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King Dedede Makes a Groupchat

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THE KING has added Marx, Magolor, Daroach, Susie and 5 others

THE KING: alright

THE KING has changed the group's name to 'Villains Anonymous'



Marx: you have GOT to be kidding me

Magolor has left the group chat!

THE KING has added Magolor to the group chat!

THE KING: and where do you think YOU'RE going? come on guys at least hear me out.

Magolor: Not to be dramatic but I would literally rather die.

Marx: THIS one gets it

THE KING: come on, seriously? look all i need is five minutes to make my pitch then you can all block me or whatever.

THE KING: i'm surprised you haven't got me blocked already, if i'm honest.

Marx: ugh fine

Magolor: You'd better believe I'm counting.

Daroach changed their nickname to 'The Rat That Makes The Rules'

The Rat That Makes The Rules: I declare this chat hella gay

Susie: This chat isn't good enough for that.

THE KING: alright are you done? are you done laughing at the silly penguin now?

Susie: Sure.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Mostly

Magolor: Four and a half minutes.

THE KING: fuck off.

THE KING: anyway.

THE KING: i have a proposition for you all.

THE KING: we've all done some pretty deplorable things, right?

THE KING: theft on various scales, galactic capitalism, some shit with clay? whatever marx was planning to do with infinite power, betraying a group of people's trust and making them do your dirty work for them, that kinda thing.

Magolor: You can just @ me.

THE KING: yeah you're right.

THE KING@Magolor bitch.

THE KING: ANYWAYS the POINT is that i would rather we all put that shit behind us.

THE KING: i'm not saying we need to kiss and be best friends just kind of 

THE KING: man i don't know

THE KING: there's a level of understanding between us right? we all know what it's like to get our asses beat by kirby?

Marx: you especially

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Can it jester he's actually talking sense

THE KING: just figured i'd extend an olive branch you know

THE KING: try and be nice.

THE KING: whatever use it or don't i'm gonna go take a nap, you can all get to know eachother in the meantime.

THE KING: daroach was nice to me he gets admin

The Rat That Makes The Rules has been promoted to Admin!

The Rat That Makes The Rules: YES 

The Rat That Makes The Rules: PRAISE DEDEDADDY

THE KING: you are on thin fucking ice.

THE KING is now away!

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Alright you meme loving fucks

Magolor: Dear lord...

The Rat That Makes The Rules: In this hella gay chat i decree that you all change your names

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Live life to the fullest like yours truly and if you don't do it i'll do it for you

Marx: is that a threat

The Rat That Makes The Rules: It might be

Marx: ugh

Marx has changed their nickname to 'xXGalactic_AmbitionsXx'

Magolor has changed their nickname to 'enterprisingIntellect'

Susie has changed their nickname to 'Magolor is a Homestuck'

Taranza has changed their nickname to 'vriska'

Zan Partizanne: Pardon my french but what the FUCK is this.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Change thy nickname or face the consequences 

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Who are you anyway

xXGalactic_AmbitionsXx: bitch who shot lightning at me

Zan Partizanne: Oh, great. Someone invited the gremlin.

The Rat That Makes The Rules has changed Zan Partizanne's nickname to 'Thunder Thot'

xXGalactic_AmbitionsXx: see now this i can respect

Thunder Thot: How do I change it!??

enterprisingIntellect@Magolor Is A Homestuck @vriska None of you are free from sin.

Magolor Is A Homestuck: Bold words coming from a Homestuck.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: As The Rat That Makes The Rules i declare none of you fuckers are allowed to talk about homestuck because i have no clue what that is

Francisca: Bonjam.

Thunder Thot: Fran! How do I change my nickname!?

Francisca changed their nickname to 'I can't read'

I can't read: Sorry dearest sister but you know it to be true.

Thunder Thot: D:

Flamberge changed their nickname to 'i also can't read'

Thunder Thot: I hate this fucking family.



-Villains Anonymous-

xXGalactic_AmbitionsXx: do literally any of you care about this at all

xXGalactic_AmbitionsXx: like for real

The Rat That Makes The Rules: I mean memes aside

The Rat That Makes The Rules: I actually wouldn't mind hanging out with you guys

The Rat That Makes The Rules: But not if you're just gonna be as big of a drip as this guy

xXGalactic_AmbitionsXx: hey fuck you

The Rat That Makes The Rules changed xXGalactic_AmbitionsXx's nickname to 'edge'


Magolor Is A Homestuck: My my, Marx- didn't know you were so passionate about vore.

edge: what the fuck is vore

enterprisingIntellect: Susie please dear god no.

edge: TELL ME

Magolor Is A Homestuck: It's when you...

enterprisingIntellect:  SUSIE.

Magolor Is A Homestuck: Eat a really good meal!

edge: oh huh

edge: well then yeah who doesn't like vore

enterprisingIntellect: I want to die.

vriska: hh

The Rat That Makes The Rules: When's Dededaddy waking up anyway it's been like multiple hours

enterprisingIntellect:  Why are you all like this?



-Villains Anonymous-

edge: hey wait

e dge:  @I can't read @i also can't read @Thunder Thot

edge: how are literally any of you alive

edge: and who the fuck is @Claycia


Claycia: i thought i could hide...

vriska: we can be cryptids together.

Claycia: !!

edge: touching

edge: anyways back onto things that i care about

edge: i know you thots are lurking back there

Thunder Thot: I bet you don't even know what that word MEANS!

edge: literally neither do you

I can't read: He's got you there.

I can't read: But asides from that, after Hyness so kindly reduced us to statues and threw us around like ragdolls leaving us only with our senses of pain...

I can't read: Void Termina vored us.

Magolor Is A Homestuck: Nice.

I can't read: Kirby beat him up and we awoke in space...

I can't read: And we are currently still out here.

I can't read: Just kind of floating.

edge: hah losers

edge: serves you right

I also can't read: LEAVE HER ALONE


edge: i mean i already kicked your ass once i don't see the problem in banishing your ass to the shadow realm

Magolor is a Homestuck: Drifting alone in space can't be fun.

Thunder Thot: Excuse my language but yeah no shit.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: I love how she can't curse without being polite about it

Magolor is a Homestuck: No, right? It's adorable. The only exception seems to be when complaining about her sisters.


Magolor is a Homestuck: I was going to ask if you wanted a lift, but I don't know...

edge: woah someone actually using this chat for something with any semblance of worth unbelievable 

Claycia: if you really don't like it in here... why don't you just?? leave??

edge: shut up b rate hoe what did you even do

Claycia: stole all of dreamland's colours and forced kirby to fight me in another dimension...

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Marx out here gettin bodied by a cryptid

vriska: i'm so proud.



The Rat That Makes The Rules: @Claycia You really got him look

Claycia: >v<

The Rat That Makes The Rules: As much as you're everyone's hero rn i'm gonna have to deal with that name

The Rat That Makes The Rules has changed Claycia's nickname to 'Fuckhands McMike'

The Rat That Makes The Rules: I asked bandanna dee for a picture and you have some very large hands might i say

Fuckhands McMike: that was!! only when i was possessed!!!

The Rat That Makes The Rules: No need to be self-conscious about your massive hands girl there's someone who's into that

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Probably susie

Magolor is a Homestuck: It's probably me.

Fuckhands McMike: hhh...



-Villain's Anonymous-  


THE KING: i see y'all are havin fun.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: The exhalted dededaddy returns

THE KING: why do you feel the need to test me.

edge: reap what you have fucking sown

THE KING: the door is right there marx it's you who won't move those ridiculous clown ass shoes.


Thunder Thot: Does he seriously not know?

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Come on man you aren't stupid

Magolor is a Homestuck: No Daroach, you're just too kind.

edge: i just don't get the fucking point

edge: just WHAT is this going to achieve

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Have you ever heard of positive relationships

edge: hah hah 

THE KING: i can't tell if that's mocking daroach or being self-depreciating.

edge: why not both

THE KING: don't cover this up with memes you edgy brat let us talk to you here.

THE KING: i did this so maybe we'd have some friends who understand what we've been through.

THE KING: you know cause that shit FEELS NICE.

THE KING: and maybe, just maybe, getting friends we have things in common with might help us deal with the issues that came from those specific things we have in common.

THE KING: thinking we were in the right and reeling from a reality check, getting possessed, losing to kirby again and again and again, that kind of thing.

THE KING: like, do you know how much i needed someone to talk to after i got possessed those first couple of times? i had constant nightmares for SO LONG.

THE KING: so can we just try to get along? i don't mind some casual roasting but let's stay off eachother's throats alright?

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Look at this man giving us inspirational speeches for fucking free what a god 

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Marx if you ever misbehave again i will kick your teeth in i'm tearing up rn

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Like yeah being possessed? Fucking sucks man

The Rat That Makes The Rules: And like admittedly i feel kinda bad about @Fuckhands McMike's name

Fuckhands McMike: it's no problem...

vriska: king dedede is a better parental figure than my real parents.

vriska: if any of you disrespect my dad i will fight.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: DEDEDAD

vriska: DEDEDAD

Fuckhands McMike: dededad..!

Magolor is a Homestuck: Dededad!

Magolor is a Homestuck: @enterprisingIntellect Join us.

enterprisingIntellect: *sigh*

enterprisingIntellect: Dededad.

edge: you're all so dumb

edge: but

edge: thanks i guess

edge: for dealing with me

edge: i guess i could use a few less issues

vriska: marx you can join us and be adopted by dededad!

edge: i'll think about it

Magolor is a Homestuck: Character development... 

THE KING: i'm not too sure about being a father...

THE KING: but if that's what it takes, then FINE! call me dad if it makes you feel better, got it?

THE KING: just please do not call me daddy

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Damn called out

vriska: i fucking love this family.




edge: hey

edge: magolor right

enterprisingIntellect: Yes.

edge: kirby told me about you

edge: what you did was pretty fucked up

edge: but like kirby's all chill with me now

enterprisingIntellect: Did you come here just to mock me away from everyone?

edge: no assface listen

edge: let me finish

edge: we're both blue and we both hurt kirby emotionally

edge: i was gonna ask if you wanted to like

edge: be friends or something

edge: cause like he forgave me so maybe i could like help you out

enterprisingIntellect: That speech really did get to you, hm? 

edge: look do you wanna be fucking buddies or what i have memes if that helps

enterprisingIntellect: Very well, I tentatively accept on the promise of memes.

enterprisingIntellect: Friend.

edge: are you really trying to be dramatic while saying that

enterprisingIntellect: Yes.

edge: respectable

edge: wanna see my favourite meme

enterprisingIntellect: Go on.





-Villains Anonymous-

THE KING: hey @The Rat That Makes All The Rules

THE KING: do you and the squeak squad sing that one song

THE KING: rats, we're rats, we're the rats


The Rat That Makes The Rules: W E ' R E   T H E   R A T S

The Rat That Makes The Rules: The answer is a resounding YES

The Rat That Makes The Rules: That's like basically the Squeak Squad anthem

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Y'all should come on over to a Squeak Squad party sometime

THE KING: you guys have parties

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Only the hypest parties this side of pop star

THE KING: isn't that bad for a criminal organization

The Rat That Makes The Rules: We like to think of ourselves as vigilantes 

THE KING: sure.

Magolor Is A Homestuck: What about me, and all the others who live in space?

I can't read: 'Live' is a strong word.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Hypest parties this side of the galaxy then you're invited too 

Magolor Is A Homestuck: I'm honoured.

Thunder Thot: Susie are you fucking here yet!?

Magolor Is A Homestuck: Patience, Zan.

Magolor Is A Homestuck: I only have so much fuel to burn, you know.

enterprisingIntellect: What's going on with you two, then?

Magolor Is A Homestuck: I'm picking up these three lovely ladies so they can stay on my ship for a bit. Just until we find a place to drop them down.

I also can't read: can it be pop star? i wanna PARTY

Magolor Is A Homestuck: If you're a good girl, it can be Pop Star.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Susie why does everything you say give off such lowkey to highkey lesbian dominatrix vibes

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Like DAMN

Magolor Is A Homestuck: Silence.

I also can't read: i'll be a good girl!!!

Thunder Thot: Flam! That sounds highly inappropriate! 


Thunder Thot: PLE AS E  STO P

The Rat That Makes The Rules: When you're such a top people become bottoms just by talking to you

Magolor Is A HomestuckSilence.

The Rat That Makes The Rules has changed I also can't read's nickname to Good Widdle Girl

Magolor Is A Homestuck: DAROACH.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: NO WAIT

The Rat That Makes The Rules has changed Good Widdle Girl's nickname to Daddy's Little Monster

The Rat That Makes The Rules has changed Magolor Is A Homestuck's nickname to Daddy

The Rat That Makes The Rules: P e r f e c t

Daddy's Little Monster: HELL YEAH I'M A MONSTER

Daddy: I am going to tear you limb from limb.


I can't read: You guy's can't see it but Zan is blushing in space.

I can't read: It's pretty impressive.

I can't read: I didn't even know we were being picked up, how long have you been privately messaging Susie dear sister?

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Ohoho

Thunder Thot: Hey! What are you implying!?

Thunder Thot: Do you take me for some kind of... Harlot!?

I can't read: Yes.

Daddy's Little Monster: yes

Daddy: Yes.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Yes

vriska: yes.

THE KING: yes.

enterprisingIntellect: Yes.

edge: yes

Fuckhands McMike: yes...

Daddy: Your name does include the word 'Thot'.


Several people are typing...

Chapter Text

03:30 AM

-Villains Anonymous-

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Do you ever just wake up and like

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Just fucking inhale a block of cheese the size of your head

vriska: i

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Me neither i never went to sleep

vriska: ah. mood.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: I did eat that cheese though it was g o o d

Fuckhands McMike: it's so late... are either of you ok..?

The Rat That Makes The Rules: My entire personality is bisexual disaster this is just my life

vriska: i    n e v e r   s l e e p   .

Fuckhands McMike: o-oh...

Fuckhands McMike: but daroach!!!!

Fuckhands McMike: we're... bisexual buddies...

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Radical

The Rat That Makes The Rules: You should try eating a block of cheese the size of your head too

Fuckhands McMike: i think i'll pass...

vriska: who needs cheese when you have ass to eat.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: I mean usually i'm all for eating ass but cheese is like, really good

Fuckhands McMike: eat... ass???

Fuckhands McMike: why!??!??!?!?

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Claycia sometimes you just gotta look deep inside yourself

The Rat That Makes The Rules: And think

The Rat That Makes The Rules: 'I wanna eat some PHAT ASS'

The Rat That Makes The Rules: And you just do it with no regrets

Fuckhands McMike: i'm so afraid

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Embrace the ass

vriska: e m b r a c e .

Fuckhands McMike: you guys are so weird!!!!

vriska: you love us.

Fuckhands McMike: i do... but sometimes... love is tested...

Daddy: Hello everyone.

Fuckhands McMike: !! hello susie!

Daddy: Update for you all: I've secured the Mages.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: How much bondage have you got them in

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Are they being good girls susie

Daddy: Wow, I just got two notifications, but there aren't any messages here! Weird.

Daddy: They're all asleep right now, my ships was originally designed for groups of Haltmann employees to go on long business trips.

Fuckhands McMike: aww... that's so sweet...

Daddy: What, business trips?

Fuckhands McMike: no that you went to go get them

Daddy: Yes, I've learned lots about them already.

Daddy: Through genetic sampling. I stole some hair.

Fuckhands McMike: W H Y 

Daddy: Science.

Fuckhands McMike: HHH???

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Remind me to never have a sleepover with you

Daddy: :(

vriska: don't worry daroach i'll protect you

vriska: i never sleep and i see  a l l .

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Being in close proximity to you while you're tired is equally as off-putting

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Thanks for the offer though pal

Daddy: What should I do with all this hair now?

vriska: eat it.

Fuckhands McMike: YOU STILL HAVE IT?

Daddy: As if I'd throw away perfectly good science.

Daddy: Sure, I'll eat some.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Susie is actually kinda wild lmao

Daddy: She tastes like lemons.

Fuckhands McMike: why would you say it like that......

The Rat That Makes The Rules: 3AM Susie is a powerful creature that is not to be trifled with

The Rat That Makes The Rules: She's untethered from reality

Daddy: Excuse YOU.


The Rat That Makes The Rules: She's using caps guys she's fucking lost it

vriska: i am kin with 3am susie.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Taranza buddy i love you but what the fuck does that mean

Daddy: No doubles, SLUT.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Neither of you are allowed to talk about whatever you are talking about


Fuckhands McMike: yes dad.

Daddy: Affirmed, father.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Whatever, pops

Fuckhands McMike has gone offline!

Daddy has gone offline!

The Rat That Makes The Rules has gone offline!

vriska: do i have to go to bed too?

THE KING: taranza you are a sweet baby angel boy who has done nothing wrong you can do whatever you want

vriska: i'm

vriska: i'm valid?

THE KING: sure thing kid.

vriska: i'm valid...


-Villains Anonymous-

 The Rat That Makes The Rules: Rats

The Rat That Makes The Rules: We're rats

The Rat That Makes The RulesWE'RE THE RATS 

The Rat That Makes The Rules: awifnijgnijngrdhiGhldh;IH;iuHIUFDHS;HKJFH;ih;ijhni:J;RJ



-Villains Anonymous-

THE KING: what the fuck happened to daroach

enterprisingIntellect: I think he's fucking dead.

THE KING: does anyone know where he lives?

Daddy: I do.

THE KING: of course you do.

THE KING: why are you such a creep?

Daddy: Know thy enemy, as they say.

Daddy: President Haltmann actually believed that the Squeak Squad would be a point of resistance during his little 'operation', so I have some old data I gathered.


THE KING: did you have any data on me and my boys?

Daddy: No.

THE KING: man fuck that. i'm offended.

enterprisingIntellect: I think I'd prefer not being spied on, frankly.

I can't read: Bonjam.

Daddy: Morning. Take a left out of your room and keep walking, you'll find the bridge where I am.

I can't read: I just left and it seems Flamberge has already started making her way over.

I can't read: She gets awfully clingy when she's tired as a note.

Daddy: Good to know..?

Daddy: Anyway, rat man.

Daddy: I have a teleporter on here, so I can go and check on him if you'd like.

THE KING: please.

I can't read: Aw he cares.

THE KING: i do, actually.

Daddy: Alright, I'll see you all in a mioegndiugndikjl

enterprisingIntellect: And another one bites the dust~!

I can't read: No I just walked in and Flamberge is clinging to her so she fell over.

THE KING: how does that even work none of you guys have legs?

enterprisingIntellect: The idea of Susie living alone in space with three women sounds far too gay for it's own good.

I can't read: I'm going to pretend I know what that word means and just kind of

I can't read: Step into this teleporter. Susie seems a bit tied up.

Daddy: she's surptudubfkr dtrpmh

THE KING: just go already!

enterprisingIntellect: Wait, does she not know what 'gay' means? I get that we're all from different planets, but considering we all speak the same language and all...

enterprisingIntellect: How does that work anyway? Do you think Susie wears a translator? It'd make sense, considering all that headgear.

THE KING: how do you know what susie looks like?

enterprisingIntellect: Marx showed me a picture of Kirby's 'friend wall'.

enterprisingIntellect: It's just a piece of wall in his house covered in what must be hundreds of pictures of people Kirby considers his friends.

THE KING: how the fuck is that not bigger than his house?

enterprisingIntellect: Lord knows. But at least I know what most of you look like now.

THE KING: lemme guess you're not on there and you're itchin for a spot.

enterprisingIntellect: Pardon!?

THE KING: you heard me.

enterprisingIntellect: I couldn't care less about a picture on a wall, thank you very much!

enterprisingIntellect: Really, I don't know how you came to such a conclusion.

Daddy: Seems as if you care quite a bit, Magolor.

enterprisingIntellect: Seems you've finally wrestled the mighty cuddle-monster away.

Daddy: Seems I've got a pistol with your name on it should you not be silent.

enterprisingIntellect: I may not know my firearms...

enterprisingIntellect: But I know a bitch when I see one.

edge: i literally just got here

edge: oh you meant susie my bad

enterprisingIntellect: Good morning, Marx.

edge: @THE KING yes he wants a spot on the friend wall i've been talking to kirby about it


THE KING: called it.

enterprisingIntellect: MARX YOU ARE A TRAITOR

edge: this has been a known fact about me and also you

enterprisingIntellect: Fuck off.

I can't read: Please send help.

I can't read: I found the Squeak Squad base but I was branded as a trespasser.

I can't read: I keep telling them I know Daroach but the tiny one in the ufo keeps bumping his shitty little flying machine into my head.

I can't read: I'm tied to a chair.

I can't read: I blame @Daddy for all of this. 

enterprisingIntellect: I also blame her for this.

edge: why

enterprisingIntellect: Because she's a bitch.

edge: not what you told me

enterprisingIntellect: Touch that fucking keyboard again and see what happens, circus child.

THE KING: wait a fucking 

THE KING: marx how do you type with no arms?

enterprisingIntellect: ...That is a very good question.


Daddy: Go on Marx, tell us for science.




enterprisingIntellect: How is he doing that?

I can't read: Are any of you guys coming to help me?


Daddy: Sorry, got distracted by Marx's freaky void messages.

Daddy: Though I can't say I have any ideas on what to do aside from set my ray gun to 'mouse-trap'.

I can't read: Wait someone's coming.

I can't read: Holy shit he's alive.

THE KING: who? daroach?

I can't read: Yes he's talking to his boys right now.

I can't read: Now he's carrying me away.

I can't read: My hero.

Daddy: D'aw.

edge: gross

I can't read: He said he's grateful for the concern but he literally just fell asleep on his keyboard and breaking into his home wasn't really needed.

Daddy: You did what.

I can't read: The door was locked!

I can't read: All things considered though he's being pretty nice about it.

I can't read:SJBFHJH jh gJ<Dg dn dnm n

THE KING: what is it with the keysmashes today?

I can't read: Nevermind he threw me out of a window.

Daddy: D'aw.

edge: nice




Thunder Thot: Bonjam.

Daddy: Bonjam.

Daddy: Need anything?

Thunder Thot: Where is... Anything? 

Daddy: Left out of your door is the bridge, that's where myself and Flamberge are.

Thunder Thot: Where is Francisca? 

Daddy: If you'll notice, the ship is moving. We're going to get her right now.

Thunder Thot: What!? What happened?

Daddy: She offered to run an errand and got thrown out of a window. No big deal. 


Daddy: She'll be fine, but in the meantime...

Daddy: Don't touch anything and just get over here, Flamberge is bothering me and I require assistance. 

Thunder Thot: Very well, by the way...

Thunder Thot: Why did you say 'Bonjam'? You aren't from our planet, are you? 

Daddy: It's a rather pretty greeting. I quite like it. Besides, I figured it'd make you feel more at home.

Thunder Thot: That's... Actually rather sweet of you.

Daddy: I try.

Thunder Thot: Thank you, I appreciate it.


-Villains Anonymous-

The Rat That Makes The Rules: And then i get to the stairs 

The Rat That Makes The Rules: ALL ICE

The Rat That Makes The Rules: ALL OF IT IS ICE

The Rat That Makes The Rules: And at that point i thought ok maybe someone unpleasant has been through here

edge: only at that point

The Rat That Makes The Rules: I mean it wouldn't have been the first time the boys had frozen my bathtub

The Rat That Makes The Rules: But then i hear a commotion and i go to the big main room and see this goth ass bitch tied to a chair on her phone

The Rat That Makes The Rules: I'm like ok she clearly doesn't have arms why did you bother tying her up she's just on her phone casually she should easily be able to escape

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Seriously @I can't read how did you not think of that

I can't read: Hindsight is 20/20 can we stop roasting me now?

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Why

The Rat That Makes The Rules: You gonna melt

I can't read: Ugh.

edge: 3/10

The Rat That Makes The Rules: I have a fucking doorbell


I can't read: Why were you even up so late?

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Just scroll up a bunch in the chat

THE KING: oh boy.

I can't read: I'm reading down from 3AM.

I can't read: Eating ass?

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Only the finest of gourmet

I can't read: You were up at 3AM eating cheese and talking to Taranza about eating ass

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Yes

I can't read: What does 'bisexual' mean?

The Rat That Makes The Rules: For real

I can't read: Yes.

I can't read: I don't know what it means.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Well it's like


I can't read: SUSIE TOOK SAMPLES OF US????

Daddy: Ah.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Shit


I can't read: I'M GOING TO KILL YOU

enterprisingIntellect: Record it for me.

edge: jesus

Daddy: Excuse me, finding my gun.

Daddy is now away!

I can't read is now away!

edge: in other news uh

edge: kirby says hi

THE KING: you two hanging out?

edge: yeah

edge: we're chilling at adeleine's place she's like

edge: on some fucking bob ross shit for real

edge: hanging out with kirby is basically my therapy sessions

THE KING: and to think just yesterday you were threatening to eat daroach's children

edge: i mean he's gotten way good at calming me down but only really now am i noticing it

edge: like i just feel a lot better around him

THE KING: don't we all.

enterprisingIntellect: *coughs*

THE KING: yeah yeah you'll get there eventually.

enterprisingIntellect: Hmph.

THE KING: did you actually just type hmph.

THE KING: like a fucking

THE KING: aloof anime boy noise. you just typed an aloof anime boy noise.

edge: magolor IS an aloof anime boy

THE KING: go on give us a tch sasuke.

enterprisingIntellect: I don't know what's worse, the fact that you're calling me an anime boy or the fact that King Dedede, ruler of Dream Land, watches Naruto.

edge: king weebede

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Hittem with that clobbah-no-jutsu

enterprisingIntellect: Now you're imagining him screaming 'NARUTOOOOOO' at the top of his voice in that accent.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Good god it's glorious

THE KING: i give you this group chat and you shame me for my taste in anime.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: It's not shame it's praise

The Rat That Makes The Rules: You're the strongest of them all hokage dedede




-Villains Anonymous-

Daddy's Little Monster: hey guys!!!

THE KING: oh hey.

Daddy's Little Monster: zan and fran had a duel!!

THE KING: i thought she wanted to fight susie?

Daddy's Little Monster: zan wouldn't let her! i tried to stop them but they told me that nobody would get hurt seriously so i let them do it.

Daddy's Little Monster: fran got a little cut so i'm taking care of her!!!!

Daddy's Little Monster: that's why she lost it was the first one to get a cut loses

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Dude @Fuckhands McMike wake up your otp is real

Fuckhands McMike: daroach!! shh!

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Otp prompt who duels their sister for who

Daddy's Little Monster: what are you guys talking about!??

The Rat That Makes The Rules: When a kinky space lesbian and an electric thot love eachother very much

Fuckhands McMike: daroach omg...

Daddy's Little Monster: i don't get it!???

enterprisingIntellect: You know...

enterprisingIntellect: I'm starting to think that the Mages' race don't have a concept of sexuality.

Daddy's Little Monster: what is that like

Daddy's Little Monster: a plant or something!?!?!?

enterprisingIntellect: See? And Francisca asked what 'gay' and 'bisexual' meant.

enterprisingIntellect: Flamberge, what does your face feel regarding romantic and sexual relations?

THE KING: magalor you can't just ask someone that.

enterprisingIntellect: Why not? Everyone in this damned chat is queer in some way or another, she may as well learn now.

THE KING: wait, seriously? everyone?

THE KING: i'm gay but like 

THE KING: everyone?

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Claycia and i are established bisexual buddies

vriska: i'm pan.

enterprisingIntellect: I am homosexual.

edge: i'm uh

edge: um

edge: magolor you say it

enterprisingIntellect: Marx is both homosexual and transgender.

edge: thanks could've been more brief but you said the words 7.6/10

Daddy's Little Monster: i am so fucking lost

Daddy's Little Monster: WHAT DO ALL OF THESE WORDS MEAN?!?!??!?!

enterprisingIntellect: No need to panic, Flamberge. It's just a label that says something about you.

enterprisingIntellect: For me, gay means that I am a boy that is romantically and sexually attracted to other boys.

Daddy's Little Monster: but how are you gonna make strong babies with another boy!??!?

enterprisingIntellect: ...So that's how it is, then? I think I understand...

vriska: hearing magolor talk about sexual attraction is putting images in my mind. 

vriska: why.

enterprisingIntellect: Hush Taranza, I'm educating.

edge: here we go fellas

enterprisingIntellect: You don't need to worry about what exactly all the words mean. All you need to know is enough to respect others.

enterprisingIntellect: Understand?

Daddy's Little Monster: but

Daddy's Little Monster: don't you

Daddy's Little Monster: no i don't!!!!!

Daddy's Little Monster: don't people who refuse to make strong children get exiled for insubordination?

enterprisingIntellect: ...Good lord.

edge: jesus fucking christ

Fuckhands McMike: flamberge...

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Holy shit yikes


THE KING: as a person in like, an actual position of power i feel like it's my job to say that

THE KING: if you ever come anywhere near dream land and someone tells you something like that

THE KING: you come and tell me.

THE KING: because that person is next in line for a CLOBBERIN

The Rat That Makes The Rules: HE SAID IT

The Rat That Makes The Rules: OUT HERE WE LOVE A QUEER BITCH

Fuckhands McMike: seventopia too! elline and i will always protect you...

Daddy's Little Monster: i

Daddy's Little Monster: i thought all that stuff was normal

Daddy's Little Monster: this feels weird???? like, you're all jumping to protect me but 

Daddy's Little Monster: i'm still kind of reeling 

Daddy's Little Monster: i'm... not that smart. i'll admit that!!! but!! i've decided to start over without hyness so i need to be ready to live the way you guys do!!! even if it's hard for someone stupid like me, i'll try my VERY BEST!!!!!

vriska: i'm late but flamberge is so valid.

vriska: she must be adopted by dededad at once.

THE KING: i'm so glad i'm not sending you all to college

Daddy's Little Monster: HELL YEAH!!!!!!  POSITIVE FATHER FIGURES!!!!!!

Daddy's Little Monster: I LOVE YOU DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE KING: i love you too enthusiastic daughter.


-I can't read-

Daddy: You've been in there a while. How are you doing?

I can't read: Go away.

Daddy: Are you still mad about the hair thing?

I can't read: You invaded our privacy.

I can't read: And you won't even apologize.

Daddy: Well if you wanted one of those, you should've just asked.

Daddy: I'm sorry.

Daddy: Is that good enough?

I can't read: No. You're a liar.

Daddy: A fair assumption.

I can't read: It's a statement of fact.

Daddy: I'd rather you think otherwise, if we're going to be stuck together for the foreseeable future.

Daddy: Can you please tell me what you want, so I can remedy this little issue between us?

I can't read: Well for a start you can cease any plans to further violate our privacy.

Daddy: Fair.

I can't read: And you're going to tell me:

I can't read: Why is my sister so endeared to you?

Daddy: I wouldn't know- I'm not her.

Daddy: I'm surprised myself at what she did. Perhaps she felt she owed me for letting her stay here?

I can't read: One more.

I can't read: I've been reading the chat are you also 'queer'?

Daddy: That's a question I've asked myself a lot growing up.

Daddy: Though in recent times it's not so much a struggle for me, I'm fine being a lesbian.

I can't read: And what does that mean?

Daddy: It's like gay, but for girls. I'm attracted to girls.

I can't read: I see. Thank you for answering my questions.

Daddy: You're welcome. Come have dinner with us, won't you?

I can't read: Very well.



-Villains Anonymous-

Fuckhands McMike: guys elline got me flowers i'm gonna cry...

vriska: goals.

Fuckhands McMike: i love my girlfriend...

Daddy: God I wish that were me.

vriska: it's inspiring to know that two beings of power enough to create dimensions are a couple of girls in love.

Fuckhands McMike: >v<

The Rat That Makes The Rules: True love is real

The Rat That Makes The Rules: But @Daddy you good

Daddy: It's just the daily mood.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: I see

The Rat That Makes The Rules: My daily mood is what bad life choice am i gonna make today that i will totally love making

Daddy: That's a big mood.


Daddy: Marx you walk a dangerous path.

Daddy: But you have my tentative respect for having such large balls.

edge: as someone who moves around on one and who's friends with magolor i think i know a think or two about large balls

Daddy: You've seen his balls?

edge: NO 

edge: he IS a large ball

enterprisingIntellect: *sigh*

enterprisingIntellect: Hey, Marx?

enterprisingIntellect: You never answered my question.

enterprisingIntellect: How do you type with no arms, Marx?

edge: and that is my cue to leave

enterprisingIntellect: I will figure you out some day, void creature.

THE KING: speaking of void creatures, meta knight gave me a certain someone's handle because he thinks they belong here

enterprisingIntellect: Oh?

THE KING: i'm not so sure though.

THE KING: it's

THE KING is typing...


Chapter Text


-Meta Knight-

Meta Knight: Please? I'm not one to beg, but they just... Well, I think they might have a shred of sanity because of this recent development. I'd love to be their friend, but if I'm honest? I don't believe I'm the one for the job.

THE KING: i just don't know, mets.

THE KING: besides, you're a great friend!

THE KING: i don't see why you can't explore this little rabbit hole yourself, since you went as far as to decipher the handle.

Meta Knight: Because all they want to do is fight me! Don't get me wrong, I enjoy that kind of relationship, but it's not what they need.

Meta Knight: This is the first time we're able to properly communicate, and I've never been much of a friend-maker, Kirby usually does that kind of thing for us.

THE KING: you got me there.

THE KING: why don't YOU join the chat?

Meta Knight: No, I'd rather you try this first.

Meta Knight: Maybe later, though. I wouldn't mind talking to Susie.

THE KING: i can give you her @

Meta Knight: Sure, it'll be like a trade.

THE KING sent a contact!

Meta Knight sent a contact!

Meta Knight: ...Why is her nickname 'Daddy'?

Meta Knight: Just what do you DO in that chat?

THE KING: don't you worry about that.

THE KING: i'll think about the offer, alright?

Meta Knight: Much appreciated, thank you friend.


-Villains Anonymous-

THE KING: speaking of void creatures, meta knight gave me a certain someone's handle because he thinks they belong here

enterprisingIntellect: Oh?

THE KING: i'm not so sure though.

THE KING: it's

THE KING: well

THE KING: man i'm just not sure, from what i know they don't speak the same language as us and they've never communicated at all period before.

THE KING: i think i need a bit more time to think about it. they haven't really shown any kind of remorse for what they've done or like, emotion at all.

THE KING: i have their handle now so i can do it whenever. by the way @Daddy i gave meta knight your handle since he said he wanted to talk to you or something.

Daddy: I'm sure that'll be fun.

enterprisingIntellect: Can you at least give us a name, Dedede? I'm dying of suspense over here.

THE KING: nah i'll wait it's no big deal.

enterprisingIntellect: Don't do this to me.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Hey guys guess what here comes a subject change

The Rat That Makes The Rules: I'm hanging out with bandanna dee and he said he's gonna throw a party soon

The Rat That Makes The Rules: So obviously being the generous and party-loving ratscallion i am

enterprisingIntellect: Awful.

edge: 3.9/10

The Rat That Makes The Rules: I was like 'shit let's make this a Squeak Squad Shindig™'

edge: oh my god

The Rat That Makes The Rules: It's in like a week and a half and i'm inviting @everyone

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Look at that shit all nice and grammatically embedded in that sentence

edge: do you need

edge: entertainment

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Marx if you come up on stage and roll around on that little ball i think i might just lose my fucking mind


edge: NICE

edge: can i bring kirby

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Kirby is invited to every party ever thrown by default

edge: ok yeah you're right

edge: i was gonna bring him even if you said no you pass the test

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Such sweet anarchy brings a tear to my eye

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Never change you devious little trouble boy

enterprisingIntellect: I'm not really one for parties, and besides; I'd have to fly the Lor Starcutter all the way over from Halcandra... I think I'll pass.

edge: if you come i'll dump a bucket of spaghetti on susie's head

enterprisingIntellect: Hm, looking again, it appears the course to Pop Star is still saved into the Starcutter's computer! Perhaps I'll come along after all.

edge: i'd say hateboner but you're gay and she's probably lesbian

edge: platonic hateboner there we go

The Rat That Makes The Rules: I'm not over the fact your spaceship is called the fucking lor starcutter

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Like we knew you were a weeb but fucking hell

The Rat That Makes The Rules: 'Mine is the hateboner that will pierce the heavens!'


Daddy: Cute, but I don't think there's a universe out there in which Magolor's boner could pierce anything, let alone the heavens.

enterprisingIntellect: This is why I hate you.

Daddy: Hate you too. <3<

enterprisingIntellect: And you called me a Homestuck.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: What did i say about fucking homestuck

Daddy: Hey, Daroach, you said Claycia partakes in shipping, correct?

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Yeah

enterprisingIntellect: Don't.

Daddy: Perhaps she could expand her shipping grid if Maglolor 'educated' her about Quadrants.

enterprisingIntellect: I'd request you come to the party so we could settle this like adults, but I doubt your little girlfriend Zan would let me lay a finger on you.

enterprisingIntellect: Shame, I suppose I'll just have to kill her too. What a waste.

THE KING: alright now let's settle down.

edge: jesus mags calm yourself

Daddy: Suppose that's my fault for poking at a being who lives among'st volcanoes. One wrong move, and that little hateboner might erupt, hm?

THE KING: susie stop it.

Daddy: Very well.

enterprisingIntellect is now away!

edge: aw shit

edge: i'll uh

edge: i'll keep an eye on him he likes me somewhat

THE KING: what did i say about being at eachother's throats?

THE KING: i get that you were just joking around but

THE KING: magolor isn't the kinda person who can take that apparently.

Daddy: Tragic.

THE KING: admittedly he was being a complete ass and i expect him to own up for that but

THE KING: when he comes back i want you to both to apologize to eachother.

THE KING: i don't want drama.

Daddy: Yes, father.

Daddy: Just @ me when he's back, I have things to attend to.

Daddy is now away!

THE KING: ughhhh usually i don't mind being called dad but that one felt BAD.

vriska: do you want me to come over.

THE KING: yes please.

vriska: ok. i'm on my way.

Fuckhands McMike: i'm sorry everyone got sad...

THE KING: it's ok claycia.

THE KING: hopefully it'll only be for a little bit.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Just kinda imagine me pulling the brim my hat over my eyes lookin not happy that's what i'm doing right now

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Feel better soon pops

THE KING: thanks daroach.


-Villains Anonymous-

Daddy: Hello everyone.

vriska: magolor still isn't back yet susie.

Daddy: Not Susie.

vriska: what.

Daddy: While she's somewhat repayed her debt owed from the hair incident I still feel like we aren't even.

Daddy: So here I am invading her privacy a bit.

vriska: wait so who are you.

edge: i'd recognize that obnoxious lack of commas anywhere

vriska: marx you don't use any punctuation at all.

edge: shut up point is it's francisca 

Daddy: Correct.

Daddy: She doesn't usually leave her computer unguarded but about an hour ago she suddenly left and locked herself in her room.

Daddy: So here I am.

Daddy's Little Monster: wait, something happened to susie? i haven't been checking in here, oh no!!!!!!!

Daddy: Something with Magolor.

Thunder Thot: Jamblasted, I'll go check on her.

Daddy's Little Monster: me too!!!!!!!!

Thunder Thot is now away.

Daddy's Little Monster is now away.

edge: you'd think they'd care more about you going through her computer huh 

Daddy: I'm looking in her games library...

Daddy: 300 hours clocked into... 'Huniepop'?

edge: isn't that an anime titty game

Daddy: Let's see.

Daddy: From looking at the title screen I believe this is a game about breasts indeed.

Daddy: Closing that.

edge: so @vriska how's the hang out with dedede

vriska: we're streaming youtube poops onto his big tv.

edge: that is the single greatest idea i've ever heard 

Daddy: She has a SoundCloud.

Daddy: Seems she makes a lot of playlists.

edge: does she rap

Daddy: I'll check for that later.

Daddy: Her playlists are just titled with single symbols what the fuck does that mean.

Daddy: I'm going to click on '⚡'.

edge: taking bets i'm betting nsfw electrocution kink asmr

vriska: sometimes i wish i didn't have eyes.

Daddy: Wow this is

Daddy: I don't know what this is.


Daddy: What language are they speaking?

edge: weeaboo with sprinkles of our communal language

Daddy: I don't speak weeaboo. 

Daddy: I'm going to look up the lyrics.

Daddy: Holy shit this is

DaddyReally sappy. It's a cute love song?

Daddy: I would have never thought she listened to things like this...

edge: today we have learned that susie is in fact a soft weeb

edge: the world rejoices for this crucial information

Daddy: I'll leave the rest of her playlists alone I want to look at more things.

Daddy: Pictures.

edge: oh boy can't wait to find her pastel pink hentai doujins 

Daddy: There's an unnamed picture right at the bottom in a folder of named pictures. Suspicious. 

Daddy: It's...

Daddy: Really low resolution.

Daddy: Looks like Susie standing next to a man with facial hair. Who is that?

edge: man with facial hair gee i wonder if only there were literally any other way to narrow it down other than 'man with facial hair'

edge: could it be that susie has a super secret picture of herself and her long lost brother mario mario it's as likely as any other fucking possibility

Daddy: Purple facial hair.

edge: better

edge: but still i don't have much of an idea

edge: hang on

Daddy: What are you doing?

edge: asking kirby if he knows a guy with purple facial hair

Daddy: Well?

edge: that

edge: uh

edge: ...

edge: that would be susie's very dead father

Daddy: ...This may be my cue to cease snooping.



edge: magolor

edge: magolor come on i know you're there

edge: please come back

edge: i know she was messing with you and all but come on your smart enough to not take the bait

edge: that threat sounded way too serious to be a joke 

edge: if you actually get into a fight at that party you'll be way outnumbered and i

edge: i don't know if i'll be able to back you up

edge: so just

edge: just fucking 

edge: UGH


edge: JUST

edge: please

edge: i don't know what i'm doing

edge: just please come back




Thunder Thot: Susie! What happened, what's wrong?

Thunder Thot: Do you have your phone in there? Susie, please answer me!

Thunder Thot: Just... Let me know that you're alright in there? Like a knock on the door, or something..?

Thunder Thot: Flamberge and I are worried, we'll be waiting...

Thunder Thot: Please take care of yourself, alright? 

Thunder Thot: I owe you so much... And I've hardly repayed you! If anything like this happens again, you can trust me, ok? 

Thunder Thot: Devoting myself to others is all I'm good at... Please let me be there for you...



You have 7 unread messages.




You have 8 unread messages.

This is the start of your message history with Meta Knight.

Meta Knight: Child... A not-so-little bird has informed me that you are in a moment of strife.

Meta Knight: What ails you?

Daddy: ggo awqay

Meta Knight: Listen, I understand that the last we met, it was on rather unpleasant terms.

Meta Knight: But would you humour me, for but a moment?

Daddy: wgateve r

Meta Knight: From what I understand, you've had an argument with someone.

Meta Knight: I'm going to tell you a secret, ok?

Daddy: wbhat

Meta Knight: When Dedede spoke to me, at great length, about his wish to gather you all in a place where he could talk to and keep an eye on you...

Meta Knight: He spoke of you very specifically.

Meta Knight: He was so worried about you.

Meta Knight: You, who'd grown up alone, you, who'd lost everything.

Meta Knight: The King may fight like a brute and intimidate those who don't know him... But his heart is softer than any cloud in Dream Land.

Meta Knight: He saw hope in you, potential to do good. He was scared that if you were left alone to live in spite and anger, you'd fester into something dark.

Meta Knight: He saw hope within them all, but it was you that he was most genuinely scared for.

Meta Knight: He wanted you to connect with the others, he wanted you to never have to be alone again.

Meta Knight: Do you understand? Locking yourself from those who love you... It will only cause you to fester.

Meta Knight: It's in your nature to gently mock others, it's simply how you express yourself- It's common.

Meta Knight: But when that mocking turns into genuine hate is when you put yourself and others at risk of conflict. You're only harming yourself by antagonizing those with the potential to truly understand you, the girl who had been alone for so long. 

Meta Knight: Is my message clear?

Daddy: i

Daddy: yeah

Daddy: ugh, i'm sorry

Daddy: i never really

Daddy: i was never good at the whole relationships thing

Daddy: friendships, families, love

Daddy: it was never natural to me.

Daddy: they can all recover together and learn off of eachother, but not me. i've never been that kind of person.

Meta Knight: Come now... Do you know what you're saying? That is all the more reason to fight for this, fight tooth and nail to keep your heart open until one day, you'll realize:

Meta Knight: You don't have to fight anymore.

Meta Knight: Your will is impossibly strong, I've seen it firsthand.

Meta Knight: You can do it! You have my faith.

Daddy: if i have to fight for it then what's the point? it's fake.

Meta Knight: Nothing born of such stalwart determination could be worth less than shining gold. Remember that, and your struggle will always have meaning.

Daddy: ...

Daddy: I've... Been childish. Thank you, Meta Knight. I'm sorry for everything that happened between us before.

Meta Knight: It has already been forgiven. 



You have 15 unread messages.




You have 16 unread messages.

This is the start of your message history with ~Starchild~


~Starchild~: hey magolor!

~Starchild~: i didn't even know you were on here... talk about a coincidence! 

~Starchild~: marx told me about what happened with susie... i wanted to see if you were doing ok!

enterprisingIntellect: I don't need your pity.

~Starchild~: come on, don't be like that...

~Starchild~: just listen!

~Starchild~: you live in a harsh world full of nasty things... all your life, everyone and everything has been against you! isn't that right?

~Starchild~: it must've been hard... 

enterprisingIntellect: Don't sit there and talk about me like you understand, you understand NOTHING.

~Starchild~: but i do! ever since i appeared in dream land it's been adventure after adventure, struggle after struggle... it's made me really appreciate peaceful times!

~Starchild~: i've had to fight constantly for everything, with void termina, the stakes were higher than ever! i fought hard for everyone.

enterprisingIntellect: How nice for you. I'm really proud of your achievement. Kindly off yourself and leave me be.

~Starchild~: ouch... you're really mad, huh..?

~Starchild~: you shouldn't say things like that you know, even if you're really mad.

~Starchild~: that's how people get hurt, and that all reflects on you somewhere down the line. 

enterprisingIntellect: Just get to the damned point.

~Starchild~: alright then.

~Starchild~: you're really strong, magolor. you survived in a world like halcandra all alone! that's impressive all by itself.

~Starchild~: you were smart enough to trick me, and even though that hurt, i was really impressed! 

~Starchild~: it didn't hurt for long.

~Starchild~: you and me have both fought really hard for what we want, so i thought i might be able to get it across...

~Starchild~: that maybe me and you could learn a thing or two from eachother!

~Starchild~: i'll admit, i can be a bit of a pushover... you're assertive and tough! i wish i could tell people 'no' like you.

~Starchild~: in turn, i think that there's something you need to learn, and i could teach you!

~Starchild~: when people make you mad, you don't need to react.

~Starchild~: you need to relax and just let some things wash over you like the ocean tide...

~Starchild~: that reminds me, we should go to the beach sometime, magolor! that'd be fun!

~Starchild~: hehe.

enterprisingIntellect: Do you even know what you're going on about!?

~Starchild~: not really! i know what i want you to take away, but it doesn't really matter how i say it, right? so long as i don't upset you.

~Starchild~: i want you to understand that not everything needs to be taken in, sometimes you can just let things go past you!

~Starchild~: when you can do that, you can filter out the things that make you mad.

~Starchild~: of course, don't be like me all the way! if someone's really trying to upset you, stick up for yourself!

~Starchild~: just... don't take every little thing as a declaration of war. 

~Starchild~: you've fought constantly all your life, but talking to your friends isn't a battle. you don't need to fight with us.

~Starchild~: there have been times when i've been really mad.

~Starchild~: i don't talk about them, they upset me. i've never told anyone about how i feel in those moments where i've been truly angry.

~Starchild~: i've wanted to take the world and crush it, just consume everything for a chance at some peace and quiet...

~Starchild~: but i've always stayed strong! if i ate everything, who'd be there to share cake with me? it'd be pretty lonely.

enterprisingIntellect: YOU? I can't imagine you having thoughts like that.

~Starchild~: take it as you will, but it's true...

~Starchild~: and it takes a lot for me to tell you that! i was typing for so long, hehe...

~Starchild~: how about you come to the party and hang out with me and marx? we can share cake! i'll take a picture of the three of us for my friend wall!

~Starchild~: there's always room for one more on there.

enterprisingIntellect: You...

enterprisingIntellect: You are an infuriating creature, you know that?

enterprisingIntellect: To be so positive in all walks of life... How I envy you.

~Starchild~: is that a dramatic yes?

enterprisingIntellect: ...

enterprisingIntellect: Fine.

~Starchild~: good! no fighting susie?

enterprisingIntellect: No fighting Susie.

~Starchild~: great! besides...

~Starchild~: You know I could defeat you both at once, right? Ha. Ha. Ha.

enterprisingIntellect: Wait, what!? Kirby!?

~Starchild~: what? what's the matter? you're actin all scared! hehe.

enterprisingIntellect: N-Nothing...

enterprisingIntellect: I'm going to go apologize to Susie now, alright? 

~Starchild~: ok! good luck~!


-Villains Anonymous-

enterprisingIntellect: Hello, everyone.

Daddy: Greetings.

enterprisingIntellect: Um.

enterprisingIntellect: Well.

Daddy: Do you want to go first?

enterprisingIntellect: No, no, go ahead.

Daddy: I'm fine! You can go.

enterprisingIntellect: No really it's ok you can do it first.

THE KING: guys.

enterprisingIntellect: Right, sorry.

enterprisingIntellect: I apologize for threatening to kill you and Zan, as well as making assumptions about your relationship and generally antagonizing you. I will attempt to keep my cool in future interactions.

Susie: I apologize for making fun of you relentlessly and not picking up that it was genuinely upsetting you, this is a fault of my own inability to recognize social cues and you have done nothing wrong.

enterprisingIntellect: Apology accepted.

Daddy: Likewise.

THE KING: see this kids is what i like to see.

THE KING: good job!

enterprisingIntellect: Hooray.

Daddy: Homestuck is pretty good, anyway. I just make fun of it for the jokes.


Fuckhands McMike: daroach! shush! don't ruin the moment!

edge: thank god that's dealt with

Daddy's Little Monster: YEAH!! NO MORE SADNESS!!!!!!!!!

I can't read: How nice.

Thunder Thot: I'm just glad you're feeling better, Susie.

enterprisingIntellect: Gee, thanks.

Thunder Thot: No offense! It's just worse when I can see it in front of me...

enterprisingIntellect: None taken.

vriska: a cheer for not hatred.

THE KING: i've been thinking.

THE KING: since we've demonstrated a level of maturity enough to settle this 

THE KING: i think i might take up meta's offer and add his little 'friend' in here

THE KING: while we're all riding this friendship high.

THE KING: this could possibly be a really bad choice but hey meta said he'd join if it didn't work out or once we've got them talking sense so

THE KING: you guys ready?

vriska: yes.

Daddy: I believe so.

Thunder Thot: I think we can handle it, how bad could it be?

edge: famous last words

enterprisingIntellectJust do it the suspense is ripping me asunder.

THE KING: alright

THE KING: here goes.

THE KING: hope this doesn't like, end the universe or something.

THE KING: brace yourselves.

THE KING has added Galacta Knight to the group!

Galacta Knight: Ẅ̴̛͍̜̱̙̐ͯ́ͭͭͣ̾̈́̔ ̷̷͎̬̲̞͖̩͗̿̾ͪ̅̎ͥ̿͐ͩͨ͂͜H̵̡̺̩͕̥͚͉͙̝̫̰̬͔ͨ̆̄ͮͬ̋̍ͤ̽͗̔ͯ̉͆͟͜͞ ̷̡̼̟̱̞̦̥͉̭ͣ̍̐͂͜͝Ö̤̳̘͖ͨͥ̆ͩ̄̍̑̊̕͝ ̵̮͍̝͈͖̠̘̲͚͈̑̿ͦͣ̌̓͝ ̶̡̝̱͖̫̭̯͕̹̩̙̔͗̇ͮ͒̂͗ͩ͟ ̰̺̣̮͙̘̤̭̭̳̣̘͓̘̯͙̺̝͖̓̀ͩ̒ͨ̕ ̝̬͖͙̫̟͈̯̩ͥͣͥͥͬ͢Ḑ̡͕̠̬͚͊͗ͧ̂̔̊ͨ̇ͨ͑̉ ̷̡̱̩͖̦̥͍͈̗̾́͌̀̋ͣ̀͐̑ͨͬͬ̅͆̕A̶̢ͩ̊͋͑̃͆̅̈̎ͤ̉ͤ͞͏̟̼̝̦̖̺͎ ̶̙̣̙̟͚̱̣͎̺͌́̄͒̂̉̅ͧͫͪ̌͒̉̋́͊͘Rͥ̊̋͏̡̛̱͙̪̰̟͠ ̶̵̱̝̜̜͇̹̗̦͕͖̹̔̆͑̂͌̈̔͡͞ͅE̷̵̖̖̜͕̳͒͗̋̀̓̆͋̎̽̚ͅ ̵̪̝̲̞̘̘͎̳͕̣͎̉͆̽́ͪ̽ͥ͑ͦͦ͐ͣ͗͘̕͝ͅS̨̟͔̻̯̤̼͈͙̫̎͐ͯ̌ͮ̓̊̋̊̽̋͊̐ͤ̋̔̈́̂ ̵̨̯͈͕̂̽ͧ̀͋̃͗͛͌̄͐͜ ̷̷͚͈͔̟͕̠̝̩̥̪̯͖̠̼̣̖̤ͣ̋ͫ̋ͩ̽̕͟͢ ̛̰͈͍̳̦̮̣͙̤̬̬̹̟̳̻́̈́͆ͤ͛̽̋̋͆̈̋͘͟͠͠?̷̨̯̜͓͈̝̪̰̰̫̰̲͑̒̏ͩ͒ͭͤ́̅̓ͮ͂̄̚̕

enterprisingIntellect: OH SWEET BABY JESUS

Chapter Text


-Villains Anonymous-

Galacta Knight: Ẅ̴̛͍̜̱̙̐ͯ́ͭͭͣ̾̈́̔ ̷̷͎̬̲̞͖̩͗̿̾ͪ̅̎ͥ̿͐ͩͨ͂͜H̵̡̺̩͕̥͚͉͙̝̫̰̬͔ͨ̆̄ͮͬ̋̍ͤ̽͗̔ͯ̉͆͟͜͞ ̷̡̼̟̱̞̦̥͉̭ͣ̍̐͂͜͝Ö̤̳̘͖ͨͥ̆ͩ̄̍̑̊̕͝ ̵̮͍̝͈͖̠̘̲͚͈̑̿ͦͣ̌̓͝ ̶̡̝̱͖̫̭̯͕̹̩̙̔͗̇ͮ͒̂͗ͩ͟ ̰̺̣̮͙̘̤̭̭̳̣̘͓̘̯͙̺̝͖̓̀ͩ̒ͨ̕ ̝̬͖͙̫̟͈̯̩ͥͣͥͥͬ͢Ḑ̡͕̠̬͚͊͗ͧ̂̔̊ͨ̇ͨ͑̉ ̷̡̱̩͖̦̥͍͈̗̾́͌̀̋ͣ̀͐̑ͨͬͬ̅͆̕A̶̢ͩ̊͋͑̃͆̅̈̎ͤ̉ͤ͞͏̟̼̝̦̖̺͎ ̶̙̣̙̟͚̱̣͎̺͌́̄͒̂̉̅ͧͫͪ̌͒̉̋́͊͘Rͥ̊̋͏̡̛̱͙̪̰̟͠ ̶̵̱̝̜̜͇̹̗̦͕͖̹̔̆͑̂͌̈̔͡͞ͅE̷̵̖̖̜͕̳͒͗̋̀̓̆͋̎̽̚ͅ ̵̪̝̲̞̘̘͎̳͕̣͎̉͆̽́ͪ̽ͥ͑ͦͦ͐ͣ͗͘̕͝ͅS̨̟͔̻̯̤̼͈͙̫̎͐ͯ̌ͮ̓̊̋̊̽̋͊̐ͤ̋̔̈́̂ ̵̨̯͈͕̂̽ͧ̀͋̃͗͛͌̄͐͜ ̷̷͚͈͔̟͕̠̝̩̥̪̯͖̠̼̣̖̤ͣ̋ͫ̋ͩ̽̕͟͢ ̛̰͈͍̳̦̮̣͙̤̬̬̹̟̳̻́̈́͆ͤ͛̽̋̋͆̈̋͘͟͠͠?̷̨̯̜͓͈̝̪̰̰̫̰̲͑̒̏ͩ͒ͭͤ́̅̓ͮ͂̄̚̕

enterprisingIntellect: OH SWEET BABY JESUS

Thunder Thot: Galacta Knight!? As in, THE Galacta Knight!? Dedede, whatever are you thinking?

THE KING: you know them?

Thunder Thot: KNOW THEM? Dedede, you don't understand, all those years ago, before we were sealed away...

Thunder Thot: Hyness and the three of us, we...

Galacta Knight: H̢͓̭͖̥͇͓̊̂͜͝ ̨̙͌̾̂ͬͭͥ̽͋Y̷̵̴̱̮͉̰̬̻̥̰̿̂ ̲̝ͨ̽͑ͧ͟N̷̗͒ͭ̍̊̅͛̈́͂ ̸͇̼͔̪̺͖̫͇̣ͧͥ̎̉ͪ̉ͧ͊͑͞E̢̝̝͉͇̫ͩ͒̅ͭ̽̓ͨ̆ ̀͗͊͒͆҉̮̺̲̭̯̭S͕͛̽̓ͨ̚͡ ̶̬͕̟̰͔͐͒ͦ͋̈́ͫ̆̓͡S͉̙͍͔͉̻̻̏ͤ͌͗ ̫̼̯̖͔̫̇̃.̨͎̟̯̣͛́ ͖͎̼̳̘̭͙̍̐ͫ̀ͤ͑ͯͬ͗ͅ.̱̓͌̑̈̕͞ ̓̾҉̵̹̮̱͓̮̘̦̰̦.̴̥͓̖̮̫͖̮̩ͣ͜ ̥̪̠͎͓͒̑͛̋̒̓́̈́͘

Thunder Thot: It remembers...

Galacta Knight:H̷̹͉̬̰̭͉̺̥̝̼̤̮̦͚̥͐̒̔̉̌͛͂͋̚͟ ͆ͭͩ͋̑̿͐ͬͨ̾͋ͤ̈́̈ͥ̋̇҉̵͏̷̲̻̠͓̤̪͍͔͈͖̳̥̮̲̞̪̣͡ͅY͛ͩ̄̀ͬ͊͑͗͗͋͛ͦ̃͛̈́̋̍͛̿͝͠͏͇̞̙͔͖̩̱ ̋ͯ̇̒̏ͣͤ̃ͯ͑ͮ̀́̀҉̡̮͚͓̟͉̣͔̤̖̙̩͡͞ͅN̷̢̺̳̠̰̪̞͚̮̖̜̠̲̮̖̮̗̦̯̄́̍̌ͯ̓̊̍͛̒̄̚͘͢ ̸̴̷͓͍͔̬̞̔͐ͩ̌E̛͇͓̥͎̺̩͔̝̝̥͎̠̙͈̰̳̊̔ͩ̽ͧ̂͂͘͜ ̴̫̳̳̠̣͇̩͍̬̭̠͎̖̠̃ͨ̑̿̅ͯ̏ͫͧͩ̍͑ͭ̎͟S̢̨͓͙̜̱͎͕̺̻̙̹͍̖̪̿͆̄̈ͣͧ͑̎̐͑ͬ̍̾͂̌ͬͫͮ́̕ ̶̧̥̠̲͎͙̝̭̱̏̾͒̂̔͊͌͋̽S̷̢̤̗̞̻̥͖̹̣̭̖̬̠͈͊̈́̓ͣ͊ͥͥ̽͟͢ͅ ͈̣̖͍̹͓̱͕̻̻̇͒͌ͫͪ̉͒̊̐̊̂ͣ͠.͉̥̪̗̞͎̤͍̥͖͕̩͍͇̖̫ͦͥ̋̉ͮ͑̒ͮ̇ͦͨ̀͛̽̋ͦ͗͠͝ ̶̵͚̙̖͍̳̮̜̣̳̪̹̝̜̮̞͔̩̆̔ͧ̋̀ͯͬ̚̚͜.̴̦̻̗̗̥̱̘̯̤̈ͦ͂̒̾̽ͤ̈́̇̅ͪͅ ̵̷̢͙̤̗̫̆ͣ̈̿̑͑̈̾ͅ!̢͇̹̟̏͐̊ͫ̍̌͛̍̓̅̾͒ͨ̈ͧ̒͡ͅͅ! !

edge: this is just getting obnoxious to read

edge: HEY 

edge: listen up you fucking cartridge tilt

Thunder Thot: Marx, no!

edge: tone down the god damn just galacta about 300 semitones ok

edge: can't see shit

Thunder Thot: Marx, this is serious!

enterprisingIntellect: Galacta... It's really you?

enterprisingIntellect: I never thought I'd actually have a chance to speak with you...

Thunder Thot: Magolor, you of all people should know why this is very bad!

enterprisingIntellect: I can take them.

Thunder Thot: YOU REALLY CAN'T.

Thunder Thot: Please, just remove them Dedede!

THE KING: let's give them a chance, at least!

THE KING: sure they're connecting to the chat via some kind of eldritch mind link but hey we've all had some close encounters with unimaginable void creatures, right?

Galacta Knight: W̻̼̺̰ͥ̀ ̼͔͓̙ͯ͂͂̕̕H̦͇͍̠̟͆̈́̄͝ ͈̯̮͉̩ͩ͒̓ͪ͊̆́̈Yͩ̿̿̍͌̉҉̣̜̮͝ ͕͖̻̳̤̥͍̓ͯ͆̉͞ ͇̪̖̙͙̮͓͕̓̓̒̃ͯ ͪ̇͌̅͜͏҉̗̟̦̭̲A̢͕̝̰͖̐͛ ̶̛̳̭͈̻͔̬̏ͪ͊̓͛ͯM̨̧͇̼̩̠̰͔͔͍̌̒ͮ ̶͉̜̜̘̫̐͒̇̈́͑ͤ͜͜ ̸̶͇̼ͫ̄͊ͥ̈̊̄ ̛̘̱̮̾ͯͣͣͩ̾̓̾͠Ì̧̬̻̼̦̰̥̯̈͐͒ͨ̄̑͢ ̦̪̤̬̣̻̹̪͗̂ ͓͈͍̰̜͆̌͢ ̓̅̀ͬ̅҉̲̖H͚̮̟͐̌͐͛ ̜͕̼̹̘͉̹͖̇̽̀̂̎̈ͧͪ͢Ẻ̓ͯ҉̳͇ ̍͛ͧͫ͑̚͏̧̛̱̻͙̩R̛̥̱̭̲̲̻̤̀͐̊͑͊̈́̉̌͝ ̹̪̮͈̥̇͛E̢̜̩͕̲̯͗̏̉ ̶͉̩̗̼̦̜̙̅̒̏͑͌̋̀ͫ͟ͅ ̵̶̫͚̑́̀ͭ̈ ̘͇ͩ?̷̯̦͈̺͇̣ͣ̄ͦͅ

THE KING: see? they toned it down like marx asked.

Thunder Thot: Francisca and Flamberge won't even touch their phones, they're too terrified... 

THE KING: @Galacta Knight you're here to make friends.

Galacta Knight: ̭̠̩̘͙̳̾ͯͤ̍ͥ̃͠ ̫ͬ̐ H̰̫̳̫̥́͠ ̵͎̭̠͇͋͗͑̔A̓̒̌ ͓͕̦̖͉̬͚̏́̽̊̒̾͡V̝̣̜̭̼ͪͅ ͙̰͍̹̤̮̬͑̂͢E̩̝̗̖ͨ͐ͯ͌ ̯̜ ̭̭̘̻̀̂̎͋̚ ̖̻̜̏̐̄ͥ͑̐͘Nͧ̉ͫ̿̍҉͕̗̞ ̴̝̪͍ͤͣ̅̋O̯̻̬͙̜̰̪ ͍̜̺̥ ̵͈͉̺̠̋͐̽ ̷̯̦͖̃̔̾͊Ṵ͉͕̠̀̃̽̾ ̃͐̋͝S̤̤̦̝͈̜͉̓ Ē̻̘͕̘͖͚ͫ ̡̮ ̡̝̱̮̲͎̤̈̒͌̆̃̂̔ͅ ͬ̎́͗̇̒͐F͓̠̫̞̙͉̥͐ͩ ̀̓̂̅͆̄ͮO̡ͫͧ ͍͠R̂ ̭̫ͮ̇̃ͣ̊ ͉͎ͤ̓͋̄̉̀̎ ͇͉ͣ͝S̪̥̩̺͒͌͊̌ ̩͎̘̻̃̿ͬ̅ͥ̂U̹͈̗͋̀͋ͨ ̫̼ͮ̉́C͔͎͍̽̈ͧ ͚̘͉̺̞̇̃̊̋H̜̕ ͍̰̻̽ ̲̘̣͓̳͍ͥ ̯̊̀̇͠T̠̖͈̝ ̶̮̝̾̀͒̾H̢̠̆̈́ͧ̃̽͊ ̰͙̻̗̦̿ͣ̿I̭̫̮̝̝͊͢ ̡͐N͈͚̼͎͚̗̤̓̏ ̮͙̘̼ͭ̉̾́ͯG̟̱̥̪̹̜͍͝ ͉̠̘̭̳̦ͦͤ̒̐̂̓S͚͔͉̤͍̬͑ ͈̮̟͇̥̖̌̆̑ͪ͜ ̦̺̩̜̿ͤͫ́ͦ͂ ̮̗̘̰͛̇̃̓ͬ̏.ͭ̈̑ͨ̎̚͘

edge: see that one always sounds so appealing

Galacta Knight:İ̖͉̼̌ ̼͔̀͒ ̶̤̺͉̤̭̄̔͊̆ ̱͉̗͍̮̈ͥͩͩͮH͙̼̳̙̪͕̭ͮ͘ ̭̹̞̻̅Aͭ̄ͮ͘ ҉̜̞͉V ͓͉̥̬ͨ̀̓͘E̢͚̦̫͕̘̥̍ͫ̍ ̞̜͈̝ͨ̓ͪ͑͒͑̚ͅ ͉ͣ ̉ͨ͐͛͌̚L̯͍ͧ̒̄͡ ̸̤̃̾̾ͦ̽̎̓I͔̬̟ ͇͚̾̑̕V͎̬̞͖͍͇ ̦̒̃̈́͝E͓͇͍ ̢͆̎ͦD̝̗̪̪̩̳ͯ͊̀ͥ͗ͅ ̷̲͉̫̘̲ͫͅ ̎ ͎̲ͤ̍ͤͭ͑ͤF̱̙̥ͨ͛̃̃̀̄̎͟ ̨ͧͫO͙̖̩ͨ̓͌̋ͥ̉ͣ ͈͔̪̜͐̅̍̏ͮR̨̰̲̹̫̝ͩ͑ͅ ̜̩̳͚ͩ̆̍͛̎ͭ͛͢ ̩̰ ͔̦̗̥͍̣̜̎͛ͪͪẸ̽ ̼͈͕̞̗̪̫̏̄̒͗ͯŎ̦̱͙ͮ͋̃̈́ ̨̳̈ͬ͌͌N̷̫̼̤̓ͩͩ̄́ͩͧ ͖͎̑͑͗͠Ş̞̘͇͚̃̐ͩ̎̊̈ ̮̖͍̪̲͚̮̇ ̋ ̢̳̖̙͔͎.ͣ͌ͧ̇ͫ̂͐ ͯ̍̈́̀̾̕ ͖̣͖͓̺̩ͭ̓̾͑͘ͅ ̘̩̦͋͛̾ͭ.̺̙̞ͩ̏͑̽ͨͅ ̸ͯ̇ͥͭͭͭ ̯̻͓̊̽ ̛̟͎̯̺ͦ̀̐ͬ͊̏̌ͅ.͈̥̻̹̞̤ͬ̋ ̯̗̥̲̦̖̇̍͂͂̍͡ ̠͊̆͞ ͊̎ͣͥ̓ͯͦI̵̘̦͍̙͓̊ͭ͐ ̮̘̩̠̘̟̼ͬ͑ ̙̣̦́́̋̆ ̝ͯT͖̓̊ͅ ̨̣̎H́͒̒̈҉̣̦̗̼͖̻ ̴ͪ̿Ị̺̬ͫ͠ ̶̮͓̣̎ͅN͖̞̝̻̠ͯ͋̉ ̵̮̱̲̞͌͑K̝̠͊̆ ̛͍̼͎̹̩͎̽ͯ̿ ̜̪̺̱̦̗ͦͨ͛̃ͭ̀̎ ̴̻͔̞ͦͤI̼͆͛̍ ̶ ̲̟̰̻̖̻̥̀̎ͦ̍̚ ͓͖͍̃͆̏͗ͦ̂̇͡ W̵̜͓̲̱̥̉̀̏͊́̔͒ ̹͉̓͊͐ͣ̇̊͒O͓͎ͭ͆ͨͧ͢ ̣͓̬̲͈̗͂̓̈̏ͩ̕U͎͘ ̬͐̔̄̊̍̓̇Ḽ͈͈̞̟̞͠ D̙̰̬ͅ ̆̿ͫ͊͏̳͙͔̖͖ͅ ̲̼̘̼̩̟̊ͅ ̙̫̯͉̰ͤ̄K͚̹̮̫͙̃̇̚ ͉̫̮̒͐̃̂̐̐ͨN͢ ̟͇̗̝́̓̿̈́̾̌̃Ȏ̩̲̲̒̒ ̭͉͈̠͗͌ͪ͝W͒͋̋̌͑̓͌ ͎̥͡ ̯̦̭͋ͯ̇̌ ͎̦̤̓͂ͥͥ.̶̞͉̫̤̭͙͖̂͑ͫ͌ͯ

edge: this damn chat has been too serious lately

edge: you know what we need in here?

enterprisingIntellect: ?

edge: memes

edge: lots of them

vriska: did somebody say  m e m e s ?

edge: yeah see the creepy spider baby knows what's up

edge: @Galacta Knight do you know what a meme is

Galacta Knight: N̳̳̖̼ ͖͝O̼̩̝̹̬ ̹͔̙̞͢.͓̘̘͝

edge: see that's your problem

edge: you gotta learn to laugh instead of be all weird and put glitches all over my screen

edge: does that turn off by the way?

Galacta Knight: T̳͎̯͖͍̱ͅ ̧̠̝͈̺Ḥ̭͇̗̞͝ͅ ̢̬I̤̱ ̲̞͈͢S̖̦ ҉͈͙̳̹͇ ͓͈ͅ ͖M̻̣̪̪͚̟̫ ̳̣̞̲̼̱E ̠̻̰̞̝͎T̙̙̼͠ ̥Ḩ͖͇̩͓̫̟ ̜̬͟O̞͙͇͙̻̬̖ ͞D̥̙̦͓͘ ҉͚͔̥ ̤̖ ̫̬̩̻̟̟͔O̦͕͈̖͝ ̧̝̣F̴̯̣͙̼͚ ͟ ͖͟ ̳̥̯͔̠̳C̠ ̰͕͉͙̠͉ͅO̮̱̲͡ ̠̫̝̮M̳͔ ̷̻͕͕͔̳͓M̖̞͍̝͎͡ ̗͔̹U͓̖͎̺͕͡ͅ ̺͍̜͔̦͖̱N͙̻ ͇̝͙I̶̝ ͠C̣͚̫̺͈̦ ̩ͅA̬̬̥͕͉̳͘ ̮̣̕T͓̼̩̹̭̠ ҉̙̠̳I̜̠ ̞̦O̩̜͇̤ ͉Ṉ̴͉ ͏͙̤͇̤͕̻ ͍̻ ͘I͖ ̖̘S͕̜̤͎̙͇ ̻̻̥̻͉̞͇ ̷̞̫̲̪͚ ҉.̜̮̺̖͕̺͢ ͓͞.̝̻̻̣̞͎͈ ̣̻̣̜͎ͅ.̮͚̜̭͞ ̛͕̟͈͈ ͢ ̼͓̗̹̦̺͇N̡͇̰̹͉ ̠͈͉̩͢E҉̤͓̟ ͕͖W͏͔̳̠̻̘͔ͅ ̧͖̻͚̙̬̰ͅ T̲͉͍̮̭ ̹̪͔O̠͚̥̠̟͢ ҉̳̟̣M̥ͅ E̲̪͍ ͎͈̜ ̸ .͇̘̗͍̰̼͜

edge: eh maybe some day

edge: look look see this

edge: what do the words 'sans undertale releases despacito 3 & knuckles (featuring dante from the devil may cry series)' mean to you

vriska: marx that's way too advanced.

Thunder Thot: Marx... It's really nice to see you  trying to make friends, but you're in over your head with this thing.

edge: my fate has been sealed

edge: you told me i couldn't do it

edge: now my only motivation is SPITE

Fuckhands McMike: D:

vriska: oh boy.

Galacta Knight: D͏ES..͝.͞PA҉...̴C͡I̕T҉O͡.͘.̸.

edge: they're LEARNING

vriska: so this is the weight of creation.

THE KING: how about this, marx takes galacta knight to the land of their dms and marx can teach them all about memes and maybe how to not do the glitchy thing.

THE KING: sound good?

Thunder Thot: Better than them being here.

Daddy: Sounds alright, my apologies for lurking.

enterprisingIntellect: Once they're calmed down a tad, I wouldn't mind discussing some things with them.

Fuckhands McMike: they seem... interesting...

Daddy: They'll have a harem at this rate.

enterprisingIntellect: You'd know a thing or two about harems, wouldn't you?

Daddy's Little Monster: what's a harem???

THE KING: by royal decree this conversation topic begone

enterprisingIntellect: This abuse of power... Father, how could you sink so low...!?

Daddy: Hey, you finally called him dad.


Daddy: What is that.

THE KING: it's a smiley face but like with a little crown on it

Daddy: Oh

Daddy: My god?

Fuckhands McMike: oh my goodness that's so cute...

enterprisingIntellect: What, no Homestuck jokes Susie?

Daddy: Not towards father.

enterprisingIntellect: I see.

Fuckhands McMike: careful! you'll summon daroach.

Daddy: Not even Daroach can stand against my overwhelming crush on Rose Lalonde.

enterprisingIntellect: That... Explains a lot.

Thunder Thot: What's she like?

Daddy: Goth, purple, attractive. 

Thunder Thot: I see...

Fuckhands McMike: oh my god.

Daddy: ?

Fuckhands McMike: nothing!


-Villains Anonymous-

edge: alright you fucks

edge: can i get a check on whether you're all ready for the new and improved galacta knight

edge: are the mages gonna have another panic attack

I can't read: I just might.

Daddy's Little Monster: susie's been a big hep keeping everyone calm!!!

edge: fantastic whatever so long as you don't shit your pants after one notification im gucci

edge: @Galacta Knight 

edge: go on

edge: show em what's up



enterprisingIntellect: That was actually my doing, but you know.

edge: step off mags lemme run down the patch notes

edge: they're still thinking in all caps but they're totally a master of memes

edge: we got classics we got new shit who KNOWS what they could come out with at any given moment they're a god damn unstable crucible of meme energy

edge: even removed herobrine

Daddy: Can't have a patch without that.

Fuckhands McMike: !!!!!!!!

edge: that's right look at all those marks of exclamation

edge: or should i say

edge: marx's exclamation of how much we don't have to mope around this cryptid

enterprisingIntellect: What, not going to rate your own pun?

edge: my puns are automatically 20/10

Fuckhands McMike: actually, i just really like minecraft...

Fuckhands McMike: but this is great too! i wasn't afraid to begin with, but this is nice...

Daddy: Minecraft is pretty great.

Galacta Knight: YES. MINED CRAFTS. YES.

edge: see i don't actually think they have much of a clue what they're going on about but hey the wonder triplets don't need to shit themselves anymore

edge: can we please just

edge: go back to being dumbasses now

Daddy: Bold of you to assume any of us stopped.

THE KING: i'm sending all of this to meta and he's uh, well

THE KING: he seems pretty floored

THE KING: i think he'll need some time to comprehend the fact that marx taught galacta how to meme.

Galacta Knight: DID YOU SAY META

Galacta Knight: AS IN META KNIGHT?

THE KING: absolutely not i in fact meant our friend meta who's name is short for

THE KING: metal 

Galacta Knight: METAL. 

THE KING: metal! which is short also for uh

THE KING: metal??? sonic???

Galacta Knight:

Galacta Knight:

Daddy: Oh, hey, they can do that too.


THE KING: no actually he's really weak and puny

edge: he's so dumb he destroyed his own battleship for no reason

THE KING: yeah! like, who does that?

Galacta Knight: A FOOL.


edge: i am so proud

vriska: what have you created.

I can't read: Somehow I can't tell if this is more or less terrifying. 




I can't readMust've been really nice.

vriska: you good?

vriska: fransisca?


-Villains Anonymous-

edge: hey uh

edge: not that i care that much or anything 

edge: but has anyone heard from susie or the mages? because uh

edge: i'm on halfmoon right now

edge: and i can see their ship kinda wiggling through space in a not very organized and susie-ish way

edge: should i go and check it out or

THE KING: uh?? yes??

edge: alright cool 


-Villains Anonymous-

edge: alright i got a damage report

Fuckhands McMike: damage..?

edge: i just teleported inside since everything looked fine from outside and 

edge: everything's just completely frozen

edge: or at least a lot of stuff is

THE KING: is francisca ok?

enterprisingIntellect: Her message's text was strange, the one she sent right before the chat went silent for a bit.

enterprisingIntellect: It could well be that she's having a rather dangerous reaction to the presence of Galacta Knight.

edge: man what the fuck did i say about things being serious

edge: i swear to god i'm gonna do the meanest fucking fortnite taunt when i see them and they'll crack up and everything will be stupid again

enterprisingIntellect: You play Fortnite?

edge: absolutely not i have taste

THE KING: just please make sure everyone's ok in there.

Fuckhands McMike: please!

edge: man where's daroach when you need him

edge: didn't he say he has experience with frozen stuff

edge: i mean it'd make sense for him to break into where francisca lives and return the favour

edge: oh wait shit i found them

edge: they're all kinda crowded around francisca who is

edge: completely encased in ice

edge: i don't think they've noticed me yet which is wack because every time i send a message susie's computer makes a noise

enterprisingIntellect: What's their condition?

edge: flamberge's trying to talk to her while also trying to melt the ice

edge: zan is asking susie what to do

edge: susie isn't facing me so i have no idea what she's doing but she's just kinda standing there from what i can see

edge: i think this is my time to shine boys (feat. claycia)

Fuckhands McMike: thanks, marx.


Marx tentatively stepped into the room, slowly walking towards the commotion. Susie heard his approach, whipping around with Zan following her actions, both of them setting their eyes upon the jester before them. Zan immediately drew her weapon and held it in front of Susie, who was looking at Marx with caution.

"Who are you!? How did you get here?" Zan barks in Marx's direction, he rolls his eyes.

"It's me, Marx. Nice to meet you too." 

Zan lowers her weapon, sighing in relief. Susie turns back to Francisca before speaking:

"After reading Galacta Knight's last message, her magic went completely out of control, some of the engines are stalling due to the lowered temperature and Flamberge is struggling to melt the enchanted ice. The only way to make it stop spreading seems to be Francisca..." Susie spoke gravely, her breath fogging up before her face. Marx didn't particularly mind the cold, but he still found himself fidgeting in the suddenly serious situation. Zan turns to Susie with a worried expression.

"I'm sure she can be consoled, it's just that she can't hear us under all that ice! If she's left alone under there..." Zan's words caused Susie's eyes to snap open, she'd heard something like that before. Susie shivers as she bows her head, mind racing with too many plans to focus on, none of them seeming like they'd work...

Marx grumbles, after his 'therapy' with Kirby, he'd learned to deal with his own issues through humour, and it had mostly worked! The only problem was that any kind of serious situation made him nervous, as if all his growth could be undone in an instant.

"Well - I could do something?" Marx blurts, locking his eyes on the entombed Francisca; Flamberge turns to look at Marx with pleading eyes.

"Marx, if not even Flamberge's fire could stop it-" Zan is cut off by Susie covering her mouth.

"I'll admit, Marx, I don't know a lot about you..." Susie looks slightly down on Marx due to their height difference.

"But all sources claim that your power is not to be trifled with. Do what you must; but blowing up the ship won't get us anywhere." Zan's eyes widen at that, this little thing could be that strong!?

Marx stared intently at Francisca, Flamberge nervously moving aside to stand with her sister and Susie. The jester looked down toward the ground, smiling. Zan had fought Marx before, but all he'd done was laugh and kick beach balls at her! Kirby and the others did most of the work, what could possibly do!? She huffed, watching to see what kind of sorry excuse for an attack this creature would cough up.


An eerie song begins to play...

Suddenly, shining golden wings emerge from Marx's body! Rainbow scales made of light fill the space in his wingspan and Marx's eyes turn snake-like as he charges his attack! Both mages gasp in shock as the jester folds his wings inward, while Susie cast her eyes towards one of the many screens located inside the ship, checking the red recording light is still on.

...What? No use wasting good data like this.

A flash of light indicates Marx's attack was fully charged, he all at once unfolded his wings to release a horde of spinning blades! Nova's power... It was enough to cut through the ice! Francisca's almost unconscious body fell limply to the floor. Marx returned to normal, Zan being frozen in shock as Flamberge immediately ran towards her sister.

"You... You held back on me..." Zan chokes out through her mounting fear... What was he?


-Villains Anonymous-

edge: update 

edge: francisca froze most of the inside of the ship including herself because galacta made her mad

edge: but nobody could get through her ice cause it was magic or whatever

edge: so i had to flex some nova power

edge: but it's all good by the looks of it they're all talking to her now while i sit in the corner being smug

enterprisingIntellect: Of course, dear Nova...

enterprisingIntellect: A magnificent creation, indeed.

edge: what do you got a crush or something

enterprisingIntellect: It could surely crush me, with little effort mind you.

enterprisingIntellect: The clockwork comets are some of the greatest creations of my people.

edge: well thanks to their arts and crafts project i have wings and can cut little girls out of glaciers

edge: thanks magalor's great great great whatever grandpa

THE KING: is she ok?

edge: looks it


edge: wait did you always speak like an old dude


vriska: personally i think this galacta is far more terrifying than before.


vriska: jesus christ marx how advanced did you get?


Galacta Knight:


edge: i think susie's giving me a 'get off your damn phone and help us' look

edge: that'd be my cue to bust out the fortnite taunts and blow this crowd away

THE KING: i cannot believe you.

edge: best start believin pop cause francisca is currently losing it over my 'use my phone while dancing' technique


edge: this next one doesn't use my phone so i guess i'll have to not answer that question that i totally would answer otherwise if not for the fact that i need to not be using my phone

edge is now away!

enterprisingIntellect: I hate him. So much.

THE KING: sure.

THE KING: hey claycia wait you like shipping right

THE KING: hows that for ya, magamarx.

enterprisingIntellect: BEGONE

Fuckhands McMike: *sweats nervously, looking at my shipping wall*





Fuckhands McMike: did he get so mad... the chat can't handle it?

Fuckhands McMike: oh my... 

enterprisingIntellect: Just putting a technique in practice is all! 

enterprisingIntellect: A wise man once said not to take every little thing as a declaration of war, you know.

THE KING: no, that was kirby. kirby said that. you're trying to cover the fact that you listened to kirby.

THE KING: why do you even try to be a sasuke anymore dude we've got you all figured out, no shame in it.

enterprisingIntellect: *sigh*.

THE KING: at least you didn't blow up on us though, good job.

enterprisingIntellect: Thank you, father.

vriska: you know

vriska: i don't think i've seen daroach at all today

vriska: isn't that weird?

THE KING: after last time, let's give it a bit before we raise any alarms. i'm sure he's fine.












-Villains Anonymous-




The Rat That Makes The Rules: I AM THE FUCKING STRONG



-Villains Anonymous-

vriska: i worry about him sometimes.



Chapter Text



~Starchild~: hey dee~!

Marshmallow: oh hey kirby!

~Starchild~: how's the party prep going?

Marshmallow: workin with the squeaks is makin things go a lot easier

Marshmallow: i'm not gonna be askin where they got half this stuff anytime soon but

Marshmallow: hey! it just works.

~Starchild~: that's daroach for you!

~Starchild~: he just works.

Marshmallow: i worry about his sleepin habits though

Marshmallow: it's like he's a completely different person as soon as the clock strikes 12...

~Starchild~: such is the way of the roach.

~Starchild~: he's a real mystery!

~Starchild~: i wonder... maybe it's because of dark nebula?

Marshmallow: i heard he was a real pushover.

~Starchild~: yeah, easy for people who didn't fight him to say!!

Marshmallow: hehe

Marshmallow: it's not often i get to see the salt behind all that sugar!

~Starchild~: i mean come on! you don't see me telling mario that dry bowser is a total wimp, just cause he looks a little different!

~Starchild~: so inconsiderate! :(

Marshmallow: the worst!

Marshmallow: hey speakin of when am i gettin invited to one of those thingies

~Starchild~: super smash bros? it's a secret!

~Starchild~: a secret to everybody.

Marshmallow: >:(

~Starchild~: :3c

Marshmallow: >>:(

~Starchild~: woah

~Starchild~: you got so mad you grew a whole two extra eyebrows!

Marshmallow: they're my ANGER BROWS.

Marshmallow: for SERIOUS CONFLICTS.

~Starchild~: void termina shakes in fear.

~Starchild~: anyways, angry boy, you have a party to plan, and i have friends to talk about your party with!

Marshmallow: good point, we still good for tommorow?

~Starchild~: yeah! i'll make sure i check with everyone else while i'm making my hourly friend appreciation rounds.

Marshmallow: you are the purest creature on this planet.

~Starchild~: <3


The Shadow Realm


~Starchild~: hey guys!

The Name You Should Know: ʞƆ∩Ⅎ ƎH┴ ┴∀HM

The Black Wind Howls: Kirby!? How did you- you aren't even IN this group chat! How did you get in here!?

~Starchild~: i clicked on it!

The Black Wind Howls: I hate you.

Black Sheep: hi kirby!

~Starchild~: hi kirby!

The Black Wind Howls: don't fraternize with him!

~Starchild~: hi dark meta knight!


The Name You Should Know: NI┴SƎſ noʎ ʎlǝɹns

~Starchild~: oh come on now, be nice!

~Starchild~: kirby, are you coming to bandanna dee and daroach's party?

Black Sheep: of course!

The Black Wind Howls: Kirby! Where is your proper typing? 

Black Sheep: Oh, right. Buh.

Black Sheep: Yes! I'm gonna come, can I bring these two as well?

~Starchild~: sure! all friends are welcome!

The Black Wind Howls: Fool... You would knowingly open up a path through the Mirror, knowing full well what we are capable of?

~Starchild~: yes.

The Black Wind Howls: Ha! Such idiocy! Kirby, Dedede! Gloat with me.

The Black Wind Howls: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

The Name You Should Know: ɐɥ

Black Sheep: Yay~!

The Black Wind Howls: Kirby! Put that marking away at once! I will not tolerate such a tone!

~Starchild~: you know, dark meta knight...

~Starchild~: there's gonna be tons of strong people at this party!

~Starchild~: if you do anything funny, i won't even have to lift a finger.

The Black Wind Howl: Yes, but of course! The strong, overpowering scent of new challengers...

The Black Wind Howls: My, how tempting.

~Starchild~: wow oh my god that is 

~Starchild~: are you ok?

The Black Wind Howls: My lust for combat... It cannot be matched.

The Black Wind Howls: It has even shaken you!

~Starchild~: no, it's actually just that you being horny is really uncomfortable to read.



~Starchild~: well, i said what i needed to! i'll see you all at the party~!

The Name You Should Know: pɹOM ┴∀H┴ MONʞ ∩O⅄ Op MOH ¿⅄q∀q ∀ ∩O⅄ ┴,NƎɹ∀

~Starchild~: you pick things up from daroach.

The Name You Should Know: OHM

~Starchild~: and that's my cue to leave! see you later guys!

Black Sheep: Bye, Kirby!

The Black Wind Howls: Your death swiftly approaches!

Kirby has left the group chat!

The Black Wind Howls: Seriously, though, how did he get in here?

The Black Wind Howls: I swear he knows something we don't... How infuriating.

The Black Wind Howls: And what's this about 'not having to lift a finger', that raspberry stain doesn't even HAVE any fingers!

The Name You Should Know: sn ɟo ʎuɐ op ɹǝɥʇᴉǝu ʎllɐɹǝʇᴉl

The Black Wind Howls: Perish.


Taste the Rainbow


~Starchild~: hey elline!

Taste the Rainbow: oh, hello Kirby!

~Starchild~: are you excited for bandanna dee and daroach's party?

Taste the Rainbow: yes! i'm so very excited! Claycia and i are gonna both come, definitely!

Taste the Rainbow: i heard you have new friends coming?

~Starchild~: mhm! you haven't met even a fraction of my friends!

Taste the Rainbow: you almost make it sound threatening...

Taste the Rainbow: i've met Ado and Bandanna Dee, i've talked to Ribbon...

Taste the Rainbow: i met Dedede and Taranza that one time!

~Starchild~: oh yeah! that was fun, i had no idea taranza was also visiting that day.

Taste the Rainbow: that grape juice went everywhere though.

~Starchild~: oh my god right? it was so fun!

Taste the Rainbow: people died, Kirby.

Taste the Rainbow: so many Waddle Dees, drowned before their prime.

Taste the Rainbow: you're a monster.

~Starchild~: no, i'm kirby! and you're overdramatic!

Taste the Rainbow: >:(

~Starchild~: man i'm making everyone pull out their anger brows today

~Starchild~: for serious conflicts.

Taste the Rainbow: are we still hanging out tomorrow, you wretched fiend?

~Starchild~: i don't know... can you bear to occupy space in my evil presence?

Taste the Rainbow: i think i'll manage.

Taste the Rainbow: just!

~Starchild~: ok! that's great, it's me, you, dee and marx, i still gotta double check with marx, so i'll see you in about an hour!

~Starchild~: <3!

Taste the Rainbow: you don't get a heart! you're too evil.

~Starchild~: NO

Taste the Rainbow: yes!


Taste the Rainbow: you'll have to redeem yourself tomorrow!

~Starchild~: D':

~Starchild~: i'll tell claycia on you!

Taste the Rainbow: you wouldn't dare!

~Starchild~: i absolutely wouldn't not dare!

Taste the Rainbow: this blackmail... truly you're the worst of the worst... take it, you horror!

Taste the Rainbow: <3

~Starchild~: yay~! ok now i'm happy gonna go talk to marx now bye!




edge: isn't it time for your hourly friend appreciation rounds

~Starchild~: !!

~Starchild~: yes! how did you know?

~Starchild~: could it be... you have my timetable memorized!?

edge: no what 

~Starchild~: marx! you really are such a good friend!!!

edge: oh my god stop

~Starchild~: <3 <3  <3  <3  <3  <3  <3  <3 


~Starchild~: a reputation of being a wonderful friend!



For the next 15 minutes, this exchange continued, Marx displaying his true tsundere nature.


~Starchild~: oh! i just remembered! i wanted to ask if you were still ok to hang out tomorrow, and for the party!

edge: huh oh yeah that

edge: yeah i'm good

edge: who else is even going aside from everyone in dedede's group chat

~Starchild~: our friends from the mirror world!

edge: you mean underfell meta knight

~Starchild~: underwhat?

edge: nothing

edge: point being something's crawling in his skin and he writes sins not tragedies

~Starchild~: i have no idea what we're talking about!

edge: figures

edge: short dark and ugly aside is there anyone else we might have to deal with

~Starchild~: are you really gonna fight someone there?

edge: i mean if i have to

~Starchild~: marx! you know parties aren't for fighting!

~Starchild~: unless it's like... a fight party...

~Starchild~: a... farty...

~Starchild~: hehehe

edge: nice

edge: listen i just wanna bite some ankles and/or smite people with the power of an ancient sentient comet

edge: is that so wrong

~Starchild~: :|

edge: don't make that face at me you know this is how i live

~Starchild~: well maybe i'll fight you!

edge: no

~Starchild~: hah! i knew it!

~Starchild~: you don't wanna hurt me, do you marx?


~Starchild~: it's ok marx, i get it.

~Starchild~: because we're best friends, i don't wanna hurt you either!


Villains Anonymous


Daddy: Marx just made the most unearthly noise I have ever heard, what the fuck.

THE KING: he's still there?

Daddy: He just kind of never left.

Daddy's Little Monster: he's really good at this dancing game susie has!!!!!

Daddy: Going to investigate the source of Marx's noises.

Daddy: At peak Homestuck o'clock, wouldn't you know it.

enterprisingIntellect: Hah.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: *Taps the triple star against my hand menacingly*

THE KING: man claycia really is rubbing off on you

Fuckhands McMike: uwu...




edge: god you're such a sap

~Starchild~: heh, i know...

edge: but as a side note susie is currently pestering me

~Starchild~: you're with susie!? :O!

~Starchild~: tell her i said hi! tell her, tell her!

edge: didn't you already talk to her in your friend appreciation?

~Starchild~: yes but! tell her i said hi again!!

edge: Hello Kirby. I have commandeered the goblin child's phone.

edge: He is biting my nonexistent ankles as we speak.

~Starchild~: SUSIE! hi!!!!!!!!

edge: Hello.

edge: Again.

edge: I won't invade his privacy, but I can see that it was something you said that made him make such a strange sound of what I now think may have been delight.

edge: Please, keep being kind to him, Kirby.

~Starchild~: oh you bet! 

edge: Thank you. He's biting my head now, I'm going to give the phone back.

edge: HHHHHH



~Starchild~: nope!

edge: ok good

edge: bluh look at all her fucking WORDS 

~Starchild~: are you staying with susie right now?

edge: i stayed last night since i was around and she's got like 4 spare rooms

edge: had to come by and do some, y'know

edge: cleaning

~Starchild~: oh! are you trying to earn money?

edge: no just

edge: stuff happened

~Starchild~: marx...

edge: look i told you it's fine

edge: it wasn't anything too serious francisca just had a happy little accident and i was in the area so i stopped their ship from crashing

edge: i'm a real supahstar warrior and all that

~Starchild~: well, i'm really happy about that! i just worry that you won't be able to keep living the way you do...

edge: being homeless isn't THAT bad

edge: i like it this way

~Starchild~: >:(

edge: don't give me that

edge: besides you've made it abundantly clear that i can just crash at your place and when travel isn't really an issue for me that's fine

edge: even though your house is small as hell

~Starchild~: it's cozy!

edge: yeah

edge: cozy

~Starchild~: well, as long as you're sure it's ok...

~Starchild~: then i'm fine too! poyo~!

edge: there we go

edge: i'll figure something out for tonight when i feel like it

edge: till then i'm gonna go play more just dance with flamberge

~Starchild~: have fun!

~Starchild~: <3


edge: <3


Villains Anonymous


Daddy: Kirby and Marx, sittin' in a tree

Daddy: Having a healthy and supportive friendship that enriches both of their lives.

Fuckhands McMike: awwwwwwww...

edge: i will bite you again

Fuckhands McMike: a-agaiN!?

Daddy: It's a story. An absolute sequence of events that occurred.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Kinky space lesbian actually kinky space bi?

Daddy: No, this wasn't kinky biting.

Daddy: It was 'I'm going to rip your face off, give me back my phone' biting.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Fair, me and claycia are still top bisexual buddies 

Fuckhands McMike: :)!

Thunder Thot: Did you all know that Marx is a proficient dancer? Watching him demolish Flamberge at this game is quite a sight.

Daddy: She's trying so hard, bless her heart.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Be a good daddy and cheer for her susie

Daddy: Cease.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: You can change your nickname is all i'm gonna say

enterprisingIntellect: That's a point.

Daddy: Have you considered that perhaps I like being called Daddy? It exudes power.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Oh my fucking god

Fuckhands McMike: i can't tell if she's being serious or not...

enterprisingIntellect: Such is the way of the Susie.


edge: read em and weep

Daddy: It's like having your senses enhanced when one is removed, except for Marx it's with limbs.

edge: having no arms isn't so bad

edge: could be worse

edge: i could have ligma

The Rat That Makes The Rules: RUN FOR COVER

Daddy's Little Monster: wait, what?

edge: you never heard of ligma?

Daddy: Don't worry Flamberge, it's nothing to worry about.

Thunder Thot: But wait, I'm curious! What's ligma?


edge: ladies and gentlemen

edge: we gottem


The Rat That Makes The Rules: F

enterprisingIntellect: F.

vriska: f.

THE KING: this is what happens when i leave y'all alone

THE KING: i'm never taking a nap again.

Chapter Text


Villains Anonymous


Daddy: Greetings.

Daddy: Don't hide from me now, I know you dysfunctional bastards are still awake.

vriska: susie this isn't how hide and seek works, you can't use hurtful words to make me come out.

Daddy: Oh, right. My apologies.

Daddy: Red robin.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: YUM

Daddy: Found you.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: FUCK

vriska: daroach you suck at this game.

Daddy: How are you all, this beautiful morning?

vriska: i'm laying on my back looking at the stars on top of the old castle.

vriska: so, yeah actually this is really beautiful.

Daddy: That's...

Daddy: Soft, that's it.

Daddy: Very soft of you.

vriska: i am in fact very soft in terms of personality and skin.

vriska: i have fuzz.

Daddy: That's adorable.

vriska: i'm adorable.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: I'm drinking hot sauce and dming claycia

Daddy: Why would you do that to yourself?

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Dude what claycia's fucking rad

Daddy: You know what I meant.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: I like the kick

Daddy: Right.

Fuckhands McMike: s-susie.. you think talking to me... hurts?

Daddy: No! God, no!

Fuckhands McMike: i can't believe you would... say that about me...

Fuckhands McMike: :''''(

Daddy: Make it stop!

Fuckhands McMike: tell me i'm your best friend.

Daddy: We hardly interact!

Fuckhands McMike: :'''''''''(

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Claycia what the fuck i thought i was your best friend

Fuckhands McMike: you're my second best friend

Fuckhands McMike: susie will be my third!

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Who's the first

Fuckhands McMike: elline <3

vriska: wholesome

Daddy: Well, they do say there's nothing better than falling in love with your best friend.

Daddy: Unless you feel like you'd mess up your friendship, should you confess.

vriska: who hurt you.

Daddy: Not a particular person.

vriska: how many people hurt you?

Daddy: Oh, You Know.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: She's rapidly approaching 3am form

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Finally the return

Fuckhands McMike: i-i was only kidding susie...

Fuckhands McMike: since you asked us, how's your morning?

Daddy: I'm doing inspections.

Daddy: Zan kept asking to help but she'd be out of her element, this stuff's all Haltmann tech.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Claycia

Fuckhands McMike: wow weird i just got a notification but there's no message here?? weird.

Daddy: You quoted me <3.

Fuckhands McMike: hehe

Daddy: I was thinking of touching down on Popstar for a supply run, without boring you all with the details I'm at about halfway on my current supply load.

Fuckhands McMike: details?

Daddy: Well, it's all science tech stuff, I'm sure it'd bore you all to death.

Fuckhands McMike: i like hearing people ramble!

vriska: you were the one who wanted company, right? 

Daddy: I'm serious! It's for nerds!

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Perfect, claycia and taranza are your exact target audience

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Unlike me, known chad 

Daddy: Well, if you insist.

Daddy: This ship was made for long business trips originally, and it employs Haltmann Spacial Compression technology for supplies.

Daddy: Each Supply Core contains provisions for about 1 month and is hooked up to a large control unit that distributes the stored items to the relevant areas.

Daddy: While compressed, the objects are in a kind of stasis so they can't go bad. I have four cores currently, two of them still full of the stocks loaded onto the ship when I first took it and the other two filled by me.

Daddy: I'm usually pretty paranoid about keeping them full, but outside of this system there are usually resupply stations for galactic travelers who aren't blessed with the ability to just breathe in space or fly by themselves.

Daddy: Lucky bastards.

Daddy: The core I've got plugged in right now is starting to run out, which wouldn't be a problem usually. But this time I want to refill it straight away rather than wait another month.

Fuckhands McMike: wow! that's... nothing like what we have in seventopia!

Fuckhands McMike: there's no real thinking behind anything, me and elline just kind of

Fuckhands McMike: make everything work!

Fuckhands McMike: why is it you're filling it up so soon?

Daddy: W

Daddy: Well-

The Rat That Makes The Rules: For someone who takes herself so seriously you type like an anime character

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Oh my god you and magalor really are the same

Daddy: Fuck off.

Daddy: Not that I don't like him but I'm way better looking.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: SHOTS

vriska: that ramble only slowed down her 3am transformation slightly it seems.

vriska: don't let daroach distract you though, wanna tell us why?

Daddy: It's just that

Daddy: The two cores I filled, they're full of things I picked out, and the rooms that the Mages are staying in are just bland unused spaces.

Daddy: I wanted to go down to Popstar so they could buy things they like, and feel more at home before they eventually move out and stuff.

vriska: if you're looking for a planet-bound home for them, why bother letting them decorate your ship?

The Rat That Makes The Rules: ^

vriska: if you ask me, i think it'd just make saying goodbye harder.

Daddy: They deserve a proper home, I just want them to be comfortable in the meantime.

vriska: and what about you? won't it be depressing, putting all their thing back in storage or letting them leave with them?

vriska: a month can feel like a long time, won't eating all their favourite food make you sad?

Fuckhands McMike: taranza..?

vriska: being lonely's the worst feeling in the world, i think.

vriska: and i also think you're happier spending time with them than you are alone.

vriska: are you gonna deny that?

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Holy shit

The Rat That Makes The Rules: You make a lotta good points but like

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Are you ok?

vriska: looking at the stars makes me think about feelings.

vriska: and living around the things someone else loves can only hurt you, from experience.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Where do you live

vriska: what

The Rat That Makes The Rules: I'm omw

vriska: wh

Daddy: I can send you co-ordinates.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: YEET

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Look out for the big welcoming airship coming to a cloud near you

vriska: susie you little shit this is about YOUR feelings!

The Rat That Makes The Rules: It's about me giving you a hug in t-minus friendship and waking up all my crew at almost three in the fucking morning

Fuckhands McMike: i'm sending you internet hugs!

Daddy: <3

vriska: aw man

vriska: you guys

Daddy: I'll think about it, Taranza.

Daddy: Daroach is right, you do make some valid points.

Daddy: None more valid than yourself, of course.

vriska: too much appreciation...

vriska: come on i'm not emo often let me have this.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Too late

Daddy: I suppose I'll ask them tomorrow if they'd be alright staying with me, but it really just feels...

Daddy: Desperate, I suppose? Clingy? 

Fuckhands McMike: susie i haven't known you for long

Fuckhands McMike: but i love you, ok? you're a great friend!

Fuckhands McMike: so trust me when i say that i think you've earned being a little clingy after living alone for such a long time...

Daddy: You seem as though you've aged all of a sudden, were you always like this?

Fuckhands McMike: it just takes me a while to open up fully is all... when i'm with just you three, i feel at ease.

Fuckhands McMike: that doesn't mean i'm any less uwu, though.

Fuckhands McMike: uwu.

Daddy: Yes, uwu. Very uwu.

vriska: uuwuu.

vriska: oh hey i think i see daroach's ship.

vriska: it's pretty cool.

vriska: i guess it makes sense he isn't using his phone while flying, huh.

vriska: hmm.

vriska: it's going pretty fast.

vriska: i can see where this is going.

Daddy: Have I perhaps made a poor decision?

vriska: wait no he's

vriska: he's up there, i see him.

vriska: he's not at the wheel. what the fuck.

vriska: it's going over me, i think he might've juLKSNGKJM<DF<N<<G<

The Rat That Makes The Rules: BEHOLD THE POWER OF MY STAND

The Rat That Makes The Rules:「COMFORTING CAPE HUGS」

Daddy: Nevermind, perfect.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Taranza doesn't get a heartbreaking backstory chapter yet

The Rat That Makes The Rules: He only gets hugs

vriska: why are you on your phone i'm right here i can just

The Rat That Makes The Rules: gsdhg sfsfs

The Rat That Makes The Rules: QUIT IT

vriska: JUST TALK TO ME 


vriska: MY WHAT???

The Rat That Makes The Rules: It's simple

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Marx got Chapter 1 for a lil bit

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Then it was kinda back to shits and giggles in Chapter 2 but also we had the stuff with Flamberge 

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Then we had the great angstfest between Magalor and Susie

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Then 4 was Galacta with some sprinkles of Francisca 

The Rat That Makes The Rules: And 5 was back to Marx after a bunch of worldbuilding

Fuckhands McMike: i love this family

Daddy: You know Daroach, I think this is why Haltmann was afraid of you.

vriska: you're lucky you're so soft.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: I use conditioner

Daddy: People don't?

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Dark Nebula sure as shit didn't my man was crusty

Daddy: It's not often you refer to a proper noun, well, properly.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Meh

The Rat That Makes The Rules: It's to highlight the crust

Fuckhands McMike: i'm feeling... a love mood.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: You always feel a love mood

Fuckhands McMike: no like... especially

Fuckhands McMike: i love you guys...

Fuckhands McMike: we're like a lil squad within the squad

Fuckhands McMike: with unhealthy sleeping habits

Daddy: And sometimes Daroach talks about eating ass or concepts beyond our comprehension.

Daddy: It's beautiful.

Daddy: Hey wait a fucking minute, why are YOU always up so late?

Fuckhands McMike: u-uh

The Rat That Makes The Rules: she's writing fanfiction

Fuckhands McMike: actually my mood just changed i'm feeling a love mood with the new No Daroach Included dlc

Daddy: A gamer girl after my own heart, Elline is a lucky lady.

Fuckhands McMike: save it for the mages, juliet!

vriska: you can actually be kinda sassy sometimes, huh.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: She's just really invested in her susie ships and gets too flustered to take a compliment

Fuckhands McMike: daroooach...

Daddy: No worries, love, I'm not planning to steal you away anytime soon.

Daddy: Though, I could always make arrangements...

Fuckhands McMike: quit it!!!!!!!!

vriska: why must you bully her like this.

Daddy: Because I love her.

Daddy: Wait, shit, that wasn't-

Daddy: You know what I mean.

Daddy: hmph! unu



Villains Anonymous 

vriska: day six hundred and twelve.

vriska: he's still hugging me.

Daddy: Nice.

vriska: it's only thematically appropriate.

Daddy: Second only to eight hundred and eighty eight.

vriska: true.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Why do i get the sneaking suspicion you guys are talking about a banned topic

Daddy: Say, Taranza, don't you usually become a complete cryptid when tired? You're acting rather normal.

vriska: that's my secret cap.

vriska: i'm always tired.

vriska: no but seriously i had a nap earlier so i wasn't gonna be sleeping anytime soon anyway.

Daddy: Ah.

vriska: what about you? why aren't you eating anyone's hair?

Daddy: Not sure, perhaps doing maintenance sobers me up.

Daddy: If it'd make you feel better I could recreate the effect via alcohol.

vriska: no what the fuck.

Daddy: Fair enough.

vriska: don't scare me like that jesus

Daddy: Aw, you care about me?

vriska: don't even try that! you know i care.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Did you guys know how many arms taranza has

The Rat That Makes The Rules: He has four of them

The Rat That Makes The Rules: FOUR OF THEM

Fuckhands McMike: that's twice as many as i have..!

The Rat That Makes The Rules: And like he meant it when he said he was fuzzy it's like hugging a stuffed animal

Fuckhands McMike: so cute...

The Rat That Makes The Rules: He's hiding now 

The Rat That Makes The Rules: We gottem boys

vriska: daroach really is a chad this is bullying

vriska: but wait

vriska: why would a chad hug a nerd?

The Rat That Makes The Rules: When you put it that way, it's really more of an emotional support headlock

Daddy: Wait a second.

Daddy: Am I going crazy? There's a bottle of wine on the table, did I already drink? Am I hallucinating? Someone ground me.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Your name is susie you were just doing checks on your space ship and talking to your friends

The Rat That Makes The Rules: You said you didn't want to drink tonight, and you were discussing your feelings.

Daddy: Ok, ok. That checks, thanks.

Daddy: Though I honestly wasn't expecting it to be you.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: I work with a man over the age of 60 I of all people should know how to remind someone who's forgetting shit

Daddy: Oh yeah, that guy.

Daddy: Anyways, back to the matter at hand, it couldn't have been Marx that took it; he's been gone for too long.

Daddy: How old is he, anyway?

vriska: come on do you really think that would stop him either way.

Daddy: Marx can do a lot of things, but I'm pretty sure stealing my wine across time and space is beyond his power.

vriska: the mages don't know a lot about daily life things, it's possible that one of them got thirsty and is now having their first drunk experience somewhere on your ship.

Fuckhands McMike: that's... not good...

Daddy: oh shti 

Fuckhands McMike: good luck finding them!! hurry!

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Damn she went ZOOM

The Rat That Makes The Rules: This oughta be a laugh

The Rat That Makes The Rules: And by that i mean it better, because the other alternatives are leaning more on the depressive side and i'm not about that

Fuckhands McMike: hopefully they're alright...



Fuckhands McMike

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Hey are you still awake

The Rat That Makes The Rules: D'you think like

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Susie found the drunk mage

The Rat That Makes The Rules: It's been a while

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Claycia

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Clayciaaaaa




The Rat That Makes The Rules: Dee there is absolutely negative chance you are awake huh

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Absolute degenerate wake yourself

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Ok that was mean i'm sorry

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Taranza fell asleep i can't move

The Rat That Makes The Rules: My airship ain't fit for space travel anyway but like i wanna help

The Rat That Makes The Rules: I'm the softest chad god what has that fucking group chat done to me



Daddy: Help.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: What happened?

Daddy: Things??

Daddy: I found Zan in the bridge and she thought the wine was juice

Daddy: She's crying

Daddy: Whta do I do

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Hug? God you making typos is weird

Daddy: Hugging, ok, hugging.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Is it working?

Daddy: She's talking, give me a minute.

Daddy: She was feeling a little blue before she found the drink because she really wants to be useful to me, but can't do much with the technology on the ship.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Right

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Makes sense, she was like pretty much a servant to that muppet looking fuck

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Got her mind all poisoned and shit, thinking she's gotta live to serve

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Makes me fucking sick

Daddy: Mhm.

Daddy: I'm not gonna recite everything cause, y'know, privacy and all, but I think we'll be ok.

Daddy: She won't let go of me, but that's fine, It's not like my arms will go numb.

The Rat That Makes The Rules:  Yeah arms are for fucking chumps

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Floaty hand gang all the way

The Rat That Makes The Rules: You're sure she's alright?

Daddy: Yes, though I appreciate your worrying. 

Daddy: You aren't nearly the harsh chad you think.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Yeah

The Rat That Makes The Rules: I know

The Rat That Makes The Rules: I got a reputation to uphold is all

Daddy: What was that you said, about character arcs?

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Heh

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Just keep an eye on your drunk girlfriend

Daddy: What, gonna throw up a rose while flipping your cape as you leave?

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Keep talkin' shit and I just MIGHT

Daddy: Speaking of talking, Zan isn't. I think she passed out.

Daddy: Or she's just enjoying the hug.

Daddy: I hope so.

Daddy: Y'know, I don't remember the last time I gave or received a hug? This isn't so bad, I thought it'd be uncomfortable.

Daddy: Father dearest was never much of a hugger.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Me and the Squeaks gotta uphold that tough guy aura y'know

The Rat That Makes The Rules: But when a bro needs a hug

The Rat That Makes The Rules: He needs a hug

The Rat That Makes The Rules: No shame in that

Daddy: I suppose Francisca needed a very special airborne hug?

The Rat That Makes The Rules: MY FUCKING BATHTUB SUSIE

Daddy: You said it wasn't the first time!

The Rat That Makes The Rules: THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S OK

Daddy: Well, she did her best, and that's all that matters.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Whatever you say

The Rat That Makes The Rules: *Throws rose up into the air and flips cape*

The Rat That Makes The Rules: I'm gonna pass out on this plush spider skull

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Seriously he's like the perfect height for that

Daddy: Seems as if we're both stuck in some emotionally charged hugs.

Daddy: Goodnight, Daroach.

The Rat That Makes The Rules: Night Susie


Daroach is a nice guy, you think.

'You' of course being Susie, represented in the second person rather than the third for some reason unbeknownst to you, probably something to do with comfort zones.

Something silly like that.

Regardless, tonight has certainly been a night, you were only planning on a quick maintenance check before bed, but now you've got a lightning mage clinging to you for dear life and some questions that beg asking, such as if she'd like to, oh y'know, live with you for the foreseeable future? No big deal, co-habitation with three ancient mages in a high-tech spaceship can't be too hard or jarring, right? Claycia said you'd earned being a little clingy, but in all your travels across the galaxy, had being clingy really gotten you anywhere? Besides sad, that is. 

Thankfully, that train of thought crashed and burned upon Zan slightly shifting in her sleep. A small lock of her hair tickled the back of your hand and you noticed her hat had fallen off at some point; you'd like to retrieve it for her, but it's in the microwave. Across the room.


How long was she left on her own after finding that drink?

God, you're gonna suck at accommodating them, are you even taking care of yourself properly? No, that's not right, they aren't babies, they can look after themselves to an extent, they just need help adjusting... They need help to feel secure in this new world. You gently run a hand through Zan's hair, suppose she must be feeling pretty secure right now. You hope.

She just mumbled, that's so cute? What the hell? It's nothing discernable, just babbling, but it takes your mind off of the heavy questions. You can figure things out in the morning. For now, you decide to take a leaf out of the great Daroach's book and faceplant directly into Zan's hair as a makeshift pillow.

Smells like lemons.