the offices around me were deserted of basically all life and i was still at my desk. this case was sucking all the life out of me and at this point, i didn't even want to leave because i was too scared to walk to my car alone. i had stayed here trying to think of any leads; anything that can help this stupid fucking case but i couldn't. i stared at the crime scene photos scattered around my desk and felt a chill down my spine. every single girl who was killed had brunette curly hair and lived in washington DC... like me. normally i wouldn't be scared but the profile we had for the profile was just vague enough to make you wonder how many guys fell under these categories. our profile was that this person was a man, approximately 6"5, most likely works a manual labor job, and is unintelligent. he sexually assaulted these girls, beat them to death, then went for overkill by beating their heads with a blunt object after they died. for a second i wondered if it was my dad.
no he's not my dad. he's just the person that contributed towards my birth. he didn't raise me like my mom did. i put my head in my hands and closed my eyes, choking back the soreness i felt in my choke from holding back sobs.
what if my dad is still out there, so mad at me that he's just killing girls that look like me until he gets the right one. what if i caused all this. i couldn't live with that fact that 7 girls have already died because of me. i tried gulping for air so my panic could subside but anxiety clouded my mind and i couldn't breathe. everything went dark and i felt as if i was falling down a never-ending hole. there were tears running down my face so i covered my mouth tightly to save myself of the embarrassment if anyone did turn out to be here.
i suddenly felt an arm on my shoulder and my heart dropped. i twisted their arm away, pushed them off me, pulled out my gun and aimed it.
"it's just me, it's just me," they said, panting with their hands up.
"oh my god, reid i'm so sorry," i replied frantically dropping my gun "fuck."
i slid down my cubicle wall to the floor and he sat right next to me.
"i'm-" he started but was interrupted by me wrapping my arms around him and letting my tears fall. it took a second before he wrapped his arms around me as well. i felt safe and protected in his arms and i stayed there, warm for a while.
"i'm sorry, i just didn't think anyone was still here so i let myself break down," i said, still embracing him.
"seriously, it's okay" reid responded, holding me tighter for just a second. i pulled away, wiping my face.
"it's just-" i paused, sighed, then continued. "my father is still out there."
i willed myself to keep going but i just couldn't. reid was silent for a bit before deciding to say "i thought you didn't have a father." it seemed like he picked up on my word choice.
"that's what i tell everyone, it's just too much to get into. hotch knows and lets be honest, probably garcia, but thats basically it." before he could respond i continued. "when i was little, he was really abusive. he uh- he beat my mom and when i got old enough, beat me as well." i paused again, contemplating the wording the wording i was about to use. "when i turned 9, he started--- touching me. that went on for about 5 years. one day i ran away from him and he beat me so hard that i loss consciousness. my mom rushed me to the hospital once he fell asleep. he got arrested after a few hours. after that he got put in prison for attempted murder, so my mom and i moved to virginia. i went to college and joined the FBI. i wanted to forget but who could forget that, you know? i'm just- scared that this man is my father and all these women have had to die because of me."
i looked in his eyes and whimpered "what if this is my fault?"
"you did not make him who he is. you didn't even contribute. if it is him that is doing this, it isn't your fault, you didn't make him abusive. even if you did, it still wouldn't be your fault." he replied, softly enough to make me believe it. even if i believed it just a little.
i hugged him tightly again with my cheek to his. i felt his gentle smile on my cheek which made me feel okay. there we sat, on the floor, hugging each other. no words were being spoken. there was just a mutual feeling of comfort and respect.
i pulled away and said "i like you" i instantly regretted what i had just said and sharply inhaled. i looked at him with my eyes slightly widened. "i- i'm sorry, oh my god, i wasn't thinking-" and before i could finish he leaned into me and kissed me gently. i put my hand on the side of his face and leaned into it. he then pulled away suddenly and rapidly apologized.
"i've been waiting a long time for you to do that," i admitted. we both stayed silent for a while and i realized i had completely calmed down. it was actually strange how fast i recovered. he smiled at me.
we sat next to each other for a while, both of us having absolutely no idea what to say.
"hey i know this sounds strange but, do you mind walking me to my car?" i asked shyly.
"i don't mind at all," he responded with a soft smile, dismissing my insecurity.
we stood up, gathered our belongings and got in the elevator. we waited awkwardly, side by side. with no noise but the whirring of the elevator mechanics and our fast heartbeats, we just stood there. i slowly rested my hand on his and gripped it tightly, turning to him. i couldn't tell what he was feeling from his face. i broke the silence by saying "thank you."
"i'm here for you always."
his words echoed in my head as we walked to my car. when we made it i spoke up.
"i know i just unattractively broke down in front of you on the floor of all places but, do you wanna catch a movie or eat some ice cream when this all blows over?" i said.
"i would really like that,"
it was silent again for a second before he announced that hes gonna go home. as he started to walk away i called out after him.
"yeah?" he turned around.
"i really like you. i have for a few years. i've never cried in front of anybody other than that thing with emily. i just really feel comfortable around you. so please, can you promise me that we won't be awkward around each other tomorrow?"
"i haven't liked anyone this much since-" he paused, "since-"
"you don't have to think about it spence, please don't make youself."
"okay then i promise."
he smiled gently and started to walk away again.
"spence, one more thing."
i couldn't think of anything to say. i just wanted to look at him again.
he smiled and waved. "goodnight"