips. Maybe, it’s hard to say, he’s pulling away from her and trying to live normally. Of course they are! They have always been like parents. Yes please…just text me and let me know. Thank you.

                “Well? Is she going to help or not?” Sato was feed the cats, Muzzie and Fozzie still screaming the loudest. “She doesn’t think we need to hide this from Davina, that Madame F can explain it sensibly. I hope so because Uta needs no more drama in his life, that poor kid has been through fucking hell ever since he moved here. I feel guilty sometimes…it all started at the HBG.”

                “Babe, you can’t feel guilty over things you couldn’t control, that’s not healthy. Yes, Uta has a shitty life since he moved to the city, but he’s also gained amazing friends that will do almost anything to help him. I count myself lucky that I met Uta.” Taka grew misty eyed with his husband’s statement. “True, we all love Uta, speaking of which, I need to text him the information.”  Kissing his husband, Taka went down into their office, grabbing a calendar he decided to call Uta instead of texting.

                “Hi, yes I did and this is my opinion. Madame F seems to believe that we can tell Davina what we want to do, that it is your wish that she not be there while you’re packing. No, she thinks Davina will accept that. Yah, she pretty much thinks the same…that you’re starting to stand on your own. I know it hurts Uta, but you need to do this in order to move on with life. It doesn’t mean you’ll ever forget Teiji, nobody expects you to, and you know this as well, Teiji wouldn’t be happy with you moping around and hiding. I’m waiting for Madame F to speak with Davina and find out when is a good time. Yes, as soon as I hear anything. Right…ja ne

                As Uta closed his phone, he laid back on the couch and closed his eyes. A nap felt like the right thing to do just then. The tension of the last twenty-four hours had given Uta a blinding headache, as he thought about moving out of the manor, what he had once said to Davina that he would live with her forever. “He had just died…of course you wanted to live with her.” He muttered just as he fell asleep.

                “Tadaima” Yutaka called out in the genkan. “Hmm, garden or bedroom?” He walked towards the kitchen, seeing Uta asleep on the couch, Rima next to him, and Zepp at his feet. “Uta-kun” Yutaka sighed. Trying to keep quiet, Yutaka moved around in the kitchen putting away groceries. Peeking in on Uta, the boy was still sleeping so Yutaka grabbed some iced tea and went into the garden to give the boy a restful nap.


                “No, you cannot see him, and no I will not give him a message. I thought his message the night we rescued him was clear enough. He doesn’t want to see you Acchan…period and I for one will keep you away from him, physically if necessary.” Hide was becoming angry, something that Sakurai didn’t really want to see. “Acchan, drop it or Hide’s going to kick your ass, then I’ll be next…Toll? Want to get in line?” Imai looked over at his drummer. “Sure…anything to protect Uta. You really don’t want this Acchan. It looks like you may have already come in contact with someone that didn’t want you near Uta.”

                Toll was of course, referring to the busted lip and bruise on Sakurai’s face from the incident with Isshi. “This had nothing to do with Uta, it was between Isshi and myself.” Imai groaned, “You got into a fight with Isshi? Acchan really? What the hell did you do? It takes a lot for that man to anger, and even more to become physical.”

                “None of your business, Imai” Sakurai snapped. “Oh wait…I know exactly what happened!” Toll stood up and walked to where Sakurai was sitting. “This had to involve your other set of friends in the community…let me guess…same thing as the last time Isshi dropped you?” The guilty look on Sakurai’s face spoke volumes.

                “Really Acchan? You approached one of Isshi’s submissive’s?” Toll watched his friends face darken. “Shit! There is no way! You TOUCHED one of them?” They all looked at Sakurai, shaking their heads. “Honestly Atsushi, what the hell has gotten into you? You’re walking a dangerous path, this could be an issue for the band. Please remember what Imai promised if you didn’t straighten yourself out.”

                After being attacked from all sides, without a word Sakurai got up and left the room. “I don’t need them to remind me of my actions…I know I’m an asshole.” He growled as he walked towards the parking lot. Getting in his car, he decided not to go home, instead he maneuvered his car down the expressway towards the beach, hoping to clear his thoughts and ground himself again. The only problem he had in doing that…was Uta.


                “Alright, let’s get this done and get out of here.” Uta walked into the manor, a slight creep of a chill went up his spine. “I need to get stuff out of Davina’s room, I’ll take you to mine, just pack all of my clothes first.” Koichi and Taka went to work in Uta’s former bedroom.

                “What do I need from here?” Uta looked around, only finding the sweatshirt and pajama pants of Teiji’s that he slept with, some items out of the bathroom and his pillow. Leaving the room for the last time he looked back only once, “It can never be like that…ever.” Walking into his room, Koichi and Taka were almost done with Uta’s clothing. “I need my file box, all the photos and those books and the stuff out of the bathroom. I’ll be in the Gardenia room when you’re done.”

                He stopped before opening the door to his lover’s shrine. “Tadaima” he called out softly, it had become a ritual for him, always hoping to hear that ‘Okaeri’ from Teiji, always heartbreaking when he didn’t.

                Looking at the clothing on the bed, he scanned the items. Choosing carefully, he picked up pajama pants, sweatshirts, some t-shirt, Teiji’s pillow and the stuffed bear Teiji had given him. Grabbing Teiji’s laptop and a photo book, Uta scanned the room again. Going into the bathroom Uta went and took the bottle of Teiji’s favorite cologne before taking one more look around and deciding he had taken enough.

                He quickly wrote a short note to Davina;

                “I took some things of Teiji’s that meant something to me. I leave you with everything else to do with what you’d like. I will want to speak to you again, but for the time being please leave me alone.”

                Uta opened the door just as Koichi was walking past with two boxes piled in his arms. “I’m done here, let’s get going.” Uta took one look back, then he turned and walked through the front door, piling the boxes in Tatsu’s car. “Are you sure that’s it?” Koichi asked before they pulled away, “Yep, I’m done now.” He quickly texted Madame F “I’m done.” Hit send and then turned off his phone.


                “I’m done” Madame F looked at the text, then at Davina. Her lovely younger counterpart was sitting curled up in a soft chair, looking out the window. “Davina dear, Uta has finished. Would you like Ormond to call for Nagaharu?” Davina nodded, not saying anything. “Please call Nagaharu to come and pick up Davina.” Ormond bowed…took a quick look at Davina then walked away.

                “I can’t believe he doesn’t want to see me, that he thinks I was speaking to Sakurai as a friend instead of wanting to know the truth. He just ran out…he never asked why we were all there.” Madame F watched her friend return to staring out the window.

                “My dear Davina, Uta was shocked…I don’t think he even registered that we were there as much as he heard and saw Sakurai say his name and reach for him. Now he is safe in a neutral home where there is no accusing of you doing something behind his back, there is no chance to run into Sakurai. Hide and his husband will and have always taken great care of Uta. Perhaps this is his way of moving on, he cannot grieve forever, just as you shouldn’t, with that being said, I did receive some information of a highly unorthodox nature regarding you, my dear.”

                This caught Davina’s attention quickly. “What do you mean, information?” Madame F chuckled. “That a high ranking Dominant already has a new pet, perhaps not a personal pet…but an attending submissive.”

                Davina was puzzled, who? “Wait…what? You can’t be serious? Nagaharu?” Madame F nodded. “It seems that your security chief was performing his duties well enough to have others believe he is your new pet. What do you say to that?”

                “I say that he is my security chief, I wanted a night out and did not want to bother you for Ormond, Yoji offered and I accepted.” Davina said primly. “Yoji is it now?” A sly smile played upon Madame F’s lips. “Davina, I am not chastising you, I’m just merely pointing out the opportunity you have standing in your foyer. Nagaharu is a very attractive man, the ladies at the Fetish were all quite taken with him. Do not let him slip way, even if he can not attend you in your bed, he could still be your pet.”

                Davina watched Nagaharu as he drove her back to the manor, looking at him as a man, not as just her security chief. Madame F was correct, Davina had noticed that Nagaharu was particularly handsome, as she said that night, he cleaned up well. As he holds the door for her, holding her hand as he helped her out of the car, Davina took a moment. “Yoji, would you care to have some tea with me, in the kitchen?”  Nagaharu was slightly stunned, his employer wanting to have tea? “Yes, Mistress, I would love to have tea with you.”

Chapter Text

                “Keeping the tour schedule current, which means making sure your band members aren’t out late drinking, don’t get lost in the different cities and trying to curtail the antics and practical jokes, is probably the most difficult aspect of the job.” The manager for MUCC was sitting with Hiroto in an office at DCR records, starting the training for the young intern. “Puking in your car is also an issue, depending on what band you’re handling. Some bands are better with their drinking, meaning they have it more under control, others are a fucking nightmare. I’m not going to spoil your surprise when you’re given a band to follow.”  This information made Hiroto slightly uneasy, worried that he may get one of those bands.

                Hiroto’s introduction to the music community that Yukke was a part of, was eye opening to be sure. He had never worked with professional musicians before, so his ideals on what they were going to be like were totally dashed after the first day.

                “You guys are like so flipping normal it’s sick.” Hiroto complained one afternoon after meeting Yukke’s bandmates. “What were you expecting? Flashy cars and jewelry? That would be more like American celebrities, you’re not going to find that here for the most part.” Kai pointed out. They had gathered at Ojisan’s for dinner, all of MUCC and the boyfriends.

                “Except for maybe Yoshiki and uh…Gackt, um...Sugizo?” Sato pointed out some of the more elite musicians. “I wouldn’t put Suzigo in with Gackt and Yoshiki-san. Gackt’s problem is that he’s arrogant and conceited, and that’s a personality flaw.” Miya added.

                Ojisan had not contributed to this particular conversation, wanting to wait a while before something needed to be said. “What about Sakurai Atsushi? He’s pretty damned famous…is he flashy?” Everyone almost choked on their ramen when Hiroto said Sakurai’s name. “What? Did I say something wrong?” Now the boy was confused. Now it was Ojisan’s time to contribute.

                “Sakurai Atsushi is a troubled man, he has demons and ghosts that he is constantly fighting. He does not fall under the same category as some of the others in your community, but he is to be watched.”

                Yukke nudged Hiroto, “Told you” he whispered. “Sakurai is a special case in the industry, he has crashing rights to all DCR events, well Buck Tick does at least.” Tatsu tried to explain, “You’ll have to ask Yukke and Kai when you’re at home and have time to listen to the story.” Koichi looked up at his husband, then over at Taka.

                “Have you been given a band yet, Pon?” Taka had taken to using the boys nickname, finding that he liked the young man. “Nope, tomorrow I guess is the big day. Your manager filled me in with horror stories so now I’m worried about getting one of the rowdier bands.”

                The group all exchanged looks, some starting to laugh. “I hope you don’t get stuck with us, Hiroto-kun…you do not need to experience hung over Die or pissy Kyo. Both those men are to be avoided at all costs. Maybe you’ll get someone quiet… like Umbrella, they’re a nice low-key band.” Shinya wanted to project something other than terror at Hiroto in his upcoming job.

                “What about your band, Oji-Kai?” Hiroto smirked as he used the hated honorific with his Uncle’s husband. “First, stop calling me Oji…second…I hope not for your sake.” Hiroto cocked his head, “Um, why not The Gazette? What’s the problem with your band?”

                Shinya laughed loudly making everyone look, Miya was snickering, Kai just moaned and shook his head. “Ruki” Tatsu confirmed what everyone else was laughing about. “To be fair, Ruki is in a regular relationship right now, so I’d have to divide it up between Aoi and Reita…Uruha’s like an old man.”

                Hiroto frowned, “Young man, which ever band you end up working for, look past all the silliness and outrageous activities and search for the soul of who you are working for. That will tell you more than these gentlemen can.” Ojisan winked and walked back to his tiny kitchen.

                “Why do I feel we were just insulted?” Sato looked around. “We weren’t insulted Sato, we were called out by Ojisan…and he’s right.” Miya pointed out. “Pon, don’t worry about what you’ve heard or seen, concentrate on what you’re going to be learning. Shadowing a manager for a top-level band will be key in learning the ropes if you’d like to go on to manage your own band.”  


                Die had never dreaded coming to work more than he did that day. The argument…well him screaming at people, had not fixed any of his problems, neither did staying at home locked in his house and drinking until he passed out. He had been avoiding everyone’s phone calls and attempts to see him. Die was worn out, looked and felt like hell, rehearsing was the last thing he felt like doing.

                “Hi Die…ready to work?” Toshiya, ever the enthusiast and optimist, greeted Die as if it were any other day. “Sure Totchi…” Die mumbled. Toshiya looked over at Kaoru, who up until today had just ignored Die’s bad behavior. Kaoru nodded to Toshiya, they had a plan in place and were just waiting for Kyo to show up. Die was over in his corner, hooking up his gear, tuning his guitar and standing with his back turned to the others. Shinya watched his friend go through the motions of setting up, missing the smile and laughter that was Die’s essence.

                Kyo walked into the rehearsal room and looked around, making sure Die was there before he locked the door. Kaoru nodded, Shinya came out from behind his drum kit and Toshiya set his bass down. As Die turned around he saw his bandmates…his friends, all staring at him with grim expressions.

                “Die, sit down please.” Kaoru started. Die sighed, he knew what this was about…did he spill his guts or fake it. “Sure Kao…” Die sat on the couch, facing his friends who were lined up in front of him. “Can you please let us know what the hell is going on with you? You’re scaring us…this is not the Die we know. You’ve never acted like this…well at least not for very long.” Kaoru asked earnestly.

                “What do you want to know?”

                “Why are you so angry these days? You’re distant, not even really here, you come in and play and then leave with not interactions with us. What’s upsetting you to the point of you not even wanting to be here?” Toshiya had squatted down in front of Die.

                “Okay, you might not like this as an answer, but I’ll tell you what’s wrong.” Die bristled. “I’m alone. I have zero people in my life that truly care for me, you guys don’t count. I have no one to go home to, no one to hang out with and no one to love. I’m tired of seeing everyone but me, so fucking happy.” Die looked directly at Kyo with that last statement.

                “You’re going to punish the band because you have no one to fuck? Really Daisuke?” Kyo growled. “You have no fucking idea Kyo, you’re the fucking problem here not me!” Die snapped back.

“Me? What the FUCK did I do?” Kyo yelled back. “You have your perfect little life, with no room in it for your single BEST friend, you’re too busy with Mao to even want to go drinking or anything else with me. Just forget it Kyo, you’re better off…” Die’s argument died on his lips.

                “I really can’t do this anymore, I don’t care what you do with the band…I’m done.” With that statement, Die got up and left the room.

                “Did he just quit the band?” Toshiya was stunned.

“Sounded like it to me. That’s fine…if he want’s to be fucking immature and childish, let him. We can do without him.” Kyo was pissed. “Let’s just practice without him. Kaoru? Can you speak with management later? We can always get a session guitarist if we need to, I’m sure Miya would help out, or even Aoi.” Kyo turned and went to grab his bag, digging around for his notebook, without another thought of Die.


Die moved through the halls of DCR, thinking that he just quit Dir En Grey, he just quit the band. “So the fuck what, I’m done with that crap.” Muttering as he walked, Die once again did not see Hiroto coming around the corner, although this time Die knocked the boy to the floor. “SHIT! Are you okay kid?” Just as Die reached down to help Hiroto up, Yukke was standing behind him. “Die, you need to quit running over my nephew!” the older man laughed. “You okay, Pon?”

“Yah, just my ass hurts.” Hiroto took Die’s hand and got up. “I’m okay…just seems like this is the new way to meet people.”

“Die, this is my nephew Hiroto, Hiroto… Die of Dir En Grey.” Yukke formally introduced the two men. “Pon is here doing an internship with management.”

“Oh, cool. Um, nice to meet you Hiroto.” Die bowed lightly. “Please, call me Pon…everyone else does, nice to meet you too.” Hiroto felt a little awkward as he looked at Die.

“You done for the day already, Die?” Yukke thought it unusual for the guitarist to be leaving so early in the day. “Um…well…” Die stammered. Yukke took this as ‘mind your own business’, and let it drop.

“Hiroto gets to find out what band he’s shadowing…might be yours!” Yukke looked at Hiroto who was blushing. “I hope not for your sake, Pon. Diru is a mess… maybe you’ll get a band that’s easier to deal with.” Hiroto just nodded. They stood there for a few seconds then Die made his excuses and went out the front door of DCR.

“That was weird…he kind of looked upset” Hiroto pointed out as he and Yukke went into the offices. “Yah…he did. Oh well, you can never tell what’s going on with Diru.”


Damn, that kid was cute. Yukke’s nephew? He’s what then…18? Way too young for me. That smile though…Stop it Daisuke, you’re in no way attractive to that boy, you’re too damned old.


                “You’re kidding me?” Hiroto and Yukke sat in stunned silence at the choice for the band that Hiroto would be shadowing their manager. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? Can’t he go with someone a little more… well, just not The Gazette?” Yukke was now a little more than concerned.

                As much as Hiroto and Yukke questioned the choice, Hiroto was secretly pleased…The Gazette! Then he heard Kai’s voice in his head…describing the antics that his band was notorious for.

                “Well, we need to get home so you can talk to Kai, at least he can prepare you for what’s to come.” Yukke sighed. At least Ruki wouldn’t be an issue, not with Tomo in the picture, Uruha was fairly steady, it was Aoi and Reita that Yukke was concerned about.

                “Guess I’ll just make the best of it…seriously, how bad could it be?” Hiroto had no idea what his life would become.


                “First some announcements, then we can start.” Kai was sitting behind his drum kit, notebook in hand, trying to get their pre-practice meeting done. Aoi and Reita were sitting next to each other, looking at a magazine, Uruha was wiping down his guitar and Ruki was texting…probably to Tomo. Kai looked around, “HEY ASSHOLES! LISTEN UP!” he yelled at the others.

                “This is important…really important and if you want to remain among the living, you’d better pay attention. Yukke’s nephew Hiroto, is staring an internship with DCR management and we’ve been the chosen band for him to shadow.” Aoi and Reita groaned, Ruki didn’t even look up and Uruha didn’t look happy. “In other words, we have some geeky kid in the way before and after lives… on the bus and in the hotels? Great, I’m rooming with Ruki, you can have the kid, Kai.”  Kai smiled, he knew once they saw Hiroto, things would be different.

                “He’s coming in to meet us in a bit, please… be nice to him. He’s living with Yukke and I for a while” Before Kai could continue, Yukke and Hiroto walked into the room.

                ‘Is this a good time?” Yukke asked his husband. “Yah, they’ve been bitching about this already. Sorry Pon…it’s not you, my bandmates are just immature trolls most of the time. Come on in and let me introduce everyone.

                “Ruki… can you please stop texting Tomo for half a minute? Thank you. Guys, this is Hiroto and he’s going to be shadowing our manager during the summer tour season. IF I hear just one complaint from him, your asses will be mine.” Kai looked at each member. Nobody wanted to piss off Kai… Angry Kai was dangerous and scary.

                “Yoroshiku onegaishimasu” Hiroto bowed deeply. “I hope not to get in your way during your lives, just kick me out if I’m bothering you!” Hiroto flashed his smile, Yukke watching carefully.

                Aoi jumped off the couch, “Hi…I’m Aoi. Can I call you Pon? How old are you? What other bands do you like?” Reita suddenly shoved Aoi out of the way. “Reita… if you need anything, you just come to me, I’ll help you anyway I can.”

                Uruha walked up behind Aoi and Reita, smacking both of them in the head. “Hi Hiroto, please… stay away from these two idiots, they’re nothing but immature trouble makers. Glad to have you on the team.” Aoi and Reita where pushing and shoving each other, muttering dark threats in low voices.

                “Pon, when do you officially start? How long do I have to beat the crap out of these idiots?” Kai was glaring at Aoi and Reita. “Um…looks like Monday I meet with your manager and start going over the tour plans, after that I’m not really sure.” Hiroto had a slightly wild look in his eyes, watching Reita and Aoi smack each other around.

                “Let’s go Pon…we’ll talk to Kai later when he gets home.” Yukke started to lead Hiroto out of the room. “Bye Pon! Don’t forget, if you need ….”  “Pon! If you’re old enough, let’s go out for drinks sometime!” Kai had finally had enough and came from behind his kit… slapping Aoi and Reita hard in the back of the head. “Shut up…both of you!” As the door closed, Yukke and Hiroto could hear Kai doling out the discipline to his band members.

                “That was weird… are they always like that?” Hiroto asked his uncle. “Usually Ruki would be all over you…hugging and grabbing your ass. But now that he has a serious boyfriend, he’s been rather nice to be around. No more Ruki Rampages in months!”

                “I swear, if ONE of you even TOUCHES Hiroto, I will personally kick your ass all over the fucking studio! I will put you on lockdown! I will personally go through all your porn and delete it or trash it. You BOTH leave Hiroto alone! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?” Kai would have none of it.

                Aoi and Reita looked down at the floor, Reita nudging Aoi in the ribs. “Yes, Leader-san. We won’t play with Pon.” Aoi said in a ridiculous voice. Kai sighed and rubbed his eyes. “I don’t need the drama with Hiroto, please. He’s young and he’s cute as hell. But he’s also my husband’s nephew. You don’t know Yukke’s brothers, Hiroto’s father is more like Sato than Yukke. So, unless you want an angry violent parent coming to beat your ass because you messed with his son? I suggest you leave Pon alone.”

                Two thoughts were running through two minds, both hell bent on ignoring Kai’s warnings.

                He’s mine, I talked to him first. I’m way smoother than Reita is…two words, Nose Band.

                Aoi’s too old for him, that kid isn’t more than 21 at the most. He’s mine.


                “I should stay clear of Aoi and Reita? Are they really that bad?” Hiroto and Yukke were on the way home, giving the younger man time to question his uncle on why Kai had threatened the other two men. “They can be, yes. They’ve never been as bad as Die and Kyo…those two together were just bad, they both hit on Koichi and Taka, before they were married.” Yukke didn’t want to say much more about Kyo and Koichi, that wasn’t his story to tell. “Hmm, this may be hard then…I have to be professional but I’d like to be friendly with the band members, that’s part of being management. Fine line to walk for sure.” Hiroto didn’t say much more on the ride home, Yukke stealing glances at the younger man.” “Everything will be fine, Kai has a strong leash on his guys.” At least Yukke hoped he did.


                Die laid on his bed in the dark, eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling. He was going over the day’s events; him basically quitting the band, running into Yukke’s nephew and knocking the poor kid to the ground. What he said to Kyo…all of it on a rapid repeat cycle. Did he really mean to quit the band? Was it the right thing to do? If he’s not happy with is life, how can he be happy with the band. Die was surprised that no one had called or texted him, not even management. Maybe they didn’t care about him anymore. Die snorted “They don’t care anymore” Die wanted to talk to someone… Kyo had always been that someone, not anymore. He closed his eyes, hoping that sleep would catch him quickly and move him into the blessed darkness and mindlessness of dreams.  

Chapter Text


                “I thought Kai was going to kill both of them, Uruha just stood there and laughed.” Ruki was telling Tomo about the incident with Hiroto. “Is he cute? I mean, is he that cute that Aoi and Reita are fighting over him?” Tomo couldn’t believe that famous musicians would fight over a boy…they had thousands to choose from at their fingertips.

                “He is pretty cute…he’s also really nice and sort of shy. He reminds me a little of you.” Ruki kissed Tomo’s nose. “Me? Why?”

                “I don’t know really… maybe because like I said, he’s shy, Pon’s kind of unsure of himself still. It’s a pretty big deal to have The Gazette as your first internship to deal with. He’s Yukke’s nephew so he’s not totally clueless about what it is to be in a band.”

                “Mao came into work today… in a pissy mood again. I don’t like working with him when he’s all angry, he won’t work the counter, just goes out on the patio and stomps around.” Tomo had had a rough day dealing, or not dealing with Mao’s mood.

                “He’s just so angry that Uta hasn’t come back yet or maybe the fact that I’m still there, which means Uta’s not coming back. I just try to stay away from him, it’s kind of sad though.” Ruki kissed Tomo again. “Baby it’s not your fault. Mao’s hurting, he can’t see past Uta not wanting to just jump back into working. Uta’s reason is valid…he doesn’t want to see Sakurai, and the fact that Buck Tick usually comes to all the DCR events, would just mean that the possibility of Sakurai showing up…well that’s enough to keep Uta from going back to work”

                Ruki had told Tomo about the conversation they had when they all went to Koichi’s for lunch. “Nobody wants to push Uta, he’ll do things when he’s ready. I don’t understand why Mao is having such a hard time with that. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to see your lover killed in front of you.” Ruki shuddered.

                “Enough talking… more kissing and touching…” Ruki growled at Tomo, who then leaped off the couch and ran down to the bedroom, Ruki chasing him…but not quite catching him. It was always better that way… the chase always ended the same, with one over the other.              


                “Davina! You look amazing! Red has always been your color.” Niihara stood at the top of the stairs at Vinyl Fetish welcoming his favorite and highest ranking in the community to his club. “I have a room for you my dear, just follow Fuka…I will be with you in a moment.” With his hand on Davina’s lower back, Nagaharu guided his Mistress to the room, which had already been stocked with champagne.

                “Yoji, I’m sure there will be those who pay particular attention to you tonight, rumor has it that you are indeed my new personal pet.” Davina wanted to push this as far as she could. “Do you object to at least playing the part of my personal pet tonight?”

                “Not at all Mistress, I’d be happy to.” Nagaharu agreed, no trace of a smile or anything else on his face.

                After the last evening out, Nagaharu and Davina had gone to the kitchen together for a late cup of tea before bed. Certain allusions being mentioned that perhaps Nagaharu would like to be Davina’s personal pet, and Davina being accepting of that. The kiss they shared that night was anything but chaste, but a heated passion instead.


                “Davina, I’m so happy to see you…it’s good to see you smile again. And who is this beautiful pet you have wearing your collar? He’s stunning.” It did make Nagaharu slightly uncomfortable to be spoken about in such terms, as if he were not in the room. “Niihara, this is my security chief, Nagaharu Yoji. He is attending me as a safety precaution, I want to go out and he refuses to let me unattended. He is not as we say, a personal pet in that manner.” Although I think I’d like you to be…Yoji.

                “My apologies then, Nagaharu-san. Thank you for attending Mistress Davina though, we are all sorely missing her presence at the clubs.” Turning back to Davina, the time for gossip was now.

                “Rumors have it that there as an altercation of some sort at the Fetish Club involving Sakurai-sama…again?” Niihara had heard the entire store but as most Dominants, they all wanted the juicy inside story.

                “Unfortunately, yes. It involved Isshi-san, that dear man and his newest pet, Leda.” Niihara leaned in for the details. “Isshi was debuting Leda and also had Ruimaru with him. You must see Leda, he is delicious and he compliments Ruimaru perfectly. Isshi had taken Ruimaru with him to speak with someone else, I didn’t notice anything until poor Leda nearly jumped out of his skin and cried out.” Davina looked over at Nagaharu, “Nagaharu swiftly stepped in front of myself and the boy, turning to face Sakurai Atsushi.”

                Niihara covered his mouth with his hand. “No! Please tell me…Sakurai didn’t?” Davina nodded. “When I asked Leda what had happened, he told me that Sakurai had rather roughly grabbed the boy’s ass leaving the boy in tears. I sent Nagaharu to fetch Isshi…and it went down hill from there.” Davina looked at her pet, Nagaharu moving to fill Davina’s glass with more champagne.

                “Niihara, you now how Isshi can sometimes get…fury that he can not contain and rightly so. He left the room, called Sakurai out and punched him in the face, knocking the man down. Isshi threatened him and let him know that he would be speaking to Madame F and the others.”

                “That’s it then. Sakurai will no longer be welcomed in our community…at least for a very long time. What has happened to the man, Davina? He has fallen from the heights of the community, to being no better than that maggot that raped Uta-kun. It’s sad really…”

                “I agree, I no longer trust the man, but it does get worse.” Davina didn’t know if Niihara had heard about Uta and the altercation at Ojisan’s. “Worse? How in the hell can it be worse?” the man was startled.

                Davina told Niihara about the meeting at the ramen hut, and the final outcome. “Dear lord, that poor boy! Where is he now? Is he safe?” Niihara’s heart broke for the young man. “Yes, he is safe although he has moved out of the manor and wishes not to return. Right now, I have not spoken to him in close to two weeks. I’m hoping that changes soon, though I doubt he will return to the manor to live with me.”

                The two Dominants chatted a while longer, then Davina said she needed to walk. Nagaharu helped her from the couch, opened the door and guided his Mistress out onto the club floor. “Thank you, Yoji, please…keep watch for anything.” Davina didn’t have to tell the man who to watch for.

                Davina walked the club, stopping now and then to speak with someone or watch the dance floor, searching for…she didn’t even know. She turned to look at Nagaharu, to study the man’s face, to figure out his feelings. What she felt when she looked at the man, was not that of a Dominant and a submissive, but something different that confused Davina.

                After several hours of walking the club, speaking to various people and exchanging gossip, Davina had had enough and asked Nagaharu to take her home.

                Nagaharu had butterflies in his stomach, a nervous shake in his legs. The kiss from a few nights before had an unexpected effect on the man. He wished he could sweep Davina off her feet and carry her to the bedroom, but not as a submissive. No, he wanted Davina on equal ground, as a man wants a woman. He believed that the kiss may have meant something to Davina as well…but how to move forward was his concern now.

                Once inside the manor, Davina stopped in front of her bedroom door and turned to look at Nagaharu. “Yoji, be honest with me, what are your feelings for me? Do you see me as a woman you work for? A Dominant woman? Tell me the truth.”

                Nagaharu Yoji stood in front of a beautiful strong woman, who at times needed a strong man beside her. Taking a chance, he took a step forward, reaching up slowly, he cupped Davina’s face in his hands and leaned down to kiss her. Davina twisted her body and melted into Yoji’s, holding the man around his waist. The kiss left them both breathless and confused as well.

                “Davina…I can’t replace Teiji…I can’t be the submissive pet you desire. If you can not accept me as a man, equal in partnership, then we must stop right now. I will not be led, and I will not lead you on or confuse you with my attentions. If we could be lovers, equal partners…then that is what I want. If you need me to be your personal pet, a collared submissive, then I will step away from you right now, tonight.”

                Davina was shaking and scared. She had not been in an equal partnership relation for some years, and she wasn’t sure if she knew how to be an equal partner. “I’m confused Yoji, I don’t know what or how to tell you what I want. However tonight was the last night you will attend me, the feelings are too conflicted for both of us. Can you wait until morning?”

                Yoji reached down and gave Davina a second kiss, with equal passion and intentions. “Yes Davina. Go to bed now.” With another brief kiss, Nagaharu Yoji bowed and walked down the long hall way to his room.

                Davina closed  the door and leaned on it. Now what do I do? She stood there for a moment, then went about her nightly routine, washing her makeup off, combing out her hair and getting a nightgown to wear. All her thoughts were of Yoji, how his kiss felt, his hands on her face, his waist in her hands. She smiled…giggled a bit then walked towards her bed. Turning of the lights and sliding between the sheets, she laid in the dark for a long time, visions of the night flowing through her mind.

                Would Teiji approve of Naga…no…Yoji? Would Uta even care, or would he think that his Mistress was betraying her pet? How would…who could she confide in? Nobody came to mind immediately, there had to be someone. Madame F? No, that would be speaking to a senpai about a personal matter, even though she knew the woman wouldn’t judge her. Isshi? Perhaps, he understood the love between a Dominant and their pet, especially considering the life Isshi was now living. She could think of no other to speak with…wait. Would the old man have sage advice? Perhaps Ojisan was the answer, she knew he would not lie to her. He would tell her the truth as it was delivered to him by his…whatever his muse was.   Davina turned onto her side, snuggling down further in to the bed, that’s who I can trust, Ojisan. Over all others he would tell her the truth.

   “Would you ask him to meet me at Ojisan’s? I need to speak to him and after that there will be no more contact by me. Yes, thank you Yutaka.” 

                “I think you owe it her and to yourself, to put it to rest, Uta. She needs to say her peace and let you go.” Yutaka had just gotten off the phone with Davina, now he was sitting at the kitchen table with Uta. “I suppose you’re right” Uta sighed. “I just hope it’s not some major dramatic scene.” Uta was reluctant to meet with Davina but the woman had called Yutaka and not him. “Ojisan’s is fairly neutral, Uta, I doubt that there will be any drama involved.”


                Davina arrived before Uta, sitting down and asking for a beer. “Mistress, you look well. You have a brightness about you that I haven’t seen in a long while. Life is good for you right now.” That wasn’t a question, Davina knew…it was Ojisan saying that Davina looked happy.

                “Irasshai Uta-kun” Ojisan said without turning to look who walked through the door. “Hello Ojisan!” Uta looked at Davina, walking towards her she held her arms open and Uta walked into a hug. “Uta, my love. You look well, I’m sure Yutaka and Hide are spoiling you rotten. You’ve put on weight, is Yutaka’s cooking so much better than mine?” Uta laughed, “It’s better than mine for sure.”

                They talked while eating their ramen, Davina meeting her three-beer limit, while Uta drank a soda. Pushing her bowl away, Davina looked at Uta, smiling sadly.

                “Firstly, I want you to know, I will love you forever, I will come if you call me, I want you happy beyond anything else in life. This being said, I need to let you go. I understand this now, it took a while for my thick head to come to terms with it.” Davina reached over and placed her hand over Uta’s.

                “Do you understand why I left the way I did? I feel… still that you lied to me and you betrayed me. You were meeting with HIM, like it was any other night. Can you please explain why?” Uta needed this to be over and done with.

                “Madame F had seen Sakurai at the Fetish Club one night. He was alone and drinking, although she said he wasn’t drunk which was a relief. He wanted her to give me a message that he wished to speak to me. I agreed only because I needed him to understand that he must stay away from you, that we would not tolerate any interference in our lives by him. It was not a social call, Ojisan can vouch for that.”

                Uta looked at Ojisan, who nodded, “She tells the truth Uta-kun. If looks were daggers, Sakurai would be dead.” The mystic ramen man turned back to his kitchen.

                “What you saw was not supposed to happen. The second Sakurai said your name and reached out for you, Ormond had him slammed against the wall. You ran out, Madame F ordered Ormond to go after you, and Sakurai sat on the floor.” Davina finished her last beer, only to be surprised when another took its place, Ojisan winking at her.

                “Ormond searched for a long while, as Madame F and I waited here. He finally took me home, only to return to searching for you.” Davina looked over to Ojisan.

                “Sakurai Atsushi was remorseful for scaring you. I informed him what I knew, that you blamed him for your lover’s death. I confronted him about his pretty speeches that had no truth ringing. He left my shop more broken than I think I’ve ever seen him. He meant no harm Uta…you are still his everything. As with Yo-chan, I told Sakurai Atsushi that he could not compete for love with dead men.” Ojisan added, Uta needed to understand.

                “Yo-chan?” Uta was confused. “When Sakurai was in rehab, he was released and lived with Yoshiki for a time in California. They had a falling out, a nasty breakup, as Yoshiki has the love of another in his heart and has no room for anyone else.” Davina explained.

                The two were silent for a time. Uta finally deciding to say it, “I can’t live with you Davina, we both need to move past our co-dependency on each other. The constant reminder of Teiji in the manor, your sadness … I just can’t live that way anymore. I’m sorry to say this, but I felt so much better the first day after staying with Hide and Yutaka…like I was really home. I love Teiji, I will always love him, I love you as well, we just can’t depend on each other anymore for our happiness.”

                “I can’t do it either, Uta. You’re right you know…we can’t depend on each other anymore. You’re young, you have your friends, you will eventually have your own place to live, perhaps at some point, you may even find a lover that will cherish you and love you the way Teiji and I did. I just want to be able to see you, call you for a quick chat, or have lunch here with Ojisan. I want you to be happy enough that you don’t cringe or avoid me when you hear my name. Can we leave our relationship at that?”

                Uta got up and stood next to Davina, throwing his arms around the woman who had been his life for almost two years. “That’s exactly what I want. I want you to be happy, to find a new pet, and to not cry every time you think of me or Teiji. We both will always love him and I think he is okay with that.” Uta kissed Davina one last time. Saying his goodbyes, Uta left Ojisan’s feeling a little lighter.

                Davina didn’t cry which surprised her. She looked at Ojisan who had come to stand in front of her. “You did the right thing, Mistress. Uta needs to be able to leave his lover behind, not in memory but physically. You helped him, and in turn you helped yourself”

                “You’re right old man, this helped both of us. I’m sure you’ll see us again for a meal or advice.” Davina got up to leave until Ojisan reached over the counter. “Sit for a moment longer, Mistress.”  Davina raised an eyebrow. Here it comes girl… pay attention.

                “The one in your life now, who has not been trained?” Ojisan looked like he wanted a name. “Nagaharu…” Davina said slowly and carefully.

                “This one is not a pet. He does not look at you as a Dominant, he sees you as a woman. He has deep feelings for you, some of these feelings are new. You need to release yourself from that other life, it is time Davina, you know this to be true. This man, do not ignore it, he is there for you…not to be a pet, but an equal. Take this opportunity and leave Japan. Go to Helsinki, or perhaps London. Your houses are there, use them. Close up the manor for good, give the Koi to the temple near your manor. They will be happy there.”

                “Thank you Ojisan, you just told me what I was hoping to hear. I needed someone else to tell me… I didn’t trust myself. Now I’m certain and I promise, I will do something about this. I will come to see you before I leave.” Davina moved around the counter, opened her arms to Ojisan, who hugged her tightly, “You’re a strange man Ojisan, but I’m so very glad to have you as a part of my life.” A quick kiss on the cheek and Davina left. Ojisan looked at the tiny shrine, with a picture of a smiling Teiji, in a corner of Ojisan’s kitchen, “Teiji-san…I hope you’re content now. We have done what we set out to do.”

Chapter Text



                “How is he doing?” Sakurai was looking at the lyric sheet he was holding. “What?” Hide wasn’t sure he heard the question correctly. “How’s Uta doing…I know he lives with you.” Sakurai didn’t look up. Without warning, Sakurai was roughly shoved against a wall by Yutaka, “YOU STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM!” The smaller man screamed. Hide gently took his husband’s hands off of Sakurai’s chest, pulling Yutaka towards the couch.

                “Are you stalking him Acchan?” Toll accused. “No, I’m not stalking him, no I haven’t seen him since that night at Ojisan’s. It was just a gut feeling, watching those two whispering all the time.” Sakurai nodded his chin towards Yutaka and Hide. Imai stayed silent.

                “He is living with us, Acchan” Now it was Hide’s turn, “Stay the fuck away from him, this is the only warning you’re getting. I swear if I hear or see you near our house, I will personally chase you down and beat the fuck out of you…are we clear Atsushi?”

                “I have no plans on trying to see Uta, but why is he living with you?” Sakurai thought it odd, considering how dedicated Davina and Ut a were to each other.

                “That’s none of your damned business, just stay way Atsushi.” Hide growled as he bent down to pick up his guitar.


                “How the hell did he figure it out? He saw us whispering?” Yutaka was still seething with anger, the audacity of Acchan to ask about Uta…the man knows better.

                “I don’t know…we never really talked about Uta at practice…” Hide’s hands gripped the steering wheel tighter than needed.

                “Let’s not tell Uta…but at the same time I think we both need to look around the house anytime we are coming or going. He said he’s not stalking Uta, but I wouldn’t put it past him to be watching the boy. Why doesn’t he just let it go with this insane drive to be with Uta? I just don’t understand it.”

                “I’m not sure, but he is obsessed with the boy, even after everything that’s happened to keep him away…he just won’t let it go.”

                Hide and Yutaka continued to dissect the reasons Sakurai wouldn’t stop chasing Uta, “Does he really think that Uta will come back to him? Seriously…that’s never going to happen! Just leave the boy alone!” Yukata flopped down on the couch while Hide grabbed the beer.

                “I’m going to say yes, he does think Uta will…”

                “Tadaima!” Hide and Yutaka looked at each other. “Shit”

                “Okaeri, in the living room” Yutaka called out.

                “Hi, you guys are home early…I thought you had practice?” Uta dropped his bag and sat down.

                “We did have practice, but we all left a little early, it was just too hot in the room.” Hide lied smoothly. “That sucks…but I have some good news!” Uta announced.

                “Oh? What’s that?” Yutaka eyed Hide, then looked at Uta.

                “I have a job now!” The look on the couple’s face was little less than amazed.

                “We didn’t know you were even looking for a job! Are you going back to the HBG?” Stupid question, Yutaka thought to himself.

                “No, I got a job at Books OFF! I’ll be working in the video game section and I start tomorrow!” Uta was almost bouncing in his set.

                “I met with Davina at Ojisan’s yesterday” Uta figured that Yutaka and Hide should know, he was living with them and never wanted to hide anything. “Oh? How did it go?” Yutaka slowly reached for Hide’s hand.

                “Better than I expected. We talked about our co-dependence on each other, the suffocation at the manor. I told her that the first night I was here, I’d been more relaxed since… and um, that I felt like I was home.” Yutaka’s eyes grew wide. “Home? You think of our house as your home? Oh Uta…” Hide tightened his grip on Yutaka’s hand to keep the man from crying.

                “Well, I feel safe and loved here…not that I didn’t feel loved living with Davina, living with you feels more like living at home with my parents. It feels safe, loving and unconditional.” Uta blushed, it was embarrassing to explain his feelings to the two men.

                “Uta, this will always be home for you, no matter what. Just remember that.” Hide said softly.

                Dinner that night was filled with laughter and Uta’s excitement and expectations of his new job.

                “Everyone seemed nice, and the manager Akira…is like an old music guy, maybe he was in a band in the past and I didn’t really get to meet any of the other employees, though there was one girl that looked scary…like a goth girl or something.”

                Looking at his uniform shirt as he laid on this futon, Uta’s thoughts drifted to Teiji, as they often did at night…this was the hardest part of his day, sleeping alone at night. He had the stuffed bear that he pulled to his chest, Teiji’s scent slowly disappearing, “I got a job today…it looks like it’s going to be fun. I think you’d be happy.” Uta closed his eyes, hoping that Teiji would once again visit him in his dreams.


                “Mao damnit! Be happy for the kid for fucks sake! Quit being selfish, Uta doesn’t want to work here anymore, period. End of story, move on.” Taka was scolding Mao for his pissy attitude after Uta had texted him to tell him about his new job.

                “I can’t help it Taka! Damn it… this fucking SUCKS!” Mao shouted at his boss. “Fine, I’ll just do my damned job and fake being happy, is that good enough?” Taka sighed, “It’s fine…go back to work.” Mao turned and went to the counters, not speaking to Taka for the rest of his shift.

                “Why me? Why did I agree to be a manager?” Taka whispered to himself. Mao had been difficult since Uta returned from Europe, the man was not a fan of change, and made it perfectly clear to others, that he was not happy. His attitude also made Tomo feel unwelcomed and guilty for taking Uta’s spot on the crew. “Does Mao hate me for taking Uta’s spot? He never talks to me… at least not unless he has to.”

                “Tomo, I don’t think he hates you per se, he hates that we had to hire you to replace Uta. It’s a fucked-up attitude, but there’s little I can do about it other than trying not to schedule you both on the same shift. It’s nothing you’re doing. Just try to ignore it.” Taka was close to calling Kyo and telling him to sort out his husband.

                Mao was sitting on the patio for his lunch break, trying to calm his attitude and stop being an asshole, didn’t hear Uta walk up. “Hey…”

                “Hi! God I’m so glad to see you!” Mao jumped up and hugged Uta tightly. “Mao…really? It hasn’t been that long since I saw you.” Uta giggled.

                “No, but I’m used to seeing you every day at work…now I’m never going to see you” Mao’s voice dropped low.

                “Why are you so fucking upset about me not coming back here? Give me the real reason Mao! Not some made up bullshit story that you want things back to normal…me working here has never been ‘normal’, do you want me to list those reasons?” Uta was flustered with anger.

                “No, I know the reasons. Weren’t you happy working here? Don’t you miss us? I don’t understand why you don’t want to come back.!” Mao whined.

                “What part of I DON’T WANT TO SEE SAKURAI ATSUSHI don’t you get, Mao? If I come back to work, there will be DCR parties and who always shows up? SAKURAI! I don’t want to see him ever again. I don’t want to speak to him, I don’t want to risk the chance that he will just happen to be here. If he found out I was back, do you really believe he would leave me alone? If you do, then you’re a dumbass Mao.”

                Mao winched at Uta’s words, he knew that his friend had valid reasons…it didn’t make it any easier to accept. “Fine, I won’t say anything to you anymore about it. I just hope we can be friends.” Mao sulked. “Why wouldn’t we be friends just because I’m not working here? Are you that stupid? You’re my best friend Mao! I love you, I want to see you when we’re both not working, I want to go to Ojisan’s, I want to go to lives with you, I want to be your friend! Me not working at the HBG doesn’t mean our friendship ends.” Uta had stood up and took Mao by the shoulders, shaking him lightly

                “YOU. ARE. MY. BEST. FRIEND!” Uta yelled in Mao’s face. “Fine…I get it already. So, tell me about your first day at work!”

                Taka saw that Uta and Mao were talking on the patio, “Hey Tomo…do you mind taking your break a little late? Mao and Uta are talking…I don’t want to disturb them.” Tomo’s eyes shined, “No problem! If he’s able to talk to Uta…maybe he’ll stop being so pissy!”

                “My manager Akira, looks like he was in a band in the 90s, but he’s very cool, l like him a lot. The one that I’m worried about is Naoto…she’s scary as fuck. She’s like goth metal or something…tons of piercings and just really quiet, hopefully she’s nice.”

                “Hmm, a goth metal girl? Don’t let her hit on you!” Mao giggled. “Like that would ever happen, dork. Pamy would be more likely to hit on me than Naoto. That guy is seriously funny…always goofing off and laughing.”        

                Mao looked over at the office, seeing Taka giving him the thumbs up. “Okay, looks like I have a little more time…who else did you meet?”

                “Omi, she’s like a tough rocker chick, probably loves Diru…don’t worry I won’t tell her anything, I’m not telling anyone about you guys. Um, oh... Belle…he’s gorgeous! He’s roommates with Pamy, he’s kind of quiet…but he’s super pretty, but not really my type.”

                “Hey Uta…Mao, sorry you need to get back to work.” Taka patted Uta on the shoulder. “I think we’re going to have a BBQ in a few weeks…some bank holiday is coming up. I’d like it if you could come, Uta.” 

                “Yes of course! I’d love to see everyone again…it’s been awhile. I need to get going, I have to open tomorrow and I promised Hide that I’d make cookies today…behind Yutaka’s back!” Uta hugged his friends and walked towards the train station.

                “Tomo, can I talk to you for a minute please?” Mao stood in the back room. “Hi… hey I want to apologize for being such an asshole to you. I’ve had trouble with Uta moving on… and I was a dick to you and you don’t deserve that. I’m glad you’ve come to work here, Leda too. You guys are great together.” Mao bowed deeply to Tomo, who’s eyes were wide.

                “Mao, it’s okay…I know I got hired at a rough time for everyone. I never intended to take Uta’s place, I thought he was coming back for sure, the way you and the others talked about it. But now that he’s found another job…I’d really like to stay. I like you all…you make me laugh and another bonus is that I get to see Ruki while I’m working.”

                When Tomo spoke Ruki’s name, he turned bright pink, flushed from the neck up. “You really like him, don’t you Tomo?” Tomo nodded, “He’s perfect…well mostly perfect… as much as Ruki can be.” The two men went back to work, Mao sticking his head into the office thanking Taka for the extra long break. Taka leaning back in his chair, prayed for normalcy to return to the HBG, it was at its limit for drama.


                “Do you have a boyfriend, Uta-kun?” Pamy and Uta were taking their break together at Books OFF, Uta was having fun getting to know his co-workers, although he was unsure how to handle this question. “I used to…but um, we broke up.” Pamy looked at Uta, knowing that tone all too well, he didn’t push for further information.

                “What about you Pamy? Dating anyone?” Pamy blushed… “no but there is someone I like, but I’m not sure he’s into guys…” Uta knew who Pamy’s crush was. “Want me to find out?” Uta giggled. “NO! I mean, how do you know who it is?”  Uta rolled his eyes, “Duh, you just look at him with big ole puppy eyes. Don’t worry, I won’t say anything.”

                Naoto came into the lunch room quietly, just said “Hi” grabbing her lunch she sat down at the end of the table. Uta nodded to her and said ‘hi’ back. Taking a chance… “How long have you worked here Naoto?” Uta hoped he wasn’t stepping into a shark tank by trying to engage the strange young woman. “About five years now, I started out of high school…had to find a job to survive. Akira was the only one that would even speak to me.”

                Pamy shook his head just enough for Uta to notice, but Uta frowned at the other. “Are you into the VK scene or metal?” This time Naoto looked straight at Uta. “Yah, not so much the VK, but definitely metal…I love Dir En Grey, MUCC, Lynch…Deviloof, bands like that. Who do you like?” Uta had now turned in his chair, almost ignoring Pamy. “Hmm, X for sure…Diru, MUCC… Gazette, a few others. Have you gone to many lives?”

                Naoto was floored…no one had ever asked her about her music, everyone seemed to avoid her…intimidated by her looks. “I went and saw MUCC recently. It’s hard for me to go… I live on my own and it’s pretty expensive.” Looking up at the clock, Uta’s lunch was over. “I gotta go back, we should talk more about music!” Uta jumped up and went back out to the sales floor. Pamy was silent, he didn’t know what to do. “Do you like bands like Malice Mizer or Versailles?” Pamy didn’t look at Naoto, and she didn’t really look at him. “I like some of their songs, overall though the hard core old VK isn’t my thing, but they were all amazing musicians and innovators for today’s music.” Pamy felt like he had scored a point of some sort, Naoto had actually spoken to him about something other than work.

                Back out on the sales floor, Uta hummed while he sorted through videos, shelving them on carts to be put out on the racks. There was an ease in his heart that he hadn’t felt since the early days of the HBG, he wasn’t scared that someone would hurt him, or that Sakurai would show up. He liked the people he worked with…his manager was nice and he had a great place to live. He knew he would have to end up with his own flat, but he was in no hurry. Hide and Yutaka didn’t care how long he stayed, they’d always be there waiting with open arms.

                Going home on the train after work Uta dozed off, lulled by the motion of the train. He was tired, bone tired. He hadn’t physically worked this hard in a long time. Hearing his station being called, he roused himself into semi-awareness, being shoved out the door, milling around with the others waiting their turn to go up the escalator.

                Walking from the station only took ten minutes, long enough for him to be completely awake and hungry. “Hope he made something filling…I’m starving” He muttered. Uta walked up to the front of the house, opening the door and stepping in… closing the door tightly.

                Uta had not seen the car trailing him as he got off the train. Once inside the house, the car drove slowly past the house, hoping to see Uta once again. “You’re a sick motherfucker, Atsushi…I can’t believe you’re doing this after everything he’s said to you and your promise not to stalk him. Filthy liar…creeper” the man growled at himself.

                “He’s alone now, he has no one to care for him, he has no one to love him. Hide and Yutaka are like parents, not lovers. They don’t love him the same way I do. He will see that I love him…he will come back to me…Uta I promise, I’m the only one in the world that loves you. Teiji’s dead, I’m here…how can I get you to see that?” Atsushi argued with himself.

                Hide looked out the window, thinking he saw Sakurai’s car, seeing only a black Acura drive by. Sakurai didn’t own an Acura…though it didn’t mean he wasn’t driving one. He watched the car, black tinted windows kept the vision of the driver hidden.

                “HIDE! Yutaka said get your ass over here if you want dinner!” Uta yelled out as he laughed. “Hai!” blowing it off as being paranoid, Hide walked away from the front window, doubt plaguing his mind.

                Sitting at his computer, Sakurai researched Books OFF. He knew the store by name but had never stepped inside of one. “Hmm, buy old, sell old and new…doubt I could get away with visiting Uta’s store.” Pushing back from the desk, Sakurai laid his head back and closed his eyes. How to contact Uta without him freaking out? Impossible. It was still too soon after Teiji’s death to try and talk to the boy, that was evident the night he ran from Ojisan’s. Ojisan!


                “Irasshai Sakurai Atsushi” Ojisan was not surprised to see the man, he knew the man would be in soon after the incident with Uta and Davina. “Ojisan, Pork chashu and a beer please.” Sakurai was going to wait until Ojisan said something, if he didn’t…then he just was there for dinner.

                “Pork Chashu, would you like another beer?” Ojisan kept his entire being neutral, not wanting to give Sakurai any indication he knew anything about Uta. “Delicious as usual, thank you Ojisan.

                Sakurai ate his dinner, hitting the three beer limit with no further communication with the ramen maker. Paying his bill, Sakurai bowed to Ojisan and left. “Damn, nothing. Well at least the food was good.”

                What do you want Sakurai Atsushi? Why did you visit me tonight? It was not for the food, that much is obvious. Information on Uta that you know I’d never give you? You’ve changed…but not completely. The hunt for Uta is not the way to bring the boy back to you. Uta will never trust you while you’re being devious and conniving. Try again, Sakurai Atsushi…I will be waiting for you.



Image result for akira hi standardAkira.


Image result for exist trace naoto without makeupNaoto


Image result for vivarush pamyPamy


Image result for vivarush pamy Belle

Chapter Text

                Hiroto watched the live from off stage, observing how Ruki interacted with the crowd, Kai smiling as usual and Aoi and Uruha playing back to back. Reita stalking the sides of the stage, back and forth playing like a mad fiend without missing a step. The pre-live meeting in the dressing room was all business as Hiroto watched the groups manager get everyone ready to go on stage, 100% professionalism.

                The last encore is done, Kai is throwing drum sticks, Reita is throwing picks, the others draped with towels headed for the dressing room. The last member is off the stage with Hiroto following behind. “Great show, good job, amazing performance” shouted out by multiple people, water bottles and towels being handed out quickly. Aoi and Reita laying on the floor, attendants fanning them, Ruki looking pale like he was going to pass out, laying on the couch trying to catch his breath.

 This is what a live is like, fairly simple and straight forward for the managers, making sure everything ran smoothly. The beer was set out and the food was on the table. The after party was in the dressing rooms as it was a local show, no having to herd everyone on a bus, or into a hotel. Once Gazette’s manager was done, Hiroto was released to enjoy the party as well.

“Enjoy the show Pon?” Uruha had seen the young man watching offstage, taking notes and speaking to others. “It was great, you guys were amazing… loved how you and Aoi played off each other, and Ruki’s attention to the crowd, perfect.” Uruha liked Pon, hoped that by shadowing their manager, the boy would learn quickly. He was worried about one little thing… the after party.

“Watch your back tonight, if you get into a tight spot come and get me or Kai.” Uruha walked over to grab a beer and some food, sitting down on the couch to talk to Kai. Hiroto knew what Uruha was warning him about and it didn’t take long for the first one to corner him.

“Pon…I saw you watching me, like what you saw?” Aoi had Hiroto against a wall, leaning on one arm, the other holding a beer. “You guys played great, loved the show.” Hiroto answered smoothly. “That’s not what I asked, Pon… do you like what you see?” Aoi leaned in and whispered in Hiroto’s ear, “I can show you the rest of it if you’d like. I can show you all of it later” Aoi leaned into Hiroto, as if he was going to kiss the younger man but was pulled off before he could connect with Hiroto’s lips. “Um, excuse me Aoi! Why do you have Pon cornered? Did Kai tell you to leave him alone…doesn’t look like he likes what you’re doing!”

Reita was already slurring his words, having five beers in the span of thirty minutes. “Reita, go away you’re drunk, leave us alone.” Aoi growled as he looked over his shoulder. “Uh, no I don’t think so Yuu, you don’t have any rights to Pon…I saw him first!” Hiroto was watching the two men go back and forth, both drunk…both acting stupidly.

“STOP IT RIGHT NOW BOTH OF YOU!” Hiroto yelled. The room went quiet, everyone looking over to the corner where the three men were standing.

“I want BOTH of you to listen to me and REMEMBER THIS!” Hiroto started as he pushed both men aside and now stood in front of them.

“I’m not interested in playing with either one of you…you’re both too damned old!” A gasp was heard through the room, and one giggle.

“You’re both great musicians, but you’re both also IMMATURE, CONCEITED AND SELFISH! Now, I expect you BOTH, to keep your trolling for fuck toys on your own damned time. I don’t need this shit, I didn’t sign up to be a damned baby sitter for MEN TEN YEARS OLDER THAN ME! Fuck…seriously?”

Someone started clapping slowly, then joined by others. Turning around Hiroto saw Kai, Uruha, Ruki and their manager standing and applauding him. “Well said Hiroto!” Uruha walked up to the younger man and slapped him on the back. Looking over at Aoi and Reita, who were flushed with embarrassment, Uruha laughed. “Finally, someone to call those two sluts out in front of others. You’ll do well as a manager Pon.”

“You guys better think twice before trying to hit on Pon, he’s not here to be a play thing…he’s not here for you to sexually harass or pressure. So, get your blow jobs and your back stage fucking from someone else.” Kai was in angry Kai mode…something Hiroto had heard about but until that moment had not experienced. The change was amazing; gone were the cute dimpled cheeks, the squinty cheerful eyes, replaced by dark orbs and a malicious grin. There was a low murmur and a few “Okay Kai” voices heard. Uruha pushed Reita and Aoi in front of Hiroto and Kai, “Do it!” he ordered.

“Um…sorry Pon.” Aoi grunted, “LOUDER AOI!” Uruha delivered a slap to the back of the man’s head, “Pon, I’m sorry I hit on you…you’re just so damned cute it’s hard not to!” Aoi apologized but also whined. Reita was next, he got it right the first time, bowing low and almost falling over, “I’m sorry Pon-chan…I won’t hit on your anymore I promise.” Uruha dragged both of the inebriated musicians to the other side of the room.

“I’m impressed Hiroto-kun, you handled that very well. I do apologize but remember I warned you and I’m sure Ruki and Yukke did as well. I hope this won’t cause you to change your mind about being a manager, I think you’re going to do great in the industry.” Kai praised the younger man.

                Hiroto blushed under the compliment and praise from Kai. “Thanks Oji…I mean Kai. I really appreciate it…please don’t tell Yukke about this. He’s just going to get all bent out of shape and possibly call my father, let’s not saying, ne?”

                Hiroto drove home with Kai, a little later than expected as he met with the band’s manager and went over a few things, Kai waiting patiently. “Tadaima” Kai called out as they toed their shoes off in the genkan. “Okaeri, how was the live? How’d you do, Pon?” Hiroto looked at Kai who just winked and mouthed ‘watch’. “It was fine…crowd was great… until the after party.” Hiroto caught on quickly. “Your nephew was busted big time by the manager… making out in a closet with Reita…”

                “WHAT THE FUCK? REITA! PON!!!” Yukke yelled jumping off the couch. “I’M GOING TO KILL THAT NOSELESS FREAK!”

                Hiroto was surprised as his uncle’s instant visceral reaction to the thought that his nephew was kissing Reita. He was going to say something when Kai just started laughing. “OH God! I wish I would have had my phone out to catch that reaction! Priceless! Wait till I tell Reita you called him a noseless freak!”

                Hiroto grinned sheepishly, “KAAIII! I’M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!” Yukke lunged for his husband, only to have Kai run through the kitchen, dodging Yukke’s grasp and run down the hall to the bedroom. “YOU! I’m going to talk to you LATER!” Yukke yelled at Hiroto as he stood in the kitchen.

                Grabbing a water bottle out of the fridge, Hiroto made his way to the bathroom for a quick shower, then headed straight for bed, more tired than he ever remembered.


                “I’m still not talking to you Kai…asshole.” Yukke grumbled. “Um, then what was it you were saying to me last night? Sounded like…” Yukke clapped his hand over Kai’s mouth before the man could finish. “That was not talking…it was something else.” Yukke pouted.

                “Noseless freak? Really Yukke? That’s not very original you know, I doubt that Reita would even flinch if you said that to him.” Ruki was sitting on the porch in Taka and Sato’s back yard, leaning against Tomo as the previous night’s antics were revealed.

                “Aoi and Reita did corner Pon, but the boy handled it with authority and professionalism. He yelled at both of them, told them he was not interested in either one of them, and then proceeded to call them ‘too damned old’.” Kai laughed. Yukke listened, pride swelling in his heart that his nephew was so professional, not falling into the fuck toy trap of Aoi and Reita. “He also called them conceited, immature and selfish. He said that he was not a baby sitter for men 10 years older than he is.” Kai was laughing so hard, he leaned over and fell into the grass.

                “It was priceless…I don’t think anyone has ever said that to Aoi and Reita.” Ruki added. “They needed to hear it…they needed to be taken down a peg or three.” Ruki added. The BBQ had started out with the report of the Gazette live and Hiroto’s conquests fending off the two horny musicians.

                Ruki and Tomo were sitting quietly, heads together whispering, as the party went on around them. Tatsu nudged Koichi, “Ruki’s changed…it’s weird to see him like this, so…calm and normal!” Koichi agreed, “You have to admit it’s nice though, I think Tomo is perfect for him.” Tatsu and Koichi weren’t the only people watching Ruki and Tomo. “It’s weird…that twit is in a normal relationship.” Kyo mumbled. “What’s wrong with that? Two years ago, you could have said the same thing about us.” Mao pointed out. Kyo turned to his husband and planted an unsuspecting kiss on Mao’s lips. “True, and I couldn’t be happier for it.”

                Uta, Ruimaru and Leda found themselves sitting in the living room, talking about Uta’s new job when Kyo joined them and noticed that Leda was a bit nervous. “Hey Leda, having fun?” Leda nodded, “I don’t do very well at parties where I don’t know everyone.” Kyo understood. “I know how you feel, I suck at parties, I always feel like I’m not saying the right things.” This surprised Leda.

                “But…you’re in a famous band, you always have all these friends around you…I don’t understand.” Just as Kyo was going to answer, Shinya joined them.  Uta introduced the drummer to Leda and Ruimaru. “Kyo isn’t much different than you, Leda-kun. He doesn’t do well at parties either. The fact that we’re in a band…doesn’t mean we’re all that outgoing. Kyo and I usually are standing alone together in a corner. Die and Toshiya are the loudest of the group.” Shinya explained. “They make up for the quiet ones.”

                “Hey babe… hiding out on me again.” Miya walked up behind Shinya, kissing the top of his head. “Hey Uta, who’s your friends?” Uta introduced Leda and Ruimaru, who by that time were speechless. “All the quiet ones hang out together” Kyo explained. “Miya’s sort of the quiet one in MUCC, until he gets drunk, then he’s on par with Die as far as being loud and obnoxious.”

                “Thanks, Kyo…” Miya snarked. “It’s true…should I bring up the last Lunatic Fest?” Kyo raised an eyebrow at the man. This question started a line of stories about drunken behavior between band members. Uta and Ruimaru were laughing, especially the stories involving Die, while Leda sat quietly, something that did not go unnoticed by Shinya. “Leda-kun, could you help me for a moment?” Shinya asked the shy boy. “Uh, sure”

                Shinya led the young man into the kitchen. “I could see you were about ready to pass out, it’s a lot to take in all at once. Uta’s used to all of us, and it seems that Ruimaru is naturally outgoing. I figured you might need a break.” As with all lost things, be it animals or people, Shinya had a soft spot for the outsiders.  “I love your collar, Isshi-san has beautiful taste.” Shinya wanted Leda to know that he understood the meaning of the collar and would not judge him.

                “Thank you! I love it, Ruimaru’s matches mine. Sir…uh, Isshi-san decided to keep us equal, so that neither one of us felt favored over the other.” Leda gushed. “It seems to me that you’re happy with Isshi…from what I understand he is a very loving Dominant.” Shinya smiled at the young man. “You know about the scene, Shinya-san?”

                “Oh please, don’t use honorifics with me Leda, it’s not necessary, please just call me Shinya. Yes, I do know about the scene from Kyo and others. I know that Isshi is a wonderfully loving gentle man and is exceptionally caring with his pets. I also know the dark side of the scene… what Uta went through and from what Kyo has told me. There is an ugly side to everything…but I’m happy that you and Ruimaru have found Isshi.” Leda found he really liked the soft spoken drummer and was more comfortable when they returned to the living room with the others.

                “There you are! I was going to call Sir and report you missing!” Ruimaru jumped up to hug Leda, giving him a sweet kiss on the cheek, Shinya moving to Miya’s side.

                “Uta was just telling us about his new job at Books OFF.” Miya told Shinya. “Oh, I love that store! So many different items. I found a surf board once, that I almost bought!”

                “A surf board, Shin? What the fuck for? You don’t surf!”  Kyo stated the obvious. “I loved the artwork on it, it had a beautiful pattern of black red and white. It was stunning, but I had no place to display it.” Kyo thought this was hysterical, and teased Shinya about it for the rest of the evening.

                Once everyone had eaten, they sat in the garden and talked, stories going around about themselves and others. It was Kyo that took Shinya aside first, then asked Miya, Kai and Ruki to join him in the kitchen, Sato and Tatsu also joined them.

                “Since I have you guys here, we need to talk about Die.” Kyo said seriously. “What about Die? I haven’t heard anything, is he sick?” Tatsu and Sato hadn’t heard about the latest episodes with the guitarist.

                “He’s just been angry, like fuck off and die angry, he’s constantly shoving mine and Mao’s relationship in our faces, my perfect husband, my perfect life. That I’m too damned busy having that perfect life to even talk to my single friends.”

                Shinya went on to explain the incident where Die shouted at all of them and threw his guitar to the floor. “He what? You’re fucking kidding me? I don’t think I’ve ever seen Die be rough with any of his guitars, let alone throwing one on the floor. What the hell is wrong with him?”

                “Sounds to me like he’s jealous, everyone has a happy life except him. Shinya and Miya have been together for years, same with Kai and Yukke. Kaoru and Toshiya don’t mind being single, Kyo has Mao and you were his drinking and cruising buddy, right Kyo?” Ruki looked over at the equally small man.

                “It’s hard to see all of your friends happy all of the time. I felt that way about Kai for along time, until I met Tomo. Kai and Yukke have been together forever, I only had toys that I played with and dumped when they couldn’t handle the whole Gazette Ruki thing.” Ruki was admitting something to the others, that he had just recently admitted to himself.

                “Without shoving people at him, what can we do for Die? I’m not up for a night out drinking and running around, I have other priorities now…I wish he understood that.” Kyo muttered.

                “Let’s get back to the party, we’ll deal with Die later.” Shinya shook his head, nothing would be solved while grouped together at a BBQ. This needed to be discussed seriously, and with the other members of Dir En Grey.


                As everyone was leaving the BBQ party, Koichi and Taka stopped Uta before he left with Kyo and Mao. “You look happier than I think I’ve ever seen you… other than when you were with Teiji…I’m glad to see you smile again Uta.” Taka admitted.

                “I am Taka, finally. I wasn’t sure I could be happy again, but Teiji would be angry with me if I lived the rest of my life grieving for him. He would tell me that I was being selfish and hurtful to my friends, and it took Davina and I meeting and letting go of our co-dependency and moving out of the manor, for me to finally see it. You guys are great friends, I’m lucky to have you guys in my life.”

                “Can we go before everyone starts crying…please?” Kyo growled, “Stop it!” Mao slapped Kyo in the back of the head “If we want to cry happy tears for Uta… then we will!” Mao reached out and took Uta’s hand. “Let’s go before Mr. Grumpy-ass gets pissy.”

                “Call me your next days off, I need Ojisan’s soon!” Mao called out the car window. “I will, thanks for the ride!” Uta waved as Kyo and Mao drove off. Walking to the front door of the house, Uta noticed a red Acura sports car with tinted windows, “Hmm, never seen that car before”, thinking nothing more, Uta walked into the house, greeted by Rima and Zepp as he closed the door.

                “Still with Kyo and Mao I see…” Sakurai started the car…letting it idle as he watched Uta closed the front door. “Soon, I don’t know how yet, but soon baby…” Sakurai pulled away from Hide and Yutaka’s house, driving around the block one, then by the house again. “Maybe I should choose a different car next time,” he murmured as he drove back to his house. Sakurai had rented the black and the red Acura sports cars, knowing that Hide and Yutaka were familiar with his Porsche.

                Sakurai had followed Uta on the train, secluding himself behind a staircase, watching what train the boy boarded and choose a different train car, that had proven to be too difficult as the stations were never very big.

                Renting the car had proved to be the best way to keep track of where Uta was. He was surprised when Kyo and Mao picked the boy up, following them to Sato and Taka’s house and watching the other guests arrive. “He’s going to parties, is he?” He saw Leda and Ruimaru being dropped off by Isshi, information that he stored away, something he may be able to use later.

                Driving around the city, returning every two hours or so, it was a long day for Sakurai considering he only saw Uta for a few minutes the entire day, but he felt it was worth the effort. “Soon baby… soon.”

Chapter Text

                “Mmm, Yoji…I don’t want to get out of bed this morning…you be the adult for the day.” Davina whined as she turned over in bed, throwing her arm across Yoji’s chest. “Davina, you know you can’t ignore the day…if we do it quick enough…maybe we could take a nap together” Yoji rolled onto his side and looked at the beautiful woman who lay next to him. Davina snuggled down into Yoji’s neck, making small sleepy sounds.

                “Ugh! I hate being an adult these days…I just want...” She stopped whining when Yoji gave her the ‘get out of bed’ look. “Fine, I’ll shower first, you start the coffee.” Davina grumbled as she got up and walked into the bathroom.

                With relative easy, Davina had shifted from a high-ranking Dominant woman in the community, to a ridiculously contented equal partner to Yoji. After her night at Ojisan’s, who just confirmed what she already knew was the right thing to do, she took a leap of faith.

                “I want to be yours equally, 100%. No Dominant and submissive, no collars… no personal pet.” She told Yoji that night, which then lead to a long, seductive and extremely pleasurable night of love making. They fell into love and domestic bliss quite naturally, as it seemed they had been together as a couple for many years.

                The other piece of advice that Davina had received from Ojisan, was already in the planning stages; Davina and Yoji would be leaving Japan…possibly for good. She had already donated all of her koi fish to a nearby temple, making a donation in Teiji’s name.

                That was something that Yoji would never hold against his new lover; her special relationship with Teiji. “I can’t condemn your feelings Davina, I don’t feel that Teiji is in bed with us. He was an important part of our lives, yours, mine and Uta’s. I will never deny your feelings for the man. That would be hateful and petty.” This single statement convinced that Davina had chosen well.

                The decision to leave Japan was not an easy one, although Davina knew it was the right choice. “If I stay here, I will still be in contact with my friends from the community, which could possibly be interpreted that I am still active. I am committed to you, my Yoji…there will be no others.”

                “Can you leave Uta and still be happy?” Yoji though it was a valid question. “Yes, because he has made his choice to move on as well. I do however want to put certain safeguards in place for the boy.”

                The safeguards were something that Davina had been considering even before her relationship with Yoji had started. She feared for the boy she loved, that he would be destitute if he were to leave Hide and Yutaka’s care. It was too easy for the boy to believe that others would be better off if he was not around, witnessing it more than once.

                Yoji had joined her when both the financial planner and her lawyer came to the manor to discuss putting these safeguards in place. “You’re sure about this Davina? It’s unusual for that amount of money to be placed in a random account.” When Davina was asked how much money she wanted to leave Uta, she had written down an amount and slid it across the desk, her planner’s eyes widening. The same issue came up when she wrote the terms out for her lawyer. “Are you sure you want to do this for the boy?” Davina nodded. “He deserves this and more.”

                Davina had put in place what she felt was more than enough to keep Uta safe. After discussing it with Yoji, who agreed, Davina wrote up the letter that she would give to Hide and Yutaka, that Uta was only to open when he wanted to move out.

                Yutaka and Hide received an invitation from Davina for lunch at the manor and for a discussion of great seriousness. Sitting at the kitchen table, Davina pulled out a large envelope, and with Yoji by her side, she explained her wishes.

                “We are leaving Japan and most likely will not return.” Davina started, Hide and Yutaka glancing at each other. “We hope this has nothing to do with Sakurai…does it?” Davina laughed, “He’s the last person I even thought of when I began these plans…no. It has everything to do with learning to live a normal peaceful life with Yoji” She looked up at her lover, who kissed her on the forehead.  “Before I reveal my plan, I want you to understand, none of this is to be made known to Uta until the day he wants to move from your home. On that day, you are to give him this envelope and sit with him while he reads it, explain my wishes and the reasons I’m doing this.”

                “I am leaving Uta the 3 unit apartment complex, it is paid for full and clear, there will be nothing he needs to pay for. Ever.” Yutaka gasped. “DAVINA! That’s …unreal!” Davina waved it off, “No, it’s something that I need to do, I want to make sure that Uta always has a safe place to go, other than your home. Secondly, the 3 units are being completely remodeled so they are unrecognizable as Uta and Teiji’s former flat.” Davina had thought about this, that Uta may be reluctant to live where he had with Teiji, the memories may overwhelm him.

                “I have also started a trust for Uta, he has a financial planner that will invest his money wisely. This is the amount that I have left for him.” Davina again slid a piece of paper across the table. Hide picked it up, his face going pale as he handed it to Yutaka.

                “Are you sure Davina? This is a great deal of money! You can afford to leave this to Uta?” Davina laughed again. “I’m a wealthy woman, gentlemen. Probably one of the wealthiest in the country. That is a tiny portion of what I have. Uta deserves not to have to worry where his next meal is coming from. He deserves financial safety. Remember how he was living before he came to you? He wasn’t eating, that shit hole flat he was living in. I’m not saying you would ever deny the young man food or housing, but he needs to feel that he can live, without worrying about how he’s going to pay for it. If he listens to my financial planner, this will hold him for life.”

                Yutaka was fanning himself, flushed from the neck up. Yoji rose from his spot to get the man some water. “I know it’s a bit overwhelming, but it’s what she wants to do for Uta.”

                “Lastly, after five years, Uta will have the full title to the manor, I am leaving it to him. He may do with it what he like, sell it, burn it to the ground, turn it into a church. It is of no matter to me. I will be shipping most of the furniture to my other homes, the house will be completely empty. I want no reminders of his life here…if he so chooses to live in it. In addition, he will receive this amount wired to his bank account.” Yet another paper with an outrageously high number was slid across the table.

                “Davina, tell me the truth, why are you doing this for Uta?” Hide pressed the woman. “I love Uta as if he were my own child. We had a bizarre ménage a trois life with Teiji. I have no children, I have no family. Uta and Yoji are the only ones I have. Even if I live to be 100, I will never spend the money I have. I want to take care of Uta for the rest of my life, even if I am not near him. This is my way of taking care of him, the boy means the world to me. What we went through I wish on no one. We both lost our lives that day, all I want to do is make sure Uta finds another one, as I have.”

                With a teary goodbye, Davina hugged Hide and Yutaka tightly. “Thank you both for all that you’ve done for me, Teiji and especially Uta. I am sure that I will see you both again, we may come home for a visit. I’ve given you my email address and my phone number, please keep me updated with how Uta is doing. He is coming over later tonight, I hope I don’t send him home crying.  Just remember, he is not to know of any of this until he is ready to move out of your home.”

                Davina watched Hide and Yutaka drive from the manor, sighing sadly. “I wish I would have gotten to know those two gentlemen better, they’re such lovely people.”

It took a few weeks for the plans to be put in place, choosing furnishings, painting and complete remodels. Yoji watched his lover going through this, Davina at times laughing, other times breaking down in tears at the memories. Both times he was there, at her side.

                Davina had called Boh and made arrangements for the flats to be cleaned and stocked, her private jet waiting for her at a moment’s notice. “Will Uta be joining you, Mistress?” Davina explained to her long-time property manager and friend, the new life she had started. “Davina, I’m so very happy and excited for you! You sound happier than I’ve heard you in a long time. My next hope is that Uta finds ultimate happiness as well…he of all people deserve it the most.”

                Davina invited Uta for dinner one evening, telling the boy she had some news she wanted to deliver in person, Uta gladly accepted.

                After dinner they went into Davina’s private parlor, Yoji standing behind Davina. “I need to explain to you some new developments, Uta.” With that sentence, Yoji swept down and kissed Davina passionately, leaving Uta’s mouth hanging open.

                “When?” He giggled. “About a month ago…believe me it was a surprise to both of us as well.” Davina winked at Yoji. “That being said, I have left the community. Yoji is not my personal pet, he is not collared, he is my equal partner in our relationship. It’s what we needed to do…Ojisan approved!”

                “Ojisan? How does he know?” Uta should know better than to ask how Ojisan knew anything.

                “The night we went for ramen, after you left he kept me behind and told me what I was already feeling, about Yoji. He also told me something else, that now is going to happen.” Uta couldn’t even guess.

                “Uta, Yoji and I are leaving Japan, for good.” Davina said softly. Uta’s breath caught. “You’re…you’re leaving?” He whispered.

                “Yes, my love, we are. We have decided that we need to learn about each other somewhere other than where my life has been for the last twenty years. I would never be able to completely leave the community if I stayed, I would always be tied to it somehow. After talking about it for hours, and Ojisan making his opinion known, we decided it is best to close up the manor and start fresh.”

                “Maastricht?” Uta asked carefully. “We will spend some time there of course. You must visit us!” Davina answered quickly. Uta nodded. “Can you do one thing for me while you’re there?” Uta looked at his lap.

                “Anything Uta…” Davina leaned over and caressed Uta’s cheek.

                “Can you go to the Basilica and light three candles…for the last time?” Uta looked up at the woman who had become so important in his life. “And if you see Oma Josez, can you give her my love? And Marcel!”

                “I already had planned on searching for Josez, she will want to know that you’re doing well. I’m sure Marcel will keep some snoepjes stocked at the restaurant for when you visit.” Uta laughed, “That was totally fun that night…” Davina had to explain to Yoji the night of the three languages being spoken at once.

                “I want you to go into the Gardenia room, Uta. Please take whatever items you want. Whatever is left, I am boxing up and donating to a recycle store. I’ve taken everything I want, and I’d like to close up the room soon. Take your time my dear…you have all night.”

                Uta walked down the long hall towards the Gardenia room, slowly opening the door. The first thing that hit him was Teiji’s scent…it still lingered in the room. Uta’s heart skipped a few beats, as the rush of memories hit him, his eyes tearing up.

                Walking around the room, he touched everything that had belonged to Teiji, lingering on the clothes. Sitting on the bed, he fell backwards, grabbing a bunch of shirts and burying his face in them, breathing deeply. “I love you, Teiji” he whispered into the shirts. He stayed like that for a while, breathing in the scent, scenes of his life flashing in his mind. Uta still wore the ring that Teiji was going to give him, now he turned it on his finger, thinking to himself how long will I wear this?

                Going through the closet, Uta chose a few more items; a flannel shirt that he used to wear almost as a dress, it was too long for him, but barely fit Teiji. Teiji’s bathrobe, a hat that Uta always teased his lover ‘you look like a dork’, but he wore it anyways. Going through the night table drawers, he found the keys to their flat and without thinking of it, he picked them up and put them in his pocket. Random items put into a pile, memories filed away for life…Uta wanted to never leave the room, he could live in it happily for the rest of his life, though he knew that Teiji would be upset with him for not moving forward.

                Gathering up the items and putting them in a small duffle bag, Uta opened the door and took one last look at the room where he had been soo happy, then he walked out and closed the door.

                “You have what you’d like then Uta? You feel good about me donating the remainder of the room?” Davina asked. “Yep, I’m good. When are you leaving?”

                “Not for a few more weeks. I will call you and we can set up a nice dinner with everyone at Ojisan’s…invite everyone you can think of!” Davina opened her arms to hug Uta, “I’ll always be there for you, I’m a phone call and a jet plane ride away from you. Never forget that.” She cupped Uta’s face in her hands, kissing the boy on the forehead. “I won’t…I’ll email you and call when I can! I love you, Davina.”

                Davina watched as Uta drove away in a taxi, “You’re going to miss him…but we can come and visit, or you can send for him…any time you need to.” Davina nodded, not trusting herself to say anything more at that moment.


                “Free beer and ramen on the house!” Ojisan shouted over the din of noise and laughter, a cheer rising even louder. Uta had invited everyone he could think of that would want to see Davina and Yoji one last time before they left the country. Uta was sitting in between Yoji and Davina, hosting the party. He had called Ojisan and reserved the restaurant just for the party. “You need not ask, it’s an honor to send Mistress off in this way.”

                Stories over stories, layers of laughter, not a few tears and promises of keeping in contact. “When we tour Europe Davina, you and Yoji will be front and center every time we play!” Kyo promised. “Same for us Davina…you’ve made a lot of good friends with benefits!” Sato said… the room suddenly went quiet… “What?” Sato looked around at everyone.

                “Really Sato? Friends with benefits? I don’t think Yoji would appreciate that very much” Kyo teased, as the rest of the room erupted in laughed, Sato turning bright red in embarrassment. “She knows what I mean… sheesh, cut a guy a break!” Davina reached over and kissed Sato full on the lips, leaving the man wide eyed and blushing.

                By the end of the evening people were being helped into cabs, or walked to the train, nobody drove home that night save for Davina and Yoji, Hide and Yutaka. The couple lingered at the counter, not wanting the night to end. Uta still sitting in between the couple, but now with eyes full of tears.

                “Uta, my boy…don’t cry…I’m leaving the country, not your life… not our memories and not our love. You mean more to me than the world, I only want one thing in this life and that’s for you to find true happiness and love again…I’m sure Teiji wants the same thing.” Hide and Yutaka were standing outside, letting them have some quiet last minutes.

                “Davina, we should be going, the flight is early and you’re a complete bear with no sleep and a hangover” Yoji gently chastised the woman.

                “Uta my boy! That’s enough tears! Tomorrow I leave the country and you start a new chapter of your life. We are better people for knowing and loving each other, I love you!” Uta hugged Davina and Yoji, crying happy tears as he watched the couple walk to their car, waving as they drove off.

                “That’s it then… Davina is gone.” Uta sighed, “She has only changed countries, young one. She has not changed her love for you. You will see her again, that is certain. Now I want you all to go home, this old man is exhausted.” Hugging Uta, Ojisan waved and closed the door. “Let’s go home Uta.” Hide put his arm around Uta’s shoulders and Yutaka held his hand as they walked to the car, “Good bye Davina…I love you.” Uta whispered into the night.