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Road to a Happy Clone Club: Under Construction

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Road to a Happy Clone Club: Under Construction



Midnight Snack


          "Seestra," the sound was soft and slightly muffled.


          "I'm sleepin' Helena," was the reply, groggy and slightly annoyed.


          "No, seestra."


          "Yeah, sister."


          "No. Must wake up now."


          With great effort and already waning patience, Sarah Manning slowly opened an eye. The sight that greeted her was not exactly comforting.


          This was mainly because it involved her psychopathic clone crouched beside her bed, the tip of her nose resting gently on the duvet, her mouth out of view, and her wide eyes staring intensely into the deepest, darkest depths of Sarah's soul - or so it felt anyway. Yet this was an expression which commonly adorned Helena's features (so all of their features, really, which made for a very unsettling reflection) and as such was not a subject for concern in itself. The thing which really made matters all the more alarming was the fact Helena had dark smudges across her face.


          And Sarah Manning knew Helena well enough to assume that those smudges, almost black in a room illuminated only by the light coming in from the open doorway, were blood.


          "Helena," Sarah said, trying to keep her voice calm but firm in a situation which really called for panic, hysterics and a sense of impending doom instead, "what have you done?"


          "You must come see, seestra," The blonde replied, and Sarah could practically feel the proud smile appearing on Helena's partly hidden face, "I have made a present for you. "


          "What kinda present?"


          "A red one."


          This didn't do much to calm Sarah's nerves, all things considered, but when your psychotic clone offers a hand to help you out of bed and guide you to a present they've personally prepared for you - "You are a stumbly, sleepy seestra, but I'm glad I didn't kill you", Helena had whispered kindly as they moved into the hallway - there's nothing for it but to try and roll with the madness.


          In the clear light of the hallway Sarah could observe and clarify, with a sinking feeling, that the smudges on Helena's face were, in fact, red. This did not bode well. This did not bode well at all.


          "Do you think Alison would like to see the present too?" Sarah asked hopefully, deciding that two clones versus one would greatly improve her odds of survival.


          "No, this present for you only," Helena replied, shattering any hopes Sarah had of her continued existence, "Not horrible soccer lady."


          Wonderful. Sarah forced a smile and Helena beamed back at her as if all her dreams were slowly coming true.


          As difficult as it was, what with Helena's ever present penchant for murder resting uneasily in all of their minds , it really was best to indulge the blonde in her maddened fantasies of an idyllic sibling relationship whenever the feeling so struck her. The last time Sarah had attempted to explain that, by virtue of their repeated past attempts to kill each other, they were perhaps not the most functional of siblings, Helena had taken Delphine hostage and refused to give her back. It had taken a lot of gentle coaxing and a pinky promise from Sarah that she'd go for a sisterly meal with Helena at a "nice restaurant" - which turned out to be a rundown kebab shop in the sketchier part of town - to convince Helena to let a very shaky and traumatised Delphine go. Cosima had swept her up into her arms immediately and Alison had generously offered to shoot Helena in the name of justice and the safety of their families, something to which Rachel gave a rather indifferent shrug to before taking a sip of her coffee, and Sarah found herself in the bizarre position of defending the clone who had once actively sought to destroy them all.


          "Look at her," Sarah had said, not entirely sure what had come over her, "She's us. Just a very damaged us that needs a bit of-"


          "Weaponry!" Helena had suggested enthusiastically.


          "No, a bit of-"




          "No, a bit of help and affection," Sarah had finished quickly, before Helena could provide any more evidence to the contrary, "A bit of support."


          "Oh, I shall give her support alright," Alison had declared emphatically, "The kind of loving support she showed us and which drove Beth over the edge!"


          It had been at that pivotal point in the discussion that Alison had strode forwards and attempted to put Helena in a stranglehold, only to have Sarah intervene, which caused Helena to embrace one of her more murderous moods, which prompted Cosima to get involved in the hopes of breaking up the fight before somebody got killed, which made Delphine enter the fray in order to protect her lover, and all the while Rachel remained leaning against the kitchen counter, sipping her coffee and watching the proceedings as one might watch a very interesting experiment taking place in a lab.


          The attempt at a house share, it seemed, was not going as well as hoped.


          This was especially the case, Sarah pondered as they neared the kitchen, now that there was the distinct possibility Helena was either plotting to murder her or had already killed somebody and brought their body back to the house as a present for her beloved "seestra".


          "We are nearing the kitchen." Helena stated, as if it was not already entirely obvious and Sarah needed help getting her bearings. "Soon there will be present for you."


          "Great, yeah. Can't wait." Sarah replied, evidently becoming more and more proficient at lying as the days went by. She couldn't help but notice, in a very unhappy manner, the smears of red on the walls as they reached the kitchen doorway.


          "Seestra, I will put my hands over your eyes now." Helena said, causing Sarah to freeze in horror. Something about the red all over the walls made Sarah's trust in Helena just that little bit lacking.


          "Helena, no."


          "Seestra, yes."


          And that was that, apparently, as Helena took it upon herself to dart behind Sarah and deftly clamp her hands over the other clone's eyes before she could react. "No peeking, seestra. I shall tell you when to open them." Helena said, doing nothing to boost Sarah's confidence in the whole enterprise.


          As Sarah was guided forwards she thought about Kira, Felix and even Mrs. S, and she hoped they were happy and wouldn't be too distressed if they found Helena proudly standing over her dead body when they came to visit in the morning.


          Well, perhaps she was getting ahead of herself. Helena had become oddly attached to her. Maybe she was safe. Maybe she'd live-



          "I hope you do not feel too queasy at the mess," Helena announced, "There was so much of the red and it all happened so fast."


          Images of a dismembered body whizzed around Sarah's mind. Christ, maybe it really was some kind of weird killing in her honour. Alison would be furious.


          They came to a halt. The hands lifted from Sarah's eyes.


          "You may open your eyes now, seestra." Helena said.


          Sarah did just that.


          There was red. There was a lot of red. Absolutely and undeniably. It was on the counters, on the cooker, on the ceiling, on the walls, all over the tiled floor. Some of it was lumpy and it was more than a little off-putting.


          There was also a small glass bowl on one of the counters, full of mangled redness. Was it...was it chunks of a dead person? Sarah grimaced and prepared for the worst.


          "Helena, what - ?"


          "Jell-o!" Helena explained proudly, producing two spoons from the cutlery drawer, "I made it myself for my seestra. We eat together," she dangled the spoon in front of Sarah, who looked like she was going through such an immense shock she might drop dead at any moment, "Seestra, are you ill? Do you not want the jell-o?"


          Sarah might have laughed had she not been going through what looked like, for all intents and purposes, a brief visit into a parallel universe where Helena was a very incompetent amateur chef as opposed to a serial killer.


          But one can't keep one's needy and psychotic twin waiting for very long, unless they want to upset her delicate temperament, so in the end Sarah simply breathed "Shit" in utter disbelief, accepted the spoon swinging in front of her face and sat with Helena for a half hour, eating the world's worst attempt at jell-o while Helena enthused about sugary products and complained passionately about Alison's entire existence.