"Sam," Jack clung to him, gripping his shirt so tight Sam feared it would rip. But with the fear came the reminder. Jack didn't have his powers anymore. He wasn't half angel anymore. He was all human. If the archangel blade hurt then, it probably hurt like hell now. The boy was sitting on the counter in front of Sam, Sam slotted between his spread legs. "Sam, it hurts. It hurts so bad, I can't-" His cheeks were red and stained with tears. It broke Sam.
"You can do it." Sam whispered. "You're so strong, Jack, you can take it. I just gotta clean it a bit more then stitch it up then it's all over. You can take some medicine and go to bed in no time." Sam was glad Jack wasn't panicking about Dean. Everyone else was, he didn't need another person rushing around and trying to figure out what to do and how to find him. Michael was smart, they weren't going to find Dean any time soon. "It's okay, buddy."
Jack had been crying since they got to the bunker. They took a cab after Sam cleaned Jack's face and wrapped him up in his own jacket so the blood on his shirt couldn't be seen. Sam made sure to keep pressure on it the entire time, mumbling small words of praise and comfort to Jack. They weren't too dark from the bunker, which was calming. Sam couldn't think straight enough to come up with a lie they could tell medics or nurses at the hosptial. The bunker was the best option. Jack agreed.
"Almost done." Sam whispered. Jack had moved so his face was buried in his neck. His grip on Sam was tight like a vice. The poor boy was shaking and crying. If Sam could he would stop, but the cut was too deep and too big to ignore. "Almost done cleaning it, you're doing so good." He wracked his brain to try and figure out a way to make Jack feel better. The first pain he felt was the tattoo, then the angel blade and bullets. But those were nothing. His angel genetics blocked out the majority of the pain. Now Jack was feeling a stab wound all at once.
"I don't like this." No one does, Sam wanted to say. He reminded Sam of a child when he cried. The way he was so broken and small. Jack was far from a child. He was born with immense knowledge, knowing how to speak and walk and think for himself. The only child like thing in him was optimism. He wanted to see the best in even the worst of people. "It hurts so bad, it feels like I'm dying." He was, Sam thought, that's why he was doing this.
"Okay," Sam pressed a kiss to Jack's cheek, smiling. "I'm done with the cleaning. Now I'm gonna stitch up the wound and..." He took a deep breath and looked down at Jack. "I'm gonna need you to hold still. No more squirming like you did when I was cleaning it. Moving around could make this so much worse than it needs to be. I don't want you getting hurt anymore, okay?"
"Then why are you doing it?" More tears fell from Jack's cheeks. "Why can't I just ignore it? That always worked. I... I could wait and it would heal." Sam didn't have the heart to explain Jack lost his grace. That the man he planned on running away with stole it. It broke his heart, seeing Jack get stuck with such a bad biological father. Sam knew how it felt. John wasn't the best, but he was a million times better than Lucifer. Still, he knew the pain and how much it hurt to be let down time and time again. How stupid it felt to get your hopes up.
"Jack, if I don't do this you're gonna die... just hold still, okay?" He pressed their foreheads together, swallowing. "Lean back against the mirror and look at the ceiling." Sam started to pick up all the items he needed, pushing away the cleaner and wet wash cloth. It pained him to be the one doing this, to be the one causing Jack to writhe in pain. It broke his heart. "How about..." Sam chewed on his lip. "How about you tell me about things that make you happy? And don't hold your breath while I do this hol-"
"Holding your breath holds the bad feelings in." Jack finished. He nodded, his jaw tight. He looked up at the ceiling and let his arms drop to his sides. "I-" He winced when Sam slipped the needle in. "I... I really like space. Star Wars is good, but it's not accurate. Csstiel says he got to see the stars be made. I want to see a star, all the planet's even. The pictures in the books don't do them justice-" Jack fell silent. "I can't ever go see stars." Sams heart broke for the millionth time. "I don't have powers."
Out of habit Sam planned out exactly how to pick up the pieces and glue Jack back together. "There's places where you can see stars. I've been to them. You may not be looking at the real one up close, but you can look at them and the way they move. Planetariums. Or we could start using that real big telescope and look at the stars every nignt." Jack slammed his hands on the counter as Jack continued to stitch him up. "We could even drive down to the next state that has an eclipse and watch it."
Jack nodded, swallowing. "That sounds nice... means we could see the sun move. Actually move..." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, holding it before exhaling. "I really love space but I also really love animals. I was walking outside the other day and I saw a deer-"
"A deer?" Sam smiled. He wished he still had such a bright outlook. Or maybe he wished he could keep his bright outlook after all things go to hell. Somehow, Jack was still happy and positive after having his father ruin him and want him dead. Sam promised himself that he was going to do everything he could to keep Jack in love with the world, to keep him curious and admiring. "I love deer. They're so beautiful."
"Aren't they?" Sam didn't understand why Jack wanted to see the sun so much. Sam saw the sun each time Jack smiled. He remembered something Jess used to tell him. That humans were made of lost dreams and star dust. That your soulmate would be your brightest start and hold all the dreams you never believed you could do. Jack was his soulmate. Sam knew that since the day he saw Jack's wings and no one else did. "I got to feed it. A lot of animals come to me... well... used to."
"Tell me other things that make you happy," said Sam. He wanted to keep changing the conversation. Each time Jack loved something, he got sad because in his mind loving it without his powers wouldn't be the same anymore. Sam made a mental note to take Jack to the zoo, show him that he can love animals without being an angel. "Like people. Cas, Dean, Mary-"
"You." Jack said it without even thinking. "You make me very happy. Dean says its because I'm in love with you. I don't really understand what in love is, but I do know that I love you." Jack cupped Sams cheek and smiled. "I told you that when all of this happened... I love you, Sam Winchester." Sam felt relieved when Jack didn't say anything negative after his name. No boy with the demon blood. No vessel for Lucifer. Just Sam Winchester.
"Tell me more." Sam felt guilty for indulging, but it wasn't every day someone you were in love with confessed their undying love for you. "I'm gonna keep going, okay?" Sam had just finished up the fourth stitch, there were probably five more to go. He needed Jack feeling happy. The boy wouldn't be able to handle this if he wasn't.
"Lucifer told me you were bad. I didn't believe him. You've never done anything bad, Sam. And I know you always tell me you've made mistakes but it's like you said... people make mistakes while trying to do the right thing sometimes." Jack rubbed his thumb across Sams cheek. "He thinks he knows everything because he tore you apart... he doesn't. I think I know more than him. He likes knowing your fears, but that's not what makes you who you are. It's what you love. The way you love waking up early and going on walks to watch the sun rise-" Sam could feel his face heating up. "The way you like to always have a book handy because you never want to miss a opportunity to read. The way you save people-"
Sam brushed his lips across Jack's, gently. Three stitches to go. "You're doing good. Keep talking about things that make you happy. I'm almost done." Sam knew he was repeating himself but he didn't know what else to say. He wanted to Jack to stay calm and feel safe. Not panic and squirm in pain. "Tell me about the things you love to do."
"I love reading. Especially when it's with you. I remember when you used to read to me, because it helped with all the nightmares, I used to lie and say I had nightmares when I didn't. I just wanted you to come in there." Jack winced, grabbing at Sams shoulder. Sam made sure to keep his hand steady and not hurt Jack anymore. "Used to think you hated me, like Dean said. Since Lucifer created me I... I thought you would give up on me."
"Never." Sam whispered. Two stitches. "You're nothing like him, Jack. You're just like your mother." Sam pressed a kiss to the corner of Jack's mouth. "And I like reading with you, too. And watching movies. And going grocery shopping." Sam didn't want to overwhelm Jack with an entire feelings discussion. He was young and he just lost his father and his powers. Things were confusing. Sam had no doubt in his mind that Jack didn't love him, but he didn't want to worry the boy with labels when they could be the way they were.
"Sam." Jack whimpered. He had begun bleeding again, not too bad, but enough to terrify him. Jack began to cry again, taking deep breaths and letting them out over and over. "Hurry up, please, it hurts... like I'm on fire." Sam knew how that felt. Hell was cold, but every time Sam would shiver Lucifer would burn him. Let him squirm as the flames engulfed him. "Stop thinking about him."
"How did you know?" Sam finished stitching Jack, pulling the string off and tying it into a knot. Jack couldn't read minds anymore. He didn't have his powers. So how did he know that Sam was thinking about him.
"You make a face... and you look away from me." Jack was still crying, but the tears fell silent. "You made me feel better," Jack whispered. "I want to make you feel better." He brushed his lips across Sams, completely mimicking the way Sam had kissed him. It was gentle and sweet and so fill of love Sam could burst. "We can go lay down and watch a movie. Whatever movie you want." He smiled. Sam had rubbed off on him. The kid never put himself first.
"Okay," Sam agreed. He might as well enjoy it. Finding Michael would be hard, he might as well enjoy one night where he wasn't up late researching and fighting with one of the most powerful and ruthless archangels around. "But only after you take your pain medicine." Sam poured two pills into his hands and filled a small paper cup with water. "Here."
Jack took the pills and drank the water, one hand holding the cup, the other hand still gripping Sam. He set the cup down and wrapped his arms around Sam. He kissed his cheek and held him close, resting his cheek on Sams shoulder. "Thank you for saving me." Sam wanted to thank Jack. Jack had kept him going, his hope gave him hope. "I love you." Jack repeated. "I love you, Sam Winchester."
The words hung in air before Sam accepted them. He was deserving of love. He was deserving of kindness and happiness. Jack had made sure to remind him of that. "I love you too, Jack." It was Sams turn to cry, partly sad and partly happy. "I love you, too."
"Don't cry." Jack kissed the tears away, rubbing their noses together. "You don't need to cry. It's okay, Sam. It's gonna be okay." Sam believed him for a moment. "I won't let anything happen to you."