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The Norm Followed to the Letter

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Dear Queen,

I suppose you will want an explanation for why I ran off so suddenly. Well, it was kind of the heat of the moment. I never meant to be so bad to you, the one thing I swore that I would never do. You see, I was banished. Now I can finally go on as I am. Female. Yep, that shit actually happened. We've cut off contact for years now, but I'm not lying. No, I am not playing along with the rumors that were spread by the guards of all people. You would think that it'd be the maids. Well you see, mother, they sleep in close quarters. By now I think that we should all just be glad that they haven't let something if international importance slip out. Forget national, they brought out a whole new level. Well, since I am unable to send this letter to you, as you're currently locked up in a tower somewhere, just-kidding-I-know-exactly-where-it-is- AHEM!!! Anyway... so. How's life been treating you past the whole locked up in a tower by your jealous husband thing you've got going on? I mean, come on, you didn't even sleep with the guy. And it wasn't your fault that I took after you in looks, and that the king (no, I still will NOT call him my father), was so swamped in paperwork that he neglected the household. I haven't seen you in years, so I can't really be overly selective about what I write down. Nice... talk(?), enjoy growing out your hair! I promise that I will be back someday, now, adieu to you!



(That's what I'm going by now, since it DOES mean universal. Hey, I'm classy af.)