Your name is Kurloz Makara and you have no idea how your crazy asshole of a best friend convinced you to move in with him.
Mituna Captor had been your best friend since way back in middle school. You two had been stuck in the same ‘special’ lunch club together, which mostly involved giving your councillor mandatory updates on how you were getting on with ‘regular’ students and teaching each other swear words in sign language. When he moved away a couple of years later you never lost contact. Sure, you didn't spend as much time together as you used to, but one of you would always make the effort to come round and visit in the school holidays. Except, that wasn't a problem anymore. You were now twenty, had no ties whatsoever and ready to live your life as a real, functioning adult.
But honestly, you had no idea how to do that.
So here you were, unpacking numerous items of clothing, most of which are black, into the cabinet of Mituna's spare room. You're actually quite surprised that he's doing better than you- back when you were young you had always assumed that you would be the one with the apartment, and the girlfriend, and the steady job, but no. You had no means to care for him. You had to come here for his help, instead.
Not that you're bitter about it. Okay, so you're a little bitter about it. Your girlfriend, well, now ex-girlfriend, had left you not two weeks ago. This was the prompt for you to get you act together in the first place- who needed romance anyway? Nobody successful ever married their high school sweetheart.
You're coming up with excuses again. You’re pretty sure you should start embracing the truth of your feelings, but that tends to put you in a bad mood. You totally would have married her, and been damn happy about it. Meulin was perfect in literally ever way, for you at least. The first week after the break up was spent sulking in your bedroom about how you were never going to find anyone ever again who could tolerate you- like, actually enjoy your company tolerate you- and listening to loud, angry rap music to try and clear your head. This was when your asshole little brother stepped in and told you to, and I quote, 'get a life, already.'
Who knew such simple, cliché words could have such an impact?
For about twenty seconds you found yourself inspired to burn the photo album you'd put together of your life back home- you and Meulin had made it together just before graduation, which had been a nice thing to share with your friend group. Gamzee wouldn't let you, however, and decided he'd give it to Meulin when she came over to collect her things.
It had killed you inside, compiling that little box of stuff shed left in your house. A couple shirts, the Arctic Monkeys CD she lent you and you didn't like, three tubes of dark coloured lipstick you’d deny having tried on, and more hairpins than you could count. There was a lot more stuff in there, you're sure, because it took you three whole days of slugging around your room to get all her stuff together, but you can't remember half of it right now. There was a dildo in there somewhere, but that wasn't really worth noting.
And you're kind of glad Gamzee didn't let you burn your memories, because now Meulin could have them, and you don't think that memories burn up her head and fill her lungs with acid like they do to you. You’re glad she has it. She was always a lot more sentimental than you and could probably look back on those photos with fondness instead of the gut-churning sense of loss you felt. You hope she's happier, now she's not with you.
Mituna's girlfriend is great. Or should you say, 'radical'. She lives on the other side of town and goes to the same college as Mituna does, and when you met her for the first time she talked at you for a good seven minutes before realising you were mute. It was funny to you, at least, but she was mortified. You like Latula.
It's just hard to believe that Mituna, who you had thought you'd be looking after way ito his late forties, had his life so sorted. And then there's you, who cried hysterically on the drive over here because you didn't want to leave your brother alone in that house with that shitlord you call a father. Gamzee wouldn't let you stay, though, spewing inspirational bullshit about 'finding your own path', and 'becoming who you're supposed to be'. You swear that kids high off his ass half the time anyway. You still feel guilty for leaving him.
Mituna signs something at you after getting your attention- usually to do that he waves all big and crazy with his arms, which is weird because he always pretends like your deaf even though he knows better. It's kind of cute, actually, but you're pretty sure he could be less obnoxious about it.
See, Mituna happens to suffer from Asperger's syndrome, which basically cuts him out of the loop in most social situations. You'd feel bad for him, but he seems to be doing well in life so far, so you can't bring yourself to feel too bad about your best friends disability. His Asperger's compromises his existence about as much as being selectively mute compromises yours. That is to say, a fair bit, but your friends are cool about it.
Oh yeah, your friends. Those were some faces you were never going to see again. You always had a weird issue with friendship to begin with, and now that you had moved halfway across the damn country, you weren't in the best way to keep contact. It's not like you were popular anyway, but you still felt a little guilty for taking off like that, especially without saying goodbye. Gamzee would do that for you, you suppose.
What was Mituna signing? You kind of zoned out there for a second and he looks frustrated. Better get your wicked listen on.
::What?:: You sign at him apologetically. He perks up when he knows you're paying attention.
::Latula's having a party tonight, so obviously I'm going:: he leaves then, and you're a little put out.
First night of living with your best friend and he's going out to a party. Nice. When Gamzee had told you to 'get out there and let loose', you don't think this is the lifestyle he imagined. Maybe if you were going to the party- no that would be stupid. You hate parties. People just give you funny looks and you spend the whole time getting drunk in the corner and Meulin can't even hear the music so what's the point-
Fuck. No. Forget Meulin. That's not what you should be worrying about. Instead you follow Mituna into the kitchenette, where he's busy intently watching the toaster. It pops and he squeals, jumping back before leaning in to inspect the toast, finding an appropriate angle at which to remove it from the toaster without getting burnt.
You watch this for a while in good humour- you always enjoyed Mituna's strange approach to everyday things. You tap him on the shoulder and he turns to face you, surprised that you had witnessed that small battle with the toaster. You raise both hands to your shoulders and shrug.
He looks confused for a second, and then starts laughing. He apparently decides to register that you can hear this time because he talks to you while buttering his toast "Oh thit, thorry Kurloth. You're invited, too. Fuck, I can't believe I forgetted that bit." He takes one bite of the toast and looks excited "You can meet all our friendth! Actually, thome of them aren't my friendth, jutht athholeth, but it'th thtill cool, I gueth."
::What are your friends like?:: You ask, curious.
He seems to think for a second, scratching at his bright blonde mane of hair. It's not as big as yours, of course, but is a lot less cared for. Your dreadlocks are fucking huge and immaculate and you pride yourself on just how great they look. But enough about your hair, more about the people you might be meeting tonight.
"Well, you know Latula. She's totes rad." He snickers and shoves a bunch of toast in his mouth, deciding to speak with his hands instead.
::Rufioh and Horuss will be there. They're cool. Also gay together and kind of creepy, but cool. You won't like Rufioh, he's not your type of human:: he shakes his head sadly, as if this is some kind of huge deal ::Porrim will come, and she's super nice and will probably talk to you for a long time. Also single:: he winks ::Meenah and Aranea are in lesbians with eachother and super crazy, Damara is kind of hot but don't hit on her because she will beat you up:: he falters here, trying to remember if there's anyone he's forgetting ::oh, and Porrim will bring Kankri. He'll love you because you're supposedly 'less able' and that's a good talking point::
You consider yourself blessed with the knowledge of how eloquent and smart Mituna is when he talks with his hands. Most people assume he's dumb because of his disorder and lisp, but you know for a fact that he's a lot smarter than anyone gives him credit for.
He finishes the last of his toast and throws his plate in the sink, narrowly avoiding breaking the china. You figure it's a good thing that you're going to be living with him from now on- probably a lot less accidents around the house "And if anyone inviteth Cronuth I'm thpit on him. Fucking, fucking pith on hith foot. Fucking- wha… Fuck. Fuck."
Mituna's hands flew into his hair, pulling at it with more force than necessary. You pull his hands away in an attempt to stop him hurting himself, and instead he latches his iron grip onto your wrists.
"Thorry. My wordth got weird again." When he looks at you there's shame in his eyes and you decide that this is a good time to hug him. Mituna doesn't like physical contact, and has very few exceptions. Namely: you, Lautula, and his brother Sollux who you've met a few times and decided that while he obviously cares a great deal for Mituna, he isn't very good at looking after him.
By the time you leave you're kind of looking forward to the party. You helped Mituna pick out some clothes after twenty minutes of arguing that he looks fine and can totally just go in the Pikachu onesie he's been wearing all day. He insists that he wants to look nice for Latula and so you dig through his wardrobe, throwing some jeans and a stripy yellow sweater in his direction, along with some bumblebee themed boxers just because they made you laugh. He doesn't question this, taking off his onesie so fast you forget to avert your eyes, and outwardly cringe at the sight of a cackling, butt-naked Mituna.
You're out of the room in seconds, smiling at the jumbled taunts and curses from the other room. Five minutes later Mituna barges in on you getting changed, and insists that he gets to pick out your clothes, because you chose for him and it wasn't fair.
So sitting in the driver's seat of the car you swear you only just got out of, you head off, Mituna giving you directions to Latula's place the entire way. What did he dress you in, you wonder? Well, he'd already decided for you that you needed to get laid so you were going to hit on Porrim tonight, and so dressed you 'appropriately' (he wouldn't let you wear the skeleton suit. You love the skeleton suit). This consisted of the tightest black jeans you own, and a patterned green t-shirt he'd pulled from his own closet. It was far too small for you and was way too tight even up against your lanky frame, so your hipbones were just about on show. This was finished off with that leather jacket you often forget you still have, and Mituna loudly declares that you look 'sexy'.
You completely disagree. You'd rather be wearing the skin-tight leather skeleton costume you're so fond of, but Mituna insists that he's not taking someone in a gimp suit to his girlfriend's party so that's that. You're there in under ten minutes- she may live all the way across town, but it's a pretty small town. You'd officially upgraded from shithole middle-of-nowhere Ohio to shithole California junkie beach town. You're a little anxious about this party.
People don't tend to like you. You're weird. You wanted to wear a skeleton suit out in public. A real leather god damn skeleton suit. You mentally slap yourself- why is Mituna the one normalising you?
"Hey Tuna- Oh shit! It's Kurloz! My main man, what's goin' on?"
Latula opens the door to her house- it's big, so you assume she still lives with her parents- and greets you with more enthusiasm than you could probably force out in your entire life. You give her a double thumbs up and she takes this as an invitation to hug you, which you don't particularly mind. Mituna pulls her straight off of you and demands some attention in the form of a kiss, which leaves you standing there awkwardly until they're finished.
"We're going to thet him up with Porrim." Mituna whispers and then giggles as you slap a hand across your forehead. You don't actually want to be set up with anyone- you kind of just got out of a three year relationship.
Latula giggles with him and you just kind of smile at them. Luckily, you remembered that little notebook you brought with you while travelling, and proceed to scribble out a message in pencil. It reads: It's his idea. I'm not looking for partners at the moment. She looks over it and raises an eyebrow, but then just slaps your arm and drags you further inside.
"Oh come on, that doesn't mean you can't talk to a pretty girl, does it?" she questions and you shrug, allowing yourself to succumb to the loud music and chatty partygoers.
You briefly wonder what you've gotten yourself into.