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i pick you up, i put you down

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jimin loves hoseok in every possible form. but like this? oh, does he love him like this.

when he has an especially rough day at the studio and he’s fucking jimin into the bed hard, choking him until his vision clouds up and he’s sure he’ll die just like this, with hoseok not caring for his burning lungs at all. hoseok asks, amused, “how long do you think you have, huh? until things start going black?”

and things are going black, they’re going black already- it makes everything else feel so good, and jimin loves hoseok so much, he has no problem with this at all, could die under his hand and still be happy and feel like he lived a fulfilling life. hoseok knows this, jimin knows that he knows this because he says it every time he has a hand tightened around jimin’s throat. he says, “you’d let me, wouldn’t you?” and always answers his own question, always says “you’d let me.” in mock disbelief, as if he was actually surprised.

 

hoseok loosens his hand when it seems like jimin is less responsive, pulse beating weaker than before, jimin’s gasping and he’s crying but there’s warmth in his heart above all as he takes deep and painful breaths, trying to savor it before hoseok decides to play God again. decides to take away his right to breathe again.

 

jimin whines at the feeling of hoseok’s cock pushing deep into his insides, he can feel it in his stomach, and “slut.” is hoseok’s response. hoseok bites down into his lip hard when he angles his hips a way, those are the little things that keep some part of jimin aware that he isnt serious about any of this. he wants to drown in the degradation though, while it’s available. likes how bad it makes him feel. hoseok goes further, says “you’re fucking disgusting.” and makes jimin flinch.

 

hoseok’s scratching into the skin of jimin’s chest and he’s laying sharp smacks on jimin’s face, he decides jimin has had his break, starts using both his hands around jimin’s neck and all of it is terrible, the way hoseok is all but beating the shit out of him- it would look really questionable to outsiders, the way they have sex.

 

“s-so mean- hoseokie-“ jimin hiccups, tears big and rolling down his cheeks passively, he’s folded in half and he’s all red down to his chest. “you’re s-so mean to me- always mean.”

“it’s what you deserve,” hoseok hisses when jimin clenches up around him. he pulls his hips back and then pushes them forward again, slow, and then hard. “you know that right? this is all you’re good for.”

jimin’s fighting back, trying to at least, says “no- not all im good for, hoseokie, you’re just so, so mean.” and he’s crying like he’s being bullied on the playground, like hoseok’s standing over him demanding his lunch money, sobbing hard like- in hoseok’s words- a little fucking baby.

“it is.” is hoseok’s response. “you wouldn’t be anything if you didnt have me to fuck you up like this. s'all you're good at doing jimin-ah. taking what others give.”

but then his hips slow to a stop and he's no loner giving anything, the delay elicits a whine from jimin’s throat.

“unless?” says hoseok, “you think you can be independent now? think you're good on your own?”

hoseok’s gaze darkens and it makes jimin whimper, makes him feel genuine fear, and in seconds the left side of his face is burning hot, and hoseok’s heavy hand is the cause.

“you think you’re worth something now? because of what? our awards?” smack. “interviews?” smack. “the long line of western women you left back in LA? that makes you think someone as hopeless and pathetic as you can hold real value in this world?”

and jimin crumbles immediately, he’s immediately crying more, stammering out “n-no, no, hyung-“ but hoseok’s having none of it, he growls low in his throat and cants his hips into jimin again for good measure, grabs jimin’s jaw with his hand and squeezes.

 

“who are you without me? huh?” smack. “who are you?”

jimin closes his eyes and sobs and then he sniffs, flinching at hoseok’s pull yourself together, and stop fucking crying.

 

“n-not anybody. not anybody without you.”

and only then does hoseok speed up his hips, right hand making its way back to jimin’s already bruised neck. “who are you without me, jimin?”

a slight squeeze, as if testing the waters, and it makes jimin dizzy.

“nobody.” its light and barely there. its all he can do.

hoseok repeats, louder this time: “who are you without me?”

and its liberating, to belong to someone this way. even if when it’s all over hoseok will sweet talk him out of headspace and clean him up and he’ll have to be someone, he doesnt have to be anyone right now, he likes believing that this is his purpose- that he doesn’t have to do anything else in life except serve, be a punching bag and hole to fuck and absolutely nothing else.

and then jimin’s cumming, from the power of hoseok’s thrusts and the feeling of only having as much air as he’s allowed, from the feeling of hoseok cumming in him, and he’s screaming- “nobody! no one- i’d b-be no one- im no one-“

and the repetition turns into sobbing, jimin crying through an orgasm that hoseok fucks out of him, not at all gentle and not at all considerate. and that’s okay. he doesn’t deserve hoseok’s kindness, hoseok isn’t here to be nice to him.

 

“right. and dont forget that.” hoseok mumbles, pulls out and pushes jimin onto his side by his thigh as if to say you’re truly useless now, i’ve gotten what i want from you and now you aren’t good for anything else. jimin’s curled up and he’s got his arms wrapped around himself, hoseok’s cum dripping out of him and he’s crying hard. hoseok repeats: “don’t ever forget that.”

 

-

 

 

it comes time for hoseok to clean up everything, after he’s stroked jimin’s hair and hugged him back to earth, small murmurs of so good, you are so, so good and i’m so proud of you. that’s right, baby. it’s okay to cry. i’m proud of you. he’s shuffling between the bedroom and the bathroom with a warm washcloth, and he’s able to clean him up fairly easy because jimin is good, he’s obedient, he’s so good.

 

“want chocolate, baby?" hoseok adds. "i’ve got some. to give you energy.”

jimin nods tiredly. “yes, please.” its faint and weak and it warms hoseok’s heart. it's nice to break, and then to put back together.

so jimin eats chocolate in silence, sitting up in bed dizzily while hoseok goes to put the washcloth in the laundry basket. hoseok slides sweatpants on and doesn’t bother with a shirt, dresses jimin next- just sweatpants and a loose shirt, promises they’ll shower together in the morning because he knows jimin is exhausted and likely to fall asleep under the water mid shampoo.

 

then they’re settling under covers, jimin laying on top of hoseok with legs on either side of him, head resting under hoseok’s chin.

“jimin- “

“i know. i know you dont mean it. it doesnt hurt me afterwards, okay? it only hurts during, and it’s supposed to.”

“i should always make sure you know.”

“i do know, hoseok. trust me.”

“i love you.”

jimin giggles. “you’re gay. i love you too, no homo.”

hoseok fakes a frown but leans down and kisses jimin’s head anyway. “nevermind.” he says, smile playing on his lips. “i take it back.”