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Don't fuck Colossus

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They kissed passionately, knowing it would be the last time in a while they would get to do that. Wade was the first one to break away and he looked ad Vanessa, caressing her beautiful black hair. He didn't want to go. He already missed the feeling of being loved, and now that he had got a taste of love, he was suicidal without it.

"Don't fuck Elvis", Wade said smiling to Vanessa, inspecting her facial features so he wouldn't forget them.

"Don't fuck Colossus", Vanessa almost commanded, her voice somehow playful but serious at the same time.

"What?" Wade was able to mutter out, before he was sucked out of Heaven and taken back to the real world.






Weeks pass by after the events that occurred at the Mutant Re-education Center. Cable is hiding in cheap motels with his Winter Soldier arm, and Yukio and Negasonic Teenage Angst are holding hands in the background so the straight people don't get too mad about it. Domino is hanging around with Pinkie Pie and Justin Bieber, adjusting to her new life in the X-Mansion and always having luck on her side, and Russell Collins, (aka "Firefist" which is a horrible superhero name), is as awkward as always, but at least he is making friends who also like memes from 2009. And what about our so called hero? Well, Wade Wilson feels empty inside, like a young teenager who got lost in Hot Topic because they were too busy trying to find black clothes that matched together with their black clothes. There are different shades of black and Wade Wilson was sure that his thoughts were the blackest black there was, even darker than that vantablack. Now that's dark. He even was listening to Skrillex to ease the pain. Now that's emo.

Wade Wilson refused to stay in the X-mansion with Colossus who still tried to train him to be a good hero. Colossus never gave up on him, did he? The metallic man even put Wade together after he had tried to commit suicide by blowing himself up. It was amazing that a Ken doll made out of pure metal could still be as soft as a teddy bear. 

And once again, Colossus was not giving up on Deadpool.





"Yo, Fred fucking Krueger. You can't keep living like a homeless pedophile. You gotta get your ass up and get the fuck out, because I don't want any more weirdos coming into this bar."


Weasel was always so loving with his words. That's why Wade was friends with him. Also, free beer. Expect now he was only offered milk, which just looked like three week old cum. Maybe it was cum, and Weasel was storing it in his fridge. Must be a good way to run a business.

Once again, Wade was sitting by the counter with a drink in his hand, his head hanging low. He was wearing some old hoodie he stole from the mansion and it smelled like Patrick Stewart and something else he couldn't put a name on. He suggested the other smell was just old man sweat.

"Where would I go? My home still looks like a fucking barbecue party", Wilson muttered out and took a sip from his tiny glass. The milk was thick as hell with weird lumps in it, and Wade was sure it was something else than just milk. He turned around and threw his drink somewhere on the wall. Other people at the bar didn't even react to it and continued their conversations about puppies and murder. Weasel let out a sigh.

"You should see your face then. You look like a burned chicken nugget that has been eaten, then shit out, then eaten again", Weasel once again insulted his friend's scarred face. His insults were clever, but sometimes they made no sense. And they never hurt Wade Wilson's feelings.

Dopinder walks past them with a mop and a bright smile that only a serial killer would wear. "You look beautiful to me, DP", he says brightly and starts mopping the floor with too much soap. Now the floor is full of bubbles. Weasel complains about that, and Dopinder only spits out his tongue like a child. Wade rubs his forehead and leans heavily against the counter. He hasn't even worn his hot red suit after that fight. Nothing is keeping him going. He has been sitting in this tool for so long that it's sticking against his ass. He is starting to miss all the action his life used to have. Now it's just nothingness. 

"Wade, I'm ... sorry about your loss, but you gotta get laid. Seriously", Weasel says and lifts his glasses higher on his nose. What a fucking nerd.

"I don't wanna fuck. I wanna love", Wade mutters out quietly.

"Gay", Weasel comments and continues doing his own business, leaving Wade alone. Weasel wasn't the best at comforting people, anyway. He couldn't even comfort himself. If he hit his toe at the foot of the table, his day would be ruined. 

Wade ends up thinking about Vanessa again, rolling the Skee-Ball token in his fingers. The only memory that's left of that piece of ass Wade fell in love with. He yet again ends up thinking the last words Vanessa told him before he came back to the world of living.

"Don't fuck Colossus", Wade repeated those words out loud, burying the token back into his pocket. Dopinder is mopping behind him and hears those words. He leans over Wilson's shoulder and pouts his lips.

"Wade, I don't think the metal Jesus even has an asshole. Just saying", he almost whispers into his ear. Wade turns to the taxi driver slowly, just raises his brows and nods. He then turns back to looking at the counter and Dopinder gives him a few taps on his shoulder, before he continues mopping the floor.




The door of the bar opens and heavy steps shake the building as someone enters the room. Dopinder drops his mop and bucket onto the floor, the water wetting the floor. He screams like all those girls in horror movies who stand still and die, instead of, for example, running away from the murderer. Everyone turns to look at the huge figure that has entered the bar, and soon everyone has pulled out their knifes and guns out.

"Uh, Wade", Weasel called out to his friend, tapping his fingers on the counter in front of Wade's eyes. "One of your friends is here."

Wade Wilson picks his head up and turns to look at the person who looks strongly at him back. Who else would it be but Colossus? Every step he takes sounds like thunder and he barely fits inside the bar. He almost looks like Michael Myers from the remastered Halloween, if you just ignore the shining metal skin and the tacky outfit. 

"The playground is outside, Tin boy. Find a new friend there", Wade commented. More pedophile jokes. The writer sure is unfunny.

Colossus made a face of disapproval, and squinted at Wilson. "It's time to stop this pity party, Wade", the metallic Russian man said and started stomping towards the man. He stopped right next to his chair, and simply said "Let's go", as he waited for Wade to get up.

Wade rolled his eyes. "I am not going to join your boy band, you big Chrome cock-gobbler", he said, and in a second, Colossus picked him up like a feather and lifted the man over his shoulder with just one hand. Guns were clicking, the tension grew stronger inside the bar. Weasel just watched in small shock, already quite used to seeing weird shit. Dopinder instead hoped he could lift Wade up like that. 

"We're like Fiona and Shrek now, if you have seen the first movie. It's a masterpiece. Now we just need a donkey to follow us", Wade commented, smiling like a goof. 

"I can be the donkey!" Dopinder volunteered, raising his arm up high. He had never even seen Shrek, but he hoped that at the end the donkey and Shrek ended up being more than friends. For a moment, Dopinder smiles at the thought, but then he wonders if it would be animal abuse. He turns pale.

"Thank you, but I only need Deadpool. Now, let's go", Colossus said slowly and turned around, stomping towards the exit.

"Okay. I'm going now, apparently. Bye everyone! Tickets to the coming shit show are now on sale", Wade waved good bye before he and the tin man disappeared from the bar. Everyone lowered their weapons and sat back down, continuing their business like nothing happened. 

"Why do only weird people come here anymore", Weasel muttered out before he let out a tired huff and continued his work, trying to pretend that everything in his life was still normal.







As Colossus and Wade had landed in front of the X-mansion (seriously, they used a jet to get there? Does any of the X-men have a simple fucking car?), Colossus still carried Wade inside like a child. As they entered the building, Colossus started heading towards his own room. Wilson started kicking his feet around and made baby noises, crying as they walked up the stairs.

"I don't wanna be here with the virgins", he cried out, clearly trying to annoy the metallic man. "Why do you even want me in this boy band? I do nothing right!"

"It's no boy band. And you do ... some things right", Colossus said, taking a stronger grip from the man as he moved the stairs up slowly and turned towards his own room. Wade was expecting that he would be taken to that bald fucker in the wheelchair, but he guesses the writer just wants to get straight to the point. Who cares about the other characters anyway? Ain't nobody got time for them.

"You're carrying me like your new wife. Why don't ya grab my ass while you're at it?" Wade commented, trying to wiggle free. But Colossus was holding onto his legs so tight he would leave bruises. "C'mon, squeeze my ass. I worked super hard on it."

"Do you have an off switch?" Colossus, also known as Piotr Rasputin, asked. That is the most Russian name a Russian man could have. 

"Yeah, it's right next to the prostate. Or is that the on switch?" Wade said. Wow, recycling quotes. That's just lazy writing.




Colossus opened a door and almost threw Wade off his shoulder, making the burn victim land softly onto his gigantic bed. Colossus closed the door behind them and when he turned back to Wade, had the assassin already taken a suggestive position that made him roll his eyes. "Take me now, Silver Balls", Wade said as he laid on his side like Rose from Titanic, caressing his sides with his hand. But then Wade looked down onto the floor. Next to the bed there was an old mattress on the floor, with a soft blanket and a pillow that someone definitely had been humping on.

"What is this?" he asked as he looked up at Colossus, then moved his gaze back to the floor. He did this multiple times, his head moving up and down, up and down.

"Your bed. You're not allowed to have your own room after the last incident", Piotr Rasputin said and walked over to his closet, doing whatever the fuck, who knows. "Oh yeah", Wade let out a sigh and looks directly at the imaginary camera, mouthing his lips as to say 'what incident?'  Wade shrugged. No one will ever know.

"It's like I'm in summer camp. I get a roommate, and we can tell scary stories to each other and shit", Wade started babbling and rolled over onto his back, looking up at the roof. "Language", Colossus immediately commented and closed the closet doors. He threw some clothes on top of the other man, saying that they were his to use now. Wade felt a little sad that he wasn't allowed to walk around naked, but who would want to see his scarred body anyway? He looked like the inside of someone's asshole. 

"You will recover, Wade. Soon, you will be able to train to become a real X-man. To be a hero." Colossus had the most beautiful voice, at least to Wade. Sometimes it was annoying as hell, but often the silver balls had a calming tone in his voice that was always easy to listen to. His accent was thick too, just like his beautiful thighs. 

Wade repeated the sentence he had just heard, expect he said it in a baby voice, making fun of Colossus. He threw the clothes that were still over him onto the mattress on the floor, complaining how they were clothes only his grandfather would wear. Colossus moved closer to the bed and stood right in front of Deadpool, his hands laid on his hips. The only thing he had to do was to just stand there silently, and Wade went quiet. He immediately understood what the metal man was thinking. He thought that Deadpool was ungrateful for the help he was offered.

"Sorry, Twinkly", Wade started, and Colossus made no effort to comment on that nickname. "Uh, thanks, for babysitting me", he continued. Wade sat at the edge of the bed, right in front of Colossus and wrapped his arms around the man. It would have been a normal hug, if Wade had been standing. Now, his face was almost pressed against Colossus's dick, and his hands were cupping his ass cheeks. 

"Wade", Colossus said and took a hold of Wade's hands, prying them away but the moment he let go, they slammed back over his ass. The moment Wade rubbed his head against his crotch, Colossus was almost blushing, if his cheeks could even turn red.

"Wow, you are rock hard", Wade commented. Colossus looked down at him and laid his hands over his shoulders. "Get it? Rock hard? Because you're made of metal, but it also has a dirty message", Wade started explaining his joke, and Colossus pushed him away, making him fall against the bed.

"Shower, change of clothes, then evening snack. Don't cause any more trouble", Colossus ordered as he simply walked out of his own room, leaving Wade all alone. 








Wade had been a good boy and he had done everything Colossus had told him to do. Not because he wanted to, but because he had nothing else to do. The mansion was completely silent, even if there was supposed to be young mutants living there. But no one was to be seen. Wade had to talk to somebody about Vanessa - he had already accepted that she was not coming back. But the few times he had been able to visit the dead, she had tried to guide him towards the right path. Now, what the fuck "Don't fuck Colossus" meant?

After showering and changing into casual clothes that worked well as a pair of pajamas if you took them completely off, Wade ate some cereal from the kitchen before returning back to his new room. Still no one to be seen. It was like everyone was avoiding him and his annoying nature, even Colossus.

He opened the door and stepped in, and the first thing he sees is Colossus changing into something more comfortable without any shirt on. It's a weird sight to see more of his metallic body that still is slightly shining under the dim light of the room. His shoulders are wide, his chest almost sticking out like female breasts and his waist is so narrow that Wade wants to wrap his legs around it. Colossus is build like a God, and sadly his sweet round ass is almost hidden under his pajama pants that are dark blue with white stripes. Just like a teddy bear, Wade thinks.

"I was hoping we could have a naked pillow fight before bed", Wade comments. He had not even realized how dark it was already. It wasn't even that late, but he guessed Colossus was a mommy's boy and went to bed before ten. He closes the door behind him and enters the room.

"Make one more crude comment like that and you will sleep outside", Colossus said and put on a white tank top. Wade watched his every move like he was watching a movie. A porn movie. 

"You went all this trouble to get me here and you're already about to kick me out? Jeez man", the burned man said and just laid down onto the mattress next to the giant bed. "You gotta choose if you like me or not, silver ass", he continued and took a good position, not even caring he wasn't under the blanket. But soon Colossus grabbed the man by the arm and pulled him up.

"Wash teeth, then sleep", he said and pulled Wade to the bathroom, threw him in and closed the door behind him. Wade did as he was told - he saw two toothbrushes, one blue and one red, and used both of them. He then did his other business, trying not to urinate on the walls before he moved out of the bathroom.

"Hands", Colossus yelled at him and with a straight face, Wade turns around and returns to the bathroom to wash his hands.



"Now my hands smell like old lady pants", he says and leaves the bathroom. Colossus is sitting in his bed, under the covers, reading a book. The only thing he was missing was round glasses. He almost looked like the basic stepfather in a porn movie, right before he would go and fuck his daughter. Nasty. Wade sat down onto the bed right next to him and Colossus gave him a questioning look.

"Oh, you actually want me to sleep on the floor? It wasn't a bad joke?" Wilson questions. Colossus doesn't even answer. He just looks with those weird, completely white eyes.

"Oh yeah, you don't even tell jokes. You barely even speak, you big macho CGI character-"

Colossus pushes Wade off the bed and he falls on top of his own mattress. For a moment it's quiet and Colossus smiles and continues reading his book. Soon, Wade lifts up his hand and gives his friend a thumbs up, shouting 'I'm okay!'. Colossus sighs.




At some point, Wade Wilson actually turns quiet and he just lays in his mattress, looking around. He doesn't want to sleep, but it seems like he has no choice. He looks under the bed, at the roof and the walls. Colossus doesn't seem to have any interests. His room is so boring. There is nothing to look at. It's just a normal, boring room.

Colossus lets out a yawn and he puts his book down and closes the lights. Wade can hear the sheets rustling for a moment, the bed creaking slightly under his weight and then it's completely silent. Wade waits for a few seconds before he makes a 'pop' - sound with his lips. No reaction. He waits some more. He makes the sound again. Colossus lets out an exhausted sigh. Wade makes the sound again.

"Wade", Colossus calls out to him.


"Shut it."



Minutes pass by but Wade cannot sleep or stay quiet. He ends up thinking about Vanessa yet again, and finally he decides that he can't deal with it alone. He has to talk to Colossus about it. Colossus wasn't the best person to talk about this, since the problem involved him, but Wade had no other choice. In his mind, Colossus was a great mentor anyway.

Wade Wilson gets up from the floor and climbs onto the bed, moving under the covers next to Colossus. He lays on his back and crosses his hands over his chest, playing with his thumbs. He immediately feels hot, even if Wade is only wearing an old t-shirt and a pair of red boxers. He wonders if he is hot because the window isn't open or if it's because of Colossus. The Russian turns to his back too and turns his head towards Wade, inspecting him quietly. He waits patiently for Wade to say what he wants to say. 

"You know, I talked to Vanessa a few times after she passed. She was guiding me to the right path", Wade starts. His voice is already emotional and he licks his lips. Colossus never takes his eyes off of him.

"It was thanks to her I helped that ball of diabetes not turn into an evil Satan", he continued. Colossus lets out a heavy breath and Wade can almost feel it. He swallows.

"Her last words to me just bother me."

"What did she say?" Colossus asks slowly after a moment of silence. Wade repeats the conversation in his head and laughs a little.

"Well, I first told her to not fuck Elvis. You know, because who wouldn't wanna fuck him", he says. "Since they are both in Heaven, who knows what might happen in the clouds", Wade continues and looks at Colossus with a smile. His smile wades away as he sees how serious Colossus looks. Like he is really listening to him. Wade turns away and looks up at the ceiling. He swears his hands are suddenly sweaty.

"In return, she told me ... to not fuck you", he says slowly and Wade closes his eyes like he is prepared to be punched. But nothing happens. Colossus stays completely quiet and still and just looks at him. Wade finally opens his eyes and looks back at him. Damn, it's awkward for a whole 20 seconds until Colossus finally decides to say something.



"So", Colossus starts and coughs a little to collect his voice. "What do you think she means by that?"

Wade Wilson chuckles and looks back up at the roof again. "That's easy. She doesn't want me to fuck you", he says and rolls his eyes like it was obvious.

"But why would she say that?" Colossus questions with a tired voice.

"I don't know!" Wade almost shouts and throws his hands up in the air before slamming them down to his sides. 

"I mean, it's like she knows about my attraction towards this man of organic steel and told me to not fuck him, just like I know how much she likes Elvis and - I don't want her to fuck him while I'm stuck here in the living shit world", Wade talks fast, almost so fast that Colossus can't keep up. But luckily, he was able to understand the first few words.

"What did you say?" Colossus asks. His figure shifts under the covers and with his hand he picks himself up and looks down at Wade.

"I said 'don't fuck Elvis'. She said 'don't fuck Colossus'. Jesus, did you even listen?" Wade complained and continued looking up at the roof. It was almost pitch black. Wade felt like he was flying in deep space. Colossus sighs.

"No, not that. What did you say about 'attraction'?"



Wade turns quiet. He looks at Colossus for a moment with wide eyes before he chuckles nervously and looks up at the ceiling again. "Pfft, I don't know, I already forgot what I said", he explains. He regretted this decision so bad. Wade knew he should have talked about this to Domino, or Yukio or even fucking Firefist. Wade still couldn't say that name with a straight face. Colossus looks at Wade quietly, repeating the man's words in his head.

"I just keep talking when I'm nervous. I never really think before I speak. It's like an automatic thing", Wade says and keeps talking, saying some nonsense that Colossus doesn't bother to listen. He moves closer to Wade and calls out to him, but the man keeps talking. Colossus sighs and moves his left hand to Wade's cheek and turns the man to look right at him. Wade suddenly turns quiet.

"Wade", Colossus starts. His metallic skin doesn't shine so much in the dark, but Wade still admires how the dim moonlight that peeks through the curtains shines against his form. He looks like an angel of darkness, since they are in the dark. During the day he is just the normal kind of an angel.

"Did you just say you are attracted to me?"




Wade suddenly feels like he is about to explode. He keeps thinking about that moment, when he had some kind of an arrow from a fence going through his head and Colossus just picked him up like he was a damsel in distress. It was probably the most romantic thing that had ever happened between them. He just wished Colossus would have held him longer. He wished he had taken off his mask and kissed the man passionately, right there in the middle of a fight. He wished Colossus would pick him up more often.

Wade Wilson looks around nervously and realizes he is not able to give a simple 'yes' as an answer. Instead, he says : "Oops, you got me."

Colossus's eyes widen and after a moment he lays back down on the mattress, also looking up at the ceiling. He says nothing. The silence grows so thick that Wade could just cut through it with one of his katanas. That sentence was fucking shit. Let's try again. The silence is so silent, that it's quiet. There we go.


It seems like Colossus is completely out of words and he doesn't even move. Wade doesn't really know what to say either. For the first time in his life, he doesn't have a good joke in mind. He swallows deeply and looks at Colossus. 

"You know", he starts and licks his lips.

"She never said 'don't love Colossus'. Or 'get fucked by Colossus'."




Colossus doesn't answer. Wade watches the metallic man carefully. Piotr Rasputin doesn't look angry or annoyed, just puzzled. Or even nervous. Now Colossus is the one who is looking up at the ceiling and playing with his thumbs. Wade bits his lip and takes a deep breath.

"Well, do you fancy me?" he asks bravely. Colossus slightly turns his head away from Wade, like he is shy. That's when it hits him. Maybe that's why Colossus cares for him so much. Even if it's clear as a day that Deadpool itself could never be a hero like the X-men, Colossus still keeps trying. He is always seeing the best in Wade, even if there isn't much to see. He always has his back. Colossus even put him together after Wade had been torn apart. Literally.  Wade should have known that the moment Colossus picked him up like a princess and held him there longer than it was needed, it was clear he liked the clown back. Wade wondered how someone like Colossus could like someone like Wade. Their crazy didn't even match. But maybe they were two corner puzzle pieces that still fit together.

Wade moves up and gets closer to Colossus, who is almost completely frozen still. He turns to look at Wade who moves on top of the man, his hands on both sides of the Russian. Colossus looks up at him. He looks nervous, but tries to keep his cool the best he can.

"You fancy me, right? Because if not, I'm expecting you to just throw me out of the window and-"

Wade wasn't able to finish his sentence, because Colossus had rolled his eyes and grabbed the man by the hem of his shirt. He pulled Wade down and their lips crashed together. Wade muffled against the kiss in surprise, before he was able to break free. He looks down at Colossus, completely out of breath, trying to understand what had just happened. Colossus looks at him back with a strict look, before he shyly looks away. Wade smiles at that. Jackpot.

"Holy fuck", the man muttered out. Then, he smiled widely.

"You liike me, you wanna hoold me, you wanna kiiiisss meee", Wade started singing and he moves over Colossus, moving his leg to the other side and sitting over his lower stomach. Wade moves his hands to cup the metal man's cheeks and leaned closer to him. Colossus just looked at him and his hands moved over to Wade's thighs, just gently touching them. 

"Just a kiss, lover boy. I know you're still a virgin", he said. Colossus had no time to protest against that statement, when Wade leaned down and moved his lips over his, this time kissing him more gently. Now Wade had time to actually inspect his taste and how his lips felt against his. Colossus had hard lips, - since he was made out of metal -, but when they moved against his softer lips they felt somehow alive. Colossus of course tasted like strong metal, what else? But Wade Wilson enjoyed that taste and he kissed him more passionately. He could hear Colossus silently moan against his mouth and the mutant moved his hand up and down Wade's legs. 

They kissed each other like teenagers for a good minute that felt a lot longer than that, before Wade grabbed Piotr Rasputin's wrist and moved the man's hand over his own ass. Colossus whimpered something against his lips, but decided to do what Wade wanted. He playfully grabbed his ass and Wade moaned against the kiss, soon driving in deeper. Colossus moved his other hand over to his buttocks too and grabbed them in a steady rhythm. It didn't take long before Wade started grinding his groin against his stomach and only then did Colossus break the kiss.




"Are you sure about this, Wade?" he asked. Wilson just looked at him and nodded.

"Yeah, of course. Not my first time getting something non-human up my ass", he said and once again thrusted his hips against the man. "C'mon, let's make love."

Colossus shook his head and grabbed Wade strongly. He pushed the man against the mattress and moved on top of him, pressing their lips together hungrily. Wade was already wrapping his legs and arms around the metallic man, but suddenly Colossus moved away from the bed and walked over to his closet. Wade watched him with confused eyes, only to realize that Colossus had lube hidden under his pile of clothes. He chuckled and looked at the imaginary camera once again.

"Now that is more realistic", he commented. "The lube isn't right next to them."

Colossus turned back and came back to the bed with the bottle of lube, that didn't seem brand new. Wade wondered if the silver balls actually masturbated every now and then. Wade moved both of his fingers into peace signs and started poking them together, indicating the famous lesbian position called scissoring. Colossus gave no reaction that other than a smile, which was new. 

"We can still back out, Wade", Colossus said as he placed himself between Wade's legs, still holding onto the lube. Wade shook his head. "I need this", he said and opened his legs wider with no shame. He was glad it was a bit dark, so Colossus didn't have to see his damaged body in such detail. But Colossus moved his hand over to Wade's thigh and caressed his skin like it was as soft as baby's ass.

"I won't be a replacement, Wade", Piotr Rasputin said strictly. He somehow sounded even angry.

"Fuck's sake, Colossus. You think I was boomboxing 'In Your Eyes' outside your window just for fun? Have you not seen the movie?" Wade said. Colossus furrowed his brows.

"What I mean is, and I say this from the bottom of my heart and the tip of my dick, that I truly wanna be with your sweet ass."




Colossus accepted his confession and smiled, leaning down to give one quick kiss to Deadpool before he was yanking off his boxers, soon throwing them onto the floor. Colossus broke the kiss and started taking his top off without saying much else and Wade followed him eagerly, getting rid of his shirt, too. As Wade Wilson was finally completely naked and the large Russian was without his shirt (but still wearing his fucking ugly pajama pants), Colossus looked up and down the man's body. Wade took a quick look at his burned body too and swallowed.

"Oh, it's everywhere. I look like a tortilla chip that has been dipped in the wrong kind of sauces", Wade joked, but he bit his lower lip because he knew he looked ugly. He always used humor and jokes to hide his insecurities. Just like the writer of this story. Hah! Love hurts.

"No, Wade. You're beautiful in your own way", the man said in his thick Russian accent and Wade could not help but just accept those words and believe them.  "You like my zombie face, then? No, I look like Voldemort who got to keep his nose, but in return he lost all of his skin and - OH."

Colossus had wrapped his hand around Wade's cock and squeezed it gently, making the other man gasp. He kept his hand still on Wade's cock and just gave a teasing smile. "Well, that's one way to shut me up", Wade said and grinded against the man's large hand, letting out a heavy breath. Colossus let go and took the lube into his hand and opened it, squirting some of the cool substance into his hands. Wade whined.

"Patience, Wade. I do not wish to hurt you", Colossus said and lifted the man's legs so he could reach between his buttocks. Colossus pressed one of his fingers against the ring of muscles, moving it in small circles like he was teasing Wade. Had he done this before, or has Colossus been dreaming of this moment thousands of times?

"I don't break that easily. C'mon, Iron Giant", Wade said and lifted his hips against the man's hand, biting his lip. 



Colossus moved the first finger in, almost too easily. Wade gasped for air as Colossus moved the finger out, then moved it back in, this time a little deeper. Wade's head fell back down onto the pillows and he grabbed the sheets with all of his might. His lower stomach was already tingling like those candies that start popping in your mouth. 

"You're tight", Colossus commented quietly as his finger was finally fully inside and he started moving it in and out slowly. Wade took a deep breath. "You're slow", he smirked. "I can take it, give me more."

Colossus complied and moved his first finger out, preparing to enter a second one. He added more lube, but as the moment the tip of his fingers were inside Wade, Wilson let out a low moan. His back arched strongly, his chest risen up into the air. "Relax", Colossus said and caressed Wade's stomach with his other hand. Wilson fell back down onto the mattress, breathing out 'okay' multiple times before he gave a nod to the metal man, showing he was ready to continue.

It took a while before Colossus was moving both of his fingers inside and out, his other hand holding onto Wade's hip to keep him as still as possible. Wade was constantly begging for more, swearing and moaning softly, pleading for more. 

"Fuck's sake, Robocop. I have the patience of a 3-year-old. You gotta play with me more than that", Wade Wilson almost cried out, trying to thrust his hips against his fingers, but Colossus kept him still. His grip on him was so hard it would leave bruises, and Wade felt sad his healing system worked so quickly that the man would never be able to leave marks on him. Unless he ripped Deadpool apart. Or broke his bones.

"If you are sure", Colossus whispered and applied even more lube into his fingers, just in case, and started entering the third finger in. As it slid in, Wade cursed loudly. "Language", the metallic man said as he tried to open his finger, widening the man around his fingers.

"Suck a cock", Wade insulted the man. More stolen dialogue from the movies.


Colossus raised his brows at the man and changed his position. He moved his legs a little farther away so he was almost laying down and Colossus leaned down, his mouth hovering over Wade's cock. The man full of cancer swallowed. "I didn't mean it literally, but this actually looks interesting - Ooohh, my god", Wade muttered out, hitting the back of his head against the pillows as Colossus took the tip of his cock into his mouth. It felt super weird. Colossus had a tongue made out of metal too, making Wade wonder if everything about him was complete metal and nothing else. It felt almost cold as Colossus sucked on his cock, his fingers moving deeper into his ass. Wade was sure he was melting. He was burning up like an egg on a frying pan, expect he looked more like the bacon. 

"Fuck, how do you know all this stuff, Metropolis?" Wade breathed out heavily before letting out a surprised moan, when Colossus twisted his fingers just right. He didn't even know he had a sweet spot. Vanessa had never been able to find it.

"Self-taught", Colossus said quickly before he took Wade back into his mouth, this time swallowing a little deeper. Bullshit, Wade thought but decided to not comment anything else. He didn't want the mechanical man to speak, he wanted him to keep sucking on his cock. His meat felt so sensitive inside him.

It took a few minutes until Wade felt like he was going to explode. Colossus had three fingers moving in and out, scissoring him wide open and every now and then pressing onto that sweet spot that made Wade's hips jerk up. And even if Colossus wasn't that good of a cock sucker, the more he moved his head up and down, the closer Wade got to the edge. As Colossus started moving his fingers in and out even faster, knowing that Wade always wanted more than he could take, Wade cupped the man's cheeks.

"S-slow down, Bio-Electronic Navigator, I'm about to cum soon", Wade muttered out and tried to lift the man's face away from his cock. Colossus looked at Wade with a confused look.

"A what?" he asked slowly and tilted his head to the side. 

"Too many robot references? Technically, you're not even a robot", he commented and moved himself up, his elbows leaning against the mattress. "Anyway, I just - I think I'm ready", he continued. 

"Are you sure, Wade?" Colossus asked. Wade simply nodded and looked at the metal man.

"Press the gas, baby", he said and opened his legs wider.




Colossus moved his fingers out and started taking off his pants, Wade eagerly watching to see what was hidden underneath. His mouth fell wide open when he saw the size of his dick, made out of pure metal. It was still considered normal sized, but Colossus was giant everywhere, so to Wade's eyes it looked like something he would never be able to fit inside him.

"It will be okay, if we move slowly", Colossus comforted the man, caressing his shaky legs. Wade swallowed almost nervously. That was much bigger than a normal strap on. 

"God, it's gonna be quite a ride", Wade breathed out nervously as he tried to prepare himself, both physically and mentally. Colossus threw his pants somewhere on the floor and positioned himself between Wade's legs, but not in the way Wade expected. Colossus moved Wade's left leg over his own thigh, but Wade's right leg was trapped under Colossus's other leg. It was like they were scissoring, but Wade had no idea how it would work since neither of them had pussies. But luckily Colossus was quite of a pussy, so that was a start. The load of metal must have noticed Wane's troubled look as his hand caressed Wade's stomach in a comforting way.

"You have showed this position to me twice now. Figured you want to do it", Colossus explained himself as he reached for the lube and spurted the cool lubricant into his hand. Wade watched as Colossus started spreading it all over his cock, stroking himself at the same time. Wade blushed from the sight of it. It was clear that Colossus was teasing him, showing off his well-build metal body and slowly making himself ready. Or maybe Colossus just didn't realize how fucking sexy he was to Wade. Soon, Colossus positioned them again, lifting Wade's left leg as high as possible, opening his legs as much as possible so Colossus could fit in just perfectly. Colossus pressed the head of his cock against Wade's opening and the man gulped.

"It's like we're about to become a lollipop made out of expired meat", Wade joked and did his best to relax, as Colossus took his time to position them, so the next progress would be easy and painless. 


"Hey, Colossus", Wade said and the mutant turned to look at him. His metallic skin was shining, which reminded Wade of Twilight a bit too much. "I just, uh, fuck", he mumbled. For the first time he actually had a hard time saying something. 

"Take your time, Wade", Colossus said and caressed his thighs as to comfort him. 

Wade loved how Colossus was always patient and optimistic. He loved how he always waited for Wade to say what he needed, even if he was going to hear something he didn't want to hear. Somehow, Wade felt sure that Colossus loved him like Batman loved Joker. Foreshadowing.

"It's just that - this feels right. I think I - fuck, I actually want to fall for your sweet shiny ass", Wade Wilson said slowly, trying to avoid saying any more stupid jokes that would ruin the mood. His cock was almost spitting in half and he needed Colossus inside him, now. But the metal man smiled, probably the most sweetest and loving smiles Wade had ever seen, and he leaned down enough so he was able to pull Wade into a sweet, passionate kiss that lasted for a long while. 

"I shall wait until you fall for me as hard as I have fallen for you", Colossus whispered quietly to him, pressing their foreheads together. 

"Woah", Wade said loudly in surprise. "How much of a Nancy Thompson you gotta be to fall in love with Freddy Krueger?" he asked. Colossus only shook his head, apparently not getting the reference at all.

"You're not ugly, Wade. You are beautiful. Don't let others tell you otherwise", Colossus cheered him up, his cock still pressed against his asshole yet his hand still stroked Wade's head like he was a puppy.

"Yeah, it's my personality that's ugly."


"Sorry, I know. It's just I'm like a chicken leg compared to your silver spoon, if you get what I mean", Wilson said and looked down, just watching how his dick was in need of affection and how Colossus was ready to slide into him, his cock still wet from all the lubricant. Colossus gave a soft kiss on Wade's forehead, checked his position once again before he looked down at Wade.

"Are you ready to be filled by me?" he asked, his thick Russian accent turning Wade on even more. "God, fuck yes", Wilson muttered, preparing himself.




It hurt like hell to be opened that wide. Wade was not used to his ass being filled like this, but the burning sensation also somehow felt good. Colossus buried the tip of his cock inside first, telling Wade to relax as much as possible, before he buried himself deeper. His elbows leaning against the soft bed, Wade already felt like his hands were breaking under his weight and he was ready to fall down onto the mattress. Colossus seemed to realize this, as he leaned as close as possible and moved his left hand behind Wade's back as to support him. Colossus had his right hand under Wade's left leg, keeping it as high as possible. 

"Try to relax", he almost commanded as he almost pulled out completely and moved in deeper. He did this a few times slowly, just moving in and out, always trying to bury himself deeper.

"Easy for you to say, your ass isn't penetrated by a fucking steam pipe", Wade commented and let out heavy breaths, still trying to somehow relax around his cock. Colossus's member felt somehow cold and hot at the same time when he was inside Wade, and he wasn't sure if he liked the feeling. But his body was burning up, weird tingling taking over his stomach and chest so he took it as a good sign. Colossus moved out again and then thrusted in, moving deeper. Wade's legs shook from the feeling and he let out a shaky moan.

"It's like opening a jar of pickles", he commented, leaving Colossus completely confused by his words. 

The deeper Colossus moved, the harder it was for Wade to breathe normally. He was breathing fast, his chest rising up and down heavily and every time Colossus buried himself deeper inside him, he let out a breathy moan. "Breathe", Colossus said and Wade immediately obeyed, inhaling air heavily and puffing it out heavily. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, muttering about how good it felt.

Suddenly, he could feel Colossus hit that spot and his lower body jerked. A loud moan came out of his mouth, and soon Wade slammed his hand over his lips and looked down. He couldn't believe it, but to his eyes it looked like Colossus was fully seated inside him. Colossus let out a satisfied chuckle and looked at Wade, who looked back at him with those white eyes puppies made.

"Are you ready?" the silver man asked.

"God, yes, I've been ready since the moment I came back into this shithole", Wade said and he wrapped his arms around Colossus's neck, crashing their lips together. The position was hard, but somehow it seemed to work, as Colossus kissed him back with passion, his hand still supporting Wade's body as he slowly started thrusting into Wade's hot core. 

"Ah, fuck", Wade already moaned out, burying his head against the mutant's shoulder, closing his eyes tightly. It felt so much better than he had expected. Colossus was so caring with him, moving in and out slowly, his every movement so careful like he was afraid he would break Wade. There was burning sensation inside of him that Wade wasn't sure if he could call it pain, but there was also this pleasure that he had never felt before. It felt so good and Wade needed more of it. He felt the need to be filled by Colossus.



Two minutes passed and Colossus still kept his slow rhythm that made Wade insane. He held tightly onto the man, who gave comforting kisses to his head every time Wade let out a moan that sounded even a little bit like a cry of pain. Wade was sure he could no longer feel any blood run in his legs and his lower back was aching, but the pain somehow made him even more turned on. Besides, his healing factory always fixed him up.

"Please, Colossus", Wade whimpered out, finally calling the metal man by his actual name. Well, it wan't his actual name but it was still something. "Yes, Wade?" he breathed out, his hot breath tickling Wade's ear. Wade loved how often Colossus said his name. No matter if the man was angry, happy or fucking him in the ass, the tone of his name was always the same. Sincere and authentic. Just like Wade's newborn feelings towards the gigantic Russian.

"Speed up like Sonic the Hedgehog", he breathed out and drew his head back, so he could look up at the colossal being into his eyes. A furry reference this time? The writer sure is having a hard time keeping Deadpool in character.

Colossus didn't really answer to his silly command, he only did as he was told. Colossus pulled out slowly, and then suddenly slammed himself inside, making Wade gasp loudly. He pulled out again and slammed himself inside again, letting out a heavy breath. Wade swore multiple times, holding tightly onto Colossus and pressing his forehead against his chest. As Colossus started thrusting into him faster, Wade could not stay quiet. His breathing was heavy and he let out soft moans every time Colossus entered him. Colossus was moaning, too, and god did Wade's dick just twitch every time Colossus let out one of those deep moans right into his ear.

Wade held into him with dear life, sucking Colossus deeper inside of him, his muscles tightening around his hard metallic member. 

"Does it feel good?" the Russian version of the Iron Giant asked, his words coming out in slow heavy breaths as he kept moving inside and out. It was amazing how much Colossus was able to in one position - he was holding Wade strongly with just one hand and thrusting into his ass at the same time. He was like a statue that could not fall down. And Wade felt so secure and loved in his safe embrace.

Wade chuckled. "Are you kidding? It feels like - I'm a kid first time in - ah - amusement park", he moaned out.

"You want more of me?" Colossus asked with a deep voice. Wade was surprised. He didn't see Colossus as a 'dirty talking' type. He was like a soft teddy bear, who moved slowly and carefully. But it seemed that Colossus wasn't as patient as he appeared to be. Wade was sure he could see his body shake a little too every now and then, and the sounds the Russian made were just music to his ears.

"Fuck yes, I want more, please", Wade begged like he had never begged in his life before. His hands traveled behind Colossus's neck and he pulled the man down into a messy kiss, their tongues entering each other's mouths, battling for dominance. Colossus started moving his hips faster, rolling them just perfectly into Wade that he hit that sweet spot inside of him. Wade's legs shook every time that spot was hit inside of him and he moaned against the man's mouth. Wade broke away from the kiss, but still stayed close to his new lover's embrace, pressing their foreheads together.

"That's the spot, r-right there", was the only thing he was able to say as to tell Colossus he was doing exactly what he wanted. Wade wanted to say something 'hit that spot like you would hit your wife', but he could not bring himself to form sentences that long. Also, it might ruin the mood completely. Colossus smiled (again that teddy bear smile that all the girls love), and pulled Wade into another kiss, softly moaning against his mouth.


Colossus kept hitting that sweet spot just right, his hips rolling in such delicious way that Wade was sure he was dreaming. He could feel fluttering at the bottom of his stomach, strong beating under his chest and his thighs were trembling. His toes were curling, his fingers burying themselves deep into Colossus's back, even if his skin was mostly unbreakable. Colossus was going at such a fast pace that Wade soon realized he was getting closer to the edge. He slowly broke away from the kiss and looked at Colossus right into his eyes, moaning so loudly that the whole mansion was definitely awake. The bed creaked loudly under them and the sound that came every time Colossus slammed his hips against Wade filled the room.

"Bloody hell, I'm gonna-", Wade moaned out and closed his eyes, holding onto Colossus for dear life. "I'm gonna explode", he breathed out quickly. He wanted to reach for his dick and just stroke it, but he wanted this moment to last as long as possible. 

"It's alright", the Russian man breathed out and gave a soft kiss onto his cheek. How the hell was he so rough yet so sweet at the same time? 

"Let go. I got you", he said, his thick voice so comforting that it made Wade melt under his touch. Wade tried to relax as much as possible, trying to orgasm without even touching his dick. Colossus buried his face against his neck and the moment he bit down - which came as a complete surprise, because Colossus so wasn't the biting type, but maybe he thought Wade would like it -, Wade could feel something starting to break. He could feel himself erupting like a volcano, about to burst out and break down completely in the metal man's embrace.

"Colossus, fuck -!" was the only thing Wade was able to moan out before he tossed his head back and he was cumming all over his stomach. His muscles were clenching against Colossus's cock, and his legs were shaking so hard that they were almost kicking the other mutant. Colossus picked up his pace, thrusting into Wade even faster and harder now, and they fell down onto the mattress. Wade's ass was going so sensitive, his hips jerking every time Colossus hit that spot and he was moaning the man's name, clawing his nails against his metallic skin until his fingers would bleed.

Colossus kept pounding into Wade in almost inhumane speed, breathing heavily against his neck. Wade was sure his body breaking down, and no matter how hard he was holding onto him, or how he was moaning about how sensitive he felt, Colossus kept going. Soon, Colossus grunted deeply and his hips were shaking against him, and Wade could feel something extremely cool fill him up. He wondered if he could get pregnant from that. Colossus kept thrusting his hips slowly even after he was cumming, making the most pleasurable moment last just a little longer, until he finally stopped still. Wade finally relaxed around him and they stayed still for a moment, both of them just breathing.




"Damn, you're good at lesbian sex", Wade commented and chuckled.

"The right term is homosexual, is not?" Colossus corrected as he slowly pulled out of Wade. He carefully moved away from Wade, letting the man finally change the position of his legs and get the blood flowing again. The metal man carefully stood up from the bed and moved to the bathroom to get a towel. Wade just laid there, breathing heavily and just relaxing, until Colossus threw a towel over his chest.

"Thanks", Wilson said and cleaned himself up, feeling a little awkward for having to wipe his ass in front of Colossus. But the mutant made no comment, and when Wade was done he took the towel back, cleaned himself a little too before throwing the towel back to the bathroom floor. He would take care of it later.

Wade moved under the covers and Colossus laid down next to him, taking a good position. Wade immediately cuddled under his arm, leaning his head against Colossus's chest, even if it was too hard to use as a pillow.

"So", Colossus said quietly after an awkward moment of silence. "How do you feel?"

Wade thought for a while.

"I feel like Vanessa wouldn't be too mad about this", he commented. Colossus wrapped his arm around the smaller man, holding him close.

"Not Vanessa. You", he said strictly, looking down at the burn victim.

"Okay, calm down, Metroid", Wade said. He took his time to think how he felt, trying to find a way to not joke about his own feelings. He somehow knew Colossus was expecting a serious answer now. Wilson tried to find a clever way to say his feelings to the metal being, but didn't find the right words quickly enough so he decided to just say what he really felt.

"I think I feel loved again", Wade admitted and he swallowed nervously. Gay, he said to himself.

He could hear Colossus chuckle. Then, he could feel him press a soft kiss against his head, like it was a good night kiss.

"You are loved."