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Rip Octojesus

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“Hey Marie,” Callie sucks the shit out of a fucking cherry lollipop. “Do you remember girl you had a crush on in grade school?”

Marie’s face turns red. So red, she sets on fire. The house is burning. Callie is sucking lollipop dick like a champ. She is also on fire.

”Shut up!!!!!!Callie!!!!!!” Marie breathes fire. Why isn’t Callie dead?!? Her tentacle porn hair gets crispy. She’s almost out of lollipop dick to suck.

”Aw, fuck,” Callie sobs. “My lollipop dick fell off.” 

Marie whips and breaks Callie’s nose.

”Aw, buck,” Callie sobs. “My bose dick feww off bthlgtpbbth—“

Where are the firemen? The earth is on fire. 


Marina smells trouble from afar.

”Pearlie,” she crouches, sniffing the air.

”Yes, my lady,” Pearl replies, in full battle armor. 

“I smell crispy tentacle porn hair.”

”My lady,” Pearl bows. She falls into her armor and topples over like a bunch of fucking pots and pans. “Do you think it’s Gay Bowser?”

Marina kicks Pearl’s disassembled armor. It’s literally just pots and pans duct-taped together. 

“What the fuck Pearl.” 

“I...” Pearl stands. “My lady... I am Gay Boswer.”

Pearl astral projects. 

“Well,” Marina rolls up her sleeves. She has no sleeves. “It’s time for me to do this shit myself.”

Her hot boobies sync with the magnetic poles of the Earth, automatically giving her the direction to squid cousins Marie and Callie. 

Meanwhile, Pearl is fucking dead.

Meanwhile meanwhile, Callie cries over her nose dick and lollipop dick. Marie throws herself into a pond to try and stop the fire and forgets that water is lethal to inklings and fucking dies. 

Marina lowers down onto the scene from the sky like Jesus’ Second Coming. Her hot tids make her one sbicy jesus. Praise her. 

Marie literally resurrects herself because octojesus was lookin like so much of a snacc. 

“Wow I’m lesbian.”

”What’s that.” Marina looks at Marie. 

Marie looks at Marina. 

Marina looks at Marie. 

Marie looks at Marina. 

Marina looks at Marie. 

Marie looks at Marina. 

Marina looks at Marie. 

Marie looks at Marina. 

Marina looks at Marie. 

Marie looks at Marina. 

Marina looks at Marie. 

Marie looks at Marina. 

“Never mind.” Marie dies again. Her gay was too powerful for one squid porn girl. 

Marina hears Callie’s heterosexual sobbing. She T-poses into the house which is still on fucking fire. Seriously how is Callie still al

”Stop that.” Marina makes 58365768 gang signs. She has 58365765 hands. Callie reaches heterosexual enlightenment by the blessing of literally too many gang signs, a blessing that can only be administered by Octojesus while her sweet tids point due north. 

Now that Marie and Pearl are fucking dead in gay hell, and Callie has reached heterosexual enlightenment, Marina aka Octojesus finds herself alone in this world that is still on fire. She does the only thing she thinks appropriate before kermitting shoe of side. 

She pulls a boombox out of her asshole and plays Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” recorder cover layered 3000x. Tears streaming down her face, she dances The Sprinkler, even though her body rejects it.

”N-never g-gonna—“ Marina sobs. Her tears, paired with the awesome power of The Sprinkler have started to put out the fires of the Earth. 

“Marina, you don’t have to do this!” Pearl’s voice floats through her head. “Gay Browser knows how much you hate polka!” 

“Sh-shut the fuck up Pearl you bitchass do you have any idea how much of an annoying little fucknut you are holy shit.”


Since Marina couldn’t uphold Astley and Sprinkler long enough because of Gay Borswe’s interruption the fires weren’t stopped and the world was engulfed in flames. rip Octojesus.