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My Fault

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Eliot laid in his and Nate's bed, arms wrapped around his stomach. He's been experiencing such bad cramps lately and he's been peeing with a bit of what looked like blood. Not to mention how tired he's been lately.

Nate was bringing him to the doctor later after he spoke to the team. Because of how bad he's been feeling, Eliot was excused from the meeting.

~~~

Eliot laid on the examination table in the doctor's office. They were waiting for the doctor to come in with an ultrasound machine so they could see what as up with Eliot's stomach.

~~~

"I was pregnant?" Eliot repeated quietly.

"Yes... I'm very sorry for your loss," Dr. Halowitz told them. "I'll let you two talk before I have to induce labor to proceed with the procedure."

Eliot bit his lip, eyes filling with tears as the doctor left.

"I'm..." he couldn't speak. "You deserve a better mate."

Nate took his hand and kissed the back of it. "I have he best mate; there's no one better."

"I didn't know," Eliot said, sitting up. He his his face in his hands, tears streaming down his cheeks as he bit back a cry of grief. 

Nate rubbed back, a few of his own tears slipping down his cheeks.

Eliot sat up as the doctor walked in.

"Mr. Spencer, are you ready?" Dr. Halowitz asked.

He nodded, not saying anything.

~~~

Eliot laid against the window in Nate's car, dry tear tracks on his cheeks. He'd cried a bit while Nate was in the pharmacy getting Eliot's prescription filled.

He picked himself up off the widow to look like he wasn't upset; that he was okay when he saw Nate coming back.

"It's okay to be upset," Nate told him. "You're allowed to grieve."

Eliot shook his head. "It's my fault."

Nate turned off the radio. "Eliot Spencer," he started, cupping Eliot's face in his hands, "it is not your fault. None of this is your fault."

"We've been trying so hard, Nate." Eliot said, eyes watering a bit. "I messed it up. We didn't even know."

"That doesn't make it your fault, Eliot."

Eliot pulled away, moving to look out the window.

"If I can't carry to term, it's my fault," Eliot told him, pulling his leather bracelet off his wrist and held it out for Nate, expecting punishment. "Its my job as an omega to bear children and I messed up."

Nate studied Eliot's wrist. There were a few burn scars, they were angry and blotchy. So, this wasn't his first miscarriage.

"Who did this to you?" Nate asked.

Eliot shook his head, still holding his arm out.

"Eliot."

Eliot bit his lip for a moment before looking at Nate. "Moreau. We were bonded for a couple years. We were trying for a baby and each time we conceived, I lost it. I wasn't allowed to grieve because it was my fault. He would beat me if he caught me grieving. He burned me whenever we found out."

Nate too Eliot's hand and kissed the scars. "You're my mate now. Things are different. If you want to grieve, grieve. It's your loss too, and it affects you too."

Tears streamed down Eliot's cheeks. he'd grieve more in private.

He leaned against the window again. It was his fault.

~~~

Eliot laid in bed. He hadn't moved from his spot, curled up on his side, since they got back.

The bedroom door cracked open and Sophie poked hear head in. She frowned seeing the state the omega was in.

his eyes were unfocused and fixated on the wall. 

Sophie had a tray with soup, Eliot's pain medication and some tea. 

"Eliot?" she said softly.

He blinked slightly, eyes refocusing and landing on Sophie. He sat up quickly, scolding himself for showing signs of grief. He smiled kindly at Sophie, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"How are you feeling?" Sophie asked gently.

"I'm alright." He sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince the beta.

Sophie frowned. "it's okay to admit that you're not."

Eliot's bottom lip quivered for a moment before he recomposed himself. He kept his arms wrapped around his stomach. He couldn't look at Sophie.

"I'm not hungry," he told her, moving to lay down facing away from her.

Sophie nodded and put the tray down on his bedside table in case he did end up hungry. She left him alone.

~~~

Eliot had dosed off when he felt the bed dip in front of him. Hands smoothed his hair back gently.

Nate? Maybe Parker.

He cracked his eyes open to find Parker playing with his hair.

"Go away," Eliot muttered, rolling over and closing his eyes again.

"Why are you pushing us away? Why are you pushing Nate away?" Parker sounded confused; hurt. She's never experienced something like this before. "Let us in."

"Please..." his voice cracked. "Parker, please go."

The weight on the bed let up after she pressed a kiss to the side of his head. He curled up even more around himself.

~~~

Hardison hadn't gone alone. He didn't want to upset the hitter more than he was, so he went with the whole group after discussing it together.

"He still thinks it's his fault," Parker said as she plopped onto the couch next to Nate.

"He's not grieving properly," Sophie added.

Nate went to take a sip of his whiskey, pretesting when Sophie took it away. "Hey!"

"No," Sophie started, "I'm sorry, but no. You are not drowning yourself in whiskey while your mate is bottling up his grief and blaming himself. He's not even letting himself cry. You don't know the pain he feels from this, and I bet it's ten times worse than what you're feeling.

"He's lost and needs us to show him the way. He needs you, Nate. He lost that child, too."

"He won't listen to me. I told him it's not his fault. I told him he can grieve; that I'm not going to be upset with him for doing so," Nate told them. "I don't know what else to do."

"Then show him it's okay," Hardison said, looking at Nate.

Nate stood, looking around at the team -no, family- and took a deep breath. "We all need to show him."

~~~

Eliot was packing a bag when Hardison opened the door, leading the others into the room.

"man, where do you think you're going?" Hardison asked.

Eliot looked up like a deer caught in headlights. "I- Well-"

"You're leaving us." Parker sounded hurt.

"Just until I feel better."

Nate wrapped his arms around Eliot. "i know you think you're not allowed to grieve, but you are. This kind of thing happens everyday. You won't feel better until you grieve."

"We all feel your pain, Eliot," Sophie continued.

"You deserve to grieve and cry as much as Nate does," Hardison added. "Maybe even more."

"We won't think any less of you."

Hearing all of this seemed to have broken a dam inside of Eliot. His knees buckled and he fell against Nate, arms wrapping tightly around him.

Nate gently lowered himself to the floor with Eliot, who's face was buried in his chest. He rubbed his chest and brushed his hair back gently. Eliot sobbed into Nate chest, loud gasps coming from the grieving hitter.

"That's it, let it out. No one's going to hurt you." Nate kissed the top of his head gently. "You're safe."

One by one, the group sat down with Nate and Eliot, comforting their mastermind and hitter.

~~~

Eliot wasn't going to be alright overnight, but with the right help, he'll be okay.