In hindsight, hoping this trip would go better than the one to the hot springs was naive, and that was putting it mildly. At least back then the teams were divided into two different buses. This time, they'd been given a huge rental RV meant to hold two families.
No one behaved, even the so-called Good Ones. If it were just Suboshi being a brat and Tasuki getting drunk it would be one thing, but being stuck together in one space brought out everyone's worst traits. Tasuki had brought Kouji along this time and they'd gone through half a case of booze already. Suboshi was proving to be just as big of an eater as Miaka, with Chichiri having to put a lock spell on the fridge and the coolers. Amiboshi, of all people, was trolling random people by playing creepy notes on his flute. Soi had insisted Ashitare ride with them this time and kept slipping him doggie biscuits, much to Nakago's irritation.
"...at the Copa, don't fall in looooooooooooooooooooooooooooove," came Nuriko's singing. Keisuke immediately regretted having brought that karaoke machine along for the ride.
"Nuriko, I think Hotohori's getting lonely, why don't you keep him company?"
"He's got company." Nuriko glared at the emperor's mirror. "He'd marry that stupid thing if he could!"
"Too bad his wife couldn't join us," Yui chimed in from where she was snuggled on Tetsuya's lap. "We could use a slightly better gender ratio among us!" Keisuke shot a glare at his best friend via the rearview mirror.
"Y'know, Tetsuya, you could take over the driving at any time! I'm sure Yui can protect herself from that so-called teenage lech."
"Better safe than sorry!" Tetsuya sang.
"Now, now, muggle, should Suboshi step out of line, I can put him back in his place." Tomo wiggled two of his vines with a smirk. Soi rolled her eyes.
"We should have never let him read Harry Potter," she said.
"At least he's not trying to marry Snape on the Astral Plane!" Miboshi piped up.
"Ewww," Chiriko groaned. "If I get carsick from thinking about that I'll barf on you."
"Hey, what did I ever-" Miboshi paused. "Oh, right."
"Which reminds me, if Ashitare tries to take a nap on my pillow again, he's going in the crate," Nuriko called.
"Jus' jack off on his doggie bed!" called a drunken Tasuki from the kitchen. Nuriko grimaced.
"Guys, if we all tried to get revenge on everyone who wronged us Suboshi would be dead," Tamahome called from where he was alternating between making out with Miaka and counting money. Suboshi let out a squeal and hid behind Amiboshi.
"Aniki, save me!" he whimpered. Amiboshi sighed.
"Tamahome, I'll have to ask you not to murder my brother. He's immature, bratty, makes the worst possible life choices, and he'd be in jail right now if we were older, but he's still the only blood family I have left." For a split second, Tamahome looked about to start bawling, but instead he pouted and curled up with his head in Miaka's lap.
"That said, Suboshi..." Amiboshi picked up Ashitare's spare leash and clipped it to his brother.
"Anikiiii! What the hell!"
"This isn't doing anything to squelch the rumors of you two being incestuous, ya know?" Chichiri piped up. Both twins turned into human tomatoes.
"Shut up, Chichiri!" Mitsukake, who had been quiet as usual, suddenly wrinkled his nose.
"Tama-chan, did you just pee on someone's pillow?" A chorus of ewwwwws came up from the crowd, even Hotohori, who had put down his mirror for once.
"There's a rest stop with a Starbucks and a pet store. I need a cup of coffee." He glanced at Nuriko. "Would you come with me?" Nuriko looked like he'd just been rocketed to heaven.
"Yes yes yes!"
"Mitsukake, if that cat peed on my pillow..." Nakago threatened.
This fancy resort had better be worth the remaining three hours in this hell-mobile.