There’s a single constant within Thrawn’s life he’s come to recognize and — in time — come to accept. And that is he will always be alone even in a room filled with people. In the entire universe with all its diversity, its rich culture, planets rife with alien life…
Mitth’raw’nuruodo, Chiss warrior of the Chiss Ascendancy, Grand Admiral Of the Galactic Empire has been and continues to be alone. Did this mean he felt lonely? Perhaps. Only he would know and yet he couldn’t grasp the feeling even if he tried. Such emotions were an alien concept to him even as everyone else around him understood. Perhaps, even saw more than he ever could with his glowing red eyes.
Grand Admiral Thrawn silently came to a stand from his command chair aboard the ISD Chimaera. His private sub bridge was a clone of the main bridge and served as his office of sorts. He approached the viewport to look out into the darkness of space. In the low lighting, his glowing red eyes and his reflection looked back at him.
Thrawn struggled to express himself, efforts he’s taken to make others understand, including those few relationships he’s reached out because he sensed they could relate have all failed. Every. Single. One. Family? Gone. Taken from him too soon or he’s forsaken due to a breach in trust. Even his own son will grow up not even knowing who he was. Friends? Non existent. How could they understand his brilliant mind, to indulge in art work with the amount of depth he does, to make the connections he sees and follow it. His people? For all the efforts he’s taken in protecting them, even they could not understand him. He was always edged out on account of his strangeness in subtle yet apparent ways. Thrawn knew. He always knew.
His eyes narrowed as he softly breathed out the command to turn off the lights completely. Thrawn was plunged into darkness and the cooler temperature he always maintained within his quarters did little to soothe him. There was no solace to be found out in space.
Mitth’ras’safis, his blood brother, paid the price for one of his intricate plans in efforts to save him. His actions had to be done and he would not have changed his choices because it was necessary. Thrass was always saving him… They came up from nothing and through their efforts became something. Thrass should not have bothered. Thrawn would have preferred his brother alive and at his side even at the cost of his freedom. Thrawn mourned yet he used his feelings of sadness and abandonment to fight the war that had yet to be acknowledged by his people. He is a warrior, after all, and the universe will not wait until he is emotionally stable to move on.
Eli Vanto, a human of the Galactic Empire, and a true friend to Thrawn has met nothing but disaster upon their meeting. How much punishment has Eli Vanto had to weather through because no one could touch Thrawn? How much has his human friend had to suffer when he was forced to send Eli Vanto away? It was not a choice he would have made yet it necessary. And now its taken its toll on the connection that once was. Like many other relationships Thrawn had forged, he’s had to watch his friend drift away. Eventually, their tie will sever from the stress like every friendship he may have had in the past.
Thrawn continued to gaze out into the darkness of space through the viewport. The gentle hum of the ship disturbed the picture of desolation before him. He clasped his hands behind his back and watched.
Thrawn has been and will always be alone. How large a shadow he must cast to do what needs to be done? How much more will he have to watch unfold and harsh assumptions placed upon him as he stayed silent? Only time will tell how long he must endure. Until then, Mitth’raw’nuruodo will continue to stand strong and refuse to show even a modicum of weakness to those around him. He will suffer in silence because it was necessary.
The red lights that kept his quarters from being completely dark illuminated his back as they faded into being. His gaze narrowed as his mind mentally mapped out stars to orient himself even without the use of maps. There the Grand Admiral continued to stand within the darkness of his spartan quarters within a halo of red light. Thrawn would not move until it was time to because the universe demanded it.
Because it is necessary.