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i wanna sleep next to you

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yoongi really likes jeongguk’s neck.

it’s not a problem, because jeongguk likes the way yoongi fits into the spaces of his body, likes the way yoongi relaxes when he snuggles up close to jeongguk. likes the way yoongi presses absent minded kisses to his neck when he’s tired.

sometimes, even in front of their friends, yoongi will slump into jeongguk’s side and just press his face into his neck. jeongguk will hold him close, always, and yoongi will breathe out a happy little sigh and jeongguk will feel his stomach twisting like it does occasionally, a little bit overwhelmed and a lot in love.

it’s not a problem, because jeongguk likes yoongi and yoongi likes jeongguk and they both have things that the other finds strange but it’s okay because they’re in love.

yoongi really likes jeongguk’s neck, but jeongguk doesn’t realise how much until yoongi tells him one day.

“guk-ah?” jeongguk is playing a video game on yoongi’s tv, because it’s bigger than his own. he pauses it as soon as he hears yoongi calling out.

“yeah, hyung?” he asks, shuffling to the other side of the sofa so that he can peer into the kitchen, where yoongi is shuffling around.

“can we-” yoongi appears in the doorway, a mug held in each hand. “can we talk?” jeongguk wills his heart to calm down, draws his knees up to his chest. does he want to break up? that’s how people always start the break up talk in movies. he tries to breathe. fails.

“course.” he says, a little shaky, a little worried, and yoongi makes his way towards him. hands him a mug. it’s hot chocolate, because there wasn’t any tea and yoongi knows he doesn’t like bitter flavours like coffee.

“it’s- it’s nothing bad. i just.” yoongi is nervous. his toes keep curling and uncurling, and he’s tucked his legs underneath him to make himself smaller. a bit like jeongguk has done. “i just want to tell you something.”

jeongguk breathes. again, again. he’s now pretty sure yoongi doesn’t want to break up, because he wouldn’t look so nervous if he did. when yoongi does things, he does them one hundred percent and never regrets them (or tries to). if yoongi was going to break up with him, he’d just come out and say it. he wouldn’t keep jeongguk in suspense like this. they love and trust each other too much for that. so he puts his legs down, stretches them out across the sofa. he presses his feet against yoongi’s thighs. yoongi puts a familiar hand on his ankle. his hand is warm on jeongguk’s skin.

“so, uh-” yoongi takes a sip of his coffee, looking more and more nervous with every passing moment. jeongguk stays quiet. he knows from experience that yoongi needs time to find his words. needs time to express the thoughts in his head in the right way. “i don’t really know how to say this.”

“take your time, hyung.” jeongguk reaches out, brushes a thumb over yoongi’s cheek. yoongi sighs, leaning into the touch.

a comfortable silence reigns. yoongi rubs circles into jeongguk’s ankle, trails his fingers up and down jeongguk’s leg. it’s raining outside, but jeongguk is warm and happy in yoongi’s apartment. he spends most of his time here nowadays, but jimin never complains that he isn’t home because it means that he gets to spend time with taehyung without jeongguk awkwardly third-wheeling. (except it was never awkward, because they’re his best friends and he loves spending time with them. unless they’re making out.)

“i like- your neck.” yoongi says suddenly. jeongguk can’t help but laugh a little, nose scrunching up.

“i’ve noticed.” yoongi’s cheeks are red. “it’s okay, hyung, i don’t mind it.”

“it’s- i- it’s not just that.” yoongi takes a sip of his drink. swallows hard. “i like that, that- i want to be small sometimes. it’s that you’re physically-” yoongi gestures to him with his mug. a little bit of coffee splashes over the edge and lands on the sofa, but he doesn’t seem to notice. “physically bigger than me, and i know that you like to feel small sometimes, and i love taking care of you, i really do, it makes me feel needed and- and loved, but sometimes i’m tired or stressed and i just need-”

yoongi’s rambling, and jeongguk is impossibly endeared. he always uses his hands when he talks and this is no different, and he’s fidgeting with his rings because he’s nervous. “i guess i just want you told hold me sometimes. take care of me. even though i’m the hyung, so i shouldn’t really be asking this, so it’s okay if you don’t want to, you can just ignore me and we can pretend this never happened-” jeongguk sets his mug down. turns to yoongi. takes his mug away too, putting it on a nearby table. yoongi is watching him anxiously, lips parted because he was mid-sentence. jeongguk pulls him onto his lap.

“yoongi-hyung. i’d do anything for you.” he says earnestly, looking up at him. “i’m honoured to be your boyfriend, to be allowed to love you, and i’m honoured that you trust me enough to ask me to take care of you. not that i don’t do that anyway.” yoongi smiles at him, relieved, gentle. jeongguk brings one hand up to brush over his lips. his other hand rests on yoongi’s waist. “is there anything in particular you’d like me to do?” he asks, because he doesn’t really know why yoongi is telling him all of this. it’s lovely to feel needed, just like his boyfriend had said. but jeongguk tries his best to take care of yoongi anyway.

“i don’t think so?” yoongi squirms a little, clearly uncomfortable. his cheeks are still flushed. “just, you know, hold me and, and love me.”

“i do that anyway.” jeongguk smiles, pressing a kiss to yoongi’s collarbone. yoongi threads a hand through jeongguk’s hair.

“you do, bun. i just- i don’t know. i wanted to tell you. ask you.” jeongguk smiled. soft, fond.

“communication is key.” he says into yoongi’s chest. he feels him laugh.

“exactly.” they’re silent again for a few moments, both of jeongguk’s hands now looped around yoongi’s waist, keeping him close.

yoongi had gone through some really bad relationships in the past. jeongguk knew that his previous partners had made him feel bad, feel like he was unworthy of love. they probably hadn’t held him either, hadn’t kept him close when he was tired and in need of reassurance. the fact that yoongi trusts jeongguk enough to ask him to do this, allows himself to feel vulnerable around him, makes jeongguk’s heart swell. he hold yoongi closer, trying to convey just how much he loves him. yoongi curls into him, weaves his fingers through jeongguk’s hair. he knows.

“while we’re talking about these things, i’m pretty sure i have a thing for being manhandled.”

“wait, what?” jeongguk pulls back a little. yoongi’s eyes are bright, even if he still looks embarrassed.

“i have a thing. for being manhandled.” he repeats, looking off to the side, avoiding jeongguk’s gaze. he can’t help but giggle.

“so, you want me to throw you around?” he asks. yoongi scowls.

“you’re laughing at me.” he mumbles, removing his hands from jeongguk’s hair to fold them over his chest. jeongguk can’t restrain his smile. he’s so in love.

“i’m not, hyung. yoongi, what did we just say.” he reaches up gently to unfold yoongi’s arms, linking their fingers together. “communication is key. so if you want me to throw you around a bit, then i can do that.” he huffs, just a little. “though i don’t know how i hadn’t figured that out already.” thinking about it, yoongi did always seem to get worked up whenever jeongguk crowded him into the wall or picked him up. he giggles again. he’s a bit unobservant, clearly.

yoongi looks back at him. his face is open, and jeongguk can see the worry lifting. he must have agonized for days over whether to tell jeongguk this, whether to ask him to take care of him.

“yoongi, i love you.” jeongguk whispers, and yoongi’s eyes are wet. he brings their hands up to his mouth and presses his lips to jeongguk’s knuckles, closing his eyes. jeongguk rests their foreheads together. it’s not so much about what yoongi is asking, but the fact that he’s asking. that he trusts jeongguk enough to tell him these things.

it had taken a lot of time and patience for them to become this close. when jeongguk had first met yoongi in his first year of university, he’d been a little terrified of the shorter man. he was so good at music but didn’t seem to recognise his own talent, and he had looked miserable whenever his now ex-boyfriend was around. jeongguk had become part of his friendship circle thanks to taehyung and jimin, and had been amazed at how open and affectionate yoongi was when he was with people he trusted, people he cared about.

it hadn’t taken long for jeongguk to develop the biggest crush he’d ever had.

yoongi was nice . he took jeongguk out for lamb skewers without jeongguk asking, ruffled his hair when they sat next to each other. let jeongguk cry on him when his finals got too much and he thought he was going to explode from stress.

taehyung and jimin had urged jeongguk to tell yoongi how he felt, but then yoongi’s boyfriend broke up with him and the older man was devastated . he had locked himself in his room, barely eating. jeongguk had cried a little when he next saw yoongi, saw the deep circles under his eyes, the hopelessness in his gaze. he had just wanted to hold yoongi, to take away his pain.

so, he made sure the fridge in yoongi’s apartment was always stocked with food, whether he bought things himself or persuaded seokjin to make something. he dragged yoongi out for lamb skewers and paid too. (he had to hide his bright smile when yoongi eventually insisted that he’d pay.) (his wallet had thanked yoongi profusely.)

he’d figured that it was okay if yoongi didn’t like him romantically, and he wasn’t going to let his silly crush stand in the way of being yoongi’s friend.

luckily for both of them, hoseok had let slip that yoongi liked jeongguk. as in, like liked him.

“i don’t think there’s anyone that yoongi likes as much as you, jeongguk-ah.” he’d said one day. jeongguk had hoped and hoped for so long and he talked to yoongi as soon as he could and had told him how he felt. he’d explained how he hadn’t wanted to push yoong into anything, especially as he’d just broken up with his boyfriend when he’d realised the extent of his feelings. they’d both cried and yoongi had told him that he was developing feelings too but he’d been hurt so much in the past and he didn’t want to risk jeongguk hurting him too. jeongguk had told him he’d wait forever if he had to, that he’d never hurt yoongi.

thankfully, he hadn’t had to wait forever.

now, with yoongi’s weight on his legs and their fingers intertwined, jeongguk has never been happier.

“i love you too, guk-ah.” yoongi whispers back, voice quiet. jeongguk wiggles his fingers out of yoongi’s grip so that he can brush away a stray tear. their relationship has never been loud, instead full of gentle touches and quiet moments. when jeongguk had first said those three little words, yoongi hadn’t been able to say them back. still too full of fear from his previous relationships. but jeongguk hadn’t pushed, he’d allowed yoongi to go at his own pace and had never treated him any differently despite those words being out in the open. yoongi had said it back a few months later, when they were out grocery shopping.

yoongi had been pushing the trolley while jeongguk had been grumbling about wanting candy but not wanting to go to the gym. the older man had rolled his eyes and thrown a bag of candy into the trolley, ignoring jeongguk’s look of surprise. he’d pushed the trolley a few steps ahead of jeongguk, stopped, turned around and blurted out “i love you.” he’d then turned back around and buried his hands in his face.

jeongguk hadn’t hesitated, striding forward and gently taking yoongi’s hands in his own. he’d waited for yoongi to meet his gaze, before responding “i love you too.” yoongi had cried a little into his shirt and jeongguk had held him close. they’d then finished shopping and gone home, where jeongguk had kissed his love into every part of yoongi’s body.

they didn’t never make a fuss of these things, jeongguk muses. they always carry on as usual, going about their daily lives, falling a little bit more in love every day. other couples make big announcements, throw big parties. jeongguk prefers coming back from uni to the smell of takeaway and a smile from his boyfriend. that’s enough for him.

so the fact that yoongi likes jeongguk’s neck isn’t a problem. it isn’t a problem that both yoongi and jeongguk like to feel small sometimes, because they know each other well, know how to comfort the other when they need it.

however, jeongguk forgets about yoongi’s admission for a few weeks. they get by as they always do, yoongi working a part-time job as well as producing music and jeongguk doing his best to pass his year at university. they have their friends round for their biweekly game night and jeongguk gets drunk enough to dance on the table with hoseok. (although he doesn’t need alcohol to dance.)

one average thursday evening, jeongguk is home first. he toes off his shoes at the door, flops onto the couch. thinks about doing some work, but turns on the tv instead. he had grabbed something to eat at a cafe with taehyung, and he knew that yoongi would be back late tonight because he was finishing off a song.

he gets through three episodes of some drama before his phone pings.

from: yoongi <3
on my way home. miss you

jeongguk definitely does not squeal. over the months, as yoongi became more comfortable in their relationship, he became much more open with his feelings and affection. jeongguk tried his best to encourage this, and he feels so proud and honoured whenever yoongi said things like ‘miss you’ or ‘wish you were here’. he allows himself to be vulnerable around jeongguk and considering his past relationships, jeongguk knows how hard that must be. he tries every day to be worthy of that trust.

to: yoongi <3
miss you more!

jeongguk wakes up to the sound of the door closing. he’s fallen asleep in front of the tv, waiting up for yoongi to get back. it’s midnight.

he yawns, stretching. “hyung?” he mumbles, squinting at the door. yoongi’s there, taking off his shoes.

but something’s different. jeongguk can see the exhaustion which has overtaken yoongi’s limbs, the effort it requires him to just get his shoes off. he’s stressed and worried and probably overtired. jeongguk remembers their conversation a few weeks ago.

i guess i just want you told hold me sometimes. take care of me.

jeongguk watches quietly as yoongi walks into the living room. his boyfriend looks at him, eyelids heavy with worry and exhaustion. jeongguk just holds open his arms.

yoongi falls into him. he trusts that jeongguk will catch him, and he does. jeongguk moves so that he can take yoongi’s backpack off his back, placing it down out of the way. he then sits up, bringing yoongi with him, and shifts so that his boyfriend’s knees are either side of his hips. he lets yoongi bury his face in his neck, hands clutching tightly onto the front of jeongguk’s shirt.

and now, jeongguk understands. like this, curled up on his lap, yoongi is small. he’s pressed against jeongguk as if he wants to climb inside his skin, get out of his own head. jeongguk knows that feeling all too well.

he wonders, sadly, how often yoongi has needed comfort like this but hasn’t received it. he thinks that he might be the first to give it to him. he tightens his grip on yoongi’s waist. he’ll make sure that yoongi is loved forever, if he’ll let him.

“yoongi-hyung? do you want some tea?” jeongguk asks gently, rubbing circles into yoongi’s waist, the way he knows relaxes him. yoongi usually drinks coffee, but it’s late (or early, depending on how you look at it) and some decaf tea will probably help yoongi unwind enough to go to sleep. yoongi nods a little into jeongguk’s neck.

he stands up, linking his hands together underneath yoongi’s thighs to carry him into the kitchen. yoongi nuzzles closer into him. jeongguk swears he feels his heart swell. it’s crazy, how much he loves yoongi.

his boyfriend makes a small, wounded sound when he puts him down on a chair and turns away to make tea. jeongguk immediately whips back around, cradling yoongi’s face in his hands. “i’m just making tea, i’m right here. do you need me?” yoongi twists his fingers in the sleeve of jeongguk’s shirt, looking unsure, looking shy.

“i need you close.” he says quietly, so jeongguk gently encourages yoongi to stand up. he turns around, reaching back to grab yoongi’s hands. he wraps them around his own waist, so yoongi is backhugging him.

“there, isn’t that better?” he asks, smiling. yoongi presses his face between jeongguk’s shoulder blades but jeongguk knows he’s happy. hopes he feels safe.

jeongguk walks them round the kitchen and makes their tea. he likes floral tea the best, and knows yoongi isn’t as adverse to it as he claims to be, so he makes two mugs of his favourite tea. the whole time, yoongi is pressed close to his back. jeongguk occasionally drops his hands down to rub across yoongi’s knuckles.

the tea doesn’t take long. soon, they’re sitting at the table, yoongi back in jeongguk’s lap. they’re facing each other, yoongi’s back to the table, his weight heavy and familiar to jeongguk. he keeps one hand on yoongi’s thigh, hoping to reassure yoongi and remind him that he isn’t alone. not this time. not ever again.

yoongi cradles his tea with both hands, blowing on it before sipping at it. jeongguk watches him. the exhaustion is still there, weighing down his eyelids. “i love you, hyung.” he says softly, smiling as yoongi flushes, trying to curl into himself. “you’re safe with me, i promise.” he whispers. yoongi doesn’t look at him, but moves one of his hands to rest on top of jeongguk’s.

things aren’t so different from usual. they finish their tea, wash up and go to bed. but jeongguk notices the small changes. yoongi is near-silent, clinging to jeongguk in the way that jeongguk usually clings to him. he runs a bath instead of their customary shower, washes yoongi’s hair. presses lingering kisses all over his face, coaxing a shy smile from the older man. gives yoongi a small massage, doing his best to rub away all the tension from his body.

from the way that yoongi sags into him when they get out, boneless and warm, jeongguk reckons he’s done a pretty good job.

jeongguk wraps yoongi in their biggest, fluffiest towel, throwing it over his head. he smiles wide when yoongi’s head pops back out, hair a mess. yoongi smiles back at him, small but gummy and impossibly happy. jeongguk can’t help leaning in to kiss him. kisses him gently but deep deep deep. when he pulls back, yoongi’s lips are parted and his eyes are closed. jeongguk presses another kiss to his lips, then to his nose, his eyelids.

“let’s go to bed, hyung.” he murmurs. yoongi moves closer to him, buries his face in that place between jeongguk’s neck and his shoulder. his place.

jeongguk wraps his arms around him and walks them slowly into the bedroom. they pull some clothes on before falling into bed, towels abandoned on the floor. jeongguk wraps yoongi in his arms, holds him close. yoongi tangles their legs together, rests a hand on jeongguk’s waist. he feels soft lips against his collarbone, and presses a kiss into yoongi’s hair.

see, yoongi likes jeongguk’s neck. likes pressing his face there, feeling his boyfriend’s arms wrap around him. likes feeling small and being taken care of.

jeongguk likes all those things too. but more than that, he loves taking care of his hyung, his boyfriend. yoongi trusts him, and every day he does his best to be worthy of that trust. with yoongi in his arms, their limbs tangled, he’s happy.

“love you, yoongi.”

“love you too, guk-ah.”