sitting on his hands
sitting on your hands definition:
to do nothing
"I'm sorry, Mayaka." Satoshi Fukube says then looks away. He can't meet her gaze. He can't look her in the eye and say more.
Mayaka can do nothing but hold back her tears. Her chest hurts. It aches a lot. She wishes more than anything – she wishes she can be mad about this situation so that, at least, she won't look so weak in front of him. But it can't be helped. She's heartbroken and there's no way she can hide this fact. She tells him. "Look at me, you idiot."
And he does. He finally does. He even throws in a smile, but it doesn't reach his eyes. It was an apologetic one more than anything.
"I can't do anything right." He says but he's the one sitting on his hands, sitting on her heart.
"Mayaka-san, are you alright?" Eru Chitanda asks.
"Huh?" Mayaka asks back, blinking. Today should be a memorable day but, honestly, it feels slow and hazy.
With one hand, she holds onto her diploma, and with the other, she clutches onto the hem of her skirt. Mayaka realizes this is the last day, the last time, she'll be wearing the Kamiyama High uniform because today is graduation day.
Mayaka's eyebrows arches. "I'm okay, Chii-chan. Just ... distracted." Then she looks off into space again.
Worry fills Chitanda's face. Chitanda doesn't reply, she knows the truth but she also knows it's not her place to say. So she turns around and sends Oreki a look.
'Houtarou-san,' Chitanda mouths and points at Mayaka. She had dropped calling him by his last name when they had started dating.
But Oreki merely shakes his head in response. This is something he doesn't want to meddle with, all Oreki wants to do is keep his distance and his mouth shut.
Regardless, Chitanda is not the kind to easily give up.
"Please?" Chitanda says, squeezing her boyfriend's hand from across the counter.
Oreki scowls into his coffee. When Chitanda had asked him to meet up with her at Pineapple Sand, he thought she had just wanted to spend time with him, not this. "Eru, no."
"Houtarou-san, please, I don't want Mayaka-san to start college at such a sad state. You've known her for the longest time, I just want you to talk to her for a bit."
Oreki only grumbles in return, in which Chitanda enforces her plead by using those big eyes of hers. It's an instant KO. There is no winning with his girlfriend. Oreki knows he loves Chitanda too much to ever turn down her endless requests. He is going to Business school for her sake. But this …
It's raining outside, a bad thunderstorm, when he enters her room through the window. He's drenched from head to toe, looking like a pathetic lost puppy; brunette hair dangling in his face and t-shirt clinging onto his shoulders like second skin. Mayaka must admit, she did flinch at the sight of his jeans sticking onto his legs, it was uncomfortable just looking at it, much less walking in it.
"Hey," He greets, not even bothering to give her a moment to take in the sudden drop in.
Mayaka only blinks at his greeting. At first shocked and then accepting as she pushes herself up from her swivelling chair and away from her study desk. She asks, "How'd you get in here?"
"Through the window," He tells her, a duh tone in his voice. And she almost wishes he would add a laugh to it. Make this a joke or some sort because right now, she is fuming and didn't find this one bit funny.
"Why did you come through my window? Couldn't you try to act like a decent human being and use the front door?" She snaps, feeling meaner than she has ever been.
"You wouldn't have let me in if I did. One look out the peephole and you would have let me stand outside in the rain," He says, already tired of this argument.
Her small hands form into fists. "No, I would have opened the door just to slam it in your face."
His eye twitches in response. "Ibara –"
"Why are you here?" She asks, teeth gritted.
"Oh, you know, because I felt like sneaking out." He says and shrugs before closing the window and curtain shut.
And this makes her frown because that's a lie. A Goddamn lie. He didn't have to sneak out. It's not like his family to put him under house arrest or anything. Not at all. His family are not the type to fuss over him taking late night walks or the type to lock the boy in. Maybe Mayaka could have let that slide if he had tried to put some sarcasm behind his words but his voice is as monotone as ever.
"I said: why are you here?" Mayaka repeats, her tolerance is surprisingly thick today.
"Because what?" She snaps.
He parrots, "Just because."
"That's not an answer!"
"Answer me, slug!" She yells because she knows how he is. "Why are you here?!"
"It's about Satoshi." Oreki says quickly. He doesn't beat around the bush anymore.
"Get out." She answers just as fast. She doesn't even give the conversation a moment to soak in. She's not having this talk. Not today and not ever.
Oreki opens his mouth to defends himself but Mayaka doesn't give him the luxury to do so.
"Just leave, Oreki!" Mayaka yells, stomping her feet for effect. A part of her feels incredibly bratty for throwing this tantrum like a spoiled child. But another part of her tells her she must be selfish. She refuses to let her heart break anymore. It's already bruised and battered enough.
At first, Oreki is silent. Holding her gaze and not feeding fuel to the raging fire that was ready to explode. But then he lets out a sigh, it's nothing ill intended or bitter worthy. He tells her, "You know I can't do that. Not until we talk. Eru and I can't let you go off to college like this. You're going to start a new life, holding onto the past will only hurt you even more."
Now the tables have turned and Mayaka finds herself the one being closemouthed.
The small girl stands before Oreki, feeling defeated as her vision blurs with tears. Mayaka knows she can no longer ignore the elephant in the room but –
Couldn't she just pretend a little bit more? Be ignorant and blissful? That wouldn't hurt anyone –
Actually, ha! That's a lie! It hurts her a lot, it makes her heartache.
And it was because of none other than Satoshi Fukube.
Because between Chitanda who's tied to Kamiyama, Mayaka who dreams to go big and Oreki who's content with settling in the middle, Satoshi doesn't know where he stands or what he stands for. He's not on top or the bottom or even in the middle. So it's no surprise that he would jump at any chance thrown at him. Maybe it was just his habit of trying new opportunities, biting off more than he could chew, juggling a hundred and one things. Or maybe, deep down, Satoshi felt like there would never be another chance for someone like him, someone like the likes of him. Just a database.
And he had decided to travel far, far away. Leaving Kamiyama to pursue a job at his relative's business – somewhere that was hours away, miles away – and he has no reason of ever coming back.