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Wild Animals

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The boys of the New Directions slowly flooded into the choir room. Blaine took his usual seat, where Kurt usually sat next to him, but didn’t seem to be there today. He took note that Puck wasn’t there either. Then again, that wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. Finn stood in front of them and clapped his hands together once, attempting to get everyone’s attention.

“Guys! Guys!” Finn shouted over the obnoxiously loud impressions and odd animal noises. All of the boys slowly quieted down, turning their attention to Finn.
“We need to pay attention here because for once, we’re gonna beat the girls. No ties, just the sweet taste of victory.” Finn said proudly. There was some hollering and clapping and agreeing. Everyone looked over at the door as Puck strided in, smirking to himself. He threw a weird look at Blaine and took his usual seat in the back of the choir room. Blaine was a bit confused at that. Did I do something wrong? He thought to himself, but just shrugged it off.

“We’re gonna pound the competition!” Rory said with a wide smile across his face. Puck tried to cover a laugh under his hand but failed. Everyone’s eyes managed to fly to him again. He was giggling like a little girl. He calmed down after half a minute and wiped the tears from his eyes. Confused looks spread throughout the choir room.

“What’s so funny?” Sam asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“I dunno. I guess Blaine would be really good at pounding the competition.” He smirked again. God, that stupid look of his. Blaine sat there for a moment, wondering what he was talking about. His eyes suddenly went wide like a deer in headlights. Heat slowly spread through his face, turning it bright red. He took a deep breath.

“What do you mean?” He asked nonchalantly, he knew exactly what Puck meant. He wondered if he could at least try and hide his embarrassment by acting clueless.

“Well, you and princess need to keep it down while I’m in the next room. I’m surprised that bed didn’t break through the fuckin’ wall.” He chuckled. There were a few uncomfortable laughs, Blaine tried not to make eye contact with anyone.

“Uh, TMI, dude. That’s my baby brother.” Finn said awkwardly, shifting around in the front of the room.

“Hey, man, it’s true. They were like two wild animals. All I heard was ‘OH BLAINE HARDER!” He mocked in a high pitched voice with some crude hand motions. Finn plugged his ears with his fingers and tried to cover his eyes all at once, Mike raised an eyebrow at Blaine, Sam smirked and approvingly nodded his head, and Artie applauded him.

“Get some, Anderson!” Sam said, cupping his hands around his oversized mouth. Blaine closed his eyes, his face was burning.

“I thought Hummel would be such a prude, but you proved me wrong, dude.” Puck said, clapping Blaine on the back with too much force. Blaine jerked forward, almost falling out of his seat. He adjusted himself again so he was sitting normally and he finally made eye contact with the boys in the room.

“He’s definitely not a prude.” Blaine remarked. His face started to turn back to his normal tanned shade as a grin soon became plastered across his face.

“Is it like the same as banging a girl?” Puck said randomly, leaning forward with his jaw open in confusion. Why was he so interested in this?

“I wouldn’t know. I mean, I’ve never really.. slept with a girl?” Blaine said slowly, really thinking about his answer. That somehow shocked the teenage boys.

“WHAT?” Mike shouted, nearly jumping out of his chair. Everyone was looking at Blaine like puppy dogs that just got kicked. The room was silent for a second, was it really this hard to comprehend a gay guy never having sex with a woman?

“You’ve never-” Finn started, taking his fingers out of his ears, himself suddenly interested.

Sam continued for him. “.. you’ve never slept with a girl? Jesus.. How can you live with yourself?” He sounded shocked with a mix of offended.

“I mean, if you haven’t noticed, I’m gay.” He raised a triangular eyebrow. Could they all really be this dumb? Puck leaned his head against the wall behind him and just stared at the ceiling, looking.. terrified?

“Yeah, but like, you haven’t even slept with a girl once?” Finn asked, his jaw looking like it was unhinged from his face. “Or would she, you know, fuck you.. since you’re like into.. that.. stuff.” He mumbled the rest, truly confused. Blaine shook his head in disgust. Finn took a chair and sat in front of him, all of the boys were pretty much crowding around him now.

“I don’t think girls have dicks. Does your girlfriend have one?” Blaine asked, kind of enjoying himself, listening to the stupidity of everyone.

“No! Does yours?” Finn quickly replied, looking a little flustered. He wasn’t sure if Blaine just insulted Rachel.

“I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“Yeah, but your boyfriend has a dick.” Finn replied. Suddenly his head shot up a little higher. “Or does he?” He questioned, eyes wide. He mumbled some stuff after that, but nobody could really comprehend it.

“Is there a point to this conversa-” He was cut off by Artie.

“Who’s the fucked and the fucker?” He questioned him.

“Yeah!” Sam agreed, very invested in getting an answer out of him. This was honestly the weirdest conversation Blaine had ever had in his life. And that was saying a lot having Cooper as a brother.

“I don’t think that’s any of your busine-” He was stopped again by Puck.

“Dude, didn’t you hear what I just said? Hummel was the one screaming ‘HARDER’, not him.” He stated matter-of-factly.

“Yeah, man, but he didn’t deny wanting to be fucked.” Finn tapped his head, making a ‘duh’ motion. Mike snapped his fingers in agreement, pointing a finger at him.


“Okay, shouldn’t we be practicing?” Blaine said, trying to stop the discussion. “Does this really matter?”

“Practice can wait, Ankles.” Puck said, holding up a hand towards his face. He insecurely looked down at his cuffed jeans. Blaine was practically pushed out of the circle of the conspiring boys. He shook his head. Where the hell was Kurt?
Just then, (speak of the devil) Kurt made his way into the choir room. “Sorry, I’m running a bit late-” All of a sudden he was bombarded by the shouts, “KURT!” Most of the boys yelled. They thought that if they couldn’t get an answer out of Eyebrows, they could totally get one out of Kurt.

Mike grabbed an empty chair and pulled it next to him. “Come here, sit.” He tapped the seat. Kurt raised an eyebrow. Mostly from confusion, but some from the fact that he’s never had an actual conversation with Mike before. He made his way over and sat down, crossing one leg over the other, becoming part of the circle.

“Kurt, my boy,” Puck started. “We need you to answer one thing. Alright?” Kurt nodded his head slightly. “You trust me, yeah?” Kurt nodded again, furrowing his eyebrows.

“I guess.”

“Okay,” Puck leaned in closer, soon followed by all the other boys. Everyone was staring at Kurt who was sitting there awkwardly leaning in too, his eyes wide.

“Who fucks who?” He whispered. Blaine crossed his arms and huffed like a 5 year old. He moved his chair even farther from the group.

“Are you insane?” Kurt asked, sitting upright again. He wasn’t sure if he heard him correctly.

“Come on, tell us.” Sam said, slightly drumming on the back of his chair.

“Who’s on the bottom?” Artie questioned.

“This isn’t any of your business.” Kurt shook his head, he was a bit startled by the question.

“That’s exactly what I said!” Blaine called out from the outside of the circle. Finn held up his hand to Blaine’s face trying to shush him again, but still keeping his head in the group.

“I think it became my business when I could hear lover boy going down on you from the next room. You guys need to learn to shut the hell up. It was like listening to two elephants going at it.”
Kurt’s face turned a little red from embarrassment. He and Blaine only tried to do ‘it’ when he knew nobody would be over at his house for a couple of hours.

“Why were you even there in the first place?” He asked.

“I was hungry, okay? You guys have good food in your fridge.” He mumbled. “But that’s beside the point, Lady Hummel.” He said after a couple moments of silence. Kurt rolled his eyes at the nickname.

“Why is it so difficult to tell us?”

“Why are you so interested in this? Is there something that you need to tell us, Noah?” Kurt said, laughing at his own joke.

“I’m the least gay here, trust me.” He said glancing around the room and nodding approvingly.

“I disagree!” Sam said, raising his hand and standing up from his seat.

“Alright, stripper. Let’s calm down there.” Artie said, patting his back. Sam sat down slowly, shaking his head.
Some more bickering went on around the group about who tops and who bottoms until Blaine couldn’t listen to it anymore. The guys were actually placing bets.

“Guys!” He shouted over them unsuccessfully. “I bottom most of the time.” He said at a normal voice level. All of the teenagers went silent, craning their heads to look at the shorter boy (including Kurt).

“What?” Puck said, jumping from his chair. “How?! You were the one fucking Hummel the other day!”

“I told you, Puckerman. Pay up.” Mike said holding out his hand, signaling for some cash. Puck ignored him.

“There’s no way.”

“We kind of.. switch off?” Blaine said, his frustration going away a bit.

“That’s psycho. There’s no fuckin’ way.” Puck said, raising his eyebrows, looking at Kurt to see if Blaine was telling the truth. Kurt just kind of shrugged.

“My girlfriend doesn’t fuck me!” He shouted, looking outraged. Puck didn’t even have a girlfriend.

“Did we not just go over this, dude?” Finn said, placing his head in his hands.

“Okay, you got your answers. Can we just practice now?” Blaine asked, uncrossing his arms. “This was really unproductive.”

“Well only because you wouldn’t fess up.” Artie mumbled, raising his hands.

“Oh yeah, that reminds me.” Mike held out his hands toward Puck again. Noah shook his head angrily and took his wallet out of his pocket, placing fifty dollars into his hand. Kurt looked offended as everyone started exchanging their money from losing their bets. It was just a tad insane. The New Directions just really loved their Klaine.