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Finding Peace

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"What's the matter?" Dave asked as he realized his traveling companion had gone quiet. He could see the younger man shrug out of the corner of his eye and turned his head to take a better look. "Talk to me, Kid. What's bothering you?"

"Oh so now you want me to talk?" Spencer replied harshly. He shifted in the passenger seat sliding his messenger bag from his lap to the floor between his knees.

Dave raised an eyebrow. "Did I tell you not too?"

Spencer fixed him with a steely glare. "I decided you must after I've been asking you the same question for the last five miles."

"My head was elsewhere," Dave said quietly. He peered out the windshield squinting in the afternoon sun as he drove the rental car hurriedly down the asphalt. "Sorry kid."

Spencer swore under his breath causing Dave to raise both eyebrows. "Stop calling me that," he growled. "I know I am young enough to be your son but I, in no way, think of you as my Father. And, I find it degrading when you call me kid. I'm an educated adult doing an adult job. I wish you would treat me like I am."

Dave blinked several times, his hands tightening on the steering wheel as he contemplated the sudden verbal assault from the younger man. "I'm sorry if I have offended you, Dr. Reid."

"Spencer," he corrected. "My name is Spencer, Dave."

Dave glanced over again to see the other man staring at him. He nodded. "Okay, Spencer."

They travelled for several more miles in silence. As they passed a sign indicating they were approaching a town, Dave looked over at Spencer again. "Did you need to stop?" he asked amiably.

"I could use some coffee and fresh air," Spencer replied with a nod his voice still tinged with anger.

Dave digested the statement and the attitude as they pulled into town. He spotted a gas station with an attached convenience store and pulled into the lot.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Fifteen minutes later, they were back on the road. The smell of coffee filling the small, enclosed space as both men sipped at large cups of the hot brew. Dave placed his cup in the holder before pulling back out onto the road.

Spencer had stomped around the small convenience store with an unusual amount of anger causing people to step out of his way or avoid him completely. Dave wasn't certain what exactly had caused the younger man to be so outraged.

"Are you still pissed?" Dave asked carefully.

Spencer took a deep breath and let it out dropping his shoulders as he did so. "No," he replied softly as he stared out the window to his right.

"I really am sorry for ignoring you," Dave stated. He glanced back and forth between Spencer and the road in front of him.

"I know."

"We could talk now," Dave suggested. He smiled encouragingly.

"Whatever."

"What would you like to talk about?" Dave asked trying to draw the younger man out.

Spencer shrugged. "I don't care."

It was Dave's turn to take a deep breath. He really hated ambivalence, he would much rather have pissed off Spencer than ambivalent Spencer. "I already apologized! What more do you want?"

Spencer didn't answer at first as he continued to stare out the side window. Dave glanced at him several times then shook his head in defeat. 'Fine,' he thought. 'They could spend the rest of the trip in silence. It didn't bother him at all.'

"Have you ever been with a man?" Spencer asked suddenly. Dave whipped his head to the right to stare at the younger man.

"What?" he asked finally.

Spencer turned his head to look at Dave and repeated his question.

"You're asking me about my sex life?" Dave asked incredulous. His eyes fell upon the road again.

"Just making conversation," Spencer shrugged again.

Dave snorted and shook his head. "Yes. But don't ask me any details. What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Have you ever been with a man?" Dave asked back slowly.

"No," Spencer replied softly. "But I'd like to try it. I think."

"You think?"

Spencer nodded. "I've been thinking about it for a while."

"Do you have someone in mind?" Dave questioned.

"I, uh, I think so."

"You think so?" Dave laughed. "You don't know?"

"Well," Spencer hesitated. "There is a guy that I think I'm attracted to. How do you know that kind of thing? I mean, what does attraction to a man feel like?"

Dave paused before answering his eyes focused on the road in front of them. "Have you ever been with a woman?"

"You mean have I had sex with a woman?" Spencer clarified.

"Yes," Dave drawled.

"A few times," Spencer acknowledged. His hands fidgeted with his seatbelt as well as the strap to his messenger bag.

"And did you feel attracted to this woman? Or women?"

Spencer swallowed hard. "It was one woman. I guess I did, we had sex."

"Does it feel the same when you're with this guy?" Dave inquired.

"Not at all," Spencer said in a rush. "He makes me feel… special. I love to listen to him talk and the way he thinks is just brilliant. He is like a master chess player in the game of life; always three steps ahead of everyone else. Being with him is just… is just… incredible!"

"So, you spend a lot of time together, and has he told you how he feels?" Dave asked.

"No. I don't think he thinks of me that way," Spencer replied quietly his burst of enthusiasm seemingly drained.

Dave thought for a few minutes before asking his next question. "Does this guy like other men?"

Spencer blinked. "I think so."

"You don't know for sure?" Dave pressed.

"I know he was married and it didn't work out," Spencer volunteered.

"But you don't know for certain that he likes other men," Dave speculated. "You're not actually dating this guy?"

"I am not," Spencer answered succinctly.

"Do I know this guy?" Dave asked cautiously. He glanced over at Spencer who swallowed hard again and bobbed his head. Dave suddenly pulled the car to the side of the road and shut off the engine.

"What are you doing?" Spencer asked.

"Giving you my full attention," Dave told him as he turned in his seat. "Tell me everything."

"About what?" Spencer whispered as he avoided looking at the older man.

"Let's stop playing games, Dr. Reid. You want me to treat you like an adult, than act like one. Come clean with me about this guy because there are only two options I can think of and until I know which one it is, I'm going to hold back my advice."

"Why do you want to know? I'm just making conversation," Spencer said defensively. His right hand dropped to the door handle.

"Spencer," Dave growled. His eyes narrowed as he watched the younger man shiver. "Is it me? Or Hotch?"

Spencer licked his lips and cautiously looked at Dave. "There is no way in hell I would ever risk a conversation like this with Hotch or anyone other than you."

"Why?" Dave whispered. He shifted closer to the younger man.

Spencer stared at his colleague and his face softened. "Because I trust you," he admitted. "Because even if you don't feel anything for me you would never use it against me or belittle me or tease me about it."

"How long have you felt this way?" Dave asked softly as his brow furrowed.

"Four years, three months, five days," Spencer recited. "I could give you the hours and minutes too if you want."

Dave smiled and shook his head. "I don't know what else to say. I'm shocked and intrigued, a little overwhelmed and hugely flattered. Why are you telling me this now?"

"I need to know if I have a chance," Spencer stated. He stared directly into Dave's eyes an earnest look on his face. "I've been dreaming about being with you for so long and… I … well; it's not enough to dream anymore. You haven't been dating, so I thought…"

"How do you know I haven't been dating?" Dave chuckled.

Spencer turned to look out the front window and avoid the other profilers gaze. "I, uh, I asked Garcia to keep an eye on you."

"Garcia? Oh good lord," Dave sighed. "Did you tell her why?"

Spencer shook his head. "I didn't have to; she figured it out on her own."

Dave turned in his seat so he was facing forward as well. "That explains a lot" he mumbled. "I was wondering why she was asking so many damn questions of late."

"I'm sorry," Spencer apologized. "Are you mad?"

Dave stared silently out the front window for several minutes.

"Dave?"

"Yeah, Spencer?"

"What are you thinking about?"

Dave twisted his head towards Spencer. "I'm trying to figure out how we're going to explain this to Hotch."

Spencer frowned. "Explain what?"

Dave chuckled. "For a genius you really are dumb sometimes."

Spencer frowned deeper as he thought about that. He turned to reply and was startled to find Dave had invaded his personal space. "What are you doing?"

"Testing your level of attraction," Dave stated prior to pressing his lips to Spencer's. They kissed for several seconds before Dave drew back. "Well?"

Spencer shifted uncomfortably and stared down at his lap. "I think I find you highly attractive."

Dave laughed. "I think I agree with that assessment and I find you attractive too."

"Now what?" Spencer asked.

Dave smiled reassuringly. "We do whatever you want."

"Really?" Spencer squeaked.

Dave laughed as he turned the car on. "Easy, Spencer. Let's get to know each other and see if this works into something more."

"I want to have sex with you," Spencer replied bluntly.

"I figured that out," Dave smirked. "You're going to have to wait though."

"Why?" Spencer pouted.

"Because we are driving around in a compact car in the middle of the desert," Dave explained. "Can you at least wait until we get back to the hotel?"

Spencer grinned. "I suppose I can wait until then. Is there any way you could drive faster?"

"Patience," Dave soothed. "Good things come to those who wait."

"Waiting sucks," Spencer announced causing Dave to laugh out loud.

"I never imagined you to be like this."

"Really? What did you imagine me to be like?" Spencer asked.

"Quiet," Dave teased.

"Well that's not happening," Spencer muttered. "You'll be shocked to find out that I am a bit noisy in bed."

"I can cure that," Dave said arrogantly.

"How?" Spencer challenged.

Dave's grin widened. "You can't make a lot of noise when you're sucking on my dick."

Spencer's eyes dropped to Dave's crotch. "You want me to…"

Dave glanced at Spencer and saw the uncertainty on the younger man's face. "Like I said before," he stated softly. "We can get to know each other and build into a more intimate relationship."

"Dave," Spencer said waiting until he had the man's attention before continuing. "Drive faster!"

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

They had barely stepped into the hotel room when Spencer latched himself to Dave. He wrapped his arms around the older man and pressed their lips together. Dave relaxed and allowed Spencer to do whatever he was comfortable with, which apparently included divesting Dave of his pants. Spencer, it seemed, was set on having his way with Dave tonight. Dave stood silently as Spencer lowered himself to the floor and pulled down Dave's underwear.

"Spencer," Dave whispered softly as he brushed the younger man's hair back from his forehead. "You don't have to do that."

"I've dreamt about this for so long," Spencer admitted. He gazed longingly at Dave's crotch which was still covered from view by Dave's shirt. "To deny myself now would be unthinkable. I want to do everything I've dreamed about."

Dave smiled down at him. "Tell me what you want me to do."

"Be honest with me," Spencer pleaded. He placed his hands on Dave's knees and rubbed the slowly up and down. "I can't enjoy it if you don't. And I want you to be happy too."

Dave began unbuttoning his shirt. "Help me finish undressing before we get too carried away. I don't want to end up in the emergency room because I tripped over my pants."

Spencer deftly removed Dave's shoes and socks then tugged the jeans and underwear off as well, as Dave shrugged out of his shirt and undershirt. Spencer sat back on his heels and just stared at the older man. His eyes caressed every inch of skin.

"So much better than I imagined," he spoke to himself softly. He reached his left hand out and lightly trailed his fingers up Dave's leg, across the jutting bone of his hip, through the smattering of hair on his belly, all the way up to Dave's shoulder and back down again on the other side.

They stayed like that for almost a minute before Dave spoke. "Either do something or say goodnight."

Spencer looked into Dave's eyes. "I don't really know what to do," he admitted.

"What do you want to do?" Dave asked.

Spencer hesitated. "Maybe we should lie down."

"Ok," Dave agreed. "Are you going to get undressed too?"

"I think so," Spencer nodded.

"Do you want help?"

"I can do it," Spencer replied reflexively as he stood up. Dave didn't speak instead he walked over to the bed, pulled back the covers and lay down to wait. He watched through lowered lids as Spencer removed his own clothes then joined him in the bed pulling the covers up to his neck. Dave chuckled to himself and lay there quietly.

"Now what?" Spencer asked after a few minutes.

"What ever you want," Dave re-iterated.

"I don't think I'm ready for this," Spencer announced softly.

"I agree."

"Are you mad?" Spencer asked worriedly.

Dave turned his head to look at the younger man. "I would only be mad if you did something you didn't feel comfortable with. We have time."

Spencer released a puff of air. "Normally, I would explain to you how we really don't have a lot of time based on your age, eating habits and the nature of our work but I don't want you to think I am dwelling on the differences in our ages. Because I'm not, dwelling that is. I mean it is true that you are old enough to be my Dad but like I said before I don't think of you in that way so…"

"Reid!" Dave said sharply. "You're rambling again. And thanks for not bringing up my age."

"Sorry and you're welcome," Reid replied. "That was sarcasm, wasn't it?"

Dave rolled onto his side to look at the younger man. "It was."

"Oh."

"Spencer," Dave said quietly. He waited for the other man to turn and look at him. "We have time."

"I know," Spencer whispered.

Dave reached out his left hand and held it above Spencer's hip. "Give me your hand."

"Which one?" Spencer questioned.

Dave sighed. "Either one."

Spencer pulled his left hand out from under the blanket entwining their hands together. Dave rested their joined hands on the bed.

"Go to sleep," Dave suggested.

"Now?"

"Yes! Now," Dave grumbled. He closed his eyes and settled into the pillow quickly falling into slumber.

Spencer lay there and watched the older man. He held Dave's hand firmly. 'This is peace,' he thought. He slid his head a little closer to Dave's and closed his eyes.