I don’t know why I was surprised. Sam had never listened to me. It was part of the reason that I relayed orders through Dean. Sam was much less likely to disobey them when Dean asked rather than when I told. It irritated me to no end, but I had no time to argue about it right now. So, when Sam sped the Impala up behind me and cut me off, I came flying out of that car with the full intention of kicking some ass.
“What the hell was that?” I spat at Sam.
“We need to talk.” Sam told me.
“About what?” I asked, the irritation beginning to boil over into full on fury.
“About everything. Where we going, Dad? What’s the big deal about this gun?” Sam
“Sammy come we can Q and A after we kill the vampires.” Dean said, trying, like always, to get the fighting to stop.
“Your brother’s right. We don’t have time for this.” I tried.
“Last time we saw you, you said it was too dangerous to be together. Now out of the blue, you need our help. Now obviously something big is going down, and we want to know what!” Sam yelled.
What the hell? Is this boy suicidal, yelling at me? I thought. “Get back in the car.” John
“No.” Sam said.
“I said get back in the damn car.” I said, quietly but with as much danger in my voice as I could muster. Sam did not want to mess with me right now.
“Yeah. And I said no.” Sam said, and stood straight, towering above me.
It was a big change from the puny teenager who looked up at me with all the defiance he could come up with. I did not like having to look up at Sam. That didn’t sit right with me. I should’ve taken it as a sign for what was about to happen, but in all my stubborn jackassery pride, I just stared him down, trying to intimidate him. It was a fool’s errand. I didn’t scare Sam anymore. Another sign that I should have backed down. But again, that damn pride. Dean stepped in again.
“All right, you made your point, tough guy. Sammy, I mean it, come on.” Dean grabbed Sam and started to take him to the car.
“This is why I left in the first place.” Sam muttered under his breath.
“What’d you say?”
“You heard me!” Sam turned around and shouted at me. Again. This boy was really grating on my nerves.
“Yeah. You left. Your brother and me, we needed you. You walked away, Sam. You walked away!” I yelled.
That’s when it happened. The one thing I never thought would ever happen. I know what I did. I took my eyes off Sam for two seconds. I used one to look at Dean, who had his hands up in the air in defeat, and I used the other to look at Evy, who had opened the back door and was looking away from both of us. She was wiping tears away from her face, crying. She had always cried when me and Sam fought. Just as I was about to ask Sam for a truce, I felt myself be knocked down by a fist coming at my face. I hit the dirt in shock, blood coming down from my lip, then felt Sam on top of me. He somehow got me flipped over onto my back, and grabbed my arm and pulled it behind my back, pinning me down. I tried to move, but the more I moved, the tighter Sam’s hold became on me. I finally laid still.
“What the hell are you doing?” “Dean, don’t try to stop me. You do and I’ll take Evy and you’ll never see us again.” Sam said.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dean’s feet suddenly still and then retreat back to the Impala.
“Dean, I’m ordering you…”
Sam squeezed again. “Shut the hell up. Now. You’re gonna stop giving orders and listen to me. Got it?”
As much as I didn’t want to, I didn’t have much choice. “Got it.”
“I’ve had it. I have had it!” Sam said, teeth clenched tight. How badly I wanted to knock every one of them out. “This family functions perfectly without you, and I will no longer allow you to ruin it.” “How dare you…” “I’m not the one pinned down right now, so I suggest you shut your mouth and listen. I know that’s a foreign concept to you, so I suggest you become a quick learner.” Sam said.
I didn’t say anything.
“I left my child, my girlfriend, and my life to come and find your ungrateful, overbearing, unappreciative ass. The love of my life is dead and Evy is still having nightmares because instead of being there to protect them, I was on the road trying to find you. It’s the worst mistake I’ve ever made in my life.”
Suddenly I was all ears.
“But I didn’t do it for you. I did it for Dean. Because I didn’t want him to be alone. Because despite the fact that he could easily have come and lived with me and Evy, he chose to give up his life for you and your stupid mission. So if I hear one more criticism towards Dean, about anything, I will knock your ass down again without a second thought.” I stopped fighting Sam altogether.
“And Evy? She is staying with me. Period. Whether we find this demon or not. Because you have proved, over and over, that you are incapable of treating her like your daughter. She will have the life she wants. You don’t like it, tough shit. You try to stop her, I’ll shoot you and won’t feel bad about it.”
“Are you done?” I asked.
“Almost.” Sam said. “Dad, I know it might not seem like it right now, but I love you. I love you and I admire you. But I left because you made me feel like I was nothing but a burden. A burden and a screw up who couldn’t do anything right. I left because I thought that you would be better off. Now this family has suffered because of the demon. But if you had stopped being such a stubborn jackass, and admitted to me that you were just worried about me being gone, I may never have left. You’re the one that’s caused this family the most pain. And until you face that, nothing’s ever going to be alright, even if we kill that demon tomorrow.”
Now I wish Sam had just broken my arm. That would have hurt less.
“So you need to decide, right now, what’s more important. You being right, or having us with you. Because if you make us leave, we will hunt this demon without you, and you will never see me and Evy again. Choose.”
I swallowed hard. “Don’t leave.” “Are you going to stop barking orders and start treating us with the same respect you scream at us for?” Sam asked.
“Yes.” I answered.
He can’t be serious. “Sam…”
“Yes, what? You only have to say it once, and I’ll let you go.”
I shook my head. “Yes, sir.”
Suddenly, the pressure of Sam being on my back was gone. Sam was standing above me, offering an arm to help me up. I took it, but the second I was back on my feet, I was promptly knocked down again. I looked up to see Sam shaking his hand out, like he was trying to alleviate the pain from punching me twice.
“That’s all out of my system now. We good?” Sam asked.
Oh, how I wanted to say no. How I wanted to go over and knock the hell out of Sam. But Dean was leaning against the hood of the Impala, standing far away from everything going on. Evy sat in the backseat, mouth gaped open. I knew if I so much as breathed wrong in Sam’s direction, Dean and maybe even Evy would be the ones knocking me to the ground next. But when I looked back at Sam, suddenly I felt something unexpected. Pride. And regret. His words from earlier were ringing in my ears. I left my child, my girlfriend, and my life to come and find your ungrateful, overbearing, unappreciative ass. The love of my life is dead and Evy is still having nightmares because instead of being there to protect them, I was on the road trying to find you. It’s the worst mistake I’ve ever made in my life. I had ruined Sam’s life. Not the demon, me. And he was right. If I had been less of an obsessed bastard and a little more of a dad, it would have spared the family a lot of needless pain. I still had to hunt the demon, but I decided to answer Sam’s question.
“We’re good.” I said, and meant it. “We’re good.”