If Rey had had a quarter portion on Jakku for every time one of the girls on the base asked her how Ben was in bed, she never would have starved.
She looked at the girl in front of her now, a tiny tech whose name she couldn’t remember at the moment, and gave her the answer she reserved for nosy people that weren’t even her friends.
“My partner is perfectly able to satisfy me.” Her voice was a bit cold, but she didn’t care.
“Oh, I bet! But I wanted to know if what they say is true?”
That was a first.
“What do they say, pray tell?”
“You know, that ‘Ben Solo in the streets, Kylo Ren in the sheets’ joke?” whispered the girl, under Rey’s hard stare.
“He is not Kylo Ren anymore. Now you will stop bothering me about my sex life, and go back to work,” answered Rey, almost frozen.
“I will stop bothering you about your sex life, and go back to work,” the girl said flatly, beginning to walk back to where she came from.
Rey didn’t manage to work anymore that day. Her mind kept wandering to that girl’s insolent joke. She hastily put away her toolkit and the spare parts she was working on and went for a stroll around the base, trying to clear her head. Ben kept saying that Kylo Ren was dead and forgotten, but Rey wasn’t sure if he did that to convince himself first and foremost, or to reassure her about something she actually never feared. Maybe she was frightened by him the first time she saw him on Takodana, but, pragmatic girl she was, she tried to kill him after two seconds, so…
Kylo and Ben were just different names people used because it was convenient to differentiate a before and an after in her partner’s life. Kylo Ren was the label they used during his trial, to refer to his seven years under Snoke’s rule, while Ben Solo was the label they used when he permitted the Resistance to collar him like a pet. Rey herself was guilty of this: she could clearly remember when she stopped calling him Kylo and began calling him Ben, back on Ach-to, when she tried to fight his uncle, under the downpour and the thunders. Her partner never truly changed his behaviour towards her; he just started calling himself Ben after his defection. Kylo Ren was still there, coexisting with Ben Solo in the same body. He loved her from their first meeting, and she was ready to trust him with her life. But, what if she could really choose to deal with a darker version of her lover? Was his shiny and sleek durasteel collar really enough to keep Kylo Ren at bay?
It was true that Ben was perfectly capable of satisfying her, it really was. They began exploring their sexuality together about a year ago, first with the help of their force bond, then, when the Resistance condemned him to wear the collar, in person. After a few months they settled in a comfortable routine. They both were people of habit, and that soon reflected in their bedroom activities. They just stuck to what worked best for them, without daring anything more. He was getting a bit antsy lately, but Rey was sure that couldn’t be caused by their monotone but still very satisfying sex life. Maybe he was restless because they hadn’t managed to find Hux yet; the bastard was slippery as a fresh fish. They caught sight of him in the Outer Rim at least twice, but they never managed to arrest him. Bringing Hux to the Resistance would have granted Ben immediate freedom and the removal of his force dampening collar.
She also thought the latter was bothering him because he couldn’t benefit from the force bond anymore. They were totally isolated and that wasn’t good at all for him. She wasn’t able to soothe him when he needed her the most, when they weren’t in close proximity, or when he was asleep. Meditation and training weren’t enough to stop him from sinking into self-destructive patterns again. It was too much like when there was just Snoke to keep him company in his head. Nevertheless, she could still catch glimpses of thoughts that he accidentally broadcast when they were together. Like that one time when he imagined choking Dameron when he spoke out of turn, or when he thought about spanking her while he fucked her from behind, and ended up caressing her ass instead.
A smile began to spread on Rey’s lips. She’d just had the worst idea to spice up her sex life a bit and keep Ben occupied so he couldn’t revert to his usual self-destructive behaviour. This could backfire spectacularly, but she was sure she would be able to face all the odds. She just needed a few days to order something from the holonet, and the perfect occasion to set her plan in motion.
That perfect occasion presented itself three standard weeks later.
Ben hurried toward the Falcon, just a few minutes after its landing, his heart beating wildly. The previous day Rey had told him, during a short and disturbed comlink call, that they’d stumbled upon Hux himself. He’d managed to somehow incapacitate Rey before fleeing the scene as usual, apparently without injuring her. He was pretty sure that Hux had been recently spotted in the Outer Rim and therefore couldn’t be on Felucia with Rey, but maybe the Knight that was trying to spy on him mistook someone else for the ex-general. He waited for the ramp to open fully, almost jumping on poor Finn, who had the misfortune of being the first one to disembark.
“Where is she?” he almost shouted, invading the other man’s personal space.
“Calm down Solo, she’s unscathed,” smirked Finn. “I think she’ll just need a hand during the following days, until Rose comes back to free her.”
Ben didn’t even have time to answer; Rey was descending the ramp on her feet, her hands hidden behind her back. Ben reached her with two long strides, almost trembling, and started caressing her face and shoulders.
“Rey, what happened? Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” His eyes were glistening with unshed tears.
“No, I’m okay, he just stunned me and tied my hands while I was unconscious.” Rey managed to keep a stony face, showing him her metal manacles. “I think he wanted to kidnap me but then the others managed to bring down his men, so he had to escape without me.”
“Why didn’t you stop him?” Ben barked toward Finn.
“Man, I didn’t even see him, we just found Rey stunned and manacled on a bunker floor. Don’t worry about that, Rose is able to open that kind of lock! We’ll have just to wait for her; she’ll be back in a couple of days.”
The manacles were unfortunately too tight to be safely cut with Rey’s lightsaber, and the lock seemed too complicated to be opened without its key. Rey sat on their sofa, without being able to lie against the back.
“Ben, I would really love to take a shower, but you’ll have to help me.”
He started massaging his temples with his fingertips. The little muscle beneath his left eye was visibly throbbing.
“Do you want to be washed wearing those clothes? I have no idea how to proceed,” he managed to mumble.
“Just cut them? I could use some rags to clean my tools,” she half joked. “Besides, this could be fun? We should definitely take advantage of this troublesome situation.”
They finally managed to disrobe her, and she stood under the warm water while Ben soaped her back, with trembling hands. He hastily swiped her ass and pussy with the sudsy sponge, concentrating quickly on her pubic hair and descending toward her thighs.
“Do you want me to get an infection? You’ll have to wash me carefully between my legs.”
Ben abandoned the sponge, redirecting his fingers towards her pussy. He managed to slip two of his long fingers between her outer labia, rubbing them delicately around her clit. Rey let a moan escape her lips. She jumped a bit when he brought his other soaped hand between her cheeks, lightly massaging her puckered hole. Both hands retreated after a few seconds, causing Rey to emit a disappointed snarl.
“I was enjoying that!” she whined.
“Well, I’m not! Forgive me if I was worried sick about you until ten minutes ago!” he grunted.
“But I’m here and I’m safe now, and I need you.”
“Rey, there is one thing I promised myself, one thing, before coming here. I will never lay my hands upon you when I’m upset.”
Rey turned to face him, and she clearly saw he was at half mast. She didn’t say anything about that.
“Well, are you upset with me now?” she inquired instead.
“I’m upset with myself. Hux escaped my spies in the Outer Rim and I feel I put you in danger, just because I thought the situation was under control,” he said, washing her legs and feet.
“How could you have known? I was pretty reckless myself, jumping into that bunker without checking who was inside first.”
“What are you trying to say?” He stopped rinsing her, puzzled.
“That I may need… some discipline.”
“You have no idea what you’re asking for.”
“I had no idea what cakes and steaks were before leaving Jakku either! But when I came here I tried a lot of new food, and I discovered that some foods are more delicious that others, and I could stick to those. On Jakku the important thing was to fill my stomach with something, no matter what. Now I can choose what to eat and, honestly? I feel like the luckiest girl in the Galaxy. I just want you to take care of me. No one took care of me before.”
Ben just wrapped her in a fluffy bathrobe, keeping silent and avoiding looking her in the eyes.
Rey managed to sleep a little, still wrapped in her cozy bathrobe. The manacles were beginning to bother her, but she was determined to convince Ben to tap into his older self for her at least once, before removing them.
He entered their shared rooms at dinner time, bearing a tray with a steak and a small cake.
“Come here, let me feed you,” he muttered.
Rey obediently approached him, sitting next to him at their small table. He seemed unusually stiff and silent, perched on his chair. He slowly began cutting little pieces of meat to feed her, bringing them to her mouth with a fork and eating himself from the same plate and with the same cutlery while she tried to chew slowly. The steak was mouthwatering and being fed was a new, wonderful sensation for her, No one had taken care of her like that before. Being alone for fifteen years made her crave the most ordinary things. Maybe she never pushed his boundaries before because of that?
The steak was really incredible. She let a little moan escape her lips. Rey was absolutely sure that Ben was keeping his eyes on the plate on purpose. She stole a glance at his lap and he was definitely hard, his erection tenting his pants.
Here we are.
She waited for them to finish their meal. The cake was nothing special, a bit dry for her taste. As soon as Ben finished his half, she lifted her left leg and put a foot on his lap, stroking his hard-on. Ben wasn’t expecting that at all and jumped in his chair, flustered.
“W-what are you doing?”
“You got hard feeding meee!” she chanted.
“No! That’s not true! I was already hard before!” He was red as his lightsaber.
Rey almost choked laughing.
“So you got hard washing me? You’re enjoying yourself a lot, just admit it! You love seeing me tied up.”
“You’re wrong! I don’t like to see you so helpless, it feels like I’m taking advantage of you!”
“You dooo!” she shrilled.
Ben ran to the bathroom and bolted the door.
“Aaah, you do!” she shouted behind him.
Thirty minutes later, Ben was still in the bathroom. Rey, tired of waiting for him on the sofa, approached the door and sat on the floor, leaning her shoulder against the wall.
“Are you still alive?” she asked, suddenly serious.
“No!” he barked, his voice muffled.
“Let’s talk about this?”
“I don’t want to talk about anything. Tell Rose to hurry back.”
“You’re right, there’s nothing to talk about. I’m tied up and we’re both aroused by that, that’s a fact.”
He didn’t answer her.
“Ben, I love you and I trust you with my life. Let me meet Kylo again while I’m still manacled, please? I know how you’re feeling, I feel it too,” she continued.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” His voice was so feeble that she almost couldn't hear him.
“I’m sure you won’t. But what if I want to be hurt a little bit?”
“I don’t know if I want to be Kylo Ren again,” Ben finally admitted.
Rey silently rejoiced. This was a very important first step towards resolving their current problem, which was Ben’s cumbersome past as a Darksider.
“Kylo is not another person, it’s you. And you’re still him. I never truly believed that let the past die crap, you know.”
“I know, but it’s easier for me to think that I’m not that man anymore. I can actually look at myself in the mirror and sleep a little at night.”
“What If I want you to? You were Kylo Ren for what, ten years? You could try to be Kylo again just for me?” she cooed.
“It was seven years,” he promptly corrected her.
“So, will you be my Kylo? I want him to take care of me.” Rey wasn’t even listening to him anymore.
He thrust the door open. His body seemed stiff, his hands clenched. He had that look in his eyes, from when they fought in the forest. His breath was heavy and when their eyes finally met, his were molten with desire.
“Tonight only. Go on the sofa, wait there.”
Rey’s heart skipped a beat.
I did it.