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My Teen Angst Bullshit has a body count

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    “It's a time-honored enforcement of the food chain. The weak are outed and then eaten.” Heather sneered.

    “Wow. You are a mean drunk tonight.” Ram commented.

    “Oh, please. You agreed that clip was too good to trash.” Heather scoffed, smiling slightly.  

    “Officer, she made me do it. She makes me do a lot of things.” Ram mocked.

    Heather looked down at her phone and smirked. “Oh my god. Chirpster’s all over it. Michael’s totally trending.” She pulled up the video of Michael Mell, the formerly closeted gay kid the grade below our vicious green clad mega-bitch, making out with an unidentified floppy haired blonde boy. “He’s already got 500 views and counting.”

    “Then why don’t you make me a drink while we break the internet?” Ram purred in her ear. Heather gave him an offended look. “I know your parents are still out of town.”

    “Aw. No.” She leaned away from him. “I needed our combined tech know how, not what’s in your pants.” She got out of the car, her green cased phone in hand.

    Ram watched her as she went inside, uncaring that she knew he was staring at her green plaid covered butt.

    She closed the door and greeted her dog Barb. The medium sized pit terrier licked her knees and pranced around her beloved owner as the korean american teen said “Siri, play music.” She stripped off the black leather jacket she’d been wearing and placed it on the armchair directly to her left.


    Barb sat patiently while Heather changed into a swimsuit, green as that is her signature color. The oversized lapdog whined at Heather and, smiling, said “Aw, do you wanna go into the hot tub with me? You can’t. That’d be gross.” Her phone goes off twice with her personalized text notification, a minion going rawr. A joke tone that Veronica convinced her to buy. She checked her phone and saw that Ram had been texting her.

    First was a video of her talking to Barb. Then a text that said ‘How does it feel to be the star of the show?’ Heather looked around confused and saw the green light on her laptop. She slammed it shut and said “Ram, you are so skating on restraining order lake!” Her phone went off again with a text that said ‘Am I on thin ice?’

    Pissed, Heather yelled “Ram if you’re in my house, you’re so dead!” She stormed out to the main portion of the house and continued “Barb is a trained attack dog and she won’t hesitate to rip your entrails out!” Barb gave her a whiny look at that. She opened the front door and walked out to the potted trees right along the edge of the porch. Her phone went off and showed a video of her walking out the door. She looked behind her and saw nobody there. “Ram I swear to god!”

Rawr Rawr!

    Terrified, Heather glanced at her phone, only to see that Ram had sent her another text. ‘Maybe you’ll get more views than Michael’s video.’ Confused, she went back inside to see if Ram was hiding. “Well maybe you should grow the hell up! And when you do, I’ll be outside!” She stomped out to the hot tub in the back yard. Barb pawed at her leg and whined. She could tell the dog was anxious about something. Suddenly feeling worried, she quietly said “No barbie, you can’t come outside with me.”

    She turned the back lights on and said “Outdoor speakers, on.” She walked around to the hot tub and sat down on the edge. She got the sense that someone was watching her, so she looked back at the house and saw Barb frantically barking. “Ram?” She was extremely scared at this point. Strangely, the lights inside turned off. She picked up her phone and started texting. ‘Was that you?’ She switched contacts to the gc with Heather, Jared, Christine, Veronica, and Evan and texted “If I get slashed right now, Veronica gets Barb.”

    Just as she sent the text, Ram sent her another text. ‘Maybe this is where it gets interesting.’

    Heather bit her lip and as she responded, said “I may have underestimated you Ram Sweeney.” She got up and seductively stripped off her green satin bathrobe and stepped into the hot tub. Her phone went off as she sat down just below where she’d originally been. ‘You’re killing me.’

    “Then get over here and do something about it.” She responded.

    Unseen to Heather, she got a text that said ‘Heads up.’ As she received the text, something flew into the hot tub. She screamed in terror when she saw that it was Ram’s dismembered head. She grabbed her phone and ran for her house frantically trying to dial 911. Her hands were too wet for the phone to respond so she pressed it to her arm and whispered “Call 911!” The automated voice immediately said “Calling Pottery Barn.” She swore and ran for the back door, only to find it locked. Barb started flipping out and barking loud enough for the Chandlers next door to hopefully hear. “Help! Help!” She ran for the other door sobbing for someone to help her. Just then, she felt hot pain in the middle of her back and saw a flash of a black clad person and a mask. She shrieked in pain and terror as she fell. She started crawling for her phone as the person approached her. He yanked her up by her arm and pressed the knife to her throat. “No! NO Please!” They slit her throat and dropped her gurgling into the pool to be found by her mother. Unseen to the killer, Heather’s phone lit up with a picture of Evan and her and played the ringtone she’d set for her best friend.