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Twice as bad, twice as good

Chapter 22

Notes:

Sooooo... this is the second to last chapter and the next one will be more of an epilogue.
This thing is mostly over and I do not want to think about it

Chapter Text

It wasn’t like they were giving each other the silent treatment.

For one, they couldn’t have if they wanted to. Sharing a mindspace and literally being inside the other’s head was pretty much making it impossible.

Also, the day that followed was kind of the most important of Ling Yao’s regime up to that day, and probably for years to come, so screwing it up by not helping each other didn’t seem wise. They had a plan on how to do things, how to bring their reforms outside the inner circle and make everyone accept them, and they followed it to a T.

It went pretty much how they had imagined. Most of the representative of the clans, that had been called in a few weeks before, were shocked and offended by the idea of an elected Chamber with their same power of decision over their territory. It also seemed, and hopefully it was true, that keeping almost everything else in place, namely leaving all the prestige of the families’ names intact, as well as half their political influence, as well as most of their old taxes revenues, was a good enough deterrent to avoid a straight up act of defiance against the Emperor. Some actually started to back him up strongly after being presented with the prospect of being able to veto the Emperor’s decisions, if in majority, maybe because they had the memories of the last cruel and dim Emperor still fresh in their minds.

All in all, they couldn’t have asked for a better result, it wasn’t like they could have hoped for them to just roll over. At the end it was agreed to start the preparations for the change in every clan and having the first try to an election in 3 years time.

During the whole day, they had consulted each other and planned every single sentence together, without leaving anything to chance.

By the end of the day they were exhausted, and, even after a day spent plotting and conspiring, they couldn’t help but to feel… apart.

This detachment from each other brought Greed back to the time when they first… well, for lack of a better word, met.

How they were still figuring out how to conceal plans and emotions from the other in order to have the upper end, while at the same time trying to keep Ling’s existence secret from the other homunculi and the Asshole. They ended up helping each other even those first days. What had happened today was similar. Not exactly the same, they knew they were on the same team, comrades, friends, partners, whatever they were. Neither of them would ever try to mess with the balance of power that was perfectly equivalent. There was no way they wouldn’t completely trust one another with that. Of course, that notion alone could have made everything easier, if it wasn’t for the fact that everything was garbage and Greed hated all of it.

It was so much worse than back then because now they were so much better at handling their mindspace and their… (one day they should start writing down what terms to use with the weird things that went on inside their head because he had no clue how to express half the shit that happened)... emotions sharing shit.

So a Ling so closed off toward him meant a Ling he couldn’t read even while talking to him for an entire day.

Also, it wasn’t anymore just about the fact that he was lonely and wanted some company, if even from the guy he literally stole his current body from. Now, he had come to fucking love the kid (yeah yeah, one day he’ll have enough gut, or alcohol inside it, to say it back to him, but honestly it was his own fucking fault if he couldn't listen to Greed right now…) so a Ling so closed off toward him meant… It just meant a fucking pissed off Greed, okay?

So Greed would put a stop to this shit.

He sat down next to Ling, who was trying to ignore him, as if it was possible, idiot.

"So, after Qing and now this, I have to ask, in how many bars do you hang out under a fake name? Just to be up to speed"

Ling snorted weakly and murmured “Just the two.”

“He speaks!”

“What are you talking about? We literally did nothing but talk all day.” Not only he was playing dumb but he still hadn’t raised his voice to a normal volume. Outside in the world, that would probably mean nothing, or that he was tired at most, but inside, he knew it was actually a projection (representation? Greed really wasn’t good at putting into words whatever the fuck went on inside their head) of Ling’s hesitancy toward him.

Fuck, Ling was hesitant toward him, what a fucking wonderful experience.

“You know what I mean, come on!”

“Yeah, yeah sorry. You’re right, it’s just… hard to stay this separate. It’s… it’s the same for you right?” He sounded terrified to know the answer. Greed didn’t feel the echoes of the panic though. And that, ironically, scared him.

“Yeah... yeah of course.” He snorted. “Speaks volumes about our state of mind… what’s that word? ...Codependency.”

“You don’t have to tell me we’re fucked up… You saw what I did when you weren’t with me.”

“Come on, kid. Stop this self loathing, for fuck’s sake. So you did some weird as fuck shit, and yeah for a moment I was pretty creeped out too, but seriously, who the fuck cares about how you tried to fight some of your loneliness and grief, anyway? Even if it was fucked up! Have you got any idea what I’d do if someone took *you* away from *me*?”

“You would do something just as much fucked up, wouldn’t you?”

“Your sweet little mind cannot even begin to imagine. Look, kid, I know I was harsh yesterday, I know I had a valid reason but I still was...  I reacted that way because of that thing…”

“What thing?”

“You know… that thing…”

“I’m not trying to be slow, I actually don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Fucking hell… he sulked a little bit (barley!) for less than twenty four hours and now Ling needed him to use *words* to understand him…  that was completely insane… Words! To Ling!

“Argh, ok… It  weirds me out when I meet strangers that know who I am… It reminds me of when I was… confused… and you know… The Asshole.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, but forget that. Come on, I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours. What did you use to do. Go there. Use my name. Pretend to be me? And that... helped you?”

“It’s more complicated than that. It’s not like it was a conscious decision.”

“So, first the language…”

“The first time I went there everyone was talking in Amestrian so I did too”

“...then the name…”

“They asked me my name, even knowing who I was, and I said yours. Without thinking to much about it.”

“...And then you started acting like me…”

“When I did, the way they acted around me was so similar to what I remembered from your memories… It was like we still could be connected even with you gone… Like I wasn’t that alone anymore…”

Yeah… this was a mess.

They stayed silent for a while.

“Greed.”

“Huh?”

“I’m sorry if this ruins that place for you, I really think you would like it…”

“I- I kinda do actually. It feels... Ownable. I don’t think you ruined it, honestly! This way when I go there everyone already knows how much of an asshole I am. I can skip all that boring them-getting-used-to-my-charming-personality part.”

Ling chuckled.

“I like how you’re owning your ‘being an asshole’ thing since you’re back.”

Greed smirked and put an arm around Ling’s shoulders.

“Oh, I own everything, baby.”

This time Ling laughed for real.

“Dumbass.”

With that he moved a little closer and Greed felt like a noose he didn’t know was around his neck suddenly got loose at the same time as all the walls Ling had built around himself this past day fell down. (Walls built because of what? Shame? With Greed? What a stupid fucking thing)

Unable to resist, he moved. In a swift motion he tugged at Ling’s arm and lifted his body with the other hand until the laughing kid was on his lap, like he weighed nothing (did weight even exist there?).

After that, nothing was in between him and his favorite possession.

He tugged at the collar of his shirt and kissed him.

Ling hadn’t stopped laughing the whole time, so it was all very awkward and short-lived.

It was enough. Greed opened his mind and every single one of Ling’s emotions went rushing into him as they kissed. A warm feeling of relief embraced him like Ling’s arms that were around him. He didn’t know if it was his relief for finally being this... close again or the kid’s for how the disaster that the previous night had been could maybe be behind them.

They broke apart and Ling, still snickering, pressed his forehead against Greed’s own.

“You may have everything but I’ve got you wrapped around my little finger.”

He actually wiggled his little finger at him.

Greed shoved him away.

“Idiot.”

“Admit it.”

“Like you’re not the same, tell me, how many seconds after we met again after my ‘big lying betrayal’ did you jump me?”

“I didn’t jump you.”

“I was scared for my newly restored life because of how quickly you were all over me.”

“You asshole! And anyway I never said you didn’t have me around your little finger too”

“Sap.”

“Shut up. And as you said, I told you mine you tell me yours. What fucked up thing would you have done if I’d been the one dying.”

“Mmmm let me think… I would have stolen your identity too, that’s for sure”

“Oh come on, you ass, don’t rub it in!”

“No, no I’m serious. I would have, and not to go and get drunk with random strangers. I would have usurped your throne, like that,” he snapped his fingers. “Then I would have used your army to burn the world to the ground.”

“Not conquered it and made it yours?”

“You think I would have been satisfied with the garbage world that killed you?”

“Who’s the sap now?”

“Shut up, do you want to hear it or not?”

“Yeah yeah go on, you’d take my throne, burn the world in my name and then?”

“Its ashes would be mine.”

“And what would you do with an enormous pile of ash?”

“Eh… I don’t know right now… At some point I’d probably figure out what to do with it…”

“And here I thought you’d gotten wiser since you came back…”

“Hey, I resent that! First of all, I was in a really tough place when we met, I wasn’t just being, you know, not wise... And second, I’m the wisest person you know.”

“Sure you are…”

Greed shook his head, smirking.

“I really don’t know why I let *you*, a little brat, talk to me this way.”

Ling smiled widely and wiggled his little finger again in front of him.

“Yeah, yeah… You got me, kid, I have a soft spot for idiots, congratulations on being one.”

“Thank you, such high praises!”

Greed loved moments like this one.

They both were so open toward one another, everything they felt they shared. Every thought, every feeling, everything Ling had within himself he shared with him, and vice versa. It was exhilarating for both of them and the echoes of the other’s emotions only increased the sensation, leaving them in a virtuous circle of feeling like they could have… everything. (Greed knew Ling would have phrased it differently, but who cares, that’s how it felt for Greed)

Obviously, like everything does, the moment ended and Ling turned serious once again, but not sad, which was so much progress since the start of the conversation Greed could scream with joy.

“I know we’re messing around and all, but… I need to know that you’re okay with what happened, and not just that you force yourself to be okay out of fear of losing something of yours if you don’t… losing, you know, me”

“Ah, I fear nothing.”

“Greed, I’m serious.”

He huffed. This was not a conversation he wanted to have. Why couldn’t they just mess around and ignore this kind of shit?

“What do you want me to say?”

“The truth. Isn’t that your thing?”

“Why would you ask me something like that? I hate it when you know what’s going on with me more than I do.”

“No, you don’t.”

“No, I really don’t. It makes me feel… you know.”

“Yeah, I do, but you still need to answer me.”

“Kid, Ling, you want me to be serious, I’m serious. So yeah, I freaked out a little bit, because of ‘the thing’, but think about it, think about our history. Damn, look around us! You really think, you playing me when you were lonely is the creepiest thing that happened between us? Everything about this situation is weird and fucked up in everybody else’s eyes. Anybody sane, anyway. You literally agreed to or asked to be possessed *twice* by an entity capable of hijacking your bodily autonomy! Who is part of a larger being that committed numerous genocides and that possessed you without either of our consents. I am that entity! We spent months talking to each other over the screams of the souls of a genocided civilization. Even if there was a way to have a body of my own, I wouldn't want it, I swear. I, Greed the Avaricious, do not want the one basic thing every single other being in the world have. This is all fucked up!”

Greed stopped for a minute to compose himself again, then went on.

“It’s not that you are wrong. It could happen that you cross a line and I’d forgive you because I don’t want to lose you, because my compulsion of keeping you is stronger than my own judgment, but it’s a hell of a lot farther than this, believe me. We can’t even see that line from here.”

“But it’s something that could happen.”

“Maybe, in theory.”

“I don’t want you to have to stay with me because you were made in a way so that you cannot bear to lose me.”

“You know, you’re a perceptive guy, you really are. Since we’ve been together I keep being amazed by how good you are with character judgement and observation skills. But also, you really are a moron. You really think I prefer staying here over having a body of my own for any reason other than… you know… You know! One time you were my most prized possession because you were my first! You’re not anymore, the first I mean. I remember years… decades of life and possessions before you… but you still… So there’s that. So shut up about these stupid moronic things okay?”

Ling seemed speechless and kept staring at him with his ‘I know you’re right but I need to be sure because otherwise I’ll never stop thinking about this’ expression. Greed knew that one well because he had it every time he said those words.

“Are you sure? What you’re saying makes a lot of sense but I really need you to be sure otherwise I’ll never stop having this doubt”

Or words to that effect…

“You know I’m right, like I was right about today. Everything went, well, not perfectly, but as well as could be expected with that reform thing.”

“Are you trying to change the subject?” Ling seemed amused by it.

“I have to admit, I really thought that being able to feel each other’s emotions would mean less mushy conversations”

“Okay, okay, I really thought you’d be the kind of person who could never get enough of people praising how much they loved them.”

“Shut up.”

Ling was laughing at him… again… brat…

“Okay, okay. No more of this. Just one more thing… thank you for helping me today, even while we were… you know…”

“Yeah…”

They exhaled in sync even if neither of them needed to actually breathe in there.

“What now, Greed?”

“Now we wait to see if everything’s going to work out”

“And if today didn’t work?”

“You’ll figure it out, and if you don’t, we will…”

Okay… maybe just one last mushy thing.

“... I’ve got you, partner”