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the mystery is your eye

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Bright strobe lights broke the darkness of the room filled with sweaty bodies moving together on the dance floor. The DJ switches up the tempo and added wilder party synths, causing the bodies to press up against each other and hands flail in the air as the night goes deeper. The dance floor is packed, no space left for another to fit in but the tables make do with men and rent girls grinding to the beat of the music booming through gigantic speakers. Waiters roam around with trays of alcohol, coming back empty as teenagers gulp the drinks empty with a few of them getting dragged a second later to the restroom to throw up whatever that climbed up their throat.

He can almost taste it, the acid bubbling in the woman’s mouth as she follows her friend. She retches and covers her mouth with a hand, but it doesn’t help for she trips and vomits on the floor right in between his legs, clutching his thighs for support. The plunging neckline of her glittery red dress hides nothing to the imagination and he keeps his eyes there, avoiding the white that pooled on the tiled floor. The sound of her heaving buzzes in his ear despite the booming bass and the woman coughs up before straightening herself, eyes widening as she finally realizes what she did.

“Oh my god – I’m sorry! That was so embarrassing...”

She slurs and the girl next to her is gone, probably during her vomiting. The smell of vomit reaches his nose but he doesn’t mind, he’s smelled far worse. She doesn’t take her hand away from his thigh and instead, it inches up – closer to where she wants as her eyes try to stay open.

“You’re too wasted and you can still find a reason to get some?”

Her nails itch through his pants and it does feel good, a little bit. He lets her clutch his leather jacket and pull him in, her breath hitting his cheek before lips captured his for a drunken kiss. He can taste garbage in her mouth when his tongue slips in so he bites down hard, drawing out blood from her lower lip and he quickly licks over the wound, moaning at the familiar taste of iron. The grip on her waist tightens and she lets out an appreciative noise before he breaks the kiss. Slick tongue runs over the red on his lip and he grins at the sight of her dazed look.

“Do you want to get out of here?”



“Aah – yes, fuck. Faster!”

The bed creaks softly beneath their weight as he pounds harder into her. She pulls the sheets and thrashes, writhing in pleasure while she continues to beg for him to go harder, to break her. He gives it to her; he gives everything she begs for because it will be her last anyway.

“I’m so close, baby.”

Her walls start to tighten around him and he watches as her eyes roll at the back of her head, back arching off the bed as she squirts, body shuddering in ecstasy.

He stills, completely stopping his movements while she heaves and relishes in the aftershocks of her orgasm. Her head lolls to the side and hooded gaze lands on him, eyes questioning.

“Why did you stop? It’s okay, you can come inside.”

His hips don’t move – instead, he reaches for the dumbbell on the floor right next to the bed and bludgeons her head, over and over until it breaks and there’s nothing on her face but a massive hole of red and pieces of flesh. The last scream she made rings in his ears and he drops the dumbbell on her side and catches the drop of blood that rained over his own face.

“My, you taste so good.”

The grip on her thighs return and he picks up his pace once again, chasing his own orgasm and with a grunt he fills her up, cock throbbing in her fading warmth.

For a few minutes he rests on top of her, listening to the quietness of her heart before he pulls out and carries her to the bathroom, laying her in the tub. He leaves shortly, only to come back with tools and kneels on the cold, tiled floor.

“Look at you, dear. Aren’t you beautiful? You wanted this, right? You wanted this.”

He then begins to pare her flesh from the bones, starting from her torso down to the ankles. Blood shoots in different directions but he doesn’t mind, he can clean it later. When the flesh is off, he puts it all in a bucket filled with acid for it to dissolve, flushing the solution in the toilet after. The bones are broken with a sledgehammer and disposed in a black trash bag.

After that, he picks up the severed head and brings it to his kitchen where he boils it in a mixture of industrial detergent and bleach to retain the skull. When everything’s done, he makes way to the basement and switches the lights on.

“This is where you belong, sweetheart. Say hi to everyone for me.”

He puts the skull next to the others, and admires the small altar of it that he had made for himself some time ago.

“Seven. Seven and counting.”

The smile that graces his face can’t be any brighter than the fresh blood painting his skin.




“Fuck chemist lives. I’m not torturing myself for Chemistry, dude.”

The sound of the book slamming close jerks Sehun out of his reverie. He pauses the documentary he’s supposed to be watching on YouTube to look at the source of the sudden noise.

“You’ve said that before but here we are, on our third year in this university. The more you complain, the longer you will suffer.”

Chanyeol crawls across the bed to settle himself next to the other. “It’s easy for you because you’re a nerd, son of Science. Why don’t you help me out and do my homework? So I’ll stop complaining.”

“You’ll never learn that way.”

The taller male glances at the video which is now playing and cocks his head to the side. “And you do? You are not taking Forensic Science, why are you watching that?”

A sigh escapes Sehun’s lips. The first time his roommate catches on his slight obsession in watching crime documentaries, Chanyeol attempted to request for a new room because ‘Sehun is so suspicious, man. I think he’s hiding a body under his bed!”  It took the both of them two weeks to settle on the fact that Sehun is just a normal student and that he’s just interested in things that kids their age don’t usually like.

“You’re just riling me up. Go back to your book and don’t bother me.”

The other doesn’t listen, of course. “Hey, you remember Samantha? That hot shot from Literature?”

“She’s quite popular. Why?”

“Hmm, I’ve heard that she’s been absent for a week. I kinda wanted to ask her out, you know. But yeah, no one knows where she is, not even her roommate.”

The video ends and another one plays automatically. “Huh. You mean, she’s missing?”

Chanyeol shrugs and finally picks up the neglected book. “I don’t know. It’s no big deal to me if she’s missing. I can just go to Natasha.”

Sehun rolls his eyes and kicks the other away from him, earning himself a push on the shoulder.

“Get away from me. I don’t wanna know anything about your lady hunting.”





Shards scattered on the floor and more plates broke as he sat on the couch while he watched his parents fight for the nth time today. She fought out of his grip and attempted to throw the bottle at her husband but he dodged it, and the bottle hit the wall breaking into tiny pieces.

“Stop this! Our son’s watching!” The husband tried to hold her down but she was strong, her bottled anger bursting in ugly shouts and cries.

“You don’t come home anymore! Are you cheating? Are you seeing someone? Show me your mistress and I’ll fucking kill her!”

Her spent body fell on a chair and she sobbed, words slurred as he rambled once again.

Kai hugged himself and looked out the window, fascinated by the bird that pecked on the ground. In the background, his mother stood up and landed a strike across his father’s face. Kai hummed a song and ran to the backyard to get closer to the bird. The noises inside the house did not fade and the boy learned to think it was just a loud song; a music that had a lot to say.

The music died down when the sun set and he watched his father go with two bags, one in each hand. He didn’t even look at him as he drove away, leaving for good. His mother sobbed while sweeping the floor clean of broken glasses and Kai watched, failing to hear the bird choke to death in his unforgiving grip.




His stomach grumbles in hunger. It’s a little past 9 in the evening and Chanyeol is passed out so he doesn’t have a choice but to go out alone. There’s a curfew and he has to make it quick before the gates close. He doesn’t really want to sleep with an empty stomach.

At this time of the night, he can’t afford to eat outside or make a decent dinner so Sehun ends up heading to a convenient store to buy two cup noodles. He hurriedly pays up and almost forgets to get his change, glancing outside and realizing that he can’t walk through the rain.

“Fuck, why am I so unlucky.”

The guard will understand me if I go home late, right? Sehun fills a cup with hot water and sits at the corner table while waiting for his noodles to get cooked. The rain doesn’t look like it will stop soon.

He separates his chopsticks and blows on the noodles before eating, sighing in content when his stomach warms up. The chime makes a soft sound when the door opens and a customer dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie enters, disappearing behind a shelf of junk food.

Sehun continues to eat, mentally cursing himself when he realizes he doesn’t have anything to drink and he only brought enough money. The other customer pays up at the counter and sits at the table next to him. Sehun has half a mind to pathetically ask for some money he can borrow but the embarrassment kicks in and maybe he can survive an hour or two before the rain stops and he can sprint back to the dorm.

The customer at the next table rips open a bag of chips and noisily munches much to Sehun’s dismay. He eyes the bottle of water and gulps, feeling his throat get dryer. The thunder claps and Sehun is reminded that it’s still raining. Maybe I can drink rainwater? Help?

A hand shoots out and there’s a bottled water right in front of Sehun’s face. He blinks a few times, looking at the stranger but the other isn’t facing him. Sehun takes the drink and mumbles his thanks before gulping at least quarter of the water. He wipes his lips with the back of his hand before giving the bottle back.

“Uh, thank you. Did I actually blurt out how thirsty I was?” Sehun chuckles shyly and scratches the back of his head.

“You didn’t talk. I felt you staring so I assumed.”

The deep voice makes Sehun stare. The customer continues to eat and Sehun really wants to see his good Samaritan’s face and his hand itches to pull the hood down.

“Still thirsty?”

Sehun breaks out of his trance. His cheeks burn and before he can say something to ask how the other knew he was staring, the stranger finally turns to look at him.

“Your gaze is burning the side of my head. Maybe you should do something about that.”

The chocolate brown eyes and plump lips are all Sehun sees, because damn , isn’t he the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen!

The stranger smiles and feeds himself a handful of chips while still keeping his eyes on Sehun.

“You’re staring again. Is there something wrong?”

He shakes his head and chuckles, ready to slap his own face for the embarrassment he brought upon himself. “Ah, no. I just zone out…a lot.”

The man nods slowly and finally takes his eyes away from Sehun. “Whatever you say.”

Sehun sighs and plays with his fingers, wondering when he can go back. The university is really strict when it comes to breaking curfew and he doesn’t want to deal with the repercussions of his actions.

His attention goes back to the stranger when he hears the now empty plastic bottle crumple. The man gets off his seat and disposes his trash before exiting the store, speed walking through the pouring rain.

Sehun runs his hand through his hair and decides to do the same, to risk getting sick if it means he can go back without getting reprimanded. He throws the cup in the bin and sees the crumpled bottle.

“I really accepted a drink from a stranger and had an indirect kiss with him, huh. What kind of fan fiction is this?”




Incredibles 2 is okay, Sehun thinks if he doesn’t dwell on the dizziness he felt after the epilepsy-inducing scenes. His group of friends waited for everyone to leave until the theater’s almost empty when they decided to go. Chanyeol is walking ahead with Baekhyun while Minseok is caught in a conversation with Yixing behind the pair. Walking back to the dorm from the mall isn’t ideal but Baekhyun said it’s an exercise, to help with the proper digestion of their dinner as an excuse for all of them being broke. It’s a good thing that the dorm isn’t too far away, ‘cause it might take them hours before they can set foot in their rooms.

Sehun doesn’t engage in conversations with his friends during the trip back. Chanyeol and Baekhyun talk about fashion while Minseok and Yixing talk about academics, and honestly he doesn’t want to make himself suffer when he doesn’t know a single thing about clothes and this is the only time they can have some fun for themselves, he won’t think about theories and facts too.

“No, you fool. Stripe over stripe is hideous! At least wear a plain shirt inside!”

He lets Baekhyun’s voice drown in the gibberish chatter of everyone in the streets. They’re walking past food stalls and stores that’s why it’s a little crowded, with all the people passing by and merely standing in the way as they eat. Sehun’s phone vibrates in his pocket and he pulls it out, cursing under his breath when it slips out of his hold and drops to the ground.


It’s still perfectly fine when he picks it up, thank goodness, but he missed the call from his mom. She will start worrying now and Sehun is not ready for an earful of paranoia coming from her.

“Are you going to bring me home?”

A high pitched voice comes from the side and Sehun eyes the alley where two figures are standing face to face. He can’t make out the girl’s face. She’s dressed in a tight shirt and short skirt and her arms are wrapped around the man’s neck. The man doesn’t seem to be as interested with how his hands remain in his pockets. Sehun doesn’t know why but he’s rooted on his spot, unable to move as he waits for the man to look his way, for a reason he can’t quite register. He’s tempted to enter the alley, but he hears one of his friends shout his name that makes him drop his phone again, this time in shock. The loud curse from him catches the man’s attention and the girl whines when the other pulls away from her hold and approaches Sehun.

“It’s you again.”

“What – “

The man smiles and Sehun recognizes him as the stranger at the convenient store. This time he’s wearing jeans and a simple shirt and honestly, he looks good. Sehun won’t say it out loud, though. Baekhyun calls for him again and Sehun tears his eyes away from the stranger.

“Uh, go ahead! I have something to do.”

The four boys don’t ask anymore, leaving Sehun behind.

“Is your phone alright?”

He presses the home button and the screen lights up, showing no single crack. “I guess it is. I’m really clumsy.”

Sehun meets the other’s eyes and feels his cheeks heat up. The man is so, so attractive that it should be a sin to have a face like that.

“Why didn’t you go with your friends?”

“I.. I don’t know I just – “

“Ah, I understand. You tend to stare at something that you want, don’t you. You want something from me?”

Before he can say something, the girl walks up to them and snatches the man’s hand.

“Hey! You said you’re taking me home!”

Sehun winces.

“I have to send my cousin home. I’ll see you next time, I guess.”

The man pries his hand out of her grip and without a word, pulls Sehun next to him before walking away, leaving the girl.

“Wait. Wait, I’m not your cousin and where are we going – wait!”

They don’t stop walking until they’re far enough and Sehun takes a step back.

“I don’t know you – “

“Then do you want to get to know me?”

Sehun takes a deep breath and looks around. His friends are nowhere to be found now and truth be told, he doesn’t want to lie to himself, he actually wants to be close to the stranger. He slips his hands in his jeans’ pockets before nodding slowly.

“Um, you seem nice so I… I want to properly thank you for last time. Are you sure that it’s okay to leave that girl? Isn’t she your girlfriend?”

The man shakes his head and starts walking, not bothering to check if Sehun’s following.

“I’m not with anyone.”

Then she must be a hook up. Sehun knows he’s supposed to feel bad at least for stealing him away from the girl but it doesn’t happen. If this man can easily leave her, then she’s not someone important.

They walk for a long time without talking. Sehun lags behind – but not much, keeping a distance of two feet away. He lets his eyes wander up and down the man’s frame. The other has a broad shoulder – not as broad as his but close, and his legs are miles long. The jeans hug his legs perfectly, showing how thick the thighs are. Sehun isn’t the type to spend time with someone he doesn’t know but there’s something in this man that he can’t point out that lures him. It might be the vibe, the charm, he isn’t sure.

“I live close, you might want to drop by.”

“I thought we were going somewhere more fun.”

The man looks at him and smirks. “Oh, you’ll like it there.”



“You live alone?”

Sehun allows himself to sit on the couch and look around. The living room is quite spacious for someone living by himself. There’s a home theater system across the couch and a center table in between. A book shelf stands next to the television and connected to the living room to the right is the small dining area; the kitchen is visible to where Sehun is. There’s a door on the left side and Sehun supposes it’s the bedroom.

“I do. It’s a bother to have someone around.”


“Except for when I invite them myself.”

The other disappears in what Sehun suspects is the bedroom and comes back shortly in comfortable clothes.

“I know this is dumb, but I haven’t gotten your name yet.”

The man sits on the couch, a good distance from Sehun and puts a movie on.

“Do you feel uncomfortable?”

“Honestly, yes.”

“Well, I haven’t gotten your name too but am I trembling in fear?”

Sehun licks his lips and faces the television. The Silence of the Lambs starts playing and he forgets the odd exchange, feeling rather excited since the movie is one of his favorites. Half an hour into it, the other gets off the couch, saying he’ll fetch the both of them some drinks and Sehun lets him, not wanting to miss a scene. He receives a glass of what he presumes is alcohol.

“Scotch whisky.”

Sehun takes a gulp and moans as the drink burns his throat deliciously. He hasn’t drunk in ages since his roommate is an anti-alcohol type of person and no one else would visit a club with him. Baekhyun won’t drink without Chanyeol, and the two other just aren’t the type to be in such place.

“It’s Kai.”

Sehun looks at the other whose attention is on the movie.

“It’s Sehun.”

Kai smiles but doesn’t look at him. Sehun finishes his drink and puts the glass on the center table.

“I wish I was the director for this. They aren’t doing it right.”

“What isn’t right?”

“How the killings go. You see, it’s easier to use a paring knife when you want to fillet a bone – but I guess they aren’t going for that. Maybe we should have watched August Underground.”

Sehun glances at Kai’s side profile, noting how the other’s eyes glint, humming whenever a murder scene comes up.

“Do you like this kind of movies?”

Kai finally takes his eyes away from the television and looks at Sehun with an unreadable expression.

“I love movies like this.”

Kai smiles at him and Sehun finds himself smiling back, feeling his heart swell knowing that finally, he met someone who shares the same interest as him. Everyone thinks he’s odd for liking blood and horror, and finally he can talk about it without worrying about what people will think of him.

“I remember scraping my knee during a tryout when I was younger and the blood dripped on the floor. I knew my mother would get mad if she saw, but I didn’t have tissue to wipe it away. I thought about using my shirt but she would see the stain. I cried, I panicked and worried about what she would do to me. She ended up seeing anyway, since I didn’t do anything about it. I had to enter through the front door and she was there chatting with the neighbor. I was fine with the blood, but not with my mother’s wrath.”

“One-half tablespoon of liquid dish-washing detergent with a cup of cold water – it removes the residue. Stains disappear quickly.”

“I know about that – I know how to remove blood stain.”

“But do you know how to find blood stains on a clean surface?”

Sehun presses his lips firmly and shakes his head. Kai has his eyes on the television again, fingers drumming on his own thigh.

“Luminol. It reacts with the iron in hemoglobin. Maybe you should watch more – it helps to escape the cops.”

“I’m not trying to commit a crime…”

All of a sudden, Sehun feels lightheaded. At first he thought it’s probably due to the movie earlier, but as the seconds tick by he feels dizzier, everything around him seems to spin. He rubs his eyes but nothing changes, and his breathing turns heavier.

“Are you okay, Sehun?”

He wants to say he is, it’s humiliating to pass out suddenly, in front of someone he just met but he can’t take it anymore. His eyelids are getting heavy and he really wants to sleep.

“N-no, I’m not. I think I’m going to collapse.”


The last thing he sees is Kai hovering on top of him.



“What are you doing?”

“I’m playing.”

Kai continued to caress the kitten’s head while the kid he didn’t know stayed next to him, watching. He found the stray kitten at the backyard, digging the soil – the spot where he had buried the dead bird. The kid crouched and reached for the kitten to pat it, but Kai glared and gripped the small animal in his hands, moving it away from the other’s touch. The kitten meowed in pain but Kai paid no heed.

“Go get your own, this is mine to play with.”

“You’re not playing, you’re hurting it!”

“Get lost! I don’t care!”

The kid ran away. Kai looked at the kitten and put it down the ground, caressing its fur.

“Don’t cry, kitty. It won’t hurt that much.”

Kai giggled as he held the body with a hand and the head with the other before mercilessly breaking its neck, twisting and turning until he decapitated the poor animal. When the metallic smell hit his senses, the boy sighed and licked the blood off of his fingers.

“I told you, it wouldn’t hurt that much. You didn’t cry, kitty.”

He continued to break its bones, giggling at the sound of joints cracking. To him, it’s music. A music that had a lot to say and one of those is to keep doing what he was doing. He was happy – it was his happiness.



Sehun wakes up with a headache. The room is well-lit as the sunlight passes through the open curtains. He feels up the sheets, noting how soft and fragrant they are. He knows he isn’t in his room, everything is so different and he hasn’t been here before. He sits up with a groan and the pounding in his head worsens.


“You’re awake.”

Kai enters the room with a plate of food and a glass of juice. He puts the plate in front of Sehun before sitting on the edge of his the bed. “You passed out last night.”

“Yeah, I did. I think it’s because of exhaustion – I haven’t had much sleep since it was exams week.”

“Go eat before you leave. I want my guest to feel at home.”

“I’ve already spent a night here. I think I’m too at home,” Sehun gratefully takes the plate and starts eating.

“Mm. What’s this? The meat is sweet and tender. Must be expensive.”

Kai grins and hands Sehun the glass of juice. “It’s not expensive. You can find it everywhere too.”

Sehun returns the smile and continues to eat. He swears it’s the best meat he’s ever eaten. It’s so chewy and juicy. Maybe he can ask Kai to accompany him to the supermarket to buy so he can cook for himself and his roommate.



‘He holds the gun against my head,

I close my eyes and bang I am dead

I know he knows that he’s killing me for mercy…’


The room is too dark when the boy wakes up, and the radio plays a song he isn’t familiar with. He realizes he’s naked, hands and feet tied to the bedposts. He doesn’t remember what happened before that lead him to this situation – all he remembers is that he was at the club, drinking and making out with someone.

“Finally. I was getting bored watching you sleep.”

Kai puts the camera on the nightstand and picks up a drilling machine before straddling the boy. He then slowly rolls his hips, grinding their cocks together.

“I’m not a rope bunny, but this feels good.” The boy grinds back, feeling his own cock harden at the delicious friction. He doesn’t really know what the drill is for, maybe it’s a kink.

Kai rolls his hips faster, moaning shamelessly as he presses the trigger switch of the drill. The boy has his eyes closed, pulling at the ropes. He lets out a particularly loud moan when he feels a hand wrap around his throat, pressing down on the spot below his jaw.

“God, I want more.”

Kai parts his lips, panting as heat starts to coil in his stomach. “No more, this is all you will get.”

Without a second thought he drills a single hole into the boy’s skull, watching the drill bit disappear into the nameless boy’s head. The boy struggles at first before finally losing the light in his eyes, just in time when Aurora stops playing in the background and blood flows out of his mouth, slow and thick – almost black. Kai stops grinding, pulling out the drill bit and tossing the machine aside before taking out a syringe nestled in his waistband. The acid is injected into the brain and once it’s empty, he tosses it as well before pushing his boxers down, pumps his cock with quick strokes ‘til he reaches completion.


A minute passes before he tucks himself back in his underwear and brings the body to the bathroom, where he successfully rips the flesh off of the arm. He hammers the bones until they’re powdered and flushes them in the toilet. He cuts the flesh in portions and cleans them before storing them in the fridge while the head is injected with embalming fluid to keep it from rotting before it’s taken to the basement.

Kai admires his altar for a moment. It’s beautiful, but incomplete. He doesn’t know what to do to ease his nerves. He thinks of Sehun and Sehun’s eyes, the way the other looks at him as if he wants more of Kai, and usually he gives in when people look at him the way Sehun does but for some reason he can’t touch Sehun – he can’t hurt Sehun. Kai knows what he’s doing. He knows the severity of his actions and he doesn’t care, he doesn’t give a fuck as long as he feeds the urge, but Sehun is different. Sehun is mysterious in a way that he wants Kai but he doesn’t make a move. Sehun is messing with his head and it’s starting to get annoying.

“You’re so annoying, Sehun. So annoying.”




When the strobe light hits him in the eye, Sehun goes blind for a second, and deaf the next. The speakers are right next to him and the music only blasts louder as the digital clock blares 2:11. He feels a shy touch of a hand on the small of his back and Kai pushes him forward, leading him to the bar.

“Daiquiri. Two.”

Sehun brushes his fingers through his hair, feeling the stickiness of sweat. He’d been dancing for hours, not minding who was feeling him up and pressing against him. At one point there was a hand on the inside of his thigh, ready to caress more until it disappears and he’s met Kai’s eyes, telling him to take a break.

“Something would happen to you if you were alone.”

Kai hands him the glass and Sehun takes a sip, licking his lips while eyeing the other. Kai’s dark hair is slightly wavy, the bangs reaching his equally dark eyes and it makes him look younger. The necklace dangling on his neck is long, and Sehun’s hand itches to reach for it and tug the man closer.

“And nothing would happen to you? Nothing would happen to me now that you’re here?” Sehun grins, swirling the drink. “It’s funny how I always meet you unexpectedly.”

“It’s only the third time.”

“Third time’s a charm.”

Kai doesn’t smile when Sehun does. He asks the bartender for a refill and Sehun shakes his head.

“You’re going to die from alcohol consumption.”

“I wish I cared. And no one dies from cocktail.”

They don’t talk again as they fill their systems with what’s on the menu. It’s an hour later when Sehun feels his shirt cling to his skin and the crowd goes wilder, more provocative. He snatches Kai’s drink and downs it in one go before dragging the other back in the middle of the dance floor, arms wrapped around Kai’s neck.

Kai holds Sehun’s waist and something inside him clicks when Sehun’s breath hitches.

“How do you always know I’m staring at you?”

Sehun grabs a handful of Kai’s hair, lightly tugging. “It’s like you’re hyperaware of me.”

“What if I am?” Kai watches his partner throw his head back to laugh, Adam’s apple bobbing when Sehun gulps. There’s a jab on his side from a girl behind and Kai steps closer to Sehun.

“I like the attention.”

Sehun laughs once again but he keeps his eyes on Kai, lightly pressing their hips together. When lips find their way on the side of Kai’s neck, his grip on Sehun’s waist tightens and the other lets out a noise that makes Kai’s cock stir in his pants.

“Do I still have to ask you?”

Sehun sucks hard, licking at the broken skin. “No need. Let’s go.”


Clothes are thrown off as soon as they close the door. Kai pushes Sehun against the wall, wrapping the  long legs around his waist while his mouth is busy mapping the other’s fair neck. Sehun mewls, clawing down Kai’s back.


Kai doesn’t waste a second and he carries Sehun to his bedroom, unceremoniously throwing the boy to the bed and Sehun giggles when he bounces lightly, opening his legs as wide as he can for Kai to settle in between. Kai kisses him once again and Sehun cups the other’s ass cheeks, kneading the flesh while he thrusts his hips for their cocks to brush against each other.

“Kai, I want you.”

The heat leaves him and Sehun is suddenly flipped around, ass in the air, moaning desperately when he feels hot air hit his puckered hole.

The pad of Kai’s thumb presses down on the tight entrance and he massages the skin for a moment, watching Sehun beg like a whore for him, and only him. For the first time, his heart swells at the sight of someone begging for his touch, and not at the sound of breaking bones.

He thinks the torture is enough and he dives in, sucking on Sehun’s hole as the other cries out. His tongue runs over the skin again and again before it slithers its way past the ring of muscles to lick eagerly on the velvety walls. Sehun curses and Kai lands a slap on one of the cheeks, feeling it jiggle under his palm.

“More, more. Kai,

Kai kisses Sehun’s hole and sucks once on the perineum, snorting when Sehun’s balls tightened even more and his cock twitches. When Kai pulls away, Sehun is given a moment to catch his breath before something bigger starts to open him up, pulsing and completely dry.

“It’s gonna hurt like a bitch.”

“I don’t care, just give it to me. Please…”

Kai grunts when he pushes further, feeling the walls stretch around him. It’s harder since he didn’t coat himself, but Sehun is sucking him in so good, so hot. When he’s finally bottomed out, he’s tempted to just start fucking, but something tells him to check on the other if Sehun’s alright, so he does.

“Can I…move now?”

Sehun wipes the drool on the corner of his mouth and sends Kai a salacious smile.

“I must say, don’t stop.”

The grunt that leaves Kai’s mouth makes Sehun’s cock twitch and then he’s being jostled as Kai mercilessly pounds into him. The burn in his insides are much too strong but the pleasure kicks in when the blunt tip of Kai’s cock instantly finds his spot and Sehun only cries harder, faster. Kai spreads Sehun’s cheeks open and watches his cock slip in and out of the reddened hole, growling when he hears a squelch every time he thrusts so deep. Sehun pushes himself up and drags Kai by the neck to kiss him, moaning against the plump lips. Hands finds their way on Sehun’s torso and he gasps sharply as fingers pull and twist his nipples, nails scratching lightly around the areola. Kai’s thrusts seemed to only go harder as minutes passed by, with Sehun mewling in pure lust having his tongue sucked by the other.


Kai breaks the open-mouthed kiss and brushes his lips on Sehun’s nape, eyes glued on the lamp on the nightstand. His hands grip Sehun’s hips tighter, so hard that it will surely leave ugly bruises on unblemished skin but maybe it’s okay, leaving bruises on Sehun is better than letting himself grab the lamp to smash it across Sehun’s head. The voices are soft, a low buzzing sound in his ear and they gradually grow louder when another minute ends and Sehun is still alive, still moaning out his name. Kai nuzzles his face on the crook of Sehun’s neck and focuses on Sehun’s breathing, on the pretty noises he’s making.

“Go away.”

Sehun chokes on a sob when Kai grabs the neglected cock, pumping it in sync with his thrusts. A few more strokes later, his body spasms while white strings shoot out of his cock and hit the crumpled sheets. It doesn’t take Kai long when Sehun tightens painfully around him and he spills his load in Sehun’s ass, slowly pulling out when he’s limp.

“I won’t be able to go to class tomorrow but it’s worth it.”

They cuddle later, forgetting the mess they left on the sheets. Kai lightly traces Sehun’s skin with his fingers, pretending that the need to keep the other close is for mere warmth. When Sehun’s finally asleep, Kai opens a drawer and pulls out a black recorder.

“It’s me. I’m here to tell you about a boy. He’s Sehun…”

Kai continues to narrate as quiet as he can. When the other stirs, he turns off the recorder and hides it before switching off the lamp.

The voices die down as darkness filled the room.



“I feel so sticky. Mind if I take a shower?”

Sehun forces himself out of bed. Kai comes in with freshly cooked food and gives him a clean towel.

“Go on.”

His legs are on fire as well as his bottom but Sehun won’t stay in bed with dried cum on his skin. The bathroom is big enough with a tub so he fills it with lukewarm water before stepping in, sighing as his muscles start to loosen.

When he thinks he’s stayed long enough in the tub, Sehun unplugs it to drain the water and stands up, reaching for the shampoo. He almost pours it in his hand when he reads acid and he jerks, dropping the bottle on the floor.

“Are you okay in there? I heard something drop.”

“Y-yeah! The shampoo slipped out of my hand.”

Sehun eyes the door before picking up the bottle, thankful that nothing spilled. He puts it back and reaches for the bottle next to it, reading the label before continuing to wash up.




“Where are you going? Are you not going to the orientation?”

Sehun slips his shoes on and walks past Chanyeol who’s currently finishing a bowl of cereal.

“No, I have a date.”

“Again? You’ve been going on dates with this dude but you never introduced him to us.”

“You’re also not admitting your feelings for Baekhyun, but did I question you?”

Chanyeol frowns and throws the spoon at Sehun, missing his aim and it hits the floor instead. Sehun snorts and grabs his phone.

“I’m straight, you fool!”

“Says the bigger fool. Don’t wait for me!”




Sehun chews on a tapioca ball and glances at Kai. The other isn’t touching his milktea and he seems like he’s in deep thought, mind miles away from them.

“You know, we’ve been hanging out but I still don’t know much about you.” There’s a gurgling noise when Sehun sips and he glances down to see an empty cup. “I only know that you’re obsessed with gore movies, judging from your DVD collection.”

Kai finally looks at him and hums. “That’s all there is to me.”

“I doubt it. You just don’t want to talk a lot.” That’s the first thing Sehun observed about Kai. The man doesn’t really talk much and shows little emotion. When he does, it’s usually a smile that doesn’t look too friendly for it doesn’t reach his eyes. Sehun thought they’d be closer after that night, but he’s wrong. Kai seemed to become even more distant, even though he agrees all the time whenever Sehun invites him out.

Kai eyes the empty cup in Sehun’s hand and takes a sip of his own, frowning when two tapioca balls manage to slip into the straw.

“Dates don’t work this way. You should tell me about yourself.”

“This is a date?”

Sehun mirrors Kai’s frown and crosses his arms over his chest, leaning back. “I’ve been asking you out several times after we had sex. What do you think this is?”

“I don’t date.”

Sehun snorts and Kai continues to drink his milktea.

“Then I guess we’ll have to change that.”



Sehun drops himself on the couch and stretches out, grunting. “Say, bowling is fun, right?”

“I guess.”

“You guess.”

Kai goes straight to bedroom, leaving Sehun to entertain himself as he flips through channels.

“Um, I want ice cream.”

“I have meat in the fridge, go cook for yourself.”

Sehun rolls his eyes and stops changing channels when he sees a replay of Red Velvet’s Bad Boy. “Go out and get us some ice cream, please?”

Kai emerges from the bedroom and stares at Sehun for a few seconds before grabbing his coat from the hanger. “Don’t touch anything, I hate mess.” And he’s out of the house after that. Sehun mumbles something under his breath, about how the other acts so weird sometimes. Bad Boy ends seconds later and news cuts in, effectively pissing Sehun off.

“What the hell.”

He lowers the volume of the television and looks around, whistling before he gets up and decides that boredom won’t keep his sanity.

The apartment isn’t too big. Sehun walks around the kitchen, raising a brow at the row of knives in the rack. Does he need this much? He opens the fridge, crouching as he scans the content and nods at the sight of vitamin bottles and fruits, with two juice boxes and bottled water. In the freezer are plastic containers filled with what Sehun assumed is meat. When he’s back in the living room, he scanned the books in the shelf. Most of them are poetry books, the rest are novels.

“The Gates of Hell.”

He runs a finger down the novel’s spine and leaves, darting towards the bedroom. He’s only been here twice – first is when they had sex and second is when he picked up the other for a date hangout. The front door was unlocked and he found Kai mopping the floor. It smelled like bleach that time.

Kai is a minimalist. There isn’t much in his room aside from the necessary – a bed, a nightstand and a closet. He sees a dumbbell peeking out from under the bed and Sehun guesses it’s what Kai uses to work out. Those arm muscles were firm under his touch during that night.

A black box catches his attention. Sehun takes it and sits on the bed. It has a lock though it’s open and he knows he’s invading now, but Kai isn’t back yet and Sehun’s curiosity’s about to kill him so he opens it, only to find a bunch of Polaroid pictures.

He doesn’t know who’s in each photo, but everyone’s naked. Some are tied, gagged, blindfolded. Most of them are boys and there are a few girls. Sehun picks up a particular photo and his heart stops as he looks at himself. It’s different – he’s clothed. He’s the only one clothed and he remembers those clothes. Those are the ones he’s wearing when Kai brought him over for the first time.

“Why… what are these photos for…”

Sehun feels chills run up his spine and he quickly puts the pictures back in the box, wanting to put it out of his sight only to trip in haste and then in a blink of an eye everything’s scattered on the floor. He feels panic rise up and he crouches to start picking them up before noticing the odd placement of a mat at the foot of the bed. There’s a picture stuck under and he pushes the mat aside, revealing a door. The length is about half of him. He doesn’t know what it is for but it’s probably leading to a basement.

His heart rate keeps heightening, and he knows he shouldn’t check what’s inside the basement but it’s better safe than sorry. Kai has been nothing but distant and odd. It won’t hurt to make sure he’s not in danger, right?

Sehun glances at the living room before pulling the door open.

The staircase leading down isn’t long. It’s completely dark under, saved by the little light coming from above. Sehun left the door open just in case. A pungent smell hits his nose and Sehun fights the urge to gag before he finds the switch on the wall.

What he sees in the basement makes him fall to the ground, pale and trembling.

Skulls are arranged on ledges. Melted candles surround the skulls and Sehun finally notices the pictures attached all over the walls. The people are the same ones he had seen in the box except that he’s nowhere. Kai hasn’t put him up just yet.

Despite the violent shudders he’s feeling throughout his body, Sehun forces himself to stand up. He approaches the freezer at the corner, already having inkling on what’s inside. His shaking hands quickly open it and bile rises up his throat, and he’s a second too late to cover his mouth when he vomits all over the severed head. Tears fill Sehun’s vision as he falls on the ground again, losing all the energy at once. He’s so confused. He doesn’t know what to do. His legs won’t help him up and he’s starting to suffer from a panic attack. He thinks about the meat in the fridge and he vomits all over himself, finally realizing that he’s probably eaten human flesh.

“Do you want me to explain?”

Sehun whips himself around and looks at Kai. The other is carrying a plastic bag and Sehun remembers that he was out to get them both ice cream.

Kai eyes the vomit on Sehun’s shirt and pulls out a handkerchief.

“Don’t! Stay where you are! Oh my God..”

Sehun leans against the wall to support himself as he stands up, legs buckling visibly.

“You’re fucking sick. You killed all of these people, didn’t you? You’re going to kill me, Kai?!” Sehun heaves and angrily wipes the tears away. “Are you going to put my head on top of your fucking altar?!”

Kai’s face doesn’t give anything away. He puts the plastic bag down and stares right back at Sehun.

“I wanted to, every single time. I wanted to slice your throat at the store that night. I wanted to smash your head when you were writhing in my bed. I wanted to open up your stomach when you were drinking that sweet tea. Believe me, I wanted to.”

“Y-you’re a psycho. You disgust me. W-what are you gonna do? Are you gonna kill me now that I’ve discovered this you fucking demon?!” Sehun looks around, scanning the room in haste before looking back at the other. “Your knives are upstairs, Kai. You can’t kill me, yet. Not so soon.” He then shakily points at Kai’s pocket. “Give me your phone. I’m gonna call the police.”

Kai doesn’t move an inch. He continues to look at Sehun with the same dark eyes, except that they look even duller as they watch Sehun’s trembling form.

“Come on, Kai. Don’t make this harder for the both of us…”



Kai sat on the pavement, hugging a baseball bat. It was dark outside, past 7 in the evening and the only thing that illuminated the street was a flickering lamp post. He heard chattering from a distance and saw the trio approaching. When they saw him, two of them left, patting their friend on the shoulder before leaving.

“What you doin’ here, freak? Waiting for me?”

“You tripped me on the field practice earlier.”

The boy snorted and rubbed his hands together, eyeing the baseball bat. “What – are you gonna beat me up? What can those twig arms do?”

“Kill you.”

Kai watched the boy clench his fist before launching at him. But before the other could land a punch, Kai swiftly dodged it and swung the bat, hitting the boy on the head. The boy was thrown to the ground, unconscious and bleeding. Kai stared, watching the blood make a small puddle.

He hit the boy again and again until he heard the skull crack. Blood splattered on his face and he smiled at the sight.

“I told you, you’d regret it.”

Kai stopped hitting and let go of the bat. He threw the disposable gloves behind the bush and spat on the corpse before walking away, humming.

‘He holds the gun against my head

I close my eyes and bang I am dead

I know he knows that he’s killing me for mercy.’



“Come on, Kai. Don’t make this harder for the both of us…”

He takes in all of Sehun - his pale face, his trembling lips and shaking hands, his dirty clothes and his face that lost hope. Hope for what? Kai doesn’t want to be saved.

He pulls out his phone and dials a number. Kai continues to stare at Sehun, trying to tattoo the other’s image in the back of his mind just in case this will be the last time they’re going to see each other.

“Hello. I’m reporting a murder…”



Sehun enters the visitation area. He sits on a stool and looks at Kai behind the glass that separates them. The other’s face has sunken and dark circles formed under his eyes. His hair has grown longer and the stubble on his chin is showing. He looks horrible – but at the same time, he’s still the most beautiful man Sehun has ever seen. Except that everything inside his head is anything but beautiful.

He picks up the telephone that will allow them to talk to each other and Kai does the same.

“Hey, Kai.”


Sehun releases a shaky breath. Kai’s voice still manages to make him feel something, even just for a little bit, after all this time.

“It’s been two months.”

“Really? I’m not counting. I don’t know if it’s day or night.”

“It’s 10 A.M.”

“Oh. Good morning.”

“Yeah. Have you eaten?”

“Yes. Although asylum food doesn’t taste as good as what I used to have.”

Sehun doesn’t respond for a moment before he places a hand against the glass. “You’ll get better.”

“I don’t want to.”

Kai smiles and it reaches his eyes. For a second, Sehun felt like they’re back in the past. He remembers the time when they finally exchanged numbers and Kai frowned when Sehun called. They were just sitting next to each other.

“I have a question.”

“Ask away.”

“This is a stupid question due to so many reasons but… did you ever feel something for me?”

The smile fades from Kai’s face and he looks down, drumming his fingers on the desk. Sehun waits patiently – he knows the answer, but there’s a little spark in his chest, and although the scene in the basement keeps replaying in his mind, he wants to hold on to the smallest possibility that maybe, for a moment he made Kai feel normal.

Kai puts the phone down and Sehun stands up in utter confusion as he calls for the attendant. Sehun watches as she takes him away.

Sehun pretends that the rejection didn’t hurt.



He’s in the dorm, sprawled on his bed and reading a chapter of The Gates of Hell when he receives a call from the asylum. Sehun’s heart stops for the second time since the night he discovered Kai’s secret and he bolts out the door to head to the asylum, only wearing his pajamas and a pair of slippers.

“Mr. Oh Sehun? This is from the asylum. We called you because patient 67 was found dead in one of the shower rooms. Please come as soon as possible for a – “

Sehun pushes past the door and grabs the nurse who attempted to walk past him. “Where is he? Where’s Kai?! Why is he fucking dead?!” Tears blur his vision and Sehun is taken by the attendant to the office. A doctor and a cop greet him before he’s asked to sit down.

Kai had been murdered by another patient who had an episode and attacked the person nearest to him. According to the investigation, the other patient deliberately slammed Kai’s head against the wall, and Kai did nothing to fight back.

“We are deeply sorry for what had happened. It’s our fault that we didn’t watch the patients closely. Here, we found something in his room. It seems like a letter and it’s addressed to you.”

Sehun goes back to the dorm with a bag of Kai’s clothes and books that he read to kill time while in his room. Chanyeol leaves, saying that Baekhyun called for him but Sehun knows that his roommate is just being nice, giving him the space that he needs.

He sits on the bed and pulls out the letter.


I don’t know why I’m writing you a letter. I guess this is how I will tell you the things I can’t say in person. It’s nice here. The nurses are nice. The doctors are nice. They ask me a lot of things, repeating the questions every day but it’s fine. Sometimes it’s tiring to repeat my answers.


I realized I never apologized – and I will never, if that’s what you’re waiting for. All the things I did, I don’t regret any of them. I did them willingly. I wanted to do them. Killing was my passion – just like yours are dancing and studying, and I know you’ll be a great forensic psychologist someday. I wanted to say that one day you will be the one to work on my case.


I wanted to kill you, Sehun. The way you looked at me was no different from the others. They wanted me just as much as you did but you didn’t take advantage. I think that’s the reason why I thought you were one of a kind, a mystery. But just like Bowen said, “No object is mysterious. The mystery is your eye.” I fell into the trap.


And lastly, as for your question – no. I never felt anything special for you.


I guess I’m sorry. ‘Til the next letter, then.




Kim Kai




Sehun quickly folds the paper when a teardrop wets it. He chuckles and presses his lips on the paper while letting his heart break once more and perhaps, for the last time.

“I hate you, Kai. You’re the worst.”



Yellow tapes with CRIME SCENE – DO NOT ENTER in bold block the doorway. Sehun takes them off and steps inside the bedroom. It’s a mess, with everything thrown upside down because of the investigation. He knows he’s contaminating the crime scene – but at this point, he ran out of fucks to give.

He sits on the bed and opens a drawer, finding a black recorder. Kai’s voice speaks when he presses play.

It’s me. I’m here to tell you about a boy. He’s Sehun, and I can’t kill him. You know, he has a fair skin. I’d like to scrape it off his bones but it’s too smooth and soft. I’m caressing it instead. His eyes – they’re bright. They turn into crescents when he smiles. Sometimes it blinds me. We just had sex but he’s sleeping next to me at the moment. I wanted to kill him, you know. When his orgasm hit him, I wanted to reach for the lamp and crush his head in. But at that moment, he was so beautiful. Tell me, am I allowed to have this person in my arms? When I was kissing him, I thought my heart would burst. That’s impossible, right? I’ve said more than I should. Let’s see if this one stays longer.”

The recording repeats a few more times. Sehun turns it off and puts it in his pocket before exiting the apartment.



“Sehun, dear, dinner’s ready. Come down when you feel hungry, okay?”

He waits until the sound of footsteps disappeared. It’s semestral break and he’s back home. Sehun clicks another video and hugs his knees, eyes glued on the screen where SAW III is playing.



Daiquiri doesn’t taste as good compared to when he drank together with Kai. Sehun swirls his drink while watching everyone dance. The bass thumps through his veins and the strong urge to join in the dance floor itches inside him but he chooses not to – he might forget what he came here for.

“What’s a sexy thing like you doing here all alone?”

Sehun eyes the unwanted presence next to him. The boy has blonde hair and doe eyes. Cute, little thing.

“What do you do in the club.”

The boy laughs and asks the bartender for the same drink Sehun has. “I’m Luhan.”

Sehun doesn’t say anything more. He watches the people dance again when he feels a tug on his sleeve.

“Wanna go with me?”

The look Luhan gives him makes Sehun say yes.



Sehun tosses the shorter boy in bed and Luhan grins, taking off his clothes. When Sehun joins him and starts to work on his pants, Luhan holds the other’s hands.

“Before you see me naked, tell me your name first so I know what to scream.”

Sehun stares into the other’s eyes, seeing nothing but lust and mischief. He mirrors the boy’s smile and leans in, whispering.

“It’s Kai.”