Chapter 1: One
Rey’s job was basic A-F. She worked as a receptionist for a small insurance firm, really-- the stuff of fairy tales.
Rey had graduated college last spring with a degree in poetry , of all things, and found the job market to be-- lacking. She told herself this was just going to be a summer job, but it was easy enough and it paid the bills and honestly, she didn't mind it, sometimes she thought about moving into sales… eventually. Most of that was due to the fact that she liked her coworkers. She had taken the job because her best friend Finn Tucker worked as the tech guy and had put in a good word. Rey had immediately become best friends with Rose Tico, who ran HR, after a stressful day and a bottle of wine and a mutual love of Britney Spears and it took all of five minutes for Poe Dameron’s flashing smile to win her over. It was clear why he was head of sales and marketing. Even Ben Solo, the sullen and antisocial accountant had been dragged into their little friend group, albeit reluctantly. Ben was always grumpy, but he still showed up every Friday for drinks at the pub and ate lunch with them in the courtyard most days. Rey was surprised to learn that he had been friends with Poe since childhood.
The two could not be more different.
Ben wasn't easy to get along with, and she knew that both Finn and Rose didn't particularly care for him, to put it lightly.
“He’s just-- such a dick,” Finn said about a week after Ben started really hanging out with them. “I think he only comes around now because he has a crush on you, Rey.”
Both Rey and Rose had burst into laughter at that.
“Uhm, no,” Rey had said.
“I'm with Rey, no way . He is such an asshole. He’s hanging out now because all that therapy is finally paying off. I mean he literally pays someone to tell him to try and play nice with others,” Rose said.
“Was he really that bad before?” Rey asked.
Finn and Rose exchanged a glance.
“Trust me, peanut, if you think he's bad now-- you have no idea.”
Rey didn't think Ben was that bad, but it was undeniable that he put off a sort of don't fuck with me energy. He wasn't bad looking but he was always sort of hunched or not making eye contact or scowling and it made him less attractive than he might have been otherwise. There was something dangerous about him, but not in an enticing kind of way, more in a warning kind of way. He wasn't the kind of person you could playfully joke with or casually hug, in fact the idea of touching Ben Solo at all seemed… strange.
Still, she liked hanging out with him and considered him a friend, she even missed him on the occasional Friday that he choose not to come out with them.
The Court House was a shitty pub but it had very cold beer and darts and a patio. Friday night found the entire crew crowding around two pitchers and complaining about work.
Rose was pink cheeked already and Poe had his arm around Finn who was trying to look casual and the music was a little loud. Ben looked bored, too big for the little booth.
Rey kicked him gently under the table and he turned his eyes to her, scowl softening slightly.
“Why are you so grumpy, Solo? I thought you'd be all stoked tonight,” Poe said.
“Oh?” Rey said, looking over at Poe’s sly smile and back to Ben. Ben looked suddenly furious. “Why's that?”
“Jessika Pava asked Ben out.”
Everyone went quiet.
“You're kidding,” Finn said, and Ben turned his face to Finn, eyes flashing.
Rose cut in. “No it's just-- she's like--- very hot. Nice, Ben.”
“It doesn't matter,” Ben said icily. “I'm not going.”
“What!” Both Rey and Poe said.
“Oh my god Ben,” Poe said, running a hand through his hair. “Don't-- don't do this again.”
Ben was clearly uncomfortable; his jaw was clenched and Rey couldn’t see his fists but she heard knuckles crack.
“I don't wanna go out with her,” he said.
“Everyone on earth wants to go out with her,” Rey said, trying to for playful.
Ben’s eye twitched, he huffed out a breath and rolled his eyes.
“I mean Rey’s not wrong Ben, what's wrong with Jess? Why not give it a shot? She's clearly into you,” Poe said.
Ben was blushing a little bit and he looked like he was wishing the floor would crack open and swallow him whole.
“I'm not talking about this with you fucks,” Ben said, shuffling out of the booth and then out of the bar.
Poe sighed, moving his arm from around Finn when Rey said, “No you stay, I'll go.”
Poe shrugged and let Rey follow Ben outside.
It was drizzling slightly, misty, really, as it almost always was in November in Seattle.
“Hey,” Rey said, leaning against the brick wall next to Ben. He had a cigarette in his mouth and he was staring out toward the street. “You wanna talk about it?” Rey asked.
“Nothing to talk about, it really isn't anyone's business.”
“Is it-- I mean it's totally fine if you are-- you know Poe and Finn are gay-- no one would--”
“What?!” Ben turned to Rey, his face a mix of horror and humor. “Rey, if I was gay I wouldn't be hiding it, that's not-- no. Fuck, no.”
“Okay sorry, I just-- Jessika Pava , Ben,” Rey said pointedly.
Ben groaned, letting his head fall back against the wall.
“That's the thing . It's not that I don't wanna go out with Jess-- of course I do, she's amazing -- it’s just-- fuck, this is embarrassing.” He buried his head in hands.
Rey had the urge to reach out and touch him, but something stopped her.
Ben sighed, lowered his hands and looked at Rey.
“I've never-- gone out with someone or-- you know-- been with someone,” Ben said pointedly.
Rey's brain stuttered and then caught on his meaning.
“You're a virgin?” Rey said, her voice laced with surprise.
She supposed it wasn't that surprising, when she thought about it. It was hard to picture approaching Ben Solo for sex-- something about that unknowable energy.
“This is so fucking embarrassing,” Ben deadpanned.
“Oh stop, it's not that bad,” Rey said, nudging against Ben gently.
“Yeah it is. There's no way I can go out with her, I'll make an ass of myself.”
Rey winced. He wasn't necessarily wrong.
“It’s just-- you know after a while I just didn't care, I didn't think about it that much and I was always just-- so angry. There wasn't room for other stuff. Plus-- I don't know, girls never liked me, I don't blame them, I'm-- sharp .”
Rey couldn't argue with that, despite an unreasonable urge to do so. But she also couldn't imagine that girls never liked Ben. Jess certainly seemed to. And he was sharp , sure, but he was oddly beautiful. All of that intensity could be intriguing, she supposed.
“Okay hear me out,” Rey said, turning to lean her shoulder on the wall and face Ben. He turned and faced her too. He was so much taller than her. “You tell her this weekend is no good, something came up, but make a date for next week. That way we have time to-- practice.”
“ Practice ?” Ben said, brows pulling together in confusion.
Rey swallowed. She genuinely didn't want Ben to suffer, and if he had a shot with someone like Jess, she owed it to him as a friend to help.
“Yeah, practice. You can get all of the embarrassing stuff out of the way with me and then-- you know move on to the real thing.”
Ben’s expression was unreadable, his mouth was open and his eyes were dark.
“You and me?” He asked.
“Yeah I mean,” Rey swallowed and brought a hand up to Ben’s arm, god he was solid. “If you don't want to obviously no pressure, it would just be for fun you know? No strings, no weirdness. If you hate it we don't have to-- but if you want I could-- I could help.”
Rey shrugged and let her hand drop. Ben wasn't speaking, his eyes followed her hand as it fell from his arm to her side. “We don't have to though--”
“No,” he said quickly, “I want to. You're sure though?”
Rey nodded. She was sure.
“Okay so, we have a week she said,” shrugging.
“Right,” Ben said, and just then an uber pulled up alongside the bar. “I gotta go but uh-- I'll text you?”
Rey nodded as Ben gave her a half smile and got into the car.
She stood in the silence outside of the bar for a while, before calling a car for herself and heading home.
The next morning she woke up to a text from Ben.
so did you change your mind?
bc if you don't want to do this I get it
no pressure I mean
Rey smiled at her phone.
I'm game if you are
He texted back almost immediately.
come over at like 7?
Rey wasn't sure why she nervous. She dressed and headed out for her morning run.
She kept turning her own words over in her head. Why had she offered to help Ben? More accurately; why had she agreed to have instructional sex with Ben Solo? It wasn't like her to do things so impulsively. She had never really stopped to think about Ben like that, but she let her mind wander now. He was big, really big, and strong. He had expressive eyes and a serious jaw and really nice lips, they were probably soft. She would know soon enough if they were.
She got home and showered and meticulously cleaned her apartment. Then she ran her weekend errands and took a shower.
Just to be safe, she shaved her legs. She didn't plan on sleeping with Ben tonight; she was serious about them having a full week, and she didn't want to rush this. She had a feeling they needed all the time the could get.
When she got out of the shower she still had two hours. Why was she so nervous? It wasn't like this was a real date. If it was weird they could just stop, watch a movie, laugh it off. Right?
When she has only 30 minutes left, she took a shot of tequila, but put the bottle away after one. She didn't want to be drunk or sloppy for this.
She shook her hands out. She put on the TV.
Finally 7:00 rolled around.
Ben knocked on her door at 7:04.
She rushed up to answer it. Ben looked causal also. He was in dark jeans and had his windbreaker zipped up, cheeks pink from the cold. He looked-- nervous . So nervous, and younger than he normally did.
“Hey,” Rey said, and she stood aside to let him in.
He looked big in her apartment as he unzipped his coat. He had a plain, long sleeve black tee shirt on, a stark contrast to the pale skin of his face and throat and hands.
“So I have no fucking idea how this works,” Ben said, and he sounded irritated even though his body language said terrified and it made Rey warm a little so stepped closer to him.
“If you don't like something, you tell me to stop, okay?”
“I mean it, it should be fun-- it should feel good-- you know? If this is too weird you just tell me and we’ll-- I don't know, watch YouTube tutorials instead.”
Ben nodded. His face was open and his chest was rising and falling too quickly and shit-- he was really nervous.
“Relax, Ben, we're not gonna have sex tonight.”
“Oh--” he said, “Okay.” But he didn't seem to calm down at all .
“Come sit with me,” Rey said, walking over to her couch.
Ben sat down next to her, biting his lip.
“Okay this is just gonna feel weird until we push through and get a little more comfortable, so I'm uh-- I'm gonna touch you a little and then I'm gonna kiss you, okay?”
Ben just shrugged. He was obviously trying to keep his breathing even. It wasn't working.
Rey brought her hands up to his chest and pressed her palm over his heart.
It was beating so, so fast.
Part of Rey preened at the reaction, and she had to remind herself this wasn't about her, Ben was just nervous.
She let her hand slide upward until her fingers met the skin of his neck. Ben swallowed thickly as Rey's hand continued up against his jaw to touch his hair. God it was soft, how was it so soft?
Ben was shaking a little bit.
“Is this okay?” she asked.
Ben just nodded, his eyes were wide on Rey’s face.
“I'm uh-- I'm gonna kiss you now,” she said.
Ben nodded again, eyes fixed on her mouth.
Rey smiled as Ben licked his lips and she leaned up to close the space between them.
Ben's lips were soft. For someone so sharp, he sure had a lot of soft bits.
She kissed him gently, just pressing against him for a minute before parting her lips.
Ben was eager, pushing his tongue against her lips as soon as she parted them and she had to pull back.
“Try it like this,” she said, leaning back down to demonstrate, but Ben let out an exasperated sigh and blushed.
“I'm shit, Rey, just admit it.”
“Okay, calm down, Solo, it's been five seconds. Even you can't be good at everything instantly.”
Ben was pouting a little bit. Rey rolled her eyes and decided to just go for it. She slid over and crawled into Ben’s lap, straddling him.
“Come on, I thought you didn't give up easily,” she said, winking at him.
Ben’s surprise at suddenly having Rey in his lap clearly won out over any grumpiness and when Rey leaned back down to kiss him, Ben followed her lead.
She parted her lips slowly, gently nibbling at his plush lower lip before using the tip of her tongue to taste him.
Ben sighed against her as he opened his mouth and let a brief flash of tongue dip into Rey’s mouth.
Rey could feel him underneath her, already so hard, and her heart started to race.
This was Ben , angry Ben, sullen Ben with his big shoulders and smouldering eyes and soft lips, and he was hard under her. It was dizzying to see the effect she had on him, even if logically she knew it wasn't about her, was just biology, it was still-- hot .
Rey let herself grind against Ben a little bit and Ben made a strangled little noise. Rey didn't want to be cruel and they weren't ready for that , so she lifted her hips enough to ease the friction as she nipped at his bottom lip and moved her mouth to his neck instead.
Ben let out a choked little sound at this new sensation, hands fluttering by his sides and Rey's face before fisting in the couch.
She liked pulling these little reactions from him. It was a bit surreal. Ben had always seemed so untouchable, yet here he was, hard and whimpering underneath her.
Rey sat up to look at Ben. His pupils were blown wide, his cheeks were pink and his lips were swollen and shiny from kissing her.
“You don't wanna leave a mark when you do this, not without asking anyway, and not where anyone can see it, usually. But if you pull your shirt down a little I can show you how.”
Ben tugged the collar of his shirt down, stretching it out. He didn't seem to care.
Rey let her mouth trail over this new exposed skin, the sharp jut of his collarbone, the hollow of the skin next to it. She kissed and then she nipped and sucked, bringing the blood up just under the skin. Ben's hand found the small of her back and he gasped, leaning in to her touch.
Rey soothed the little love bite with her tongue, and then pulled back.
Ben's eyes trailed down to the spot she had left, and they became impossibly darker.
“Can I try?” he asked.
Rey nodded, pulling her shirt up to reveal her flat, tan stomach. It wasn't pulled up enough to see her bra, but Ben dipped his head and fell on the skin eagerly.
His mouth found a spot just along her ribs. He sucked at the skin there, and Rey felt a shiver run down her spine and settle deep within her, warmth flooding her.
Ben clearly liked this, because he moved his mouth to suck another hickey into her skin.
Rey reminded herself that no one was going to see them, it's not like she would be in a bikini in November. She ran her fingers through his hair and pulled him back up to her face.
“Good,” she said, “that's good.”
“I think we should uh-- practice a little more. Just kissing stuff, if you still wanna.”
Ben nodded, waiting for Rey to make the next move, so she did. She leaned back into him and kissed him again.
They made out for like an hour and a half. It was more kissing than Rey had done since high school. Her lips were chapped and she was surprisingly wet. She didn't think kissing Ben would draw this sort of reaction from her.
Just biology, she reminded herself.
Finally, her stomach growled. Loudly. Ben let out a little laugh against her lips and pulled back. He was smiling in a way she had never seen him smile before.
“Should we order pizza?” he asked.
“Oh god that sounds amazing,” Rey said.
If Ben had been here with her for real, Rey would have kissed him again before she got up, but that wasn't what this was so she smiled and crawled out of Ben’s lap to grab her phone and order food.
It was a strange and slightly stunted rhythm, unnatural.
Rey ordered pizza and handed Ben the remote.
“It has Netflix and shit, you want a beer?”
“Sure,” Ben said and Rey grabbed two IPA’s from the fridge.
She sat down on the couch, a comfortable but casual distance from Ben, and they spent the rest of the evening eating pizza and watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 and laughing.
“Oh god, I used to stay up late watching this when I was a kid,” Ben said.
“Have you seen the new ones? They're great,” Rey said through a mouthful of pizza.
Ben looked over at her smiled.
“Food good?” He asked.
“The best,” Rey said, mouth comically full.
They didn't touch again at all and eventually Rey yawned and and Ben stood up.
“I should go home,” he said.
“Yeah, yeah I'm beat,” Rey agreed.
“I'll text you?” Ben said, looking nervous again.
“And uh-- Rey? Thank you.”
I have an idea
why do those words make me nervous ??
it's Sunday let's go to the farmers market?
uh sure. meet me there?
yaaa I'll be there in an hour.
It was chilly and gray. In winter, the days were short, the sun didn't fully rise until after 9:00am.
The light was watery and cold as Rey pushed through the mist and over to Ben. He smiled down at her.
“So this was your idea? Produce?”
“Kind of. But I was thinking about it and part of being on a date is being like-- physical in little ways. I think we should just act like a couple. You know, hold hands, be cute, get used to having someone in your space.”
Ben sighed deeply, head tilting in thought.
“Okay,” he said, but he looked unsure.
Rey walked up to him, brought her hands up to touch him. One on his chest, one in his hair.
She felt his heartbeat double.
Rey tucked his hair all the way behind his ear and let her thumb drag along the shell, red from the cold morning. She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, pressing her body closer. Ben's hand came up behind her and found her neck, turning her head so he could lean down and kiss her for real. His other hand came up to hold her jaw, thumb tracing a small circle near her temple.
Good, that was good.
Rey pulled back after a moment and smiled.
“Come on babe, ” Rey said, pitching her voice playfully. “Lets go get some fuckin’ fruit.”
Rey took Ben by the hand and led him through the farmers market.. They stopped at a berry stand.
“Oh god, these are my favorite,” Rey said, grabbing a thick, dark raspberry. “Here try it.”
She raised the berry up to Ben’s lips. He smirked at her, ducked his head and took it from her. As he bit into it, the dark liquid stained his lip, like a flash of blood.
Rey leaned on her toes again and kissed him. Ben stooped to deepen the kiss immediately, much to her surprise. She felt him gasp gently against her lips.
He pulled back, eyes wide on her face.
“How was that?” he asked.
“You really do learn fast,” she said, and her voice was a little rougher than she meant it to be. She cleared her throat and kept walking.
Ben trailed behind her. He wasn't initiating contact, but he had been receptive to it every time Rey tried to do so.
The Fremont neighborhood of Seattle had both a farmers market and and underground flea market, so the pair dipped down as the rain picked up.
Rey loved it here, it smelled like old books and coffee.
She wandered over to a rack of clothing, looking through floral patterns and denim and lace, before holding up a pair of red overalls.
“Those would look terrible on you,” Ben said.
Rey dropped her hand to her side and pursed her lips. “I thought we only needed to cover physical stuff, not how talk to other human beings. Isn't that what your therapist is for?”
Ben’s face reddened.
“Sorry, oh my god sorry,” Rey said, stepping closer to Ben.
“No, I'm a dick--”
“No, you're not. You're honest and funny and I don't know what I was thinking. I'm not always great with people either.”
Ben swallowed as Rey crowded closer to him. She leaned up and pressed a soft kiss against his cheek. Not for the sake of PDA but because she wanted to, because she was sorry.
Then she took his hand.
“I'm starving, let me buy you lunch.”
“You should let me treat. I make way more than you.”
Rey wasn't sure he was joking but she laughed and pressed herself up against his side. He threw and arm around her and they set off through the drizzling rain to the car.
Ben drove them a little ways away to Beth’s Cafe. There was a wait so they pulled their hoods up and ducked into the alley alongside the cafe.
“Did you grow up here?” she asked him.
“Yeah, in Magnolia. What about you?”
“California,” she said.
“Ah-- redwoods and shit, right?”
Rey laughed. “Right.”
Someone called Ben's name from the doorway. They shuffled inside. The cafe was small and every inch of the walls were covered with pictures drawn by customers.
Ben moved to sit across from Rey in the little booth but she laughed and pulled him next to her instead. He rolled his eyes but he slid next to her easily, putting his arm around her to rest it along the wall.
Rey leaned into him. He smelled good , warm and spicy and clean.
They ordered eggs and doodled on paper.
Ben drew Rey.
“What the fuck, Solo, you're good.”
Ben smiled a little, shrugging. The drawing was just crayon, but he had managed to capture the spark in her eye and the set of her mouth.
Their food came and they tucked in. Rey didn't tape Ben’s picture to the wall; instead she folded it carefully and put it in her bag.
“So what do you wanna do for the rest of the day?” Ben asked between bites of omelette.
“I thought we could go back to my place and I could show you how to finger me,” Rey said casually.
Ben choked on his eggs.
Rey smiled sweetly and stuffed another bite into her mouth.
Rey fully intended to stick to her word. Ben dropped her back off at her car after they left the cafe and then followed her to apartment in Ballard.
He was nervous again, hands fisting and unfisting alongside him.
“Your coat?” Rey said.
Ben just looked at her, disoriented. Rey stepped forward and unzipped his jacket. His breath caught as he shrugged it off. He had a dark red button up shirt on. They toed off their shoes.
Rey grabbed the bottom of his shirt and pulled him toward her bedroom.
Ben's breathing had gone shallow and he looked terrified again. They got into her room and Rey stepped close.
“Hey,” she said softly, “we don't have to do this--”
“No-- I want to know-- I wanna know how to do it. I don't want to be bad at this.”
He doesn't want to be bad at this with Jess. Right.
Rey smiled tightly and backed up onto her bed.
“I think we should start with just touching me, you don't have to get naked for this.”
Ben wasn't moving.
“Just come sit down.”
Ben sighed and came over to the bed, sitting back against the headboard. Rey was in a grey thermal and thick leggings. Ben was in his dark jeans and button down.
“I promise this will be less awkward when you're with someone you like, there's more-- flow,” Rey said.
Ben opened his mouth, then closed again and gave a half shrug.
“Sorry if this is like-- weirdly clinical? But I figure there’s not a lot of time for trial and error and vaginas are not the easiest thing to learn.”
“Right,” Ben said, and he looked kind of mortified.
Rey sighed. She hadn't planned on kissing him for this (he really seemed to have that down now) but it all seemed so weird and tense. He needed to relax.
“Hey,” she said softly, and she straddled his hips. His breath caught and his hands found her hips easily. “Relax,” she said, “just put your hands on me.”
“They are,” Ben said stiffly.
Rey leaned forward and kissed the corner of his mouth, trailing doward to his jaw and then back up to his ear. She took his earlobe in her mouth and gently sucked. Ben gasped, hips arching up toward her in such an endearing way she felt her body react. His hands moved to her back, nails digging into her flesh. She ground against him and could feel his cock straining against his jeans already. So eager.
“Do you wanna touch me?” she asked.
Ben nodded, huffing out a little breath that was almost a whine.
“Where?” Rey asked.
“Everywhere,” Ben said, so earnest.
Rey felt her body clench at his word, his voice was so low.
“Where do you wanna start?” she whispered.
Ben dipped his head to her neck, softly kissing the tender skin there as his hands came up and dipped under her thermal.
“Is this okay?” he asked, blunt fingernails tracing over her skin. Rey trembled and arched closer, nodding. She reached down and pulled her shirt over her head, leaving her in just her leggings and a lacy black bra.
Ben looked mesmerized. His awe was enough to make anyone blush, make anyone feel appreciated. He looked positively moved .
“You can touch, remember,” she whispered. Ben brought his fingers up to trace her ribcage and Rey looked down to find the marks he had left on her yesterday, small galaxies on her skin. He rubbed one with his thumb, his large hand covering an entire half of her ribcage. Rey trembled a little.
After a minute, Ben's hands came up to palm at her tits, pushing the material of her bra against her nipples and the soft skin of her chest.
Rey couldn't help it, her hips were moving against him, the outline of dick pressed against the place she was aching. His mouth came down over bra, a sudden, wet heat as he took both the fabric and her nipple into his mouth.
“Oh fuck that's good,” Rey said,one hand coming up to run through his hair. Ben hummed against her before pulling back and tugging at the bra.
“It unhooks in the back,” she panted.
She wanted to just unhook it and get it out of the way, but this was admittedly tricky at first.
Ben faltered, tugging at her clasp.
“What is this sorcery?”
“Hooks and clasps Solo,” she said.
Ben grunted and roughly bent Rey over so he could look closer at her bra.
She gasped a little as she was manhandled down.
“I got it,” he said, totally focused. She felt her bra come loose. She sat back up, letting it fall away.
“Wow,” Ben said, exhaling.
“I know they're not as big as Jess’s, she got like--”
“You're perfect,” Ben said, and he sounded so genuine that Rey believed him, words dying on her tongue.
Ben licked his lips and brought a finger up to trace the edge of her nipples, moving to pinch one. He ran the calloused pad of his thumb across her pebbled peak, and Rey let out a breathy moan.
“Does it feel good?” he asked, working her nipple in a tantalizing circle, sending shockwaves right down to her center.
“Real good, I'm-- ah-- kind of sensitive.”
He kept circling, circling.
“Do you want me to stop?” he asked.
She didn't, but this wasn't really part of the lesson and he seemed to already have this particular thing down.
Rey let out a little whine as shivers racked her body again, leaning forward to press her face into Ben’s neck.
“I think you mastered this, honestly, and I really want you to touch me.”
“I am,” he whispered.
Rey grabbed his hand and brought it down to her leggings, pressing it into the damp heat there.
“Oh--” Ben said, eyes darting down.
He was rubbing at her and it wasn't quite the right spot.
“Higher, further up,” she said and she guided him to press the heel of his hand against her clit, and she let out a little noise as her hand tightened on his arm.
“It's a tricky spot,” she breathed.
“Take these off, please ,” Ben said.
Rey crawled off of Ben's lap and laid down beside him on her back, kicking off her leggings. Ben was propped up on his elbow next to her, she could feel the outline of his cock against her hip, could feel the he the way he rocked against her gently to relieve some of the ache he was feeling.
Rey spread her legs.
Ben looked fucking mesmerized. He dipped his hand between her thighs, letting a finger trail through her slick folds.
“Fuck, you're wet ?” he whispered.
“You're better at this than you think you are,” she said, smiling sheepishly.
Ben let out a little laugh, eyes glued to her body. He moved some of her arousal up and into the soft curls above her cunt.
“There's two ways to make a girl come,” Rey said, bringing his hand down to her clit. “Feel that?” she asked, and Ben nodded. “Think of it like the express lane. Pretty surefire way to get where you're going. The g-spot is more like the scenic route.”
Ben looked focused, studious even, as he brought a finger up and began to rub at her hardened little button.
Rey gasped, body twitching and hips raising when he touched her. He did it again, and again.
Rey couldn't help it, the pressure and drag of his skin against her was absolutely delicious, sending little electric sparks thought her body.
Ben was still pressed against her side, rocking gently, exhaling through his nose in little puffs as he worked his finger against her.
“Ben I'm close--” she whispered, and he hooked a knee up over her legs as she arched off the bed a bit, holding her down. Fuck that was nice, he was holding her so tight, it felt so good, and Ben was strong and solid and he smelled wonderful .
“You look amazing like this,” Ben said, reverent.
Rey cried out, toes scrunching and body trying to lift itself off the bed. Ben continued to work her clit as she came back down and after a moment she grabbed his wrist, pulling his hand down and away.
“So sensitive,” she whispered, and Ben nodded.
“I wanna feel inside you,” he said.
His words could have been interpreted clinically but Rey's brain was all blissed out and it sounded so hot , it sounded like dirty talk. Part of her wanted to beg him to fuck her with his fingers. Instead, she took his hand and brought one finger to her opening.
“Right there,” she said.
Ben pushed one of his thick fingers inside of her.
She clenched around him and his eyes widened. He moved in and out slowly, and Rey took the time to let her body come down fully. If Ben tried to push her to another orgasm so quickly she was going to be a needy mess, begging him for it.
She evened out her breathing.
“I'm not doing this right,” Ben said. “I wanna make you come again.”
“Put another in,” Rey said and Ben stretched her with two of his fingers.
“Good, okay, kinda bend them up against my pelvis like your doing the ‘come here’ motion.”
“Fuck-- yeah that's good-- fuck,” Rey panted, turning her head toward Ben. She looked at his face.
His eyes were huge and dark, pupils blown so wide that his eyes looked black. His lips were parted and his cheeks were flush and he was absolutely fucking beautiful. How had she never noticed? How had she just existed around this creature without picturing this, without wondering….
She leaned up and kissed him. He met her eagerly, biting at her bottom lip and pushing himself harder against her hip, grinding against his jeans and her body, like he couldn't help it.
“Don't stop,” she said.
“Fuck, Rey, look at you, holy shit,” he said, nearly incoherent. “Can't believe I'm doing this to you.”
“You're amazing,” she said, and he kissed her again, groaning. His fingers were relentless, pressing against that vital place inside of her. “God, Ben, you feel so good,” she whimpered, hips thrusting against his hand, fucking herself down on him.
Ben groaned, his hips were moving faster, he was humping her, breathing uneven and she knew he was gonna come too.
“You can take your dick out and cum on my body, if you want,” she told him.
She wanted it.
But her words must have been too much because as soon she she spoke Ben move his hand from inside of her to grip at her hip and drag her entire body closer to his, fucking into his pants and on her hip bone.
“Oh shit--” he said, and his face scrunched up, red and sweaty. He let out a delicious stream of grunts and whines, noises Rey desperately wanted to swallow, before pressing his face into her neck.
“Fuck, sorry, too late,” he said, and he sounded sad about it. Rey wanted to tell him it didn't matter, they had time, they could do this again, keep doing it for as long as they wanted but… that wasn't what this was.
She leaned over and kissed him, though, and he brought his hand back to her sopping cunt.
“Not done with you,” he said, and he pushed his fingers back into her roughly. Rey cried out as Ben set a punishing pace.
“Thumb--clit-- I'll fucking-- Ben-- ah!”
He understood her though, keeping his fingers buried inside her he brought his thumb up to swipe at her clit.
“Fuck!” Rey cried out, arms coming up to hold onto Ben as he worked her through her second, more intense orgasm. She felt herself gush on his hand, soaking his wrist and her bed. Tears stung her eyes.
When she collapsed back she was panting, chest rising and falling violently.
Ben kissed her neck softly, moving his hand away from where she was so sensitive.
He looked down at his hand for a moment, eyes darting to Rey and back before bringing his fingers to his mouth.
Fuck, he was trying kill her.
She brought a hand up to touch his face softly.
“That was-- so good,” she said. “I’m sorry I didn't take care of you better, nex--”
“Don't worry about it,” Ben said with a sweet smile. “I know how my dick works, that isn't really the point of this.”
Right. The point of this. Jess.
“Oh,” Rey said.
“Rey?” Ben swallowed thickly.
“I gotta- I gotta get going, there's jizz in my jeans, super itchy, but really-- thank you.”
Rey let out a little laugh. “I feel like I should be like thanking you, but you're welcome.”
Ben smiled and nodded, moving away from Rey and heading to the door.
“See you at work tomorrow?”
Rey nodded at Ben and he walked out of her room.
She laid there for a long time, unable to sleep, and irrationally wishing Ben had stayed to hold her.
Chapter 2: Two
I upped the chapter count. There is a lil bit of angst on the horizon.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Rey was weirdly nervous about seeing Ben. She hardly slept that night, trying to sort through exactly what she was feeling.
Did she have a crush on Ben Solo? Did she just think he was kind of hot? I mean, it would have been weird to go through this whole thing without some level of attraction, right? He was always so hard for her, so eager to touch her-- maybe he felt something too?
Or-- he was a 29 year old virgin who was super stoked on getting to touch anyone , and probably would have been hard no matter what.
It didn't matter. Ben had a legit crush on Jess , the whole point of this sexcapade had been to prepare him for the girl he actually wanted, Jess , and if he wanted to date her-- good for him.
Jess was nice, maybe not as fun as Rose or as witty as Rey but she had The Look and Ben clearly liked it. Everyone did, really. Who was she kidding?
Jess was great.
Besides, it didn't matter. She kept repeating that to herself as she headed into the office on Monday morning.
“Hey, Rey,” Rose said as Rey came inside, sitting down at her desk. “How was your weekend?”
“Too short,” Rey said with a smile.
“Preach,” Rose said, dropping a stack of files on Rey’s desk. “Sorry to bog you down so early, but all of these claims need to be scanned and sorted.”
“No worries, I'm on it,” Rey said.
The door to the office opened and Rey looked up.
Ben walked in, and something about seeing him out of casual clothes and back in work clothes made Rey wonder if the entire weekend had been a dream. But then he looked up and met Rey’s eyes and he gave her a crooked half smile and her stupid, traitorous heart doubled its efforts in her chest.
She couldn't forget the way he had looked at her, the way his thumb has traced the hickies he’d left on her ribs, the way his hand had felt inside her. His face when he came.
Okay, calm down.
Ben walked over and leaned on her desk, opened his mouth to speak, and then Poe came up and slapped him on the back.
“Hey Solo, Phasma needs to see you. She does not look happy.”
Ben's eyes narrowed but he turned around without a word and headed into their bosses office.
He didn't come out for a while.
When he did reemerge he looked livid, the sharp set of his shoulders and tight pull of his eyebrows sending off warning signals.
“Here comes Captain Tantrum,” Finn said, but Ben just walked back to his office and slammed the door.
Rey let out a long breath. She went back to scanning her files.
She could hear Ben banging around up until lunchtime when he refused to join them in the courtyard. It wasn't really atypical behavior, but Rey was suddenly so desperate to be near Ben it seemed hurtful that he didn't also want to be near her.
When they got back from lunch she saw him sneak out, tapping a pack of cigarettes on his palm.
Rey slipped out after him.
She caught him the courtyard, looking menacing while smoking.
“Hey,” she said softly. Ben’s head jerked up and his eyes caught hers. He didn't say anything. “Bad day?” she asked.
“Yep,” Ben said, and god, he was tense. Rey hated this, she didn't want it to be weird. She didn't want to go back to working with Ben Solo, Untouchable Menace.
She walked up and put a hand on his chest. Ben softened at her touch, bending his head so that his forehead pressed against hers.
“Can I help?” she asked softly.
“I don't think so,” he said, but his tone was lighter than it had been.
Rey pulled back to look at him, let both of her hands rub gently across the expanse of his chest.
“Do you wanna come over tonight?”
“I can't,” he said.
“Oh, okay,” Rey dropped her hands.
“Phasma is riding me, I missed a deadline this weekend. But tomorrow? I could come over-- if you still wanna do this I mean-- if you're still up for-- helping .”
Rey nodded and smiled. “I am but Tuesday is book club, how about Wednesday?”
“I hope it wasn't my fault you missed the deadline.”
“It was worth it,” Ben said, and his eyes were intense.
Rey supposed that if you spent 29 years not touching boobs you would probably take the first available boob touching option without caring much about the consequences.
“Wednesday then?” she said.
Rey headed back inside ahead of Ben, who stayed outside to finish smoking.
When Ben came back in he smiled at her and didn't slam his office door.
Okay maybe Rey spent like, a little extra time getting ready on Wednesday morning. Just a little.
She let her hair down, she put on a bit of extra makeup and she picked out a cute sundress.
Which was totally impractical for November, so she had to pair it with dark tights and a cardigan under her coat but still-- this way she showed off the shape of her legs.
She was gonna hang out with Ben tonight.
They still had four days before his date on Saturday, and Rey wasn't ready to give this up just yet. She wasn't planning on sleeping with Ben tonight.
“Wow, look at you kiddo, you got a hot date tonight or something?” Poe asked, when he saw Rey at work.
Rey tried her hardest not to blush.
“Oh stop, it's laundry day,” she lied.
She was suddenly self conscious. It was so stupid to be trying for Ben; he liked Jess. Jess. Jess .
Rey sighed and set to work.
At lunch, Ben did come eat with them, this time in the breakroom since it was pouring rain. Rey was thankful that Jess didn't work in the office with them, she did all of their outreach and only came by for a few hours a few times a week, because for the first time in her life she felt... jealous.
Rey was trying not to be disappointed by the fact that Ben was hardly looking at her. He looked as sullen as ever, eating his sandwich in four large bites and grunting in response to whatever Poe was talking about. Rey was trying not to let her eyes linger.
He was so tense. She wanted to smooth the lines on his forehead with her fingers, or her lips.
Snap out of it.
Rey looked down, back at the noodles she had brought from home. Took a forkful, swallowed. Counted to fifteen before chancing a look at Ben.
He wasn't looking at her.
She finished her lunch and tried not to dwell.
Around 3:00, Ben poked his head out of his office.
“Hey, Rey, can I borrow you for a minute?” he called.
“Sure,” Rey said.
She walked into Ben’s office and he closed the door. She felt a little shiver pass over her as the door clicked shut. She pictured Ben rushing at her, lifting her up onto his desk and sinking to his knees--
“I just wanted to see if we were still on for tonight?” he said, and he sounded-- nervous?
“Yeah, definitely,” she said.
Rey waited a beat.
“Is that all?” she asked.
“Oh-- yeah. Well-- I just-- you look really pretty today,” Ben said, and he blushed a little, ducking his head and looking up at her through half lidded eyes.
“Oh! Thanks-- uh-- laundry day…”
“Sure. I just didn't wanna say anything out there, you know, we don't want anyone-- I know this arrangement is discreet, obviously I mean-- no one knows I'm--” Ben broke off and sighed. “Sorry-- I am not doing this well,” he said sheepishly. “I just wanted you to know I think you look nice.”
Rey felt her face flush. She smiled and bit her lip.
“Tonight,” she said, grinning at Ben.
They left the office separately and inconspicuously and parked outside of her apartment at nearly the same time. Rey spent the entire drive giving herself a pep talk. It was important to keep things in perspective. It was Rey’s idea to keep this casual. She knew about Ben’s feelings for Jess before she started. There was obviously an attraction between them, but Ben wouldn't have agreed to this if he felt the same way about her that he did about Jess.
That's why he had agreed to this with her and been horrified by the idea of Jess knowing the truth.
If she said something to him, she would just mess everything up. It wasn't the first time she had gotten her hopes up and been let down, and it probably wouldn't be the last. She cared about Ben, she wanted to help him, and she was gonna have fun along the way.
This was better than nothing? Right?
Rey got out of the car and smiled at Ben. They walked up to her apartment together in silence. This was always the awkward part, before the touching.
She closed the door behind her.
“Do you want anything to drink?” she asked.
Ben was staring at her. “No,” he said, and took a step toward her. Rey felt her breath leave her body as she tilted her head up and suddenly Ben was kissing her, and it felt different, it felt like maybe this time it was really for her.
Rey let her lips part and her hand come up into Ben’s hair as she backed him up against the couch. He tasted good, and she chased his breath as he pulled back.
“Sit down,” she whispered.
Ben collapsed back on the couch. He was in work clothes, khakis and button down again, but the sleeves were rolled up and she could see the swell of muscle on his forearm and she wanted him naked but that wasn't happening.
Rey sunk to her knees between Ben’s legs and started to undo his belt.
Ben’s hands came up and grabbed her wrists, he looked confused, worried, so nervous.
“W-what are you doing?” he stuttered.
Several answers flashed through Rey’s mind.
I wanna taste you. Let me make you feel good. I think I like you. Don't go out with Jess .
She didn't say any of them, out of stupidity and out of fear and god knows what else.
“This is something you're gonna wanna know how to do, too, how to be gentle and-- and how to last--” she was just rambling. It didn't even sound legit to her own ears.
“Rey-- are you sure? You know you don't have to--”
“I'm sure,” Rey said, dipping her head to focus on his belt. The clink of metal and the slick slide of leather through belt loops made Rey’s heart race.
She was dying to see him, to taste him. She unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down, letting them pool around his ankles. She could see the outline of him, straining against his briefs.
Rey leaned down and pressed a kiss to the spot where his cock head was starting to leak. Ben made a strangled little sound.
Rey pulled his briefs down too, and Ben’s dick finally sprang free. He was so hard. He was big, soft and thick and heavy. Her mouth watered. She was suddenly desperate to have him inside of her, filling her.
Not yet. Then it's over.
“God damn, Solo, that's a pretty dick.”
Ben huffed out a little laugh and stared at her, somehow both worshipful and incredulous.
Rey kissed the velvety skin of his shaft, and then proceeded to lick him all over, tongue working across the corded veins. Once she had him sufficiently wet, she used her hand to pump him a few times.
Ben gasped as her fingers squeezed. His hands were gripping the couch so, so tightly. His eyes were huge and wet as he watched her.
Rey looked up at him and kept her eyes locked on his as she opened her mouth and sunk down onto him.
Ben cried out, hips arching up toward her, pushing himself deeper into her mouth.
“Fuck-- sorry-- oh my god--” Ben choked, every breath punctuated with a little groan.
Rey just sank down further, her jaw as wide as she could make it, and tried to relax her throat.
She used her hand around the base of his cock, the part she couldn't possibly reach with her mouth. Her other hand came up to hold his balls, gently rubbing them before moving to press a thumb to the soft spot behind his sac.
Ben was moaning and cursing above her. She looked up at him and found him staring at her, mouth open and cheeks pink. His hair was sticking up, like he had been running his fingers through it.
He was so fucking beautiful.
Rey sank lower, letting her muscles relax, and then hollowed her cheeks out, sucking hard as she pulled back up, tongue running along the head. She did it again. And again.
“Fuck-- oh fuck-- Rey!”
Ben’s hips jerked up and he started to push down her throat harder, fucking into her.
“Fuck! Sorry-- oh my god-- sorry,” he said, whimpering.
Rey pulled off of him with a wet pop. When she spoke, her voice was rough.
“Don't be-- I can take it. Do it again.”
“I'll squeeze you if it's too much-- it's okay, you can fuck my face.”
She knew it was obscene, and not really part of the deal. It was so, so needy. But she didn't really care right now. She wanted this to be good, she wanted him to remember this. She wanted to be better at this than anyone who was going to come after her.
Rey pushed a hand down into her tights, touching herself.
“Holy shit,” Ben said, and he had to squeeze his eyes shut before a moment before he could open them and speak again. “Okay-- just tell me if-- okay. Fuck, you're amazing, Rey, how are you even real .”
Rey wasn't sure she was real-- she felt like she was floating. She was rubbing her clit frantically, moaning against the skin of Ben’s cock as she bobbed up and down. She hollowed her cheeks again and Ben cried out, hips rising off the couch as if he was being electrocuted. He fucked up into her, and Rey tried to stay relaxed and take it. She watched him as he lost control, began to fall apart. She gagged a little, and he tried to pull back but she followed his hips, keeping him deep.
“Fuck, fuck, Rey, Rey, Rey,” Ben was chanting her name, every word was a sob and he brought a hand to his face to pant against his palm.
“I'm gonna come,” he whined.
Rey was surprised he managed to last this long.
She took him even deeper, letting the fat head of his cock hit the back of her throat and palming his balls as they tightened against his body.
“Rey!” he yelled her name as she worked her clit and held him as deep as she could inside of her mouth, and then she was coming too. She groaned around his dick and felt him twitch against her tongue. He came down her throat in hot, thick spurts.
Ben cried out, hand fisting in Rey’s hair, leg kicking out and crashing against the side of her coffee table. He arched up over her, pressing his chest against her forehead as he rode out his orgasm.
When he finished, he was trembling. He released her slowly.
Rey had managed to swallow almost all of his jizz, just a little bit was leaking out of the corner of her mouth and she wiped at it, licking the last of it off of her lips.
She filed his taste away for later. She didn't wanna forget it.
“Was that okay?” she asked, and holy shit her voice . She sounded so brutally fucked out, horse and rough.
Ben seemed unable to speak, his chest was rising and falling rapidly.
Rey ducked her head and pressed soft kisses against his thigh, the side of his knee. She rubbed his legs gently, letting her nails trail across his skin, raising goosebumps in their wake.
“Come here,” Ben said.
Rey stood and Ben pulled his pants up, leaving them unbuttoned. Rey came to sit next to him on the couch and he pulled her against his side. She melted against him.
Ben silently took the remote and put on Netflix, more Mystery Science Theater 3000. Rey settled in and laid her head on Ben’s lap. He took her hand, the one that has been down her tights, and brought it to his mouth, kissing her fingers. Rey felt her cunt twitch at the sensation. Then he pulled her closer and played with her hair as they watched tv.
Rey woke up some hours later, in darkness. Netflix had paused.
“Hey,” she whispered, kissing Ben’s face softly.
“Mmm,” he said, pulling her closer. Rey smiled, resting her hand on his knee.
“Come on, let's get in bed,” she said.
Ben nodded sleepily and followed her into her room. She took off her clothes, leaving on her underwear. Ben did the same and they crawled into her bed. He pulled her close to his chest, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face into the back of her neck.
They drifted off to sleep.
Rey woke just as the grey dawn was breaking. Ben and Rey worked 10:00-6:00, and it was just after 7:00, too early, hardly light out at all. But then she realized what had woken her. Ben's mouth was against the back of her neck and his arms were tight around her and she could feel his cock, hard and warm, right against her ass.
Rey backed up against him, wiggling a little bit. His hands tightened on her hips and he groaned.
“Morning,” she whispered.
“Morning,” he said, and he pressed closer. “Is this okay?”
“Yes,” she said, and she turned to face him.
“Can I touch you?” he asked her.
Rey nodded. Ben let his hand wander between her legs. Rey sighed as he pressed against her, his thumb coming up to find her clit through her panties immediately.
“You're a fast learner,” she whispered.
“You're a good teacher,” he said. “Take these off.”
Rey kicked the panties off and pressed her face into his neck.
Ben's fingers came down and nudged against her folds. Rey pushed her hips toward him, needy again. Ben hummed and pressed one thick digit against her entrance, testing her.
He worked his thumb against her clit and teased her opening until she was dripping onto his hand.
“Ben,” she breathed, and he pushed his finger inside of her. Rey bit back a moan. Ben moved to mouth at her chest as he stretched her, slipping another finger in alongside the first.
“How's this?” he asked, as he curled his fingers up over and over and over.
“Ah-- that's g-- goddamn Solo.”
Ben smirked and pressed a kiss against her cheek.
Ben was relentless, he must have paid attention to when Rey arched and squeezed her eyes and bit her lip and then filed all the information away to torture her in the most exquisite way.
“Keep your fingers inside me and tease my clit,” she told him.
Ben lifted his thumb, switching to an unpredictable and erratic pattern as he worked his fingers inside of her.
Rey was grunting with every thrust of his hand.
“I like it when you tease me,” she said.
Ben made a soft sound and dipped down to kiss her.
He did tease her, bringing her to the edge and then pulling away.
Rey was a mess.
“Please let me come,” she begged him.
Ben groaned and leaned down to kiss her, attacking her clit with his thumb. He kept his mouth on hers as she came, swallowing her moans and cries.
When Rey came down, she sat up immediately, pushing Ben back on the bed.
“Show me how you touch yourself,” she said.
Ben blinked at her.
“Come on, Solo,” Rey said playfully, trailing her fingers down his chest. “Show me.”
Ben pushed his briefs down, kicking them off. Rey grabbed a jar of coconut oil off her dresser.
“Here,” she said. Ben took enough to coat his fingers and then brought his hand to his cock, gripping firmly. “That's it, show me what you like.”
Ben worked himself roughly, eyes glued on Rey. She brought one of her hands down to rub her tits, taking a nipple between her thumb and forefinger. She bit her lip as she played with herself.
“Your dick is so pretty, Ben.”
“Hngg-- fuck, Rey,” Ben sobbed.
Rey put her hand between her legs and lazily played with herself as she watched Ben set a punishing pace.
“You like me watching you?” she asked.
“Fuck yes,” Ben choked out.
“Good, where are you gonna come when I tell you to?”
Ben groaned and closed his eyes, hand moving ever faster.
“Come on Ben, where do you wanna come?”
“On your tits,” Ben said, and his voice was so fucking low, gravel through a meat grinder.
“I wanna feel it,” Rey whispered, inching closer. She laid down next to Ben and he got up onto his knees, looming over her. “That's it. Are you close?”
“I'm so close -- can I come?”
“Not yet, you look too good like this,” Rey said, pushing two fingers inside of herself. “Plus, I wanna come before you do.”
Ben let out a choked sob but his hand slowed, squeezing the base of his cock.
Rey fucked herself with her fingers. They didn't feel nearly as good as Ben’s.
“My little fingers don't work as fast as yours, you make me come so easily.”
“Oh my god, Rey,” Ben groaned, bracing himself with one hand on the headboard.
“But looking at you has me close-- so close--” Rey brought her other hand up to bite down on her fist as her back arched and she came again, little kitten moans falling from her lips.
“Rey--” Ben cried, desperate. “Please let me--”
Rey smiled and bit her lip. “Come for me, Ben.”
Ben cried out, body folding over Rey as he jerked himself furiously. He let out small, helpless grunts as he came, hot seed coating Rey’s breasts and dropping down onto her stomach.
Ben collapsed next to her. Rey looked down and moved some of his jizz onto the mark he left on her ribs.
“Holy shit,” Ben groaned.
“I know, right.”
“Let me, uh-- you’re sticky,” Ben said sheepishly, as if he hadn't just been jerking off onto her tits.
“There's a dirty towel in the laundry basket.”
Ben grabbed the towel for her and brought it over to Rey, who wiped herself up.
“It’s early, we don't have to get up yet,” she said.
“I gotta go home,” Ben said, gently tracing her jaw. “I can't show up to work in these clothes.”
“True,” Rey said, smiling.
Ben pressed a kiss to her forehead and rolled out of bed.
“I'll see you at work?”
Rey nodded sleepily, stretching out on her bed. Ben’s eyes tracked over her body and he sighed longingly.
Rey bit her lip. She wanted him to change his mind, come back to bed and kiss her for real.
“Okay-- I'm-- okay I'll see you at work--” Ben stammered.
“Bye!” Rey called after him, and pressed her smiling face into her pillow once she heard the door click.
Rey was in dark skinny jeans and a white silk top, standing by the copy machine when Ben came in.
“Hey,” he said, and he sounded a little wistful.
“Hey,” Rey said, turning to face him. She pressed a hand to his chest without even thinking about it, he was standing so close.
Ben cleared his throat and Rey stepped back, smiling as her eyes darted around the room. No one was watching.
“Sorry,” she whispered.
“Don't be,” he said, shaking his head.
He looked powerful, in dark slacks and a dark shirt, hair loose and long enough to fall around his jaw.
Just then Rose and Finn came in, arguing about video games.
Rey turned back to the copier, hiding her smile.
Rey couldn't take her eyes off Ben all day, every time he walked past the front desk he would look her at her and smile, as if he was in on some great and wonderful secret.
When she was in the break room making coffee, he put hand against the small of her back.
When she brought him a file he let his fingers linger over hers.
Rey felt like a schoolgirl. It was probably the best day she had ever had at work, including Finn’s birthday when they had cake .
Until about 5:00.
Jess came in, as she usually did on Thursdays, to check in and debrief with the crew.
Rey hadn't even thought about the reality of seeing Jess.
She was so, so pretty. She had a black dress on and shoes with heels and she smiled at Rey before heading over to Phasma’s office and disappearing.
Rey had a small panic attack. After Phasma, Jess would disappear into Ben’s office to check in with him. What could she even do? Pull Ben to the side right now and say, funny thing, I'm actually crazy about you, please cancel your date and also don't talk to her and do you wanna date me instead? Quick better answer me now.
She was screwed here. She would just have to hope that she had read Ben right, that he felt this growing thing between them the same way she did.
The minutes crawled until finally Jess emerged from Phasma’s office and headed toward Ben’s.
She walked inside and the door shut.
Rey felt nauseous, she had no proof that Ben wouldn't take his new found knowledge in stride and make out with Jess in his office.
But he wouldn't… Ben wouldn't.
She watched the clock. She went to the bathroom. She made tea.
Seventeen minutes. What could they possibly be talking about for seventeen fucking minutes.
Rey was losing her mind.
Finally, finally, the door opened. Jess walked out with Ben behind her.
There was no evidence of kissing, but she was smiling and Ben looked-- at ease.
“Oh, by the way, are we still on for Saturday?” Jess asked Ben.
All the air was sucked out of the room and Rey could hear her blood, her ragged pulse in her ears.
Ben froze. He looked at Jess, and then over at Rey, and then back at Jess. He looked mildly horrified, absolutely fucking panicked. He swallowed thickly.
“Uh-- yeah-- sure.”
“Great, I'll see you then,” Jess said, squeezing his arm and waving to Rey as she left the office.
Rey closed her eyes. She took a few deep, calming breaths.
“You're really doing it!” Poe yelled, clapping Ben on the shoulder. “I knew it man, I knew you had it in you. Jessika Pava.”
Ben was still watching Rey, his expression indecipherable. Poe was saying something else and Ben cut his eyes down to the other man.
Rey grabbed her coat and purse and left.
She forgot to even clock out.
Ah! I know right! Please let me know what you think ;)
Rey bolted out of the office. It was raining, of course it was, but she didn't care. She needed to walk.
She walked and walked and walked, across Ballard and up the hill to Phinney Ridge and then down again, to Greenlake.
What had she expected? She had been very clear with Ben about how this entire situation was casual. Why would he think any differently? She knew that he liked Jess, she kept telling herself that. He had been too nervous to even attempt these things with her, and he seemed almost at ease with her, eager to try.
She thought about his face, so open and honest, the awe in his eyes as he looked at her, the way he bit his lip and groaned when he jerked off. The way he had been so intense in learning her, determined to be the best.
She felt like she was losing her mind. Why did this matter? Nothing had really changed, she hadn't lost Ben.
She had never had him.
She sat down at one of the benches and fished out her phone.
She had three missed calls from Ben and a text.
hey are you ok ?
Was she okay? No. Not really. She took a shaking breath. She didn't want to do this anymore, that was for sure. Ben deserved for his first time to be with someone he really liked. She wasn't going to take that away.
im fine, forgot I had a doc appt
do you want to hang later?
i think it's better if we don't actually,
can we talk?
i was just thinking and you know… you've rly got the hang of this now
and it would be nice to have your first time be w someone special, someone you rly like.
someone who you have a future with
i had fun tho, no hard feelings right?
Rey closed her eyes, her heart was racing.
She saw the dot dot dot appear. She swallowed.
i get it.
thank you… for everything.
it meant a lot to me.
Rey felt tears prick her eyes and drew in a shuddering breath as they began to fall.
This was for the best.
me too, Ben.
Rey let herself cry by the lake for a long time.
Rey hardly slept that night, she kept waking up every hour with the feeling she was being chased or running out of time or watching the world end.
At 7:00, she figured she wasn't going to sleep anymore so she got up and showered and made coffee.
It was dark out, raining, it had been raining for days.
Rey put cartoons on, she did a load of laundry. She made eggs.
She didn't want to see Ben today, she had no idea how she was going to handle it.
She stood by the window and watched the rain.
Ben had made a choice. Beyond that, Rey had made a choice; no one tricked her into doing this, she had wanted to help Ben and she had. She should feel good about it.
This is just a crush. It will pass. It will pass.
She kept repeating it to herself as she ubered to work (where she left her car) and walking into the building.
It's fine, it’s just a little crush, it's done.
It was empty. She sat behind the desk, heart racing.
Poe came in a few minutes later, waving sleepily,
Then Finn, distracted and on his phone.
And then there was Ben.
His hair was wet from the rain and his eyes were on her immediately, wide and sad.
Rey looked away. She was not going to look at him. She wasn't.
She tried to school her breathing and get to work.
She was processing payroll which meant she was allowed to work uninterrupted since everyone wanted to get paid. She let her mind blank out as she worked, using the payroll deadline as an excuse to skip lunch. Instead, she ate alone in the breakroom when she knew Ben was on a long conference call.
She managed to smile and be not totally awkward for most of the day, and only sort of cried once, in the bathroom, when she was alone.
It hardly counted.
She knew that she was being petty but this was what she needed right now to move on. She contemplated quitting, and this seemed like a better alternative.
By 6:00 the idea of beer was a welcome one. She really didn't expect Ben to show up, he tried to avoid awkward situations, but he was already at their normal table, next to Poe, when Rey and Rose and Finn came in.
He looked like a kicked puppy. It made Rey’s stomach drop. Why did he look so sad? He was getting everything he wanted.
Rey slid into the booth and tried not to make eye contact. She could feel Ben’s eyes on her.
“So, Solo, you excited for your date tomorrow?” Poe asked.
Rey snapped her head back to the conversation.
Ben was already looking at her.
“Sure, I guess. I mean I don't really know her-- it might be totally awkward.”
“Nah she's into you, dude,” Finn said, smiling, “I have no idea why, but she clearly is.”
Rose threw a straw at Finn’s head.
“Just be yourself, Ben, she's gonna have fun. Right Rey?”
“What?” Rey moved her head to focus on Rose. Nothing was making sense.
“Ben's going to have fun on his date, right? Nothing to worry about.”
Rey swallowed, looked at Ben.
“She'd be crazy not to like you,” Rey said.
Don't cry, don't cry.
Ben blinked at her.
“I'm gonna get us more beer,” he said, slipping off to the bar to order.
Rey sighed deeply. “I am actually not feeling great, I'm gonna grab some air.”
“You want company?” Rose asked.
“No! No I'll be back,” Rey smiled.
She walked outside into the gentle rain. She was shaking a little bit, so she clasped her hands together and took a steadying breath. Counted to ten. She could go back in there and fake it, smile and chat about Ben and his upcoming date, or she could get in her car and go home, crawl into bed, watch old movies.
She pulled her phone out to text Rose.
Rey looked up, Ben was walking toward her.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yeah? Why wouldn't I be?” she said, and her voice was harsher than she meant it.
“I don't know Rey, you tell me. You've been weird since yesterday, running out of work, not talking to me?”
“Not everything is about you, Ben,” Rey snapped.
“Wow, that's real fucking cute, Rey.” Ben was angry now, and Rey realized that for all the times she had see Ben snap, she had never seen his anger directed at her before. “Let's not have a fucking normal conversation like functional human beings--”
“Oh so throwing a tantrum and cursing at me is a normal conversation? Sign me the fuck up, Solo.”
Ben’s jaw clenched and his eyes flashed.
“You know-- never mind, Rey. You're right, this-- whatever this was-- it's a good idea that it ends right now.”
“Good,” Rey said.
“Okay then,” Ben said.
“Then you can go back inside,” Rey said, and she hated how her voice broke. She turned away from Ben so he wouldn't see her crying and started walking.
She heard him call her name as she got into her car, but she didn't look back. She drove away into the rain.
Rey decided she was gonna go full on into feeling sorry for herself. She had the whole weekend to mope. On Saturday, she went to the market and bought two pints of ice cream and a frozen pizza and a 12 pack of beer. She went home and changed into her comfiest, most well worn pajamas and settled onto her couch.
She started with Disney, working her way through Moana and Frozen and Tangled and then switched to old rom coms, starting with You've Got Mail.
She kept breaking down into tears, replaying her fight with Ben over and over in her head.
Why didn't she just tell him?
She kept trying to rationalize it.
It wouldn't have been fair, it was a little too My Best Friend’s Wedding, making him choose at the last minute. She had a lot of time to tell Ben how she felt before his actual date and she just… didn't. Why didn't she do it before?
She had been so unsure and by the time she was decided, it was too late. It wouldn't have been fair to Ben. Right?
It didn't matter now. It was definitely too late at this point. Ben was certainly meeting up with Jess, smiling at her in that open, honest way he had sometimes looked at Rey.
She was probably leaning up against him, pressing her fingers to his cheeks and his taking his hand in hers and-- kissing him.
She looked at the clock; 8:34pm.
They were probably eating, laughing over wine. They were gonna go back to her place, or his, and someone else was going to know what Ben felt like as he moved inside her.
It wasn't for Rey to know.
She was crying again. Meg Ryan closed her book store. Rey opened another beer and attempted a few bites at her pizza, now congealing and cold.
When the movie ended, she grabbed a knit sweater and turned on her heat. The storm outside was fierce, harder than it normally rained in Seattle. Her windows rattled. Rey dumped out the rest of her beer and put on the kettle for tea instead. She put on While You Were Sleeping and zoned out, she was hardly paying attention, the rain was as loud as the movie. The lights flickered. She sipped her tea.
It was 10:14pm.
The knock on her door scared the crap out of her. She jumped up off of the couch.
“Who is it?” she yelled.
“It's me,” and it was very clearly Ben’s voice. Rey started hyperventilating.
She opened the door. Ben was absolutely soaked, his hair was plastered around his face and his jacket was heavy with rain. No one in Seattle owned a damn umbrella.
“Ben?” Rey said, bewildered.
“Can-- can I come in? Sorry-- I should have called. Phones dead. Can I?”
Rey stepped back, acutely aware of the fact that she was in a holey sweater and ratty pajama pants and oh god-- a Star Trek tee-shirt. She had clearly been crying, her eyes swollen and puffy.
“What-- what are you doing here?” she asked.
“Okay just-- let me get this out because I am really bad at this, okay?”
“I couldn't do it,” Ben said, dripping on her welcome mat. “I never even wanted to go out with Jess, and yeah the reality of my-- inexperience -- was definitely the ‘ reason ’ that I wasn’t going to, but I wouldn't have even agreed to this date if it wasn't for your-- proposition.”
Rey's head was spinning. She had a million things she wanted to say but Ben wasn't done.
“I wanted to spend time with you , Rey, and I was willing to take it as it was. Temporary, casual, no strings attached. I knew you were never gonna feel the same way about me that I felt about you, but that was okay,” Ben said. His eyes were huge and wet, cheeks red from the cold and he was shaking a little bit. He closed his eyes, steeling himself.
“But then you -- I thought maybe -- something changed between us. But I didn't wanna be that guy, I didn't want to be the one to mess up what you were very clear was just a casual arrangement but I thought-- maybe you--”
“I do,” Rey said breathlessly.
Ben took a shaky breath. “Rey, I'm sorry-- about Jess in the office. I am so sorry, but what was I supposed to do right there? With everyone watching? It would have meant having a conversation with you that I was terrified of and in front of everyone, Poe wouldn't have let it go-- and I tried to find you but you--”
“I ran--” Rey said, and she was crying, tears hot and thick on her face. “Ben I was-- I was stupid and I felt like if you really liked me like you did Jess you wouldn't have-- I figured you were nervous with her because you liked her and you seemed so at ease with me--”
“Because I'm crazy about you, Rey, because you're the first person who has been one hundred percent worth the risk of embarrassment. The only one who I was willing to even try with.”
Rey knew she was sobbing, that she must sound crazy through her tears. “I didn't want to mess up anything for you, I didn't wanna make you choose. I tried to be okay with it but-- Ben I like you so much, I can't stop thinking about you and I was so fucking sad you went out with Jess tonight.”
Ben was suddenly pressed against her, he was soaking wet and his clothes were cold but his skin was so hot. She slanted her mouth against his and began unzipping his wet jacket.
“I want it to be you , Rey,” Ben whispered. Rey felt the words reverberate through her body.
“Me too,” she whimpered, moving her mouth down to nip along his jaw. His jacket landed with a thud on the floor. “Boots,” Rey said. Ben bent down and unlaced them hurriedly, kicking them off. Rey grabbed Ben by the belt and started backing toward her room.
She couldn't keep her hands off of him, she was grabbing at his shirt and his shoulders and his hair. Rey sighed against his mouth as Ben's hands came up under her clothing, rough fingers tracing along her side and back and ribs.
“I love touching you,” he whispered. Rey pressed her mouth against his again, overwhelmed. “You're so soft.”
Rey whimpered as she unzipped Ben's jeans. He pushed them off and Rey pulled her sweater and shirt up over her head. She had no bra on.
Ben groaned and backed Rey up against the edge of the mattress, easing her down. He moved to mouth at her tits, teeth catching her nipple. Rey cried out, bringing her hands to his hair to pull him closer.
“Can I?” he asked her, and Rey had no what Ben was asking but the answer was yes . She nodded furiously.
Ben moved his mouth down to her ribs and began to suck new marks into her skin, alongside the yellow fading ones already there. Rey gasped. Yes .
She wanted to be marked. “Don't stop,” she said.
Ben bit and sucked along each of her ribs, down to her pelvic bone. He sucked marks there too, and then put his hands on the waistband of her pants.
“I wanna taste you,” he breathed. Rey nodded again. “Tell me what to do,” he said.
Rey was dizzy.
“Pull my pants down,” she said.
Ben tugged on her sweats and they fell easily. She had plain black cotton panties on, and they were soaked .
“Are you wet for me?” Ben said, more in disbelief than in a teasing way.
“Very,” Rey said.
“Lemme see,” Ben said.
Rey bit her lip and nodded. Ben peeled her panties down.
He was studying her with such rapt attention. His head was between her legs, eyes wide on her. Ben brought a finger up and rubbed at her clit. Rey arched her hips off the bed, little shocks of pleasure ricocheting out from her core.
“I love watching you twitch like that,” Ben said, working her clit. Rey gasped again and groaned. Ben placed little kisses on the inside of her thigh, trailing upward, then he pressed the flat of his tongue against her opening and moved upward to her clit.
He began licking at her clit, using his tongue in much the same way he had used his fingers, while two of his fingers pushed inside of her.
“M’fuck, Ben,” she whined. She could feel him smiling against her cunt and he continued to work her. He grabbed her thigh, hiking her leg up and pulling her closer, hand under her ass. His mouth was moving across her entire cunt now, licking at her clit, drinking her down, working his tongue in and out of her, switching back to his fingers.
Rey was a sopping mess, it felt so fucking good.
“How are you so good at this already?” she asked.
Ben looked up at her from between her legs, face shiny.
“I was born to eat your pussy,” he said, and oh my god he looked so serious. Rey threw her head back and laughed but a second layer her laugh dissolved into a choked off moan and Ben pounded into her with his fingers, head resting on her hip, watching her.
“I love fucking you with my hand,” he said.
“Just-- just think about how good-- ah-- it will be when it's your c-cock,” Rey panted.
“Fuck,” Ben groaned, and he dipped his head to press little kitten licks against her clit and Rey cried out, fingers tight in Ben’s hair as she came.
Rey lay panting and boneless as Ben pressed little kisses against her skin. She realized after a moment that he was waiting for her, unsure of what to do next. Rey sat up on her elbows. She nodded at his briefs, they were tented and she could see the outline of his dick. “Off,” she said.
Ben scrambled to kick them off. He was breathing heavy, chest rising and falling rapidly. His hair was in his face, it hadn't really dried, so it was damp and curlier than usual. He was so beautiful.
Rey got up on her knees and brought both hands up to Ben’s face. She wanted this to be good for him.
“You're sure, right?” she asked. Ben just looked at her for a moment before leaning down and capturing her mouth with his. His hands were so big, they spanned her entire rib cage. He nipped at her bottom lip, and then pulled back.
“There's a-- I have a condom? I can grab it--”
“I'm on the pill,” Rey said, running a finger along his face. “I'm clean too, I don't-- it's been a little while. So I mean if you want to-- I wanna feel you.”
Ben squeezed his eyes shut, catching his breath. He opened them and black had swallowed brown.
“Okay,” he said, and he looked a little lost. “I uh-- I don't know-- what do I do?”
Rey pressed a soft kiss against his neck and then whispered in his ear, “How do you wanna fuck me?”
Ben's hand came out to grab her side and he groaned.
“I don't know-- Rey-- I just wanna be inside you,” he said, and he sounded a little frantic. He was shaking.
Rey kissed him and moved so she was pushing Ben down onto his back.
“Okay, I got you, just lay back.”
Rey straddled Ben, letting her wet pussy settle onto his abdomen. She rocked a little, Ben’s dick nestled against her ass. He was breathing fast and blushing.
She reached back and gripped him. Ben jerked up, gasping.
“Shh, you’re doing so good,” Rey said, lifting her hips. She let Ben’s cock move against her folds and then slid back so his dick was nestled between her pelvis and his stomach. She rocked again.
“Oh my god, Rey, please,” Ben begged.
Rey leaned forward and kissed Ben, lifting her ass and using her hand to guide him right to her center. She kept kissing Ben as she backed up, letting the fat head of his cock push inside of her.
Ben gasped against her lips, his kiss turning sloppy as he breathed against her mouth.
Rey sunk down further and Ben pressed his face into her neck.
“Fuck, baby, you’re thick,” she said, arching her back, bracing herself on Ben, one hand on his chest, one on his shoulder.
Rey rolled her hips, taking Ben deeper until her hips met his.
Ben snapped his head up to look at her, he was panting and still trembling. His hands on her hips. He was rocking a little bit beneath her.
“Oh my god,” he whimpered, and his head rolled back, “You feel unbelievable,” he said. He sounded worshipful.
Rey lifted her hips and began to move, fucking herself down onto him.
Ben's hand came up to rub a thumb along one of Rey’s nipples and he let out a strangled little sound as she moved.
Ben was big . The stretch of him inside her was intoxicating and Rey let out a sobbing gasp.
“Ben,” she groaned.
Ben sat up, hands firm on Rey's hips so they were suddenly chest to chest. It wasn't quite as deep but it was closer , and she could kiss him and hear every little sound falling from him lips.
He looked glorious. Skin sweat damp and dark hair curled and thick where it fell in his face. He pushed his hips up, meeting her thrusts. It was like he couldn't get enough of her, his hand and mouth seeking every inch they could reach.
“Rey,” he gasped, and his breathing was uneven now. “Can I get on top?”
Rey nodded enthusiastically and lifted herself off of Ben. Flipping while fucking was not a first time move.
Rey laid back down on the bed, legs open, and Ben settled between them. He took his dick in his fist and lined himself back up, sinking into her.
The drag of his skin against hers was delicious, and Rey wrapped her legs around him as he braced himself on his arms around her and pistoned his hips.
Rey cried out as Ben slammed into her, she knew he was close, he was fucking her for real now, grunting as he bottomed out. He grabbed her leg, hiking it up higher and, yes there .
“Ben!” Rey cried out.
Ben was lost, digging his nails into her thigh and grunting into her ear as his hips picked up speed, rutting into Rey with abandon. Rey brought a finger down between her legs and began to rub her clit. Ben pushed her hand away, bringing his own down to bring her over the edge.
She was close, the heavy weight of Ben pressing inside and outside of her, relentless and perfect, combined with his eyes, intense and locked onto hers as sweat rolled down from his temple and he whimpered.
Just for her.
“Ben I'm gonna--”
“Yes,” Ben grunted, “Wanna feel you you come on my dick.”
“Fuck,” Rey cried, unable to hold back the desperate sounds Ben was fucking out of her. “Please. Come for me, Ben, I wanna feel you come in me.”
Ben let out a strangled sob and his hips stuttered, his eyes squeezed shut. Rey felt his dick twitch inside of her and then she was coming, a white hot wave of pleasure cresting from her heart to her toes.
She felt him release inside of her, the hot rush of something new and not hers flooding her.
Ben pressed his mouth against her neck as his hips pressed against hers fully and she could feel the muscles of his stomach ripple against her skin.
Slowly, he let his weight come down on top of her, heavy and comforting.
Rey pressed kisses against his jaw and the bridge of his nose and his eyelids.
“Ben, Ben, Ben,” she whispered, and he tilted his head to kiss her lazily.
“Rey,” he whispered. “Thank you.”
Rey pulled him close, tangling her limbs and hair with his on the bed, and let the sound of their mingled breathing rock her to sleep.
The following Friday found Rey and Ben walking up to the pub together.
They had managed to play it cool all week. Well, pretty cool and a lot lucky, since no one caught them making out in the courtyard or the breakroom or in Ben’s car.
“Why are you so nervous?” Rey asked.
“What? I'm not!” Ben said.
“Please, Solo, you're shaking,” Rey said, and she tugged him by the hand to a stand still. She leaned up on her tiptoes, pressing a small kiss to the corner of his mouth and then settled back on the soles of her feet. “Look I like sneaking around as much as the next girl but I also really wanna be able to tell Rose so I can talk about you all the time and also then we don't have to hide or wait to be caught.”
“No I know, trust me I want the entire world to know I'm with you, I just know Poe is going to pry and everyone is going to want all the details and--” Ben shrugged.
“The details are that you secretly liked me, and I secretly liked you, and I got very jealous about the Jessica thing and made out with you before she could get to you--”
“And sucked my dick,” Ben said, winking at her. Rey rolled her eyes.
“Yes okay we don't have to tell them that part but-- yes, anyway. I made the first move and tried to pretend like it was no big deal, blah, blah, you show up in a rainstorm, very nice touch , and viola.”
“That's the story then?” Ben said with a smile.
“That's what all the papers are saying, seems legit to me,” Rey said with a playful shrug.
Ben leaned down and kissed her.
They walked into the pub holding hands.
Everyone was already there and Rey wished she had her phone out because really, their faces were priceless.
Finn looked mortified, Poe looked downright disbelieving and Rose was smiling like an idiot.
“Oh my god… EXPLAIN!” Rose said, squealing.
“Yeah uh-- please explain,” Finn said.
“I knew it,” Poe said, shrugging and sipping his beer.
“Oh my god no you didn't,” Rey said, swatting Poe.
“I did! He's been way too calm the last few weeks. And you,” he pointed at Rey, “cannot stop giggling when he walks by. You're not that subtle.”
Rey felt her face get hot. “Oh whatever,” she said, rolling her eyes and leaning into Ben. He put his arm around her in the little booth, pulling her flush against his side.
“I can't believe you didn't tell me!” Rose said.
“I wish you hadn't told me, I've got this image now--” Finn said, face scrunching, “How do you not crush her, man?”
“Finn!” Rey said, burying her head in her hands for a moment before looking at Ben. She had no idea how he was gonna take a comment like that.
“Oh, I just squish her,” he said, shrugging. “She's a scrappy little fighter, always digs her way out.”
Rose and Poe broke off into hysterical laughter and even Finn smiled.
Rey shook her head. She couldn't remember even being this happy. She grabbed Ben’s face and tilted his head down for a kiss.
“Okay, well, tell us everything,” Rose said, “How did this happen?”
“Actually,” Rey said, smiling, “we should really send Jess a thank you card.”
I had an absolute blast writing this. Come find me on tumblr and twitter. Thank you all for your support, I would love to know what you think <3