It was bullshit.
Everything was bullshit.
Here he was, sat in Tony's lap, being assessed by Bruce like he was some...some baby! Well...I mean he was right now but that didn't mean he was happy about it as the group would coo everytime he gave a puff of agitation or kick out a little in a 'grump' as Bucky had so happily called it. Peter looked back at how he'd gotten into this situation.
He was having a bad day.
He woke up late.
Missed breakfast because the Avenger alarm had gone off and Tony had decided he wasn't allowed to fight in this one because he was still technically not an Avenger. He sat in his room on Tony's floor with a pout and a warning that if he left with the suit that he'd be spending the remaining of the day in the 'time out room' He hated that room with a vengance and refused to go in there no matter what. Not even fighting bad guy's was worth it.
So here he was. Sat in his room, being the good 'lil spider' as Clint put it and playing on his x-box. He'd of continued if a crash from down the hall made him freeze up. He popped his webshooters on and walked down the hall. He did his best to stay hidden, he climbed across the walls and looked around. No one was here but a large hole was in the glass. Peter was feeling confidant that it was a random drone that Hulk had chucked and was about to walk away when he heard it. A ray firing up. He didn't have a chance to jump out of the way. Nor a warning before he was shot in the middle of the chest, He let out a squeak and moan as Tony's voice screams above him and everything went to black
It was apparently 30 minutes after that when Peter woke up to Clint bouncing him slightly and cooing at Peter's sleeping form. Peter went a little crazy. He spent 5 minutes pushing against the archer before finally using some of his stength to push Clint back a few feet. That obviously got the attention of the other Avengers and got Clint a small scolding whilst Tony held Peter who spent the next 40 miuntes a crying little mess that no one could calm down, not even Natasha was able to. The only way he calmed down was when Pepper Potts arrived and held him, speaking gently and promising they'd fix it.
He was a little relieved but he wanted to be normal again now and that wasn't happening with the team cooing and 'awwing' anytime he so much as hiccup'd. Then Tony asked the age old question. "Is he potty trained?" A second bout of tantrums later and Peter was sat in Tony's arms being looked over.
Peter sat in his spot as Bruce decided for the fifth freaking time to check his teeth. He almost bit him when Bruce hummed gently. "Ok, Peter's around a year and half. Got a few teeth which is good, as well as his memories he should be idealy fine. But that does mean a certain someone is going to be urm...'looked after' if you get what I mean" Bruce smiled sypathetically at Tony who took a moment to click on and when he did he chuckled.
Peter? Well he wasn't sure what they were talking about, he knew it was something he wouldn't like it with the way they were talking but Peter just huffed.
"Bruce!" He whines a little, looking at the scientist who just smiled at him and ruffled his hair.
"He's got the temperment of a child his age, so he might break out in tears over tripping over or get excited over things like pancakes. It's going to be stressful but for now we can safely assume that he shouldn't regress any further." He booped Peter's nose and that made the boy almost giggle but settle with a glare at the man.
"So...We get to go clothes shopping?" Pepper asks, clarifying it for her self. Bruce nodded and she squealed, grabbing Steve and Nat's arms she turned. "We will handle the clothes. Clint, Bruce and Bucky why don't you get toys and 'supplies'. Tony and Sam can order some furniture and watch him~" She called over her shoulder and left the building before anyone could object.
"No!" Peter yelled after a moment, clicking on that the 'supplies' was something he'd despise. "No! No! No!" He argues and Tony coo's a little.
"Pete, please stop I'm gonna get diabeties." Clint complained as Bucky just grinned at the tot. Bruce gave an eye roll and stretched.
"I'm going to go get some things ready then we can head out. When we get the supplies can you run them back Bucky? You're faster then me and Clint" He reasons and Bucky just nods. Peter groans loudly and rests his head on Tony's chest.
"No." He whines again and Tony just hushes him gently. "Don' wan'" He complains, Tony hums a little and Sam smiles apologetically at Peter before inclining his head to the door.
"Come on Tones, lets get him settled watching some TV yeah?" He smiled a little more and Peter just shook his head.
"No. Ni big!" He froze a bit as he tried to say Tony's name. "Ni....Ni!" He groans in agitation and Tony pretty much melts.
"Could try Dada, pops, daddy?" He teased lightly but he was 100% wanting Peter to try it. The boy stubbornly shook his head. With an eye roll Tony follows Sam into the elevator with the squirming child.
"Ni No!" He argues amd Sam coo's.
"Aww lil guy are you trying to say Tony? Can you try Sam?" He asks and Peter is about ready to launch from Tony's arms and hit him with how calm and condicending he is.
"No!" He growls and wiggles in Tony's grasp, his over sized shirt slipping a little around him. Tony just coo'd a little and kissed his head making Peter growl more. "NO, NI BIG!" He argued with the two. Tony rolled his eyes, walked to the sofa and plopped Peter on a towl. Sam and him both bent down in front of him and Sam started first.
"Pete, we get it. You know you're not meant to be this little, it's hard accepting at the moment but right now you're a baby. Gotta let us look after you." Sam reasoned, Peter shook his head. Tears were running down his face as he shook his head again.
"No." He croaked out. "P'eas. Big" He reasoned, Tony felt his chest tighten and brushed some of those damn curls out of Peter's big doe eyes with a sympathetic smile.
"I know big guy. It's hard but can you try being our good little boy and working with us? I know if I was in your spot I'd hate every bit of this but you gotta let us help. Just to keep you safe. Bruce took your blood and is figuring out how to fix this but right now you gotta work with us ok big guy?" Tony mummbles, petting Peter's hair as the boy sobs a little. "It's so hard I know. I know" He mumbles and Sam snaps a photo. Tony's glare could melt the statue of liberty with the amount of acid that laced it.
"Sorry. Just...it's so cute" He grins sheepishly. Peter pouts angrilly at the man and huffs.
"B'rd" He mutters and leans on Tony's hand. The older man smiles gently and hums.
"Lets watch something cool yeah?" Peter is instantly excited.
The excitment was false.
The 'cool show' was Kermit and the Cookie monster learning to count.
Tony had lied to him and left him with Sam whilst he ordered supplies, Peter was going to murder him.
With a heavy sigh the toddler leaned back against the sofa and listened to Kermit scold the cookie monster on 'counting wrong and made up numbers'. It was boring.
"Hey" Peter heard a voice behind him, soft and almost cautious as it spoke. "He asleep?" It asked and it took some time for Peter to realize it was Bucky.
"Nah, he's almost there though. Bit grumpy that Tony's making him watch Kermit" Sam's voice teased lightly, though it held the same softness that Bucky used.
"He's exhausted, give him some time then we can pad him up." Sam reasoned, Peter thought for a moment.
Pad him up.
Pad him up?
"No!" Peter stood up awkwardly and almost jumped off the sofa as and he would have to if Bucky hadn't been so quick. "NO NO NO!" He yelled as Bucky pushed him down on the towel.
"Stop." He ordered and when Peter didn't Bucky just grabbed his legs, lifted him up and slid the offending material under his butt. A loud screech escaped Peter in annoyance as Sam helped clean him quickly, powder then tape him up. Peter was now sat in a over sized shirt and a diaper. Peter was so done.
"NO!" He yelled trying to take it off, Sam tapped his hand away and Peter got more frustraited. "No!" He complains and Bucky chuckles a little. Sam gives him a sideways glance and Bucky just returns it with a smirk.
"What's with the..oh that is adorable." Tony's voice coo's as Sam works the shirt off of Peter's head. "Look at my little man. All ready to face the after noon. Just need some clothes and you'll be all set." Tony coo'd. Peter growled at him and all three men coo'd.
"Off!" He stomped his foot. "G't it off! Big!" He repeats, a stomp following each word and Tony just snapped a photo and kissed his head.
"Such a big boy" He coo'd lifting Peter up and over his head and brought him down, blowing a raspberry on Peter's exposed stomach. The boy let out a squeak and squirm, Tony grinned and did it again, gaining a giggle and wiggle from the boy in his arms. The third time had the boy laughing freely and trying to wiggle away. "My big man" He coo'd and held Peter to his chest.
"Bruce grabbed a blanket for him as well" Bucky mutters handing an incredibly soft Ironman blanket to the father who swaddled Peter slightly in the blanket. Tony coo'd a little when Peter let out a yawn. Sam facepalmed lightly.
"Of course, lil guy must be exhausted." He coo'd and chuckled at Peter's glare. "Sorry sorry, big guy." He corrects and almost laughs as Peter nods and smiles.
"Can you two grab as many pillows and blankets as possible? Don't need a lecture from Pepper about him rolling off a bed. Pop them in front of the sofa whilst I calm him down and get him to sleep" He asks, the two nodd running off. Peter gives a defiant glare as Tony smiled down at him. "Careful, you'll curd milk with that look." He teased. Peter just huffed more and Tony rolled his eyes.
"No n'p" He argued, Tony just smiled a bit and hummed gently. Peter looked a little confused, trying to remember the tune. Tony continued as Peter's eyelids became heavier and heavier.
"I'll do it all.
On our own.
We don't need,
If I lay here.
Just lay here.
Would you lie with me and just forget the world"
Tony's graverly voice vibrated through the tired boy's body and it was by the end of 'here' Peter was dead to the world. Peter just hummed a bit more until the two returned with blankets apon blankets and placed them in a giant nest like manner in the front room. Tony gives a thankful smile as he rests the boy on it. Peter whines and Tony humms.
"If I lay here.
If I just lay here,
Would you lie with me
and just forget the world.
Forget what we're told,
Before we get to old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life.
All that I am,
and all that I ever was
are there in your perfect eyes"
Tony's voice continued to sing gently as Peter's body relaxed fully. Tony soon stopped and stood up, a glance at the two men who are staring at him open mouth'd as Tony just shrugged.
"It's the same song I sing when he's having a nightmare. Wakes him up and calms him down pretty fast." He explained gently, a look of love on his face as the toddler nuzzled deeply into the blankets.
"We'll get him back to normal Tones." Sam mumbles, Bucky nods.
"And until then, you can play daddy and cuddle the little guy all day" Bucky grins as Tony smiles gently.
"God, you make me sound sentamentle." He mutters. The two smile a bit and nod at him.
"Come on Daddy short legs. Pep wants food when she gets back" Sam swung an arm around his shoulder and Tony groaned. "That's right she told us all about the nick names." He teased lightly and Tony failed in keeping the smile off his face. Maybe this wasn't so bad.