a month packed with promotions of their debut as unb has passed, a whirl of events happened in a blink of an eye, and chan is happy with what all of them achieved together in the past weeks. he truly is. he's even elated at the fact that there's finally a name to call their dear fans.
everything is overwhelming, in a good way that has his toes curling in anticipation for the next months to come. he yearns for the excitement and adrenaline again, performing on stage with the people he wouldn't trade for anyone else even if he was granted the ability to.
it's only the beginning for unb but chan's always reminded that a project group is temporary, they are bound to part ways.
and although he really misses his doting hyungs (especially junhee and donghun) he left in order to fill his part as a member of unb, chan admits that he's grown fond of his other group. after months of suffering in a survival show does create strong bonds. sometimes chan still gets surprised at how well they all get along, as if they were truly destined to be in a group, no matter what the conditions are.
thinking about it makes him sad because somehow unb now has a special place in his heart. which is why his heart squeezes uncomfortably each time he remembers that one day it's going to be the last time he's spending it as unb's chan.
but what makes his chest pang in a more unbearable sense is that he's fated to seperate with the person who might own his whole heart.
"you're strangely quiet today."
and he's with that very person at the moment.
"i'm not always loud like you." chan retorts.
"i take offense to that." he could hear the pout from the way jun talks, "and you're waaaay louder than me."
he pinches jun's arm, hard enough to make the latter yelp in pain.
"no." jun whines, "stay here."
chan hates how he immediately melts, he hates how weak his heart is when it comes to lee junyoung.
and yet, he stays.
jun pulls him back in his embrace, chan doesn't give much thought to how he easily fits in the taller male's arms. it's haunted his dreams for a long while already, now is not the time to dwell on it. jun keeps his arms around him tight and secure, chan dislikes how it always made him feel warm and safe.
eventually chan gives in, there wasn't much of a resistance at the start anyway. he leans back on jun's firm chest, regards the steady rise and fall of it.
"why did you even drag me here to do nothing?" he asks.
"can't i spend time with you here in my room?"
chan hates that jun is such a sweet talker too.
"it's hansol hyung's room too."
"but he wants hojung hyung as his roommate now."
"that's because you're loud and snore."
jun props his chin on chan's shoulder and stares at him, eyes swirling in such intensity. jun's eyes are two dark endless pools, scary and luring, chan's afraid of falling deep that's why he's always the first to look away.
"well, you never minded that when you sleep with me."
that's because i like you, dumbass.
chan doesn't know when this started. this, whatever this thing he has with junyoung is. all chan knows is that he caught feelings somewhere in between discreet glances at each other, holding hands secretly under the table, certain smiles reserved only for each other, and the occasional make out sessions that never failed to make his knees buckle and go weak.
jun kisses him as if they're running out of time, hungry and always craving for more.
just like chan.
"we should've been roommates, don't you think?" jun's grinning now.
"i'm not the one who kept picking someone else as his roommate here, aren't i?"
he feels jun stiffen behind him, the smile he was wearing falls and remains silent. chan wants strangle himself for slipping, cursing his faulty mouth for blurting out words he shouldn't have. it wasn't directly said but one can easily detect the jealousy in his voice.
chan is sure jun heard it, even the slight hurt he failed to hide.
"i need to go." he tries to escape.
"don't." jun tightens his hold around him, "please just stay for a little more."
chan feels his guts twisting, his heart racing at jun's words and his pleading tone. jun still has him trapped in his arms, no sign of wanting to let him go. he buries his face on the conjuncture of chan's neck and shoulder. pressing soft kisses at the exposed skin.
chan almost melts on the spot again. almost.
"why?" chan breathes to calm himself, "junyoung we have individual schedules by tomorrow. you're leaving early in the morning."
"that's why stay with me for tonight."
chan thinks his heart just stopped beating for a second.
"what..." he's at a loss for words.
jun is staring at him again, his eyes depicting so much emotions chan's not able to decipher each one. but he does grasp the most prominent one, the one he's familiar of the most, longing.
"we aren't going to see each other for days and," jun bites his lip before saying, "i'm gonna miss you."
chan's breath audibly hitches in his throat, a shudder running down his spine.
"fine. i'm staying."
he's never been good at resisting, always the first one to relent between the two of them. no matter how often he scolds himself for giving in so easily, that this would only end up with him let down, he willingly indulges jun.
and his own wishful desires.
"only if you promise not to leave me."
jun's face breaks into a huge grin, bright enough to be considered blinding. chan has always been associated with the sun but he thinks jun is the rightful one. everyone around the older male is drawn to his presence but in chan's situation, jun is the center of his universe.
"what makes you think i'd ever do that?"
a lot does, he stops himself from uttering.
chan doesn't reply and opts to hold jun's hands. he interlaces their fingers together and brings their joined hands close to his chest.
"we can't say what's waiting for us at the end." he says instead of answering jun's question.
even whatever's between us now isn't clear.