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Dorks in the Bullpen

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“It is too early for this!” Spencer screamed, his eyes still bloodshot from lack of sleep and caffeine. He popped up off the seat at his desk and looked underneath where someone had affixed a horn that would go off every time he sat down. “Luke!”

“What?” He shrugged coyly, offering a cup of coffee as a peace offering. Tara crossed her arms over her chest.

“Such an amateur prank. You’re going to have to do better than that.”

“Don’t worry, Count Dooku. Master Yoda has more in store.” Luke placed his palms together and bowed in her direction.

Spencer just laughed, taking a sip of the coffee. He was still going to kill Luke for blowing out his ear drums at 7 in the morning, but this was just too funny to ignore. “You just referenced Star Wars.”

“Yea,” Luke said matter-of-factly. “You don’t hold the only card for resident nerd of the BAU.” As he passed Tara, he bowed again. “Stay tuned, young Jedi.”


“No, you are.”


The rest of the day consisted of Tara sending her boss and girlfriend on a scavenger hunt, which ended in a raging Emily. “You sent me on a wild goose chase for Krispy Kreme donuts, which I’ve been dying for and I open the box and it’s vegetables!? Why? Why would you be so mean to me?”

Tara laughed manically, knowing it would come back to bite her while they were at home. But she didn’t care. They had to do some things to lighten the mood.

Luke left a cup on Penelope’s desk that said “Don’t move it unless you plan on killing it!” But there was no bug or spider to be had. He had a lot of fun watching Penelope try and work around the cup in the middle of her desk.

“Luke Alvez! I’m going to kill you.”

Meanwhile, JJ - a constant user of the stapler as opposed to paperclips - couldn’t find her stapler and walked around the office looking for it until she looked in the refrigerator for a snack and found it sitting in a mold of jello. “This was Tara,” she mumbled to Garcia when Garcia started to giggle. “This has been going on for weeks. I don’t care if she’s dating Emily, she fucked with my stapler.”

“Why are you so territorial over the stapler?” Garcia laughed.

JJ’s eyes were on fire. “I don’t know! I seriously have no idea, it’s just a thing and she fucked with my stapler.”

Tara passed the break room with a sly smile, snickering when JJ took her index and ring fingers and pointed at her own eyes and then Tara.

Glitter had been thrown. The janitor had not been happy and Emily had required everyone to stay and help clean up because “fucking glitter, man.” Balloons had been placed in Emily’s office to the point where she couldn’t even enter the door. Luke’s doing, Tara took credit.

This prank war had gone too far.

“Come in, Spence,” Emily said after hearing a knock on the door. “What’s up?”

“My boyfriend. Your girlfriend. They must be stopped.”

Emily’s heart started beating again. The serious look on his face made her think that something was wrong. “This is true. Do you have any ideas?”

“I do,” Spencer said with smirk. “But it’s going to require work from all of us.”


It took Emily, Spencer, Rossi, Matt, JJ and Garcia nearly all night long, a ton of bungee cord and two very embarrassing yearbook pictures, but finally they all went to sleep - at the Bureau - so they could wake up to their revenge.

Luke and Tara lived near each other (though soon they would be living with their significant others so that wouldn’t be the case), so they frequently came into work at the same time. Sometimes they even carpooled. It was early, they were both tired and ready for the weekend and then the elevator doors opened. “What the fuck?” Tara asked softly, still too coma-ridden to comprehend exactly what she was seeing.

“I think our pranking has come back to haunt us,” Luke snickered, looking at Spencer who was waving sleepily from his desk.

His and Tara’s desks were turned upside down and plastered with something, they he was too far away to tell just yet. And then there was bungee cord - so much bungee cord holding their chairs, computers, computer towers and various desk items up against the ceiling.

When they approached, Tara’s mouth dropped open. Other members of the Bureau were on their way in and giggling at the spectacle. There was never a dull day when the BAU was in the office. “Emily Marie Prentiss. You traitor.” Tara’s desk was plastered with copy after copy of her most awkward 8th grade yearbook photo. “Why would you do this to me?”

“You made me think I had donuts waiting for me,” she said, rubbing her hands together. “This was my revenge.”

Luke looked toward Spencer. “You had this coming,” Spencer said before Luke could get a word out.

He also had a very embarrassing picture plastering his desk - it happened to be from a friend’s bachelor party where he’d gotten drunk and was mid-strip. “No sex for you.”

“You don’t scare me, Alvez,” Spencer snickered, still barely awake.

“Okay so how are we supposed to get this stuff down,” Luke wondered aloud.

Just at that moment, Rossi walked in between the two office pranksters and clapped them both on the shoulder. “You’re both smart. You’ll figure it out.”

They should’ve known better than to screw with the team, especially Rossi - it was a bad idea to fuck with an Italian.