Written and Read by Sky Unicorn
"Why can't people just get jobs and go to therapy? Donate to save the whales, or whatever." Natasha said while toweling her hair dry. "Did he really think that those sharks and dolphins enjoyed being equipped to be controlled into swarming South Beach?"
Clint laughed while pulling their aircraft above the cloudline. "And lasers, don't forget the lasers."
"Yes, and he wouldn't stop yammering on about how fisherman caught countless dolphins in nets and the coast guard killed innocent sharks just trying to eat." She unzipped her suit a little to allow it to air out. Two dives into the water had left her soaked. Crawling under the boardwalk to take cover had left sand in every available space between her and the suit. She and Fury were going to have a talk about water proofing and mission appropriate clothing.
"Don't forget that sharks have been evolving for over-" Hawkeye smirked as he was interrupted by the entirety of the Avengers completing his sentence.
"OVER 16 MILLION YEARS!"
Natasha groaned before laughing with the men. "He really lost his marbles."
"I think he sold them for that teeth filing job. Got to look the part if you're going to call yourself Sharkman."
"Oh god. Remember when we just went on missions to kill guys selling nuclear armaments?" She began attempting to wipe clean all her knives that also took the plunge into the salt water.
"Remember not having to sit through speeches over loud speakers while you fight your way through grunts with shark fins grafted onto their backs for no apparent reason?"
"Remember having the job done before anyone is even aware of your presence?" She had begun to wipe down Clint's bow when they were interrupted by Tony. Usually they were able to get away from him during flights as he preferred flying solo, but one of his leg's jets had been taken out by a dolphin's laser. She would have to remember to bring that up as often as possible.
"Oh, come on. You can't be regretting becoming a part of Earth's Mightiest Heroes, Black Widow. There is a whole website in appreciation to your backside and ass-lookalikes." Tony ended with his best winning grin. Very briefly, she considered throwing a knife at him, but she had just cleaned them.
"I'd ask if you are being serious, but I know you are." She sighed and scrubbed at Clint's bow a with a little more force than was necessary. The worried look Hawkeye gave for his weapon's sake was lost on her. Natasha was focused on avoiding going any further into this conversation with Tony.
"Do not worry, Agent Romanov, the website portrays you only in the most positive light. We agreed that the women they accept indeed do you justice." Natasha rolled her eyes at Thor's comment. He was so other worldly and kind is was damn hard to get angry with him. Until a word registered in her head.
"We?" Natasha whirled her head back to glare at Thor. His huge smile only faltered slightly into a confused grin under the murder promised in her eyes.
"Yes. Tony showed us all the site and we all agreed that the nude women's backside were of the highest of quality." His arm made a sweeping gesture to point out the other men occupying the back of craft, his smile returning with renewed strength. Dr. Banner stopped buttoning his shirt and began wringing his hands under the scrutiny of her gaze. The closed ramp had suddenly became very interesting to Steve, but Natasha could see his ears were reddening. Tony was positively beaming at her and she considered that cleaning the knives again would be worth it.
"Well then, if we are going to talk about things on the internet, how about all those lovely videos put together of the Hulk saving Iron Man? Tell me Banner, do you think 'Your Heart Will Go On' without Tony around."
Tony started singing the course and reaching out the Bruce. The doctor was sputtering and reliving the memory of having Tony spam everyone's email when he found that video. Bruce had stopped opening email from Tony. Even innocent subject lines such as "About the data from yesterday" would contain a picture of the Hulk and Iron Man drawn in compromising positions with a tagline of "Does this porn make my butt look big?".
"Um, I-" Bruce started to make up an excuse, but he was so flustered and tired from being the Hulk for a few hours that he just sighed. "I'm so sorry Natasha. Clearly we should have told you about the site earlier and shown you more respect."
"Earlier? How long ago was this?"
"A month ago." Steve spoke up, though his voice was projecting towards the back of the aircraft.
"Well, Steve, surely you've seen the spliced pictures of you and Tony? Got to say, some of those pictures don't look doctored." Natasha had spent her fair share of time checking to make sure no pertinent pictures and information was being spread across the internet. Tony claimed he had software that did this, but Natasha suspected he had merely perfected some algorithm for determining how embarrassing content would be to the subject matter.
Steve turned to face her with an expression that was stuck between 'deer in the headlights' and horrified. His mouth opened to comment, probably defend his honor, but in the end his mouth gaped silently like a fish.
"Come on Tasha, my bow. Really they didn't tell him who the site was about. They just asked him what he thought about the hot red heads. Honestly." Clint glanced at her white knuckled grip on his fine-tuned weapon.
"You, too?" Having Tony email around photoshopped pictures and read aloud poems written as one of the team members was one thing. They had all gone behind her back and looked fake nude pictures of her backside.
"My apologies." Thor boomed at her with a more serious face. "I did not realize you would not appreciate the electric temple devoted to your body. I see why they did not let me go get you for your opinion."
"Do you like the stories they write about you at the 'electric temple'?" Her anger was fading because Thor's extreme sincerity was very disarming.
"I do not like when they write that I lay with my fellows." He said with a serious and thoughtful expression. "But I love the epics of myself and Mary Sue. She is always brave and daring. Stark made me an App which saves them to the book of Kindle. It places Jane's name in their stead. I enjoy reading them when I must return to Asgard and be away."
Natasha turned forward facing again to hide the smile growing across her face. Love may have been for children, but Thor certainly had many childlike qualities about him.
She pulled her mouth down to a respectable smirk and turned to Thor. "I forgive you, Thor. You too, Banner and Rodgers." She nodded to each of them and then rolled her eyes at Tony, still looking smug. That thing with Thor was the sweetest, creepiest thing she had heard of in a while.
" What about me?" Clint smile hesitantly.
"I promise not to take it out on your bow." She went back to cleaning salt out of the snap release in Hawkeye's bow.
They had saved each other's asses too many times for apologies. Besides, she did have an ass worthy of an 'electric temple'.