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Even a Superhero Can Have Feet of Ice

Chapter Text

The Legends piled onto the Waverider, in their police uniforms and FBI pantsuits.

"So," said Sara. "How'd we do, Gideon?"

They all gathered at the command center while Gideon's British voice gave them the rundown and Mick ate another piece of mousse cake off a small china plate.

"Well, Captain, the original timeline is restored up to 2018, but Fort Knox is still robbed by the Luthor twins in 2035."

"Wait," said Sara. "The Luthor twins? Are those the children of Lex or Lena Luthor?"

"You have to ask?" said Mick.

"Lex, I'm afraid, Captain. It appears that the wedding you just attended... didn't happen."

Zari said, "How can that even--" She shook her head. "Why do I even bother asking?"

Sara asked, "Gideon, did our attending the wedding retroactively cancel it out?"

"No, Captain. It appears that there were more than two parallel strands of history reaching back through the past from Fort Knox. We've eliminated one, but there appears to be another."

"So what time are we going to this time?" asked Ray.

"2020, to the wedding of Clark Kent and... Diana Prince."

"Wait," said Zari. "But that's..."

"Yup," said Sara. "Wonder Woman."

Mick belched.

//

When Lois came home, Clark had literally paced a worn track in the carpet. She pinched her nose, thinking, I had to date a Kryptonian.

"Lois," he said nervously, adjusting his glasses.

Lois pulled out a bottle opener and a bottle of Cabernet. "Hello to you too, Clark."

"Um, so I spoke with the musician, as you asked, and, um, signed the contract with his band. It, uh, had a strange clause."

"You're telling me you actually read the fine print?"

"Well, of course." Glasses. "It's the responsible thing to do."

She poured a full glass, up to the rim, then took several sips in a row. "Yes, responsible. And what did this clause say?"

"Well, it was the table of how much of our downpayment we get back depending on how close to the wedding day we cancel."

Lois choked on her wine and coughed. "Cancel?"

"Well, not that we would! Of course not. We've been together so many years! But J'onn J'onzz and Phil Coulson both just texted me to make sure that we didn't have anything, you know, on our radar."

"Our radar."

"Supervillains," he said helpfully. "Lex, et al."

And Lois loved Clark to bits, she really did, but what kind of guy would phrase his own cold feet about a wedding verbally using "et al."?

//

Amos Tempus was at least a hundred years old, even if the days and weeks he had lived weren't exactly sequential. Having been born in the future (from Lillian Luthor's perspective) and educated and trained in several pasts, he was no spring chicken. Onlookers couldn't tell from his body; he looked around forty. But his mind was wide and full.

So when Clark Kent cancelled his 2018 wedding to Lois Lane, Lillian had gone off on a tirade about the cowardice of men in general and Kryptonian men in particular. Amos had opened a new file in his tablet and started typing. Eventually, she calmed down.

"What are you doing?" she spat.

"Planning, what else? Clark is a lonely guy. He lost his best friend and he just dumped his girlfriend. He won't stay alone for long. And when he does gather all his besties, we'll be there to rain on his parade."

//

Once Lois had moved to Opal City, Clark's life had become different. He still reported on the news by day and fought crime by night, but Lex Luthor had stopped targeting him, almost as though without Lois as the prize, it wasn't fun for him anymore. That was Clark's hypothesis.

Jimmy had been devastated by Clark's decision to cancel the wedding. If Clark and Lois couldn't make it, there was no way that he and Lucy could make it. So he'd moved to National City, hoping to get to know Kara, never expecting Lucy to follow him out, hoping to prove him wrong.

When Superman rescued a traveling museum exhibit at the Met Met, Clark had the opportunity to get to know its curator, Diana Prince, all over again. And love had blossomed.

//

On the Waverider, Gideon set them down in Metropolis City Park, and cloaked. The team gathered around the command station, studying the current timeline, which included several dozen extremely tall and muscular women in T-shirts and jeans setting up event tents and a dais.

Ray asked, "Why change the venue?"

"Respect," said Zari. "Diana is a Greek demi-goddess. She's not getting married in a Christian church."

Sara came in. "Gideon, any luck finding more on the man who was shot?"

"Yes, indeed, Captain Lance. I think we've found our anachronism. Amos Tempus is from 2100. In 2114, he is arrested for trying to undermine the value of gold worldwide."

"That would explain Fort Knox," said Ray.

"Also, Captain, I believe I recognize the wave effect that created the temporal problems at the church."

"Some kind of time bomb," suggested Mick, guzzling a bottle of beer.

"Precisely. I am working now to develop a handheld detector for those time waves, but I will need the assistance of Dr. Palmer and Ms. Tomaz."

Zari and Ray bumped fists and headed off to the lab.

"Okay, people," said Sara. "We're playing cops and waiters again. Prepare to protect and serve!"

Chapter Text

religion had been matriarchal, not that Clark, the proto-Presbyterian would remember. She had been a little self-conscious about the plan for several of the DEO women to wear tuxedos, but Diana had been gracious.

"Even now," the Amazon said, "for male leaders in this world, this clothing is combat gear. You ladies will fit right in with my other warrior sisters."

Kara's ears had turned bright pink at that.

The wedding itself was unusual as human weddings went. Only the closest family and friends were invited. Diana wore a bright blue dress in honor of her husband-to-be's house. The Amazons, in dresses of all colors of the rainbow, sang a triumphant chant as the wedding party processed into the tent before Queen Hyppolyta, who alone was dressed in white.

And that was where it all got even more unusual. Because the moment the queen said, "Do any here have cause to object to this union?"

A dozen soldiers in black tactical gear ran in, shooting up the tent. The one in front tore off a helmet. It was Lois. She yelled, "I object!"

And then the world exploded.

It wasn't a normal explosion, Kara thought. There wasn't smoke or fire, just percussive force tearing from the back to the front of the tent and time seeming to slow down.

And then Wonder Woman and Superman were racing toward the men in black tactical gear who were themselves pushing through glue to move forward with their alien rifles, so the they disarmed them faster than the Flash would have and had them zip-tied on the ground. Kara took a step forward and zoomed toward James, pushing him to get Eliza and Perry White out the side.

Kara saw Alex pull out two pistols from the back of her waistband: she handed the alien pistol to Vasquez and kept the one Winn had built for her. They raced toward Lois side by side, stuttering through moments of slow motion and superspeed as more attackers in black poured through the door, but Superman and Wonder Woman got there first. Lois didn't stand a chance against the Amazon.

Kara pushed through the waves of slowness until she reached Phil and Melinda, who also seemed temporally stuck until Daisy raised her hands and quaked the tent down on their heads. Kara and Clark immediately cut through the canvas with their laser eyes, but it slowed people down on both sides of the fight, since the Amazons couldn't legally bring their swords into City Park.

The Metropolis Chief of Police was on his phone in a heartbeat, and Kara went back to Clark and they both stood there adjusting their glasses while Wonder Woman and DEO agents aided the MPD in detaining the terrorists. The Chief stared at the charred remains of the tree outside the tent and asked, "How did a tree catch fire?"

Daisy put her hand on his shoulder. "Probably an electrical fire from the lights, because of the earthquake."

All of the terrorists but Lex and Lois went willingly. Lex sneered at all of them and Lois kept protesting her undying love for Clark.

In the light of the setting sun, with ashes flying like flurries of snow, Clark hung his head as he spoke with Diana. She comforted him and turned away, gathered her sisters and left.

Kara heard her mother say as they passed, "I did tell you it would never work with a man."

Clark told everyone to go to the reception and enjoy the food, and then went off with Kara and Jimmy.

//

Across the street from the park, the reception hall of the Metropolis Royal Etude was on the top floor, with spectacular views of Metropolis gilded in the late afternoon sunlight. At the short-term open bar, their guests were taking advantage of the free-flowing booze to steady their nerves. Eventually, the waitstaff started serving the hors d'oeuvres, so people found their places at the tables. This was ideal for the Legends, as they could simply plop themselves down in place of the departed Amazons, and their police and FBI personae were simply accepted as friends of the bride and groom.

Nate sat at Tempus's table and tried to make light conversation with the man, but he ate quickly and gave monosyllabic answers. When the window shattered, the sniper's bullet sent Nate flying, while Ray and May took down John Reese.

Sara, Alex and Vasquez took out Root.

Zari and Amaya brought back Shaw, pissed off but unscathed.

Daisy and J'onn faced the Chief of Police, encouraging him to tell the panicking guests that the threat was over and they should stay and enjoy the food, despite the broken glass everywhere. After a while, he agreed.

"And on what authority do you say this?" asked the Chief.

"Er, authority?" asked Daisy. "On the authority of the Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division."

"And the Department of Extra-normal Operations," growled Director Henshaw, crossing his arms over his chest.

"And?" said a woman's voice behind him, making him turn. A light flashed. "The Time Bureau." Ava Sharpe pushed the dazed man toward his table. "Gary, you're up."

A bespectacled young man started explaining about the flock of pigeons that had hit the window...

After dessert, the Legends returned back to the Waverider, slapping each other on the back for a job well done.

Chapter Text

Everyone said afterwards what an enjoyable reception it had been, except for the pigeons.

And of course the wedding had been lovely, except for the part where it hadn't actually happened, which was unfortunate, but then people had always said that Lois and Clark were a love for the ages.

The wedding party and their friends all went back to their rooms: M'gann with J'onn, Coulson with May, Lena with Kara, Maggie with Alex, and Vasquez with Daisy.

And the next day they went home as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Because, of course, for this group of world-saving individuals, nothing really had.