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Strength is in Moving On

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Hi! It's Izuku, but you guys already knew that. The story I am about to tell you is not meant to upset you or make you sad. I want it to inspire you! Inspire you to grown, move on and be strong. So before I get into my story I wrote a little something for you, I hope it helps!

 

Dear Reader,

Have you ever known when you’ve lost the love of your life? Steadily watch them slip away even though you’ve tried your hardest to hold them close, cradling them to your chest? And then finally realize it’s time to let them go no matter how much it hurts? As Deborah Reber once said “Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”

I should have known better, actually I do know better, I just didn’t want to accept it. For over 5 weeks I watched my ‘Suki come into the house at odd hours of the night, always have plans with a certain someone else, and not touch me [whether it be sexually or intimately]. We’d fallen into this routine of me pretending like I don’t know what’s going on, and him pretending like I don’t know.

 Telling this story is hard for me, because ‘Su-Katsuki [sorry it’s still hard for me to call him Katsuki, I’m working on it…] is my first and only true love. People say I am crazy and that time will heal all wounds, but this is one wound that will never heal properly. I am sure that one day I will love again and will be happy, but I also know that Katsuki Bakugou holds a certain piece of my heart and my soul.

I just want to clear somethings up, I know I should hate him down to my very core, but I am still in love with him, a few months is not enough time for me to fully heal [but I am getting better] and loving him for practically 20 years of my life makes it hard to hate him. I have wonderful friends who are very supportive, and a mother who is so amazing. Katsuki’s parents have also been so very helpful.

I haven’t had the guts to see either of them yet, I don’t think I have completely forgiven them. I know that I must forgive, not only for them but for myself, but it’s hard. I don’t wish them ill-will, I love Katsuki way too much to wish him unhappy, and Kirishima was once an amazing friend to me, and I also don’t wish him unhappy. Some people say that I shouldn’t wish them so much happiness that I should be angry. I was angry… I’m still angry and I’m hurt so very very hurt. I want to scream and cry and Detroit Smash them in the face, but I can’t, and I won’t, because I don’t want to see them hurt like I hurt.

SO this is what I have to say:

To anybody reading this that has been cheated on. Who has watched the love of their life slip away. Who watched them fall out of love with you and into like, lust, or love with another. Who has had to pick up the shattered pieces of their heart and find a way to glue them together, knowing that it will never quite be the same again… We can do this. We can get better. We can... fuck we can be strong! We are heroes [even if that is not your profession], our own personal saviours. Even though everything reminds you of him, her, they. Even though you can’t eat certain foods or hear certain songs. Even though laughing feels forced, fake and you just want to go home a cry and shovel your favourite ice cream down your throat while binge watching your favourite tv show or anime or movies. Even though it takes forever to feel normal. Even though you can’t say their name or see their picture without choking on sobs and wanting to vomit. It will get better. You don’t need him, her, they. You have you! You’re a badass. You handled your shit before they came along, and damn it, you can handle your shit after they are gone. One day baby-girl,boy,person, they will wake up and realize the person that loved them the most, that sacrificed the most to be with them, that completed them is gone, and the only one they have to blame is themselves.

“Some people think holding on, staying and fighting is what makes us strong; but sometimes true strength is having the ability to let go and walk away.” Manipulation of the quote by Hermann Hesse.

I believe in you, I believe in us!

 

-Love Izuku Midoriya <3

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Dear Journal,

Kacchan and I decided to form a hero duo! It took a lot to get us here, but there is no one else I would trust with my life. Many people thought I was crazy to form a duo with Kacchan, but they don’t understand him like I do. The thing about Kacchan that people don’t know is that while he may seem harsh and abrasive on the outside, it is simply a façade for the frightened insecure boy below. It has taken us the entire three years at UA to be able to build a friendship. I’m not saying it was easy, but we made it here. We can talk to each other as equals, work together and know that no matter how we feel we have each other’s back. I am excited for the future journal!! It’s Kacchan and I together! I have waited my entire life for this moment. I know we can do great things together, All Might even said we could. How crazy is that?? ALL MIGHT said Kacchan and I will be the greatest duo to ever be heroes if we can continue to grow and trust each other. We will NOT let All Might down. PLUS ULTRA. Well, I must go journal, if I don’t help Kacchan finish the paperwork to register as a pro-hero duo he will explode my face. BYE JOURNAL.

-Izuku Midoriya 

 

Dear Journal,

Today was graduation. I. CAN. NOT. BELIEVE. THAT. I. AM. OFFICIALLY. A. HERO. And with Kacchan by my side. It was amazing, everyone was there, my mom cried so you know I cried. I’m sorry journal, I know I’m a cry-baby, but I couldn’t help it, it was graduation. They announced that Kacchan and I were the first pro-hero duo since the 80’s, that’s wild. We have so many offers from different agencies!! Kacchan and I have no idea where we want to go. We know that we will work in someone’s agency for a little while, to get some experience, but we definitely know that we want to open our own.

Deku and Ground Zero Agency

Ground Zero and Deku Agency

Wonder Duo Inc

The Wonder Duo Agency

I like that one! The Wonder Duo, that is what we have been dubbed as by the media. Deku and Ground Zero. Izuku and Katsuki. Midoriya and Bakugou. The Wonder Duo. I’m so HAPPY journal. This day is the best day of my life.

Guess what??? Kacchan even said “Good job Nerd”. Holy HELL journal. KACCHAN said that. Speaking of Kacchan, I better go, I know he wants to take pictures because he is in a suit, and don’t let him fool you, he could be a model just like this mom with how much he loves having his picture taken. BYE Journal!

-Izuku “Deku” Midoriya of the Wonder Duo 

 

Dear Journal,

Kacchan and I had our first patrol today AND we moved into our apartment. SO today was a busy day. I won’t write a lot because I am sooooo exhausted, but I feel obligated since it was such a big day. It was crazy how many people recognized us, and we haven’t even had out first “official” fight debut. We just patrolled, there was villain activity, but not in our zone so we couldn’t go help, which really upset Kacchan. Do you know how much paperwork is involved in hero work? I mean they tell us there is a lot, but we were not prepared…like at all. How in the Hell do we have so much paperwork and it was only our first day, and we didn’t even really do anything. Kacchan complained the. Whole. Time.

Then we had to go home and unpack. My mom and Kacchan’s mom organized to have our stuffed picked up from their houses and moved to our apartment, which is nice. Yet we were exhausted and Kacchan was irritable and we still had so much unpacking to do, just to be able to watch a little tv, take a shower, sleep and be prepared for tomorrow.

We both fell asleep on the couch, and NOW it’s around one am. Kacchan just went and switched our clothes to the dryer, and I just grabbed us some pjs. Neither of us set up the bed, (yes, we are sharing a bed, it’s a big one, we are broke) and I was going to sleep on the floor, but Kacchan just grabbed me up without a word, and started snuggling with me on the couch, and is now fast asleep.

JOURNAL….

K.A.C.C.H.A.N

I REPEAT

K.A.C.C.H.A.N IS SNUGGLING ME!

THIS IS NOT A DRILL. I CHANGED MY MIND, THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

I better go before my moving wakes him up and I ruin this moment. Journal I am so happy. OMO. Bye journal! 

-Love Izuku “is-being-snuggled-by-Katsuki-Bakugou-on-our-couch” Midoriya

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Dear Journal,

OMO.OMO.OMO.OMO.OMO.OMO.OMO.OMO.OMO.OMO.OMO.OMO.OMO I don’t even know what else to say. I feel like I am dreaming. This must be a dream. Someone pinch me.

.

.

.

.

Ow okay that was horrible, I said that out loud and Kacchan literally ran out of the kitchen to pinch me. Ugh Jerk.

.

.

But a wonderfully jerk, a beautiful jerk, a lovable dandelion looking mothafrakin jerk, a peanut butter and jell-icious jerk. A crimson eyed, luscious blonde fit-as-fuck jerk. Who is mine. mine. mine. mine.

.

.

Journal. Katsuki confessed to me today. And it was AMAZING. Okay maybe not amazing but for sure memorable. We were in mid-fight with a villain. It wasn’t a super dangerous villain, but he was a tricky one, one that required all of my attention.  All of a sudden, Katsuki Frick-Fracking Bakugou, mid explosions, says “DEKU. SO. WELL. I HAPPEN TO THINK YOUR STUPID FUCKING FRECKLES ARE ALL CUTE AN SHIT, AND I NO LONGER WANT TO PUNCH YOU EVERYTIME YOU BREATHE, AND THE MUMBLING IS STILL FUCKING ANNOYING AS FUCK…BUT I GUESS KINDA CUTE- ILL KILL YOU IF YOU REPEAT THAT. I THINK YOUR HAIR IS ACTUALLY PRETTY FUCKING SOFT-LIKE WHAT FUCKING CONDITIONER DO YOU USE, WAIT I SHOULD KNOW THAT. ANYWAY, I KINDA SORTA DON’T DISLIKE YOU LIKE ALL OF THESE OTHER FUCKING EXTRAS AND KINDA MAYBE SORTA WANT YOU TO BE MY BOYFRIEND OR MAYBE WHAT THE FUCK EVER. SO YEAH FUCK YOU”.

You know what happened? I got punched in the damn face. Like I froze, for just a second. I mean what else would you do when the man who was your childhood friend, bully, new friend in high school, hero partner for a full year, and not so secret crush of 4 years confesses to you. I lost my concentration for like 15 seconds and then got punched in the face. And you know what else?? KACCHAN GOT MAD AT ME. Mad. At. Me. When it was obviously his fault.

But it is okay, because now I have a boyfriend. Journal. Katsuki is my boyfriend. MY BOYFRIEND. And while many people might not think that what he said was very romantic, it was. He was so cute. His face was pink-washed from embarrassment not exertion, and he was yelling, but during parts of his speech, when I was able to make eye contact, his face softened just a bit. It softened with affection and fondness and I swore my heart just break-danced right up out of my chest.

Today is officially the best day of my life, black eye and all.

Well I better get going Kacchan is making my favourite dinner, and I just want to watch him. I love the way he moves. I’m going to go watch my boyfriend cook. Just know internally, I am hardcore fanboying. Bye Journal!!

-Love the Boyfriend of Bakugou Katsuki (omo)

 

 

Dear Journal,

So today is just a short entry, because Kacchan and I have to work a double…ugh. HOWEVER, today was another of our “firsts”. Kacchan held my hand. HE. HELD. MY. HAND. Journal. And not to pull me somewhere, or to pull me close to yell at me. We were walking to work, we had left around 3 am for our morning shift, and we were in civilian gear, and he just slipped his hand in mine, like it was nothing. He laced our fingers together journal, and all I wanted to do was let out a very unmanly scream, but I DIDN’T, thank gods I didn’t or Kacchan would have never let if go. I think he does know that I was freaking out, because I couldn’t help but kind of walk on the balls of my feet, with my cheeks flushed a deep scarlet, and he had this self-satisfied smirk on his face.

Honestly, I thought that his hand would get super slick, due to his quirk, and very rough from the explosions but I was surprised. His hand was a little slick, but dry for the most part. It was soooo warm. I know his body temperature is higher, but his hand is like the temperature of the perfect bath water. I feel so safe and warm when he holds my hand. And hot damn his hands were so smooth, there were a few rough patches but nowhere near where I though. I think it has to do with the nitro-glycerine. His complexion is flawless, and so are his hands. Woooo is it getting hot in here or is it just Katsuki? Hahaha, I make myself laugh.

Anyway, our break is almost over and if I don’t at least drink some water and eat a granola bar, Katsuki is going blow my face off. He’s such a caring boyfriend! Bye Journal!!

-Love Izuku “The One Who Holds Hands with Bakugou Katsuki” Midoriya

 

 

Dear Journal,

TWO TIMES IN ONE DAY, I KNOW THIS IS WILD.

Do you know what is the best feeling in the whole world?

The answer? Being in love.

Do you want to know the second best feeling in the whole word?

Bakugou Katsuki’s fucking lips. YEAH that’s right journal.

  1.                 KATSUKI.

We were sitting on the couch, and Kacchan was super into this show, it was explosions and guns and comedy and drama, and he was loving it. I wasn’t really into it, but I was really into Katsuki. The way the moon washed over his hair and made it almost translucent. The tv screen washed his face in shades of blue, orange and red. He was laughing, not that manic “I’m gonna kick everyone’s ass” laugh, but a belly-deep chuckle and it was a beautiful sound. He was sitting up, thighs splayed out and feet flat on the floor. His upper body was slightly angled toward me, one arm around my shoulders, and it allowed me to prop my upper body against his, as my legs were thrown over the arm of the couch dangling down. I was staring at his face, and it hit me. This beautiful, strong, amazing man is mine. I get to see him, relaxed and happy, and vulnerable. I couldn’t help myself and I just leaned up and brushed my lips against his.

His face was comical. His head whipped toward me so fast I thought his neck cracked, and his arms tightened around me so… I couldn’t escape I guess. His eyes were wide, and doe like for a moment, and he just stared at my face, tv forgotten. He paused for a few seconds and I though he was going to crash his lips onto mine, aggressive and full of passion just like Katsuki. But he brought his palms to my face and cradled my cheeks and with a soft smile on his face he just scoffed and shook his head fondly “You just had to you fucking nerd. I had this planned out and you just had to fuck it all up. That’s just like you Izuku. Stealing my thunder, and my heart”. Before I could respond he leaned his head down and captured my lips with his. He tasted like a little a hint of wasabi from dinner and a hint of cherries leftover from his Chapstick, which sounds disgusting, but was surprisingly… not. Even with his Chapstick his lips were a little rough but oh so warm. And he just kissed me, soft and sweet. Light like butterfly wings on your cheek in the summer. Then he leaned back and tucked me back into him, burying one hand in my curls and said “Let’s get back to the show…. Fucking cute ass nerd”.

Guys I love him. There is no other way to put it. I am so in love with him. That my heart literally feels like it is going to burst. I love Katsuki Bakugou. I want to scream it from the fucking ROOF TOPS. I know it is only been a month, but I think I have always known…. He’s my forever. Bye Journal!

-Love Izuku “Very-Smitten” Midoriya

 

 

Dear Journal,

Today marks a turning point for Katsuki and I. I did some thinking and decided that I no longer wanted to call Katsuki, Kacchan. I mean I will forever hold onto that nickname, but I feel that we have come to a turning point in our relationship together. The name Kacchan holds many wonderful memories, but also many non-wonderful memories. Now that we are together, and we have made it past 2 months and many emotional conversations we have come to a different chapter in our life together. I want to start this relationship fresh, not tainted by who we used to be, but who we are now and who we will become together.

I brought this up to Katsuki and he seemed to agree whole-heartedly. He feels the exact same way. I was staring at him and it just came to me. “’SUKI” I practically screamed out. His eyes narrowed at me and then sighed shaking his head “Of fucking course you’d pick an equally as embarrassing fucking nickname, you fucking shit.” He said to me.

He then looked at me and nodded as if agreeing with himself “Well if I’m ‘Suki than you’re ‘Zuku. Sound good?”

Journal I couldn’t help it, I teared up. I didn’t cry. I SWEAR, but I teared up.

He looked at me with exasperation and I ran into his arms.

“Still a fucking cry baby… ‘Zuku”

“I’m your fucking cry baby ‘Suki”

I’m not going to lie, it felt a little weird after years of calling him Kacchan, but it also felt right. I think ‘Suki agreed.

Man. I never thought in all my years, that I could ever be this happy. Bye Journal, I’m going to go cuddle and watch movies with my boyfriend… ‘Suki.

-Love ‘Zuku<3

 

 

Dear Journal,

It finally happened journal. We said the “L” word. And guess what!! I didn’t say it first. I’ve been trying very hard to wait, to not move to fast, to not scare him away. And he does this to me! My heart hasn’t stopped racing since he said it, and I am pretty sure my face is going to split open. Like seriously, I just sat on the couch for 15 minutes before I started writing, doing nothing but staring into the distance and smiling, like a lunatic. SO let me tell you how it happened.

Today is our day off, and we had so many chores to get done before we could just relax. We decided to just split the list, so it would get done faster. I took laundry and repairing our hero costumes while Katsuki took care of grocery shopping. Contrary to popular belief we split cooking, I can cook too, Katsuki just cooks more because he really enjoys it. So I was in the middle of working on his costume when he called me, this is how the conversation went:

“Yes ‘Suki?”

“’Zuku, I forgot to fucking check like a dumbass, do we need any almond milk? I swore we just fucking bought some, but you drink that shit like it’s water.”

“I don’t know, I’ll go check”

“Well hurry the fuck up, I don’t want to be recognized, and this weird redheaded bitch has been following me, and I swear to all that is holy I will explode her to kingdom come if she outs me, I swear to the gods. ‘ZUKU hurry the fuck up!”

“Yes ‘Suki we need almond milk. And I’m almost done fixing up your hero costume. Do you want me to do anything else?”

“Can you clean out the sweat trap in my grenades? I know that shit is fucking gross, by if it sits in there and then I add new sweat from the day it explodes weird and hurts my shoulder. Fucking dumbass grenades.”

“Done and done! Is that it?”

“Seriously? You’re the fucking best ‘Zuku. I’m going to pick up extra almond milk, you fantastic shit.”

I giggled before saying “Okay, be safe and hurry home okay?”

“Okay ‘Zuku. I love you. Be home soon.”

And then he hung up. It took me a minute for my brain to fully comprehend what he just said but then I just stared at my phone. It seemed like Katsuki did the same thing because after about 2 minutes, my phone rang, and it was Katsuki. I picked up and all I hear is:

“Fuck. Fuck. ‘Zuku I- “

“I love you more ‘Suki”

“Shit, fuck, shit ‘Zuku. I didn’t mean to tell you like that, but I do. Love you that is… I’ll see you when I get home nerd.”

“See you when you get home… Love you ‘Suki”

I heard a content sigh as he hung up.

Journal. I love this man with every fibre of my being. He is my forever. Bye Journal!

-In-love with and Loved by Katsuki Bakugou, Izuku Midoriya

Chapter Text

Dear Journal,

Hey journal, today is...not a good day. So I got hurt about a week back, and I have been out all week. It was my first day back, and ‘Suki left over and hour and a half before his shift I was awoken by his soft forehead kiss goodbye, and then he just hustled out of the house. Like what the actual fuck, happened?

Confused? Yeah me too.

Well it just gets worse.

I walked into the agency and was so happy to see everyone! Everyone was so kind and praised me for the rescue of the little girl [which is how I got injured] and expressed their delight in my express recovery. I was expecting Katsuki to come meet me, but he didn’t, which was fine. I headed to the locker room and was getting into my hero costume as a side kick came in.

“DEKU-SAN! Welcome back, we missed you around here!” The side kick Beast said.

A light blush coated my cheeks and the tips of my ears “Thank you Beast! I’ve missed being here. I made a full recovery, so I’m back now, and ready to go!” I responded with a smile.

“So are you going to be pairing back up with Ground Zero or no?” Beast asked, getting ready in his hero costume as well. I finished with the buckling of the braces around my red sneakers before I looked at Beast with a confused look.

“What do you mean? Ground Zero and I are a registered duo. Who else would we be paired with? We are the Wonder Duo.” I asked my voice still layered with confusion.

Beast looked slightly scared and sheepish “Omo-nothing, Deku. Just some horrible rumours it seems. Please ignore anything I said. Have a great day!” Beast quickly says, stumbling on his words and then rushing out of the locker room.

Which is weird right journal? Apparently not, because I had 4 other people ask me that from the locker room to the break room. F O U R others. At this point I’m irritated, like very irritates. What has Katsuki been doing that people think we are not going to partner up anymore? This isn’t the first injury that has had one of us down and out and the other, doing solo work until they recover.

When I walked into the breakroom I again expected Katsuki to greet me. After 3 years of being together, the public and our agency knew we were together, so we don’t have to hide it. When I walked in, my eyes zeroed in on the pro-heroes Ground Zero and Red Riot. Their heads were bent super close and they were sitting close, so close their shoulders almost brushed. Everyone else in the break room, kept up with their other conversations, but I could tell they were also watching me.

FLASHBACK

Izuku straightened his back and held up his head. He could tell everyone was trying to pretend like they were not watching how the situation at hand would go down, and an irritated Izuku tried very hard to keep a happy face present. Heroes Red Riot and Ground Zero were laughing and having a conversation in their own little world, unaware of the tense around them. Izuku took at time to observe their interaction.

Katsuki was leaned into Kirishima’s space, gesturing widely. His crimson eyes sparking as hot as his explosions, face slightly pink from his story-telling, or from his proximity to Kirishima, Izuku wasn’t sure. His teeth sharp and bright glinted as his told his story through sneers, smirks and rambling words. Kirishima was also leaned into Katsuki’s space, another foot and he might as well be in Katsuki’s lap. His knees occasionally bumped Katsuki’s and much to Izuku’s surprise, Katsuki did not shift away from him. Even from that distance Izuku seen something that made his heart slam into his throat and almost force him to choke. It was the softness of Kirishima’s face, the quirk of his lips and the look in his eyes. His face could only be described as content and fond, there is no other way to explain it. His smile was so warm and open, and his eyes, his eyes spoke the words that Izuku didn’t even dare to think of. Yet he didn’t have to, he was well aware of what those words were, he’d spoken them himself before.

Izuku did this entire assessment without the bright smile slipping from his face, even though the only thing he wanted to do was Full Cowl Red Riot out of the break room. Seeming to not be affected, Izuku quietly walked over to the two men, and waited for either one to take notice. After a full five minutes of Izuku literally standing in-front of them, the room had fallen almost silent in that five minutes all waiting with bated breath, someone finally had enough [Beast] and cleared their throat. It was then that Kirishima and Katsuki took notice of the silence and looked around. When their eyes connected with doe-like emerald greens they legitimately sprung apart. Both of their chairs hit the floor and the refused to look at each other or Izuku. Both men had a sheepish look and faces flushed candy apple red from embarrassment. They looked as though their mother had caught them trying to steal cookies from the jar before dinner.

“Ah Izuku, welcome back!” Kirishima said with a slight stutter, shifting from foot to foot.

Izuku nodded in Kirishima’s direction “Red Riot” Izuku said with forced happiness “Thank you for the welcome”. He could see both Kirishima and Katsuki flinch from the fake sugary sweetness in his voice.

“Hey ‘Zuku, welcome back, we’ve missed you!” Katsuki says while leaning in for a kiss, Izuku turns his head last minute and Katsuki’s lips land on his cheek. Katsuki lets out a quiet sigh.

“I can see that, you’ve missed me quite a bit ‘Suki.” Izuku says softly, allowing the words to only reach Katsuki, which causes Katsuki to grimace. During that time, Red Riot, goes to step away from them, but Izuku throws his hand out.

“Red Riot, please take a seat. You can sit next to Ground Zero if you’d like.” Izuku stands up and allows Katsuki and Kirishima to sit first. Kirishima decides to sit on the other side of the table from Bakugou. Before Izuku sits, he looks around at everyone watching the trio, but before he gets a word out-

“GET BACK TO WORK YA FUCKING EXTRAS!” Katsuki’s shouting, shakes the stillness from the air and everyone rushes back to talking or even leaving the breakroom.

Izuku quietly takes a seat and looks at both heroes. “Honestly, I am already tired of peo- “

“I told you it was too fucking soon for you to be back, ya fucking nerd. You just got out the fucking hospital last night! You should be resting, fuck Izuku.” Katsuki cuts Izuku off with a harsh look of annoyance.

Izuku hold up his hand and his jaw tightens slightly “Before you cut me off to get on my ass Katsuki, when did you tell me that, hmm? Was it last night when you didn’t pick me up from the hospital, even though your shift ended at 8pm and I released at 10pm? Or how about when you came home at 4 in the morning, and passed out on the couch? Or how about this morning? When instead of helping me out, you dropped a kiss on my brow and rushed out the door an hour and half early for your shift?”. Izuku tilts his head toward Katsuki and waits patiently for an answer, when he sees he isn’t getting one, he continues.

“As I was saying, I am already tired of people asking me if I am going to pair with Katsuki or not. Why are they asking me that hm? Did I miss something the 6 days I was in a coma? Are we no longer hero partners? Is there something you guys need to tell me?” Izuku looks between the two men and he can feel his heart clench painfully. Kirishima and Bakugou are trading quick looks, and before he can call them out, Kirishima clears his throat and speaks as though he is talking to a cornered wild animal, soft and slow.

“Well, uh, Bakubro was really worried about you, and like he was being a tad reckless and ya know, I asked him if he needed any company, and um he was like whatever. So I asked the agency if we could like pair up while you were down, and they were like ‘sure whatever’, ya know. So we you know did some duo action this week. But we’d never- I’d never. Izuku man, that’s super unmanly and-“

“What shitty-hair is fucking saying ‘Zuku is that he’d never try to break up the wonder duo. He was just keeping me grounded, while you were down for the fucking count. Fuck ‘Zuku, you’d think I’d do that to you. It’s me and you, ya fuck. Does 4 years as hero partners and 3 years as partners not mean shit to you? Damn no trust ‘Zuku. Don’t listen to these fucking extras. You know how the media runs their fucking shit-bagging mouths. Spreading dumbfuck lies and garbage everywhere. It’s me and you ‘Zuku, it always has been, always will be, okay?” During Katsuki’s little speech, he had gotten up and pulled Izuku into his arms, nuzzling into soft curly green hair.

END OF FLASHBACK

I mean afterward I felt a little better, but I couldn’t help but feel like I was being lied to. ‘Suki wouldn’t do that to me right journal? We love each other, he loves me. I love him. It’s ‘Suki and ‘Zuku. The Wonder Duo. It must have been my imagination. I was just angry at everyone asking me if Katsuki and I were still hero partners, that I imagined they were closer than they really were, that’s it. It’s all in my head. Katsuki would never, he loves me too much.

Geez journal I really need to get it together. Well, Katsuki said he was going out with some friends tonight, and he wanted me to come home and recover, so I guess I’ll just hangout on the couch until he gets home. I’m going to make his favourite meal for after he goes out drinking! I’m just being silly journal, I’m sure everything will be fine soon! Bye Journal!

-Love Izuku “Overactive Imagination” Midoriya

 

 

Dear journal,

So, it’s been two weeks. Two weeks of… I don’t even know. Katsuki has came home late almost every night. It’s:

“Kiri wants to catch drinks tonight, why don’t you call round face or gasses?”

“Kiri bought this cool fucking game and wants to show it to me, you’d be bored”

“Kiri found this new fucking spicy noodle restaurant!! I know you don’t like spicy shit, so I’ll stop and grab you something… or whatever, don’t wait up” I had planned a date to that fucking noodle restaurant for that night. I had a table reserved and everything!

Kiri this, Kiri that. KIRI, KIRI, KIRI. If I hear the name Kiri, Kirishima, Red Riot, Eijirou, shitty-hair or hair-for-brains ONE. MORE. FUCKING.TIME I’m going to lose it.

Am I losing him? What am I doing wrong journal? It has to be me. I’m doing something wrong. I just don’t know what.

Is it my mumbling? It has gotten worse in the past two weeks. Maybe he is sick of hearing it, so he hangs out with Kirishima instead? I don’t know how I can fix that. I can do the rubber band thing I seen online. Every time you find yourself doing the thing you want to stop, you snap the rubber band hard on your wrist. Yeah, I’m going to try that.

Is it my hair? Maybe he is sick of the child-like curls. I am 22 years old (they graduated at 17 and 18 respectively, based on their birthdays) and I look like I’m still 15. Maybe he hates it. Kirishima does look like an adult. Maybe I should get my hair cut! A nice undercut, it’ll make me look older. That might help? Right journal? That could be why he hangs out with Kirishima more, he’s tired of people thinking he is with a child-like person. I can call the barber and schedule an appointment for the day after tomorrow… Yeah, I’ll do that.

Or, or maybe it’s my sneakers, journal. He says all the time, that he thinks the red is gaudy and clashes with my hair. ‘Suki looks so good all the time. Maybe he is sick of walking around with someone who looks ugly. I should go get a new pair of shoes. I can get some regular black ones. I’m sure that’ll be okay, right journal… but maybe he is tired of my face…and my scars.

I… I know I am ugly journal. Scars all over my body. Maybe they repulse him, and he can’t stand to look at me anymore. Do you think he hates me now, journal?

I don’t want to lose him, journal… I can’t… I don’t…

I’ll do anything to keep him, journal. He’s my everything… I want to marry him. I want to spend my forever with him, he is my forever.

I guess it’s time to make some changes. I’m afraid, journal. I can’t lost him. I wouldn’t know what to do. Bye Journal

-A very Confused and Lost Izuku Midoriya

 

Dear journal,

I did everything I could to fix myself for him. I am wearing the rubber band, I have to snap it a lot and I have to snap it hard. I have to do it so often, that my brain is like on autopilot, as soon as I start mumbling *SNAP* and I stop! So that is working! I also went and bought a new pair of shoes. They are the same as my red ones, but they are all black. They match my hero outfit and my hair colour much better now.

Also, I had ‘Suki’s mom teach me how to use make-up. I know it is generally for girls, but she taught me how to use concealer! I had to beg her, she told me that I looked fine, and that I didn’t need it, but I told her I just wanted it for special events, and for professional pictures, so everybody didn’t just see my scars. I hated lying but I had too! She wouldn’t have taught me otherwise. I use it every morning. I cover all of my scars, I’ve practiced so much that it doesn’t take me too long in the morning. I also covered the freckles on my face this morning. I’m trying to look more adult for Katsuki.

I also cut my hair, early this morning, before our shift, this is the first time, I’ve left before Katsuki. I got an undercut, it looks very adult. I still have my curls, but they are shorter and only in a small section. I cut the rest of it really short. My hair grows fast so I made an appointment for next month.

Today is the first day Katsuki will see everything together! The new shoes, the haircut, the no scars, no freckles, the more adult Izuku.

I really don’t get to see him anymore, except for at work, and only then its when we patrol together. For some reason we have had less duo work and more individual missions. He never comes home with me, and he comes in super late, sometimes he doesn’t even come home. I know what’s going on, but I don’t want to believe it, so I won’t. I’m just going to win my ‘Suki back with the new adult Izuku.

Ochaco and Iida say they are worried about me. I know it is because of the welts on my wrist, but it doesn’t hurt. I have to work on this mumbling habit, besides, I’ve noticed I’ve been mumbling less and less, so soon I won’t need the rubber band anymore. Beast said he wished I’d let my freckles shine through, but I told him, that I need to grow up, I am a hero and people rely on me, how can they feel safe if I look like a child? He just shook his head sadly and said whatever I thought was best.

I know people are worried about me. I’ll admit I’ve been a little down, but I’m not that bad. I am trying, it’s just been very rough! It’s fine! I’m a new me, and Katsuki will love it, since I fixed all the things that he hated. Everything will be better now, I just know it! Bye Journal, it’s time for work!

-Love The New and Improved Izuku Midoriya

 

Dear Journal,

He… he yelled at me. I… He was so angry. I haven’t seen him that angry at me since UA. When I walked in, I thought he’d be, excited, I fixed all the things he disliked about me. But he was furious.

When he saw me with my new hair, and new shoes, and no scars and no freckles. He froze.

 He was in mid conversation with K i r i when Kirishima pointed at me eyes wide. He turned on his heel, and with his eyes, he swept me from top to bottom. I thought he would compliment me, but I was mistaken. His eyes narrowed, and his hands curled into fist, palms crackling. His jaw was tense as he stalked toward me. He gripped me tightly with one hand and dragged me out of the breakroom. When we reached the hallway, he practically threw me forward. I kept my voice down, because I just knew everyone was crowded around the door. This is how the conversation between us went:

“What the FUCK did you do Izuku?” He practically spit at me through his teeth

“What are you talking about ‘Suki?” I was truly confused

“Don’t you fucking ‘Suki me, you little shit! Where the fuck are your fucking freckles? What in the fucking fuck did you do to your hair? Where the fuck are your ugly ass red shoes? Are those shit stains fucking black? And why in the ever-loving FUCK do you have WELTS on your fucking wrist you little fuck?” Katsuki raged at me, he paced like a caged animal.

“I just….” I let out a sigh and I swear I heard his patience snap.

“You just fucking what?” He stared me down, crimson reds sparking.

“Well I got your mom to teach me how to use make up. I covered all of my scars up, so that way when people see us together you don’t have to be ashamed! I know my scars are really ugly, and my uh freckles. Those and my hair made me look like a child. You call me a cry baby and stuff and I realized I act like a child and maybe you were right I should grow up. So I decided to look more grown up. I cut my hair and my freckles are just covered by makeup. And I know you hate the red shoes, you say they are gaudy and ugly and clash with my hair, so I got the same pair, just in black, so that way I look better and not a mess. And the weltas are nothing! I’m just trying to break that mumbling habit, I know how much you hate that!”.

I literally said all of that in like two breathes it felt like. He just stared at me for like 4 minutes solid. I felt so nervous, and then he got a funny look on his face. After that he quietly turned around and stalked back into the breakroom.

I haven’t seen him all day. I guess I’m going to go take a shower. Bye Journal.

-Midoriya

Update: It’s been three days and Katsuki still hasn’t come home, and I see him in glimpses at the agency. They have been sending me on solo jobs lately. More stealth jobs, those are not Katsuki’s forte, they aren’t really mine either, but they insist, so whatever. I'm in pain, and when I'm not, I'm numb... I don't know which is worse.

Chapter Text

Over the next two weeks following, the Midoriya Makeover Incident, which is what everyone is calling it, there has been a decline in Izuku’s… everything. Everyone noticed it, to the side kicks, from his friends, and even the hire ups. The only ones that didn’t seem to notice were Kirishima and Katsuki.

Katsuki had been avoiding Izuku, not really sure how to handle or react to his dumb fuck idea of changing himself, or to the fact that they have been drifting apart recently. So he’s been staying at Kirishima’s and convinced the agency to give Izuku some solo missions to give them some space.

Kirishima has also been avoiding Izuku for multiple reasons. One major things is that he knows that he did what friends are not supposed to do, and that is to like your friend’s boyfriend. And he did, he liked Katsuki a lot. He felt guilty, and it was unmanly but easier to avoid Izuku, so that’s what he did.

However, everyone else was a witness to the fall of Izuku Midoriya. As days passed, the bags under his eyes looked darker and darker, as though the bruises were permanent. He seemed to be losing weight, and everyone swore they never seen him eat a thing, though he swore up and down he ate. The worse part was his smile and laugh. Izuku was able to smile through everything, he was the one that brought sunshine to the agency, he brought happiness and warmth, and an environment people wanted to be in. But, for the past few weeks his laugh has become hollow and lifeless and flat. His smile was brittle, wobbled slightly at the end and never reached his eyes like it used too. When people asked him what was wrong, he would brush them off and assure them that nothing is wrong, and some how deflect the conversation back to them and what they need. He was good at that, deflecting. People would go up to him to ask him what was wrong and ten minutes later they walked away feeling better, not even remembering that they went over to help Izuku not get helped by Izuku.

People at the agency knew kind of what was going on, it was hard not too, with Izuku walking the halls as though he was a ghost, while Bakugou and Kirishima walked around as though attached at the hip. There was no division among the agency. They were shattered by the boys’ treatment of Izuku. What was even worse was that when asked if they were still together, Izuku would give a small wobbly smile and say “Of Course, we are just working through somethings, nothing to worry about” and everyone was too afraid to ask Katsuki, but he seemed to not even see Izuku, let alone give him a second glance. Everyone did little things to try and uplift Izuku. They’d bring his favourite drink, or snack, tell one of his favourite jokes, and even tried to get him to launch into a super hero rant. Izuku would thank them, drink the drink, nibble on the snack, give a small hollow laugh or a small wobbly smile, or just add small tid-bits to the conversation. When it came to Bakugou and Kirishima everyone just gave them a wide berth, it’s not like it mattered. Everyone already gave Bakugou a wide berth, and Kirishima was too wrapped up in being with Katsuki that he didn’t even realize what was happening. After weeks of walking on eggshells as too not break the egg that was Izuku Midoriya, one person decided they had quite enough.

It was the Saturday of week six [since the beginning of the end]. Izuku was at home laying on his couch, curled in a blanket, eyes glazed over, day-dreaming, as the tv played something in the background. He was shaken out of his daze by the sound of his phone ringing. Slowly he sat up and grabbed the phone.

“Hello, Midoriya Izuku speaking.” He had a slow deep, almost sleep-thick drawl.

“Izuku, it’s Kaminari. Where are you?” Kaminari was speaking quietly and quickly.

Izuku shook the fog from his head and perked up slightly, glad to hear from a friend that didn’t work at his agency. “Hey Kaminari, I’m at home why, what’s going on?”.

He heard a deep sigh, that made it sound like Kaminari was carrying the weight of the world. “Izuku… You know what’s going on. I am so sorry, I let this go on, but I can’t stand it anymore. I thought they were just friends, but I think this has gone on long enough. I’ve talked to Iida and Ochaco, they’ve told me what it is like at the agency. I say this as your friend, that cares very much for you. It is time. If you’d like to confront them, they are here. Again. I am so so sorry Izuku, I hope that one day you can forgive me, though I don’t deserve it.” Kaminari’s voice was heavy laden with guilt.

Izuku shook his head, even though he knew Kaminari could not see him “Please don’t apologize, there is nothing to forgive. Thank you for telling me. And I… I know. You’re right… it’s… it’s time. I will be there in 35 minutes tops. It was not your job to stop them. I kind of knew what was going on, it’s just I didn’t want to believe it. I guess it is time to wake up and deal with reality, right?” Izuku let out a humourless breathy laugh, eyes glistening with tears and trying to choke back tears.  

“This shouldn’t have happened to you Izuku, and I know it doesn’t mean much right now, but we all have your back Izuku. We are here for Izuku, until the bitter end. We will do anything for you, all you have to do is ask, or shit, you can flash handle signals or send carry pigeons, and we will get to you quicker than Todoroki and Momo to an H&M sale.” Kaminari joked.

The joke elicited an actual laugh out of Izuku and Kaminari felt his heart perk at the sound of a genuine Izuku laugh.

“I’ll answer the door for you and even stand by your side, okay?”

Izuku’s voice dropped low and Kaminari had to almost strain himself to hear it.

“Thank you, promise me you won’t let him follow me. If he does, I’ll just let him lie to me and tell me everything is okay, and I won’t leave. But I need to Kaminari. I need to leave, or I will never get better. I want to get better. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I can’t keep sitting at home wishing for him to come home and love me, when he doesn’t come home, and no longer loves me….” Izuku chokes on a sob and Kaminari feels himself tear up slightly,

“Izuku-“

“It’s killing me Kami-kun. I’m not joking, it is literally killing me.” Izuku gasps out in between sobs.

“I know Izuku, all of your friends know. That is why we are pushing you. It’s time Izuku. I’ll see you soon.”

“See you soon.”

Izuku hangs up the phone and takes a deep breath. Like a zombie he walks to the bathroom to wash his face. He uses eye drops to get rid of the redness in his eyes, unfortunately there is nothing he can do for the tip of his nose being slightly red. Next, he goes to his closet and pulls out his pre-packed bag. He picked it last weekend. It has his favourite clothes and other small things he needs or wants. The last thing he adds to the bag is his back up hero costume. He then walks over to his bedside table and pulls out an envelope addressed to Katsuki and a second one addressed to Eijirou. Slowly he looks around the apartment, the apartment he has spend the last 4 and a half years in. Izuku takes no pictures and no memorabilia, no matter how much he wants too, he knows to get better he has to leave them. All the pictures of him and Katsuki that were in his wallet, he took those out and put them on Katsuki’s bedside table, next to the gift he got for Katsuki’s birthday [A prototype of the wonder duo video game. It hasn’t even begun advertisements, the launch for advertisements is in a week and Izuku wanted to give Katsuki the game before anyone else as his birthday present].

Izuku spares one last look at the apartment, places his keys on the key hook right by the door and walks out. The door automatically clicks locked behind Izuku and that click is the thing that clicks everything into place. Everything has become real, and Izuku is not really sure how to handle it, but he figures he’ll take it one step at a time. And with that he takes his first step away from the apartment, and away from his relationship with Katsuki.

The cab ride to Kaminari and Kirishima’s takes about 20 minutes. He tells the cab driver to wait, and if he wants he can keep the fare running, he doesn’t care [but hey this is pro-hero DEKU the driver would take him anywhere for free as long as Hero Deku promised to write a short note to each of the driver’s kids, which Izuku does by the way, but also pays the man]. Izuku cares the two letters in his hand and takes the elevator to the 8th floor, because he isn’t sure his body can handle that many flights with where his heart and mind is currently at. As the elevator dings open, Izuku trudges to the appropriate door, and slowly knocks. From inside he can hear three voices yelling about the door, one is Kaminari shouting that he will grab the door. It takes Kaminari a few moments, so he figures Kaminari was in his room.

Once Kaminari opens the door he takes a long look at Izuku and his heart pangs painfully in his chest. Izuku looks even worse than his friends describe him. His face is tired and under his eyes are heavily bruised. His clothes while clean, hang off of his frame, and his whole body is pale, so very pale. And Kaminari would bet his last dollar that Izuku was probably running a fever. “Izuku…” Kaminari says softly under his breath.

“I know… I haven’t been um sleeping very well… and well uh I’ve been eating, but it’s the keeping it down part that is the real trick.” Izuku whispers back,

“Are you sure about this Izuku…” Kaminari trails off kind of hesitant.

Izuku nods and straightens his back, takes a breath, pinches his cheeks a few times to bring some colour into them “Yeah. I’m ready.”.

And while Kaminari would say that Izuku still looks bad, he at least now looks alive, and slightly not as sick. He’s actually pretty shocked at the difference that made. “Alright man, if you’re ready.”

Kaminari stepped aside and lets Izuku into the house. Izuku waited in the hallway and allowed Kaminari to shut the door and take lead. Kaminari led Izuku through the house, randomly looking back, with worried eyes, as if Izuku was going to drop at any second. Kaminari led Izuku to the back of the apartment to where the bedrooms were. They first passed Kaminari’s bedroom before stopping slightly before Eijirou’s half opened bedroom door. Kaminari turned around and placed his hands on Izuku’s shoulders, and gave a look that said, “Are you sure about this?”. Izuku nodded one final time, before Kaminari moved and stood into the threshold of his own bedroom.

Izuku spent a couple of moments staring at the floor before he lifted his eyes and looked through the half-way open door. The scene in front of him made him want to sob, choke and vomit at the same time. The view available through the partially open bedroom door, was of Eijirou’s bed, and on that bed was Katsuki and Eijirou. They were both shirtless and wearing nothing but a loose pair of joggers. They appeared to be wrestling over something, though the wrestling manner was very playful, the kind of wrestling Katsuki and Izuku used to do over the tv remote or the limited edition All Might hoodie. Katsuki’s back was pressed against the bed, and Eijirou was straddling him, the object they were fighting over in his hand. Izuku watched for a few second, tears silently streaming down his face. He swore he could hear the sound of his heart shattering loudly in in his eardrums. The boys were laughing, and Izuku realized this is the happiest he’s seen Katsuki in a few months. And as much as this moment hurt, he realized this was what he needed to see to finally accept that he has lost Katsuki Bakugou. The boys in the room had gotten to the point where Katsuki let Eijirou pin his hands down. Izuku watched Eijirou begin to lower his face, and as much as Izuku realized he’d lost Katsuki, he knew for damn certain he could not watch Eijirou kiss Katsuki. So that was the moment he decided to push open the door slightly.

“THE FUCK- “

“KAMINARI GET O- “

If Izuku was watching this on a movie he’d probably laugh at the faces Katsuki and Eijirou were making as they realized it was Izuku and not Kaminari. In the moment everyone was frozen. Nobody knew what the other was going to do. Izuku slowly walked over to the table next to Kirishima’s bed and placed down both letters. The only thing the two boys on the bed could do was track Izuku with their eyes. Their eyes hinted at the slight fear Izuku would Detroit Smash them in the face, but they continued to follow him as Izuku simply walked out, shutting the door behind him, not even sparing a glance back.

 It took Katsuki a few moments to get his bearings. In three minutes, he had Eijirou off of him and had the bedroom door threw open. Standing in front of him however, was not Izuku, but Kaminari, who had his arms wide and was blocking Katsuki’s way.

“Get the FUCK out of my way you idiotic walking electrical socket!” Katsuki spit through clenched teeth, sparks crackling in his palm.

Now while Kaminari generally got the hell out of Bakugou’s way when he started threatening and generally cowered behind Eijirou, he wasn’t flinching now. This was for Izuku and after everything Izuku has done for him, he will be damned if he doesn’t try his best.

“No, I’m not moving.” Kaminari said nonchalantly, as though he was asking someone to pass the milk.

“And do you think YOU are actually going to stop ME?” Katsuki asked. By this time Eijirou had gotten off the bed and wrapped his arms around Katsuki’s waist.

“Katsuki, just let it go, come back in the room and calm down.” He spoke calmly to Katsuki ready to harden his skin at any moment.

“I have to get to Izuku. He. FUCK!” Katsuki gripped his hair tightly and pulled, chest constricting slightly, as the look on Izuku’s face crossed his mind.

“Don’t you think you’ve done enough to Izuku, Bakugou? Did you not look at him? Did you not see the state he was in? Who’s fault do you think it is? I’ll give you a hint, two people, One starts with a B and the other a K, and K currently has his arms wrapped around B.” Kaminari spoke with sadness and disappointment heavy in his voice.

Katsuki’s eyes glazed over, as he replayed the scene in his head, and he watched a broken and sick looking Izuku walk across Kirishima’s room. He feels sick, sick down to his very core. He did that.

Kirishima tightened his arms around Katsuki’s middle and spoke calmly,

’Suki it’s-“

“Don’t fucking call me that. DO NOT CALL ME THAT.” Katsuki screamed out and gripped his hair harder, forcing Eijirou to let him go. At that time, Kaminari figured he held him off long enough and quietly went back to his room.

Katsuki, realizing that Kaminari moved, raced after Izuku to find that he was long gone.

Fuck. Just what did he do?

Katsuki figured Izuku was going to leave him, fuck that’s what he’d do, but to do so, he’d need his stuff, so Katsuki, ran back to grab his shirt, and whatever Izuku left on the desk. Ignoring Eijirou, he slipped on his shirt, grabbed up the envelope with his name, and shoved his feet into his shoes by the door and took off. If he is lucky, he can get there as Izuku is packing his stuff.

Not stopping Katsuki runs and runs and runs. His breath is sawing in and out of his chest, which still feels like it is constricted, but he can’t stop. He can’t catch a cab, if he stops he might miss him, miss Izuku. Seeing their apartment building, Katsuki picks up the speed and books it through the door and up the stairs, he grabs his keys out of his pocket and practically shoved his key into the door. Stepping over the threshold he looks around and sees Izuku’s keys on the key rack, and the stupid fucking black shoes he’s been wearing. Why did Katsuki say he ever hated the red shoes? He fucking loves those gaudy ass things. He lets out a sigh of relief though. The shoes, the keys, Izuku must be here, he has to be here. Katsuki, quickly runs through the apartment, calling out for Izuku, his ‘Zuku.

Katsuki finally stops in the bedroom and sits at the edge of the bed. He’s gone, Izuku is gone. The envelope is still clenched tightly in his hand, and he figures he might as well finish ripping his own heart out now. Slowly he unclenches the envelope and sees ‘Suki scrawled in his ‘Zuku’s horrible handwriting.

 

Dear ‘Suki,

I guess I shouldn’t call you that anymore huh? I want to start off by saying I’m sorry. This is my fault. I promised you I’d be more careful and three days later I end up in a coma. I broke my promise to you, so I understand why you started to shift away from me. You’re afraid of getting hurt, of me leaving you alone in this world. I know that is why, you told me you were afraid of that, and I made that fear on the forefront of your mind. Really that was the beginning of the end.

Second off I wanted to apologize for upsetting you with the Midoriya Makeover Incident, that’s what people are calling it now, I thought that maybe if I changed all the things that you hated about me, I could get you back, that I could make you fall in love with me again, but I was wrong. I can’t force you to love me like I love you. So with that, this is what I have to say.

I’m leaving, like for quite a while. I need space from you, from Kirishima, from everyone, from everything, because everything makes me think of you. I want you to be happy Katsuki, even if it is not with me. I know this letter makes it sound like I’m not hurt, or upset, or angry but I am. I am so hurt that everyday for the past six weeks, I feel like I’ve been dying from some terminal disease that eats you from the inside out, slowly, painfully.

I’m so upset Katsuki. You promised we’d be forever. You told me you loved me! “You and me ‘Zuku. It almost always been you and me and always will be, right?” remember that? Because I do. You were/are it for me Katsuki, you were my forever, but I should grow up huh? Forever is only in fairy tales.

 I am so fucking angry Katsuki. SO fucking angry, that all I want to do is scream, trash our entire apartment, Detroit Smash you AND Eijirou so hard in the fucking faces, you guys end up in a coma for a week. But what will that solve? Nothing. Because in the end I’m still hurt, and I couldn’t hurt you if I wanted too Katsuki, I love you way too much.

I think the worse part is that you forced me to watch Katsuki. You forced me to watch you start to like someone else. You could have just told me you didn’t want to be together anymore. I mean I would have tried to convince you to stay and work things out, but if you no longer wanted me and had told me so, I would have respected that. Yet you continued to give me false hope, tell me you loved me, kiss me or hug me, while simultaneously pulling away. It is like putting a dog in a cage and then placing the food bowl on the outside of the cage right in front of the dog. I think that is why this hurts me so bad. I mean some of this is on me, I let you do it, when I should have just spoke up and said something. Should have, could have, would have… it’s to late now.

So the final things I have to say are this:

I’ve already started the paperwork to terminate our hero partnership. The office said it takes a couple months. I will handle everything, just sign the papers as they come to you. If you don’t like anything being written or decided, just write it down and send it back through the lawyer. I figured you’d either want to go solo, or partner with someone else, and so you no longer need me, maybe some new up and coming hero duo will pick up “The Wonder Duo!” It really is a great name.

The apartment, we are on the lease together. Half of the rent will be deposited into your bank account every month, until the end of the lease. The end of the lease is still about 5 months out, I don’t know if I’ll be back in that time. If you decide to sell, or keep it, or move someone else into it, it is yours to do as you wish. If you want to continue to live in it alone, just leave word at the landlord’s office and I will hear about it, if that is what you want I will continue to pay half, though I will no longer reside there.

Finally, be happy Katsuki. I’ve seen you with Kirishima, I can’t bring myself to even write out his first name, the past few days, and you look so happy. I don’t think I have ever seen you that happy. I’m so sorry, I couldn’t make you that happy ‘Suki, that’s all I ever wanted to do. Life is short, so if you find someone who you love and who makes you happy, grasp onto them tightly with both hands and never let go. I guess I just wasn’t holding you tight enough, or maybe I was holding you too tight. Either way, I know you don’t need it or want it, but I give you my blessing to be with Kirishima. I will give my blessing to any and everything that will make your eyes sparkle, your grin to flash and your face to soften.

Maybe we will meet again. Whether it be in this life or the next.

No matter what has happened or what will happen, I never regret loving you. Loving you was the best decision I have ever made. Better than agreeing to be All Might’s successor, better than helping Todoroki, better than ANY decision I have ever made. I just hope I was your favourite mistake.

I love you Katsuki Bakugou, and because of that I am letting you go.

With all my love,

-Izuku ‘Zuku Midoriya

 

“You stupid fucking nerd”. Tears ran down Katsuki’s face like salt rivets as he read the letter the second time. His chest continues to feel like there is a crushing weight and he feels dizzy. What did he do? How did he let this happen? How did he possibly fuck up this bad? How could he lose the one person who knew him better than he knew himself?

 

“I’m so sorry Izuku”.

 

Katsuki drops to his knees. The room that once was witness to the greatest love Katsuki has ever known is not bearing witness to the harsh soul shattering sobs of grief and loss from Bakugou Katsuki.

And there Katsuki stays for hours, ignoring his phone ringing, or the bangs on his door; unsure of the next step, the next step without the boy who has always held out his hand to Katsuki. He knew one day he’d look up and that hand would no longer be there, he also knew he wasn’t and isn’t for that day, even though that day is today.

Chapter Text

Izuku looks at the waves that wash lazily over the sand. He leans his head back and breathes in the salty Californian beach air. He lifts his head up and watches the masses of people enjoy the beach. Izuku learned earlier on that he very much loved the beach, and after 6 months in Cali, his co-workers would often find him switching into his surf gear and headed to the beach, he’d taken to surfing like he did everything else, determined and very passionate. The agency just seemed to rally behind Izuku, they knew nothing of why he left Japan, but could only be thankful that he did. When he first got there he was rather timid and seemed kind of reserved, but after 6 months, the US agency Izuku worked for, realized Izuku rivalled the Californian sun.

Now Izuku loved everything about the beach, especially the beach in California. The hot grainy burning sand against his feet, in comparison to the cold salty splash of the sea. Pink skin and children screeches. The anonymity of the crowd, drew him in even more, here he wasn’t Japanese Hero Deku, but a surfer-beach bum.

The day was winding down and families were packing up and heading home, leaving very few people around, Izuku knew that the parties would be picking up in a few hours, but as much as he loved getting lost in the crowd, the few hours between family crowds and party crowds were his favourite. He would just sit in the sand by his surf board and enjoy the sound of the waves.

It happened to be just another day of him enjoying the beach when he hears someone sit next to him, turning his head to see who it is he is met with a very crystal-like beautiful grey, blue eyes. He takes in more of the girl’s face, she seems rather delicate in looks, but strong. A small slightly curved nose, wide doe-like eyes, similar to his own in shape, delicate but plump lips and a heart shaped face. Her look is topped of with long natural blond hair that sways in the breeze.

“Hello” Izuku is shaken out of his appraisal with a sense of shock. She just spoke in Japanese, a language which Izuku does not communicate with often in the states.

“Uh Hello.” Izuku answers, cheeks tinted a pink that has nothing to do with the sun.

“My name is Hamada Kaia, and yours?” She asks turning her beautiful and delicate face toward Izuku.

Hold up, did he just think that she was beautiful?

His cheeks darken “Midoriya Izuku.”

The delicate fairy looking girl taps her chin playfully “Now where have I heard that name?” She looks at Izuku with a funny face, and he laughs out loud, man it feels good to laugh.

“I uh, I’m ah, Pro -Hero Deku.” Izuku scratches his neck awkwardly with an embarrassed chuckle.

“I know silly I was just messing with you. Well it was a pleasure to meet you Midoriya Izuku.” The girl sent a small smile toward Izuku and he could feel butterflies swirl in his stomach. Butterflies, what a nice feeling. Izuku’s mega watt smile split across his face and he quickly got up and dusted off the sand.

“Hey Kaia-san” Izuku called out, brushing his hand through his hair still cut into the undercut, he found he rather liked the look. The girl in question turned around and looked at Izuku.

“You can just call me Kaia.”

“Well Kaia, would like to uh… go to dinner with me.” Izuku’s flush splashed up his neck and over the tips of his ears.

A smile also lit up Kaia’s face and she held her hand out toward Izuku “I would love too!”

Izuku walked over to her and grabbed her hand “Sorry, I have a lot of scars and my skins a little rough so if you- “

“Izuku, shut up. You have hero hands. They protect people like me every day, I think they are just perfect!” She cuts him off and rubs her thumb across the back of his hand as she speaks, then starts to pull him in a direction.

“I have the perfect place to go! You’ll love it!! Wait are you allergic to anything?” As Izuku shakes his head no, she continues to drag him in the same direction “Than you’ll LOVE it, I swear you will!!”

As Izuku continues to listen to Kaia ramble at how great this place he smiles to himself.

 

Dear Journal,

Kaia and I have been seeing each other for 2 months now. It isn’t anything super serious, but it could eventually turn out that way. I’m glad I did this….

Hey Izuku,

I’m proud of you! I am so proud of you! You did it, even when you didn’t think you could you did, and look where you are now.

Hey Izuku,

You are so strong.

Hey Izuku,

Maybe forever is in only in fairytales, but that doesn’t bother you anymore.

Hey Izuku,

You can be happy.

Hey Izuku,

You are happy.

Hey Izuku,

You’re doing the damn thing.

Hey Izuku,

You’re healing

Hey Izuku,

Enjoy this life, it’s the only one you have. SO kiss that girl, surf in the sunset, and when the time comes, go home.

Hey Izuku,

I love you, first and foremost.

Healing is not easy. It is much easier to use bricks and tar to build a wall around your heart. You don’t get as hurt as you’re building the wall, you don’t really lose or break the pieces. It is harder to pick-up shattered glass and try to glue them together. Your fingers and hands get cut open and no matter how hard you try pieces are still missing, there are gaps that can never be filled. Even though the wall to protect shattered glass is easier, it is worth it to pick up those glass pieces. I’m proud of you Izuku. You allowed yourself to heal. You allowed yourself to see your worth and to love yourself, every single part of yourself. Well Journal, Kaia wants to go to the pier, so I’m going to go win my girl astuffed animal. Moving on feels pretty good. Bye Journal.

-Love Izuku “The one who loves himself for exactly who he is” Midoriya.