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The Amazing Garfield Race feat. Mario

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Scene opens on a line of dominoes in the darkness. A hand flicks one over and they all go down spelling a T, the last hitting a switch, blowing a fan, propelling a model boat with a pool cue attached to it into a cue ball that hits a set of pool balls that form a H. The cue ball falls into the pocket with a pressure pad under it. It activates a cable splitting three ways to form an E, powering a neon light reading G, a set of light bulbs arranged in an A, and a computer with a large R and a QR code on screen. The hand then uses a smart phone to scan the code and a ball with an F appears on the smart phone. The hand flicks the smart phone and a real ball flies through a tower of blocks, falling in an I shape. The one on the end falls off the table and onto a miniature seesaw, flinging a toothpick into the air. It is caught mid-flight and used by the person to pick his teeth, his face above mouth level not seen. He steps on a lever-operated bin to throw the toothpick in, and as the lid swings open, it hits a baseball, knocking it rolling. It hits a book, which falls onto a newspaper in such a way that all but the first letter of the main headline is obscured: E. The baseball continues and is stopped by and turns on a remote that controls cars on a miniature racetrack shaped like an L. The hand blocks a car and it flips onto a board and drives into a lever, where it goes out of the remote's signal range and stops. Hinges electronically wired to the lever on the board hanging over the edge of the table give and the car falls, shattering an opaque light bulb, the shards spelling a D. The hand flicks a switch that lights the broken bulb, which sparks and sets alight a trail of oil spelling an R, which ignites a fuse. The lips of the person are seen in the darkness saying, "Boom." Meanwhile an explosion sends Garfield flying as he runs on a racetrack, away from a giant barrel with an A on it. The camera goes to a bird's eye view and the course is found to be shaped like a C. Meanwhile a flyer is put up in an alley with a zoomed-in E. Zoom out to show the flyer reads, "The Amazing Garfield Race: Racers Wanted"

The hand flicks another switch and the room becomes light. The figure is revealed to be Jon Arbuckle in a garish suit. He says, "Hi guys, I'm Jon Arbuckle and this is the Amazing Garfield Race," as the logo shows up on screen and the theme song plays.

"Aaaaand cut." Jon collapses.

Medics arrive and inject him with something, and he springs back up.

He mumbles, half-asleep, "Dogs... Woof... Goose Mourning Panama! I'm June Turnbuckle and this is Chad Cassidy the Turd!"

The mushroom person next to him frowns. "I'm not a turd, I'm a Toad.

"Right," Jon mumbles, "Chirp Cathy the Third..."

"Never mind," Chad says.

At that moment, Jon came to completely and wearily says, "Roll the introduction."

He puts on a smile and says, "Good morning America and the rest of the world! I'm Jon Arbuckle and this is Chad Cassidy!"

The lights go out.

A man comes in and fixes the light.

Jon continues, "I'm Jon Arbuckle and this is Chad Cassidy!"

The camera points down at Chad, who waves. It points back at Jon.

Jon grins and says, "Now, the contestants for the first season of The Amazing Garfield Race, competing for one billion dollars, live on ChatMouth VideoCaller:

Team Garfield: Garfield and Arlene, dating couple. Will use prize money to house Arlene and daughter."

Garfield waves.

"Team Free the Roosters: Odie and Roy, no relationship. Will use prize money to start a Rooster Resistance Front, the Roosistance. It will also go to 100 dingleballs".

Roy pulls out a sign reading 'Free the Roosters'.

"Team Nermal: Nermal and Normal, Brothers. Will use prize money to buy a TV like they have in my other show."

Nermal and Normal act cute.

"Team Duck: Wade and Wide, Adoptive Brothers. Will use prize money to cure the world of fear."

Wade screams at the word fear.

"Team Sheep: Bo and Lanolin, Twins. Will donate half the prize money to charity and the other half will be put towards abolishing sheep abuse."

Lanolin breaks out of the hug Bo had her in and casually slaps him.

"Team Good Eggs: Sheldon and Booker, Brothers. Will use the prize money to try and get Sheldon's shell off."

Booker throws a baseball at the camera, inadvertently breaking it.

"Team Arbuckle: My father and Doc Boy, Father and Son." Jon gulps. "Will use prize money to buy slave drivers to force city-slicker son to work at farm."

Doc Boy grabs a pitch fork and threatens, 'Don't call me Doc Boy!'

"Team Alley Cat: Garfield's mom, Sonja and Garfield's brother, Raoul, Mother and Son. Will use prize money to house large family."

Sonja grabs the camera. 'Alley cats of the world will be welcome in our house if team Alley Cat wins!'

"Team Thirteen Chocolate Chip Cookies: Charlie Brown and Snoopy, Boy and his Dog. Will use prize money to buy a lifetime's supply of pizza and chocolate chip cookies."

Snoopy plays the saxophone while Charlie Brown tries to dance but slips and lands on the camera, breaking it also.

"Team van Pelt: Linus and Lucy, Siblings. Will use money to fund a philosophy centre and a 'Crabby Persons Anonymous'."

Linus lassos the camera with his blanket and yells into it, 'DON'T LET HER SLUG ME!' before the camera reads: 'OUT OF DATA SPACE'

"The Bucktionary of Crossovers: Jason Fox and Bucky Katt. Will use the money to make Jason a cyborg and the both of them the richest people in the world (even though we all know that won't happen.)"

Jason and Bucky do a song and dance number entitled, "I Want Money". Please don't make me describe it. Oh, all right. Just imagine a 9000% more annoying version of 'I Want Candy'.

"Team Fox: Peter and Paige, Siblings. Will use the cash to make Peter buff and Paige a supermodel."

Jason launches a rocket and Peter throws a football. They connect, blowing them and the camera back in the resulting explosion. The camera is then accidentally kicked to the curb by Paige and run over by their father and mother, Roger and Andy, as the pull into the driveway.

Jon gasped for air. Chad rolls his eyes and blurts, "THANK YOU JON, I'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE!" over the sound of Jon trying to breathe. Chad lists the rest of the contestants:

"Team Poison Mushroom: Jeff the Goomba and Hal the Koopa. The two are roommates, and they will use the money to overthrow Bowser and let the Mushroom Kingdom live in peace and harmony."

Hal ignores the tiny host and juggles three golden mushrooms.

"Team Mystery Box: Dave the Paratroopa and Nick the Dry Bones. The two are friends, and are going to use the money to give Dry Bones-es of the world flesh."

They also ignore the show as they keepie-uppie with Nick's head.

"Team 64 Retards: Mario the retard and Super Mario Glitchy 4 the idiot will be using the money to make Mario smart and fund SMG4's videos if they win."

SMG4 is sleeping while Mario is standing there with his eyes turned outwards.

"Team Bowser: Bowser and Bowser, Jr. Are father and son, of course, and if they win, they will..." Chad swallows hard. "...level the Mushroom kingdom?"

Bowser and Bowser, Jr. smirk and breathe fire on the camera.

"Team DK, or Team Kong: Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong, they are father and son and will use the prize money to buy infinite bananas."

The Kongs try to impress the audience by having Diddy Kong shoot bananas with his peanut popgun while Donkey Kong juggles them.

"Team Toad: Gerald and Sam, they are co-workers. Gerald will use the money to move Mario far, far away while Sam will have plastic surgery to look like Mario."

Sam grabs the camera and yells, 'I LOVE YOU MARIO!'

Chad continues. "Ew... Anyway, Team End Yoshi Abuse: Yoshi and his orange brother Douglas, they have entered to stop Yoshi abuse."

Yoshi grunts, 'Yoshi!'

Jon wheezes, "This is where the translator comes in. I... present... (he coughs and wheezes) RX-2 the talking scale!"

RX-2 drones, "Roughly translated, the green Yoshi is saying, 'I wanna win!'"

Chad proceeds. "Team Birdo: Birdo and her teal sister, Edna. They are going to use the money on makeup."

Birdo strikes a pose and says, 'Wow-o-wow!'

RX-2 jumps in. "What I estimate he or she means is, 'Aren't I pretty?'"

Birdo facepalms. 'Rrrrg.'

RX-2 says with a microscopic hint of human emotion, "I admit I have glitched in my visual sensors. The pink creature states she is female."

Chad perks up. "Team Princess: Princesses Peach and Daisy will use the cash to get better guards and fortifications."

Peach and Daisy throw down the royal jewels. 'The crowns come off,' grunts Daisy.