Beginning Note: An Alternate Scene from
. This song kind of fits more to me. I hope you enjoy! Oh, and sorry my beginning notes are getting shorter...just don't have much to say. Anyway! ENJOY!
Blaine took a deep breath. He could do this. The song was simple. Simple chords, simple melody...and he needed to get rid of these emotions before they busted out.
Blaine played a few simple notes at first then began to play the song, each chord striking hard in his heart. And then, he began to sing.
"Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now."
In Blaine's head, he remembered laying close to Kurt before their first time, then he remembered lying on different sides of Kurt's bed at the loft after he told Kurt he cheated on him with some nobody who poked him on Facebook. Facebook! He let someone from a fucking social media website ruin the best thing that EVER happened to him. Because he was weak. He gave into temptation. It was the biggest mistake of his life. And he'd regret it for the rest of his life. Even if Kurt forgive him, He would never be able to forgive himself. Ever.
"Our song on the radio but it don't sound the same."
Kurt and Blaine's song was Teenage Dream by Katy Perry. Blaine sang it to Kurt when Kurt came to "spy" on The Warblers. Though, He wasn't a very good spy. Blaine sang it two years later, but this time on the piano. Kurt could tell something was wrong by seeing how broken Blaine was. He wasn't the Blaine he knew, He wasn't the Blaine he loved. The Blaine he knew was confident and rarely shed a tear, but to see him break down...was heart-wrenching. Then Kurt learned what Blaine did, and immediately distanced himself from the younger teen, he couldn't look in his eyes because all he saw was the Blaine he used to know. He didn't know Blaine anymore. And as far as he's concerned in that moment, he didn't want to know him anymore.
"When our friends talk about you,
All it does is just tear me down.
'Cause my heart breaks a little,
When I hear your name."
Those seven words. Those seven words Finn asked him: "How could you do that to him?". Those words hit Blaine home harder than seeing Kurt cry on the street, him not talking to him the next morning. That's when he truly realized what he did. He ruined what he and Kurt had. For good.
"That I should have bought you flowers."
Blaine remembered calling Kurt and asked if he got his flowers, he just said: "Yeah, and I threw them away because that's all your apologies are worth...garbage.", and he hung up. That left Blaine speechless. He swallowed the incredibly-sized lump in his throat and just set down his phone and went to bed. Nothing was worth it anymore to him. Not Glee, not his Senior Class President presidency, Not even the one thing that could bring him joy when the world was a dismal place...
"And held your hand.
Should'a gave you all my hours,
When I had the chance."
Blaine was never there for Kurt. During his West Side Story audition, he never stood up for him when Kurt was being teased as being "too feminine" to play Tony in West Side Story and didn't stand up for him when he was rejected. Yes, he would throw back insults when Kurt finally spat out annoyances about Sebastion calling him: "Princess", or "Gelfling" (Like Sue would). But the rest, it all seemed to fly over his head, like it always did.
"Take you to every party,
'cause all you wanted to do was dance."
Blaine remembered Prom. Both of them. His Junior Prom where he stood up and accepted his role as Queen and then his Senior Prom where Kurt convinced him to dance with him, bushy hair and all. They evened each other out. Blaine helping Kurt out then Kurt helping Blaine out the year after. Dancing was special to them. Whether it was on stage for competitions, Alone together when they knew they wouldn't be bothered, or at the aforementioned Proms, they went to together. It was special, key word being "was".
"Now my baby's dancing.
But he's dancing with another man..."
Blaine remembered when Kurt told him about Adam. All Kurt would talk about for days was this hunky British guy who's in this really cool a capella group; of all things. It's like he was being replaced with Blaine 2.0. That was the only explanation. He was basically Blaine just a little older and British. It didn't help that Kurt would also tease Blaine for liking Doctor Who and Harry Potter, and for talking in the accent of the characters within those two UK driven fandoms...So, hearing Kurt say, "And the best part...He's British!". The fact that this "Adam" guy was from across the pond was really the thing the tie that seemed to keep the perfection together for Kurt. He couldn't compete. He needed to realize that he was in the past. That's all Blaine was...the past.
"My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways.
Caused a good strong man like you to walk out my life..."
Prideful, Egotistic, Needy, Selfish. These were all words Blaine would use to describe himself nowadays. Cause that's what he was, right? His pride got him in trouble when he'd brag about his accomplishments, His ego was seemingly uncontrollable when around the New Directions. Whenever an idea was announced, Blaine would say that either "He did it" or "The Warblers did it" Usually both too much success. He was also a needy person. He seemed to feed off attention, good or bad, thrown his way. No matter who was doing it. And he was selfish. After all, he did always seem to make things about himself, what with being used to solos being just handed to him from his old choir from grade school, then The Warblers, and now New Directions. He would also retaliate when things did not go his way. He would take things to extremes. He cheated on Kurt when he couldn't talk and/or wouldn't talk because he was either busy, or too tired, or anything like that. But he knew one thing, it wasn't a good excuse for cheating.
"Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made,
And it haunts me every time I close my eyes."
Even months after the incident, after Kurt has told Blaine countless times that he has now finally forgiven him, Blaine still can't sleep without that memory haunting him every time his eyes close. Kurt's face, how torn apart he was. When he tried to talk to Kurt after "Glease"...those memories still flood his dreams. That's all he gets. No more ones where he wakes and smiles, either because Kurt's arms are wrapped around his abdomen or because he had a particularly "good dream" about the older boy. Those were all Ancient History. Just like he was.
"It all just sounds like...
Ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh...
Mm, too young, too dumb to realize!
That I should have bought you flowers,"
Blaine likes to remember when Kurt was smelling the bouquet of red roses he got him when he came to New York, on being the last time he was truly happy before he told him. But it was too bad Kurt would never know the whole truth of what happened that infamous night.
"And held your hand.
Should'a gave you all my hours,
When I had the chance.
Take you to every party,
'Cause all you wanted to do was dance."
There was a lot of times it was the other way around with them. One in particular that Blaine could recall was when at Scandals about a year ago. Kurt didn't have to dance. Hell, He and Kurt didn't even have to go to Scandals, but Kurt made the decision too because he was afraid of losing Blaine, of losing the boy he did and...always will love. These little sacrifices and details separated Kurt from any run-of-the-mill guy. Kurt was special. He didn't have to watch Harry Potter with him or listen to him ramble or even put up with dorky bowtie lovin' self...but he did it anyway. And that's what Blaine loved about him, besides everything else, he admired his patience and ability to put up with him, through everything. Even now.
"Now my baby's dancing,
But he's dancing with another man...
Although it hurts,
I'll be the first to say that...I was wrong!"
Blaine was the first person to admit that he did something wrong that caused the end to their relationship. Kurt would later admit that he should've listened to all Blaine had to say, and to talk to him, but that was months after the fact. They at least now they were both causes of the end.
"Oh, I know I'm probably much too late,
To try and apologize for my mistakes..."
Every time Blaine would try to apologize or explain what happened to Kurt before he forgave him, he was always told it's "Too late, Blaine." or "You ruined us...what else do you expect me to say, Blaine?" And it was all true. It already happened, so why even try to justify his actions.
"But I just want you to know...
I hope he buys you flowers,"
Which he probably did, and Kurt probably sniffed them with that same look of bliss he always gave when smelling something pleasant.
"I hope he holds your hand,"
Adam probably wasn't shy about PDA in public, but Blaine hoped Kurt remembered every time they were close, holding hands or fingertips grazing...
"Give you all his hours,
When he has the chance ..."
Something Blaine wished he would've done more often, Adam was most likely more than happy to do that.
"Take you to every party,
'Cause I remember how much you loved to dance..."
And Kurt did, very much so. Kurt was a romantic, and he deserved every little detail of a relationship. The fingertip grazing, the closeness, the intimacy, again...things Adam was probably willing to give to him. He just hopes Kurt remembers those little aspects of their relationship.
"Do all the things I should have done,
When I was your man.
Do all the things I should have done...
When I was your man."
And with one final note, Blaine ended the song. The air felt thick and it was apparent that Blaine was having some difficulty breathing. He was snapped out of his daydreams, that he had been seeing throughout the whole song, by one voice...
"That was really beautiful, Blaine. Who was that for?" His head snapped to look at Tina. An eyebrow was quirked and her lips her pursed. Blaine didn't know what to say, Tina knew he was going through a hard time with Kurt, and for her to say that...
Blaine heard another voice speak up a few seconds later, "Shut up, Tina!" His eyes Sam's. Sam had been so helpful through all of this. And even though he had a crush on the blonde boy, he would always love Kurt.
Blaine ran off the stage, crying, and Sam decided to chase after the hazel-eyed. His emotions were overwhelming, all swirling in his head. Sadness, Guilt, and honest-to-god love. It was all too much, at least all at one time.
Sam later found Blaine on the bleachers, squinting his eyes as rays of sunshine glimmered directly into his face. He listened in as Blaine spoke softly into his phone.
"Yeah, mom...I need you to pick me up? Yeah, yeah I know I usually use the bus but I don't think I can be here much longer. Please, mom? Thanks. Yeah, yeah I love you too. Bu-Bye, mom." He hung up and his head immediately turned his head when he heard footsteps echoing closer.
"Having your mom picking you up?" Blaine just nodded, shielding his eyes with his hand so he could focus on Sam.
"You ok?" Sam sat down next his best friend who looked down so he who have dots in his vision.
"I'm-I'm fine...," Blaine reassured, "I just wish I could be with him right now...I know he wants to wait, but it's still hard." Sam bit his lip and nodded and softly patted Blaine's back.
"I get it, I know where you're coming from. I remember going through that with Mercedes." Blaine just laughed and shook his head, and looked at Sam.
"Thanks, Sam...for always being there." They hug and Blaine grips on for a little too long. He lets his eyes fall shut and for a short moment in time, can swear he smells Kurt. Sam releases Blaine after a good ten minutes of their bro-hug when the sound of a car horn honking can be heard all the way from the front of the school.
"I'll see you tomorrow." Sam nodded and Blaine walked to his mom's car.
Halfway through the path to get to the front of the school, Blaine gets a text. From Kurt.
I broke up with Adam.
Blaine smiled softly to himself. There was still hope.