“What’s wrong with you?!” he shouted, his breath harsh on my face.
I tried to ignore him, but I couldn’t.
“Nothing,” I replied, my voice hardly a whisper.
I started to walk away from him but he grabbed me by the shoulder. I thought for sure that he was going to punch me.
"We can't do this!" he yelled. “Are you fucking insane?”
I turned away from him.
“Harrison!” His hands were on me again.
“Get off me!” I shouted as I turned, pushing him off.
“I know you must fucking hate me!” he shouted, shoving me against the wall.
What the fuck? I could never hate him, not even if he gave me reason.
“I gave you everything remember? Isn't this the life you wanted? Aren’t you grateful?!”
His hands moved down to my wrists, and he captured them easily and held me against that wall, my head was spinning from the heat, from the pain, from him.
“Tommy please...” I whimpered, not looking at him. How could I dare it?
“You’re a fucking ungrateful shit! ” his voice seemed too calm, and I felt caught in a moment. A moment that doesn’t usually happen like this, a moment in which I felt obliged to… no!
I had to say something, the moment was becoming intolerable.
“Tom, let me go.”
He watched me carefully, I wanted him so much.
“I... I can’t...“ he whispered.
His whisper caused me to shiver, my eyes shut and I swallowed hard. I leaned my head back onto the wall behind me.
We had been drinking, him more than me. He stopped me from drinking more than I should; he had always looked out for me. My heart raced so fast when I felt his breath close on my neck, my stomach diving at the feeling of his damp hair on my cheek. I could smell him – cologne and sweat and…. Tom. It drove me insane.
He didn’t move for a while, we just breathed, me faster than him. His breathing was deep, and low. His grip tightening on my wrists, I thought I might lose control.
He still didn’t move, and I wanted him to. I wanted him to do whatever he wanted with me.
“Thomas?” He hated it when I called him that. So he said. But I am the only one who calls him by that name without getting the glare.
He said nothing, just made some sort of noise.
I opened my eyes, and saw him looking at me. I looked at his lips, my heart lurching as I did so, terrified of scaring him. What was he thinking?
I watched as his eyes did exactly the same. I couldn’t help but smile.
And that was what did it for him.
He kissed me.
He kissed hard, full on the lips, his hands on my face. And he pulled back before I could respond. He looked utterly desperate, bewildered and I saw his lip tremble.
He turned away, his hands in his hair, and I heard a shuddering intake of air.
“Oh, my god, I’m so fucked” I heard him whisper. I knew he was terrified. I was too.
He’s my best friend. There is no-one in the world closer to me than him. I had learnt my identity long ago and was not bothered by the fact that I wanted him. What scared me was the thought that he might not want me.
“Tom?” I ventured softly. As I placed my hand on his shoulder I saw I was trembling insanely. I’d never shaken like this before, like I was freezing. But I was so hot - mostly for him.
He shrugged me off and turned around, “This is fucking insane!” he shouted, half crying, “What the fuck is wrong with me!”
He had never been a relaxed person, always wound up with more energy than he knew what to do with. I knew this. He stormed to the other side of the hotel balcony and hung his head over the railing. I could do nothing but wait for him to calm down.
Finally he spoke. His voice startled me in the silence. “You need to go someplace else, Harrison.”
“Wh... why?” I asked. My heart racing. Had I pushed him too far?
He just looked at me. I felt like just asking him to fuck me then and there.
I love him, in case that is blindingly obvious.
He stood up straight and closed the space between us. “Go to bed.” He growled, before turning back toward the railing.
I had to say it. What was the point of lying? Of ignoring what was there?
“Only if you come with me” I said loudly.
I thought I was going to die right then. I waited silently, so terrified of his response.
He had stopped still. Frozen. “What did you say?”
“You heard what I said.” I barely whispered.
He turned to face me.
“You... “ he said pointing his finger at me. He took two strides, and there he was, there was the man who I would give my heart too. So close.
“You little shit! When will you learn where your place is? I am practically your fucking brother and if you ev...”
I couldn’t bare it. I shut him up with another kiss.
He pulled back and shouted at me to stop but I persevered and kissed him again, until he gave in and moaned gently, pulling me roughly against his chiselled body. When he pulled away, we both looked at each other, gasping for air.
His hand was around my waist, his other immediately went for my jeans, undoing the zip, reaching for me.
When he moved his hand I moaned, and he stopped suddenly, his other hand covered my mouth. I had heard it too - a knock on the door.
“Shit.... fuck sake!” he whispered frantically.
I remember him saying he had invited Jacob around while we were at the bar. We stayed frozen for seemingly an eternity, until we heard him walk away.
He hesitated before pushing me back off the balcony and into the bedroom. Our feet entangled and we collapsed onto his bed.
I couldn’t help but giggle at the situation, and I felt him smile against my forehead.
I looked up at him and he kissed me again, pushing gently against me. The bed creaked when he pushed down too hard and I started laughing.
Tom told me to shut up and I did just that gasping when he grabbed me at the waist again. Without warning he moved his hands in such motions that he had me whimpering incoherently. The sensation was incredible. He kissed my neck, growling occasionally, and I could only whimper in response.
“Oh god Tommy.....” I breathed as he took a firmer hold, moving his hand faster. He growled when I breathed his name, biting my neck, I could feel him growing against me.
And then it hit me, harder than I thought ever possible, my eyes flew open, his hand covered my mouth again as I yelled beneath it, and his other hand slowed over me, hitting every pulsing nerve in my body. I had never felt such intense pleasure.
Finally, I collapsed. Leaning my head back against the pillows, looking at him... panting seductively.
He was still very much aroused, and his eyes were so dark.. watching me, taking in my every move. He was so lost in the moment that he took my hand and placed it over the bulge beneath his jeans, and I smiled.
I wanted to give him so much more than he had given me. I pulled him down onto the bed and straddled him, working my way down. He froze.
“Haz?” he breathed looking at me. “What are you doing?”
“What does it look like?” I smirked.
“Get up” he growled.
I knew he didn’t want me to. So I didn’t hesitate.
“Haz…, “ he tried again, but when he felt my hand, he wanted me to stay exactly where I was.
I felt his hands brush through my hair. I was so eager to please him, to show him how much I love him.
He swore repeatedly and said my name brokenly through hitched breaths and growls of pleasure. I felt myself getting aroused again. When his own climax came, he whispered my name and tightened his hold on my neck. His breathing became short, and I moaned purposely, he froze, growling loudly.
When he too was spent, I moved upward and lay beside him, our almost naked bodies electrifyingly close together.
He looked at me and I gazed back into his crystal eyes. Slowly, our breathing returned to normal. His torso glistened with sweat in the dim light and I could barely control myself..... and he knew it.
“No more... “ he breathed, as I trailed my hand across his chest.
My face pleaded with him.
He shook his head, smiling just a little.
“We.... we’ve done enough... for one night.”