Work Header

Total Crossover Chaos

Chapter Text

Author Note: Literally nothing of note happens in this chapter other than the teams being established. You could skip this chapter and not miss a whole lot. If this looks like an average fanfiction, please bear with me to chapter 4 or 5. That is where I believe the quality starts to reach my standard of alright. Until then, the first couple of chapters will have minor edits to not be as cringe-inducing, and be annotated so that they make more sense. After that, please consider visiting my profile, where you should find a poll. The poll (There are several that will be up at different stages of the story) may influence our choices producing Season 2.

The boats pulled up to Camp Wawanakwa. Chris and Chef Hatchet stepped out and dusted off.

"Welcome," Chris said, "To the latest season of you know what!" Let's do away with a long intro and cut to the chase. We have three All-Star teams from previous seasons this time! Cody! You are the first captain! Choose your friends wisely!"

Cody stepped out. He tripped and cracked the dock. He got up and was handed a jPad brand tablet. He inspected the choices.

He pressed the jPad. A clanking sound came from the boat. Cody looked to the camera fearfully. Sierra ran in and tackled him. Sierra grabbed it and pressed it. Another clank. Izzy ran out from the boat but tripped on the edge and landed with her jaw on the dock. She laughed maniacally and remained there.

Team so far: Cody, Sierra, Izzy

Cody snatched the tablet from Sierra and pressed it. Clank. Duncan reluctantly climbed out and used Izzy as a bridge. "Great," He grunted, "I have to take orders from this loser."

Chris held up a handcuff. Duncan presented Cody with a coconut candy bar.

"Cody has picked Duncan," Alerted the pad.

Cody put it in his backpack and pressed the tablet again. Clank-jangle-crink-reel. Out walked Heather. Cody pressed another button. Out came Lindsay. She saw Izzy and decided to play Bridges with her. The two lay stretched from the ship to the pier.

"Cody has picked Lindsay."

Cody sighed. He tapped the jPad and Tyler jumped out. He saw Lindsay lying outstretched and helped her up. She looked upset, but the two joined their captain.

"Cody has picked Tyler."

Cody grew impatient and tapped the pad four times. Out came Beth, DJ, LeShawna and Harold. LeShawna noticed Izzy and helped her up.

Chris grinned. "Killer Bass: Cody, Sierra, Izzy, Duncan, Heather, Lindsay, Tyler, Beth, DJ, LeShawna and Harold!"

"The next team is the all-star group from Season four! Welcome in your Captain for the Toxic Rats, Mal!"

Mike stepped out of the second boat. "Mike," he groaned. "It's Mike."

"Whatever. You are now to pick your team for this season. Be careful who you choose, because there are no take-backs! And I thought you might need a little help from a veteran. so welcome your second-in-command, Owen!"

Owen ran out of the first boat in tears. "Oh, Izzy, I'm so sorry. I will do all I can to get to the Bass."

Izzy hugged him and slipped something into his hand. He looked at it and saw it was a small adhesive bomb.

Mike stared at his tablet. He pressed on it and stepping out from the boat was Dakotazilla. Upon stepping out, she shrunk back to her normal size and appearance. "Oh, we're here," she noted. Mike pressed the screen. Scott left the boat. The two went to their captain.

Mike pressed onto the jPad again. Cameron exited the boat and slapped Mike on the back weakly, to tell him his choice was a good one.

Mike, unsure of what other choices to pick, donned a fedora and let Manitoba Smith take over, who then rapidly punched the pad, releasing Lighting, B, Dawn, Sam, Jo and Zoey. Cameron flicked the hat off and Mike weighed up his personality's choices.

Cameron grabbed the camera. "This season, be prepared. Last week he found out his psychological problem was real severe and that it isn't as easy as it was to cure. So when his shirt was removed for a physical checkup, he pummeled the doctor."

Chris grinned again. "Toxic Rats: Mike, Owen, Dakota, Scott, Cameron, Lightning, B, Dawn, Sam, Jo and Zoey!"

He turned to his chef. "Take them to the foodhouse."

As Hatchet dragged the Bass and the Rats away, Chris turned to the third boat. "Our Captain for the Screaming Gophers is Shawn!"

Shawn warily stepped out of the boat. A seasick intern shuffled out after him. Shawn panicked and Axe Kicked at the intern. his foot struck the intern on the way up and and sent him flying several miles away.

Chris winced. "Calm down, Shawnie. This ain't Smash Brothers."

Shawn looked at Chris like he was an idiot. "This is an apocalypse!"

Chris chuckled to himself. "Suuuuuure it is." He tossed Shawn his jPad.

Shawn caught it and squinted. "Hmmmm... I need a good, reliable team who I can trust to fend off shufflers. "Scarlett."

Scarlett and Max came out together. "It's a double deal," Max crowed.

Chris stopped the commotion. "Hold up. You guys need a veteran even more than the Rats. So I give you Noah!"

Noah left the first boat and it departed. He reluctantly joined his team.

Shawn shrugged and suddenly he remembered something. He frantically tapped the pad. Out of the boat came Amy, Samey, Sky, Jasmine, Leonard, Beardo and Topher.

Chris Showed the faces of the three teams' members with a visual effect. "Screaming Gophers: Shawn, Noah, Scarlett, Max, Amy, Samey, Sky, Jasmine, Leonard, Beardo and... Topher..." His grin fell.

Suddenly the Total Drama Jumbo Jet airdropped a gym-looking building near the cabins. Out poured ten teams worth of people. Everyone was surprised except them and Chris, who regained his pleasant grin. A fellow in a very ugly suit stepped forward. "Hello, Total Drama and Camp Wawanakwa! I'm Jon Arbuckle with my translator RX-2 the talking scale and these are the teams we are bringing to you to enrich your competing!"

Jon listed them.

"Team Garfield!"

Garfield stepped forward. "These are my teammates. Odie, Arlene, Merine- my daughter, Lyman, Jon's Mom, Jon's Dad, Doc Boy, My Mom and Jon's grandma!"

They all joined the captain.

"HA!" laughed Mike, with his hair flopping over his eyes, "GRANDMA?! THIS IS GONNA BE A PUSHOVER!" His hair fixed itself and he made an asthmatic gasp. Cameron patted himm on the back. "Yes," he said, "That grandma WILL be a pushover."

Jon's grandma raised he sweater to reveal her impossibly toned abs.

The villains (and Mike, again with a messed up hairstyle) all made a gasp as a single unit. The heroes hummed in interest.

Jon introduced the next Captain. "Next, Team Nermal!"

Nermal busted out of the crowd. "Heeeeeey all o' you uncuties out there!"

His entrance was met with a resounding boo. Also, someone in the cluster threw a Boo at him.

He sniffed and introduced her team.

"Hey!" Nermal yelled. "Authors, I'm a guy!"

The authors sat in nearby bleachers eating popcorn. They giggled as Nermal raged about his gender.

Author Note: Come at me, angry SJWs.

Nermal frowned. "There we go. My team is my brother Normal, the Wade brothers, Wade and Wide, Irma, Binky the Clown, Liz, Squeak, Herman Post and Ellen."

They all stepped out from the cloud of people and miscellaneous creatures.

Jon groaned, "Next, Team Friendship, captained by the Buddy Bears, Bobby, Billy and Bertie."

The three bear cubs started singing. "We are the buddy bears and we always-"

Jon hit a gong. The bears looked sad and shut up.

Jon sighed. "Their team consists of Cactus Jake, Floyd, Penelope, Catzilla, Harry, Vito and Eddie Gourmand.

They stepped out of the crowd. It was looking a lot more like a human crowd.

Jon smiled. "Now, for Team 64! SMG4?"

The YouTube celebrity stepped out. "And I have picked Mario, Gerald, Sam, Toad, Red Toad, Starlow, Petey Piranha and The Wario Brothers!

Author Note: Let's just say the captain cost the production team a lot to get him to appear, foreshadow, foreshadow. If you haven't read The Amazing Garfield Race featuring Mario, Gerald and Sam are Toads. You'll find out more about them soon enough.

They stepped forward.

Jon called, "Team Royal! Peach, your team?"

Peach waved. "I've picked Daisy, Toadette, Toadsworth, Rosalina, Yoshi, his orange brother Douglas- first time on TV, Birdo and the Kongs.

They stepped up.

Jon lost composure for half a moment. "Team Bowser!"

Bowser stepped up. he roared and his team came up. The crowd looked a lot yellower now. His team included Bowser Jr. and the Koopalings:

Ludwig von Koopa, Lemmy, Roy, Iggy, Wendy O. Koopa, Morton Jr. Larry and Kamek, too.

Jon yelled, "Now, before anyone complains! I was threatened!"

Jon wiped away sweat and was overcome by angry teams. Meanwhile, RX-2 took over.

RX-2 phonetically counted off the other teams.

"Team Golden Donut: Led by Homer Simpson, with Marge Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Bart Simpson, Charles Montgomery Burns, Kent Brockman, Carl Carlson, Lenny Leonard, 'Diamond' Joe Quimby and 'Stupid' Ned Flanders."

The team stepped forward. The crowd was looking somewhat short.

"Team Springfield Elementary, Led by Milhouse van Houten, with Martin Prince, Ralph Wiggum, Nelson Muntz, Seymour Skinner, The Comic Book Guy, Rod Flanders, Todd Flanders, Krusty the Klown and Otto Mann."

The team stepped up. Rod and Todd were sobbing because of having to be on a team against their father.

"Team Publicity: Doctor Hibbert, Doctor Nick, Clancy Wiggum, Waylon Smithers, Patty Bouvier, Selma Bouvier-Twerligger-Hutz-McClure-Stu-Simpson, The Bumblebee Man, Disco Stu, The Duffman and John Frink."

They all stepped out. There were still some kids in the crowd.

Jon recovered from the mauling. "And those guys left in the corner are the losers nobody chose to put on a team on the trip here. They are Charlie Brown, Lucy, Linus, Snoopy (with Woodstock), Jason, Peter and Paige Fox, Bucky Katt, Peppermint Patty, and Kirby!"

Author Note: I actually forgot about Woodstock. Tell ya what, starting from the next chapter I write after annotating this one (8) I'm putting Woodstock in, not as a contestant, but as a non-competing companion to Snoopy, which was probably my original intention.

(Theme Song)

(The first six notes of the Mario theme plays and a coin sound is heard) (Mario is breakdancing clothesless on a toilet. SMG4 is facepalming.)

(Musical intro) A spotlight comes out of Odie's mouth. a second comes out of Sam's cap. a camera comes out of Izzy's hair, with a chipmunk on it. a second camera pops out of Homer's head, flinging a peanut out and into the air. Jon claps a clapper and the camera zooms into Camp Wawanakwa, hitting Chris and carrying him on the camera for a few seconds.

Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine
(Charlie Brown charges at a football held by Lucy as Linus and Snoopy look on. Lucy pulls it away and Charlie Brown goes flying into the air. The background goes black and suddenly a top-down perspective shows Charlie Brown skydiving into Lake Wawanakwa.)

You guys are on my mind
(Izzy shows up on top of Charlie Brown. they hit the water and bubbles flow past the camera.)

You asked me what I wanted to be
(Izzy is riding Owen underwater. He kicks a fish and it flies off the top of the screen.)

And I think the answer is plain to see
(DJ, Iggy and Dawn are sitting with the animals. Iggy panics and runs at the sight of the camera, DJ is attacked by the animals and Dawn is hit by the fish.)

I wanna be famoooooous!
(The Yoshi brothers laugh at Iggy panicking, but Yoshi panics and runs himself as Birdo shows up, leaving behind a contract showing Birdo and Yoshi together. In the background Gerald is burning a Mario dummy. Camera pans to Team Bowser discussing strategies. Iggy is still being gnawed by a squirrel.)

I wanna live close to the sun
(Mr. Burns and Mayor Quimby are violently throwing wads of money at each other as they sit in a raft. It falls off the waterfall and are closely followed by Team Springfield Elementary.)

Well pack your bags 'cause I've already won
(The Simpsons are eating and the rafts fall behind them. Jason and Bucky swing in on a vine, kicking over the table and hitting the confessional, spilling out Lindsay, Toadsworth and the Princesses.)

Everything to prove nothing in my way
(Duncan, Gwen, Courtney and Heather are looking at a scroll. Heather is writing on it with a quill. Meanwhile, Team 64 and Team Publicity are having a brawl. Mario eats a mushroom and stomps them all at once.)

I'll get there one day
(Sierra is chasing Cody, Tyler, Beth, LaShawna and Harold. in the background, B, Sam, Cameron, Beardo and Leonard are making something. The camera zooms in on them as Sierra chases the others away.)

Cause I wanna be famooooooous!
(Camera zooms into the gym window. Teams Garfield and Friendship are training at the far end, save Garfield, who is floating in a kiddie pool full of cola. Toadette, Toadsworth, Rosalina and the Kongs are warming up at the sideline. Nearer the window, Mike, Dakota, Jo and Zoey are playing basketball against the Nermal brothers and the Wide brothers. Mike gets the ball and turns into Svetlana, who jumps into the hoop. Dakota gets mad and turns into her monster form and pulls Mike out, then dunks the ball while standing behind the three-point line. Max and Scarlett are building a robot in the near sideline. Scarlett sneaks up behind Max and hits hit with a wrench, knocking him out.)

Nanananananana [etc]
(The entire Total Drama cast is being loaded into a truck by Chef Hatchet and Chris. Ellen, Liz, Squeak and Binky are hiding behind a bush, readying a cannon. next to them is a pile of Pokeballs.)

I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous!
(Beth does her fire baton routine on the Dock of Shame. She throws it in the air and it becomes night.)

(Short instrumental break)
( It comes down and it caught by Starlow at the campfire ceremony, between her legs. Wario snatches it and puts it in Waluigi's mouth. he then throws Waluigi at Chris and Chef. Chris catches fire, causing him to drop the marshmallows.)

I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous!
(Lisa, Wendy O. and Scarlett are death glaring at each other. Toad and Red Toad break them up.)

Irma and Herman Post are about to kiss. Petey comes up behind them and hugs them. zoom out to show the cast and a sign reading "Total Crossover Chaos"

Chris stood now in front of the Total Drama Jumbo Jet. "Anyone care for a little creative spark? He tugged a rope somehow dangling from the sky and a familiar jingle was heard.

"Yup, songs and the plane are returning," Chuckled the sadistic host. This was met with groans from the veterans. The second and third generation contestants were slightly put off. "Now get in!"

The contestants all filed into the airplane. Chris stabbed a finger gun into Tyler's back as a sadistic joke. He panicked and ran headlong into the door.

Chris grinned evilly at the contestants. "Today, mes amis, YOU are singing a reprise of Come Fly With Us. Ready?"

Author Note: Don't worry, this is the only song before the songs are dropped. However, it has been preserved because I don't like to retcon.

(Come Fly With Us)

Lucy: Up!
Lucy and Izzy: Up!
Lucy, Izzy, and Sierra: Up!
Lucy, Izzy, Sierra, and Lindsay: Up!

Harold: Sing!
Harold and Cody: Sing!
Harold, Cody, and DJ: Sing!
Harold, Cody, DJ, and Tyler: Sing!

Heather, Leshawna, Lucy, Starlow, Izzy, Sierra, and Lindsay: We're flying.
Noah, Harold, Cody, DJ, and Tyler: And singing.
Snoopy: (Simultaneously) Howwwoooo!

Them: We're flying and we're singing!
Snoopy: (Simultaneously) Howroooooul!

Sierra and Birdo: Come fly with us!
Sierra, Birdo, Yoshi and Cody: Come fly with us!

Izzy: We've got a lot 'o
Izzy and Mario: crazy
Izzy, Mario and Irma: tunes to bust!
Izzy: Haha!

Starlow, Nermal bros. and Merine: Come fly with us!

Starlow, Nermal bros. Merine, Princesses, Toadette and Lindsay: Come fly with us!

Snoopy: (Telepathetically) It's a pleasure
Harold: and an honor
SMG4: and a must.

Duncan: Dudes, this is messed. You're singing in a plane.

Harold: What did you expect? Chris is freaking insane. Ah!
Garfield: Yeah, but, guys, you're singing on TV!
Lucy: Haven't you always wanted to? It can't just be me!

DJ and LeShawna: Come fly with us!

DJ, Bowser Jr. Petey Pirhana and Leshawna: Come fly with us!

Heather: Do you know how to steer this thing!?
Chef Hatchet: I try.

Buddy Bears: Oh, we are the buddy bears, we always get along!
Every day we do a little dance and sing a little song!
If you ever disagree it means you are wrong!
Oh, we are the Buddy Bears and we always get along!

Ezekiel: They thought they could leave me and depart, but this stow'ay's got winning in his heart!

Team Bowser: Come fly with us!

Linus, Noah, Charlie Brown and Jason Fox: Come die with us!
Owen: We're flying?! I hate flying! Stop the plane! (gets hit on the head with a frying pan, courtesy of Chris)

Sierra, DJ, Cody, and Heather: Come fly with us! Come sing with us!
Garfield and Duncan: No!

Chris: Anyone care for a copy of the Total Crossover rules? Because in order to escape instant elimination-

Starlow: All present contestants must sing with each prompt!

Arlene: Garfield, do it! Let's go!
Gwen: Duncan, sing it! Don't go!
Duncan: Well, I don't wanna go home. But I don't seem to have a choice. Oh well, Courtney won a lawsuit against the show. Who says I couldn't?
Come fly with us! Come fly with us! Come and fly with us!

Arlene: Garfield, come on! Please?
Garfield: I'll suuuuuuuuuuuue!
Everyone: Yeah!

Jon was sitting on the ground watching.

Measwhile, Chris spun a digital wheel with all the contestants' names wired to it.

Confession Cam

Chris- This is the confessional! I'll tell the victims- er, contestants about it later. This is gonna be a skydiving challenge into Lake Wawanakwa! By the way, I'm putting in Bridgette with the Killer Bass because it'll even out the teams, and besides, she's threatening to sue. Everyone is, in fact.


Author Note: I swear, these late additions are only going to happen at these times: At the start of the next one or two chapters and at the merge.

It stopped and Kamek showed up on the board, with his face and name. Chris spun it a second time and Krusty showed up.

"Kamek and Krusty, you get parachutes! You gotta use them, but you decide whether it's good or bad," Chris explained. He tossed them parachutes. "Chef, NOW!" he yelled. the plane rolled 90 degrees and everyone was hurled out. Chris gripped the wheel and it turned into a rocket glider of sorts. He quickly zoomed down to join Jon.

"Darn," Jon said, "I left RX-2 in the plane."

Chris shrugged. "Ah, well."

Meanwhile, the robotic weight critic wailed as Bridgette skysurfed on it.

The Buddy Bears had linked arms and looked down to their impending doom.

Garfield was packing his belly into a makeshift raft.

Wade's eyes glazed over as his whole life flashed before them.

Charlie Brown was hanging onto Linus's blanket for dear life.

Linus was holding has hand to his face and sucking his blanket.

Homer begged for Lisa to make the Earth not attack them.

Bart was trying to knock all the other contestants away from the lake with his slingshot.

Marge attempted to use her hair as a cushion.

Jon pulled out a microphone.

"Oh, and Kamek's got the first drop, right in the ring, deploying the chute right as he touches down! Camp Wawanakwa, you have felt a touch of magic!"

Chris yanked it off of him. "In come the Buddy Bears! F[Retroactively Censored] is not m[Retroactively Censored]!"

Jon giggled like a schoolgirl. "Take that, cartoons whose adult fans are entirely comprised of creepy 30-year-old men!"

Author Note: Why I thought of writing this gag, I do not know. If you can't deduce the censored words, then welcome to the internet, don't ask your son/daughter what they are, but DO ask yourself how and why you are on this site.

The authors paused the contestants and punched the hosts into the lake. "Greetings, fair readers," Began the shorter one. The taller one continued, "We do not in any way like or support said show-that-cannot-be-spoken-of. In fact, we set a convention on fire the other day, shout out to Izzy!"

Author Note: Alright, yunno what, starting now, that-which-must-not-be-named doesn't exist in Total Crossover's universe.

Izzy walked up and gave the authors a solid gold bomb.

Chris came up out of the lake. "Hey," he choked between coughs, "Shouldn't she be paused?"

Izzy booted Chris in the head. "Silly Chrissy. The RCMP tried that on me once. You can't hold me still with a little universal remote."

"Whatever." The shorter author unpaused them. Izzy was already swimming in the lake.

The main cluster was coming. A hundred splashes came in short succession, making the lake sound as if a machine gun was being fired into it.

Jon perked up. "The uber-slo-mo cam shows Bowser Jr. has ridden his paintbrush down to make the first full team in!" as a replay of Bowser Jr riding his paintbrush down into the lake making a rainbow-coloured splash, closely followed by Milhouse, riding his inhaler in a similar fashion.

Chris winced at Milhouse's replay.

Author Note: Something something touching yourself.

Bridgette landed safely on the scale, jumping onto land as it began to sink, letting it stay above the water.

Then, Charlie Brown, bringing up the back tethered to Linus, landed on the cliff by Lake Wawanakwa, his friend barely pushing away into the water. His team was all yelling for him to roll off and into the water (for they were getting a tarp for him to land on) but Charlie Brown's muscles had given out entirely. He couldn't even make thoughts any more advanced than Odie's, who had come 16th, with a miraculous moment of unstupidity.

Jon pulled up two more wheels, both non-digital. "The first one," he began, "Is the Wheel of Misfortune, and the more sad-looking one is the Wheel of Epically Failing Loserdom. Bowser, Your team won the challenge, please spin the Wheel of Misfortune."

Bowser slapped across the front of it and set it spinning. It landed on "Fast Food Larder".

Jon handed him a key. "Congratulations, Team Bowser, your fellows will have a roomful of junk food for special nourishment during the show. Don't waste it! in your case, I'm not sure it'll last more than three episodes, though."

Bowser, taking the last remark the wrong way, breathed fire all over the hosts.

Chris, smoldering, groaned, "Charlie (gasp! choke!) Brown, your team came last. Spin the (hack!) other wheel."

He heaved it and it landed on "One Auto-Vote".

Jon, flicking a cinder off his shoulder, choked, "Welp, Brown, (barf!) you will auto(puke!)matically (haaack!) have a vote for (eeeuuurgh!) you in the vote-off."

Charlie Brown gulped and gasped simultaneously, causing his to choke on his own saliva. "I'm toast," he thought.

The authors stood nearby.

"Now," Chris said, "To vote."

The taller author punched them into the lake again. "Nope. Next time. Garfield teams, free lasagna in the gym. Total Drama teams, free marshmallows in the campfire area, Simpsons, Free donuts in the cabins, and you guys, free jawbreaker candy over there." He snapped his fingers and it was so.

Author Note: I promise to you, no more pointless dues ex machina from here on out.

"Oh, you are so beautiful and our savior, who are you?" asked all the female players at once.


"You can call me fan, and that guy over there is Peroxide," The taller, living impersonation of the word "handsome" said.


fan turned to the camera. "Who won't survive the first vote-off? What song will be next? How many chapters will this go for? What friendships and rivalries will arise? Find out next time on..."

Peroxide joined fan in saying, "TOTAL! CROSSOVER! CHAOS!"