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Everything Wrong With: Ace Attorney: Trials and Tribulations

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(The cutscene) "No college guy argues like this." *ding

"Wait... that pink thing is Phoenix?" *ding

"The first tutorial case where they don't show us the culprit, and... They expect us to think Phoenix did it? And to think: I was all ready to remove a sin for the broken precedent." *but I won't add one either

"Wait... Five years before the cutscene? Is this the Terry Fawles case I keep hearing about? How long has Mia been a lawyer at this point? Wait... The cutscene happened- and I thought Dual Destines was confusing with what happened when!" *ding

"Playing as Mia. It's kinda sad she had to die two games before becoming a playable character (severely limiting when her cases can take place), but at least it finally happened." *removes a sin

(College!Feenie) "Larry and Phoenix switched bodies for this case. That is my only explanation for this." *ding

"Winston's eighties hair. I thought we went back five years. Not thirty five." *ding

(In trial) "Phoenix's sneezing. Are you sure this isn't SARS?" *ding

"I click that I don't need help with the Cross Examination, and the game gives me a tutorial anyway. What was the point of giving options, then?" *ding

"Grossberg's hemorrhoids. It did not need to be a recurring joke in this series." *ding

(Mia hurts her co-counsel whenever Dahlia is mentioned) "Foreshadowing." *ding

(Grossberg says his hemorrhoids are doing the Harlem Shake) "Wait... Was the Harlem Shake even a thing in 2005? I know this case was set in 2013, but it sure wasn't written then. Either this meme is older than I thought it was, or Grossberg is predicting the future. Both possibilities terrify me." *ding

"How does Grossberg not know why Mia is so interested in Dahlia Hawthorne in this trial? Are you telling me neither Mia nor Diego ever told him about the Terry Fawles trial? Did they conduct their investigation into her after that trial completely under their boss's nose? Does Grossberg really have no idea how Diego died until Mia shows him the news clipping later? How is it possible for their boss to be this oblivious?" *ding

(Trial recess) "Forty five minute trial gameplay somehow took two hours game time. This game has learned nothing from its prequels." *ding

"Does Mia carry around a news clipping about Diego's death wherever she goes, or just to court for this case? I can never be sure on this one." *ding

(Trial resumes) "Dahlia Hawthorne." *ten sins for down payment

(Judge and Payne are in Dahlia's pocket before she even says anything) "Is there some redhead fetish in Japan I don't know anything about? Does Dahlia have magic powers? She's pretty, not goddess-like. And besides: you're both married!" *ding

("Well, we know whose milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...") "What milkshakes? She's flat as a sidewalk. The only one in this court with any milk to shake is you, Mia." *ding

"Also... this. This is the sort of reference to pop culture I expect to be written in 2005." *no sin

"Hold on a second. Dahlia says she's a junior in literature at Ivy U, but just a year ago, she was posing as Melissa Foster and claimed to be a freshman. When and how did she skip sophomore year? I find it hard to believe Dahlia, after being exposed for having a fake identity, not only stayed at Ivy U, but doubled down on her classes to graduate early. And sure, she might be lying, but why lie about something so arbitrary and easily disproven? There's no point to this, it never comes up again, and it pisses me off in ways I don't understand." *ding

"Dahlia implies that Mia is old, despite only being five years younger than her. Also ironic, considering neither of them ever have the chance to grow old and both are killed off in their twenties." *ding

"I just realized: of the three on-screen cases Dahlia is involved in, two of them involved a thunderstorm and lightning strikes. And I thought Gant was the one with the lightning motif." *not really a sin

(Affidavit from the pharma student) "Blackout before the murder cliche. This case actually takes place outside, but the core of the cliche remains." *ding

(Cables are so fragile that bumping them causes them to break) "And yet they're hanging low enough that a student could accidentally run/be pushed into one... why, again?" *ding

"Game says a man who dies from electrocution can be done for in less than a minute, but it actually takes a minimum of two minutes to fifteen minutes, all depending on conditions and the strength of the current. Even a strong, wet one like this should have taken twice the time." *ding

(Bringing in Diego's death with regards to the current case) "Incident from x years ago is related to today cliche. In this case, two thirds of a year ago, but the core of the cliche remains. I see we're starting early this game?" *ding

(In general) "Behold: the only main series intro case where the lawyer is allowed to act competent in any way. The spinoffs (save DGS) are actually okay in this regard, but in none of Phoenix's intros is he in his element (one is also his first case), Apollo is strung around by the nose on his first case by Phoenix and Kristoph, and Athena collapses after the first ten minutes of acting like a placeholder. Sure, I'm kinda dissing all the other games with this sin, but... go Mia, goddammit." *removes a sin

(The Pursuit theme) "Oh look, they fixed JFA's theme in time for this game. Good job, guys!" *no sin

"Important question: if Diego Armando was investigating Dahlia for her crimes in the fourth case, why on earth would he agree to sit down and drink coffee (or ingest anything at all) with her around? He knows she kills by poisoning people! You've heard of culprit foiling their own plot and defendant causing their own arrest, now I introduce you once again to their distant cousin: victim causes their own murder. ...Or "murder", if you prefer." *ding

(Phoenix swallows the necklace) "Phoenix is a dumbass for a very stupid re- is Grossberg the only male character in this case who isn't an idiot? I'm starting to think he's the only male character in this case who isn't an idiot." *ding

"Also, he survives this with no injuries. Ignore the traces of poison for a minute and recall the metal and glass now inside him. He also chewed it, meaning the glass is broken, and yeah... that's gonna require some surgery." *ding

(One more thing) "Consuming key evidence cliche origin. Thanks for nothing, Phoenix." *ding

(The plot to kill Phoenix) "Is there a reason Dahlia (or Iris, as we later find out) couldn't have merely stolen the necklace back while Phoenix was in the shower or something? I know this elaborate plot is the only reason we're able to bring her down, but Phoenix knew nothing. Killing him would not only have been pointless, but it would have brought extra suspicion her way. If Dahlia took the easier way out and didn't steal any poison, she would have gotten away with all three of her murders. Culprit foils her own plot for one of the most overdramatic and ridiculous of reasons." *ding

"Mia could be disbarred for trying to convict an innocent person on bad evidence? But prosecutors do that all the time! Why don't they have have to take their badges off? I'm so confused, here." *ding

(The final present, in which Mia tries to get Dahlia and Payne to take the poisoned medicine) "Mia Fey is awesome. And the fact that I'm saying this is in a tutorial case is really something to take notice of." *removes another sin

"Also, cool as this is, is there a reason they can't just have the bottle analyzed? It would be a lot more definitive as evidence, and what would happen if Payne called Mia's bluff and took the medicine? I'll answer you: he would die. Mia would be indirectly responsible for murdering him in open court. So dramatic as this strategy is, the practicality leaves a lot to be desired. Which is a good way to describe this game, when you think about it." *sin returned

(Dahlia tells Mia they'll meet again) "In five years, when they're both dead. Who would have thought this prediction would actually come true?" *ding

(Payne's breakdown) "And that, my friends, is the origin story of how Winston Payne went bald. I'm sure this was a burning question for all of us." *ding

(After the verdict) "Hour long trial gameplay somehow took three h- oh, I already give up." *ding

(Phoenix says he's the most mature of his friend group, causing Mia to wonder who his friends are) "Larry. Need I say more?" *ding

"Also, this game adds more to Phoenix's motivation to become a lawyer, redeeming the utterly ridiculous 'I'm gonna save my nine year old buddy' storyline from the first game. It's still there, but now it's not the only thing, and that is cause for celebration, even if this case retcons Turnabout Sisters with Phoenix being accused of murder." *no sin

"Ending narration." *ding

Total Sin Tally: 40

Sentence: Catching Phoenix's Cold