The lights ahead were blinding and it came too fast. Too fast for me to realized what was truly happening.
We were just enjoying our time together, finally after months of planning and failing, but all of a sudden cars started hitting each other. Loud bumps, tires screeching, metals dragging on the road that had me on the edge of my seat. It was supposedly just a fun night, hanging and teasing each other, just spending our time together side by side.
What happened? Honestly I don't know. It came too fast.
I didn't notice at first but it was there all along ever since we came here. I ignored the crowd that started to panic. I, too, started to have cold feet. I could even hear my own heart thumping. My own body got stiff and couldn't move them as I wanted them to.
A man I am yet I started to get scared not for me but for the person beside me. He was quiet but when I turned my head to look at him, it was there. I saw it clear as it may even though everywhere else was dark. He, too, was scared. He couldn't believe it too as much as I was because it came too fast for us to understand. His eyes started to get wet yet his tears never fell. And I hate it.
He was terrified, my P'Kit, my ever precious Kit was afraid. I don't know what thoughts he was having but I, for sure, badly wanted to erase the negativity that might have been crossed inside his head. I want to assure him that it'll be okay but who am I kidding? I didn't know how this would end and he last thing I want to give him at the moment was false hope.
I don't want to see him looking stressed and uncertain especially when he's with me. Not only because that was what I promised to his family when I asked his hand in front of them. But because I promised them that I would be his strength all the time.
But right now, I don't know anymore. Life indeed was full of surprises.
"Kit," I tried calling him. But as soon as I let my voice out, his eyes went back to the source of light in front of us. I saw him biting his lower lip as I know it was his way of suppressing his own scream.
I grabbed his hand, his trembling hand, to let him know that I am still beside him.
Then screams and shouts were all I heard.
I was so proud of him when he marched his way up to the stage as the graduation rights started. I was only at the audience area but if given a chance back then I would be at the front showing how proud I am of my P'Kit.
But my feelings were beyond understanding when he finally got his residency at one of the biggest and well known hospital in Thailand. Of course, together with P'Pha and P'Beam. Those three would always stick together no matter what after all, though not to the point where Wayo and P'Forth would create a riot over it.
However, those two times were not even comparable when he said yes, infront of his family and friends, when I asked him to marry me.
It might have been four years after I graduated when I asked for his hand, took me that long because I need to settle and prove myself that I don't need my family's name to make my own name in my chosen field, but the years of sweat and blood finally became all so worth it.
Because we were both all ready in all aspect. And I am so grateful for his patience for not letting go. Although as if he have any choice.
Yes, I am possessive of my P'Kit but he was as much as possessive as I am. I really couldn't get enough of this guy. Of my loveable and oh sweet, Kit-Kat.
He might have not noticed it but there were nights after making love and exhausting him to the point of making him fall asleep right after coming together that I would just stare his sleeping face. Not because I would like to do it again, though sometimes I couldn't help but want to, but because I would just love how he became vulnerable in my arms. The side of P'Kit that I-I only know. He would probably not know that his dimples often show even when he was asleep and he was fucking adorable at that.
The trust he gave me ever since the first time we did it was still there. He's still shy about doing it at first yet when we were in the middle of it, his arms would always end up on my neck pulling me closer, whispering and moaning my name. P'Kit may not be that vocal towards his affection but his gestures were enough for me to truly believe that he's mine. AND ONLY MINE. His little gestures of pulling me closer even when he's already in middle of his dream, when he love to brush my hair with his fingers when my head's resting on his lap as we watch some TV, when he always look after me whenever I come home looking energy drain. All those little things were big enough for me that my love for him only increase as each day pass.
My P'Kit was not like the sweet Wayo as P'Pha always say, I don't know how sweet and Wayo could come together but oh well P'Pha said so, or the feisty P'Beam that P'Forth love to tame, one look at that senior of mine and I could already tell what happened the night before.
Kit-kat was unique in his own way that he made realized that my past relationships were all just the same. And being together with him was an everyday adventure and discovery.
And just thinking of the day that he would actually let go of my hand scare the shit out of me. Just a thought of not seeing him, of him not smiling, frowning, annoyed, happy and laughing, of his presence leaving mine was enough for me to be lifeless for P'Kit is my air, my past, present and future. P'Kit is life and without him, I would cease to exist.
A loud smack brought me to my senses as I felt that my arm kind of hurt. Not hurt hurt. Just the right kind of pain to make me look at the person standing in front of me.
"Are you finally with me, Ai'Ming?" P'Kit asked me as he frown. Though his tone changed when he saw my paled face. He's all worried now. "I've been calling you for a while now. Is everything okay?"
I was about to answer him but my body moved on its own and pulled Kit into my arms. I embraced him hard that he wanted to get out but I didn't let him. I hugged him as if he was about to leave me.
"Are you really okay?" He asked once again when I didn't give him my answer.
"Ming--" The next thing I knew I sealed his lips with mine. I kissed him forcing myself at first but as soon as Kit was kissing me back I swear I conquered his mouth. I felt his one hand on the back of my head pulling me, encouraging to get deeper which I happily obliged. One thing he didn't want to admit at times like this was when he wanted me to drown him with pleasure. Fucking cute when I tease him about it.
We were both panting after who-knows-how-long of kissing. We momentarily forgot that we were still inside the movie theater and got swayed into fulfilling each other's desire luckily we were the only ones remained. Everyone already went out. Not sure of the staff and utilities though.
Yet, I couldn't help but smile at him because it was the first time we publicly displayed our affection. Be there's no audience, a public theater was still public.
He was blushing once again, extremely embarrassed maybe, but he was too much for me at the moment I couldn't help but show it to my face.
I just fucking love this guy to the nth power possible.
"Don't ever do that again," He warned as he hit me again on my arm. "Ming!"
"Why? You like it." I teased. "No, you love it."
"No! I didn't!" He shouted as he started to walk towards the Exit. "My worries are all wasted! God! I hate you!"
Too bad I walked faster than him that before he could open the door he was on my arms again. I don't know, I just want to feel his very presence in mine.
"The movie got me a little of thinking." I whispered to his ears making him stop his struggles of wanting out of my arms. "Life is unpredictable and our lives are just the same as that. The plot twist at the end scared me that a lot of scenarios played inside my head."
"It's just a fiction, Ming. You're thinking too much." Said he but I could tell from his voice that the movie also got him.
"It was. But the inevitability is still there. I'm just afraid of opening my eyes and you'll not be there."
"But I'm here right now," He looked up and continued. "Isn't that all matters right now?"
Ah this guy. He's too much for me, indeed.
His smile was contagious that all my current worries suddenly vanished.
"Don't smile like that, Kit," I said but I only earned his annoyed face in return. "I might kiss you again."
"Fuck you!" He started to walk away when I loosened my arms around him.
Watching him walk away from me like that was not the same as what I imagine earlier. My over thinking got me so bad I ruined my own happy moment with my Kit-Kat.
I scratched my head when I finally concluded that it was fucking stupid of me to even think that P'Kit would leave me.
Truly crazy stupid, Mingkwan. You almost forgot the song he dedicated to you when you got married.
"Are you coming or what?" And he even came back for me.
This man! Really! Easy My heart couldn't take it all.
"Kit," I called.
"What?" He answered in an annoyed but adorable way.
We were walking side by side when I surrounded my arm around his waist.
He only looked at me totally pissed off right now but he was not trying to remove it.
It was then I whispered on his ears the words I always say to him every night before going to bed.
"I love you."
And then he ran as fast as he could trying to hide his sweet smile because he knew that I would always know that his answer would always be the same too.
"I am not as brave, beautiful, and patient as you are
But I am safe in your arms I listen as you say
"I'm proud of who you've become
And the person you will be tomorrow..."
And I know I would give anything up for you...
I'll follow through I promise to hold on
I'll never let go won't let you down
If you can stay proud I'll be brave somehow..."