“No, no, no, God no.”
“Please God no, no, no.”
“Fuck sake, Webster, if you don’t tell me what’s going on I’m going to-,”
“It’s my parents.” Webster dropped his arm containing his mobile phone, turning to face Liebgott who sighed, knowing what he was going to say next was not going to be good. “They’ve invited us over for dinner.”
“Us?” Liebgott perked up, he must have heard that wrong. “I’m sorry, did you just say us?”
Webster nodded, holding out his phone for Liebgott to take. “My mother e-mailed me a stupid letter, she specifically says-,”
“Do bring your partner along for us to get to know him better.” Liebgott read aloud, looking up at his boyfriend with a laugh. “Since when do your parents want to get to know me?”
“That’s what I’m afraid off.” Webster said, falling onto the sofa and running a hand through his hair. After a long day at work he was not in the mood for this. “They’re up to something.”
Liebgott snorted, plonking himself down next to him and winding an arm around his shoulder. “Course they are, they made it clear they don’t want you being with a moneyless man like me.” he said, amusement in his tone.
Webster and Liebgott had been together for over six months now, and Webster’s parents had never met him once, yet they didn’t like him one bit from what they’d heard. The first time Webster had told them about Liebgott which wasn’t that long ago their eyes had lit up, thrilled beyond words that their son had finally found someone. But then it all went pear shaped once he’d told them just a couple of minor details:
“He lives with his friends Toye, Guarnere and Malarkey, it’s how we met, Luz, you remember him from school? He’s dating Toye and they introduced us.”
“Kenyon… he doesn’t have his own home yet?”
His mother hadn’t liked that one.
“He’s a cab driver, works for a company downtown that’s owned by Guarnere.”
“A cab driver? He isn’t a doctor or… or a lawyer?”
His father didn’t exactly agree with his job choice.
“No he’s not catholic, he’s Jewish.”
“He’s not Catholic?!”
They’d both been just a tad bit disappointed at that.
He’d gotten that far before he’d had enough and declared that he was feeling a little sick, annoyed with his parents judgement and obvious dislike of a man they hadn’t even met yet. But that was just it. Webster knew his parents would never accept someone like Liebgott, someone who didn’t meet their expectations, and that was why he never wanted Liebgott to go anywhere near them.
“So, when are we going?”
Webster gawped at his boyfriend who had a cheeky grin on his face. “There’s no fucking way we’re going.”
“Oh, come on, Web.” Liebgott chuckled, leaning across to plant a kiss on the other man’s temple. “It’ll be a laugh, they’ll fucking love me when they find out I practically live with you now.”
Webster groaned. “Oh God, I can hear them now: Oh Kenyon, don’t you think you’re moving a little too fast, you’ve only been going out for six months.” he rolled his eyes, just hearing his parent’s whiny voices inside his head. “I can’t deal with that shit, Joe.”
“Put it this way, you won’t have to deal with it alone this time.” Liebgott said in all seriousness, gripping Webster’s chin to turn his head around so he could look into his eyes. “You’ll have to introduce me someday, Web, may as well get it over with, yeah?”
Webster frowned, shutting his eyes as he leant forward to rest his forehead on Liebgotts. “They’re going to judge you, and ask you questions constantly throughout the night, and I have no idea what they’re going to say other than bullshit about us being together.”
Liebgott grinned, threading his fingers through Webster’s curls. “I think I can take it.” he said. “It’s going to be a fun night.”
Webster sighed, opening his eyes to see Liebgott smiling like he’d just won the lottery. “You have no idea what you’re in for, you know that?”
“Oh, I might have a theory.” Liebgott answered, budging closer to kiss the younger man. “If they’re anything like you, I can just charm my way in.”
Webster snorted. “Took a lot more than charm for you to win me over if I remember correctly.” Liebgott laughed loudly, tugging on the younger man’s curls, before Webster continued. “We did hate each other for the first year of knowing one another after all.”
“Well, you were annoying.” Liebgott smirked.
“So were you, dickhead.” Webster rolled his eyes. “And then you began that habit of winking at me every time I walked into the room.”
“Hey,” Liebgott gave him a poke in the shoulder. “That’s my charm you’re talking about.”
Webster grinned, lifting his legs into Liebgott’s lap to get comfy. “You call that wink you do a charm? God, you really think I fell for you because of that?” Webster began to laugh as Liebgott’s brows furrowed and he glared at him hard. “You do know that wink was terrible right? I mean, it got so old so quickly and-,”
“Okay, okay, jeez!” Liebgott growled.
Then he suddenly grabbed Webster by the legs and dragged him forward, sending him flying onto his back on the sofa. Webster yelped as his head hit the cushion by surprise, Liebgott chuckling to himself as he slipped in between the other man’s legs and laid himself on top of him.
“That wasn’t so charming, liebling.” Webster hissed as Liebgott began nipping at his neck.
“You loved it, Prinzessin.” Liebgott purred in his ear, before planting sloppy kisses along his jawline. “And you’re gonna love this.”
Webster opened his mouth to react, having the slightest suspicion that Liebgott was up to something, but he didn’t have the chance as his boyfriend lifted his shirt and began tickling his sides. Webster gasped loudly in complete shock, his body repeatedly twisting and turning at the tickly sensation, he was ticklish beyond belief and Liebgott loved using that against him.
“Joe!” Webster let out a giggle, pushing against the other man as he attacked him from all sides. “Stop! S-Stop you asshole!” Webster laughed uncontrollably.
Liebgott grinned down at him, not letting up in the slightest. “Make me.” he said, as Webster started wiggling his legs to try and get off the sofa.
Liebgott, having won way too many tickling fights with the writer, was about to take pity on him when out of the blue Webster’s phone rang noisily from the arm of the seat. They both froze, as the theme tune to Jaws got louder and louder.
“Oh fuck.” Webster groaned.
There were only two people on his phone that that particular theme tune played for, and he didn’t exactly want to speak to either of them.
“Better answer that.” Said Liebgott, as he slid off the couch onto the floor.
Webster heaved a sigh, laying himself out across the seat. “Do I have to?”
“Remember you told me last time you didn’t answer your phone to them they turned up at your door?”
Webster was scrambling onto his knees not so graciously and snatching the phone up before Liebgott could say more. Liebgott hid a smile behind his hand as his boyfriend plonked down beside him and inhaled deeply, letting it out as he finally answered the call and stuck it on speakerphone.
“Hello mother.” he said, trying his best not to sound like he’d rather be talking to anyone else but her.
“Kenyon!” her voice rang loudly from the phone, Liebgott let a loud laugh slip at the way she shouted his name, as if scolding a puppy who’d just had an accident on her carpet. Webster elbowed him hard in the ribs, only making the other man laugh more. “Where are you, for goodness sake? I sent you a message and you never replied!” her voice rose higher and higher in pitch.
Webster rolled his eyes as Liebgott tried to stifle his laugh behind a cushion. “I’ve only just seen the message, why didn’t you just text me?”
“I don’t text Kenyon, that’s very inappropriate for a dinner invitation.” She said as if it were obvious.
Webster wanting to tell her that emails are practically the same damn thing, and that she was just being stuck up. Of course he wasn’t going to say that out loud. “Well, I’ve got it anyway, I was about to reply.” He lied. He really wanted to drag it out for as long as possible, but that plan was now tossed out the window.
“Well?” his mother said, sounding impatient. “Are you and your… partner coming over for dinner? We hardly ever see you anymore, Kenyon.”
That’s because you’re a judgmental, arrogant person who likes to talk about how disappointed you are in me and also he has a name and it’s Joe, is what he really wanted to say, but held that one back too. “I know, I’ve been busy with work. We can come over sometime in the evening.”
“When? This weekend?”
Webster looked over at Liebgott who shrugged, a smile tugging at his lips. He was no help at all. “How about next weekend?” he tried.
“Oh, Kenyon, can’t you put things aside for your father and I just this once?” she whined.
Webster wanted to pull his hair out and throw his phone against a wall.
“May as well bite the bullet.” Liebgott whispered next to him. “Tell her to make spaghetti, I fucking love spaghetti.”
Webster snorted quietly, taking yet another deep breath and giving in. “Alright, we’ll be down this weekend.”
“Fabulous.” She laughed pompously. “I’ll see you on Saturday at seven.”
With that said she put down the phone. Webster stared at the phone like it was suddenly growing a head, not that he should have been surprised that she hung up after she’d gotten what she’d wanted.
“Well, that was pleasant.” Liebgott grinned.
Webster turned to his boyfriend and said in all seriousness. “Do you think we’d have to go if I accidentally break my leg by Saturday?”
Unfortunately Webster didn’t break his leg by the weekend. And Saturday came around way too fast for his liking. For the entire day Webster had been dreading the whole thing, even though Liebgott had tried his best to take his mind off of it, he even went as far as taking him to the aquarium in the morning to hand feed the weird, small sharks he had a thing for. But to no avail, as soon as they’d walked out of the building Webster had turned back into his pouty, moody self.
In fact, by the time six o’clock came around Webster was practically glaring a hole into the wall of their eating room. He was sitting by the dining table, arms crossed over his chest, bottom lip sticking out in a sulk, and eyes boring into the wall in front of him. Liebgott shook his head with a laugh as he walked in, used to the other man’s diva tantrums.
“What do you think, Web?” he asked, trying to get his attention. “Should I wear the shirt with the gruesome zombie on, or the one with the beheaded, bloody teddy bear?” he held up said t-shirts with a grin. “My gut tells me go with the teddy bear.”
Webster just averted his gaze from the wall to glare right at his boyfriend. “Do you want them to judge you for your weird tastes in t-shirts too, along with everything else?”
Liebgott shrugged. “Yeah, that’s the whole point.”
Webster glared even harder, making Liebgott laugh out loud, tossing the t-shirts onto the nearest chair. The cab driver walked over to Webster and took a seat next to him. “I’m just kidding, sweetheart.” he said, running a hand down the other man’s arm and grabbing a hold of his hand. “This’ll do right?”
Liebgott pointed at himself as Webster looked him up and down, taking in the dark jeans, white t-shirt and leather jacket. “That’ll do.” He mumbled, not admitting out loud that his boyfriend looked damn good.
Liebgott grinned. “I know how much you like this jacket.”
Webster rolled his eyes, trust him to know what he was thinking. “Don’t flatter yourself.”
“Whatever you say, meine liebling.” Liebgott chuckled, standing up and pulling Webster up with him, even though the younger man was protesting against it. “Come on, let’s get you changed. Don’t think mother dearest would appreciate you going over there in your sweatpants.”
“Tough shit.” Webster mumbled as he was dragged through the living room and up the stairs.
It took a lot of hard work for Liebgott to get him changed. Webster had even locked himself in the bathroom for ten minutes, before Liebgott had threatened to throw his shark plushies out the window. Webster knew he wouldn’t dare, but he couldn’t take the chance anyway, and reluctantly left the bathroom. Then Liebgott had essentially dressed him from his shirt to his socks, as Webster carried on pouting like a little child.
“Come on, Web!” Liebgott called as he left the front door, strolling to the car and jumping into the driver’s seat. “Get a move on!”
Webster left the house and slammed the front door shut, locking it with as much frustration. He stomped down the few steps, opened the car door and dumped himself into the passenger’s seat, once again crossing his arms and pouting like he’d just had his candy taken from him.
“I hate you.” He muttered.
“Love you too, baby.” Liebgott grinned from ear to ear, before starting the car and driving to, as Webster would put it, hell on earth.
Approximately twenty five minutes and thirty six seconds later, Webster and Liebgott pulled up next to a house that was big enough to fit at least a few hundred elephants. It was just a tad obvious that the occupants of the household had some money to spare, and if it wasn’t obvious by the mere size of the home itself, it was pretty clear by the enormous, black gate they’d driven through, and the huge fountain sitting in the middle of a stupidly spacious courtyard.
“Holy fuck.” Liebgott almost gasped as he brought the car to a halt, looking around at where they were. “I knew your parents were filthy rich, Web, but not fucking Buckingham Palace rich.”
Webster rolled his eyes, already embarrassed by it all. “They’re not exactly subtle.”
“Yeah, I can see that.” Liebgott laughed, following Webster’s lead by getting out of the car. “Fancy a swim in the fountain?”
“Piss off.” Webster grumbled as he made his way to the front door. Now he was on a mission, get in, eat, get out, as fast as humanly possible.
“Someone’s in a bad mood.” Liebgott joked, noticing that Webster didn’t even stroll into his own childhood home, instead he pressed the doorbell to his left and waited. “Not going straight in?”
Webster shook his head. “They don’t like it when people walk in.”
“Not even their own kids?”
“Not even me and my siblings, no.”
“Wow.” Liebgott snorted, taking in the oversized wooden door. “Hey, how many trees do you think died to make the front door?”
Webster turned to Liebgott and gave him ‘the look’. Liebgott put up his hands in surrender, backing off a little before smoke could start emitting out of his boyfriend’s ears. The two stood there silently for what felt like hours, Webster frowning at one spot just above the door handle, whilst Liebgott stuck his hands in his pockets and swayed back and forth on his heels. He was about to start counting the marble tiles underneath his feet before, finally, the door opened in front of them.
Liebgott was expecting to either see Mr or Mrs Webster, but instead there stood a middle aged man in a black suit and dicky bow, grey hair slicked back and tired eyes looking them over.
“Ah, Kenyon, it’s you.” The man greeted in a posh, English accent, his drooping lips turning up into a smile. “Lovely to see you home.”
“Evening, Edwin.” Webster smiled back, walking inside as Edwin stepped aside and gestured them in.
Liebgott just stood there staring at Edwin like he’d grown two heads, and the elder man just stared back with raised eyebrows. Webster turned to him then, sighing in annoyance.
Liebgott looked away and quickly went inside, hearing the door close behind him and the echoing sounds of Edwin’s fancy shoes striking the hard floor. It didn’t take long for Liebgott to be captivated again as he stood there and took in his surroundings, that being a rather large room with many doors and a grand staircase in the middle leading to the next floor. Webster once again rolled his eyes and took off his jacket, hitting Liebgott on the arm to follow suit. He did as he was told once he snapped out of it and passed his leather coat to his other half, who passed them both to Edwin who then draped them over his arm, before twisting around and walking graciously across the room.
“This way, sirs.” Edwin said.
Liebgott snorted in amusement, earning a not so amused look from his boyfriend. “What?” he dared to ask.
“Web,” Liebgott grinned like a fool. “You have a butler.”
Webster, for the millionth time that day, rolled his eyes. “Well spotted.”
“You have a fucking British butler called Edwin.” Liebgott snickered to himself, trying to keep as quiet as he could so that said butler couldn’t hear.
“So what.” Webster sighed as they went through a door into a spacious living area.
“Dude, you’re Tony Stark.” Liebgott tried to hold back his laughter, biting his lip hard. “Where’s your suit huh? Or shall I ask Jarvis?”
“Oh, fuck off, Lieb!” Webster growled, nudging him hard in the ribs.
Liebgott just laughed to himself the rest of the way, until they came to another door on the other side of the room. Webster was beginning to regret not purposely breaking his leg that week and his parents weren’t even in his presence yet.
“Here we are, sirs.” Edwin opened the door. “Your parents will be with you shortly, Kenyon.”
“Where are they?” Webster asked, as Liebgott wasted no time in going into the room and having a nose.
“Your mother and father are making sure that tonight’s meal is being prepared to your guest’s satisfaction.”
“Joe’s satisfaction?” At that Liebgott looked away from the weird painting on the wall, and grinned at him.
“Yes, they’re checking that everything is kosher.”
Liebgott burst out laughing as Webster stared dumbfounded at the butler, who looked on in confusion at the cab driver’s sudden outburst.
“I’ll um… I’ll go hang up your coats.” Edwin said before leaving them alone.
Liebgott was still laughing as Webster went inside and closed the door, walking up to him. “I told you they were up to something!”
“No shit!” Liebgott beamed, loving the night already. “They’re making fucking kosher food, Web!”
“I didn’t even tell them you ate kosher.”
“You told them I’m Jewish.”
“Good point.” Webster sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Not all Jews follow the whole kosher thing though, I mean, they didn’t even ask and they’re going to all this effort!”
“Wow.” Liebgott gasped, putting a hand to his heart. “What if they’re actually trying to get to know me and make an effort? Maybe they’re already making a list of names for our kids.”
“Shut up.” Webster deadpanned. “There’s no way in hell they changed their minds just like that. No way.”
Webster felt his spine stiffen at the high pitched voice of his mother from behind him. Liebgott sent him a teasing wink before he turned around to come face to face with his parents, both dressed like they were going to some kind of royal ball, suit, sparkly dress, and expensive diamonds included. Webster held back from face palming at their obvious display of fortune, it wasn’t the first time they’d flaunted all their riches about the place, why should it be any different for his new boyfriend of all people?
“My darling son.” Mrs. Webster extended her arms out for him.
Webster went in for the hug, letting his mother squeeze him a little too tight for his liking. “Mother.” He said in greeting, as his father stepped up and extended a hand. “Father.”
“Kenyon, my boy.” Mr. Webster shook his hand firmly. “Good of you to join us.”
Webster hummed in response, before his parents’ attention moved on over to Liebgott who he grabbed by the arm and pulled forward to stand by him. “This is my boyfriend, Joe Liebgott.” He said with a pleased smile, looping a hand around the older man’s upper arm. “Joe, these are my parents, David and Joan.”
Liebgott put on his best smile and gave them both a hard hand shake. “Pleasure to finally meet you, Mr and Mrs Webster.”
“Likewise, dear.” Mrs Webster smiled kindly, although Webster could see the slight purse in her lips.
“Lovely home you have here.” Liebgott said, wrapping an arm around Webster’s shoulders. He wanted to laugh at the look the two were sending him as he did so.
“Why thank you.” Mr Webster answered, waving a hand towards the dining table that was set up immaculately. “Please, take a seat, dinner will be ready shortly.”
Webster didn’t need to be told twice, he practically ran to the table and took a seat that was closest to the door, Liebgott taking his time just to annoy him.
“In a hurry, sweetheart?” Liebgott whispered to him as he took a seat beside him.
Webster just glared. “I hope you can eat fast.”
Liebgott chuckled, taking in the setup of the table top. It literally looked like they’d magically taken a scene out of one of those magazines that shows off the latest dining sets, from flower patterned china to gold-plated knives and forks. Everything was set out so precisely, from the small plates to the left, knife and fork folded in a napkin next to the wine glasses (that literally twinkled in the shine of the light), all the way to the weird looking jug of water that was placed dead centre of the table. He’d bet on all his Spiderman comics that the water cost as much as the plates.
“So,” Joan began as they all settled into their seats, her husband and herself looking right at Liebgott. “I hope you enjoy the food we have for you Joseph, we brought in a special chef from a kosher restaurant down town.”
Liebgott’s eyes widened, and so did Websters, who was obviously shocked that they’d gone to such trouble. “Uh…” Liebgott didn’t exactly know what to say. “You didn’t have to do that Mrs Webster.”
“Oh,” She waved a hand in dismissal. “Don’t be silly, you’re our guest, Kenyon’s boyfriend, we want you to feel comfortable.”
Liebgott just smiled, gazing over at Webster for a split second to see him frowning at his mother, clearly trying to work out what the hell was going on in his parents’ minds.
“Oh, here it is!” Mr Webster declared, as the double doors opened up and two chefs came sauntering in with dishes of grub in their hands. “Wonderful, wonderful, something light to start us off.”
“Start us off?” Webster perked up as a small bowl of some sort of weird, green salad stuff was put in front of them.
“Of course,” Mrs Webster said, digging into hers straight away. “You know, it’s not every day we get to eat a five course meal.”
Liebgott hid his smile behind his hand as Webster dropped the fork he’d just picked up. By the look on his face he’d say that the writer was not happy about that in the slightest. And thirty minutes later, just as they were starting their second course, the same expression was etched on Webster’s face like it was stuck that way.
“So, Joseph.” Mrs Webster started, picking at her food. “Tell me, how did you get into the profession of um… cab… driving?”
Webster wanted to bang his head on the table, repeatedly. Since they’d started the first course that’s all his parents had been doing was questioning Liebgott, one after the other, like he was being interrogated at the police station. They hadn’t let up, not once, they’d asked all about his childhood, his handful of siblings, his parents, and now they were on his job. Liebgott was just taking it in his stride like it was a fun game, smiling politely, being sarcastic as hell and laughing quietly whenever the two looked away. Sometimes he even added in a little joke or jibe that had them both gasping in shock, and had Webster kicking him under the table. He was not making a good impression at all.
“Oh, you know,” Liebgott began, stabbing the piece of chicken on his plate. “Got into it like any other cabbie.” He said, sticking the piece of food in his mouth and talking around it. “Stole my parents car when I was fourteen, decided I was a damn good driver and boom, signed up to a friend’s cab business.”
Webster looked at him stupidly, which only earned an amused grin from his boyfriend.
“Oh.” Mrs Webster put a hand to her heart, moving her gaze to her food and slowly nibbling whatever was on her fork. “You stole your parents car, that’s… interesting.”
“Very.” Mr Webster mumbled, frowning in disapproval. “So you’re planning on keeping this job for the rest of your days then?”
“Yeah, for sure.” Liebgott nodded, dropping his fork and leaning back. “Nothing like driving around the city with drunk strangers either puking their guts up on my back seats or smelling the car out with their five billion kebabs. I tell you, takes days to clean that shit up.”
Mr and Mrs Webster cringed at his language, an obvious gasp escaping their lips as he told them his very honest story. Liebgott couldn’t help but also notice Webster groan next to him, leaning forward to put his head in his hands, rubbing hard at his temples.
“Right.” Mr Webster coughed, fidgeting in his seat. “Well, I’m sure there’s something else for you out there, plenty of time to decide.”
“Nah,” Liebgott shrugged. “Getting old Mr Webster, think I’ll stick to it, sell some drugs on the side maybe.”
“Joe!” Webster bolted upright just as his parents almost chocked on their food and virtually had a panic attack right there and then. “He’s kidding!” he quickly assured them both. “He’s just kidding, aren’t you Joe?” he ground through his teeth at his other half.
“Course.” Liebgott grinned innocently. “Drugs are bad.”
“Of course.” Mr Webster said, and Mrs Webster looked like she was about to pass out at this rate, but thankfully her husband saved her and stood from the chair. “I’d better go check on the next course. Honey, why don’t you go freshen up?”
“Yes, dear.” She said, standing and excusing herself from the room.
That left Webster and Liebgott all alone for a few minutes. It didn’t take long for Webster to start glaring daggers at the older man, about ready to explode.
“What?” Liebgott chuckled.
“You know what!” Webster almost screeched. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Are you trying to make them hate you?” Webster shrieked, slowly losing it bit by bit. “You’re making it worse! They’re just going to judge you even more if you keep saying shit like that, Lieb!”
Liebgott snorted, sitting back comfortably. “Come on Web, you know I don’t give a shit what they think about me.”
Webster sighed. “You don’t, but I do. I don’t want them to not like you, Joe.”
“Hey, we went through this remember?” Liebgott said, becoming serious as he took a hold of his boyfriend’s hand. “Doesn’t matter if they like me or not, you do and that’s all that matters. They can judge all they want, it ain’t gonna stop us from being together.”
“I know.” Webster sulked, tracing a finger across the other’s palm. “I just hate that they do it, you know? That stupid, disapproving look they give you whenever you so much as blink, it’s making me really fucking annoyed.”
“Oh, language.” Liebgott grinned. “Your mom won’t approve.”
Liebgott laughed, leaning in slightly and using his free hand to turn Webster’s face towards him. “Just three more courses, three more courses of your parents being posh wankers and we can go home and never do this again, okay?”
Webster smiled a little, and Liebgott took that as a start. He closed the gap between them, kissing Webster on the lips softly, threading his hand through his curls.
The two broke apart as Mr Webster strolled back into the room, making it a point that he was there. Webster’s smile vanished like it hadn’t existed, and Liebgott settled back into his chair, wishing he could tell his boyfriend’s father to piss off for a few more minutes. He didn’t think that was a good idea though.
“Next course will be here shortly.” Mr Webster said, taking his seat.
Seconds later Mrs Webster returned, colour back in her rosy cheeks. It wasn’t long before they were tucking into their third course (after a silent sitting of the second course), a main dish that looked like it was meant to feed a cat. The dish literally held a tiny piece of fish sitting on a blob of mashed potato, and a few green beans resting on the side. Liebgott could have made it in his sleep.
“Looks delicious.” Mrs Webster said to the chef.
“Looks like it’s make for a ken doll.” Liebgott whispered quiet enough only for his neighbour to hear.
Webster couldn’t help but smile a little, completely agreeing. “These five courses are more like two and a half.”
Liebgott chuckled quietly a Webster began poking the meal with his knife, but it didn’t go unnoticed by the woman of the house. “What’s so funny?” she asked, cutting into her own fish.
“Nothing, mother.” Webster said, popping a pea into his mouth. “Nothing at all.”
“Hm.” She hummed. “Anyway, we wanted to ask you something, Joseph.”
Webster wanted to laugh at the declaration, thinking back to all the questions they’d already asked him in the last hour or so.
“Ask away.” Liebgott said happily, just waiting for another opportunity to have some good, old fun.
It was Mr Webster that spoke. “What are your intensions with our son?”
That was one question Liebgott wasn’t expecting, neither was Webster by the way he looked at them dumbfounded. He wanted to answer in all honesty, that he wanted to be with their son more than anything he’d ever wanted in his life, that he could see himself actually marrying him one day, that he had fallen in love with him the moment those damn stunning, blue eyes looked his way. But Webster already knew all that, except for maybe the love part, so Liebgott being who he was, and not wanting to spoil the fun went with a whole different answer.
He looked between the parents in complete seriousness. “I intend to keep him locked away in our apartment all to myself, where he can write me stories and give me great back massages, and one day have my babies.”
Webster really did head-butt the table this time. Liebgott had no shame and just grinned at a slightly mortified Mr and Mrs Webster who by now must have had some severe dislike towards him. They couldn’t even get any words out, sitting there gawping like they’d been slapped in the face. Serves them right, Liebgott thought to himself, before he put a hand on Webster’s thigh and gave it a squeeze.
“Hey, baby.” He said, as Webster sat up and couldn’t even be bothered to glare at him anymore. He should have seen that one coming. “Where’s the bathroom? Need to take a leak.”
Webster sighed. “Up the stairs, second door to the left.”
“Thanks, doll.” Liebgott winked cheekily at him, before moving in for a sneaky kiss on the lips.
As Liebgott left the room to try and find his way to the toilet, he couldn’t help but laugh to himself at the two statues by the table that still hadn’t moved. Webster, regrettably, was left alone with said statues, and he just knew that wasn’t going to play out very well.
“Kenyon.” Mr Webster was the first to break the silence. “What on earth is wrong with that man?”
Webster rolled his eyes, here we go.
“Can’t he be serious for one moment?” Mrs Webster cut in, looking absolutely appalled by the events. “My goodness, he’s such a horrid young man.”
“He is.” Her husband agreed strongly. “You can do much better than him!”
And there it was. The reason his parents had invited him over in the first place, just to tell him how much they disapproved of his relationship with Joseph Liebgott, and try to convince him he was making a mistake. He knew they were up to something, and apparently they needed to wait until Liebgott left the room to put their plan into action.
“Would you be so kind as to not talk crap about my boyfriend?” Webster sighed, already feeling the headache coming along.
“Kenyon.” His mother said sternly, mouth taut and hands gripping her napkin tight. “This is a serious matter, you father and I-,”
“Are you kidding me?” Webster cut across, keeping his voice low. For now. “Did you seriously invite us all the way over here just to talk about how much you think Liebgott isn’t right for me? This is ridiculous! All that effort with food and everything! You didn’t have to drag Joe into this!”
“We knew you wouldn’t come if we didn’t invite him too.” Mr Webster admitted. “So we made it look like we were okay with your relationship.”
Webster scoffed, he suddenly felt a little disgusted with them both. “You guys have gone way over the line this time, you know that?” he barked out. “I cannot believe you!”
“Kenyon, if you would just listen to us.” Mrs Webster was almost begging, in her mind she just wanted what was best for her son, and she thought that was not being with a certain cab driver. “You can do so much better than him, you know you can, there are so many fine young men out there for you.”
“Oh for fuck sake.” Webster sighed.
“Language, Kenyon.” Mr Webster warned. “Your mother’s right. Why must you pick this… this taxi driver of all people?”
Webster laughed then, seeing where this was going. “Oh so, just because Liebgott doesn’t make as much money as you two he’s not good enough, is that it?”
“How is he going to keep you both on your feet?” His mother said, sounding somewhat concerned. “He just doesn’t have the ability to keep you afloat, he’s not stable!”
“Not to mention his age, Kenyon.” His father stepped in. “He’s much older than you!”
Webster let out another laugh, wishing he could sprint for the door. “Dad, he seven years older, that’s hardly a difference!”
“What about his religion?” Mrs Webster added. “He’s Jewish!”
“So the fuck what?”
“Urgh!” Webster growled, his hands beginning to shake from the sheer senselessness of it all. “It doesn’t matter that he’s Jewish!”
“You’re Catholic, Kenyon.” She said annoyed.
“No, you’re Catholic.” Webster stated. She wouldn’t be calling him that if she knew just what her so called Catholic boy got up to back home. “I don’t exactly believe in anything.”
His parents literally gasped at what he’d just said, although it wasn’t news that he’d not stepped foot in church since he was forced to as a kid. He hoped that last statement had put an end to their never ending jibes, but no, they were just getting started.
“What about his living arrangements?” Mrs Webster said. “He’s thirty years old, he should have his own home by now, not lazing around with some roommates!”
“And his clothes, Kenyon.” Mr Webster said, sounding horrified. “What are those trousers he’s wearing? Does he always dress like that?”
“Not to mention he needs a haircut.”
“Yes, and he needs to work on that attitude of his! I do not approve of his messing around like that!”
“He didn’t seem to be taking any of this seriously! He’s like a child!”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if he really did steal his parent’s car.”
“I agree darling, he seems the type.”
“You must be careful with him, Kenyon, maybe he has a criminal record and you don’t know. He could be dangerous!”
“He could hurt you!”
The entire room went completely silent at Webster’s outburst. His mother and father staring at him with wide eyes, like he’d just committed a sinful act.
“Kenyon!” His mother spoke up, shocked beyond words that he’d raised his voice at them.
“No!” Webster stopped her from speaking any further, he knew that if he didn’t get a word in now he’d never have the chance. And quite frankly, he was getting fed up. “You’re going to let me talk.” he said, surprised that they were both actually listening for a change.
His parents both nodded, his father not looking very happy in the least. Webster just sighed and rubbed at his temple firmly before continuing, getting everything he wanted to say finally out in the open.
“I won’t have you talking about Joe like that anymore, I thought I could handle tonight, I thought I could just listen to you drone on about how much you disapprove of my life, but this? This I’m not going to sit around and listen to.” he said in all seriousness. “I’m not going to sit here and let you say those horrible things about him! You have no idea the kind of man he is, how much of a good man he is.”
His father cut in. “Kenyon…”
“I’m not finished!” Webster almost yelled, taking a deep breath. “Ever since Joe came into my life it’s completely changed, I mean, yeah we didn’t get off to a great start, but as I got to know him I just… I just fell so fucking hard for him because… he’s funny, and kind and… he’s so loyal to everyone he cares about, not to mention he’s a damn good cook!”
He leaned forward in his chair, running a hand through his muddled hair. “I don’t care that he’s a cab driver, he could be jobless and I wouldn’t give a damn.” At that his parents visibly winced, but he carried on. “I don’t care that he’s older than me, or that he lives with his friends, or has his own religion, hell I would convert to Judaism just for him!”
“Kenyon, no!” His mother gasped.
“Yes, yes I would.” Webster rolled his eyes, not caring anymore what he said or did. He just wanted to tell his part and leave. “I love his stupid humour and sarcasm, I love that he takes me to the aquarium whenever I’m feeling like shit, I love that he phones his parents every single day to see that they’re okay, I love that he sits with me and watches reruns of Jaws when I’m sick, and I definitely love what he wears, especially the leather jacket.”
“This is ridiculous.” His father declared, getting restless.
“No, you’re ridiculous.” Webster sighed, and his parents definitely didn’t like that.
“Kenyon, how dare you speak to us like that.” His mother said, looking like she was about to cry. But of course it was all put on just to make him feel guilty.
“It’s about time I spoke the truth.” Webster said. “If you’re going to sit there and judge my boyfriend, the man I love, then I don’t want nothing to do with you.”
“You don’t mean that.” Mrs Webster said hard-heartedly, her husband frowning so hard his eyebrows might get stuck.
“I mean it.” Webster said, getting up off his chair and pushing it under the table so they didn’t have anything else to whine to him about. “When you’ve decided to grow up and support me and Joe’s relationship, then maybe I’ll change my mind.”
With that said, Webster turned away from his parents without another glance and made his way to the door. Almost there his father bolted out of his seat and shouted.
“If you leave this house, Kenyon, you’ll regret it!”
Webster snorted, twisting back around and staring his father in the face. “I doubt it.” and that was that.
The last thing the writer heard as he walked through the dining room door was his mother letting out a sob and his father sighing loudly, and quite frankly it didn’t bother him in the least what he’d said, in fact he was more than happy that he’d finally given them a taste of their own medicine. It was about time he’d stuck up for himself, and specifically for Liebgott.
He couldn’t help but smile a little as he shut the door behind him, just a tad eager to tell Liebgott what had gone on whilst he’d snuck away. But instead he got a bit of a shock when he lifted his head, he jumped in surprise and came to an abrupt stop as he almost bumped right into Liebgott, who was leaning against the far wall with his arms crossed and a smirk on his lips.
“Jesus, Joe!” Webster breathed out, putting a hand to his heart. “How long have you been standing there?”
“Long enough to have heard everything you said.” He said, smirk growing.
Webster stilled, eyes widening. Then he realised, Liebgott really had taken a hell of a long time in the bathroom. “You heard everything?”
“Everything.” Liebgott repeated, pushing himself off the wall, and taking slow steps towards his boyfriend. “Even the last part… you know… the part about me being the man you love.”
Webster groaned, hiding his face behind his hands. “That’s not exactly how I wanted to tell you.” He mumbled.
Liebgott laughed, reaching up to wrap his fingers around the other man’s wrists to pull his hands away. “I love you too, just so you know.”
Webster’s pouty look quickly changed as a smile broke out. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Liebgott grinned, hooking an arm around his waist to pull him closer. “I love you, David.”
“I love you too, Joe.” Webster smiled, wrapping his arms around the older man’s neck and pulling him in for a kiss.
It was a swift press of lips, as they didn’t exactly want to be caught by Webster’s parents and make things even more awkward. And Webster definitely didn’t want to have to say another word to them.
“I told you to leave it be, Web,” Liebgott said as they held each other close. “but thank you. It meant a lot what you said.”
Webster smiled, running a hand down the back of his neck gently. “I meant every word, Joe. You really are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“Sap.” Liebgott grinned, giving him another peck on the lips. “Guess you’re the best thing that’s happened to me too.”
“Duh.” Webster snorted. “You’d still be wearing odd socks if it wasn’t for me.”
Liebgott laughed wholeheartedly, because, well it was true. Webster hated it when he wore different colour socks.
“Pardon me, sirs?”
Liebgott’s laugh cut short as Edwin suddenly popped out of nowhere. The couple’s gaze landed on him standing by the other door, Webster’s coat in one hand and Liebgott’s jacket in the other.
“Jesus, how long’s he been standing there!” Liebgott whispered, as he stood back.
“I thought you might want your jackets.” Edwin said as he strolled on over to them, handing them their coats.
“Oh yeah,” Liebgott hummed, elbowing Webster lightly. “Can’t forget that, since you know, you think I look so good in it.”
Webster felt himself blush, and avoided looking at the other man, who was chuckling quietly to himself.
“Thanks Edwin,” Webster said gratefully, not even going to ask how he’d known they’d be leaving. Although, Edwin had always been great at reading situations, and he’d bet any money that Edwin knew exactly how desperate Webster was to get out of there from the moment he stepped inside. “Sorry for the short visit.”
“Yeah,” Liebgott stepped in, throwing on his jacket. “Thanks a bunch, Jarvis.” he beamed cheerfully.
Webster didn’t even comment as Edwin looked at his boyfriend in confusion, instead he grabbed Liebgott’s hand and tugged him along. “Let’s go, Joe.” He said, nodding at the butler. “See you later, Edwin, and thanks again.”
“No problem, Kenyon. Take care.”
“Wait!” Liebgott stopped abruptly, letting go of his boyfriend’s hand, and starting to walk backwards. “Forgot to do something.”
Webster watched Liebgott as he turned to walk back towards the dining room door, and his eyes widened as he realised he was about to go back into the room where his parents were. It didn’t take Webster too much time before he was almost running to catch up with him.
“Mr and Mrs Webster?” It was too late, because Liebgott was already opening the door a fraction and sticking his head in.
Webster almost ran into his back but stuck his hands out in time, just about seeing his parents over Liebgott’s shoulder through the gap in the door. They were both stood by the table facing one another, glasses of wine in their hands, both of them filled to the brim. When Liebgott addressed them they turned their attention to him, mouths agape in astonishment and he didn’t give them a chance to say a word before he continued.
“I may have accidentally broken a very expensive looking vase in the bathroom.” he said, and not wanting to face the wrath of very rich vase collectors, Liebgott caught a quick glimpse of the pair and swiftly stepped out as he heard Mrs Webster gasp loudly and Mr Webster collapsing into his chair. He shut the door and spun around to face a wide eyed Webster.
“I suggest we get the fuck out of here.”
“Joe…” Webster began, just as he was being hauled out of the room, past an amused looking Edwin, and through the oversized house. “Did you really break the vase?” he asked, as they took long strides to the front door. Not that he cared about that awful thing, he always thought it looked like a five year old made it.
“Don’t be stupid, course not.” Liebgott grinned like a kid in a sweet shop, opening the entrance door and gesturing for Webster to step out. “Just thought I’d make your parents squirm.”
“I cannot believe you.” Webster laughed happily as they walked out, shaking his head in disbelief.
“It was so worth it,” Liebgott laughed, pulling Webster against himself with an arm around his shoulder. “Did you see the look on their faces?”
Webster grinned at the cab driver, thinking back to the exact moment his parents eyes almost bulged out of their heads. “Okay, maybe it was worth it.” he said, laughing along with Liebgott as they made their way to the car.
“I’m fucking starving.”
Webster chuckled, the two coming to a halt next to the yellow cab. “How about pizza and a movie in bed?”
Liebgott sighed dramatically. “God, I really do fucking love you.”
Webster just grinned, and took a hold of Liebgott’s leather jacket yanking him in to press their lips together. If it took a while or never at all for his parents to accept his relationship with him then so be it, he was happy and he wouldn’t change Joe Liebgott for the world.