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Dinner With The Cool Parents

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“Oh, Magnus was a pretty smart kid,” said Asmodeus, Magnus rolling his eyes again and he groaned, wanting to hide away. Maryse came over to his loft, so that he, Alec and Asmodeus could have that freaking family dinner that his dad wanted to happen. At the end of the day, Magnus made a deal with his dad, so there was no other way around it; the dinner was happening whether he wanted it or not. And so far, he wasn’t amused at all, because all that his father was doing was bragging about him. Usually, Magnus loved compliments, but not when the one complimenting him was his dad, who still liked to think that he was a cool parent. Which he wasn’t. At all. No way in hell that Asmodeus was a cool dad.

“Oh?” asked Maryse, already invested into the next story that Magnus’ father was about to tell her and Magnus moaned out in annoyance. Alec, who was sitting next to him, grinned and was looking forward to hearing more stories about Magnus. It was hilarious to be honest, Magnus was so uncomfortable during the dinner, but Alec couldn’t help but to find it adorable. The way Magnus would whine and groan, blush and beg his father to stop. Which only motivated Asmodeus to keep on going.

Asmodeus didn’t know what Magnus’ problem was. He was just showing off how awesome his son was, he wanted the entire world to know just how proud he was of his little boy. Asmodeus glanced over at Alec, who was now holding Magnus’ hand and he grinned, he liked the Lightwood boy and as the dinner was coming to an end, he was almost sure that he was the right person for his son. And he liked his mother as well, she was a lot of fun to talk to. And she was charming and interested in his stories that he had to share about Magnus. He only hoped that she had something to share from Alec’s life, because he wanted to get to know his future son in law better. Alec, on the other hand, was beyond happy that his mother wasn’t doing what Asmodeus was doing to Magnus; he’d die out of embarrassment if she started sharing stories about him.

“Do you know it was me who taught him how to use his magic the right way?” asked Asmodeus and lifted his head up, looking proud of himself and Magnus arched an eyebrow. “Yes, it’s thanks to me that he’s today such a powerful little warlock,” said the demon and Magnus flushed. Oh, of course his father made this all about himself. And why was he a little warlock?! He was centuries old warlock, so if his dad couldn’t-

“Dad, I think we’ve heard it enough,” said Magnus and wanted to stand up to get the dessert, but Asmodeus stopped him.

“No, no, no… I’m sure Alec wants to hear more,” said Asmodeus and waggled his eyebrows.

“No he doesn’t.”

“Yes, I do,” chimed in Alec and started laughing when Magnus gave him a horrified, offended look and he shrugged. “What? I want to know more about you. You never talk about your childhood,” mumbled Alec and then looked down, because he knew that Magnus was pissed that he kept smiling, but he couldn’t help himself. The situation was just too hilarious.

Magnus kept glaring at his boyfriend and then thought of a perfect way to get back to Alexander. “Dad, you keep talking about yourself and me, you’ve been doing it for the entire evening,” said the warlock and then a grin spread across his face. “Why don’t you let Maryse get the chance to share something about Alec as well, huh? I’m sure you’d love to get to know my boyfriend better,” said Magnus and Alec quickly shook his head and pulled onto his hand, telling him that it was a very bad, bad idea.

Asmodeus nodded. “Yes, you do have a point. How rude of me, I keep on talking and talking,” said the demon and then looked at the woman, who straightened herself up in her chair and Alec wanted to disappear. “What was Alec like as a child?“

“Fussy and a lot of work,” said Maryse and Alec’s jaw dropped. No, he was not a fussy child, that was Isabelle not him! He was perfectly calm and obedient. He didn’t know where his mother was coming from, really. “A true drama queen. He made a big deal out of everything,” said Maryse and now it was Magnus’ turn to start laughing and enjoying the evening.

Honestly, he didn’t find that too hard to believe. Alexander was still quite the drama queen about certain things. “If something didn’t go his way, he’d throw a fit. I remember one time,” said Maryse and made a short pause. “There was this dinner party in Idris and for a change I wanted to make him wear something… nice. He used to wear this worn out sweaters, but I wanted him to wear a tux for a change… I can still remember it, it was this cute little tux, but nope, he hid under his bed and refused to come out,” said Maryse and Alec groaned.

“Seriously, mom? I was seven!” whined Alec and hid his face into his palms, red as a tomato and Magnus gently patted his shoulder.

“Stubborn even as a child, huh?” asked Magnus and grinned. “Good thing I got my hands on him. After meeting me, his fashion sense has gotten significantly better,“ said Magnus proudly and Asmodeus laughed. Alec glared at Magnus and then started slowly sliding down in his chair and started rolling his eyes as his mom told more stories about him. Ugh, someone should just make her stop talking! But no, both Magnus and Asmodeus were encouraging her!

“Magnus was an over-dramatic child as well,” said Asmodeus after a while and Magnus rolled his eyes. Oh, great! “He had a flair to redecorate my palace every now and then,” said Asmodeus and Magnus narrowed his eyes. Was that supposed to be a bad thing? He just made the place look decent. Before he had gotten there, his dad’s place didn’t even have a roof on! It made him wonder how the place looked now!

“And how is that a bad thing? I was doing you a favour!” complained Magnus and Asmodeus rolled his eyes.

“See? What did I tell you, starts drama right away!” said Asmodeus and looked at Maryse. “You didn’t even let me finish,” said Asmodeus and Alec snorted, enjoying the dinner again, but he was still quite nervous if his mom would like to start sharing things again. Magnus groaned and then whined like a five year old.

Alec gently nudged Magnus under the table and the warlock looked over at him, gaze falling on Alec’s hand which was now resting on the warlock’s knee and Magnus smiled. No longer paying attention to his father, Magnus placed a hand over Alec’s and the hunter felt his heart making a little jump when his boyfriend linked their fingers together, Magnus’ thumb gently caressing the back of his palm and Alec happily grinned. Feeling playful, Magnus gently nudged Alec with his knee, Alec mimicking him and Magnus started giggling, Alec grinning as well. The two of them were so lost in their little world that Asmodeus was done sharing the stories and the two parents were now looking at their sons, smiling happily. Their sons’ happiness made them unbelievably happy as well.

“They look so happy together,” said Maryse and Asmodeus nodded in agreement.

“Your son does make my boy happy,” said Asmodeus and then leaned back in his chair. “Oh, I can’t wait for their wedding,” he then said and rubbed his palms together. “The wedding could be in Edom, I’ll make my place look all pretty and-”

“They aren’t getting married in hell!” said Maryse and shook her head, Asmodeus folding his arms on top of his chest. “They’re getting married in Idris, I already picked out the perfect spot for their wedding. It’s near a lake and it’s very beautiful,” said the woman and Asmodeus shrugged.

“Idris does sound better than Edom, but,” said Asmodeus. “I’m a demon, I won’t be able to-”

“Oh, screw the rules, we’ll get you to Idris,” said Maryse and Asmodeus glowed with happiness. “I’ve got the spot picked out, so you can be in charge of other things… flowers, music,” said Maryse, thinking out loud and Asmodeus was nodding.

“I can’t wait for the time when it comes for them to pick out what they’re going to wear,” said Asmodeus.

“Yes,” said Maryse happily. “We’ll all go shopping together for clothes. Oh and rings too, we need to help them pick out those too!” said Maryse and Magnus, who was finally snapped back to reality, gave them a horrified look when he heard what they were talking about. Alec overheard their conversation and he flushed, his eyes wide.

“Mom, what are you doing?!” whined Alec.

“Planning your wedding, honey,” said Maryse. “Asmodeus and I already have everything planned,” announced the woman and Magnus didn’t find it funny at all.

“The wedding will be in Idris,” said Asmodeus. “We’re all going to be shopping for clothes and-”

“Dad, stop!” said Magnus and shook his head. “My God, someone stop them,” he said and Alec nodded, because this was getting out of hand. “Can you please not...”

“Oh hush, you’re both lucky to have such cool parents like us,” said Asmodeus and then looked at Maryse, who grinned. Yes, she quite liked Magnus’ father; he was charming and hilarious; which weren’t the words she’d usually use to describe a Great Demon. Asmodeus was special. The fact that their parents were getting along made both Magnus and Alec happy, but could they stop?! And now they were addressing themselves as the cool parents. Couldn’t get any better than this.

“But before the wedding can happen,” said Asmodeus and looked at Magnus. “My son has to get his position back as the High Warlock of Brooklyn,” demanded Asmodeus and then looked at Alec, who nodded, because he was with Asmodeus on that. “Who has it now? Some pot-obsessed-freak?” he asked and Magnus snorted at that.

Lorenzo Rey, the pot-obsessed-freak. He had to love his father for that. “Lorenzo Rey,” said Magnus with a bitter voice and Asmodeus shook his head.

“What kind of a name is that?” scoffed Asmodeus. “Sounds like a bad cartoon character villain,” complained Asmodeus and then shook his head. “Worry not, son, your dad will take care of him. After I’ll be done with him, he won’t show his miserable face in New York ever again. Oh, maybe I could send him to Edom. After my last maid quit, I’d need someone around to clean up a bit,” started Asmodeus and Magnus started laughing like a madman, because just the thought of that amused the hell out of him.

“Seems like a fair punishment,” said Alec, who was entertaining himself with the idea of Lorenzo wearing a French maid outfit as he’d dust around Asmodeus’ palace. Oh, now  that was funny as hell.

“Dad, you don’t have to-”

“No, no, no, I insist,” said Asmodeus and sent his son a little wink. “I’ll protect you.”

Magnus laughed nervously and flushed, looking down. That, Alec found beyond cute and sweet. He loved tha father-son relationship the two of them shared and he bit his lower lip to prevent himself from smiling too much. At least someone, a family member that didn’t resent Magnus and he chuckled when Asmodeus wrapped an arm around Magnus’ shoulders and pinched his cheeks.

That was when Magnus stood up, his father was acting weird again.

“Maybe it’s time we finally gave dessert,” said Magnus and got up onto his legs to go for it and Alec decided to go join them, because he didn’t want to be left there all alone without Magnus by his side. He suffered with Magnus around as it was, so without him things would be even worse, he was sure of it.

“Oh, good idea,” said Maryse.

“Yes, the dinner was just devine,” said Asmodeus, using fancy language like that on purpose and Magnus rolled his eyes. “Did you cook, Alec?” asked Asmodeus seriously and Maryse burst into loud laughter. He gave her a confused look, not getting the entire picture, while Maryse’s laughter had gotten louder as she saw Alec’s offended look.


“My son can’t cook to save his life,” said Maryse. “The last time he and Magnus invited me over, Magnus had to interfere with his magic to save the dinner and us from food poisoning,” said Maryse and Alec quickly turned around and stomped out of the dining room, Magnus right behind him. Asmodeus, on the other hand, started laughing at that and shook his head.

“Quite the temper he has, huh?”

“Oh, don’t even get me started on that,” said Maryse and started laughing again.

After Magnus and Alec cut the apple pie that the warlock baked before (Alec helped too!) and put it on plates, they frowned, because suddenly loud laughter could be heard from the dining room and the two of them looked at each other. What the hell was going on now?! As they returned back to their parents, they were in for a surprise. Apparently Asmodeus thought it was a good idea to start telling jokes. And they weren’t any good either. But Maryse found them funny, weirdly enough.

“Oh, the dessert is here, fun,” said Asmodeus happily, eyes longingly going to the apple pie. “So, I was telling some jokes to entertain Maryse,” started Asmodeus proudly.

“Oh, he’s funny,” said Maryse.

“Magnus, how do you call somebody with no body and no nose?” asked Asmodeus and then looked at his son, looking far too excited and even Alec found Asmodeus cute by this point. But he didn’t say anything about it, because Magnus was already in a bad mood.

“No idea,” said Magnus dryly.

“Nobody knows,” said Asmodeus and started cracking up. Maryse chuckled, but Alec only cringed. Dad jokes were the worst, but Asmodeus looked like he was having fun. He then looked at Magnus, who wasn’t laughing. “Get it, because-”

“Yes, funny,” deadpanned Magnus.

“I know, right?” asked Asmodeus. “Oh, did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?” asked the demon and Magnus sighed. What now? “Great food, no atmosphere,” told the joke the demon and even Alec snorted at that one. It was bad, but a lot better than the one before.

“Dad, please stop. They’re not even funny.”

“You have absolutely no sense of humour,” said Asmodeus. “Alec, wanna hear a joke about paper?” asked Asmodeus and Alec perked up, nodding. “Nevermind, it’s tearable,” said Asmodeus and Magnus rolled his eyes. That was it, it was enough. Alec, on the other hand, started laughing. Not because of the joke, because it was terrible, but because of Magnus’ expression.

“Dad!” said Magnus and Asmodeus stopped talking. “Can we please just… eat the fucking pie now?!” snapped Magnus.

“Magnus, language! ” said Asmodeus and Magnus groaned, Alec smiling, but in the end, Asmodeus stopped telling the horrible jokes of his. Instead, he and Maryse went back to planning their sons’ wedding so the rest of the dinner consisted of groans and eye-rolls from both Magnus and Alec who at the end of the day came to an agreement.

Family dinners were the worst, especially with both of their parents together in a room. But still, they were happy that Asmodeus and Maryse got along pretty well, so all was well, just a dinner like this… wasn’t going to be happening any time soon again. Nope.