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A New Start

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I had lived with my boyfriend for almost three years now. At the start of our relationship, everything was fine. We had fun, we did stuff together, we talked about everything and we were really close. But once we hit the one year mark of us living together, we drifted more and more apart. We were still friends and all, we never fought or anything like that, but we never did boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. He had his interests, and I had mine.

One of my interests, the best one, was music. I just couldn’t live without it. I listened to it all the time, whatever I did, I had to have music on. I studied my favourite bands, I went to shows and I just breathed for that stuff. One of my all time favourite bands, was Pearl Jam. I had gotten really into them when I was about 16 and still in High School. I fell in love with the bass, the riffs gave me these insane jolts of joy and the vocals. Man, oh man. Vedder’s voice was unlike anything I had heard before, his voice was deep and strong, hard, soft and vulnerable. All at the same time.

Being that I loved them so much, I consequently went to all the shows I could. They just blew me away, their shows were different every night. My favourite spot was right in front of the stage. That way I could really take it all in without having to constantly move because someone was getting in or out, getting a beer or whatever. Since I’d been to so many shows, the guys started to recognize me. One time I got lucky enough to get invited backstage after their show, and at that moment, my friendship with them started. They were really great guys, they were so down to earth and friendly. We’d become close, and they had even invited me and my boyfriend over to watch football games, baseball games, to bbqs and all sorts of stuff.

Lately, though, I had just been hanging out with them by myself. They never asked questions, but I’m sure they were wondering if everything was all right at home. They all lived together in this huge house they had gotten when they first started Mookie Blaylock. As the years went by, they’d stayed there. Even if they had girlfriends there was no question about it. They loved living in the same house, that way they could jam whenever they felt like it, and it triggered their creative process.

I sat at home, devastated. My boyfriend and I had just talked about us, and we both came to the same conclusion. We were more friends than anything else, and we had been for a long time. It wasn’t fair for either one of us to continue, it would be wasting our time. The incident that led to the final end, started last night. We rarely slept together, I could count on half a hand how many times we’d slep together the last year and a half. Last night I got in the mood, and I tried to get him in the mood as well. He just pushed me away and told me he didn’t want to. When I asked why and if there was something I could do to change that, he’d basically told me that he didn’t like my body like that anymore. I knew it was bad between us, I just didn’t know it was this bad. So now I was confused and scared. I didn’t know how to go on from here. Where would I go? How would I be able to support myself with only one income? I was a practial person, I needed to know exactly where my money went and I needed to be able to put away some savings for later. This was one of the things my boyfriend hated. He loved being spontanious. I didn’t mind spontanious, I just didn’t like how carefree he was with money.

What hurt the most right now, was how much he didn’t care that I was hurting. He just sat down by TV and played video games like nothing had happended. I got up and out of there, I needed to be somewhere far away from him.

The tears kept pouring out of my eyes as I walked as fast as I could. I ended up by the huge house I had been inside so many times before. I didn’t even mean to go here, but my feet wanted me to. I knocked the door. No one answered. It was unlocked so I walked in. There were dishes by the sink, it smelled like pizza and I heard talking and laughing from the back door. I tried to get myself together before I walked outside, but when I saw them sitting there all happy, I felt the pain again. It was so unfair. I wanted to be happy too. ”Oh, hi Mia” Stone said surprised. ”What’s wrong?” Jeff asked. I didn’t know what to say, so I just stood there like an idiot. Eddie got up from his seat and pulled me into a hug. ”What happened, Hamm?”. ”Heh… Shut the fuck up” was all I could say. I hated that they called me Hamm. Just beacuse my name was Mia they found it fitting to call me Hamm. And they weren’t even into soccer. Eddie let out a small laugh and looked at me. ”Come on” he said and led me to one of the patio couches. I sat down next to Jeff. ”What’s going on?” he asked. ”I need a drink” I sighed. Mike got up and went into the kitchen. While we waited for him to come back, I tried to collect my thoughts. I didn’t even know what to tell them. ”Here you go” Mike said and put down a glass in front of me. I took a huge sip, and instantly regretted it as the fluids went down my throat. I started coughing. ”What the hell, man? What did you put in this?” I laughed and looked at him. ”Why do you think I went to rehab?” he winked and laughed. Eddie picked up the glass and smelled it, and even just by smelling it, it made him cough too. ”Jesus, Mike” he sighed and laughed.

I took a deep breath and sat back against the couch. ”Did something happen at home?” Stone asked me. I nodded. ”Yeah. We, ahm… We broke up” I said. I felt the lump in my guts get heavier and it was choking me. ”I am so sorry, Mia” Eddie said. By the expression on his face, I could tell he really ment it. ”Did something happen between you too? What brought this on?” Mike asked. I had never talked about this part of my life with them before, but since they asked, I told them. ”Shit… That really sucks” Stone said from the other side of the patio table. ”Yeah. And I have no where to go, I dunno what the hell I’m suppose to do now”. I was actually scared shitless. ”Stay here. We have a spare bedroom” Stone said. ”Oh, yeah, that’s a good idea!” Eddie chimed in. ”I dunno…” I didn’t really know them that well yet, I was afraid it would feel weird. But they managed to convince me.

Since they used the spare bedroom for storrage, it was overfilled with clutter. Stone offered to sleep on the couch so that I could use his room. They were really sweet about everything. I’d never lived with this many people before, so it was definitely going to be interesting.

Jeff and Eddie went with me to get my stuff. ”You sure moved on quickly” was all my ex boyfriend said. Jeff was annoyed and was about to say something, but bit his tongue from snapping.

It was late now, so all the unpacking had to wait until tomorrow. Besides, I was exhausted. I sat in the livingroom watching TV in my pj’s. Eddie came in and joined me, followed by Stone. ”You guys want some tea?” he asked. I nodded and gave him a weak smile. ”Brighten up, Hamm. Everything will sort themselves out” Eddie smiled. I sighed and put my head on his shoulder. ”I hope so”.

Stone came back with tea and positioned himself on the other side of me, with one of his legs resting on the table. ”Thanks” I said and put my hand on Stone’s thigh. ”No problem” he smiled and put his arm around me. Maybe it wasn’t so bad after all.