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Robin Hood and His (Very) Merry Man

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“Looks like someone’s having a party.”

Magnus grinned at the man perched on his kitchen counter, too drunk to work out which of his guests was hidden behind the deep green mask and hood. The man followed Magnus’ gaze to the impressive variety of drinks laid out next to him, before looking pointedly around the loft.

“Everyone’s having a party.” He said. “This is a party.”

“So it is!” Remembered Magnus, before wondering just how much he’d drank that he would forget his own party. Enough that one more wouldn’t make much of a difference, he eventually concluded, and with a snap of his fingers an elegant cocktail appeared in his hand. Or at least, it was supposed to. Three clicks later he gave up, and instead decided that since it was most likely his alcohol anyway, it was perfectly fine to steal a drink from his new-found friend.

“Urgh.” He said, unashamedly spitting the lukewarm beer back into the glass. “You have terrible taste.”

“I know.” His new friend said with a sigh. “Bad enough that I fell for a guy, he could have at least been a shadowhunter.”

“Exactly.” Agreed Magnus, accidentally taking another gulp of the disgusting beer before his mind managed to remind him what a bad idea that was. “Wait, what are we talking about?”

“Men.” Came the reply, in a tone that Magnus understood all too well.

“I was talking about your choice in alcohol, but I’ll drink to that.”

Magnus held up his pint glass, and his companion tapped it clumsily with his own, much nicer looking, drink before downing the whole thing. Magnus stared at his empty glass sadly, wishing he’d had the foresight to steal it.

“I like a shadowhunter.” He confessed, “I’ll swap you if you like.”

“Is he hot?”

“Very.” Said Magnus, attempting to hop up onto the adjoining countertop, only to miss completely and instead find himself slumped on his kitchen floor. Accepting his new position, Magnus craned his neck backwards to give himself an upside-down view of his conversation partner, who he was fairly sure was dressed as some sort of superhero. Magnus’ comic book knowledge was rather lacking, so he searched his memory for other characters who dressed in green and carried a surprisingly realistic looking bow and arrow, eventually deciding that Robin Hood was probably a close enough guess. Robin was silent, having reached the stage of drunkenness where one thinks the answer to life itself is within one’s reach, and Magnus waited for the words of wisdom that were bound to follow.

“Why do I like men?”

“What’s not to like?” Said Magnus from his position on the floor, only to be answered with a loud thump as Robin Hood slid off the counter to join him, sloshing half of his new drink on Magnus’ lap before offering him the now almost-empty glass. Desperate for anything that wasn’t beer, Magnus downed it.

“Nothing.” Said Robin, leaning in close to Magnus and then shouting into his ear. “I like him. Like, like like him. But he’s all sparkly and flirty and he doesn’t like me because my clothes aren’t colourful.”

“He’s an idiot.” Magnus shouted back, wondering if he could lick the rest of his drink off his trousers, “Because you’re hot. I think. I can’t tell because I can’t see your face properly but I think you might be hot. And he’s an idiot.”

“You’re hot too.” Said Robin, reaching up a hand to pat Magnus’ cheek only to become fascinated by the softness of his bedazzled, cat-shaped mask. “But I have a boyfriend. Or I want a boyfriend. I want him to be my boyfriend. Do you have a boyfriend?”

“Sadly not.” Magnus sighed, once again attempting to conjure himself a drink. It took him a few tries to gather the coordination necessary to even snap his fingers, but eventually he managed to concentrate well enough to get his magic to work. In his determination, it worked slightly too well, and the floor around them was suddenly covered in vibrant cocktails. Grinning, Magnus passed one to his friend, and downed one of his own before selecting a second.

“There is someone I have feelings for.” He said, unsure if he’d mentioned that already, but feeling like it was an important thing to say. “He’s all serious and frowny but he’s hot and loyal and honrab – honerabub- he has honour. He’s too good for me.”

“To one-sided crushes!”

Magnus thinks he can drink to that, and so he does, completely missing Robin’s glass as he attempts to toast and mostly missing his mouth as he tries to tip his drink down his throat. His shirt is now just as wet as his trousers, but there’s plenty more where that came from so he just grabs another glass off the floor. He’s about to say something else, something enlightened and wise, when there’s a tremendous crashing noise from the other side of the kitchen. Annoyed, Magnus looks up to see a blonde man stood in the doorway, glaring down at the now broken glasses that litter the floor.

“Jace!” Robin Hood shouts excitedly, showering both himself and Magnus in alcohol as he forgets he’s holding his drink and waves enthusiastically. “I found a cat!”

In case it wasn’t clear, he points at Magnus, who in turn points to the pointed ears sat atop his head. Jace stares at them unbelievingly.

“We were talking about un-re-quit-ed love!” Robin announces proudly, and Magnus nods seriously in agreement. Jace groans.

“How the hell are you able to pronounce unrequited and yet think you’re talking to a cat?”

“I could be a cat.” Magnus says, and now it’s Robin’s turn to nod his agreement.

“I like a man,” Says Robin, “But he doesn’t like me. And the cat likes a man, but the man doesn’t like him. So we’re getting drunk together.”

“By the angel,” Groans Jace, “You’re both idiots.”

“Hey!” Both Robin and Magnus shout, but Jace ignores them both. He strides over, kicking cocktails aside and ignoring the puddles that spread across the floor. Reaching the drunken pair he rolls his eyes, then dramatically pulls Magnus’ cat mask from his face with one hand whilst removing Robin’s hood and mask with the other. Magnus gazes at the newly-revealed face of his companion, and suddenly vows never to drink again.

“Magnus!” Alec’s eyes light up as he realises who he’s been talking to, only for his face to fall as a thought crosses his mind.

“Jace,” He whispers sadly, except it’s not really a whisper at all, “Magnus already like likes someone.”

“Yeah, you, you dork.” Jace sighs, “You’ve both been sat here complaining about each other.”

Alec turns to Magnus, mouth open in surprise.

“You like like me?”

“Alexander.” Magnus says seriously, the effect slightly ruined as he sways drunkenly. “I very much like like you.”

There’s a pause, and Jace is wondering if he’s going to have to literally spell it out for them, but then Alec grins, and in a flash he’s grabbing Magnus by the lapels of his shirt and crashing their mouths together. It’s messy, and not particularly attractive, but to Magnus it’s the best kiss he’s ever had. Jace is making gagging noises in the background, but Alec just flips him the bird.

He’s finally kissing Magnus, who like likes him, and he doesn’t planning on stopping any time soon.