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You are my 5tar

Chapter Text

The news that Jun had gotten into an accident spread faster than flames in a dry forest. Not even two days later, there seemingly was no other topic to talk about or anyone who hadn’t heard of the incident in the school and probably the whole City and after two weeks had passed, Donghun still had to listen to the same stories over and over again, wherever he went. How Jun had gone home from a friend’s place at night, but never made it there. Instead he landed in the hospital with a serious head injury. That were the points in which everyone agreed. The details, however, were different in every version. People who liked Jun said, he had saved an old lady from getting hit by a car and took the hit instead, while people who couldn’t stand him (and that were quite a lot) were convinced, he had been the one driving the car and causing the accident, because he had been drunk. Well, and then there were also some most likely made up stories, such as Jun getting into a fight with a gang or being chased by the police. It was a mystery, just like the boy himself, who probably would have loved all the attention and gossip, if he wouldn’t be lying somewhere in a hospital bed right now. Donghun himself didn’t care what had happened that night or if Park Junhee still looked as hot as before. He knew that the boy wasn’t dead and that were all information he needed. If he had gotten into an accident, the other probably wouldn’t know his name nor care even a little about it. That was how he was like. To him, he himself was the most important person and all people not as popular didn’t seem to exist in the first place. And Donghun was the embodiment of not popular. Not that he cared.

He brushed his sweaty, brown hair out of his face and was thankful to be able to finally enter the refreshing, air-conditioned cool of the hospital, while leaving the summer heat behind him. Then he made his way through the busy entrance hall and to the elevators. After pushing the button for the children’s ward, he fished his phone out of his pocket.

“I’m nearly there. And I brought you lunch, so don’t worry.” He wrote.

Not even 20 seconds later came the reply,

“You are the best! I love you <3”

He smiled softly.

“Where are you?” He asked.

“Break room.”

The elevator stopped and more people entered. Donghun put his phone away again and tried to merge with the wall. He didn’t like elevators much. They were too small and too crowded most of the time and he hated nothing more than many people around him. So, he was extremely happy, when he finally reached his destination and could leave the stuffy place.

Outside were less people and more room, which he used to take a deep breath. Afterwards he began walking through the labyrinth like corridors, without hesitation. Donghun knew where he had to go, this wasn’t his first time here after all. On his way through the yellow painted corridors, which also had colorful pictures on their walls, giving off a friendly vibe, he sometimes met children. They were of all ages and mostly wore bandages or sat in wheelchairs. Often, they were accompanied by their parents or nurses and some of them happily smiled and waved, when Donghun passed them (He waved back, of course). Quite centrally located was the break room in which the staff spent their free minutes to eat lunch or relax a bit. At least that was what they were supposed to do. Visitors weren’t allowed in there, but Donghun didn’t even stop before to walking in.

The room was nearly empty, except of a seemingly sleeping male nurse and a young-looking female doctor. At the sound of the door being opened, she looked up and when she saw Donghun entering, her tired face became lively again, because of her pretty smile.

“Donghun-ah, you are here.”

He returned her smile and carefully closed the door behind himself, before walking over to the table, she was sitting at, and putting his backpack down. Then he fished out a lunch box and handed it to the woman, who thankfully took it.

“It’s fresh, I made it earlier.”

“Thanks, Sweetie. God, I’m starving. Just what would I do without you?“

She quickly started stuffing the food in her mouth, while Donghun quietly watched her with a concerned expression.

“You should take better care of yourself.”

The woman stopped eating and reached her hand out, to softly brush the hair out of his forehead, before letting her fingers rest at his cheek.

“I’m really lucky to have such a beautiful, nice and caring son, aren’t I? I truly must have done a good deed in my former live, to get blessed with you as my son.”

Like so often, she was avoiding the topic…typical.

“Your son will soon be an orphan, if you keep on skipping your breaks and not eating proper meals.” He mumbled as response, crossing his arms, even though he felt nothing else than love rising in his chest at the words of his mother.

“Now you already sound like Nikolas…You don’t have to worry, I’m fine.” She reassured him and continued eating, declaring the conversation for ended.

Donghun didn’t try to keep it going and only raised his eyebrows at her. They had already talked about this topic often and he knew how stubborn his mother and therefore useless his words could be. Meanwhile she chewed her food happily.

“So, are you only here to bring me lunch or did you also intend to visit the kids again?”  She asked after some minutes, when she was nearly done eating.

“I brought a new song, they’ll probably like. Do you think, I can use the room with the piano again?”

“Surely. You are entertaining the kids without asking for any payment…It’s the least they can do for you in return. There will be no problem, I think.”

With ‘they’ she meant the family, who owned the hospital. The Parks were extremely rich and their son was no other than Park Junhee, of course. At the mentioning of his family, Donghun shifted uneasily in his chair.

“Have you talked to one of them in the last time?” He asked gingerly.

His mother sighed.

“No. I haven’t seen them and I think they are really busy right now…With Jun’s incident and everything. God, I feel so sorry for them. Just imagine how they must have felt after he woke up…”

Distressed she shook her head. Meanwhile Donghun had looked up alerted at her words.

“So, he woke up?” He asked curiously.

Again, his mother sighed, before she nodded affirmatively.

“He did, but it is horrible…”

Donghun frowned. Something serious must have happened, for her to sound this upset. Now he really wanted to know what was going on.

“What happened?” He wanted to know eagerly.

His mother was just about to answer, when her pager suddenly went off. Immediately she jumped up and took it out of her pocket. While reading where she had to went, she was already nearly out of the room. At the door she quickly turned around again, looking at her son with an apologizing expression.

“I’m sorry Donghun-ah, it’s important. I have to hurry, I’ll see you later, at home. Love you.”

„Love you, too!“ He shouted back, but she was already out of the room and gone.

Chapter Text

On his way, to search a nurse, to help him drum up some children that wanted to sing with him, he repeatedly had to think about Jun. Even though he didn’t care about him at all usually. They weren’t friends or in any way close, so why was he worried? But he just couldn’t stop thinking about it. What had happened to him that his mother nearly cried at the thought of it? Had the accident been a lot worse, than he had thought? Was Jun maybe paralyzed now? Would he never be able to walk again? Or even speak? Donghun didn’t know, but imagining the other lying in a hospital bed, unable to ever take a step again in his life, made him feel sick.

‘Get yourself together,’ he scolded himself in his head. ‘He wouldn’t care about you, even if you were in a coma.’

Still, the uneasy feeling didn’t go away, until he finally found one of the nurses, he had searched for.

“Oh, you are here again. The kids will be so happy. Some of them have already told me that they’ve seen you earlier and couldn’t wait.” She friendly greeted him.

Donghun had to smile at the thought. He loved singing with the children too.

“I’ll help you gathering the kids.” The nurse offered. She was about to walk away, when he remembered an important question, he had also wanted to ask,

“Could I go in the same room as last time? The one with the piano?”

She stopped and looked at him apologetic.

“I’m sorry, but you’ll have to ask in the office. They are the only ones who got the keys.”

“Ahh…okay. No problem…”

The office was the last place, where he wanted to go.


It took them not even 20 minutes to gather all children. As soon as the rumor that Donghun was there again, spread, they all quickly went to the assembly point, excited to see what they would do today.

“Are we going to the room with the piano again?” Asked a little girl named Ara, if he remembered it right, full of excitement.

Donghun shook his head.

“We can’t go in there today. I need to get the keys first.“

He could clearly see her disappointment.

“But you looked so cool while playing the piano. And I wanted to show you a song, I learnt…”

“Maybe we can go next week again.” He tried to cheer her up and it seemed to work.

A bright smile appeared on her face and she happily jumped away to one of her friends, full of energy.

Perhaps he really should go, ask for the keys, even though he didn’t want to. He didn’t know why, but he was kind of afraid to eventually meet Jun’s mother. Still, he would do it, for the sake of the kids. Hadn’t his mother told him, the Parks were busy with their son anyway at the moment? Mrs. Park probably was not even there and he only would have to ask her secretary.

The first moments, he spent with the kids, were always chaotic and he couldn’t deny that he asked himself every time again, why exactly he did this (especially without payment), but then, as soon as he started singing or playing the piano, they immediately went silent and listened to him in amazement with big, round eyes. Afterwards, they couldn’t wait to join in and at the end of the hour, and with a little help of Donghun, they all had found their place in the performance of the song. At that point, when he was the one listening to them, he always felt so proud that he was afraid his chest would burst because of all the feelings inside of it and he hoped the kids would get a chance to perform what they were learning in front or more people than just him one day. So that all the nurses, families and friends could see them too. That was another thing he wanted to talk about with the office someday, but not today. Not after everything that had happened with Jun. He wasn’t ready to face his mother who was probably devasted about the accident and following injury of her son.

The last tone died away and Donghun was pulled back to reality. The children looked at him in expectation, waiting for his reaction. He pretended to think for a moment, before he let a bright smile grow on his face and started clapping enthusiastically.

“That was amazing! You’ve done so well and you keep on getting better and better. I’m so proud.” He told them and they started cheering loudly and hugging each other.

Donghun watched the whole scenario fondly and had to suddenly think about, how uncertain the future of these kids was. Most of them were cancer patients and would probably never reach adulthood. The only thing he could do for them, was making them happy and if they wanted to see him play the piano, he would stop being such a selfish idiot and go ask for the keys.

So, after he had brought the children back to their rooms and said goodbye to them, what took some time, because they didn’t want to let him go and especially Ara clutched to his leg like some sort of monkey, he made his way to the office. With every step he came closer to his destination, he seemed to get slower and slower, until he completely stopped, not far from the door. He knew, he should go in. After all, there wasn’t anything to be afraid of, but he just had no idea what to say, if he would meet Mrs. Park.
“I’m sorry about the accident…? I hope Jun will be all right again even though we never speak to each other…?” Maybe he should talk with his mother about it first and ask the next time. He nodded to himself and turned around, his eyes falling on two figures that were stepping out of the elevator.

‘Oh no…,’ he thought and wished once more he could somehow merge with the white wall next to him.

“See? You don’t need to worry, he said it will go away soon.” Mrs. Park said, looking at the person next to her.

“I think, you are more worried about the whole thing than me…mother. Just…I’m okay, I’m fine.”

Park Junhee was considerably taller than his mother. His extremely handsome face was framed by his dark, a little curly hair and while he approached Donghun, the latter had to notice that Jun looked extremely like he was a prince who came right out of a Disney movie. Seeing him walking normally like this and looking as arrogant as always, took a weight, he hadn’t even known was there in the first place, of his shoulders. Jun wasn’t paralyzed and except for a bandage on his arm, seemed to be perfectly fine. His face hadn’t taken any big damage too. Donghun’s mother had apparently exaggerated and had made him worry without any reason. Now that he had made himself sure of the other’s seemingly normal health, he wanted to turn around and hide in one of the other rooms, so he could avoid them. But right in that moment, Mrs. Park noticed him, her eyes growing wide in surprise,

“Donghun-ah?” She asked and on her previous so serious and concerned face materialized a smile.

Now, it was too late, so he forced himself to return it.

“Ahh, Mrs. Park…hello…,” He greeted her awkwardly, trying to not look at Jun, but failing miserably.

The other returned his glances with a curious, open expression and it made Donghun feel even more uneasy. Something was indeed incredible wrong. Jun never looked at him for more than a second and if he did, his eyes were completely empty, seemingly not wasting any kind of emotions on the older. So why did he suddenly change that?

“I haven’t seen you in ages. How are you? Your mother told me you are very busy with school at the moment. Jun-ah is too, right?” She looked at her son, searching for affirmation, but he only shrugged his shoulders. His mother sighed exhausted.

“Right…Jun, don’t you also want to greet Donghun? He is your friend after all.” Her smile had returned, covering up her tired face.

Donghun looked at her perplexed. Didn’t she know that they didn’t even talk to each other, except they absolutely had to. They were the last two people on earth to be called friends and because of that Jun would never greet him. He was too proud and Donghun too unimportant for him, so why should he--

“Sure.” Interrupted the other his thoughts and Donghun nearly choked on pure air.

He must have heard wrong, there was no way that Jun had just said “Sure”. But in that moment, the younger reached out his hand.

“Nice to see you, Donghun-ah.”

Donghun couldn’t do anything else except staring at Jun’s hand with wide eyes and an in surprise opened mouth. Donghun-ah? What was going on? Why was he so nice to him? And what was it with the informal speech? Had Jun forgotten that he was older than him or did he want to annoy him? Meanwhile, the latter had questioningly raised his eyebrows at him.

“Aren’t you supposed to shake my hand?” He asked. “Or do we normally hug each other?”

Seemingly feeling unsure, he withdrew his hand again. “Sorry…?”

Nothing what Jun said made any sense. Confused, Donghun looked at Mrs. Park who watched the whole incident also bewildered and suddenly he got an idea for an explanation. Did Jun maybe act like this, because of his mother? Had he told her, they were friends, because she knew Donghun’s mother and they sometimes still met each other in their free time. That seemed to be it, but if Jun thought, he would help him play his role as the perfect, nice son, while the reality was so much different, he had been wrong. So, he decided to simply ignore him and ask for the thing, he came here for in the first place.

“Mrs. Park, I’ve got a question.”

She looked at him with a friendly expression.

“Sure, what is it?”

“I wanted to know, if I could maybe get the keys for the piano room, for my music classes with the children. It was open last time, so we used it and they loved it so much. But then I heard that I usually need a key and that I can only get it in the office, that’s why I came here…”

“Right, you are doing the music program with them. I’ve heard great things about it from different sources. You seem to be really good with children and it’s impressing of you, to do such a thing without taking money for it. Of course, you can get the key, we hardly use the room anyways. Wait a moment, I’ll quickly get it. I’m right back.”

With that, she disappeared through the door, leaving the two boys back alone in awkward silence. Donghun really hoped, she knew where she had to search for the keys and wouldn’t take long, because he wasn’t sure, if he would be able to spend longer than three minutes with Mr. Arrogant next to him. He only waited for the other to pull out his phone and completely ignore him, like he usually did. However, he hadn’t expected to look right into Jun’s still curious eyes, when he wanted to quickly glance at him.

“You are a nice person, right?” He suddenly asked and again, Donghun was too surprised to reply anything.

“Of course, you are, why else would you spent time with the children, without taking money.” He answered his question himself, after he realized, he wouldn’t get one from Donghun.

No, this wasn’t right. The Jun he knew would have never said he was nice. He knew that for sure…He couldn’t take it any longer,

“What happened and what the hell are you doing?” He wanted to know, anger slowly growing in his stomach.

The other frowned and looked a little taken back.

“All these years you act like I never existed and now you suddenly put on a show to be nice and interested in me? Why? Is it because of your mother?”

“So…we aren’t friends? Are you sure? Because my mother just said we are and I also think that—”

“How could you get the idea that we are friends? Do you even remember my name? Or the last time we spoke with each other?”

Donghun could clearly see the confusion in Jun’s face and something else…was it hurt? No, it couldn’t be.

“What happened?” Jun asked, his voice not much louder than a whisper.

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that? What is wrong with you?” Donghun replied with a counter question.

But in that moment, Mrs. Park returned.

“Well? Did you two have a nice little chat? You can always visit Jun in the hospital Donghun, he feels a little lonely at the moment, you know. You could bring some photobooks, wouldn’t that be nice?”

“Mum, stop it.” Her son said, before he turned to Donghun, something like sadness shining in his eyes. “You don’t have to come, if you don’t want to…”

The older didn’t answer anything and only took the key from Mrs. Park, before he said goodbye to her and quickly walked away, still feeling their eyes on his back, even when he was long out of the hospital.


At home, he met his mother.

“Donghun-ah, you are back too. I was surprised, when you weren’t there, when I came home earlier. What took you so long?”

“I…met Mrs. Park…and Jun…”

“Oh…how…was it?”

“Completely weird. He acted, as if we are best friends or something, because his mother called me his friend…even though we never talk to each other anymore. I mean, what does he suddenly want to achieve with this behavior?”

While he was ranting, he didn’t notice how his mother got more and more quiet, until she suddenly interrupted him,

“Donghun-ah, listen to me for a moment.”

Her face was dead serious and he immediately stopped pacing up and down through the little kitchen. Instead he sat down in front of his mother, looking at her curiously.

“What is it?”

She nervously started playing with the tablecloth, while seemingly searching for the right words.

“I told you the accident had some bad aftereffects, right?”

Donghun nodded.

“But, I’ve seen him. He isn’t paralyzed or something. He looks healthy and normal…at least for the circumstances.” He stated.

His mother sighed sadly.

“That’s because it’s something you can’t see…He lost most of his memories, Donghun.”

“What?!” He stared at his mother in unbelief.

“Because of the accident, his brain got affected and needs time to recover. The memory loss should only be temporary, but it will take a while, until his memories will come back. Maybe they never will completely. So, he can only rely on the few memories he still has left and the things other people tell him. That’s why he thought, what his mother has said about you two being friends must be true. Maybe he also has some old memories, I don’t know. But in a time like this…please be the nice boy I know and help him as much as you can. I’m counting on you. Remember, at the moment he is not the boy you knew before the accident.”

Donghun didn’t know what he should reply. If that was true, Jun didn’t know about the past and his actions had been genuine. He had been the Jun, Donghun had thought had disappeared so long ago and he hadn’t even noticed. But what was he supposed to do now? It was too late anyways…and he would get his memories back someday too, so there was no use in befriending him. Maybe, he could act a little nicer next time, until everything went back to normal though.

Chapter Text

When he went back to the hospital the next week, his kids were extremely happy, when he showed them the key to the piano room. However, it would be an understatement, if he said he was only surprised, to see the tall, thin figure of Jun already leaning on the wall next to the door, looking as handsome as always. Donghun was more like in a shock.

“What are you doing here?” He asked baffled.

A smile appeared on Jun’s face.

“I was bored and wanted to see your music program with my own eyes, so I asked my mother, when you would come the next time. And well, here I am.”

His smirk let his face look as arrogant as always and Donghun’s resolutions to be nicer to him kind of flew out of the window.

“I don’t need any spectators who are only standing in the way, without helping at all. We are not a show for your entertainment to watch.”

“God, you seriously hate me, don’t you? What have I done to you that you are like this now?”

Donghun ignored him and opened the door, sending the children inside, before he turned around again. He was met by Jun’s face which didn’t look arrogant anymore and serious instead. The words of his mother echoed through his head, ‘He is not the boy you knew before the accident.’
Then Jun suddenly spoke up,

“I could help you…if that is your condition.”

Donghun frowned. “You haven’t done anything like singing in ages. You said, you hate singing…”

“Did I? Well, then I lied. I still love singing…but what could have been my reason to say I hate it…?”

He cocked his head and looked at Donghun as if he was supposed to know the answer. The older shifted uneasily and wanted nothing more than Jun to finally leave him alone, but at the same time he felt the desire to hear the younger sing. His words were out of his mouth, before he even realized, what he was doing,

“Okay, you can help me. But as soon as you are in my way, you have to leave…”

Already regretting his decision, he turned around and went inside, a happily smiling Jun following him.

“Deal. Don’t worry, I’m good with kids.”



Jun indeed hadn’t lied, when he had told Donghun he would be good with kids. While practicing the new song, he quickly gained many fans who didn’t want to leave his side for even a second. Most of them were girls who almost worshiped him, following all of his moves with big, eager eyes. Jun’s popularity among the other sex was seemingly not restricted to girls in Highschool.

The thing was, Donghun couldn’t even be annoyed at him. He was endearing with the children, making them laugh a lot and seriously caring about them. Still, the only child who wasn’t a traitor was Ara. She stayed by Donghun’s side the whole time and watched Jun warily.

“He probably can’t sing half as good as you.” She said and crossed her arms defiant.

In that moment Donghun seriously regretted that he had to be a good role model for her and sighed.

“You can’t say something like that, if you’ve never heard him sing before, Ara. Prejudices are bad, okay.” He scolded her a little and got an ashamed nod as a reply.

But one of the other kids had overheard their conversation.

“Jun-hyung! Ara said, you can’t sing. She is wrong, right?” The boy shouted.

Jun, who had been focused on explaining a little girl how to use the claves correctly, looked up confused.


He threw a questioningly glance at Donghun.

“I think they want to hear you sing.” The latter explained the situation.

If he didn’t know it better, he would have thought the other went slightly pink at that. Meanwhile the children had started cheering loudly and excited,

“Sing! Sing! Sing!”

“All right, he’ll not sing, as long as you are so this loud.” Donghun tried to calm them down again, when he saw how uncomfortable Jun seemed to feel under the pressure.

“You don’t have to sing, if you don’t want to. If I promise them snacks, they’ll quickly forget about it again.” He whispered into his ear, after he had placed himself next to the younger.

The other shook his head.

“No, it’s okay. I was just a bit surprised, that’s all.”

Then he walked to the front, again looking as confident as always. The kids went immediately quiet, so that Donghun now could hear his own heartbeat and it seemed to be so loud, everybody else probably could too. Suddenly Jun looked directly into his eyes, before he opened his mouth and sang the first notes. It would have been a lie to say, his voice didn’t sound incredible beautiful. It kind of surprised Donghun at first, but after some seconds, he felt as if he got pulled back into his childhood. All of a sudden, he had to think about all the warm spring hours, spent in his garden, while lying on the grass. He could practically feel it under his head, his hands stroking the soft, sun-kissed and dark hair on his chest. He remembered how much he had loved playing with it…

The sudden stop of the music and loud cheers brought him back to reality. When his eyes focused again, he saw Jun getting tackled by a bunch of kids, their loud laughs echoing through the room. Someone tucked on his sleeve.

“Is everything all right?” Ara asked, looking at him with big eyes.

“Are you sad, because the others prefer to play with Jun now? Should I call them back?”

Donghun smiled at her, but it probably didn’t look really convincing, and shook his head.

“Don’t worry, I’m okay. He’ll not be here next time again, anyways.”


After the class had ended, the children left, happily chatting, while Donghun stayed back to clean up the mess, they had left behind. He had just stowed a few instruments in a box, when he heard the sound of chairs getting dragged through the room and he quickly turned around. He was a bit surprised to see Jun in the process of trying to arrange the chairs like they were supposed to be again.

“What are you doing?” He asked.

The other stopped and looked at him with an amused face.

“Helping you, obviously.”


“Well, even though you seem to think differently, I’m not that rude to just let you do it on your own. At least I think so…can’t be sure right?”

He laughed softly, but Donghun didn’t join in. How could he take his situation this lightly, to laugh about it? They stayed silent for a while, just quietly working next to each other. But after some minutes, he couldn’t stand it any longer. Donghun had to ask the question which circulated in his head since the other had started singing earlier,

“Why this song?”

Why this song, of which he still knew every word of the lyrics by heart and which still meant so much to him? Even though he didn’t say it aloud and the final question was a simple, short one, Jun seemed to understand, what he meant.

“Wasn’t that the song you always sang? “

Confusion and unbelief rose in Donghun and he shifted uneasily. How could he still remember that?

“Yes, but how do you know? I thought you lost your memories.”

The other chuckled, but without any humor in it.

“So, you know about it…then you eventually also know that I didn’t lose all of my memories. Mostly more recent ones. I remember most of the things that happened before Highschool quite well, for example…Even though there are some gaps too.”

The uneasy feeling didn’t go away. Instead it got worse. There was another thing he absolutely had to ask,

“Then…do you still remember Easter, before we got into Highschool?”

Holding his breath, he nervously waited for an answer or any kind of reaction which showed him, the other knew what he was talking about. Jun frowned and seemed to think hard, before he shook his head, looking disappointed.

“No, sorry. It must be one of the things I forgot…,”

Donghun sighed with relief and was about to turn around again and get his stuff, when Jun suddenly continued talking,

“I can’t remember anything, but…there is a feeling…,”

He looked up and directly into the older’s eyes.

“Something happened, right? Something important, you don’t want to tell me about.”

It wasn’t a question, but rather a statement. Donghun gulped.

“No…it’s my birthday, that’s all.” He answered.

Then he quickly grabbed his bag and the box with the instruments and fled out of the room, leaving a confused Jun behind.

“Your birthday isn’t on Easter, it’s on the 28 February…” The other quietly whispered to himself.

“What are you hiding?”

Chapter Text

When Donghun left the hospital, a familiar car was already waiting for him in front of it. He frowned and started walking towards the vehicle. Once he had nearly reached it, a tall man got out and friendly waved at him.

“Hey Nikolas,” Donghun greeted him. “I didn’t know you wanted to pick me up. You wouldn’t have needed to, I can just take the bus.”

“Actually, I was on my way to pick up Chan-ah from the airport and thought you perhaps wanted to accompany me. You haven’t seen each other in nearly three weeks and I at least know for sure how much he has missed you. And I think you missed him too.”

“He is coming back today?” Donghun asked excited and nearly jumped into the car. He had totally forgotten, over the whole Jun thing, but Nikolas was right. He had indeed missed the younger a lot and had counted the days, until when he would finally be able to hug his brother again. Chan and he weren’t real brothers, at least not by blood, but there was no one he loved more and he would do anything for the younger.

His step-father softly laughed at his obvious happiness and excitement and followed his action. Then he started the engine and they got on their trip to the airport.  

Nikolas and Chan had first come into his life at the age of 11, nearly two years after the death of his father. At the beginning Donghun had hated the thought that his mother had seemingly moved on this quickly and had already found a new man to replace her dead husband. It had been a tough time for both of them, until he started to understand her actions better while getting older and finally accepted Nikolas. Now their relationship was pretty good and he couldn’t imagine not calling Chan his little brother. At the thought of that time, his mind automatically wandered to Jun, like so often these past couple days. He maybe didn’t want to admit it now, but without the other, he probably wouldn’t have gotten through everything that well. Again, he could hear the younger singing. Why did it have to be this song?

Nikolas started to ask Donghun about his day and the latter answered, before doing the same. Then, after they had talked a bit about their respective last week (they hadn’t seen each other so much, because Donghun had vacations and got up late, while Nikolas had to work), their conversation slowly died down to a comfortable silence and his step-father turned on the radio, before he started to nod along to a song he probably had listened to when he had still been a teenager. It wasn’t truly Donghun’s kind of music, so he pulled out his phone and put in his earpods. But instead of listening to one of his usual playlists, he always listened to, he decided to simply put all his songs on shuffle, hoping to rediscover one of his old favorite ones. Meanwhile they drove through the city, passing all kinds of buildings, crowds and other cars and the music slowly rocked him to sleep. However, shortly before sinking into a light slumber, a familiar sound sounded in his ears. Immediately he was wide awake again.

Jun’s voice sounded exactly the same as earlier in the room except that now it was maybe a bit deeper and manlier. But it was equally beautiful. Like some hours ago, the picture of his garden, the green grass and the brown hair came into his mind, combined with the feeling of secureness and happiness. Donghun could clearly remember how Jun had sung the song to him the first time, after nervously explaining he had written it for the older, so he would feel less lonely, whenever he couldn’t be by his side. Nothing had helped him better to calm down in his sleepiness nights full of tears and grief, after his father had died, than this song and even though he hadn’t listened to it for the past 4 years, he still knew every word of the lyrics. Back then he had thought they would stay best friends forever and also expected Jun to become a famous songwriter one day…or even singer. But now everything was different.


They arrived at the airport and after walking seemingly a hundred miles from their parking spot, they finally entered the big, main entrance hall. There they took a look at the departure and arrivals information board. Nikolas quickly studied it before turning to Donghun, smiling.

“We are right on time, the flight from Frankfurt just landed five minutes ago. Let’s go over there, so he can see us more easily and wait for him.”

As far as Donghun knew, Nikolas was originally from Germany. Even though his parents were Korean, he had been born and raised there, before meeting his future wife. They had had some happy years of marriage but apparently already shortly after Chan’s birth, the marriage hadn’t functioned well anymore and they got a divorce. Afterwards Nikolas had moved to Korea, because of a better job offer and had to leave his son behind with his former wife with a heavy heart. However, Chan’s mother got ill, following some incidents which proofed that she wasn’t any longer capable of taking care of her son on her own. Because of that Nikolas went to Germany to get the custody for Chan and brought him back with him to Korea. Back at that time he had just moved in with Donghun and his mother and he remembered how quiet the younger had been. They both had been children who had lost important parts of their lives and because of this understanding between them, even though their situations seemed to be completely different, they quickly got close to each other. Donghun had always had the feeling he needed to protect the younger.

With time Chan got more comfortable and also a much louder, laughing a lot and always trying to cheer up his older brother and the latter couldn’t imagine a life without him anymore.

Just in that moment, something tackled him down while cheerfully screaming,


“Uhh, careful!” The older said but returned Chan’s hug not any less boisterous.

“It was only two weeks…”

“I still missed you.” Mumbled the other into his t-shirt, not willing to let him go any time soon.

“I missed you too.” Admitted Donghun softly.

And how much he had missed him. Chan wasn’t only his little brother, but also the person he was the closest to and he could tell anything. He always listened to him and whenever he was sad, the younger did everything in his power to cheer him up. Donghun, indeed, also had another friend, called Sehyoon, but since the latter had finally gotten together with his longtime crush, the older saw less and less of him. Now he only ever met him in school and then usually Byeongkwan would also be there, but that wasn’t a problem. He was a really nice person too, even though sometimes a bit too loud, and Donghun preferred to spend his afternoons and evenings calmly, on his own or with Chan anyways.

“Hey, I really don’t want to interrupt your moment, but I missed you too, Chan-ah…you know…” remarked Nikolas suddenly, who had watched the whole scene with a touched smile.

The two slowly broke away from each other and Chan got crushed into a hug by his father.

“Komm her, mein kleiner Krümel.“

„Dad, it was only two weeks…” Repeated the younger Donghun’s former words.

“And also…I don’t get any air…”

He freed himself from his father’s arms but wasn’t quick enough to escape his hands which ruffled his brown hair.

“Daaad, das ist peinlich!”

At this, Nikolas only laughed and picked up the big backpack from the ground, where Chan carelessly had dropped it earlier.

“Come on now, you two. Soo-ah is probably already done with dinner and waiting for us.”

With these words he started walking in the direction of the exit but Donghun didn’t follow him immediately. Instead he looked at Chan next to him, who was grinning happily. Seeing this, he didn’t want to ask his question any longer, knowing too well the smile would disappear, but he also knew that Chan often hid his true emotions behind his seemingly happy self and at least he needed to know the truth.

“How is your mother?”

As he had expected, the smile faded and was replaced by a serious, darker expression.

“She is still struggling but she tries to fight…it actually already got a lot better. We went for a walk and she even bought me ice cream.”

At the thought, his eyes started to glow with excitement and the happiness from earlier came back.

“She even promised, we would go to the zoo the next time I’ll visit her! She said she wants to work even harder so she will be completely fine again and then she wants to move back to Korea so we can see each other more often.”

Chan’s hope that this future would indeed be real one day was noticeably in every word and Donghun really hoped the younger wouldn’t need to learn that this wasn’t possible. Not like he had needed to, when it had been certain that his father wouldn’t be able to ever see him entering Highschool. The situation of Chan’s mother was completely different, at least she wasn’t deadly ill in the way his father had been, but she had to fight her own battles and she, too, couldn’t be part of her son’s life because of that.

Suddenly, his younger brother grabbed his hand.

“Let’s go home, Papa is already waiting.” He said and his smile wiped all of Donghun’s concerns out of his mind, just like it always did.

Chapter Text

At home, Donghun’s mother also greeted Chan with a loving hug.

“Chan-ah. It’s nice to have you back! It was so quiet without you…Nikolas and Donghun hardly get a word out you know…”

Donghun and Nikolas shared a tired glance. They were already used to getting teased by Soo-ah and by now they didn’t even try to defend themselves anymore. Instead they always teased her back, but only when she couldn’t hear them, because they both weren’t stupid enough to wake a sleeping dragon.

“The dinner is ready by the way. But it’s nothing special…Come Chan-ah, you must be hungry. How was your flight?”

She led the younger inside, asking about his journey, while behind her back, Nikolas bended slightly over to Donghun, being careful that his voice wasn’t loud enough for Soo-ah to hear them as he spoke,

“Do you think she would always eat the same three dishes if it wasn’t for us?”

The other grinned, while watching his mother gush over Chan.

“Probably…even though she got better over the years you lived with us. You should have tried her food some years ago…”

They both started laughing softly but immediately went silent, when Soo-ah eyed them suspiciously.
She never had been the best cook and because of that, it had always been the job of his father. The latter had also been the one to teach Donghun. After his death, it was one of the last things which still somehow connected him to him and he kept on practicing. He became in charge of cooking and now he shared the task with Nikolas. Actually, this had also been the thing over which they had started bonding and getting closer to each other. Since Nikolas was originally from Germany, he didn’t know a lot of Korean dishes and Donghun thought him all he knew, bit by bit. In return his step-father also showed him some German recipes and he especially fell in love with all the different cake types (or “Kuchen” how Nikolas always called it). He even bought an oven specially for being able to bake all of them. Now days they often cooked together if the opportunity arose and even enjoyed each other’s company, something Donghun would have called impossible some years ago. But times change and so do people.

After dinner, Donghun went to his room and tried to focus on some of his homework he had successfully procrastinated and not finished a bit of over the weeks of vacation. But why was it his fault if his teacher decided it would be a good idea and fair to force them to learn a vocabulary of over 300 words?

Two hours later, he had only written three sentences of an essay in biology and still not taken one look at the foreign words, someone knocked on his door.

“Yes?” He asked.

“It’s me.” Sounded Chan’s voice a bit muffled through the wood. “Can I come in?”

But Donghun was already at the door and opened it. In front of him stood his younger brother, his hair still messy because of all the affectionately hair ruffling of their parents. But there was also something else…the older had the feeling that something was off.

“Is everything okay?” He wanted to know, looking at Chan observantly.

“Yes, I’m fine. I just wanted to talk to you some more…”

“Oh, okay…come in.”

He stepped aside, letting the other in and closed the door behind him afterwards.

“Did I disturb you? If you don’t have time right now, I can also come back later or tomorrow…”

Chan’s eyes had fallen on the messy mountain of paper and different books, still lying open on Donghun’s desk. He indeed actually needed to finish them but his brother was more important and who needed sleep anyway? So, he shook his head in response.

“Nahh…It’s fine, I can just do it sometime else…”

‘You can’t’, a voice echoed through his head but he ignored it and settled on the bed, gesturing Chan to do the same. The latter immediately cuddled up to Donghun and he started to fondly caress his hair, probably increasing its already messy state.

“So…Germany was good?”

His brother nodded.

“Grandma and I did a lot of stuff. We even visited Berlin! And I saw Mama as often as possible. She was always so happy to see me and looked like she wasn’t ill at all.”

Donghun couldn’t help but smile at how happy Chan sounded.

“That is nice.”


They went silent for a while but the older could feel that there was something oppressing his brother. Something he wanted to talk about but seemingly didn’t entirely know how. Then suddenly, after Donghun had already thought, Chan had changed his mind, the younger spoke up,

“I…I miss her…I miss my mother.” His voice was so quiet that the older could hardly hear it and sounded somehow as if he was ashamed about what he had just said.  “I really love my father and Soo-ah and I love that I have you as my big brother, but I still can’t help it but miss her…sometimes so much that it hurts…Is that wrong of me? Am I a bad person?”

“How do you get the idea that missing your mother would make you a bad person?”

“Because it makes me sound as if I’m not happy here and not grateful for the loving family I have and everything you do for me…”

At this the fondness and the feeling to protect the younger from everything evil in the world washed over Donghun and he stopped petting his hair, to pull him into a tight hug, while thinking about what to say, so he would feel better.

“You know…you know my father died, some weeks before I turned ten, right?”

Chan nodded slowly, listening carefully to what he was saying, since Donghun nearly never talked about his father or his death. Actually, there were many things, he wanted to tell his brother about the man who had raised him until he wasn’t able to anymore, but there was something in him, a barrier, he just couldn’t overcome most of the time. His mother’s method of coping with her husband’s death had been to burry herself in work and trying to forget. At first Donghun hadn’t been able to understand this, since he himself had been reminded of his father by every little detail around him and had always wanted remember everything good. But whenever he had pointed one of them out to his mother, she had went silent, suddenly a gray veil of grief around her and Donghun had quickly stopped to even mention his father. Maybe now she would be all right to talk about him again but the older just couldn’t bring himself to try it, still too scared she would go back into the gray fog, and he also was already too used to keeping his thoughts to himself. The only person he had always talked to about his father had left him not long after his death and it just seemed wrong to talk about him with someone who had never met him and didn’t even know what an amazing and caring person he had been in the first place.

Still, right now was an exception. Right now, Chan needed him. So, he took a deep breath and continued talking, crossing the barrier inside of him for the first time in years,

“In the beginning it was really hard for me to accept Nikolas, I don’t know if you can remember. You did a way better job at adjusting to your new family than me…”

Donghun had already lost the read thread somewhere between his emotions, thoughts and memories which were wildly revolving inside his head and he tried his best to somehow get back on the right track. It also didn’t help that he wasn’t the best at talking or phrasing his emotions.

“I just…What I want to say is that I miss my father a lot, too, and that it is fine to miss loved ones who can’t be with you. It doesn’t mean you are unhappy or ungrateful, it only means you love them…but losing is part of everybody’s life and you’ll probably have to endure it more often in the future…always when you least expect it…”

Once again, his thoughts jumped to a specific laughing face, framed by tousled, dark hair. Behind him stood the tall, broad figure of his father, smiling happily at him and signalizing him with his hands to join them in their game and Donghun wished, he could.

“Thank you…” Pulled him Chan’s voice back out of his memories and into reality. “Thank you for  trying to make me feel better, even though it’s hard for you to talk about…him.”

He paused.

“I appreciate it and I want you to know that even though I miss my mother, having you as my brother makes it somehow worth it.” The younger smiled at him and all of Donghun’s dark thoughts and sorrow faded into the feeling of fondness from earlier again.

“I’m also happy you are here…But…why don’t we talk about something else, huh? This was deep enough for one evening.”

“You are right…Mmh, then tell me, did I miss anything, while I was gone?” Chan asked.

The older thought about it for a while but nothing really interesting came to his mind. It had been vacations after all, which meant no school and no unnecessary dramas.

“I don’t think there is any—” Suddenly his past encounters with Jun appeared in front of his eyes and he stopped in the middle of his sentence. The other looked at him with a questioning, curious expression, waiting for him to continue speaking.

“Wait…Do you already know about the thing with Jun?”

Chan frowned.

“Do you mean his accident? Yes, I’ve heard about it, Kwang-suk told me. It happened right after I went to Germany, right?”

Donghun nodded.

“Do you also already know that he is awake again?” At the widened eyes of the younger, he could figure that this was new information to him.

“Really? How do you know?”

“Do you still remember the program I started?” Chan frowned.

“Do you mean the music thing with the children from the hospital your mother works in?”

Donghun nodded confirming.

“It’s also the hospital owned by his parents and we just happened to cross paths…” The younger watched him with an attentive expression.

“And what did you do?” He asked guardedly.

“I did the same thing as always; I tried to ignore him but…he started talking to me.” The eyes of his brother widened in surprise.

“He did? What did he say?”

“He just greeted me…” The older answered, thinking back to the odd incident.

“Please don’t tell me you just kept ignoring him and didn’t greet him back.”

At this Donghun started pouting.

“I was too shocked to return his greetings, okay. He hasn’t spoken to me in years…”

“Then why did he change that suddenly?”

The older thought about, if he should tell Chan the reason or not. The information didn’t seem to have spread yet and Jun probably would feel uncomfortable if everybody knew. But still, it was Chan, he was talking to and he knew, he could trust him.

“If I tell you, you have to promise me, to keep it a secret…at least for now, okay? You can’t even tell Kwang-suk.”

His younger brother nodded eagerly, thrilled to find out what had happened.

“My mother told me, he lost his memories…”

Chan’s reaction was similar to his own one. His eyes grew even bigger than they already were and his mouth opened up.

“Does that mean, he has no idea who you are?”

Donghun shrugged.

“It’s weird…he told me he still has most of his older memories. I don’t know how old exactly though.”

“Wait, so you have talked to him again?”

“Well, not because I wanted to. He seems to think we are friends or something.”

“I mean—”

“What we are not.” Donghun said, ignoring his brother’s interjection. The latter looked at him frowning, seemingly in deep thoughts.

“So, if he suddenly talks to you again…does that mean that he can’t remember your fight anymore.”

When he noticed how the older’s expression darkened and got distant, he immediately stopped talking and bit on his lip, seemingly regretting that he had brought up the subject.

“Seems like it…” Donghun’s voice faded at the end of the sentence and he wasn’t looking at Chan and into the past instead. Then suddenly he snapped out of his trance and spoke up again, sounding just like before they had started talking about the whole Jun incident,

“But now I really have to kick you out, because when I told you I can do my homework later I lied and I feel really stressed about it right now.”


That night was the first time in a very long while that Donghun dreamed about something from his past.

Chapter Text

“Donghun-ah! Come out for a second, please.”

Donghun, who was in the process of painting a flower meadow, looked up and put down his pencils, feeling annoyed. What was so important that his mother called him outside even though she knew he was extremely busy right now. Pouting, he jumped off the chair and walked out of the kitchen on his short legs and over to the opened front door. Outside in the front yard stood his parents, together with another family he had never seen before. The grown ups smiled at him friendly while a little boy shyly hid behind the legs of the woman. From time to time he curiously peered over to Donghun.

His mother turned to him,

“Donghun-ah, be a good boy and greet our new neighbors. They just recently moved here and they have a son in your age, isn’t that nice? You two can play together.”

He eyed the boy searchingly. Because of him he had had to stop painting and right now that was reason enough for Donghun to be angry at him.

“I don’t want to.” He said stubbornly and crossed his arms, the pout returning to his face.

“Don’t be like that…that is not nice.” His mother immediately scolded him and smiled apologetic at the new family. “Sorry, he can be really stubborn sometimes…”

“And I have no idea, where he got that from…” Donghun’s father quietly mumbled but his wife still heard it and therefor he earned a light slap on his shoulder. His reaction simply consisted of laughing while he fondly wrapped and arm around her waist. The other couple just laughed too.

“Ah, it’s fine. Our son can be the same…Am I right, Jun-ah?” As response to the sudden attention, the other little boy tried to hide behind his mother’s legs again, however she didn’t help her son in doing so and stepped to the side instead, revealing him. He seemed to be smaller than Donghun and everything from his big dark eyes, to his shy behavior screamed at the older that he should protect and care for him.

“Donghun…” His father said, this time with a warning undertone. He knew that there was no getting out of this if he wanted to have dessert after dinner tonight. “It would be really nice if you could show Jun your room and maybe play with him.” Donghun sighed.

“Okay…” He mumbled reluctantly and his parents started smiling again. However, the boy didn’t look like he wanted to leave his parents at all. Instead he clinched on to the legs of his mother but she didn’t show any kind of compassion.

“Let’s go inside and play with Donghun, okay? It will be fun. In the mean time we’ll talk a little more.” With these words she loosened her son’s arms around her legs and gave him a slight push into Donghun’s direction.

That was how they both ended up in the older’s room, just awkwardly sitting next to each other without saying a word. It would need two more arranged meetings from their parents, for them to discover that they both really liked playing soccer and where can a friendship start blooming better than while shooting muddy balls at each other?



The next weeks seemed to fly. School had started again and since it was Donghun’s senior year the teachers seemed to exaggerate with school work even more than before, making him extremely busy. Therefor he didn’t have enough time to visit the hospital and had to put his music program on a temporarily pause, missing it dearly. However, he was more than surprised, when after some weeks he finally walked into the children station again, only to find it nearly empty. All the kids that usually took part in his lessons were gone, their rooms empty too. Confused he started searching for one of the nurses, to ask what exactly was going on. It took him way too long and with every minute which passed, he became more nervous. In his mind played all kind of worst case scenarios. What if something bad had happened? After all this was still the station for children without much hope of curing left. After all that had been his whole point to start this program.

When he finally found two nurses they seemed happily surprised to see him.

“Donghun, you are back! I’m glad to see that you finally seem to have more time again.” The first one said and the second one nodded before she added,

“We didn’t expect you though, so the program already started without you.”

“Wait, what?” Donghun stared at them dumbfounded.

“Yes, they are in the piano room as always, I guess.” He was too confused to reply anything, somehow managing to mumble ‘thanks’ while heading into the direction of the piano room. What was going on?

Even from ten meters away he could already hear the familiar sound of children laughing and all kinds of instruments, played in a complete mess. Slowly he walked closer, before he carefully opened the door and peeked inside the room. It looked like always. The kids were divided into groups and practiced something, which somehow even sounded familiar to him but still wasn’t recognizable enough, on their instruments. The only difference was that not Donghun stood in front of them but Jun.

Donghun probably stood in the door for five minutes, just staring without saying a word or him being noticed. They looked happy as usually and he noticed with a twisting feeling of something like jealousy that even Ara had seemingly been charmed by Jun by now. She didn’t move from his side, just like it had been with Donghun before and observed everything Jun did with big, eager eyes. And she had been his last hope of some loyalty…

Just in that moment, Ara suddenly looked up and right into his eyes, guilt creeping over her face immediately, before she screamed, “Donghun-oppa!”, and started running into his direction, throwing herself into his arms. Promptly everybody stopped whatever they were doing and looked at him, making him feel extremely uncomfortable under the sudden attention. Then the other children also started happily welcoming him back and cheering his name but the only person Donghun could look at was Jun. Stupid, perfectly looking Jun who even had the nerve to smile at him.

“Donghun…you are back.” He stated the obvious, slowly looking less happy and smug and more uncomfortable since the other didn’t return his smile. Instead he eyed him with a cold expression. At least that was how Donghun wanted it to look like and it seemed to be good enough, because Jun obviously had noticed something was off.

“I know you all are as happy as me to have Donghun back, so what about you keep on practicing what we rehearsed these past couple weeks, so we can show him later, all right?” Of course, Jun’s tactic worked and the children went back to their groups, looking extremely excited. Ten seconds later the room was filled with the noises of instruments again and the younger made his way over to the door, where Donghun was still standing.

“Let’s talk outside,” he said and they left the room together. As soon as they were outside, Jun had barely enough time to turn around and face Donghun before the word burst out of the latter,

“What the hell are you doing?!” His voice was loud, even louder than he had intended, and the other flinched startled. Hurt flickered over his pretty face but it was quickly replaced by the neutral, somehow carefree expression he usually wore on it.

“You were busy these past couple weeks and the kids were always so sad, when I visited them, asking me when you’ll come back and sing with them again. After some time, I couldn’t stand it any longer and asked my mother if I could try to replace you…” when he saw Donghun’s expression get even darker at the word “replace”, he quickly added, “Only until you would come back! And well…here you are…”

Jun carefully looked at the older, seemingly hoping that he would give in and tell him he had done a good job. But even though Donghun couldn’t deny that he was glad, someone had been there for the children and continued his program, he also couldn’t help himself but be angry at Jun. Why did it have to be him of all? All of a sudden, the anger hit Donghun with full force,

“This was my thing and I was happy with it! At least until you showed up and suddenly decided that you have the right to take it away from me and shove yourself back into my life, even thought it was you who…Forget it…” he ended his rage, when he remembered that Jun had no idea what he was even referring to. However, the younger looked somehow disappointed about the fact that he had stopped. ‘He wants to know but seemingly still doesn’t…’ Donghun thought but Jun’s next words took him by surprise,

“I’m sorry…” The apology wasn’t louder than a whisper but the older could hear honesty and regret in every letter. He wanted to reply something, anything, even though nothing came to his mind and opened his mouth but Jun wasn’t done yet, “I didn’t know this was so important to you…I mean, I did know but I didn’t know you would hate the thought of me helping you with it this much…”

“I don’t—”

“No, it’s fine…I lost my memories but by now I have my theories and it’s kind of obvious that I hurt you a lot in the past, am I right?” The voice with which he asked sounded so soft that once again it reminded him of a long past time. Donghun couldn’t help but immediately feel guilty for his former words. Still he nodded as an answer and Jun smiled sadly.

“Whatever I did, I’ll make up for it. Also, I’m sorry for stealing your program, you won’t ever see me in the piano room again and the song I taught them—”

“It’s fine.” Donghun interrupted him after taking a deep breath.

“…they wanted to learn it so I…Wait what?!” Jun looked more than confused, his forehead covered in wrinkles.

“You helping me with the program…it’s fine.”

The face of the younger light up like a Christmas tree. “Really? You don’t have to pretend to be fine with it just because you feel sorry for me…”

“I don’t, it’s because the kids love you and you can sing really well and…because what you did was a good thing.” Donghun sighed. “I started the program to distract these children from their hard reality but I couldn’t be there for them the last couple weeks so…you doing it instead of me…I’m actually thankful. So, sorry for being a selfish asshole…” The older ended his apology. Meanwhile Jun looked as if he couldn’t believe his ears and Donghun had to be honest, this really must have sounded like a complete change of mind, so he quickly added,

“But don’t think that makes us friends now! I only apologized for a mistake and I’m allowing you to help with the program but that’s it!” However, Jun didn’t seem to care about the last part, he still smiled brightly at the other.

“Of course. Thank you for not firing me! You have no idea how bored I am in this stupid hospital. You are the only person who is visiting me…well, okay, you and this girl was here once…Jae Ahn?”

“I’m not visiting you and do you mean Jae Hwa?” The other simply ignored him.

“She said something about being my girlfriend but after I laughed at her for five minutes she left…Wait, why do you know her name?” He said the last part at the same time Donghun asked a little horrified,

“You laughed five minutes at your girlfriend until she left?!” Jun only shrugged, grinning brightly.

“I have no idea who she is but I know that she is definitely not my girlfriend…” The older frowned and was about to tell him about all the times he had seen them sticking their tongues into each other’s throat in the school hallways, when suddenly Ara walked out of the piano room.

“We are done practicing and want to show Donghun what we learnt.” She informed them and the older forced himself to smile.

“We’ll be there in a minute.” The little girl nodded before she suddenly examined them intensely.

“You didn’t fight, right?” They both looked at each other as if they had been caught, before shaking their heads in unison.

“Of course not.”

“Never.” They then said at the same time. 

Ara smiled. “Good. You can’t fight, you should be really good friends. Jun told me, he wants to be your friend, right?” The latter smiled sheepishly, while nodding and Donghun could swear he even had turned pink. “And what about you, oppa?” The girl now turned to the older.

“Of course, I also want to be Jun’s friend…” He lied and tried to sound as convincing as possible.

Suddenly a portentous sparkle appeared in Ara’s eyes. “Then proof it! Hold hands until we are done performing.” Donghun only stared at her in unbelief. He had already known that this girl had devilish ideas but that she was seemingly the devil herself…

“Ara, I don’t think that is a good idea…” He tried to somehow change her mind, even though he knew, she was too stubborn.

“Then I’ll tell everyone, you had a fight!” Donghun and Jun both stared at her in horror. If she told the others, they would probably not stop with them just holding hands…bloody hell, they would probably make them kiss or something.

The younger seemed to have the same thoughts, because he carefully peeked at Donghun’s face and then their hands which were only centimeters apart, which the older was suddenly extremely aware of. Donghun took a deep breath. He would only do this so their situation wouldn’t get even worse. Then, before he could change his mind or his courage would leave him, he quickly linked his fingers with the ones of Jun. As soon as their fingertips met, he could hear the younger surprised suck in some air, not having expected the other to actually give in to Ara’s demands at all. He looked from their now intertwined hands and back up to Donghun’s face. Like this they just stared at each other with wide eyes, both not really able to process what was happening right now, until Ara destroyed the silent moment,

“See, it’s easy. And now come, they are all waiting.”

She grabbed Donghun’s other, still free hand and dragged them into the room.

“Everybody to their positions!” She ordered, before she turned around one more time with narrowed eyes. “And don’t even think about stop holding hands!” With these words she disappeared into the crowd, leaving behind the couple who was still awkwardly holding each other’s fingers.

Donghun felt weird. Everything that had to do with Jun seemed to feel weird or wrong or just exactly right. Holding the other’s hand seemed to fall into all three categories. Even though he had known how Jun’s hands felt in his own, better than his English vocab in the past, they now weren’t familiar anymore. Too much time had passed and not only their personalities but also their bodies had changed and grown. Now Donghun’s hands seemed to be way bigger than the younger’s, probably easily able to cover them and he asked himself if Jun’s hands had grown at all. The urge to try comparing their hand sizes by covering the other’s whole hand with his own rushed through his body and Donghun felt his palms getting sweaty. He prayed that Jun couldn’t feel it while he himself felt every little movement of the younger’s fingers. He was about to simply stop caring about the whole thing and simply let go of the other’s hand since it slowly became too much for him, when nobody else than Ara saved him.

While Donghun had been suffering and was close to a mental breakdown, the children had all gathered in front of them, on the other side of the room, holding tightly on to their instruments or paper sheets. They all seemed to be extremely excited.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, the performance begins now!” Ara announced and quickly ran over to the choir group.

Then the first notes sounded and Donghun suddenly felt how Jun slightly squeezed his fingers.

“I really hope, you’ll like it.” He whispered.

It took the older some moments until he recognized the song and when he did, he didn’t know how to react.

“Star?” He asked, his voice sounding breathless and the younger nodded.

“After I sung it the first time, they all kept begging me to teach them the song until I finally did.”

“Wow…” And in that moment, he didn’t care that he actually couldn’t stand Jun or had sworn to not show him any kind of weakness ever again.

There would probably never be a time, when this song would not make him emotional but listening to it while a choir of children he dearly loved sung it, it literally made him cry real tears. He tried to hold it in but it didn’t work and when Jun also handed him a tissue, Donghun knew he had just broken every of his rules concerning the younger.

After the song had ended he started clapping enthusiastically and told his proudly grinning kids, they had done a great job before he turned to Jun who smiled at him with so much fondness and happiness that Donghun felt how his rampart started to crack.

“Well? Did you like it?” The younger wanted to know and Donghun knew there was no way that he could lie without it looking completely pathetic and him going to hell (if he didn’t go there already anyway).

“It was beautiful!” He answered and couldn’t help but return Jun’s smile.

“I’m glad…this song means a lot to both of us…” The younger said, suddenly more serious again and that also brought Donghun down from his high. Immediately he let go of the other’s hand as if it had burned him.

“It did…yes. But things change…”

“Then why did you cry?”

“Because in contrast to you, I can’t forget my memories.” With these words he left the room, only telling the children goodbye but without looking at Jun once more.

Chapter Text

From then on Donghun had to spend at least one hour with Jun every week. He tried his best to ignore the younger which ended up being way harder than he had thought since Jun didn’t seem to care about his clear rejections and cold behavior and simply talked to him the whole time.

“Don’t worry…you won’t have to endure me much longer.” Jun suddenly spoke up into the silence, like so often, while they were cleaning the piano room after another one of their music classes. “I’m gonna be discharged very soon and then I have to catch up with a lot of school stuff, so I’ll probably be super busy…” Donghun thought about, if he should reply something. On the one hand, he hadn’t said anything to Jun the whole afternoon but even though he tried to convince himself that he was annoyed by the younger and that he didn’t want to talk to him, he still felt bad.

“You…must be happy to finally be out of the hospital so soon then…” Jun looked surprised to suddenly have gotten a reply but then smiled.

“I am…the only good things here are the kids and you…” Donghun froze but the other didn’t even notice. “And maybe the food…the food is pretty good too. Also, I probably haven’t seen my parents as often these past couple years as in the last weeks. My father especially came all the way from Busan…”

This time the older was the one looking up surprised.

“From Busan? What is he doing there? Did he get a new job?” Jun shrugged.

“I guess…a new job and also a new family on the way…My parents are divorced.” This were news to Donghun. He had thought the other’s family was still as perfect as always.

“I’m sorry…since when?” He asked carefully, feeling even worse now. If someone knew how it hurt to lose your father, it was him.

“Shortly after the start of middle school…at least that’s what they told me.”

“I’m sorry…” The other said once again but Jun only shrugged.

“It’s fine…it’s still not as bad as what you had to go through.” However, Donghun could read him good enough to know that he was not fine, that it hurt him more than he wanted to admit. “

“Just because your father is still alive doesn’t mean it can’t hurt you as much…there is always someone who has it worse. At least I never had to cope with the feeling that my father loved somebody else more than me…or that I wasn’t important enough…”

“Yeah, well…like I said, it’s fine.” Jun’s voice sounded husky, “I don’t care what he wants to do with his life…” Another lie, but this time Donghun let it pass. There was nothing he could do. They weren’t close enough anymore, so that he could force Jun to suddenly entrust him with his most private and deepest thoughts. Still, he wanted to say something, tell him that it was okay to feel hurt, just anything to comfort the younger. But when he opened his mouth, no sound came out.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to bother you with my problems. It’s late and your mother is probably waiting for you.” While speaking, Jun turned around to organize some paper sheets on the table which already had been organized by Donghun earlier. The latter hesitated, before he replied,

“Yes…you are probably right…uhh…see you around?”

“Yes, see you.” The younger said, however without looking at him. Donghun walked over to the door and glanced at Jun’s back one last time, before leaving the room, for some reason still feeling bad. 


After the incident at the hospital Donghun was more than happy that he wouldn’t have to see the other until the next week. He really needed to sort out his thoughts first. However, like seemingly always Jun couldn’t just play by the rules for once.

It was Saturday afternoon and Donghun and his family had just settled down for some cake and coffee or tea (a tradition Niklas and Chan had brought along from Germany and insisted on following every week), when suddenly someone rang the doorbell. They all rolled their eyes at each other.

“Why do they always have to come at coffee time?” His mother muttered and got up, to open the door, while the rest listened carefully, to figure out who it was.

“Well, that is a surprise!” Soo-ah exclaimed and they looked at each other questioning.

“Hello Mrs. Lee, I hope I’m not disturbing anything...I was just looking for Donghun.” The latter had frozen in shock, as soon as the person had started talking. He knew that voice too damn well.

“Oh, you didn’t disturb us at all. Come on in, Jun. Do you want some cake?” Immediately he could feel Chan’s eyes on him but he wasn’t able to take his own eyes away from the door. Why wasn’t he even safe at his home anymore? Just in that moment, Jun walked in, looking even more flawless now that he seemed to be completely healthy again and wore his usual stylish clothes instead of the hospital gown. Or to be more specific, he looked like the Jun Donghun had hated, again.

The younger waved at them.

“Hi…Sorry to just barge in here…”

“Ah, no problem! Just sit down, sit down, I baked too much cake anyways.” Nikolas welcomed him and Jun did as him told while Soo-ah mother brought him a plate.

“Hi Jun.” Chan greeted the other too and Donghun looked up, “do you still remember me?” He observed the hopeful expression of his little brother. He hadn’t had a long time to get to know Jun, before they had stopped being friends, but he knew how much the younger had admired him. If Jun would tell him, he couldn’t remember who he was, it would definitely hurt him a lot. Donghun was about to do whatever he had to, to quickly change the topic, when Jun’s expression changed from confused to unbelieving.

“Chan-ah?! No way! You are so grown up now!” A bright smile bloomed on the younger’s face.

“I know…I’m even taller than Donghun-hyung now.” He said proudly. Jun grinned and looked at the older.

“Really? How cute.” Donghun rolled his eyes in annoyance, not bothering to answer, but still pretended to wipe something from his face so he could hide his blush…not that there was anything to hide…But had Jun just called him cute? Who had allowed him to do that?! He wasn’t cute…

“What are you wiping from your face? We haven’t even started eating yet.” Chan unexpectedly asked him and this time Donghun definitely turned red.

“I…uhh…I thought there was something on my face…” He stammered and his brother raised his eyebrows.

“But why—”

“It’s so nice to see you again Jun, and healthy too.” His mother suddenly spoke up and saved him from the other’s burning stares. “We were really worried about you after your accident.” Everybody nodded in agreement except Donghun who in return earned a kick against his shin by his mother. He glanced at her angrily but she ignored him.

“I hope Donghun told you, you don’t need to. I’m fine, really.” Jun said and again his mother smiled at him fondly.

“He did, but still…”

“Can we eat now?” The older interrupted his mother who glared at him annoyed. She looked close to lose her patience but Chan saved the situation by jumping up,

“Yes! Jun, you definitely have to try German apple pie! My father’s is the best.”

“Oh, I would love to!” Exclaimed Jun overly excited who seemed to feel similar uncomfortable. Soo-ah immediately turned back into her usual friendly self and started to hand everyone a piece of cake in which Donghun’s ended up to be the smallest one but he didn’t care. He wasn’t hungry anymore anyways.


After their meal, Donghun somehow found himself sitting on his bed, while Jun walked through his room and observed everything carefully.

“Have you ever heard something about privacy?” He wanted to know and raised his eyebrows. Jun just chuckled, without even looking at him.

“I’ve been to this room like a million times…by the way did you ever think about redecorating it?” He pointed at the clouds that were still painted on the wall next to Donghun’s bed and had been there since his childhood. The latter crossed his arms in defense.

“Why? I like it like that!” Jun nodded and shrugged as if that was a good enough reason which he approved. Then he dropped down next to him and Donghun stiffed. This all reminded him so much of the first time, they had met each other. Back then they had been complete strangers and now after all these years it felt exactly the same even though Jun had once been the person, he knew more about than himself. But now…did he even still like the same food?

“What is your favorite food?” The younger suddenly wanted to know in that moment and Donghun stared at him in surprise, answering without even thinking about it first,

“Chicken, I guess. Why?” The other smiled at his answer.

“Seems like you haven’t changed that much after all…”

“Of course, I have changed!” Donghun replied who had remembered that he was actually still on defense.

“If you think so…”

“What do you even want here?” He finally asked the question he had wanted to know the answer to since he had first heard Jun’s voice earlier.

“I told you…I wanted to see you.” Donghun sighed, losing his patience more quickly than slowly.

“And why do you want to see me?”

“Because we are friends…”

“I told you. We are not—”

“And because I wanted to see if you still live in the same house and if I could remember the address.” Jun continued, ignoring the other’s interruption. “You know, for me it’s also still hard to remember addresses and ages and all that kind of stuff but where you live…it’s all still there. Crazy right?”

Donghun just stared at him.

“But…why?” Was all he got out after some seconds of silence and like always Jun just smiled at him.

“I don’t know but it’s probably because the other me, I mean the one from before the accident, didn’t want to forget it.”

Chapter Text

The car had barely stopped, before Donghun opened the door and jumped out of it. He didn’t even look back, when his mother called his name, only focusing on his destination; the only thing that could make everything all right again.

“Donghun? I thought you are in the—” Jun asked, after spotting him in front of his door, but before he could end his sentence, Donghun threw himself into his arms.

“I missed you so much.” He mumbled into his shoulder.

“Is everything all right?” His best friend’s voice was full of worry and he wanted to push him away, so he could look into his face but Donghun only held on to him even tighter.

“Can you just…keep holding me like this for a bit more? And then, can we just play games like always? Like on a complete normal day?” He pulled away and put on a pleading expression. The other obviously was confused by this request.

“Sure, but why—”

“And can you promise me, not to ask anything?” Jun hesitated before he nodded.

“Okay, I promise.”

So, they did, what he had asked for. The younger invited him inside and after greeting his parents, they both went upstairs. There, they played game after game and even though Donghun usually always bet Jun, he lost every time today. He felt his best friend’s worried glances but still ordered him to turn on another game as soon as they had finished one. They were in the middle of a new round of their current game, Donghun once again horribly losing, when it suddenly broke out of him,

“He is going to die.” Jun who was in the middle of killing a goblin grinned and nodded, completely focused on the game.

“Yeah, I nearly got him!”

“No…” Donghun replied weakly, “I mean my father…he’ll…he’ll die.” His friend needed some seconds to process what the older had just told him, then his controller fell into his lap and he stared at him with big eyes. In the meantime, tears had started streaming down Donghun’s cheeks.

“W…what?” Jun asked and all color had faded from his face.

“The doctor said his cancer is too strong… and that there is nothing else, they could do…”

“How long…has he left?”

“We don’t know, but he’ll probably won’t see me enter Highschool.” Even though he was crying, his voice sounded completely calm. Everything felt as if it wasn’t real. Only a movie, he was watching or a book he was reading. After all, his father couldn’t just die, right? He just couldn’t…

“No, he can’t…” Jun whispered and only now Donghun realized, he had said his thoughts aloud. “Donghun, I’m so sorry…I’m…” Tears were now also streaming down Jun’s face and he leaned over and hugged Donghun as tightly as possible. “Just know that I’ll be there for you…always.”


After Jun had finally left, Donghun laid in his bed and tried to somehow sort out the mess of all his thoughts and feelings which had only gotten worse. After turning and tossing around for seemingly the thousandth time, he sighed frustrated, sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. If he stayed here, he would not get any sleep tonight.

The floor under his feed was cold and he shuddered. Then he slowly stood up and walked out of his room and to the opposite one, before carefully opening the door. The inside of the room was dark, except for some light shining through a gap between the curtains on the window. Donghun tried to be as quiet as possible, while he stepped inside and carefully closed the door behind him. However, he did not see the bag, laying in the middle of the room and therefore he tripped over it followed by him making a noise of surprise.

The person in the bed moved, before suddenly sitting up.

“Donghun? Is that you?” Chan’s sleepy voice asked into the darkness and the older cursed his clumsiness. Now he had woken him after all.

“Yes…” He whispered back and finally closed the remaining distance between himself and the bed in which Chan was already moving to the side, so that Donghun could lay down next to him.

“Can’t you sleep?” His little brother asked, while the older pulled him closer and nodded.


“Is it because of Jun?” Once again, he nodded and he could feel how Chan moved his head to look at him despite the darkness. “You know…you always told me, he has turned into an asshole but he is actually still the same as in the past.”

“That is only because of his memory loss…once, he’ll remember everything, he’ll move back to his old asshole-self, believe me.”

“But I don’t think so…after all, just because he’ll get his memories back doesn’t automatically mean, he’ll forget the ones he made in the meantime. Maybe you should just try to solve your problems and you could be friends again…I know how much you missed him. Since back then you’ve never been close to anyone again—”

“You and I are close!” Donghun interjected, feeling the need to defend himself.

“True but that doesn’t count…we are brothers…” Invalidated Chan his argument.

“Then what about Sehyoon and Byeongkwan?”

“You only see them in school and hardly ever spend time with them outside of it…that is not—”

“That’s because they are dating and are horribly corny and disgusting!”

“--what close means…” His brother ended his sentence, without even reacting to Donghun’s interjection. “It’s just…maybe you should try to let people be close to you again, because otherwise you could end up alone and miserable and you are the last person who deserves that.”

“But I like being alone…” Donghun weakly tried to somehow still win the argument even though he knew he had long lost.

“You might like many things, but you are definitely not a person that likes to be alone, Donghun. Don’t tell yourself such lies and just listen to me for once…I’m seriously worried about you.” Silence arose in which Donghun couldn’t help but stare at his little baby brother in amazement.

“When did you grow up to become so wise?” Chan chuckled and rested his head under the older’s chin.

“That’s the Schiller and Goethe in my German blood…And now, let’s stop talking. I’m so tired and I wanted to go to the arcade with Kwang-suk after school tomorrow…” Not long after Chan said that, Donghun felt his breaths even and before he could think any more, they made him fall asleep, too.


If the news that Jun had gotten into an accident had spread fast, the news that he was back at school again even outdid it. The moment Donghun set one foot into the school, the other’s name seemed to be everywhere; whispered from one person to another.

“He is back!” “Are you sure? I heard he was lying in a coma and is unable to walk.” “No. I just saw him and he looked perfectly fine.” And so on and so on.

Donghun only rolled his eyes at all the gossip but inside of him the uneasiness, he always felt about Jun, returned. Thank god, they weren’t in the same class and the fact that Jun would hang out with his other friends again, instead of him. Now it was only a matter of time, until he would return to his old self. But why didn’t he feel any relieve?

Still deeply in thoughts, he collided with a rushed seeming girl. Even though, she had been the one to run into him, she did not apologize and simply hurried passed him. She looked familiar and Donghun believed to hear some muffled weeping noises, before she disappeared into the women restroom. He frowned. Jun wasn’t even back for a day yet and still everybody seemed to go insane. He shook his head and finally entered his classroom.

As soon as he had walked inside, someone called his name, “Donghun!” He spotted a widely waving boy with dark hair who now signalized him to sit down next to him, everything while smiling brightly and looking like a toothpaste model.

“Hey Sehyoon. How was your weekend?” Donghun asked after he had reached him.

“Good…I didn’t do much. My parents actually invited Byeongkwan for dinner and we played some video games. How about you?” Donghun had to think about the surprise visit of Jun, before he shrugged.

“Nothing special either…just a nice, quiet weekend with my family.” At least that was what he wished it had been.

“Nice…” Sehyoon said and smiled once more, before he focused his attention on his phone, probably texting his boyfriend. Donghun stayed silent and his thoughts wandered to his and Chan’s conversation from last night. It was true that he hadn’t seen Sehyoon outside of school for a while now but that was only because he didn’t want to disturb the new couple or be the one third-wheeling. Still, he also didn’t want Chan to see, he was right.

“Are you free this afternoon? Do you want to hang out?” he asked and Sehyoon looked up, obviously surprised about the sudden request.

“Uhh…Byeongkwan and I actually wanted to check out this new Café nearby…” He looked a bit guilty.

“Oh, no problem…” Donghun replied, his voice sounding flat. At least he had tried.

“But, I’m sure he wouldn’t have a problem with you accompanying us…Wait, I’ll quickly ask him.” He was about to tell his friend, they didn’t need to invite him just so he wouldn’t feel bad, when Sehyoon suddenly exclaimed, “Everything is set; he said, he thinks you tagging along will be fun.” Donghun returned his smile.

“Okay, great.” They stopped talking once again and he stared out of the window, still unable to stop thinking about Jun, even after his teacher had arrived and begun the class. 

Why did all this stuff have to happen in his senior year? It was probably the most important year of his life but he just couldn’t focus at all right now and that fact somehow made him even angrier at the younger.

One class after another passed horribly slowly until the school bell finally signalized the beginning of the lunch break. Immediately everybody jumped up and hurried over to the cafeteria, eager to get food as quickly as possible. Sehyoon and Donghun were no exception and some minutes later they found themselves sitting on a table, waiting for Byeongkwan to arrive too. While Sehyoon eyed the entrance, to instantly see his boyfriend, when he would enter, Donghun caught himself doing the same. Only that he wasn’t watching out for Byeongkwan’s brown hair but the dark hair of Jun. Some minutes passed and neither of the two appeared. Instead he spotted Chan, as always accompanied by his best friend Kwang-suk, who happily waved at him, before sitting down on a table with some other classmates.

“Kwan-ah, there you are!” At Sehyoon’s sudden exclamation Donghun turned his head to see Byeongkwan approaching them, wearing an expression which made it obvious that there was something, he was eager to tell them. And Donghun should be right. As soon as Byeongkwan had reached them, he quickly sat down without even wasting the time to properly greet his boyfriend, before it broke out of him,

“Park Junhee is back and of course he had to make the biggest entrance ever…” Donghun and Sehyoon both stared at him in interested confusion.

“What do you mean? What happened?”

“It’s his first day and he just broke up with his girlfriend this morning.”

“What?!” They both stared at him baffled and Byeongkwan seemed to enjoy their interest.

“It’s true…I think she went home shortly afterwards. Poor girl…I mean I knew, he could act really could but this was kinda cruel…”

“But why?” Sehyoon wanted to know and his boyfriend shrugged.

“I don’t know…maybe he got bored of her. You know how he is.” Donghun slowly nodded in agreement but once again he was far away, deep in his thoughts. Why had Jun suddenly decided to break up with her? They had looked so perfect together. Their conversation from a while ago came back into his mind. Jun had been so sure that Jae Hwa couldn’t be his girlfriend and now she really wasn’t anymore. Maybe there had been more damage to his brain than the doctors had thought? But why did he even care? Donghun shook his head in the hope to somehow sort the mess inside of it and was about to join the conversation of his friends again that were talking abut the Café, they wanted to go to later, when suddenly someone put down a tray with food on it next to him. Surprised Donghun looked up and felt his mouth drop open.

“Hey, is this place empty? Or are you waiting for someone?” Like always Jun smiled, making him even more handsome than he already was, and like always Donghun didn’t know if he wanted to punch that handsome face or just admire it for hours. Due to his inner conflict he ended up doing and saying nothing. Only Byeongkwan was the one to recover from his shock fast enough to answer,

“No, it’ll stay empty. You can have it, sit down if you want.” Jun flashed him a thankful smile and placed himself next to Donghun who immediately tensed.

“Thanks.” The younger calmly started eating without noticing or simply ignoring the way everyone was staring at him.

“Wow…everyone in the cafeteria is looking at us…” Byeongkwan stated after some minutes of uncomfortable silence and when Donghun looked around, he realized that his friend was right. However what else was supposed to happen, when one of the most popular guys in the entire school suddenly decided to abandon his equally popular friends, to sit with some unknown losers? But for what reason? Donghun just couldn’t take it any longer, he had to ask,  

“Why are you sitting with us instead of your cool friends?” Jun shrugged, still shoveling bite after bite into his mouth.

“I spent the whole morning with them and came to the conclusion that I don’t like them…Even though they are supposed to be my friends. But then I thought about it and realized that I might not like them but I really like you.” He winked and smirked at Donghun, before he continued eating and the older felt his face getting way too hot.

“Stop it…” He replied with a warning tone, noticing how his friends stared at them with open mouths and observant eyes. He had first met them in Highschool and never considered it important to tell them about his former friendship with Jun. After all that chapter of his life had been over, so what was the use in talking about it?

Luckily the school bell rescued him from the situation and he quickly jumped up. “I see you guys later.”

“But we are literally in the same class…can’t you just wait for me two more minutes?” Sehyoon asked but Donghun was already on his way out of the cafeteria. He fled into their classroom and later, when his friend arrived too, the latter gave him a questioningly glance.

“Why didn’t you tell us that you are friends with the Park Junhee?” He wanted to know, after he had sat down on his table next to Donghun’s who continued to stare at the homework he had tried to somehow finish last minute.

“Because we are not…” he grumbled as a response and with this declare the conversation for ended.

Chapter Text

"That ending doesn't make any sense! Why didn't she just walk up to him and confess her love? I'm sure he would have left his current girlfriend for her and it wasn't fair..."

Donghun and Jun were laying on Jun's bed like so often and had just finished watching a movie which had started cute and funny but ended in a sad ending with many tears and no happy ending. Donghun didn't like it at all and he couldn't understand why the couple hadn't ended up together. He waited for his best friend to reply something but when he did not, he looked at him and saw Jun staring out of the window absentmindedly.



"Don't you think so too?" To his surprise the latter slowly shook his head, still not looking at him.

"You don't think so? Why?" Usually they often shared the same opinion and Jun having a different one this time, somehow felt wrong to the older. Even though that was stupid.

"I just think it's not as easy as you maybe assume. If you really love someone you only want the best for the other person and she probably thought he would be happier with his new family than her and decided that her feelings have second priority after his happiness. It might sound dumb but that is just how it is, even though it makes yourself feel sad." Something in his voice sounded so honest and sad that Donghun felt his heart sink. This sounded like his best friend knew exactly what he was talking about, as if he had already experienced it. But he would have told Donghun, right?

" do you know you are in love?" He asked further and this time Jun finally looked at him, his eyes filled with so many different emotions that he wasn't able to read all of them.

"It's hard to explain...when you love someone, just seeing them smile makes you smile too." At the thought Jun started smiling himself, before he continued, "You could stare at them for hours and admire how beautiful they are even though, they themselves or others don't see their beauty. And when they look at you or touch you, your heart starts beating so fast but in a good way... It's hard to explain." He sighed and buried his face in his hands, seemingly frustrated about the lack of words to describe the feeling. Meanwhile, Donghun stared at his best friend, observing his actions and lost in deep thoughts.

“If you know how love feels that well…have you ever been in love?” He asked after some seconds since he couldn’t keep the question in any longer. Immediately, Jun looked up and just stared at him with a weird expression, before he slowly shook his head.

“No…I only know this stuff from movies…and books. You know I don’t care about girls.” A bright smile appeared on Donghun’s face.

“Right! You only care about me, since we are best friends!” He bumped his fist against Jun’s shoulder. “Brooooos, you know.” The other shook his head and smiled amused, before copying his actions.

“Yes…bros…” Contently with Jun’s answer, Donghun turned around on his back and stared at the ceiling, letting his mind run free. He loved hanging out with Jun like this. It made him feel like everything was okay again and his father wasn’t constantly at the hospital, his health getting worse and worse every day. Here, with Jun, in this room, he could simply pretend everything was all right and he was happy. He knew, he could trust his best friend. He would always be there for him, no matter what.

“Donghun?” Jun suddenly asked into the quiet darkness that had fallen over them now that the sun had set.

“Mhhh?” The other responded and the sudden feeling of love and gratefulness for his best friend made him take his hand. “Wow…do your hands shrink? It feels like they are getting smaller and smaller every day.”

“They are not shrinking, yours are just growing. Seriously if they keep on doing that, you’ll look like a grizzly bear someday.” They both chuckled at the thought, before they fell silent again.

“What did you want to ask?” Donghun asked after a while, still holding Jun’s hand, while slowly stroking it.

“It wasn’t important…”

“If it was something you wanted to know, just ask. Even if it wasn’t important, not knowing will keep you up all night and I need you full of energy tomorrow, when we’ll go hiking.”

“You are lecturing me again…” Jun whined and Donhun smiled into the darkness.

“Sorry…” The other sighed.

“It was just…you know these two boys in the movie…?” Donhun frowned.

“Do you mean the two that fell in love with each other?”

“What do you think about it…?” Jun’s voice suddenly sounded hesitantly and Donghun didn’t really understand why.

“Well…I didn’t like it obviously…I mean…isn’t it kind of wrong? At least there is no way in hell that I’ll ever fall in love with a boy.” He laughed, not noticing his friend’s hand tense in his own. “What do you think?”

“I don’t think there is anything wrong with it…it’s just love after all…” Jun replied quietly, before he pulled his hand away. Donghun thought about that for a moment, before he shrugged.

“Maybe…I don’t really care actually. I just know that it looks weird to me, to see boys kiss and I don’t think I would ever do that. That’s my opinion and you can have your own…” With this he declared the conversation for over and turned to the side, to finally fall asleep, only to find himself lying awake till late into the night, still thinking about the movie scenes and the conversation, while  feeling extremely confused.


After the class had ended, Sehyoon an Donghun left the building together, to meet Byeongkwan at the entrance. They didn’t have to wait for long but when their friend arrived, he wasn’t alone like they had expected him to. Instead he was accompanied by nobody else than Jun.

Donghun thought about if he should just turn around and leave but it was already too late and the other two had reached them.

“Hey”, Byeongkwan greeted them and gave his boyfriend a quick peck on the lips, while Jun and Donghun awkwardly stood next each other and watched them.

“Uhhh…Honey…I don’t want to sound rude but why is he here?” Sehyoon asked and pointed at Jun who immediately placed his smile back on his face.

“That’s my fault. I heard how you mentioned, you wanted to meet up and asked Byeongkwan if I could come along.”

“And I told him, it would be fine.” The younger added and Donghun cursed his friend for always being so nice to everyone. Even Park Junhee. “Also, isn’t he a friend of yours Donghun?”

The other’s head shot up. “What?! No!” Byeongkwan frowned.

“Then why—”

“Can we just go already?” Donghun interjected his question and without waiting for a response trudged ahead.

“The Café is located in the other direction, Donghun.” The latter let out a frustrated groan. How much he hated Park Junhee.


Even though the summer was nearly over, the weather was still nice and they decided to sit outside in the warm sunshine. 

"Woah, the weather is still so warm today." Donghun sighed happily, while he flopped down on one of the benches and his friends did the same. Immediately a waitress appeared to take their order. Still feeling a bit pissed Donghun ordered a hot chocolate since that was the only thing that could lift his mood now, only to notice Jun grinning at him, his chin propped up on his hand.  

"What?!" Donghun snapped at him and his smile grew even wider. 

"It's still the same. The only thing you really like is hot chocolate, even though you are one of these people that seem like they would only drink iced Americano." Donghun frowned and then rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Jun opened his mouth to answer but before he got the chance, Byeongkwan already did,

"He wants to say that you look really scary but are actually a softy inside. Damn he knows you well..." Shit, he had completely forgotten his friends that once again were just staring at them. "Why didn't you--" 

"How about you and Sehyoon go and take a look at the cakes first while we keep an eye on the bags? I know you can't decide what to order otherwise..." Byeongkwan closed his mouth and opened it again to protest but Sehyoon just grabbed his hand and dragged him along inside, glancing at Donghun who gave him a thankful look. Meanwhile Jun watched the whole scene with an amused smile before focusing his whole attention back on Donghun.

"Since when do you want to be alone with me that badly? You could have just asked you know..." The older simply ignored him and asked the question that was the most important right now,

"Why did you do it?" Jun frowned, seemingly confused about the sudden change of topic.

"Do what?"

"Breaking up with your girlfriend..." Realization hit him and he obviously relaxed, before he answered, the smile returning to his face,

"Because I didn't love her." Now Donghun was the one frowning. 

"How can you know? I thought you've lost your memories..."

"True, but still, there was no way that I ever loved her."

"But how can you be so sure about that?" Jun being so sure of his emotions while he himself never really knew what exactly he was feeling made him angry at the younger even though it once again wasn't his fault. This time too, Jun’s answer turned his emotions into a complete mess, 

"Because there has always only been one person." They both stared each other down, while Donghun's thoughts started riding a rollercoaster. Only one person? But who? Was it maybe still the same mysterious person Jun had liked back, when they had still been friends? The one he had never told Donghun the name of? He was just about to ask that, when his friends returned and Byeongkwan’s eyes literally screamed that Donghun had some explaining to do.

"They have really tasty looking cake and I hope you don't mind that we simply ordered something for you too but I think you'll like--" But his boyfriend interrupted Sehyoon as soon as they had sat back down,

"So how do you know each other?"

"We don't." Replied Donghun at the same time Jun said, "We were best friends."

Silence arose in which they stared at them both with in surprise opened mouths and Donghun wanted to kick Jun against the shin but somehow gained enough control not to. In the meantime, the latter seemed surprised as well.

"Didn't he tell you?" Byeongkwan shook his head.

"No... seems like he didn't think this information was important enough to mention it." He glanced at Donghun. "Is it true...?" Since he knew that lying was useless anyways, he just sighed in resignation and nodded before crossing his arms defensively. 

"Why didn't you tell us then?! I thought we are your friends!" 

"You are but what has that to do with having to know everything about my past? It's my past after's not relevant."

"But you are best friends with Park Junhee!"

"I was friends with Park Junhee, past tense!" 

Donghun didn’t miss the hurt which flickered in Jun's eyes at these words but he didn't care. Why did he have to get involved with everything in his life anyways?! 

"Then why aren't you friends anymore?" Byeongkwan wanted to know, ignoring his boyfriend's attempts to stop him asking about this subject. Still this question seemingly was something everyone wanted to know and now even Jun was expectantly staring at him. Donghun took a deep breath, before he looked the latter right into his eyes.

"Because some people just can't hold their promises and not be trusted either." This time the pain was written all over Jun's face and he could hear someone, probably Byeongkwan, gasp. 

"To me, this really sounds like there is a lot of stuff you two need to talk about." Sehyoon voice was calm but before anyone could reply something, the waitress arrived with their orders. 

"Cheesecake and a hot chocolate?" Jun pointed at Donghun.

"For my date." The older needed all control left in him to not slap the other right there and then and, when he looked at his face, the hurtful expression had already been replaced by a smug grin. He would never know what was going on in the mind of the Park Junhee. That was the only thing he was sure about. Still he didn't say anything and simply pulled the plate with the cake closer to him, before he started eating it. The rest took their orders as well and then also started eating quietly, not sure what to talk about.

 However, after a while, Sehyoon and Byeongkwan started to feed each other while helplessly giggling and Donghun sighed, since he knew he was once more third wheeling.

"Aww you two look so cute together." Right....he wasn't the only one being superfluous here, he had completely forgotten. His friends immediately stopped but not without blushing and smiling at Jun.

"Thanks. It took us long enough end up together after all." Jun immediately seemed interested.

“Really? I always thought you were a couple for a longer while now.” Byeongkwan shook his head.

“In the beginning we were only friends and I don’t know but it took a while for both of us to realize our true feelings and be brave enough to tell each other.”

“I get that.” Jun said, while directly staring at Donghun who nearly chocked on his cake before he quickly excused himself to go to the toilet, feeling his friends stares on his back all the way to the restrooms. He had no idea what the younger had wanted to imply but he seriously hated Park Junhee.

Chapter Text

Later Donghun was walking home, accompanied by Jun who had said, he had to go into the same direction as him, and Donghun was seriously too exhausted to care, when suddenly someone called him on his phone. He looked at the screen, before he quickly picked up.

“Yes, Chan-ah? What is it?”

“Hey, I just wanted to tell you that I’ll stay overnight at Kwang-suk’s. Is that a problem for you?” Donghun felt his body turn cold and he stopped walking.

“But…Mum and Nikolas are in Daegu until Friday…right?” He asked, trying to let his voice sound as calm and normal as possible.

“Yes. That’s why I’m using this opportunity. You should do the same, Hyung.”

“And watch Sehyoon and Byeongkwan cuddle or do worse together? No thanks…I’ll pass…” He could hear Chan laugh.

“True…Anyway would me being gone for tonight be okay for you?” No…actually not.

“Sure…” Donghun answered instead.

“Great, thank you! Also, love you!” Chan’s voice sounded excited, not noticing his brother’s strained tone.

“Love you, too.” He replied, before hanging up and taking deep breaths. It was fine…everything would be fine, he told himself. Then he looked up and right into the questioning face of Jun.

“What?” He snarled but the other looked as unimpressed about his grumpiness as always.

“Was that Chan?”

“Yes…Why do you care?”

“He’ll not be home tonight?” Jun asked further, still not reacting to Donghun’s defensive tone.

“Yes. He is staying at a friend’s place…Isn’t that normal for boys his age? We had sleepovers all the time…”

“Yes, but does that mean you’ll be alone tonight?” By now Jun looked pretty concerned.

“Maybe? You know…you sound a lot like you are planning my death right now. Should I be worried or—”

“But you are afraid to be alone at night!” The younger suddenly exclaimed, not caring that Donghun had still been talking. Meanwhile the latter stared at him aghast.

“How do you still remember that? I thought you can’t remember anything that happened around Highschool…” Jun shifted uneasily. He didn’t look like that was the topic he wanted to talk about right now.

“I told you, I didn’t forget everything and also… my memories started to come back a while ago.”

“Wait, you mean you—”

“But that’s not important right now! How can Chan leave you alone like this, even though he knows you’ll get panic attacks!” Donghun was surprised that Jun looked seriously upset at this thought.

“Because he doesn’t know…Actually…you are the only one who knows…” He didn’t like to admit that but it made Jun calm down immediately.

“Oh…really? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have judged Chan’s behavior too early.” The younger said, sounding embarrassed.

“It’s fine…”

They continued walking in silence, Donghun being too occupied with coming up with ideas how to survive the night (he probably wouldn’t get any sleep), to notice that Jun was still walking next to him until they arrived at Donghun’s home. He looked at the other in confusion.

“Wait…didn’t you and your mother move some years ago?” He asked, when Jun made an attempt to step through the door.

“Yes, we moved to the neighborhood next to this one.” He answered, sounding as carefree as always as if he wasn’t trying to more or less break into Donghun’s house right now.

“Then what are you doing in front of my house?” Jun’s challenging smile reappeared on his face.

“I’ll sleep over at your place tonight.” Donghun stared at him baffled, his mouth dropping open.

“No! You’ll definitely not!” But the younger was already walking past him and inside.

“Well…too late. I’m already here and you won’t get me out.” Donghun just stared at him, anger boiling in him.

“Tell me, why shouldn’t I just call the police?” Jun raised his brows in amusement.

“Wouldn’t it be too much effort to call the police, because your ex-best friend had an accident and is now confused, so he thinks you still are his best friend? I won’t do anything to you, I promise. I’ll even stay quiet for the whole time!”  Slowly Donghun closed the door behind them, before crossing his arms.

“Don’t expect to get any blankets! You’ll have to sleep on the floor!” But his warning seemed to leave Jun unfaced.

“Okay, deal. I’ll order some pizza, if you’re fine with it. Man…I’m starving.” With these words he walked into the kitchen, acting as if he was the one living here instead of Donghun who just stared after him. Right now, he couldn’t even describe how much he hated Park Junhee.


Some time passed which Donghun spent alone in his room, while he could hear the TV running in the living room. By now it had turned dark outside and even though, he didn't want to admit it, he was thankful for the noises that symbolized, he wasn't completely alone at home. Was he angry at Jun for just breaking into his house? Yes, definitely but with some imagination he could pretended, the noises were only his parents downstairs instead of the younger. However not for very long. The peaceful quietness was brutally interrupted by a sudden ringing on the door and some second later he could hear Jun calling for him,

"Donghun, do you want pizza? I've got the chicken one for you!" 

Donghun might have stayed in his room but the promise of getting chicken pizza was too tempting, especially since he was extremely hungry. So, he grumbled, to at least convince himself, he was more than annoyed by Jun buying him his favorite pizza, and went downstairs. When he entered the kitchen, the younger was already sitting on the table, chewing on a slice. 

"Hey there. Are you all right? You were so quiet, I wasn't sure if you didn't just faint without me noticing or something." 

Donghun replied nothing and instead sat down across from him. Jun didn't seem to mind not getting an answer (he probably was used to it by now) and just handed him the other pizza.

"Here. Bon appetite."


"--did I know that this is your favorite pizza?" The younger finished his question and rolled his eyes.

"Donghun, when we were seven years old, you didn't want to eat anything else...Jesus, how could I forget that?" 

"Whatever..." He bit in his own slice and the taste of it made him already feel better. Maybe Park Junhee wasn't that much of an asshole after all? They both silently ate their food for a while until Donghun couldn't hold it back anymore, "Thanks..." He mumbled and even though it had been so quietly that even he himself have had a hard time understanding it, Jun started smiling brighter than ever these past couple days. 

"You are welcome." 

"However, this still doesn't mean I'm allowing you to sleep here..."

"Well then it's too bad that I don't care about whether you are allowing it or not. I won't leave." If Donghun had felt thankful some seconds ago, he felt more than frustrated and angry now.

"But why? Can't you sleep at your own house?" Jun raised his eyebrows.

"Sleep there while knowing that at the same time you are not getting any sleep at all? I don't think so, no." 

"I didn't ask you to take care of me!"

"But I want to care for you! Is that so bad?" 

Donghun stared at Jun, his mouth open but unable to reply anything. Why did Jun need to make it so hard for Donghun to keep on not liking him? Why did he have to remind him of their once so precious friendship, he had thought was lost forever? 

"Please...can't you give me another chance? Whatever happened in the past, can't you look past it just this once?" The younger's voice was quiet and fragile, his eyes looking at him pleadingly. Donghun stared back. The old part of himself, he tried to keep buried, wanted to immediately forgive Jun and hug him, unable to refuse him anything, when he was looking at him like this. But the other part of him was fighting against it and it made him feel all kinds of emotions. 

"Fine..." He gritted through his teeth after a while. "You can stay but like I already said, you have to sleep on the floor...just so you know..." 

"That's all right...I don't mind anyways" Jun replied and smiled his small smile, he had always given Donghun in the past and the older hated that it made him feel warm inside. "So what fun activities will we do now, before sleeping?" The younger asked excited.

"I'm letting you stay, that does not mean I'll entertain you." And with these words Donghun left the kitchen with the prerequisite, to ignore Jun and do homework instead. However, he should have known that he wouldn't be able to focus one bit, his thoughts always wandering back to the boy sitting in his living room and laughing loudly at whatever program he was watching, so that even Donghun could still hear his laughers in his bedroom. After 30 minutes he gave up and decided to just go to sleep and get over with everything, so he walked downstairs to order Jun to go to bed too. 

When he entered the room the younger was in the middle of laughing without being able to stop and didn't even notice how Donghun watched him for some minutes, feeling amused without wanting to. It was just too funny to see Jun falling down from the couch, only to keep on laughing on the floor as if he had just seen the most entertaining thing in the entire world, while clapping his hands loudly like some kind of seal.

"Are you all right?" He asked after Jun started to nearly choke on his own saliva and the other looked at him with teary eyes. 

"God, I haven't watched TV in years and I totally forgot how stupid and funny most of it is. This woman seriously said she likes eating toilet paper…like what's wrong with the people writing the script? Do they eat toilet people in real life? Do they like it?" Once again, he started laughing at the imagination and before Donghun could do anything against it, the thought, how beautiful and cute Jun looked right now, came to his mind. He quickly tried to brush it away but in that moment Jun suddenly stopped laughing and stared at him with big eyes, the smile still on his lips.

"Are you seriously smiling right now?"

"What?!" Donghun checked the muscles in his face and realized that he was indeed smiling. Quickly he put his annoyed expression back on. "No! I'm not!" But it already had been too late. 

"Of course, you were smiling! I can't believe it, I just made Mr. Grumpy smile! Do I own some magic abilities, I didn’t know anything about?" 

"I told you, I didn't smile! I was just annoyed and you thought I was smiling." Donghun still tried to defend himself but it was without any use and Jun kept on teasing him the whole rest of the evening.

Chapter Text

Donghun was sitting on the table in the kitchen, feeling extremely happy. From outside sun was shining into the room and around the table sat all the people, he loved. Chan, his mother and Nikolas, Sehyoon shared a chair with Byeongkwan and then there were also Jun and his father. It was perfect. They all started singing “Happy birthday” for him and his mother put down a gigantic, colorful cake, before she hugged him.

"Happy birthday, Darling." She said and smiled and then everybody else started to congratulate him as well.

"Happy birthday, Hyung! I got you the book you wanted." Chan's smile was even brighter than the one of his mother and Donghun returned it with the same intensity.

"Thank you, you are the best."

"I know."

"I also got something for you..." Jun suddenly spoke up shyly and for some reason Donghun didn't even questioned that he was present. Of course not…why should he?

"Oh really? What?" He asked excitedly instead, only to feel Jun's lips on his cheek. Wait...this didn't make sense at all...why-- but he wasn't able to end his thought. In general thinking felt as if he was walking through water; really exhausting and slow. 

"You got a really cute boyfriend there, my son." His father spoke up and Donghun smiled at Jun, feeling proud before looking at his father.

"Did you get me something too?" Donghun asked and he nodded.

"Of course! I have it right--" he stopped, looking around searchingly. "Seems like I forgot it in the garage...wait, I, I'll quickly go get it." He walked out of the room, while everybody else started eating the cake and were happily chatting. However, Donghun still got a weird feeling. Something was wrong...this all didn't make sense but he didn't know why. 

"Is everything all right?" Jun asked him and fondly stroke some hair out of his face. Immediately Donghun felt butterflies dancing in his stomach and he smiled at his boyfriend.

"I don't know... Everything should be all right but...I just don't know...something feels wrong but it also feels so real, so it has to be real, right?" The other observed him thoughtfully.

"Well... sometimes dreams can feel extremely real as well. Do you think you could be dreaming right now?" Jun asked and cocked his head. Carefully Donghun touched the others hand, once more feeling heat emanate from it. Then he shook his head.

"No, this is definitely real." They both smiled at each other happily, when suddenly there was a loud noise coming from outside the room.

"What was that?" Donghun asked alarmed 

"What was what?" Jun seemed confused.

"The noise..."

"I didn't hear a noise..."

"No, I'm sure..." Donghun insisted. "I'll go take a look outside." He got up and slowly walked out of the room and into the corridor only to freeze in shock. In front of him was laying his father, unconscious, if not even worse. 

"Dad?" No reaction at all. "Dad?!" The panic got worse and Donghun fell to his knees, shaking his father's shoulders. "Wake up! This is not funny!" But he still didn’t get any reaction. Hastily he looked around. "Help! Mum! Dad needs help!" Why was no one coming to help him? Quickly he jumped up and ran into the kitchen only to find it completely empty. Everyone was gone, the half-eaten cake still in the middle of the table, and he was alone with the dead body of his father. 


"Hey, Donghun! Donghun! Wake up!" Donghun ripped his eyes open and after they got used to the sudden light, he could make out the panic looking face of Jun. 

"Jun..." He said weakly, still feeling tears running down his face. Then the motionless face of his father came back to his mind, accompanied by the panic. "My dad, you have to help him!" The other looked at him with a mix of confusion and horror, before he carefully put both of his hands against Donghuns head. 

"Donghun, look at me!" He did as him told, feeling how his brain slowly started to work again. 

"You had a nightmare, a bad dream and nothing more..." His voice was gentle and he started softly stroking his hair. "C'mon. Breath in and out and it will be all right again..." Donghun followed his instructions and the tears stopped falling. This was the real world and the other one had only been a dream. His father was dead and Jun wasn't his boyfriend. He shook his head at the absurd thought. Of course, he wasn' could he have dreamed of something ridiculous like this? Still it had felt so real and somehow some of the feelings of Dream-Donghun for Dream-Jun seemed to still be present. He could still remember how warm his touches had felt and how happy they had made him and, in this moment, he wanted nothing more than that they would chase away the fear and bad memories. 

Maybe he could put it off as the fact that he was still half asleep or that the feelings of Dream-Donghun seemed to still be too present, but before he knew what he was doing, Donghun pushed his body forward and hugged Jun who immediately froze in shock. Then after a while he also closed his arms around him and hugged him back, putting his chin on his hair.

"Do you want me to stay close to you like this for the night? Would it help you?" The younger asked hesitantly and before Donghun realized it, he felt himself nodding. "Just like in the old times?" Jun asked once more, seemingly not sure if the older was seriously okay with it. Actually, Donghun shouldn't be okay with it. He should tell Jun to just leave him alone since he hated him...he really did...but the warmth of his hug felt so comforting and-- before he could even finish his thoughts, his eyes fell shut and the tiredness overpowered him again, making him fall into a deep, dreamless sleep. 


The next time Donghun opened his eyes, soft sunlight was shining into his room. Still sleepy, he blinked into the light. He felt nice. Nicer than in weeks but he couldn't think of the reason for it. His brain was still too tired to process information or recall memories, so he only sighed contently and turned around only to come face to face with a sleeping boy. He stared at him in confusion for some seconds before he recognized him and the confusion got replaced by shock. Why was Jun lying so close to him? What was going on?! Slowly he looked further down the other's body and realized that his limps were wrapped around his body, pressing them close together and warming Donghun, even though his blanket must have had fallen off the bed at some point in the night. His first reaction consisted of trying to loosen Jun’s embrace, so he could climb out of it and get as far away from him as possible. However, as soon as he grabbed the other’s arm and tried to pull it away from his back, Jun only held on tighter, snuggling his body even closer to Donghun’s and pressed his face against his throat under his chin. Once again Donghun froze, for some reason not daring to move. He was too overwhelmed by just everything; Jun’s sudden closeness, his warmth, his smell, the feeling of his lips softly touching his collarbone.

“Jun…?” He whispered, while trying to somehow even breath as little as possible. No answer, the other was still sound asleep, his heartbeat pounding regularly and calmly against Donghun’s own one that at the same time was beating as if he was running a marathon instead of just lying in his bed.

“Juuuun…?” He tried once again and it came out as a panicked whine. “Can you please get off me?” But Jun still didn’t react, neither did he wake up. So Donghun stayed still and simply stared at the wall in front of him. He didn’t know why but for some reason he didn’t want to wake up the other, while they were in this kind of position. The thought alone made him too uncomfortable and therefor he had to endure it now. Jun shifted in his sleep, mumbling something incomprehensible while pressing his lips against the older’s collarbone, before he finally moved his head far enough away again, that Donghun could look down on him. Seeing the younger peacefully sleep like this was somehow weird. Of course, he had seen Jun asleep before but that had been years ago and since then he had turned from a boy into a handsome young man. Still, now that all his muscles were completely relaxed, he reminded Donghun of back then.

Before even realizing it, he lifted his hand and carefully touched Jun’s cheek. As soon as he felt the soft skin under his fingertips, he froze and paralyzed stared at his own hand in shock. What was he doing? He quickly wanted to pull it away again, when his eyes fell on Jun’s lips and his nightmare came back to his mind. Why had he dreamed of Jun being his boyfriend? Had that been part of his nightmare too? He slightly shook his head in response to his own question. Jun’s kiss had actually felt rather nice and his lips… Again, he couldn’t help but stare at them.

“They were really soft…” he whispered into the silence. The lips of the real Jun looked soft too…he really wanted to…

There was no explanation for what he did next except that his brain seemed to just have completely stopped working. His body acted without his consent and the next thing he could remember was the light, soft touch of Jun’s lips against his fingers, before they suddenly started moving,

“What are you doing?” Startled Donghun quickly pulled his hand away again and stared at the younger who looked at him with still half-closed eyes.

“N…Nothing…” Donghun stammered embarrassed and felt his face turning incredibly hot. “I just tried to wake you up. I’m way too hot because of you and I don’t understand why you are sleeping in my bed anyways. Didn’t I tell you to sleep on the floor?”

A small, sleepy smile appeared on Jun’s face, even now not bothered by Donghun being so grumpy to him. Instead he only untangled his limps from him and stretched himself afterwards, while he yawned loudly.

“To wake me up you need to touch my lips? Nobody has tried that before…” Donghun returned Jun’s smirk with a grim glance.

“Nothing else worked. You were like a Boa constrictor…you only held on even tighter and I was seriously scared you would strangle me at any minute. Difficult times require difficult actions…”

“Sure…sorry I nearly killed you but you were the one who allowed me to sleep in your bed, so that’s not my fault.” Jun sat up and crossed his arms, while he looked down on Donghun who quickly pretended to search for the missing blanket.

“I had a nightmare and was literally asleep…how can you think I meant the things I said?”

“I think the things people say in these kinds of situations are more likely the truth than anything else. Donghun…everything that happened back then wasn’t my fault so why do you have to still pretend you hate me?” Donghun stopped, before he slowly turned back around and stared at Jun who looked at him with a sad expression.

“What? How... How can you….? Do you remember?” The younger sighed before he nodded. “Since when?!”

“Shortly after I left the hospital…” Everything around Donghun started to spin. His brain seemed too slow to process what Jun had just told him.

“You knew the entire time?! Then why didn’t you tell me?! Why did lie to me?!”

“Because I realized how stupid this all is! How stupid our fight was!” Jun exclaimed and his sudden loud voice made Donghun flinch startled. When the other saw it, he immediately calmed down again, before he added, “And I realized how much I miss you…”

“That still doesn’t explain why you lied to me the entire time!” Donghun didn’t know why but the realization that Jun had known about what had happened back then the whole time without telling him made him angry.

“Because you wouldn’t have given me a second chance otherwise! You told yourself, you hate me for so long that you actually started believing it, even though I hadn’t been the only one who was wrong. But I still missed you every damn day! I missed you so bad and that’s why I decided to just pretend I couldn’t remember and act as if nothing had happened between us, because that’s what I wished for all these years! And I knew it wouldn’t work for forever but I thought one day we would finally be able to calmly talk about it and maybe even make up again…” After Jun was done talking, he was breathing healthily and Donghun believed to even see tears shimmer in the younger’s eyes. Meanwhile, he himself wasn’t able to do anything else than stare at the other, his thoughts running in circles.

Jun had known the whole time and now he wanted to talk about it…

Jun had missed him…

But that didn’t make any sense? If he had missed him as bad as Donghun than why had he never tried to talk to him sooner? Why had he simply replaced him with new friends, while Donghun had been completely alone the first two months of Highschool?

Jun who looked like he couldn’t stand the silence any longer shifted uncomfortably.

“Do…do you think we can talk about it?” He asked hesitantly and Donghun returned his pleading stare, banning all emotions from his face.

“I don’t think there is anything to talk about…” With these words he got up and left, not seeing Jun’s tears but feeling his own ones running down his face.